Stop Podcasting Yourself - Bonus Episode - LIVE from Just For Laughs with Jon Dore

Episode Date: February 13, 2020

Recorded live at the Just For Laughs festival in Montreal on July 26th, 2019.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Hi, everybody. Hello, Montreal. Look at your faces. Yeah. You all took time off of work to be here?

Yeah, yeah. Thank you very much for coming down 2.30 in the afternoon on a Friday. We begged for this spot. We said, they said 6 p.m. on a Saturday? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. A matinee for us, we said. Hello and welcome. Thank you very much for coming.

I assume you all listened to the show? Oh, it would be very weird if you came to this and you didn't listen to the show. But it's this. Who here does not know the show? Okay, alright. It's this.

Yeah. Okay, alright. It's this. Yeah. I haven't seen Dave for like two weeks. Yeah. This is the longest time in ages. It has been, yeah.

Have you been missing me? Yes. Dave, of course. I was in Winnipeg. Tell me about it. Mosquitoes. They got them. Oh,g. Tell me about it. Mosquitoes. They got them. Oh, yeah.

Can't wear shorts. Legs covered in bites. And I did a fringe show there. It was fine. I went to the Manitoba Museum. It was great. What's there? Lots of dioramas.

Okay. You know, like a diorama of a buffalo hunt. Not in a shoebox. No, yes. Yeah, all in shoeboxes. They're all miniatures? Yeah. It's Manitoba minis?

Yeah. Yeah, and it was hot, man. It was hot. And how has your time been? It's fine. Yeah. Everything's fine. I'm here now.

It's hot. It's so hot here. Yeah. Do you guys love it? fine. Yeah. Everything's fine. I'm here now. It's hot. It's so hot here. Yeah. Do you guys love it? Yeah. Yeah. Two people. Everyone else.

Do you guys like arriving everywhere wet? Yeah. That's my signature thing, going up wet. I'm a little moist boy, I say. How are you enjoying Montreal? Oh, it's lovely. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. I came, see, I don't know why, but the flight from Winnipeg to Montreal is a tiny little plane, a hilariously tiny plane that everybody had to crouch

to get to their seat. And I was seated next to another husky boy. Like a mushing dog? Yeah. Is that what you mean? Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean. And he was panting in my face

the whole time. He wanted my treat as well as his treat. Treat. That's what it feels like on a plane. Here's a treat. Here's your treat. You've been good.

Yeah. You put on your seatbelt when you were told to. You're sitting so nicely. But, you know, as soon as he saw me walking down, glumping down the aisle, he was like, he's sitting next to me, isn't he? So we were basically arm and arm. Was the pilot like, we're going to have to shift some weight to the other side of the bus?

Could the two husky boys report to the front of the plane? Are we going to have to separate you husky boys? Yeah, and then, you know, this is the great thing is you stay in this hotel, and then you just take an elevator and you're in the mall. You never have to go outside. You never have to go outside. I thought you were going to be like, I saw so many famous comedians. You're like, no, I can go right to A&W.

Yeah, you can go right to A&W. I don't even really have to put on shoes, but I do. Yeah, no, I can go right to A&W Yeah, go right to A&W I don't even really have to put on shoes But I do Saw Harry Mandel in the food court It's great I usually Skype with him from his mansion Yeah, and this is your first time It's my first time here, yeah

Not in the city, in the festival. And what do you hope? Do you hope to meet Victor? I hope to meet Victor! The little nasty little boy. The nasty little green guy. He's a goblin. He is a goblin. He's a little goblin. He's a goblin, absolutely. My kids were like,

oh, bring us back stuff to Victor's. Papa! Papa, can you breathe? We love his antics at the end of the show when he's like, it's over. Yeah, he was always the character that I just was like, oh yeah, I guess he, but he doesn't have a backstory

or anything. I wasn't a backstory. Well, the evil Gargamel poured some wax into a, you know. Into a cauldron and mixed it with laughs. When I was a kid, there was a green guy and then there was also a red guy. Oh. Yeah, and there was like a red goblin and I think he was associated with Demorier cigarettes. I think he only trotted out when it was a van sponsored by Demorier.

Yeah, oh, the Dennis Leary special is coming up. We gotta get the red guy. But yeah, I've been enjoying the festival so far. I rode, so I got to the airport yesterday and the shuttle, they were like, oh, we're waiting for another performer. And the guy was like, it's Black Todd. You're going to be riding with Black Todd.

And I was like, what? From the roots. And the lead guy from the Roots was named Black Thought. Ha! I thought I was going to be with Black Todd. You're so excited. But yeah, no, I rode with Black Thought from the Roots. Fun.

Oh, chatty. Oh, yeah. Chatty guy. Oh, Dave, let me tell you all about the time we did Call Me Baby with Carly Rae Jepsen. Dave, Dave, let me tell you. Do you want to know all these secrets about Jimmy Fallon? Dave, Dave, come on. Not a chatty guy, I'm saying.

It's a joke. All right, my transport? All by myself. Just me and the driver. And the driver from Sydney, Nova Scotia, learned her whole life story. It's quite a trot from the airport, so we learned a lot. I told her that Sydney is now a

tourist spot. She said I was a liar. She kept calling me a liar. She said Sydney's a hellhole. And she said, you're trying to pull the wool over my eyes. That's what she kept saying. You're trying to pull the wool over my eyes. And I was like. You husky boy.

Yeah, yeah. You're a husky in sheep's clothing. Yeah, the. I forgot what I there was something else I was going to tell you about Winnipeg but I forget well you know it'll come to me trust me it's gold

so what else is going on manhunt across Canada for the boys is that what you want to talk about? No, no, no. I've been obsessed with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. It's sad. It's sad. Yeah. You guys know about noose? You guys heard about this manhunt? Yeah. I can't remember the last time

there was a manhunt in Canada. Oh, boy. I can. remember the last time there was a manhunt in Canada. Oh, boy. I can. Yeah, The Bachelor Canada. Good one, Graham. Pretty good. Did they do a Bachelor Canada? Sure, why not? Oh, I don't know.

