Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Fpring Fpecial

Episode Date: April 10, 2021

Ye Ultimate Ftone Clear. It's 9th April 2021, around about 3pm. It's been a few weeks since Richard was struck down and forced to clear a very special stone, but as Fpring returns he takes his first tentative steps back on the Ftocean, in audio and video. Wolfie is away so can not join him, but there is much to process and a special stone to find. How many stones have grown in the enforced vacation? What effect will the absence have on the Ditch that Ftopped Brexit? Will the Ftone Pole bode good luck or bad? And which member of the Goodies will attempt to catch Rich in the act. It's an emotional return to the field and a tribute to the grumpy old bugger who has left us. If you enjoyed all the free content over lockdown please consider buying a ticket to one (or more) of the live RHLSTPs in May, June and July at the Clapham Grand (actual audience tickets available as well as online ones) http://richardherring.com/gigs. Use Richard Herring before we lose him for good.

Hello, is anybody there? Second attempt. Woohoo, good it's working. Some days the only response to bad news is to come out on the field and make a difference. All I know is this is what he would have wanted. My only regret is I didn't get back on the Stocean while he was still alive. But this is my little tribute to my right bollock. And yep, there's been some developments out here. There's a lot of new stones have grown. Of course, been away for a while because I did rather an extreme stone clear of my own. It took me a little while to heal. I think I'm well enough now to take a walk around. I don't know Wolfie today because she's staying at my in-laws, but hopefully we'll get her back next week just

while I recovered. Let's see how it goes today. I did ask for my lost ball to be replaced by a stone. You know, it's long been my ambition to, excuse me, to become a stone man. This was my first chance to first part of my body. I could, I could change to stone, just pop a little stone in there. This one would have been pretty good. That one would have fitted nicely. I obviously give it a little run under the tap first. But the doctor said no, wasn't allowed. Medicine, not yet quite behind me, but there's been some developments out here in the Stocean as I thought a lot of new stones have grown with this. It must be six weeks since I was last out here. And you cannot leave the field untended for that long. A dog's done a poo there. Just in the pathway, stones all over the

shop. There seems to have been some farm equipment have been around this bit, tilling this bit, but the middle is still grassy. All those lost days of stone clearing, all those stones that could have been cleared. That's what's upsetting for me. Just testing out the body, see if I'm capable of walking around a field, see if I'm capable of bending and lifting and throwing so far so good. All that lots healed. I had had the operation what maybe six weeks ago. So everything seems to have healed up nicely. So far, my test score has not grown back, which is slightly concerning. But I'm hoping I'll find a witch's finger with one ball on it, which is dick with one ball on it. That was nearly it. The camera didn't work to begin with. So we've got 232 people in the viewing

this. Now, that is bad news. That's too many really. But I guess we've got the elephant of surprise here, haven't we? That the stone stars, he will have been lulled into a false sense of security. Taking a little hassle off out to find. Oh, look at that, baby. Some nice stones here. And there's no stones that also this is not the time I would usually come out. So the stone stars if they are even aware I'm here will be some way off or look at this a nice sibling stone here cleft in twain all into three or four bits by the by the plough. But I will put them all together off the field where they belong on a mini can there with two of their brothers. They'll be together forever now. Lots and lots of stones out here. It's very exciting, actually. I guess

this is stone Easter. We had stone Christmas. Nice stones here. Do shout out if you spot any. I'm sorry I'm not talking to the chat room too much. Just get my bearings. Am I allowed to bend over this much? We'll find out, won't we? If you see a testicle pop out onto the ground, do shout out. That'll be the other one. Just popping out of its moorings. I think I'm all healed. It's looking good. The actual cut is in the abdomen. So there's no danger of testicle loss, really. This looks like a nice candidate for the can in the corner of the field. Look at that, baby. There's some nice stones out here. This is a nice little treat, actually, after so long away. Miss Wolfie, but she will be back. And here's the can in the corner of the field. It's been rather

dominated by this twig someone's thrown on. It's gone a bit flat. Looks like some some pilthering's gone on there, to me. Looks like someone's been stealing stones. They are worth a lot of money these. That's why the location of this field has to remain a deadly secret. Look at this. And when you think how much I've cleared this particular patch of ground before and yet still so many stones here, I think you'll get an idea of how much work there is still to do. Look at that. That's the biggest of the day. And that's not a bad one either. Into the roots of the trees. Oh, loads more here. This is beautiful. Am I dreaming? Have I died? Am I Prince Philip? Of course, had I died, I would be up in stone heaven now,

