Stop Podcasting Yourself - Bonus Episode - LIVE from MaxFunCon East

Episode Date: January 24, 2013

Recorded live at MaxFunCon East at Pocono Manor on October 28. Comedian Hari Kondabolu joins us and we spend about 90 seconds tearing a Hulk Hogan shirt off Graham.

Stop podcasting yourself. Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Hey everybody! Hello everybody, welcome! Oh boy! Thanks for the people that hung out. Hey, everybody! Hi, everybody. Welcome. Oh, boy. Thanks for the people that hung out.

And shame on those who left. And thanks for those of you who were up till six-some-odd o'clock in the morning. Is that how you talk? Is that how I talk? Sure. Yeah, some-odd. We appreciate the fact that you guys stuck around, the fact that you're so

bright-eyed here at this 10 a.m. taping of a podcast. Here in the beautiful fake rock wallpaper room of Pocono Manor Astro Man. Why did some people stay up until 6 in the morning? Like, it's not your last day on Earth.

In a lot of ways. Yeah, well, that storm, right? Oh, boy. Oh, let's talk about that some more. Jeez, yes. Oh, let's talk about that some more. For the home listener, we are minutes away from just getting pummeled by Hurricane Sandy. Yeah.

A hurricane so masculine it could play Peter Pan. Yeah. Yeah, it's just like it was all election stuff and everybody is now like, that'll take care of itself. The storm, though. Oh, lordy. Dave, do you want to get to know us?

Let's do. Get to know us. That still holds up. Still good. A classic from 2008. A real wall of sound recording. Now, Dave and I, we came in a couple days early to New York City. Well, first we stopped in

Newark. Yes! Shout out to the Wyndham Inn. The Wyndham City. Yeah. You guys unfortunately missed their annual Halloween party, which was happening last night. They had photos from last year.

There was two people dressed up in the photos. And then, yeah, we hung out in New York for a couple of days and saw all the big sights. If you were here for International Waters yesterday, you heard about our adventures at the M&M's store. And equivalents.

And yeah, we saw a bunch of stuff. What was your favorite moment? Well, I don't know. You know what? It's a big city. Sure. I actually, I was getting really excited to go to New York and go to Max FunCon. And I hadn't been to New York since I was nine years old.

And I'd never been in the fall, and so I prepared by watching the classic film from the year 2000, Autumn in New York. Oh, sure. Yeah. How did it stack up? Oh, it stacks up great. It stars Richard Gere as a 50-year-old playboy and a 30-year-old Winona Ryder is a 22 year

old shy woman who makes hats and she's dying. From all the chemicals. Poor lady. She's mad as a hatter. And it's like they've got a lot of shots of autumn in New York.

And it's beautiful. The leaves are changing. And what a sight. But it is overall, I hate to break it to you, a terrible movie. Here's how bad the movie is. Winona Ryder shows her nipples twice. And I think they're both by accident I like a director like I wouldn't reshoot that nobody's gonna don't tell Winona

Ryder yeah so you know what that was worse than actual autumn in New York, which is good. Oh, okay. Jesus. Not a great review. My most disappointing thing about New York was we went to, we didn't go in, but we went to the Guy Fieri restaurant. Yeah. We saw a sign for the Guy Fieri restaurant. The host of Diners drives in drags. Drags and diamonds and dragons. Yeah, yeah.

The host of Diners drives in drags. Drags and diamonds and dragons. Yeah. And we were like, oh, we got to go there. And we went. We really did even kind of run a little bit. We were like, oh, we're tired. Do you want to go back to the hotel and take a nap? And then we got our second wing when we saw a sign for it.

And so we raced over there. And I was disappointed because it was tasteful. Yeah, it was too classy. And we were hoping that it would be like, you know, just all jukeboxes and you get your food on a flip-flop. And so we just, we didn't bother going in. My favorite moment was we were in, we were crossing through Times Square, and we were standing in the kind of the middle of an intersection. There's like a little island, and there was a guy showing his friends around,

and he knew some facts about the city. And so he was telling his friend one of these facts, so we stopped to kind of like listen in and see, you know, hey, get some of this insider knowledge. And they were standing over one of those grates on the street and he was saying to his friends like, do you hear that sound coming out of the grate? And they were like, yeah.

And he says, a lot of people don't know what that sound is. Some people think it's the subway. Some people think it's machinery. But actually it's an art installation. And Dave turned on his heel so fast and ran into traffic like he just

like, we are done here. Oh, man. Yeah, you're trying too hard, New York. Quit trying to impress me. We went to the Nat Sherman store. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Do you guys know what Nat Sherman is?

We were walking by it and we had this little chat outside that was... Will Graham explain to me what it was? It's like a really fancy tobacco company and when I used to smoke, when I was cool, I used to smoke

and the last pack of cigarettes I ever smoked were Nat Sherman's, and they cost like $25 or whatever. So I was like, oh, let's just go in and smell the smells. And, oh, it was the greatest goddamn thing. They had just

jars of tobacco that you could just stick your face right in. I mean, maybe you're not supposed to, but... Tip your beard in there. Walk around smelling like a fantastic old man. That's a lifestyle I could get used to. Just like... Being a fantastic old man? Yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

One-piece jumpsuit. Belted. Yeah! No, but like, just pipe smoking and, like, having tools on hand to dig around, you know. Just start tinkering around with a toaster. Yeah. Just, like, scraping tar off of everything. Trying to fix a remote.

