Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 104 - Ivan Decker

Episode Date: March 9, 2010

Comedian Ivan Decker returns to wrap up the Olympics, cool penguins, and gettin' tipsy with some drunk dials.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka, and he's Graham Clark, and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 104 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is the captain of mystery, Mr. Dave Shumka. Thank you. Sky captain in the world of mystery? Yeah, sky captain in the world of mystery. Sky Captain in the World of Mystery Yeah, Sky Captain in the World of Mystery And for those of you who are regular listeners to the show You may have recognized that there was a different theme song

It was our theme song, but a variation on the theme song by Dr. Sax Dr. Sax did the remix From our message board So there's a lot going down on the message board Yeah, to person whoever who said our website stinkaroo. We'll show you yet. Yeah, listen to that Gary Newman-esque remix.

Yeah. And joining us here today, a very funny gentleman. Third time guest on the show. Oh, an elite club. The Three Timers Club. Yeah, a great comedian and a guy who just rushed. He says Comedia. Yeah, a great comedian and a guy who just rushed.

Comedian, yeah. He's in the Comedia Encyclopedia. Mr. Ivan Decker. Comedia Brown. All right. Thanks for joining us. Thank you for having me. It is so exciting to be back.

Isn't it great? So good. Yeah. Lots of things have happened, I'm sure. Why don't we get to know us? Get to know us. Oh, I've got really bad allergies. They hurt.

My eyes hurt. We have an early spring. Yeah. Spring has sprung. I don't even normally have allergies, but I think I have them now that I'm sitting close to Graham and he has them. Yeah, they're contagious. That's how bad.

They're like the AIDS. It's like a field. I don't know about that one. Let's get to know Ivan. What's been going on with you since last we spoke to you? About a year ago. Episode 50. Yeah.

Who's counting? No one. Except you guys at the beginning of every episode. I have been being hilarious. Oh, sure, yeah. No doubt about that. I also... All right.

Trying to remember all of the things. Should I start at the beginning, or... I don't know. It'll last a little while. Just bring it. Yeah, bring it. The last couple weeks you've been working in the Russian house during the Olympics. Yeah, that's right, because...

Because of your heritage. Yeah, no, I actually have no Russian heritage whatsoever, which was very awkward because I was standing at the front entrance to the Russia pavilion with a name tag that says Ivan. And people would be walking up to me and speaking to me in Russian, and I'd be like, I'm sorry, my whole everything you see is a lie. I'm not the guy you want to talk to. And then I would take them back to the other.

The Russian people had their office in the back, and then we were just positioned by the door to tell people who showed up, like, hey, can I come into the science center? And be like, no, it's not here. And then the children would cry. This is very complicated. Yes, the Russian house was in our science world, an attraction for children of all ages.

That's right. But the staff of science world stayed there for no reason because they hated us every day. Where did they put the science while they were there? In a warehouse somewhere. So the giant hamburger? Well, that giant hamburger, they built a wall around it. Oh, tear down

that wall. That's right. They're tearing it down. Let that hamburger through. The terraria? What about the terraria? Is that plural of terrariums? I don't even know what those are. Is that where they keep the spiders? Oh yeah, the animals.

The animal boxes. That's it. We don't use big words at the science center. They gave all these spiders Cossack hats. Sure. Themed it up. Lots of theming. And boots. One for each foot. Eight tiny, tiny cowboy boots. That is adorable.

Russian boots of cowboy. Oh my god, have you guys seen that clip on the internet of the spider, wolf spider with all the baby spiders on its back? What? Is it disgusting? Well, how much do you hate spiders? Eleven. Eleven? Okay, yeah, then you would

hate it. It's disgusting. They're creepy as hell. Wolf spiders scare the hell out of me. She had about probably like 50 spider babies on her back. It's like a horror movie. She probably shoots them at you. That's like her special power. When you were a kid, did you ever collect spider baby cards?

They'll make your dreams come true. Cabbage spider babies? Cats eat wolf spiders though Apparently if you have a cat You don't have to worry about wolf spiders What is a wolf spider? I don't know my spider brood Oh elf, elf eats cats But what eats an elf?

