Stop Podcasting Yourself - Bonus Episode - LIVE with The Sunday Service

Episode Date: November 22, 2011

Recorded at The Kosmik Zoo in Vancouver, Friday, November 18th, 2011 with all 6 members of The Sunday Service improv gang.  Oh, also the mayor shows up in the middle.  Seriously.  The whole thing is weird.  Enjoy?

Ladies and gentlemen, you have already sort of gotten quiet, but please get loud! This is the five-year anniversary special of the Sunday Service, starring the gentlemen from the enormously popular podcast in a special live podcast, Stop Podcasting Yourself, with Graham Clark and Dave Shumka. Get loud! Get loud! Shumka, get low!

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host... Stop Broadcasting Yourself. Somebody took very little care with the sign out front. Yes! Emmett Hall! It's nice to feel like you're doing a show in a saloon. That's nice.

Yeah, it's an old-timey thing. Please welcome the whores! Badonk. Well, welcome, everybody, to a very special fifth anniversary celebration of the Sunday service here at the Cosmic Zoo! We are hurtling

through space! A place so nice they named it once and then never made any signs. Let me give you a little rundown. What a menagerie here tonight. You have elf, you have predator, alien from alien, all the greatest aliens in the cosmic zoo. Caged. For your amusement. Hi, everyone.

Well, here's what's going to happen tonight. We do a thing called a podcast, which is like a blog for illiterates. And we're here as a part of the Sunday Service 5th anniversary 7 Abrasions. Yep. And thanks for having us, fellas. And so throughout tonight's show, we will be doing our regular segments. How many of you have heard our show before? This is going to be great.

All right. I thought it was going to be the two people at the front and then everybody else just putting on their coats. Constantly? Yeah, just putting them on like as a warning. Bring it up. That Cosmic Zoo joke. I mean, we all think Cosmic Zoo is. I mean, we all think Cosmic Zoo is all airs name.

No need to make a big play on, you know, E.T. in a cage. That was my way of getting E.T. in that I remembered later, putting it back in the joke. Five years! Five years, everybody. Where were you five years ago?

I'll tell you right here. I wrote down, went to Wikipedia today, and I wrote down things that happened in november 2006 to cast your mind back to a time because you don't remember what the fuck happened that year think about it what happened you have no idea midterm elections yeah no yeah sure here's here's a couple things that happened in November 2006. Al Jazeera launched its English language channel, Al Jazeera English. Good name. Good pick. You don't go crazy away from the name that you've established.

Just Al Jazeera English. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's simple. They made signs for it. They didn't just leave up the old signs. Yeah. Yeah.

Dave, what are we doing? Broadcasting ourselves over here? Come on. Stop it. Number five. 1948 by Jackson Pollock became the most expensive painting ever sold at $140 million.

Right? Can you imagine being that asshole that paid that much? Like, I mean, I like myself some Jackson Pollock, but really, what's the brag? Hey, I can never sell this for more than what I paid. I'm like the guys on Storage Wars. I'm like a dumb guy like that.

Didn't someone buy a Barry Bonds baseball and then explode it? Like, he paid millions of dollars and then, like, flushed it down the toilet in space. Yeah, that's a good way. That's a good use of a million dollars. In space. I just ruined your space toilet with my crazy baseball. Because I'm a millionaire.

I don't give a shit. One percent. One percent. Do you want to go down a thing with a monocle? Why did you just ask me to do that? I don't know. Here's another thing that happened November 2006. Saddam Hussein sentenced to death by hanging.

Remember where you were? That was fun. When? I was on the Ferris wheel listening to the radio. So throughout tonight's show, we'll be bringing on the guests from the Sunday service. Sure. Two at a time. They also have a microphone to ruin the show.

Pipe up, Mike. Pipe up, Mike. See, that's why we didn't want the microphone. You know, because I laid the groundwork for a really good callback to an alien joke. If you could, somebody did an elf impression over there. Remember Elf? He was an alien. Anyway, he ate cats. He was from a place called Melmac.

Kids, read a book. And then maybe sometime in the show we might have a crazy guest show up. Yeah, like the mayor. I don't want to give it away. I don't know why you did that. I don't want to spoil it for anybody. But the mayor was supposed to be here, and then he's all of a sudden like,

hey, I got to show up 45 minutes late because of... Yeah, fuck the mayor. Yeah. Right? Riding around on his bike... Yeah, fuck the mayor. Yeah. Right? Riding around on his bike. Him and his goddamn sash. Yeah. And his keys to the city.

Our mayor uses his sash to tie up his suit pants while he's riding his bike. That's not where a sash is supposed to be. It's supposed to be across your thing that says, Most Beautiful Mayor. Yeah. He won it, he should wear it. That's part of the deal. I have long maintained that the only

civic election issue... Are you guys voting tomorrow? Yeah! That was literally eight people. All at the front, all applauding ironically. Yeah, we're gonna vote.

So... Congratulations to... All applauding ironically. Yeah, we're going to vote. So congratulations to Alf if he's on the ballot. Read a book, everybody. Alf. The biggest civic election issue. Every election should be making it illegal to carry an umbrella while walking under an onyx. Oh, yes. And know what? It's ignored every election.

No one, who's, you know, in the umbrella lobby that's lobbying for both? I don't want to say his name, but he's, he looks like a penguin. Is it the penguin? Yeah, it's the penguin. Does the penguin have a secret identity? And he's really big in the umbrella lobby. He's like their top guy.

Do any of the bad guys have secret identities in superheroes? Or are they all just like, I'm the Joker 24-7? Yeah. That's true. The Joker never gets...

What about the Joker's downtime? Joker me time. Yeah. Time to be so serious. What we should all do tonight is when the mayor shows up, one of us will ask him, what's the most important issue facing you? And if he doesn't say that

umbrella shit, everybody should be like, boo. Stinkeroo. You missed on the one issue. umbrella shit, everybody should be like, boo, stinkaroo. I'm voting for the lady. You missed on the one issue. I'm voting for the lady who looks like she's in my mom's book club. Yeah, what's her name, Peggy? Vote Peggy.

Yeah. She wanted to read that Toni Morrison book. She never got around to it. Now, here's the thing. This is interesting because today we're here. We're doing like a talk thing. And today, in history, big day, the day that Regis Philbin stepped down. Philbin. It's Philbin. No, no, no.

He changed it today for this historic event. He changed it to whatever crazy pronunciation I'm going to say. Regis Bigman stepped down. Cosmic Zuman. change it to whatever crazy pronunciation I'm going to say. Rageous Big Men Cosmic Zoo Men Cosmic Zoo Men stepped down from live with Cosmic and Kelly. We're idiots.

But here's the thing they did. Did you see it? Did you watch it? I don't know. I watched the first five minutes. I had to go to work, and I was almost crying. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, you would have cried and then dipped down into anger when the cast of Rent came out and sang a song for Regis. They rejigged the lyrics to the whatever it is like 525,600 minutes.

Right. And what do you measure a year in the life of... Right. They said, how do you measure a career? Right? And they did the math. Oh, and he's had like 17,000 hours of television. Yeah, and it was the worst thing.

And the greatest thing about Regis is he's been around for like a thousand years. He hasn't rented for years. Well, and nothing... Good call, first of of all way to rub it in everybody's faces second of all he he uh has been around seen all the shit so nothing impresses him at all like they came out they changed the lyrics to rent and the whole cast was there and he goes hey thanks rent and then like it's just like ah that was all right. And then the Notre Dame marching band spelled out Regis on the field, and then the Notre Dame symbol.

And he just said, thanks, Notre Dame. Just like, how can you slough out so many thousands of hours of efforts? Awesome. Next. Whatever's next. Something great, something else is going to happen for you. He's a pro. He's got to keep the show moving. He knows that there's another ovation around the corner.

Yeah, that's right. The other weird thing about tonight's show is that the guests who are not our guests at the moment will be sitting on stage, as our audience here can plainly see, and our home audience can only imagine. So it's super weird. Imagine we're hurling through space. Yeah. Clogging a toilet with a baseball. Imagine elf is somewhere nearby.

That elf joke's gonna work if I have to drive it into the ground. Alright. Keep going. Well, I got nothing else. Do you have anything else? I do, but we have to record a podcast tomorrow morning as well,

so I don't know if I want to waste this. This is a pretty good nugget. We've started recording our podcasts on Saturdays at noon because Graham thought that's what I wanted. Yeah, because he said we recorded one at noon, and he was like, this is the greatest. I could go on with my day, which was watching, what, Gypsy Weddings or whatever we were doing?

We watched like two hours of Gypsy Weddings yeah yeah yeah they're travelers they're travelers fucking bikies anyway so now I've booked the noon

and now I feel like a asshole do you know that season two of Gigalotes has started yeah you wrote me an email I imagine two seconds after

you found out so we got those to watch if you want to stick around it's already happened? Well, the first four are done. Oh, man.