They've had Canadians on the big-time Bachelor. The big-time Bachelor? Yeah, yeah. I'm a big time bachelor. They force them to wear suspenders. They're all from Louisiana. Yeah, yeah. I'm just a big time bachelor. I'm a simple bachelor.

Where you take this road? You don't like a mcgator stew? You do not get a rose. They make them all eat gator stew. All gator stew. Gumbos, etc.

You're gumbos and such. Have you been to gumbos and such? Yeah, it's down in the mall. It's down at the food court. Mostly I've been going in the food court to places because a lot of the menus are in French, and I'm like, poulet, that's chicken.

Champignon, that's mushroom. How is your French? Bad. Yeah? Yeah. Last time I was here, I was pretty good. Yeah. But that was was here, I was pretty good. Yeah? But that was 13 years ago.

Okay. And now I'm like, I just have that residual confidence, but I do need to practice. Okay, the waitress is going to want me to ask for the check. Okay. La licence, s'il vous plaît. La licence, s'il vous plaît. Just practicing in my head at the table by myself.

Yeah. And do you nail it? I nail it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then I wouldn't be good if I didn't get practice. Like if a guy came up with a gun and was like, Speak for the civic! Give me the check!

Yeah, we, last night, myself and past guest Phil Hanley were trying to find just a bar. Surprisingly hard. And so we were walking and then we asked the lady on a construction site. Construction just goes all the time, I guess. Because this is like, this is midnight. And there's construction and I said, hey, what's a cool bar to this woman on the construction site?

And she just pointed right over there, and it was a place called, like, Scorpion or something. And we walked past it, and it was so loud. Just, uh,

just there was a guy waiting at the door with a cobweb tattooed on his head. Cobweb? Spiderweb. Yeah. All dusty and hanging down. When I was a kid, I did not know.

I assumed that a cob was just like a different kind of insect that made bad webs. like a different kind of insect that made bad webs. But anyways, we didn't go to this rock and roll bar. Too scary. But yeah, I like that she was so confident in her answer. That place, that's where we all go. The deafening bar.

She's got a jackhammer in her ear all night, though. Yeah, she listens to a jackhammer. Yeah, that's true. The very first time that I was here at Montreal for this festival, I was in a competition that I lost, and then

I got very drunk. I knew I was going to lose the competition, so I drank all the booze backstage. It was the free booze. And you were sentenced to perform in a hotel. And it was fair. That was a fair sentence. But then

me and my friend Dustin Ladd tried to get a steamroller that was unattended to go. He was lining up things for me to steamroller that was unattended. He was lining up things for me to steamroller, and I was trying to start it, but we didn't have a key. I thought you were thinking of some manual pump steamroller that I was imagining in my mind. No, it was a real steamroller that I climbed into

and was trying to get started. Because usually in movies, you just look in the visor and the key is right there. But they don't do that on construction sites. For good reason. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it turns out. But he was finding all sorts of things. And we left them there.

So in the morning, the person who checked in could roll over them. Oh, good. Like what, cans? Cans, pylons, you know, bric-a-brac, whatever we thought would smush. Will it smush? That's our new podcast that we're here to pitch today. Will it smush? Should we, I think we should bring out our guest?

Let's. Yeah. Well, he is just, he's one of our all-time favorite guests. He's oh so funny. He's here taping shows every evening of the festival. Please, a big warm round of applause for Mr. John Doerr, everybody. Thank you.

Yeah, yeah. Hi, John. This is where I sit? You can sit wherever you like, John. I've got to get my mic out. There we go. Hi, John. Hey, how's it going?

Good, how are you? Nice to see everybody. Thanks for coming out. Do we want to get to know us? Hmm. How are we going to do this?. Now we're going to do this. I think we're going to do it. Get to know us. Voice of an angel.

Yeah. Is that you? Is that you? That's me. It's been so long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was back in my castrato day. And John, what's on your phone? I have some notes from your opening. Oh, good, yeah. That was back in my castrato day. And John, what's on your phone? I have some notes from your opening. Oh, good. So I'll go through those now.

Okay, here we go. Yes, there was a Bachelor Canada. Oh, there was? Yeah. Okay. So the highly successful inaugural season of The Bachelorette Canada paved the way for The Bachelor Canada. So Bachelorette.

See, you know, women do it first. That's true. Then, great joke. Who, me? Husky in sheep's clothing. Yeah. Look at this picture. Isn't that cute?

It's a husky in a sheep costume. I had a great laugh out there. We'll circulate your phone so everyone can have a look. But you gotta promise you'll give it back. And don't go through my tweets. Or texts. Okay. French language. Yeah, you guys were very good.

How's yours? No, c'est bon. C'est good. It's bien. Yeah, it's pretty. Je suis né à Ottawa. Oui, c'est le capital. Do you know what he's saying? He said, I'm from Ottawa.

Je suis né. That's the verb tense passé composé. So you can compose verbs. I can only speak in the past, I realize. If anything happens in the present tense or the future, I can't talk about it. I can only speak to you in French about things that happened in the past. So it's être and avoir are the verbs that you're going to use.

Yeah, yeah. Tu compres. Tu déjà. Okay. I can't talk about what's going on right now um spider webs and cobwebs yeah okay i can't wait um cob is another word for spider oh shit yeah i mean you guys didn't know that everybody's acting like they knew that but they didn't know that. Everybody's acting like they knew that, but they didn't know that. It's antiquated.

I mean, it's Middle English. However, yeah, Cobb. So Cobb, whoops, Butterweb, pretty much the same thing. So Graham, I think you owe Graham an apology, Dave. Graham? Yeah? I'm sorry. How can I make it up to you?

No, the apology is enough. Oh, okay. Je suis... Except. French. There's also a cop of corn. Okay. Now, you were talking about picking up that steamroller.

Yeah. Yeah, you never got to start it. No. It's a good prank, though. Yeah, good prank. What were. Yeah, yeah. So you never got it started? No. It's a good prank, though. Yeah, good prank. What were you going to do with it if you got it going? We were going to roll over various objects. What were the objects?

