Stop Podcasting Yourself - Bonus Episode - LIVE from Toronto with Kayla Lorette and Mark Little

Episode Date: September 20, 2018

Recorded live at Harbourfront Centre in Toronto on June 30th, 2018. Come see Stop Podcasting Yourself LIVE this fall. Sept. 23 - Toronto Sept. 25 - Winnipeg Oct. 4 - Calgary Oct. 5 - Edmonton Oct. 6 - Saskatoon

Hi, Canada. Hi. Yep. That's you. Yeah. Guess what? Guess what? We're coming to you.

Yeah. Look, you're tired. You've got a lot on your plate. We're not going to make you come to us. We're coming to you this time. We are about to head out on tour, and we thought we would give you a live episode to listen to, to put you in that live stop podcasting yourself mood. We will be in Toronto September 23rd.

Yeah. Then as the guest for that, it's Paul F. Tompkins. Yeah. So why would you not go to that? Yeah. Why are you fighting me about that? Fill your boots, as they say. Yeah.

Fill them. Pervs. Yeah, you pervs. Then two days later, September 25th, we will be in Winnipeg. Who's the guest there? Tim Gray. Okay. Yeah. But still, good. 25th we will be in winnipeg who's the guest there tim gray okay yeah but still good he's fantastic i don't know him you'll love him to know him is to love him winnipeg we've never been to you don't let us down yeah buy them tickets uh then october 4th we'll be in Calgary Yeehaw October 5th will be in Edmonton Woohoo

And October 6th will be in Saskatoon Zip zip zadoo That show has a special musical guest to start the night off It'll be so much fun Yeah It's going to be rocking, it's going to be rolling All the tickets are available

There's links to them at stop podcasting yourself.com now enjoy this live episode hi he's dave shumka and he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello! Woo-wee!

What is up, Toronto? You humid bitch! That's how I talk. Yeah. I forgot, I forgot you're the bad boy of COVID. Yeah, I'm the bitch guy. Oh, they said we couldn't do it. Who said?

Yeah. Welcome. Thank you so much for coming on this. This is a Canada weekend celebration. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yesterday, Susan Aglucar. Tomorrow, an all-star tribute to Rita McNeil tomorrow. Then it just keeps going through the week.

There's just more and more. It gets more Canadian as you go. It's Ashley McIsaac days. It's most strictly a 90s Canada Day thing. An evening with Rick the Tim. In conversation with Ed the Sock.

Ed the Sock actually might still be a thing here. It's a small town. They have simple tastes. We should always do this off the top. By applause, how many people listen to the podcast? Oh, good. Good. And then also, by

applause, how many people dragged here by significant other never heard the podcast? It's going to be a fun night for you guys. If you don't know the show, it's this. This is... We are thrilled to be here.

Yesterday, we came from Ottawa. Graham told me, hey, I hear in Toronto tomorrow it's going to be the same temperature as Baghdad. You know when the news does that just to like, mm? Like, tomorrow it's going to be colder than it is on the moon. And you're like, oh, fine, okay. And I was thrilled because I lived for a few years in Baghdad.

Yeah. What was it you were doing there? I was a food taster. Oh, yeah, that's right. For, I don't want to say who, but he's no longer with us. Was that the night you didn't taste the food? No. He got caught

up in a big thing. Okay. We took the train here from Ottawa, and as we were getting off of the train, there was a lady... I don't know that she was crazy, but she... She definitely, like, was in crazy cosplay.

She was... What is a... And this is coming from the kettle? That's right. For the home listener, Graham is wearing what I would describe as discount disco ball. Yeah. Especially

with the belly, it really disco balls out. And Justin Bieber shoes. But there was a lady and she was talking very loud. And then a couple people looked at her because of the loudness, you see. And then she declared

that all of Toronto is stuck up. And what an intro to your city. If you've never been before that she's, oh, the people here are so stuck up. Right. These people right here looked at me. She pointed them out on the train. Yeah. Didn't she also say it was her first time on

the train? She said it was her first time on her train, first time to Toronto, knew that you guys were stuck up. Yeah. You, with your Ed the Sock values. No, every video is from homage to him. But yeah, we had a very nice time in Ottawa. Yeah, and we had a very...

I don't like the... I was sure we would come up with like 50 things to say about the train ride, but it was pretty uneventful. Yeah. I mean, it had to keep going at a certain rate of speed or it would have exploded. But it stayed

at that rate of speed, so it was fine. The one thing I noticed was when we were in the Ottawa train station, there was a wall of vending machines, pop machines, candy machines, and a microwave. And I was like, who would... what could be filthier than a train station microwave?

That literally should be slang for something that's filthy. You're as filthy as a train station microwave. Like, what do you bring? Like, oh, I... Gravy. And then I... like what do you bring like oh i i gravy and then i like i remember going to to college there was in the like student union building there was a microwave any anyone could use and it was people were just like so inconsiderate imagine like i'm just about to leave town and there will be no

consequences for what i microwave i mean I've lived with people, roommates, that were like, well, not my problem. Hey, that pizza pop is next guy's problem. Why am I still hanging out with people who eat pizza pops at this advanced stage? My doctor would like to know very much. Also, in Ottawa, we got to see the American Embassy, which I've never seen before. Got to.

What a treat. Next time you're in Ottawa, if you want to see just a manifestation of how scary... They made their embassy as scary as possible. How scary did they make it? Scarier than a bus station microwave right uh see it's already there's nothing to it you too could have a podcast

that toils in semi-obscurity for a decade yeah but we were there first yep We were the first ones toiling. And then, yeah, we got to Toronto yesterday, or last night, and then we paired off. And I don't know what, I know that you tried to keep as cool as possible today. Yeah, here's what I've been doing. I've been drinking so much water, but in honor of Canada today, my urine still

resembles maple syrup. So yeah, the first thing I did, I was like, when do movie theaters open? Google, when do movie theaters open? So I went to two movies today. Was one of them a Mommy and Me movie?

Yeah, I went to the Mommy and Me movie. You know, you've never been to a Mommy and Me movie. Not allowed. Still not allowed. They're not kids movies. They're just like for, like, they're movies where they kind of leave the lights on a little bit

and they put the sound a little quieter so your baby can sleep while you watch. Sounds nice. American History X. It's his mommy's favorite Kurt Stomping film. So I went to a movie called Hotel Artemis, which is the first movie they had on. Now this has nothing to do with Hotel Transylvania?

No, but they're in the same theater, and I was a little worried. So I went in, and only one other person was in the movie theater. Okay. And that was great. And they had the little announcement about don't use your phone, all that stuff. Then after the announcements, a woman who apparently has never seen these announcements before comes in, makes, she says as she's coming in, just the three of us, eh? just the three of us, eh? Just got in off the train from Ottawa.

People here are pretty stuck up. And so she takes phone calls throughout the movie. And the content of her phone calls is, I don't know, I'm just killing time. No, no, don't worry. That's just some movie play. Yeah, yeah. I'm at the movies. That's why I have to be so loud.

It's a loud movie. It's not a mommy and me. And so, yeah, it was, she took two phone calls, made a third phone call. That's my review of that movie. I would like a reviewer who just reviews other audience members. The next movie I go see, I'll make notes and then I'll get back

to you with my review. And the other movie I saw was the Mr. Rogers documentary. Oh, so sweet. So sweet. And I've heard like, oh yeah, you'll cry at this one. Yeah. But it's like, there's not a moment that makes you cry. It's like three seconds in, you're like, oh, I had a childhood.

Yeah. I remember. And you're just like, I was throughout, and everyone was. Everyone was just using their popcorn napkins to dry their tears. And it was, like, honestly so hard just not to, like, honk. Like, it's just so...