It's like watching a porno with a friend, but without the stress of masturbation. Wait, are you watching being eminent? Are you watching a porno? You and a friend are watching a porno, or you're watching a porno with a friend in it? No, no. You're like watching with... Well, I mean, if you're lucky, you get the trifecta. You're watching one. I know that guy.

Yeah, hey, remember him from high school? What a jerk. He's really good at fucking now. I didn't think... I thought he would be a selfish lover. That's what you say. Yeah, guys in pornos are real givers. Is the mayor here yet?

Well, I think we're good to bring out our first set. We're going to do our guests in two-person sets because the Sunday service is this group of handsome gentlemen you see here. So we're going to bring out our first set of guests for our segment that we like to do off the top of the podcast. We need a piano accompaniment, man. Mr. Emmett Hall, welcome back to the piano, everybody. Round of applause. It's a segment we call Get to Know Us.

Get to know us Oh, we're good! We should do it live every time. Please welcome our first guest. Two of the long-time members of the Sunday Server, Mr. Taz Van Razzle and Mr. Ryan Beal, everybody! Yes! Thanks for having us

Thanks Oh yeah you gotta Mine's too high You know you have limbs Mine's working now Mine's working now This is real baby stuff you guys are doing We don't use mics normally on this stage

I know well you guys insisted. Confusing. We were like, no, you can project, but you were like, no, we can't. We've got little tiny, tiny baby voices. But you guys are trained. Classically trained actors. Yes. You don't need to eat it, though.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can back right off that microphone. Ryan can't help it. His voice is booming. Also, when he sees that blue microphone cover, he thinks it's Axl Rose time, and he's getting right in there. Paradise City. You could be mine.

Take me down where the girls are pretty. And the grass is green. Why does he cut off the grass is green? What is his name? Anyway, it's Axl Rose. Oh, because it's not... He didn't... That's a cover of a song, isn't it?

Is he? What? That's a cover of a song by some old dude or something, isn't it? It's a cover of a metaphor cliche. I'll tell you a story about that song. They wrote the song Paradise City. No, you make up your own dumb story. Fine.

Tell me. I want to hear about it. But Guns N' Roses wrote that song. Who do you think it was? Did you think it was like Hank Williams Sr.? No, I thought it was some old-timey thing, because exactly what you say, the grass is green, who gives a shit?

Not Guns N' Roses. Exactly. Oh, you thought it was like a megaphone singer. Yeah, I thought they were being ironic, like the grass is green, right? It's an old barbershop song. The girls are pretty. They would never call a girl pretty. They don't care. Slut, they would say.

Here's a story about that song. The guitar player, Slash, Top Hatman. Top Hat with a belt. He, they would be driving up to,

they would be driving up to, maybe I say it, they would be driving up. They once drove up to San Francisco. From LA. From Los Angeles. And they would be singing in the van, according to Slash. You remember him from Slash's Snake Pit? They would be singing in the van? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What a partridge family nonsense. It's a four Axl Rose is super strong. Yeah. It was more of a Scooby-Doo thing. They would solve crimes along the way. Right. They would be singing in the van in an old-timey style. Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls have big titties

why weren't those the lyrics titties then everyone would harmonize yeah well they were known for their four part harmony

yeah guys I have a pipe up oh no oh god good veto veto nope

sustained I'd just like to say my favorite part of that story was the way Dave said San Francisco. Yeah. Like Karen Diaz in Gangs of New York. If anyone remembers,

she wants to move to San Francisco. It's what she keeps telling Leo. That's all. I don't remember. And then the elephants escaped. You know what the home listener likes? More voices. Dave hates the idea that we set up the pipe up mic.

I don't think he's the only one. Craig's not in his time. It's our stage. You know what's weird is that your go-to reference, well, I mean, all of his references seem out of whack to me, but your go-to reference was Cameron Diaz in Gangs of New York saying the city... She wants to move to. That's not a thing that people...

That's not I'll drink your milkshake. That's not a thing that people are going to be like, yeah, that weird way she said San Francisco. We all remember. Remember? So, guys. Oh, yeah. Congratulations. Congratulations on five years.

Five more years. How did it start? Because I've been told that it's actually the sixth year. Yeah, it actually started six years ago. Yeah, that's what I've heard. Tell us all about it. But also make it funny. Add in a callback to Elf, if you want.

Sure, sure. This crowd seems to want it. They're El elf crazy. If I'm not mistaken, this is an elf crazy crowd. Hi. Six years ago... My name's Elf

and I love eating cats. There you go. There you go. Edmund knows how to do a callback. He does. He loves cats. That's good. And cats love lasagna.

He actually chewed his own cud. Lasagna loves... Mondays. No, they hate Mondays. How did you guys start out? As I was saying, Mrs. Akhmanek. Yes! I don't know what that is.

It's an obscure reference to Al. Never mind. Six years ago, we started a show at a vegan fast food restaurant. Vegetarian. Vegetarian. No, it was vegan fast food. What? That was what their tagline was.

I don't think they even had cheese. Is that what the tagline was? Vegan fast food. Vegan fast food was what their tagline was. I don't think they even had cheese. Is that what the tagline was? Vegan fast food. Vegan fast food. It was six years ago. What do I remember? It was not fast. Our food moves faster than the people who eat it because they have no protein.

Exactly. Logie people. Who knew it wouldn't last? That seemed like that got a not laugh because they think I'm being mean to vegans. But I'm a vegetarian over here. I'm part of the weird club that nobody likes. Yeah. I'm part laughing because they think I'm being mean to vegans. But I'm a vegetarian over here. I'm part of the weird club that nobody likes. I'm part of that club. So you missed this Wink, this restaurant we used to...

You started out at Wink, which was over just off of Main Street. Exactly. And that shut down, and then we went to El Rancho, which was like the worst restaurant ever for a week. They fucked up nachos. It was like... People couldn't do anything right. Was the cheese underneath the cheese? thrown ever for a week. They fucked up nachos. It was like, people like people, they couldn't do anything right.

Was the cheese underneath the chips? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was just stuck to the plate. Yeah, Graham, it was. It was underneath the chip. But they didn't have Venezuelan much music or MTV.

Yeah. It would just flare. We were there for a week and everyone who ever came stopped coming in droves. Yeah. So would just flare. We were there for a week and everyone who ever came stopped coming like in droves. Yeah. So we knew we had to find some... Was there a lone mariachi guy

going from table to table during your shows? That would be too authentic. Exactly. No, that happened... The only time I went to El Rancho. Oh, great. There was one of those guys

and... El Rancho burned down, by the way, for those... No relation. Where was El Rancho? No relation to us. It was up in that place that burned down.

Oh. You know, all the places on Broadway. Yeah. I like how little investigation was going on. Well, a street burnt down, whatever. It was a neighborhood, actually, that burnt down. Well, didn't Slickety Jim's catch on fire after it moved again? Yep.

Really? Yeah, that place is gross. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's like... They're very angry. They wrote their own conspiracy theory on the window. Oh, really? Yeah, we had a fire again.

Capital Comic Sans. I'd be like, I don't know, man. Maybe if I lit on fire twice after going on stage, I'd be like... I don't think I'm going to do it again. I don't know what it is, but I keep lighting on fire. Until I know, I'm not going back on stage. Then El Rancho's and then you moved here. You moved to the Hennessy first, then you moved to the Cosmic Zoo.

That came later. Exactly. Here we later. Exactly. And here we are. And here we are doing this thing. And you guys, by a round of applause, how many people have been to the Sunday service on Sunday night? Eight people. Eight people. Same amount of people who are voting.

Fires. That's our demographic. If you come here on Sunday night, this is like the greatest ticket in town, right? What else is greater in town? Nothing. Exactly. This is the best show on earth. Now that El Rancho is burned down,

now there's no competition. Night church? Is that a thing? Night church? It is for people who work on Sunday mornings. Tell everybody about night church, including myself. I don't know anything about it, but I'm aware that... You look like a deacon in a night church. Deacon in a night church.

Go on. Evening service does exist, I'm pretty sure. Anyone go to church here? It's on Saturday. Oh, fuck. I don't know. There's people that go to church at night? Why would anyone go on Saturday night?

Is it like glow bowling, where it's kind of like a fun night church? Yeah, disco church. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. Everything under black lights. They play that Witch Doctor song. Ooh, ee, ooh, ah, ding, ding,

running on a big night. It's hip. Do they play that at bowling? No, but it's the funnest song. They play that in hip places is where they play this. I only know that song from Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Yeah, they sped it up. I literally thought the witch doctors were a band. You were going to sing a song with the witch doctors. That's the spin doctors. Oh, sure. Two princes. Ah, this audience doesn't get elf. Don't be going to sing a song with That's the Spin Doctors. Oh, sure. Two princes.

Ah, this audience doesn't get elf. Don't be trying to drop a Spin Doctor Did he ever make it back to Melmac,

Graham? Gordon Shemway? Who knows? Oh, man. Somebody out there is really loving this. Somebody here is really loving this.

