Stop Podcasting Yourself - Bonus Episode - LIVE from Victoria with Sean Proudlove

Episode Date: March 9, 2017

Recorded live at Alix Goolden Hall in Victoria on October 22nd, 2016 with guest Sean Proudlove.

Hi, everybody. This is Dave. We have a bonus episode that we recorded for you live in Victoria, British Columbia last fall. But before we get to that, I wanted to let you know that the MaxFunDrive is coming up and we're working hard on putting together some of the best episodes of the year. Tune in during the drive to catch these extra awesome episodes and hear about the exclusive thank you gifts. catch these extra awesome episodes and hear about the exclusive thank you gifts. There's some pretty cool enamel pins and other stuff that we have for upgrading and new members. Plus, it's your chance to show your support for Stop Podcasting Yourself and help us reach our highest goal ever, 10,000 new and upgrading MaxFun members. The 2017 MaxFun Drive kicks off on March 20th. That's not this coming Monday, but the Monday after, and runs for just two weeks. Visit MaximumFund.org for details, and do not miss it. Now, on with this show. Hi, he's Dave Shumka.

And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hi, everybody. Hello, hi, welcome. Thanks, everybody, for coming. Yes, welcome! We were told just before the show started that we're not allowed to have alcohol on stage,

so that is definitely not what these coffee cups are. Yeah. We decided we need, uh... What is that? Chamomile Jasmine. Oh, I was looking for, we're having a girl, so I'm wondering, I'm looking for some baby names. Chamomile Jasmine. Yeah. Chai.

Ooh, Chai. She sounds like somebody would skip. Chai. Things are gonna get easier. Who sings that? Me now. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Welcome.

This is such a treat to be in, you know, in front of where the Phantom would hang out. This is something else. By applause, how many people have been in this venue before? Yeah. It's very cool. I don't know what it used to be. It used to be something else.

It looks like it was probably a church. What? Yeah. That's not what I was thinking. Is it still a church? Oh, good, because we're going to get nasty. Yeah, yeah. That's true. Did you guys hear that we we won canada's nastiest podcast spike tv presents canada's nastiest podcast

um now there's people that have come from quite far afield i mean mean, we came from far afield. We came over on the ferry. Very far afield. But there's people here. There's some people that came from Chicago. Amazing. You Chicago? How was the trip? Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Was that, is that a straight flight? Chicago to Victoria? Yeah. In and out, same day? Yeah. You getting the 11 o'clock tonight? Well, thank you for coming. Yeah, that's amazing.

Are you going to spend the whole weekend here, or are you right back to Chicago? Monday morning. So tomorrow you can get saltwater taffy. You can see a horse downtown. What else can you do? In Victoria? Yeah, yeah

Oh, they're putting a big Canadian tire in a hillside mall Oh You're from Chicago You've probably never been to a Canadian tire before Have you been to a Canadian tire? I heard it's the biggest in Canada It's not open yet, but, you know Yeah

You get the idea Canadian tire What would be the equivalent to Canadian Tire in the States? Oof. There isn't one. No. No. Do you wait until... Where do you get...

What's the rubberiest smelling building in your city? What can you buy at one trip to Canadian Tire? You can get a tent. Yeah. You can get get a tent. Yeah. You can get your car fixed. Yeah. Or not, in the case of the two cars that I brought there. You can get Christmas decorations.

Sure. Hockey gear. Yeah. You can get baseball gear. You can get a set of golf clubs, probably. The one I go to, you can get a key cut. Whoa. You go, you type in the thing you want into a computer,

and it tells you what aisle to go to. Oh, bananas. And they're like, not yet, but someday. Oh, lordy. We took the ferry over here this morning. We didn't fly like a Tamara Taggart. I don't know if she would fly. You get that reference?

You get that? Chicago man? I've actually seen her on the ferry. I don't know why I singled her out as somebody who would take the plane. This is Hudson Mack country we're in. Oh, absolutely we're in Hudson Mack country. Here's the thing about Hudson Mack. Guy from Chicago, take a time out.

Hudson Mack, he's a guy, he's gone naturally bald over the years. Sam's got a little bug of guys who've gone naturally bald. He's entranced with it. How am I going to do it? When am I going to start trimming? one... James got a little bug of guys who got naturally bald. Yeah. He's entranced with it. Yeah. How am I going to do it? When am I going to start trimming? Yeah, so this guy, for one of those cancer fundraisers, shaved it completely

off, and he looked amazing. He looked like a Jason Statham's uncle that showed Jason a thing or two and then he let it grow back and I think it's too bad so if anybody here knows

somebody who knows him pass along that we all are any Mac family yeah Hudson what about that for a name for your daughter good name for a dog yeah lab yeah you could shorten it to Huddy or Sonny What about that for a name for your daughter? Oh, yeah, sure. Ooh, a good name for a dog, too. Yeah. Like a big lab. Yeah.

You could shorten it to Huddy. Or Sonny. These are the two things you could shorten Hudson to. Where else did people come from? Chicago? Somebody else came from far away as well. Springfield? Springfield, which one?

The Simpsons one? Illinois? That's Chicago. Yeah. Were you on the same? Hmm. Well, welcome. Welcome to Victoria.

I think you could go to Miniature World. That's for sure a thing. Is that still here? Yeah, of course. What? There's always room for miniature world. No city can get so big. There's the bug

zoo. Is that still here? Is there the underwater thing? No. What about wax world? No. That's sad. When a wax museum goes under, because what happens? Does one department store end up with really crazy

looking mannequins? Hitler in bras. Queen Victoria. Husky. But on our way over here, we took the ferry over and we passed by. They've got this crazy giant mall that they're building in Tawasin. You guys, you've got to see it. It's so fucking big.

It's not finished yet, but we saw a place on the way over that's a bass pro shop yeah you gotta and then right next to it was a restaurant that i can't figure it out it's obviously a chain it was called uncle bucks but it wasn't affiliated with John Candy. Not John Candy. And Dave rightly pointed out, if it was, the key thing on the menu would be Giant Pancake. Absolutely.

It was called Uncle Bucks something fishbowl. Yes. Do you know what this is? What is it? Because the logo is it's a restaurant slash bowling alley. But also there's a woman in a fishbowl.

There's two logos. One is presumably Uncle Buck. The other is a woman, maybe she's a mermaid, immersed half climbing out of a fishbowl. Out of a fishbowl that you would put a goldfish in, not a woman. Yeah. Immersed half like climbing out of a fishbowl. Out of a fishbowl that you would put a goldfish in, not a woman. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. And the fishbowl

is knocking over a pin. Exactly. So the mind races. Because you couldn't roll it down the alley. It's got a hole in it for her to climb out. So water would be splashing everywhere. And it's got a lady in it.

Hey, why are you sending her down the alley? Buy her a bath something. I don't know what I'm saying. Listen, have you been to this place? No. Okay. I don't think anybody has, but it's a chain. Oh, so you looked it up.

I looked it up. It's a chain. Oh, so you looked it up. I looked it up. It's a chain. It's all over North America. And the picture was, the big thing in the ad was that you could bowl. They had a bowling lane that was underneath an aquarium. And also, there's a restaurant. So it was like a kid was granted a wish yeah like you ever you did you ever have like a project where you had to draw your dream house

oh yeah yeah would it have mine was all water slides yeah water slides um a fireman pole, trampoline. I had a room that was a trampoline room. No kitchen. No bathroom. For sure no bathroom. Just do it in the trampoline room. Nobody goes in there anymore anyway. Yeah.

Did you remember to put in bathrooms and kitchens and things no mine was yeah water slides no bowling alley like that even as a kid i was like boring even in a dream home not even one yeah my nixon yeah so nixon he was he installed that during his presidency not personally no that's why he got nothing done in the first six months He installed that during his presidency. Is that correct? That's why he got nothing done in the first six months. Just kind of sleeves rolled up. Nothing? I pulled 290 today, Pat.

That's his wife's name. Hey, Chicago. Springfield. Do you know what... Do you know each other, Illinoisians? No. But after the show, they waved at each other. That was a very nice moment.

If they can work it out, then why can't America get back on track, is what I say. If these two strangers can wave at each other across the room. Isn't he such a nasty guy? Vancouver, Canada's nastiest podcast. Has anyone, so how many of you are familiar with the podcast?

