Stop Podcasting Yourself - Bonus Episode - LIVE from JFLNW 2018 with Andy Kindler and Charlie Demers

Episode Date: September 13, 2018

Recorded live at the Biltmore Cabaret in Vancouver as a part of Just For Laughs Northwest, March 8th, 2018.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Good evening. No, no, no. No, no, no. Stop. No, no, no. Oh, my God.

Hi. Good evening, everybody. How's everybody doing? Welcome. Happy International Women's Day. Graham? Yeah. How'd you celebrate?

I busted out my girlfriend's necklace from storage. You won it on Storage Wars? Yeah, I won it on Storage Wars. I put up my woman tree. Oh, yeah? Yeah, yeah. Oh, we've had ours up all month.

Oh, not me. Yeah. I just wait by the curb for people who are efficient and are getting rid of their Women's Day trees and then I bring them on the side. So they put them out today? It's horrible, I think. Personally, I'm offended.

But I brought in one. What do you put on top? Huh? What do you put on top of the women's tree? A nice wig. Fair. What do you put on the top of your women's tree? Oh, I don't.

I'm Jewish. We're recording this. Good. So, what are we supposed to do for Women's Day? On Instagram, people were just posting pictures of their moms, and I think that's a Mother's Day thing. Yeah. Yeah.

I put on... Well, I know my highlight of this Women's Day was you singing the Peter Gabriel song, Women's Day, backstage. It's called Shaking the Tree. Sorry. If you haven't heard it, Dave really does a really great rendition of it. And if you were backstage, you would have.

But what you want to do, you want to go to your local record store, buy a copy of Peter Gabriel's Shaking the Tree, 16 Golden Greats, 1990, on, I want to say, real world music? Yeah. That's correct. Oh, is it? And Geffen. It was on Geffen as well.

It was on two labels. And it's the anthem of Women's Day, as far as I know. Besides Shania Twain's Man, I Feel Like a Woman. These are the big Women's Day things. This is what I've learned. On the radio today, I don't know if it was because it was Women's Day, but they played Tracy Chapman,

Fast Car. Getting Out of Your Small Town, Women. Yeah, sure. It's like, they should play that every day. Yeah, absolutely. I want to raise my children in a world where Tracy Chapman is already a regular.

And then what else are you supposed to do on Wednesday? If you're McDonald's, you flip your sign upside down and everybody goes, that was really something. Did they flip just one? I didn't see this. Yeah, they flipped it upside down. Then somebody right away.

This is the beautiful thing. For all the people who are like, I've got to get off social media. It's ruining my life. One thing that's great about social media is as soon as they turned the M upside down, somebody posted a picture of Wario standing next to it. And I was like, well,

there's also so much beauty in the world, I can barely stand it. Women. Women. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, speaking of women, my own mother is here this evening. Mom? Yeah.

I'll note that some people sat out the clap on that. Some people were like, really, am I supposed to applaud? And on that subject, my mother's here tonight. But in actuality, your mother is not here tonight. No, that's not.

We promised like a 90-minute show. Yeah. And we had a lot of time. And let's hear it for my aunt. Yeah. Which, who's your favorite aunt? Oh Susie Susie

Susie? Susie Why is Aunt Susie so great? Aunt Libby Thinks she's my favorite aunt But I think she knows she's not And so she has it like Hey Dave

It's your favorite aunt Calling I'm like okay Hi Aunt Libby Right But Susie Susie just Well She lived two blocks from us our whole lives.

Oh, nice. You know, she would bring you... I don't know what ants bring. Tidings of great joy. Yeah. Or some hat that a guy that she met left at her place. I don't know. She's not a floozy. Suzy's not a floozy.

Suzy's not a floozy. Well, um... A lot of people think this is like loose, you know, we're just making it up. No, we've been scripting this. But you can buy your Suzy's not a floozy shirts at the merch table. The key is to include the merch slogan early. Get them used to it.

We'll say it several more times. I saw a terrible piece of merch today. I don't know if it was merch, but it was a tote bag. Okay. And it had an engagement ring on it and it said, Totes Engaged.

I've seen worse but it was like just show the ring yeah I have to show it to everyone no but that's how she was engaged there and weird new couple that got engaged by him giving her a tote oh Oh boy. And it says totes engaged and she was like and a ring and he was like no. Who's your favorite aunt? Jemima. I think outside the box

when it comes to aunts. You think of things that won't get you in trouble with Auntie Lib trouble. Yeah. With Auntie Libby. Yeah. Auntie Libby. Dave.

Yeah. What's going on with you, my friend? Well, let's see. Today, I was telling you backstage, I was like, I don't really have anything to talk about. I've got maybe the dumbest, most boring story in the world. I want to hear it yeah so today I had this I had lunch that's not boring you're right you're right some people never have lunch true

yeah and it was and then but it was at noon and And then all day long, I had food stuck in the back of my teeth. Just something fibery. Yeah. I don't know. Fiber, maybe? Yeah, maybe a strong rice. And I was like, okay. I'm not even going to wait until I get home to take this out.

So on my drive home, I stopped at the drugstore and bought floss. And I got back in the car and I started driving and I was like, I'm not, look, it's three minutes till I get home, but gotta start flossing. They talk a lot about texting. They never say anything about flossing.

Eyes are on the road. The problem, though, is you have these... They're no longer at 10 and 2. They're more at like 11. road. Yeah. The problem though is you have these it's like a finger They're no longer at 10 and 2 they're more at like 11.58 Exactly. 12.05

Which is fine if you're going straight but you've got this finger trap on your fingers and I nearly crashed. That's one of those oh you, if Jay Leno was still on TV, if he got his hands on, man crashes car while flossing.

Oh, boy. Have you heard about this, he'd say? Oh, boy. He loves cars. That's a great story Now let me ask you this Because this is When you buy floss Do you buy the package Where you can see How much is left on the roll

Or do you go for Solid You don't know Every floss No yeah I don't know Oh they have the packages Where you can see How much is on the roll

Yeah yeah yeah You can get like See through packages Oh maybe that's what I bought this time Because they didn't Have my regular Yeah yeah

You like riding In the danger zone, like me. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I used to think, oh, sometimes you'd get a Kleenex, and it was a little bit beige, and you're like, oh, weird 70s Kleenex. But it just means that you only have a few left. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They only made so many beige Kleenexes, they put a couple in every box. Yeah. Burnt sienna. Yeah. And if you keep it, you can go on a tour of the factory. But you have to buy so many Kleenex boxes before. And you're sleeping in a bed with all your family. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

With your Aunt Libby. Oh, no. She's my favorite. Can we go back? Oh, I don't have a favorite. There you go. There's so many. Top five

aunts from fiction. Glad you asked. The ant, the Family Matters ant. Ant racial. Oh, yeah. That counts as fiction, by the way. If you thought it was going to be books, you were wrong. We didn't say literature.

No, that's true. So how many is that? One? Well, have you read the Aunt Jemima books? Yep. As a kid? Yeah. The sweet and... We used to read books before bed but we would read Aunt Jemima books at breakfast instead of breakfast.

It was the mysterious case of the ghost pancake. It was the waffle house at midnight. It was the Aunt Jemima mysteries. That kind of thing. So that's two. Did Uncle Scrooge ever marry? Yeah. She was dead.

She is why he's a rich. Good insurance policy. Some people think it was murder. Anyways, you know who would solve that case? Aunt Jemima. Aunt Jemima. Aunt Jemima. And the final two are deep within your hearts.

No, the final two are the ant that Sylvester Stallone played in the movie Ants. Because you did not specify! I caught you out of technicality! Ant with a Z? And a bug's life Graham

What's going on with you? Boy oh boy I mean You know what I'll start with a story That's kind of similar In line with the floss story Took place at a pharmacy near my house Now here's the thing If you listen to the podcast And if you don't listen to the podcast In line with the floss story. Took place at a pharmacy near my house.

Now here's the thing. If you listen to the podcast, and if you don't listen to the podcast, why the fuck are you here? Thanks for coming with your boyfriend. Or maybe he's not quite your boyfriend, but you met on Tinder, and you don't know what to call him yet. He had an extra ticket. Yeah, and a podcast.

That sounds harmless. Yeah. 7 o'clock, I'll be in bed by 8. Oh, it's going to be so great, you guys. We're going to be home before the 11 o'clock news. Yeah, I want to be home for Final Jeopardy. So last week on the podcast we talked about or I talked about going to the pharmacy

and it being like after Valentine's Day and there's all sorts of deals right yeah hot deals and I found like a Christmas candy way at the back of the Valentine's clearance shelf and I brought it up and the guy working the

till, he's now my favorite person working retail in all of Vancouver. He said, eat shit, guy from Blockbuster. He said, you're about to pay the least that you've ever paid for a chocolate bar.

