Stop Podcasting Yourself - Bonus Episode - LIVE from Very Very Fun Day in Chicago

Episode Date: April 6, 2017

Recorded live at Thalia Hall in Chicago as a part of Maximum Fun's Very Very Fun Day, February 11th, 2017.

Hello. Hey, everybody. My name is Stuart Wellington. I'm one of the hosts of the Flophouse podcast. Thank you, thank you. But I'm here to introduce another podcast. I know, weird. And I just want to mention, I'm really excited to be introducing these guys. A couple years ago, I was going through a really rough time.

I wasn't working a lot. All my money was being sunk into a bar that was probably never going to open. And, you know, I think like a lot of people, I found a lot of comfort in listening to podcasts. And this one in particular is just so damn pleasant. So funny and pleasant. So it is my pleasure to introduce Dave Shumka and Graham Clark. Stop podcasting yourself. Thank you. Hi, he's Dave Simcoe. And he's Brian Paul. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo! Good. Usually it fades out, but I don't want to mess with my phone too much. Oh, it's fading it out. Wonderful. Hi, everybody. We should have let the stage crew know we like to wander. That I'm very physical.

I like to prowl. You're like a cool priest. Yeah. Let's talk about condoms. Is that what a priest would talk about? Yeah, that's cool. Cool. You guys are the best.

Stage heads! Oh, let's do the Wayne's World 2 thing. Oh, he's so good! Excellent. Hello, Chicago. What a treat. What a joy. They were like, you just sit there the whole time, right? Let's treat. What a joy. They were like,

you just sit there the whole time, right? Let's cross. There we go. Who here wants to make a million dollars? You guys are losers. Here's how you can be winners. Don't wear yesterday's suit. Buy one today. Sweet child.

They're not even going to know we didn't prepare anything. Oh, this is such a treat. Yeah, the historic Thalia Hall. Yeah, since 2013. And you've already knocked a podcast out of the park today. It was a, you know, a line drive double. We're thrilled to be here, guys Who knows what we do?

I like that light effect You're the other member of Stop, I guess You've been dead the whole time And who here is just I guess he gives that. You've been dead the whole time. And who here is just saving a spot until Judge John Hodgman is on? There it is. Front row. Front row.

Cool. Smart. Smart. That guy probably gets a lot of good seats at parades. Uh-huh. You might see him out in front of our Best Buy. He's a liar? He's my husband. How long's it been?

Cool. So open bar all day, right? Okay. Eight months? Congratulations. That's the hardest number of months to get through They say that first eight What was your first eight months like?

Terrible, right? Consumated? Did you say consumated or consumay? Yeah, you want some consumay? I've been making bouillon in the green room. Yeah. Dave won't buy canned. He always makes his own broth.

Brings bones on the plane, takes forever to get through security. It's okay. You're allowed to cross international borders if you reduce the bones in air. Oh, boy. You guys don't watch that border security show. You don't have it here.

We do. Do you? It's on Netflix. Oh, the border security show is on Netflix here. And is it an American or is it the Canadian? And Australian. The Australian one's the one to beat, as far as I'm concerned. For the home listener, people are yelling at us.

If you've never seen it before, and if you're unfamiliar with the concept, it shows people who apparently don't know that they don't need to sign a consent form. Like they have no idea that it's within their rights to be like, no, I don't want this on TV. They don't know that you can blur faces, change voices. They're like, I guess the border is, it's a lawless land,

and so you can do whatever you like. What's that? No, that's water. You're thinking of... You're thinking of water. Speaking of Netflix, I appreciate you all coming to see us instead of watching that new show

about design that's out, which you all secretly want to watch because you love design. Or Riverdale. Look, weird. Weird. It's weird. I mean, it definitely checks.

Like, it scratches an itch of some pervert, but yeah. If only Archie would fuck Grundy, they said. Betty and Veronica? Yes, they will. Oh, yeah. But anyways, we're here to talk about Netflix.

Guys, for $8.99 a month, you can have unlimited full house, fuller house, and fullest house. Yeah, fullest house. Now, the premise on fullest house is Joey, the inventor, has... He's done kind of a multiplicity thing. He's made multiple versions of all the people in the house. Too full.

But the Jessies don't all come out cool. One's a nerd. Yeah, and they don't get the catchphrases right every time. It's like, mercy you will have. Give me mercy. Mylanta for me. Cut it off. Yeah.

Absolutely true, my friend. How un-nice. Oh, anyways. Do we want to get to know us? Yes! What's my password? Get to know us. Nice, real sweet. Can we sit down now? I'm us. Nice. Real sweet.

Can we sit down now? I'm exhausted. Yeah. I mean, I think we've used the space really well. Really tangled them. Oh, boy. Good brother. Coming out to save the day.

Nice. Round of applause. Come on. How good. Real nice. Is this your Schlitz? It is. Is it?

Is it? I don't think I've ever had Schlitz before. Is that a delicacy? Here. This is a fancy beer I'm drinking. It's a delicacy in that you can get it at a deli. Ooh! Somebody there.

Yeah, they're doing it! Taking down Schlitz! We have been in this fine city. This is day three. Three! We have been in this fine city. This is day three. Eight months, three days. Cool. So, yeah, we've done...