Yay. And how many of you have no idea what this is? All right. Yeah, it's very weird that you're here. And how many of you have no idea what this is? Ha ha! Right. Yeah, it's very weird that you're here. Hi, Sean! Ladies and gentlemen, our guest, Sean Proudlove. Proudlove.

Oh my goodness. So, for those of you who don't know the show, random people just walk on stage at any moment. No, it's just this. We'll sit for the rest of it. Yeah, absolutely. Do you want to play Get to Know Us? Sure, why not? Let's all have a seat. Get to know us. From me to you, God.

Sean, help yourself to any of our various ice cold teas. Yeah, so it's this. This is the show. This is the show. This is the show this is the show this is the show uh uh now sean we uh we we were we held the door at the beginning uh or we held the uh show time yeah uh because we heard you were uh running late and then uh graham was like i'll up. When you get here, just come on stage. And great. It's working great so far.

Now, Sean Proudlove, if you're a listener to the show, he's one of our beloved guests. Yes. Formerly living in Vancouver, currently living in Victoria, currently unable to speak.

And you are a driver of taxis. I am. Yeah, and you're on shift tonight. You're presumably not even supposed to be here. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I was supposed to be here 15 minutes ago. Yeah.

But I made it. Now, are you really? Did you drop somebody off at the ferry? Yeah. Which is the best ferry you can get. And you never get it unless you need to be somewhere in 15 minutes. Yeah, yeah. So Graham told me you texted him a picture of how fast you were going to get back here.

Yeah. I slowed down to take the picture. And what was that number? It was about 134. In a taxi, that's pretty fast. So if you're somebody that has the money to take a cab all the way out to the ferry, plane, right? Get one on one of those planes, I think. I picked up at Boston Pizza.

I didn't think I was going to the ferry. Oh, man. Now, you've been driving cab for how many years total? Six. Six? Yeah, I did it many years ago years ago swear i'd never do it again and yeah a lot of failure and then i'm doing it again yeah bleak 20 year period but yeah so six years six years and uh and what's new in cabs yeah technologically nothing it uh well we got the uh you can you can pay in a cab now, which is nice. That's about it.

You can pay in a cab? Yeah, you got the debit machine. Oh, yeah, the debit machine, yeah. That's as far as it'll advance. I remember when cab drivers got super pissed when you had a credit card, because then they'd have to call it into the office. We used to have to do the ka-chicka-chick. Really?

Yeah, they had to call it into the office. We used to have to do the... Really? Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. It was like explaining that to a kid that grew up with everything. Yeah. Just makes us sound like cave people. You used to have to put a thing through. Oh, yeah. Like a manual machine.

Have you ever done it recently? No, and if I did, I'd be like, give me that back. You're stealing my identity or something. When was the last time that somebody did that to you? I'd say in the last six months, I'm sure. What? Where? Just like, I don't know, someone coming to

the house to like, I don't know, fix something and they're like, oh, you're paying with a card? Okay. house to like I don't know fix something and oh you're paying with a card okay hand him a bag of money with a dollar sign um like I don't I don't uh write checks anymore I haven't written a check probably in in five or six years how you pay rent uh you know I just I'm working out in trade. What do you have?

Oh, uh... Well, you know, I feel like say you got a problem with somebody, I'll... No, no, no. The DJ. No, if you got a problem with somebody, I'll call 911 for you. If you're all panicky and stuff.

Oh, like a big problem? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll take care of that for you. And that's about it. You know, but I'm on call 24 hours a day. Sean, your thoughts on checks? I have one in my desk. Yeah, well, yeah.

It's for emergencies. Sure. When was the last time you wrote a check? Did you ever write funny things in the line? No, but I got one once that said arrogant asshole. Yeah. What? Yeah, it's a long story, but I was.

I'd like to hear this story. Arrogant asshole. So the person who wrote the check to you wrote arrogant asshole you wrote okay basically in a gist we had a gig it went poorly and I guess the guy didn't pay us because we were late to the gig right and yeah starting well but that, it's not starting well. But that time it was not my fault. And the guy refused to pay us, and I knew he wasn't going to pay us. So as we drove out of Kelowna, I called him to see if we'd get any money,

and he says, well, you guys were late. And I said, are you going to pay us? He goes, you guys were late. And I said, I'm going to stab you in the face. Arrogant. It was an idle prep. Anyways, said, I'm going to stab you in the face. Arrogant. It was an idle threat. Anyways, the guy's name was Woody. He owned the bar.

We had no intention. So I called the booker who booked the room and says, clean up your mess. And they said, we'll do it. And then I got a text an hour later. It says, Woody, the guy who I threatened, had a heart attack. What? hour later it says uh woody the guy who i threatened had a heart attack i guess i guess he was afraid he's gonna get stabbed in the face so we left and it was an idle threat i wasn't gonna do it no we were leaving town you didn't even have a knife i didn't even have a knife. I didn't even have a knife. I didn't know who Woody was. I never met him. But as it stood, they said they weren't going to pay me,

and because the idle threat worked before, I said, you best pay me or there's going to be a problem. And then they paid me, but when I got that check, it said in the memo, arrogant asshole. Okay. Yeah. Now, this seems like the exact thing Graham would call 9-1-1 for yeah absolutely could have saved me could have saved me you called me i called

hey graham it's woody yeah what up wood man i'm cashing in that favor yeah okay but i'm not paying rent this month you're the best you're the best. You're the best at describing problems to 911. When they say police, ambulance, or fire, you know the one. I was saying, like, one of the guys that I live with currently,

he was working for 911 and they let him go. And lots of times when a friend is let go from an organization, you can say, well, I'm never using that company ever again. But that's, you can really call my bluff on the old 9-1-1.

You love it. Yeah, I'm just going to call one of those a guy off of a pole that's put up an ad. Guitar lessons? Or cop? who's going to call one of those a guy off of a pole that's put up an ad. Yeah, guitar lessons. Or cop. Is that what you said? Yeah, yeah, it just says cop.

And then they've got a bunch of tabs. Yeah, call Kevin. Do you remember years and years ago we did a gig. We showed up and nobody showed up for the gig and then the guy was like, well, I guess the gig's not happening. And then he didn't want to pay us.

So we just stayed there until like closing. Do you remember that? No. It was in North Vancouver. This was the only thing that was memorable about it. We sat there for hours and finally the guy paid us. And then when we were walking out, the bartender, who was like just cleaning, I'm sure, the same glass all night, he was like, a lot of times people will come to the comedy show and laugh at the comedians.

But tonight, the comedians laughed at us. Do you remember that? I don't remember that. I've done many shows where there's no people. But the guy was, the guy, the way that he approached it was so funny because he was like, well, fellas, nobody showed up, so you know the routine. No pay for you.

But yeah, you said, I remember it was our friend Jamie set it up and you called him and said, we're not leaving until we get paid. Yeah, we sat there for hours, kept getting refills on our sodas. That poor waitress, she was caught in the middle of a war. She didn't start. Would you gentlemen like anything else? More

soda, please. Now, you're born and raised here in Victoria. Yep, branded, buttered. And Dave, you spent a good chunk of time here. Yeah, I went to the university here. So you guys both have insider Victoria knowledge. Yeah, tips. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's a hot Victoria tip? What genre? Oh, okay. Horror. Yeah. What's an undiscovered kind of gem in Victoria? Because it's a tourist city. Yeah, so people from out of town

yeah yeah what's a what's like a bar or restaurant or someplace that only the locals know about yeah blow up your spot yeah yeah yeah wow and I'll do it next because I haven't been here in 15 years it hasn't changed um oh buddy I got there's a whole. Yes, and it's going to be the worst thing ever. What? Why is it going to be the worst thing ever? Because they built it on a stretch where all the parking comes out onto a road that can handle 10 cars. These are taxi people problems. Yeah, they are.

They are. Exactly. Yeah. Getting stuck in traffic is actually good for the taxi, but yeah, it's going to be a nightmare. Yeah. It's not opened yet? October or November 2nd. Are you guys so excited?

Yeah. Oh, look at them. Yeah. Well, they should be glad they did it. Whole Foods, they have some nice things. Mostly expensive things, but once in a while you buy a fancy Oreo cookie there. Feel better about yourself. Oh, this is all organic filling.