Sorry I'm talking loud. There's a lot of people honking in here. Oh, man. But what the movie... So it's, like, about his, you know, what he thought, how meaningful So it's like about his, you know, what he thought, how meaningful it was for him to be, you know, speaking to children.

It didn't go into a lot of his big dick energy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mr. Rogers had it. Yeah, oh, yeah, he did. The king of make-believe land had it. Mm-hmm. Mr. Feely had it. Yeah, oh, yeah, he did. The King of Make-Believe Land had it. Mr. Feely had it. Yeah, they all had it. A couple of the puppets had it.

But yeah, no, it is. Although, like, Mr. Dress-Up had it. Friendly Giant had it. I mean, he had no other choice. What was the name of the giraffe? Jerome. He had it.

Yeah. The little chicken in the bag had it. And the hardest part about going to a movie that's so sweet that you're crying for 90 minutes is then you have to go out into the world with a bunch of people who didn't just see the movie and they don't know that they deserve love and that they are capable of giving love.

They're coming out with tears of laughter from Hotel Transylvania. Number three. Number three. We've come so far. But then I came out and it was so hot what are you doing here you're under no obligation to

live in the city get out what did you do well the one thing I forgot to mention off the very top when we were walking here we got heckled by a couple of rubbies, which is... As we walked by, first they went after Dave, because Dave was carrying his jacket.

Which is a great idea to wear in 45 degrees. It's linen, though, so it helps. But the guy said, ooh, Mr. Dry Cleaning. And you know what I did? We're like, we gotta get out of this. These guys line of vision. They told me to cut my hair and get a job. Then when I went back out to go get a cup of coffee,

they were yelling at each other. So they had enough of the general public. But they had it all figured out. They were like, let's just sit in the sun and go crazy from the heat and yell at people who will be too afraid to do anything about it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And it was kind of, it's fun to see, like, what if, you know,

Waldorf and what's his name? Jeff. Jeff. And Jeff, thank you, Jeff and Waldorf. We're real dudes. So here's the thing. We came in yesterday so we each had to find

our own place to stay for the night before we were put up by the great people here at the Harborfront Theater. They put us in a very nice hotel for this evening. But we had to find our own accommodations yesterday. And so I went on Airbnb and I was like, my first

search was, where is close to things? And then in my head I was like, where's the most hilarious place I can stay? On Airbnb, are there search terms like sex swing and Wi-Fi? Well, I went with the lowest amount that you could pay, and then it was a lot of like, stay on my couch. And I was like, well, that's funny, but not, I don't want to do that. Stay on my webcam.

But I narrowed it down to the area I wanted to stay in. There were two places to stay. One was just a regular basement suite. And I thought, well, that's fine. I know it'll be cool while I'm there. And the other one was an RV. Oh. People don't want to hear about that.

So in Hotel Artemis, the thing is, it's a bit of a dystopian future. Jodie Foster's there. She plays a nurse. Now, get this. She's suffered a tragic loss. Yeah, so there's this RV. Parked in someone's backyard.

Not the guy who owns the RV, I found out. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's the arrangement? Don't know. But when I showed up, first of all, the key was in a lockbox. Key didn't work super

well. Like, not, you know, where you just turn a key. It wasn't like that. It was a complex. I had to lean on the door. Turn, I finally got it open, and then got in, no power. Okay, so, fine, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's still daylight.

I can do all sorts of things. I can burn an ant with a magnifying glass. So I call him, and he's like, yeah, I'll come by, and I'll fix it. And so in the meantime, I'm trying to fix it. I'm unplugging. There's a long extension cord that goes around the whole parking lot into this house. So it's a house that has a parking lot? Yeah, it's like it was two houses.

They had a big space in the backyard that could be a nice yard for some kids, but it's a parking lot instead, and there's an RV in it. Like a driveway? Huh? Like a driveway or like a parking lot? Like a parking lot.

Like there were cars coming and going. Okay. And believe me, I asked because i was unplugging one of the things and then somebody came home and i was like hey do you know how to get the power on to the rv and the guy's like i don't know anything like it's like i don't know i don't know what it what you are i don't know why that's there i don't like that this happens occasionally I don't like that this happens occasionally.

Someone thinks it would be funny to stay here. So then I went out, and I had dinner, and then I came back, still no power. And, you know, which is less fine now that the sun has gone down, and now I'm just alone. And battery on my phone, dwindling fast. So I'm like, yeah, I know, scary, right? This is the modern horror story.

It's like a character in an unbelievable movie. You're like, why isn't your phone charged, idiot? I know, and here's the thing. When I went out for dinner, I brought my charger with me, and it's like, it's the craziest feeling. Everywhere you go electricity everywhere people have left lights on while they've gone out to do something else there's just electricity on parade you can't have any of it there's nowhere for you to access electricity and uh and so i

called the guy and then finally he came by, and he knocked on the door. Like this was the cat, like, hey, anybody in there? I'm just sitting in the RV in the dark. Come in. And anyways, he flicked a bunch of stuff, and he got the power on. And then he sat down, and he was like, so how's it going? That's the risk you take anytime you do Airbnb.

Yeah, yeah. I was like, dark. It's been dark. Is that like when a bellhop is waiting in your doorway expecting a tip? Yeah, yeah. He's waiting there with a tablet for me to write a review. So yeah, so I stayed in this RV. Was it air-conditioned? No, it had a fan. Oh, that's good. Yeah, it was fine.

But all night long, cars coming and going. There was one car that came in with one driver, left with another. Don't know what that was about. You know, it's the city that never stops parking and then so while i was waiting for the guy to show up with power i went to a bar and i sat down at the like on a table myself and i was drinking and slow you know how like slowly you just are all of a sudden all the only person left a bar. Has that ever happened to anybody else? I was the only person left in the bar

except a couple who started out fighting. I wasn't paying attention to them. Then when I looked over at the end of the night, just all over each other, just tongue in, like loud tongue noises. Yeah, and just me sitting, not like this far away. And then just... That was a real good Michael Winslow.

Yeah, well... Yeah, so... Can I tell you what happened when I went to Kensington Market? No, we don't talk. Oh, no. Like, our whole thing is, like... Our friendship is horribly marred because we can only share with each other behind microphones.

Yeah. horribly marred because we can only share with each other behind microphones. I went to this place that I had previously bought a really funky suit from in Kensington Market and I asked to try on one of the suits and the guy, he's very funny and I said do you think this will fit me? And he walked over to me and he goes, not there.

Oh, boy. So that's what I did. For the home listener, he tapped his penis. He got that energy. He got that big dick energy. Oh, Lord. I see people whispering to their partners about,

what's that? Is big dick energy a thing? Yeah. It's this new energy drink. Yeah, yeah. Frank D'Angelo. Frank D'Angelo. Angela. And, yeah.

I think, do we want to bring out one of our guests? I think it would be fun to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me just get this microphone back where it needs to be. And then we'll also do this too. This is a real peek behind the curtain for you guys.

Real fun. Is this how they do it? We do. At the beginning of every podcast, we stand for the first part. We walk around the room. We play mostly to one wall. Our first guest She is currently working

On a television show It's going to be on Crave TV Called New Eden She's just one of the funniest people To walk this here country Please welcome to the stage Kayla Lorette everybody Let's go

girls Hello, Kayla. Do you want to get to know us? Yes, thanks. Okay, let's do that. Get to know us. Some of you knew the words. Welcome.

Thank you for coming. Thanks for having me. To all of you. Yeah. This is so nice. Isn't this nice? What a nice bunch of people. Yeah, you guys talked about how hot it nice. Isn't this nice? What a nice bunch of people. Yeah. You guys talked about how hot it is.

