Stop Podcasting Yourself - Bonus Episode - LIVE from Saskatoon

Episode Date: November 6, 2019

Recorded LIVE at the Broadway Theatre in Saskatoon on October 6th, 2018. That's right, 2018.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello! Hi! How is everybody? Hello, Saskatoon! What it is? Oh man, oh man, thank you so much for coming out to the show. How about another round of applause for Hormones, everybody?

How good was that? We can't follow that. We can't. We can't. We won't. You'll see. We refuse. That's got to be...

There are bands opening up for podcasts. What year is this? Yeah. And then the robot comes out and does the robot, and then you go, the future. Thanks so much for coming to the show. It has been a whirlwind tour, has it not? Who, me?

Yeah, you. Yeah, we wound the world. Yeah. You know, my name means whirlwind in Ukrainian. Is that right? Did you know that about me? Mine means cracker in English. We just got here today

from Edmonton. Yeah. We've been traveling like a couple of Bob Segers. Different hotel room every night. New woman waking up next to a different woman every day. Yeah. Where did we wake up next to in Edmonton?

I woke up next to Judge Judy. And it was the greatest day of my life. Yeah, it's been crazy. Now, we should ask off the top of the show How many people here listen to the podcast? Okay And how many people refuse? How many people saw us last time we were here?

Oh, cool. That was a much smaller place. Yeah. And the promoter was like, oh, I think they've graduated. Yeah. We're still in school. Yeah. A few credits short.

Oh, well. Yeah, yeah. What were they going to show tonight? Venom? What was going to be in here Why they weren't going to show, what were they going to show tonight? Venom, what was going to be in here if we

weren't here? Same number of people as if Venom was playing. I'm just having a lot of fun at Venom's

expense. I sang my Venom theme song for you the other day. Yep. Something like a Venom Venom.

Yep. I came up with another one. Oh, like a Venom Venom? Yep. I came up with another one. Oh, good. Venom Venom. Thank you. A guy came up to me in the bathroom. I don't think he knew

it was my show. And he said, I thought this was a comedy show. Why is there music? But there's both, you know? Yeah. Yeah, man. Venom, Venom. Yeah, exactly.

You ever heard of a little band called... Uh-oh. I'm stuck for a comedy band. Moxie Fruvis. Thank you. You ever heard of a band called Moxie Fruvis? What happened to those guys? I like one guy from that band.

Yeah. What happened to them?? I like one guy from that band. Yeah. What happened to them? I like the one guy. And now I eat a humble pie. Bow, bow, bow, bow, bow. Is Moxie Fruvis here? So this is our last show of this little... This is our last show of 2018.

Of 2018, really? A live show, probably. I don't... Well, we do our big Christmas extravaganza. For the kids. Juan Letterman. Every year we do a big Christmas number. We try to knock a pizza off a Christmas tree with a football.

And then we do our New Year's rock and roll night long New Year's show. Graham, Dave, and Ryan Seacrest. And then we do our New Year's rock all night long New Year's show. Graham, Dave, and Ryan Seacrest. And then we do Ooh Ooh So Spooky, a Halloween podcast that's on the 29th through the 31st. But it's not live. It's undead. Yeah. And then Monday Thanksgiving, we're doing

our Thanksgiving podcast. Oh, our November 11th somber cast that we do. So that's not true. We got a lot of live shows coming up. Well, our November 11th somber cast that we do. So that's not true. We got a lot of live shows coming up. Well, that podcast is just a moment of silence. Today I take off my coat. Not me, man.

Thank you. I put on a denim shirt today because literally in the back of my mind I was like, farmers. Yeah. They'll get this. You're like one of those politicians that wears the hard hat on the construction and rolls up the sleeves.

One of you guys, huh? You guys bring box lunch? Can we go eat out there on the beam? Like that poster I have hanging over my toilet. Over my toilet? Graham. We started out in Calgary. Yeah.

Boo. And that show was in a room where we could see 100% of the audience, which is magical for both performer and audience to be on the same lighting playing field. We got there. This is very nice

to come here. Everything was all set up. It was ready to go. We checked things out for 10 minutes and then we were on our merry way well i have i had to do i have my uh noise machines that i do oh yeah i forgot oh you guys you're in for a treat yeah it's like moxie fruvis is here and then uh well we got to this gig in calgary the it feels like every student that was in the electrical program was

working on the soundboard. Also, it was at a college, and I didn't have a hotel room. I had a dorm room. He stayed in a dorm. You got froshed. Didn't you get froshed? I got froshed in. They froshed me hard. They got me a Pulp Fiction poster.

Yeah. When you checked in, they said, have you stayed with us before? And you were like, no. And then they pantsed you. Yeah, yeah. They did a panty raid. But yeah, these poor students had never done, I don't think, a show ever before. They were figuring out chairs,

where do chairs go. Yeah. That you have to leave an aisle so that people can get to said chairs. That was a big conversation they were having. You know, all conversations they could have had in the days, the hours leading up to the show. We couldn't badmouth that show then.

But now. We can only badmouth it now. We go a province over, and why not? I say, why not? And then it was a fun show. It turned out to be a fun show. They're always fun. Yeah.

