Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 100 - Graham's Brothers

Episode Date: February 10, 2010

Graham's brothers join us for our 100th Episode Murder Mystery Spooktacular, featuring appearances by Paul F. Tompkins, Adam Lisagor, Emmett Hall, Abby Campbell, Lou Ferrigno, and Russell Johnson (The Professor from Gilligan's Island).

he's graham clark and he's dave shumka and together we host to stop podcasting yourself 100th episode murder mystery sp, Spooktacular. Featuring appearances by Paul F. Tompkins, Adam Lonely Sandwich Lissagor, Abby Campbell, Emmett Hall, Lou Ferrigno, Russell Johnson, the professor from Gilligan's Island. Hello everybody, and welcome to episode number 100 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark, and with me as always is a man who I wouldn't spend 100 episodes of anything with anyone besides this gentleman, Mr. Dave Shumka. Thanks, I'm glad to be here. this gentleman, Mr. Dave Shumka. Thanks, I'm glad to be here.

Yeah, glad to have you in this haunted, well, we should explain before we introduce our guests. You have an eccentric uncle who died. Yeah, and he has left me this haunted mansion out on Dead Man's Curve. Yeah, do not drive on

Dead Man's Curve. Yeah, stay off Dead Man's Curve at all drive on dead man's curve yeah uh stay off dead man's curb at all costs um and it's a uh it's a oh it's a mansion yeah a man's uh three and a half baths two and a half men yeah and it's uh it's a really nice place and in order for you in his will to uh receive the mansion in full he said that we have to be able to record an entire podcast in it. And so it's really spooky, as you can probably tell from the howlings. Yeah, no, and I mean, it's a dark and stormy night. Yeah, where there's just one light bulb that swings around the room.

Yeah, the power is unreliable at its best. Intermittent. that swings around the room. Yeah, the power is unreliable at its best. Yeah, it's intermittent. And we do occasionally lose power and it goes dark for a while. But so don't worry. If the power goes out during the podcast, we'll just kind of plow through and try and make it to the other side

and through the rest of the podcast. Break on through to the other side and whatnot. And our guest today, all the way from Calgary, Alberta, here to hang out this weekend, previous guest, my brother, Daniel Clark. Hello. And first-time guest, my other brother from the same mother, Patrick Clark. Hey, happy to be here. It is spooky in here.

Yeah, no, I'm sorry that we have to record your first podcast and your second podcast in this creepy old mansion. Thanks for having us out. It's really cool. I'm sorry that everything is draped with spooky cloths. And a mist. I like the effect when we use the big knocker at the front door

and it swings open on its own. And also, Michael Jackson from that one music video he made is here. Yeah, black or white. No! He beat up a car. And also, the Canadian version of Ghostbusters took place

in this mansion. With the gorilla. Yeah, the filmation Ghostbusters. The very polite ghosts. There was a gorilla and a spooky car at the top. Should we get to know us? Sure. Get to know us.

Oh, wow. As that jingle was playing, that bumper was playing, the power went out again. Yeah. And fortunately, we are running on a generator. Yeah, a Jenny. We have a Jenny op and a spinning Jenny. The lights went out for a second. And I decided during, we paused it.

And I went and got us some snacks from the cellar. Yeah. And it's too dark to tell what this is. But from the feel of this, this is a bowl of peeled grapes. I think so. I hope so. And this is a bowl from the feel of this this is a ball of peeled grapes i think so i hope so and this is a ball of uh cold pasta feels like cold pasta that seems all right that seems reasonable so um let's get to know you guys um dan you are a uh you're a musician slash uh you know you're you're working a day job at the moment, but your aspirations lie in the music realm.

Your influences are Amy Grant and Color Me Bad, Sophie B. Hawkins. We're working on our second Amy Grant cover album. Baby, baby. Baby, baby, baby, baby. Baby, baby. Baby, baby, baby, baby. We just finished recording a couple new tracks at the studio in Calgary. I guess we'll hear them.

Yeah, and you guys, you had a song in a music contest on the Calgary Rock Radio station. Who are you guys? You said you guys. Yeah, it wasn't just you. It was you and... No, my band, Where Echoes Revive. Where Echoes Revive? Yes. Where do they?

Somewhere in this mansion, I think. Yeah. But yeah, we were in a competition, and it had an online voting portion so it basically was a see who can cheat the most effectively contest and also comment board

probably had y'all's all's are faggots and stuff like that comments one through five thousand number one's always first and then second is a faggot where it echoes are gay yeah um so thanks for coming out and uh patrick you're a person uh who's in the very last leg of becoming a professional professional accountant which means out of the three clark, you will probably own a house at some point.

And you guys can stay anytime. Yeah. I won't need to. I won this house. Won it from my dead grandpa. Yeah. Well, we'll see. I mean, uncle. Podcast isn't over yet, my friend.

What was my uncle's name? Well. It was Uncle Phil? You called him Uncle Phil. I called him lovingly Uncle Buck. Right. Okay. Why did you call my uncle lovingly?

I don't want to talk about it. But yeah, and you haven't been out to Vancouver since like way, way, way back. I was living in the basement of a house and I had really long hair and a crazy goatee. I have a photo of it. I'll show it to you later. All right. But thanks, both of you, for being on the podcast. It's a pleasure to be here.

It's good to be here, yeah. And what's going on? While you're here, what's up? Yeah. I know Dan is very excited about going to a blends coffee shop. That was my one and only plan. With the Olympics starting next week, I thought I'd come out and take advantage of that

and go to the blends coffee shop. We don't have those in Calgary. Is it only BC or Vancouver? Yeah, I've had people come out from Alberta, go to a blends, and then ask every day following if we could go back to blends uh people what's so uh uh good about it well on and on it seems to go you don't know what you got till it's gone dave so we take blends you know we for granted because we have it i don't i don't i don't even take it for granted. I don't go.

No? No. For people in America who have never heard of blends, it's B-L-E-N-Z. Yeah, if you are. That's right. And Patrick, you have to pick up a fake Cowichan sweater for your girlfriend, because you bought one. Will you tell the story? fake couch and sweater for your girlfriend because you bought one. Will you tell the story?

I bought one that was, I believe, sized for 10 to 12-year-old girls. And I tried it on the store. And your girlfriend is 14. Yeah, I tried it on because there's nobody around to help me. So I figured I'm about a 10 to 12-year-old girl size. I'm not. It's very, very small. So I had to return it, and I have to find a new one. Wait, when you tried it on the store, and it was too small for you, you bought it anyway?

Well, I tried on the boys' one, and it fit. But I was like, well, my girlfriend's a girl, so I'll get her the girls, the exact same one, way smaller. Yeah. Who knew? Some people say men and women are different. Yeah. I didn't believe it until today. Well, there you go.

Proof. Did you try it in a change room or was it just out in the open? No, fully in the store. Yeah, I do that too because I can't be bothered to talk to a salesperson ever. Yeah. I'm scared of salespeople. And I go hide. I don't even look in the mirror.

Hide in a rack of clothing. I know if it fits. And then I walk around in it and I leave wearing the thing I just got. It's been really nice to hang out with you two because we've just been... Well, we were chatting while we were setting up the podcast, and we said we're talking, and somehow or other the topic came up about Steven Seagal. And then we're talking about how Steven Seagal has been in more than one movie where it's him and a hip-hop star. And so we came up with two, but there's actually a third that I saw last weekend that now I can't remember what it was called. Something Something Die.

Today You Die. Something. Something About Death. I already forgot what it was. Exit Wounds to Death. Yeah. But it was Trach was the. Trach was the rapper.