Pylons, cans and bottles. Whatever you found on the street. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Garbage. You weren't going to buy milk from the store? Did you leave for the two minutes he was talking about the things he was going to roll over? No, I was researching stuff. So I'd listen to the beginning and then I'd research

and then I'd miss the rest. So yeah, you did roll over pylons? No, that was the goal. That was the goal. That was me getting my frustrations of losing the competition. It sucks. Yeah, but you've got to drink

all the free beer you can. I've got beer here, by the way. This is great. So Montreal. Here's what I love about Montreal, if I may. Yeah. Not a lot of things, by the way. This is great. So, Montreal. Here's what I love about Montreal, if I may. Yeah. Not a lot of things, by the way.

Nope, nope. And I, like, offense. Total offense to this. No, I do love Montreal. I grew up in Ottawa, so we spent a lot of time in Montreal. And, you know, there are different periods of my life where I like it, but I feel like Montreal, there's a bit of an attitude here of, good enough. You know what I feel like Montreal, there's a bit of an attitude here of, good enough.

You know what I mean? It's like the roads, good enough. We'll be late. It doesn't matter. I just feel like little details are overlooked, but that's probably just my own experience. Well, I know it's my own experience. Yeah. I saw...

It's definitely your own experience. When I got to the airport, when I arrived, okay? I got to the airport, and I went to get a coffee. And in this coffee shop, I guess they serve things that require condiments as well. Because there was a bottle, yellow bottle, which normally says what? That's mustard, right? Or muta. Muta.

Friend. So it was a yellow bottle, and taped to the side. So out the top of the nozzle, it's a squeeze bottle, out the top of the nozzle and around the edge where you secure the top of the lid, there's red oozing out the top and the bottom. And then taped to it, written on in Sharpie marker, taped to it is a piece of paper that says ketchup.

And I thought, I'm in Montreal. Good enough. But here's what i love about montreal this is a free society people will just say fuck it do whatever you want so good enough is sometimes great yeah great enough so uh i went before that i got early got here got early here to the podcast born in ottawa so i can yeah yeah so I went and got some food and I ordered a beer as I do and

I rushed over here because I didn't want to be late and the bartender said oh do you want a cup to go for your beer I said yes I do

yeah and yeah got a cup for a beer that's so cool it's very responsible yeah no straw

did you get a in the gift bag did you see we got Got a cup for beer. That's so cool. It's very responsible. Yeah. No straw. Did you get a, in the gift bag, did you say we got metal straws? Oh, yeah. Yeah. The gift bag is going to save the world. I got two metal straws in mine. I threw them in the St. Lawrence. In the ocean? Yeah.

I drove to the ocean. I welded them around the turtle's neck you know what metal straws are great for? making earrings for turtles exactly making jewelry

for aquatic animals the most reptiles the A&W downstairs this has been my experience in Montreal so far

trips to the A&W downstairs A This has been my experience in Montreal so far, is trips to the A&W downstairs. A-A-W? Yes. Les Amboogales. Be careful with the mustard and ketchup. What's in that? What's that? You never know what you're going to get.

You got to buy some of that package. It looks red with a fucking yellow in it. Yellow. Paper straws. That's the new thing. And I don't know anything about materials, right? I don't know about textiles. But paper, the least...

Water resistant? Yeah, strong against water. The least strong against water? I would say they don't cooperate well together. Liquids and paper. So I don't understand how... You're supposed to drink it fast. Oh, okay.

Oh, but then I get a headache. Yeah, there's really no Slurpee solution. No. Slurpees have very much said fuck it to this straw man thing. Good for them. Yeah. Yeah. You've got to find a cause and fight against it.

Yeah. You've got to find a cause to fight against. Yes, exactly. Yeah, I guess straws is mine. That's the cause and you should fight against it. I love straws. I love plastic straws. I'm not saying they're good.

I'm just saying we have to find a reasonable solution to these straws. And we're not there yet. We're not there yet. Not even close. We're going to get there, though. You think? I have faith. Okay. I'm not saying they're good. I'm just saying we have to find a reasonable solution to these straws. And we're not there yet. We're not there yet. Not even close. We're going to get there, though. I have faith. Okay. I don't.

But, like, generally. Are you a religious man? Absolutely. Yeah. Are you? Yeah. Do you want to go to church with me? Yes, I do.

Okay, then. That would be great. I guess we're not calling each other's blood. No, I think we'll be in church going, did you really want to come here?

Yeah. And I'll still go, yeah? Yeah. And so we're both getting baptized. You're both in the lake. We're leaders of a cult

for like three years. This really got out of hand. Well, we said it on stage we had to do it yeah anyway what do you want to do now

I don't know kiss yeah me too yeah totally you who's gonna go first both of us

okay we'll close our eyes okay ready here I come okay let's go back to church yeah this Okay, we'll close our eyes. Okay, ready? Here I come. Okay. Let's go back to church. Yeah.

This is not what they taught us in church. We've learned nothing. Sorry, Graham, you were saying? Oh, I was just ranting about straws off of one of my patented rants. Don't get me started. John, you are currently making your home in Alaska.

How's that? It's interesting. It's different. I didn't know this. How and why and where and how. I'm an investigative reporter. You knew this, didn't you? No, but you knew. I don't? Do I?

Okay. I thought you did. I've been living in Alaska for three months now. I've been visiting, going back and forth. It's probably important to mention that I had been living in Los Angeles, California. That's right. Yeah, so very similar. What are

the similarities between the two? Well, I'll give you an example um for instance i was leaving los angeles my friends give me a hard time or they're confused you know they're like you're moving to alaska yeah so yeah like you love los angeles oh yeah but aren't you gonna miss stuff like like for instance tonight uh bruce springsteen's playing at the forum oh yeah big deal yeah so i flipped through the like the paper in juneau alaska and on the same night there was uh it's true there was a uh live entertainment section same night thursday um live music from seven to eight it's called music on the fly uh from seven to eight at the baggage claim terminal at the baggage claim terminal at the Alaska

airline. Same city. They're both the same. I don't think Bruce Springsteen could keep his set to an hour. It says something to the patience and respect that these performers have for the audience at the baggage

claim terminal at the Geno Airport. So it's pretty much the same place. What was the question? I just wanted to know how it is up there in Alaska. You've never been? I've never been. I've been to the Yukon. Is it similar? Yeah, sure. I mean, it's different. I mean, Alaska

is very different, like, I mean, geographically. So I live in Juneau, so it's like a rainforest. It's very coastal. Summertime's a lot like Vancouver. It's a mean, geographically, so I live in Juneau, so it's like a rainforest. It's very coastal. Summertime's a lot like Vancouver. It's a little bit chillier, but like Vancouver in that lots of rain,

weather changes, overcast. Yeah, it's very pleasant in the summer. It's great. And tour boats come in. It's a very small town as well. Very progressive town.