The stakes are so low. Yeah, that's true. And while I was, this was one thing, while I was in Calgary, I went, my parents live in Calgary, we went walking around a park, and they were talking about seeing a porcupine. And I was like, you know what? I've never seen a porcupine in my whole life. I've never seen a porcupine. Then we went to Edmonton. One of the first things we see, a porcupine splattered all over the road. So my wish came true.

You started telling that story, and I knew how it ended, and I was like, this is going to be sad. It was more gross than sad. Because that porcupine had it coming. It had stolen some money from some orphans. You could see it.

It was stuck on the end of its quills. Yeah, and then we went to Edmonton. Boo! Yeah. And we were part of a rock and roll festival. We were in a, the show was in a Freemasons Hall. And no dimmers on any of the lights. No.

Just a hall like where you would get married. And yeah. And throughout the hall, we were walking around before the show. There were these cones of stink that were just like, like you would stand here and it would be fine. And then you'd be here and it would be fine and then you'd be here and it would just stink. We couldn't figure out the source

but they were just pockets. I feel like that's what when people like, oh this building is haunted, that's what they mean. They're just unexplained stink. Yeah. Just like a septic problem that's off gassing into a patch. Oh, it's a ghost a patch oh it's a ghost

yeah it's a ghost you got a problem here so uh the guy that was our tech guy was explaining the year before they had had some ruffians in and and there was a band playing and the band didn't show up yeah and uh and then they finally showed up, and somebody kicked a fire alarm, which then went off for two hours or something. And then the firemen showed up, and then somebody threw a beer at a fireman, which you don't do, even if you hate them. And someone threw a beer at the lady who was like the groundskeeper, the poor old lady.

So for some reason, the venue was like, we feel, the poor old lady. So, for some reason, the venue was like, we feel good about this. We're going to do this again. We're going to do this a second year in a row. This feels good. But there was so much security for our podcast. There was a guy literally in military fatigue.

It was the best. His name was Dave Dave and he was in a... Yeah, he like, he could be a movie. He's like a retired Navy SEAL and he's forgotten most of his training and now he just guards podcasts.

And then there was another guy who looked just like Hulk Hogan. Yeah. He was the other security guy. Like modern day Hollywood Hogan. Yeah. What are your favorite Hogans? I mean, of the Hulk variety?

I mean, you can use Jason Bateman, Valerie Harper. The Hogan family? Yeah. Paul Hogan? How about Paul Hogan? Oh, sure. Yeah, he's one of the top Hogans. Hogan's heroes, fine. There's he's one of the top Hogan's

Hogan's heroes, fine. There's a lot of them But for me, it's Brooke Oh, Brooke. Yeah Hulk Hogan's idiot daughter I don't know, maybe she's smart No, she's not, but the great thing The great thing for a whole generation, really

is they grew up kind of sexually attracted to Hulk Hogan in a weird, because you had a poster of him. Me and every other guy. Oh, no, no. I thought you meant his family.

No, no. Hulk Hogan, like you had a picture of him, if you were like me, oiled up on your wall. He was oiled up in tiny little yellow shorts. So then obviously that plants some seeds.

Well, my parents were very strict and so they had a guy come in and airbrush all the oil off of him. They were dry hogan all the way. And he was just wearing a pinstripe suit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like on those hockey cards when a player's been traded to a different team and they just paint on the

Winnipeg Jets logo. But one of the best parts with the security guard was he was standing there and Dave was making fun of him. And then Dave turned around and the security guard like ducked out. And then Dave turned back around and he was like he was going to reference him. And he was gone. So it was like a ghost security guard. And it was right

in the poo patch. Yeah. That's right. It was right in the cone. The stink pocket. Stink pocket was who was headlining the festival we were at. In the hotel we're staying at the hotel restaurant is called Aroma.

Which is like one of the better words for stink. Yeah. That's true. What are like the nicest words for stink? Stank. No. Funk. Funk.

Fragrance is probably. That's the top. Yeah. That's like the classiest word for stink. And I know them all. Yeah. It's like the classiest word for stink. And I know them all. The, uh, oh yeah, and the hotel that we were staying at in Edmonton had a rotating

restaurant on top of it that everybody couldn't shut up about. Hey, we got told about that restaurant so many times. I mean, can you imagine seeing 360 degrees of the ton? Is that what they call Edmonton? The ton?

The ton, yeah. The golden ton. Do they call Saskatoon the toon? Yeah. Sask diddy? What? Toontown? I like that.

Toontown. The, uh... Statland. But didn't somebody ask if the restaurant They were like does it go the whole 360 degrees I was like well of course Why would it stop short For the home listener

Graham made that joke in the last city I know that but these people don't Yeah well Dave You're gonna get found out eventually. You know what? I'm not. And here's why. Nobody gives a shit.

And the great thing is, is you go on a tour, you get to have the accumulative experiences relived on stage. That's how Bob Seger does it. He writes a song about every town that he's in. But he doesn't sing that song in the town. He sings it in the next town. I was in Boston last night and everybody goes, boo. And he goes, well, they're going to boo you

when I talk about you in the next town. Because he only goes back and forth between Boston and New York. The last time it was in New York. So, yes, we got to Saskatoon this morning. And, oh,

do we want to get to know us? Sure. Okay. Here it goes. And here we are. Whoa. Get to know us. I'm going to redo jokes,

so you better buckle up and stop calling me out. I'm not calling, look, these people didn't hear me say that. It's the homeless. jokes, so you better buckle up and stop calling me out. I'm not calling... Look. These people didn't hear me say that. It's the homelessness. Ah, yes. So we're here in Saskatoon. We got here this

morning. We can stand the whole time? I'm not going to stand the whole time. No way, Jose. That's not what I got into podcasting for. I'll stand when I do pre-written jokes. Thank you very much. I feel like I really betrayed you.