Uh-huh. Big dick energy. Yeah. Are you as obsessed with the Pete Davidson, Ariana Grande relationship as I am? And we'll not stop talking about it. Oh, yeah. Just the shapes. And one big, one small.

Good for him. I don't know, yeah. Yeah, and maybe not as good for her? I just... It's very possible that she lied about his penis being so big. And now they're just in this... For people who don't know, let's catch everyone up.

So Saturday Night Live was the brainchild of Lorne Michaels a Canadian and the newest breakout star of it is Beck Bennett but Pete Davidson is on it too and he's

sort of gawky he doesn't really have a thing but he has a thing but he I mean but he has a thing you know but his fiance Ariana Grande singer

she wrote a song the story is that she wrote a song about him and someone and she did like a fun they're like how long is the song and she made a fun joke of like how long is him and she said 10 inches, whoops and then deleted it

yeah but not before I was screen capped it and now we're just like looking at so many pictures of him in like kind of silky basketball shorts and we're like yeah I can see it looking at so many pictures of him in silky basketball shorts. And we're like, yeah, I can see it.

And I stay, if you're in a relationship with a man, a great Christmas or birthday present is spreading a rumor that they have a giant penis. It is a great, it is an easy present to give. It's a better birthday present than a Christmas present.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, it's hard to open that in front of the family. Right, yeah. So how are things? How have things been going? It's been nice, yeah. It's been summer in Toronto, which is oppressive sometimes, but good other times.

But it's almost over. Yeah, we've just got some more energy to peel off from our souls before we can hate winter again. But it's been nice. I have a little deck with a little garden. What are you growing up in? Yeah, what are you planting? Oh, thanks.

Just have some herbs and some peppers and tomatoes. Like what kind of peppers? Bell? Hot. Hot. Little chili peppers. Little hot peppers? Yeah, little hot peppers.

We're a little chili pepper. I know. I'm always saying that. I'm always saying that, leaving auditions and, you know. But it's nice,'s my deck is a real squirrel highway kind of like the scary situation you're in um not anymore not anymore yeah yeah good graham got out we're very proud of them what the the rv situation yeah it was up top there was crows there were squirrels there was all manner of beasts coming and going

parking huh they were parking there yeah there were squirrels, there was all manner of beasts coming and going parking, huh? they were parking there so the squirrel highway yeah, so I've been I like squirrels mostly but I'm so angry at them and I've been spreading cayenne pepper all over the plants which seems mean

but I can't stop doing it they hate it, yeah but do they like whatever you're growing? I think they're just always looking for little snacks and treats. So they're always digging dirt up and hurting the planters. So did I just turn into my mom? Yeah. I don't...

What's your mom's name? Karen. Hi, Karen. Yeah. Now, because, like, I've never gardened. I've never sustained a plant past, let's say, two, three months before I decided to commit suicide. I'm not sure what the plant does.

It was fine, and then all of a sudden it's just dead. Maybe I was the murderer. Are you somebody that enjoys that? I'm trying. There's all that emotional pressure that you have to keep a plant alive where you can't get a dog and you can't have a kid.

Yeah. But it does. I feel a lot of anxiety about keeping a little dog. But your landlord is really strict about you getting pregnant. Yeah, she wants it. But a dog will chase away squirrels. Yeah.

A dog will chase away its own squirrels, is the thing. A plant won't. You know what I mean? No, its own squirrel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You chase your own squirrels, okay? I got mine. You chase your own squirrels, okay? I got mine.

And like during the summer, do you go to a cottage? Do you get away? That's the thing here, right? Cottage country. You guys, cottage? Is it not? I've been getting bad intel. I would say that people that are hot on podcasts probably don't own a cottage.

Really? Being that myself, it's like I don't drive either, so it's always just kind of like trying to listen to a friend who has one and be like, oh, I would love it. I'm good at snacks. But no, I would love to. It's very relaxing, and it does seem like an Ontario thing. Yeah. No, no,. But no, I would love to. It's very relaxing. It does seem like an Ontario thing.

Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. But yeah, you do. You have to find a friend who has one. Yeah. Or an enemy, and you have to make nice with an enemy that has one. This is, you know, we don't have an equivalent in Vancouver.

Yeah, we do. What do we have? People go to the islands. People go to the interior. People go to Whistler. People leave town all the time. I guess they're doing it without me, mostly. You're just trapped in your basement

killing your plants. I'm just choking a plant. For the homeless. For the home listeners. We should get one of those. You know how sometimes concerts have the American Sign Language person next to the stage? We should have someone translate for the home listener. Just someone give a little bit of like, and now they're kind of just waiting for Dave to say something funny,

but it's not going to happen. Boy, they're both sweating a lot for two guys who are sitting there. I know I'm looking at both of you and going, I know I'm going to get there, but it's fogging Dave's glasses. I googled the theater. It says it's air-conditioned. Why don't you turn that up a bit, guys? I googled the theater. It says it's air conditioned.

Why don't you turn that up a bit, guys? Yeah, I would love to get away, but yeah. Yeah. Not going to, I guess. By the way, I camped a lot when I was a kid, because I grew up on Vancouver Island. It was lots of camping, but here, no. And did you like camping when you were a kid?

Like, was that a fun... Because I always felt it kind of like a punishment, like we would have a good holiday one year and then the next year camping why why if I knew that the good holiday would result in a bad holiday I would have not taken the good holiday I think it took me a long time to understand because it seemed like so much work for my parents

and like so much packing and prepping yeah I hear it too. Okay, good. And when the ghost knocks three times, who dies? The Scottish play. But I had all this pressure, my dad, packing and sweating and planning, but then I think I realized as I got older, it was an excuse to just really sink into an all-day drinking.

That could just, once it was set up, then you could just, like, from coffee on, just kind of... So we're not driving anywhere today, then. Okay. I will operate this boat, for sure. And I'd love to drag some kids behind it so fast. I can't. My wife is very into camping. We've never gone.

One time she was telling my mother that, like, oh, I'd like to go camping one day. You know, bring the dog out to the forest. And my mom said, oh, Abby, shumkas don't camp. When we came to this land, we set up in condos. Do you remember the first time that you saw your parents drunk?

Because I remember the first time it being very... Because I didn't know what was going on, but I knew that they were acting insane all of a sudden. Oh, yeah. I remember one pretty dark Halloween party where... It was like, really, I think about it as a turning point of my life. I think loss of innocence. Our family always hosted Halloween parties since I was quite little,

but I remember being a teen, and all the adults would come usually and party upstairs, and the kids would just eat candy and kind of scream at each other downstairs. But there was this one year where something shifted and all the adults were quite out of control. And this woman, Trudy, who lived nearby, was just playing with some dry ice and kind of being scary.

I don't think that's alcohol. It sounds like the effects of some kind of other drug. But everyone's in costumes. It was very disturbing. A boy who was dressed as Zorro and definitely wearing his mom's heeled boots. We were all outside. My dad was drunk and trying to do fireworks

and the Zorro twisted his ankle and it seemed like no one knew how to help. Right. Oh, boy. Did you guys also just get a wave of cold air? No. No, I maybe just hit me. I think it was the ghost that was knocking earlier.

Oh, thank goodness. Yeah. I welcome you, ghost. Come to me. Because I feel like when I was a little kid and the adults would get drunk and then if you went upstairs everybody wanted to pat your head and be like, you're a good kid. Yeah, a lot of...

Not fine. No. I had an older woman tell me once that I moved like a young Andrea Martin. That's nice. It was nice. That's very nice.

One of our nation's finest Andreas. Yeah. Yeah. But just not like with a wine breath, like kind of quietly. Yeah. Yeah. And then, breath, like kind of quietly. Yeah. Yeah. And then, yeah, like, but when you're really little, you have no explanation for it.

