Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 103 - Diana Frances

Episode Date: March 2, 2010

Improviser/writer/etcetera Diana Frances joins us to talk leather pants, cruising, and more Olympics.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 103 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and joining me as always is a man who I feel owns the podium in everything he does, Mr. Dave Shumka. That's very kind of you to say, Graham. I don't own a podium though, so is that going to be a problem? No, not at all.

The Own the Podium Canadian Athletics Program, do they get to own a podium? Yeah, Rona donates them a podium, and then they have to keep it in their apartment. Donate a podium. Don the podium. And our guest this week is a lady who just came back from a six-month hitch,

I think they call it, when you're on the ocean. No. Is it six months? No, it's four months. Four months, sorry. And it's a contract. Even that is an enormous length the ocean. No, no, no. Is it six months? No, it's four months. Four months, sorry. And it's a contract. Even that is an enormous length of time. That's a long time. On a boat. Ship, it's a ship.

Ship, sorry. It's a ship. And if you say to any of the important people on the ship that you're on a boat, inevitably they all say the same joke, which is, you're on a ship, but if the ship goes down, look for a boat to rescue you and then they laugh maritime humor that voice you're hearing is writer improviser producer miss diana francis gentlemen thank you for joining us my pleasure uh shall we get to know us why not get to know us so you were four months Four months

Four months straight Four months straight on a cruise ship What were you doing on the ship? Oh right Because I'll tell that joke Every time you call it a boat Alright Define joke

You were improvising on this ship You almost said the B word Yeah It was Second City has a contract with uh not this is gonna sound like a giant plug now but second city has a contract with norwegian cruise lines so they've got nor john they've got uh it's freestyle cruising they've got uh uh yeah five different second city casts on five of the different ships so they hire you for four month contracts and you're on the ship the whole time.

Right. And we basically did the same week-long cruise 18 times. The exact same cruise, 18 times. And what were the port? What is it? Ports of Call? Yeah. Is that right?

No, it's a boat. Oh, yeah. Don't you? It's called Boat Holes. Pulling up into the Boat Hole called Boat Holes. Pulling up into the Boat Hole. Boat Holes. Yeah, we did Miami. And then we would go to the Dominican Republic, Samana.

Yeah, and we actually just pulled away from Samana when the earthquake hit Haiti. Really? And we just kept going. Wow. See ya. And then we'd go to St. Thomas in the U.S. Virgin Islands. Aquinas? Hmm?

Aquinas? St. Thomas Aquinas? Yeah. Sorry, St. Thomas in the U.S. Virgin Islands. Aquinas? Hmm? Aquinas? St. Thomas Aquinas? Yeah. Sorry, St. Francis of Assisi. Yeah, no, you're not saying words that make sense to me. Okay, that's fine. I grew up Catholic. It's cool.

A lot of brothers and sisters. A lot of guilt. And then Tortola in the British Virgin Islands. I think it's pronounced tortilla. Yeah. It's delicious. It's a delicious port. And then to a private island that the cruise line owns,

which is just a way to not have to pay port fees. They just buy an island, and then they throw some lawn chairs and a barbecue on it. And then the natives that live on that island come and get you in the nighttime. The others. How are you doing with Lost so far this season? Guys, I don't watch Lost, and I'm going to watch all the seasons, but I don't.

I can't. All right, let me spare any big plot twists. Okay, no big plot twists. I kind of forgot what was going on with Lost, and then I didn't. Usually before the season starts up, I will research it and get up to speed, and I've just kind of been half-watching it this year. How about yourself?

I'm totally lost. I'm just completely... Oh, like this show. See, how about comedy? I'm totally lost. I'm just completely... Oh, like this show. Oh, yeah. See, how about comedy? I'm totally Big Bang Theory. Oh, I'm two and a half, man. Yeah, there's something... Every once in a while I go,

hey, what happened to that character? And then somebody will go, they died last season. What? How did I not... Anyway. You were out on the open sea. I was in the sea.

I keep a notepad with me now, and so I will research things after the fact. Sounds like a lot of work. Who's that guy? His sister? He has a sister? Did she matter before? Yeah, it was Tia and Tamara Mowry.

The cast of Sister Sister. Two daughters of Venus Flytrap. Is that the dad on Sister Sister? The guy who played Venus Flytrap? I think it was. We'll look into it. Yeah, sorry. She's giving me the St. Thomas

Aquinas look. So, was it horrible or great to be on a ship? Because I know people who've worked on cruise ships, and some people love it, and it's like a great party, and they make a lot of money, and there's not a ton of places to spend that money.

So you kind of come back with a lot of money. And then there's other people who I've known who've done it and they find it miserable and they don't like the people that are on cruise ships. It's, you know what, for the most part, it was really fun. And you feel like a dick if you actually complain about anything considering how hard everybody else but us worked on that cruise ship right like you can't you i'd be like oh there's nothing i can't eat at the buffet i'm so tired of the buffet and then there's these you know filipino room stewards who've been working like 10 months seven days a week 10 hours a day yeah who get like the same chicken head soup down in the crew mess every time where leonardo dicaprio

hangs out before he meets uh yeah spoilers yeah i haven't seen it yet so oh sorry uh at the end it's avatar okay good um so you can't complain right but uh i will yeah um no it was i got to cruise with my boyfriend mike fly so he was in the cast with us. So the good side of that is that you're there with your beloved. And the bad side of that is for four months you're in a 10x10 room with your beloved. And I think for the first month

I think he will agree that I was a bit of an uber bitch. Just because things like cords everywhere. That's when you had your hair in cornrows. Is that what people do on holidays? Cornrows? Yeah, yeah.

It's more like braids, I guess. Cornrows. You get that done in tortilla when you're young. Yeah. Hey. Hi, Wyclef. So what cords? Oh, well, because we're in this tiny little room,

and he's got a computer, I got a computer. He's got a little editing station set up because he's doing some extra work. Extra work? Making his own movie, but just putting himself in the background. He's very modest. Poseidon 2.

That's going to be great. Just little things would drive you nuts. Literally, our room is the size of this studio that we're in right now. Oh, a theater of the mind. A giant studio. This gigantic studio? Oh, it's bigger than 10 by 10,

I'll say that. Did you guys, were you in bunks? No, we actually had, we were in hammocks. We were just nailed to the wall. No, we had a little like twin bed. Oh, that's nice.

It's the kind of, you know, the size that's just not big enough for two adults. Did he have his own room? Or did you guys have separate rooms and you just decided? Did you have the option of separate rooms? No, the reason that Second City likes hiring couples is because they only get four rooms on the ship for six cast members. Like that movie.

So, what? Oh, yeah. There's a movie, Four Rooms. Yeah. Oh. Sorry. E-rail. So, if they hire a couple, we don't have to move rooms the whole time.

Right, right, right. The other cast members have to rotate every couple. Unless you get in a big fight. Oh, then, can you imagine? He has to sleep on the ship's couch. Which is up on the poop deck. Is there a poop deck? Or is that only a military ship?

I think that's a military ship. Right on. And does it mean what you think it means? No, that's just where they take shits. Where the shit goes down. There's no cannons on cruise ships. I know that. Okay.

There's no cannons. And there's no amistads. No amistads. They're not propelled by people rowing in the bottom. You're unlikely to see Jaimon Hounsou. That's about all I know about cruise ships. But you made some money, and it

was fun, and it was different. Yeah, the only thing you can really spend your money on is booze. And crazy amounts of trinkets. Your whole room's filled with snow globes. Well, beads to put on your cornrows. Oh, yeah, absolutely. A lot of magnets of the cruise ship

that you're on. Because the walls are actually all steel. So the only way you can keep anything on the wall is magnets. So we had a lot of magnets that we bought

of the cruise ship just on the wall. It was very meta. I don't believe you. I've been noticing people in Vancouver speaking of trinkets, the Olympics are on now and there's

a a subculture of people who just buy pins yeah i uh i knew this i knew this was a thing that was uh because that it follows the olympics everywhere this pin trading culture and it's this is i think this olympics it's actually sponsored by Coke. Coke has pin trading tents. Oh, okay. And if you think guys that are... Remember when you were a kid and you used to... Did you used to buy and sell cards or trade cards? I mostly bought.