You're not wrong to be mad. There's something inside me that it's just sick. It's a sickness. It's a venom we'll say. I have this venom inside me um we got to saskatoon today and uh uh so like what what do we do what do we do here's the other thing that happened earlier in the trip. Okay.

What did we do in Saskatoon? I don't know. We got here super early. We got here super early. Fortunately, we were allowed to check in, which we were not. I was not allowed to do in Calgary, and I was told to go walk around the city for four hours. That was part of your hazing. That's what that was.

And then I... So tomorrow, I guess Monday is Thanksgiving And I'm in charge of pies In my family I can't believe they trust you with the pies Oh I'm good at pies Okay alright But I was like I'll be traveling I'll be in Saskatoon

I could get They have a famous berry Yes Chuck Yeah Hey Saskatoon It's your cousin Marvin Yes, Chuck. Yeah. Hey, Saskatoon, it's your cousin Marvin. You know that delicious flavor you're looking for?

The Saskatoon berry, which I have never tasted. I had never heard of a Saskatoon berry until a couple years ago. Oh, really? Yeah, sorry, guys. What? Here's what you're famous for. Curling and the wrong word for hoodies. And so I

told my family, I'll be in Saskatoon. I can try to bring home a Saskatoon berry pie. And my brother-in-law went, Well, I could see that. I mean, I was excited when you to bring home a Saskatoon berry pie, and my brother-in-law went, oh! Well, I could see that. I mean, I was excited when you mentioned the idea to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you describe a Saskatoon berry?

Oh, it's full of flavor. So nice. Melts in your mouth. A little bit tart, but not too tart. Kind of sweet, kind of round. Saskatoonberry. Was that a poem? It's a theme song.

Graham was paid to do that by the Chamber of Commerce. So I went on Twitter and I asked people where I can get a pie. Yeah. Because I don't want to go, you know, yelp a Saskatoonberry pie and just end up with a slice of it from a diner. No. That won't make my brother-in-law happy. And that'll be, that would be like a real kind of deadbeat dad thing to come home with a pocket, with a pocket slice for the kids.

Here, go play with this in the backyard. I remembered your birthday? Oh, Thanksgiving? Sorry, I've been on the road a lot. And so I, someone tipped me off, there's a farmer's market. And, I mean, this is farmer country.

You know, I got a denim shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah, look at you. And your farmer's market. And, I mean, this is farmer country. You know, I got a denim shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at you. And your farmer's market is indoors, which is adorable. Adorable? I'm just used to, you know, the open air of the farmer's market, being able to smell all the smells and, you know, feel the warm sun on my face. You're a real smell guy, aren't you?

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. I was literally this morning, I was trying to remember a smell. Like, I was trying to like, what did that smell like? Have you ever done that? I had the other night. Someone was wearing a perfume or a cologne. I didn't know what at a concert.

And I was like, who do I know who wore that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was remembering the smell of my grandparents' house. Fucking. Fucking, yeah. Well, I mean, that was the smell that wafted through the house. But that's a smell like they're dead, so I'm never going to smell that smell.

That's locked up in here. I can never going to smell that smell. That's locked up in here. I can never... That must be like a perfume maker's nightmare, to have the perfect smell, but not be able to communicate it. I've just written like an Edgar Allan Poe classic here. Or a Patrick Suskind... He had a book called Perfume,

about a perfume maker The best nose in the west Granouille was his name It means frog Oh yeah So this is something we learned on this tour I didn't think that Canadian Thanksgiving Was a thing

I didn't think that people gave a shit about it I don't And I live here So I assumed everybody else was kind of blase It's a day off and there's turkey I didn't think that people gave a shit about it. I don't. And I live here. So I assumed everybody else was kind of blase about it. Yeah, it's a day off and there's turkey. Yeah. But like, it's not American Thanksgiving. You don't travel across the country to see your family.

Or do you? According to the airport lineups. You do. It's insane. And, of course, it's like a parade of people who have not heard anything about this liquid ban. As far as they know, this is fresh, fresh news. So they're bringing well water from their farm to back home. I'm going to bring some of that water you like.

You remember the smell of that water you like. I've got two suitcases full. You remember the smell of that water. I'm going to sleep on the floor in my water bed that I packed. I don't know. And we both, we were in line and we witnessed a dude who was so angry, so angry and everything. And he was lipping off. And he told the security guy at the airport, the one person you don't want to yell at,

he said, slow your roll. Slow your roll. I couldn't believe it. And I was ahead of Dave and Dave texted me, slow your roll. I couldn't believe it. And I was ahead of Dave, and Dave texted me, slow your roll. It blew my mind. Well, and that's like the one thing you learn is like you don't want to, you know, you want to be very polite to everyone who works at the airport. Yes. From the moment you walk on until you get off the plane in the next city.

Yeah. And then you can start kicking things over. And I wanted to see him get tased. Yeah. I think everybody in line was like, that would be worth this wait if we got to see somebody like that get tased or put in a chokehold, anything like that.