Yeah, I'm not sure I know how smoking works. Yeah! We also had a really Canadian, very Canadian moment in New York when we were walking down the street. We say sorry a lot. And Dave, like a lady bumped into

Dave, and Dave said sorry, and I wasn't even involved, and I said sorry. I was just in the proximity of a thing that happened. So, yeah, we found it very hard to blend in and appear to be locals when we were apologizing to everyone for hitting them with our M&M store bags.

But, yeah, it's a great city. If you ever want to recreate the Night Court theme song, it's a great place to see steam coming up from the ground. Yeah, yeah. And it's also just like every block or so, there's just like a smell that will just hit you out of nowhere. And you don't always know what it is. That's the great, like, you know,

you're walking past like a hot nut vendor, and then that hits you, and then all of a sudden you're like breathing in deep, and you're like, oh shit, now I'm in a garbage smell moment. Like, it's caught me mid-scent. Yeah, New York, a lot of fun. A lot of fun, you guys. I don't know if you've heard of it.

They hired a couple of Canadians to come to the Poconos and describe New York. Should we bring out our guests? Why not? Oh, guys, if you were here on Friday night and watched the stand-up show, you saw this gentleman perform.

He's a guy that I've known for many, many years, and I'm so very glad to have him here as a guest today. Please welcome to the stage Hari Kanabulu, everybody. Welcome. Welcome! Oh man, I'm so happy to do this. It's amazing to have you here. Yeah, it's been such a long... Because I haven't seen Graham in like six years. Yeah, my beard was knee-high to a grasshopper. Well yeah, it was just...

It was a very different time of life. So it's nice to reminisce. Yeah. And so how are things? How are things going? What's going on? Oh, they're all right. I'm writing for a TV show, Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell.

That's going to be amazing. Things are going really well. I'm so close to health insurance. We had that conversation last night, and it was just the most bizarre, like, oh, so that's a thing. That's how you know things are going well, that you might not die at any moment, is the thing.

So that's, like, the countdown is now, which is a horrible thing to be counting down. But very soon you're going to have health insurance. I think another month, if I can just not get hurt in the next month, which makes for a very interesting or very boring short film. So absolutely nothing happened. I've heard that Jason Biggs is interested in the project. Fuck Jason Biggs. Let's the project. Now... Fuck Jason Biggs.

Let's put that on the record now. I hate Jason Biggs. Allison Hannigan style. He wrote... Spoiler alert. He tweeted something about Indian people Spoiler alert. He tweeted something about Indian people spelling like something.

It wasn't good. It wasn't like flowers? Like jasmine flowers, which is racist but in a very specific kind of way that has some cultural competency. But he said, I don't remember what the context was, but he said something about

an Indian kid leaving a room and it's smelling like tandoori chicken or something. And it was just like, Jason Biggs! I was going to watch the American Pie reunion movie, but no longer.

That will be downloaded illegally. I'm throwing away my copy of Naked Mile, even though you're not in it. What a bizarre thing to say. Yeah, it was... Because that cast kind of had varying degrees of success after the American Pie franchise. Right.

And the guy who played the Shermanator apparently now is a waiter at a sushi restaurant. Oh. And when I told Dave that, he said, yeah, that's about right. That could be any of us. People need food. Yeah, absolutely.

People need food more than they need American Pie sequels. That's a good platform to run on. Four years ago, General Motors was dead, Osama Bin Laden was alive. And the Shermanator was in movies. He's going to listen to this podcast at work and be like, oh man. Then his boss is like, why are you listening to podcasts? You're a waiter.

I'm back. The Shermanator'm back. The germinator's back. Oh. So what else is going on? Tell us about your life in general. What's happening? You're writing. That's amazing.

I'm writing. You're going to have health insurance. I'm going to have health insurance. No karate for you. No. And what else? Sometimes I think maybe I should have taken karate at some point because I'm still really afraid of teenagers. Oh, yeah.

I thought that would go away when I became a teenager. Yeah. And then well past that point. But still, teenage kids on a train, I'm like, please don't hurt me. I'm not even old enough to really legitimately be like, oh, my bones are brittle. But like. You could fake a heart condition at the very least just any kid any kid that comes out with a book bag like oh god no

i don't have health insurance yeah you're covered on your parents plan probably now do you think uh striking a karate pose would intimidate any teenager? These modern teenagers, what with their video games and guns. You guys weren't in New York that long, but there's usually at least one person who strikes a karate pose on the subway at any moment. Oh, really? So per train, somebody's like, ah. And I'm like, all right. Isn't the instinct when somebody strikes a karate pose to just laugh? Like you instinctively go like, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Or duck, depending on how real the situation is. Yeah, that's true. I've never been in a karate pose to just laugh? You instinctively go like, ha ha ha ha. Or duck, depending on how real the situation is. Yeah, that's true. I've never been in a karate fight. You weren't in your 20s and the 80s? That's how people lived back then. I got a lot of karate headbands,

but I never graduated to the belts. but I never graduated to the belts. I wonder how many people got their ass kicked in the 80s after watching Karate Kid thinking that move, that flamingo kick, would actually do it. It's almost like a corny joke now but I'm sure at some point somebody tried it and had their leg broken.