Yeah. And Ja Rule was in Exit Wounds? No. No, that was DMX. DMX was in that. Yeah, that's dead. Maybe it was the Ja Rule one. Now, DMX is a dog, man?

He's always barking. He does do the growling thing. And that Exit Wounds was shot in Calgary, Alberta. Yeah, it's at the pride of Calgary, Alberta. It's on the sign when you're driving. Yeah, exactly. Home of Exit Wounds. DMX was here once.

Yeah, that's true they shot a helicopter scene over one of the more significant landmarks in downtown Calgary over the Center Street Bridge I was talking to somebody because we were talking about the Olympics and how you know in Calgary

they based that movie Cool Runnings on the 88 games. And I was like, there's this bar where they shot the fight scene of Cool Runnings. And there's still a bobsled. Yeah, it's at Ranchman's. Yeah, Ranchman's. And they've got the bobsled from Cool Runnings crashing out the front door.

Like a Hard Rock Cafe situation. Like a Cadillac that's driven through the restaurant. Now, you guys, Calgary, you guys hosted an Olympics 22 years ago. That's right, yes. And how did that go? No Canadians won any gold, but we had Eddie the Eagle. Well, I guess that's something. Yeah, they were talking about Eddie the Eagle, who was a famously bad ski jumper.

And they were sort of lamenting the fact that they didn't have that sort of athlete that was just noteworthy for how crappy they were at their sport. Who was lamenting that? The people in the free newspaper in Calgary. Didn't Elizabeth Manley, wasn't that the big thing? Didn't she win a silver? Yeah. And Brian Orser. What did Brian Orser win?

A silver. A silver. A sylv. And we, Vancouver, we are hosting an Olympics. 2010. In a week or so. Here? What?

In this city? Yeah, I know. You wouldn't know to look around. No, absolutely not. I just knew it from the sweater I have to buy tomorrow. look around no absolutely not i just knew it from the sweater i have to buy tomorrow um have you guys downloaded your own copy of believe by the uh artists um i don't know what that is either oh uh there's a girl who looks vaguely like nora jones who recorded a song called uh you know joe and she recorded a song called Believe

which is the theme song of the Olympics here and nobody has heard it that's the inside track I haven't heard it either and not Laura Jones she's a Canadian she's probably a Canadian

for me TikTok by Kesha is the official theme song of 2010. Or a party in the USA. Yeah, you're right. If there was only a mashup between the two. That's the great divide in the country. Any of you guys... Let's move on from this whole topic. Do you guys see

the Grammys last week? Yes. Did you guys see it? No, I didn't. We don't even have cable. You do well maybe when you're an accountant ouch but we did we planned a lot of really funny accounting bits we have these skits that we do i'm hoping we can slip those in later in the podcast if we if we get close to the accounting material we'll just kind of veer into our skit i said B for, not T for. See? Was that one of them?

No, it wasn't. Do you see the Grammys? I saw many of the Grammys. This is the thing with the Grammys that I think is like, whoever's the supervising producer of the Grammys, the thing that people love most of all about the Grammys

is the mixing of two artists together on stage. Remember when Eminem and Elton John did it, after Eminem said he hated gays. Yeah. So they did another Elton John. Also with Elton John. There was Elton John and Lady Gaga. The common thread there being the dressing crazy. Yeah, and playing pianos.

And the lion sleeps tonight. No, wait. Can you hear the... What is the song? Love Tonight? Yeah, thank you. Can you feel the love tonight? TikTok. Also, my favorite

was there was Jamie Foxx singing Blame It on the Alcohol, who was then joined by T-Pain, who I guess he's on the original track. And then Slash came out and played the solo to November Rain.

Oh, really? Which is the dumbest thing. Was it actually a solo? They were singing Blame It on the Alcohol and then Jamie Foxx is like, Slash, everybody! And he comes out and literally just plays the guitar solo.

He was supposed to play a solo from that song, but he was super drunk. He's blaming it on the album. Blame it on the shirtlessness. Yeah, we got it. And then there was Taylor Swift and from Fleetwood Mac.

Stevie Nicks. Stevie Nicks. And there's no common bond besides blonde hair. Blonde hair. Well, she wears short shirts. She wears short shirts. Star search? I wear T-skirts. You wear T-skirts? Yeah, that's right.

Last year on the Grammys, there was an acoustic duet with Miley Cyrus, the aforementioned, and Taylor Swift, the aforementioned. Oh, right. And I remember watching it and thinking, this was like a year ago, Taylor Swift wasn't a big star like she is today. No. She didn't conquer the world with Valentine's Day the movie. Did she do that? Yeah. Who isn't? Yeah, exactly. I am in it for a scene and I didn't even know it.

Me and Josh do them, Al. They did a duet together, those two. And I remember watching it and thinking wow, this Taylor Swift is way more talented than Miley Cyrus. Agreed. But, you know, she can't catch a break. I didn't put it together that the Grammys is kind of a big deal.

She's already caught a break. This time next year, she'll be just as famous. So I was really rooting for her. Like in 2002 when I was really rooting for Avril Lavigne. Yeah. Come on, skater boy. It's got a good message. Let's get this Grammy now, not later, boy.

Don't do ballet. Oh, Lordy. Dave, what's going on with you? Well, here's a... You won a Grammy this week. You think I give a damn about a Grammy? Happy Critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me. Eminem.

Eminem, everybody. Eminem. Eminem, as heard on Elton John's greatest hit CD. This week, I started... This is going to sound weird. Pilates. I started dreaming. Oh, okay.

Like dreaming big? Well, no. You know like when you're asleep and you have a dream? Yeah, yeah. I realized that I probably hadn't had a dream in like six months. Oh, wow. And it was very disconcerting. Well, not disconcerting, but it was shocking to wake up and be like, what was just going on in my head? I was having a dream.

I'm a crazy person when I sleep. No more sleep. That will make me sick. Can't let that happen again. But I hadn't had a dream in like six months to maybe I don't even remember the last time I had a dream. And it was really

bizarre to suddenly wake up from one. Yeah. Did you feel refreshed? Yeah. I felt like I had slept really deeply. And ever since, I've had dreams like every night. And they're the best. Oh, nice.

I had a dream about a made-up uncle. Not the one from this. Not the one that's willing you this mansion. No, no, no. A made-up uncle. Not the one from this... Not the one that's willing you this mansion. No, no, no. A made-up uncle. A made-up uncle who used to be a high school teacher and he told me he used to teach Ethan Hawke and

Ethan Hawke's brother. Wow. But he only had stories about Ethan Hawke's brother. Yeah, Ethan Hawke kept to himself. And it was really frustrating. Who was the uncle in the dream? Did you have, like, an actor playing your uncle? No, it was just a... I don't even remember.

Oh, okay. Do you remember when we were younger, you said you had a dream where I was played by Darius McCreary? From Family Matters. It's because of your high fade, I think. And my overalls. In those days, yeah, this style was really similar, so it was kind of a good fit. Did you wear the overalls with maybe one...

One down, yeah. One down, yeah. And I also hung out with a guy named Steve and a girl named Laura. I wasn't related to Laura, but you could see the similarities. And your friend Waldo, I guess. It slipped out of my memory. Oh, yeah, Waldo. And your friend Waldo, I guess. Slipped in my memory. Oh yeah, Waldo. Waldo.

Was he always getting you into trouble? No, he was really dumb. Yeah, he was dumb. He showed up on occasion. Waldo. Where are you now? A lonely nation turns its eyes to you. So what happened to

with your uncle and the that was it that was it i mean it's a tiny piece of a dream are there other dreams well there was one where uh me and tracy morgan were slapping each other's cell phones out of each other's hands and having so much fun send it to 30 rock uh no those are the only two I really remember But every night Oh boy, what an adventure It's a rollercoaster ride in your mind Yeah I'm trying to think of the last dream I had You guys?