You know, people trying to influence policy. It's the capital. So, yeah, you get a mix of, yeah trying to influence policy. It's the capital. You get a mix of interesting personalities. I like it. You've been doing a lot of open mics? None. There is an open mic at the Alaskan Hotel

and we went one night and someone farted so bad at the bar. No, I need to talk about this. I'm so sorry. There's no real way. There's no real way. It's just gross. We have to accept it.

But you know what? It's the, everyone, it's, it's, it's, farts, it transcends culture. Everyone. Was that their talent that they were bringing to the open mic? God, I mean. Just warming up at the bar. That would be an amazing

open mic if it was all flatulence. Just people prepping their diet the night before. There was a historical figure that was like in France.

The king of France loved this guy who was called Le Petit Man. Yeah. Well, you heard about the king of France. What?

No. What? He wet his pants right in the middle of a ballroom dance. I didnit Mère. Yeah. Well, you heard about the King of France. What? No. What? He wet his pants right in the middle of a ballroom dance. I didn't hear that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus Christ. Wait, is that true? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is he okay? He's dead. He died. Oh, because he wet his pants. Now guilty. He got hypothermia? Guilty. Oh, they killed him for being in his pants?

That's how they do. Oh, man. Well, it's aggressive, but important. But there was a guy that was the king's favorite entertainer, and he was a guy who could fart different tunes, and he could also sit in a bucket and soak water up and then shoot it out across the floor. And this was the king's favorite entertainer.

This is true. This is all true. And at one point Michael J. Fox wanted to make a movie about him. This is all true. This is all true. You can look it up. I love Michael J. Fox more now than I ever have. Trying to get funding for his farting.

I mean, it sounds like a Schneider Deuce Bigelow type film, but the fact that Michael J. Fox is like, we have to tell this story. Very smart. I love that. Oh my goodness. Okay, Michael, there's two projects. This one, you play a teenager who goes back in time. This one, you're like,

how do I put this? The best farter in France. Okay, well, if we can't get funding for that, I'll do the future one. Yeah, no, you combine the two. He's like, he's got to go back in time and be the farter, but not alter the course of history.

So he's trapped. He's like, I don't want to do this, but this is what the guy did. He used to suck water out of a bucket with his butt, using every last muscle of his sphincter, and then squirt it across the room. Hey, Mr. Fart. If he doesn't do it...

It's your cousin, Marvin Fart. Yeah, Marvin Fart. Marvin Flatulent. Yeah. And in the sequel of that film, Crispin Glover's likeness is used. I mean, we could go on forever. Do we keep making these jokes?

We can do the whole thing about back to the farter if we want. And back to the farter. But imagine having a king who that was the top entertainment and he still had to be like, the king. We respect the king. He's making good decisions for the country. He's like sitting in an opera being like, come on. When's this thing going to be over?

I got to go see the fart guy. It's not unlike Rob Ford being the mayor of Toronto. This is perfect. It makes total sense. I would love to have a king who said we're going to watch some farting today. People gather around. It's like having your dirty uncle as the king. Perfect.

I love dirty uncles. Do you have a dirty uncle? It's too dark. It gets weird, but I did have an uncle who once lifted me up because my dad threw a frisbee and he lifted me up the couch and hit me right in the face.

Nearly broke my nose and I cried. That's the uncle, but there's a real dark story. I'll tell you off air. Then you can tell me for the next podcast if you think it's appropriate, but I don't think it is. I don't think it is, yeah. We can explore the entire side of my mom's family, and it gets really weird real quick.

Is that right? Oh, yeah, totally. But it's actually stuff where I might have to change names. Oh, shit, not me, but their names. They can keep their names. I'll be the king of France that's my name the king of France you have a new series

that's come out or is coming out that's adventures with your oh with your mom that's not a series so well the series yeah there is a series

but we did one episode of the series it's called 50 ways to kill your mom right and so you yeah you go on adventure tourism activities but we did one episode of the series. It's called 50 Ways to Kill Your Mom. And so you go on adventure tourism activities with your mom. And it's supposed to be this bonding experience between mother and son. And you talk about your past.

And then some of the activities are supposed to be like metaphors for your relationship. Like we went on a jet boat ride in the rapids of Niagara Falls. And that's supposed to symbolize the rocky, turbulent relationship of my mother and I. And then we come out the other end, and everything's okay. Which it was not. True story. This might be interesting.

I think we told this on... Oh, did I? Yeah, and we were waiting for the funny part. We were waiting for you to be like... Oh, I did. That's right. To give us the old butt mustard. The butt ketchup in this city.

But yeah. Yeah. Okay. No, I did tell you that. The transient global amnesia. I totally forgot. Yeah. Yeah.

Did everybody know this story? I don't know. Yeah, tell it real quick. Tell it. Yeah. I'll be quick. Transient global amnesia. But also really quickly tell all the dark stuff from that side of the family as well.

Theft. Incest, sex working. No, theft! Theft. No, it gets really dark. I'm going to stay away from that. I don't know. Well, Transient Global, let me show my mom. We went on this

jet boat ride I'll be real quick and after the jet boat ride which was very intense my mother I could tell she was out of sorts and not really herself

and so I could tell her memory was off and I asked her questions that she should be able to know the answer to like who's the president of the United States for instance

and she said Barack Obama and so it's like alright something's wrong here because she clearly talks about Trump every day and how much he hates him so she's like, all right, something's wrong here. Because she clearly talks about Trump every day. I know how much she hates him. So she's in a better place, really. We should have left her.