Did you call it the flamingo kick? Isn't that what it was called? I think it was the broken. Yeah. Did you call it the flamingo kick? Isn't that what it was called? I think it was the crane. Oh. Oh, wow. The flamingo is a little, like... Why would... Yeah.

If the flamingo kicked, it would just fall over because it's using the one leg. Wait, it's not called the flamingo kick. I've been living a lie for so many... I wonder how many people heard me call it that and just excused it because they liked me. That's how you know who your real friends are.

It's a crane kick. I have no real friends. I wonder if you have any friends that when you call their phone, a picture of a flamingo comes up. Mocking me from afar. That trilogy's great. Well, part three was disappointing. Somebody went, what? I want to like the trilogy

because it's... How many 80s trilogies are there? It's that and Back to the Future, right? No, there's got to be other ones. Indiana Jones was a trilogy in the 80s. Oh, right. Star Wars sort of counts. I've never seen Star Wars.

What? Wow. In this credit, it's like admitting I'm a virgin. How have you avoided it so long? I'll tell you what happened. I hadn't seen it, and then the prequels came out. And then I thought to myself, Oh, you know what I'll do?

I'll watch this in actual chronological order from the prequels came out. And then I thought to myself, oh, you know what I'll do? I'll watch this in actual chronological order from the prequels on. And then watch the... And I got through the second prequel. I'm like, oh, this is garbage. Why would anybody like this? And apparently the real ones are very good. The originals are very good. But it's too late now.

Yeah. It is also... Like, I had a conversation with somebody who had never seen The Goonies. But I'm like, it's too... Like, you're not gonna... No. You're It is also, like, I had a conversation with somebody who had never seen The Goonies, but I'm like, it's too, like,

you're not gonna, you're not gonna go, oh, ah, it's really good.

Oh, my youth, my youth. I'm reliving my youth I didn't have. Yeah, my dumb

youth. My dumb youth. But, like, what happens if Star Wars comes on TV?

Do you just flip away from it as fast as you can, or, like, how do you, have you, Because it just feels like it's around. I don't have a television.

Oh, what? I'm a television writer who doesn't have a television and I'm not very funny. I'm a fraud, Graham. No, no. This is the day they figured it out. Today was the day.

I was waiting for this for 12 years. Today's the day. I'm a fraud. Well, I mean, until today I thought you were a karate expert. today's the day I'm a fraud well I mean until today

I thought you were a karate expert so um so uh how have you enjoyed uh

Max FunCon oh it's been lovely well what have you done while you were here I've watched so much television haha yeah I told you

I don't have a TV yeah somebody said like what did you do last night like I went to bed at a reasonable hour which is a half truth I went to bed at a reasonable hour, which is a half-truth.

I went to bed and then started watching Rocky 3. Oh, nice. Yeah. Incredible. Man. I was talking to somebody, this was, like, a couple of weeks ago, we were talking about plans for Halloween, and I realized halfway through the conversation that I was talking about

Rocky Horror Picture Show, and they were talking about Rocky Balboa. Like, they talked about a love story, and I'm like, there's a love story in Rocky Horror. Like, it all made sense, and then they're like, but it's really violent, and I was like, it's not that. Like, I mean, they zap with, like, a cartoon laser at one point. It's not very violent.

Well, I guess Meatloaf. Yeah. Or no, Meatloaf is the guy that gets eaten. Meatloaf's in both movies. In both. He's in Rocky. What?

And Rocky Horror Picture Show. Yeah. What is he in Rocky? He plays Butterbean. That makes no sense, but I'm laughing. Butterbean ash. Yeah, whenever I visit America, the television that I watch the most is Fox News,

because we don't really get it in Canada. And it's just like... It's like watching an aquarium. Like, there's so many things going on. And it, like, just moves so fast. And I'm like, I don't know who this person is. And then they throw it over to another person that I don't know who it is. And one of the segments that they did yesterday is the anchor threw to a pundit.

And the pundit started their side of the conversation with, Well, this is ridiculous. That's great. You guys don't know what you got here. You know, it's like, it's real. Like, it's not like a... Like it's not like a phony... It's not the onion or anything.

It's an actual... People actually believe those things. Yeah, I'm sorry. How is life without a TV? Like, I guess you got a lot done, right? No. Not as much as you think. I mean, you can waste your time on the internet.

Oh, internet, right. You can watch stuff on there. I basically watch the same three movies over and over again. Rocky III. Yeah. Rocky III. Some Kind of Wonderful.

Oh, yeah. Which is really the hidden John Hughes gem. Oh, it's incredible. Written but not directed. Is that right? You know more about the movie I've seen 800 times than I do. Honestly, I've thought about this

for some time, but if we were to make Some Kind of Wonderful a political movie, if you did like a queer version of it, where Amanda and Watts end up together. For people who don't know, I think this might be a little insider. Well, look, that's what I do. I'm about getting three people at a time.

If I get three people out of this, then I'm perfectly happy. Some Kind of Wonderful is a movie with Eric Stoltz, the original Marty McFly. He reprises his role as Marty McFly. He reprises his role as Marty McFly from The Mask.

Mary Stewart Masterson as his tomboy best friend. And Leah Thompson as Miss Amanda Jones. Yes. And he's in love with Amanda. He's an art student. And what they called at the time a loser.

