Stop Podcasting Yourself - Bonus Episode - LIVE from MaxFunCon with Jon Dore

Episode Date: June 17, 2011

Comedian Jon Dore returns to join us at MaxFunCon 2011.  Recorded Sunday, June 12, 2011.  Accents, audience Overheards, Graham's Dad Movie Reviews, and the Littlest Hobo.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! All right. Hello. Hello, audience. Max Fun.

Welcome. Yay. Max Fun Con. Did you drink all the drinks? Oh, uh, man. Today's really like that movie, The Wrestler. It's like The Wrestler. Like you don't, is it the, spoiler alert,

is it the scene where you don't know if you die or live at the end? No, it's. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it Marissa Tomei's boobies? No. I woke up in a fireman outfit, so... Spoiler alert. Of my life. You guys drink every time we say spoiler alert.

Hi, Graham. Hi, Dave. How are you doing? I am sore. How are you doing? I am sore. Why are you sore? I drank something. I don't think it was the drinks I had last night. Did you get anything with ginger in it?

Uh. For the home listener, Lake Arrowhead received a large shipment of ginger that was going to go bad at the end of the weekend. Yeah. So they made sure they put it in every drink. I had a beer called Tecate. Is that right? Tecate?

Come on, idiot. Yeah, right? And I shouldn't have had any of that. It has an eagle on the can, and I should know. It looks kind of like a scary German eagle. Yeah.

Exactly. Like it's like leftover World War II beer. Yeah. And I drank so much of it, because it's... I don't... Canada has, like, a chip on its shoulder when it comes to beer. We think, like, your beer's really wimpy,

and our beer is awesome, and then I drank a lot of it, and I feel like shit. That's about it. And also, I tried to do a headstand yesterday doing yoga, which is dumb, because, like because I have trouble leg-wise standing, so why did I think I would be able to fucking do it on my head?

Graham and I both partook in the yoga course here at MaxFunCon. I chose to avoid sunscreen. I don't know if you can tell. You probably can't tell. I probably look really luscious. Look at that, right? Like a lobster. But if you come up to me after the show, I took a picture of myself with my shirt off. And I'll show that to you.

Finally, right? But the thing about my sunburn is that in the rooms, we get certain toiletries, like in a regular hotel room. Go on. You get soaps and shampoo and conditioner and body lotion. Yeah. And after my sunburn, I've just been applying body lotion all the time.

Sure. And I'm just worried that the housekeeping crew is going to be like, this guy jacked off. Yeah. You take that back with it. The, um...

You know what I heard is really good for a sunburn? Tecate. Oh. I don't care if I mispronounce it. Tecato. Tecato. Staccato. Tocote.

Also last night, I had a fantastic thing happen. Somebody, during the comedy show, somebody had left a notebook behind at one of the sessions and asked me to make an announcement, and we found the person whose notebook it was, and that was great. And later in the evening, somebody, a lady came up to me, and she had found one mitten and said,

like, you were really successful before. And so I was like, I don't know what I'm going to do. Let's get a mitten. And as I was walking out the door, another lady came up to me. She's like, oh my god, you found my mitten. Pretty good. Pretty good. So I feel pretty

good about that. What else? Oh, when we drove up. Yes. It was terrifying. Yeah. Oh, God. And we drove up

in broad daylight. We got warnings like come up in the daylight because at night it gets foggy and people have disappeared. Sure. The Lake Arrowhead

strangler has never been caught. The MFC killer. Max Funcon? I don't know. Right. But the one thing I noticed was on one of the bluffs. Bluffs? Cliffs? Tecate.

Yeah. There was a big number 12 written. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Scary. Yeah. We thought that, like, we literally thought, because we were going from civilization into the mountains. We were like, oh, that must be the murder count.

And then we figured out, we were like, well, if they knew that that's where the murderer put the number, then why wouldn't they just wait there for the murderer to show up? But then Dave was like, no, that's the murder... The cop that's waiting there gets murdered every year. It's like waiting for the killer. Serves him right for investigating once a year.

Yeah, exactly. But now I'm a little worried that we're laughing about this because now, like, the only time people put up monuments and stuff is, like, when someone died. So I assume it was, like, a popular teen quarterback. Number 12. Anyway, we miss you, buddy.

Yeah. Another amazing thing. We were hanging out in LA The week leading up to Max Von Con And this was a weird thing Because as I said to Dave Los Angeles has at least a million people in it So you wouldn't expect

Something like this to happen But we watched a hockey game one night And there was a guy in the sports bar That was You said he looked like randy newman yeah but like party animal but like a party animal version of randy newman he had like a backwards hat that was like prop just on the top of his head but hawaiian shirt yeah he was ready to party um and so we were fascinated by him the whole night and then like he was the

kind of guy that that uh graham said check it out. You see what I see? Like, you see the weirdest guy in the bar? Yeah. Oh, I know who you're talking about. And then the next night we went to this, there was a Max Fun dinner in L.A. for people who were coming to the conference, I think. Is that what it was? But at the HMS Bounty.

And we were only there for like half an hour or whatever and then I came running in from the bar site into the restaurant. I was like, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave. You'll never guess who's here. There he was, sitting at the bar. Randy Newman. Randy Newman. He loves LA, guys.

