Stop Podcasting Yourself - Bonus Episode - LIVE from Calgary with Lori Gibbs

Episode Date: August 1, 2019

Recorded live at the Odyssey Cafe in Calgary on October 4th, 2018.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Hi, everybody. Hi. We can see all of you. That's not the way it's supposed to be. Welcome, everybody. Thank you very much for coming down to the show.

At the Odyssey Coffeehouse, Dave and I are going to do some of our favorite slam poems. Yeah. You know, we started out in the coffeehouse scene. Yeah. At the Hungry Eye in the 60s. Yeah. Where was that? In the village? That was in the village. It was a tumultuous time. Hungry Eye in the 60s. Yeah. Where was that? In the village? That was in the village. It was a tumultuous time.

Oh boy, the tumult. Yeah. Thanks for coming everybody to this wonderful venue opposite a Jugo Juice. To get in here we were given some bunko directions. Yeah.

And so we ended up walking through all of the weightlifting facilities in the downstairs by the loading bay, which was unattended. Yeah. And they saw me and they said, finally, our hero has arrived. They said, give him all hero has arrived, they said. Give him all the weights and just watch him do what he does. So I set a campus record. You're an honorary Trojan?

Your dad should have worn an honorary Trojan. Ouch. Ouch. I don't know, man. I don't know. What. I don't know. What a weird place to do a show. Who knew where this was? One, two people.

Two people. Two people. There was enough people who knew where it was to say, well, that's a weird place to do a show. Yeah, yeah. There was someone in the Facebook group. That was you And you said That's a weird place to do a show

And I believe we said Yeah well that's fine Yeah yeah yeah You know we have this agent And He doesn't really respect us We turned down the ranchman's gig And we said

We like this mural That has the No the Calgary Tower is hidden In this mural Not much of a tower Admittedly Not much of a tower What's your problem with the Calgary Tower Graham

Now just watch him go Yeah yeah yeah Not much of a tower. Admittedly, not much of a tower. What's your problem with the Calgary Tower, Graham? Now, just watch him go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't get me started on one of my patented rants. It doesn't tower over everything. Oh, right. If you're going to call it a tower, you should probably make sure that every other building... See, this tower, all these buildings,

hiding the tower. That's what I... Well, you guys are really not on board with this tower bashing. I thought for sure that I have the home court advantage. Dave. Yeah.

You arrived here today. Oh, boy. And tell me all about it. Okay. Well, first of all, thank you, everyone. I just want to thank everyone. Yeah. We're coming.

You're all, you're so punctual. The staff here can't believe how they kept saying over and over, we can't believe how punctual everybody was here at the time that the show was supposed to start. It's thrown them off balance. So thank you for coming. Thank you for being punctual. Well, the tickets said 6.30. Yeah.

And so everyone was here at 6.30. Yeah. And we were like, well, we're not doing the show in daylight. Yeah, that's true. It is all windows in here. I'm fine with a 4pm show.

Once we start doing retirement homes. It's the dream. Done by 10am. Home in time for... What comes on at 11? Price is Right, I want to say? No, Price is Right is 10. 11 is like, what comes on after The View? The Chew?

Marilyn Dennis, The Social? You just can picture that meeting where they were like, how about The View, but for food? And then chomp. We'll call it the chomp. Chew. Well, it was a productive meeting.

You ever watch that? Chew? Yeah, I stopped watching. As soon as Mario Batali left, I said, I'm out. I'm out. Me Too's gone too far is what I said. You're going to take down Batali? He should have been the first guy, I think, of the Me Too's gone too far, is what I say. You're going to take down Batali?

He should have been the first guy, I think, of the Me Too movement. He looks like a creep, right? Like, there's no guy, there is no... I don't think there's anybody else in popular culture that's as drawn like a villain as Mario Batali. Who was the first guy in the Me Too movie? We'll go through all of them. Photographer in the front row, would you like us to get closer? Yeah.

Sweet emotion. Paralysed. That's true. We were really putting him through his paces Well he was really trying Because you know what It's all about levels We create a vignette

We asked Make the audience as visible as possible At all times I want to be able to see Back to the ATM. And I can. I know exactly where it is. Oh, that guy's paying the $3 fee.

Okay, you started with Harvey Weinstein. Yeah. Who looks more like a villain? Mario Batali. More than Weinstein? All right, by applause. That's bad.

We're bad people for it. Yeah. Okay, guys. So welcome to the show. We're going to get going in a couple minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the pre-show. We're going to show a special special Fan only trailer for Venom

It looks so bad I haven't seen any of it But when I saw a poster for it I thought of a funny song for it Go on Something like a Venom I have a feeling that wouldn't be out of place in the movie from what it's got 20% on Rotten Tomatoes.

And I think people are being generous. I think people like Tom Hardy and they're saying he tried. He tried. He'll show his penis in a movie. Yeah. Yeah. Even when it's not in the script, he'll do it.

And he's like, leave it on the cutting room floor if you want, but I just, it's something I do as an artist. The doctor didn't leave it on the cutting room floor, if you know what I mean. Dave,

I don't know what you mean. Have you seen, what was the movie where he's the guy with the mustache and no hair? Bronson. Bronson. And my favorite anecdote

about that movie, Bronson. Bronson's insane. Well, about that movie, Bronson. Bronson's insane. Well, I'll go around and have our favorite anecdotes about the Tom Hardy movie, Bronson. But the guy that it's based on, Bronson, he's insane. He played Balky. He's been in prison.

He robbed a post office, and he's been in prison ever since because he's so violent that they just keep adding years to his sentence. And when he found out that Tom Hardy was playing him in the movie, he shaved his patented mustache and mailed it to Tom Hardy,

who then used it and wore it as the mustache in the movie. So that's my favorite. I have other Bronson stories that I love, but I would say that's my top number one. So this is the show. You guys listen to the show?

Is there anybody here that has never listened to the podcast? Yeah. You're with somebody who has. That's how it goes. And that's what a relationship is. Am I right? Yeah. You got in today. I got in today

into Calgary. Yeah. When you get in a cab at the airport, they screw you. They really, they're like, the meter starts at $7.70. But they show you a matinee movie in the cab, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, $7, not

too bad. And then you tell him where you're going and he takes out a book of an old-timey grid book of all the streets of the city and you're like, oh, the meter's running while you're reading this. But anyway, so

I'm staying here at the Sate Residences. Yes. Which I believe was booked as a prank. I said, they said, where does he want to stay? And I said, anywhere hilarious. Yeah. Do the words big men on campus mean want to stay? And I said, anywhere hilarious. Yeah. Do the words big men on campus

mean anything to you? So I got here this morning and they were like, they rolled out the red carpet and they were like, can you come back at 4 p.m.?

Oh yeah, but first of all, so I flew in You know it's very cold here and it snowed For the home listener God willing this is recorded Let me just double check on that Yeah, we are rolling

Cool stage setup And Uh oh Ooh, this mic cord is keeping me warm. It's October 4th. Yes. October 4th will be with you. Yeah, and also with you.