Then he ran it through. 15 cents. We nearly kissed. We were so excited. We nearly did like the Victory Day kiss. You know, that famous... So... So I'm in there

the other night. You went back? I went back. What store are we talking about? This is a Rexall Pharmacy. Rexall. Rexall. The dinosaur pharmacy.

Well, I don't know what that means. Oh, Rexall. I get it. I guess I could have gone dog. So I go in, and they got this Kraft macaroni and cheese way, way cheap. We're in Canada. We can say Kraft dinner. Yeah.

They have Kraft dinner way cheap. And so I bring up an embarrassing amount. As if Vancouver was flooding, that was how many boxes. When you see footage on the news when they're like, big storm coming, people hoarding things, that's the amount I brought up to the counter. And

it was that same guy. Oh! And he said, you know why it's on sales? Because it expires really soon. And we both kind of looked at each other like, ha ha ha ha! Like, that's fine.

What expires? The cheese pocket? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. The cardboard falls apart. And it just leaks out on your couch. So he starts scanning them through and then at one point Kind of like Mary Poppins or something He gives me this wink He doubled the discount

Oh my god He gives them the authority How can he do that? I don't know Maybe you're getting like a friend discount because you're his friend now? Yeah. And I looked at his tag and it said Mr. Rexall.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I said, very nice to meet you, sir. Do you have any plans to get cheap International Women's Day candy tomorrow? Yes. Cinnamon W's. Sure. A little gummy Mary Tyler Moore's.

Whimmy eggs, because they turned the M upside down. That's fun. You're just doing M stuff now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The other thing is I went last night. I went to the cinema and I went and saw Black Panther. And it was very good. I enjoyed it very much.

And the tickets, the only tickets that they had at like a reasonable time were in this VIP theater. Still, on a Tuesday, Wednesday night. A week and a half after it came out. A week after it came out? They had it in like super 3D whatever, and then they had it at like 6 p.m., and I was like, I can't. I mean, I guess I could have made it.

But the VIP, have you been in the VIP, in a VIP theater with the booze and the... Oh, my God, it is the fucking worst idea. Like, I thought it was gonna... It's all, like, recliners and stuff, and you walk in, and you're like, this is gonna be so fucking cool. And then they're taking orders.

Throughout? Well, not throughout the movie, but like the movie was starting and people were still like had their phone on, looking at the menu, and people are ordering food. Like you have to sit next to somebody just eating a meal. Is it VIP

like they bring you like a steak, or is it all just like gross nachos? No, no, no. Food. Utensils. Yeah, steak. Look, you know how disgusting it is to eat with somebody? You know how gross that is? We do it all the time, but step one step back and be like, Jesus Christ!

We do that with each other. Hey, can I stare into your mouth from a foot away? So imagine... Well, you tell me about what you did at work. But it's that, but in, like, the movie... You know how people don't know how to behave

in movie theaters. I mean, Austin Powers, if they made another Austin Powers, he would teach them. I don't know what that means. Oh, behave. Happy International Women's Day, everybody. Well, that's a movie Where he learns To behave

He learns how to You know Not just rub his crotch on everyone he meets That's not What that movie was Does he come out with Like a sex positive lesson At the end

Does he But out with a sex positive lesson at the end? Yes. Does he? But does he, though? Because by the second movie, he's back to his old shit. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Because he goes back to a different decade. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Play ball.

He's always saying they're going to make another one of those, but I'm like, four? Boom. That's what it would be called. Austin Powers four. Who? Well. You were saying about eating with people? Yeah.

So imagine all the misbehavior of a regular movie audience throw Throw in full meal. Just smack talking. They're talking about their day during Black Panther. This is Black Panther.

This is his time. Is Black Panther a man? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a fair question. Thank you. He's the king of Wakanda. And I only heard that in between.

Did you order any food? What does a ticket cost compared to a regular ticket? Ten times? Yeah, ten times. Everything was ten times. The seats were ten times bigger. The sound was ten times louder.

The steak, ten times juicier than when you bring in a pocket steak. You know, the guy who invented pocket steak was from Winnipeg. And he just died, yeah. Oh, that joke you get. But my great behave bit. Woosh. So that's what's going on with me. Saw a movie, bought some discount craft dinner.

May not be here next week. I don't know what happens when it expires. Oh, you may not be here next week? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm going to eat it all. I'm going to eat every box.

I wouldn't even know where to look for an expiry date. No, and that's why it was just such a great moment. What type of adventures will myself and this gentleman go on next? You know what I mean? Easter's around the corner, so that's going to be a wild trip. Maybe we'll spend the summer apart, pining for each other. Come back for Halloween. See you in October.

November, really. The way you shop. But that's it. After Easter, that's our last primo candy time. I know. I've mourned this with you before. Yeah, yeah. Recently. Because there's no good summer

candy is the problem. Summer's all about slushies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's slushies. But, like, I feel like some marketing idiot out there could come up with a... Oh, sure. You know, a delicious summer and be like, it's only for summer. And, you know, like, you have to rush out to get the... I don't know, I feel it would be fruit-based, right?

Yeah, you know, put some sour peaches in the freezer. Oh, what? Dave! This is news! Kids all across the world have started putting sour peaches. Is that what they're called? Fuzzy. Fuzzy peaches.

Sour patch peaches? Have you done that? Have you put them in a freezer? No, that seems maybe like we may have just blown the lid off of things. Have you ever, well of course you have, drank ice water while chewing gum? Oh yeah. Buddy, I'm drinking some sort of Sleeman's Honey Brown while chewing gum.

I'm a maniac. The other day I was chewing gum in the shower. I don't care where I do it. Don't care where, don't care when. This fuzzy peach is in the shower. I don't care where I do it. Don't care where, don't care when. This fuzzy peaches in the freezer thing is like blowing my mind apart.

Remember those wax coke bottles that you could get? Like gummy coke bottles? Not gummy, they were like wax. Like the wax vampire teeth? Yeah, like you have to bite... Does anybody know what I'm talking about? You bite the top off

and there'd be some sort of gooey fluid in it. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. That feels like a very summertime candy. I remember it through all of our consciousness. Ah, cool. Well, I don't think we're going to get to the bottom

of the ultimate summer candy tonight. Does anybody here have a suggestion they want to throw in before we move on? Freezies. What? Freezies, of course. A couple of yutzes up here. I mean, it's just...

It's just slushies in a tube. No but you know freezes like for sure you're not cracking one of those open in December. What I used to do is I would get like if you ever got like a collector's cup somewhere from like Terminator 2

I would pour a can of coke in before bed and then put it in the freezer From like Terminator 2. I would pour a can of Coke in before bed. And then put it in the freezer. And when I woke up in the morning. Just digging out a. Scraping out. Rock hard Coke. Dave wake up.

You'll have so much time to eat your rock hard coke before you go to school this was like a Saturday thing I wasn't doing it before but but sometimes I couldn't wait and then it wouldn't be all the way frozen and it would just be like slushy.

Dive in. You're right. We're not going to get to the bottom of the candy thing. Alright. Unless. But we should invite out our first guest. Yes.

Now before we get going, welcome to Stop Podcasting Yourself if you've never seen the show before, it's this. Yeah. Our first guest. We go get our guitars. Abstinence.

He's riding the wave of abstinence. Everybody do the abstinence. Hey, buddy. Want to get lucky? Our first guest Our first guest A gentleman World renowned He is here as part of

JFL Northwest He'll be hosting the alternative show Tonight, tomorrow night, Saturday night One of my all time favorite comedians Please welcome to the stage Mr. Andy Kindler Hosting the alternative show tonight, tomorrow night, Saturday night. One of my all-time favorite comedians. Please welcome to the stage Mr. Andy Kindler, everybody. Let's go, guys. That was good.

Yeah, yeah. Kindler in the house. I call it Vancouver by the time I'm done because I kill. Vancouver. Shall we have a seat? Have a seat. I can't imagine why anyone

would ever want to stand. Are you the type of comedian you like to take a stool once you get on stage? You sit down on the stool and kind of... No, I kind of did this towards the end of the show. My father was sick. He wasn't going to make it through the night.

And I went to the hospital, and my mother said, Andy, I have to, but you? All right, I love that joke. I love that joke. No one seems to get it. You get it, right? Yeah, yeah.

Does anybody in the audience get it? Shumpka? My hearing's really bad. Shumpka? The joke is, a guy comes home, finds his best friend in bed with his wife and he says, Harry, I have to, but you?

I took it to, I updated it to my dad's funeral. My mother turns to me She says Andy I have to But you It's hilarious It's hilarious whether you knew the reference

Or whether you didn't know the reference Why are you taller than me too Now one thing we haven't done yet Although we did it by accident Is played the Get to Know Us theme song. Let's get to know us, guys. Get to know us. I told you, no departments.