Yeah, non-GMO. So you don't have a hot... For like a restaurant? I don't know. I don't know. We're just talking. I generally sleep till 4. Okay, so what's the best place

to get a breakfast sandwich at 5pm? Ooh, wow. Well, the best breakfast place in town is at Jam. Is that it? Jam? Oh, big lineup tomorrow. Yeah, but it's got enough seating for about 8. Yeah, that's how you do it. That's how you create artificial

demand. Jam, what's how you do it. That's how you create artificial demand. Yeah. Jam, what's so special about Jam? I've never been. Okay. All right. Yeah. It's true.

All right. All right. Well. Now. Nowhere. Now, you've been doing comedy here on the island For evers and evers There used to be a gig at a place called the Tally Ho

Do you guys know the Tally Ho? Graham threatened to have us stay there Yeah, yeah For memories It looks a lot better than it used to They cleaned it up It looks exactly the same but cleaner yeah yeah yeah so and like there used to be a horrible gig down on uh douglas street was

it douglas street anyways it was downstairs and it was only ever people from the navy were there yeah it's just like a bunch of people from the navy and you what? They don't want to hear a 23-year-old's jokes about a cat that he met. They don't care. I got banned from that room. Did you really? Yeah. Why? What did you do?

This is this as the undercurrent of this whole thing. That was the place. It was the Dominion Hotel. So it was like, I guess, where the Yates Street Pub. It was in the basement. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looked like a really fancy train car. It was modeled like an old-timey

train car. One that you would murder somebody on. Midnight or experience. I can't even say it. I went to a show, and I was making fun of the place, and the manager heard me, and she went, loose lips sink ships. And I'm like, during the war, maybe.

Was she in the Navy? No, but I guess maybe that was it. I didn't know it was Navy people. Well, needless to say, I wasn't invited back. Loose lips, sink ships

is about telling secrets, not about being quiet during a show. Or like badmouthing the decor. The comics do. We makeouthing the decor. The comics do. We make fun of the decor. The way it goes. Yeah, yeah.

And now there's a full-time club downtown. But I didn't know you could, like just not being invited back doesn't mean you're banned somewhere. In that case, I'm banned from half of my friends' houses. I asked to come back and they're like, no. Simple as that.

But that gig, the crazy thing about that gig was the show was downtown but the accommodations were way out in the old England Inn. And it was like an old inn that was like modeled after Shakespearean times. Is it still there? It is.

Oh, it's fucking insane. Has anybody ever been to it? It's insane that it's a hotel that people stay in. For the home listener, it's insane. It's insane. Keys to open the door. Oh. That's how insane.

And no telephones in the room, so if you pick somebody up, they had no way of getting them. But there would be TVs in the room. So we want to keep it relatively Shakespearean. But all the TVs would only show Shakespeare in love. Sure.

Or all the shows on TV just had men and women's farts. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. That is really good. Yeah, I know. Very good. Dave, that was really good. That was good and nice.

And I was picturing Sex and the City and it's all guys. Sure. And the guys, they're dating a guy. Maybe that bald guy is playing one of the girls and his part. Oh, that would be confusing. Do you guys know Sex and the City? It was very popular. On the mainland.

Oh yeah, that was something that we were talking about. There's a television station here that does all of their ads are in-house. Yeah. Check. And it's where I watch my Jeopardy. Yeah. And my Wheel of Fortune. It's where I learned about Dodds.

Yeah, Dodds Furniture. Furniture and Mattress. You won't be undersold. Yeah. And our friend Josh Stubbs, growing up, he thought that the catchphrase the guy would say, we won't be undersold. And he literally thought the catchphrase was, we won't be undersold. And he literally thought the catchphrase was, we won't be in the store.

We won't be in the store. All right. I remember when it changed from Todd's Furniture to... Todd's Furniture and Mattress. All the acoustics in here. I know. I could have been a great castrato. I've heard, and I think it's true,

that multiple places, including the hotel we're staying, and possibly this place, are haunted. Haunted, yes. And I think it's time we talk about it. Because it's the spookiest time of year, this building is called Alex Goulden Hall. Now here's my question about seeing a ghost. Always it's happening at night in the dark.

It's never in a boardroom where you're in a meeting and then you just see a stapler. You're like, wait a minute. That doesn't usually float. Why is it always at night? I guess freaks come out at night. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Has, by applause, anybody here been ghosted?

Yeah, seen a ghost? Yeah? Where was it, if you don't mind me asking? San Francisco? No, we're looking for local. Any local ghosts? Local spooks and scaries. Where was it. San Francisco? No, we're looking for local. Any local ghosts? Local spooks and scaries. Where was it in San Francisco?

Was it Alcatraz? What? All right. I don't know. Sounds like a friendly ghost. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you had said the Golden Gate Bridge, we would have been like,

ah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It was in the house Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the place... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was a ghost. It was a ghosty house. I'm not afraid of any ghost. What?

I also feel like we... Our rooms in the hotel are... We're on the second floor, and it's too much street noise. I think you need dead quiet for a ghost. Now, can I ask you this? When you were in your room too much um uh truffle fry smell that i might just be your room though i don't here's my question was your tv just changing the channel by itself the whole time you're in there okay well that's not a ghost Well, that's not a ghost, though. No. That's just, uh, that's

courtesy of the hotel, so you don't have, that's not a bad function. Yeah, yeah. Putting your TV on random. They didn't send anyone out to change the sheets. The sheets just flew off the bed. Yeah. And they said Zool. Yeah. Zool. I was like, knock it off.

Which hotel are you guys at? We don't want to disclose that. Let's just say that it's at the corner of Truffle and Fries. Wait, what are the most haunted hotels? Yeah, what's the most haunted hotel? Well, they're probably closed now. There's one down across from the spaghetti house that looks pretty haunted there.

Where someone was murdered. I want to ask the crowd, is there a place in Victoria called the spaghetti house? It's close enough. There's only one place that's got spaghetti in their name in this town. Yeah, not in Vancouver, though. Every other place.

And don't eat there, by the way. I picked up a kid that worked in the kitchen, and I assure you, you don't want to eat there anymore. Why? What goes on in the kitchen? He was a bit of a simpleton, and he was a nice kid, but he just said, he was. He was, and he just says he was happy to have the job.

He just said, there's so many cockroaches there. They're always there. And I'm like, he's not telling me. He's just telling me for a fact. Sure. There's cockroaches there. And I'm like, he's not telling me, he's just telling me for fact there's cockroaches there, and I'm like, good enough. Well, that's, in Vancouver we have mostly new spaghetti factories.

The old ones shut down, they open up new ones. So we're not worried about cockroaches as much. They're very, it's high tech. Yeah. They make laser spaghetti. Sean, ever seen anything spooky that you could never like, that you couldn't explain? Do you have one of those stories?

Well, when I was on acid a couple times. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. But yeah, not of sound mind, no. I don't have one either where it's a thing where I can definitively... Do you believe in it? I mean, you know, I don't know anything. So yeah, sure. You know what I mean?

I don't know anything to say one way or the other. But like I don't have a thing where, you know, like people will tell a story where they're like, I turned off the light and then I went out and I came back and the light was on. I would just be like, oh, I left the light on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I would always assume that it was me that did it. Yeah. Or I wouldn't remember.

Oh, did I leave the light on? Who knows? Yeah, but imagine how frustrating that is for the ghost. It's like, ah! Fucking flip it off, light switch it. This guy doesn't seem to care. and flip it on the light switch. This guy doesn't seem to care.

Well, when you go up steps and the light's off, do you kind of hurry? Oh, yeah. When I was a kid, the running up front, because the basement light only had the switch at the bottom of the stairs. So turning off that light and running up was the worst idea ever. Now I can't see anything.

Clonk, clonk, clonk. But yeah, that was always a very spooky. And you know what? Like if I watch a scary movie and then I go walking out at night. Yeah. Oh yeah, I get spooked out. Yeah, like I can't watch a scary movie by myself.