I was telling John Hodgman, no applause, that all the things we did, and he described it as the Ferris Bueller tour. Yeah. First, okay, so I woke up. I had to convince Dave that I was still asleep. So... I love Gordie Howe. Yeah.

I had to put a mannequin in my bed. I had to put a mannequin in my bed. I had to find a mannequin. Why did Ferris Bueller have a mannequin? Why did Kevin McAllister have all those mannequins? Why? Because he's a creep. They made a big show of pretending they forgot him, but really they were like,

let's leave Kevin you know who sucks Kevin we thought Buzz was the shittiest kid then Kevin came along stink that whole family

it's all shitty kids yeah the kid that pees his bed yeah the kid that eats all the cheese pizza he's a Culkin that's a Culkin oh That's a Culkin.

Oh, great. Here's Dave's famous catchphrase. That's a Culkin. That's a Culkin. So we, boy oh boy, we went to the Chicago Institute of Art. Is that what it's called? Yeah, yeah.

Art Institute. Yeah, yeah. Art Institute. Yeah, okay. Graham was hit on the head. Yeah. This morning. And that was very nice. Yeah. It was indoors.

Oh, indoors. Can we spend the next 45 minutes describing paintings? Okay. If you've never heard our podcast before, it mostly talks about great works of art. We were just farting around off the top, but let's get down to it. The scream.

Ah! Anyways. Remind you of any movie? Yeah. That's a Culkin. I was waiting for your famous catchphrase. Dogs playing poker. Yep, that's there.

There's a room full of Velvet Elvire. Yeah, there's the Scarface poster, the original one that they make all the other Scarface posters out of. A lot of Pulp Fiction posters. The original take-me-to-your-dealer alien poster. Yeah, the monaded. Well, first of all, we're staying in an Airbnb.

Smells like a toilet. A little bit. Yeah. And we were told by... Someone just said, woo, for a toilet. We were told by a driver that we had at one point.

She lives in the same neighborhood that we were staying in the Airbnb. And she was scrambling for something interesting to tell us about the neighborhood. And so she said, this was her fact, some of those houses in that neighborhood

built below sea level. And we said, how so? Or how can you tell? Or, huh? Yeah. Yeah, and then I said, he said like why she's like well just like some steps go down some steps go up okay cool no tipping an uber I guess now there was also a similar incident when we went up Willis Tower. And there was a lot of people against that tower. Am I right?

I asked, what did I ask? I just asked something aloud, and this guy came in and started pointing out buildings ad nauseum. He's like, that building is this. Oh, yeah. And that building's that. You're like, which one of these is the Trump one? And he's like, that one. And he's like, that's Hancock.

And that's, oh, that's the Wrigley building. Where they make the gum. And I'm looking forward and I can see in my peripheral vision Dave disappearing. Dave's just vanishing from the conversation. Well, because the guy was like looking out into the distance. So he didn't see what I was doing.

But I did a big take to Graham. And then at one point he goes, see that building over there? That's the only building built on this side of some street. Oprah lives there. Yeah. And then I said, why? And he goes, I don't know. So you learned some things about Chicago?

I guess. Yeah. That sea level thing's coming home with me. Oh, boy, yeah. Next time I'm near the sea, I'll be like, guess what? There's this funky neighborhood. Yeah, if you think about... Yeah.

Disavow any notions you have about where things can be built. Although, how would they know where sea level is here? The sea is so far away. I don't know. I mean, you can go on Google. See little Chicago. There's also a curious thing.

Now, by a round of applause, how many people here are from Chicago? Okay. All right. In our Our block Where we're staying We still haven't figured out what this thing is It's on a pole

And it's a box that says police on it And it's just flashing blue lights 24 hours a day What is it? Camera? Security camera. So, like, no police will go through here. It's just like...

Yeah. This is the camera's job. This is the honor system. Don't you dare murder in front of the camera. I'm gonna bust you all the way down to camera. Yeah. That blue light can't be very good for anybody's photos. Yeah, for the camera?

Yeah. Seems... So what is it filming? Because it's standing in a vacant lot. Gang stuff? Gang stuff. Cool. Did we join a gang when we were here?

Yes, we got... Oh, yeah. Dave and I got jumped into a gang. Oh, boy. The tattoo they got jumped into a gang. Oh, boy. The tattoo they put on my back is real uneven. Yeah. Is it MS-13,

the world's most dangerous? No, no. It's called... They're called the Southside Tic Tacs. I don't know what it means. They're tough, though. They're a tough bunch. We don't use guns.

We're the only gang in Chicago that doesn't use guns. We use our wits. We're like MacGyver. They've tattooed a big paper clip on your back. The cool thing, like, people often write us and say, oh, I love your show. I listen to it, and I'm like, oh, I wish I could talk to you guys

while you're doing it. And a lot of you are. Graham, can you describe your shirt and why you're wearing it? I'm wearing a shirt that has a glittery teddy bear on it. I'm wearing a shirt that has a glittery teddy bear on it. It's also got these weird gold beads. It's real

tight. Doesn't leave anything to the imagination. And why? Guys, these people came a long way. They deserve a little razzle dazzle. We also ate your famous deep dish pizza. Oh, so deep. Yeah.