Well, we have... why don't we i guess we have basically been doing this we usually have a guest at the start of the show that's right so we don't know when to play this theme song well let's bring out our guest and then we'll play the theme song nailed it yeah all right ladies and gentlemen this guy is so great. He is also from our home country of Canada. And it just so happened he was up at a cabin not far from here this weekend and he said,

yeah, I'll be a guest on your podcast. You may know him from IFC. He's the John Doerr television show. Please welcome to the stage Mr. John Doerr television show. Please welcome to the stage, Mr. John Doerr. I'm not here. I'm here with you. I'm here with you.

Yes. Hello, buddy. Hello, John Doerr. Hey, guys, great job. Great job so far. I'm sitting at the back laughing a lot. Right? And let's talk about things that you

ingested that didn't make you feel well. We did a show a couple weeks ago, and we both simultaneously got a mild food poisoning, didn't we? Yeah. Banda brothers or what? Yeah. I'm just going to play a theme song now. Oh. Sorry. I don't know.

Do I talk over it? You get to know us. People complain if we don't get it. I don't know. Do I talk over it? Get to know us. People complain if we don't get it. I don't know. No one's going to complain. So tell me about your food poisoning. Oh, yeah. Glad we started on this. It was devastating.

Can you play some more music? Reflective and sad. It was actually just Graham and I Simultaneously Felt hot and sweaty And gross At exactly the same time But not like

It wasn't like Usual food points It's like we got heat stroke But we hadn't Been out in the heat It's like we ate sun Yeah Kind of

Yeah But what was Oh was it sun chips We were eating sun chips We were eating sun chips But you know what I thought Kind of interesting Just the way I looked at things, was that

I walk to the elevator where we always meet before we go to our show. It's a kind of a tradition we have. It's tradition. And I said, I feel terrible. And Graham said, me too. And I was instantly comforted that you felt like shit. I was like, oh, good. And why does that make me...

It's like, oh, this must be something we ate. And then I got really happy. We're both sick at the same time it was like I was excited that we found the cause of it it must have been something we ate but it didn't go away but I was very happy that you were also not feeling well misery needs company we also did

this show that we were at it was like at an art center and they had this beautiful theater but they put us in kind of a cafeteria instead of the theater. And we said, is it because the cafeteria holds more people? And they go, no, I mean, like 10 more people. And we're like, well, why do you put us in the theater? We didn't think you'd like it.

No, you're right, probably a cafeteria. And the other reason was he said we want want to sell beer, was the other reason. Right. And so, yeah, alcohol trumped it. And that was the only, that's when he started making sense to me. It's like, I get this guy now. But yeah, it doesn't make sense when there's a perfectly good theater to use. It would be like, oh, let's do the podcast instead of doing it in here.

It's like, let's do it on the tennis courts. Why? Because they hold more people. It's like, Yeah, but there's people playing tennis Yeah, but people who play tennis drink, so Takate So what's Oh, go ahead

David, hey How you doing? Great You're a Canadian Living in Los Angeles Easy, yeah And we noticed that we Great. Good. You're a Canadian. Yes. Living in Los Angeles. Easy. Yeah. Uh-huh.

And we noticed that we, like, people gave us some weird looks for our weird accent. Yeah. I know where it's going, but go ahead. Have you been seeing a dialect coach at all? I have. Yes. Because we were practicing our American accents all throughout. Yeah.

Yeah. That's the first thing Canadians do, or most of them do. They see a dialect coach when they come here because you don't want to feel alienated in the United States. They'll kill you. People end up dead if you're different. There's a track record in this country. Fair enough. You can laugh, but it's true.

Yeah, no, I've been seeing it. But the hard part is there are so many different accents in this country. It's like, how do you narrow it down? If you go from coast to coast, everyone here speaks so differently. But I zeroed in on one, if you want to hear it. Yeah? Okay. Well, give me a line to say. I'm going to Target to buy a tennis racket.

Okay. I'm going to Target to buy a tennis racket. So, okay, here we go. I'm going to Target to buy tennis racket. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. I heard that one in Boston. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'm like, I'm using that. Yeah. That's what everyone says now. From Boston? No. Canadian. They're like, oh, I never would have guessed. Yeah.

That's what everyone says now. From Boston? No. Canadian. I never would have guessed. Yeah, because the whole week Dave and I were... Because we don't think that we speak with an accent. We don't really. Do we?

No. But we kind of. Some people like a little bit. Say sorry? There you go. How do you guys say it? They say sorry Sorry

Oh Isn't that what you would wear to an Indian wedding? Yeah, that's what you wear to an Indian wedding Yeah That'd be a good name for an Indian wedding show Sorry about that Sorry you're so Indian Wait, didn't I say sorry?

You're sounding more American now. But we kept doing, Dave and I thought it was super hilarious every time that we did our fake American accent. No, not super hilarious? No, I'm just doing, I'm getting into character. Oh, you're getting into character. But yeah, we would just say sentences with our American accent.

Coconut Twix. I am going to buy so many Coca-Colas today. Tecate. I enjoy your local tecate. Do you serve it cold? That's your American accent? That's what you guys sound like to us.

Oh. Now I get it. Hey, Chandler, let's go to Central Park. Pearl Harbor killed many. I'm not very good at this accent game. Just do the Boston one. The Boston one? Pearl Harbor killed many.

That's a different accent. You gotta stay fluent, or you'll lose it. How are you guys adjusting to the mountain, by the way? It's a little bit different up here, the culture, isn't it? And I should explain. Like, I do. There's Running Springs, which is very close to Lake Arrowhead here. My girlfriend has a cabin up here.