Like you were told to go hang out with the other parents' kids that you have nothing, that you're just kids. That's what you have in common. Go in the basement, and then you come back up, and everybody's acting insane. And then you have to take a cab home. Like, what happened?

Yeah, that's very damaging. I don't have these memories. No? Your parents not? My mother doesn't drink. I don't have these memories. No? Yeah, no. Your parents not? My mother doesn't drink.

Oh, good. My dad never. I never. If he got drunk, I didn't witness it. He's pretty good about it. Yeah. He's pretty good about waiting for me to go to bed. And then you just hear clomping around.

Thrashing upstairs. Glass breaking. I do want to go camping. I remember when I was a little kid we went camping. We had to hike into a camp. It was just all the things that are horrible about camping. We'll hike into a place.

Hiking in. And then our boots got soaked because it was raining. And then my dad was like, put them over the fire. They caught on fire. Our boots caught on fire. So we had to wear melted boots the next day. My dad made me put my shoes on the fire and they melted too. When I was camping once.

Camping. What do dads think boots are made of? Like what can't be burnt? Metal? Yeah, metal. And he won't buy me those metal shoes. He says I'll grow out of them too fast. Yeah, they'll slow you down.

Plus bears can smell metal. That's so remote too yeah it was I don't I get it if you're gonna get your kid into camping early is the because convincing an adult who's never been camping that that's a thing to do is never gonna

that's impossible right we're gonna know electricity we're gonna to know electricity. Yeah. We're going to be drunk. I'm going to be drunk, and then I'm going to try and do things with an ax. This is exactly your trip. You had no electricity in the RV.

In the city. You were drunk. Yeah. But I was very close to a Tim Hortons, so. Do you mind if I wash my ass on armpits in here? The funniest thing, too, is there was Wi-Fi, but he said that you have to go close to the house. I don't know. So, like, the house side of the RV?

Yeah, the part where the people don't want you there. It's just pressed against the wall. With a laptop. don't want you there. He's just pressed against the wall. With a laptop. For the home listener, Graham's steering his computer. His little tongue out of his mouth.

Yeah, he's really doing a concentrating thing. Do you have any plans for the rest of the summer? Do you have any plans for the rest of the summer? We'll see. No, I think just kind of working and sticking around. Yeah, I think it's going to be kind of nice. Yeah.

Do you, like, what do you do? What does anybody do here aside from having air conditioning? You don't have air conditioning. I got one. Oh, you got one. Okay, all right. Yeah, I had one. I feel like I was able to upgrade it in an appropriate way.

But before I had this one that you kind of roll around, that you put the tube out the window. But this one just had this little piss hole out the back that just water would just come out of it all the time. And I looked it up, and it just seemed like everyone online was like, yeah, that one does that. And I was like, well... Oh, did they not tell you at the store?

That's the urethra. 3,000. So I'd have the cold air, but I was constantly having to tensely deal with a tray that was full of water, like lifting it up and over my bed and like really upset and hot. Anyway, I got a good AC. Now, in the instructions setting it up, it told me not to drink the water that comes out of the AC.

And there was a little drawing of a guy with his eyes as swirls, trying to like, with a cup, like. Do you remember the first time you saw your parents drunk on air conditioning water? My mom doesn't touch this stuff, but my dad Yeah, exactly, come up and be very cool

in the room, parents swirly eyes That's a I like a little diagram that's's aggressively dumb there was one on the train that was for the changing baby changing table and it told you in two graphics

to put your baby on the table not to let the table crash on your baby's head I just don't want my baby wiggling around so get him clonked on the head change him on your knee or is the guys looking back before the diagram or the home listeners graham was doing a back and forth looking thing

i think i remember one of my first like observational jokes as a kid was something related to our washing machine, where it was like, it was not funny, but it was like, open the lid, then put the laundry in. And I was like, um, yeah. Check this out. My mom's like, great. Mom and dad, have you seen this? Anyways.

And they're like, what else is in the news oh lord and you're working on a TV show it's very exciting yeah it's very nice yeah yeah yeah

it's gonna be a crave this is gonna be it's all gonna come out at once well we'll just we just hope so yeah it's supposed to be spring next year but right now to be, it's all going to come out at once. Well, we'll just, we just hope so. Yeah.

It's supposed to be spring next year, but right now it's just, it's all still, we'll see what happens. It's all in the works, but it's very, very exciting. Yeah. I'm a,

I'm a show me guy. Dave, you got to try to log in. Cause show me has been done for a while. Yes. I just got a free month of Show Me. Yes, I know. Now, this is not to sell out in any way,

the people that are helping us make this show, but in a meeting, one of them did say, if you want, I can give you a free month's membership to Crave, which I think anyone can have. With your subscription to McLean's. Thank you. Should we put bottled water in the meeting? No, no, no.

I've got a better idea. Well, I've been bottling my air conditioner water. I think we'd end up with a pretty crazy show if we fed it to her. I've only been in one or two show meetings and it was always the big thing was bottled water. in one or two show meetings where it was always the big thing was bottled water.

Would you like a bottled water and keep asking you if you want a bottled water? The same thing? Oh, yeah. For me, it's always, when you go in one of those show meeting things, the thing is always like, hey, we'll call you, and they never do. Well, should we bring out our second?

You know when you're in a meeting and they're like, here's my idea, you know, and... I just wanted to yes and Dave's energy yeah yeah well but I had nothing let's bring out the next guest he is also

working on a television show that will appear on CBC and in the fall I can't remember the name of it. Oh, Cavendish is what it's called. Yeah, I was going to say Clementine. Yeah. He's working on a new show about a sassy young Western lady called Clementine.

Oh, my darling. Please welcome to the stage the very hilarious Mark Little, everybody. Thank you. Let's pump it up! The wrong energy? Let it all hang out, won't need to know until we're in it. Let's pump it up! The wrong energy? Standing out there, psyching myself up, not paying attention to anything out here? Listening to only ACDC?

Take no prisoners, here we go. Fuck those guys, fuck those guys! This audience is ready to get fucked! What's it there here for? Herbert Froant! Thank you very much for joining us. Great show so far. Thank you for having me. It's a great show so far!

So far so good! There's a new wrestling character I'm working on called the Panderer. He's good. He's good. Are you a fan of wrestling? Not a huge fan. I was a huge fan as a kid. When you were a kid, who was your favorite as a kid? Ultimate Warrior?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Easy fave, right? Has he aged well? He's dead. He's dead. He aged very well. Before he died, he went really weird and racist in conspiracy theory

but I like that answer too we all die don't we yeah cause even when I like think about his old things they were all just like cause he was not he was buying a lot of time by breathing yeah his eyes would go into his head

and he would swirl and he would talk about like, he would just start drawing from like First Nations mythology in a pretty loosey-goosey way. Like, as the raven kicked the coyote's ass.

You're like, I don't know, man. I don't know where we are right now. And that, my favorite part of any Ultimate Warrior kind of promo is he would be doing that, doing this insane kind of thing, and then mean Gene Okerlund would just go,

strong words! Indisputably strong words, yeah. That was a pretty wild time though i think him macho man i liked anyone who just kind of got in front of the camera and chewed up time yeah you know they're like we got four minutes to kill who's on cocaine now warriors good let's do it i liked those guys Did you do any like when you were a kid, backyard wrestling? Yes. Trampoline? I heard, Kayla was mentioning

a boy dressing up in his mother's boots to play Zorro. I would consistently borrow my mother's hat and coat to be the undertaker. And then I would force. Were they black? Yeah, it was like a big brimmed hat,

and then one of those... Carmen Sandiego hats. Yeah. But even a smaller... You know, who's that? It doesn't matter. And then it was a long black trench coat, and then I would force whichever friend was over at that time

to let me sit on his shoulders all day. So you go for height as well. I didn't have anyone to wrestle because I would turn my opponents into my legs. I would just scream insults at my parents in the kitchen. That was a good time. Oh, man, oh, man. Did you have a favorite wrestler, Graham?