But yeah. If any of you haven't seen the show or heard the show, it's this. Yeah. Usually you're graphic designing while you're listening to it. But usually nobody knows but you that you're listening to it. And now you're in a room full of people, and it probably feels kind of gross, eh? But it's okay, because you can turn to your neighbor and be like,

hey, what's your favorite font? Oh, yeah, so back to these Saskatoon Berry Pies. Oh, yes, yes. So I found a place in the farmer's market that had frozen pies. Okay. So you take them home and you cook them yourself. Yeah. And I have a fridge, not a freezer, in my hotel room.

I have a whole freezer in my hotel room. Why? Filled with Vienna sausage. Just like one of those, the ones that are like the lid on top? Yeah, like at a convenience store. Yeah, and I don't know why it's in my room. I did ask for it, but I was surprised that the hotel would be so accommodating.

I'm not going to eat any of it. I just want it nearby. I like the hum. So then I had this panic. I was like, oh no. Pies contain a goo. Am I going to be able to get a hundred milliliters of pie goo

through security? Am I going to have to check these pies before I wreck these pies? Do you do that every time at the airport when they say check your bags? Do you think, before you write your bags? So I got these, I tweeted the airport. I was like, hey, can I bring pie on the plane?

Did they tweet back? Yeah, they were like, ooh, yummy. Fun. Well, then I like, because they tweeted back, oh, yummy. You know what? If you can't bring them, save some for us. Yeah. Because I think that's what every social media account has to be.

Is like fun? Fun and like nom, nom, nom. It's a competitive world out there. You have a lot of choice of airports here. So they want to be the fun airport. And then I started Googling or searching Twitter for other places where people might have asked about pie. And I looked up the TSA.

Just Googled or searched TSA and pie. And it's all the same tone of answer to every pie question. Thank your mom for making such a delicious pie and enjoy your trip. As long as it's not terrorist pie, we're fine with it. So you got two? Two pies.

And they stayed frozen as far as you know? I don't know unless there's a power outage. Oh, shit. Well, you just run them up to my room. I'll move some of the Vienna sausage out of the way. And we have to leave. We have to meet in the hotel tomorrow at five in the morning. And so I've already written a note on my

door. Pies! And then Yeah, yeah While I was at the farmer's market They also had small pies I tasted my first Saskatoonberry And? It's fine

There you go Worth it to come down here just to hear that, I think I'm not going to pander to these people They're too good for it us farm folk we don't take cotton to that what what do you get a scoop of ice cream okay what are you gonna do the pie wise yeah? Yeah, we'll do pie. I passed my pie-wise certification. So I'll do a vanilla. You know what I'm going to do?

Unless the locals have a special Saskatoon cream you've got to put on it. You got Saskatoon cream? All right. This was your chance to fool Dave. You blew it. Y'all could have gone in the back and made some gross cream. Yeah.

Eat this in remembrance of us. Are people doing something for Thanksgiving or is it... Yeah, like two people. It's fine if, you know, you're going to eat turkey otherwise. What's the point? I'm not doing it.

You're not doing a Friendsgiving? No. With Phoebe and Chandler? Where I burn them in effigy. No, I never have. Because I always thought it was just a dumb thing that Canada was like, Me too. We can do this also.

Is that where the Me Too movement started? That's where it started, yeah, with the turkey. You love that one guy from Moxie Fruits. Yeah, the drummer. Drummer? I don't even think they had instruments. Sure they did. Weren't they a barbershop quartet

kind of thing? No, they were buskers. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So one of them had devil sticks. That's the guy I like. Yeah, yeah. I like the guy on the unicycle. Bow, bow, bow, bow, bow.

Carmen Sandiego. Yeah, that's true. Now, before we came down to the show, we were watching the UFC fight. That's where most of the crowd is tonight. We have a big, in the Venn diagram, of podcasts in UFC. We're right there next to Joe Rogan.

We're big. Lots of our listeners are probably out watching the UFC. Yeah. Punchy Fest. Yeah, the chokers. And we watched two matches. Three matches? Two matches.

Three, because you don't count the women's match, but I do. You take that back. The women's match was the match of the night, and it was mostly because Dave said that both of them looked like cousins of his. So it was cousin versus cousin. It was a Marnie one. It was cousin Marnie versus cousin Marnie. No, one looked like your cousin Tanya.

That's right. And the thing that we were watching the weigh-ins, which is, I love it, because it's just, it's a chance to flash. The weigh-ins, he means when they weigh themselves. He's not referring to the in living color family. That's correct. Somebody went, Jesus, after that.

I thought this was a PG affair. They're talking about shirtless Damon Wayans. Anyways, they do a flex. It's great. They make them stand face to face. But the best was where they're walking out of the tunnel. You have to figure out, because there's a camera right there, and either you can do a punchy

like i'm gonna punch tonight or you can do a little bit of razzmatazz the best guy had sunglasses and his earbuds in and pretended like he didn't even see the camera and the camera that was he's nagging us the audience at home and i fell for it i. I was like, this guy should win. And it was fun for me because I couldn't see the screen and it was just Graham describing what was happening at the weigh-in. What would your walk-in be? Huh?

Where's the tunnel? Where am I coming from? I don't know. I didn't see it. So say, like, the camera's right here. Okay, do you need an announcer? Yeah, you can be the announcer. Okay.