So we spend a lot of time up here and a lot of adjustments. Like, if you're going to be cooking food at a high altitude, you have to cook it differently. Did you know that? Go on. Yeah, if you're going to be cooking food at a high altitude, you have to cook it differently. Did you know that? Go on. Yeah, absolutely. What do you mean you have to cook it differently? And I show off a little bit, I'll be honest with you. Like, when I first found that out, I used to hold it above tourists' heads up here, you know? I'd see them walking away with a pizza.

I'm like, how are you going to cook that? I don't know, regularly? Good luck, asshole. That's what I'd say. Good luck, you asshole. Good luck, you are an asshole you asshole Good luck you are an asshole Good luck you are an asshole September 11th was not fun

I still don't know how to do it And that's true by the way I want to make that very clear I had no fun that day Zero fun In Canada we had zero fun on September 11th as well, didn't we? Let's make that clear. A lot of Americans think we weren't affected by it.

What was your September 11th like? Go through the day. I'm going to be honest with you. I was in Australia, so no big deal. Because September 11th to them was September 12th. So September 11th, oh shit, what a day. Yeah. Because September 11th to them was September 12th. Yeah. So September 11th, oh shit, what a day.

Yeah. I went surfing. Called friends in New York and set up plans, you know. Nothing, it was September 10th. To you, to you. I remember when when there was the can i write that down i want to do that joke on stage one time thank you i'm not joking so thank you uh i remember there was like september 12th was 11 why don't you just download the podcast? I'm the best.

I like to remind myself every once in a while. That's half of your notepad. Looking good today. I remember when my when the explosion happened in London, like the terrorist bombings in London and my, like, terrorist bombings in London, and because of the time difference, I had a friend over there who

called all of his friends to say oh, I'm okay. But he called, it was in the middle of the night and I was asleep, and I picked up the phone and he just said I wanted to call and just say I'm okay, but I gotta go because I got other people to call. And I was like, what the

fuck? This dude never calls me and then all of a sudden that's what he wants to fucking say? Hey, I'm alright. I want to start doing that now. For no reason at all. But three o'clock in the morning. Let me write that down.

Hold on. Call people late. You people late. You're cute. Okay. Okay. Okay.

This is a great day for me. So what's going on for you? Otherwise, recently, what's happening? I'm like Larry King. I don't prepare for interviews at all. You do comedy of some sort? Just like that return. What's going on? Nothing right now.

And I don't think anything's going on. I could have prepared some things to talk about. Everything's good. Father's Day today, by the way. Oh, happy Father's Day, everybody. Happy birthday or whatever. Have a great day, fathers. And I brought some gifts for the fathers here today, if there was anywhere. Are there fathers in the crowd tonight?

Any fathers? Tonight? No. Is there not a father here? She's saying it's next week. Is that true? Is it really? Father's Day is not next week.

You're from Canada, all right? Is it actually next week? Is it different in Canada, really? I don't know week? Is it different in Canada? Really? I don't know. Am I really off a week on Father's Day? That is hilarious. Oh my God, if you call your dad,

you'll be so embarrassed. No, it's not. It's June 21st. I called my dad today. He acted like nothing was different. It's like, happy Father's Day. He's probably in his mind going, I raised a fucking idiot.

That's the worst gift you could give a father is your genes don't work. It's today, is it not? I guess a whole crowd of people versus... I mean, the crowd seems divided. What did you think you were going to find on your phone? Is it different in Canada? I was going to check online.

I was going to Google it. Yeah. No, I don't think it's different in Canada. No, it wouldn't be. Oh, my goodness. The only thing that's different in Canada is Thanksgiving. Right. Which is December 25th.

Yeah, and we all wear turkeys on our heads. Yeah. And drown the weakest member of our all wear turkeys on our heads. We call them stories. And we celebrate our fathers. Yeah, we do. Hey, can you pass me the gifts anyway? I'm going to give them out.

So don't open these until next week. When you said that, when you showed up, you're like, oh, it's Father's Day today. I didn't even question it. Yeah, we all panicked. I didn't call my dad. Well, thanks, you're like, oh, it's Father's Day today. I didn't even question it. Yeah, we all panicked. So then, yeah. I didn't call my dad. Well, thanks. He's like, oh, my God. Yeah, it's people like you who helped convince me that, yes, it is Father's Day. Yeah.

I'm a real jerk. I was so worried about missing it, I guess. Anyway, well, this is stupid. Are there more than four fathers here? Because there's only four gifts. So we're the best four fathers here. Okay, do you want one? Okay, well... Show us your kid. Come on.

Show us your kids! You have to prove that. Yeah, okay, come on up and get one. And you guys can keep talking. I'll just hand these out. This is a beer pong kit. Classic kit. Classic beer pong! Yeah. And Casper's Scare School for $2 at the 7-Eleven. There you go. Casper's scare school

for $2 at the 7-Eleven there you go a 7-Eleven t-shirt where's that from? that got everyone excited good morning back to that guy unless you've had a child in your life

and then we've got the movie The Great Debaters, starring Denzel Washington. Oh, you actually, here, you can have it. The only woman father getting it today, because you seemed excited. And who wants an electronic cigarette? Can I take a look at this? Yeah, well, you have it. You probably have a kid somewhere. Yeah.

I've been on tour with this guy. Well, that's what I'm trying to figure out. I remember there was a big deal a few years ago when we started getting electronic cigarettes from Japan. Why do you say the country like that? I've never been there. I've only heard it in Street Fighter II. So you always say it that way.