I'm enjoying this shit. Do you have any more questions for us, though? I don't know. Yeah, yeah, dig deep. What a long, strange trip has it been? Oh, yes.

You know, I've been working with Taz since I was 17 years old. Yeah, I picked him. He picked me out of a little high school improv show and was like, hey, kid, you want to do this stupid tournament for no money? Cigar. And I was like, well kid, you want to do this stupid tournament for no money? Cigar. And I was like, yeah, I was 47 at the time.

And I saw potential. I figured I could use it. But you know what? I've been working with Taz for 12 years. Wow. That's outstanding. That's a half your life.

And we already, we already bickered in my house today while I was in a towel. Yeah. we did. On my head and on my bottom. One up here, one down here. He wears two towels. Yeah, and we bickered about something.

We were drinking scotch. We didn't have a long day at work. Get another towel, idiot. Something for up here. Cover up, moron. My casserole is cold. That's too comfortable together i i have a fear like in the back of my mind i'm worried that at one point you and i graham uh i have peed with the door open in front of you and i just you didn't say anything about it and we all went on

with our days and i didn't notice at the time but I just keep having this nagging sensation that I peed in my house with the door I remember we had we had one guest that didn't flush the toilet and you were like you you're like that let's it mellow I don't want to say I don't want to out the person who did it but I don't know yeah but you will I remember that was an important... You brought me aside like, no, let's do it. Have you guys seen each other's dicks? Nope. No. I've seen each other's dicks.

We could count that on a calculator. Because it's a lot of times. It's a lot of times. Because we need algebra. You need... We need calculus. We tour a lot in hotels. I need a parabola.

Parabola. How was the... An abacus. I tour a lot in hotels. I need a parabola. Parabola. How was the... An abacus. I need to use bed mass. Tell us about the first... The first time that you saw each other's dicks. That's, I think, you know... Or at least, if not the first, the best time that you saw them.

Have you seen them both at the same time? Probably. Oh, yeah. I think we shared a toilet. Oh, okay. Sure. Why? Couldn't wait? Couldn't wait. Probably. Oh, yeah. I think we shared a toilet. Oh, okay. Sure. Why?

Couldn't wait? Couldn't wait. Couldn't wait to see each other's dick. Exactly. Classic cross the stream sort of thing. Was that the day you met each other? Exactly. He was in high school. Get in the bathroom.

I've got to see if I can work with this guy. Let's see what you got. You're in. You're in. You're in. Nice, Dave. Real mature, Dave. Come on. Real mature, Dave.

My mom's in the back of the room. Oh, hey, mom. Vote for Tesla's mom. So you guys, you've been working together for 12 years. That's crazy. That's a long time. Yeah, sure. Now, what do you hope for in the future?

I wanted to hear a dick story. Oh, well, didn't they? I think we did one. What did we do with that? Just toilet? Just toilet, right? Well, no. There was no other.

Every time we go to a hotel. There wasn't a bowl of glitter that they both dunked their balls in at the same time. That's a one-at-a-time thing. You take your number. I had the accident. You want to know what Ryan does every time we go to a hotel on tour? I don't think we do. No, no, we all want it.

Yes, that's what we want to hear. He gets real giddy. Does anyone else get giddy when you go to a hotel room? Like, this isn't my room. I see. Yeah, totally. Do whatever i want to this merchandise first of all he throws the phone book just across the room because you can you're

obsolete yeah don't need it because you can taz was taking a shower this last time we were in a hotel room and i took his mattress from his bed and put it up against the door. When he opened it, it was a mattress. Trying to get out of the mattress zone. But then when I got out, he was on his bed with just a washcloth on. It was an added element. Once he passed the mattress,

deal with this. Deal with this. It was like Gauntlet of Giddy is what it was. Yeah. Because it's not my room, right? And I'd do it again. It's the best. It's what I do it for.

I don't do it for the money, obviously. No, yeah, sure. This is a personal endeavor. I would call it a vendetta. Go on, though. Now you guys have shared a motel room for some reason. Motels being so cheap in the year 2011. Easily affordable to have another room or to work out some sort of time schedule.

Right. You go in there first. I'll wander around town. Where were you guys? Where you were sharing? Well, we tour a lot. We go to a lot of improv and comedy festivals and stuff. People want to see us.

Favorite festival you've been to? Edmonton. Improv-a-ganza. Yeah, Edmonton. Improv-a-ganza. Yeah! You wouldn't know this. Edmonton has the biggest and best improv festival in North America.

And one of the greatest malls to boot. And one of the worst avenues called White Avenue. It's a fucking phenomenon. Yeah. I'm amazed no one has gotten paid up from the improv festival on White Avenue is called White Avenue? Yeah. It's a fucking phenomenon. Yeah. I'm amazed no one has gotten paid off from the improv festival on White Avenue. Why? What's on White Avenue? White Avenue is like Granville Street.

It's like the party zone, but it's like... It's Fort McMurray comes to Edmonton for the night with a shitload of money and a bunch of meth. I wouldn't blame it all on Fort... No. This all sounds really good. I don't know what bad happened. Anyways, if you've never been to White Ave on a Friday night. I have been to White Ave.

Nothing happened. You're okay with it? Were you wearing just a washcloth? Is that what it was? I was the washcloth. I did start a shirts-off party at Cyclones. And I kept putting mattresses up against bar doors. That's the problem.

Hello. Where does he keep getting these mattresses? Come out and see me. It's his thing. It's his bit. Hello. Where does he keep getting these mattresses? Come out and see me. It's his thing. It's his bit. It's something I do. Just puts mattresses on doors.

It's okay. It's something I do. Ah. Note. Yeah. On what I've Yes, you Aaron. Yes.

A new bar just opened up and we got a flyer for it called Just the Tip. What? It's right above and it's right above En Suite 69. Those two bars are stacked

on top of each other. It's called Just the Tip so you don't have to pay for any of the drinks. You just lay down. Yeah. That's what I was going to give you. That's what it means.

That's what it means. A dollar a beer. What is the... Is it a penis bar? What are you trying to advertise with just the tip? It's not a classy thing, not a tip of the hat. Just the tip of the hat, madam. Yeah, no, it's a sex thing.

Yeah. It's like a way of tricking a lady into having sex with you. What, if you say I'm just going to put the tip in, she's like, well, then that doesn't count on my official record. I thought it was a freestyle ski move. A what? What? Freestyle ski move.

It's just the tip? Yeah. Go on. Ryan would know more about this than I would. I was on the freestyle ski team briefly, but I never did any of those moves. I was on it recently. No, no, briefly.

Oh, briefly, all right. Certainly not recently. Now, what is the plan? Is the future, are you going to keep doing the Sunday service and outer space and the cosmic zoom? Yeah, what is the plan, guys? You are a Jesse Award winning actor.

Who knows what the fuck. Yeah, I am a Jesse Award winning actor. You are a root beer pitch man. Also hamburgers, Dave. Thank you very much. Also hamburgers. True, true. Yeah, they have more than just root beer.

Fries. They have fries and whistle dogs. Gravy. Chubby chicken. A whistle dog is a hot dog cut in half. Do you get any? With a whistle inside? Yeah, and a whistle.

Don't eat the whistle. You'll die. Why is there a guy that used to be able to whistle in a half hot dog? I don't understand the whistle dog, but people, that's the thing that people talk to. People talk to me like I'm, like like I go to A&W board meetings. And when you talk to Mr. A&W, let him know I don't care for the pickles. Stuff like that. Just an actor that goes in there.

But people talk to me about the whistle dogs more than anything. They're like, there should be more of the focus. You should do one where you have a dog. Ryan, as your lawyer, I'm going to ask you to stop talking about it now so you can keep your contract going. Tez is my lawyer. Yes. What does your future hold, Tez?

I take 50% of what Ryan makes. That's it. I'm fine with it. Half? Half a whistle, dog. Tez, you have taught, like Ryan was Taz you have taught like what Ryan was saying you've taught improv you've taught it to hundreds and hundreds

of people who are like a bright shining star you've taught a lot of people improv is that a source of pride for you? you've got students who've gone on yeah it's a terrible thing. Oh, go on. You teach them and they go on to better things

and then you're still like, hey, you fucks. Yeah. You know, sir, with love. You said you're still like, hey, you fucks, which implies like he was like that to begin with. Yeah, yeah. That's how I started out. Listen up, fucks.

Hey, you fucks. I'm going to resent all of you one day. We're here. We're going to do the show. We're going to keep plugging away at this shit. It's not just me and Taz anymore, obviously. We got more. You got a whole gang.

You got the mayors on the line. The mayor is now a signed member of the group. Pending the election. We have our own podcast, so watch out. Oh, yeah. You guys have a podcast. Sunday Service Podcast. It's a very, very funny podcast.

People like it. It's called The Beautiful Podcast. Very different concept. Don't worry. But, like, we're not going anywhere. Why would I be worried?