I lost my watch in that. How is it different than Domino's? They can take as long as they want to deliver it That's true We went with Chicago wrestling legend

Colt Cabana took us to his favorite spot Let's not say what it's called You don't want people to blow up his spot. Yeah, that's right. But it was already blown up. Yeah, it was blown up.

But we heard on the radio that day that it was International Pizza Day. Oh, yeah. And so we were like, oh, that's probably why it's so busy. Yeah. And then Colt was like, oh, I heard it was International Kazoo Day.

Completely earnestly. Yeah. We were like, you know it was International Kazoo Day. Completely earnestly. Yeah. We were like, you know today is International Pizza Day. No. It could be two things, but not two things that you can't... Does pizza need a national, or like an annual day? Yeah, I feel like pizza

should have one per month. Yeah, exactly. Is anyone like, oh yeah, I feel like pizza should have one per month. Yeah, exactly. Is anyone like, oh yeah, I forgot about pizza. Kazoos really do need a day because you do forget about kazoos. I bought a kazoo. Anyways, that would be a fun joke if that movie came out any time

ever. I bought a kazoo. That would be good merch. You should go in a time machine. Okay. I'm in the time machine. Pew! What do I do now?

Well, no one can see you. No. Jack off. Just go back to the 18th century. Invent Jack. Yeah. Check out this, everybody. Become a millionaire. He's a witch.

And then be like, how about I bought a kazoo? So after the pizza, we went to, I'd never been to one of these before, a barcade. Yeah. So much fun. If you've never been, it's an arcade that you can get drunk in. The first thing, well, not the first thing, but during the course of the night, I became enamored with the notion that there was perhaps a barfly, that this was his hangout. We were looking around for a guy that would fit that description, and boy, did we find him. He was so nice.

He was so drunk and so nice. He stumbled over and he just said to me, I like your hat. I was like, ooh, this is the guy. And then he got thrown out so gently. The guy from the barcade came up to him and said, hey, there's something I'd like to show you up front.

It's the door. You came in. See if it works the other way. But we were sitting towards the end of the night. We had played so many games. Dave, you set how many records on... Oh, one. I thought it was more than one.

Maybe two on burger time. Yeah, pretty good. At the end of the night, we were kind of... We were waiting to get to play the Michael Jackson Moonwalker game, which I remember from... Sega, was it? Sega Genesis, yeah. But it didn't look like this game.

No, this one was like a 3D environment. Yeah, and has anybody ever played that game? It's weird. It is weird. What's that? Which one were you at? The Witch Barcade? The one with the drunk guy that liked my hat?

Do you know that guy? The one that's in a hardware store. Yeah, yeah. Okay, we got you. Okay, cool. The one that's in a like a a hardware store. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. We got you.

Okay. Cool. Now for the home listener She's gonna play her cards close to the chest with the name. For the home listener

a lady knows the bar we were at. So we were waiting to play this Michael Jackson game which I played it for

like two minutes. It's the craziest game I've ever played. It's Michael Jackson in his white fedora from No One Help Me. No One Help Me. Smooth Criminal.

Yeah. He's gone around saving kids. Yeah, I know. It was like nobody in the room was like, guys. Yeah. Can't he just be getting coins or something? Yeah.

Why do we have to make it the one thing? So we were playing the Gary Glitter video game. But there's a part where Michael Jackson, you meet Bubbles, and you touch Bubbles, then you turn into a robot with rockets for arms. Which was not on the Genesis version. Bubbles for the uninitiated is a chimpanzee. You don't just touch bubbles.

We're not playing bubble ball here, guys. So we're waiting to get our turn. And then this crazy lady came over. She was nice. Yeah, but crazy. You could be nice and crazy like Rod Stewart. I use nice and crazy shampoo.

Hair dye? Hair dye maybe? What? Nice and easy? Nice and easy easy easy does it is the other one we cabot a kazoo so this lady came over to us

and she was like we need extra players for this what was it called killer queen you know killer queen it was really I enjoyed it. You're not so much. It was a money-stealing plan.

They needed our coins to play the video game. Yeah, I did realize after a couple games that, like, hey, wait a minute. We're paying for a lot of this game. Yeah. But it's like a 10-player video game that you have to get. Maybe I'm not describing it well. Am I describing it well? It's a 10-player video game.

Yeah, lots of players. That's a lot of players. Yeah, you'd be good at a wedding. Not during the ceremony, but afterwards. Yeah, don't get one of those photo booths. Yeah, those are over. Kill a queen. Kill a over. Kill a queen.

Kill a queen. Kill a queen. Regicide. Is it regicide if it's a queen? Yeah. Any royalty, right? Any ruler. Or if it's Reggie from Riverdale.

Oh, no. Is he? I got to admit, I haven't seen Riverdale. I haven't seen it. I've seen a bit of it. Who plays Reggie? I don't... Is he like... No, I don't know. But I know that either Zach or Cody plays Jughead.

Cool. It's Cody? Cool. For the home listener, it's Cody. And Weatherby's a black guy in a bolo tie. Oh, yeah. Let's see. Was a bolo tie part of Weatherby's ensemble?