Yeah, yeah. I bet he would like a partner. Is there any way we can leave her where she is? I mean, I know she's confused, but she's probably fucking happy. So long story short, it turns out she had something called transient global amnesia, which is high levels of anxiety combined with a cold water exposure to people over 60 usually between 60 and 80 and so yeah her memory was gone for about five hours trapped in this memory loop which was really horrifying and

sad but yeah she slowly came out of it and was fine so that was bizarre but I just for those who hadn't heard it all just does that make the show the team no it didn't which I was surprised like we gave them full permission to use it and I thought it was compelling maybe they thought we were treating it a little too we didn't give it enough attention like maybe to for people to witness that it might have been too much and then not to address it enough I don't know also like someone else on the show is like I went ziplining even like the company like if I don't know maybe it was a little bit

of the company suggesting hey don't show her going on the jet boat ride and afterwards going I think Barack Obama is the president like it's probably not yeah

who's the president of the United States the guy who farts from France I don't know so she yeah she was of the sorts but she's fine

but yeah that was a great experience the interesting part did I talk about her doing stand up no oh yeah so my mom did stand up comedy interesting part did I talk about her doing stand up no oh yeah so my mom did stand up comedy

really we did a five minute set of stand up comedy and she was fucking great yeah it was fun we had to write a set together the day of she had no idea

they brought an audience in we did it at the comedy bar in Toronto and so I kind of set the table and explained everything to the audience and then my mom came out and yeah

told jokes she was great she told one joke because I wanted her to experience like what it's like to fail as well yeah yeah how do you like it mom no not necessarily fail because it could have been successful but i wanted her to write her own joke and tell it and see what that feels like right without kind of collaborating with someone so my mom um we were sitting down at a restaurant. We had very little time left.

And she needs material. So she can't just spritz. Well, I said, what do you want to talk about? What do you find funny? Like, what do you want to say? She goes, well, Jonathan, do you remember that one time in the 1980s? It was during the AIDS crisis. What?

And she says says so every commercial was about protect yourself and sex anyway so my mom says you and Andrew Travella

kid I grew up with in the neighborhood name dropper he's dead oh no but anyway he wasn't at the time which is good

you don't want to have a row with a dead guy when you're five but anyway so my mom says that Andrew and I were talking in the kitchen, and she heard Andrew say, John, are you ever going to wear a condom? And we were like seven years old or something.

And my mom says she lifted the newspaper up and just giggled, and the newspaper was shaking. And I went, yeah. And she goes, well, that's it. I just thought that was really funny. And I said, Mom, you should tell that joke. She goes, okay, I will. And she got up and she told it.

And it did not go well at all. And then she said, in the most adorable way, she goes, anyway. Moved on to another joke. And that's what you do as a comedian. And I thought she was great. That was probably the most fun for me. Is she funny, like going into this?

Yeah, my mom's funny, but you know, stand-ups, it's just practice and takes forever to figure it out. So for her to go up on stage and do it for the first time,

she was great. But yeah, she's a funny person. Is she going to do more? Is she going to go on the road? Yeah. Netflix was talking to her about doing a special, yeah.

She's already got a special yeah they're giving them away yeah yeah three million dollars wow not bad

not bad that's not bad it's not bad at all yeah no so that was fun there was a a comedian in Vancouver

and his mom started doing stand up and he was mortified because it was just all pussy jokes like itup, and he was mortified because it was just all pussy jokes. Wow. And he would be on shows

that she also would be on, and she'd single him out in the crowd, like, my son, Herb. I kind of like it. I don't know. So what was the mom doing before stand-up? She was retired. She was retired,

and then she did a class was retired, and then she did a class for fun, and then she entered a competition, and she won the competition. That was the night you lost, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Herb's mom... That's what she went by.

Yeah. Graham's out there starting a caterpillar. Oh, someone lost another competition trying to flatten my past so this is big and that big yeah anyways it was eventually I think he stopped

and she continued that's super interesting who is it are we allowed to say I guess it doesn't matter I may not know who they are I mean so far we know it's a Herb. Yeah. Oh, did you say his name, Herb? Herb was the guy.

I can't remember her name. Oh, okay. Herb's mom. That'd be great if that was her name. Herb's mom. Well, we've got to go see that. I would. Appearing all this week, Herb's mom.

Yeah. Herb's mom will be here. Oh, it's perfect. Do we want to do some overheard stuff? Oh, sure. Just give me a minute. Okay, here we go. Here we go, guys. Oh, the bass. Oh, yeah.

Hotel ballroom bass. Overheard. Is this a ballroom? No. Conference room? Yeah. I don't know. I would have a ball in here. Yeah, yeah. Well, we kind of are. Yeah, this has been fun.

Overhearts, if you're not familiar with the show, much as it sounds, hilarious things that you've overheard or seen. And we'll all share one here. And then we have another microphone somewhere that we'll all share one here. And then we have another microphone somewhere that we'll bring out.

And if you in the audience haven't overheard or something funny you've overseen, come on up here and share it. We always like to start with the guest, John. Do I usually defer to you guys first? I can do it, but my... Yeah, you usually pretend you don't have one. And then it turns out you're not

pretending. Well, I genuinely have an overheard today, but it's a little bit different. But you don't want to go first. I don't mind going first. I just can remember the pattern. I have two. That are both Montreal related. Well, just tell one. Okay, I'll tell one now. No, just tell one.

We don't have a lot of time. And mine's really good. Okay. All right, I'll just do the one. You know what? You do two. I'll do mine another time. No.

Okay, well, then I'll go first. I agree. I agree to those terms. John Dora, everyone. This is one. Hi, everyone. Oh, sorry. Go ahead.

I thought you were reintroducing. This is an overseen when I. Oh, sorry, go ahead. I thought you were reintroducing. This is an overseen when I was just looking up stuff about Montreal. And this is from TripAdvisor. Someone has written a forum post. Visit the cartoon character Caillou? And it goes on. This is a strange inquiry.

Anyone have any suggestions of where we can visit something featuring Caillou on our upcoming visit to Montreal? My kids love disappointment. A museum? A museum of Caillou. A store? A statue? A painting? A poster? Thanks so much. So I love Caillou.