Then you got a huge elf problem You can't bring in the elves They eat all the cats Your ecosystem can't handle elves Why didn't I plan this food chain out better? What is a wolf spider? Wolf spider. Wolf spiders are like the huge ones.

They don't spin webs. They just kind of like, you'll be watching TV at night. But they're around here? If you live in a basement suite, they'll... They'll show up usually in the autumn. They show up around September and they'll just be like... Or if you have a wood pile That's a good place to find them

And I have been bitten by them many times They really bite Are you quite shy? No, I turned into a Teen Wolf because of it Teen Wolf Spider Teen Wolf, but he's got more arms for slam dunking And I fight crime And in health class They have to tell you to have

protected sex, otherwise you'll have a bunch of Teen Wolf Spider Babies on your back. And where will you put your backpack? It's great. So you were in this crazy half-science world. No, not half. There was nothing left of science. Basically just

offices of people doing mindless, busy work in the back, mailing things out to be like, hey, we're awesome. Wow. So the whole, hey, we're awesome, that's your Science World's new campaign. That's their marketing campaign. We're just mailing stuff out to people. I'm going to flyer in the mail, by the way. Yeah, mark it on your calendar.

Still awesome. Yeah, the Russians basically took over like the whole thing including the omnimax theater which was a horrible place to work because like part of that we would be up in the theater which is like this huge omnimax theater but they weren't showing omnimax movies they just had like a dvd player and a shitty projector showing these tiny four with an alternate ending. I wish! That would have been good. They were showing these terrible propaganda movies about Russian... It's called Drago. Drago 1.

For anybody who's not familiar, what is OmniMax? It's like IMAX. They invented it in the 80s which they quickly got rid of it it's basically got rid of the 80s but it has to they're into the 80s but they also got rid of omni max because it's it's round it has to be shown on a screen that is round so it's filmed on a fisheye lens to be projected onto the round screen so it'll look without distortion but then they realize that like it's a pain in the ass to build all these round screens.

Yeah. Why don't we just shoot with big film that's flat? And then they did that. So then basically nobody makes OmniMax movies anymore, but we still have this OmniMax theater in Vancouver. And now that the IMAX is closed, it's sort of the only one. So what do you

show on it then they show imax movies but they're kind of distorted on the sides because the screen is around the imax downtown at canada place is closed yeah it's gone it it went what it went shortly before avatar which is too bad because avatar would have been its saving grace but they if they don't really show they they They showed nature movies at that one. They did, but then sometimes they did big movies as well. So if I wanted to go see Avatar on IMAX, where would I see it? You have to go to Richmond or... No, thanks!

I know, that's why. Or Colossus Coquitlam. I went to Richmond to see Avatar On Christmas Eve On my scooter I rode over the Night Street Bridge And then it started snowing And I was like, all this is for Avatar? This better be a good movie And it was

It was great I probably should have seen it in IMAX But I'm not going to risk going to those street gang areas Yeah, because you always fly colors No matter where you go. I keep a blue flag hanging out my backside. And you're always sea-walking everywhere you go.

I had no idea. First of all, I had no idea that our local IMAX theater closed. Though, I shouldn't be surprised because I only went to it twice. Once to see an IMAX movie. Once to see a special private screening of Dane Cook's special Vicious Circle. Oh, yes.

You need to be an IMAX for that. You can only appreciate. Was it a pay-per-view live event? No, he was there. I told you this story. What? I haven't told you this story? I don't believe so.

I think I remember this story. What year was Vicious Circle? Cycle. I think it was Circle. Cinco de Mayo. Vicious Cinco de Mayo. A lot of beads. What year was it?

Was he... Beads or beads? Six or seven. Oh, 2006 or seven. Might have been, yeah. I don't remember the year, but what had happened? What year did Good Luck Chuck come out? Okay, yeah. Seven-ish.

Yeah, because he was here filming that. Filming GLC. GLC 1. There comes 2. 2 is coming up. You can only hope. He was here shooting that, and it, I guess, his... He had been banned from the local comedy club.

That's right. And he had just... Or, no, sorry, it hadn't been released yet, but his special was going to be on HBO, I guess. The one that he filmed in Boston Gardens on this circle stage. It was the worst thing. Yeah, that's the one that was like in Boston Gardens on this circle it was the worst thing you listen to it and it's not even

it would be like if they rented out a stadium and they were just like okay Leonardo DiCaprio is going to be standing in the middle so all of you girls just scream the whole time and pretending to fuck all the time but it's like you listen to it.