I don't want departments. What do you mean? Is that a department of the show? No, no, no. No, you're fine. I know that joke that I have to, but you from a Billy Crystal's film, Mr. Saturday Night. Have you ever seen that?

Well, come on. First of all, he looks 30 years older than Jerry Lewis in the movie, right? With his prosthetic makeup. Yeah. I love that character, the one who was on Saturday Night Live. Was it on Saturday Night Live? Yeah. And he's hearing about someone dying

and he goes yeah oh I'm so sorry yeah but that's the laugh I want on that joke he's doing like he's sweetening a show while finding out a friend died

folks don't shoot the messenger I mean what do I have to do? do I have to do do I have to do anything to make you people laugh? Eddie what is new? what's going on

sort it out bucko I'm all about Jordan B. Peterson now okay okay who's that watch out watch out matey

get the lead out junior I don't know if those are his too but his is sorted out bucko this is uh Canadian thank you Canada it's not like what did we do

except for Trump but you got this guy and what else is going on um no I know it's sad it is sad that I'm obsessed with hating I really am obsessed with it and it brings down every show nobody likes it. Takes us in a bad direction.

Leaves a bad taste in our mouth. But I absolutely despise new atheists. I will despise them for the rest of my life. Let me tell you something. Nobody knows what happens after you die. Alright? Did you get the memo? Nobody knows.

Their guess is as good as yours. I like a little spirituality in my universe. I like to think that maybe something's going to happen. But then you get these assholes like Sam Harris and who else do I have? Forget it. You guys, hey, thanks for backing me up

on it. Jordan B. Peterson. Don't you have some other horrible... Don't you have a guy called Gad, Sed, Gad? Who? Gad. Anybody? Do we have a Gad? Here's the thing. These people have regular lives. They don't want... I find out what I

hate, and then I listen to AM talk radio in the car in LA. I hate those people. Why do you do this to yourself? Mark Levin. Mark Levin. Have you ever heard? Mark Levin sounds like an evil Don Adams.

I don't know why. I don't know why. I want to get enraged. You want? Does the rage make you feel alive? No. Then why do you do this? Why do I argue with a guy on Twitter

named Razorblade and Apple for four and a half hours? Why am I on the outs with loves to serial kill 666 on Instagram? Because I found out, I went to therapy when I turned age 50. I wish.

I started therapy about a year ago and my whole life is different now. But Twitter is an OCD trap for someone like me who has OCD. Now this therapy... Let's get serious. Has it been working? What's that?

The therapy? This is the way I talk to people in real life. Tell me all about it. How's it going? How long have you been at the restaurant? Is the therapy, is it working? This is all you do? What happened to you, Ed?

Nice going, Ed. Yes. OCD, sir. Yes. First of all, you guys were funnier in that opening act. OCD, sir. Yes. First of all, you guys were funnier in that opening act. I'll handle it from here, Shumka. You guys were funnier in that opening act

than I've been in 45 years of comedy. You guys, what's the point of doing comedy if you guys are going to go, what happened at the store today? Boom, laughs, hilarity. I have a podcast. My partner and I, all we can do

is stop strangling each other. You guys are like, oh, I'll let, yes and. Yes and, and, and, and, and. Boom.

Laughs. Everyone's loving it. Everything. And you're on that podcast Easy Street too. That's what I did. I wanted to pull that nap. Do it. Do it. This is the type of thing that steams, this is the type of thing that just, Easy Street, too. That's what I did. I wanted to pull that nap. This is the type of thing that just steams me.

Man wearing a pocket square when the earth's falling apart. It's because I'm dying up here. I'm dying! By the way, folks, I am going to be in the next... This is not a joke. I wish it was a joke because I could use more of them.

This is not a joke. I wish it was a joke because I could use more of them. It's going to be on the second year if I'm dying up here. Okay. Oh, you were referencing the show. No, not even. Oh, because I'm Canadian.

Oh, I get it. It's so adorable how you people watch your little shows down there. Yeah, it's adorable how we don't get the same shows you get. You have to subscribe to a weird

thing through your phone to watch season two of Entourage. So it took you guys 18 years to get the Soprano series. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes you have to wait. Who do you play on I'm Dying Up Here season two?

I play an agent named Morris. And I love it. I love playing an agent. Anytime I talk, it's all of a sudden so quiet that you can hear this guy picking up three napkins and a used French fries container. As if we were doing a radio play about him picking up the food at that table. You heard that, right? Have you ever heard anything that loud before?

Not since I listened to that radio play about the guy bussing tables. The time the shadow had to bus table. Why am I laughing like an idiot? By the way, Grandma, I have to say something. I want to thank you. You were right. I was nervous.

You told me that, you know, I have to admit, Trump's done a good job. You told me. No, he told me, give the guy a chance. Let's just say this, pleasantly surprised. Someone's laughing like I would laugh. I don't smoke, but I have that kind of laugh. You make me feel so young.

You make me feel like weeds. Why are you moving away from me? I have no slack on this microphone. Oh, it's you. Now I was feeling slack on this microphone. Oh, it's you. Now I can, I was feeling so tethered. Not exactly a genius over here. You know what I'm saying? Why am I

all, what seems to be the problem? Why am I putting you down? Hi Andy. Yeah, why is it, is it lashing out? You can't even do gay things like that. Now, I can't make fun of gay people now? I can't put down other groups? I'm the bad guy because I want to say something

horrible about people with a different sexual preference? I'm wrong? How many arguments have you been in about that very thing? With yourself? Well, it's very interesting. Never say it's very interesting and never say I have a great story. But it's very interesting Never say it's very interesting And never say I have a great story

But it's very interesting I watched old Johnny Carsons And they're like an hour and a half The ones that are an hour and a half I'm not bragging but I get cozy TV Antenna TV And you wouldn't believe How many jokes

Mel Brooks came out And he was hilarious But there were how many jokes Mel Brooks came out and he was hilarious but there were so many jokes based on the homo that they could be attracted to each other as men. Yeah. I mean.

Well, it's the same thing. I rewatched, I was watching on Netflix the TV show Friends which is not that long ago and it's a gay joke. Right. Cornucopia.

It's a horn of plenty. And even that, they would make a joke out about a horn of plenty. I didn't even notice it, though, at the time. I was in high school and that's all everyone said. I think people just made gay jokes all day in high school. I was 50, by the way, when these things came out. And it was weird that you were at my

high school, but... I thought Deer Hunter was a documentary. Alright. Deer Hunter was not good for Vietnamese-American relations. It was a little manipulative. Sorry, fans of Christopher

Walken. He was on that boat. Think about it. I really want you to think about it. Yeah. I also want you to go home. Think about it. Download the Deer Hunter. And come up with a funnier observation than I would.

How many times would you say you've seen it? I just saw Deer Hunter. I saw Deer Hunter. I'm old. I saw Deer Hunter in the movies Deer Hunter. I'm old. I saw Deer Hunter in the movies. I had a senior citizen ticket. Bing, bang, bing, bang, bing, bang. This is by adding these effects.

Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Does anyone have that effect after a joke? Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. I like it. I said, it's not for me. It's for the duck he's driving. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. These people have gone over it, right? They go, oh, it's for the duck he's driving. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. These people have gone over it,

right? They go, oh, it's charming. It's charming, a Jew who talks too much is slightly annoying. Now they're over it. And I'm giving, I brought my B game today. I could Robin Williams' whole thing. Oh, I can't do Robin Williams' whole thing. Oh, I can't do Robin Williams. No, no, no.

Yeah. I used to use him as a thing. As a what thing? Like I want Robin Williams a discussion or something like that. Right. Because there's always one guy of the comics, and it's usually me, who's like, oh, look at this. Oh, I'll do something funny with that. Come on.

People love me. I'm not putting Robin Williams What am I even Trying to explain I know he's dead You know a lot of critics Compare me to John Rivers Did you know this

Who What Tell me everything Not my act Explain why Is he walking away From us Not my act

They just predict That I too Will die during A routine procedure Like John Rivers. She was a horrible person. Don't give it a second thought. Don't give it a second thought.

No one in her family misses her. Is that true? This is the most... How edgy could this be? What I'm doing right now. She's dead. Her daughter doesn't care. And they see it like,

whoa, it's gonna get crazy in here now. Did you like what you... I mean, I think I laughed at her when she was Joan Rivers, the original Joan Rivers. But then towards the end when she was on The Apprentice and... Would you ever? Would you ever do a

reality TV show, Andy? Yeah, Andy. Would you? Look, I'm just trying to wind him up again. Now you're doing the badgering sidekick. No, I'm the bad cop. I want to be arrested. This is an old Andy Kindler joke. Why am I referring to myself that way?

