Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Fummertime Fpecial

Episode Date: June 22, 2019

Fummertime Fpecial. Richard is in Devon and it's the Fummer Folftice, the holiest of days for a stone clearer. And he has discovered a cairn that could only have been built by giants or Merlin or a giant Merlin. Will he fall to his death from the mountain he has climbed or will his secret from his wife remain? Also why stones are better than sewage.

Hello and welcome to a very professional tongue-clearing Richard Herring. This is one of the official chapters. This is, if you like, a Fumma Time special, or if this was on the buses. This is the version where all the cars go off to Majorca or whatever for a holiday. And I'm in a secret location in Devon, I can't tell you where it is, and I'm on top of a hill where some photon clearing has been going on. There are horses here, I don't think the horses are responsible for the stone clearing, they seem very chill. Coming for me a little bit, there's a massive can at the top of this hill. And big, big stones, I'm just about to add one that I picked up along the way to the top of that. It's pretty impressive. Looking down on the secret town where this comes from, I might just have to take a few photos here. While we're recording this baby, because this is pretty cool.

There's horses, there's cans, and there's a beautiful town below. Yeah, this is just what you have to get up to if you're a photon clearer. On holiday, it's not part of the official canon, if you will, it's just a bit of fun. Didn't want you to think that just because I'm on holiday, the horse can be a little bit crazy in here, it's alright, I think we're okay. Didn't want you to think just because I'm on holiday that I'm not photon clearing. Hopefully my field in a secret location in Hertfordshire is fine, I'm just coming down the hill again now. I'll take you down. I'm scanning the path for stones because it's very important to keep your eye in, even in a new location.

There's a lot of horse poo in here that could be mistaken by a novice for stones. I mean, for a novice could also mistake it for poo, but it wouldn't be mistaken because it is poo. Some of the poo is very dried up. What you have to remember is none of that is stones. Keep your eyes peeled for stones if there are horses guarding the can. It feels sort of our theory that you would walk up there, massive can, big boulders really up there. Someone has carried them up a hill. Is it some giant from the olden times?

One feels so, and there's evidence of stone clearing around here. There's a wall that's been built, but I've noticed it is falling down. I think whoever built these cans and built these walls is long, dead, his bones, all her bones in the ground. Joining the photons. And you can tell there's been somebody because there just aren't many photons around. It's just a lot of horse poo. We'll have to worry about that. It's time. It's short.

It will pass. My dog will probably eat some of it for a start, though. That will just turn it into dog poo, which is not much of an evolutionary journey for the poo. And if anything, it's a downgrade, isn't it? I think horse poo is slightly preferable to the poo of a dog, which is an unpleasant thing, as I know, because I have to pick a lot of it up. I haven't seen a single stone on this way down this hill, which makes me think someone who's got here before me, someone a long time ago, someone very fastidious, that can at the top. I picked up a stone from and fallen from one of these walls, and I'm going to just go over there now.

There are some people coming down the hill towards me, so I will have to be a little bit far uptitious. Sorry, far uptitious. Just pretend I'm looking at this wall. There are some beauties of stones down here, one of which I picked up, but they have come from a wall. They don't look like stones that were naturally here. If they are, they've been carved and tuned to fit in with this wall, which I do not approve of. But yeah, I mean, if you went on there, I mean, these are off my scale. There's one there that I don't know if I can even lift it.

Let's see if I can lift it. Yeah, I can just lift it. It's heavy. I'll put it back on the wall, but it's not really my job to clear the stones at a front from a wall. But they are pretty much the only stones. Oh, I found a little one there. That might not be from the wall. I'll throw that towards the wall and it on top, beautiful shot.

I am being observed, even though there was hardly any around here, past the German tourists of the way up. But now on the way down, someone with a rucksack, a woman carrying a rolled up red coat to set off. I think it was going to be another cold day today. It's a beautiful sunshine here and it's mysterious. Devon town where giants once paroled these hills and removed the stones. There's a nice stone there. Just checking it's not done through. I mean, I think that's come down from the wall, but I'll just toss it.

It's hard to know where to go. This is such a big area. Do I have to take these stones, just the path, create a wall along the edge? Or do I have to take them right out of this national park to somewhere else? I am choosing to make a wall along the sides of the path that one day I hope will obscure if someone carries on my work. And if more stones appear in this park, will obscure the beautiful views of the Devon Sea, the beach below. Yeah, now I've missed stone clearing. I've been on holiday for a week.

I haven't really cleared a stone. I was walking on the beach and maybe next week we'll do a beach version of this podcast. We got this hardly any there. Whoever cleared, perhaps they cleared the beach and took them up the mountain. That's how cocky this stone clearing was. Much more cocky than I. I'm just kicking stones, ivy off the path now into the bushes. I do not have the staying power to lift these stones.