I had actually Great topic Just a little while ago I don't remember the last time this happened up until now But I had a really bad nightmare And I couldn't quite remember it But I actually did the Sit bolt upright in bed in the cold sweats or the medium yeah that you don't think happens in real life but I was so rattled by it and now I don't even remember really what

it was about but uh that I couldn't go back to sleep and I just kind of sat up and caught up on my infomercials oh yeah what's your favorite infomercial going right now uh i like the oh what is it called now not the yoga booty ballet but the uh it's like the it's like yoga booty ballet it's got oh man i'm drawing a blank now like all right it'll come we'll come we'll come back it's a mix between that and the flavor wave how about you yeah the flavor wave is. Favorite dream slash favorite infomercial. I'm going to skip the dream part. Okay.

Just go Flavor Wave. Oh, Flavor Wave, yeah. Mr. T. Fantastic. That Mr. T and the Flavor Wave thing really is a gift. Yeah. The first time I saw it, I was like, I can't believe this isn't a sketch. Right.

believe this isn't a sketch that you know i've never i haven't watched infomercials in a long time because the um the the one minute you know ridiculous product commercial has come on come along that's true it's almost like it's a uh it does threat to like undercut yeah like i can get everything all the information i need out of a snuggie ad yeah so i don't need to watch half an hour of people no but then you eat out of a Snuggie ad so I don't need to watch half an hour of people pretending to eat out of a magic bullet. You missed some of the really good material. Patrick was saying we don't have cable at our house. You guys live together? Yeah, we do.

Oh my god, we're unpeeling the layers. I wish I was living in that house. How much fun would that be? It's a good time. A lot of towel snap fights would be my guess. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I think you're thinking of the wrong house. I'd show up at your office with a towel snap fight.

Yeah, we do that. There's nothing wrong with that. Flavor Wave is probably... I don't know when the last time I watched it. And it has nothing to do with Flavor Flav. Oh, can you imagine Flavor Flav? For the Flavor Wave? That'd be brilliant.

You know what? Probably with that name of the product, that is who they hoped would endorse it. What is the Flavor Wave? It's like a Ronco food convection oven, basically. As far as I can tell, you put something in it and then it dehydrates the shit out of it. Is it too big for Flavor Flav to affix it to a chain and wear around his neck? Almost the perfect size. Wow.

Yeah. I feel like that's probably the original marketing plan. I think you've maybe really glommed onto something. But he got busy with his career. Yeah, because he was falling in love. Yeah. And he was on a TV show, too. He was on a sitcom.

Oh, he was? For like one season. Yeah, it shot in Vancouver. Two and a Half Men and Flav. Really? It shot in Vancouver? Flav of Flav was in Vancouver? Yeah, he shot a sitcom where he was a...

It was based loosely on the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Okay. Where he was this hoodlum who had been sent to prison for a while. Yeah. Because he like took the rap for his brother. And his brother was this straight-laced Carlton type. Who went on and married this gold-digging white woman. Well, I actually interviewed to be a writer's assistant on this

job is that for real yeah wow and uh they asked me because because uh there was like a description of the the show and uh one of the they mentioned in the description that their kids were mulatto meaning half white half black and the the writers for the show were two uh big american black guys yeah and they came in and they and big like like large men not like big on the scene but like fat guys yeah and they uh they asked me do you even know what mulatto means we shouldn't say it we shouldn't say mulatto mixed race um yeah because like that's not the premise for a sitcom that i would try and build him into it would literally be a sitcom. Where he breaks out of a crazy house every week. It would just be a regular sitcom. And then I would just tell the actors, whatever Flavor Flav wants to do, you just kind of fought.

Yes, and. Whatever Flavor Flav wants. Flavor Flav gets. And so he comes in every week and just says something crazy. And he's like, today we're all on the moon! And then the whole episode takes place on the moon. Which is like the craziest sitcom. It would run for four episodes, but it went on the moon this time.

Yeah, but they have to play it straight. But they're all pretending it's got moon gravity, and Flavor Flav isn't buying into that. And he forgot halfway through the episode that he wanted to do that. And he's like, why are you guys doing that? It's moving too slow. Let's go on a carnival ride. Well, all our Flavor Flav impressions need work. Yeah.

Graham. Yeah, yeah. It's good to know you. Here's a... Recently, I haven't been working during the days. You never mentioned that on the show. No,, I haven't been working during the days. You never mentioned that on the show. No, but I haven't been. Okay.

Well, then, Graham, your condolences. I will. The world of... He's talking to you. Send him, sir. The world is an odd place. It's a vampire. Yeah, it is a vampire.

And it's a weird vampire that doesn't also have a job. And so, like, there's, okay, there's a place just down the street from where I live. There's a corner that has a kind of a pseudo office building. And every day I walk past it, there is always a disproportionate amount of thugs hanging out having a smoke break so i don't know if it's like uh you know getting a driver's license school or if it's a yeah like it could be anything but management a disproportionate amount of cauliflower ears oh like

like bruiser type guys uh All together in a parking lot. And there's also women, but they're all definitely on a smoke break. Do the ladies have cauliflower ears? They call it cauliflower eyes. They're like Betty Davis eyes for ugly people. But yeah, they like, and I don't know what the, but I'm fascinated by it. I walk past and there's always somebody talking too loud on a cell phone. You know what you should do to find out is, hey, what are you faggots doing there?

Through one of those giant like a megaphone across the street. And then see if they can beat the information out of themselves. Or out of each other. Yeah. Yeah. can beat the information out of themselves or out of each other yeah yeah so anyways that uh like i heard a guy screaming into his cell phone i was across the street and all i heard him scream was we all want to make money into the cell phone flavor flavor yeah flavor flavor um he's working on a new character uh um if you want to make money, Flavor Flav, Flavor Wave.

And then, like, I do my laundry at a laundromat and the other day it was just me and another guy. We're the only guys at the laundromat. And they have these, I don't know if this is a common thing at laundromats, because I haven't been at a laundromat. Sorry, is this the same laundromat where

you can see the people showering across the street? Yeah, yeah. I pointed, I gave my brothers kind of like my neighborhood tour. The dirtbag tour. Yeah, the dirtbag tour. The deadbeat tour. This is the visible shower. This is the ultimate fighter audition.

There's a laundromat that I go to. And directly across the street is an apartment building. And on the ground floor, there's these windows that are part of the shower in those suites. So all the windows are frosted, except one isn't frosted enough. So I've seen on two occasions a dude showering. You've seen peeing? Yeah, I've seen peeing and butt and everything else but not face so i would i don't know what's it at the top no it's it's the the window is uh at street level so it cuts off at about the neck so i wouldn't i only know him from neck down to junk and then that's

it so if you ever needed to identify them in a lineup take your pants off turn around and uh get on this can you soap up get on this scissor lift that will take you up nine stories to see you from this vantage point so they're uh at that laundromat uh they they have um tennis balls that you can throw in the dryer with your clothes and it kind of like fluffs up. Are they actual tennis balls or are they – Yeah, yeah. They're just tennis balls. Yeah.

Apparently like if you run those in a dryer, like it kind of just punches air into like a towel or – it actually works very well. I guess it's one of those kind of like home remedy things. It actually works very well. I guess it's one of those kind of like home remedy things. Anyway, so I'm about to dry my clothes, and I look at the basket, and there's no tennis balls in it. I was like, what the fuck? They got like 10 tennis balls. And I look at the other end of the laundromat, and this fucker's juggling them.