Yeah, my favorite was ravishing Rick Rude because he taught the young men of North America about sex. Yeah, that's good. He was an oily man. He was very oiled up. Oh, is he the guy who would spray you with? That's not specific enough. No, yeah.

But he would come up. No, he had his tights, he had often an airbrushed painting of his own face on his butt. Oh! Was he the guy who had a snake? Or was that the guy with the snake in his name?

Who was the guy with the long French perfume machine? Rick the Model Martel. That was my guy. There were a few people who traded on their good looks. French perfume machine. Rick the Model Martel. That was my guy. Cool. That was my guy. There were a few people who traded on their good looks. Yeah. Yeah, there was,

yeah, Rick, Mr. Perfect, who was kind of, well, maybe he was, he had perfect looks. Yeah, there was Mr. Wonderful as well. He had perfect credit. Bank man.

There was Shawn Michaels. Yeah. Whose theme song was I'm a Sexy Boy. Which he sang. There was Doink the Clown, who was my first crush. He's the clown we wanted, but could not have.

And his compatriot, Dink. Remember? Remember, guys? This is a real trip down memory lane. If you don't know, there was a clown character named Doink the Clown years before Mini-Me.

He created a smaller clown painted identically to him and then he would release him into the ring. This was Dink the Clown. Dink the Clown would inevitably punch an opponent in the balls. It was the only move he had. Dink!

He would give a little dink sound, and then Doink would lose the match. I think by disqualification. Yeah, it's hard to have a clown champion. Mark, how long have you lived in Toronto for? Five years now. Five years. And you settled in, you got a nice place. Five years is enough time, I think.

Yeah, I have a very well-decorated RV. I'll say. It's mine by this point. I made not a house, a home. Do you have a garden at all? Are you a gardener? There's a garden in the back It doesn't feel like mine

It's very much the landlord's house But she doesn't live there But she comes by to garden And I live on a street called Concord Avenue So named for the grapes Concord grapes Great grapes I can't even think of another type

Green, seedless Grapes. Grapes. Grapes. I can't even think of another type that I'd... Green, seedless. It's time for our favorite segment on the show. What's your favorite grape? Name a grape. Yeah. Sub-Raph. Doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter. So it's nice. That happens in the backyard. And then my front yard, she's also hers. She's like building it out of nothing. And she built a small tree. Built. I'm fascinated by this.

This woman is amazing. Yeah. I don't know how anything happened. It's made of wood. It wasn't there the day before. And then it was there. If it wasn't built, what happened and then it was there if it wasn't built what happened she she installed a small tree and then i saw a squirrel in it and it doesn't yet it's tiny

and it only has like three branches on the top like three like the hairs on homer simpson's head right just three droops and then there was just a squirrel perched on top and he like kind of trying to figure out what he was going to do clearly he was like, that's going to be mine. And then he got it and then he ran out of ideas. He was up there for about an hour. Just thinking, oh boy,

all the other squirrels went up a giant tree. I got to play this right. I could take the whole thing. Could I? It's like one of those adventurers that chose the Antarctic.

They planted his flag and then he was like, why did I come here? What was it again? Do you have any big plans for the summer? Are you traveling anywhere? Are you staying in town?

I'll be going to Nova Scotia and PEI to film that Cavendish show. Cool. Or Clementine. As it shall now be named. What's Clementine like? Clementine? Oh, Clementine is about a young ingenue. It's just Anne of Green Gables.

Yeah. And she won't anyway. Yeah, going out to do that. Oh, what's that? We're back. We're back, yeah. What the devil? What the devil? What the devil? What the devil? What the devil? What the devil? Yeah, going out to do that.

I'm like, what's that? We're back, yeah. What the devil? No, I like it. Yeah, I like it too. I like it. I asked for it. That's true. At sound check, I was like, can we get a, like, you know, I think it's the phone, but

it's my new ringtone. It's the haunting. It's the Canada Day Stomp. The spirit of Tom Connors coming together. Hey! You know that he drove his own tour bus? That's insane, right? That's amazing.

Like after a show he'd be like, come on boys! Did he have a band? Or did he just hit He had a board that he kicked Yeah, and that was his rider One board Kickable Can't be an heirloom board that you need back

Right You spent a lot of time out in Halifax Yeah, I lived there for seven years And do you miss it? Parts of it What parts? Specifically, streets We got any Windsor Street crowd here?

I don't know How we feeling about Chubakto? Is this the panderer? Yeah. The panderer's back, and he's gotten specific. He's pandering to the wrong town. Women here are beautiful! It's so small.

So my life there is very contained and nice. Right. Yeah. It's like I would move through three square blocks and that would be like the bar I would go to, all the friends I would visit, the basketball court

I would hang out at, and a park. You would hang out at the basketball court? Yeah, I wouldn't play. No, yeah. You'd be one of those guys on the chain link,

yeah! Screaming. Screaming at them. The players here are great! No, still pandering. Still pandering. Guys need water? Hot day!

And Halifax fancies itself the, like, shwarmer, donair capital of Canada, right? Yeah, but I totally forgot that until you just said it. Not intuitive. The only reason is because Ottawa, boy, oh, boy, they were flexing some shawarma muscle. Yeah, which I didn't know until we got there on every other corner. Shawarma, Donair, and people there are very passionate about the Donair culture.

Yeah. When we, did I, I don't, why would I have said this before on the podcast? But maybe, I don't have many stories. I'm very excited. Kayla's about to tell us she's dying. I'm dying. I'm sick and I'm dying. Are you from Minnesota?

I was working in Halifax at one point and it was kind of an ensemble cast and on the weekends we would go out and have drinks and stuff, and a reoccurring game was to buy... Someone would get a very large shawarma, and then it would be in the kind of mix, trying to get another person to say,

let's hang out in your hotel room, and then you'd leave the shawarma in the room somewhere. And it was by the morning, those raw onions. But it was like, such a game, such a game. Sometimes you'd be like, have a good night, everyone. And you'd be like, fuck, fuck, I know it's here. Before the show today, I had a gyro. Which is like a Greek shawarma.

Yeah. And I brought it back to my hotel room. And when I was done, I had to wander the hall looking for a garbage can. I couldn't find one. It's in my room right now. You lost the game. I played myself. You invited yourself into that.

I invited myself. And it's just a bunch of leftover. You're right. Onions and fries. I didn't want fries with it. Yeah, Dave, that's the gyro's room now. That's squatter's law. My card won't work anymore.

Just shaved meat dangling from the ceiling. When I check out, they'll be like, the gyro ordered a bunch of porno while you were out. A bunch of Greek porno. This one's about Jason and the Argonauts. I know too many people who have quit drinking in Halifax because of donairs.

Really? Because they're like, I just woke up to one too many donairs. Just eating fat next to them. Oh, yeah. It's like a real thing. You get downtown, them. Ooh, yeah. It's like a real thing. You get downtown, you're like, ew. Like you look at the slick meat rotating on the spit in the store windows.

It does not look good. And then you get wasted and you walk home up this hill and along the hill there's this beacon of light, the last place left open. And it's called the King of Donair, so it's a good sell. Yeah. And then, yeah yeah innumerable

people just like never i don't know what i was thinking three hours ago this is god's gift and then they eat it and they wake up the next day like oh shit i forgot i have to live and be it's a horrible concoction but you can get that the meat on pizza there too and the sauce. And the sauce, which is like this sweet white sauce. Yeah. Have you ever looked at old meat and thought,

eh, a little bit of sugar and mayo on that and we could really start a town's food culture? Because that's the food there. Does Vancouver have a food that's your food? Sushi. Yeah. Sushi.