I've heard it. I'm worried about the mayor's podcast. You're not springing anything. I want to thank you guys for recommending the podcast on all the podcasts you listened to when you were hanging out with Brad McNeil.

You guys listed off all the podcasts you really enjoy. And then I think you mentioned... Oh, no. No, you didn't mention all the podcasts. Oh, wow. Let's just slow it down for a second. Wow, Emmett. I just remember now.

Wow. First of all, Emmett just came back from Thailand, so obviously it wasn't that eventful of a fucking trip if he was listening to Brad McNeil's podcast. That's a can-wait ordeal. No offense to Brad or to our own podcast, but that's not a take an hour and a half out of your Thailand time to listen to, right? Go fucking pet an elephant or whatever.

Do you think people listen to our podcast and just stand and stare at the wall? Yeah, that's that they strap themselves to their bed like a crazy and then they just listen. Like a wolfman. Like a wolfman who doesn't want to be a wolfman. Like he knows. Not like a freestyle wolfman.

Yeah, exactly. Like a wolfman who's cool with it. I respect a wolfman who doesn't want to be a wolfman. Like Teen Wolf 2? No, he wanted to be. Well, they want to be for a while, but then it's like... Because people like the wolf more than they like the wolf. Was that the boxing one where he was good at boxing?

He was good at boxing, yeah. Who would get in the ring with a wolfman? Somebody who really wants to box. Somebody who can't not box. You're fighting a wolfman. Yeah, you're addicted to boxing. That happens. I like that the school just kind of like,

ah, another wolfman. At least he's good at a sport also. He's a teen wolf too. What if he was just a good academic wolfman? He's just really good at the studies. He's not bringing any kink to the varsity teams. They're like, yeah, go out for the swim team. He's all soggy and drowning. Polo.

Doggy paddle. I can only doggy paddle. This is great stuff. It's good. I bet Alf would doggy paddle if he had to. Oh, right? I can't see him doing a butterfly. Or can I?

Oh, you can. Yeah, I'm thinking. You guys, this has been the greatest get to know us, but we got to move on. We got to. Big round of applause for Mr. Taz Van Rassel and Mr. Ryan Beal, everyone. Thank you.

We'll be back later. Big round of applause for Mr. Taz Van Rassel and Mr. Ryan Beal, everyone. Thank you. Good guys. We'll be back later. Do we introduce the segment or the guests next? You know what? Introduce the segment. One of the guests needs to play. Oh, that's right. Okay, yeah.

The next segment is a favorite of ours and yours. It's called Overheard. Woo! is a favorite of ours and yours. It's called Overheard. Overheard. There you go. That was good. Please welcome to the stage another two lovely gentlemen from the Sunday service.

We have our pianoman, Mr. Emmett Hall. Good evening. And also, please welcome to the stage, Dave's number one comedy crush, Mr. Kevin Lee, everybody. It was a long time ago. Yeah, but it's still, right? Torch, torch carrying. Do tell. Welcome, gentlemen. Thank you. Thank you. Do tell. Welcome, gentlemen.

Thank you. Thank you very much for being on the podcast. Congratulations on – now, how many years have each of you been a part of the Sunday Services experience? Eight years. Eight years. So you predated. Yeah, you were doing it at Rancho's long before.

I suggested the cheese under the nachos and also baking the guacamole and sour cream and salsa and then putting little bowls of chips around it. Cold ass chips. Ice cubes on them? I don't know. Get them colder.

No, I don't know. Maybe, what, five years? Yeah, you've been a part of it since the beginning. He's my time Maybe, what, five years? Yeah, you've been a part of it. You've been a part of it since the beginning? He's my time cop. Yeah, five years. Here at the... Since they moved, you were here.

Previously Hennessy and the Cosmets, you have been here the whole time. Very quickly creeping on them during the El Rancho days, feeling like these guys need to get out of this dump because I'm going to burn this shit down. I had this on my arson bucket list for so long. I've been stuffing oily rags under the table. Oh, napkin?

Dipping my oil backpack. Stuffing. Arson bucket list. Yes. Yes. And how long, Emmett, have you been a part-time? Sort of like... It started off part-time and then became more permanent. But I...

You were a casual. Yeah, yeah. I'd just show up. He was on a six-month probationary period. Because I was playing piano for shows that Taz and Ryan were involved with for a few years before that with Instant Theater and stuff like that.

So when they were doing their show at Wink, I'd show up every once in a while, make the show sound good. Sure. And then... Just play really loud over really bad jokes. Yeah. So playing all the time.

That means that all the jokes were bad. I had to play piano all the time. That's what that meant. But yeah, I guess I kind of gradually became... had permination. Sure, yeah. Permination after like a year or two

after Kevin showed up. Aww. So I wanted to learn his craft. Sure. His arson craft. Now, you just zinged us for not mentioning your podcast

on our podcast. But we've been a long friend, we've been a long time friend of the Sunday Service. We've mentioned it many times, and we've had all the people on, and we've said the thing. And that's what you want to say. I listen. Yeah.

I do the bare minimum. You just don't endorse it. That's all. I forgot to say it because that was a boring segment. We didn't invent the segment. You know what is exciting? What's not boring is the Sunday service presents a beautiful podcast.

Did you hear that? Three claps? That is it. That is the reward. You planted your seed. Now it's time to bring in the crops. And that's what you... Three half-hearted. There's some teenagers at the bar, I think.

We all saw those guys, right? What's the deal with those guys? Drinking spicy Cokes. Yeah, right? I'll have an amaretto and ice. I've seen that on television. Do you guys serve Baileys straight? Do you guys serve Baile's mixed with Bushmills,

mixed with a Dignicardi ice, mixed with just anything in my parents' liquor cabinet? Looking for something in the swamp mix category? We're looking for something you might dare your friends to drink. Throw some creme de menthe in there, why not? Now, you guys, you guys have both been

on the Stop Podcasting Yourself many times. You know how overheards works, right? I overheard it once or twice. Boo. Boo. Yeah, thumbs down. Thumbs down. Right?

You guys can edit this out, right? Nope. Of their memories. Sure, everybody look at this Men in Black thing. just a dvd of men in black too when is the next one the difference is i make this look good what if in men in black that might have been the first movie what if there was just one guy who got distracted by a butterfly or something then he remembers all the alien shit and everybody's just like, eh, whatever.

But the butterfly just reminds him. He's like, that looks like an alien. Whoa. Speaking of seeing butterflies, the picture in the bathroom of the Make-A-Wish Foundation of the kid kissing the dolphin on the mouth. You love it? Has some top drawer situation. That's just going to be like the fishiest, weirdest.

Literally. It's all over your mouth. Like, you're not going to get your mouth around. Like, he's going to be the dominant in the smooch, right? The overlap of the lip on the kid's top lip just kind of like. He's up over top of it. I want to see that kid right afterwards going back. Not that good.

Get me out of here. That wasn't my wish. That doesn't count as my wish. That was fucking weird. I want a new wish. I want to kiss a lamprey. Take me around the aquarium. Oh, that was gross.

Kiss everything in the aquarium. Do you think any... I want to kiss the cash register. Do you think any kid in the Make-A-Wish Foundation Has ever wished for more wishes? Or more life Oh, come on, man Oh, guys Come on

Guys Come off it Well, sorry Okay, literally On that note On that note We are going to interrupt this for a special announcement Yeah, we This is perhaps my favorite thing I've ever seen physically happen outside of a silent movie.

What? It's not happening? It's getting crazier, which is great. Now a house just falls over the guy who did it, and he's in the window part, and he survives. Is there something that we're interrupting this for? Or is this just craziness? Or are you so fired? Yeah. Or did you just think the mayor walked in? Warren, what's happening?

What's going on? He's getting off his bike. He's locking up his bike. I got to move into another municipality. He was supposed to be here 45 minutes ago. He's getting off his bike. If he'd taken a car, he would have got here a long time ago. That's sort of what I said.

I want to see what the physicality was. The gentleman at the door, past guest on the podcast, Warren Bates, walked up. Big round of applause. Very funny young gentleman. I've never seen him before. Walked up and gave this signal to the Sunday service guys.

He gave them, like he went across his chest like a sash. That was the signal. The mayor! He didn't do a bicycle or anything.

He did sash! Fruit juice. And then, Ryan Beal, standing at the side of the stage, sitting at the side of the stage stage made a little M with his finger if you didn't see the sash

Mayor McCheese and then we got he's getting off his bike doesn't he have someone to get off his bike for him? yeah your tax dollars at work everybody Doesn't he have someone to get off his bike for him?

Your tax dollars at work, everybody. I don't know, do you pay taxes? Yeah, I've paid a tax. I hate it. It's the worst. But, like, here's the thing. I've gotten off a bike before, and it was, like, lickety-split.