It's not like listening to a normal comedy CD or DVD. It's just like it's constantly girls screaming. Even when he's in his setups or whatever. I haven't listened to it. Take your shirt off! We didn't buy the CD like I did. I illegally downloaded it.

That's the spirit. That's the way dan cook would want it but he had a special screening of it for the cast and crew of good luck chuck uh-huh and my friend you were the director i directed that film and wrote your chuck i'm an oh i'm an auteur yeah i was written about my own experiences with jessba. Did you get a GLC1 ring? Yeah, of course. We all got them from Justin's. But anyways, my friend worked at the printing company that printed up the tickets to the event and printed himself up a few.

And a few for his buddies, of which I was one. So I went and I sat behind jessica alba and her uh not as good looking sister and uh ruth alba is that actually her name no but you know i'm it's going to be in my mind and uh he was there and he introduced it And halfway through Whoever I was with Was like can we go And I'm like well he's sitting right in front of us So I don't think we can

And it was long it was like two hours long Yeah that is like a screening For your stand up special Where you sit with the crowd That's pretty narcissistic And it wasn't in IMAX So it was only a uh third of the screen the rest of the screen was black and it was just it was just a dvd that

hbo had sent to him yeah and he was like i'll screen it and what can i rent super cheap but will you give me that building with the sails on top i uh it was the weirdest idea. It was by weirdest, re-dumbest. And not new material, by the way. A lot of those jokes were on his previous DVDs. They were older jokes. Ivan is a Dane Cook completist. I watch all things comedy.

He's the... Cooklopedia, we call him. Cooklopedia Dane. Admittedly, I only watched about 15 minutes of it. I'm not here to rag on you for loving Dane Crowe. Until I started crying because it was so awesome. There's a part where he... Somebody says something in the audience

and he kind of goes up into the audience. Like he leaves the stage and he goes up into the audience. I just remember thinking, oh, this just looks so staged. Like this doesn't look like an actual thing that happened. Like he had a guy. Because there would be no way for somebody in a stadium to locate who had heckled a thing. Especially in the round. Where's that coming from?

I can't imagine tickets to that would have been cheap either. Like, I don't think they were like 20-buck tickets. Like, they were probably like 50-plus tickets to go see a guy. If you were up in the nosebleeds, you would basically be watching nothing. There would be nothing to watch. No. Because a guy standing up, it would be like when the GM comes out and makes an announcement or something at the beginning of a hockey game. You're like, I can't see who

is saying anything. Do they have his face up on the Jumbotrons? You can see all his sweet face. I'm sure they must have had some sort of setup and it was supposed to be his big... Homecoming? Yeah, because he's from Boston.

Yeah, he's a Southie. He was a tough Southie. He likes apples. Yeah, so anyways, it was great. So we sort of derailed your... I don't even remember. It's just been crazy. The Olympics.

Yeah, OmniMax. Yeah, the Olympics were just a crazy time where everybody was just... They just wanted to go to these pavilions because they were free. And there was, like, nothing. There was, like... They were free? I didn't know they were... Some of them were free.

Okay. During the day, they were free. The Russian one was, and they had, like, a bunch of... It was weird because, like, I guess some Russian people went there. But the majority of it was just, like, regular Vancouver people who wanted to see this pavilion. But then all of the arts and all the presenters they had were in Russian. Like, they had a Russian rapper come out. Oh, man.

They actually had clowns before the Russian. They had clowns, which were like, oh, the kids, come close and we'll do some new stuff. And then they're like, and now Russian rapper came out. And, like, he was so angry and just, like, yelling. And there were kids, like, covering their ears and crying, like some horrible dream sequence. If I knew anything about the Russian language, think of the jokes I could make. And there were kids covering their ears and crying like some horrible dream sequence.

If I knew anything about the Russian language, think of the jokes I could make. Yeah, it would have been great. Was there a vodka pavilion? There was a bunch of engineering pavilions. Volkswagen had a little room. Oh, the thing about the rapper, though, that one of the funniest things was he was very polite. Because he said at one point, he was like, All right, make some noise, please. Yeah. Oh, man, I'm tickled by that.