Japan! Brazil! Not to bring it back to death, but if you were given a eulogy and you had to say Japan in it, how would you say it? I would say, Ryu loses. He would have wanted it that way. It's funny, for instance, we have a show in Canada called E-Talk, which is the equivalent of an entertainment show. it's funny for instance do you ever for instance

we have a show in Canada called E-Talk which is the equivalent of like an entertainment show have you heard Ben Mulroney say Celine Dion's name

have you ever heard this he'll say for instance and coming up next we have behind the scenes of Britney Spears

new video and stay tuned we'll be speaking with songstress Céline Dion when we return. He always uses the French pronunciation. So you're opening the electronic cigarette. Yeah, I'm really. Now, you smoked for years and years and years. I did.

I smoked for so many years. I smoked all of the cigarettes. You're going to start again trying to open that thing. I don't. Yeah, like this is, oh, hello. There's instructions on the back that you have to remove the blank. So I guess there's a cartridge that you put. Look at how giant that cigarette is.

Oh, I thought they were saying you fill in what you want to call it. Yeah, remove the blank. Yeah, it's like med lifts. You get to name the components and then remove them. Okay, remove the components and then remove them. But like... Okay, remove the blank and discard. Okay, have I done that? Yeah.

Okay. Just discard. Discard, discard, discard. Okay, so that's... Okay, so this is a thing. This is the part that has the smoking in it. Oh, right. Yeah, no, there's a blank in there. And then you're going to... Oh, right. So, no, there's a blank in there.

Oh, right. For the listeners at home, watching Graham open this is like... It's kind of like watching... Like a ape try to use a camera or something? You see, it looks like some woodsman building a pipe bomb. Do I put this part on? I'm not far off. This is Kaczynski-esque.

I like it. Remove the stopper and discard. Slide on the new cartridge. Let the unit sit for one minute before use. Just like a regular cigarette. Gonna go for smoke. I remember you used to give a little prayer to each cigarette. You would pray that each cigarette would be great.

Oh, it's got 400 plus puffs. Is that right? Yeah. How do they know how hard I draw? Call them. That's true. Is there a number on the back? Let's call them.

Are people supposed to think that that's a cigarette? Like, are you supposed to if you're having a smoking party? A smoking party? Like, people are going to go, oh, he's still Hey, cool guy. I forgot how fun your parties used to be. Very specific. Bring a shirt

you hate. We're having an eating party tonight, and then next week's a smoking party. I think the problem with these, though, the problem with these is the weight, like for smokers. Yeah, because it's like a pen. Yeah, it doesn't feel right. If the weight was, I don't know. Anyway, whatever. I think there's a lot more problems with it than just that.

The reason I could never become a smoker is because I've got a very ladylike cigarette hand. A lot of... This is a very visual podcast. Yeah, well, there's an audience. Yeah, exactly. It's different, isn't it? It's different, guys. All right?

All right. So now, do you... You've got to bite it. Okay, now breathe in. No. Oh! Shit, yeah! Was it the worst?

Hugh's smoked! Yeah, thanks! Oh, shit, yeah. Was it the worst? Hugh smoked. Yeah, Dave smoked. Dave smoked. Dave smoked, guys. For the home listener, nothing came out. But it lit up on you. It lit up in the front. It'd be great.

You're instantly cooler. Oh, look at him. For the listener. Getting all 400 puffs at once. Did the jet all the way. Well done. Can I try it? Is it working?

Yeah, you're not... It doesn't make smoke, because that would defeat the purpose. No, but some of them have that vapor come out of them, like that water vapor. I think that's what these cartridges are. Oh, so this is... No, this is the... I put that water vapor. I think that's what these cartridges are. Oh, so this is... No, this is the cartridge.

I put the cartridge on. Guys, let's talk about something else. What questions have you prepared for me? Oh, what do you think about my Randy Newman story from earlier? I think it's a great story because I was there for the first Newman sighting. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were watching the hockey game.

And, oh, Dave. As we do. How are your knuckies? That's what Dave calls the Canucks, the knuckies. The yeah, yeah. We were watching the hockey game. And, oh, Dave. As we do. How are your knuckies? That's what Dave calls the Canucks, the knuckies. The knuckies. It's adorable to see him. He's like, go knuckies. And everyone's like, what are you talking about?

But I have to say, not to, well, I'm always a little apprehensive about coming on the podcast, I think. Why? Well, I love you guys. Well, we love you. I like you, too. Thanks, guys. No, and I really genuinely do like you guys. It's just in the past,

there have been complaints about me. And I get it. I get it. I don't even know when Father's Day is. Yeah. But, you know, some people not a fan, fine, fine. Sometimes I don't like me.

Wait, wait. But, but, but, I don't like it when, you know what, forget it. No, I was going to say, how about, but I want to want to talk Like what have some of the concerns been Because there have been complaints About me being on the podcast And I'd like to address them right now Okay Well

The first time you were on the podcast At the end of the podcast Yeah You farted into the microphone I'm going to stop you right there Huh? But then We had to end the podcast Right

And leave the house Yeah It was the worst And get a new microphone I know Yeah We had to get a new microphone Because

You affected Yeah The match That's amazing Yeah, we had to get a new microphone because you infected the meth. That's amazing. I ruined technology with methane. It was great. Methane? Anyway, okay, so that was a complaint. No problem there.