clearing heavenly stones. And they've cut this right back to the extent that I think they may have taken a few of my mini cans out the ground. You can never predict where they're going to go. That's the why the importance of clearing the stones are right to the edge of the field. I'll kick that one off a little bit. There's a nice can still existing. So it's looking okay. Plains flying to Luton over there. Life is getting back to normal. And just the perimeter of the field of the station has been tuned away so we can see a lot of stones. I presume nothing planted yet has the middle of the field still covered in grass. Oh, another good one. They can't leave that boy baby lying. They cannot look at that. Oh, you know, we've been through some tough times

out here on this field. You and I together over the winter slim pickings. Is that a stone or is that looks like a ball? That's not good. I mean, I'm going to get rid of that just because that's offensive to the stone gods. But rubber should not really be out here on the field in any form. Yeah, I am talking about that. Another sibling stones three look there. And this is the danger. This is why you need to try and rescue the stones as quickly as possible because every farm machinery goes over them and cuts those stones to pieces. Very tight cutback. You look at this very little pathway left, but they can't get down to those trees. That's where I like to put the stones in the roots of those trees. But we're going to see

some stones today, my friends. We've if you've been with us from the beginning. No jokes, please in the chat room. This is not in any way a humorous show. There's the path across the field. But I'm going round today. I'll do the long route today. The can across from the main can still has just clung on there. I think we might have lost a few off the edge, but not looking too bad. That's looking pretty decent. I think you have to agree some monster stones in there. Let's just nudge that one a bit closer to his mates. Look at that. I think the stones got in my boot. Oh, the delicious irony.

Had a wee before I came out, but still need one. Thanks for your support while I've been away. Thanks for not hardly anyone even harassing me at all to get out in the field and stone clay. Almost like no one missed it or anything. But I understand you did miss it. I understand you were maintaining a respectful silence. I took my boot to try and get that stone out. There wasn't anything in there now because I've stood on the ground. Now there's loads that can't be in my sock. My boot's full of stones and I've had to put my sock down again, wearing some quite nifty socks. You can wear any kind of sock you like out here. I've still got some soil on them. There's a nice

stone. Off it goes. Some kind of crisp packet in the hedge that I don't approve of that. Well, at 277 people, this might be the highest ever audience ship. Of course, many of these live stone layers can play as lost forever. We are trying to preserve them on YouTube now. But I did a lot during lockdown one. A lot of wisdom. I hope someone was writing down. Look at this desolate. Weirdly, not so many stones here. I was thinking we're going to see a lot of stones, especially in this area. Usually we're coming up to where the Roman villa or possible windmill used to be. And nice ones. Those are nice ones. Nice round flatters. Nicely off. Nicely off. I hope you saw that. Literally not a soul around apart from me.

And of course, you guys, 270 people. That's dangerous, dangerous numbers of people. Really looking for a witch's dick with one ball would make my day. That's not quite it. There's a bit of the Roman villa or windmill. Still not sure. No archeological experts have chimed in to tell me what I'm finding and destroying. All that matters is it's off the field. Coming up to the singing ringing tree. Now, I will be most annoyed if we miss the one in a thousand years appearance of the elves and fairy folk just because of my stupid ball. Oh, that's a nice one. That's bigger than, that was a nice iceberg. I thought it's going to be small. Came off. It was big. Make sure the soil stays on the, on the field where it belongs.

Stones off the field. It's as simple. Takes a moment to learn a lifetime to master another bit of the Roman villa. That's a decent size brick there. Off it goes. What's this? That looks like Roman villa. Yeah, look at that. That's a big chunk of Roman villa. Oh, windmill. Oh, look at these babies. Look at that. Oops, glasses off. Unpredictably glasses off. And they're just a nice regular stone. Maybe we'll put that to the singing ring tree. It's a good size. Don't usually give the elf folk the big ones. That's a bit of brick, but we'll give them that as well. Today could be the day. Place your bets, betfread.com.

That's the main betting site that bets on this. Will it be today? A good lot of stones, but under here, of course, that one's done nothing. Of course, my work has become a lot harder. Generally not here on the field. I've lost my Duke, my Edinburgh duties. They pass on his responsibilities past to me as king. I'm a very selfish of Prince Philip, but may he rest in peace. This is the kind of thing I was hoping would make it to the Duke of Edinburgh awards. It was not to be, not in his lifetime. But if you'll get a King of Edinburgh award, what the hell is that? It looks like some kind of sponge, probably from a time when this was deep beneath

the real ocean. Yeah, still quite spongy. I'll leave that there. It's organic. And we're going back to basics for me as much as well for you. If it's organic, no need to panic. If it's not, chuck the twat. Those are the simple rules. Moment to learn. Lifetime to master. Tired out a bit. This is the longest walk I've done in a couple of months. But trying to get fit. Everything's out. All the bad stuff's out. I had a bit of chemo just to stop it coming back. We should be up by the hell with that thing. It's like a seaweed. There might be a little bit of beat. That's the good thing. Having been away for so long, hopefully all the beats have gone. I'd almost forgotten they were ever here.