He's just juggling in the middle of the day. I was like, you. Yeah, these are for your amusement. Yeah, put these in with your dryer or if you're bored. Also, we have a unicycle. Yeah, we have a few things to keep you busy if you happen to be one of those juggling types. It's a busker camp. Also, ask us about our seal and beach ball.

We spoke about the Olympics. Yeah. I feel like there's more to talk about Because I hated them too for a while And now you love them? For a long time I didn't care Oh yeah that's true Before we even had the Olympics

There was a vote to see if we should try to have the Olympics And I voted that we should But I kind of assumed I'd be dead by now I voted that we should. But I kind of assumed I'd be dead by now. I voted that we shouldn't. I voted in that same election. And then, but you lost. Yeah, big time.

Sorry, history is written by the... In more ways than one. Chunkers. But now, the Olympics are a week away. And they've just set up these lights. Oh, the downtown lights. Yeah. These searchlights in the sky.

Think, you know, Bat Signal. Yeah, think movie premiere. Yeah, for Batman. Something to do with Batman. Like a Dark Knight premiere. But these lights, there's a light show at all times when it's dark. Yeah. And apparently you can go online

and you can choreograph it and they'll do what you choreograph. Yeah, and you can dedicate that to somebody and be like, you know, dear Kesha, this TikTok, etc. This is going to go all night.

I'll see you in the morning for a bottle of Jack. Have you seen the lights? Do you like the lights? I like the thing about Vancouver, like a Seattle or like a London, England, is it is an incredibly dismal place from kind of November all the way till like early April. It's just like really gray. This year it hasn't been, but I like the lights. Like Christmas time in Vancouver is very nice

because it's like nice to have, you know, some sort of color in the city. And to celebrate Christ. Yeah, the birth of Christ and Santa. And Krampus. Yeah, Krampus and Kwanzaa. But the, I like. But they have set up a lot of different light displays and light things. So I like that.

I would like that to happen every winter out of the mere fact that it is an incredibly depressing city to be in for that huge chunk of the year. We couldn't believe we were in open air when we got off the train yesterday. Did you get to the train here? No, no, the train came from the airport. Okay. We've been on the train for the last four days. Yeah, exactly. These guys are doing

stump speeches all the way across. Yeah. There's so much gloomier and colder in Calgary than it is here well yeah but usually you guys have sun but it's also just gray and like awful yeah the bad thing is like you go to work it's dark you come home from work it's still dark yeah well no you get that here too but it's like i do i like the lights i want laser laser year long. I kind of feel like if we had just skipped the Olympics and Vancouver was just a place that had a light show at all times, that would be amazing. I think that people would come to see that.

Yeah. Much like the places that build the Ice Hotel or Ice... Let's move on. Ice Travaganza. What's that? Ice Travagan but like i the lights are really great yeah the lights are great the olympics the olympics like yeah let's skip the no is it too late i don't think so hasn't started yet yeah still got some time um mcdonald's might be upset because they put all that money into that awful commercial. Probably one of their worst that they've ever made.

Which one? The two snowboarders talking. Oh, yeah, you're right, actually. Nah, I take it back. That is the worst commercial. The one with the McDonald's employee and the... Cindy Clausen? Yeah.

Hey, you're Cindy Clausen. You're Canada's most decorated athlete with the ugliest smile. But yeah, this is a girl that she... I just really feel like the Olympics is always at cross purposes with itself. It's a thing that brings us together

yet it almost uniformly divides whatever city it takes place in. And it also... It's a celebration of athleticism. And they endorse the worst possible food that you can put in your body. McDonald's and Coca-Cola.

Yeah, and so, I mean, and, yeah, and, like, whatever crazy sponsor, as long as they got the money, can be an Olympic sponsor. So I just, like, I think... Go Daddy. Yeah, I just think the Olympics go daddy yeah i just think the olympics are like like i think the idea of them is great i think the actual practice of them is absolute fucking

nonsense and and our city is already so many germans are here yeah i've seen germans they are uh they're like little tiny Angry looking Swedes They are all the character from Inglourious Bastards Sure They're like can I smoke a pipe Can I have some milk Can I smoke a ridiculous pipe

But yeah So I'm really glad that you guys were able to make it out just before the Olympics because really, during the Olympics, Vancouver was going to become this military zone and there's just private security and military and cops and RCMP are all going to be here and you just can't go anywhere. Yeah, so I'm glad you guys were able to just sneak in under the wire and we'll be able to leave and not have to be, you know, have your Claussen's checked or whatever. That's a sling.

Should we? Well, we do have, it's our 100th episode. Oh, yeah, right. So a couple people have called in. And I haven't listened to these messages, but we have a couple messages about our 100th episode. Oh, cool. Before you get into that, just congratulations, guys. Oh, thanks.

Yeah, good job. You did a really great job. I've listened to like four or five. Good enough. I know. Two or three here. Yeah. Who can take it?

I thought they were okay. Yeah, come on. You'll get there, really. I mean, yeah. Hey, Dave. Hey, Graham. um you'll get there really yeah hey dave uh hey graham um it's adam uh also known as lonely sandwich long time listener uh first time caller one time uh guest i guess i just wanted to call up and say um you know hello get some stuff off my chest if you will, you know, allow me that luxury.

I just wanted to run something by you, something I'm not accustomed to, I guess, being in the States or something, is the level of cordiality, I guess, that you have with each other and to most of your guests. with each other and to most of your guests. And, you know, I want to say that it's really nice. It's really, you know, your embrace and affection for each other. It comes across as brotherly. I think that's cool. And I want to say that's heartwarming, but to be honest, it just really fucking pisses me off.

You know, where is the real emotion they feel towards each other? It's a little bit, what it is, is it's disconcerting, and I want you to be aware of that. You're probably having an effect not only on me, but on other people as well, other of your listeners. I just wanted to tell you that I've made steps and I've made overtures towards doing something about it. And I can't listen to it anymore. I can't stand it.

I mean, it's like you're like, hey, buddy, yeah, remember Degrassi High? And I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, were you talking? No, go ahead. No, I'm sorry, buddy. No, go finish your thought. And that's like, oh, I'm sorry, were you talking? No, go ahead. No, I'm sorry, buddy. No, go finish your thought. And that's you. That's like you and Graham. It's Graham and

David. You're just so fucking nice to each other. It's abnormal. It's un-American. I can't fucking take it anymore. All right. I don't know what happened.

That was strange. That wasn't even... You didn't really even congratulate him. No, it started out like it sounded almost complimentary, and then it... It took a real left turn there. Yeah, it really did. Kind of a jerk. Maybe he's just having a bad day.

He might be, but... Thanks for calling, Adam thanks for calling that was weird we got a couple more Dave and Graham alphabetical order this is Paul F. Tompkins calling you may remember me as the best guest you've had on Stop Podcasting Yourself

I just wanted to call and say happy 100th episode it's very exciting it's quite a milestone. And I really enjoy the podcast, and I was happy to have been a part of it and, of course, to have been your best guest. Here's to 100 more and 100 more after that.

Hold on a second. Can I help you? What are you doing here? You look familiar, sort of. What's that? Oh, no! No! Oh, God!

Oh, what the? What happened? It sounds like Paul S. Hopkins met his demise. It sounded like something happened. There was definitely, he recognized something. Maybe he just dropped the phone. Maybe it wasn't... It sounded more serious than that.

It sounded like maybe there was somebody else there. He was saying no at the point at which he dropped the phone. It's true. I've never said that when I've dropped the phone. Maybe after dropping the phone. I go, ah! Goodbye. I dropped the phone.