No? I'll watch it after the part that scares me and then I'll accidentally turn the channel. That's scary. What's the point? I don't want to die. Yeah. But why even watch the non-scary parts they're not good and well you know you because i'm a grown man i think i can handle it and i'm like nope yeah i i haven't seen a movie recently that like that was supposed to be scary that i thought was actually scary that somebody said

to watch the purge and it was the dumbest. That movie's the dumbest. I'm sorry if it's your favorite film. You're not familiar. The Purge is a movie about the one day a year where crime is legal. Yeah, and they get this. Okay, so the guy who's like the lead guy, he's like the head of an insurance company

that does all the security to against the purge and he's played by ethan hawk you're like what even hawk's not a security guy that's not good casting who would you have do it uh tommy lee jones oh yeah all right you're right you're right you're right but There's a scene like 12 minutes into the movie. This woman opens up a refrigerator. She's got two full bottles of ketchup in the refrigerator. I was like, what? This movie doesn't exist in my reality.

Maybe she went to Costco, but even then, keep one in the pantry. Yeah, absolutely. Just to show off to your guests. Mmm, pantry ketchup. Well, wait for the fridge one to run out. I mean, fridge real estate's valuable. Yeah, absolutely. Do you have any serving kind of container because you're

you're somebody you have a wife and a nice place do you have things that is a serving container for condiments because sometimes you'll go and some people they'll just take out their it's just the ketchup container it's not put in a nice dish or anything no yeah we have a fancy dish tell me yeah tell me about well because you're married and people give you stuff, you know? Okay, well, we will bring out the ketchup carafe for a small portion with your craft dinner. Ketchup isn't like a classy condiment. No, I know.

It's like it's I wonder if there are people who when they hear the wet fart noise of a ketchup bottle squeezing, they get like Pavlovian Like an erection you mean? Oh yeah, probably. Probably.

Oh by the way, we're opening for Pavlovian erection tonight. Pavlovian erection and the ketchup carafe? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. You know, like, people will have, like, a thing that they put gravy in or whatever? A boat?

A gravy boat. Yeah. Maybe. Instead of just, you just usually get gravy out of the bottle in the fridge. Exactly. Look, I buy my gravy in a box. It's like boxed wine that you press under and you get gravy out of the bottle in the fridge. Exactly. Look, I buy my gravy in a box. It's like boxed wine that you press under and you get gravy. It's very slow and gross.

I had gravy with my fries today on the ferry. Ooh, daddy. Yeah. Good for the old ticker. I did a thing that somebody I used to know worked at the ferry. Ooh, daddy. Yeah. Good for the old ticker. I did a thing that somebody I used to know who worked at the ferry said, like, always order something so that they have to make it right away.

Otherwise, it's just been sitting there all the live long day. So I made a thing and the lady was like, that sounds really nice. And I was like, yeah, I'm smart. It was a veggie burger with mushrooms on it. I know. Who would have thought?. It was a veggie burger with mushrooms on it. I know. Who would have thought? Mushrooms on a veggie burger? Well, we'll try it.

That cost extra. And on the ferry, there was maybe a school of Japanese students, all in their uniforms. And there was a guy a roaming photographer yeah taking pictures of them so this must have been like some big uh school trip or something or like somebody is conning them to make them think this is a good trip like you're on the fanciest boat in canada the titanic boats Canada. The Titanic of boats. Nobody describes things as the Titanic of... They should, though.

Boat of Titanic proportions. Pretty much better. The Cadillac of boats. Midway through the ferry ride, they made a big announcement. Only 20 burgers left. Did they? Yeah. They ran out of. Did they? Yeah. They ran out of burgers

mid-voyage. I'd say it was a half hour in. Yeah. A kid got up and ran. But you could tell that the guy who was making the announcement was like, just keep it cool, man. If you sound panicky, they're going to panic.

But then he also said, this is my favorite part of it, is where he goes, and then after we run out of the burgers, if you want a burger, you'll have to get a chicken or salmon. Like you just blanked. Wow. Or what? A bun? What was the other thing? Wow. And the Japanese students,

one of them had bought this touristy otter. Yeah, a stuffed otter. And then like a giant group of them had bags of all-dressed chips. Because they read the blogs. Yeah. They know what we're good for. Do you have any horror stories from being on the ferry?

Do you have a worst ever trip on the ferry? Are you banned from the ferry? Yeah. My favorite thing on the ferry is when an old person kind of loses it, gets in their car, and just starts driving it back and forth and hitting the cars in front of them. That happened a lot? That's happened.

I've seen it happen like four times. Really? On the ferry? Yeah, the first time I said something, now I just let it roll. So this is not my car. Yeah, that or people that can't find their car. That is another treat. Oh, my God.

I've seen some massive screaming matches. It'd be like, because they put the animals on there, on the wall, so you're supposed to remember. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like, it's an otter. They do whatever it is. They just get so mad at each other, and I just, I can't but help laugh.

It's quite enjoyable to see people freak out on the ferry. Do you think that's going to be, I guess that the self-driving cars, that's not going to clear any of that up. Like you're still going to have to remember Otter 7. Otter 7, that's exactly it. Well, they'll all look the same. I hadn't considered that. Would you get another self-driving Do you own the self-driving cars

or do they own themselves? Oh yeah. That's a very good question. Like is there a parking lot full of self-driving cars on the other side that you gotta... It's gonna be bad when they take your car away. Drives off. Guess I didn't pay for it. If you miss a payment, the car just drives off.

You don't own me. Vroom. Sad. I also, I'm so freaked out, like, can you sit in the driver's seat? Or is that, like, I'm imagining nothing in that seat. Well, it should be a toilet now. I also am so freaked out. Can you sit in the driver's seat? I'm imagining nothing in that seat. It should be a toilet now. Just people reading the newspaper on the way to work.

Here's a weird question about self-driving cars. Do people that own them, do you need to have a driver's license? You don't need to have a driver's license to own a car now. No, I know, but to get behind the non-wheel? I don't know, is there a wheel in a self-driving car? I have no idea. Well, they currently have wheels, or the ones that you can buy. Yeah, but who's that for?

Not the car. The car doesn't care. I don't know if they self-drive yet. I think they're equipped to eventually self-drive. Like one day you'll just be driving and you're like, I'm gonna go to... No, I guess not. We're taking you to the glue factory. I do like to think that

all humankind just becomes glue for the AI. When the cars take over. Because they're going to need a lot of glue for their collages. Here's where we went today. Now, here's another As a cab driver are you so afraid of

Self driving cars I'm terrified dude Yeah we're the same with self Podcasting Things As soon as they figure out the algorithm That's just two computers Just chatting

We're in big trouble. You're white. I'm white. What's that like? Have you seen that new O.J. Simpson movie? Which one? The documentary or the... Oh, we should write this program.

Can you believe they said the juice so often? David Schwimmer's hair is so big. Oh lordy. Have you seen that OJ Simpson thing? The documentary. No, I lived through the real thing. Yeah, that's true. Do you remember where you were when OJ Simpson thing? The documentary. No, I lived through the real thing. Yeah, that's true.

Do you remember where you were when they announced the verdict? Yes, celebrating at home. The juice is loose. I think I was at home, but I don't remember. I was at school, I remember, because they came on the intercom. Did they really? Yeah, they announced the verdict. Wow.

And I remember this one kid, clear as day, he had his binder full of papers, and he whipped it up at the room. And papers went everywhere. Wow. Oh, man, you could tell he was just waiting for a perfect moment. Oh, man. Get rid of these stupid notes. Well, I thought we all were going to do that.

We agreed, guys. Dave, do you remember where you were? During the verdict? Yeah. No. Did you watch the chase? Yeah. What was it?

Was that in the evening time? It was like a Friday evening. Yeah, yeah. Maybe June. It was a? It was like a Friday evening. Yeah, yeah. Maybe June. It was a warm night. I don't know. Shorts were worn. Yeah, yeah.

I remember where I was when Princess Diana got in the big accident. My friend and I were just about to watch Leprechaun, I think, 3. We were literally putting the movie in, and then his dad came in. He's like, turn it to the CNN. And then we just sat there for hours like, Leprechaun. It was still, like, sitting in the tray just staring at us. Like, we didn't even get to put it into the thing.

I remember it was I went to like one of the three parties I went to in high school. As I went out, my mom was like, did you hear Princess Diana was in a serious car accident?

And then when I got home, she was crying. Oh, really? There was no... Geez, mom, you didn't know her. You just bought a coffee mug with her face on it.