No, not that I know of. Yeah. Hmm. Hmm. It might have been the year that they did Archie and Albuquerque. The Doble Digest. Well, I didn't know you were going to do characters. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What else? What else happened while we were in town? Well, we had one driver at one point who got real personal, real sass. When people find out we're from Canada, they want to know all about whether there are guns there. Because I've got a gun. Yeah, exactly. Was what he volunteered. And

right at that moment, I think we were both sure he was going to show us his gun. Yeah. He's like, I keep it in a safe at home because, you know, if somebody breaks into my house, I'm not just going to sit there. And I was like, yeah, no, I wouldn't either. Call the cops, right?

Or I'd leave. I mean, those are two options, you know? Ah, shit, this guy's in my house. I've got to get out of here. If only my house had a police camera right outside. It's true, there are no gangs hanging around that camera. That's true. Very effective.

We kept that vacant lot clear. What does a gang want these days? Turf? Yeah, they want turf. Respect. Turf? Yeah, they want turf. Respect. Swag. Yeah, they want swag. They want to go to the Sundance Film Festival.

Yeah, get a bag. This is a special bag we got for you, Crips. Yeah. It's a blue bag. Oh, yeah, cool. Oh, there's a radio alarm that I can plug my phone into. Oh, yeah. Oh, I read about this on Goop. Is Goop a gang?

Goop's a gang. Yeah. Because, what are they called? I was going to say Juggalos, but the first thing that popped in my head was the Pasty Face Boys. The Pasty Face Boys? That's not what they're called at all. but the first thing that popped in my head was the pasty-faced boys. The pasty-faced boys? That's not what they're called at all.

Okay, now we're getting going. Took a while, but okay. The pasty-faced boys are a gang? Oh, they were considered a gang? They were considered a gang by the federal government. Are we near Cave-in-Rock, Illinois? No. Whew.

No shit. It's a lot of crossover, our fan base and the Pacey Space Boys. And the Pacey Space Boys. But yeah, Goop's a gang. I follow Goop on Twitter. Oh, really? And every day it teaches me new ways that it's okay. There's loungewear for curvy girls like me.

Because it's, oh, why do skinny girls get to lounge? What do curvy girls count? That's a good question. I guess all the lounge books I get from the library do feature skinnier women lounging. And the other thing I've been seeing on Goop lately is there's this

jade egg you put in your vagina. I put it in my vagina? What am I going to do with it? Am I trying to sneak it out of a museum? Yes. The case of the jade egg. Then you have to lower your vagina

under the laser... Yeah, while Sean Connery pervs out. Yeah. Yeah. Is that my Sean Connery? Yeah. You know, Sean Connery, James Bond. Yeah.

Totally. You've been entrapped. It's called a yoni egg, I believe. You put it in there. Squeeze. Yeah. Then a chickadee comes out. No, it's just, you know,

to kind of, like, strengthen your pelvic floor. Yeah. I'm not concerned about my pelvic floor. Sure. But that's my privilege. Yeah. As a white man. I don't have to think about my pelvic floor.

Can we, everyone? Let's do five seconds of kegels in silence. Ow! My pelvic floor. I haven't worked it at all. Let's see, what else did Chicago offer us? Well, when we went to the tower, that was a real, like,

I thought that you're just walking off the street, pay a couple bucks. Yeah, let me up the tower. Elevator, hello, goodbye. No, no, no. Yeah, it was an hour. The guy told us an hour and a half away. The guy told us two hours, and we were like,

I don't know. Yeah, we're down here anyways. There's nothing else to do in Chicago. Yeah. I'm just standing there working my egg anyways. I got to work my egg. I got two hours of yoni I could be doing. And so we were, it's like they make a kind of,

all these different stages of standing in line. Yeah, so you go and you're in a room and you stand in line for a while. Yeah. And then they let you into another room where you can stand in line. Yeah, and they've got some nice things on the wall. Yeah, it shows you, you know, oh, this tower's as tall as 263 Barack Obamas. That's a fact. That's not my president a lot.

We're Canadian. We're Canadian. And then you go into another room, and then it's just a holding area, and there's nowhere to sit, but most of our group was teenage girls, so they all sat on the floor. So then we all sat on the floor.

So it's just a bunch of adults sitting on the floor. Trying to make sure our butt cracks don't show. Oh, my butt crack was so out there. And then they made us watch a movie. They made us watch this movie. They did the Clockwork Orange things on our eyes. Yeah, and it wasn't even about the tower. It was the two of by C. Who's in that?

Sandra Bullock, maybe? Oh, yeah. Well, who else? Tell me the Stuart Douglas movies. Oh, yeah. Sandra Bullock, Johnny Five from Short Circuit. Sure, yeah.

Oh, that's the movie where they fall in love. Yeah. It was the only not short-circuit movie that Johnny Five made. People hated it. I was so excited when I was like, oh, he's going to be in other movies. It was like the same time

Raphael from the Ninja Turtles was going in other movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wasn't he in Philadelphia? Yeah, yeah. Raphael the Turtle is Denzel Washington in Philadelphia? Yeah, yeah. Raphael the Turtle is Denzel Washington in Philadelphia. Pretty good, right? He looked just like Denzel.

He did blackface, though, which I thought was in poor taste. Agreed. Agreed. So then we watched 2F by C. Then we got on an elevator, and there was a video on the elevator. Oh, boy, the video budget of this tower, I tell you. Although they had the...