Yeah. Oh. Goodbye. In case the phone hangs itself up goodbye um wow now I'm kind of

I don't know I'm a little concerned Adam was really upset with us which is weird and Paul F. Tompkins seems to have been murdered

that's unsettling freaking me out being in this haunted house and hearing calls like that me out being in this haunted house and hearing calls like that. We don't know that it's haunted, guys. It feels haunted. It's just a mansion.

It's on its haunches. There's one more. I hope this one brightens the day. Hey guys, it's Abby calling. I'm just calling to wish you congratulations for your 100th episode. It's quite an accomplishment. Nothing to be scoffed at. And I hope you got 100.

Oh, wait. Oh, I'm being stabbed to death. Oh. Oh. What? Well, there was no mistake. Yeah. She was being stabbed to death.

Well, that's upsetting to me as her boyfriend. Yeah. That's Abby, your girlfriend, who's also her own person. She was. She used to be. Well, you should put that in the eulogy at the very least. Was her own person. She died the way she lived as her own person.

You guys are taking this really lightly. Oh, well, I mean, there's just been so much murder so far. One. There's been one maybe murder. Two. Two for sure. There's one definite and one maybe. I'm really sorry, Dave.

We were going to forge a life together, you know? Well, you know what? We have to keep pressing on because you've got to get this mansion, right? Fair enough. That's true. Your future does lie with this mansion. It's time to move on. It's not much of a mansion, though.

We've been stuck on this for almost a minute. It is very spooky, but you know what? You go over with some Mr. Clean, it's gonna take the spook right out of it. I'll probably just flip it. It's probably worth a lot of money. Alright, well, you guys want to move on to Overheard's? I guess, you know,

that's what we should do. That's what we should do. Yeah. That's what Abby would want. Overheard. Overheard. And before we start overheards, let me just say that everyone here is a suspect. Oh, in those murders. Yeah, in the murders.

Yeah. The previously mentioned murders. The previously... At least one murder. The other one, we're still not sure I'm going to operate under the assumption That two murders It certainly sounded like a murder

We were acting as professionals But the lights did go out during those calls Oh that's true That's some good CSI work there When I say everyone's a suspect I mean the four of us And also Adam Lissagor. He called in pretty furious.

He did actually, if I may say, he's probably the most suspicious of all. Yeah, I mean, you and I and these two schmoes have... We've been having a good old cordial time. Yeah, super cordial. Nobody here has a motive. I'm drinking a lime cordial.

Okay. Overheard. Let's do overheards. Overheard say you're a person who is caught on a train or in a lineup or you're sitting in a restaurant by yourself. Or you're murdering someone. You're a murderer. You're a jail.

Plotting your next murder. One of the things you overhear when you're scheming a murder. Just things you've overheard that you think are hilarious or overseen, et cetera, et cetera. We like to start with the guests. We'll start with my brother, Daniel Clark. The guestiest of the guests. Well, when I... Wait until you hear your own. Sorry, Patrick. guests we'll start with uh my brother daniel clark the guestiest of the guests okay well when i uh wait until you sorry sorry uh when i heard we were gonna be on here i was had been keeping my ears when you heard through your agent when i heard yes yeah my people you were told my people

contacted me when he heard at the announcements that said it's we do them at eight in the morning from hollywood yeah at the big light show pretty exciting rosie o'donnell and kesha read out the nominees she does a dumb rhyme from her tv show not kesha's tv show oh can you imagine tiktok with kesha yeah we surely hit the mark today we talked to dan clark we were talking about rosie o'donnell how she used to rhyme her guests yeah the end of her Thief's Song. My favorite being from Dan. You'll never guess who's here.

It's Dave and Alan Greer. Who's yours? Today it's Christine Lottie and she's hottie, hottie, hottie. That was probably towards the end where they were like, ugh. We've got to have Christine Lottie on again. I'm glad it's not Christine Baranski. Hold on to your pantski. Pretty good.

Pretty good. But go ahead. So anyway, it came down to last night when I finally heard one. We went out to Boston Pizza because we had some vouchers for free pizzas. And it was just us in the lounge and this one other table that for some reason was practically hollering at each other all three of them were talking so loudly and um we just uh caught the one girl saying to the guy i can't believe they thought we were going to have sex you're pretty much the gayest person i've ever met pretty much i can't believe that

it's true I saw them they were at Boston Pizza though that's a big gay hangout sure yeah there was WWE wrestling on that can swing both ways exactly

gold dust who was the Adrian Adonis both ways. Exactly. No, we're not. Gold dust. Sure. Who was the Adrian Adonis? Yeah, there was Adrian Adonis. There was what was his name? Mick the Model Martel?

Oh, Rick. Rick the Model Martel. Yeah. And then there was the poet who used to throw frisbees into the audience. That was pretty gay.

That's a pretty flimsy persona. Yeah. I'm the Frisbee poet. What is that? Never mind. Patrick? Okay. Yeah.

I had to kind of go back into the archives to think of this one. Gonna go back into the archives. That's right. Yeah. That's right. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Yeah, that's right. That's what I was talking about. Anyway, it was a few years ago, me and my friend were walking down White Ave in Edmonton, which is their, like, clubby street.

Yeah, yeah, it's the fun street. Yeah, basically. One, two, three, fun street. That's what I usually write on fake forums. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Not your kid's street yeah it's the fun street yeah basically one two three fun street that's what i usually write on fake yeah yeah exactly not your kid's street it's fun street um so we were walking down the street and we could see a club from down the street and we could see there was a big like a fight was about to happen so we were like oh we gotta get in close and there was a guy standing in line and uh a cab pulled up and all these guys came out and they were yelling at this guy. So obviously the guy in line was really antagonizing them and saying something horrible to them because they were getting so pissed off at him.

And when we got close enough, we could actually hear what the guy was saying. And he was singing Lips of an Angel by the Canadian band Heater. Oh, wow. Heater. I know. I don't know anything about anything. I unfortunately do know what Heater is. What era is Heater?

It's like, yeah, that song was probably 2005. I do not know. Lips of an angel. Are you sure that wasn't Nickelback? Oh, yeah. He's singing it in the style of Nickelback, but we're from Alberta. We sing everything. We just love Nickelback. He's singing it in the style of Nickelback, but we're from Alberta. We sing everything. We just love Nickelback.

You're broke. I thought it was hilarious. That guy was getting so angry over that. I was trying to remember what the gentleman's name was. He's a rapper. No, we were just talking about Canadian singers, and there I was trying to remember what the gentleman's name was. He's a rapper. Pat Kroger.

No. We were just talking about Canadian singers, and there's this hip-hop guy who has done a hip-hop song using our national anthem as a loop. It's called Believe. He's kind of a Norah Jones character. But there's a part in the song where he goes, Oh, Canada. Oh, Canada.

And I don't know if I'll be able to hear the national anthem without thinking that in my head. Because he's made it better. You can't go back to the old version. Yeah, exactly. Once you go rap, you never go back. Really good save. Dave, do you have an overheard?

I sure do. This is from this morning. Yeah. Oh, really? Fresh? Yeah, fresh. Right out of the vault. Vault?

You don't keep fresh things in a vault. Does this mansion have a vault? Fresh out of the, you know, produce section. That's inside a vault. Yeah. I was listening to the radio. Yeah. And there was an ad, a radio ad.

I don't think I've ever heard a radio ad for the shopping channel. Oh, that's radio. Yeah. And there was an ad, a radio ad. I don't think I've ever heard a radio ad for the shopping channel. Oh, that's weird. Yeah. It's like one degree removed. It's Canada's QVC. Yeah. But it was these two women. And I don't know a lot about women's fashion, but I know...