We're a sushi town. Yeah. After you get drunk, you go and have a very complicated thing. You gotta put a little thing. Although, when we were... You put it on pizza, too? Yeah. Speaking of mayo, when we were in Ottawa, the morning we left, we went for breakfast

and there was one other guy in the restaurant and we just heard him, we heard the waitress come up to him and say, more mayo for you? And he's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm wearing a shirt that says more mayo and part of that. And as we were paying, we saw him like with a cup of mayo up to his mouth. No.

Dipping food into it and eating. But the food was just the delivery system for the mayo. And then we went up to our rooms, got our bags, got ready to go, and he was out on the street. And he was a blind guy. So it was up to his mouth, because that's how you have to dip things when you're blind.

I don't like this story. Here's a story you will like. Because you can't just be dipping around. You don't know where the dip is. I'm not sad because he's blind. Well, no, but you should be. Culturally, the blind don't know about male looks gross.

Culturally. The blind and the culture. Where are my blinds at? Yeah, that's a hard crowd to alienate when you run a podcast. Now, you said the place was called Donair King. King of Donairs. King of Donair, which in Ottawa, every place is King of Donair or, you know, Donair. Supreme Donair.

Yeah, like it was all, but somebody said like royalty runs through the Donair. Like it's all King. And I came up with a name for a Donair place that wasn't quite the level of king, but it was called Schwarmaduke. Yes. That was really good, right? That was good. Yes, good.

That was good. I can see those Schwarmads getting into some adventures. Free panel adventures. Schwarmaduke, what are you doing on the couch? Whatever. I've never read it. I just remember one... He loves lasagna?

Honestly, I was just doing Dagwood. I don't know Marmaduke either. The one Marmaduke that I remember, because I remember reading it and being like, very what is the joke here? And maybe you guys, because it's one panel, and Marmaduke has entered the house. He has a bird's nest on his head with a bird in it.

And the caption just says, Marmaduke. That's how you know you've made it. Shorthand. I was realizing because I was going through some Garfield shirts on eBay the other day. Garfield is truly just whatever the fuck you want him to be at this point. It used to be that at the very least, he had to be depicting something sarcastically or smugly. So he doesn't like Mondays.

Garfield was the avatar of things we don't like or barely put up with. But all of these shirts I was seeing was partly that, but a lot of it was like, Friday's here! Garfield with a lot of pep in his step. And even beyond that, it was Garfield being like, have you tried smiling? It feels great. That's not Garfield with a lot of pep in his step. And even beyond that, it was Garfield being like,

have you tried smiling? It feels great. That's not Garfield. The people were like, totally Garfield, for real. You're there for me when I'm up. You're there for me when I'm down. He's just subsumed Odie. Yeah.

There's no more use for Odie. What was Nermal's deal, right? Just showed up on the scene. Was that also? Nermal was also a cat? Yeah. But Garfield would mail Nermal to Abu Dhabi. Yeah. You put him in a box and send him...

Oh, sorry. It was really dark when I received it, yeah. What did you hear? No, it was what you said. I heard that too. But I think in my head I heard Abu Ghraib. That's what happened. Not Nermal.

That's far even for Garfield. Yeah, they put a leash on Nermal, make her walk around naked. Garfield, did I see a photo of Nermal with a hood on his head? Garfield. Just Jim Davis goes rogue. Yeah, did you buy one of these shirts? I did. I bought a couple. A couple?

So one of them is Garfield wearing a backwards hat and untied sneakers. And a shirt that on his shirt it says, yeah, right. I like that one a lot. But then I accidentally bought another one. I hate when that happens.

I got an eBay receipt, and I was like, what's this? And I clicked on the image, and I remembered looking at it. I did not remember clicking buy. But this one is very weird. It says it's Garfield dressed as like one of the easy rider motor bikers. Uh-huh. And he's got like the bandana,

like the sort of technicolored bandana and he's wearing a tie-dye shirt under a leather jacket. Ooh. And he's wearing like yellow tinted sunglasses

and then all of it's rainbow and he's driving through like Arizona, like Grand Canyon territory. There's a lot going on on this shirt. And then... So And then the detail says something

the line says something like you're still as free as you want to be. So I think I accidentally bought a Garfield shirt specifically for aging boomers who remember the good old days.

I wore it, and I got one compliment and four. You know when someone looks down at your shirt, registers that there's a lot going on, looks up and changes the subject? Yeah. I didn't like that at all. Got four of those. Yeah. Oh, lordy. Do we...

We want to move on to Overheard? Whoa! Pardon me, you know what? Having a phone plugged in is the worst. But I won't play any more theme songs after this one. Overheard. Again, some of you knew the words. That song is truly haunting with that much bass in it.

Yeah, I know. I made it ten years ago, and I didn't know, like, I didn't account for how it would really affect people live. But yeah, it really kicks you in the chest. Yeah. Now, the way that we do overheards when we do a live show is uh we all will do overheards that we've uh heard or seen uh and then we have a microphone parked over there on the side of the stage if uh members of the audience

want to share their overheards you're more than welcome to come down and uh and do so and we always like to start with the guests. We'll start with our first guest. Kayla, would you lead the charge? Oh, sure, yeah. Well, I was telling backstage that I always am overhearing things, but it's just things that I don't like that people say. They're not funny.

It's me being like, you asshole. So this was, it's not great. But I was eating brunch, and it's not. You asshole. I know. So much free time around 11. And there was a table of young men beside me that had gone out partying or something the night before. And they were very bad boys.

Like, not in a cool way, but just like, bad, go away, why are you still around? And the one guy was telling a story about how he had been trying to hook up with this girl, and she got too drunk and did not want to come home with him. Good. And then, but then he went home and his roommate was sitting with this other girl that he was all he had fucked recently and she was just in the apartment so thank god he didn't bring home this poor woman and uh after he told the story all the men were like and like

that is a very good man impression and then one of the men was so excited he kind of like got out of his chair and he went oh close shave bruh and I I really let them see me see them, and then just laughed a lot.

And thankfully, my boyfriend quietly looked up and said, I guess men still are winning in many ways. So, yeah. Oh, that was fantastic. Come on, right? Oh, that was fantastic. Come on, right? I really like close shave.

I like a group of 21st century bros celebrating that with like 20s slang. I know. Close shave, bro. You're really on the trolley, Marty. If you'd rub two nickels together, you might have... Mark, do you have an overheard?

Yes, so I've only got bad ones, and I'm so sorry. I don't retain things. Give us five bad ones. You want one good one? I'll give you five bad ones for one good. Okay. This is an overheard that someone said to me. I saw you do that monologue show.

You were the guy who kept talking about his ass. I didn't like it. That was one. This is just a quick one that I learned today. My girlfriend's English friend calls paper towel kitchen roll. Yeah. I don't know if we knew that. They call toilet paper loo rolls. Yeah. Not to be

confused with the singer Lou Rolls. Who is also very good at mopping up waste. Yeah. Don't like them. Coming out swinging. I heard this. I went to the Vegas, to Las Vegas,

and we stayed at the Hooters Hotel because we got a Groupon. And I heard this sentence on day two. Honestly, I love the Hooters Hotel. And you won't believe who said that. That was me. I thought you said it was going to be bad. That was gold. Tell me more about the Hooters Hotel. The Hooters Hotel was really weird, because it was off the main strip, which is why there was deals, deals, deals. But it was just like a complete old hotel, like old school, like old carpeting from the 70s or something.