They showed silhouettes of all the other tall buildings in the world, but they couldn't get the rights to the actual photographs of them. So it was like, just imagine what, you know, I.M. Pei's Hong Kong building looks like. Here's a rough shape. Huh? Pretty suggestive. And when it starts, the elevator, it kind of starts with very

low stakes. Like, right now, you're taller than a giraffe. Like, well... Well, this is a real slow elevator. Now you're taller than a guy on a giraffe's back. And then it just starts counting Baraka bombs. One Baraka, two Baraka, three Baraka. Yeah.

Has anybody been to the top of that tower? Yeah. It's not much to see, really. Not to be a hater, but it doesn't seem that tall. Yeah, it didn't feel that tall. And even there's a thing you go out in this glass box, and then you show your faith in engineering. Your faith in plexiglass.

Oh, man. And, you know, the ladies in front of us are so scared. Yeah, but they were fake scared, because I know people who would never do it. Yeah, they were, yeah. And then there was one girl who just sat in the box and took about a thousand pictures. Shits. Oh, pictures, yeah.

And, uh... Oh, yeah, I thought it was going to be more like a kitty litter box where you could just stand in there like in sand? drop out your yoni egg oh gross but I'll allow it

and then you know they try to sell you a picture that they made you take at the beginning yeah at the beginning you go in and you stand in front of a green screen and someone takes your picture and the guy laughs at you because you're not good at smiling.

And then you go up, you do all the things, you waste your hour, you come down and they said, we've already printed off the pictures and if you bring your card, show us what number you are, we'll sell it to you. What a waste of money if they're printing them

all off. And it was also like, but it's a picture of you not in the tower. Exactly. Who knows what that green screen behind you is. But if I knew that I could just get that picture, then I wouldn't kind of sit on the floor, line up,

just get that picture and hit the road, right? Make more time for the museums, I say. We saw the fountain from Married with Children. We went to a very nice restaurant last night. Now we're like Regis.

Joy and I. That's my Regis. My Yeah, yeah. Joey and I. Yeah. That's my Regis. My friend Charles Grodin and I. Well, the Yankees are at it again. They're up to their old tricks, the Yankees. I loved when the King Kong movie came out ten years ago. Regis could not make it just two syllables. He always called it Kinga Kong.

I miss Regis. I hope he's in a good place. Yeah. He's fine. I'm sure he's fine. I hope he's fine. This is a Don. He's fine. I'm sure he's fine. I hope he's fine. This is a Donahue town, Graham. Oh, is it? Is this where Donahue was made?

Yeah. Look, everybody talks Oprah, Oprah, and when everybody, I mean that guy at the top of the tower. Yeah. How many Oprahs tall was it? Oh, jeez. This is going to bug me. I know this.

But we went to this very nice restaurant last night called the... Goat and the Girl? Yeah. It's real nice. That's a real nice place. And I'm allergic to so many goddamn things.

Yeah. Like, basically, they gave me the menu, and I was like, I will have the olives, please. No, the waiter was, we told them the situation. Yeah. You're vegetarian. You can't have nuts. You can't have fish. Yeah.

You can't have grapes. Yeah. I can't have. A lot of, like, smells you can't have. Yeah, yeah. I can't have grapes I can't have a lot of smells you can't have yeah yeah I can't have the smell you know that smell before it rains can't have that newborn baby

can't have it and so they took the menu away and they brought it back and they crossed out like they were like here's what we can do we can make these versions of these things without the ingredients, and it looked like a government document that had been

redacted. They were so sweet that they would do that. Bring over a menu and carve up their well-planned menu for this freakazoid who walked in off the street. I can't have anything.

Graham, I want you to know that you're still a person. And you have every right to live. Oh, Dave, everybody. See, I'm nice. I can be nice sometimes. You seem really pissed off all the time. Well, fuck you is why.

You don't know what it's like to put up with his shit? Yeah. He has no right to live. My pelvic floor's a mess. Oh, boy. I ripped up the pelvic carpet. Yeah, and. I ripped up the... The pelvic carpet? Yeah, and it was all hardwood. Yeah.

That's sort of what waxing is. Is it? I think so. I don't think so. Yeah, it's a Brazilian. I've been led to believe... So you're telling me that a pelvic floor, that's on the outside of the body?

Yeah. It's right above the wiener. Oh, that's what that is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I balanced marbles on it. Didn't know it was a pelvic floor. Oh, sure. Where are we at?

What time are we at? Oh. Oh! Oh! Oh, how interesting. Oh! Oh! Oh, how interesting. Oh! Well, it's 420 somewhere. Yeah.

Let's do our traditional smoke-em-ups. Yeah, everybody, smoke them if you got them. No, we have this other segment that we do from time to time called Overherds. that we do from time to time called Overheards.

Overheard. And we will do Overheards. Yeah, here's how this works. We'll, it's a thing where you, it's a thing with the things. Who's this character? Here's what's going on, Taz. This is from his SNL audition tape.

What is the character doing? This is my character, Herman. Go. Over here. This thing. What we got? What we got? What happens here is there's some This thing. What we got, we got.

What happens here is there's some people in the world who can't control the volume of their voice, and you hear them say funny things from time to time, and you take those things and you bring them to the show, and we call it overheards. Every week we do it on our show, and then we have people write in and call in with their overheards, but the way we're going to do it on our show and then we have people write in and call in with their overheards but the way we're going to do it this time

is we're going to do ours and then you will have a chance if you have any overheards out there it'll be like a time when you're allowed to talk to us there will be a microphone in the audience it's your dream come true. But let's start with us.