No one was buying from me. You were a bad dealer. Yeah. I got all this stock. I would go to the card stores and i was i can't move any of this product do you guys want this nah 25 cents oh come on there was uh they're kind of like those guys once the card trade kind of went out they were like pins i guess will be the new thing i trade i just wonder if uh people get caught up in the frenzy of it in the moment

because they're like, oh, I see all these other people with pins. I might have them too. And the regret they must feel when they come home with these ridiculous amount of pins because who's going to come over to look at your pins? Your grandson. Your grandson, the pin trader, is looking for some stock.

Your grandson who's sizing you up for your will. Somebody gave me a pin years ago that they got for working at Royal Bank. I guess only Royal Bank employees got these pins in 2007 that said, three years to go and it had a picture of the anukshuk and uh and so i kept it it was in a desk drawer and then when i was at the airport i asked the guy in the pin trading area i was like how much is like if it says 2007 and he said like that's a super rare one and i I was like, how much can I get for that? And he's like, you could trade it for this pin.

And I was like, oh, wow. I want more garbage pins. That's not what I'm in for. I actually got given a couple of pins. I've only been down to the little kind of Olympic-y thing. Yeah, that's what it's called. It's called the Olympic-y area. Once so far since I've been back in Vancouver. And a buddy of mine got hired to dress up as a hockey player

and basically entertain people in the line, which is hilarious because he's the gayest man ever. Ever. Ever. Dressed up as a hockey player in the line. I'm like, are you having fun? How's it all going in the lineup? Anyway, it's awesome.

But they gave him these pins to give away. And he told me that he has to kind of surreptitiously slip them into kids' hands, which is really creepy coming from a gay hockey player. Sure. To kind of like, here, let me put this in your pocket, Tony. Don't tell your parents. Because he goes, if he makes it obvious that he's giving away pins, people just swarm him. Oh, really?

Yeah. And they're demanding. Oh, wow. My buddy who works at the Hotel Vancouver, I guess he was, there was a kid that was staying at the hotel and was trading pins and asking everybody in the hotel if they had pins. and was trading pins and asking everybody in the hotel if they had pins. And so he dug out, I guess he, everybody at the hotel got this fancy Hotel Vancouver Olympic pin and all the staff has to wear them. The kid really wanted that pin and he couldn't give him that. So he dug out a pin that he got for five years of service or whatever

and gave it to the kid. And the kid gave him this whole lanyard that's all covered in pins. And now he had to wear it. Because if the kid saw him without it, the kid would be heartbroken. So he's just a walker. But now he looks like one of those pin guys. Oh, it's really very funny. Because it's adorable.

If you're a young kid and you're going, I really want that pin. You're like, oh, okay, I'll give you the pin. But if you're a 45-year-old man. Yeah. And he's still talking like that. I want that pin. Give me one of them. I also see a lot of ticket scalpers

who have foreign accents and they've never probably watched hockey in their lives, but this is just what they do. They go to big world events. From events and events. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a lot of scalpers. There's a lot of scalpers there's a lot of like weird uh people that uh that like i was downtown after the um uh russia canada game

and there were guys on stilts dressed like hockey players that i guess are employed by the granville island like they are paid as employees to walk around in these costumes. Yeah, they're called the hockey guys. The hockey guys, yeah. And I was like, well, I thought these were just fans that this was what they did after a game, but then I was informed that that's actually their job,

that they walk around. They're actually hockey players. Are they really? They play still hockey. Yeah, they play on the same team as that gay guy. That gay guy who plays hockey They're part of the Paralympics They're too tall for regular hockey

And the other guy's disability Is that he's gay Speaking of gay and hockey Did I talk about the Old Renfrew window display Maybe Our last episode was cut off due to technical problems, and we're very sorry about that.

Oh, right. So maybe you did, but I don't remember. There was this great display on Granville Street, because a lot of the stores have gotten into the mode, and they're doing all their Olympic-style window displays. Without mentioning the Olympics. Yeah yeah like so just like you you know my favorite is a i think it's a ritzia where there's a sasquatch on a ski lift pretty good because what happens if they actually say the word olympics they're

the mascot sumi comes and just smothers them yeah yeah just sits on their face yeah that's sleeperhold. Puts them in a sleeperhold. Bigger for a leg lock. And the one that I like is this whole Renfrew one where it's a hockey theme, but obviously like,

well, it's not obvious, but I assume it's a kind of a gay man's version of, because everything is very pink and uh all the helmets have crystals so it's uh uh it has to be seen to be believed but it's great it's my favorite thing of the olympics even better than winning gold winning pink and crystal um but yeah uh have Winning Pink and Crystal But yeah Have either of you spent any time I know you did a couple weekends ago

It was downtown during all the mania Oh yeah, the first mania And then last week when we were talking to Aaron We talked about going to the Colbert recording Yeah And Diane, have you been around? Have you been a part of it? Have you gone to any events?

I just got into town kind of halfway through I got into town last weekend and I've seen little kind of bits and pieces of things it's pretty cool to see this is what the Olympics are like for me because I lived here when all the nonsense and the construction and the complaining

and all the terrible stuff was happening and then I moved away and everything got completed. And I feel like I've come back to, like, I'm living with a bunch of people who've decided they want to throw a party. And at first I was like, oh, I don't know. I got to work in the morning. I got to sleep early. And then I go off for my shift and I'm like, oh, he's going to have a party.

And I come home and it's the best party ever. And they've renovated the entire house and the plate. They've redone the lawn. It's not costing you anything. No, it's not. It's like, no. And I've got free access. It's the best party ever.

Well, that's great. Yeah, which is fantastic. So have you gone kind of, you know, the big thing they cover you see on NBC and things like that is like the crazy parties in the street. Yeah, the houses. Yeah.

Russia house. Russia house. Sochi house. Yeah. Sorry, Michelle Pfeiffer. Yeah, there was an Irish house. There's a He heineken house i went to the heineken house uh for lunch and uh that's what everybody said we went out there we we went out there uh for the game uh we wanted to go out there to see the the

canada game yeah whatever one of the hockey games but they weren't playing it because they were going to be playing all Dutch shit in a panic oak making contest or something yeah sure so we just I had

I was there with my two friends and we ordered some food and I got a delightful split pea soup with some ham and some bread it was really really good

and and then there was a bit of an ordering mistake and then I got another order of split pea soup with some ham and some bread. It was really, really good. And then there was a bit of an ordering mistake and then I got another order of split pea soup and that doesn't come out the other end well. Come on now.

This is not a diarrhea cast. This is not a new mother cast. Fair enough. Is there whole pea soup? It's always split. Yeah, that's true. That is true. I don't think I've ever just had a pea soup.

Yeah. Oh, wait, maybe I have now that I say it. I have pea green soup. Oh, come on now. By the way, if you ever need to fake the sound of drums, apparently... I thought you were going to say diarrhea. fake the sound of drums. Apparently... I thought you were going to say diarrhea.

The sound P-soup, P-soup is a really good... Oh, like a snare hi-hat? Yeah, P-soup, P-soup. And then a nice little roll is bucket of fish, bucket of fish, P-soup, P-soup, bucket of fish.

A musician friend of mine teach me that. Not bad. That's what I think of every time somebody says P-soup. Did you have a bucket of fish? Yeah and then i shot you went to finland house yeah bucket house you went to shamu house um there so i haven't gone to any of that no wait that's not true i went to the vancouver house which is nothing where is that what is it uh it's down in uh first like i went down to the yale town the live city where they have the stage because they kept hearing that uh name and i was like yeah i should go and see what live

city is default it was uh julie black oh the night thing was people in very, very long lineups to get into what basically were like giant advertisements for Samsung or Coke. Like that's all. They were like little, not little, like they were huge tents, but they were just things you would walk through and would talk about how great Coke is. And then these kids were like... So great! Can we talk about that for 10 minutes? The Pepsi house is right beside it.

And people are like, which one do you want to go in? The Pepsi house or the Coke house? Whatever. Whatever. You got an RC house? Yeah. But they're so... Yeah, then I went to Vancouver House, you got an RC house yeah but there's so yeah then I went to Vancouver House

which was just an ad for hey you if you have money you should invest it in Vancouver there's no point in having like a tourism set up because everyone's already here yeah that's true and then I I was gonna go to Irish

House but then I've just to go to Irish House. But then all I've ever heard about any of the houses is it costs a lot to get in. And then it costs a lot to order any drinks. And there's huge lineups. And yeah. And it's like overly policed. And you're just like you're really around a lot of drunk. That's what you said.

Yeah. I managed to talk my way into the one that you're talking about, the Yaletown one, because I went up to the invited guests only entrance because I was going to see my buddy who works in the Samsung giant advertising thing. He's doing some improv in there, which is apparently a real ass burner of a show.