Yeah. In the 80s. He takes all of his college fund and goes and buys her diamond earrings. Yeah, and sets up this ridiculous... He has a friend whose father... Who was... Elias Koteas, who played Casey Jones in the Ninja Troll movies. Yeah.

I love this movie. And his father works at an art museum. who played Casey Jones in the Ninja Troll movies. Yeah. I love this movie. His father works at an art museum, Elias Cateas' character, and he has this amazing night for Amanda set up, and they go through, and then he's totally in love with her because she's beautiful and popular, and at the end of it,

he realizes he's actually in love with his tomboy best friend, Watts. Twist-a-roo! is he's actually in love with his tomboy best friend, Watts. Ooh. Yeah, yeah. Twist a room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not a particularly good film by any critical measure. But I still live in an 80s romantic comedy, and so it makes perfect sense to me. Yeah.

Do you think he only took roles where he could be in love with Leah Thompson? Like, this makes up for losing Back to the future yeah yeah so that's uh rocky three some kind of wonderful what's the third movie you say watch three movies yeah it's untamed heart uh starring christian slater marissa tomei man that scene where he karate's those guys. Oh, man. Holy. You know what's weird is that only... I like the part when he's crying, but that's the difference.

You know, when he's crying because he's in love with her. Yeah. And then he's just so... Because he has a... He thinks he has a baboon's heart. But that's what... Is the movie called Baboon's Heart? Yeah.

I think it was originally called something like that, but they changed it to Untamed Heart. Yeah. Because the baboon's Heart? Yeah. I think it was originally called something like that, but they changed it to Untamed Heart. Yeah. Because the baboon was wild. Yeah. Well done. It's so good. Baboon ass.

It's only in movies like that where, because Christian Slater basically stalks Marissa Tomei. I don't think. I mean, he was protecting her. But yes, yeah, he was stalking. But he only protected... His stalking versus protection time was like, there's a lot of stalking and then like a minute of protection. Basically, in that movie, if...

Because basically in the film, two dudes try to assault her and he beats the shit out of those dudes and saves her. But at the same time, let's say that never happened, and at some point she figured out he was following her. That's a different movie. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, those two guys are kind of... This dude that doesn't talk so much and just follows you home is weird. Or do you think he would just do, like, smaller things?

Like, if she put a plastic in the paper recycling, he would just move it. Like he just does little things for the rest of her life. Well, in the film, he takes the Christmas photo that was at the restaurant they both work at, and he folds it over so it's just her picture, and she finds that later in the apartment. So if he hadn't saved her life, that would have been even creepier, I think. And also, why was he doing a vague Jack Nicholson impersonation his whole career? Who?

That's also creepy, I think. Why are you following me home and doing a vague Jack Nicholson impersonation? And why do you look like Christian Slater? And why do I look like Marissa Tomei? Because Marissa said suspending disbelief. We've talked a lot about movies no one's seen. And I think maybe it's time we move on.

Absolutely. Let's move on, Dave. To a segment called Overheard. Overheard. Overheard. Now, Overheard, if you're new to the show, how many people have never heard the podcast before? By applause.

Or quiet, raised hands like you're in a school assembly. Isn't this the same crowd that stayed up till 6 in the morning? Overheards is a segment wherein we relate hilarious things that we've overheard Before we move on to Overheards, Graham Oh goodness It's time for my favorite segment on the show A segment called Celebrity Birthdays Oh, Celebrity Birthdays

Now in this world in which we live In this ever-changing world in which we're living, it's important to keep track of which important people celebrate their birthday day to day. And today is October 28th, and so... Spooky. Actually, what I would like to do today is a variation on celebrity birthdays called celebrity blurt days. So I will tell you the celebrity celebrating a birthday, and you will blurt out the first word that comes to mind. And I'd like to invite the audience to take part in this as well. So today.

Dave, shut up! as well. So today... Dave, shut up! It's time for my favorite segment. A little segment we like to call Hulk Hogan News. It's a Hulk Hogan News? It's a Hulk Hogan News.

It's a Hulk Hogan News? It's a Hulk Hogan News. Now, it's been a big week. I mean, there's been a lot of stuff going on in the Hulk Hogan camp. Now, Graham, shut up. Before we move on to Hulk Hogan news, it's time for my favorite segment on the show,

the Frankenstorm update. Now, a Frankenstorm is... It's like when you take parts from different storms and it symbolizes man something in the world. I never read Frankenstorm. But I did see the movie starring Robert De Niro as Frankenstorm's monster. Yeah, so this is...

Now, Dave, shut up! Yes! It's time for my favorite segment. A segment I like to call Toothpaste Time. Okay, yeah. And I discuss the different types of toothpaste that are available on the market

and which ones I prefer based on testing. Okay. Have you tried any American toothpastes? I think all of our toothpastes come from America. I think they probably come from China. Recently... No, Graham, shut up. Before we move on to Toothpaste Talk,

it's time to move on to my favorite segment on the show. A segment called Eyeglass Estimate. In this segment, we estimate the total value of the eyeglasses in this room. We will have a bidding war. We can ask questions of the crowd. But of the three of us, there's only one pair.

So maybe Hari can give a bit of insight as to what glasses cost. Dave, shut up! It's time for my favorite segment. A little segment I like to call that singing waiter that was in the hall. Oh, man, was that guy the greatest guy? Serve you a coffee and then sing in your ear? Delightful. Coming along.