Make some noise, please. Do it. Because he said make some noise in an angry way and then like, please. And then followed it up with yeah i uh you know in the closing ceremonies russia's uh little piece was uh terrifying they're so scary well they why are they so scary i didn't see it were they shooting some cossacks did you see any of the closing ceremonies i saw the no okay I think I saw something. Well, why don't we do a quick roundup of the closing ceremonies?

Oh, yeah. Okay, so it started with the clown came out. Apparently, and that was the thing. He swept up a spotlight. As is our tradition. Yeah. Can't leave all those spotlights laying around. If it wasn't for those clowns every

spotlight's all over this city that's uh apparently i read after that he's like a famous clown he's not just some clown he's some he's the famous i'm sure he's the famous clown guess what i hate clowns i'm not even scared of them no you just hate them i'm scared of spiders don't like what they stand for yeah well this clown was carrying a lot of spider babies in his back. He had a backpack full of spiders. Threw handfuls of spiders at people.

A messenger bag. He had a lot of spider bites on his hand, but he's like a beekeeper. Eventually, he'd get used to them. He's got a beard of spiders. He did a thing where he came out of the floor and fixed the torch malfunction. Aren't we clever?

Yeah, we screwed up in the opening ceremonies. Let's acknowledge that. Break the ice for the audience. Everyone's real nervous. Break the fourth wall. Did they break the fourth wall? No. They unbroke the fourth torch thing.

The fourth pillar. That's a different theater. Then they had the... Katrina LeMay Donor Boner. Yeah. She came out. And then she was lowered. I saw that part.

I saw her getting lowered into the floor. Yeah, she lit her torch, which was nice. That was a nice kind of thing for... They did that, and then the athletes they did that and then the athletes came out. They did a weird, they sang the national anthem badly. Another weird take on the national anthem.

Yeah, and then there was some weird let's party down track. There was a band, Inward Eye. The Snowboarder people, I saw that. Oh yeah, what was that? Inward I who I've never heard of. Yeah. They came out and did a song that the lyrics were

O-O-O-O Vancouver. Here's my theory. And I don't remember the melody at all. Here's my theory on Inward I. Not a band that exists. Not a real band. Because the lead singer was doing too many lead singer-y things.

Where I'm like, this guy studied a lead singer to look at... I think it's a fake band. You can do a lot of lead singer-y things. A lot of extra stuff when you don't have to sing. Yeah, well that's what I mean. I don't think... I think it was a fake band. And they were so not playing the instruments either.

The bass guitarist couldn't restrain himself from lifting his hands up in the air to be like, yeah! And then he would look down and be like, oh shit, I'm playing! Actually, I forgot! Yeah, they sounded huge. There were three of them, and they were jumping and fist pumping the whole time. Yeah, they were the Up With People band. Hey guys, Inward Eye is playing

at the end of March. Did you say N-Word Eye? Edward Norton. Third eye blind? Inward eye blind. So then the athletes came out and they made it real quick. They didn't come out as countries.

Everybody cattle call. Yeah, everybody rush in with your kooky costume. They kept cutting to Stephen Harper. He's our prime minister. Yeah, and he looked like he wanted to be doing anything else with this. He hates art. Hates

it. Hates being around it. Even the two hours in a two-week sporting event. Yeah. He was just like, ugh. I can't believe I got to sit through it. So yeah, he to sit through it. He didn't roll his eyes, but he was certainly... He did the jack-off motion a couple of times.

And he kept elbowing our premier. Cut it out motion. Alright, that's enough, guys. Wrapping it up. Kept looking at his watch. What's another motion we could say that was related

to his boredom? Stretch. No, wait. Enough riffing. Stretch backwards. Shriek. And then there was... Then three Canadian idols came out and sang a song.

A song dedicated to Inward Eye. Then we thanked the... They're all wearing Inward Eye. Yeah. And we thanked the... They're all wearing Inward Eye t-shirts that have been signed. We thanked the volunteers. Yeah, that was nice of us. You know, whoever. There's a lot of speeches. I like the part in the speech where he talked

about the first medal, and everybody kind of cheered, and then the last medal, of course, was the hockey, and the place would not shut up. They were cheering for like five minutes. And he was like, oh, man. He was looking at his watch. And then he didn't learn any pronunciation of any French words. He didn't memorize any part of his speech.