Oh, yeah. He describes it as like... Can I get a suggestion? Samsung phones! Oh, if only they, yeah. People, he describes it as like... Can I get a suggestion? Samsung phones. Samsung phones. Oh, if only they were paying that much attention. Because there's like... Go fuck yourself.

Exactly. There's all these interactive booths. So everything, you can't, listeners at home can't quite see me. But it's like, imagine somebody playing a video game and some Yahoo behind you on a microphone trying to get your attention. And people are just like, looking at them. Like, this is the worst. The listeners can't see at home, but when she

described playing a video game, she looked like she was carving a steak. Or knitting. You can get a steak in the Samsung house. It's worth It's Kobe. It's worth lining up for. But I talked my way in because I basically showed up and I was like, yeah, I should be on the VIP list here.

And it's all just volunteers and they're frantically searching through some things. They're happy to have a coach. And I'm like, I'm with Samsung and I drop a name and they can't find me on the list. And I just pretended to be really nice but frustrated because I'm a very important person. And then they just let me in. Nice. Well, good job, security. Yeah, thanks.

Way to move. I went to an Olympic event. Yeah, you went to a curling event. I went to a curling event. Which is the hurling of the Winter Olympics. Yeah. It's like a caber toss. What is hurling?

Hurling, I think, is in the same kind of family as the caber toss. It's a, I think it's throwing with a curved stick, throwing overhand. And I would just like to apologize for our listeners. This is about the fourth episode in a row where it's been nothing but Olympic talk. But it's kind of the only thing happening in our city. Yeah, and I'm getting sick of it. And next week we'll probably also only talk are you gonna get sued for talking about this no no we're promoting it okay yeah we've got a little

plan yeah the olympics said we were allowed to say all the key words sure um knock knock knock we're the official podcast of the 2010 case um i uh for that right Yeah, so I went to a curling event It's the only event I've gone to My family had a bunch of tickets But I've been real busy And all the events are in the daytime Like you watch them at night And they're on TV

And it works out perfectly Except to see them You have to go at 10 in the morning To Richmond And stand in a crazy long line and go through a security checkpoint. I mean, that's fine. Not for me. I hate it.

I had a really bad hot dog. Oh, my friend said the curling thing that if you looked at the Heinz ketchup pump that they put a piece of paper around it that just said tomato. You can use the word ketchup. ketchup pump that they had put a piece of paper around it that just said tomato. No.

You can use the word ketchup. Yeah. Both the ketchup and mustard were covered up. Why didn't the Olympics just get an official ketchup sponsor? I don't know.

They couldn't afford it. But what I did do is watch curling and there were um the crowd seemed to be divided between a lot of people who knew a lot about curling and were very invested in what was going on had a lot of money on the line and people like me who only got to go to one event and decided that this was a silly event to go to and it would be fun. And, uh, there were two matches going on.

They're called matches. Yeah. It's like a game. Um, and I had to look up curling the rules of curling before I went. Yeah. Uh, I vaguely familiar with it.

You, you try to throw your stone closest to it's botchy on ice Yeah and you can knock out Actually it's one of the goals is to knock out your opponent's stone that's already in the It's like darts too

It's kind of fun It's not as dumb as it seems It's shuffleboard Which I just played a lot of It's totally shuffleboard. It's shuffleboard on ice. Which I just played a lot of. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's totally shuffleboard. It's shuffleboard, yeah. Shuffleboard on ice. But with sweeping.

Yeah. Yeah. And the guy from the men's Canada team, Canada's men's team. Uh-huh. Canada. He looks like... Baldy? Yeah, Baldy.

Doesn't he kind of remind you of Schillinger from Oz? Doesn't that... Does that ring a bell? Oh. He was the guy who played J. Jonah Jameson. Yeah, yeah,. Doesn't he kind of remind you of Schillinger from Oz? Doesn't that ring a bell? Oh. He was the guy who played J. Jonah Jameson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No? Sure, yeah.

I knew who you meant. No, okay. Yeah, sort of. Well, there's another guy who's like the teen idol, whose name is Johnny Morris, but everyone calls him Johnny Moe, like all the curling fans and like there was a big uh cheer like when i say johnny you say mo johnny mo that's how that works um and uh he he's kind of like uh he works out he he's got uh he looks like he could be on the jersey shore maybe oh he maybe goes to a tanning booth. What does it say if you're the best looking curler?

He's kind of a dreamboat. The women curlers, by and large, pretty great looking. The women's curling teams have all been pretty attractive. What was the name of the one that everyone... People kept tweeting about Cheryl Bernard. I think that was her name. The Canadian one? Yeah. And I kept getting her mistaken with Crystal Bernard

from Wings. She was there too, so that's an easy mistake to make. But yeah, no, I didn't care for the women curlers. Oh no? No. I cared deeply for them. They looked a little... They had a rough go of it, I thought. I was reading in the paper that

they had a lot of makeover. The curling... Like I was reading in the paper that the curling fans... Like it was a little... Tyra's curling makeover. Starring curlers. Is it true that the curling fans, like you were saying, there's some people there who know the game and there are a lot of people there who are just there because they got tickets.

Yeah. And a lot of the other teams were getting frustrated by the fans and the cowbells and the screaming and the distractions because i guess like in golf when you're taking a shot uh when you're kind of throwing the stone and curling the you're supposed to be very quiet yeah so we made like our fans made uh some women cry oh really skips cry yeah from the other teams because it's screwed her up and really yeah that's terrible yeah but there's like that at all the thing about it is there's four matches happening at once like i was i saw the semi-final so there were only two happening at that point

right but there's up to four happening at once so there's gonna be noise that's true if four people are trying to throw they're not throwing all at the same time sure but it it seemed to be that this was purposefully distracting. You know what I mean? Like in basketball when somebody's doing a thing. One of those rubber things that they do. Maybe they're just being very polite.

Excuse me, miss. I'm sorry, miz. The downtown... See, I haven't got to go to any events. I really don't... I don't have the money, first and foremost. But secondly, I was... I mean, it's mostly the stick-to-itiveness.

Like, I had to... My dad had... He's got four kids, and we were all basically... He sent us all online, and he's like, I'll pay for the tickets, just get them. But, like the the the curling was 100 bucks that's not cost prohibitive and this uh and at the time too i thought it was going to be working the whole time so i didn't uh

i didn't pay any attention and then by the time that i was like oh maybe i'll see if i can get even some cheap tickets like because we were talking about the awards ceremony. So I'll go to a victory ceremony. And the cheapest tickets I could find online were $130. And I'm like, well, Dave said it was pretty much a joke. Like, it was a thing you'd be doing as a joke thing, not $130. Although, when I saw it, it was Theory of a Dead Man. Hence what I said.

The other nights they had, you know, your, your, Buckman Turner overdrive. Yeah, your Nelly's Furtado. Your,

your Nelly's Furtado. When you were on your cruise, did you have any Furtado? We did. I did have some Nelly Furtado in tortilla. It was great. So delicious.

And there was one night, such a tasty port. with I think, well, a tasty port. We could go for one of those right now. There was L there was one night... That's such a tasty port. With, I think... Well, a tasty port. A tasty port, oh. We could go for one of those right now. There was Loverboy one night.

That'd be good. Come on. I've seen them perform in the... He still wears the... Red leather pants. Red leather pants. But he's got a very, very big gut. Yeah.

But it doesn't stop him. And I appreciate that. They're not the same pants, surely. I don't know. They kind of... I remember that one scene in Fight Club where Tyler Durden, spoiler alert, is describing his, I guess, like, vision of the future or his utopia or whatever. And he's talking about, you'll wear leather clothes that will last you your whole life i imagine mike reno of lover boy wearing

the same leather pants i imagine him just taking the taking those pants to the seamstress every couple of years and just going come on just let a couple more come on just a couple and there's just now like two pieces of uh of leather like just touching with thread like there's nothing else to let out or he went to the brick and got a red leather couch yeah and it's like slowly been like taking pieces off of it and he still hasn't paid for it yeah do not pay till 2025 the um uh who was i gonna say uh have either of you ever worn leather pants? No. You know what?

I did. I wore a pair of pleather pants. Pleather? Pleather. Pleather. And they were great pants. I really loved them. And this was back when I used to do a fair bit of stand-up.

Sure. And I was doing... I remember doing one of those... Everybody wore leather pants. Oh, stand-up. Back then in the late 90s? Yeah. Wait a minute.