Which I think is a lot of places in Vegas because they just don't need to win you over with that stuff. People are coming anyway. And places like signed a 50-year lease or something. Yeah. So it was just like weird, old, kind of beautiful, garish carpeting, super low ceilings so that they could cram in as many rooms as possible, the slowest elevators you've ever been on, but then just like Hooters paraphernalia here and there.

So it was kind of like Hooters just took over the lease, put in a restaurant, filled it with women who were honestly dressed just like the rest of Vegas. Hooters does not stand out in Vegas. And then, I don't know, but then the whole experience was kind of charming and nice. And there was a pool out on the patio, and they just played the loudest music videos you'd ever heard. And half of them were really fun.

It would be like a Prince music video. It was all throwbacks or like Michael Jackson. But then it would be like 311 as loud as you've ever heard it. But even then, I would be like, ah, okay, okay. So I talked myself into the whole experience. It was fun. I saw a guy, a group, a bachelor party dressed as The Hangover on my first night.

Oh, that's so fun. You would have loved them, Kayla. They were. One of the guys was dressed like Zach Galifianakis and they were posing with the Hooters girls and then I watched everyone lose enthusiasm for the whole idea at once. Oh, we're stuck in this.

Yeah. That's the British tradition for the bachelor parties. Everybody dresses up as a theme. And I was in a town doing shows. And then afterwards, it was all... But I didn't know. I didn't know. You'd all go as Top Gun.

Or you'd go as like four Smurfs. So then you would just see a random Smurf. Yeah, because I saw a Smurf like vomit and just like down his own chest. Smurf all over himself. Yeah, because I saw a smurf vomit and just down his own chest. Smurf all over himself? Smurfing all over the smurf. Oh, I ate too much smurf.

Dave, do you have one over here? Mine is, so today I was at Toronto. I was at the corner of Toronto and Toronto Street. And I was like, I hadn't had breakfast yet and I just needed something to eat. And it was the first place I found that had air conditioning.

It was a little eatery called Panera Bread. And I had my food and my drink and I finished it. I put it away and I overheard one of the employees say, okay, okay, I can't smell anything for the next two hours. So I don't know what that meant. Whether it was like, please don't make me smell your perfume. Like I'm on a fast. I have weird drops that were put in my nose by the nose doctor.

I can't smell anything. Please don't ask me to choose what smells better. I can't smell anything. How is the Panera Bread? Never been. The best bagels in town. You heard it there. You know what I discovered they still have here? The Great Canadian bagel

Oh where In Eglinton station That was like a 90's chain That I thought disappeared It just went underground And of course As we all, this is Mr. Sub Country. Yeah, it's Mr. Sub Country. And because everywhere else in the country,

everybody has decided Mr. Sub is a no-go. Have we talked about Mrs. Soup? But I'd like to. You know how they've got the cauldron of soup on the counter in Mr. Sub And it's called Mrs. Soup? No We don't have it anymore What?

This is the best revelation I wish somehow I could just walk out right now And leave you guys to deal with that information That's all it is. Oh, my God. Mrs. Soup. You know, it's fun to imagine what their relationship is. Yeah.

They're not married. Or if they are. You could dip him in her. What's that? You could dip him in her. Yes. I'm finally getting it. It is a nice Mrs. Shape.

Yeah, it's got hips. Yeah. A woman is like a cauldron. Angela Lansbury could voice Mrs. Soup. Absolutely. Mrs. Soup. I'm never going to stop thinking about that. That does sound like a British mystery series, Mrs. Soup.

Oh, yeah. A lady can't be soup. I believe by the end of this, you might agree, a lady's preferable. I feel... Wasn't the best conclusion to that idea, but I feel like the setup was good. Yeah. Yeah. I like my punchlines to honor the setup.

Yeah. Graham, do you have an overheard? I do. Mine came courtesy of being in one of the vintage stores in the Kensington Market. And a woman, I don't know if it was her husband or father. He's one of these people that was so old that I'm like, eh, could go either way.

Could be a father, could be an old husband, don't know. She was explaining to him the concept of a vintage store. So she's like, no, all of this has been worn by somebody else. And then he goes to the clerk, everything in here has been worn by somebody else? She goes, yeah, it's all secondhand. And then he goes, well, what's wrong with new clothes? Thank you.

Oh, wow. Take me to the big city and show me clothes that people have already worn before. Now, as I said before, we have a microphone off to the side of the stage here. If anybody wants to come up, share their overheard, now is the time. We're very friendly.

If you're on that side of the theater, I don't know what to tell you. I guess you maybe have to go to the front and walk. I don't know how it works. I can't see. Here we go. We got people there. They're all.

Oh, movement. Hello, you there. Hello. Hi. Hi. Get up on that microphone. Is this okay? Yeah.

Yeah. What's your name? Oh, sorry, sir. Annie. Annie. Annie. Annie. Hello, Annie.

Annie, everybody. Round of applause, Annie. Nervous. Very nervous. So a couple of summers ago, I was at a friend's house, and she had one floor, and there's two guys who rented the floor above hers. So there are two decks. So I'm out on her deck, and I catch the tail end of this conversation from the two guys who live above. tail end of this conversation from the two guys who live above. And from what I could piece together, I think one of them had like cheated on his girlfriend and was trying to justify it to his friend. And the friend was like, no, that's not cool. You shouldn't have done that. And then I hear the, like the centerpiece of the guy's argument, which was, and I quote,

bro, what was I supposed to do? There was a big luscious vagina right in front of my face. What was I supposed to do? There was a big, luscious vagina right in front of my face. Wow. A big, luscious vagina. Annie, everybody. A BLV. Oh, God. That won't hold up in court.

I mean, maybe a bodacious vagina. Order, order, order. How luscious. Let's talk. Hello. Hi. Hi, what's your name? Noel.

Noel, everybody. Hey. So this was me at a grocery store buying, or at the checkout, tomatoes, potatoes, mushrooms, lettuce, and the cashier. Making a soup over there? Making a Mrs. Soup? The cashier's scanning me out, and she looks at all my stuff, and she's like, oh, are you making steak? I was, but, you know, not like a normal person.

I'm like, no, why do you ask? She's like, oh, nothing. I love steak. Noel, everybody. Yay! There is that kind of nosy cashier. How else are you going to keep yourself occupied for an eight-hour shift?

Sudoku. I don't know, but it's always the guess, and it's like, you know, sometimes it's very obvious. Cheese, pizza sauce, a pizza crust. Steak. Hello. Hi. What's your name?

What's your name? My name's Maddie. Maddie? Hello. Hello, Maddie, everybody. Hi. What's your name? My name's Maddie. Maddie? Hello. Hello, Maddie, everybody. Greetings. So I have an overseen. I was biking home from work one day,

like still daylight hours, just on a commercial street, and I just looked over because you know when you're biking you're supposed to be paying attention to your surroundings and I across the street I saw a woman seated outside of a store just sharpening an axe Maddie, everybody. Maddie.

That's why you're supposed to look around when you bike. Have you ever axed anything? Yeah. My body with the ax body spray. Yeah. Yes, I've axed. Have you axed? I've axed, yeah. I could ax you the same thing.

I don't know why that caught me. Oh, but it did. Good. Have you? No. Nope. Me neither. Oh, no, maybe I have, but it didn't go well.

Why? What happened? You know, it's too hard. Wood is really, like, strong. Oh, it is strong. Yeah, yeah. It hurts your hands. It hurts your hands to swing that thing.