But we know that men and women are different. We established that earlier. And I know the names of some famous designers. Sure. Your Yves Saint Laurent. Claudia Schiffer. Your Karl Lagerfeld. Your Marc Jacobses.

Your Carlton Banks. Your Gordon Gatrells. Yeah, your Gordon Gatrell. These women in this ad were talking about these designers and they they were talking about them like they were big name designers that people should have heard of and uh this woman said oh i bought this this shirt on our outfit on the shopping channel it's uh it's a real brian bailey really and the other woman said, Brian Bailey? Next thing you'll be telling me, the shopping channel also carries Wayne Clark.

And it does. Of course. And then the announcer came on and said, shopping channel now carries such designers as Brian Bailey, Wayne Clark, and Tall by Monica Schneier. I thought you were going to say Matthew Modine. I bet you two of the three of those are winners of Project Runway Canada. No, because season one of Project Runway Canada was won by Bedell. We still reference a commercial that used to be on at least 10 years ago where they said oh we got the hype brands we got your shabazz brothers and your fishpaw i've never heard of those

and still there's a fishpaw fishpaw like the paw of a fish yeah that's right finn it's a finn but like the popular brand right yeah fishpaw oh man that's right. Fin. It's a fin. But like the popular brand. Right. Fish paw. Oh, man, that's good stuff. Is that true you're wearing fish paw? No, Shabazz Brothers. I feel like Shabazz Brothers would have made like those pants that...

Yeah, probably. Zoomies or Zoobies or whatever. Oh, I would have thought they would have made exclusively Harlem Globetrotter outfits. Right. And the Shabazz Brothers. The Shabazz Brothers or maybe like a a shirt that changed color

when you sweat. That joke was for you, my departed girlfriend, Abby. Yeah, she would have liked that a lot. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Sorry about that. Yeah, well, time heals all wounds. It's been a few minutes. Yeah, tragedy plus time liked that a lot. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Sorry about that. Yeah, well, time heals all wounds. It's been a few minutes.

Yeah, tragedy plus time. I don't know how I feel about talking about this. Graham, do you have an overheard? I do. I have one, and if it fails, I got a backup one that may also work. But I made a call. I have a couple of Mexican restaurants that I love.

And on occasion, regular occasion, I will call and order something ahead and then go pick it up. And I guess there was a new girl. Because you don't want to go there and stick around for the mariachi band that comes to your table. Or the bullfights that often happen. Sure, yes. And I ordered something, and not only did they get the order wrong, and when I got it,

it was slathered in meat. So I couldn't have it, but I should have known that something bad was going to happen when they said, what's your name? And I said, Graham. And she said, Crayon? And so that was just a taste of an overheard there. We have some overheards that were sent in via email.

All right. This is from, this first one is from Clay S. This is Clay from Indiana with an overheard. So here goes. My friend Kyle called an old man about renting a building in his town to use as a skate park. Probably going to go well. Hey, old man. Do you want to rent out your building to a bunch of punks?

In brackets, he says, we're all BMXers. So he is on the phone with this old man trying to figure out how much it would cost. The old man just keeps rambling on and on like some crazy old people do. My friend just keeps trying to get the information he needs from the man, but he just keeps rambling about

the old days. As my friend keeps asking how much the rent would be, the old man gets upset that he can't finish his story and says, son, I've been around since I was born. We all thought that was pretty funny. Don't disagree. This is from... Read it.

Use your eyes. This is from Matt in South Korea. South Korea? Yeah. I teach English to Korean students. Makes sense. In class today, a 12-year-old girl asked me to help her caption

her Spongebob comic we were working on in class. In the comic, Spongebob and Patrick argue in the first panel, have a fight in the second panel, refuse to speak to one another in the third panel, then finally reconcile by holding hands. The girl wanted to know what particular expression she should use when talking about the final panel, where the two characters were happy once again.

I offered her some help. It quotes, they became friends again? She shakes her head no. They stopped fighting? Still no, etc. She threw out all of my suggestions pulled out her phone and started looking up at the expression she wanted in the dictionary i left to go help another student she held up her paper a few minutes later with lots of pride and showed me what she had put

on the paper instead of my suggestion spongebob and patrick had intimate relations with one another koreans are the darndest things they really do right they're the they're the greatest that way

they're the darndest generation i don't know what that was um uh this one is from eric

v um eric from edmonton uh on a flight i was on recently the airline had provided free

halls breath mints to all the passengers had provided free Hall's breath mints to all the passengers on the plane let's just stop there Hall's are throat lozenges they're not breath mints unless you like reeking of eucalyptus and if you're using them as a breath mint they will rot your teeth

when the flight attendant informed us of this someone yelled quite loudly don't eat them they're spiked with drugs. Which the person beside me simply said, I wish they were giving out free Jack Daniels. Correct. Correct. Don't eat these free drugs. And this last one of today, from this sentient one, is from Devin C.

It's Devin C. from Moncton, New Brunswick. This is an overseen. I'm a high school student and we just got our new class outlines. In the rules for my new social studies class, it said, no iPods, cellular phones, MP3 players, or Palm Pilots. So, you know, if there's any returning students from 1994. So, thank you very much for writing in the overheards. If you want to

send in overheards to us, you can send them to stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. And we also have a number of phoned-in overheards. Oh, aren't we lucky? 100's great. Hey, Stop Podcasting Yourself. This is Chad from Springwood, Ohio. overheard oh aren't we lucky 100 is great phoning it in hey stop podcasting yourself this is chad from springwood ohio and i was in the library at my university and i heard this guy next to me say

um anyone who is celebrating an anniversary on the same day as the birth of axl rose is cursed uh i guess that that overheard's not that great. But anyway, love the podcast. Keep up the good work. See ya. Thanks. That's weird. Do you know what's weird about that is, I mean, I'm, you know, in my younger days, I was a fan of Guns N' Roses. Yeah, you're a real guns head. Yeah, I called myself a rose booster. Damn it. A rose bro.

But I don't know if you guys know this this but this day that we're recording the podcast is actually uh axl rose's birthday that's right and we're celebrating an anniversary yeah i mean i'm i don't know what this guy i mean 100 episodes isn't quite two years but you know we're not gonna celebrate episode 102 yeah i think we're, right? That overheard doesn't mean anything. Nothing bad has happened. Oh, yeah. Except for the murders. I'm sure they're just crazy.

It's just coincidence. There's no real curse. You guys have had murders on your podcast before, right? Yeah. We've had nothing to do with that. Like identity theft. Yeah. Murderous thoughts.

Same thing. Yeah. Sure. You wouldn't steal a DVD or a car or whatever. Yeah, you wouldn't steal a car. You would steal a DVD. Yeah, you'd steal a DVD. That's what I was getting to.

If it were free. That's right. If nobody noticed. Wow. Anyways, I hope the other overheards are more delightful and less ominous. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks, though, Chad. Hello, Graham and Dave.

It's Jade calling from Japan. I'm calling in for an overheard. Congratulations on the 100th show. Good job. Woo-hoo. Yippee. So I'm walking down the street in Osaka, Japan, and whenever I hear English in the street,

my ears always perk up because it doesn't happen very often. So it's a perfect place to eavesdrop because the people who are speaking also don't realize that anyone around them can understand what they're saying. So I look over and there's these three guys. They must be English teachers in their early 20s. They're all got spiky hair, tight jeans, leather jackets. They're dressed like they just came out of a Japanese pop video. So they're really trying to fit in with the locals. And I guess they don't realize that anyone who understands English is behind them.