I want to go to the Caillou Museum, but I would settle for a poster. My kids are both very dumb. Do you know Caillou? I feel like I should. He's a bald-headed little boy. Right. I should know Caillou? I feel like I should. Ball-headed little boy. I should know Caillou. Kind of a wiener. Kind of a wiener, but also tough. I don't remember Caillou. How come I can't

remember Caillou? Oh, Caillou's too young for you. What's that mean? I got weird quick. No, I should know Caillou. So it's a cartoon character, I'm assuming. So why is that sad? Maybe someone really wants their child to be Caillou. So it's a cartoon character, I'm assuming. Yeah, yeah. And so why is that sad? Like, maybe someone really wants their child to be Caillou. I didn't say it was sad. I never said it was sad.

Okay, I'm sorry. Okay. Why is it sad, Graham? Because Caillou sucks. All I needed to know. Yeah. Caillou sucks. I'm an Arthur man.

Always have been. Oh, yeah. I've seen the tattoos. I like Garfield oh yeah he hates Mondays yeah loves lasagna though does he really does

and he treats John like shit yeah also hate does he hate Odie yeah he's not a fan of Odie

and what was his what was his doll's name did he have a doll poke no oh he did he had a teddy bear? No. Oh, he did. He had a teddy bear. Yeah. Now we're trying to remember stuff on a podcast.

That's what a podcast is. Remembering? A podcast should be successful remembering. No, no, no. It's a lot of like, what is it, and somebody's at home listening, and they know what it is, and they're shouting at their device. That's a podcast. That's great. You're right. We're doing a great job yeah yeah yeah you want to hear my you want to

hear my overheard yeah absolutely so mine's very literal in that this i heard from over my head oh so um my girlfriend has a five-year-old daughter i'm essentially i was thrown into a world of parenting uh i went from sitting on a bar stool in Los Angeles to, okay, time to make lunches and take a kid to daycare. Yeah. Wow. One day, I love it. You're like a real Mr. Mom.

Yeah, it's very much like that. Do you ever accidentally, you know... Fax or diaper? Yeah. Iron diaper. I don't know. It's all diaper stuff. No, David, I don't.

No, anyway. So we're at the... She likes piggyback rides, so I'll put her on my shoulders. So we're checking out of the grocery store and it's just me and her daughter. Her daughter's not allowed to have a toy this day. That's been explained. Not allowed to have a toy, but she really wants a Ken doll.

This is my overheard. I'm checking out of the grocery store. She's on my shoulders but she really wants a Ken doll. So this is my overheard. I'm checking into the grocery store. She's on my shoulders. She really wants this Ken doll and she leans down, hanging upside down like a bat. Kind of arcs her head down so her eyes are upside down staring into my eyes.

True story. And she says, if you don't get me a Ken doll, I'm going to kill my mom. True story. Her head comes back up. But then immediately she descends back down, like hair hanging down, upside down eyes,

looks at me for emphasis and says, I'm going to kill your girlfriend. And it comes back up. Amazing. Yeah, true story. This kid will say anything.

I love it. Did you get the Ken doll no no you stood firm oh no you're not getting a Ken doll I just told her

I won't tell your mom that you said that if you don't tell her I have a fucking girlfriend that's a stand up comedy joke the last part but I wasn't going to do it but since you inquired further

I have to come clean. But it's true. That genuinely happened. Good. That's right. Kids. Kids, huh? My overheard also involves a kid.

When I went to the Manitoba Museum, I went in the planetarium. They had a show about the moon landing. I went in the planetarium. They had a show about the moon landing. There was a guide that did, these are the different constellations. Then they showed this movie about the moon landing. There was a whole field trip there as well.

The second that the film ended, this kid, as loud as he could, went, that was long. That's great. People have been getting crazy about this moon landing oh yeah dude it's weird like budweiser released a special kind of beer to celebrate the moon landing and i was like well that's fine yeah but like there was it's been the 50th anniversary of every 60s thing yeah and there was no was no commemorative JFK getting killed. I mean, I did my own special ceremony. Did Budweiser put a JFK beer?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put your head back into the left. When you chug this beer, it'd be great. There's so much there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm. For those who didn't understand, when JFK was shot his

head went to the left and the brain matter went all over his wife okay I have one more over here oh yeah I do may I yes please please please oh please please Papa this is one that I just I wanted to do it just because I overheard it on the elevator here yeah and there were two women in the elevator, and they were going to this floor. And one of them said, what's on floor five? And the other one said, well, I'm late to it, but I'm going to this thing where white people are going to solve racism. So is she at this show? Is that woman here?

Because I think we're getting pretty close. Yeah, we're... Do you want to try and solve racism right now? Okay, you start. Okay, great. You start by fielding questions. Go ahead. Oh, John, what is race?

Great question. Graham? What is ism? Do we want to accept audience overheards at this point? All right. Now, do we have... Oh, there. That's the mic.

Oh, I see. It's a roaming mic. Oh, it'll be a very Phil Donahue. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Hello. What's your name?

My name's Roy. Hi. Hi. Hi. This segue is right from yours. I was in the bathroom right as the show, before this let out, and two guys were talking, and one of them said, that was pretty good, but I expected more racism. Oh. Expected more?

So there wasn't enough racism? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we can fix that. Yeah. Ew. Maybe he didn't enough racism. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we can fix that. Ew. Maybe he didn't want... It's over. Maybe he was pleasantly surprised.

Maybe he didn't want more racism. He was just, I was expecting more racism. You know what? There wasn't as much racism as I thought. But what's enough racism? Yeah.

You know, there was just enough racism in that show for me to enjoy it. Yeah, it's a real Goldilocks story. The warm bowl of racist oatmeal. Oatmeal is racist. Oatmeal's in racism? What was that? No,

apples and cinnamon. Never mind. I'm trying to make something that makes makes Does anyone want to dispart out? Yeah, end this Alright, alright, we got you Go there, that hand is still up Hello, Dave Graham and probable guest Hello, what's your name? My name is Violet from Montreal

Violet, hello Thank you I'm an anglophone, so I can't I can't understand you, but thank you for the effort My overheard comes courtesy of Seattle, and hopefully as the kids say, the darndest They had a little exhibit in one of their

museums about, for the kids, what would you do if you could rebuild Seattle And in the middle, on a post-it note, in big, big capital letters, I like Fortnite. Did something happen to Seattle that we don't know about? Yeah.