That's what they don't tell you. Yeah. Wood is strong. Yeah. it is strong. It hurts your hands. It hurts your hands to swing that thing. That's what they don't tell you. Wood is strong. Hello. Hello. Hello. What's your name? I'm Isabel. Isabel, everybody. So I was walking downtown here in Toronto maybe a couple weeks ago and I was passing through a couple blocks

that were blocked off for an exotic car show. Cool. So, like, lots of fancy sports cars all down the street, and I walked past someone who, in passing, was talking to their friend and said, I think later they're going to start all of them at the same time. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Wow. So cute. Here's the bell, everybody. That's like when everyone in the house flushes the toilet at the same time. I mean, you really do hope at a car show. It does sound like something you would get excited and say and then be like, probably not. They'd never get away with it. Or they get the permit.

That's crazy. Hello. Hello. What's your name? My name's Kevin. Hi. Hi's crazy. Hello. Hello. What's your name? My name's Kevin. Hi. Hi, Kevin. Yeah, Kevin.

So last night my wife and I went to a movie, and it was at kind of like a smaller indie theater that they have like themed nights and stuff like that. So before the movie showed, they were advertising that July is Will Smith month. So they were showing like clips of Fresh Prince and Independence Day and stuff. So it's been established that they're showing old Will Smith stuff. So after the movie we're walking out and there's this couple in front of us and we pass by a movie poster for the movie Ali. And the guy goes, oh I

hope he's good in this. And she goes, she kind of goes, what? And he goes, yeah, I think this is coming out pretty soon. And she goes, she goes, no, what? And he goes, yeah, I think this is coming out pretty soon. And she goes, no, this is like an old movie. This came out a while ago and he so sure of himself went, no, this is a new one. Hey. Thank you, everybody. They've never come out with a sequel to a biopic.

Is that true? Am I wrong about that? Never ever? I mean, there were two Don Cherry ones. I remember that. Well, yeah. Because it's such a fascinating story. But you know, like, is there?

Am I wrong? Like where the... They might be able to squeeze something out of like the social network or something. Yeah, they have a second half of that story. Yeah, or his legs stop working. I don't know what's going on with him these days. It just melts. Is that what's going on?

Yeah. Hi. Hello. What's your name? I'll let you guys continue if you want. Hi there. Hi. What's your name?

Glenn. Glenn. Hello. Glenn. Hello. So I've overheard from the bus. So it was this woman, she was like kind of hippiest. She was sitting behind me and the girlfriend and she's sitting there talking to her friend. She's like, you know what's funny? I was born in Mount Sinai Hospital, and I died in Mount Sinai Hospital. And her friend, there's a beat, and her friend's like, wait, but how did you die there? I was like, whoa. Yeah.

You want to talk about a story that's unwritten? Yeah. Yeah. That needs a sequel. Glenn, everybody. Glenn, everyone. Glenn. Where are you guys

going to die? The answer might surprise me. Do you want me to call it for all of you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. RV. Camping. Yeah.

Axe. Oh, no! First time. Yeah. This thing's easy, actually. Oh no! First time. Yeah. This thing's easy actually. Just right into your heart. Want to talk

about things that are hard? Hello. What's your name? Hi, my name is Machak. Hello, Machak? Yes, it is. All right. Machak, everybody. My overhead Hello Maciek. Hello Maciek? Yes, it is. Yes. All right. Maciek, everybody.

My overheard is also courtesy of a TTC. That's transit for Vancouver audience. Okay. Thank you. And there were two young women, neither of whom spoke English very well. And I could tell that one of them is Polish. I mean, I can make fun of Polish people because I'm xenophobic. Maciek! Maciek! I was kidding. You old dog!

Well, I'm kidding, I'm Polish. The same thing. And in Polish language, there is an expression. If you attempt a literal translation, it's something like, you can cut off my head if I'm wrong, but if you try to translate it literally, it comes very unfortunate. So the two of them are talking and one says, oh, and then she came there with her boyfriend. And the other one says, no, she doesn't with her boyfriend, and the other one says,

No, she doesn't have a boyfriend. I give head. Magic, everybody. Yes! Do you remember the other thing the rubbies said to me when I was carrying my dry cleaning? Yeah, they called you Polish. Yeah, they called me Polish. Polish? I'm only a quarter Polish.

It was very specific, but they really nailed you. What did they say? They were like, and you're Polish. Yeah, pretty much. It was really they led with, ooh, Mr. Dry were like, and you're Polish. Yeah, pretty much. Basically. It was really, they led with ooh, Mr. Dry Cleaning, and then. That's so funny. Yeah. It's like there were two of them, and one

said, hey, Mr. Dry Cleaning, and the other one went Polish, and that one didn't land as well. Right. And we had also just passed a place that was called Mr. and Mrs. Dry Cleaning, so. That's just a really nice afternoon. I feel like, ooh, Mr. Dry Cleaning is something you might hear in that Big Spender song.

You know? Yeah. Ooh, Mr. Dry Cleaning. Hello. Hi. What's your name? Corey. Corey. Hello, everybody. Hello. Hi. What's your name? Corey. Corey.

Hello, everybody. Hello, everybody. This is by way of a co-worker, so I hope it's like a true and not just a punchline thing. But we start work at 7, so she was at Tim Hortons at 6, and there was a really old man in front of her buying a dozen donuts. And so we work with the elderly, so she was like, ooh, 12 donuts, eh? And he goes, yeah, when my wife gets donuts, I get pussy. Oh, yes.

Wow. Wow. Luscious, Luscious. Luscious. Oh, boy. Hello. Hello. What's your name?

My name's Dave. Afe? Dave? Dave. Like Shumka? I made up a name. Dave. No, I heard Afe. It's a rare name.

It's fine. This is an overheard that I'm borrowing from a friend, but he was at a design conference in Chicago, and he overheard two guys behind him kind of pitching a video game to each other, and the one guy said, okay, it's like Tony Hawk, but with a goat. Whoa. If you're asking why, but with a goat. Whoa.

If you're asking why, you're asking the wrong question. Ape, everybody. I'm in. Wow. It's Goat Simulator. Yeah, I know exactly the game, yeah. So is the goat Tony, or is the goat the skateboard? The goat is both.

Yeah. It's a goat on a goat. It's just like, you know, you're sort of like... You're just kind of a goat flinging yourself around and it's hard for you to move. Yeah, doing goat stuff. Yeah. Hard for you to move.

Goats are the move with the greatest of these. But isn't that goat simulator? Like he's like... I don't play it. His limbs don't... Yeah. I've never played it. I choose an old school goat who does mostly ground tricks

i choose the goat one of the goats from jackass um hey our final everybody everybody what's your name hi i'm mike mike uh ike His name's Mike, and he's great at using a mic. Yeah. I work at an outdoor education center, and I was following two teenage boys into breakfast, and one was big-timing the other one, who was talking about,

my uncle owns almost everything on that road, except the dump. They don't let you own the dump. And then the other boy paused and looked at him and said, I'm pretty sure the Queen owns the dump. That's right. Mike, everybody. Amazing.

That's true. The Queen is our head of dumps. Yeah, that's why there's a dump on every piece of Canadian currency. Well, that brings us to the end of this here show. Yeah, it had to end sometime legally. But how

about a round of applause for our fantastic guests. Mark Little, Kayla Lorette, two of Canada's best. Dave and I will be, the bar is open for another hour-ish.

Yeah, until like 11.30. So we're going to head out to the lobby. First we're going to dry off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to tap another maple. Yeah. I'm calling it that from now on. Yeah.

And yeah, so if you want to say hello, we'll be hanging out in the lobby. Thank you all so, so much for coming to the show. It means so much that you guys came out. It's our pleasure to come out here and do a live show. Yeah. Yeah. And thanks so much. Everybody have a safe trip home. Have a good night.