You know? You should be the mayor. Yeah. Oh, shit. I'd be getting down to work right now I want to show everyone here how quickly I can get off this bicycle I'd like to see Susan Anton I don't care if there's chain marks on my jeans

I'm going to be a mayor in jeans The no lock party Is he still He's actually Chaining his bike That's what I'm saying Graham The no lock party Right in ballot

You know what he should write on his bike Mayor's bike Everybody Shut up Everybody shut up Everybody be cool Alright Everybody shut up! Everybody be cool! Alright? Please welcome to the stage, your current and maybe future mayor, Mr. Gregor Robertson.

Mr. Robertson, you remember me? I got a lot of political capital I want to cash in. Mr. Mayor, I think you have something to say to everyone. Is this on? Okay. Always check first. Hi, everyone.

Did you have a suggestion for me? Okay. So, I do. You know, I'm sorry I'm late because I was out tonight working on my job. Tony Tang, everybody. Yay! Remember Tony Tang. It's an unforgettable name.

Tony Tang. Anyway. Okay. Any Tony Tang fans in the house? Frosted Flakes. Let's see what else I got. So let me just say congratulations. I have a special proclamation.

One of the things I get to do as the mayor of Vancouver is proclaim certain days and weeks and months. I haven't done any years yet, but maybe if I get three more years. You're taking a decade. So I have a special proclamation for tonight. Here we go. But first, before I get to that, I want to recognize two people in the room, in the back of the room over there, who are campaigning to be elected tomorrow to Vancouver Park Board.

Nikki Sharma and Trevor Loke. Give it up. Park Board. Nikki Sharma and Trevor Loke. This is new blood, new blood for the Park Board. How many people are here are Park Board fans? Parks and Rec. Vote for our Park Board people. They rock. And it's all the community centers. It's all the parks. It's a lot of good stuff that happens in the city, actually, that city council is not responsible for. So we need Nikki and Trevor on the job.

So tomorrow is election day. But before I get to that, I have a special proclamation. Could you run and roll the proclamation? a special proclamation. Could you run roll? Whereas, there's a number of whereases here before we get to the... Whereas,

the Sunday service has brought comedy and merriment to people of all ages. It starts off soft and works up from there. Whereas six young, white, middle-class males can finally realize their potential to be whatever they dream on stage. And whereas, without Sunday service,

the local sales of crappy bottom up shirts and baseball hats would plummet that's true so that's why you're wearing that right now local economy, it's all about the local economy whereas without no actually I think I'm going to go to a more political whereas Suzanne Anton

and the NPA have voted have vowed if elected to ban the Sunday service. What? No! What did that make you feel? We did not write that. And instead, and instead to

replace it with the family-friendly comedy stylings of Carrot Top. Which is why tomorrow it's too risky to vote for the NPA. Don't gamble with your vote. And whereas, without the Sunday service, Sunday nights in this city would be as boring as Calgary is every other day of the year. With apologies to Calgary. Not really. It's not the Calgary election.

Put me on salary. And whereas the Sunday service teaches us all to laugh at ourselves and not to take life too seriously. Come on. And whereas, the final whereas, the Sunday service is the best and only improv group in the city. Really? That's not true. That's a typo. Kev, that's Kevin Quinlan. Is that real? Therefore, I, Mayor Gregor Robertson as the city mayor of Vancouver do hereby

proclaim November the 28th is that today November the 28th 18th 18th it's the election tomorrow we have an election tomorrow

I'm hedging I'm hedging declare November 28th 2011 as the Sunday survey almost got it that time. Okay.

Now, therefore I, Gregor Robertson, the mayor of the city of Vancouver, do hereby proclaim November 18, 2011 as Sunday service day in the city of Vancouver. Mr. Mayor, we'd like you to sign this novelty check and give it back to us for $950 million. If you endorse that real quickly. Thank you, Gregor Robertson! Ladies and gentlemen go out and vote for Gregor Robertson and the Vision Vancouver team tomorrow because they came down and gave us a day

and I believe that entitles us to do everything we want for the rest of the day, right? Anything So let's all go to 7-Eleven later and we'll buy you some pizza Thank you very much Gregor Robertson! Who the fuck was that? That was my dad. Bomb dropped.

Pre-election bomb dropping. After watching that, another round of applause for the Sunday Service. Thank you. Getting an official day and a great giant check. Legally binding. I don't want to hear

one second more of complaining about not being mentioned on the podcast after we just sat here like two fucking corpses while the mayor with his amazing ass. Are you kidding me? Did you see his ass? That's like a gosling we just looked at.

Kevin Gosling. It's like a gosling original. Like there was nothing. We didn't even exist over here. So you could just stop with your we didn't mention. Well, he didn't mention our podcast. Put you through this wall, Mike.

That's true. All right, you guys. Good luck following that with your overheards. We don't have to do it because we're going to do it tomorrow. But also, as people, as anybody who's ever been to a live taping of the podcast knows,

we don't do the overheards, but we have a couple guests, and then we'll open it up to a few people in the audience if you have overheards that you want to share with us. Absolutely. We've got a mic. Pipe-up mic? The pipe-up mic. The smart-ass mic.

We should probably plug in a sixth mic. Yeah, we should make more wires that are dangerous for people to go to the bathroom. We're going to start. I'm going to go just one over from me. I'm going to start with Emmett. Emmett, did you bring an overheard with you this evening? I did bring an overheard. I was recently, just as of Monday, I was in Thailand for two and a half weeks.

Round of applause. Why? Sexual tourism. Move on. Don't talk about it. It's weird. I don't know why I chose that place exactly. No, why are we applauding it? Oh, because imagine.

Because it's an opportunity for more applause. No, just imagine. It's so great. One Night on Bangkok. They wrote a whole song about it. Yeah, I went there right in the thick of a flooding situation. Sure. But I took... Round of applause, everybody.

Floods! If you've ever been through one. But when I landed, I said, I don't want to see a single drop of it. Take me to where it's sunny and dry. Where the grass is green. Where the grass is green and the girls are men.

It's pretty solid. Yeah, but I was there for two and a half weeks and yeah, I got it. I got it. I get it. I get Thailand now. Yeah, I figured it out.

It's different. It's different there. Sure. Mike, you've all had Thai food here. Yeah, I figured it out. It's different. It's different there. Sure. You've all had Thai food here. Yeah. Is it better there? It's better there, but it's different. It's not something you can pinpoint.

It's not so much a taste thing. They use different oils and stuff like that, but I think what it was was the ingredient that they use, that we don't use here, is they put diarrhea into their food. But you don't taste it. But you feel it. You feel it. That's enough of that.

No, it's my own personal constitution. Sure. That's weak and feeble. You wrote a constitution that said that you would have diarrhea abroad. Thou shalt not hold on to your poop for more than five seconds. That's the Bible.

That's not the constitution. Do you think the Ten Commandments are the constitution? Was the constitution written by Jesus? Constitutin' Rootin' Tootin'. Never mind, sorry. No, it's the pipe up. This is the pipe up mic, right? But I'll skip the whole adventure

and just go straight to an overheard. Are you skipping the diarrhea adventure? Yeah, I don't want to get into it. Yeah, please don't. No, please do skip it. Last time I was on the podcast, we did sing the diarrhea song. Oh, right.

When you're sliding into a burst and your pants begin to burst? Yeah, when you're driving your Chevy and you feel something. I don't want to do it again. He goes floating down the gutter on a piece of bread and butter. Oh, sure.

When you're riding in your Chevy and you feel something heavy. Everybody knows these words. But my overheard comes thanks to a French fellow that I was in the back of a pickup truck

on this way to this tour kind of thing, which was called monkey dunk. Is that another word for diarrhea? Where you just fire slingshot rocks at monkeys out of the trees and stuff. That's not true, is it? No, it's not. They have a dunk tank set up with a monkey. That would be so cute.

We throw bananas at it. Craig Anderson, he did a motion like it was monkeys sinking dunks. Yeah, you roll them up in a little ball and you... Like, no, that they were doing basketball. They were doing basketball. Like a Teen Wolf. Not good. Yeah.

No, it was at the end of this tour thing where I went kayaking through some Avatar canyons that were really cool. I don't know what that means. The countryside there looks like, in the south, looks like those pointy Roger Dean prog rock album covers. Oh, that cleared it up. Mangroves hanging off limestone cliffs pointing out of the earth. Sure. Like impossible. Anyway. out of the earth.

Sure. Like impossible. Anyway, and driving back into town from this trip and this French guy was asking all the other tourists, he's like asking about,

is there a way to go shoot it? Like you can take a gun and you can, no, I've been in Thailand for two days but there's a way

that you can, it's like a gun but it's a cow but with not a gun, it's with the, you make it's you the cow but with not a gun it's with the you make to explode I'm paraphrasing here somewhat and I had to interject I asked do you mean like a bazooka and he went yes yes he went on to explain that there is some feature somewhere that you can blow up a cow with like a bazooka or a rocket launcher and I went I don't think so until later that night I found out I was asking someone else and they said not in

Thailand but apparently in Cambodia oh yeah hey like $600 and you're basically purchasing a cow seems the use of a rocket launcher and you have one shot to blow up like a mile yeah you only get one shot to blow up a cow. Like eight mile. Yeah. And apparently... You only get one shot, one opportunity. Oh, man. That is a sad day when you blast that shot way over the cow. Because your palms are sweaty. You need to be...