I'm fine with that. Okay, people might take issue with that. I still don't get it. It transcends culture, language, genre. It is... What was the other complaint? Miscarriage. Easy. Now we just had an audience member

yell out, miscarriage. Are you reporting one? Oh yeah, it could be. Wouldn't that be something? Yeah. Or nothing. Don't just shout it out. Wouldn't that be something? Yeah. I would make a bigger deal about it. Or nothing.

Don't just shout it out. But yeah, in the middle of... Of a podcast. Of a podcast. I called my sister. Yeah, and you said... I now said she was pregnant first. Yes.

Yes. And that we were going to call her and call her Butt Mustard. Yes. Was her nickname that you had for her. That's a nickname I gave her because she went on a new diet to help the baby and it's development and she was wearing white pants and it gave her anal leakage. That's right.

And then you called her on the podcast That's right, yeah. And somebody answered, may or may not have been her Yeah, go on. And we called her butt mustard and then she said I had a miscarriage. Yeah, and it got really sad.

It got, well, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it got really sad. Oh, I get it. So I should have farted in the microphone afterwards? No. No. Oh, you're not saying that.

No. Oh, I thought you were saying that. Oh, I'm way off base. Anyway, I would just like to say my sister is fine. It was a joke. However, she actually is pregnant now. And I know you think I'm sending something up,

but I would like to call her. After all, it's Father's Day. Yeah, that's right. It's Father's Day in Canada. Yeah. But you know what? I'm not going to because I know some people are sensitive.

Let's move on. You grew up. John Doerr, everybody. He's all grown up. Overheard? Yeah. What's happening? We're going to move on

to Overheard. Oh, great. What are you doing? Are you all right? I'm just doing stuff. Sure, okay. I have a lot of things in my pocket.

I was just making sure they're all there, collecting my things, checking for predators every seven minutes. You want to play a theme? Yeah. Come on, girl.

Oh, yeah. What have you overheard? Thank you. So we've been, Dave and I, we were in L.A. for a week. We recorded three podcasts in a row. So we've been Dave and I We were in LA for a week We recorded three podcasts in a row So we don't have any overheards left

But we thought we would open up This section to the floor We have an extra microphone here If anyone wants to come up And do an overheard We have one Maybe he will inspire courage Yes Yes Please And do an overheard. We have one. Maybe he will inspire courage. Yes.

Yes. Please. Introduce yourself, sir. I'm Ken Roberts from Houston. Woo! Yeah! H-Town! The town!

New Mexico! Hello, Dave Graham, probable guest. Hello. Long time bumper, first time bumpy. I didn't even hear that. What guest? Probable. Probable. Probable. It's probable guest. Hello. Long time bumper, first time bumpy. I didn't even hear that. What guest? Probable. Probable.

It's a joke. Oh, what's the probable guest? People usually call these in and we don't always have a guest. So they've been burned before. Oh. Go on. Okay. So I'm a volunteer at a Planned Parenthood clinic in Houston.

Next. I mean, clinic in Houston. Next. I mean, yeah, yeah. Sorry. Go ahead. Yes. So for our non-American listeners, it's a clinic where women's reproductive health care, birth control, well-women exams, including abortions. As such, because it is in Texas, we have a whole bunch of protesters,

usually anywhere from a handful to 50 every single Saturday. So one of the things I do as a volunteer is I escort, which means I was walking clients and staff from the parking lots across the street into the building through all the protesters. This is going to be funny. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, how do I how do I get involved? The most like, well, I think we know the most likely way. I mean protesting, by the way. I want to make that clear. No, no, you know, I'll find it online.

I'll find it online. I'll find it online. And you know what? This is your story, your spotlight. Go. Very good. Yeah. So I escort the clients and staff.

So I'm escorting this African-American couple from across the street. The gentleman is rather large, about 6'5", 250. Canadian list, so in Canadian that would be about 195 centimeters. What is that? About 120 kilograms, something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, thank you. Yeah, yeah.

Because it was just amorphous in my head. I'm like, is this some sort of giant or tiny man? I don't even know what an African-American is. It's like an African-Canadian, except American. Sure. Canadian, except American. Sure. So as we're walking in, the protester happened to be this very prim, proper Catholic lady, white, had pearl necklace on, unironically.

So she's starting her spiel, talking about how Planned Parenthood is the leading killer of African Americans, that Margaret Sanger was a eugenicist, all this other stuff. And she was getting increasingly frustrated because they were completely ignoring her. And as they turned the corner, we're on our property, but like 20 feet away from the protester because they crossed this gate. She got frustrated and just kind of said, how can you kill your black baby like that? You racist. That's pretty good.

Now, to her credit, she did actually get an instant look of recognition on her face and said, oh. And just turned, walked away. All right, Ken. That's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ken from Houston.

Ken R from Houston. I have another coming up. I have a similar one. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Bring it. Oh, look at this guy jogging up. Yeah, happy Father's Day, sir.

Let's make a deal, sir. I didn't want any dead air. What's your name, sir? It's Brian. Brian, last initial, please. B. Brian B. Brian B from initial, please. B. Brian B. Brian B.

From? San Diego now. San Diego! Sunny! Sunny! We're gone! Shamu! Yeah!