Now, Graham, before we move on to the singing waiter, it's time for my favorite segment on the show, a segment called My Favorite People on the Plane Ride Over Here. Oh, yay! Well, first there was the guy next to me, and every time he ordered a Diet Coke, he just called it a diet.

He had a name, Dave. Oh, yeah, he introduced himself. Trevor. What I didn't like about him Was he kept his thigh underneath the armrest So every time I put my arm on it It was bouncing on his thigh My favorite guy on the plane Was a guy who was wearing

The kind of, not headphones But the type of Air traffic controller Yeah, like somebody that was out on the runway. He was wearing it inside the plane. And he had a neck pillow, and he had funny shoes, and he got up every five minutes to stretch. This guy's read a lot about plane travel.

And I think we both really liked the guy who sneezed so loud. He sneezed so loud, and it was like he didn't even know it was coming. The first time it was like he didn't even know it was coming. The first time it was so funny and then the second time he didn't even have the sense to like, it was like it surprised him so much he couldn't even block his own sneeze. And it was crazy.

Like, uh, like, uh, like that. He was the best guy. Well, you know how, like Dads have that sneeze You don't sneeze like that When you're a kid or even as an adult But once you have kids

You just hear dads sneezing that loud That guy must have like a thousand kids He must be one of those crooked sperm bank owners So this has been of those crooked sperm bank owners. So this has been my favorite people on the plane. Now back to the singing waiter. Oh, yeah. He was the best.

Yeah, great guy. Now back to eyeglass estimate. Like, $25,000? Absolutely, yeah. Any guesses? Oh, I would weigh in. Because a lot of these are like they're not just

things you found on the ground and then just like yeah, good enough. You ordered them and they actually have your prescription in them. I bet a lot of these people actually have a second pair in their pocket that we can't see in case the first pair goes down. I don't know anything about glasses.

A million dollars. I'm going to go high. All right. Do you want to guess? I had 2.3 million dollars. Oh, 2.3 million dollars. And the correct answer is 2.1 million dollars. Now it's back to what was it before this?

Oh, toothpaste time? Oh, toothpaste time Oh, toothpaste time I'd recommend Sensodyne Whitening Because it's Yeah, right? It makes your teeth feel better and whiter Yeah, it's got a bit more fluoride than regular toothpaste That's fun

Yeah Now it's back to Frankenstorm Oh, yeah As of now, our flight is scheduled Oh, who. As of now, our flight is scheduled. Oh, whoo. Yep, thanks. And now I believe it is back to Hulk Hogan news? Is it back to Hulk Hogan news or do you want to go to Celebrity Birthdays?

You want to keep the... Whatever you prefer, sir. I'll go. I'll do Hulk Hogan news. You know what? Let's do Celebrity Birthdays. Oh, okay. Let's do Celebrity Birthdays.

Let's leave the best for last. Today is October 28th. Remember, it's Celebr Celebrity Birthday. Let's leave the best for last. Today is October 28th. Remember, it's Celebrity Blurt Days. So when I say the name of the celebrity, you blurt out the first thing that comes to your mind. All right. Be nice. Well, with the first one, anyway.

Happy 25th birthday to R&B singer Frank Ocean. Ooh. Frank Ocean. The first thing you said was Frank Ocean. That's great. Pretty much everyone in the audience went, nope, no, I'm not going to say anything. Happy birthday, Frank Ocean. Yeah, happy birthday, Frank Ocean. Vaguely homophobic audience.

Look. It happens. We're in the mountains. Yeah, you guys. I mean homophobia. Yeah, that's what I meant, too. Happy 38th birthday to cleft-lipped actor

Joachim Phoenix. The master. Fratricide. Sorry. Who am I? Who am I? Happy 45th birthday to America's sweetheart,

Julia Roberts. Smile, teeth, and then horse, horse, horse. Horse. Yeah. Happy 46th birthday to past Max FunCon attendee Andy Richter.

Awesome, awesome, horse, horse, horse. French style. Happy 63rd birthday to plastic man Bruce Jenner. Oh. Real winner. Yeah.

And finally, happy birthday to Graham's Idol. 68th birthday to actor Dennis Frong. Oh, yeah. Butt was the word. Good butt. Yeah. This has been Celebrity Birthday. It's time for Hulk Hogan News. It's time for Hulk Hogan News.

It's time for Hulk Hogan News. And in celebration of the fact that it's Max Funcon and it's Hulk Hogan News. It's a Hulk Hogan News? It's a Hulk Hogan News. Once before, I had the opportunity live on stage to rip a shirt like Hulk Hogan, and it was the greatest. And I feel bad for anybody who wasn't there when I did it. So I present to you, if I could get a steady clap going. A stubby clap. Thank you. Here we go.

Want to grab one? Thank you. One, two, three, four. I wasn't sure if it was the shirt or your tricep ripping. Yes, sir. I feel like I was having high school flashbacks but I was the person having their shirt ripped while people chanted oh man please leave me alone for the home listener Graham was wearing

two shirts that read Hulk Hogan news the first ripped off in two seconds the second I don't know I blacked out The first ripped off in two seconds. The second, I don't know. I blacked out. Okay. And I'm left with a shirt, a pink shirt that says,

I heart the Poconos, which is given to me by a gentleman named Noah Jacobs. So thank you very much. Jakey. Oh, God. to me by a gentleman named Noah Jacobs. So thank you very much. Jakey. Oh, God. Asthma, right? Do you want me to grab your inhaler? No, I'm fine.