Can I say your weight? No, you can't, because I'm going to the weigh-in. Oh, this was in post-weigh. Okay. Entering the weighing area. The big scale. From Calgary, Alberta, weighing parts unknown, Graham Clark. What would you call that? Huh? What would you call that?

Kind of a scarecrow walk. Spooky, spooky scarecrow. It is spooky. Can I do one? Yeah. See? This is fun. Coming to the stage, hailing from Vancouver, British Columbia,

weighing in at at least over 100 pounds, welcome Dave the Mauler in at least over a hundred pounds. Welcome Dave the Mahler Shunga. He'll get it. He'll get it, everybody. Just give him a minute. Dave.

Backpack Kid Shumka. Shumka. So we went, we did the whole block. We've been to four places on this block. Yeah. Oh, I guess the next block over as well. Yeah. We hit.

We watched the UFC at the... At the Flaming Beard. Yeah. Burning Beard? Burning Beard. And then we went, we were like, Dave and and I are big You know this about us Big blues heads Love the blues

Yeah it's cause it's so sad Is why I like it Wait that was just the home improvement theme That's blues as I understand it. That's true. He never could figure it out. He was so sad that there wasn't enough power. Yes.

And so Graham went there because he was like, I want to see what kind of blues there is. I wanted to learn about the blues firsthand. So we went in and there was a band really jamming it out on stage. And three people really dancing hard. Yeah. There was an eclectic bunch of people in the bar.

Some who maybe didn't know it was a blues bar. Some who knew too much that it was a blues bar some who knew too much that it was a blues bar what is it you love about the blues? the structure the sadness that it can only end that one way it does always resolve

doesn't it there was a whole It does always resolve, doesn't it? And we, there was a whole schedule. Oh, yeah, there was a whole schedule of bands that are playing in October, that's this month, and November. And so I took a picture of the bands, of the list of bands, and then I made up a bunch of fake band names.

I'm going to see how many of these Graham can tell if they're real, real, real blues bands playing at Bud's. Yeah. Or fake blues bands that I made up. Okay. All right. Here we go. I'm ready.

I am ready when you are ready. Dangerous Cheese. They're playing at Bud's. Yes! Ripper Train. Well, Ripper Train was who was playing tonight. Yeah, Ripper Train's tonight, guys. If you've got time, go see Ripper Train.

We're all, after the show, unmasked. We'll all go see Ripper Train. And Ripper Train will be like, those posters in the bathroom worked. Okay. The Cadillac squirts. That's gotta be real. Yeah, it sounds real, right? Capital Blues. Capital Blues.

Planet Buds. No, I made it up. What? Sounds real, though, right? Sounds real. Yeah, really good. The Topher Grace Band. Fuck. Oh, I wish that was real. Can I say I wish it was real?

I wish it was real. Yeah, you wish it was real. Yeah. Let's see. Topher Grace, the original Venom. Anyway, still on. Oh, that's true. Venom's a character who dates back to 2006.

Haunted Holy. Haunted Holy? Yeah. Fuck, that's a good name. Yes, it's real. It's real. Yeah! Haunted Holy.

Nice. The Electric Tits. I mean, it's probably not playing there, but for sure The Electric Tits is a real band. Ron Harmonica and the Two Drunk to Drives. Ron Harmonica. They're playing at Bud's on Broadway. Yeah, they're playing there, yeah.

The Bluesy Foo Fighters. Did you get that from that one guy? Yeah. Yeah. It was a guy telling his girlfriend, I'm in a Foo Fighters tribute band now. So, like, I think she was like, when are you going to start making some money?

And that was his answer. Don't worry. Once the word gets out about my Dave Grohl. And finally, what's a good one? Oh, let's go with seven more. Four dads with T-shirts tucked into jeans. So we went there. We enjoyed the blues. There was a real band that was coming up there called We enjoyed the blues.

There was a real band that was coming up there called Rock Candy. Yeah. And it's a cool name. It is a very cool name. I bet there are 10,000 bands called Rock Candy. How many truly rock is the question? Well, find out in Buds. You'll see on my new TLC show, canceled immediately.

That would be great. America's Next Top Rock Candy. We assembled all the rock candies from around North America. Idea for a, I was going to say quiz show, but it's a competition show. Yeah. A reality show. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Reality competition. And then we went to calories. show. Yeah. A reality show. Yes. Yes. Yes. Reality competition. And then we went to calories. Because we decided to be a little naughty. Yeah, it's my cheat day. Oh,

man, so many people on dates and calories. I feel like we were probably the only two that weren't. I mean, we were dressed up to the nines, but... You weren't wearing that. No, that's true. I was just wearing my Slayer t-shirt.

And I, as usual, dress as an authentic farmer. Boy, what I love about hay, oh, it's so bailable. Yeah. What I love about hay, oh, it's so bailable. Yeah. It's the precision of the bale cube that I enjoy so much about the hay grass. Yeah. Some people say hay is for horses, but no, not me.

I say it's for people, and... Anyways, I ran out of steam on that. What else did you get up to today? Before we... Oh, well, I don't know. What else did you get up to? Oh, Dave! Oh, boy.