If I get arrested, I want there to be a good cop, a really good cop. The first cop says, do you want some coffee? And the second cop goes, how about a lovely Danish with that? Good cop, really good cop. Very funny when I first wrote it in the 80s. I can't say that I would never do anything because I always made fun of the show

Last Comic Standing, and I was a big shy. I wouldn't do that. And then I became a judge on that show. How was that? It was okay? Well, I mean, it's easy for me to say now, after giving up all my principles. No, it actually was pretty amazing

because I spent time with Greg Giraldo and Natasha Leggero. But I'm not going to pitch it all of a sudden. Yeah, I'm sorry for what I said before about the show. I didn't appreciate the really good things in it. So I can never say never. I will never say never.

But I would like to be maybe a celebrity big brother. Yes. Do you watch any of that? I've never seen it in my entire life. Is that when celebrities go and take care of Disadvantaged youth? Wouldn't that be something? Just Mickey Rourke taking a kid to

Mickey Rourke That's his go to Mickey Rourke Taking a kid to get something pierced. He's a big grandfather now. See, he said big brother. Oh, God. That joke wouldn't be funny if everything

was out of town even. That's the worst. Could be one of my worst jokes ever. That's not true. So Andy, tell me about therapy. Yeah. How's therapy going? Is it going well? There's two things going on.

I have a very bad OCD. Well, none of it's good. And I've been saying, people don't care. They go, I have OCD. They go, oh yeah, like a neurotic, like a comedian's disease. No, it's a horrible thing. They don't care. They go, I have OCD. They go, oh, yeah, like as a neurotic, like a comedian's disease. No, it's a horrible thing.

They don't believe it. If you called it terminal worry syndrome, that's what OCD is. I worry all. In my 20s, I thought I, this is true, I thought I had maybe hit someone in the car and I didn't feel it. So I would go around the block. Oh, Jesus. And I'd go around the block. And then I realized, no, going around the block is not going to work because whoever I hit is crawled off into the bushes.

Or you're finishing off the job. Yeah, exactly. So I had that, and I didn't realize you could get help for it because back then in the early 80s when I went to get help for it, people didn't talk about it that much. early 80s when I went to get help for it. People didn't talk about it that much. I'm on Prozac and I'm on therapy and it's the greatest.

And it's all working? You feel better? Except I can't remember what I've just said a lot of times. We've got it all recorded. We'll send you a transcript. We've never had one of these transcribed. Should we start? Yeah.

We should at the end of every... You have to send to Burrell's scripts. Burrell, do some history. All right? Chicago 60609. Spiegel catalog. Yeah, do some history, everyone. It's a zip code.

Look, I'm not that funny. Do some history. You know what I'm saying? Maybe one day we won't have to have people like me. I don't look forward to that time. What? That's not a nice host. I went to your apartment. How many people have done

that? What do you shoot now in a studio? I'm not allowed visitors. Do you guys see each other outside the show? Not really. We said tonight. I'm trying to get

a podcast interview show going. No, we used to, but I don't see anyone. Well, you guys are, but obviously, there's a lot of love here. There's so much love. Yeah.

Yeah. Let me see if I can ruin it. We're right, like we have a, you know, we saw each other enough for the first 10 years. What are you doing?

You're doing a, what is that? What is that? How about a kabuki thing? Can you say, what is this, a kabuki dance? Okay, now where would that apply?

Yeah. And when, how did you make that turn? No excuse for the joke. I can't, there's no justification for it. You didn't say, hey, do you have any jokes about kabuki? What is this, a kabuki thing? The guy stands up at a kabuki thing. What is this, a kabuki dance? Then that's

when that joke would work? Yeah, yeah. Adam Sandler is dressed as his cousin. I don't know the rest of the movie. I just know the line, what is this, a kabuki thing or dance? What is this, a kabuki dance? What is kabuki, a dance? What is that? What is kabuki? A dance?

What is that? What is this, kabuki theater? Yes, you just entered a kabuki theater and you're seeing a kabuki show. Strong kabuki chunk. Have you heard my kabuki peekaboo bit? It's unbelievable. You remember my Y2K material, right?

Yes. Y2K. Why not 2K? Hey, what's going to happen? At midnight, is my computer going to turn into a fish? This is when people thought of the year 2000. Yeah, yeah. That something would happen.

It's hilarious. Did you think something was going to happen? Yes. Well, not for my career. No, I don't think this is amplified. No, I didn't quite believe, I don't know, I'm not computer savvy or savvy at all really, but I couldn't figure out how they couldn't not solve that program. Right. Problem. What are you telling

me is such a big problem? Can't you just turn the thing and change the clock? Yeah, put some coal in the thing and slam it shut. Do you think there's a chance that something could have gone wrong? Some computer's dumb enough that it thinks it's the year zero. Yeah.

Come on, dumb computer. Why are you here? Stupid computer. Hey, where would you be without us computers? Nowhere. You'd, dumb computer. Why are you here? Stupid computer. Hey, where would you be without us computers? Nowhere. You'd just be hardware. This is for my one-man show. What are we doing to ourselves? And that's in the future

when we have robot overlords. It'll be like, well, that material, that didn't age well, they'll say. That'd be a time period where everything will be like George. I want it to be a time where everything will be like George Orwell. So people won't have to reference.

And how come fascists use George Orwell as a reference? Fascists, Nazis, they use him. I'm telling you, these people are out there. Maybe you're not Jews and you don't have to worry. But these people are out there and they're coming for us I don't know why I'm going this route disappointed in myself I don't like prejudice that's my problem okay well that's your bad room that's where I get you that's where I different from you as you go out to the KKK rallies and the thing so what are you doing what are you

doing here? I like prejudice. I don't practice what I prejudice, but I'm a fan of prejudice. I don't love it, but I like it. He's done a whole thing with it. I know. He's got just prejudice and threw pride in the garbage. That's as good as anything that's been said.

I would think. This is a great store. Instead of, like, a letterman to Jess Bulbs, Jess Prejudice. You go into this store, and that's all they serve you is prejudice. Yo, I'd like a lamp. The Jews are going to take over the media.

The guy won't sell anything. All he does is be prejudiced. Does your mind ever wander and you're wondering what's going on? Like I checked out for two seconds and I don't know what's happening. Not with my act. There's nothing to come back to.

I just want to prove to you that I can let someone get a word in edgewise. That's all I wanted to prove to you that I can let someone get awarded an edgewise. That's all I wanted to prove. When? It doesn't happen. I'm just saying that this bit is hilarious.

I have so many recurring characters I could do. Oh, I would like to see one of these characters if we could. Okay, here's Rick Steves. I don't even know what that means.

Here's Rick Steves at an oyster bar. Does that mean anything? No. But please, follow through. Who's the Canadian guy who goes and now he's a ball player, he's George Plumpton for a day, and he goes over here and he's hilarious?

Rick Mercer? Yeah, Rick Mercer. Yes. Yes. Yes. I broke a bottle once listening to him and it ruined my head. I love that description of Rick Mercer. The guy who's a

ball player for a day. And we both knew what it was. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You have to go to the same Yeah. You don't want to. You guys, you have to go to the same club. You have to go to the Friars with him now, tomorrow. With Rick Burson? Yeah.

Yeah, I know. The Friars were a club in the states that comedians belong to. Why do you look over to me? I say nothing funny. I assume that, and then make them feel like they missed something. Friars Club. Hello. Earth to the crowd.

You remember when I was on the shuttle? I told you I couldn't stop doing this joke. Andy to Earth. Hello. It's the biggest laugh that joke has ever gotten. Andy to Earth. You at least get the joke, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that one I got. You were on the Challenger, was that right? That's what I call my college career. No? Seemed good. Our next guest. That couldn't come soon enough for me What are you trying to do? Torture these people?

What is this? Kabuki? Does it work with my voice? What is this? Some kind of kabuki? Well you brought some character to the thing I try to keep it straight Ex-boyfriend joke Homoerotic joke some character to the thing. I try to keep it straight. Ex-boyfriend joke,

homoerotic joke, and now it's 1987. Hey, where were you two guys having sex with each other? Which would be hilarious to say in 1987. What are you two guys, boyfriends? Which would everyone go,

ha, it's not possible. You know Paul Lind? Yeah. Okay. Yes, I know of Paul Lind. Confirmed bachelor. Yeah, you can no longer confirm a bachelor. That's true.

There's no way to confirm a bachelor. Bring out next. Oh, true. Yeah. There's no way to confirm a bachelor. Bring out next. Oh, I like that. This gentleman completing our International Women's Day panel. Yeah, exactly. A real

Vienna sausage vest. So the small one. This guy, one of our all-time favorite guests on the podcast. It's such a pleasure to have him here tonight. Please welcome to the stage Mr. Charlie Demers. Thank you. Watch me not allow him to get any momentum at all. Watch this. Ladies and gentlemen, there is no God.

There is no God. Oh, that's so perfect. That's my... Ladies, there is no God. You're driven in a car, yeah? You're driven in a car. Do you think it's prayers that moves that car? It's not. Is that your base?