Spaghetti. Spaghetti out of your ass. But apparently it's a thing you can do You can explode a cow with a rocket launcher But apparently this is the catch In this awful self-indulgence Wait, there's a catch in this horrible thing? Yes

The cow is invisible No, if you miss If you miss the cow The cow gets a chance to do it at you To shoot at you You own that cow You own the cow So apparently there's a

bunch of awful human beings, dudes walking around handcuffed together like midnight rhymes. I tried to sell a cow because they missed their chance to blow it

up. The walking on the plane. This is carry on, right? This is fun. This is called second chance.

Pun intended. Carry on. Why? What is it? Because you blew up a cow. Pun intended, carry on. Why, what is it? Because you blew up a cow. Carry on is like organ meat. I didn't get that at all. Some people repulsed that joke even existed. People have repulsed the phrase pun intended.

It's all the people who listen to our podcast. Calvin, you have an overheard. Oh, yes. I overheard you calling me Calvin. I love blowing up a cow. I have two overheard. Oh, yes. I overheard you calling me Calvin. I hope it was blowing up a cow. I have two overheards. What? Yeah, one is short and one is slightly less short.

You should have gone first. Okay. So the first one, they're both bus-related. One is outside of a bus and one is inside of a bus. Oh, I like that. One of them I was wearing a coat, and the other one I was also wearing a coat. Preamble. That's what we in the biz call preamble. That also wearing a coat. Preamble. That's what we in the biz call a preamble.

That's when you're about to amble. Okay, the first one is I was waiting for a bus and there were two young ladies behind me and the one snippet I actually was thinking when I was standing there, oh I should stop using my headphones so I can start overhearing things

for this podcast eventually. And then almost immediately one of them turns to the other and says where do you see his dick you're gonna shit wow wow what a crazy reaction to seeing a dick face. His dick is like Thai food. It's like a finger up your butt. Never mind. And the second one. Just a second. Taz and Ryan. They have pipe ups?

When you guys saw each other's penises, did you shit? Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. It's a motel. They peed. They turned around. Real filthy podcast today. They got one of those bathrooms with a door that's adjacent to the other bathroom, and you can walk through.

Fun. And the second one is also on the bus. This one's less sexual. I was sitting on the B-Line, 99 B-Line, which is kind of like a double bus, and I was sitting way at the back, and it was packed, completely packed with people. which is kind of like a double bus and i was sitting way at the back and it was packed completely packed with people and at one point it stopped and then the bus driver like people were getting in and then uh the bus driver like piped in over the head speakers head speakers speakers on your head um the loudspeakers uh he said uh everyone please move back please move back there's a stroller getting on the bus move back and then everyone cuts off

and everyone's talking and waiting and then he's like never mind it's not a stroller and that was it I just kept wondering how he got psyched out about a stroller someone's getting on the bus with a gorilla no correction

he's just getting on with a bag full of gorilla parts it's a person shaped like a bag full of gorilla parts. It's a person shaped like a stroller. Yeah, it's a photo of a stroller. More space. Optical illusions. It's a magic guy. Yeah, magic guy.

Run up to the bus driver. Cross your eyes and then do it. Look past it. It's my baby. He's inside of me. I got my thing as a stereogram. You do ultrasounds that are a magic eye. Oh, it's a boy. You got to really focus to see this kid.

Oh, it's a sailboat. That's right. We're calling him the SS my baby. Well. Those are my thoughts. Well, good night, everybody. Great work. Does anybody in the crowd here tonight feel that they have something

in the overheard universe? We don't have a ton of time, so maybe three. Yeah, three people, I would say. But certainly this gentleman shot his hand up very quickly. Oh, Craig Anderson working the mic. I like it. Say your name. Oh, turn the mic. I like it. Bringing the mic to your table. Say your name. Oh, turn the mic on.

I'm sorry. I have to turn the mic on. Classic mistake. Hi, my name is Richard. Hi, Richard. I'm from Langley, so I can't vote for Mayor Gregor. Oh, you know what? But in spirit.

You wasted so much of your time trying to buy my vote. I apologize. So mine is I had a friend who lived in a house with a few roommates, and he had one roommate moving in. So we had a party for her moving in, and it was a great party. Everyone had a good time. The next morning, because we crashed on our couch because we don't drive drunk because we're responsible, we woke up the next morning to her very, very angry

at the movers ruining her artwork. Very, very upset. They ruined my artwork! So, of course, we get up and we look at her artwork. And her artwork is a poster for X-Men Origins Wolverine. Yes! Pretty good payoff. Round of applause for his own art!

Yes! Pretty good payoff. Round of applause. First ever. Yes. Oh, man. When art meets commerce, right? Hugh Jackman's biceps are artwork in that post-match, right?

Apparently he was holding onto sandbags that they photoshopped out so they could get a rip. You are making all of this serious, bro. No, it's true. He would have to clench his fist holding a sandbag. There's also a couple of times where he's flexing like this, but he's holding a bazooka shooting a cow. Can you imagine working with a dude who's like, nah, I've got to hold these sandbags. It'd just be the worst shit ever.

He'd be like, nah, but you can put them down. And he's like, nah, because of the job. I'm getting ready for real steel. All right. You guys laughing at us, right? I heard Hugh Jackman say this. Emmett, no one believes me when I say that my accent actually sounds like this. Terrible.

I'm the worst at accents. Terrible. No, that was great. Have you guys heard my elf? I know you and I aren't doing overheards, but Abby gave me an overseen. My beautiful wife gave me an overseen. From right. Oh, what?

Who is her own wife? Wait, wait, wait. No, wait, wait, wait. No, you wait. No, you wait. Classic. No, you wait. Let me do it. No, you wait.

Oh, you're going to do it later? Yeah. All right. We have a thing we do. What are you going to do later? The freaking ass piece. Speaking of... Adult sex.

Speaking of who you were just speaking of, she sent me an overseen from an... This is the description. Just the episode title of an episode of Anderson, the Anderson Cooper talk show. Just the episode title was Sperm Donor Reunion and Hugh Jackman.

Oh, yes. Yeah. Pretty good. Any other audience overheard? Yes, we've got one over there. Oh, a lady's sneaking out. We've got a lady and a gentleman. Let's go with the lady first. So my overheard...

What's your name? Craig, stop turning it off. My name is Robin. Hi, Robin. She did not say her name was Rob. It's Robin. It happened about 35 seconds ago in the bathroom. Wow.

As I walked into the bathroom, our girl was washing her hands and laughing and said, I know, I haven't voted since 98. Oh, wow. But this time she's gonna. Yeah, right? Swinton years. Who was in office in 98? 98 would have been Da Vinci's inquest.

Vote for the inquest. How many, do we have another? We have another gentleman. Yes, we absolutely, and I know this gentleman, and he is a very nice gentleman, and he's not going to ruin things. He's not going to just fart into the microphone. This is going to be great.

My name is Matthew from Vancouver. Long-time listener, first time live overhearder. On the way down here, there was some loud folks on the SkyTrain, as there tend to be. They were very interested in their weekend. There was a lot of drinking, and they wanted everybody to hear about their weekend and the drinking. On and on and on they went.

This much beer got drank, and that person flirted with that person, that person passed out. And, of course, the cops got called. Oh, super, super loud. And then one just sort of as a quiet aside to his friend counts on his fingers was Danny only one who got tasered pretty good

This is over hurts. Pretty good over hurts, everybody. Everybody, round of applause. Over hurts. Kevin Lee and Emmett Hall, everyone. Are you ready? I'm ready. Our next singer. Oh, hello, and thank you.

Okay, I think, here we go. Can you win? Ready? Yeah. One, two, three, four. Celebrity crush hat. Crush in the hands. Celebrity crush hat Crush in the hat Celebrity crush hat

Go fuck yourself Celebrity crush hat Chapeau chinois Celebrity crush hat Crush hat Yes That's right everybody Celebrity crush hat

Emmett Please welcome the two gentlemen the last of the two last of the two gentlemen that's not a thing imagine a movie named that it would be a Miramax I think last of the two gentlemen

maybe trying to fuck the last of the two lady folk please welcome the last two gentlemen of the Sunday service Mr. Craig Anderson and Mr. Aaron Reed why did I want to say a different name than Reed

I got tripped up I know a lot of guys named Aaron hey Aaron Mr. Reed and also Mr. Anderson I got tripped up. I know a lot of guys named Aaron. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Aaron. Hey, guys. Mr. Reed. Hi, guys. How are you? And also Mr. Anderson.