And I remember being really cocky because I had just done one of those homegrown competition things. Oh, right. I didn't win, but I had a great set. Felt really good about it. Went to Toronto and did my first ever stand-up set at the Rivoli in Toronto. First ever time doing stand-up,

but I was all cocky because I'd just done really well. I'm like, I'm wearing the pleather pants tonight. And bombed harder than I'd ever bombed in my life and was like sweating really badly in my pleather pants. And I just remember the squeak of walking off stage. I remember Francis. This is moist leatherette. I love that.

Like a bomb walking off stage. I love that you said your name as you were getting off stage. That's my favorite thing that I ever see when someone bombs. It's like, I still should probably give them my signature. Hey, Dave Shepka here. I'm Graham Clark. Good night. I'm out of here.

Oh, man. That's funny. I've never worn leather. I tried to get on a pair of leather pants once and they got up to a thigh level. They were my size. See, the difference is with jeans or other pants

have a little bit of human give when you're trying on your size. But leather pants, you gotta go a little... Where did you try these on? There was a friend that was getting rid of them and I said, these are your size. And they were. And I couldn't get them up past the knee bone.

Mike Reno? Yeah, it was named Mike Reno. These are your size. You've got a huge gut, right? I also have your size headband. But yeah, so I haven't gone to any of the things. I've watched a couple games at a movie theater

which was great because I really wanted to go and like watch a couple hockey games like around people human beings yeah

and all the sports bars were too full but somebody advertised oh we're showing it in a movie theater and I went and it was the greatest yeah

was it at the Rio? yeah yeah I got that I got that invite too and was trying to talk my friends into going but it was the greatest. Was it at the Rio? Yeah. Yeah, I got that invite too and was trying to talk my friends into going. It was probably the best way to see it. During the summer soccer tournaments that happen every couple of years,

they do that. And you get to see, it's beautiful up on the giant screen and you really see everything. Drink beers. Drink beers and it's fun. Yeah, I enjoyed it. But I also enjoyed walking downtown after the game and just taking in the craziness.

My favorite thing I saw was these three ladies. It was walking up Granville Street. And you know there's that one stalwart sex shop up on Granville and Nelson? With the yellow on it? Yeah. And it's been there since like, I guess it's been there since Sexies. Sexies House of Cocks. In and out, poor nose. Yeah, you got your pleather pants there. As I was walking by, there was these three ladies walked out. They obviously

walked in just off of the street, off of the party, all bought those horse whips. And all came out at the same time. And the one girl said, alright fellas, who wants some? And then slapped some random guys ass with it. And he didn't seem to mind and I just followed them for about

two blocks and that's all they were doing. Just randomly going up to guys. And nobody minded. It was great. Except the guys who were buying pornos in there. I imagine, like, as a lady, that's a fun thing to do with ladies and go into a sex shop. Because you've got all the cards.

We hold all the power in that situation. Yeah. I mean, like, I wouldn't go to a sex shop by myself. I probably wouldn't go with a friend. I went with a bunch of people who were drunk after a birthday party. Oh, drunk is an advantage too.

Yeah, that's true. The only one that I've really been to with friends is that one down on Commercial Drive, which is women's wear, which is all run by women. So there's no real... Femme positive.

Yeah, yeah. That's like a classy operation. Yeah, that's very uh it's delightful and uh so it's not the same as walking into some you know cheesy little porn shop in the middle of yeah peep shows yeah you know i've never even really uh seen strippers i've had this conversation with somebody the other day never really seen were you on a cruise ship don't they go into ports and then uh hire strippers i don't know what they do i I don't know anything about ships. We have to leave the port at around like 5, so we don't actually get the late afternoon strippers.

We don't really go see them so much in the Dominican Republic. So you've never been for like, I guess when would a woman go to a strip club? Bachelorette party? It's really just to prove to the guys that you're cool. The closest that I ever came, I used to tour with theater sports, and you'd be doing kids shows up in northern bc and you'd be all week you'd be in these tiny little towns and i remember it was a big deal because we were going to be in like

fort st john and we're like yeah the big town on a friday night wow and uh the guys uh really wanted me to go with them and i kind of and stood to and strip and I didn't go I kind of bailed out I didn't go and then I found out afterwards that the artistic director of theater sports a little while later showed me this picture of a stripper in my tour t-shirt

oh no they had taken my tour t-shirt out of the prop bag and put it on a stripper and took a picture and then gave it to our boss but never told me. So I'm just wearing this possibly herpy-filled t-shirt. Chest herpes. They've got nothing but yeast infections in their boobs. Nipple syphilis.

Nipfilis. Phyllis Nipple. And on that scene... The ugliest of the nipple strippers. Phyllis Nipple. All week, Phyllis Nipple. The world's sexiest Phyllis. Good work. Good work.

Good work. Yeah, that is the thing. I think it's J.P. Mast that says if you're a comedian touring in Canada that you're always, like when you're on tour, it's always the Port, Fort, or Saint tour. Those are

always, it's Port, Fort, and Saint is wherever you go and maybe King. The Odd King. Sure. Or Prince. There's a couple Princes in there. Do you guys want to move on to some Overheards? Absolutely.

Overheards. Overheards. Now, before we get going, we did a show last week. It was Lost. Kind of like that show. Yeah, Lost. I meant Small Wonder.

It's a flashback. The last hour of the show... By the way, my flash sideways right now. Spoiler. I'm having lunch at Slickety Jim's. Kudos. Oh, by the way, my flash sideways right now. Spoiler. Yeah, I'm having lunch at Slickety Gyms. Kudos. Oh, it's burnt down. I know. Well, that's a flashback.

Flash sideways. Well, then you're having lunch in an empty lot. Oh, it's parallel. I apologize. Guys, let's get going. Overheard. Seriously, right? Last week we did Overheard and we played a lot of yours and we read a lot of yours, and we read a lot of yours, and I'm sorry, we won't reread them and replay the ones.

There's two that I will reread, because I thought they were very funny. Okay, do I have to fake laugh again? Nope. Okay. But Diana's here. All right. I've been fake laughing the whole time so far, so hey! All right.

I've been fake laughing the whole time so far. But the one thing I forgot to do in the first segment about the Olympics, apologies, is last week someone wrote in or called in asking about Brian Adams or complaining that Brian Adams seemed to be taller. He was really short in the opening ceremony. He was right next to Nelly Furtado. They were about the same height. Yeah, and he was mad because he thought there was a big Canadian conspiracy trying to make everyone else believe that Bryan Adams was taller than he really is.

And I'm only mentioning this because I had a great joke. You had a great joke. About how it's not the summer of 6'9". That's the only reason I bring that up. But we do have another complaint about the Olympics. Let's hear it. Hey, Graham and Dave. It's Ian from Brooklyn, New York.

I was just calling because I was watching the Olympics and the hockey game between the Czech Republic and Russia is on, and they're playing at a stadium called Canada Hockey Place. I was wondering if you guys wanted to comment on the fact that that is maybe the least original name for an arena ever. Canada Hockey Place? Yeah, that's about it. C'est terrible, as we say in Canada. Yeah, you've got a lot of attitude.

I'm a guy from Brooklyn. The reason that it is Canada Hockey Place is because the official sponsor of the Olympics car-wise is Chevrolet, and the current name that they use for the hockey place year-round is GM Plays. And so they couldn't call it GM Plays. Can I correct you? Go ahead.

GM makes Chevrolet. But Chevy is... Oh, no, sorry. Ford is the... No, it's Chevy. But you just can't have any logos or product names in the names of the venues. Oh, is that? I thought... I had been led to believe that it was because

Chevrolet was the specific... It's usually called Heinz Ketchup Place. So it's because you can't... In the name of the place, you're not allowed to have any corporate sponsorship. Right. You can't have the Betamax curling arena. Sure. I understand.

Oh, wow. I didn't have the Betamax curling arena. Sure. I understand. Oh, wow. I didn't realize that. The more you know. The way that they've named that, though, the Canada Hockey Place, it just, it kind of, to me,

sounds like an excited six-year-old who's just really happy where we're going. Canada Hockey Place! It's not even the, they could have called it Canada Hockey Arena.

Yeah. But, oh, it's just a place. Why don't they just call it Canada Place? Well, because there is a Canada Place in Vancouver. It's Canada Hockey Place. Oh, right. It's for hockey. I get it.

Canada in hockey. Over herds. Over herds. Hey, if you got a set of ears and you don't mind snooping around... And you know how to use them. ZZ Top, copyright. over herds. Hey, if you got a set of ears and you don't mind scooping around... ZZ Top, copyright. They're one of the official bands. They're the official beard band of the Olympics.