If you need to sound clean, this is probably not the place to start. This is some way into the canon. There's lots of audio guides, chapters to help you out. A horse then. That could be a baby on a horse. It'd be nice to think that baby on the horse would come back. I only saw it once. A couple of stones off there. Couldn't get them all. There wasn't time. A few other video. It's out on YouTube if you want to try and catch up on those. I'm not going to go all the way back and repeat everything. We have much to learn. A little nice redstone under here. There might be the chance of some metal being kicked up by the plough. Here's another stone cleft in twain. It's so sad to see it, but as long as we can keep those siblings together,

it's not all is not lost. Number's dropping down a bit. 245. I think we nearly got to 270. 272. Good to see. Shaking off a few people. Look at these. Those are which is dicks. There's some nice stones here. Don't get complacent. Be patient. Don't be complacent. We really are going back, aren't we? Behind that hedge, there could be stone starsy. Log dogs could come out. There's always the ever-present danger of mollocks. Oh, nice one. Look at that. Off they go. And I saw one that caught me. Can you see it? Rich, please don't forget me. Look, I've got so many stones to get. Please take me off. Okay, you can come off.

Those sort of potato shaped stone there. Off it goes. Thanks, Rich. It's all right, man. I'm just doing my job. No favoritism, but sometimes they speak to you sometimes at this guidance. It's not my time, Rich. I'll get you tomorrow. I'm camera shy. Don't get me now. No, mate. You've got to come off. You look a bit like a narrowhead or something. So, so far, so good. No stitches come out. No gaping wounds opening up. Feeling like I can press on if I collapse. I know you could tweak my wife. Let me know to look for me on the field. Don't tell her what I've been doing. She doesn't know. She doesn't even know. Oh, that one went a bit far.

Do be careful not to throw over the hedge. Possibly killing some people. But no one around today. Just you and me. It's going well. And hopefully it is important that I lose a little bit of weight. Having lost testicle, everything's unbalanced. You have to balance things back up again. Apparently, metabolism changes have to keep everything in tip-top conditions. I'll be out here a lot. That's a nice stone there. Look at that one.

Not just lying there quietly. It looks like a sort of hip bone of some kind. If it's not, it's a stone. Maybe the hip bone of a stone man from the ancient of days. I don't think we're going to be troubled today. I think it's just going to be us. It's just a chance to reassess the field. Look at the stotion. There's always quite a fecundary up here. You can probably see a lot of stones peppering the way. Like big chunks of pepper on a dish of muddy food. But we're not going to get them all. Just take the ones that could talk to you.

Take the ones that speak to you. Some birds flying off there in the next field. Of course, it's forbidden to go across the next field. Someone's cut down this back a bit. There's a pathway now that I'm trying to block. Decent stones there. Oh, it's comparative. Look at this. We're not really allowed in here. Not that clear in here. Sometimes I take a stone, but look how hard the ground is here comparatively. It would be hard to get anything up from here. Just as a demonstration of trying to get this baby up. I do have my handy trowel. There we go. Look at that. Up it comes. I shouldn't take it, but I'm putting it on the border. So it's sort of allowed. And no, I don't think anyone's clearing

this field. I feel within my rights, but look at that. Not a bad little wall growing there. A lot of that's been secret behind the hedgerow. Right, we'll head across. Missing Wolfie. Also, she is my alibi. Oh, look at that. Biggest one today. I can go on the central wall. Going up nicely. A few of my, again, cut back very far and actually interfere a bit with a few of my other cans here. This is the vandalism from farmers you have to deal with. And yeah, some of these stones are going to have to wait for another day. That baby's coming out though. Can you see it? This is like, it's a bit like watching the Mars rover lander, isn't it? We're going to take off in the helicopter a minute.

Oh, I can see something nice there as well. Can you see it? Can you see what it is yet? I'm not glad to do it, am I? Let's see if I can fling this one. Oh, not bad. Actually got right to the edge. Still officially on the path. We'll have to come and clear that up at a later date, but he's closer. Sorry, they are closer. I don't like to assume the gender of any of these stones than there would have been. Another nice one here. Danger of cutting your fingers, of course, as you lob these ones. Bore of opening. Oh, that one didn't do well. Oh, rolled well well.