Okay, guys. Hulk Hogan news. The second half of the show is brought to you by heavy breathing. Hulk Hogan news. The second half of the show is brought to you by heavy breathing. Hulk Hogan. Today is his grand opening of his Hulk Hogan beach shop in Clearwater, Florida. Hooray!

And, oh, I just got word it's been destroyed by Hurricane Sandy. Exactly! Who opens a store in Florida the day before a hurricane? Also, Hulk Hogan's ex-wife, Linda Hogan, has said to the press that as far as she knows, during their entire marriage, quote her, Hulk Hogan, never sex-taped me. Aww.

Aww. Right? Yeah. So that's what's new in Hulk Hogan news. Also, I want to say this past week, I was just doing some general Hulk Hogan research, and I found out that in 1995, Hulk Hogan released a music album.

Are you guys familiar? How many people are familiar with it? Oh, you're in for a treat, people who aren't. It was Hulk Hogan and the Wrestling Boot Band. It actually charted, and the band included Jimmy, Mouth of the South Heart, and Linda Hogan of He Never Sextaped Me, babe. What instruments did they play? They all played guitars.

And megaphones. Yeah, one megaphone, six guitars. Anyways, so I listened to the whole album And we brought just a bit of a track We're gonna go track by track But there's one that he wrote Supposedly to a kid who was a Hulkamaniac that died Guys, it's all bullshit Because he sings the first lyric in it

Is I guess there will be one seat empty when I wrestle Wembley, which then didn't happen for another ages. So he's full of shit. Guys, you should know at this point that Hulk Hogan... You know wrestling is fake, right? Anyways, for anybody who hasn't heard it,

we have it here. And I wanted to spread the wealth. So if we could have just a sampling. A smattering? Yeah, yeah. It's pretty, like, musically it's pretty good. Yeah. I know, right?

Yeah. It's the megaphone. Yeah. It reminds me of the time that you died. I read it in the news. I saw it on TV. That's the megaphone. Yeah. It reminds me of the time that you died. I read it in the papers. I saw it on TV. I guess it'd be when I'm deceased.

When I wrestle at Wembley. I used to tear my shirt. But now I enjoy my heart. I know you're a Hulkamania. Right from the very start. Right from the start. You were my friend. I'll see you again.

When the Hulkster comes to heaven Heaven, heaven, heaven The tiger hugged him Hulkster in Heaven is the name of the track. If you want to download it, Hulkster in Heaven. And that was Hulk Hogan News, everybody. Wait, so he referred to himself in the third person nickname for fake name. Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. In a song about a dead kid. Yeah. That doesn't actually exist. So this brings us to where we started all that time ago. Overheard. Brings us to where we started all that time ago. Overheards.

Now, we always like to start with the guest. And, Sohar, if you would be so kind. I was in an elevator in my apartment in Brooklyn when I overheard a woman who was looking at a neighbor's dog say, Dogs are like children, I just don't understand them. That's when I knew it wasn't meant to be. And she either did not have the ability

to love, or was a cat person, which is like the same thing. Now, Dave? Well, dogs are like children. I heard that dogs are kind of like guys. Yeah. Men are like dogs and women are like cats.

Am I right? Cats be shopping, right? My overheard is also from New York City. It is from the borough of Manhattan. Andard is also from New York City. It is from the borough of Manhattan. Ooh. And it is also dog-related.

We were walking around outside, and I heard these two workmen, and they had these gruff voices, and one of them was like, they didn't have any small toy dogs, so I had to go to Puppy City. small toy dogs, so I had to go to Puppy City. Which we couldn't figure out if that was a store or a borough. A district. He was actually talking about strip clubs, boy.

You got no small toy dogs. They're so cute. Mine is something that I saw In New York We saw a Pepsi truck That had a big ad On the back of it And it has a

Somebody standing as in victory With a giant cup of soda And the slogan is Don't let bureaucrats tell you What size beverage to buy Right? Diabetes, diabetes, diabetes is don't let bureaucrats tell you what size beverage to buy. Right? Diabetes, diabetes, diabetes, diabetes.

Your doctor's paid by the government. What does he or she know about your health? It's time to take a stand in my life, and it's about buying a 50-ounce pop. If you don't stand for something, you will fall through this floor. Now, as we like to do during the live podcast, we like to open up the floor to overheards.

We have a microphone right here. If you want to come up, say your name, where you're from, and then lay the overheard on us, that would be amazing. So just come on up. Here we go. We've got one here. First challenger to the mic. Hi there. Hello, Dave, Graham. Probable guest.

My name's Ken Roberts from Houston, Texas. All right, good. Thank you. So several years ago, back in the halcyon days of the Shermanator, I was a basketball official for Special Olympics, and as I enter the gym and go up into the stands, I see this autistic 18-year-old Korean player shoot the basketball, a three-pointer. And as he does so, he says at great volume, Andrew shoots the three. Yes!

And then, brief pause, And then after it goes Andrew has scored 23 of the team's 32 points Here in this gold medal match Only on NBC And as I learned He proceeded to announce The entire game Sounding like a cross between Howard Cosell and Marv Albert.