Is Shamu still with us? I'll check. He left early this morning. She. My apologies. Hit it! Friday during the Gathering Mixer, She. My apologies. On Friday, Friday during the gathering mixer, I was behind some people

who were near the bar, and there was a bowl of condoms, and I had been speaking with these people that were strangers a few hours earlier and got to know them a little bit, but they're not friends necessarily. Anyway, they're a couple, is the point. And the man turns to the woman and says,

hey, you want some condoms for the secret sex party later? There was a beat, and she goes, yeah. Thank you, Brian. That's great. San Diego. That's almost. Jesse Thorne. Jesse Thorne is on set.

All right. But before you do almost. Jesse Thorne. Jesse Thorne is on set. But before you do yours, Jesse. Yeah. That bowl of condoms, was that there ironically? All right. Sorry I turned on you, Dave. I didn't mean to come on your show And then turn on you Earlier Ken was saying that a woman was wearing

A pearl necklace unironically Do people wear them ironically? Condoms? Alright we're getting confused I'd like to keep Dave talking right now. Dave, did you miss the fuck fest last night? I did. I went home early. Yeah, well, you know, that's part of why people pay $800 to come here.

For the no questions asked fuck fest. I asked the question. I'm sorry. He said, in what tone are we wearing these condoms? I'm going to wear mine half on, half off, ironically. Now, Jesse T is on stage. From my

elementary school. And from the IFC show The Grid Too soon Which is cancelled Gone the way of Shamu What other bio points do I have here? Nice jacket there What is that? The Old Navy?

I wear exclusively Old Navy. I love that fucking dog. Oh, my God. In my high school, there was a bus that was sponsored by Old Navy that had a huge picture of that dog on it. And it was for public high schools could get this bus for free to go to things. Too Old Navy. high schools could get this bus for free to go to things.

Too old, maybe. Anytime we went on a field trip, it was like creepily sponsored by that dog. He was your official guardian on that trip. I guess that's why we're always going to the boneyard. That was a great joke.

Everybody can enjoy it. Ages 8 to 88. Now, Jesse, do you have an overheard? I do. I was at a famous French dip restaurant in Los Angeles. Philippe's? This was Philippe's French dip. French dip, exactly.

And in Los Angeles, I know you guys have only been here for a week, and I know, John, you've only been here for a year or so, something like that. Yeah, just about. So there's this thing that happens where you see ladies, and at first you think they're, I don't want to say high-class prostitutes, because they're not that, they don't, like, there's a certain amount of classiness

to a high-class prostitute, but they also don't look like street prostitutes. So if there's such a thing as a mid-level prostitute, I haven't heard a lot about those, but they must exist. Yeah, they do. But then you just realize that's how 20% of the population of Los Angeles dresses. So there was a couple of women like this in hot pants and tied-off football jerseys with a couple of just giant mooks standing with them.

And they were just like giggling and yelling for no reason and just completely confused. And they step up to the counter, and this is a French dip restaurant where basically the menu is like four things. It's like, you know, do you want potato salad, jello, and what do you want on your, how wet do you want your French dip?

That's your choices, basically. It'd be great if the French dip wasn't even on the menu. You just had to know how to ask for it. Animal style. And one of the girls went up to the counter, and she said, can I taste the potato salad? She's from Boston. Wait a minute, was that you, John Doerr?

I've never seen you in a football jersey, the potato salad? She's from Boston. Wait a minute, was that you, John Doerr? Yeah. I've never seen you in a football jersey, but if you... Okay, so she said, can I taste the potato salad? And they're like, okay. And they give her

a little bit of potato salad and she puts a fork in it and sticks it in her mouth and she goes... What's in that? Mayonnaise? Mayonnaise? What's in this lasagna? Tomatoes? Yeah, what's in this potato salad? Potatoes?

Thank you, Jesse Thorne. Jesse Thorne, everybody! Come on down. I think we'll do this gentleman one more and then move on to the next. Sure. All right. All right. Have a seat.

Tell us about yourself. Yeah. Hi, Dave. Hi, Graham. Hello. Hi. Jim. John.

Jim's fine. Jim's fine. Jim's fine. No, no. It's good. It's good. Jimmy Dore, everybody. Jimmy Dore.

That's right. Yeah. JD. Now, your name is Jake B. Jake Bilbrey, yes. And you are from? Tennessee. Eat the mic. Just get right in there, buddy. Get in there. Okay. Tennessee. Yes.

My overheard comes from the... I challenge you to a game of horseshoes. A game of horseshoes. Pardon me. Well done. What am I? My overheard comes from the airport at Nashville. Ah, Nashville, UT. City of dreams.

There was a mother and her young... Rib town. What town? Sorry. I think that's Memphis. Oh, right. I don't know. I've never been to Memphis.

Nashville. Nashville. Home of... The Predator. Yeah, where the bass player from R.E.M. has his suits made. They say that on the sign as you drive in. Oh, Nashville. Thanks, Dave.

Okay. So a mother and her daughter. A son. A little son. Two years old. Jim. Two-year-old, really worried. The mom's trying to comfort him, and they're about to go through to airport security.

And the mother turns to the son and says, Don't worry, they're just going to look at your butt. I love it. Great work, Jake. That's how you calm a kid down. Just going to look at your butt. Like they've done a million times before. Exactly.

Alright. Thank you, Jake. Thanks so much. Tennessee. And that's Poppin' Politics. The, uh... Do we have one more that wants to come up? Uh-oh. Uh-oh, there's a race.

Oh, let's do two. Okay, two. Let's do two. Two, come on. You can come up? Come on up. Uh-oh. Uh-oh, there's a race. Oh, let's do two. Okay, two. Let's do two. Two, come on. You can come up. Come on. Simultaneously. We gotta get some ladies up here. Yeah.