What do we do? Me or you? Well, can I start with one that I think we both heard and I thought was really funny? When we were leaving the tower and we nearly got hit by a guy on a bicycle. Did you hear what he yelled? No. He was cycling down the street real fast. I don't even think he had his hands on the handlebars. So this guy knows how to ride a bicycle. Okay. Did you hear what he yelled? No. He was cycling down the street real fast.

I don't even think he had his hands on the handlebars, so this guy knows how to ride a bike. We were crossing... Well, you know what? It's just like riding a bike.

We were crossing the street, but I guess not fast enough for him, so he, like, heckled how fast we were walking across the street. He said, Hey, I'm not asking for athletes here, but come on!

Did you not hear that guy? I did not hear that guy. Oh man, it made me laugh in the middle of the street. If anything, it made me stand in the street longer than he wanted. Because you don't want to sprint across the street. You don't want to be like, you don't want to show off. Yeah, yeah. Look, I'm a very fast runner, and I will challenge anyone here to a running contest.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, boy. If you want to throw down with Dave with running, you've just bit off a lot more than you can chew. Oh, boy. You guys are in for some shit. Do you want to start with your overheard? Okay. Mine is I overheard

my roommate in the Airbnb that I'm staying at. Hello. I don't know if you remember saying this, but on the first night we got here, I went right to bed, and you turned on the TV,

and I just overheard you from the other room say, there is a certain type of face that you see on American TV that's just like all pudge. It is true. Right? Like sometimes it'll just cut to, like a sheriff, and you're

like, what? Where's his face? It's like somebody just molded his face before they turned the camera on. Oh, yeah. I mean, sure, we've got some pudge faces in Canada. Sure. Sure. Oh, you know what? We're not so unpudgy.

That's true. Maybe I gotta look at the man in the mirror before I rescue those kids. Well, yeah. If that couple would stop playing that game. I wish there was a part in that game where you could act out all the songs. Like, you look in a mirror, you, you know,

don't father Billy Jean's child. Yeah, you keep it in the closet. You rock with me. You're bad. Now do you have an overheard? I do. It was from the line up to go to the top of the tower. There was a couple

really into each other. And at one point the girl takes out her earbuds and she's like, I'm going to listen to that song. I guess they understood what song they were talking about. I'm going to listen to that song so I can get pumped up.

I don't know what she thought was going to happen up on the top. I think she thought it was going to be like Mission Impossible like on the outside of the building. So she's like, I'm going to listen to that song to get pumped up. And the guy goes, I'm already pumped up. I'm pumped up to wait for an hour.

Yeah. So there. Let's talk. Hello. Do you ever listen to music to pump you up? Like for what occasion? Like, I know some comedians will be wearing headphones

before they go on stage. Yeah, backstage I put on Eminem and Spaghetti Spaghetti. And then I go out and I do my patented, in-your-face you're-a-bunch-of-cucks comedy. In Canada, cucks is short for Canucks pretty good do you ever pump yourself when I was in college the guy

in the room next to me before he took a test he would always listen to Rage Against the Machine. Oh, wow. Because it really helps you engineer. Yeah. My dad, when he was in university... Are you my dad? My dad, I want to say. He had a roommate that listened to the same song every morning, and it was... Every morning.

Yeah. Bob, my dad's younger than I am. Is that how that works? Oh, my dad's younger than I am. Is that how that works? Oh, your dad's so strict. He's always like, shut the door, baby. Don't say a word. All right. All right.

Do we want to move on to overheards from the audience? Oh, yeah. Okay. So. Okay. Where is this? There should be a rover. A man, well, he's not going to rove.

You come to him. You go to this fellow. People, you can stand up, you can line up, you can go one at a time. I don't know, I'm not in charge. Alright. Look at everyone. Hello. Holy moly. If you stacked all these people up,

they would be as tall as the Sears Tower. They would be as tall as one giraffe. Because of the length of this lineup, you can all do an overheard, but we can't promise we'll say something funny afterwards. Yeah. What's your name? My name is Ben.

Hey, Ben. Hello. This one I heard a few months ago, and it has haunted me ever since because I still don't know the answer. I was just walking down the street and there were three guys behind me and I overheard one of them say, if I'm not supposed to pee in the shower, where do I go if somebody pees on me?

That has perplexed me ever since. You go to the hospital. Question answered. You tell an adult. Ben, everybody. I have a beer. Ben, everybody. Hi. I have a beer. Okay. For Graham.

Oh, that's for me? Yeah. How did you know I loved Schlitz beer? Well, I could see it. Oh, bless your heart. What's your name? My name's Kristen. We're the eight-monthers.

Hey, eight-monthers. Oh, hey, according to the Surgeon General, women should not drink this alcohol during pregnancy. What? Yeah. Know what I'm working on right now? About eight months? I got this on the train last time I was in Chicago. I'm from Springfield.

This guy sat behind us, and I was typing everything he said, and this is for you guys I but this is all he said he said I used to be involved in the nightclub scene I did a lot of cocaine and then he said I'd go on vacation I'm into younger women and then he said her new boyfriend walks around with his ding-a-ling out and wants to play patty cake with me. And then he said, I used to date this beautiful woman from Africa who was filthy, filthy, filthy rich. And this is the last one. And she says, he said, I'm going to kill him.