There's one there embedded in the path. I haven't got my trowel with me that has stayed at home. I haven't got the staying power to walk up this very steep hill again to the top to add to that magnificent chem that your dad would have seen in the picture for this podcast. Just to let you know I'm fine. I'm having a lovely holiday. There was no holiday from stone clearing, my friend. He must never stop. So the beach, yeah, there are a few shells, a few little stones.

My son found a pebble today. He brought it back to his mum. But that's, you know, A, you shouldn't take off the beach. B, that is not going to make a mess of chem. Beat pebbles of that size. It was a flat one. Nice. Definitely a small, small, small.

I mean, not really quite catching up. We're heading. Oh, the leaves caught up in the danger of the site. The leaves caught up in a fawny bush. A lot of the vegetation around here does feel as if it has come slightly from the future. Reminiscent of the time machine with the HD wells where he brings back sauna from the future. Some of these plants, I don't think exist anywhere else in the UK mainland or in this timeframe. I'm not saying that this chem was made by time traveling giants from the future who also created Camelot and the sword in the stone.

Is that a coincidence that the sword was in a stone? I don't think so. Don't think it is a coincidence. I think that is very deliberate. A little tiny tiddler there just kicking that again off the path. That's all that I'm going to do. Are you Devon? Some people think the Arthurine legend is from Cornwall, I think, but no.

It's from this area, secret area of Devon. I can't reveal that because I don't want you and Merlin hunters coming up this hill taking photos of those rocks. You'll never know where I am. It's important to protect the secrecy. I haven't done the walk up the hill for you because I was checking that this was not the arena of any living stone. I'm pretty sure it is not. Just the efficiency of the stone has been cleared. There are a few in this path I can see now.

There is some work to be done. That might just be the natural wear and tear of the centuries that have passed and for giants to travel back into the past from the future. They might have even traveled back from now. I haven't seen any giants around on my holiday so far. That is not to say there are none. I'm coming round the mountain as I come. Not coming. A group of stone starts a youth in red hats walking towards the beaches.

They're not here to find me. They look to be about six years old from this distance. A few adults with them. I know what they're doing. They're too regimented. Why would they be wearing red hats if they were just school kids? I can't even come on holiday in peace without people trying to find out who I am, where I am. So yeah, very few stones being cleared here.

If I had my theological trial, it would be a different story. We're coming down to get a lovely view of the town sewer here, which is solar powered. And I suppose this organic waste does have to go somewhere. It's of no interest to me. Why waste all that good money on getting rid of stuff that you could just chuck in the field? Why not get a stone clearing plant? That's my advice to you, Devin. There may be some stones in there I'm not going to find out.

I draw the line so far at Jumping into Sewage. Nice medium, medium, medium down here. It's going to have little lookies on a lower path. Just slightly dangerous. Oh, I just nearly fell over. It's all right. I'm okay kids. Don't worry.

If I do die on this trip, please do pull out this podcast. If you find this recording, there's some stuff I should have told you about. I've just done clearer. Take too long to explain. Maybe search for stone clearing on the internet and you may find some information about what I've been doing. I've been doing it because I love you and I've been doing it because I love the kids. And it's just something to remember. But obviously if I go, if I have you listening to this, I am dead.

And it feels like a bit of a waste if I go at this point. So I'll try and stay on the path. There's a vertiginous drop to my left. If I fell down there, I'd roll for some way into then some what looks like nettles and bracken. It wouldn't be nice. Bramble's maybe down there. I did the other day at my daughter from school and she wanted to go and roll down the bank at her nursery with her friends. She looked like she was having fun.

They said, Daddy, do you want to go? And I said, yeah, why not? And I did. I had to go. It was a mistake. At 51, nearly 52 years of age I am now. Don't roll down banks when you're that age. Although it was a lot of fun and I did escape with that injury.

So I'm happy I did it. But, you know, in another universe, there's a sliding doors. It's called Rolling Bank Down a Bank. It's a film in which I have broken every bone in my body and my wife has to feed me through a tube versus this reality. And I'm not sure which you would prefer to be honest. But yeah, we're about a week into the holiday. It's been nice. Oh, nice.

Nice flat. Oh, too. There's a sibling stone. So it's falling apart in my hands. Oh, and the people right behind me. Be careful. There's some lovely ones. I'm just going to kick a few of them off.