Yeah. Throw your hands up at me. And you guys tell the story at the exact same time when you sit here. Okay. Yeah, you're very welcome. Who said chivalry was dead?

That's nice. I forget the word. Chivalry? Yeah. Who said chivalry was dead? That's nice. I forget the word. Chivalry? Yeah. Who said chivalry's dead? Now I got the chivalry. Chivalry. You first.

Hi. Hello, your name is? I'm Shannon from Omaha. Shannon J. from Omaha. Omaha! Yeah, home of the steaks. And we have a discount grocery store called Aldi. I don't know if that's...

And it's basically like a big, like, really cheap grocery store. But they're... Well, they're not really big. You can hear everything that's going on in the store. And we were in the store the other day, and there was this woman on the phone, and she kept on, like, calling someone

and leaving messages. She was like, Veronica, I need you to call me back. Veronica, this is an emergency. I need you to call me back. Veronica, where are you? I need you to call me back. Veronica, this is an emergency. I need you to call me back. Veronica, where are you? I need you to call me back. And then finally she goes, Veronica, I need to know what goddamn kind of ice cream you want.

Thank you, Shannon. Great work. Thank you, John. That's why they made Neapolitan, for just that kind of emergency. Veronica's are generally high maintenance. Oh, I know. Fartsy taught us anything. State your name.

You're from, you have an online comic we were discussing last night. Yeah, hey, baby. My name is Sarah. I'm from Chicago. All right, Chicago, Illinois. Yeah, right? last night. My name is Sarah. I'm from Chicago. All right. Chicago, Illinois. Yeah, right? Bean town.

Chi town. Go ahead. Okay. So we have this neighbor that has three dogs, one of which is really well-behaved and two aren't. And in the mornings when he's walking them, especially if it's very cold, he gets very frustrated with the ones that aren't well behaved. He wants them to just do their business so he can go back inside. And he gets really frustrated and says kind of amazing things.

And he speaks to them in full sentences as if they can understand. And the best thing was one day he said, Otto, your behavior is bullshit. All right. Thank you, everybody. Bullshit. Classic auto. Thank you very much.

All right. Great work, everybody. Yeah, well done. Now, we have one more segment we'd like to do. John, do you want to stick around for this? Yeah, do you need me for it? I don't need you, but you're welcome to. Well, I would gladly stick around. Yay!

Yay! All right! Okay, well, it's Graham's Dad movie review. Yeah! What are you made of? A lot of bass in this one. Movies. Look in the distance.

It's easy if you try. Watch all the movies. And don the distance. It's easy if you try. Watch all the movies and don't waste your time. Just give it a line. One line. Graham's Dad. Now, the way this works is Graham's Dad has a very specific way of

reviewing movies. Yep. It comes down to like one or two lines per movie. He doesn't remember the names of most actors. And he will either say the movie is pretty good or give it a miss. Give it a miss. Yeah.

What's that? Singularity. And so, for example The Fugitive is the one I always go to It would be the guy from Indiana Jones Jumps out of a drain pipe pretty good Yeah It actually, it all started with the

With the movie K-Pax That's where I first got the idea. He said, he took a flight, and it was on the plane, and I was like, how was your flight? And he said, it had that movie on there, K-Pax. I was like, was it good? And he goes, ah, Kevin Spacey. Or was it Kevin Spacey?

Yeah, he goes, Kevin Spacey eats a banana with the skin on. Give it a miss. And so I told Graham's dad, and this is great because it's Father's Day. It's Father's Day. I still think it is, and these people are fucking with me. These guys love pranks. I told Graham's dad that we are going to be out at this camp in the wilderness, and I gave him a list of wilderness-themed movies,

and he came back. He called in a few of his reviews, and so I'm just going to tell you the movie, and you need to... He called in a few of his reviews. I'm just going to tell you the movie. I'm going to try and guess what his review of the movie would be. Then we'll play what his actual review of the movie is. First of all, we have deliverance. Oh.

I would say that my dad would say I'm just trying to think of what he would probably say Burt Reynolds rides a canoe downstream sees a weird kid playing a banjo pretty good okay

Deliverance I remember this one Ned Bety's tour de force um can't remember who was in the front of the canoe it's the guy from midnight cowboy i think um some pretty good banjo picking um and some pig squealing um pretty good not bad not bad and some pig squealing. Pretty good. Not bad. Pig squealing. Pig squealing.

I remember, yeah, I should have said the Ned Beatty thing because he was always talking about how Ned Beatty shouldn't have taken that role because that was it, right? Ned Beatty didn't do anything after that. Except was insulted on the street, probably. Yeah, he probably got that the rest of his career. Just people squealing like a pig from car windows as they drive past. And the problem with that is if a pig really was squealing, he never would know, right?

It's like the boy who cried wolf. What the? Oh, come on. That really touched a nerve with this crowd. All right. Next one is Into the Wild. Oh, okay. Yeah, okay.

Boy goes on a life-altering journey, ends up dying in a bus. Pretty good. Spoiler. Drink. Into the Wild. It's a story about a kid who wanders around North America and ends up in a bus in Alaska.

He's kind of the littlest hobo in the movie. Kind of a lovable character, but still a bit of a loser. Great soundtrack, and a pretty good movie. So, pretty good. I knew he'd think it was pretty good. And a littlest hobo reference.