And it was fantastic. Really fantastic! Ken, everybody! Oh, man. Kids on network. Yeah. Hi, guys. Hello. My name's Marchin. Marchin, like marching in the streets.

Fun. Fine. There you go. I was on the subway the other day, and there were a gaggle of teenagers. And as they were exiting, one of them... It's not a scary story. She is terrified. She was probably 17, and she said, No, absolutely not. That's why they call me Crazy Cat. She was probably 17, and she said,

no, absolutely not. That's why they call me Crazy Cat. And the doors closed, and I never saw her again. You'll see her in the news one day. Thank you. Probably scratching people's eyes at me. Or she could be like a vigilante saving the city. That's why you've been crazy-catted.

Hello. Hi. My name's Jess. I'm from Boston, and I'm a kindergarten teacher. Ah, adorable. Yes, very cute. And a couple years ago, I was in a classroom, and we were building train tracks and car roads and things like that.

So you have child laborers. Yes, that's how we get to school in the morning. What a country. And this kid was driving this toy car, and one of the other teachers kind of stood over the road, and she said, look, I'm a bridge. And the little boy proceeds to drive the car up her leg, and he goes, I'm going to drive this car right into your vagina. But the best part is, the teacher didn't miss a beat,

and she said, oh, do you think I really want a car in my vagina? And he said, oh, probably not. And he turns the car around and drives away. Thank you. Amazing. That kid's going to be a real gentleman someday. Hello. Hi. Welcome.

I'm Alice. I'm from Brooklyn, New York. Hey, Alice. Brooklyn. I was at New York Comic Con a few weeks ago and I was walking in the show floor with all the dealers and there was a guy yelling about his booth. And I saw a uniformed New York Police Department officer ask very loudly out loud, What's a yaoi? And so, if you're not familiar, yaoi is the art of Japanese comics about men having sex with other men in very graphic forms. And so my only hope is that this cop went home

and got on Google and started looking up yaoi. I will. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Alex. What's a yaoi about five bucks? I hope he liked it. Let me get that closer to you.

Thanks. Hi, I'm Tina from Northampton, Massachusetts. Northam. Western Mass. And so my overheard takes place in a women's restroom, multi-stall. I was in there, and two friends come in and go into the two other stalls and the woman in the stall next to me sits down and

as she starts to pee, says to her friend in the angriest of tones, see, this is why I don't drink water during the day. Yeah. this is why I don't drink water during the day. That's how gremlins are made.

And kidney stones. I'm John from Chicago. Hi, John. Welcome. So a few weeks ago, I was on a city bus. It was one of those long accordion buses. And I was sitting in the back, which is a little bit kind of a raised area. And the bus was pretty much empty. And this 9- or 10-year-old kid just comes bolting down the aisle and starts dancing. And he's like, check me out.

I'm in the rich people section. and starts dancing, and he's like, check me out, I'm in the rich people section. And then just starts laughing maniacally and sits with his hands crossed behind his head, leaning back, and then his mom came to the back of the bus and moved him up to the front. Thank you, John. The rich.

Oh, yeah, anything goes here. Yeah, you can really lean back and relax in the rich people section. The bus driver won't see you with the beers in your pocket. Hello, welcome. Hi, I'm Erica. I'm from New York City. Hi, Erica. Have you been to the

M&M's store? You simply must go. I hear it's amazing. They have them in every color. Yes. Normally I try to avoid the Times Square area. No disrespect to the M&M's store. But I've been taking class in that area, so I've been walking through a lot.

And I don't know if you've heard about this phenomenon of these guys who dress up as Elmo or other characters. It turns out some of them are really terrifying anti-Semitic ranters. So that was an extra excitement. But I was walking through Times Square the other day and there was a guy in a full-on Mario costume with a big foam head and big balloony hands. No one was paying any attention to him. And as we were crossing through the crosswalk,

I heard this very small, sad voice say, It's-a me, Mario. Yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, no. Hello. Hi. I, no. Hello. Hi. I'm Josh from Pittsburgh.

Hey, Josh. Woo! Steelers. My overheard... Back in yellow, right? My overheard is a kids say the darndest thing kind of overheard. My family was out for a stroll one day, and my son was walking about 10 feet in front of us

and said to no one in particular, I wish I had a magic wand so I could have me a mighty fine apple. Ha, ha, ha. Dream big. Yeah, yeah. Hello. Oh, hi. Welcome. I'm Shawna, and I live in Silver Spring, Maryland. Hello. Oh, hi. Welcome.

I'm Shawna, and I live in Silver Spring, Maryland. Hey! Wow. Kind of losing my voice, which is great for radio. But actually, the preface to my overheard is probably funnier than the actual overheard. I was in Cleveland celebrating my first wedding anniversary. Hey! You only have one first wedding anniversary. Why not go to Cleveland? Do it right. So I was standing on a bridge.

Were all the hotels in Buffalo booked up? Yeah, Lakey Ridge! So I'm standing on a bridge because we're just enjoying the beautiful scenery of Cleveland. And so I heard more of this than I might have if I was actually walking. There was a guy on a cell phone walking towards us. And he was nodding and a big smile on his face. And he's like, yeah, yeah, so I think you might really be into it. I think you might like it.

So it would be great if you guys met. And then he stops and he goes, oh, wait, you're gay? Never mind. Thank you. All right. Yeah. Have you ever tried to set anyone up on a date? Have I ever tried to set anybody up on a date?