Thank you. Yeah. And, uh, big snowstorm this week. Mm-hmm. The city's paralyzed. Yeah, they had to get, uh, is this true, snow plows all the way from Edmonton? That's it. Rivalry over.

They helped you out. Next time you hear Edmonton, you have to have positive thoughts. They saved your ass. Now, if you save their ass, rivalry back on. But until that day, when you go up, what would happen? Would you put out the mall fire? Whatever. Whatever you do. Oh boy, sure.

Yeah, but huge. Huge snowstorm. Huge, I hear. Yeah. It's not wintry enough when I land. The airplane, instead of the cool jazz that it plays after you're taxiing to the gate, it was playing,

Oh, come all ye faithful. Which is a bit Christmassy. A bit Christmassy for October 4th. Yeah. But, you know, what's the dividing line? Halloween? Halloween's the day, right? I don't think, I think of planes as being anti-Christmas.

Hmm. Interesting. Secular. They're a secular. There's very few Christmas movies that take place exclusively on a plane. Air Force One is one of them. That one with Jodie Foster where she loses her kid. Lousy parent,

I think it was called. It wasn't her fault. It was the airlines, I think, is the end of it. Do you know what movie I'm talking about? Did I just make up a movie? Nell, I think it was called.

You do a great Nell impression. Oop-a-day, stupid-a-day, stupid-a-day Thank you So I get in this crazy expensive taxi cab And then Show up at this campus And I say

Hey, what's up? I'm a first year You had a milk crate full of records. No, I immediately was like, yeah, take my bag and I'm getting out of here. Going to the cool neighborhood. You know, the belt loop or whatever. Yeah, the belt loop. Take me to the belt loop.

The guy opened up his book. God damn it. I went to this coffee shop in the Beltline. Woo! Woo! And they... Well, first of all, I saw on my Google Maps that there was a place called Decidedly Jazz. And I was like, I'm just going to check this out.

Decidedly Jazz Dance Center. Sure. I was going to take a funny picture of the sign. They've changed it to DJD because I guess too many people. Yeah, too many people out front blocking the entrance. What kind of dance do you do? It's not just jazz. Decidedly so.

And then I was like, okay, well, I got got some work to do i'll go to a coffee shop go do some work and you were like the odyssey no i was in the belt the belt buckle and so i uh i went and i sat down in this coffee shop and i realized it was like designed for you not to do any work there. Because the chair, the table I sat at was a lazy Susan. So you sit down, you put your computer on and you can just spin it around. You do my work. Yeah. Unless you're like negotiating a contract and you're like, do my work Yeah Unless you're like Negotiating a contract

And you're like I'm typing a number How does this look? So I came back here And I decided to do all my work In the student union building And it's cool Cause I I'm a cool Hip in the student union building. And it's cool because I'm a cool, hip,

young guy who fits in with everyone. And I didn't feel like that Joe Pesci movie where he's a homeless guy who hangs out at Harvard. Yeah. You know what the best nation on earth is? Donation.

That's from that movie. What was that movie called? With honors. I was going to say Joe Campus. Joe Pesci is Joe Campus. Oh, well. So I went and I just hung out in the student union building here at SAIT. Yeah.

I'm a real SAIT rat. Yeah. Go SAIT rats! I had to check in with campus security. So that you could hang out in the student union building? I figured I just might as well give my heads up. Yeah, yeah. No, but it was like, I went to a university and an institutional technology.

Yeah. Is that what the IT stands for? Institutional technology? Yeah. And so I really felt like I fit in. But it was such, it was so college-y when I got here. Yeah. Like literally, there were, I saw two separate people at separate times throwing paper airplanes.

They're probably engineering students. Yeah. Fun. It's probably for a prank. Did you do any pranks when you were in university? I did. What? We invented a prank war with our...

We also invented a rival. With our rival dorm at the University of Victoria. All right. Yeah. Did you live in the dorms? Oh, yeah. What dorm? Shirley Baker.

Shirley Baker. Was that in McGill? No, it was in... Oh, what are the dorms? What dorm? Shirley Baker. Was that in McGill? No, it was in... Oh, what are the other ones? Okay, cool. Ah, shit. Nice catching up. No, there was McGill.

There was Lansdowne. Was it in Lansdowne? No. And then there was Craig Derrick and the other one. You're saying it to me like I don't know. I lived in Margaret Newton as there was Craig Derrick and the other one. You're saying it to me like I don't know. Of course I know. I lived in Margaret Newton as part of Craig Derrick. And also in Craig Derrick.

For the home listener, this sucks. What brand did you call? And our rival was called Sir Arthur Curry. I hate him. I hate him so much. Yeah. Sir Arthur Curry. I hate him! I hate him so much!

And we, a guy in my dorms had this three-person slingshot and we would get little yogurt containers from the CAF and just launch them at their building. And then we decided to do a

late-night raid. Panty? No. We were gentlemen. It was a late night raid Panty? No We were gentlemen It was a stink bomb raid That's fun Did you ever do any mischief? Yeah I got up to mischief At the school of hard knocks

Me and the other Tufts from the neighborhood Used to just beat up people. And then we'd be like, you got pranked. It's different. It's different. What's not sanctioned by a university? Anyway, so I was hanging out there.

But today is the student elections. Oh, I saw. Everybody was wearing shirts that say vote. Does anyone go here? Yeah. Did you guys anyone go here? Yeah. Did you guys remember to vote? Yeah. Fuck yeah.

Democracy. And can I show you? So the students make election posters, which is so cute. I love it. Glitter and whatnot. Can I tell you the very popular pose for election posters this year? Yes, please.

Nice. Quality you could trust. Zane Bacari did that pose. Let's see, who else did it? Morstat did it. Morstat? That was his last name. I didn't catch his last name. Oh, I would love that if it was just a single name. He's got... Well, Morstat did it. Morstat? That was his last name. I didn't catch his first name.

Oh, I would love that if it was just a single name. He's got... Well, get ready for it. But first, Peronvir. Gil had that pose. And finally, Ben. Top of the ballot with that name. Ben!

Ben. Oh, man. He's got my vote. Yeah. It's Ben, everybody. I don't know if the polls have closed. I don't think we're allowed to campaign for any single candidate. I don't care.

Ben's got my vote. Yeah. Vote Ben. I'm stumping for Ben. 2018. Yeah. He wore a light blue shirt to his photo shoot, even though that might show sweat stains, and that shows confidence.

That's what I like about Ben. I'm going to name three other things I like about Ben. He wears glasses. He could wear contacts and pretend he doesn't need to wear glasses. He wears glasses. I think that's cool. He's a student here, I assume. What were you doing, five?

Did you decide on a number? Go do ten. What else? Ben, he's not afraid. He doesn't take no shit from no one. And finally, he knows the issues. He's got a good handle on the issues. And the last thing

is he's not going to take away your guns and I think that's important. Your campus guns. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. You were talking about The crazy taxi driver

I had the craziest This is not to be confused With the video game Crazy Taxi No no this is This I had the craziest ride With a taxi driver

I have ever had in my life And I've been in Some wild cab rides This was This was like This guy Sucked This guy sucked Where was this? This was in St. This was like, this guy sucked. This guy sucked.