Are we at your base now? It's not. It's science. It's a motor in that car. I honestly, this gentleman in the grey sweatshirt, the light is going on to, like, I don't know if it's the speaker, but it's like, it's all dark,

and then you can see his ears and his neck, and I thought someone had come to the show in blackface and sat right at the front. And I saw that, and I thought, if that's possible, then there is no cross. You know what happens when... I can't do a British accent. God damn it. Any accent work.

Send it down. I'm not doing my best, Andy. Andy. This has been the easiest time I've ever had. Isn't there an atheist comedian who does funny songs? Who's that guy? From Europe? Oh, Tim Minchin. They're not funny. He said,

he goes, I read an interview and he goes, he's going to America and he's not sure if he'll be able to do his atheist material. Get over it already! Is atheist material that edgy to do? No. It's exactly the opposite of edgy. What's the that edgy to do? No. It's exactly the opposite of edgy. What's the edgy material to do?

I believe in Jesus Christ as my personal savior. I have some brochures. I believe that Scientology has some good ideas. I, David Koresh, why didn't they give him a day to cool off. Give him a day to cool off.

Give him a day to cool off, and he'd be owning Waco right now. They don't know, right? Being of sound mind and body. Yeah, but then you could also do sort of more gentle, crude ship observational, like, okay,

I won't covet my neighbor's wife, but what about the guy who lives on the next block? You know, like, just... It's all gentle. I don't know what kind of sky god you... Is that really what... They think that that's why I would believe in a guy

that'd have a sky god? That'd be my ultimate dream? Has no one ever heard them when they say that? Oh, I hope you're enjoying your sky god. They think everyone who's spiritual believes the Bible literally or has a sky god. Is there a thing in the Bible

about gods in a cloud? Yeah. He goes, up here! Hello, up here. Yeah, there's one point in the Bible where the characters

are looking around. I think it's... The characters? Yeah. Yeah. You know, the crew. Luke and Maddie Ralph Melf

The friends The original friends The entourage of the Bible I just thought of the worst joke In the history of the world Here it comes A burning bush reminds me of my wife on her wedding night I look like I don't know where it came from now

My wife on her wedding night Oh yeah Oh no no It wasn't my wedding night It should be my wedding night too Yeah This is what I'm saying Burning bush

I don't know what I would call room service Charlie what's going on with you man Oh Well I just It's a very It's a little bit of, you know, hero worship.

I mean, this is a big deal for me to be on the show with Andy Kindler, of whom I am a big fan and of whom my act is totally derivative. And this is true. We were talking about it backstage. There was a period for about four or five months

when maybe my daughter was like two, three, two and a half. And if I have Andy's album on my phone, I pirated it, and I have it on my phone, and it would come through the shuffle, and my daughter would go like, is that Daddy? And we'd have to be like, oh, no, sweetie, that's Andy Kindler. And then she would be like, why can Daddy? And we'd have to be like, oh, no, sweetie, that's Andy Kindler. And then she would be like, why can't Daddy develop his own voice? But she really did. She would always ask if it was me on the playing.

And then the other person, and I don't think I've ever told you this, but for a long time, any time I thought I had come up with a good joke, and then I would then, if I saw another comedian do it, it was always Andy. Oh, really? So I had written a whole thing about, because remember Mel Gibson got pulled over, and he's like, what are you, a Jew cop?

And you're like, that's not even a racism. Nobody's like, oh, great, another one of these Trinidadian accountants I'm always hearing about. And I wrote a whole thing about it, and then you did that. And then... Mr. Gibson, do you know how fast you were

driving, Mr. Gibson? My partner said, enough already with the Simmons and the doing and the plotting. Still solid. Still solid. Still works. Very good. Still good.

Hey, it's 2018, but Mel Gibson is still writing, I hate the Jews on his checks. It was the walk-up that really sold it for me. Yeah. Yeah. The weapon, it has to be lethal? That's nefarious. This is a Twitter meme for 12 days. Mel Gibson Jew movies.

Yeah, Mel Gibson Jew movies. Hashtag Mel Gibson Jew movies. I can't think of one Mel Gibson Jew movie. Gallipoli. Gallipolish! And then the other one was... So I wrote this joke about Stephen Harper, but Andy did it about Dick Cheney, which is you go like,

look, people overreact on the left, and they say Stephen Harper is a Nazi, and that's ridiculous. Stephen Harper, however much you may disagree with him, he's not a Nazi. He would have been. That's the big... You take a beat. And that, I think, is also almost

certainly true. But, yeah, so anyway, it's a big thrill for me to be here. It's a big thrill for me to be here with you boys. Thank you very much for coming out. At the Biltmore, at the site of maybe, you know, podcast fans. Some of you may know this, but this is the very stage upon which recessive Gene Simmons was born. Wait, wait, wait. What are you saying?

This was Kiss's home club? No, this was his home club. Recessive Gene Simmons. So I'm a little bit like, you know, remember how Al Bundy was always talking about that one game in high school where he got four touchdowns? Yeah, Polk High. Yeah, so me is that with Recessive Gene Simmons.

So- Recessive Gene Simmons. I peaked my life. If you don't know the joke- I don't know the joke, but I love it. It was a reference to the all little people band, Minikiss. Yeah. Minikiss.

So there's a Kiss cover band that's all little people. And they call themselves Mini Kiss. And I go, what is their lead singer named? Recessive Gene Simmons? Yeah. Yeah. And every time we bring you back on the podcast and we get about 45 minutes in when we take the break, you're like, I just don't have it today. I don't have another recessive G7.

Gallipolish, I feel pretty good about. I mean, you've had so many. Mess with my tall Italian grandpa. That's a big no-no. Brown recluse kills white recluse. Yeah, that's true. These are all classic Charlie bits. This is like a version of It's a Wonderful Life.

Wow. Yeah. But instead of killing himself, the guy's just gonna stop going on podcasts. Hey, I have progressive lenses. They once voted for Dennis Kucinich. No charge for that one No charge That's crazy that you've been

Charging me this whole night And now a freebie It ends this year So Charlie Yeah What's going on with you? Tell us Is this the way you segue?

So Charlie What's up? I tried to do on with you? Tell us. Is this the way you segue? So Charlie, what's up? I tried to do it with you, Andy. I've got a new book coming out very soon. It'll be out in the month of April. Thank you very much. It's a crime novel. It's a comic crime novel.

It's called Property Values and it is about It takes place in Coquitlam. It's I tried to write the the great Berkutlam crime novel and everybody's waiting. Yeah And so the premise of the book is this Group of friends who live in Coquitlam and one of them is going to have to leave the house that he grew up in because he can't afford to buy out his ex-father-in-law and so to drive down the property values they do a drive-by shooting on the house but then through that they get drawn into an actual gang war that's going on in the suburbs.

So it's available for pre-order. And it will be on bookstore shelves at the end of April. That's amazing. Yeah, thank you. Right in the book. And it'll be in the United States. And it looks, at the moment, like it's getting optioned for a feature film. This feels like a lead up to a bit, but is it actually?

I know. It does feel like you're winding me up. So what I'm telling you is I'm finally too good for this. I am. Too good for this. Oh, Charlie, don't you realize you were too good for this all along? Yeah.

And then I see the light, and I walk towards the light, and then it's just Ricky Gervais goes, there is no God! You stupid fucking cunt! You thought, yeah, you thought that if you walked towards the light, fucking light that can be explained. I mean, it's fucking light waves going through the air. You thought you'd get what?

To the end of that light and there would be God. There would be your relatives. There is no God. Everyone detests you. At Andy Kindler. I'll tell you. Bring him into the discussion. And now I'm doing a different

class. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now it's like the Cockney atheist who goes, look, there ain't no fucking God. This is a show that Andy and I are touring where I confront Andy with atheism from each trench of

the socioeconomic hierarchy. Chris Hitchens. Andy with atheism from each trench of the socio-economic hierarchy. Chris Hitchens. Andy, there is no God. Andy, it's a childish belief. Just ask my friend, Sooty Pete. Yeah, that's right, Andy!

There ain't no God, but there is football! There ain't no go But there is football You're fine, Recessive Jesus Thanks Bringing up the big guns tonight Just a lot of character work When you Are you going to go on Like a press tour For this book? Yeah, we'll do a little work. When you... Are you going to go on

like a press tour for this book? Yeah, we'll do a little... There'll be a little kind of... Go to... Might go out to Coquitlam itself.

Sure. Maybe. Sure. They're going to have some things to say about it. Yeah. Yeah, just explain what Coquitlam is.