How would you rebuild Seattle? That's great. Great overheard violin, everybody. Round of applause Why not Who else Who else How would you rebuild Seattle

Upside down space needle On a giant space record That'll take a fortnight It'll probably take more than that But I was trying to incorporate Who else do we have here? Sure Do it

Yeah You don't need our permission Hi guys Hello Matt from Ottawa Nice Home of the Sens Yep

Yeah Born and raised? Yep Oh I love it What high school did you go to? Sir Will Which high school? Sir Will

On 10th line Okay what's your question? So I was I was at the dermatologist And the walls were paper Wait wait wait Which dermatologist? I don't know

What street? What street? I think Carling Carling? Yeah Now we're talking Yeah So

There's an older guy In the room next door. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's his name? Sorry, I'll shut up. I'm sorry. Go ahead. And he's saying to the doctor, when you get older, everything shrinks.

I've lost two inches of my height. And he says, everything shrinks. Everything shrinks. Even my penis. Stop. Everything. That's so great. I love when you have to spell it out at the end.

Everything shrinks. Everything. I mean everything. Is this fucking guy getting it? My dick is smaller. That is so good. Have you guys encountered that yet? Next Anyone have an overview?

Yeah, anybody else? Who else? Who else? Got some people up here Oh, so many peeps At least three Yeah Hello

I'm Amy from New Jersey Hello And Dave, I also have penguin gummies Oh, good Cool, thank you Dave loves them I have an ongoing quest for people to bring me Trader Joe's stuff Thank you

So we were walking in our city park at home And there was a guy coming towards us He was probably in his 20s And he had two little girls One was like 8 or 9 And another one was like 6 And the older girl was telling him a story and she was really into it she was you know excited and smiling and telling him and he was really listening and into it like they seemed like they were really having a good time and I as they got closer the girl says

and that's why I don't like to read and he says to her well you know our family is known for hating reading I'd love to be known for that yeah generations well just don't then what's the last book you read what's that what's the last book you read last book I read in its entirety

just like skimmed last book I picked up but I'd read it before was Denial of Death by Ernest Becker is that okay yeah I don't know it

it's the one you gotta pick up every now and then and just keep yeah thumbing through yeah what's it about? A wizard named Harry.

The motivation behind human existence is really managing our anxiety associated with the fact that we know we're one day going to die. So, Boris... Let's move on. I don't read fiction anymore. I can't do it.

Like, I can't get through it. Is it because you're just like, this is just some fucking thing a guy made up? It ain't Norm Macdonald. It ain't just some fucking thing a guy made up. It's just fucking... I can take a this shit. But doesn't it feel that way sometimes?

It does. It doesn't feel that way sometimes. it does oh no I slipped into it oh it's hard to get out of once you get in you know what I mean yeah yeah yeah I don't know what it is I feel like it's an investment if I get hooked yeah early then I could probably continue but I just don't bother picking it up so it's all non-fiction

what's the last book you read David I don't know what I don't know I haven't read a What? I don't know. I mean, I haven't read a whole book in a long time. They're hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not known for your reading. No, my family is well known for hating reading. Well, I'll put

a book down halfway through and then three weeks will go by and I'll think, well, I don't remember anything. You've got to start over. I know. I can't start over. Okay. I'm recognizing it's difficult to start over over but you'd have to in order to yeah i i listen to audio audiobooks do they count yeah listen to books that's a book yeah yeah well the last audiobook i listened to was denial of death

no it was a free will by sam harris so let's do it on the plane on the way here good yeah great allial, but interesting. Go ahead, what? Well, I thought you were going to say something. No, no, no. I hate talking. Oh, yeah. Me too. You haven't overheard?

I hate talking. Oh, yeah, yeah, I know it. Famously. That's one of my least favorite things you do I don't like talking yeah I hate it too yeah I hate it I believe it's annoying yeah to have to constantly think of stuff to say and say it or are we really thinking of it or did we think the thought before we thought it? Now we're getting into the free will.

Yeah, Sam. Yeah. But anyway, let's, yeah. Anyway. Talking sucks. Sucks. I believe I saw a few more. I hate it.

Like, it's one of my least favorite things to do. And that's the last I'll say about it. Done. A couple more overhers I saw out there. Here we go. How about a round of applause for Professor

Smith. Hello. Hello. I'm Lisa from Philadelphia. Hello. I have an overseen from yesterday. I was, thank you for squishing down just then. I was in McGill College's campus,

wandering around and trying to find the Natural History Museum, but everything's labeled really poorly. So I was just wandering around a lot. And then there was a pregnant woman in a cute dress, crouching down and foraging for berries in a shrub she's eating the berries off of the shrub no one she wasn't with anyone she's in a cute dress adorable little baby belly eating berries. Please tell me that's the end of the story.

That's it. I love it. I think you were in the Natural History Museum. You found it. Yeah. That's an exhibit to itself.

I love that. No, the dress. Was it you? Yeah, it was you. Let's go over the details one more time. Yeah. Just crouching it up

she wasn't giving birth was she no i don't think so no she was far enough along she was it's pretty casual that would be a very casual birth while i'm giving birth let me pick some berries like seems like two worlds colliding there so yeah she wasn't giving birth in my opinion but yeah that's a very i love that story in your opinion yeah, you know, and I've read a couple books, so I think I know a little something about this. But yeah, that's what you do to manage your anxiety associated with the fact that you know you will meet

and your consciousness will one day cease to be. Unless you upload it to the computer. Oh, yeah, Legacy Projected is an entire segment of Ernest's book. Is that right? Oh, of course. We all want to segment of Ernest's book. Is that right? Oh, of course. We all want to leave a legacy. Anyway, go ahead. What would you like your legacy to be?