His face was buried in his podium. I don't understand why that's okay. Oh, sorry. It's lectern. Well, no. But it's just like I don't get why that's okay. Like, why... Oh, sorry, it's lectern. Well, no, but it's just like I don't get that people can just read off a sheet and will accept that as society

now. Like, politicians or people like... I don't accept that. They're supposed to be good speakers, but they just kind of show up and they're like, it's obvious you didn't write this. You put no thought into it at all. You're just a guy reading off a piece of paper now. He's been too busy getting federally sponsored

blowjobs all week. He was really busy. Getting blowjobs. I mean, not everyone gets a job because it's expected they can speak. Jobs of the blow variety. Fine.

They can at least say something to ask for the job. Something in English and French. Alright, speeches ended, and then Oh, and they put out the flame. Oh, Greece. Oh no, Russia did a thing. Yeah, which was

frightening. What did they do? They showed them dancing against the Black Sea. Or ice dancing. do uh they showed them uh dancing against like the black sea or ice dancing yeah and then uh they showed like an order it may not have been the black sea it was the black it may have just been nighttime no they said it was the it's not because it's black oh you nut um so she's right on the black sea so it must have been yeah yeah it was right it would look like if they said it was fall in the ocean but it was It was right, it looked like if they fucked up they would fall in the ocean. But it was also sort of fake.

It looked like it was green screen. I don't think that it was actually the Black Sea. They didn't bring the Black Sea into Busy Place? No, no, no. It was via satellite. Oh.

But it was them ice dancing right on the shore. And I was like, I don't think that's possible. Apparently they have this ice amphitheater. Oh, really? Every country ought to have one.

Yeah. It's surprising that I worked at Russia Pavilion and I don't know that. Me too. Yeah, well. Oh, because there was nothing in there in English. Yeah, there were four displays of an ice amphitheater, but none in English. It's just a bunch of backwards Ks and weird, there's a three in their language. Brought to you by Kellogg's.

And then what else did they... They had a terrifying conductor come and conduct an orchestra. And then they had people walking around in zorbs. Yep. Which was a thing that... Ah, zorbs. Yeah.

Were there any zorbs? Everyone's favorite. That's probably why they picked Science World because Science World looks like a giant zorb. It's like a zorb for big... Do you know what a zorb is?

It's like a giant hamster ball, right? Yeah. But it glows in the dark. I've never heard of it before. Yeah, I've never heard of it either. Ivan didn't watch the closing ceremonies, and he knows what it is. I'd heard of it through working at... Oh, yeah. Every other word was zorb at the Sochi house.

They were all... That was the only word I understood in Russian. It was like, Mashi grah mogaya zorb! And then I'd be like, where? And there would never be one. I didn't understand. That's just them

showing each other pictures of them in their zorbs from their wallet. My wallet is full of pictures of my family's zorbs. This is my daughter.

She's in a pink zorb. This is my zorb. My son is, he was born prematurely, so he's in an incubator Zorb. It just rolls around. But he's fine now. No, he's 10 and he's still in the Zorb.

And then they came out and did some dumb opera. Nobody likes opera. Nobody likes it. Paul Potts. What? Paul Potts. Paul Poundstone's predecessor. Sure, in Cambodia.

And then, is that when we started giving our speeches? Yeah. Then there were speeches, and then there was a comedy. It was like Michael J. Fox and William Shatner and Catherine O'Hara. And I didn't get... The camera kept cutting away, so I didn't know what the visual thing that they were doing. I didn't understand what was...

It was projected on a weird... It didn't have a flat screen. It was like OmniMax. It was very OmniMax. If OmniMax was just a series of torn sheets. So I didn't really... We'll be soon if you don't send in your money.