A danger of opening up wounds if, say, you've just had a testicle removed. And we can see the condition of the central soil not yet had the plow over it. And it's going to be harder to bring up than most of these stones. A few of them, but this fella will carry him to the middle. Looks a bit like a dog, doesn't he? Oh, Richard, I'm the dog stone. I used to be a little beagle. But why are you doing it without moving your lips, Rich? I don't know, just because it's good. Sorry, I'm getting into the other show there. If you've been enjoying these Twitch streams over the lockdown period,

we are planning on doing some holster puzzles at the Clapham Grand in May, June and July. We'd love to see you there if you can get to the theatre. You have to come in pairs. It's socially distanced. Numbers are limited, but also you can buy tickets to watch it live online at a very reasonable price. If you would like to support that, head to richetone.com.slashgigs and snap yourself up either a real or a virtual ticket right now, because I'm aiming for some big guests, not just in size, in Stardom, and it would just be terrific to play to a big crowd. I think when you get 350 people into this 1500-seater venue, it will still be a bit weird, but it will be nice and nicer than just talking to yourself in a field.

It's going well, thanks, Adam Neither. Sorry, I haven't got my glasses on if that isn't your name. Everything's holding up quite well. Oh, just spot this guy. Look at him. He wants to come off. The select few, it's like Sophie's Choice, it's like Schindler's List. I do get a chance to come back and save them again though, later. I don't think this is the crop. I think this is just grass that's quite nice grass, nicer than in my garden. It's all fairly in a straight line, so maybe it is a crop, I don't know. Maybe there will be no plow coming through this bit. Maybe we'll just have to work with what we've got. So coming up to the central can, it feels like a long time since I've seen my friends out here

picking up another stone. Oh, and we've got to pick this one up, haven't we? Look at that. That looks like a horse. Yay, Rich. Ooh, I'm a horse stone. I used to be a hammer in a previous life. Come on, guys, stop climbing about. They're just showing off for the cameras. We don't often film these anymore. And, you know, some stones are shy than others, but these fellers, not a fucking soul around. It's like it's locked down or something. Look at this can. This is actually probably the most magnificent of all the cans. Look how clean all that is as well. Big stones really looking good. There's a lot of grass growing up here. You can't see it all, but look at the size of that. That probably is visible from 30 or 40 feet in the air,

if it wasn't for the tree above, the bush above it. All right, we're heading down Stone Pole. The fairy folk didn't turn up, by the way, if you did bet on that. Sorry about that. Oh, there's a nice stone there. That one's within flinging distance at the central can. Here we go. You watch for it. Oh, sorry, a bit of a wobbly camera work there. Do you see it? So, yeah, pretty much back to full fitness. I might go to the gym next week. If I'm out, I'm not sure if my immune system is back to normal yet. I'm trying to keep myself to myself. I'm not wearing a mask right now though, so I could catch anything off these stones. Oh, some nice papers down here. And the new path

takes us straight to the Stone Pole, rather than to the Dominic Cummings Memorial Can, which will suffer as a result. But the Stone Pole is what some of you are here for. What did it say last time? Good luck or bad luck, because it turned out to be quite unlucky, didn't it? The little Richie. The little Richie's old honourable sack. I'm ready with my five throws in advance, just on the off chance that somebody turns up to try and hunt me down. I'm not used to having so much freedom, to be fair. One out of five is the prediction of strife of the cat. Well, it possibly has been a while. Don't have the dog in the way though, so that might make things a little easier for me.

Usually I have the dogs pulling on the lead, often standing directly in front of the Stone Pole, often trying to stop me blacking as a sort of goalkeeper. So two, three, anyone going for the full five? You'd be bold. But I think we've seen the power of this Stone Pole. I've been laid down for six weeks as a result of the bad luck that it gives off. Faced death. I faced my maker, the Stone Gods. They said to me, Rich, it's not time. I said, what about Prince Philip? They said nearly time for him. Just wait a bit. I said, can my ball not outlive Prince Philip? They said, no, part of you has to die for Prince Philip to die. Sort of like Harry Potter. I didn't know what they were referring to. I do not question

the gods. Yeah, very smooth ride around the field today. And as you can see, probably just from the way the camera's bobbing along quite nicely. I'm pretty much recovered from surgery. So it's all green. Well, there were loads of stones around here. Look, I didn't need to carry these ones all across, but it's nice to get some off in the middle. Just checking I'm free to do this. There's the Stone Pole. Have you missed it? First throw for a while. It's unlike the first one. Oh, but he does it. Some things you just, it's like riding a bike. Oh, wrong pole. One out of two. Oh, just nipped it. Two out of three. Three out of four. Could he go for the four? This would be very lucky. Oh, yes, even left the mark. Four out of five. I don't know if anyone even said that.

If you did say four out of five, please collect your winnings from the Stone Clearing website. It won't be someone coming with dogs. I'm going to pretend to be not here for a second. Hold on. Oh, it's very like Bill Oddy. The goodie. I'm not sure if it was. It was Julie, we've seen Julie Murray out here, of course. She sometimes is here. I've seen a few celebrities out in the field, but still managed to get this little baby off. Look at that. And that's the clack of a stone, hitting another stone very, that's what every Stone Clearing wants to hear as they throw a stone

into the bushes. So one, Stone Starzy. Didn't recognize him any while I recognize him as Bill Oddy. Disappoints to see Bill joining the forces of evil, but he's had a tough year lost Tim, of course, and it must make you question your human gods. The stone gods never let you down, of course. And a kick, just to show that I can still kick, a nice kick, a bit of brick, kick a brick. That's what they say. And coming around the last corner. Thanks for all the emails that have been coming in. Oh, look at that baby's fallen off there. Look at this. It's looking good. Someone's been cleaning these stones in my absence. Look at that. That is what we call a can. It goes all around the corner. It comes all the way down here. It's a beauty. Look how far

it goes. You think I've been wasting my time out here. You see the midges? Of course, we won't be going all the way back to the house today. I can't give away the secret location of where we are. I'll send you a lift into the photons, my friend. That's the end. Time for some emails. That's a nice little can under there. Look at that. I don't remember that one. Coming up to the dish to stop Brexit, of course, as well. Some people questioning the dish to stop Brexit, but by questioning the dish to stop Brexit, you make the dish and stop breakfast and breakfast not work. So please think carefully about what your responsibilities are. Look at these, beautiful. That's a nice one.

Often not too much going on down this way, but freshly tilled. The soil is giving up its bounty. Had a few emails in. Here's an email from a yellow twig, Barb. But Barb, really yellow twig, Barb. Barb, yellow twig, unusual name. I should just put her surname first on the email. She says, Richard, I hear you've lost a testicle. Do you think this is a punishment from the stone gods for not doing stone clearing properly? I do. You've taken stones off the field and sold them. There are no rules to stone clearing. The first rule of stone clearing, the second rule is that no stones must leave the field. Do you think that you have lost a stone in return for the stones you have stolen?

Well, it's quite an aggressive email there from Barb. Barb yellow twig. I was hoping, you know, there'd be a few more kind of welcome back. We missed you, that sort of thing, but that's the one that's come up. I don't think it was a punishment from that. I think it was a reward from the stone gods for work well done. I think they're saying, Richard, we'll make you slightly less human, less of a human man, more of a stone man. It's not lost on me. The coincidence that the testes are stones and the testes are also balls and Hitler had lost a ball. None of this stuff is lost on me. Here's the dish that stopped Brexit. I'm just going to kick one

down and it's still quite, you can't just see the stones. There's a lot down there. Actually, there's, look at that. You can see loads of them there. I'm putting in a good few. I did the Afro-Novi again on the first attempt at filming, so I missed my very first stone for a few months. I've just seen a beauty out here. I can't let this go. Look at this. Can you see it? It doesn't look much on the camera, but look, get close. This, I can't believe the men at Nassau would, and the people at Nassau, could feel any more excited than I do about that. And that's going in the dish that stopped Brexit, and that is going to do a lot to stop Brexit. Here we go. The exit stopped Brexit does not

usually like large offerings, but I've missed a few. I've missed a few, and that's my bad. There you go. That's almost a witch's dick with one ball there. Look at that. That's what I was hoping to achieve, and I think that's a sign from the stone gods that they're pleased with me. It's like the rainbow that came from the human gods. The gods did see it, and they said that it was good. So these babies are going on the Afro-Novi again. We'll sing to him as it was sung to by him before us in memory of him that we made clear stones to. It's been nice to take you around the field. Thanks for so many of you coming along. I'll try to go back to

weekly videos if I can. It's obviously a lot of stuff going on still, so but we'll be back with the audio ones. This might also be an audio one, if I can make it work. Just as a little extra. Not necessarily an official chapter, but just as I stand in some midges that you can't see. I falting the thong. Liffen to the photons, my friend, for they falting ye a merry dance. Don't liffen to the birds and trees. Don't liffen to your underpants. Liffen to the photons. Liffen to the photons, and they in turn shall liffen to ye, my friend, my fine friend. Okay kids, 250 view at the end. Too many really. Keep the numbers down next time, but I appreciate the thought today. See you out here again. It's good to be back.