Kings of Leon wanted to get it, but they were knocked out. Didn't have the cash. Or the beards anymore. A lot of them shaved them off. We always like to start with the guests, Diana. You've been on a cruise ship, I'm assuming. I've been on a cruise ship i'm assuming yeah do you have more than one i have more than one let's bookend it let's go with one and then we'll kind of go around okay uh the first one's a very uh quick one uh one of the

most popular places of course on a cruise ship is the buffet you just packed with people aimlessly wandering back with peanuts snickers really satisfies. The Warren Buffet. Go on. So this was a very, very busy afternoon. We're out at sea, so there's nowhere for people to go. It was kind of a rainy day, so you can't be on the pool deck or outside anywhere. So the buffet is just packed full of people.

And this little kid, about four years old, standing in the middle of the buffet, no idea where his parents are at all i just see this kid standing there with his plate and this really indignant look on his face going i can't believe i'm still waiting for a bowl of milk to feed my cat no he was a cat he likes to play a lot of uh now you you did improv on the ship yeah and that was an hour a night or so 45 minutes twice a week twice a week yeah we did a family show and then an adult show that was supposed to be dirtier but was erotic hypnotist um now were you kind of a celebrity on the boat then yeah the first it's great because the first couple of days you're totally anonymous we don't we get on people get on the ship on a

saturday and we don't do a show till tuesday so for the and we're not allowed to wear our name tags during in the in the passenger areas which is great but so so the first couple days you're completely anonymous you just look like another passenger and then when you do your sketch show which is the big show in the big theater on the tuesday night then people know you uh and it's there's you know it's a curse and a blessing because the only time people really come up to say anything to you is like hey great show but you're basically now on vacation with them for a week with your audience yeah you're vacationing with your audience that's a personal nightmare of mine i think and you can that's why we're not doing a Stop Podcasting Yourself cruise.

I love our audience. No, me too. Our podcast audience is a lot better than the regular stand-up audience. I guess that's what I mean. I wouldn't want to perform at Yuck Yucks and then have to go to bed next door to one of them. No. The other podcast would be great. Look at the tail.

Should we do a Stop Podcasting Yourself cruise? Yes. That would be great. Yes, we should. Where should we go? On a boat. I would listen to that. I would listen to that podcast as it's happening, just walking the promenade.

Well, you'd be doing the improv show on the ship. Yeah. Fair enough. We would just be hanging out. Yeah. We wouldn't be doing shows. We'd just be celebrities. Gamble with us would be the slogan.

That's the one thing we're not allowed to do is gamble on the ship what yeah we were international waters we no no i know but you can gamble as a passenger but not as a stop podcasting yourself celebrity well but you know what the laws don't apply land laws don't apply it's international waters i can marry a pine cone but if you sign the contract in international waters then oh that it's legally binding. By International Waters law. By the law of the crown. You're bound by the sea.

So they saw you every day. How were the buffets? Were they good? They were fine. Were they better than Las Vegas? What's the best item at the buffet? Believe it or not, the curry was actually really good on the buffet. Define that. Well, curry, delicious Indian dish.

It's a sauce with meat. Sauce with some meat and some spices on rice and a little bit of mango chutney and some cilantro yogurt. And it was not bad. It was pretty good. But you can't. My problem was is we would sleep till noon every day because what else

is there to do? Sure. So we'd miss the breakfast buffet every morning and inevitably you want... You know, you wake up in the morning you want coffee and toast

or something and breakfast for me was either pizza or curry and that is not fun. But you say coffee... That sounds wonderful. Coffee or toast should be available for lunch

you'd think. Nope. Well, coffee, yeah, but not toast. Toast for lunch? Well, there should be a toast. Not even on international waters, you crazy person. There should maybe be a toaster where you can put your bread. They put it away.

It's like McDonald's. As soon as they take off the hash browns and the McMuffins, it's like no more. You're a Mickey Ficky girl. Is that what the song is? It's Mickey Ticky. Mickey Ficky. Yeah, Mickey Ficky is a swear word.inkie girl is that what the song is it's mickey ticky yeah mickey finkie is a swear word sort of think is a uh variety writer anyway nine doors is a delightful game yeah

correct uh is mickey nicky nine door the same as kick the can no no it's same as uh no that is it's nicky nicky no isn't there another one though that's west coast if you're west coast it was nicky nicky nine doors in the east they call it something wacky oh it It's Nicky Nicky Nine Doors. Nicky Nicky Nine Doors. No, isn't there another one though? Well, that's West Coast. If you're West Coast, it was Nicky Nicky Nine Doors. In the East, they call it something wacky. Oh, it's... Wacky, wacky door door. Ring and ding. Falump, falump, falump, falump. Ding and ditch.

Ding dong ditch. Ding dong ditch. Oh, yeah, that's right. Who told us that? Somebody told us ding dong ditch. I don't know. We learn a lot. Oh, boy, we do.

We love to learn. Guys, go to our website and demand that we start our own cruise. Someone... I have a Google alert for stop podcasting yourself. So do I. Yeah, one of the alerts this week was someone on a message board for something said, stop podcasting yourself. Great podcast, horrible website.

Oh. Yeah. Ouch. Ouch. What kind of purpose does a podcast website need to serve? Yeah, exactly. What a letdown for a Google alert. Yeah. Ouch. Ouch. What kind of purpose does a podcast website need to serve? Yeah, exactly. What a letdown for a Google alert. Yeah.

Because you get really excited. It's an alert. Well. You've been Googled. It was mostly positive. Yeah. The majority of what we do is the podcast. 90-10.

Dave. Yeah. Do you have an over-hoard? Well, I had such high hopes for these Olympics, for overheards. Yeah, I was going to own the overheard podium. Believe. I was going to overhear the podium. Oh, that was one thing.

At the curling, the big slogan for the Olympics is believe. And do you believe? I believe. That's true. believe and do you believe i believe uh and that's true and there was uh i one guy um at the curling event a guy like myself who probably doesn't care much about curling one way or the other uh it took it upon himself to just every uh hour in a three-hour match just yell do you believe and the first time big laughs second time we're over it

you know what it was Donald Sutherland a friend of mine was at a curling match and he was saying that he had the worst seat in the place because he was sitting next to the guy where during the women's curling as they were yelling really loudly hurry hurry hard hard every single time he'd go that's what she said

every time that's what she said. Every time. That's what she said. That was Bob Costas. That was Michael Scott. So my overheard, I had such high hopes for overheards. Because so many weird foreigners in town and weird and foreigner.

And foreigner is playing after one of the victory ceremonies. They're opening for lover boy. Weird Al and foreigner. It's the weird and Foreigner. And Foreigner is playing after one of the victory ceremonies. They're opening for Loverboy. Weird Al and Foreigner. It's the Weird and Foreigner tour. I wouldn't see that show. It's playing on our crews. Oh, no.

They're every Friday night. Weird and Foreigner. They're in the lounge. I've heard a lot of things. No gambling, Foreigner. I've heard a lot of things no gambling foreigner i've heard a lot of overheards that i'm like is this funny or is it just a funny accent and quite often it's just a funny accent and people who can't believe that our uh our sky trains our mass transit systems don't have drivers oh right yeah yeah yeah that's your overheard? No, no. That's my throwaway.

Didn't you talk about that last week, I think? I was probably cut out. No, yeah. In the cut out portion. The blackout. I only hope that what we're doing now doesn't get cut out. Because my thing from last week was a guy in a

delightful Indian accent telling a drunk guy who wanted to order a slice of pizza, but he wanted to use the bathroom first. And when they said, can I use your bathroom? The guy said, $2. And then the guy was like searching his pockets for $2. And he goes, relax, buddy. I'm making fun of you. Which was great. Yeah, that was great.

Way to slip it in. I know, right? What? Okay. Now, for serious. For realsies, guys. My overheard. I was on the SkyTrain this morning

because my internet broke down and I had to go pick up a new modem. Sure. Down, down. Anyway. Long story short. Yeah. I was on the SkyTrain and there were three German people and a Japanese woman. They were walking into a bar.

And the German people were, they lived in Germany, but they were Canadian. They were like tourists getting to know each other. And the japanese woman spoke english they all spoke english the german people were canadian yeah i had just been living in germany for a few years and uh the german guy said to the japanese woman you you know you're stereotyping women uh and she had a map out and she was was like, oh, because of the map? No, because you have a bag for a chocolate store. And she said to him, you only notice that because you're German. Whoa.