Did she really have a mug with the... The two of them, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah didn't know her. You just bought a coffee mug with her face on it. Did she really have a mug with the... The two of them, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a... Dodie and Princess Di. She's Bob. Dodie. Yeah.

That's what you'd serve ketchup to people when they come over. In our nice Princess Di and Dodie carafe. Sean, you remember where you were. I was at home celebrating. I was at the audience when I had a chance. I'm celebrating.

I remember walking in and our old roommate just said she was in an accident. I'm like, alright. That's all I need to know. Fair enough. Back upstairs. How does this change Royal Ascension? How is this in... You didn't ask that. Nope.

Little. That place that we lived at, that you lived with... That was kind of haunted. Yeah. Oh, man. That place was super spooky, and the owner... Where was this? This was up on Yeah. Oh, man. That place was super spooky. And the owner.

Where was this? This was up on Fraser. Oh, yeah. And. The one where your landlord ate a possum. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. A possum that drowned in a barrel. In a rain barrel. Yeah. A rain barrel. It's the tenderest way to eat them. I mean, he made it into jerky. Yeah.

But he also, he, I think we talked about it maybe the last time Sean was on, that he used to bury these oil barrels in his front yard. Yeah. He would have these oil barrels filled with who knows what, maybe oil, and then he would just bury them in these ditches in his front yard, and then at one point he poisoned the hedge so that it went ghostly white. He was a weird dude. I never saw him.

What was haunted about it? About our house? There was always kind of like creaks and... Right? You'd hear things and nobody would be there. Yeah, yeah. It was like a weird like when they when we moved out and then the owners sold it,

they demoed everything but the front steps. It was like we got to get rid of. Keep these front steps though. Yeah. I think they were serviceable concrete steps. And we left that place as is and it looked very ghostly because you went to get mail. I went back to go get mail i went to go i went back to go get mail and the first of all rats might have moved in the day we left it was just like in you

know in the muppet steak manhattan there's like a scene where the mice are like running there the rats are running their own restaurant and like the rats like skating around on a pat of butter that's what it was like like when I walked in, the rats were like, what? You're back? We were just crashing until you came back, man. We'll get our stuff. It's cool.

And the bathtub, we always thought the bathtub eventually would crash into the basement, and it had after we left. It was fully like the Titanic, sunk down into the floor. I got my mail, though. Pretty good.

How many places have you lived in Vancouver, Graham? I think I'm on my 11th. Can you rank them? Oh, boy. I ranked them while I was living there. You mean the five worst? Five worst? Three worst.

Three worst. Three worst. Top three worst places I lived in. Coming in hot. And everyone will get around to all your top three as well. Coming in hot at number three. The place I live in now. It is a fucking dump. And the landlord is the worst person I've ever come across.

She's tried to evict us three times, failed on all three accounts. Not that hard to evict somebody from the place you own. She can't even do that right. We moved in. There were rats there day one. She's like, well, you must have brought them with you. Oh, that's right. I forgot that I'm a rat trainer.

Exactly. You're right. My bad. Number two. Coming in at number two. The apartment that I lived with a gentleman that I went to film school with. His name was Dale. We lived in this apartment.

We moved in. And I didn't know this apartment we moved in and we all i didn't know this until we like moved in the day we moved in the uh wife that lived upstairs was coming home from the hospital with a brand new baby the door like the walls were like paper baby screaming all night first year i was up all night walking around around. Ladies always have those first year jitters. They want to make a good impression. That's why they cry so much. And then I would say number one was the place that I first moved into

with this group of people I still live with that I was there for one month. In that month, we got evicted. The place flooded completely and ruined my bed. I had to throw out my bed, so I just didn't have a bed. And you know what? When you don't have a bed and you're just, like, sleeping on a pile of your clothes, it doesn't feel good. And the bathroom door, somebody kicked a hole in the door,

so somebody just put a poster of Johnny Depp over the hole. Privacy. So there you go. Top three worst places. Wow, those were good. You may win our big prize today. Sean, your worst place? You don't have to do three.

I live in a place, and they wanted me out, but my waterbed, the heater broke, so I slept on a waterbed that had no heat for a long time. So you just slept on, like, a cold water bag? The coldest. Why did you own a waterbed? Were you a sexy guy? How old were you?

I inherited it from my parents. Oh, nice. Yikes. Yeah. But if I didn't, I would also have been sleeping on my clothes like Graham. So you have no bed. A waterbed is better than no bed. Dave, worst place you ever lived in?

I've lived in fine places. I'm fancy. You're a fancy lad. Speaking of fancy, I didn't bring this up. You're wearing a sequined shirt today? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Yeah.

I bought it at a thrift store for a dollar. And, you know, it was some old lady's fancy New Year's Eve going out garment. I bought it at a thrift store for a dollar. And, you know, it was some old lady's fancy New Year's Eve going out garment. Does it have a tag in it? Is it like a little shirt? Yeah, yeah. I'm not sure what the tag reads. But it's like it's very stiff.

So much hair. Yeah, I know. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, come on. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, come on. Get in there. The brand is Tradition. Share it with your friends.

And your patch is attached with... Oh, yeah. I have a patch on the back of my vest that's Larry David. You're flying gang colors?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not afraid. When we were coming over, I remember this story from the first time I ever did that crazy comedy club. It was the train looking room. I was here with a guy called Vic Lepucci. And he was this, he was kind of like Dane Cook kind of guy. And he was like, but he was such a professional. He'd hand out his card after he had an email list and all this stuff.

But after the first show, we went to this place that's called like Captain John's or something like that. It's like got a train that goes around. What is that's called like captain john's or something like that it's like got a train that goes around what is that called big bag john's yeah yeah yeah so i didn't know we were there we were drinking and i didn't know people were eating peanuts and throwing them on the floor oh and you're allergic yeah so it's just creating this fucking crazy cloud of peanut dust was just hanging in the air and vick was like he was really you know chatting up this lady and i was sitting there in the corner it was just getting like more and more sick like but i didn't know what was going on like i was like did i drink something

weird and like at one point vick was like hey yeah do you want to go? And I guess my eyes had swollen shut. And I was like, we should go. But I swear it wasn't until we were walking out that I was like, we're on the floor. Oh, lordy. Now, Sean, every time you come on our show You always regale us With a tale of taxi driverhood Yeah

I'm wondering If there's a fresh one And Where were you when you heard Lisa Left Eye Lopez died At home celebrating I was And where were you when you heard Lisa Left Eye Lopez died? Oh! At home celebrating. I was... Whoa, whoa.

There's a scrub over here. I can remember that. I just heard that when you said it. Oh, no! I'm heartbroken. Yeah. Yeah. broken.

Yeah. The only story that I don't think I've told is pretty dirty. All right. We're in what used to be a church, so I don't see why not. And just for

correction, I should say the worst place I lived in is I slept in my car for a month. What kind of car? A Toyota Celica. Oh. Well, that's not too bad. Reliable. Let's just say this.

Breakfast in bed is not as fancy when you live in your car. Yeah. And it drives through. This happened when I first drove cab. So I was like, oh, 23 years old.

So you drove, oh yeah, you drove cab. Yeah. I remember from before you drove cab and then you stopped and now you're back.

Yeah. I pursued comedy and now I'm back. It's full circle. Yeah. Do you think you'll ever pursue comedy again? No.

No. No, I think it's done. But, this was the only time I hooked up in a taxi.

Oh, this is dirty. It's pretty dirty. This is straight up taxi. Yeah. This is not going to come out well for me. Yeah, I can vividly remember it. I was driving., I vividly remember it. I was driving,

it was four, four in the morning. I had to have my car back at five and I drove down Cook Street by the Max, just not far from here. And a girl waved me down and I picked her up

and she said, do you want to come over for a cup of coffee? Oh, yeah. Yeah, four in the morning. Yeah, four in the morning. Yeah, four in the morning. I didn't drink coffee. And I'm like, sure.

You're like, no thanks. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. I'm good. Decaffeinated? And I said, because I looked at the time, I'm not going to be able to do that and have my cab back on time. So I said, do you mind if we drop the cab off and have that cup of coffee?