Now, you guys, Greg Anderson, you were on my favorite WB show. It wasn't the WB at the time. It was the CW. But you were on my favorite CW show ever that's ever aired. Seventh Heaven. Yeah, Seventh Heaven. Yeah, Seventh Heaven. You played Johnny Seventh. I was the kid with the bowl cut.

I wish. Yeah, and one of the things that you were worried about was that you got a boner in the shower or something. And you want to tell your parents about it and they're like, hey, don't look at that.

So that's for mom and dad only. Has anybody ever seen 7th Heaven? They got a lot of crisis that's around, you know, a kid's tree stump shaped like a lady and he got an erection. It's not an issue. It's like, that's fine. If you turn on my tree.

Because, well, the kid's not going to end up fucking trees, right? I don't think I made up that I tricked Graham into this I am aware that Graham likes Seventh Heaven

more than anything else in the world and just bringing it up will make him talk about it oh my god but you really you were on

you were like after Seventh Heaven you were on my favorite all time CW show. I don't know the character's name. Why don't you say the name of the show? Oh, because I want to keep people guessing.

What is it? But you were willing to spoil the mayor thing 30 seconds into the show? That's how I do it. You were on a show called Hell's Angels. No, that's not what it was called. It was a cheerleading show. I can never remember the name of it Though I loved it Hellcats, thank you

It was called Bezzer Wizard And you were like the law student That was the creepy guy That's right In Hollywood That's what a creepy guy looks like In everywhere else world I was a creepy guy. You played the creepy guy. In Hollywood, that's what a creepy guy looks like. In everywhere else world, they would look at me and be like,

nobody's going to buy that, it's creepy. They'd pick the handsomest guy in the room. Yeah, you can play the creepy guy. We got some other guys in a lab who are going to look not creepy somehow. Sorry, for my creepy face that I just did. Here we go. Homeless, man. I chose to try to lick my teeth.

Because have you guys seen that commercial for the Oral-B spin brush? Oh, yeah. Or at the end of it, the girl, like super pretty girl, is just like, nice teeth. And then she stares you in the eyes, like looks into your soul, and licks her front teeth. It's horrifying. There's a teeth whitening commercial where there's a woman and she gets a text that says,

hey, do you want to go to a movie premiere tonight? And then she goes, it's in three hours, and she's like, oh, my teeth aren't white enough. Which is the craziest way to respond to an invitation of any sort. Like, I don't know, my fucking teeth are kind of wonky.

Nah. But yeah, but I got to whiten. If only there was a three-hour whitening program. My favorite commercial is the one where it's an actor and it's an actress. And her agent says... Same company! Yeah. You have an audition in three weeks.

No red wine. No coffee. No blueberry pie. No blueberry pie! Yes, she specifically says stay away from the blueberry pie. That will fuck up your teeth bad. I know you eat it every day. And she just revels in it.

She's like, ugh. She has so much blueberry pie. You're going to give a shit about her career. Super smug when she shows up. What kind of slow-moving casting company is like, yeah, we need to see your client, Sarah Smith. We'll see her three weeks from today. We need to give her time to whiten her teeth.

I know you eat blueberry pie. Don't fuck me on this. I get a commission. I see you eating a blueberry pie, so help me God. Well, we saw on her resume and her special skills it was eating blueberry pie. So we'll give her three weeks. Clean up her act. Eat an apple

once in a while. And Aaron, you're a guy here too. I don't exist on television. You don't, but you're currently studying. You're at school. You're at the Emily Carr. You're studying art. Yeah, art.

One person likes it. Have you ever done any posters for X-Men Origins? I write studying art. Yeah, art. Have you ever... One person likes it. Have you ever done any posters for X-Men Origins? I'm ready for art. What? Have you ever done any posters for X-Men Origins? No. Dare to dream. Now, you guys, how long have you been a part of the Sunday Service for, Craig?

Like a year and a half. You're the youngest. I think I'm year and a half. You're the youngest. I think I'm four and a half. Four and a half. And Aaron, you were, as Ryan Beal was plucked out of an acting class, you were plucked right out of high school. Yeah, 17 and a half. To be a part of this, right?

Yeah. My goodness. Enslaved. Yeah, right? For life. He's floating around the universe in the cosmic zoo. Guys, you know that's the name of this place, right? Now, you used to be part, Aaron,

you used to be part of an improv trio. Oh, yeah. In high school. Yeah. That's how you started out. You started out in a high school? Or the Canadian Improv Games, which most of us did. And then that was after.

And what was the name of it? AKA. AKA. And I saw you and there was a... Fearful flooding. Yeah. All right. And it was three of you. Yeah.

And yeah, you got plucked very quickly from being in high school. and one like it was three of you yeah and yeah you got plucked very quickly from being in high school all of a sudden you were on stage with these season improviser

I never got I never got a child yeah I'm like Richie Rich yeah that's the example everybody was thinking of yeah

if Richie Rich was wearing his sweatshirt inside out yeah yeah if Richie Rich lived wearing his sweatshirt inside out. Yeah. If Richie Rich lived in a complex in the suburbs and had no... I never had a childhood. I never had a childhood.

You know, like Richie Rich. Okay, well, we've learned a lot about you guys. But we're going to learn more. It's Celebrity Crush Hat. This is a segment we do where we put a bunch of ages in a hat, and our guests pick numbers, pick those ages out of the hat, and they tell us which celebrities they had a crush on at that age. But since I do this every episode,

I also would like to read a list of celebrity birthdays. Oh, shit, I should have asked. I feel like trash. Is it November 18th or the 28th? Are you on mayor time? Yeah. Happy celebrity birthday to Project Runway Wonder Kid

Christian Siriano. He's 26 today. Can you believe it? 26 already. Yeah. Unwatchable actress Chloe Sevenye is 37 today. Blowjob. Remember? She gave a blowjob in a movie.

Everything she does is the worst. I didn't see it. Oh, check it out online. Google her. It is the number one before her IMDb. That's great. If you did something that supersedes your IMDb, it has to be a blowjob in a movie, I guess. Her agent is like, you've got an audition in three weeks.

No blowjobs. It's hard to get. Like the guy who killed Natalie Wood now, he'll have like the one above. That's topical. And thank you, one guy. It's both topical and 500 years old. Also celebrating a birthday today,

Luke Wilson's brother Owen Wilson is 43. Owen Wilson, right? Me, you, and debris, etc. No, that's probably not... They would probably name it so that it rhymes. You, you, and Dupree, etc. No, that's probably not. They would probably name it so that it rhymes. You, me, and Dupree. Why are you throwing a name like Dupree and not rhyme it? I'm just reading a list. Don't go on.

Weed star Elizabeth Perkins is 51. Weed star Kevin Nealon is 58. And the answer to our trivia question, which weed star was the voice of MC Scat Cat? Romany Malco is 43 today. All three of them?

All three of them. Oh, my goodness. Happy birthday, Weeds. Do you think the cake will have weed in it? Yeah, probably. It probably won't. Also, happy birthday to my wife, Abby. Abby Campbell.

Abby Campbell. Abby, this is for you. Look into my eyes. You will see. I love you. To me. Tell me, have you ever really, really, really ever loved a woman? Even food don't taste that good.

All right, so we have the numbers. Ryan Adams medley, everybody. Dave Simpson. We should all be that lucky of ladies. So, Graham, you have a hat. I have a hat. I have an envelope full of numbers. That you just happen to have.

That wasn't even part of the thing. You just have an envelope full of numbers. Look at the pageantry here. Here we go. Numbers are in the hat. Are they all up? Now, these numbers, if you're lucky enough to get a number that you've an age that you've already been you can tell us

who you had a crush on at that age celebrity wise we don't care about Megan from class I kind of that's kind of a nice you tag it tag it and bag it you know what I'm talking about

oh sorry my apologies but if you get an age that you haven't been yet You know what I'm talking about. Oh, sorry. My apologies. I did not know. But if you get an age that you haven't been yet, it's fun to predict who you'll have a crush on. Imagine. Predict the future. Natalie Wood's corpse.

You're going to be weird in the future. I don't even know who Natalie Wood is. I don't. Was she a singer? Oh, okay. No, she's like Charlie McCarthy. She was a puppet, right? She was Natalie Wood.

Wacking. She was made out of wood. That was the old joke when she died. Why did they make a joke out of somebody when they died? But really, it was what kind of wood doesn't float. No, I didn't make it up. I was not even born, I think, when she died.

That was my mom told me that. I don't know why she's like, yeah, use this at your next Rebel Without a Cause reunion. Ryan just told me that she drowned. Yeah, that's what makes the joke make sense. Sort of the crux of the whole joke there. Why would you set me up for that?

I will just say anything you say into my ear. If it goes into my ear, it's a good idea. More? You want more? Want me to say something terrible? Alright. Alright. Emmett,

please draw a number out of the hat. Craig, that's fine. Emmett's draw a number out of the hat Craig Emmett's over there That's Craig Anderson It's been a long show It's like four hours 21 21

You are currently sitting at what age? I'm 29 But you can play like 17 Yeah right 17 creep Stay away from the blueberry pie Currently sitting at what age? I'm 29. But you can play like 17. Yeah, right? 17 creep. Stay away from the blueberry pie. 21 is third year university, something like that? Sure.