I went... I decided, first of all, to try some authentic Saskatoon ramen. And it was just exactly as good as I would have thought. And... And then ramen and it was just exactly as good as i would have thought and and then i was really kind of aimless i was like okay what am i gonna do what am i gonna do in saskatoon so i i looked up a vintage shop to see if i could go you know buy a shirt or something and uh you love shirts i love them i mean i'm also a pants guy don't get me wrong it doesn't begin and end with shirts for to see if I could go buy a shirt or something. You love shirts. I love them.

I mean, I'm also a pants guy. Don't get me wrong. It doesn't begin and end with shirts for me. But I... Woo! Yeah. Yeah! So I looked up a vintage shop,

and I went to it. I walked to it. And I walked through a part of town that maybe was bordering on... Like, I walked under an underpass. It was very clean. Very clean underpasses here. Oh, wow. What a great compliment. Yeah.

Well, I, like, literally, as I was walking under, it was like, there's no trash. There's no pee smell. Great underpass. I feel like you're really buttering these people up because you're gonna wallop them with something good no no no but then all of a sudden all the places that i was walking by was more and more pawn shops and i was like okay i get it i get i'm in a i should turn i go to different direction and uh i went to this one vintage shop and it was too nice do you know like have you ever gone like gone to buy secondhand clothes and it's like too nice?

I want it to be weird and grimy. I don't want shelves. I don't want things labeled with a cute thing. I want the person to not really know where anything is. I want them to be a character that maybe has a bird on their shoulder. These are the things I want from the thrift store. So I went to be a character that maybe has a bird on their shoulder. These are the things I want from the thrift store. So I went to the wrong vintage shop. So I

looked up the right vintage shop that I thought was like, this will be the weird one. But then it said on the map 20 minute walk. So I walked for 20 minutes and then I looked at the map again and it was like 36 minute walk. Uh oh. Yeah, what time vortex did I walk through so i never got to

go but i did go to a weird thrift store that only had six items in it do you know the thrift store i'm talking about yeah what the fuck is with that thrift store if you don't need a rake, the filing cabinet, the bed, the shelf, or a lamp. That's all there is. No books. No phones, no motor cars. Not a single luxury. This place is primitive.

There's one thing I love about this city, and I've never heard it in any other city I never heard it last time I was here But when you hit the button to cross the street A little voice goes, wait Wait, wait, wait Wait

Like an angry dead Like a barking dog Wait, wait With a mouthful of A ball But that's like That's probably very helpful with a mouthful of a ball. But that's probably very helpful because I don't know how blind people cross the street with their beeping.

I close my eyes and I don't know which way to go. Yeah, that's a good... But if it was just a little voice saying, wait, I don't know that that helps me because he doesn't go, okay, now go. Well, maybe it knows which way you're pointing, which direction you just hit a button for. Wait. Does it know?

Hey. Hey. Wait. Do you want to see a dead body? Wait. So we had this lovely band open for us, The Hormones. Yeah.

So great. And they play a lot of ballads from the 70s and 80s. They played Your Dream Weaver. They played Heaven by Bryan Adams for us. So good. That was much appreciated. Yes. And they played Never Tear Us Apart by NXS. Yeah. Then they played Never Tears

Apart by NXS. These are great. They're a little too old for me to have slow dance to them in school, but I feel like they were big slow dance hits. Big boner jams. Big boner jams. What were your top boner jams?

End of the Road. November Rain. Classic would be Stairway to Heaven, I guess. And then, you know, I don't know. Like, was there a faster? There was no grinding when I was a youth. God knows I tried. Nobody wanted in. I brought a youth. God knows I tried. Nobody wanted in.

I brought a pillow from home. It just hit me. I don't know if this was intentional, but hormones cause boner jams. Yeah. There's a store that I passed by on my weird walk that kind of went nowhere called Quinn the Eskimo. That doesn't pass the old smell test, does it, these days?

It's named after a famous song. Is it? Yeah. But, you know, there's a lot of... A Bob Dylan song, if I'm not mistaken. Wow, I don't think he's out of moral authority on anything. He didn't even show up to pick up his fucking Nobel Prize.

Yeah, you're right. Also, you guys have a statue of Gandhi in town. I like it. But you know he's not from here, right? But also, so does Edmonton. Is that right? Yeah. Yours is bigger, though.

Now I feel bad that we don't have a Gandhi statue. What do we have? We don't have a cool statue of anybody cool. Of anybody cool? No, that's true.

We do have a statue of the Fonz at our city hall. Why? Yeah, we only have statues of cool people. The Fonz, Corey Hart. Oh, yeah. We have his glasses from Sunglasses at Night

preserved in a crystal. Up the street from here, there's a statue of a girl walking a dog. Yeah, and we saw a girl sitting with a dog, and Dave said, look, there she is all grown up. Well, is that about it What did I get to Queen of Eskimo Dead porcupine

Pockets of stank Graham don't show them how the sausage is made Oh this is the other thing I discovered an antique store Graham, don't show them how the sausage is made. Oh, this is the other thing. I discovered an antique store. This is one of the best goddamn antique stores I've ever been in. It's like up on the second floor of like kind of an office building. Do you guys know what I'm talking about?

It's the worst location in the universe. Like there's a tiny little sign that says antique antique store and then you go in and you're like prank? Prank? Coming up? Are you pranking seniors in this office? And then you... And then I

walked down this long hallway and it was exactly what I like in an antique store is there was two old guys sitting in a chair, didn't acknowledge me as a customer for even a second. They were talking about a lady who they knew who was so old. They just kept asking how old she was. She's old, though.