She was like, sure. So we went to the Mohawk just over here, and I went to fill up, and she went to the washroom, and I don't know what the fuck was going on, but it took her 15 minutes to come out of the washroom, and I'm like, this isn't good. Yeah, this isn't a good scenario. The heater was running.

I didn't know what was going on, so she got in. Always when that happens in a movie, somebody goes to a gas station bathroom. They're dyeing their hair because they've just done a crime. Yeah. You know, shaving off their beards. I've been in that bathroom. Nobody should be in there for 15 minutes. It's not.

It might be a record. But I was fine. So she came out. We drove. I dropped off the cab. And we made out at some light and like that. I'm like, this is going to be better than coffee. We get back to

her place and we go up. And when we get there, she's like, I'm going to have to move my kids. I'm like, she goes, the girl will wake up. So I'm going to move the boy. I'm like, she goes, the girl will wake up. So I'm going to move the boy.

I'm like, alright, I don't care. I did. I did. She's testing it to see if you're dead. I do not care. I didn't. I should have. Because we went up the stairs

and I see the girl's thing and I guess the big bed in her master bedroom, but the boy is on a car bed. So she picks up the kid, lifts him, takes him over to the other bed and she's like, get in that bed and get naked. I'm like, alright.

Okay. Which I did. Then she went to the washroom and proceeded to stand there for another 15 minutes. And I'm all ready. I'm 23 years old. Let's just say I am ready to go. I'm lying there, full erection in the car bed. Yeah, we got it.

I like, I like. It's the only time. He's like, let's just say I was ready to go. Anyways, an erection is what I meant. A raging heart erection is what I meant. You need an erection for sex. I am 48 now, and I cannot say that. You are not.

I'm reliving... You look great. Thank you. So I'm lying there. Waiting. Anticipating. And who strolls on in? What?

But a sleepy boy that's missing his car bed. I don't think he... Sorry. Oh, boy. Now, half the audience here probably has never had an erection. But when it...

This is a podcast. It goes down. It's 75%. It should be like a feather. But when a little boy uses your leg as a pillow. Oh, no. It went full reverse as fast as it could. I didn't know what to do.

Other than sit there petrified. Yeah, yeah. She strolled in and like, this always happens. I didn't know what to do other than sit there petrified. Yeah, yeah. She strolled in like, this always happens. Now this story should end here. But only you will hear it, none of the listeners abroad. She takes him back to the bed, and as a 23-year-old man, we start having sex. Let's just say, in the animal style.

What I meant was doggy. I got behind her because of my erection. That's all I liked. So my back is to the door. But that little tyke strolled on back in and proceeded to join us. Oh, good Lord. And I won't tell you what happened next. But let's just say as I drove home,

I threw a condom out my window. And I haven't told that story in 25 years. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That kid might be here tonight. I don't know. Here. Oh, Lord. That kid might be here tonight. I don't know. There he is, everybody.

Go, stand up. Right there. Yes. Yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah. I'm not proud. We are recording this to release it.

You know that. Exactly. You've got to have the secret tapes. Furthermore, when you said he was in a car bed i thought you said he was on a carpet that is also what i yes yeah no it was a car bed it's it's why i can't sleep in one today oh boy oh man uh well when i gotta top that we should move right into our uh last segment of the, a little segment we call Overheards. Overheards.

Good acoustics in here. Yeah. Now, if you are one of the few people who was dragged along to the podcast this evening, don't know what this is, it's us sharing. Woo! Can't wait till it's over.

Overheards is just like what it sounds. Hilarious things that we have overheard. We share them here on the podcast. We always like to start with the guest. And I know. And I, because I just relived a horror story, have forgotten my overhead. Oh, fair enough. We'll come back to me in a second.

We'll start over there with Dave. Mine is just a quickie. And we're going to do ours. Did we say that we'll invite the guest? Oh, that's what this microphone that's been sitting here may be blocking a couple of yours view the whole night. But it's going to be worth it now. sitting here, maybe blocking a couple of yours view the whole night, but it's going to be worth it now.

If people in the audience are brave enough, they want to come up, share their overheards, that's what the microphone is for. And Dave, go ahead. As we were walking to our car on the ferry today, I overheard, just walking down

the stairs, a guy say to a woman, because you're wearing so many scarves. And she said, I'm wearing one scarf. I have one scarf on. How many times do you think Steven Tyler says that on tour? I have one scarf on my microphone. I'm not the scarf guy. I'm the lead singer of Aerosmith.

But you know, women look like they'd be wearing so many scarves. Yeah, it's true. Especially them infinity scarves. Just, oh, so much fun. Graham? Yeah. My overhead is courtesy of being on the bus. Now here's

just to set the scene. There was these two young ladies, real heavy metal ladies. They wanted you to know they had the patches on the jacket that weren't hilarious. Real angry patches, you know? Angry patch. What's on an angry patch? You know what I mean? Just little claws yeah yeah society but society's all crumbly crumble font on the bus these people yeah yeah yeah two of them but they were trying to be i guess their their thing was to talk and just swear there's so much swearing which is fine

there was no kids on the bus so it was fine they could swear and we just all had to listen to it and kind of be like we get you're so punk you know um but they were talking this one girl she was preoccupied with a boy that she had been texting back and forth and he wasn't writing back. She wanted him to come out, uh, that evening and he wasn't committing. And, uh, her friend said to her,

okay, we'll text back, tell, call him, call him a pussy. And, uh, so she did.

And I was like, well, just hand the phone over to her and let her don't make us all be accomplices. Come on. Just, you know, yeah. Don't make us all be accomplices. Come on, Cyrano. Yeah.

Yeah, call him a pussy. Yeah. It was. It was shitty Cyrano to be attracted. Because the next thing she said, he just wrote back, he just wrote back, he just wrote back a question mark. And then the girl said, you should write, are you man enough to fuck me? I was like, what? You escalate.

That wasn't even, we're going to invite him to a party or a show or something. And then, no, he didn't write back. He didn't write back. What? No, he's not man enough. No. You call people out. For sure she wasn't typing what her He didn't write back. No, he's not bad enough. You call people out. For sure she wasn't typing what her friend was saying to type.

Well, I think it would be really nice if you came to the party. Jessica's being crazy again on the bus. Please come to the party. I don't want to spend the whole night with her. Did any of that jog your memory? It did, but what I'm willing to do is I will phone mine in later because I wrote it down and I literally cannot remember.

Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it at all. Yeah, call us. Don't do us any favors. You don't have to call it in. You'll be collected. All right. Does anybody here want to come up to the stage,

share with us? Here we go. We have somebody, Brave Saul. Just come on up. Yeah, you can form a line. Form a line. Anybody wants to come on up? Hello.

Hi, Dave Graham and local guest. Hello. Long time fan. So what's your name? Tristan from Victoria. Yeah, I've met you before. Tristan, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fire away with your overheard. I will. I stole this from my wife. She was... Oh, wait, yeah. Fire away with your overheard. I will. I stole this from my wife. Oh, wait. What's the scariest place you've ever lived? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say on Hillside in a condo where the guy who lived next to us would just blast his TV on at 1 o'clock in the morning and then immediately fall asleep.

Weird. And then every night I'd have to go knock on his door and wake him up. Oh, okay. Oh, what weird. I would never do that. Do you know what? It's not rotational. You haven't met my wife.

That would be a good name for a horror movie, The Condo on Hillside. Fire away, Tristan, whenever you're ready. Alright, so my wife was at the dentist and she overheard a man asking at reception to have his tooth pulled because, and she quotes, I've got two girls up in Duncan who

haven't eaten in four ten days. Whoa. Heavy as the head. Yeah. That has to get a crown. Oh, Tristan, everybody. Yeah, Tristan, see. That's a sad, sad tale.

Hello. Hi. What is your name? My name's Eli. Hi, Eli. I wanted to say that I've actually only lived in one place my whole life, and it's relatively good. Okay. Did you know that Victoria is actually the satanic capital of Canada?

What? Yeah. The what capital? That's what my leader says. Sorry, what? Satanic. I thought you said fake tan. We're number six on that.

Satanic capital. Satanic. What do you mean? Practicing Satanists? I have a long history of regular practice of black magic and cultry. No kidding. Not the chocolates. And it's one of the biggest places that kind of had that cluster of history. Are you into that?