So you're 29 now. So let's go back. Let's give this a year. It's third year university. 2003. Okay. Yeah, lots of posters on the wall. What I really learned in college.

Lots of beer bottles, etc. I just figured out what cool music was. Sure. And I found out that there were bands with sexy girl singers. Ah, Paramount. So I have... No. The Girl

from Metric. That's embarrassing. Girl from Metric. That's embarrassing. Girl from Metric. Yes. Emily Haynes. Emily Haynes. Once I saw her on a Toronto street. Were you overcome with lust?

No, I was over it. Oh, you were all right. It's cool, huh? It's cool. I think it would be fun if you were a celebrity, even if they were really old, to go up to them and go, I used to have a crush. No, that would probably crush to them and go, like, I used to have a crush. No, that would probably crush their soul.

You're like, I used to have a crush. You were on my list. Before you were hideous. Yeah, you were on my list, and then, nah, that's probably not the right way to do it. Sorry, I can't picture her. Think a dress with no sleeves. Oh, yeah, that's sexy. Can you imagine? no sleeves. Oh, yeah, that's sexy. Can you imagine?

Vegan looking. Oh, sure. Vegan looking. So a bony? Fast food looking? Vegan fast food looking. I don't know. Alright, alright, so we go. Okay, so now we move to Aaron. Now, before everyone suggested, everyone in the Sunday

service suggested that you do this segment because you have weird crushes. Yeah. They were like, oh suggested, everyone in the Sunday service suggested that you do this segment because you have weird crushes. Yeah. They were like, oh, yeah, it'll be Sigourney Weaver no matter what. It probably won't be funny, though. That's how my life. Oh, nice. I was this age once.

Ten. Ten. Ten years old. So you're 21-ish? 22. 22. So this is. 20, 23 soon.

12 years ago. Yeah, cast your mind back 10 years before before high school so 1999 well before 10 years before high school

unless you're a genius which I was not which you're not judging by that first statement 10 years before 10 years before high school I was figuring it out. Yeah.

So that's almost grade five because I have a late birthday so I was 12 when I went into high school. Oh, happy birthday. Sure. Congratulations. Clearing that up for myself. Are you a Sagittarius?

No, Capricorn. Oh, fun. That means nothing to me. Doesn't it mean something to him? The guy who yelled it out? It's space. Space. Cosmic, brother.? It's space. Space. Cosmic, brother.

I'm just kidding. Yeah. Horoscopes are great. What? I hear they're a lot more complicated than in the paper, though. Horoscopes are great. Way to take a stance. So, 10.

1999-ish. 1999-ish. So, this is the height of Maxim magazine. I never got it. so 10 1999-ish 1999-ish it's probably so this is the height of Maxim magazine I never got it the closest I got

to Maxim was a Mad Magazine that when I went to Calgary with my mom and my grandma it's a magazine alright

and a road trip we went to go visit my second cousins and I got a Mad Magazine which had a fold-out, which was a satire on Pamela Anderson. And she had gigantic breasts, obviously, is the

satire. And I... Me and my second cousin climbed a tree, and I would only show my family members. And then when I got home, I felt so ashamed of it, I thought my mom would find it, that I shredded the Pamela Anderson satire into about 300 pieces and flushed it down the toilet.

But I was... The strangest thing about that story, I think I've heard it before. Yeah, probably. That's not the crush, though. Because literally... I wasn't really attracted to her. I already knew.

Yeah, you were crushed. It was a hybrid. It was probably a hybrid between Baby Spice. It's a hybrid. Baby Spice and Margot. It's a hybrid between Baby Spice from the Spice Girls and Chris Farley. So if you mash those two individuals together, you will get who I was crushing on. Tommy Spice.

Sure. Like a loud, sweaty person in a tank top. Was he dead at that point? No, he was dead in 97, so yes. So Baby Spice and a dead Chris Farley. What? What? Wow!

Oh, man! Happy Sunday Service Day, everybody. That was the most unpredictable answer possible. I literally... We could have been sitting in a lab. Baby Spice was perfect for the... Baby Spice was everything we needed. Right around the corner.

Farley. Chris Farley. Oh, man. I want to do another one with Aaron because that was weird. This is the weirdest. Alright. 30. Not 30 yet, but who in the future?

I don't even know if I want to hear. Oh, yeah. Here we go. So the year is 2020. 2020. Hugh Downs. Barbara Walters. Okay.

John Stossel. Give me a break. Isn't that what his thing is? Come on, give me a break. He's real cool. Are they made up, like the year, or are they real? Did we just make up John Stossel? No.

Is that what you're asking? No, no, no, no. Like, do I say a made-up person as in the future has not happened yet? Absolutely. Aaron, whatever spaceship you want to get on. I will base it on... You have something in your chamber now. Shoot it out.

I will base it on my interests currently. Aged. And how I feel like they will progress into the future. One of them will become a ghost. So I will say my crush in 2020 will be London, one of the stunt dogs in the Canadian show The Littlest Hobo. Or wait, not even London as a dog because long dead. Yeah.

So London pixelated through image into my dreams. I don't know what to do. Yeah, no. I want another number. That one scared me. Scared the shit out of me. I don't know how to react to that. Oh, 14.

Yeah, there we go. There we go. This will somehow make sense. 2003. This is going to be real good. Pixelated London. Gross. Let's hear what else. Weird. So the Chris Farley thing. Pixelated London. Gross.

Let's hear what else. So the Chris Farley thing lasts a long time. Sure. So at this point, it's just Chris Farley. Till about 15. Sure. Yeah, it's just him. So it's just Chris Farley. No, and I was talking to you before.

There is a period of time, 13 to 15, where I didn't even think about women. I just thought about Chris Farley. It's true. And we were talking about this, where you invest so much time, where you order the A&E VHS biop on him pre-internet. Not pre-internet, pre-good internet. on him pre-internet. Not pre-internet, pre-good internet.

And it was like $30 for a 30-minute VHS tape. That's love. About his life. Right? Yeah. Did you say biop? Did you order a biopsy of Chris? No, biopic.

A segment. He was benign. You should return that. When I was in a hotel room in Thailand, Black Sheep came on, and I watched it. It's the second best one of those. It's pretty good. It doesn't hold up quite as well.

He falls down all the time for no reason in that one. Yeah, it gets weirder as the movies progress. Like in Beverly Hills Ninja, it's like, why is gravity fucked up in this movie? I don't really... And you're like, your crush is still strong, but it's waning. Can you pinpoint the moment when you fell out of love with Chris Farley? Yeah, totally. I bet you could. It was after a lot of Chris Farley erotic fanfic.

Yeah. Which I probably did look up. I don't know. Everything's on the table. When did I fall out of love with him? That sounded weird. I don't know. Probably like when you're like 20.

No. That was two years ago. I would say 18. When you look back at yourself and you're like, why was I so fucked up? And then you list everything and you're like, this is the things that I will hate. It's easily my favorite part of the evening

is that 20 revolts you, but 18... That's fine. That's still acceptable to have a crush on Chris Carly. I remember that's when I stopped being like, everyone that I had to meet was like, I'm going to lend you these VHS tapes. Tommy Boy, Wayne's World 2, because he has a cameo in it. Yeah, he does. In Wayne's World?

He's in Wayne's World 1, too. He's in Wayne's World 1 too he's in Waynesville 1 both boom different characters oh and then no no okay maybe when I was young

the moment that I was horrified was Dirty Work because he plays the most awful character oh yeah his nose gets big and he just keeps yelling about Thai whores

it's awful you just don't want to watch it sure what what do you know oh Thai whores okay

he just keeps yelling that. It made me feel very uncomfortable. Well, I mean, you've done the same for everybody here today. Exactly. That's not my personal view. That was something I saw in a television. But it's been, I mean, it's like he saw it in a television. Guys, that's just something I saw in a television.

Time was progressing inside the television, and I witnessed its existence. Yeah, exactly. That's the great thing about media. The TV still works when you turn it off. It still goes on. That's like Marshall McLuhan stuff. The TV still works if you turn it on,

and then the medium is the message. I love it. You guys, Craig Anderson and Aaron Reid, round of applause for Celebrity Crush Hat. I think that's it. I think that's it. For the people in here, not the home listener, there will be some improv after this intermission.

Have an intermission. Grab a drink. What was that wrong? I don't know. This went so well. Maybe we'll just call it now. Oh, okay. Okay, now they want it.

They want it. They want it. Yay! So there will be improv. Have an intermission. Grab a drink. Go to the bathroom, whatever. Thank you so much for having us, everybody.

The Sunday service yeah the Sunday service Sunday service anniversary 28 Aaron Reed's Weird Crush yay thank you

thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you Thank you.