And then he'd go, good for her, though. They'd keep kind of going around in that circle. She's very old, but good for her. And they have all sorts of great stuff. So that's just a plug for something. Be a tourist in your own hometown. Check out the crazy fucking antique store. I guarantee you those two guys will be in there.

They'll still be talking. Oh, I know the snow's coming because of my hip. They'll just be in there chatting away these two old guys. When will you be, when will we be old enough to know when the weather's coming from our bodies? That's a great question. Yeah. Yeah.

I know. I have some dripping happening and I don't know if it's related to weather. Save those drippings on Thanksgiving. Oh, that's true. Saskatoon juice or whatever too soon i guess too soon because thanksgiving is coming up um i don't know dave i don't know when anything's happening ever even when i've been told this is gonna happen i'm always surprised so't... Yeah, you're not a doctor. No, I'm not a doctor. I'm not, you know, I'm not a fortune teller.

I'm not... But I am a joker. And Dave, recently I picked up smoking and token. What are you doing in a few hours? Well, it depends. If it gets to a certain hour, I'll be token. Okay. You guys are great. This is great.

And you're like, when does the show start? But the magic of the show is it already is almost over. Yeah, you've always lived here. You've been in this audience your whole life. And if you stay here, if you don't move from your seat for four days, you can get into Crash Test Dummies for free. Yeah.

It's theater policy. Yeah. They don't like to admit it, but... But if you're... If you don't move from your seat, you can see the next show by Crash Test Dummies. I wish I was here for that, because I like them. I can name two of their songs.

Right off the Superman, maybe, is one of them. And maybe a song about a guy called Pumpkinhead That's pretty good Off the top of my head Holy shit Dave do we want to move on To another segment That we always like to do on the show

And I should say We do this segment called Overheards Where we share hilarious things we've overheard. And then we have this microphone just sitting here, minding its own business. But if you want to come up on stage and share one of your overheards, we would be overjoyed to have you. There's stairs on this side, or if you want to go up that side.

Dave? Okay. After all that build-up, I wasn't ready. Overheard. Some of you know the lyrics. Yeah. Dave? Yes?

Because we don't have a guest, will you lead the charge on the overheard front? Well, okay. I have a couple okay because one of them i don't know how good this is but it happened today and that is valuable i was in the farmer's market and there was a woman with her husband and he was walking along and walking past this vietnamese restaurant stall and stopped him, pulled his sweater back, and said, this is where I had that sandwich I was talking about.

And he went, oh! When you're in a relationship, you know, you have to keep things spicy through your reactions. With a little bit of banh mi. Oh, okay, so this one. We were, so this is when we were in Calgary. Yeah. And we were moving, we were at the airport

in line for over an hour to get through security in that little, like, what do they call it when you're like? Truncheons? Truncheons? Yeah, aren't those things called truncheons? Truncheons? Yeah, aren't those things called truncheons? Truncheons? What do you call them? Stanchions, that's it.

Stanchions. What is a truncheon? I think of a billy club. Oh, yeah, that's a truncheon. They're both words, and that's what's great about the English language. That both stanchion and truncheon made the cut. And it was... There was a mother and a father and a teen daughter,

and they were talking about how they were, of course it was Calgary, so they were talking about how they were moving through like cattle. And that's all they know there. No, they know tumble and tumbleweeds. They know other cowboy stuff, but go ahead. So they were talking about how this is how cows move to the slaughter. And they were telling this teen daughter of theirs the story of this woman

who was like trampled by some cows because she got caught in the stanchions. Yeah. And some cows went over her. And the mother said, no, she didn't die. She just got stepped on by a cow because there was nowhere for her to go. And the dad said, there was nowhere for her to move. That was a teed up dad joke.

That guy is just waiting for it Just say something I'll improvise It's like jazz to me Well when you're at that level of dad joke You're like he sees the moves Three or four The moment he saw the stanchions He knew it was coming

He's like oh I hope she doesn't call them truncheons That'll But you know if that anecdote didn't come up truncheons that'll but you know if if that anecdote didn't come up he would have been like boy this line's barely moving he would have done something he would have figured it out um do you have an overheard i have an overseen oh yeah from uh our friends over at buds on broadway uh behind the bar it's very weird. It's a very weird confluence of things that's all one item, but it was a small, like smaller than usual size, I think, ukulele that had been decorated with the words, fuck Bon Jovi on it.

Bon Jovi would hate it if he knew. Who, John Bon Jovi? Yeah, yeah he knew. Who, John Bon Jovi? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or the whole band. It is weird because, I mean, they're in a blues bar, so they hate Bon Jovi for that. Yeah. But they don't like ukuleles.

No. But the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Well, as we were driving into town this morning, we saw a billboard for a radio station, and it said, Variety that rocks. And it was just six white guys. Six white guys, yeah.

It was Bon Jovi, Axl Rose, Steven Tyler. I think Axl Rose might have been on there twice. I think it might have been bookended by Axl Rose. So see how fun it was to hear our overheards and stuff? And we would love if anybody's oh so brave. Oh, I see someone getting up. Okay. Come on.