So cute the way you do comedy here. And yeah, maybe Toronto. And those are pretty much the only two places you can justify. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just the number of books you'd have to sell. I did do a thing once where we drove around the Yukon. What was the game plan? So what it was is the Yukon Public Library does this thing where they have a festival that takes place in Whitehorse

and then one of the authors goes on like a little reading tour of... Short straw. Yeah and so I got to do it and so it was an amazing experience because like the Yukon and you and I have been to the Yukon yeah and every family reunion for Dave is in the Yukon because there's a uke on every corner he's Ukrainian but you drive through and it's beautiful and it's like just I heard this one. Took a while to get there. Not sure it was worth it. But you drive through and it's beautiful and it's just gorgeous country. But then you go to these little towns and they're like,

they keep giving you what the audience size is as a percentage of the town to make you feel better. So we have like four people and they'll be like, this is 20% of who lives here. Or we were in this little library in a place called Tagish and they were like, I read for two people. And they were like, you know what?

There was going to be twice as many people, but there was an accident and they're the volunteer paramedics. And then we went to this place. The only place that was genuinely... It was called Pharaoh. And that's the saddest place I've actually ever been. Like, it was just... And it was like... It's like what Fort McMurray

will be in 20 years. It is now where it was... The new Las Vegas? Yeah. Like, it was just like a booming resource town that was just pillaged and then once they no longer needed what was there, it was left. So it's like

it used to be 2,500 people, now it's 400 people. It's like absolutely devastated ecologically and literally, I was talking to someone from there and they were like, well well one of the things that's happening for the economy right now is they do a lot of studies

here of the soil because it's so contaminated so it's a real government town yeah but anyway yeah so it was you driving around driving around the Yukon, and then you and I went to Dawson City not long after that.

Andy, what's the saddest place you've been? Yeah, where is the saddest place that you've gone to do comedy? I would say it's my stomach. That's not how a stroke Yeah That's You did all the symbols wrong That's why I didn't get the call back Now Andy

You've had a stroke at work My butt stopped popping up on my shirt What are the What's the The letters you're supposed to remember first Fast Fast Your face Your ass Your salt stop popping up on my shirt. What's the letters you're supposed to remember first? Fast. Fast. Your face, your ass,

your salt, and your stomach, and your tuckers. I might get a stroke, so tell me what it actually is. Fast. Face, arms, speech. No. Face, arms, smile, talking. Is that supposed to make sense when you're in a stroke?

Yeah. Right? Yeah, because if you smile and only one side of your... If you smile and only one side of your face goes up, then only one side of the world smiles with you. Yeah, yeah. There it is. Yeah, there you go. I love how you put so much medical jargon in there.

No, no. When, there you go. I love how you put so much medical jargon in there. No, no. When your face goes out. No, because you are not, Andy, the only... I'm so derivative of Andy Kindler that I also have obsessive-compulsive disorder. And I do, I do. And since I was a kid, and I... You know, luckily, I got into therapy...

I'm so OCD, too. I wash my hands a lot. It's a real disease, young man. No, but I'm totally that. I washed my hands four times yesterday. Watched your what? I washed my hands four times. Oh, yeah.

Someone without OCD. Right. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's a tough thing because you've got a peanut allergy. Sure. OCD is like, if you talk to people, if you were to say, like, oh, I have a deadly peanut allergy. And they were like, I'm the same.

I don't care for peanuts. Yeah. And you're like, yeah, but I really need you to understand that it could be very dangerous. Like, tell me about it. Somebody brings peanuts my way. I'm like, no thanks! And then, you're like, but we need a categorical distinction

for what I have, because I could die, and they're like, just jelly! I got celiac disease watching those Planters Peanuts commercials. Celiac disease is not the peanut thing. Did I get it completely wrong? No, that's gluten.

You know I love Steve Glutenberg. Remember how funny he was? Steve Glutenberg. Steve Glutenberg, god damn you! Why are you yelling at me? I saw all of his movies. He had made a great press. I don't like Steve Glutenberg.

I prefer Quinoa Ivory Rands. Those are the two that people usually pick from. Quinoa Ivory Rands? I'm going to check with you and me to see if that counts. Am I back? Well, this has been just off the rails.

And I loved every second of it. But I think we should move along to a segment on the show that we like to call... I gotta unlock my phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I'm stretching it way out. Overheard.

Overheard. Now, through a sound system like that, you can really feel the bass. That's how it was meant to be heard. Made me feel alive. Now, people who have never been to a live podcast of Stop Podcasting Yourself before, we have a microphone here for audience members to come up and share their overheard. We will share ours first, and then you're, of course,

invited to come up and share yours. And we always like to start with the guests. I'm going to start with the guests closest to me, and then we'll go to Andy, and then we'll go to Dave, and then we'll come back to me. How does that sound? Works for me.

Sounds good? Yeah. Charlie, do you have an overheard? Kind of. I think so. I wrote it down anyway. So last summer, I did a gig in Vancouver, Washington, which was a disorienting experience because you go to the place

and they've got police cars that say Vancouver Police. And you're like, no, that's not what it... And then there's a Vancouver City Hall. And you're like, that, that's not what it is. And then there's like a Vancouver City Hall. And you're like, that's not our city hall. And it's like watching a movie about your town that no one has taken any care to. That is the first time that Vancouver gets to play itself in a movie. People are just going to massacre. The Vancouver Washington story.

The Vancouver Washington story. But the great thing about Vancouver Washington is it's right across the bridge from Portland. And so I drove down to Portland and I went to Powell's Books, which is kind of a mecca for me. I've never been to Powell's Books. It's this incredible, huge bookstore that has a map of itself. Whoa, whoa. What's this? Tell me more about this.

Like, you can get a little, I think, or there's, like, big legends on the wall. Like, this area is these kind of subjects. So, like, fiction will be all. Can you get a map back to the anecdote? Don't. Back to the anecdote. Hey, you guys are the ones who were lost in the desert for 40 years. I don't even understand. Yeah, you guys did it.

Oh, is that not cool? Yeah. So, uh... The pharaoh called. Parting the Red Sea sounds more like my honeymoon. Um, so... We... My wife put this ointment on. Two hours later,

talk about you burning bush. Hi, Dave. I'm not that familiar with Exodus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was once upon a time. Go ahead. So I'm in the lineup of Powell's. I've been there for several hours. I got a big stack of books and I'm behind

kind of a handsome new age sort of guy. And there's a very pretty new age sort of girl working the cash register. And they're having a moment, and he produces the book. And he's buying the I Ching. And she says, oh, I love I Ching. And he goes, yeah, you can never buy too many. Every book on my shelf, baby.

I know what the I Ching is, but for those people who don't. Oh, yeah, let me get this straight. You throw a thing and that's your god? No, the I Ching is like if you get E. coli, but from Chinese food. You can say that. That's not incentive at all.

Come on, E. Ching as a... We were all here for you. I think I Ching is what? It's Taoism? It's Chinese, right? Yeah, you really went out on a limb with that guess.

Thank you. You're welcome. Is it Taoist? The I Ching? Yeah. It's Taoist. Does this crowd look spiritual to you? Yeah. I don't know. Kind of. Yeah.

I know. It was an improper premise. Let it go. Andy, do you have an overheard? Yeah. This is unbelievable. I was traveling and I just happened to be on a flight with Kim Jong-un's uncle, right? So I guess it must be rough.

He goes, I have family problems. And the last thing he said was, but I feel pretty good about things now. He did. Ten minutes later, he got poisoned. I thought it was, is that ironic? No, I think things are going to be pretty good now Boom It was his brother

And it was pre-flight Don't you people read the papers from 12 years ago? Then I said to my wife How about letting me into the demilitarized zone? My penis went AWOL. Peninsula. Dave? I guess...

Didn't anybody explain what overheheard was to Andy Kindler? Yeah, we tried. God, we tried. He knows it's not just a thing you vaguely remember from the news. Hey, I came out of the womb. People say when I start comedy,

I came out of the womb, I did a minute of comedy. I said, I'm a minute old. What else is in the news? And I said, I'm a minute old. What else is in the news? And I said, that was a tough womb. You try living with my mother for nine months. You make the call. Back to you.

Bucko. Sort it out, bucko. This is your hero? This is their hero, right? Your hero. You're telling me you love that guy. What are you? What?

You ever tell me you don't have Jordan B. Peterson books? When you originally said Jordan B. Peterson for a second, I thought you were talking about Michael B. Jordan. Right. That's what I thought. Yeah. And then there's a mystery writer named John D. McDonald. And our first prime minister was named John A. McDonald.

And I've always kind of fancied the notion that they cloned him multiple times. And the fourth one was like, I'm going to write mysteries. This goes over in Canada? Yeah, yeah. This is it Are you goddamn kidding me? John McDonald jokes? Who was the guy Who was the guy with the big joke?

What? Why is it five minutes From your Mulroney chunk? Dermot I don't have an overheard this week Oh come on Dave Dermot. I don't have an overheard this week. Oh, come on, Dave. No, I really... Oh, bottom of the barrel this week.