Don't forget about us. We're awesome. What was the slogan? We're still here. We're awesome. Yeah, so part of the effect was they were timed out differently. Yeah, and then there was a thing

at the end of Michael J. Fox's thing that I think the cue didn't work. Yeah. Because I think it was supposed to be the total lever and then nothing happened. Yeah. But so whatever. It was light and funny and Bill Shatner said a thing about having sex in a canoe. Right. And that was the thing that was repeated on all the like uh you know

entertainment weekly or whatever and then they they introduced michael buble who then did this weird like really weird i've never heard that song before no uh but i think it's a traditional canadian song about the maple leaf or something and that was where they brought out like the inflatable beavers and like the giant um what do you call it like tabletop hockey oh yeah and a big puck and moose yeah moose and uh and it was like really like i was like oh yeah it's it's kind of what the simpsons did when they made fun of yeah what the vancouver opening ceremonies was gonna be uh which was a guy climbing up the torch like a lumberjack and lighting it and then the whole thing falling over and he was like this could easily have been prevented um the uh and the

commentators were saying now this is just canada's way we're showing we can poke fun at ourselves but i don't know that the commentators in the other countries were saying that no yeah probably not well actually in america uh they said what a bunch of idiots no they went like this this is because i wasn't watching nbc but my friend was watching nbc and it went like it showed the comedians reading the thing and then they went and please welcome Canadian singer Michael Buble and then it cut to Bob Costas

saying and that concludes our coverage of the 2010 Vancouver Olympic Games and then it showed the marriage ref. Oh yeah. And then they showed the other half of the ceremonies after the marriage ref. Which I felt that's what our ceremonies was

missing, was Tom Poppins. Anything that happened after that was you didn't want to see it anyway. Oh yeah, that's when Nickelback invaded our... Yeah, and Avril Lavigne. Yeah, and Avril Lavigne. Singing two songs.

Yeah, she got two songs, Alanis got one. Was she promoting the cameras? Yeah, she came out and took a picture of everyone. I bought this camera. Alanis Morissette sang a not song that anybody knows. Yep. Avril Lavigne. Was it called I Played God in Dogma?

It was. Oddly enough, that's what it was called. It was one of her long diatribes, no rhymes. But I had no lines in the movie. Remember that video where I was naked the whole time and it was kind of hot, but kind of not? And then Chaos came out, also played a song nobody knows. There were a bunch in the middle, too. There was Hedley.

Oh, Hedley, yeah. I wish Hedley. Yeah, that would have been great. Hedley. Oh, Hedley, yeah. Yeah, I wish Hedley. Yeah, that would have been great. Hedley was a... Hedley's Canadian? Yeah, they're... Unfortunately. They're from...

The guy was in Canadian Idol. Crazy Bitch, isn't that... Maybe that wasn't the one they did. No, the one they sang was... Cha-ching, it was called. Yeah. Oh, wow, that sounds really awesome. Mesdames et messieurs.

That is how they did it Bienvenue à Adelaide Did they have to sing every second word in French? And then Simple Plan Simple Plan is Canadian? Yep, they're French And then this weird French industrial pop group That sounded like Rammstein. What was it called?

It was like Ali Ali or something like that. And I feel like we're forgetting someone. Oh, I hope not. Well, Neil Young sang. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was great. That's where it should have ended. Yes.

Yes. It should have ended with the torch going out. Yeah. That would be a good place to end the games. What about the Paralympics? They just don't get their torch? No, they do a relay all their own. Oh, they light their torch again. Yeah, I didn't

realize that, but somebody I know works at City Hall, and they had to fly out to Ottawa the next day to start that process. Yeah, when you host the Olympics, and I'm sorry, guys, this is the last time we'll devote this much time. That's what Dave says. I'm gonna talk about

frwigs.com to the olympics but when you host the olympics you also uh get to host these the the uh not the special not the special is different a lot of people don't know it's different i know i looked it up after our conversation we had a lengthy conversation about it yeah we didn't know what events were in the paralympics the paralympics uh does we were wondering if Paralympics? The Paralympics does – we were wondering if the Paralympics included blind athletes and it does. OK. But they have staggered events. So it's not –

Well, most of the events are staggered. Oh, come on. But it's not like somebody that only has one leg versus somebody that's blind. Right, right, right. Which is what, in my head, I couldn't get past. That seems like not evenly matched. When we were trying to figure it out, the best event we came up with was skeleton for skeletons. Which is not...