And one of them says, yeah, Gandalf plays the teacher. And his friend says, no, dude, Gandalf isn't in the Harry Potter movies. And his friend says, well, anyway, it was someone that looks like Gandalf. So I had a pretty good time laughing hysterically about these three. What role will Gandalf take on next? You know who my favorite actor is? Gandalf.

He was so scary. Gandalf in the role of Gandalf. Gandalf on Gandalf. It's like when Howard Stern played himself in Pirate Wars himself Thank you very much, Jade For sending that in all the way from Japan Yeah, the I think, is Gandalf in the Harry Potter movies?

No I know that one guy who was in the Harry Potter movies Died and was replaced by Gandalf Yeah But I may be wrong about that I saw the first Harry Potter movie And then I decided that was a movie for children. It is a movie for children, although I should watch it. I've only seen the first one.

I've seen the first one. No, and I've seen the third one. First and third. I've seen all of them only on planes. Yeah. For some reason, every plane that I get on... Well, you're a big traveler. I'm not even.

He's a blues traveler. Oh, yeah. That's right. Here's another. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Jim from traveler. Oh, yeah. Here's another. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Jim from Cleveland, Ohio, down in the States. I got an overseen slash overheard for you. We're getting some really nasty weather here tonight.

We call it an Alberta Clipper when some cold-ass air comes across Lake Erie and just dumps a bunch of snow. I guess in Canada you guys would call it Wednesday or something. But we got some really nasty weather, and I'm scraping my car off and getting all the snow off and everything. And next to the parking lot where I'm doing this, some guy's driving like a late 80s or early 90s MR2, which is just like this boxy, tiny little two-seater Toyota, really not fit for this kind of weather. And he's totally stuck in this giant snowbank on the side of the road. And he's standing out in front of it, and the hazard lights are flashing.

It looks like he's waiting for someone to pick him up or something. And this woman comes running up to him, and she's kind of fat. She looks like a juggalo. She's got, like, a flannel on with the twisted logo, a little dude with a knife on the back. And she comes running up to him, and she's like, hey, hey. And he kind of looks up at her, like, you know, he's on his phone. He's like, up to him she's like hey hey and he kind of looks up at her like you know he's on his phone like yeah and she goes are you okay and he goes yeah i'm

just stuck i'm okay and she just vomits in the snow right in front of him just all over the place and he just kind of looks at her and completely shocked like he's holding his phone next to her and just looking at her like she's insane. And she goes, all right, and just kind of walks away. So I think that's pretty funny, especially because the whole thing happened

in suburbia. So I don't know what the deal was. Yeah, you'd expect that thing in the ghetto. Yeah. If I was a police officer, I would...

Arrest every juggalo. Well, I would become familiar. Juggalo's a great descriptive term. That's right. Because I knew exactly what... It's very evocative.

Yeah, if I was training police officers, that would become a type that I would be like, be familiar with this description because it's going to come up a lot. We got a juggalo on a plate. Caucasian juggalo. Yeah, it's like a racial profiling. Yeah. But in this sense, it's justified. Yeah, but it's justified. It's justified.

And it's one of those things where it's like, if it's going to be property crime, i.e. something getting broken or thrown up upon, probably saying, you know. Yeah, signature of a juggler. Yeah, maybe that would be like, it's like a Batman villain. The jugglo was here. There's vomit everywhere. That was a little too good to be true, the vomiting right on cue. But you know what? I do not believe it because it was too perfect.

We've had overheards in the past, maybe one, where it involved someone vomiting. And it's always great. It is great. Keep them coming. He mentioned an Alberta clipper. And in Calgary, we have a certain weather pattern that just makes juggalos vomit. That's what they're talking about.

We have... It's called a violent J. A shaggy two-dose. I wonder if there's... He was in Ohio. That's nowhere near Alberta. No, not really. No, it isn't.

But we, in Vancouver, we have something called a Hawaiian Punch, which is... Or no. Yeah, a Hawaiian Punch and a Tropical Thunder. Tropical Thunder? Oh, you're talking about where Jack Plack is annoying in the movie and nearly ruins it? Is that a Tropical Thunder? What was the other movie that

summer? With Seth Rogen? Pineapple Express. I don't know. It is a Pineapple Express. It is a Pineapple Express. Yeah. We get a Hawaiian Punch and a Pineapple Express. We get Tropic Thunder.

Great. But those are when it's unseasonably warm and we get a ton of rain. That's by Nova Express. And we also go to Hawaiian Punch. I think it's the same thing. Yeah. But it's one of those things where we blame our weather on a different part of the world. Yeah.

Like the Alberta Clipper. Oh, there you go. Well, I wonder if anybody blames any weather pattern on Vancouver. Vancouver does. Yeah. Here's another okay hello dave hello graham and hello guest who's oh hopefully abby because she's the best guest you guys have ever had and also her own person anyways i have an overheard for you um i was sitting in the library at western today,

which were people of not the Northwest, it was Western Washington University, and there was this table with two people, a guy and a girl, and the guy's phone rang, and he picked it up, and this is what I heard. He said, hey, what's up?

Yeah, okay. So, do you want to have sex now? And then there was a long pause. He said, oh, okay, well, maybe I can get off work tomorrow then. And then there was a long pause again, and he said, oh, okay, bye. And then he looked at the girl that he was with and said, do you want to have sex now? She just kind of looked at him.

Then she stood up and said, it was really nice to meet you. Put in the cart before the horse. Wow. Don't count your chickens before you have sex with them. Wow. I mean, I know guys like that that are the just requisite. Direct approach. Yeah, the bold characters that, you know, it's like the one out of 100 it's going to work on.

I remember that show, One Versus 100. Yeah. This friend of mine hosted it. His name's Bob Sagan. Sure, yeah. We have another call. I don't know if it's an overheard hey guys hey Dave hey Graham it's me again it's Adam

lonely sandwich first time caller one time listener one time guest I called in before just now I don't know if you may have gotten that um but if you did i just wanted to say i don't know i sometimes i die i i get excited and i lose control and um you know no hard feelings to you guys because you're really sweet guys really nice to each other it's uh it's fantastic love your show. And I think that, you know,

if you want to, you know, be nice to each other consistently while talking about, you know, you can do that on television, I think it's fantastic. There's no need for green slime between you. So anyway, no hard feelings. I just wanted to get that...

What are you doing? what are you doing what are you doing here is somebody there who are who are you i mean i i know who you are but i'm in a strictly metaphysical sense what do you put that away oh god oh god. Oh, God. Oh, God. No. Oh, no! Oh, God. That's a shame. Dave, I'm starting to think that having this podcast in this haunted mansion is a worse and worse idea.

On Axel Rose's birthday. Yeah, on the day of Axel Rose's birthday. Okay, here's another one. Hi, this is for Dave and Graham. My name is Russell Johnson. I'm the professor from Gilligan's Island. And I know that you are having an anniversary.

And I want to say congratulations to you. And much, much, much love and care. God bless you. Bye-bye. Ah. Wow. TV's the professor. Yeah.

Okay, let's have a quick recap. Okay. Paul F. Tompkins, dead. Yeah, sorry to fans. My beautiful girlfriend, Abby, dead. Dead. Sorry to you, Dave. Yeah.

Adam Lissagor, what I would say our red herring. Seemed like the most obvious choice. Yeah. Adam Lissagor, our, what I would say, our red herring. Seemed like the most obvious choice. Yeah. It was clearly him. Yeah, he was the angriest. Yeah. And our power out. Uh-oh.

Oh, my God. What are you doing? Oh, oh, oh. Are those coconuts? Ah! Ah! Smells like a bounty bar in here. The lights are back on, and Dan has been murdered.