This week we're dealing with a weird license plate I saw. I'm on board. This morning, red Mercedes License plate Grulk G-R-U-L-K Grulk What do you think it means? Green Hulk

Green Hulk What? What is that? I don't go in for that Red Hulk You know the comic book Character who's always Having a stroke

I can't move my left side My left side can't move my left side! My left side can't move! I do always whenever you see an inscrutable vanity plate, that's like the extra power move. Because a vanity plate is like, I got enough money and enough self-esteem.

I'm going to do a little fun with my license plate. If you've got one that makes no sense, you're like... They're trying to write inscrutable vanity plate. You're like, I don't fucking know. I've got so much money. I'm going to do a fun little thing that's just

for me and my family. That's what being rich is, is doing a fun thing for you and your family. A vanity plate costs 50 bucks. Oh, is that all it is? You assume it's... I always assumed it was really expensive. But sometimes you see them on bad cars

and you're like, I guess it's cheaper than getting a nicer car. Oh, it's 50 bucks. 50 bucks? Why doesn't everybody do it then? My vanity plate... Here it is. My vanity plate plays Carly Simon songs. Tell me what that walk is. Well, there's a couple of walks.

The Rickles. And then there's just old Jew walking around. You have overheard. Sure. Sure. 50 bucks, though. Weard. Sure. Sure. 50 bucks, though. We could all get... Well, and what?

I'd just hang one around my neck? Yeah. You got that King Jung-un joke, didn't you? It's good, right? Did I get it? Yeah, solid, right? What, like, was I too far away to hear it? Ha ha ha ha ha!

Was I too far away to hear it? My overheard was on the train. It was a girl explaining to another girl how heavy her bag was. The denomination of weight that she used was, this bag's heavy. It feels

like two babies. Which is very specific. And not specific enough. Really. Two babies. That's pretty modest. Like two babies is 15, 20 pounds. Yeah.

Oh, my bag's so heavy. It's like two babies. This bag is so many ounces. Can I say a fun fact about babies in ounces? I hope so. Couldn't we stop you now? Remember this, though? Because Margo, your daughter,

do you say your kid's name on the podcast? Yeah. Okay. Too late. Well, she just joined a cult, so it's not Margot anymore. Don't give out her vanity plates. Callbacks.

Callbacks. I got it all, baby. I got it all. So in the year 2014, you give out your daughter's birth year, right? Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give out all pertinent information that any baby could become a Margo impersonator. So, and then Margo's GST number.

But I don't give out her weight. You better not pay out her weight. So three Vancouver comedians became fathers in the year 2014. Myself, Charles, Charlie Demers. Charles, Charlie Demers. David, Dave Shumka.

David, Dave Shumka. And Tobias, Toby Hargrave. Each of us had a daughter and each daughter at birth weighed seven pounds, seven ounces. Get out of here! There you go. I don't know.

And each of us, independently of the other, turned to the doctor and said, I'm just going to do a tight seven. Comedy. New baby humor. But isn't that something? Three. Three. Look.

Seven and seven. Any way you gesticulate. Yeah. I get it. I get it. Three babies, same weight. And Margo's social insurance number. Also has a seven in it. Yeah.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, as I said, there is a microphone placed right here. If you haven't overheard... And you are a white male. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're working with tight conditions here. If anybody wants to come up, Sharon overheard. But if nobody does, we can just go now.

Yeah, exactly. We can be home by 8. Is there somebody? Hello, come on up here. Hello. Everybody round of applause Hi I'm Spencer Spencer, how are you?

I'm good, I haven't overheard of the Kids Say the Darnedest variety Go ahead How much does this kid weigh? Like two babies I just know that her age is four years old And she was about to do her first ever fun run. Her mom does like marathons, and she was going to do the fun run. But she wasn't feeling good that weekend, so her mom came up to her and said,

Are you going to do the run tomorrow? And she was like, I'm not available. I have to drive my stuffies to the airport. Spencer, everybody. Pretty cute. Kid's got the excuse all worked out and everything. Hello. Hey, it's James.

Hey, how's it going? Also Jewish Braveheart. You can take my wife, please. Okay. Pretty good. So this is the downtown east side, right in the heart of it. Two guys, both down on their luck. I guess he was the polite way of saying it.

But one guy's sitting there. The other guy runs across the street and he goes, Hey man, have you seen Mark around? The guy goes, Mark's dead. And he goes, No, not that Mark. The other Mark. The guy goes, No, I haven't seen him in a while. He goes, Okay, well. And he goes, no, not that Mark. The other Mark. The guy goes, no, I haven't seen him in a while. He goes, okay, well, if you do see him, let him know I'm looking for him. And when I find him, he's dead.

Pretty good. Well, off I go. Jake Kennedy. You, next. You. This guy. This guy came up the other side. Go to the front of the line yeah yeah you're you go next

you come you come now yeah the line is over there you guys want a loose ship uh hey so uh first of all i got to meet grand clark before hello my name's christoph and uh grand clark did a painting for us he did a beer painting painting that my girlfriend asked for, and it's the two of us, when I got engaged to her. So thank you so much. It was awesome. And Dave's really good, too. I like Dave a lot.

He's, you know, he doesn't talk as much, but he really, like, he picks his moments, and I like that about him. Dave. All right, so. He knows a lot about Peter Gabriel. So my overheard is I was sitting

in a sushi restaurant and there was a businessman, a professional businessman who was sitting there with his daughter and they didn't seem to get along so well and she was drawing away and he was just kind of bored and sitting there and he said oh, so daddy got a new car today. Do you know what color it was?

And she said, is it a star? And he said, no, it's white. Yeah. Christoph, everybody. Yeah. Buying a new car is not as exciting for a kid, I guess. No. A white car?

No. But he should have, I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but he should have said, Christoph, I guess. No. A white car? No. But he should have, I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but he should have said, Christoph, I go. That would have been a pretty killer line.

Next time, next time. Hello. Hello. We're four for four on the white men so far. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're hitting it. There's a lady coming up,

by the way. So my, hello, my name is Eric, which applies to my overheard. So I was in my girlfriend's apartment we were cooking dinner and through our open balcony door i heard eric eric eric and so my girlfriend said oh who of which of your friends knows that you live here because none knew anyways i went to the balcony and I looked outside to see which of my friends were yelling for me and it

was a man walking his dog that was his bark sounded like Eric! Eric! Eric! Sal! Eric everybody! On my uncle's street growing up well not when he was growing up, when I was growing up on my uncle's street growing up

when I was growing up there was a family who had a German shepherd and their dog was named Eric my family thought you don't have a dog yeah yeah yeah name your dog Kyle

Greg! Greg! Yeah. Greg! Eric! Come on! Come on! Good, good boy. Good boy.

Who's a good boy? You want to go over walkies, Eric? Eric. Also, sorry, not to steal stage time, but you said

to bring a sports card to appraise a few weeks ago. Oh, sure, yeah. Oh, sure. Yeah. Well, yeah, because Graham and I, Graham and I, we're the card guys.

Okay. We're the card guys. I know you're the card guys, but for your inaugural appraisal, I don't know if you'll do coins. No. Okay. Wait.

Let me take a quick look at it. For your inaugural appraisal, we're looking at here for the home viewer is a... This is a half... Oh, no, I thought that was Medusa on one side and then Space Jam on the other, but it's all Space Jam.

It's Space Jam on one side and Space Jam on the... Where the hell did you get a Space Jam? Remember when Medusa was the president of Space Jam? Like, Where the hell did you get a Space Jam coin? Remember when Medusa was the president of Space Jam? There's a whole conversation in Space Jam about how sexist the currency is. We need a woman on our currency. And the first Space Jam woman

is Medusa that they put on? Yeah, Medusa. That does have a past. That looks like Medusa, doesn't it? Oh, yeah. Right? But it's not it's Michael Jordan Michael A. Jordan Yeah Michael A. Jordan

Doesn't have much weight to it I gotta say It's not you know don't hang on to it Off I go Eric everybody Eric I think. Hello. White female.

What? Baby steps. The best thing about being a woman is the prerogative to have a little fun. What is it hurt? What is that song? It's Man I Feel Like a Woman by the late Shania Twain. When did she die?

This evening. Oh, no! What is your name? Danielle. Danielle, everybody. I've been listening to the show for a while, and I'm always trying to find overheards and I've never had any until tonight

on my way here and of course it had to happen on the number 9 I mean where else I mean the number 3 is probably the other one or the 8 we could just start naming numbers the 603

is hot with overheards. So it was a bit of an overheard slash overseen. It started as an overseen, which was a drunk couple sitting at the very front, just behind the bus driver, heckling people as they were getting on the bus. And I kept hearing just like, oh, oh, oh. And I was like, OK, now I need to actually listen to what these people are heckling at, and this family got in, it was a mom and her two teen boys, probably about 13, 15, and as the 15-year-old was getting on, he was, like, struggling to find his compass card, and he was, like, like, looking through his pockets, and the drunk couple was,

like, hurry up, like, oh, this couple is heckling this poor 15-year-old who's already in the most awkward stage of his life. And so he gets on and they sit down. And then I think maybe they got enough looks from the passengers that maybe they thought maybe we should check ourselves. And then that automated message came on, please, passengers, make room for the special, whatever that special seat is. Sure.