It's like a guy missing an ear, but he's perfectly physically fit. Yeah. Versus a guy with no legs. Versus a skeleton. So, yeah, and then that was the end of that. And then bring on the marriage ref. Which I didn't see. I saw a bit of it.

Yeah. Was it as funny or less funny than the Dennis Leary movie, The Ref? Shorter. Oh, okay. Well, that's something. I like Tom Papa. Yeah. But that show is not a good show for people to watch.

And I like the idea of... It's not a good show for people to watch. I like the idea of a panel show. It's a good show for Tom to be on. Yeah, good for him. Yeah. Yeah. I like a panel show. It's a good show for Tom to be on. Yeah, good for him. Yeah. Yeah. I like a panel show.

I like funny people sitting around being funny. Yeah. But there was just a little bit of an... It felt like they were trying to come up with an actual answer for people. Yeah. In their marriage disputes. Whereas, like, just be funny. Yeah.

Don't take this show this show should have not no basis in reality people are really going to come away from that and be like oh they laughed at our problem for a long time but i really thought what they said was important yeah i really feel that kelly rippa had something to say about my life yeah um they uh speaking of american television nb NBC in particular, anybody see Jay Leno's return last night? I saw a bit, yeah. I read the tweets about it.

Well, the tweets don't lie, and you know that. Yes, and the tweets were none too pleased. Yeah, he at one point, like, the big thing was he got a new desk. And actually, for something that he drew so much attention towards, it's one of the worst looking things I've ever seen. That desk used to belong to Conan O'Brien's mom, and he stole it from her house. It's a fairly normal desk,

but then on the end is a kind of a technicolor rotating door thing. Like, it looks like... Or George Jetson would keep his martini glasses. Yeah. It's like this multicolored, like, what you'd see in a department store. A revolving door.

And I don't understand... It's wind-powered. It powers the whole set. Because of all the wind coming out of his face. Hot air. But Jamie Foxx. I saw Jamie Foxx come out.

He came out. Got the audience to cheer for Jay. Here's the thing about Jay Leno. He sang a Black Eyed Peas song. Instead of tonight's going to be a good night, tonight's going to be a Jay night. Yeah, and then...

That's clever, at least. They spent a whole minute talking about Jamie Foxx's song, Blame It on the Alcohol, and how he sang it at the whatever the grammys or whatever and then jamie foxx knocks a cup over on the ground which is should be where jay leno then goes blame it on the alcohol ties it up with a bow everybody applauds he goes hey why don't you take another every writer is like what is happening do we have to script every quip for you jesus christ take another ambient even jb fox was like uh you know i didn't i'm not jay-z

he was probably like i'm gonna set you up for something i I always get Jamie Foxx and Heath Ledger mixed up. When Jamie Foxx came out, he... Every time I say or you say Jamie Foxx, I always think of Jamie Farr. Yeah, from MASH. Sorry, go on. Jamie Farr came out and did he immediately... He was Klinger, right? Yeah, he was Klinger.

What was the character that Jamie Foxx did in Living Color that was the ugly lady? I don't remember her name. I know who you're talking about. It was really sophisticated. Wait, no. It was the opposite of that. But he came out and popped a bottle of champagne and sprayed it all over the audience to celebrate Jay.

Anyway. Blame it on the ambience. It's been a while since he's been on TV. Yeah, he's back. Good for him. Oh, lordy. Anyways. That's us.

Yeah, I guess that's it. It's really depressing now that the... They're over. The games are over, because... But the games begin. But the last night was good. Like, everybody partied like crazy. Like a rock star. I don't think I did.

Because of the hockey win. Did you? Well, here's what happened. After... You may or may not know this, but I grew up in the suburbs of Vancouver. Right, home of the IMAX. Both of my brothers work in the trades. So what we did after Canada won the hockey game...

You can say we. Me and my brothers won a different hockey game against the neighbors. We got in the back. My brother has a really huge truck. And basically we got in the back of his truck with a Canada flag in it and drove through downtown screaming at people. Oh, nice. Just carrying on.