And there's coconuts everywhere. The professor called, and then coconuts. And he was an avid user of coconuts. He was a coconutician. Coconutologist. He was a coke addict, as they called him on the island. And short for coconut. Okay.

Well, that's curious. At the very least curious. Yeah, at the very most badly accurate. I wish the professor was here to investigate. Get me some limes. Yeah, you put the lime in the coconut. Also, your brother's dead. Oh, yeah.

Can we still get some limes? Yeah, sure. We'll put them in the coconut. And then, I forget the next line. There's a real difference between a real life killing and a phoned in killing. This one is really affecting me.

And messy. This killing was definitely not phoned in. It's killing in the name, as Zach DeLaRocca would say. Do you think Zach DeLa Delaroca did this? Let's put him on the list. Everyone's a suspect. Well, certainly the three surviving us's are.

Now, we do have a Ouija board here. Now, we're very upset about your brother's. Obviously. I'm torn apart about it. We have a Ouija board. Ouija board. Yeah. Ouija, Ouija, Ouija, Ouija. Inside. Ouija, Ouija, Ouija, Ouija.

Because inside is Ouija, Ouija, Ouija, Ouija. Inside? Inside out. Inside out. Yeah. Totally crossed off. Man, I'm surprised how well I'm taking this. Well.

It's just good to laugh. We have a Ouija board. Yeah. Is there a chance we can communicate? Well, let's all put to laugh. We have a Ouija board. And is there a chance we can communicate? Well, let's all put our hands on it. That's not the Ouija board, guys. All right, seriously. So, Dan, can you hear us?

Hey, what's up, guys? Dan, are you cool to hang out for the rest of the show? Yeah, I'm good. Okay, good. Yeah, it's pointing to yes. It's pointing to yeah, I'm good. Right on. Oh, thanks for coming back via Ouija board. Now, you don't know how...

You have no idea who killed you, right? That's dark. No, I don't see it. Shoot. Shoot. Yeah. Well, that's a lot of murders. So, that's three murders.

Three definite murders? Yeah. Yeah. Should we move on to another segment? No, no, no. We got one more phone call. Hi, this is Lou Ferrigno. I'm calling for Graham and Dave.

I want to say congratulations on two wonderful years, and here's to many more incredible years. Take care. Oh, my God. The lights have gone out again. Are you kidding me? Oh, my God. What are you doing?

Oh, no. not my arms. Wow. The lights are back on and your brother, Patrick, I want to say? Yeah. His arms have been ripped apart off him. Yeah, and all there is is a note on him that says, I overstand, which I don't understand what that means. It's like how the Hulk would talk.

Yeah. Had the Hulk would talk. Yeah. Had the Hulk. Wait a minute. Didn't Lou Ferrigno just call us? I don't remember. This has been a long episode. It is very suspicious at the very least. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, this is also curious. And incredible. Let's get the Ouija board out and see if we can contact Patrick. You say Ouija-dee or Ouija-dee? Ouija-dee. Oh yeah, hey guys. Do you know who killed you?

No, I got killed and I wasn't paying attention. I was hoping you could lovely bones it. This is like the less successful Lindsay Lohan movie, I Know Who Killed Me. I Know Whom Killed Me. So it's just the two of us now and these two corpses.

Yeah, and ghosts. Two sexy corpses. Well, I tell you. Well, they say live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse, and I've got to tell you guys, wow. You guys are really doing it for me. So I guess we're the only suspects left. I know I didn't do it because I'm a real good guy.

Yeah, and I'm pretty sure I didn't do it because I'm wickedy wickedy awesome. Well, I'm pretty... I'm mad about the Olympics, but that... I'm mad about you. Well, let's pretty... I'm mad about the Olympics, but that... I'm mad about you. Yeah, sure. Well, let's take each other's hand and jump into the final frontier.

You are wearing that vest that's like the guy from Blues Traveler with all the harmonicas on it, except that you've got like a knife, and you've got some razors and some scissors. You've got different cutting implements. I've also got a measuring cup, so let's not read too much into that. A lot of cutting though. It's kind of weird. But here's the thing, is that I've noticed

Dave, you have a loose thread on the collar of your shirt, and I have this gigantic pair of scissors. Let me cut it off for you. Just one second. Just come over here. I hope I feel so good about it. Abby Campbell? Professional actress Abby Campbell. It's me.

I thought, wait a minute. I thought you were dead. I thought you were murdered. Wait, he tried to murder me. I did? He did. Oh, nuts. I really should have tied up that loose end.

I was making a phone call, and all of a sudden, he appeared out of nowhere. He tackled me to the couch, and I thought I was stabbed to death. Not in a sexy way. No, like he was trying to kill me. Like a football tackle. But he didn't kill you. No, it turns out I just landed on a pillow full of ketchup. Oh. I thought I killed her, too. I mean, oh!

Confession on table. Wait, were you trying to kill Dave? Yeah, he was trying to kill me. Yeah, I was just trying to make our 100th special by murdering a lot of people. I'm misguided. I'm like Frankenstein when I push that girl in the river. You're like Judy Greer from the TV show Misguided.

Yeah. Or David Allen Greer from the TV show The Rosie O'Connell Show. Well, there's way too many voices here. Guys, can you forgive me for all the murders and attempted murders? I mean... Yeah, you know what? Congratulations, guys. It was worth it.

Oh, all right. From some hills, all wounds. Well done. Here's to 100 more episodes. Way to go, guys. Maximum. We would like to thank, of course, the wonderful actress, Abby Campbell, for tying this all up. Also, my brothers, Patrick and Daniel, for coming in.

My pleasure. And also, thank you to Adam Lissagor and Paul F. Tompkins for being awesome fake murderers. Yeah, and thanks to Emmett Hall for being the fake guy who told us that there was a curse. There was a curse. And he was playing Chad from Springwood, Ohio, which is where Nightmare on Elm Street took place. A lot of people don't know that. Oh, yeah. Thanks to the celebrities who called us.

Yeah. Very, very kind of you. The Don Paul F. Tompkins celebrities. Yeah. And Adam Lizagorz. Yeah. The non-Paul F. Tompkins celebrities. Yeah.

And the Adam Lissagors. Yeah. And to William P. from Illinois, who, as everyone should. Thank you. He sent us $100 check for 100 episodes, which we then spent on calls from Hollywood is Calling. Yeah. Which I think is as good a use of money as we could have thought of. Yeah, sure. So thank you very much for that,

and thank you to the professionals at HollywoodIsCalling.com. So, yeah, if you guys in the future for the next 100 episodes want to call into us, not to be murdered, but if you feel the need, you know, express yourself, 206-339-8328. Although I kind of do like the idea that at the end of phone calls from now on, people would try to be murdered or pretend to be murdered. Check us out online at

StopPodcastingYourself.com. And if you want to send us an email, it's StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com. And from Dave and I and everyone else thank you very much for listening and helping us and enjoying the podcast through 100 episodes and here's to 100 more from all of us here

at Stop Podcasting Yourself Wait, what am I supposed to do if I want to hang up? Am I supposed to press the pound key to leave a message? How do I send a fax on this thing? Hey, dudes, it's me. I'm going to do this recording. That wasn't part of it, although it should be because it was pretty golden. I'm going to do this thing.

I'm going to act some things. It might take me a couple times, a couple takes. There's a great chance that the answering machine will cut me off because you ran out of tape. Anyhow, I will let you know once I've started, or you can, I guess, pick it up wherever you feel like it's appropriate. I'll try to make it brief. Sorry, I have to sneeze. I'll try to make it brief. Sorry, I have to sneeze. It passed.