So it was like Brotherhood of Man. It was stereotypes on top of stereotypes. It was an onion of stereotypes unfolding. Yeah. Blooming. You don't even have hair. It's just a strudel you're wearing. Yeah.

And on and on and on. So I apologize. Next time I'll have a better overhead. No, I enjoyed it. Hey, come on, guys. Whatever. We're all friends here. Mine comes courtesy of the Olympiad.

Oh. I know. Like I said, I went and watched hockey at a movie theater. And during the Russia-Canada game... Are you sure you weren't just watching the movie Miracle starring Kurt Russell? I think I might have been watching The Crazies. But when I was watching it, the guy behind me, in the row behind me, was kind of... He was taking this as his opportunity to show off to his girlfriend how much he knew about hockey

and explain to her kind of the rules and stuff. Yeah, girls love that. Women love that. Yeah. Women love it. But the best part of it was that he kept calling the Russian superstar player, Alexander Ovechkin, Ovechki, the whole time. So he was like, see, this is why Ovechki is this and that. And then about 20 minutes into the first

period she they say during the game they're like and ovechkin's on the ice and she goes ovechkin you've been saying ovechki all the whole time and he's like no i know because in my head i was like i wonder if he's going to get busted on this. And then he did, and it was great. One of the commentators was calling him Ovechkov. Ah, that's even better! It happens for it. It happens to all kinds of guys.

But Ovechki, just because he was so condescending to her on everything. Yeah, come on, darling. This is an icing, because Ovechki... I was like, ah, yes! Such a dick. Now, Diana, I understand you have more than one. You know, on a cruise ship?

Delicious. A boat. So good. That's what they think we say about like on a cruise ship. A boat. What nationality were the majority of the Caribbean cruisers, Caribbean queens? Mostly

middle class Americans. Yeah. You would get different types of Americans depending on how close you were to a holiday. Because the more expensive or closer to a holiday, the cruise gets more expensive. Christmas, New Year's, Spring Break, Thanksgiving, very expensive.

So you get a classier element of the American society. During the holidays. During the holidays. Okay. During the down season. Thirst and howl. Yes. And then you get Gilligan, the rest of the month.

Yes. So this was a period of time when vacations to go had a lot of good month. Yes. So this was a period of time when, you know, vacations to go had a lot of good deals. Yeah. And they have a lot of shows that the cruise director runs that are fun sort of game shows. So one of them is the Not So Newlywed Game, and it's a version of the Newlywed Game.

I like it. So they get three couples up. They get a couple that are, and this is an overseen because I was at the show. And it's a bit of a, there's three parts to this story. And they just, beginning, a middle, and an end.

It just, yeah, keeps getting better. It's the narrative. They get three couples, a newlywed couple. Somebody's been married like 10 years and a couple who's been married for like 60 years.

And you chat with each couple. You find out a little bit about them. The couple that had been married like you know 10 years and a couple who's been married for like 60 years and you chat with each couple you find out a little bit about them uh the six the couple that had been married for 60 years uh he's got you know family in the audience his kids are there and uh and the couple who's been married just 10 years their kids are in the audience and you know all of that yeah you find out they're babies yeah uh but they were they were yeah they were they were like nine and ten years old they were in the audience they were nine and ten years old so what they do is they send the men out of the room

and then the cruise director asks the women to answer some questions you know adorable things like what's the where's the first place that you ever had a kiss

your first kiss or how did you guys meet or you like making whoopie that kind of thing right no I don't. And that's why the marriage is ending after this cruise. No, I don't.

I hate it. Where's the weirdest place you made whoopie? In the buffet. On the view. In the seat I'm sitting in. Yeah. So one of the questions that the cruise director asks is, what's the weirdest thing you've seen your husband do naked?

Oh. Everybody giggles. Everybody giggles. So they've all, the girls have got their answers. The newlywed girl is like, oh, I don't know, sit at the computer and be on Facebook. And the couple that's been married for 10 years, the woman says something like, oh, Eric.

Go on MySpace. Yeah. Fight a home invader you know she gives something adorable like you know exercise and uh and the woman who's been married for 60 years goes oh it's the strangest thing i've ever seen my husband do naked probably whip me with his penis. And the place goes crazy. We're laughing our asses off.

It's awesome, right? So we have this great moment. That's moment one. That's great. Then they bring the guys back in. They've got to write down their answers. The guys come back in, and now she re-asks the questions. So she starts with the newly, the newlywed couples.

And the guy, what's the weirdest thing that your wife has seen you do naked? And the guy goes, oh, probably bang my cock against a door frame. There's kids in the audience. Trying to pick a lock he's like a dog that doesn't know how long a snout is and he keeps hitting it on the door is that a thing yeah my dog used to do it all the time and she's a cruise director is delightful she's a really sweet woman, very innocent. And she's flummoxed. She's like, well, why would you bang your fella against a doorframe? And he goes, oh, my wife said it wouldn't hurt.

She lied. She lied. So we all laugh at that. We all laugh at that. And then we get to the couple that's been married for 10 years. And she says to him, what's the weirdest thing your wife will say that she's ever seen you do naked? And without missing a beat, remember, this is the guy who's got his 9 and 10-year-old kids in the audience. He goes, oh, probably the reverse anal guzzle.

Whoa. Whoa. I don't even know what that is. You don't? A reverse anal guzzle. How do't even know what that is. You don't? A reverse anal guzzle. How do you not know what that is? What is it? I don't know.

That's so, yeah. What is it? Let's put it together. Reverse. Reverse. Okay. You're in a car. Not your regular anal guzzle.

It's the backwards anal guzzle. Think of an anal guzzle and then reverse it. Like Missy Misdemeanor Elliott. When you think. Wow. Good work, everybody.emeanor Elliot. When you think... Wow. Good work, everybody. What about the third couple? Oh, he was absolutely mortified.

He said something like, you know, oh, I don't know, brush my teeth. And then the cruise director says, no, you whip your wife with his penis. He goes, oh, yeah, I do that too.

Oh, that one. Oh, yeah. I do that every day. That's why I didn't think it was that unusual. Was that my wife I was doing that to? But do you want to know?

Because the guy, okay, there's a couple things about this that was amazing with the reverse anal guzzle. That guy, that guy, again,

on vacation with this audience for the rest of the week. Sure. Right? So he's now, he's now reverse anal guzzle. Yeah, he's the rag.

He's the reverse anal guzzle guy. The reverse anal guzzle guy. We he's the rag. He's the reverse anal guzzle guy. Guy. The reverse anal guzzle guy. We saw him at dinner in one of the fancy restaurants one night. We're like, this is the reverse anal guzzle guy. Oh, his wife? Yeah, you can pay extra to go to the nice restaurants. I bet his wife was just fucking furious at him.

Like, you ruined our whole vacation. Yeah, I was going to give you the reverse anal guzzle. Now it's out of the question. So do you want to know what... Because he told one of the cruise director staff the next morning. He told... Because he said...

The cruise director was like, what is a reverse anal guzzle? And he went, I'll be up in the bliss lounge later if you want to find out. Which was kind of creepy. No. Yeah, I do an 11 o'clock show

in the bliss lounge. Yeah, I don't... The reverse doesn't change much for me. I don't want any anal. No. Yeah. I do an 11 o'clock show in the Bliss Lounge. Yeah. I don't... The reverse doesn't change much for me. I don't want any anal guzzle. Yeah. But he told one of the staff members what it was. So apparently what they did...

And I don't know if... We looked it up online and we couldn't find it because we thought maybe it's like a Dirty Sanchez or something like that, right? That everybody knows. That no one's ever done.

This is something these two guys had done. His husband and wife team did. And named it. Named it. You gotta. So she's lying on her back. He sort of kind of kneeled over her,

sort of 69, so that his... My parents listen to this podcast. His things are in his face. In her face. In her face. Sure. And then he pours black Sambuca down his butt crack.

What? She drinks it? And then it goes into her mouth. That's reverse anal gossip. Who is that good for in that scenario? It seems like everybody loses. She has a drinking problem. She gets a gross beverage and he gets a sticky butt.

Yeah. But I think whenever I have a Sambuca shot, I like to light that sucker on fire. Oh. So I like to throw a match on it. That's why he never sits. Reverse anal sizzle. So, but what's the standard guzzle then?

Why does... What would be the standard guzzle? The regular... He just stands over top of her and pours it down the front. But why does it have to... I guess it's Sambuca, so maybe... It was black Sambuca. Maybe the anus will enhance the taste.