Does everyone know the littlest hobo? How many people don't know who the littlest hobo reference. Does everyone know the Littlest Hobo? Yeah, you do? How many people don't know who the Littlest Hobo is? Oh, wow. It's a show. If you can suss it out online, it's a show that ran for... Years in Canada, yeah.

Yeah, like decades. It was on in black and white, and then it went away, and it came back in the 80s. There was a new series of it, and it was about a dog that traveled from town to town solving crimes yeah yeah but always always like pretty simple crimes yeah still but like for a dog and sometimes sometimes not crimes oh no trust me i'm like oh it's a it's a great dog it's a smart dog um i i never watched it and said what

a stupid dog you can't even It can't even shoot a gun. But sometimes it wasn't a crime. Sometimes it would be like the guy would pass out. The mechanic would be out in the woods. He'd pass out. And then the dog would bring the wrench in from the woods. And then the family would go, oh, he must be in the woods dying. Or sometimes, like there was one.

Did he ever have to leap to the next place and he was always hoping for the leap that would take him back home? There was an episode I remember my friend talking about where he faked to stop somebody on route to a crime. He

faked that the car the guy was driving in hit him. So he like lay down on the road. He knew how to act. Right? So that the guy would get out and then the dog ran around the other side and stole his keys. It was the best. It was one of the greatest shows.

They're on DVD now and the dog does commentary. He does a commentary track. It's amazing. Alright. Up next. Grizzly Man. It's amazing Alright Up next Grizzly man Oh Okay

Grizzly man Okay Yeah Guy goes up to Live in Alaska Not the smartest guy Makes friends with a bear Until there's one

Enemy bear Ends up eating him. Give it a miss, I'm going to say. Grizzly Man, alert, didn't. Pretty good movie. Did you say give it a miss or? I didn't hear. Let's go back a second, just a second.

Everyone be cool. Didn't. So, pretty good movie. Really pretty good. Oh, really pretty good. Oh, I was off. Has he ever said pretty good movie? Give it a miss. You're really busy. You don't need to see it. And I just told you how it

ended. Next, Meatballs. Oh, Meatballs. Oh, yeah. One of the highest grossing Canadian films ever. True. I don't even know what the plot of Meatballs is. A bunch of kids have hijinks at a summer camp.

There's an alien in it. Is there? Or is that the first Meatballs? Is it in all of them? That's Meatballs 3. That's only the third one? Oh, okay. And Bill Murray is really funny in it.

Pretty good. Pretty good. Okay. Meatballs was a Canadian movie. It was the most successful of the cinema tax loophole movies. I think it was the only one that made money. Bill Murray was in it. Pretty funny at the time. It's been done to death since. So maybe give it a pass.

Very controversial. He switched from give it a miss to give it a pass. Oh, I know. Oh, my dad's... He's evolving. Yeah, exactly. He's entering his full period. Oh, he's evolving.

Clever girl. The raptors didn't evolve. Well, they didn't devolve. Fair enough. Are we not men? And finally, Ernest goes to camp. Oh, wow.

I'm sure he'll say this was one of my favorites As a kid Because it was the greatest Ernest is a camp counselor Probably falls off a ladder I think is the big scene in it And Saves the camp for all the kids

I don't know if he's gonna I'm gonna say that he thought it was pretty good. That's going to be my... Now, do you think he's going to know the name Jim Varney? Yes. I'm going to say he knows Jim Varney. Ernest goes to camp. Very similar to meatballs.

It's about a summer camp. Jim Varley, I think, was... Pretty close! And if you're a fan of Jim Varley, I think, was... Pretty close! And if you're a fan of Jim Varley's, it was hilarious. Probably his best one. Pretty good. Lame story, though.

Well, there you go. Graves Dad Movie Review. Happy Father's Day, Dad. Yeah. So that's That's about a show That sounds almost like it was a show Before we say goodbye I want to thank you all for making your way

To MaxFunCon this weekend Absolutely And thanks To Jesse And Nick and everybody. And John Dorr. John Dorr for coming up here. All the fathers.

All the fathers out there. Maybe we should end out this show. Do you know all the words to the Lillis Hobo theme song? I cannot know the words. Do you know the words to it? Let's get online and pick them up. There's a road. Do you?

Do you know all? Well, come on up. Well, come on up. We got an extra microphone. It starts out with there's... Isn't it the first lyric is there's a voice? Keeps on calling me. Let's all try and do our best.

How's that? So it starts out, I think it goes... There's a voice that keeps on calling me. Hobo. Down the road That's where I'll always be Every step I take I make a new friend

Can't stay for long Just sit around And I'm gone again Maybe tomorrow I'm gonna settle down Maybe tomorrow I'll just keep moving on. Guitar solo.

Now, do you know the next? There's a second verse, but I don't think that... It's the same as the first. It's not appropriate. A little bit louder. A little bit worse. It's also not appropriate. It's not appropriate.

One more time? The second verse, there is that solo from the dog. I'll do the dog solo You do the dog solo this time Go ahead From the start, yeah Everybody's clapping at the end there I feel like we just ended it

Down the road That's where I'll always be I'm just a dog In a city And I'm gonna have a battle in a town that has some mystery. I'm gonna get

gonna settle down until tomorrow. I'll just keep moving on. Until tomorrow. Until tomorrow. I'll just

keep moving podcast podcast yeah stop podcasting yourself ladies and gentlemen all the way from vancouver canada special thank you to surprise guest international celebrity john dore oh wow