No, not really. Because it just seems you know a lot about it. Because I think it's funny since the avenue I live on which is on North Park right off of Quadra, there's about six separate churches all around us yet it's one of the biggest satanic capitals in Victoria. Sure, I mean. And as spooky things go, if you guys didn't know that, that's something to know

now. And we all and everybody else knows it and will never not know it and I gotta get out of town I think pretty quick. You're in a church. You should be fine. Yeah, but it's an old it's a decommissioned church. I don't know what kind of horrible music they play on these organs

after we leave. The water in the bathroom ain't holy. Yeah. Now you have an overheard? Yes, I do. It's just a short one, but when I was walking home from work, I had a family in front of me, and one of the kids goes, Dad, Dad, Dad.

This little boy goes, Dad, Dad, Dad. I'm really scared about getting my period. And he just looks at the kid and goes, Where do you think your period comes from? And he just looks at his sister, and his sister nods, and he looks back at the dad and just goes,

The butt? And he pushes him and goes, No, you don't have a vagina. Kids can't get a period he goes but my butt has one too right he was 100 convinced and consumed about the idea and he just kept talking about it and his dad just went you're dumb but his sister nodded like we've discussed this. It seemed like she had told him to tell him that it came from the body. Oh, that's the greatest thing about being the

older sibling. That's your duty to make that kind of stuff happen. Eli, was it? Eli, everybody! Okay, thank you. Hello, sir. Wait, wait, what's your name? Morgan.

Morgan. Tristan was my brother. Was your brother? What happened? Oh, damn. Did he tell you you had a vagina in your butt? No, although I think they call that a hernia. Just, he might want to check that out.

Aside from that, I was the guy who yelled out, who had no idea what he was doing here. I was the guy who was invited out. Oh, really? Yeah. And now here you are, right, just diving into the proceeding. So for a little bit of context, I used to work at the Fairmont, and I don't work there anymore, so I can provide information.

What's the Fairmont? The Empress. The Fairmont Hotel? The Fairmont. Okay. The Empress.mont? The Empress. The Fairmont Hotel? The Fairmont. Okay. The Empress. Oh, the Empress. We're going to the Bengal Lounge after this.

Yeah, Dave and I have reservations at the Bengal Lounge. We're going to get some martinis, talk about colonialism. It doesn't exist. What? Anyway. That's the ghost story. It's been closed. It's been closed. It's been closed since April.

Where did we drink last night? Behind an RV. Morgan, if you would. So while I was there, I overheard, I presume a guest, in tears with her friend. And what she was saying was that there was an event going down downtown, so Government Street was closed off, and she would never stay there anymore because she couldn't find it for 15 minutes because Victoria is so very large in that square block area.

And that she had a police officer yelling at her because she was going the wrong direction because she was almost driving in front of pedestrians. And that she would never stay there, at her because she was going the wrong direction. She was almost driving in front of pedestrians. And that she would never stay there, ever, because it was our fault. Whoa. Some people don't understand the breadth of what you can do. Right? Huh. At the Empress.

Who knew? Morgan, everybody. Hello. Who knew Morgan everybody Hello For the home listener The Empress is so fancy Right it really is Oh yeah so when Prince William And Kate

Were here Is that where they stayed No where did they stay Paul's Motor Inn They love copper Is that where they stayed? No. No? Where did they stay? Paul's Motor Inn. Paul's Motor Inn, yeah. They love copper. Hello, what's your name, sir? My name is Trevor.

Trevor, everybody. Trevor, where did you come from? Springfield. Oh, you're the gentleman from Springfield. Welcome, welcome. Hello, welcome. Thanks for coming. You know Springfield is the most common city name in America?

You should probably specify. Springfield, Illinois. Oh! Springfield, Illinois, everybody. Is this your first time up in Canada? Absolutely. Oh, wow! Welcome to Canada.

Oh, my goodness. Fire away with your... Oh, wait, one more question. Where were you when Princess Diana... Yes! I was still mourning Mother Teresa. Ah, good answer! Top five answers on the board.

Thank you. I think if you check your chronology, Mother Teresa was after. But maybe you have a shining. That was like 10. Yeah, fair enough. That's cool. That's my girl.

Go on. So I have a friend who pretty much every Facebook status you can end with hashtag blessed and it'll fit. So this was a status a couple weeks ago. When there's a hostage situation nearby where your car is parked so you can't leave, but you get a free beer at the bar you're sitting at while you wait, hashtag the little things. Nice. Oh my goodness.

It really is. Yeah, just to spend a day in that guy's head. Oh Lord. It is the little thing. And I hope it ended peacefully. Yeah. But if it's America, it probably does. Sorry.

Remind me of your name again. Trevor. Trevor, everybody. Trevor. From Springfield, Illinois. Hello, sir. Hello. I'm Matthew from Vancouver.

Hi, Matthew from Vancouver. Did you come over just for this? Yes, we did. My goodness. Thank you for coming. You should just come over to our houses. I was going to say our houses. We live very close to your houses in East Vancouver, so that's a little creepy.

Yeah, yeah. Mine's the horrible one on the street. This is an overseen in Kingsgate Mall. Oh, the best place. Oh, the best mall in the world. Yeah. It was downstairs in Kingsgate Mall with the weird benches, and there was a fairly obese lady with one of those four-liter tubs of yogurt,

and she was eating it with her credit card. So baller. So baller. So baller. Oh, I love it. Wow, thank you. Oh, my goodness. So your name again. Matthew.

Matthew, everybody from Vancouver. Would you spread it on something? Oh, no, you dig it. Yeah, you dig in, I guess. Does Victoria have an equivalent of Kingsgate Mall? What's the dirtiest dirt mall? Oh, it's probably something in Langford, right? Yeah.

Somebody said Hillside. Hillside? Is it Hillside? Oh, Hillside's great. Hillside's nice. It's beautiful. Tillicum's a dump. Tillicum?

Yeah. The key is it has to have a couple of stores that look like they're chains, but you never heard that, right? Like Uncle Buck's. Yeah. Like we're going to go to Krang's Fashions. Yeah. Are there any more overheards?

Come on up here. Please. Yeah, come on. We'll keep the show going as long as these overheards are coming. But otherwise, we are out of here. Yeah, we are done. Also, after the show, they have a very nice lobby

behind where the stage is if you want to come by. If you want a photo, you want to just say hello. If you just want to use the bathroom, we'll be near that. Oh, I'm dying to use the bathroom. I could use a photo, too. Hello.

Hi. I'm Evan. I live here. Hey, Evan. How's it going? Good. How are you? I'm good.

Good. Speaking of Hillside Mall and speaking of my overheard, it's more of a kids say the darndest. I love it. I work at a bookstore in Hillside Mall. I'm sure you all know what that is. The big one. Yeah. Bolins. Yeah.

And this is over from a few years ago. It's a tale lost to time because it's from the period before we renovated. So this can never happen again. Okay. Yeah. So we had a somewhat negligent father, one would imagine,

with his two adorable little girls in a shopping cart from the rest of the mall. And it parked it up next to our front desk, presumably because that's daycare, I guess. Yeah. So he could wander around and look at other things. But he was unaware at the time that due to several reasons, such as theft, there are certain books we kept right next to the desk. And they were the naughtier books. Sure, yeah.

So there's these two adorable little girls. And their dad's just fucked off somewhere else. And they look around with childlike wonder. As they were children, that makes sense. And the older one just says, there's butts everywhere. Yes. Wow. Evan, was it? Evan, everybody.

That's what, when I was a kid and I drew my dream house, there were butts everywhere. No bathroom, though. What's the dirtiest book you can imagine? Madonna's sex book. Very good pick. Sean? The pop-up of the story I told.

The boy who never got back in the race car bed. What about you, Graham? I don't know. Oh, cool. You know what? Cool conversation topic. Do you know what it is? Mario Puzo's The Godfather.

There's a crazy sex scene right in the middle of it, and I remember reading it on summer vacation and being like, uh-oh, uh-oh. I didn't know this could happen from reading. I Okay, that jogged my memory. As a horny teenager, I remember when the

movie Disclosure came out. But we had the book and I was like, okay, inciting incidents gotta happen. Like, if English classes taught me anything, this is happening in the first quarter of the book. And I just remember, boobs were

swinging. Oh, boy. That sounds like a lyric from Jailhouse Rock. And the boobs were swinging. Hello. Oh boy. That sounds like a lyric from Jailhouse Rock. And the boobs were swinging in. Hello. The county jail.