It's not a nice tasting thing. I apologize to Graham's parents. Yeah, I apologize to anyone in the audience with an anus. Or a drinking problem. I wonder if this this is gonna catch on uh i doubt it but this was a pg this was like a pg show on a cruise ship and they taped the show they record the show and then they play it on the passenger channels afterwards sure the next like so the next morning anybody is watching the passenger channels in their room. The next, like, so the next morning, anybody is watching the passenger channels in their room

and you can watch the newlywed game. So this guy is now the Howard Stern of the ship. Yeah. Everybody's submitting crazy sex stunts to him. Try this.

We have some listeners who sent in overheards via the written word. God bless you. And if you want to send in any to us or anything in general, queries, questions, awesome photos that you found. We got some great photos of things this week. Pictures of your boobies. Yeah, do it. Stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com.

Don't send us any pictures of you. And please, no guzzles yeah yeah yeah no guzzles no things that you've read about the guzzle this first it's

but this is more even I would say this is kind of a story it's from Josh F I like a good story yeah why not a few years ago I managed a comic book shop

one of my staff was a large guy named Reed he was a pretty funny guy who liked to trash or talk trash to people he knew in a friendly way one of our staff was a large guy named Reed. He was a pretty funny guy who liked to trash, or talk trash to people he knew in a friendly way. One of our regular customers was a guy named Tom.

T-H-O-M. A few things to know about Tom. He's Reed's friend. He and Reed would take things to an extreme when making fun of each other. Nothing was really off limits, and Tom is paraplegic. I was working up front one night when Tom and some friends came in to see Reed, also

working that night. They were trying to decide what to do that night when Reed got off work. As per usual, Reed and Tom were giving each other crap the whole time. No one else was in the store, so I didn't pay him any mind and continued to work on some paperwork at the counter. He means reading comic book, I assume. Right, sure.

After a bit of back and forth between them, I heard Reed say to Tom let's go play some Dance Dance Revolution oh wait how about we go play some basketball oh I know let's go for a jog shortly after I heard a mixture of Reed both groaning in pain and laughing I looked over to see him lying on the floor

holding his crotch and sort of rocking back and forth a bit turns out Tom had used up all of his good comebacks so he picked up one of his paralyzed legs and literally threw his foot at Reed's crotch. But if Reed's a big fat guy, he's not doing any of those things either. That's right. Yeah, let's play basketball. Yeah.

Overjerk. Over jerk This was one from last week But I thought it was very funny It was From Kyle L Was on a bus to Boston Going back to college after being home in Maine For winter break

Since I've heard this before Get ready for me to really sell this laugh Sell the guzzle I eventually turned up my... He was listening to his iPod. I turned my iPod off and realized that the guy sitting behind me was listening to heavy metal music on his laptop without headphones. It was loud enough for everyone on the bus to hear it.

He was sitting next to a girl that he was obviously trying to impress. Opechki. I heard two parts of their conversation that are worth repeating. Guy, I would never get the swine flu shot. I heard it really fucks you up. Girl, really? Guy, yeah, I heard about this one guy who got it and really fucked him up. Now he can only walk backwards.

Better the second time. Was it good? Yeah. It really came out of nowhere. This is from Taylor W. in Seattle. I was at a bar with my girlfriend and a few of my other friends. Across the table, a couple of my friends were looking at a picture of someone's cell phone. Or on someone's cell phone.

Not of someone's cell phone. That's ridiculous. Check this out. At the time, I couldn't see what they were looking at. All I heard was, no, the lion isn't sodomizing him. He's just keeping him warm. That's the lion's excuse every time. No, it's cool.

I'm both sodomizing them and keeping them warm. Now, here's a, maybe I'll go to this at the end because it's about something we talked about on a past episode. Well, it's just this guy, Charles P. Remember we were talking ages ago about different levels of fart machines? Okay, no. No? Okay. What are the levels of fart machines? There's the goo in a cup.

There's the whoopee cushion. Yeah, and this was one that I found at a store that was called Fart Machine 2 with new boombox technology. Oh, that's like Fartaloo. founded a store that was called Fart Machine 2 with new boombox technology. Oh, that's like Fartaloo. And this guy wrote in to say, my parents are big fans of this particular line of Fart Machine,

and not only do they own a Fart Machine 2, but they also had its predecessor, Fart Machine. A favorite at Thanksgiving and graduations, the Fart Machine was a remote control job that somewhat resembled a black smoke detector and featured five or six preset toots. Fart Machine 2 was not much different.

I think it had about ten presets, aside from the boombox technology, which was a twist-out bass chamber that allowed for more resonant butt blasts. So he was just... Is that a copywriter? He was just filling us in on what was so great about Fart Machine 2. Not even an overheard.

There were overheards in there, but I just really... Oh, he sent in an overseen. He's living in Japan. And he said, I realize the Japanese overseens are probably a dime a dozen, but I found this one particularly funny. There was no spelling mistakes or LR switches. Right. It was a picture on the side of one of those crazy photo booths

that are common to Japan, and it makes a pretty big promise. It's just an attractive Japanese girl with a speech bubble that says, you'll be inferior to no one. Then there's a gentleman named Michael R. who sent in a thing that he said, I don't have the hockey chops for this one.

We don't either. No, but it's... But we know who Ovechki is. We know where Canada Hockey Place is. This was... I was in a bar in Wellington to watch Canada play some Olympic hockey. Is that in New Zealand?

It's... Yeah, I guess so. No, isn't it in Britain? No? You're right. New Zealand. Good call. I don't have the New Zealand chops for this one. It's their capital.

Is it really? Yeah. Good for them. Is it? Good for you for knowing that. Yeah. It's on one of their islands. Anyways, I was in Borough of Wellington to watch Canada play some Olympic hockey, and

I had been, no word of a lie, 10 minutes before as I was listening to your podcast lamenting the fact I never hear anything interesting. I assume he means in his life, not on our podcast. He was lamenting as listening to our podcast. So, as it was hockey there... What? As it was hockey, comma? As it was hockey, there were... There was no comma.

There were a few other Canadians watching the game. The broadcast feed was from BBC with a British guy doing the play-by-play with a Canadian helping explain everything. Oh, you... Wow, goodness, that must be annoying. We were complaining about the quality of the play-by-play, and I asked who the other guy was. I said, I think he's an ex-NHL-er

but I don't know his name because they never introduced themselves. Another Canadian says, who? I say, the color guy. He answers without missing a beat, well the only one I know is George Larocque but he is still playing. I pause mid-drink and think, does the other guy think that I'm the kind of person who describes people of African descent as colored, or am I with someone who thinks that's what we call them? That's in quotes. I might point out that I was wearing an Aginla Team Canada jersey at the time.

Graham is naming African American hockey players. Yes. George LaRock and Jerome Aginla. Correct. This is real inside baseball. Oh well, it was a good game and I finally overheard something mildly interesting. Correct. I only read it because he said I didn't have the hockey chops for something that didn't need any hockey chops. That was mild.

But spicy for Wellington. Sure. Following up on the race-related overheards, I have a quick... Oh, God, how many more, Grant? This is it. I am a high school student. The morning announcements are usually a goldmine

of awkward, but today was perhaps my favorite of all time. The basketball team at my school has a thing called whiteout days, which are when the crowd

dresses in white shirts to show support for the team. This was the announcement. For the clan. Yeah. Principal, remember to wear

your white shirts for whiteout day. Announcement lady, yes, remember, white is right. There was a stunned silence throughout the whole school. Did I mention that my principal is black? You didn't.

No, you did not. And I don't see color. But yeah, those are overheards. If you want to write to us, it is stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. And we have some callers have called in with their own special breed of overheards, the vocal kind. Which, if you want to call in, it's 206-339-8328. Hey, Graham and Dave. This is Phil from Montreal, and I'm calling with an overheard. The other day I was at Best Buy, and I just heard this old man tell a clerk,

so yeah, what's the difference between a DVD and a blueberry? Well, one's a fruit. Let's start with the basics. One's a fruit. They're both round. Oh, that's true. One's spherical. One is two-dimensional.

Yeah. One comes in bunches. One of the other one comes... Do blueberries come in bunches? Don't they come in baskets? They come in baskets. You can put anything in a basket, but they're not... You can't Blueberries? They come in baskets. You can put anything in a basket. You can't put a tisket in it. Oh, no way you can.