No ifs, ands, or buts about it. I will kill him at the police station. Oh, bold move. Kristen, everybody. She's playing patty cake with your ding-a-ling out. Yeah, it's been a long time since I've done that. Patty cake, patty cake. Baker's man.

Bake me a cake as fast as you can. Knead it and roll it and mark it with the D. Mark it with your D? Yeah, mark it with your D. Put it in the oven for ding-a-ling in me. I always would sing that. You would always sing it? I have this disease.

To hype yourself up. Yeah, for every cake. But I would do it with a pie. It only occurred to me, like, why would you mark a cake? Yeah. Anyway. Oh, fair enough. Hello. Hello. Hello. You there in the shawl. Yes, hi. Hi. Hi. What's your name? Sophie.

Hi, Sophie. Hi. So I was crossing the border at Detroit-Windsor. That's a northern one, right? You've got to go north. Was that the Ambassador Bridge? I was asleep. I don't know. Oh, I wish that I could sleep through border crossing.

Oh, boy. I can't even sleep at that border crossing TV show. But I wasn't asleep for this part because they got us off the bus to go to security. And the border guard was like, do you have any alcohol or cigarettes? And I was like, yeah, I have like half a pack of cigarettes. And he's like, how nice for you. And then he took them,

which I don't think they're supposed to do, but I didn't want to object. Yeah. They live by their own rules, these border guards. And then I'm walking out of the border station and I just hear the guy loudly go to his friend and go, menthols. Oh!

I think you were jumped into a gang. Sophie, everybody. I've never been a smoker. But menthols, they make you smell wonderful and minty, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Better than chewing gum. I, uh, what was I, oh yeah, I was telling you this story when we were crossing the border, about crossing the border with my friend Ben, who was like, they took his journal and they were flipping through it, real suspicious.

What's this? He goes, it's a journal. The guy goes, yeah, what are you doing down in the States? I just want to go see it. So you're on, like, some kind of dream quest? It says here you're on some kind of dream quest. I used to have a Sega dream quest. You there.

Yes, how's it going, guys? Hi, what's your name? My name is Patrick. Hey, Patrick. Hello. So I haven't overdreamt. I was very excited about... Does anyone else have an overdreamt?

No, exactly. Good. So last night, I guess I was a little excited about coming down, and I dreamt that we had started The Stop Skateboarding Yourself School What? I would never, it's not a crime Graham you were a doctor

Of ollies and kickflips I went to school god damn it It's an honorary thing From Temple Dave you were a doctor of grabs and grinds Oh cool That seems right up your alley Damn it. It's an honorary thing. From Temple. Dave, you were a doctor of grabs and grinds. Oh, cool. That seems right up your alley.

Oh, totally. Yeah. We were the number one school until the Flying Tomato and the Birdman, you know. Oh, God damn it. Tony Hawk and the Sean White started their own school and ruined it for us. How did you have such a sensical dream? Yeah. Shouldn't it be like, you know, Cloris Leachman and

your landlord? Cloris Leachman and your landlord. Wake up, it was all a dream. Oh no! It was so great, Cloris Leachman was there. You were there, you point to your landlord who's in your room. Patrick, everybody.

The dream warrior. The dream questor. Yeah, dream questor. Hello. Hi, my name is Spencer. Can I call you Spence? No, I prefer Spencer. Okay, yeah. Can I call you Sir? That's fine, I'll take that.

C-E-R? I was at the Taco Bell by Wrigley Field at 2 a.m. And yeah, hell yeah. And I heard this one girl and a group of girls turn to her friends and say, let's go around the circle and say our favorite thing about lace. Sir, everybody! What's your favorite thing about lace? You know what my favorite thing about lace is?

That when Gwyneth Paltrow was on the cover of that magazine and she was wearing a piece of lace across her face and the title was like, age is just a number. But they were like, hey, put this lace on your face. My favorite thing about lace is from the original series, Full House,

when someone was asking Jesse how he keeps all his girlfriends straight. He's like, well, Heather wore leather, leather Heather, and Tracy wore lace, so Lacey Tracy. But there's no way! You, like, what does Graham wear? Graham wears... Sparkly teddy bear. Yeah, so Lacey Tracy. But there's no way! You, like, what does Graham wear? Graham wears...

Sparkly teddy bear. Yeah, so? So, Dave wears... So, Teddy Graham's Graham. There, easy. You're right. You're right, I'm dumb. Hello!

Hi, guys. I'm Adam. Adam wore cotton. Cotton Adam. Yeah. Hoodie goodie. Jean genie. Hi, Adam. Hi.

Shoes guy. You did it. I feel very objectified. So I was walking home, and this was about a year ago. I saw two teenagers A guy and a girl And she looked really sad And he just said to her

He's like You know I'm just trying to figure out This thing that they call life Sounds like a dream quest Yeah That's a real deep team Adam everybody

Adam Was it Adam? I couldn't remember Because it didn't rhyme With any of his clothes. Just trying to figure out this thing. Does anyone have it figured out? Oh, yeah?