Senior citizens. So the bus driver, instead of making the announcement, there's an automated message where he can press a button and it says that. And everyone's looking around going, am I the one taking the seats away from the people who need the seats? And then the drunk couple looks around and there's a woman who's probably five to ten years younger than them. And they get up, and please, ma'am, take a seat. She's like 25, and she's looking around going, okay. So that was their redemption moment. Yeah.

They had a real arc. 25 years old, have a seat. Hello. Hello. Hello Hi I'm Kirk I have an overheard and I have actual cards Alright let me see them Cause we're the card guys Oh shit they're in plastic cases Here Dave

Take two of them What's happening now Oh shit That's gotta be worth something That one right What's happening now? Oh, shit. What is this, porn stars? Oh, shit. That's got to be worth something, that one, right? Oh, that's a Wayne Gretzky rookie. That's a Wayne Gretzky rookie card right there. Sammy Sosa rookie card?

These are good. What about this? Good. Dave! He does it again. That's not original. It has like a thing on top of it. What do you have? Which ones do you have?

I got Sammy Sosa rookie card, Paul Coffey rookie card. And then this one's just one panel from the movie Alien. So why is that part of this? And Wayne Gretzky is considered the best perspective to turn professional since Guy Lafleur.

Wow. That's what it says on the back of it. And this is a Pavel. These are fake. These are fake. These are all fake? Yeah, these are fake. Or fake cards.

Fake cards. I made them earlier today. Shame. Shame. My overheard, I was in New York a few months ago, and I was at a comedy club waiting for a show to start in the bar area. And you went, oh, I'm making cards here. Exactly.

How did you know? It was really busy in the bar area, and this guy had a duffel bag, like a big duffel bag, and I hear him say to his friends, oh, sorry, I'm going to a bachelorette party later tonight. And he gestures to his bag and says, I sell dildos. Oh, nice. A little side hustle. Door to door.

Talk about perfect. Hey, everybody. Hello. Hello. Hi, I'm Stephanie. Hey, Stephanie. So this happened kind of a long time ago.

I don't know if you remember, but Science World here, they had the body world. Oh, yes. Think about it daily. Yeah. Which is where they had like human bodies, kind of corpses that they chop up for you to look at and learn from. It was really cool. And they play soccer. Yeah.

They get shameless people to play soccer. Ride a horse. Yeah. You cool. And they play soccer. Yeah. They get shameless people to play soccer. Ride a horse. Yeah. You can like pick up a kidney. But towards the end of the exhibition, it got a little darker.

There was like a whole section on pregnancy. Ew. Yeah. Like pregnant women and embryos and fetuses and stuff. So there's a warning

before you go in. It says be careful. You might not want kids to come in here. Or for sensitive viewers, whatever, you might not want to go in so I went in to take a look and there were these two little girls who were looking at like the weeks like weekly stages of embryo growth and they're staring at these like with huge eyes and I'm kind of wondering what what's going on in their heads and

they're looking at it and the ones, these kids must have been so young when they died. Oh my god. Jesus. Stephanie, everybody. Do you think... My backpack feels like two fetuses. Do you think at the Body World's offices on the day they like

we did it! We finally got a complete set of fetuses! 40 weeks of fetuses! We finally, week number 12 we just couldn't get week 12! The chickpea sized one. When I went and saw the Body World's exhibit here in

Vancouver, it was the weirdest. I went with a friend and we were walking through the exhibit and Dennis Miller was there with his kids and this guy we're going to see he was watching Coyne and the Scots from the back of a

crime and punishment truck. I only brought it up because I knew Andy would do a thing. Gonna see some unborn babies, babe. Actual joke. This guy's got less skin on his body than a guy going to the supermarket to get new skin from the

Dostoevsky's kind of dogs from the underground. Take that crap to Islamabad. Our next overheard. Hello. Hey, fellas. Hi. Hi.

I'm Liz. Hi. Hi, Liz. So my overheard was on the eight bus on my way to. That's the money bus. Yeah, yeah. I love eight bus anecdotes. On Monday, on my way to see you,

and there was a woman, and she was on the phone with a friend, and she sounded like she was giving some really intense advice, and she goes, you really need him right now. Kels, your IBS has never been worse. That is a friend.

That is a friend who will tell you that It's a friend for life Yeah Hello Hello I'm Josh Hey Josh How's it going?

Good, how are you? I'm great I actually wrote this down a few months ago And I forgot about it But I found it So here I am This is at a local pizza shop Uncle Fatty's Love it Pizza shop Pizza shop I forgot about it, but I found it. So here I am. This is at a local pizza shop.

Uncle Fatty's. Love it. Pizza shop. Pizza shop. So yeah, it was two guys. The pizza market. The pizza market. Two guys, and I'm assuming a girl in a pizza place? Yeah.

And a pizza place? Yeah. And so one of them said, yeah, with all those French-Canadian guys, Jean-Paul, Jean-Luc, Jean-Francois, Jean-Sebastien Giguere, go goalie. Play for the Ducks. Oh, my God. These are all the... I'm fine.

Go, go, go! Was that a hockey reference? That was a hockey reference. That was a hockey reference. Have you no shame. Hello. Hi. My name's Mark. Hey, Mark. Oh, no, Mark? Hello. Hi. My name is Mark.

Hey, Mark. Oh, no, Mark's dead. Am I? Oh, okay. Anyway, this is an overheard from a couple years ago. I don't get callbacks. It's okay. So I don't have the exact phrasing, but basically we were up in Whistler, me and my wife.

We were sitting at a picnic table in the Olympic pavilion. I don't know. And there's these two ladies behind us, moms, and they're like, I don't know. I don't know. I think maybe we should get it looked at. And it's like, really? Like, you know, well, now that I look at it, yeah, they are kind of big. They're a bit swollen, aren't they? He's like, yeah, they're really big. And while they didn't notice, behind them, one of their 10-year-old sons came up behind them. Are you talking about the dog's balls?

They're bigger than mine! Mark, everybody! Don't go blue. Don't go blue. Don't go blue. You're all ours. This is the final overheard. This is the last, yes. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Hi, Dave. Hi, Graham. Hi, special guests. I'm Kyle. I'm calling from Edmonton, Alberta. Oh, hey, Kyle.

Thanks for calling. Mine is an overseen, and I was driving home from Christmas from Calgary up to Edmonton, and on the road I was seeing a trailer tractor that was just parked in the field and it had some

message on there before but it had a whole bunch of things taken off. I'm assuming it said the car dealership that cares but all it actually said was the car

that car. Oh boy do I love it. You were right. The audience plants do work better. You were right. Ladies and gentlemen, that does bring us to the end of this year's show. Yeah, it had to end sometime.

Because there is no God. Andy. You think you're having an everlasting life listening to a podcast that just goes on and on forever with your friends, Dave and Graham? Bollocks. It's an empty universe.

Yeah? Andy, you will be doing the alternative show This evening Friday evening, Saturday evening At Yuck Yucks over on Cambie Street And thank you so much for being a guest This was so much fun On the show, Andy Kibler The legend himself.

This was really fun. I really knocked it out of the park. Charlie, your book, Property Values, comes out end of April. Available now for pre-order. And you also have a Juno

nominated comedy album that people can pick up right now, Fatherland. You're going to get it online. And the Junos a couple weeks from now. The Junos are the... They start March 19th and they run to the 26th.

The award night is the 25th of March. And I believe Dave is explaining that the Junos He just said to me, it's a Canadian war thing. He's not mocking you as a Jewish man. Yeah. It's Canada's

only major award named after a hateful racial stereotype. It was a good movie, though. The Junos? Juno. Oh, Juno.

Singular. Juno. But, yeah, so that is at the end of the month. Look, I'm up against four other comedians who are all friends, some of them very close friends, like Ivan Decker from town here. The real thrill is just that it's the first time that the Junos

have had a Best Comedy album since 1984. 1984. 1984. best comedy album since 1984. 1984. Yeah. And pretty much the biggest reason for that is this fella, Graham Clark, who lobbied very hard to get it brought back.

And we appreciate it very much, and it's just really a nice thing to... Whoa. I thought that was a firecracker. I would have gone with must have been the chili. Yeah. Anyway, happy Diwali, everybody. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all so, so much for coming out to the show.

It's been a pleasure. Have a safe trip home, everybody. Have a good night. Bye. Terima kasih telah menonton Thank you.