I don't care about one. Well, it's pointless to even think of one in a way. I mean, it's important to believe in one because it keeps us alive. But it doesn't matter in the end, does it? Because you won't be around to enjoy it. Yeah. I want to thank everyone for coming out. I want my legacy to be

Best American President Nice What would your legacy be? Best Farter in France Well you took mine Is there one more or more than one more? Just the one? Oh there's one in the back too

Let's do you Hello You already have it right? Yeah Hi I'm Tina I'm Western Mass So let's do you. Hello. You already have it, right? Yeah. Okay. Hi, I'm Tina. Hi, Tina. I'm from Western Mass.

And I was at a professional conference in the restroom, and a woman walked in talking to a colleague, and I heard the mid-conversation. So I had to make a Pinterest board to figure out how to wear overalls to the office. I miss it. I had to make a Pinterest board to figure out how to wear overalls to the office. I had to make a Pinterest board to... Figure out how to wear overalls to the office. Yeah, I love it. That's tough.

How would you do it? One leg at a time. I'd do a necktie, Avril Lavigne style. No shirt. No shirt. Barrel of corn under one arm. I can't decide whether... Crouching and eating berries out of a bush.

I can't decide whether the necktie goes over the overalls, under, or in the little pocket. I think you wear two ties. One tucked in and then one hanging out the front. Two ties? Yeah. So who is... Can you describe this person a little bit more? Oh, you can only hear a little bit more? No,

because I was in the exhibition. Oh, you can only hear, oh shit, yeah, yeah, okay.

Interesting. But I don't think, did you guys ever wear overalls? To the office? No, no, just in your existence.

Like, did you ever? I think from Oshkosh. Yeah. But gosh. No, but when you, sorry,

at a time when you were picking them out to wear them. No. No. Like high school, you never. I think in the junior high I did.

You did? Yeah, because the overalls with the one strap off was. You did? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Why not?

I had a pair. Why not? Yeah. Well. You know what? Make me a Pinterest board. They're not functional, but it is interesting because it is a trend that you either go, you got to go for it.

I did. Yes. I had, I think I had, I flirted with the idea of wearing overalls with the straps, but I think I ended up buying,

remember they had those overalls, they were like just jeans, but they look like overall bottoms? Or, yeah, the bottoms of overalls? No.

You don't? No. What? Okay, so they'd have the same design on the bottom. Please, someone back me up on this. You know what I'm talking about? Thank you.

So it's not a... You know, I can stop talking. Someone confirmed it. It would look like the bottom half of overalls without having to commit to the denim front with the straps. It looked like you were wearing a sweater over top of that because the bottoms... You had the little strap here to put your hammer in

if you needed to bring a hammer with you to high school. And I did. We lived in a tough neighborhood. You'll back me up on this. Ottawa South, my friend. Hogsback, that's where I grew up. Brookfield High School. I often had to go in with a hammer.

What was the mascot of your high school? Oh, I don't think we had one. Oh, that was a rough high school. Hammer. That's what it was. No, I don't think we had one. It was a hammer. No, I don't think we had one. We were the Brookfield Blues. So I don't think we had a mascot. It is sad, isn't it? It was sad. Yeah.

I remember there was a big fight at an intramural floor hockey tournament. That's where you need your hammer. I'll tell you that much. Yeah. Do we have another? I want to ask you about your overalls. Oh you that much. Yeah. Yeah. Do we have another? I want to ask you about your overalls. Oh, tell me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Were they jean looking or were they like cross colors? No, denim. Okay. Yeah. They weren't like Jamaican colored? No. Aside from the fact that the bobsled team came from Jamaica and participated in the Calgary Olympics, that's the extent of our Jamaican connection in Calgary but I

feel like in the early 90s everyone was a little Jimmy no I wasn't I was told no you you you won't solve racism this way but I think it was just racist one more where's the microphone? Oh, there it is. Oh, there it is. Okay, so everyone, still yourselves. This is the last overheard.

Hello. Hi, I'm Mike. This festival's a lot of fun. Mike, do you work for Just for Laughs? No. Okay, let's check in. Not anymore. You know how the grounds have

a bunch of people doing performance art, and there's all these weird things to see? There's this man with this mega suit of a giant 15-foot tall head with big hands, and he dances with a woman on a ball. It's really weird looking. But the hands are massive, and I overheard a kid speaking in French, giggling so hard and just being like his hands are so big that's so stupid that child is right and it is stupid if you want to catch us later, we'll all be doing some street performing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd soak up water out of a bucket. Go on. Then what? Then it's like the fountain down in the mall. To the entertainer. Oh, yeah, I remember. Yeah, the entertainer. Well, that brings us to the end of this live podcast

John you're doing shows tonight and tomorrow night is that right this is true yeah tomorrow night

I'll be out in Vancouver as well very soon yeah so yeah we'll see you guys in Vancouver maybe we do a

follow up or not or not I guess this is it. First time I've ever tried to invite myself on your podcast. And now I see why it never happened before. Wow. What a way to find out.

Okay. We're friends. I got it. Well, we'll see you in Vancouver. Yeah, maybe now. I don't know. I'll be there. I don't know. I'll be there. I don't know if I'll be reaching out. We'll also be there.

I know you'll be there. I'm just saying, this has done a lot. Yeah. To affect our relationship. Really? Well, a little bit. I said I'm going to be there. Maybe I'll see you.

And the two of you stared at me and were silent. I mean, if anything, you can still blow it off and say, cool, man. Yeah, give me a shout. Like, that would have been enough. But you just stared at me. I hate to get all needy at the end of the podcast, but... John, you know how much I hate talking. John, cool, man, give me a shout.

Yeah. Thanks. Yeah. Thank you all so much for coming out to this podcast at 2.30 in the afternoon on a Friday. Go tell your bosses that you had, I guess, stomach cramps. Yeah. We'll sign any notes that say

you were allowed to miss work for this. We'll stick around for a couple of minutes if anyone brought other things from Trader Joe's for me. And thank you very much to Just for Laughs for having us. This was a real treat. Thank you to Victor. Thank you to Victor.

Mommy, it's over. It's over. Bye.