The people in the opera boxes do. Yeah, what's the meaning of it? Oh, they just have a follow-up. Oh, well. Maybe that's the meaning of life. Don't have a follow-up, man. Just go with the flow, all right? And flow.

If you see a bunch of teens sitting on a floor, sit on that floor. Yeah. Children will leave the room. I'm Claire. Hi, Claire. Hi. So I have a bit of a kid say the darndest.

I was hanging out with a friend. We were just in the driveway in front of her house. And her son was up the street playing with the neighbor kids and her daughter walked out of the garage holding a baseball bat and so she said Lauren where are you going and she said to find the boys and her mom said

why do you have that baseball bat and she said in case I get mad yeah yeah obviously why do you have that baseball bat? And she said, in case I get mad. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

Obviously. Claire, everybody. Is it Claire? I don't know anyone whose name doesn't rhyme with their clothes. No, I see. Hair. Claire had hair. Yeah. That's a good point.

That was an easy one. Hi. Hi, I'm Tom You're the bomb I'm also available for freestyle raps So I was at a wake yesterday evening Okay It gets better And from behind me

I heard somebody say real casually Well, you know, how's all that going? And the guy next to him says, well, you know he had to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate this week. And that's when I found out I was standing in front of Mike Pence's parents. Oh!

Whoa. How's that going? Real awkward. I talked about Hamilton for a while after that, so. Ah, nice. It was very strange. Yeah, Mike Pence's parents, they're weird. Do you think they're really like he's rebelling against them by being the worst?

Yeah, maybe they're really nice. They were real sweethearts for the record. Like, they were nice. Oh, I'm glad you clarifiedarts for the record like they were nice oh I'm you might have clarified that for the record Mike no he okay so we can do he said he was the mom Tom hello hi my name ever yes yeah Trevor Trevor came to see us when we did a show in Victoria, British Columbia. I overheard a couple, a guy talking to his girlfriend, and he said, I should never do psychedelics. Well, maybe LSD.

It's not like I'm going into the army or anything. Oh, yeah. Was that like an urban legend that you couldn't have army fun? Oh, boy. If you had taken acid or something? Yeah, that's how everyone got out of going to Vietnam.

Sorry, I've done acid. Oh, okay. I have flat feet. I have so much LSD I have phones for. Oh, that's a Donald Trump reference. You know that guy who was just up here met Mike Pence's parents.

For the whole world's nerd, there's another guy over there. Hello! Hey guys! I'm Rachel. Hi Rachel. So I was at a Weird Al concert last summer, an outdoor venue sitting on blankets, and the girl behind us, over the course of 10 minutes,

managed to say these three things. Have you seen Milo and Otis? Do you know how many Milo and Otises they went through for that movie? None of them died. They just aged out. Oh. I guess and then I think my phone knows me too well because

it just keeps recommending Kate McKinnon blogs well Kate McKinnon and surfing and then rock stars are the closest thing that we have to Genghis Khan I mean they do what they do yeah

it's true I've just felt that rockstars are our Genghis Khan they kept the what did he fight Mongolians I know less about Genghis Khan than whoever was talking about Genghis Khan but he's like a rockstar

wears a lot of scarves yes hello about Genghis Khan than whoever was talking about Genghis Khan. But he's like a rock star. Wears a lot of scarves. Yes. Hello. Hello. Hi, guys. Are you the last one or is there one behind you? Oh, hello.

Height differential. Hi, what's your name? Andrew. Andrew? Yep. Okay. Hi. So I was helping out at a garage sale, my mother-in-law's garage sale,

and she had like a three-foot tall cross-stitch picture of like a parakeet or a tropical bird. And there's a couple walking past, and the woman grabs the man and says, oh, this would be perfect for my bird room if it was finished. Oh, boy. Andrew, everybody. How do you know when a bird room is finished? Oh, boy. I mean, when I think about my bird room at home, it's just got birds in it.

It doesn't have any decoration. A lot of shit on the floor. Oh, boy, yeah. A lot of dead birds on the floor. Yeah. Oh, boy, you don't take care of them very well. That one toucan seems to be dominating. I just want the most dominant bird.

Follow your nose. Last overheard. Hello. Of 2017. I'm Christy. Hi, Christy. And this one I heard this morning while waiting to get in here, so this person is here.

Oh, I purposely didn't say when I heard. And he said to his companion, my hot cousin just got divorced. Whoa! That means she's on the market. Yeah. Nice. Christy, everybody.

Christy, everybody. Hot cousin. Check it and see. Even though she is related to me. Come on, baby. I am good at the spoofs. Well, that does bring us to the end of this here podcast. Oh.

Oh, I know, but it had to end sometime. And there's going to be a great, what is the thing called that's on here? Mishmash? Oh, yeah. There's going to be a big mishmash coming up at 6. 6 o'clock. We're going to get all the Max Fun Mishmashers out here. We're going to do a big mishmash.

And we'll be around. You know, like a podcast mishmash. Yeah we'll be around. Like a podcast mishmash. Yeah. We'll be around if you want to say hello. Thanks to all of you. Thanks to the staff. Thanks to Maximum Fun for having us out here tonight. Everyone's doing a great job.

This is so much fun. Thank you. Yeah, you guys really made this. This is a day I think was kind of an experiment, and it really seems like it's worked out pretty nice. Should have gone out on the applause. No, no, good night!