They're both delightful with pancakes. Sure. Yeah? If you're watching a movie. If you're watching a movie. Yeah. If you're watching a Vin Diesel something. Sure.

Breakfast at Tiffany's starring Vin Diesel. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Alex from Michigan. I'm calling in awesome overseen I had the other day. I was at the gym, the gymnasium, and there was a young lady there who was not particularly attractive but was very, very muscular

and had a giant calf tattoo of a troll doll. I didn't know. Maybe you should make a wish. Who knows? I wish she doesn't kick me in the face. I wish the 80s never happened. That's what she's saying.

Were they the 80s or the 90s? Those were the 80s. Weren't they the troll dolls? I had them in the 90s. You were doing a little friction. You? I had them in the 90s. Really? You were doing a little friction. Yeah, because you used to put them on the end of your pencil, and then you would do that, and their hair would go crazy. Yeah, exactly.

Wait a minute. He said he dumbed down Jim to gymnasium for us, or is that dumbing it up? That's dumbing it up. I know that Jim is technically short for gymnasium, but nobody says, I'm going to go work out at the gymnasium. But a lot of people probably have friends who call themselves the gym. Sure. Going over to see the gym.

Maybe he thought it was like a cultural thing. Do you have those up in Canada? Do you have the metric spelling of gymnasium? According to gymnasium. And he also said that the woman was not particularly attractive, but very muscular. Isn't that always the way? What about the one who played the female Terminator in T3? Was she particularly muscular?

I'm thinking of my muscle magazines that I read. Do you read for masturbation purposes? No, no, no. I read the articles to learn how to masturbate at an Olympic level. Okay, we got one more. Hi, this is Mo from Montreal Central Station calling to meet an overheard. I'm standing in line waiting to board my train

when the line that I'm in, I guess, proved to be a fork in the road for a man and a woman walking together. So by the time I heard what they said, they were on either side of me shouting across the room. And the man basically shouted out to the woman, hey, you should join us

for drinks afterwards. And to which the girl responded, that doesn't sound like a good idea. And did not respond. That doesn't sound like a good idea? Is that what he said? That doesn't sound like a good idea? I like how he trailed it off too.

That doesn't sound like a good idea. Better luck next time. Bye. Not interested. So yeah, if you want to call us, call into us, sorry,

with any overheard. If you want to crash into us, it's 1-800-DAVE-MATTHEWS-BAN. Really? You guys are better than that? Yeah. Well, go fuck yourselves.

But yeah, it's 206-339-8328 what does it spell really get out of here it does t-e-e-t-e-a-t well so you can spell that a couple oh no i guess that's the only way you can really spell trust us okay we went to phonespell.org we actually did there's a thing called phonespell.org. We actually did. There's a thing called Phonespell.org? Yeah, it's not for profit. It's just to get the word out. Yeah.

Wrap it up? Yeah, oh, one thing I want to say before we wrap it up is a podcast, a fellow podcast in town that you have been a guest on twice, twice fold. I think it's how they say it.

Twofoldly. Twice fold? By weekly. By weekly. The Exploding Sandwich. This past week, we got an email from a listener who listens to both podcasts. Sure. And said that the Devin and Devin combo wrote.

That's twofold. Yeah. They wrote a song to encourage me to be a guest on the podcast. You have been on. I have never been on. Yeah. So they wrote a song to the tune of the Ramones' I Want to Be Sedated, something. Graham, please come on our show.

Oh. Perfect fit. It actually fits quite well if you hear the song. But they said they'll keep playing the song until I appear on the show. And I like that. But how many weeks should I make them play the song before? 52. One calendar year.

Do I want to test their muster? Or do I just want to kind of give to the fact that I'm quite flattered by the fact that there's a song written to encourage me to do something? Well, you know, here's the thing. I started listening to your podcast when I was on the ship, as I was telling you guys earlier. A delightful way to kill time. And I heard the beginning of the whole exploding sandwich thing. Right. Where they were your nemesis.

Nemesis, yeah. And then I kind of jumped to I got home and I jumped to some podcast just in the last couple of weeks and I've missed. What's happened? Where's the bridge? Where did the love come in? Well, it's not love. It's just they are no threat to us.

Dave has been on their podcast twice. Yeah. And both very, very funny episodes. Yeah. The first one in particular. Different moods. The first mood was the funniest, where you were trying to shut it down from the inside. Yeah.

Just like breaking equipment and pulling cables out. No, he's just trying psychological warfare. The second one was more just telling them what they could do to improve. Yeah, but Dave was really, he was laying it on pretty thick in the first one. It was great. It was very funny. Well, you should... I'm not entirely certain, but I think my episodes are their most downloaded.

Yeah. Why wouldn't they be? Yeah, you're great. I'm the best in the biz. Yeah. Nobody meets him. He's the whiz. But yeah, I don't know. What do you think?

You say 52 weeks. Yeah. You should let him sweat it out. Yeah, but well'll really make it kind of the rosy o'donnell tom cruise make sure they play it every time yeah you gotta treat you gotta treat exploding sandwich like a woman you want to date yeah right you gotta you gotta be a bit of an ass don't call yeah you know the rules yeah make her chase you they're the bitch in this situation oh hey i don't want to go that far um i don't call ladies that yeah graham has a lot of respect for women yeah i don't apparently i do not so you think you like play the play the game oh yeah yeah just so if anybody wants to write in to let me know what, what do they think my tactic should be?

How should I play this? You can either write in to StopPodcastYourself at gmail.com, visit our website, StopPodcastYourself.com. Oh, what a great website idea. It's 10% of our greatness. And yeah, or you can call in, 206-339-8328, because I would like to know what tactic. I think both of your tactics are completely valid

but I just want to know how should I play it? play it cool play it so cool man or should I just jump at the chance because somebody's written a song how often does somebody write a song about you? have they written you and asked you

or did they talk to you and ask you to be there? they did write and ask but I was too busy during the week you're not necessarily playing hard to get they didn't have to go desperate yeah but I like it busy during the week. You're not necessarily playing hard to get. They didn't have to go desperate. Yeah, but I like it, though. I don't know. You should wait until they've got an album.

Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. Like different cuts? Yeah, all different cover songs with your name jammed in there. Whoa. Wow. Hey, exploding sandwich.

That's a challenge. So that's a new level to take it to. Well, now the ball's in your court. Yeah, welcome to the next level, Sega. Well, let's get out of here. I'm not certain this was recording. Really? Well, it's certainly recording.

I'm not sure if it sounds any good. Oh, that's okay. The other plug I wanted to make is a bunch of people who have been on the show were all part of a project that Sean Devlin did involving the Olympics. And he's set up a Facebook group and he's starting to release these videos that he did with Bronx Cheer and Man Hussey and the Pony Hunters and Kevin Lee. And they're all really funny. Emmett Hall. I'm in one of them.

And so I just said I'd make a plug. I'll put a link on the website and on the Facebook page if you want to check it out. It's called Frontline 2010, I think is what it's called. Isn't it 2010 Stories? 2010 Stories, that's what it's called. Correct. Thanks, Dave. There it is. Found it. Diana, if people want to find you on the

internet, where do they... They want to creepily stalk you. If people want to be creepers where do they go if they google Diana Francis they'll get about 10,000 pages of a dead princess oh that's a good time if they want to find me well they can go to

canadiancontentsketch.ca one of the groups that I'm associated with involved with past guests past Ian Boothby no, past Ian Boothby. No, past guest Ian Boothby. He's dead.

Corpse Ian Boothby. So CanadianContent.ca CanadianContentSketch.ca Somebody else had CanadianContent.ca Meow. Any big upcoming shows? When is this airing, if it's even recording? Tomorrow.

Oh, well, if you're in the Kelowna area, the weekend of March 5th and 6th, I'll be at the Yuck Yucks with Roman Danilov. Oh, nice. Yeah, doing a little improv joke-em-ups. Nice, fair. Well, that'd be great. Leather pants, I imagine. I will bust out those sweaty leather pants.

Go see the Mike Reno tribute show. Dave, do you have anything that you want to plug? No, I will be at Paul Anthony's Talent Time this week on Wednesday. I think I will also be there. I think it's on Tuesday. Okay. Well, I should really check that out.

TalentTime. Okay. Well, I should really check that out. TalentTime. Talent. And yeah, so everybody, thank you very much for tuning in. If you enjoyed the show, please pass it along to your friends and co-workers. Mostly your co-workers. I want to keep this professional. You want to be the cool guy. Yeah.

And come on back next week for another enthralling episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.