Yeah. Oh, God, no. I don't know the human condition that well. Ditto. Hello. Hello. I'm Daniel Saunders from Victoria, that well. Ditto. Hello. Hello. I'm Daniel Saunders from Victoria, British Columbia. Oh, my God.

Close to home. All right. Can we hitch a ride back to Canada with you? So last week I was in the Salvation Army thrift store about 12 minutes before closing time. And there were these two bro-like guys. They said, one said to the other, okay, we have to focus up. What would pink wear?

Hard to say. Yeah. Oh, man. I mean, when in doubt, just pink probably. Have you seen her new video? She does this modern dance. She's very muscular. You told me about it.

It sounds gross. She could beat us all up. Hello, she's very muscular. You told me about it, yeah, it sounds gross. She could beat us all up. Hello, welcome! Howdy, I'm Davin from Los Angeles, California. Hi Davin! Yay Davin! So I was at the airport and I heard this gentleman having a phone conversation,

and it was so surreal that I started to type it out. And what he said was, Make a beautiful color palette we are not painting star wars put a scarf on her a scarf of dead animals put like a monkey on her shoulder i love that stuff send it to me for final approval i love it. That was in LA, I'm assuming. Oh, absolutely.

Holly weird. Hello. Hi, my name's Krista. I'm from Toronto. Oh, beautiful. And I was on vacation this summer in Quebec City, and we were sitting outside having lunch on a patio, nice afternoon. And a man across the patio starts playing the pan pipes, a little song on the pan pipes, and at the table next to

us is an American family. I know they were American because they were wearing sneakers and shorts. So they, it's a nice quiet afternoon and the mom, the guy playing the pan pipes starts playing Tears in Heaven, and completely out of context, the mom turns to the kid and says, the kid's about six, says, you know, this song is about a dead little boy.

And if you don't behave yourself, you're next. Wait, do you all not wear sneakers and shorts up there? Oh, in Quebec, they're very well-dressed. Yeah. The rest of the country, we look like idiots. Did you know that Hulk Hogan's song was about Eric Clapton's dead son?

He wanted to call it Tears in Heaven. He actually called it Tears in Heaven because of the shirt. Fun. Fun. Fun. Tears in Hogan. That poor dead kid's been a punchline for so long. That poor kid. Hello, welcome.

Hello. My name is Noah from Bloomington, Indiana. And you... The shirt. You made the shirt Graham's wearing. I did. That's awesome. Thank did. That's awesome. Thank you.

And you're welcome. And thank you. So I have another kids say the darndest overheard. It's a scientific fact at this point that kids do say the darndest things. Absolutely. I am also a preschool teacher, and I have another co-worker who is 23, like me. And at lunch, this is a combination overheard, overseen. I'm going to do some physicality.

Oh, fun. Holly, my co-worker, was talking to this kid, and the kid's 5, and he starts saying, Oh, I'm 25, I'm 25. And Holly is humoring him for a moment. And then she goes, you can't be 25. I'm not even 25. And then he says, you're right, I'm five. But my body is 25.

Oh! Oh, wow. For the home listener, there was a sensual torso rub. Now, I believe the lineup is done. This is our final. Final overheard. Hello. Hello. My name's Elizabeth.

I live in Brooklyn, And this is a Brooklyn story So I was walking in Park Slope By this yoga studio I was at the Barclays Center Getting some artisanal basketball And there's this yoga lady Sitting in the doorway As you do

And she was talking to another lady And she says really earnestly she says yeah a friend of mine took her kids out of school because the eight-year-old came to her one day after school and said I feel like I'm just wasting my life pretty great amazing the darndest round of applause for everybody who came up. Wow. Well, that brings us to the end of this year's program. Oh, I know, eh?

All right. It's over, guys. Now, Hari Kondabolu. Yes. If people would like to learn more about you, where can they head on the internet? Google. Right.

Twitter and Facebook and YouTube. I think the best course of action would be to Google my name. And then when Google says. And the guy says, did you mean? It's probably. You'll figure it out. So, yeah, that's the best way. At Hari Kundabolu and

Hari Kundabolu, whatever. And if you see that Hari's coming to your town to do stand-up, you should absolutely go. Yes. It's amazing. You should absolutely. Amazing. And thank you for being on the show. It's good to see you.

And we want to say thank you very, very much to all the people at Maximum Fun for bringing us in, for having us as part of the family and also bringing us all the way here. Jesse, thank you so much for all you do. And Nick and Julia. You guys are amazing.

Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. And, yeah, that's the end of the show. Thank you so much, you guys, for hanging in there. And hopefully we'll see you again. Jesse Thorne here, proprietor of MaximumFun.org. Look, we had a great time in the Poconos and everything,

but there's no way we are forgetting about our annual trip to Lake Arrowhead here in Southern California. So, unless the world ends first by Mayan prophecy, MaxFunCon West will be held May 31st through June 2nd, 2013. Join us for a showcase of elite stand-up comedy performers in the woods, plus informative classes and talks from some of the best creative minds in the nation. If you've been to MaxFunCon before, get ready to reunite with your old friends. And if you're a first-timer, get ready to make a whole ton of new ones. Registration is now open at MaxFunCon.com. So act fast. Max Fund Con

pretty much always sells out. We don't expect this year to be any different. Remember, go to maxfundcon.com.