Tyson from Sydney. Yeah, Sydney by the sea. I was at Bushart Gardens. My kids already heard the story. And we're looking over the sunken garden there. You know, beautiful flowers and stuff. And there's this dad and a teenage girl leaning over, looking over, enjoying the view. And she goes, this place really reminds me of, you know that place? The Holocaust.

And then they just walked off. And I really want to read that history book. Yes! Yeah. Tyson, everybody! Boy. That place sucks. That place does suck.

Yeah, why would anyone move there? Hello. Hello. A lady. My name is Emily, and this is from when I was in high school, and someone overheard my conversation and interrupted. Okay, sure. It is my favorite one-liner I've ever heard.

And so I was talking to my friend about her puppy, and this person is a storytopper. And so we were talking about dogs and, like, puppies, and she said, oh, one time my cat had kittens on me. Did I mention? Emily, everybody. Emily, wow. Good Lord.

Hello. Hi, how's it going? Good, how are you? Doing very well, thank you. What's your name, sir? Jamie, I'm from Vancouver. Oh, what? Thank you for coming over for the thing. The other guy say he knows where you live. Yeah, but you. What's your name, sir? Jamie. I'm from Vancouver. Oh, what? Thank you for coming over for the thing.

Don't the guys say he knows where you live? Yeah, but you know what? I'll bark it. Yeah, and I put out, you know how realtors will put out a sign, this is for sale? I say, no. I put a picture of me on the front lawn. Looking angry. No.

So that's why everybody knows. Unevictable. I'm the unevictable Molly Brown. It's in the rat district. So I haven't overheard. I was walking down Main Street. You know the restaurant Hyde? You know, they have good burgers.

Yeah. But it was summertime. It's too hot. And so somebody left their dog out on the sidewalk and just like in the middle of the sidewalk and was walking by. And this one lady comes out and she goes, this is too hot for this dog.

It's way too hot. You have to go get some water. There's no water out here. And then one guy from inside hides and yells, yeah, somebody get that dog a beer. Pretty good. Yeah. If anybody's earned it, it's a dog.

Yeah. Right? Oh, my goodness. Sorry, I'm blanking on your name. Oh, it's Jamie. Jamie, everybody. Thank you. From Vancouver.

Hello. Hi, Dave and Graham and guests. I'm Blake O. from Nanaimo. Hey, Blake O. So I'm a school teacher, and I was teaching grade one last year, and two boys in my class were getting ready to go outside for recess, and one of them puts on his ball cap, ready to go, and he's talking to his buddy, and he

goes, yeah, but in high school, you have to wear your hat backwards. And he goes, why? Oh, if you want to get a girlfriend, you have to wear your hat backwards. He goes, yeah, that's right, for sure. Nice. He's not wrong! Yeah. Yeah, that's right, for sure. Nice. He's not wrong. Yeah.

Fred Durst taught us that. Blake O from Nanaimo. Yeah. Did you make any big changes between, like, junior high and high school or elementary? I mean, my body did. But, like, I remember the thing was

it's no longer but one strap backpack no I remember getting to high school and it being like dangerous minds like pants were baggy yeah yeah yeah pants were baggier but I just remember being like elementary

school two straps. Junior high, got to be one strap. Be fucking up your spine for life. Hello. Hi. How did you get here? I'm Zach from Victoria. Hi, Zach.

Hi, Zach. I have overheard from when I was at the bank, and there was this really scary Russian guy going up to the counter, and he's like, I want to close my account. The lady was like, okay, it sounds like someone's having a fun weekend. And he just paused and went, you could say that.

Zach, everybody. Zach, everybody. Zach, everybody, yes. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. I thought we were done. Is this our final overheard? Yeah. Hello.

Final what? Yeah, you're it. You're it. My bladder is dying. Don't worry about it. So my name's Tay. Hey, Tay. I'm originally from Vancouver, but I live in Shawnegan Lake now.

What's that? It's between here and Nanaimo. Okay. All right. That's what I said to when I moved there. Okay. Are these more people sneaking up for over? These people hate my blast.

Yeah. You two are it. We said we'd go all night, but I'm worried that Dave's speed will start coming out. You know what? As many people can go as they want. I'm fine. Okay, so I thought of this one

because we were all talking about where were you when something happened. Yes. So it's September 11, last year, and I'm on Facebook. It was last year, September 11 happened? Oh, boy, it feels like 15 years ago. So I'm looking on Facebook, and, you know, there's lots of somber posts about where they were and what they remember and all that stuff.

People on Facebook suck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, right? and what they remember and all that stuff. People on Facebook suck. Until I get to one and it's kind of an acquaintance of mine and it just says, where were you when the Sears Tower

fell? And he was old. You should have known better. The time, everybody. Where were you guys when the Sears Tower fell? Oh, boy. I remember when Ferris Bueller went up it. Yeah.

Where were you when you heard that? I was watching TV. Hello. Hey, I'm Oliver from Victoria. Hey, Oliver. So, yeah, this one's from a couple years ago. I was riding the bus to work, the 14 bus. It goes by the Jubilee.

No applause. You'll note that nobody got on board. You were dropping local references. This crowd didn't want it. Is that the hospital? Yeah. Oh, it's royal. Just teeing things up here.

Yeah. So yeah, it was going by the Jubilee. A man got on the bus, looked very normal, healthy, no problems. Sat down, got on his cell phone. I was having a conversation. I wasn't really paying attention. And I started to clue into what he was saying. I sort of came in a very awkward spot and he was saying, it's fine. I'm okay. I saw the doctor. It's been reattached. I'm okay, I saw the doctor, it's been reattached. Could be a lot of things! Where were you when you heard the John Bobbitt story?

Yeah, oh, oh goodness gracious. I was listening to a morning radio show. They already had made a twisted tune of it. Oh, you guys. If you listened to morning radio when I did... Oliver, buddy! Oliver just won. He'd had enough. It's fine. We didn't have an ending. Hello!

You are the last one, I think. Glasses are steaming over with urine steam. I waited until the last second. Hi. I'm Emerson. Hi, Em second. Hi. Hi. Hey, I'm Emerson from Victoria. Hey, Emerson. Hi, Emerson.

Hi, Dave. Emerson and I went to school together. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Ferris Bueller joke. Yeah. Yeah.

You're too nervous and sweaty to remember it. Well, it's not nerves. It's pee. Yeah, it's pee. Oh, yeah. So Dave had a whiteboard. Like you get whiteboards on your dorm rooms. This is going to get like, and he, everyone's writing their names.

No. And he just wrote Bueller, dot, dot, dot, like from Ferris Bueller. And so everyone just called him Bueller for a year. That's true. Yeah. Ah. Okay, so that was Morrison, everybody. Okay, super fast.

It's also from the ferry. No, no, take your time. It's also from the ferry, so it's local content. And I was with friends who are two moms raising a girl, and they're very obviously two moms raising a girl. Wait, how? I don't know, actually. It's weird.

And, yeah, so they're super lovey-dovey there's lots of kissing lots of calling both of them mom and in the so we're on the ferry so in the three seats in front of us there's two older like latina women speaking spanish to each other and so then the two moms leave with with the girl and when they leave they say say to each other, sisters? Yeah. Sisters. Clearly not. Yeah, we've figured that out for ourselves, and we can move on with our life. Everybody! Well,

this just couldn't have been more fun. This was so much fun. Thank you all so much for coming out. I hope you guys had a good time. And, yeah. Like we said, if anyone wants to say hello, we'll be back at the lobby in a minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, if you didn't have a good time, no refunds. No refunds, for sure.

You know. But you guys were also fantastic. Sean, thank you so much for coming down. No worries. Anytime. In the middle of a shift. If anybody needs a ride anywhere,

Sean is the dude. He will take you there. 135. Yeah, faster if you pay him. And yeah, again, thank you so, so much for coming out to this live show. We don't ever know

if we should do this or not. And then there's a guy who's like, yeah, do it. And we're like, are you sure? We'll close off the balcony. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you guys were amazing. Thank so so much for coming uh have a safe trip home have a good night everybody maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported