Stop Podcasting Yourself - Bonus Episode - LIVE from Winnipeg with Tim Gray

Episode Date: May 30, 2019

Recorded live at the Park Theatre in Winnipeg on September 25rd, 2018.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hi! Hi guys! Hi. Hi, guys. Let's hear it for the Jets, guys.

Woo! Thanks. Hi. I'm Dave. I'm Graham. This is Stop Podcasting thanks everyone for coming not sure where my cable goes yeah we didn't work this out in soundcheck that's fine it'll be fine it's fine is it fine oh no that's. That's a load-bearing cable. That's fine. Sound guys love me.

They get it. They get my... No, you're one of those clickbait ads. No, no, no. Sound guys hate this guy. No, they don't. Here's why. They love it because it reminds them of why they got into it in the first place.

Hi, everybody. Hi, thank you very much for coming to the show. This is a real treat to be here in Winnipeg. Dave's wearing his all welcome to heaven outfit. That's right. Guys, it's called a whiteout. And it's what we Winnipeggers do to support our team. Yeah.

And because one time, four years ago, you read an article that was like, white jeans are going to be in. And then every day you look at them in your drawer and you're like, well, I can't leave the house in these. Yeah. What if I, like, get in a fight? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What if you get in a fight?

What if you eat a jelly donut? What if you put a pen in your pocket? What if you find love? What if you have to slide into first? What if you... Well, first of all, my pants are going to burst. This is a real treat to be here. I've only been here once before.

It was for the Odd Block Festival. Oh, in this very theater. In this very theater. Oh, right. I also played down the street at a pizza place and also at a comic book store where the owners clearly did not want a show happening so close to their toys. So it's nice. This is nice to be back.

Dave, this is your first time. This is my first time in Winnipeg. And yeah. Woo! Let's hear it for the first timers. Yeah. Pop that V. And what type of first time in Winnipeg things did you...

Oh, boy. I looked at... What is it? The Human Rights Museum? Yeah. Yeah. You can see that from the Nutty Club. It's got a lot of pictures of the Nutty Club you got a lot of yeah um did you know that that guy candy man don't say his name five times

did you know that the slogan used to be it ain't gonna suck itself yeah i knew that that's what my mom used to say every night before she turned out the lights, but when we went to bed, she said, remember, Candyman ain't gonna suck itself. Then she'd give us a piece of candy, and that's why all my teeth fell out. So you went to the Candyman plant.

I went to the Candyman factory. What did I do? I went to Portage in Maine, the famous corner. So windy! I heard. I guess it was a day off for the wind when I was there. It's the off season. It's a building year, wind-wise.

Very hard to cross. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You must go under and then give up and come back out on the same side you went down on. Yeah. And you lose all sense of what you're, like, you thought you trusted. I walked across.

Yeah. I walked a street sling. Nope. I remember the very first time I was in Winnipeg, I asked a local, what should I do? And they said, you should go to the zoo. And I was like, what? As an adult man by myself? Go to the zoo.

But what the hell's going on back there? I think Tim's tripped over or something. Yeah, well. I went to a restaurant today. They only make macaroni and cheese. You guys know it? Yeah. Not enough of you know it.

That should be hot news here in Winnipeg. Yeah, it's, um, they have like eight kinds of macaroni and cheese and a biscuit. And, because I'm closing things up for the winter. I had the crab macaroni and cheese. Yes.

Which, if you go to Winnipeg, they're famous for their crab. Filthy prairie crabs. Now, did you just eat a macaroni and cheese? What do you mean? What else did you eat? I had the biscuit. And that's it? You didn't get a second macaroni and cheese? What do you mean? What else did you eat? The biscuit. And that's it? You didn't get a second macaroni and cheese? No.

But, yeah, it was okay. Yeah. It was sort of like a Guy Ritchie film festival. Too many capers. Ah. Also, I thought you said, in my head, I thought you said a Guy Fieri film festival, and I was like, that would be,

he'd have a movie about macaroni restaurant. Guy Fieri film festival. Yeah. These are films curated by Guy Fieri. He comes out at the beginning of every film, he tells you what he was eating when he watched this film and then he sits in the front row and he recreates that experience

now I'm not going to call out the woman in the second row who's knitting no no no go back to knitting don't you be ashamed of your knitting because I appreciate that my no go ahead I appreciate that my... No, go ahead. Yeah.

I appreciate that my waitress today didn't call me out for writing that caper's joke. Sitting by myself in a restaurant, typing it out on my phone. But please, go ahead. Yeah, please. In fact, I expect a scarf by the end of the show. I watched your, I don't know if it was a full mayoral candidates debate on City TV.

Did anybody else enjoy this? Was it too much to give them a table to sit at that they all had to sit on high stools very uncomfortably? Was I the only one in town who watched this? There wasn't a clearly kind of spoken thought amongst them. Now, your current mayor, I don't think, was part of this pool. I think it was all just competitors. I feel like I'm digging myself a real deep trench here, but I'll dig out, don't you worry.

I was the only one who watched it, I think. I think that's why they didn't even bother giving them chairs that were... They just gave them bar stools to sit on. Everybody wore their dress pants, they're all hiking up. The fat guy was clearly uncomfortable. The guy who's the fat mayor

he said I'll be the fattest mayor you ever saw who's the fattest mayor in Winnipeg history we hope I couldn't name the fattest Vancouver mayor I'd say it's probably Larry Campbell in recent memory I couldn't name the fattest Vancouver mayor. I'd say it's probably Larry Campbell, in recent memory. Oh, yeah. That guy loved himself a meat pie, that guy.

Look, we could talk fat mayors all night. No problems. Not Vancouver's current mayor. Ooh, what a snack. They're fat snacks. Why am I bringing this up? CeeLo Green. Yeah, absolutely.

A short and fat snack. Danny DeVito. Also. Are we doing this now? Who's we? Speaking of all things fat, the vending machine in our hotel lobby. God damn, what a fucking masterpiece, this vending machine.

Because usually you're looking at, what, like two, three dollars for a normal pack of M&M's? All of the, they're all movie size. Oh. Yeah, and they're all like a buck. They don't know.. All of the... They're all movie size. Oh. Yeah, and they're all like a buck. They don't know. They don't know what they're doing. Maybe it's Prairie Prices, man.

Friendly Prairie Prices. It's Canada's bread basket. Oh, man. Yeah, I guess that's... Yeah, what part of the bread makes nibs? What are the different makes nibs? What are the different parts of bread? There's the crust.

And the fluffy part. Yeah. Crust. The butt ends of it. That you don't want to eat. Unless you're a millennial. A bread ball. You make it in your hands.

The hole where air gets out. There's a hole. Sometimes in a piece of bread there's just a piece of bread, there's just a hole. Oh, there's the, you know, sesame seeds. Yep, yep, absolutely. Oh, I mean, don't even get me started on, you know, the pumpernickel, et cetera. Oh, sure. Graham majored in bread anatomy.

Here's the thing. Winnipeg, very friendly folks, right? Right? I don't know what this crowd is afraid of. You didn't watch your own mayoral debate. I did. Guess what? They all have no idea how to solve the meth problem.

None of them. They know it's a problem. They don't know how to solve it. Fat guy just kept saying it's too hard to solve. That was his whole thing. Too hard to solve. Next question. And then like six months later, he's

suddenly the skinny candidate. Like, ah, I see what's going on. But here's what happened today. I was shooting something. Heroin? Yeah, no, meth. And the thing I was shooting was a man on the street thing trying to get people.

This is for, this hour has 22 minutes. That's correct. Graham is the newest correspondent. He doesn't want to say the name of it. No, because I'm afraid it will vanish into the ether if I do. So I was asking people if they would stop and answer one question. People, not as friendly. On that front, what a cold shoulder.

A lot of, I'm late. That works twice. Two people in the city can be late. You're not all fucking late. Well, if you're doing it 9.01 in the morning, then everyone's late. Yeah, that's true. It wasn't 9.01 in the morning.

And then I realized we were standing out in front of a place where you have to go to pay your parking tickets. So everybody was angry. Innocent mistake, right? Yeah. Yeah. But at one point, myself and the camera fella, we parked in a spot that was not ours

because there was no signage that said don't park here and a guy drove up right behind us and gave us a signal like you've just parked in my parking spot and we were like oh shit, we're so sorry and he's like huh, I think Helen's not coming in today, you know what, I'll park

in her spot, you can park in my spot I'll give her a call, make sure she's not coming in today, I was like, what? The fuck is going on? You're not used to nice people. No! Oh, man. It was like something out of Pleasantville. It was insane.

What would happen at home? The guy would sit there and hug. And then I'd try to communicate with him, and he'd be like, honk, honk, texting, honk, calling reinforcements. Yeah, somebody would just honk at you until you got out of their spot. What I like about this city compared to Vancouver is not everyone but me owns a Tesla. Yeah, it's pretty nice. How many Lamborghinis do you see zipping around?

Honestly, one would flip over in some of them potholes, right? You'd be going in and just turn up. Oh, I want to see it! Oh, dude, you flipped your genie. That was a big hit in the 80s. Dude, you flipped your genie. Dude, you flipped your genie. There wasn't a lot to it.

They were figuring out the genre. And any other tales from the road? What is Winnipeg to me? Yeah Mmm Winnipeg Mmm Winnipeg What should I have done other than Go to the Nutty Club factory

Take a picture outside And then get macaroni Go to the zoo apparently I don't know People say go to the forks And. I don't know. People say go to the forks, and then you say, what's that? And then they try to explain, and you're like, you're just picturing two giant forks. Yeah, that's true. Serving a big salad.

But it's great. I love Winnipeg. I come here several times a year if I can. Oh, the thing is, I usually come here. First a year if I can. And it's... Oh, the thing is I usually come during the... This is first and last for me. That's it? Yeah. You're out? I'm out. Wow. Guess more people should have shown up.

Yeah, well. Thank you for showing up. You can't be mad at them. No, I'm as happy as a clam. I nearly got in the opposite of road rage today. I was involved in road love. The other thing... Oh, wait, did I have another thing?

Oh, yeah. Last night I did a show at your university. Or one of your universities. You have two universities. Jeez Louise, this crowd can't get hyped for an edit at all. What do you want them to do? Okay, Graham, this is a bit like, say, pretend you're the crowd. You have a university.

Two universities. Now give me the mic point it my way that's reasonable yeah I did a comedy show at it and that your university folks don't

care for comedy don't care for it don't care for comedy. Don't care for it, don't care about it. Had a blender going most of the time. What was the type of venue? It was a campus bar. Okay, it was margarita night? It was margarita night.

It was Bellini's all night. That was my bad for suggesting it to the bar. I was like, you know, the profit margins on bellinis is out of this world. It's all ice. So I really got to see the city. I got to eat out of the really great vending machine.

We ate at a place last night called the Yellow Dog. Yeah. Yeah, you're doing it now! I knew they'd get to it. And we all had to share one menu. It was hilarious.

I noticed in restaurants here they don't give you a straw right away. You have to ask because they're cracking down on straws. They're cracking down on menus too. Yeah. So many yellow dog menus end up in the ocean. Choking a turtle.

But it was really weird because none of us asked for another menu. We just made do. We looked at the table right next to us. Three women loving their individual menus. Yeah, three women, eight menus. What the fuck? But it's been a blast. We've only been here for two days, but it's been fantastic.

I went to your dollar store. I bought a dented can of creamed corn. Less than a dollar. I can't believe this city. Just giving away food. Have you done the Dollarama tour of Winnipeg? Well, there's one right next to where we're staying. There's one across the busy highway, which I might...

If I have time tomorrow, I'll go. next to where we're staying, there's one across the busy highway, which I might if I don't have you know, if I have time tomorrow, I'll go. There was a different one on the way here. There was one next to the yellow dog last night. Yeah, there's Dollarama and then there's maybe another one called Dollar Tree. Yeah. Which is not a thing.

I mean, Dollarama is, you know, you can get there in your head. But what's a Dollar Tree? Oh, I guess money grows on trees. I get it. Never mind. I take it back. I take it back.

It's like that placement? Yeah. Okay. What is, you guys also have Giant Tiger here. We do not have that. I don't know what that is. I was scared. It didn't look like a good class of people hanging out outside the Giant Tiger.

Not my types. Yeah. Real rough trade. Yeah, some rubbies. What? Some of that meth I heard about. I've never been in a Giant Tiger. What is within? Socks!

Oh, cool! Is it like sand used to be? Fucking A! I should have gotten a new Giant Tiger! I still got socks from sand! I was walking home last night at 10 o'clock, and I was trying to find somewhere to get

a pint of ice cream downtown, and it didn't happen. But a giant tiger was, is that a place open? No, I saw another guy look to see if it was open, and it wasn't. He was probably looking for ice cream.

Yeah, he also had a spoon. I didn't even consider, I'm not going to have a spoon. Just going to peel the box off the sides and just go, am I? Just chomp, nibble at it. Now, who here has heard our show before? All right.

And who here has never heard it? All right. Spouses of the world, unite. Well, thanks for coming It's this And we're going to sit in a bit And We're going to bring out a guest

And then we Chat for a bit Get to know our guest I mean, you've gotten to know all about us So far I love vending machines He loves ice cream. End of story. How do we make it work?

We're going to bring out the guest, and then at a certain point we do a segment on the show called Overheards, where we share things that we've overheard that we think are very funny, and then we invite you also to share your overheards,

and also because this is a Winnipeg show and everybody that I've talked to seems to have one if you have a funny Burton Cummings story we will also accept a hilarious Burton Cummings story. No sad one.

No sad. No Burton Cummings slept off a bender in my shed None of that I mean, good on you for having a shed Yeah So, do you want to get going? Yeah, yeah, yeah

What do you think? What do you think? That was a slim sampling But there's a bar. If you like it, it's not super formal. You can get up and have a drink. You can knit. Yeah.

Don't let me shame you out of it. Well, let's bring out our guest. This gentleman, oh, so funny. He is not only a comedian here in Winnipeg, he is also a producer of shows at a place called Wee Johnnies. He is also a member of your finest sketch troupe here in Winnipeg, The Hunks. Please welcome to the stage Tim Gray, everybody. Yeah, there you go Welcome, Tim Welcome

Thank you for having me You're very welcome And thank you for coming out and doing the show. This is your first time ever on the podcast, here on a live one. That's right. So we're just really throwing it at you and hoping that it works. Hoping it sticks? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, it's going to stick. Don't you worry. This whole thing's al dente. We'll say it like this. Is this good? Yeah. Is this good angle? Tim, what makes you tick?

Yeah. I feel like I'm meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Yeah. Oh, also, that white shirt I threw out in the car,

that's Tim's. Can I get that back? Yeah, we need that back. Yeah. Okay, she's going to keep it. She's going to keep it. Oh, wow. Oh, good arm. Good arm.'s going to keep it. She's going to keep it. Oh, wow. Oh, good arm.

Good arm. Good arm. Thank you. Tim, if somebody was visiting Winnipeg, what would you tell them to go see? I would say go see shows at Wee Johnny's. Oh, sure. Some of the best comedians available.

Available. Some. There's lots of great things to see in the beautiful city of Winnipeg. The forks. Two big forks. Yeah, two giant forks. How many forks are there? There's like 20, actually. There's a lot.

But they're in restaurants. Are you guys banning forks as well as straws? Yeah. This is a no-fork town. Understood. Spoons. Strictly spoons. Or sporks. I would say

check out the wonderful Cordon Village. What's that? It's the Italian district. Okay. Have you guys tried gelato? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that like ice cream?

Not really. What is... I think we've asked before, but what's the difference? Everyone shout it out. It's egg base! Is that really what it is? I don't know.

I think one uses milk, one uses water. That can't be right. Because that would mean that one was just ice. I think two use milk, one uses lemonade, and then the fudge. I think two use milk, one uses lemonade, and then the fudge. Gelato is great if you want to eat ice cream and then go for a run. That's what gelato is for. Oh, okay, because it's easy on the old... It's easy on the old tum-tum.

What's your exercise regime? How do you keep that so tight? Let's get into it. Actually, recently, I think that my fingers are getting skinny. I don't know. Nice. All right. Time to get into that hand modeling.

Let's see that. That's pretty nice. How long have you been married? I've been married since April. So congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And do you find that now that you have a ring on,

you notice your fingers a lot more? I do, yeah, for sure. Oh, yeah. Is that where this is coming from? All over my face. Maybe, because the ring fit before, and then, well, I lost one of them. You got two?

Oh, an engagement ring, I guess. No, no, no, no. So you showed off to everybody. You got two? Oh, an engagement ring, I guess. No, no, no. So you showed off to everybody. That's right. Yeah, yeah. How did you lose the ring? Okay. Finger sucking contest.

Well, I was crawling out of a well through a TV. I was actually being bamboozled by a cartoon fox. It was kissing my fingers and took my ring. Fair enough. I was... A great thing to do here in Manitoba, just outside of Winnipeg, is Gimli has a beautiful beach. No, Grand Beach is the beach.

Gimli is a separate, Gimli is a nice town. It's a beach too. But we were at Grand Beach and I was swimming. And there's this thing where you could do where you're swimming where you're like treading water and then you hold your feet up in the air. But you hold your toes just out of the water as close to you as possible and then you say to your friends look how small because it looks like your feet are right there and as i was doing that the ring just flung off my finger and into the murky, murky waters. Oh, boy.

Yeah. So, do you have to get is this an exact replica? Yeah. Or do you go for a whole different look? Well, I went on to Amazon and reordered the ring. So, it only cost me $30. Nice. It's not bad. With delivery?

With delivery. Shit! You got prime. Oh, I got prime. Oh, I see. I'm primed up, baby. At that price, you can get 12 rings. One for each year, month of the year.

Or year you're going to be married. Oh, no! Dave, were you calling it? I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't bet on that. Last night, the three of us went to dinner

with your wife, who's also her own person. And she, or the four of us, we bet on celebrity net worth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and we went through all the Hughes. Yeah. We started with Hugh Laurie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And we went through all the Hughes.

Yeah. We started with Hugh Laurie. Yeah. And Hugh Jackman. Then Huey Lewis. Then Chewy. Chewbacca. The guy who plays Chewbacca.

And then John C. Reilly who played Dewey Cox. And Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle. Yeah. That's right. And Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle was doing better that's right. And Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle

was doing better than Chewbacca, which I don't want to live in that society. A lot better, yeah. Is it crazy that they had the same guy in the Chewbacca suit? Because he probably got a raise with every movie, you would think. Great job on the last movie yeah yeah yeah you were really good you know you held your head your head never fell off did he do the noises too no no he was that guy's rich the noise guy is loaded there's only one guy

who could officially it's like uh the guy says, let's get ready to rumble. Same thing. He's the only guy who can do the chewy noise. He trademarked. I can't do it. Can you guys do it? Can you do it? That's pretty good. That's pretty good? That's pretty good. It's like... Oh, that's pretty good. There's that part where

he's talking and Han Solo has to pretend that he understands what he's... and Han Solo has to pretend that he understands when he's Oh, yeah? How much of their relationship is just him being like, oh, cool. I don't know what he just said. Like they don't bother

to subtitle it for the audience who are just taking Han Solo's word. Oh, he says that it's the audience who are just taking Ed Solo's word. Oh, he says that it's the hyperdrive and he's like He's pissed his pants. No, he's not horny. He's trying to explain

the hyperdrive. Why is his lipstick out? That was actually Peter Mayhew's dick. George Lucas, do me this one kindness. Cut a hole in the costume, bud. Can you do the sound? No, no, no. The best I can do is...

Pull over. He's making his puke noise. Have you seen all the Star Wars films? No. No. Just the good ones. What are the good ones? Shots fired.

No, I'm just kidding. I don't know what the good ones are. Phantom Menace, number one. I've seen Phantom Menace six times. Yeah. I keep watching it trying to find Dennis the Menace. He's got to be. He's the number one menace.

I remember I saw that on opening day when all the nerds were there in their costumes. Yeah, they were there. Yeah, they were. And this is in a costume. I'm the elegant starfighter.

Luke, wow me. But all the nerds, they were so goddamn excited. I've never seen people so excited for a movie. They were like sword fighting in the aisles and all this shit. And then they just, you could, at the beginning of the movie, ah, everybody's screaming when the words came up. And then just slowly you could feel the enthusiasm as they were like, ah, it's a motion to move the next meeting to Hoth is on the table

and all the aliens are like re-reading their contracts. You just feel it like... I heretofore refer to this as... space. Space. Yeah, the prequels are mostly about defining what space is You know, legally Space Clause B

I heard Space Clause B just got sentenced to 3 to 10 years Oh my god I heard Space Claw's feet just got sentenced to three to ten years. Oh, my God. It's really good. No one. That's fine. That's fine.

That's fine. That's fine. It's fine. That's fine. Yeah. There's a, like, in this Pose Me Too movement. I mean, it's current. It's happening. One year anniversary. But there's a lot of, in this Pose Me Too movement, I mean, it's happening. One year anniversary. But there's a lot of, that's fine, that's fine, that's fine, right?

That's fine. What we did, that's fine. There's a lot of conferring and guys being like, yeah, I support that. That's what happens in the second solo film, is it's just Chewie and Han talking back and forth. What we did was okay. Yeah and forth? That's fine. What we did was okay.

Yeah, right? That's fine? Huh. History might not look back on it, but... But that was fine. Mostly it was fine. It was a long time ago

in a galaxy far away. I guess they're all dead now. Hmm. I never thought about it. Well... They are all dead. Spoiler alert. Oh, no.

I haven't seen them, but I think I gather Luke's dead. Yeah, I guess so. I haven't seen the most recent one. Have you? No, but I heard this. I heard the thing and like, I don't know. I can't spoil something for people if I haven't seen it. That's true.

That's right. But also, if you haven't seen it by now, you are like me. You never want ever to hear the word Star Wars ever fucking again. And I'm team Star Wars. I haven't seen it because of family obligations.

It's like Mark Hamill was mad At the way they Killed off Luke Or whatever And it's like Who gives a shit man Yeah

Yeah you're lucky We brought you back We could have Computer animated A fucking Luke Could have just made him Oh Luke got weird Mud disease

His face is just mud now Boom You're out of the franchise Forever Yeah He went to the mud planet he ate too much mud he didn't eat the right amount of mud now he's mud he's mud

he's in my head when I was in the underground walkway between Portage and Maine I saw a sign that said Clark Skywalker and I was like oh that would be you if you were in those movies I'd be like adjournment to the space discussion are you a nerd for anything do you have any probably like Probably like 420.

Where's my 420? Yeah. A couple shy hands up in the air. Got me there. Oh, I'm such an indica. I'm a sativa. I'm a Miranda. Miranda. That way I could set it up and pay it off myself.

Very good. I don't know. Maybe, I mean, to some extent, comedy. I am a bit of a comedy connoisseur. Name ten jokes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, knock, knock. Cross the road.

Oh, boy. Let's see. Seven words. Seven words, yeah, you can't say. Oops, poops, scoops. Scoops and doops. Scoops. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

That's the seven words you can't say on TV. Our oops, poops, scoops, and dupes. What are the seven words you can't say on podcasts? What do you think? Squarespace. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Coffee. Dollar Shave Club.

Let's not give ourselves seven word assignments. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Coffee. Dollar Shave Club. Let's not give ourselves seven word assignments. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just one at a time. It'd be nice. Yeah. And what else? Did you do skateboarding?

I was a big skater boy. Oh. Did you watch skate videos? Oh, yeah. What did you get out of those when my friends forced me to watch them? Then I was like, why am I watching? What am I supposed to be getting out of this?

Just shenanigans and extreme behavior. Yeah, I mean, there was a lot of extreme behavior on display. Cool tricks. Fish eye lenses. Yeah, fish eye lenses, a lot of sometimes landing tricks, but not always. Not always. Yeah, and I guess that keeps the suspense going.

Yeah, yeah. Is Winnipeg a good skateboard town? It's got some pretty good skateboarding spots, for sure. Are you running for mayor? Yes. Are you challenging Vancouver to a skateboarding contest? Oh my god, yes

Let's meet at the Calgary Halfpipe The Halfway Halfpipe? Yeah Last one to 900 loses Maybe just for four days of people hurting themselves It's so much harder than it looks. Why, did you, like, were you good at skateboarding? There was, like, a progression,

because I'm from a small town in Manitoba, and so there was, like, this rapid progression of skateboarding in my small town where, like, each, every two years, the groups got a little bit better, a little bit better, a little bit better. And at a certain point, I was pretty good. And then like the young kids underneath me were just like, whoa, you guys are freaking good.

And I get to watch this now. They made you watch instead of skateboarding? Yeah. We're the young kids. Watch us do it. They would record it if you watch it. Time you up

in their parents' basement. I love skateboarding. Do you still skate? I do, yeah. Much to this. Do you still watch young kids skate? 18 plus.

Oh, like the Live links Live links When else do you hear 18 plus When the cops I'm not gonna finish that The cops are holding a party Yeah

I'm the only one adults there. I think during the purge, the cops should have a party. They do. They do? Yeah, they have a day off. What is going on? Have you seen any of the purge movies? Do they show what the cops are doing on their day off? Get the fuck out of there because then it's all things are legal. Why are the cops

that's their only thing is legally legal. You know what I mean? Is it like a big yacht party for cops? Yeah, yacht cops. But like they mostly just stay home. It's their night off. You know what I mean?

It's like when an actor is like I don't want to dress up for Halloween the rest of the year is my Halloween. That's what the cops are like the rest of the year is the purge for us. We are the law

in the rest of the year. But tonight's your night so kill a guy. What would you do on the purge Tim? Yeah. Oh yeah I'm so glad you asked me that. I was expecting it. What would you do on the purge, Tim? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm so glad you asked me that.

I was expecting it. The purge. First of all, I'd go into the banks and I'd open them up and I'd take what's there. Just so you know, the purge doesn't mean the banks are unlocked. Yeah, you still have to commit crimes, make... You have to commit crimes. Are we going to go through the Purge contract before we get into this? Yeah, the Purge prequels.

Here are two for, refer to as. Yeah, no, I'd crack open some money. I wouldn't want to hurt anybody. I'm sorry. But... Don't say sorry. It's the Purge, man. Okay, you're welcome.

I don't want to hurt anybody. The lightness goes out the window. No, I want to steal a helicopter and just see if I can fly it. That's like a perfect purge activity. Just see if I can fly. I've watched enough Mission Impossible movies. Yeah. To know I could do that.

All six? Yeah. Take it into a train tunnel. What would you guys do on the Purge? You know I'd probably sneak into Mission Impossible 6 I'd illegally download the Purge movies Is everything shut down?

Nothing's open? Yeah If I stay open during the Purge Is everything shut down? Nothing's open? Yeah. The one store that's like, if I stay open during the purge, I mean, I will get robbed constantly, but the one subway that stays open? And the guy that his purge thing is that he wants an all cheese sub?

No bread! Cheese! This is the purge. But you still have to talk to the guy behind it? He doesn't get to make it. thing is that he wants an all cheese sub. No bread! Cheese! But you still have to talk to the guy behind you. He doesn't get to make it. Well, I don't want to make it myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not fun. No gloves, though.

You're the artist. Oh, yeah, because the subway guy is above the perch, too. The perch covers all. No gloves. Cuts the bread old school style. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cuts off the top.

Nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've talked about Subway in the past, for sure. For sure. And so have we. Yeah, yeah, good. And since you're a new friend to me, I guess we're united by the brotherhood of Subway.

The brotherhood of having talked about Subway with Graham. Every day of my goddamn life. Can't get enough of that Subway. Subway. Subway.

They've never had a good commercial. That's the funny thing about Subway. They had the great commercial with Jared. He was great for years. Yeah, and look how that turned out. What do you mean? Wait, what happened? According to Clause B.

He thought every day was the purge, if you know what I mean. Why? Why? Are you mad at me because of making fun of Jared? Yeah. Fuck that guy. Punch up, Graham. It's fine. It's fine.

There's gotta be, like, new people that come into the prison must be, like, overjoyed when they find out they're in the Jared prison. Yeah. Like, on their first day when they're walking through and everybody's like, new meat, new meat, and he's like, speaking of meat, look at that guy!

That's fucking Jared. He probably is having a really bad time. I'm going to say he deserves that. What? Yeah. Just because he lost weight? Is that it? Yeah.

I don't like how he treated his old pants. Showing them to everyone, embarrassing them. I don't like these pants anymore. Those pants showing them to everyone embarrassing them i don't like these pants anymore those pants could have gone to a good home um what are the other subway commercials the new ones have you seen the new ones where they're trying to be like alternative yeah yeah no it's all like drop the bass and like skateboarding yeahing and be extreme and eat paninis. Chipotle paninis. Take that, mom. I'm eating Subway now.

Yeah, I got into school. It is so abstract. I don't't know but i'm hooked what what what are the what's the best fast food commercials mcdonald's do you remember when we did that uh we hosted those uh advertising awards and we asked an advertising guy so like in your opinion what are the best commercial like is there something that's super hot right now in commercials? And he's like, the Burger King guy

with the weird mask. That's so, like, that's what everyone strives for. That's, do you remember that? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. They all want their mascot to be like a murderer. Yeah. Yeah. Like, kind of,

kind of, sort of, what's that movie where everybody wears the Guy Fawkes mask? Beaver Vendetta. Yeah, like kind of, sort of, what's that movie where everybody wears the Guy Fawkes mask? V for Vendetta. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a cross between that and those old, that Primus video. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what, that's true.

That's what that guy was like. That's what's hot. We are from a generation. Yeah. The only generation that knows a Primus video and V for Vendetta. Everyone shout out your favorite fast food commercial.

Oh, did I hear the one where they sing all the toppings on a Big Mac? It's this weird thing that Arby's does that they make Like you can tweet them a picture of your face And they'll make a sandwich that looks like your face Arby's doing some really fucked up stuff

Wow They're throwing some Hail Marys, hey? Yeah, yeah, because like obviously And they're scoring with them Touchdown Arby's Touchdown Arby's Touchdown Arby's That's great That's a great slogan

Yeah well thank you We've got the meats We got the meats Not so good Yeah If that song ends up on a commercial though You should sue them I should

Yeah Yeah Do you guys know that Arby's Has been run out of town in Winnipeg, pretty much? Why? What happened? Whoa! Crowd's quiet until you strike a nerve.

We got some roast beef in the crowd with Arby's. What? What? Yeah. What do you mean that they were run out of town? That one person has a V for Vendetta against Arby's. In the mayoral debate, was there the anti-Arby's candidate?

Well, there was one guy wearing a giant hat, and I was like, well, I know what side he's going to come down on. Just sitting there with a bucket of horseradish. How many Arby's were there? They were like a handful. You know, three or four. They're shutting down. Maybe they're all gone or there's one left in Transcona.

I don't know. One left on Transcona. Is that near the airport? Can I get there tomorrow? No, it's opposite side of the city. Yeah. Gotta have my Arby's every day. On strict doctor's orders.

Doctor's orders. That's your workout regime? Just eat Arby's and sweat? I don't want this wedding ring to fall off. I've never had Arby's in my life. No? Never. Really?

I don't know if they have them. There's at least one. There's got to be one. There's one in every city. It's a load-bearing restaurant. If they move it, just a big sinkhole forms. Businesses just fall in.

I should go. Yeah. Try it out. I'm going to go. Go. They have curly fries. Curly fries? Yeah.

Yeah. Love them. Yeah. So curly. It's like eating a pig's butt. Sorry. No, no, no. Please.

Go ahead. No, no, no. Go on. It's like a hot dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But reversed. Reversed? It's like a hot dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But reversed. Reversed? It's like the hot dog's eating you?

Instead of a tube, it's a hole. Sorry. Well, there's two parts to a pig's butt. That's right. Let's get into it. So you think that the curly thing doesn't look like the tail. It looks like the pig's sphincter? Is that what you were saying?

I don't want to get clinical. No, it doesn't look like a tail. For sure, tail. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Understood. I fucked up. You've been to Arby's.

Oh, yeah. How many times? Like, is it regular? No, maybe like four times in my whole life. But I'm like, I'll promote it. You know, I'll say, go there, do it, try it. It's worth it. It's so good.

They call the horse, it's horseradish, but is that right? Horseradish, cheese sauce. Horsey sauce. Is that different? What's that? Fuck me. Really?

Yeah. It's 90% horse, 10% salt. Is it horseradish based? Yeah, it is. Horsey sauce. You don't like that? Hey? No? Okay, I like it.

Get on my lap. Yeah, they do like the shaved meats. Slower. You mean like no hair? That's their thing. I've never said hairless meats. We nair all our meats before they get here. First we nair a whole lamb.

Nair he had a little lamb. Now we've got a campaign plan. Thank you. Oh, they're opening five more in Winnipeg. Arby's is back. Not just for the purge. Yeah, that's what I would do. I would open an Arby's on the purge.

But that's illegal. Arby's pop-up shop. But you don't have any permits. It's on the perch. But that's legal. Arby's pop-up shop. But you don't have any permits. It's the perch. I would make my own Arby's logo and just, you know, buy meat. It's the used meat I found. Yeah, it's just loose meat, cheese sauce. But a lot of these are just jack-in-the-box items.

Yeah, I remember when I was a kid, like my friend's dad, who was kind of like, he was just odd. He was like an odd guy. Always wore sunglasses, like even indoors. Oh, really? Your friend's dad, Corey Hart. Yeah. And he... I wear my sunglasses indoors.

Oops, I forgot to take them off. He said... And're going to... And playing poker in a high stakes tournament. We're going to go for like... He said hamburgers, and then we went to Arby's, and I was like, that couldn't be less hamburger. Graham, your beer is spilling, but you're mid-sentence. You can't do anything about it.

I got it. You got it. This place has musicians that spray beer and champagne all over the place. Oh, yeah. Tomorrow night, buy tickets for the beer sprayer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he took us to Arby's, and I couldn't fucking believe it. And he's like, you can get whatever you want.

And I was like, gray? I'll have the gray meat, I guess. Yeah, do you want the gray brown meat or the gray meat? Or the blue meat. And then you look at it, and it kind of makes a rainbow sheen under the light. And you're like, well, that shouldn't be. No, just put some cheese sauce on it. You're good.

Put some of that donkey. Donkey whiz. Donkey sauce is Guy Fieri horsey sauce the rumor brothers really I don't know what the R is B's brothers brother like I think we really did it tonight on our Arby's cat yeah oh boy do you think they would sponsor us? Yeah.

They make sandwiches out of people's faces. I've never been, and you're a vegetarian. Tim seems to like it, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you, Graham, as a vegetarian, is Winnipeg a good place to be? Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah, lots of good vegetarian restaurants here. I've been to, not this trip, but Boone Burger. Fantastic. I see people getting excited about things one at a time. Boone. If you connect one at a time with the crowd, it takes a long time. For sure. It's still show business.

But everyone has a story to tell when they go home. Yeah. I was yelled at for knitting. I'm sorry. Keep knitting. I feel bad. What's it going to be? A sweater. Ambitious.

Sleeves and a torso. Two bits. Yeah. Do we want to move on to overheard? At this hour? Sure. We never got to know us. Oh, we didn't.

That's true. But we did, though, in reality. Yeah, but do you want to hear the song? Yeah, I want to hear the song. Okay. Okay. Get to know us. Yeah, you guys knew it. Get to know us. It's a beautiful song. Do you want to move on to Overheard? Yeah, you guys knew it. Get to know us

It's a beautiful song. Do you want to move on to overheards? Yeah, overheards. Oh, the bass. Overheard Now, Tim, for the audience, if you don't know what overheard is, it's hilarious things that we've overheard in our lives.

And we always like to start with the guest okay tim would you you tell you told me backstage you have many i've got a couple okay they're overhears that's all it takes okay so um i went to las vegas recently this isn't the crowd. They won't move. And also won't. Yeah. But why? Didn't they just beat you at hockey? Uh-huh. You know?

Like, why would they cheer for them? But barely, just barely, four games to one. Barely. Or two, I don't know. An overseen there was a T-shirt with a Vegas Golden Knights logo on it. And it said, we started from the bottom, now we're... And there was a picture of the Stanley Cup. But they didn't win the Stanley Cup.

So, anyways. Pretty pissed. Graham started from the bottom when he was eating out of that pig's butt. Who's that Graham? That was Tim. I never ate out of a pig's butt. Who's that grammer you? That was Tim. I never ate out of a pig's butt. That was so long ago. I remember in Vegas,

so there was a guy that offered us some cocaine. Oh, nice. Was he with the hotel? That's the Vegas treat. Yeah. But he tried to do it as we were walking by him. He tried to do it in like a subtle way, but then he had a

coughing fit, so it was like, hey, you guys want to get clean? I just drew the most attention to him ever. A big cloud flies out. There was something else that I overheard. These old Las Vegas overheards.

This is another. There's one more Las Vegas overheard that I overheard it, and I was like, that's so crazy. I don't even need to write it down. And then I forgot it. And I just wrote Guy at Walgreens. That's all. I was going to a movie here in

Winnipeg. As we were walking into the movie, there was like some, you know, like the young movie teen kids. No! Yeah, movie teens. I know, go on. Yeah, movie teens. Scene cards, you know, they have them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're doing the pre-show game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, boy. They're doing the pre-show games. Yeah, yeah. They got all the apps and they're killing it. They go home with like the garbage bag full of popcorn from the machine. I wish I was killing it. I know, me too. We all had our chance when we were teens.

I didn't kill it. No, me neither. I was walking into the theater. There's like a ramp that goes from the top level of the parkade down to the front entrance of the movie theater. And as we were walking down the ramp, I just heard this kid say, Oh, yo, let me get out of this tree real quick.

I looked over the side, and he was like all up in the tree. And then by the time I got down to the bottom of the ramp, he was screaming because he was like, his foot was caught in the tree and he was like upside down. His friends were just laughing at him. How big a tree? How tall? Not big.

Like, you know, just maybe like if he would have fallen, he would have been fine. Oh, no. But. You don't want to fall. Yeah. How'd he get up there? That's a great question.

He must have got a boost. Kids are good climbers. Good climbers, yeah. I like to, I sit around and I watch a lot of kids climb things. Yeah. It's fine. It's cool. Yeah.

They're extreme kids. When I was doing, you know, as a teenager, I did parkour, and then the young parkour kids came up. When I was doing it as a teenager I did parkour and then the young parkour kids came up and I was like damn. They jumped over you? They can really run up a ladder that's on its side. You know what? I'm mad at us.

I'm mad at us for not coming up with parkour. It was right there. It's true. I was living in France. Things were in my way. I agree. We should have come up with it. Does parkour still happen?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, but only on a certain moon. Yeah, once a year. And then you'll hear it on your roof. Oh, Jesus. Oh, God, yeah. The French kids are up there. One's got his foot stuck up there. All the other French kids

are laughing at him. Oh no, c'est dommage. C'est zolay. C'est zolay. I have an overheard from Graham, actually. Now, when we do the audience overheards, you have to have six. Or don't even bother.

I have an overheard that is from Graham. What does that mean? I overheard Graham say it. And then I wrote it down. When was this? While he was doing stand-up. No, I'm just kidding. I'll just repeat

one of your jokes. Gum is weird. I brought this phone book. Fried Brussels sprouts are their own reward. It's true. I stand by it. You're not wrong it You're not wrong

You're not wrong And the segment isn't Saying everything you've ever overheard Okay Because I just have two more And then five more after that laughing into a microphone I'm sorry laughing

laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing are there two more? I'll do one more. It's not a two more.

Well, that was a slow burn. Yeah. Okay. This one is from my wife, Dana Smith. Very funny person. She's the voice of the rapping bus from Tayo. That's right. Yeah.

I wish I had known that last night when I talked to her. I have so many questions. Everybody say safety rules. Take it away, Dana. Okay. The other day, she turned to me and with the most serious face

she's ever given me, I was scared for a moment, and then she said, I'm thinking about quitting comedy and just focusing full-time on Christmas. That's a good plan. That's what I would do if we had the purge. Focus full-time on Christmas?

Yeah, you're like, it's the middle of June, but it's Christmas to me. Purge! Yeah, I think I'd be the first one killed. The guy putting up his Christmas lights on the purge. Yeah. Just knock your ladder over. Dave, do you have an overheard? I have one.

Yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. I know, right? And the problem is... Did you want me to do more? Yeah, the problem is, it's like, I want to say like,

oh, you know what, it's quality over quantity. It's not any better than any of it. So I was in Home Depot. Hey! Hey! I know how to respond. It's a Rona crowd. Not sure. Do you have Home Depot here?

Oh yeah So I was there And there was a woman talking to one of the employees And she was looking for something And he was trying to help her And she said, I don't know what it's called I just call it the corner thingy The corner

I can't for the life of me Figure out what that is Well is it a hinge? No, I can't for the life of me Figure out what that is Well is it a hinge? No it's I don't know It goes in the corner Oh it's a lamp Yeah

The thing in the corner Makes everything bright Corner thingy Just one from me Thanks Yeah Just also one from me thanks just also one from me and very teetering on the edge of whether or not it is or is not an overheard Bible we were

eating a late lunch before this at Earl's and there was like a what seemed like a group of senior ladies that maybe gets together every Tuesday. Young seniors. Yeah, young seniors. Wine, wine.

Yeah, they were all having wine. And it was just a delightful group of ladies. And when the waitress brought over, it was all wine. They knew they were getting wine. And the waitress brought over the wine. all wine. They knew they were getting wine. And the waitress brought over the wine and then one of the ladies was so excited, she went, oh, Rosé. Hey.

Oh. You ordered it, but I didn't think they'd bring it. I mean, I didn't think it was still summer, but I could imbibe. Ooh, they mixed the red with the white. Very nice. Very nice.

And now is the time. Yeah. When we turn the microphone over to you, fair audience. Who is this character, and from whence did he come? Who is this character, and from whence did he come? My microphone has been set up over here. So should you have an overheard? Jeremy Irons, is that you?

It is. Nah. If anyone out there hasn't overheard that they would like to share look at that microphone right there it's going to take a little bit of bravery or a burden coming story

yeah we will take either or if you're one of the luckiest people in the world we'll take both did you want to hear my Burton Cummings? Yes! Oh, yeah! Maybe that'll loosen up the crowd. Yeah.

They're still very tight. 70 minutes into the show. A lot of crossed arms out there. So this is a secondhand Burton Cummings story. Now, if anyone doesn't know who Burton Cummings is, here we go. He sang in the Guess Who. Yeah. And then solo.

Yeah, that's right. And he's a character about town. That's right. And you guys have mentioned it on the podcast before, the Burton Cummings Theater, how he promised to do a certain number of shows. And he's done, I think think two in the 10 or so years since then yeah uh just playing that long game which you got to appreciate um so my story

it's a secondhand story i used to work at a canvas community radio station here in winnipeg umfm whoop whoop uh yeah oh yeah and the the station manager there, he told me this story because he lived in a neighborhood in Winnipeg where there was a bar. And Burton comes in frequently to this bar, play the slot machines, and have a drink, have some fun, you know, Bert it up. Yeah.

Or come it up. Yeah, come it up. I like it. Got Or come it up Yeah Come it up I like it Yeah Got his comeuppance He So he was This night He was

Feeling pretty randy Bachman And And he was flirting With the With the waitress And He was like

Come back to my place Hey Why don't you come back to my place? I have over 10,000 MP3s. That's the juice right there. That's fun. That's a fun story. That's a fun Burton Cummings story. I gotta thank Jared for that story.

And now our first overhearder. Yeah. Come on up. Come on up. And form a line right there, everyone else. Now's the time. Put your knitting down. Hello.

Hi. How are you? Good. Good. What's your name? Molly. Molly. Molly, everybody.

Brave. First person up.? Molly. Molly. Molly, everybody. Brave. First person up. Brave Molly. Molly. Molly. Okay. So I was at work and I overheard two little boys and one said to the other, I had a dream last night that I got to pet Beyonce's dog.

Oh, man. That could only happen in a dream Yeah Oh man Molly everybody Did I tell you about my dream Where I was trying on hats With Alex Jones at the bay

No What do you think that means I mean I don't think any of them mean anything I'm not You know what I'm not a Freudian Okay Fair enough You're a Jungian Yeah What do you think that means? I mean, I don't think any of them mean anything. You know what? I'm not a Freudian. Okay.

Fair enough. You're Jungian. Yeah, Jungian or better. Jung, doom, and full of... Sorry. We'll get to you. Who are you going for? Carl Jung, dumb and full of cum. Carl Jung, dumb and full of cum.

That would be a very fun university t-shirt. Technically Freudian. Yeah. But you did tell me you were having a lot of dreams of moving back to your parents' house. No, that I'm just at my, that I'm living with my parents. Not that I moved back. You said, I'm having dreams that I'm living with my parents. Yeah.

And I said, like, aspirations? Aspirational. What a dinkus. But what do you think that means? I don't know. I don't know. I don't study any of that shit. I just have the dreams, and then I put them out there in the world

and hope that they inspire people to buy hats with Alex Jones at the Bay. What's your name? Lauren from Winnipeg. Hey? Lauren from Winnipeg. Hey, Lauren from Winnipeg. This is more of an overseen. I was traveling to the airport many years ago and looked over and on the sidewalk was a gentleman with a full back brace,

including the drilled into the skull situation, on a bicycle, riding with no hands, and texting on his cell phone. And it was Burton Cummings. Lauren, everybody. Off I go. These eyes.

Yeah, I think we, like, I'm going to be anticipating a Burton Cummings story. Sure, sure. So you should say whether it's an overheard or a Burton Cummings story. Welcome, sure. So you should say whether it's an overheard or a Burton Cummings story. Welcome, welcome. You there. What's your name? I am Kylie. Hi Kylie. You're not the knitter, are you? Yes, I am. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's great. Was there a conversation before you came here about the knitting? Can I bring my knitting?

Yeah. Well, I've always got it in my bag. And so I said to my friends, is it okay to knit? And they're like, yeah, nobody will see it. And then I did. And then you saw it. I've got a deadline to finish the sweater. Yeah, I understand that.

What is the deadline? October 20th. October 20th. And is it a grown-up sweater or a kid's sweater? It's a grown-up sweater. Alright, cool. Someone's going to be like they need to be in their Halloween costume early and it's a

sweater guy? How's it going, Dave? They have to be in their Halloween costume early. And it's a sweater guy. I'm not opening my eyes the rest of the show. Sometimes I wear sweaters

not on Halloween. That's true. Is it for you? Yeah. And why the deadline? Jesus Christ. Because I'm going to Iceland, and it's cold there. Yes. Actually, it's green.

Greenland's icy. Yeah? Well, shit. Where they get you. Okay. Kylie, was it? Yep. Yep.

Go right ahead. Thanks for coming out. I can go now? Okay. So I was at one of the many universities in Winnipeg. Three. Right. Yeah.

There's actually four. There's four. Four. Oh, boy. Someone just graduated. Yeah, there's a lot. So I was at one of the universities, and there was somebody having an argument with another guy, and the argument went, what, you's got a problem with me using drugs?

And he goes, no, I got a problem with you saying you's and gots. Oh, boy. Kylie, everyone. I'm very, so thank you for indulging me on the knitting. There was one guy in line who got out of line. Maybe it's because he thought, Jesus, look at how he's beating up a woman who was knitting. Look at how he's not letting that go.

I'm just asking questions. I just have a mean face. They're nice questions. Get back in line, man. Yes! No, he's leaving! No! I've driven him to drink. In line. Yes! No, he's leaving! I've driven him to drink.

He'll be back. Yeah. Maybe not, he's going to the exit. Yeah, okay. We walked a guy tonight. Yeah. Usually we walk about ten. What's your name? I'm Darren. Darren?

Yes. Thanks for coming. Thanks. So this is an overheard. It's one of my favorites. It's an overheard on Winnipeg Transit. Winter. Completely crowded.

Not sure if this guy was talking to his friend or everybody. But he was like, I gotta get out of jury duty. It's on the same day as my court date. Oh, man! Oh, fuck. Darren. Darren?

I think that's double jeopardy. That's like one of those movies where you set up two dates on the same night, and so he's racing back from his court. Then he's jury duty. And then puts the tie back on. Teresa, Your Honor.

You're a juror. Yeah. Why are you wearing a robe? So he's also a judge. He's judge, jury, and executioner. I think that should be pretty easy to get out of, your honor. Yeah. What?

I've never, have you ever been sent a thing? I've been sent a thing. Sentenced? There was no, I didn't even make it up to the choosing. I was just in the cattle call. You? No, I wish. Me neither.

I've been in court before. Uh-huh. Tell me more. Remember that whole 420 friendly thing? Well, I got a little carried away. Really? Uh-huh. We'll talk.

Yes, you next? Yay. Hello. What's your name? I'm Lindsay. Hi, Lindsay. Hi. Sorry, I have a Burton Cummings story.

Oh, please, thank you. Here we go. And it isn't the usual one of him drinking half and half on the bus, which I feel is everyone's story. That's like the classic. What? Has anyone else witnessed this? Drinking half and half. Like most people tell that one, yeah.

The carton on the bus. Is it always the same bus? I don't know. Not necessarily, but it's always the same carton. Always the same carton. Pouring coffee into it. Just fills it back up. No, mine, I'm nervous actually because I asked Rory.

I was like, I have one. And I was like, I want to tell it. And he was like, is it funny? And I was like, I don't think so. And he was like, well, don't tell it if it's not funny. And I was like, I'm going up anyway. And he was like, well, don't tell it if it's not funny. I'm going up anyway. Okay. So be prepared. Well, what, it was my mom's ex-boyfriend and it was, and they were around the same age, him and Burton Cummings. Okay. And his name is Myron. And I guess they all played pool often around that time. And Myron was a really good pool player and he was like a big deal around the bars at that time.

And I don't know what the background is, but some TV show wanted to show Burton Cummings playing pool against people in the city. So they did that, but... So they were like, okay, they got Myron, and they got this other guy, and they were going to play pool against each other, and it was going to be great.

And Myron was all excited, too, because he was just like, I'm better than him, and I'm going to beat him, and whatever. And then they get there, and they're playing, and Myron takes a shot, and it's normal, and then Burton Cummings goes to take a shot, and then it's all, staged and set up and TV and then he wins the game and it's

like everything is fixed and then all the guys are bummed about it and then that's it. He loses and yeah. And Burton Cummings wins and that's it. Burton Cummings always wins. That should be the town motto.

Lindsay! Lindsay everybody! Never bet on the house. That should be the town motto. Lindsay. Lindsay, everybody. Never bet on the house. He should have known, though, right? Like, oh, they're doing a news story on Burton Cummings. I'm going to win. I imagine there's a news magazine show that every week does the Burton Minute. That's what I imagine.

You'll never guess who is drinking half and half on the bus. Hello! You made it back! Thank you. I came back, yeah. Hi! What's your name? My name's Aiden. Aiden, hello. I'm sorry. I'm very anxious. I just had to go and do the recovery position in the bathroom. Okay, well, welcome!

All are welcome. I'm not very showbiz. My hands are going numb. Does that happen to you every time you get on stage? I've been holding this mic. You know what? It feels better. My hands just go nummy.

Okay, so is this helping at all? Yeah. Aidan, it's very nice to have you here. You're not going to do worse than my hands are going nummy. I made that joke to make you at home. Thank you. So, it's an overheard, no burden

coming story. I was at, it was a few years ago, I can't remember exactly when, but I was at a bookstore downtown. Red River Bookstore, I don't know if any of you know. Whoa. but it was at a bookstore downtown, Red River Bookstore. I don't know if any of you know. Yeah. Whoa.

If anyone's dealt with the proprietor, he's a very awkward man. I heard rumors that he kind of just inherited the building, so he's filled it like a hoarder, and he's got records and comic books and books and probably sex toys hidden somewhere in there. I mean, he has an upper room where you have to ask to go into, so they're up there, I think. So I was looking through the books, and I overheard this couple.

They were at the front, and they were interested in this clock that looked like a no-entry sign, like a street sign. So they were trying to buy it. And so they kept asking, how much is that, that clock right there? And he's like, well, I don't know. Do you mean this? And he points to a He-Man action figure or something.

Like he wasn't getting it. And then finally, after a few back and forths, he finally centered on the object that they were interested in. He looks at it. He then finally, after a few back and forths, he finally centered on the object that they were interested in. He looks at it. He looks at them. He looks at his watch. And he's like, well, it's three o'clock, so

no, I'm not going to sell that to you. Denied! That's it. That's great. My goodness gracious!'ve been in that establishment and he is the like he's the gatekeeper

you have to ask because there's no deciphering the order of anything Does everyone know everyone here? Yeah I think so. Every year we do a get-together. Let's talk about the purge. Any big plans for the purge?

I'm going to get that clock. Welcome up. I believe the last overheard slash maybe Burton Cummings story of the evening I'm sorry, it's neither an overheard Nor a Burton Cummings story But I was hoping I could speak to the card guys Oh, card guys!

Yeah, absolutely Just let us get into character You guys should have a theme song for the card guys Alright So if anyone doesn't know, we're the card guys We're the card guys, we appraise cards Coast to coast Yeah, you know, cards, comic books

Pogs, no Pokemon No Pokemon! Oh shit, screw you What do you got? Let's see Now, while I'm in Winnipeg, before we get to your card What's your favorite Winnipeg card? As a card guy Mine is that one.

Where when Randy Cunningworth was traded to the Jets, and instead of just saying, he's been traded to the Jets, because sometimes they would paint a jersey on a player, but it was like a full torso and up shot, and so they painted the entire jersey and his gloves. It was the cartooniest thing. They might have painted his face. You have a favorite one to paint, Carsey? Yeah, the forks.

What's your card? Well, knowing Dave, as I do, that you're a Canucks fan, although I appreciate your whiteout tonight, I have this Canucks card that I was hoping that you could... Well, it's not a Canucks card that I was hoping that you could... Oh, this is... Well, it's not a Canucks card. It's

two brothers. Oh, yes, indeed. Now, there was a very famous card of Pavel Bure in his rollerblades on the beach in the early 90s. What year is this? 91, 2, 3, 4, something like that.

But they also did a Bloodlines series, Upper Deck did. Now, in the Bloodlines series, you would have... Yeah. Any of your famous hockey brothers that were around at the time. Maybe they did the Sutters. Who's to say? They certainly would have done, like, oh, I don't know, Sylvan and pierre turgeon

um oh boy i don't know if gayton and steve duchesne were brothers i don't know any parents who would have named their sons steve and gayton but what you're looking at here is Pavel Bure and his brother Valery. This is a rare one because Valery is spelt wrong. Valery is spelt with an I. This is with a Y. I'm making this up. But what I'm not making up is that he did eventually marry Candace Cameron, who played DJ Tanner on Full House. That's right.

And played DJ Tanner on Fuller House. So, I don't know. Six bucks. Six bucks! Six bucks! Wow. Well, that there, I'd say, that's as high

a note as you want to reach. Yeah, that was really good. I mean, unless you all want to stand and sing the National Anthem. Just say the two words from the National Anthem you like. True North! Yeah, there you go. Thank you. Thank you.

Everybody, please thank our fantastic guest, Winnipeg's own Tim Gray. Thank you. So funny. Such a treat to have him here. You guys were so fantastic. Thank you, guys. Thank you so much for coming out to the show. If you would like to say hello to us, we'll go down into the lobby in a few minutes.

Yeah. If not, go home. That's fine. I saw a hot dog cart set up out there. Maybe grab one on your way home. Fun. Baseball game. Do you guys mind if I do two more? Thank you to the park theater. Thank you very

much to everyone here and thank you so much for coming out to the Park Theater. Thank you very much to everyone here. And thank you so much for coming out to the show. Everybody have a safe trip home. Have a good night. Good night. Come see comedy shows at Wee Johnny's.