Head this way. Careful on the stairs. We'll sit down. Yeah, now we'll sit down. Oh, boy. Give us a minute. Oh, my hip's acting up. What does that mean?

My dogs are barking, guys. Let me take off my shoes. Hello. Snow's coming. What's your name? My name's Derek up. What does that mean? My dogs are barking, guys. Let me take off my shoes. Hello. Snow's coming. What's your name? My name's Derek. Derek, everybody. First up on stage, very brave.

What's your overheard? So it was more of an overseen, actually. I was at the new Costco. Woo! With my daughter. We were having some food there. And right across from us was a teenage couple and they were sharing a hot dog

and they were passing it back and forth to each other. But the hot dog was upside down the whole time with the bun open facing down. What? That couple's never going to make it. That's craziness. Teens. Teens. They don'tiness. Teens. Teens.

They don't understand. Derek, everybody. You finally come full circle. You're like Will Smith's parents. Teens they don't understand, he says. That is a crazy way to eat a hot dog. You're gonna drop your, you know, your condiments. Yeah, I'm trying to think of what is there an even crazier way.

Hmm. Dare to dream. You know what would be the craziest way? If you had a bun just in your mouth and then you had a friend with a slingshot shoot it into the bun and then you were like tom, tom, tom, tom, tom. That would be the craziest

fucking way. Oh, if you had like wind-up teeth? Yeah, tom, tom, tom, tom. That would be the craziest fucking one. Oh, have you had like wind up TV? Oh, cool. Hello. Hi. Hey. Hey, what's your name? Josh. Josh. Josh, hello. Hello, Josh. This crowd's very supportive. Very nice crowd. So this

is overheard at the co-op home store. Okay. Woo. Yeah. Woo. Yeah, very Saskatchewan. So it's the teller or whatever talking to someone who's buying something, and she asks, do you have a co-op number? The guy says, not yet. She says, well, get on it.

He says, yeah, I had a breakup. She kept the co-op number. To which she... To which she said, well, sometimes life is like that. And he responded, yep, life's a journey, not a destination. Oh, wow. A little philosophy at the end.

Josh, everybody. Yeah. I can't imagine losing my co-op number. Oh, boy. It's tattooed above my butt. You know that. Just scan this, ma'am. You there.

Hello. Hello. What's your name? Hi. My name is Jenny. Jenny. Hi, Jenny. Hi.

Hi, everybody. Woo, Jenny. Jenny. Hi, Jenny. Hi. Hi, everybody. Woo, Jenny. I haven't overseen. Okay, so earlier this evening, I was across the street at the Yard and Flagon pub with my friends Patrick and Karen. And while we were there, we witnessed the two of you photographing your name on the marquee. Oh, yeah.

And it was very sweet. And thank you for coming. Thank you for coming. Jenny, everybody. Yeah, we're only human. Yeah. There's only so many marquees that you're going to be on

that also has the Crash Test W's on it. And Murray McLachlan. Yes. And the people, when I post the picture on the internet, no one knows how empty this place is. No, exactly! They couldn't know. Hello!

Hello. Hi. What's your name? My name's Brant. I got an ice cream related overheard. Yes! Brant or Brant? Brant, with an A. Like Paul Brant? Like Paul Brant. Yeah. My mom taught him in university.

Anyways, go on. Nursing school, not country university. I was at a local ice cream shop and I was waiting in line. There's a couple of teens behind me. And they were, the one teen said, well, what kind of milkshake do you want? And the kid goes, I want strawberry. And the other teen goes, strawberry? That's a girl's flavor.

And then the other teen, well, what are you going to get? He says to the other guy, and he goes, mango peach. That's a pretty good flavor. Brandt. Off I go. Off he goes, Brandt, everybody. Brandt Off I go Off he goes

Brandt everybody I love that This is what grown ups do We go into a big room And we talk about What teens said Remember when you Did the floss dance

That's what teens do Well I I rule For lack of a better word Yeah Hi Hello What's your name?

Hello, I'm Alice. Hey, Alice. So I was walking down the hallway at my workplace, and I heard my two co-workers talking. It was just kind of like just mumble mumble. I couldn't quite catch what they were saying. And then right when I passed by the door, the one co-worker said really loudly, you can't do that in the back end.

That's right, they're talking about it. I. That's what they're talking about. I have an idea what they were talking about. Someone's in the CMS. Hello. Hello. Are you the last one? Is anybody else? All right.

You're the last one. Well, this better be good. What's your name? My name's Owen. Hey, Owen. Hello. Get right up on that microphone. Okay.

Yeah. So I've got an overseen this summer in Regina. I was driving by a park, and I saw two girls on their front lawn trying to give a cat a bath using one of these sprinklers. Owen, everybody. Owen, fantastic note. For the home listener, I'm just going to let you imagine what kind of sprinkler that was. Either one is funny. It's very funny.

Well, that just about does it for us in this here show. Did you guys have a good time? You guys have an all right time? Thank you all so much. How about another round of applause for Hormones, everybody? So great. Boner jams. Yeah, you guys were fantastic.

We'll go to the lobby if you want to say hello. Thank you so much for coming out to the show. Dave, anything else? Is Saskatoonberry one word or two? Two. Oh. Okay, that's a. Oh. Okay.

That's a controversial topic. Okay. All right. Something to grow on. Thank you so much. Have a good night, everybody. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.