There's quite a bounty to be had down here. If you can work out where this is and you want to find the grave of Merlin and if Jesus probably used Daniel up. And there are some certainly the bottom of the hill to walk to the top. There is some good ones to add to the can right down here. I'm not afraid to go back up there. I'm glad I found it once. Oh, it's been pricked by a prickle. My daughter thinks that prickle is a rude word.

Which is one of my favorite things about a poopy wee wee prickle. I think this prickle is not very nice. She thinks it makes sense. And yeah, wee wee and poopy are good things. Why are those swear words? Why is sex a swear word? It's a beautiful thing. A prickle should be swear wordised.

A very bumpy terrain. We're at a road warping. That's to hope we can shake off these pink following us. We are walking parallel to the sewer now. If you have got a mental image of where I am. So I'm going to be able to put together these clues and work out where this amazing can. I've discovered it is. So we're coming through where the doobry there it is.

We're in a beautiful meadow. I mean that's far more beautiful if it wasn't for the massive sewer to my left. Far more beautiful than Hertfordshire. This field has been allowed to go wild. There's a dandelion there but there are better flowers than that in here. As I say, quite a few that I assume have been carried back on the jackets of time travellers. And I've been unnoticed and undiscovered here by anyone but me who would just assume that the flora and fauna would have to be chronistic. The right words, I guess it is.

What I like about this little gate with a little style over it. What I like about this one is that it will pull up gate for the dogs to go through. It's a nice touchdeb and wild gun. Makes them feel like they're in a medieval dog castle. And the gates are being opened. There you go wolves go through there. Look at that. Oh and there's a strange green insect on there as well.

Like a beetle thing. It just flew off. Nothing I recognise in this time. We may actually just be going through a temporal shift which this part of Devon is in the extreme future. Or maybe in the distant prehistoric past. If I see a dinosaur I'll let you know but there's no way of knowing whether that dinosaur is from the future or the past or has travelled from the past or the future or been brought from the past or the future. Dinosaurs could evolve again, they've evolved once. Given enough time, who's to say they will not return?

And this time they're serious. I'm not going to make the same mistakes second time are they? We'll rule the earth for a lot longer. So yeah just wanted to check in. I know a lot of you have difficulty sleeping. You can't listen to the same podcast twice. So I thought I'd give you this bonus. Summertime special with special guests and here singing their latest hit is Brotherhood of Man.

Save your stones for me, save all your stones for me. Of course that would not, I'm joking and that would not be allowed because the twist in that song is the subject is three years old. And if they were so clear they would have to be sent to prison. And so would whoever was in charge of them. The bloke from Brotherhood of Man put it with a moustache. I mean you wouldn't sing that song anymore would you Card? The 1970s was a dark time. So heading down through this meadow now.

The sewer still to my left but hidden behind craftily constructed hedge. Although it opens up now in full view of the disgusting poo of some Devonian people literally. And here some strange purple thistle-like creatures there. Not like any thistle I've seen in this time zone. I just can't escape the time shifters and I guess they have my blog and they can read out where I've been and if they can pinpoint accurately enough they can follow me anywhere. Probably should stop writing that or just say I'm in different places than I am. That might shake them off.

Well I think I've survived the walk so luckily Katie you don't have to listen to this. Please do not if you're listening to it please stop listening and forget what you've got this far. Forget the stuff I said earlier. I'm not doing stone clearing that would be crazy. I'm a normal man, you married a normal man. There's literally nothing in the way of stones down here. What's that? Oh I found a tiny little bit of a great skimmer and it's going to be skimmed right into the bushes.

We're beyond the sewer now. Otherwise I'd have thrown it into the sewer. Is it just an act of defiance against poo and wee? You are a passing thing. If you will disappear that stone falls in amongst you will be that fair. Coming up to another gate. This one does not have a drawbridge for the dog. No one's following me this far.

Maybe I've shaken them off. Maybe in their timeline they thought I was fall off. Maybe they did think I fell off the cliff. Perhaps I tricked them with this podcast. They didn't listen any further than what they assumed was my death. I've shaken them off for good but let's hope so. Why did they come back? That's a good question.

They might be on holiday too. Even people in the future don't have time to go on holiday. It's not all work, work, work. I think I'll leave it there. It's been lovely to talk to you again. Sorry there's no theme music or anything in this. This is for sharing time. We're returning and we'll feed the dog.

There's no voice over the tones. Storm cleaning with a jittering. That was my impression of Michael Faheen there. Didn't really see anyone did we? Didn't really meet anyone. So I don't have to credit them. Thanks for listening. Enjoy your week and your weekend.

Listen to this at the weekend and I'll see you maybe next week. Maybe back in Hertfordshire with some proper stone clearing very soon. Goodbye.