Where was this? This was in St. Catharines, Ontario. When was this? This was this week. This was two days ago. So we're done with me. I don't know. Are we?

Is there more? From my dorm room, I could see the ski jump. Cool Runnings was filmed right there. Right at that Canada Olympic Park. Just right next to it. Was Eddie the Eagle filmed there? Probably not. It's me, Eddie the Eagle.

It is, it is. Famous Calgary celebrity So this cab ride So we're just done with it I got in the cab Here's I don't know how often you take cabs You guys have Uber here now We do not have it

Not at the airport this morning They don't go to the airport i didn't see any oh motherfucker um in vancouver we don't have it so i have a lot of cabby experience and i know the usual way it goes is you get in you say how's it going and they say some version of fine because that's how humans interact not this dude i get in and i go how's it going and he goes and then i'm like you're supposed to ask me where to now there's a protocol You're not just supposed to go, and then I'm going to be like, and how do you, why do you feel that way? So he just goes, and I go, the St. Catherine's Theater, please.

He goes, okay. He goes, why are you going to the theater? And I'm like, well, I can tell this is going to be pleasant. I'm playing Mr. Mistletopolis in Cats. Step be pleasant. I'm playing Mr. Mistletopolis in Cats. Step on it. I'm late.

As you can tell, I'm not in costume. So he goes, what are you doing at the theater? I said, we're recording an episode of a show, CBC show called The Debaters. And he goes, never heard of it. And I go, well, that's great.

Who gives a shit what you've heard of? You're asking me questions. And he goes, what is that? And I go, it's a comedy show. He goes, who's on it? And I go, I don't know, comedians? And he goes, name one. So I go, Sean Cullen. And he goes, one so I go Sean Cullen and he goes never heard of

him next and I was like yeah were you like named cab drivers here's who I've heard of Travis Bickle. Okay, buddy. So I was like, I'm not playing. I said, I'm not doing this with you. And then he goes, you ever heard? He goes, you ever heard of Travis Hicks? And I go, no. And he goes, well, check this out.

And he cranks the music as loud as it'll go. I can feel it. It was music. It was music. And it was a country singer. And he goes, what do you think of this? Plays a minute. And I go, I don't know.

Doesn't really sound like country music. He goes, exactly. That's why I like it so much. He's going to play the big stadium this week and I got tickets. Here's another song. He puts on another song. Cranks it up. What do you think of that? I said, I don't

know. I don't like it. I'm going to look this guy up Travis Hicks I think I might like him Does anyone know the wifi password? Chirogens And then he plays One of his songs and I say

I don't like it and he goes me neither And so I was like what are we doing? Now we're just playing And he plays one of his songs, and I say, I don't like it. And he goes, me neither. And so I was like, what are we doing? Now we're just playing the game of can we find common ground over Travis Hicks? Anyways. Spotify's never heard of him either. Well, he's selling out the arena in St. Catharines. Hometown boy.

And this guy likes him because he kind of sounds like classic rock and that's what this cab driver's into. And so it was the long... It was to the point that I thought it was on a prank show. Like, I was like, this doesn't actually happen.

And it's not Tim Hicks, is it? Maybe. Who knows? Oh, Tim Hicks rules. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. That guy.

He's a country guy who wears a cowboy hat, though. So it's like... I mean He's a country guy. He wears a cowboy hat, though. So it's like, I mean, not a cowboy hat, like a baseball hat. Oh, okay. So not a cowboy hat. So you wouldn't know him. You know, he's trunk tree? Yeah.

Trunk tree, right? Yeah, country. Trunk tree trunk. He's not a tree trunk, man. He's a tree trunk. Rock and roller. And you know what? He's selling out that stadium. And guess who was the last guy to buy the ticket? That cab driver. Rock and roller. And you know what? He's selling out that stadium.

Guess who was the last guy to buy the ticket? That cab driver. He's so excited he's going to see the live show. And I was like, well, literally my parting sentence was I hope I hope it brings some joy into your

life. Yeah, I like that Tim Hicks. He's real good. I met him once. Yeah? Yeah. At the Canadian Country Music Awards? Yeah, that one year I had to cover the Canadian Country Music Awards.

I assumed as much, because where else would you and country superstar and St. Catharines... Tim or Travis Hicks. It was just Hicks stuck in my mind and the fact that he didn't segue like, well, you know

what comedian I like? Bill Hicks. Tim Hicks is a country musician I like. He just said we're talking about this guy now.

But like if you're going to make up a country music name, Hicks is pretty good. It's no Canyon. No, but if you're going to forget a first name of a country musician, Travis is a pretty good insert. So that was hideous.

But they don't have Uber in St. Catharines either. I've been having a lot of, I guess I would call them second class show business experiences like the other day we did a show in Vancouver and I got locked out of the theater which doesn't happen to your big stars

and then last week in Toronto a friend of mine did a show and was like come backstage and I just couldn't get backstage but when I was with when I was in Toronto after that show with my friend we took a lift back to the hotel and you know how

you're supposed to feel bad for lift drivers and Uber drivers because they're like the gig economy is exploiting them? Oh, yeah. Right. Okay. And that's why taxi drivers oppose Uber because they're like, it's just slave labor, I guess. I don't know why. I live in a city where they don't let us have Uber. But this Lyft driver was telling us his life story,

and it was like a story of triumph. It was like he's from India. He makes hundreds of thousands of dollars. Like he was driving like a Mercedes to get us back to our hotel. Okay. And then he was like, yeah, but

I want to upgrade to a Rolls Royce. Yeah. I would too. And then he was like, yeah, but I keep sending all this money back to India. My goal there is to start my own university. Dave, why haven't you started your own university? I'm doing an institution technology. Oh, okay. Okay, that's fair.

Wow, good for this guy. Yeah. So they're not all bad. Drivers, that is. I don't know where to go from there. I'm going to let you handle it. Perfect pour every time. Ooh, it's like from a commercial.

Dave Shumka, pro bartender. For the home listener. I poured a beer that's 7-8 foam. That's how they do it on Bar Rescue. You know what it was? I feel very... We asked for this table on stage. And then...

Oh, thanks. Yes! Yes! I'm having a beer port professional. What's your name, sir? I'm Aaron, by the way. Yeah. Oh, you're taking my badly port beer away.

That guy should host Canadian Bar Rescue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just came in and solved the problem like that. Remember when I said I was having a bunch of second-rate show business experiences? That was top flight. Yeah, yeah. The reason I poured it like that is I feel very exposed

on stage. Because I can see all the audience's faces. I feel like I can't put my microphone down for a second to tilt a beer glass. You can do whatever you like. I shouldn't be able to hear the audience either. We usually do it

behind soundproof glass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And bulletproof. We actually usually do this from prison. Yeah. Yeah, we take a popemobile to the gig and we go behind bulletproof glass. Yeah, and we do it through those prison phones.

I didn't do it, right guys? Yeah, I didn't do it. Does anyone bring a file and a cake? If you're going to bake anything into a cake for a prisoner... Can I put my microphone down to tie my shoe? Yes, you may. Make it a shiv, is what I was going to say. Make it a shiv or a small

baggie of some sort of drug so that they can trade for maybe a prison maid shiv. Has anyone here been in prison? Yeah. I hope to someday Yeah?

What for? I'm just trying to think of what's the coolest crime I guess pantsing the prime minister On live TV Yeah, yeah, yeah I bet he'd be wearing cool Star Wars underwear Oh, he's so cool. Oh, our prime minister is so cool.

You know he smokes dope. Do you ever watch Bar Rescue? No. God, I love that show. I felt like reality TV had lost its way and then Bar Rescue helped find it again. If you have never seen it, John Taffer is a world-renowned bartender. From the Beaver Brown Band.

He comes in and he yells at the staff, and it's the best because they're not a staff of good people. Like Gordon Ramsay goes into a restaurant where it's like a nice family is running a shitty restaurant, and it's like, just leave him alone, Gordon Ramsay, but he comes in there, yeah, your food's crap. But John Taffer goes to a place that's crap and the people are crap and then he yells at them and they yell back, it's

everything. And you know, it's like they're using a shoe to scoop ice or something. It's always some horrible thing. They shouldn't be doing that, he says. It's all things that even me as a bar not expert knows are wrong. You know, that the staff shouldn't be puking behind the bar. Sure.

Anyways, I love that show. Should we bring out our guest? Yeah, let's go for it. She is also funny. She's an institution here in Calgary. She's on the radio each and every day, CHFM, I believe, if I recall the call letters. She's super funny, and we're so glad that she's here with us tonight.

Please welcome to the stage, Laurie Gibbs, everybody. In the middle here. Get in the middle there. Hi. I know, we got in the middle there. Hi. I know, we gotta use the table. I'm just gonna use the chair for my purse. Yeah, that's fine. Stand.

Yeah. Oh, that's really weird. You're gonna be here for an hour. It's okay, little one. It's so weird. We can't see all their faces. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice people all.

They seem to be nice. Yeah, I wasn't afraid. And Bar Rescue. Yes! Yeah, right? Oh, John Taffer. The last one, he was just a sec. He was taking like women like taking like women patrons into the... What are you, the bartender?

Excuse me. And he would like take them in the back office, the manager, and then he'd be like, oh, maybe you should show me your bosom. But he didn't say bosom. Because nobody does. And John, just me, and John was in the car outside doing the stakeout scene. Are you watching this? Are you with me?

I need to watch Bar Rescue. It's so good. Nice to meet you. Hi. Hi. Just kidding. I know them, but nice to meet you. Hello.

Do you want to get to know us? Yes. Okay, I'm going to plug in my phone again. I need the plug. Thank you. There we go. Okay. One, two, three.

All right, let's see. Do you guys like Tim Hicks? I got some Tim Hicks on here. Do you have any Travis? Get to know us. Aw. I'll be back in about half an hour. Yeah.

Lori, you're meowing up your drink. What is that? It's a blueberry meow? It's a blueberry lemonade. Absolutely. Yeah, it's my only flavor. I can't go anywhere else. Sorry.

Okay, fair enough. I just wanted to come here and be cool because everyone's super young, and I was like, bring the meow. I wanted to come here and be cool because everyone's super young. And I was like, bring the Mio. Now, I've seen these in the store. And I remember when the ad campaign started.

Yes. What is this? I've decided that it's not important, I know. But, like, it's just a flavor you put in things? Yeah. So it's like if I had a paprika in my pocket. It's just like that. Yes.

And your paprika would just sort of spice up all of your plain rice. Okay. Yeah, except it's water. Yeah, there's guys who carry around their own hot sauce everywhere. Yeah, the cool guys. The coolest guys. Yeah. Because I don't know if they'll have Frank's where I'm going.

The guy who carries around Frank's. Well, how's that any worse than what he's carrying? No, it's just a great carry. It's like a guy who carries around Heinz ketchup. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm cool. That's what we're saying.

Oh, sorry. I forgot this was about you. But see, anywhere you go, they won't have this. That's the thing. That's why I carry it everywhere I go. And it's really fun when you get super like tired wait staff because they bring you a vodka water or just a vodka i mean just a water in this case i didn't even mean that and damn it and and then they give it to you and it's clear and then

when they come back it's blue and you just watch their face and it's a really fun game. That's the most fun they had all night. Super hard with these Dasani bottles. What's in this other water bottle? This is also just water. Okay, cool. I really wanted to be hydrated here. I guess so. I like that it's shaped like an egg. It's one of my, next to

a pantyhose egg is now my new favorite egg shape. I was so scared you were going to stop at hose. You guys know what I'm talking about. It's just like pantyhose. It's not like pantyhose egg, though. You've never touched pantyhose. I have. I know.

They made us in sex ed. They made you touch pantyhose? Yes. They said if you can't get this far, then what good are you going to be on the day, they said. I said,

you're right, you're right. How many times in your love life have you run into a woman wearing full-on pantyhose? I prefer not to answer that question, but Dave, lots.

Can I come to your defense? Because I totally know what you're talking about. Yeah, right? They were called legs. Yes. And they came in a leg. L apostrophe E-G-G-S. And if you came from a good lower middle class family, is that a thing? I just made it up.

There's good in everyone. Thank you. Your mother and grandmother would teach you the beautiful ritual of making those legs, eggs into Christmas tree ornaments. This is exactly it. They became toys. Yeah.

So do you still have Christmas tree ornaments? Because you're crafty. You're a crafty person. I'm crafty, but I know when to let go. It's Lego. Lego? Does Leg still exist? Do they still sell it in stores?

No, I don't think so. I mean, no, I don't think so. I mean, I don't. I'm not a weirdo. I mean, look, they sell them in some stores. If you ask, they got them. In the back. But, like, I don't see it.

They just, I guess I just don't run into a lot of pantyhose in my line of work. Because you're not a bank robber. Yeah, that's right. Could we do an informal survey? I am willing to bet that there are no women or men in here wearing pantyhose right now. I say zero. What do you say? Wait, don't even ask.

Oh, what's the over, yeah. Don't even ask. Don't even ask. What do you think? I'd say there's... Don't look at their... Don't look at their... Don't tell him with your eyes. Don't even ask. What do you think? I'd say there's... Don't look at their... Don't tell him with your eyes. I can't see anyone.

It's so... It's just a cloud of dark. Not 40 guys who look like me. If a murder was committed here tonight, everyone would be a suspect. I would say there's two people wearing pantyhose. Okay. Graham.

Do we count fishnets? I'm going to say, your bet is that there's zero. So, you say two. I'm going to say 15. I'm not even confident. Would the pantyhose wearers please stand up?

Put up your hand. Zero. Zero. Zero. Nice work, Laurie. Yeah, it's not a thing anymore. It's not. People don't wear them anymore?

They just don't wear them. There used to be hosiery sections at the bay. And people used to mend hosiery during the war. I went to a cool rock concert the other day. And there was a lady wearing torn up pantyhose. Now, was this rock concert Tim Hicks? Because he's country. He's actually country. Well he's wearing a baseball hat

so it might as well be baseball music. I went to see the organ player. Laura, you've had some trouble with your organs. What's going on? They don't call him King of Segways because he rides around on a Segway. That's right.

I love you even more. I have... Well, actually, my organs, they're pretty weird. You're right. You're right. You're right. I'm going to guess that you're going for the story about, I had weight loss surgery three years ago, and I lost 120 pounds.

Don't look for it. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't look for it. Don't look for it. It's gone. If you want it, it's gone. Is it like a placenta?

Do they bury it and plant a tree? Not yet. But if you're ever like walking across the common and you trip unexpectedly and you try to look cool, you're like, oh, it was Lori. Oh, that Lori. My shoes. My hose. They're all stuck in oh, it was Lori. Oh, that Lori. My shoes. My hose.

They're all stuck in the, that's terrible. Anyway, so I lost the weight. And then I was like, look at me. I lost the weight. I'm a good candidate. And they're like, how would you like to get rid of that saggy skin all over your abdomen? Did they say that? Did they say saggy?

That's how I would have marketed it. They were like, we think that you qualify for skin removal surgery. And I went, I think I'll be there as soon as you can call me. Yes. And I waited 17 months and then they called me. But who's counting? Oh, every day, every day. And then I woke up and I have a new torso.

And it's so weird. Does it look like when you're like, it doesn't look like your torso? It's so not my torso. I don't know whose it is. That would be a fun fantasy camp. Switch out a torso for a week. Not without my torso. The weirdest moment,

like I kind of thought, oh, he'll take off the extra skin. And I didn't really articulate this before. Oh, it's my favorite. I just keep thinking of Kentucky Fried Chicken I know, I know, and so we brought some for everybody Just whipping skin out to the audience You know it's the best part You get some skin, you get some skin

So I thought that they would just take off the loose skin, which I was happy to live with forever, right? I'm like, hey, skin, thanks for doing your job, right? Because when I was at my biggest, it didn't explode. And I think... You held it all in there. I put it to the test. I've had some big meals and I thought it, yeah. Yeah, you don't know.

So I just thought they're going to take off these little saggy bits and then away I go. It'll just be me with a little less sag. And then he was like, nope, 17-year-old torso. Bam, right there now and i'm like i can bounce quarters off of this pretty sure don't know anyway so so i have 36 inches of incisions it goes right down between the clowns and then that's what i told him on the or table start between the clowns don't get the shirt dirty and then from hip to hip like a big

there's like a big anchor cool yeah like Popeye yeah so I'm really nautical now nice but it's really weird

like not to have that the first time I was sitting in my hospital bed after the surgery like super oh just happy because I was high oh

what did they give you oh I got hydromorph, motherfucker. Oh, that's a nice high. This is like morphine and Hydromorph is like, I'm his big brother. Take me. And I gave him consent and he did. And boy.

So at one point I reached for my little cup of ice water. And I'm looking at. Did you put some Mio in there? I did. I totally did. You know regular water is not going to kill you. You know hospital water, nay nay. So I took it out.

And I took this and I was watching the TV. And I just went like this to rest it on my belly. And it was like, oh, Jesus. There's no, my table's gone like when you pick up a carton of milk that there's too much milk out of it I was like what I'm drinking my milk

now I'm just bruising my crotch every day putting my I'm not my crotch is fine they didn't touch the crotch nobody does anyway that's anyway so that's true. Anyway. Hey.

So that's how my organs are. You were telling us we were drinking. We got so drunk for the show, guys. We were back on campus. Exactly. We went in there. Everybody started chanting shots. And we were like, yes.

Then they took them out of my scars. It was so cool. Oh, what chanting shots. And we were like, yes! Then they took them out of my scars. It was so cool. Oh, what body shots. You want another anchor, little boy? Come here. Scar shots, scar shots, scar shots. You know. You were saying you can't have anything carbonated anymore.

That is true. For the rest of time. For the rest of time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. I love carbon. We're made of it, you know. Oh boy, we are based on it. I thought an educational joke would get more

of a reaction, but you did say none of you went here, right? These are all people who had trouble finding it and are glad that it started at 6.30 because it took them an extra half hour to get in here.

Yeah. Anything else you can't have to eat? Oh, carbonation. Would you actually miss carbonation, though? Who wouldn't miss that? You would miss carbonation? You're a bubbly guy? Look at how wide your eyes are.

You really are. Yeah, it's a condition. You're being very rude. Look, I just want to bring it out into the open. What do I like carbonated? Beer. Oh, thanks. Oh, boy. On cue?

Are you kidding me? Thanks. Johnny on the spot. I'll have a water. You work for me. I don't work for you. Vote Ben. No more second class showbiz experiences for this guy.

Wow. Can I try some Mio in there? You know what? I'm going gonna try the Mio in the water I'm gonna try it in the beer Try it in the beer That's a good amount Yeah, do it, Dave Do it

Everybody wants it Oh, that's just St. Patrick's Day right there Yeah You guys reacted way too much That reacted way too much Did you see it? You dare me? I do!

Oh, you're not going to do it. You're scared. Do it! I can't do it. I can't do it. I'm scared. Come on. Come on, do it.

You said you'd do it. You said you'd do it. Come on. You're such a pussy. I'm such a pussy. I'm such a pussy. I'm such a pussy. I'm such a pussy I'm such a pussy I'm such a pussy I'm such a pussy Yes There's a photographer

It's fine You ever put a crystal light in a beer? What's the funnest thing you put in a beer? Quick? Crystal light's not around anymore, is it? Yeah, it is No, it is You're telling me Pantyhose gone?

Crystal light here? Yeah Still here What are the 80s things that survived? You know Diet Coke, wasn't that, wasn't that an 80s thing? Diet Coke. Am I pronouncing that right? Diet Coke?

Sounds weird coming out of my mouth. NutraSweet, is NutraSweet still around? Did you say Fresca, somebody over there? Yeah, Fresca's still around. Is Sweet and Low still available? Sweet and Low is still around. What's the yellow one? Sugar Twin.

Sugar Twin. Sugar Twin's still around. My mom bought that. Maybe she, like in my mind, I'm like, my mom loved Sugar Twin. Or maybe she just had

one box of it that lasted forever. That's true. That's true. Because it sucked. Yeah. I remember as a kid being at my grandparents' house and ripping open a pack of Sugar Twin and firing it back. Because I I remember as a kid being at my grandparents' house

and ripping open a pack of Sugar Twin and firing it back. Because I used to just do that with sugar. Right? Just a quick... Because any sugar

was good sugar. Yeah, but not Sugar Twin. No. What'd you do when that hit your tongue the first time? It just made me sad. Yeah.

I understand. Yeah, because you're expecting one thing And then you get something that's so different Yeah Sugar's evil twin Speaking of evil twins You got some clowns on your shirt

Thank you for noticing And not saying under This is some kind of horror movie shirt Yes you know this You have to know this What do I know about this This is some kind of horror movie shirt? Yes, you know this. Okay. You have to know this. What do I know about this? You should know.

Okay, here's what I know. I see Little Boy from The Shining. Yes. And The Shining Carpet. Yes. And then I see Clowns. Yeah. One of them is the It Clown, or are they both It Clowns?

This is old It Clown clown and this is new it clown and remember the twins in the shining you run into the girl twins i wore it just for attention i did i did like there's no other reason that i just wanted someone to comment on it and i could get to tell them that. But you love horror movies. I do. I do. Which is, that's a rare, because there's...

Because we're entering the spooky month. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is your time of year. It's my only month I can wear this shirt. I can wear this one 12th of the time. October is now. But if you were some dude, you'd wear it year round. Right?

Oh, some dude, you'd wear it year round. Right? You were some dude. Some dude sucks. Yeah. Some dude. I feel like I should be working on a carburetor while I wear it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I have like a pack of smokes in one sleeve and I'm from the 50s now.

I don't know what happened. I'm in love with this guy you just described. I know. He's so cool. I don't think carburetors exist anymore. He's very cool. Panty hose, carburetor, sugar twin, it's all gone. Yeah, it's all gone.

Actually, I belong to Scary Movie Club, which is a very official organization of four middle-aged women. I'm one of them. And we went to see The Nun. Has anyone seen The Nun yet? Yeah. Is it so scary? It's really good.

Yeah. Guess who, in their middle age, dresses up like a nun with her three friends and goes to see the nun? That's what happens. You're showing the phone to the audience. They cannot see what you're doing. They can make it out and they trust me. And that's what's important. That's what's important.

And we went to the theater and people were like, I was like the paparazzi. They're like, we have pictures with you. And we're like, yeah. No, I was the only one. I also like that you think that the paparazzi gets pictures with the celebrities. Oh, it's Justin Bieber.

I did say Bieber by accident. It's Justin Bieber. I gotta get a picture with this guy. That would be so much more endearing if the paparazzi just wanted I did say Beaver by accident. It's Justin Bieber. I gotta get a picture with this guy. That would be so much more endearing if the paparazzi just wanted their picture taken. So they always are in pairs so the other one can take the picture. No selfies.

This is getting framed. What do the paparazzi do these days? Who are they after? I don't know, but TMZ seems to be the puppet master is the tmz tv show still on not only is the tv show on they also have like this weird cnn-esque thing where it's harvey levin and another guy just discussing issues of the day and that's it there's no cut to asking you know whoever it is Dougie Doug at the airport

what he thinks of Brett Kavanaugh it's a real loose show that show no but have you noticed the ticker on the side it's for people who have no attention span so if you're like Kavanaugh I don't even like those muffins right and then I don't know

and then you can look and go oh in, in 30 seconds, it's Kanye again. I'm in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It does. It has a countdown. It has a whole thing. Yeah. Which is a sad state of affairs, really.

TMZ's a sad state of affairs. Very much so. Harvey Levin was fine as the exit interviewer on the People's Court, which he still does. He still does that. Why does he still do that? Because a gig's a gig, Laurie. Oh, I know. Thank you for coming here tonight.

Bless your heart. I was watching, speaking of tickers, I was watching the local news in Vancouver, and they have now gone to a ticker format where they put the actual news in a very small corner and you just learn about oh the euro's up a cent today

but they had crawling across entertainment news Ramstein has released its first new album in 10 years followed by the next story Ramstein has released its first new album in 10 years.

It was the same Ramstein story twice. When it's that big, you have to run it twice. Because people will have dropped whatever they were drinking. Spit out the soup they were eating. Wait, if only I could rewind. I can't because it's 2018. So here we go. When I was on the plane, I watched a bit of Jurassic World.

And they had, which is my favorite thing they do in movies, where they have real newscasters doing, and we're deciding whether or not Isla Nublar should be blown up. And these are people who are professional journalists and they're like, hey, do you want to make a little money and pretend dinosaurs exist? But the ticker was all dinosaur-related stories and I was like, calm, who the fuck, right?

Even in a world where dinosaurs exist, there would still be Kanye, right? There would still be other stories. There would still be Kanye, right? It would still be other stories. It would still be Ramstein. Twice. What's your favorite horror movie? Ramstein song. I could not name a Ramstein song

and for that I feel really unprepared. But just so you know we didn't rehearse and there was no list of questions emailed what what's my favorite what horror movie oh I really was most damaged

by the exorcist because I saw it at the age of 13 because grandma had gone to bed early yeah and the best one recently I would say is the conjuring because I would say is The Conjuring because I got so scared that I cried I cried tears out of my eyes I love that

and I grabbed onto Scary Movie Club with the elbows and they were just like are you okay? Were none of them as affected? They were not as affected They wouldn't disagree with you? They thought it was great, too. It's just that all my emotions,

they all just ball up and then come out as tears. So if I'm super angry, I won't yell at you. I'll just look at you and cry. Did you grow up in a Conjuring? I did a little bit. That's why it's so sad. I was like, this movie's about my childhood. And then I was like, of course I'm crying now.

That's how I felt about the Mr. Rogers movie. That's what's really scary. What is The Conjuring about? I don't remember. But I remember how I felt. Right? Yeah. Right?

It's the one in the basement. You were nodding, right? Where the clapping right beside her head. Like, that's stuck with me forever. And that's horrible. Affected forever. Can you save me? Can you call?

Can you call for help right now? You accidentally conjured that. I am barely holding it together up here. No, it really got me. Yeah. Yeah. And then I was making a motion and my girlfriend leans over. She goes, are you crossing yourself?

And I said, no, I'm getting popcorn out of my cleavage. Totally true. Totally true. That's why I like horror movies. I like them, too too and I like getting like properly freaked out what's your favorite? that I've seen

thank you very much was the most recent one that I saw was the new It that's not very recent no because you know

here's the thing is I gotta sleep at night you know what I mean? you're scared so one thank you very much. And thank you. But that was last year.

I'll go to one a year. I'll go to one super freaky. What? What's coming out this year? Yeah. What should I cut? What should I? Little foot, small foot, whatever.

Somebody said hereditary was really scary. Oh, hereditary. What did you guys think of hereditary? Yeah. Did you think maybe they could have cut like 20 minutes of it out, though, of just like close ups of the mom's freaked out face? Or the son who turned into Paimon, one of the eight demons of hell, obviously. And wow, I remember everything about that movie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This did nothing to you. Wow. Yeah. Well, my son loved it. And like any excuse, when you, if you guys have adult kids or if you ever do, it doesn't matter what they ask you to do with them. It's like, yes, I'm in.

They're like, yeah, it doesn't matter. Yeah, come to my podcast. Yeah, they were busy. Weird. Your dad's missing work for this. They're going to lose the house. Yeah. So Dylan, my son, he's 24. He're going to lose the house. Yeah. So Dylan, my son, he's 24.

He's like, I love Hereditary. We should family movie night, scary movie night. I'm like, yeah, for sure. And I really didn't even like it that much. But I was like, oh, yeah, we're doing it. So it didn't scare you at all. But it sounds like a family movie. Yeah.

It's true. It totally is. Our favorite family movie is Fargo though always Fargo that's the pinnacle of everything what's your favorite family movie family what does that mean it's been redefined since you said

Fargo what's your favorite because do you watch movies as a family now that you have two youngsters? No. No? It's still long enough, right? Well, they can watch what they like, and I go from the kitchen and back and bring them

snacks, and that's it. But one day it'll be Fargo. One day. One day it'll be Fargo. Your 24-year-old daughter will be like, Dad, do you want to watch Finding Nemo? And you're like, nope. No. Well, she'll be like, can we re-watch that

one, my favorite scene where Steve Buscemi and Peter Stormare are both having sex with hookers in bed side by side. Just funny looking in a general kind of way. What's your favorite family movie, Graham?

Harry and the Hendersons. So great. Were you in that? Huh? Were you in that? I wish. Go home! Get out of here! Go back! You're dressed like John Lithgow. You're dressed like

I don't know. Elton John. Yeah. Should we move on to Overheard? Okay, just let me get over it. What's he doing? He's going to play the theme to Overheard.

I know. he's gonna play the theme to overheard i know overheard worth it yeah i would say worth it take the rest of the day off yeah now here's what happens here. Oh, what's overheard, Greg? So we share hilarious things we've overheard or overseen or whatever you, however you want to interpret it. And then during the live shows, we have a microphone up here in the corner. After we've shared our overheards, if you have a hilarious one, you can come up and share it with the rest of the crowd and we always like to start with the guests okay lori would you lead the charge yes i'm i'm not the greatest at these good good way to get the crowd ready okay uh so okay when i was in the hospital uh getting the uh kfc scar the anger scar shot scar shot when i in there. Was your doctor wearing all white?

Yeah, yeah. With a little bow. Little bow tie. He was, can I change my overheard to do something that was fucking hilarious? Can I do that? Can I do that? Yes.

Okay, I'll pretend I overheard it. Okay, so I would. I'm going to call campus security. I was in. They'll never find this place. We're sleeping over, guys. So before I got the skin surgery, my best friend, Michaela, came over the night before. And she goes, I think you should have before pictures.

And I said, hell yeah. Let's go to my room. So two two middle aged women went up to my room and I dropped Trout and I was just wearing my bra and I was trying to make my before picture look as before as I could you know what I mean it's not a flattering thing

and she said at one point could you could you could could you hold your whole belly with both your hands? And I was like, hells yeah, I can. So I grabbed onto it. And then she slid down the door laughing. And I said, what's so funny? She goes, my iPhone just recognized your belly as a face.

That's very good. And I can picture it and I love it. I overheard that. You really did. That was outstanding. Thank you. And I'm picturing the face, and it's so great. And it's so great.

I like Rammstein. Du hast. Dave, do you have an opening? I was going to say say and I almost couldn't stop myself drop drow not bombs thank you the poster you have on your dorm wall

yeah so I was having Coffee at this Lazy Susan Coffee shop Which by the way Very bad for coffee

As well as computers Like very spilly Yeah And It was very close To These two women Must have been from

The decidedly Jazz dance Area Because two of them Were describing These two women must have been from the decidedly jazz dance area because two of them were describing some kind of performance art. And it involved a hug that went on and on and on. So the participants and viewers of this performance art were going to hug each other for maybe over an hour. And so she was telling about all these portions of it. There were balloons that needed to be popped. You're in a big cocoon. And these

two women are talking across the table. And one of them said, the one describing the piece said, when you're in a hug for half an hour, it becomes more important. And the other one goes, wow. Like she had been going, uh-huh, uh-huh, throughout. And then that part made her go, wow. And you can also whisper to the other person in it, but they're wearing earplugs.

It was the, I do not understand what she was describing. And then they went on to talk about, like, you know, he's a completely different star sign than me. Because I'm a Taurus. Oh, you're a Taurus? I never would have thought you were a Taurus. Yeah, well, I'm so logical. And I'm like, well, if you fucking believe in this shit, you're not.

Anyway, it was a big deal. I spun my coffee around a few times and said, good night, ladies. Find me at the institutional technology. Graham, do you have an overheard? I do. But the horoscope thing made me think of a very funny man, no longer with us, Erwin Barker, had a great line when somebody was describing.

They were like, you know the weird thing about horoscopes is sometimes they're so exactly right and then sometimes they're way off. And Erwin Barker said,

yeah, it kind of makes you question the science behind the whole thing. My overheard was at a grocery store in St. Catharines that I went in to pick up food for later in the evening

because those towns shut down early. And I was... Does this town shut down early? Or can I go to Earl's after this? Yeah, we're going to go to Earl's. Okay, cool. It was a woman dictating a text message in her phone, and she was being very purposeful with every word.

Because Siri doesn't let you cut corners. Do we have any hot dogs? Send. Scent Do you have hot dogs in your house right now? I do not You've been a mother And then I denounced it Your children used to have to spend time with you Would you feed them hot dogs?

I don't generally buy them. Oh, I love feeding my kids hot dogs. When they were younger, for a special craft dinner, you could get wieners in it. That's about it, though. Not a big wiener family. Do you buy hot dogs all the time? Is it a regular breakfast?

No, that's what I'm thinking. I'm like, Margo and they'll both eat hot dogs because hot dogs are great. Yeah. No one questions them. But when you're too young to question them, hot dogs are great. Yeah. And I'm 37, still too young to question hot dogs. But I don't know how long there's, like once you open a package of them,

are they still good for months? No. They are good well into the next century. Yeah, right? When Calgary is offering to host the Olympics for a third time, those hot dogs will still... That was a local,

and you guys gave it, like... Yeah. Well, they didn't like my Eddie the Eagle impression either. And Brian Boy Tanner, Olympic champion. I did figure skating. I did, I did. I'm from the Jamaican bobsled team.

I am, I am. I'm Katerina Witt. I am, I am. Triple Axel, yeah. Oh, I reckon I did am, I am. Triple Axel, yeah. Oh, I did. Now is the time. Yes. When we call upon you, the listener, the audience,

the people who are exhausted. Yes. If you are brave enough and have brung an overheard, come and give it to us. This it is. This is your chance. If not, we're all free to go. Yeah, yeah. Come on. Somebody's brave enough. There we go. Yay!

I guess we'll maybe form a line or something of one. Hello. Hey. Hey, how you doing? Have you done an overheard of the live show before? No.

I recognize your face. Have we met? I currently have like eight doppelgangers in Calgary. Uh-huh. My friends see me all the time, but I'm never there. Get right up on that mic. Yeah. Okay.

Okay. What's your name, sir? I'm Gary. Hi, Gary. Gary, Gary. Hi, Gary. Gary, everybody. Hi. Go ahead whenever you're ready. Yeah, take your time.

So I was in a liquor store in Mexico City, and my girlfriend was ahead of me in line trying to, she wanted to go buy some vodka. And so I see her, like, she's, like, ahead of me just kind of struggling, trying to, like, pantomime and trying to, she wanted to go buy some vodka. And so I see her like, she's like ahead of me, just kind of struggling, trying to like pantomime, trying to get the thing. And he's like asking her questions,

the store clerk. And she just kind of goes, no hablo espanol. And he kind of looks at her and just shrugs, no hablo inglese. So we're at quite a crossroads here did she get the vodka it took a good 10 minutes but it eventually happened

oh that's very nice we only have tequila Gary everybody could you tell I forgot his name no oh hello Gary, everybody. Could you tell I forgot his name? No. Oh. Hi. Hello.

Hello. Hi, my name's Mallory. Hi, Mallory. Hi. So my boyfriend and I went on a vacation to Toronto. That doesn't count. Yeah. And you're not old enough for a boyfriend.

Okay. It's like a four-hour flight. So we land, and everybody's turning their cell phones off of airplane mode i'm responding to text messages we're in like the window in the middle seat the guy on the aisle he's probably in his mid-40s he's traveling with his family he's wearing like a tank top got full sleeve tattoos on both arms we look over first thing he's doing when he gets the internet back? Googling lobster tattoos. Wow! Which one is right for me? Snip, snip, snip, pinch, pinch. Mallory, everybody.

Mallory. Today, when I was having my breakfast in the brunch line on the Beltline, there was a guy at the next table over who had sleeve tattoos of

Star Wars. He had Luke Skywalker with the beard. So that's new. I haven't even seen that yet. He had computer generated Carrie Fisher. But

he just had a tattoo of a computer. This is where they make it. And he had Felicity Jones. Jin Urso. Oh, wow.

So he's like, he's getting these tattoos too fast. They're going to make more movies and he's going to run out of arm. He is a walking spoiler alert. Put a sleeve on, for God's sake. Yeah, bro. Hello.

Oh, you there. Yes, hello. What's your name? My name is Dick. Hey, Dick. Hi, Dick. We haven't had a dick before. No.

Speak for yourself. Got one now. It was right there. So I was on the C train on my way here and I got a really good Halloween spooky, spooky overheard.

Yes. I'm scared. I'm too scared. I'm too scared. I'm too scared. Lori loves it. Go on. Yeah.

So these guys got on the C train on my way here and the one guy says, bro, did you know that like if a black cat runs away from you, that's terrible luck? And this guy goes,

dude, that makes so much sense, because my brother's always saying that he got his psychic powers from a black cat that walked up to him and bit him on the toe. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Wow Yeah Wow Yeah

Where else would you get them from I guess Yeah Thanks Dick I would never have left that train car I would still be listening Hello what's your name Are you the last as anyone else Okay there will be more

Oh yeah Okay Alright Okay Just so everyone knows what they're in for Alright Hello Hello Are you the last? Is anyone else? Okay, there will be more. Oh, yeah. All right. Just so everyone knows what they're in for. All right. Hello. Hello.

Hello. I'm Heather. Hi, Heather. I live and work in Northeast Calgary, where the teenagers like to look extra tough. Oh, yeah. Over in Southwest Calgary, they're real pussies. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. And one day I'm waiting for the bus at Lester B. Pearson with two man-sized teenagers from the high school,

and they look tough, and I'm suitably impressed. I want you guys to know, I get it. I get what you're doing. Until I hear one of them say to the other, dude, have you ever parallel parked? Oh, bless. And he goes, no way, man. That's way too scary.

They're just like us. He's tough. They're just like us. The whole time I've been thinking how crazy it is That there's a city called Mexico City And that there's no America City There's no Canada City Why not? Why don't we have Canada City?

Well there's like Alberta City and British Columbia City That's true You're right The more I think about it The stupider I feel Well there's Oklahoma City. There's Kansas City, which is half of it's in Missouri. Motherfucker.

This is a little bit of my bit on cities. I was setting you up. Yeah, yeah. Oh, boy. Comics Unleashed style. Don't get me started on Jersey City. Is this our final? Final overheard?

Here we go. Now, we learned your name earlier. I know it's Aaron. Yes, I am. You're the gentleman who poured the beer. Correctly. You showed me up in front of everyone. Very much so.

What happened to that beer I poured? Well, first of all, when you pour a beer, you pour it at a 45 degree angle. I know, I know. Then you just... I know, I explained. I only had one... Turn his mic off. Turn his mic off.

Is that beer around? No, well, the can is round. But like, did you... It is in front of you, sir. I don't mean it as in, like, she'll be coming round the mountain. That perfectly good beer I poured

that you took away, I brought it back to you, sir, and I talked to you. That's what this is? That's right. It was ready for you to enjoy. This is what I ruined with the Mio? You don't get an extra beer for free around here, sir. No, it's okay.

Thanks. They gave me three tickets. I found one on the floor. Plenty. Please, go ahead. Alright, so this is going back to your statement on how you dressed like a nun and went to the nun, And I'm exactly like you. I bring my G.I. Joes to G.I. Joe.

I bring my Jurassic Park toys to Jurassic Park. So we're at the movie theater because I'm a big movie guy and I love my wife. And we're local celebrities at the movie theater now. And here. Like three times a week we go. If there's nothing on, we stay at home and watch Netflix. But anyway, so we're in line and we're getting popcorn. And there's this group of black people for Black Panther, of course, right?

And they're dressed in church clothes and attire. They're done up. All the nines. They look like college basketball coaches from the States, like red suits, big hats, all ready to go. And I hear the one guy, and he goes to everybody. He goes, okay, okay, everyone, everyone, come close together. Come close, close. And on three, we all say Black Panther. One, okay, okay, everyone, everyone, come close together. Come close, close. And on three, we all say Black Panther. One, two, and they all yelled Black Panther in the Cineplex Odeon at Girlfoot. And we all turned to ourselves and was like, thank God we didn't do this for Blade because we'd all be leather jackets and knives and we'd never get to see this show.

And I just commend you for dressing like a nun because I would never be that guy. But these poor black people went out like it was the greatest thing on earth to have a black movie in. I just get those comments. So it's the same thing as me dressing as a nun. Exactly. Just on the other side of the fence.

A nun movie? Oh, Lord. Well, that was a lot of fun. Yeah. Yeah. That about does it. If anyone would like to say hello to us, we'll be available after the show.

Absolutely. And, Laurie, you're on the radio. You're on a break right now, but you're going to be back on. When can people hear you on the radio here in Calgary? Tuesday. Tuesday. You're back. break right now But you're going to be back on When can people hear you on the radio? Tuesday Tuesday Tuesday You're back

Back in business 95.9 CHFM 530 to 9 Every morning I'm there for free You're taking Thanksgiving off? Yeah You know what I love on Thanksgiving?

Don't Turkey skin Whoa As I said You can say hello to us or don't. Whatever. Just let us go pee first.

Please a round of applause for Laurie Gibbs. So fantastic. Thank you. And thank you. Thank you so much to everyone from the Odyssey. Thank you very much. Thanks for coming out to the show. Thanks to Ben.

Vote Ben. Vote Ben. Have a safe trip home, everybody. Have a good night. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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