I felt kind of wrong, but also a little right. But you were not out of place. No. There was a lot of me. I was getting a lot of high fives, and at one point a bunch of people jumped in the back of the truck with us, and we were just like, yeah! And everybody was just so happy. Body shots. It was so nice. Yeah, I got high-fived a lot yeah i heard that happened yeah my uh now everybody's sick because they all high-fived each other high-fived graham yeah

but then i gave them my allergies apparently there was a protest on that night there or there tried to be there was a bunch of people that came out did you hear about this? they came out and they were like they were excuse me we'll try to make an excuse for you they came out ah raspberry ginger

they came out and they tried to chant like I forget they were chanting like homes before games or something homes before hoes and they were chanting it and they started it chant I forget, they were chanting Homes Before Games or something like that. Homes Before Hose. They got two chants in and the entire Canada jersey wearing crowd just turned on them and started

chanting, Get a job! Get a job! And then they all just dispersed and left and that was the end of the protest. Fair enough. You win this round. They tried to put one together, but then the whole populace of Vancouver just got together and were like, we're having none of this. I saw a neat video this morning that somebody filmed across the water.

Yeah, I saw that too. Yeah, that was, it was like, it was just a still shot of across the water from where the live city, where a lot of people were watching the game outdoors. Oh, cool. And so you just heard kind of the sound of like planes and boats. And then when the goal happened, you can hear downtown everybody going nuts. And like how loud it was. It really, I was at a house watching it. And it was nuts. And I went outside and it was nuts nuts and people were like high-fiving and it was really

crazy i watched at my home and the people i was with were like well we're gonna go downtown and party now yeah in the streets yeah not me yeah we gotta take it to the street because eventually you're gonna have to pee and that'll be impossible. Yeah, well, that was the other thing, because eventually I did walk downtown, but my eventual turnaround was, I've got to go to the bathroom, don't want to get clubbed by a cop, I'm going home.

Yeah, it's like Times Square in New York, where the New Year's thing, if you want to be there to watch the ball drop, you have to wait for seven hours. Yeah, so you have to swallow some sandpaper to suck up the pee. Is there a thing you can do to not have to pee? You know... People pee in their shirts and throw them on the ground. I'm looking more at Graham's idea of swallowing a thing.

Oh, yeah. I watched the show Manswers. Yeah? Because they said... On Manswers. Yeah. On Spike TV. Yeah. Where they did a thing to see – they did three different guys to see who could drink the most without breaking the seal. Yeah. And the person who drank a solution of salt water before –

No, don't want it. Just like two cups of salt water was able Nope, don't want it. Just like two cups of salt water was able to outlast everybody. Well, it may be poisonous. I don't know. If you fall off a boat, you can swallow some seawater. And then get back on the boat and outdrink everybody. Well, and not

have to pee. That's your goal. Alright, do you want to move on to some overheards? No, wait. First, I have something. Because last week we were talking about how awesome it would be to have a... Because Diana Francis worked on a cruise. And then we talked about celebrity cruises.

And then we talked about doing a podcast cruise. And there seems to be at least the seeds of people who are interested oh in a perfect world yeah but what if we could we we live by a giant body of water what if we did like uh like because you can rent out a boat should we do that should we do a harbor cruise yeah like this is why you're you're not doing overheard so you can put me on the spot? Yeah, I want to put you on the spot. Well, Johnny on the spot. Whatever. Is that a thing? Do you think we could get enough people

to make a harbor cruise worthwhile? There would be sex. There would be an orgy. Okay, yeah, yeah, an orgy? Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm in. I don't know. I just saw it today on the message board

and I thought, oh, that's interesting. I thought it was just like many of the things we talk about. Can it be like a dry grad? Yeah. Where everyone, except everyone gets drunk and has an orgy. Yeah, nobody's drinking, but there will be plenty of ecstasy for everybody. Everybody's on MDdma support drag grad but anyways if there's any supporters of that you can you know where to find us on the forums or at

stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com now ivan you were saying uh just as an addendum to your um uh you're going downtown with your brother yeah the other The other Olympic story that I have, my brother went to see Arnold Schwarzenegger carry the torch through Stanley Park. There was a brief period where he carried it. That was right before the Games. My brother made a shirt specifically with a pair of

severed arms on it that said see you at the party, Richter. Pretty good. What movie is that from? I don't know that um yeah it's the uh this is what you're looking for the whole time okay yeah the only thing i know about total recall is the three boobies well that's the best part that's a t-shirt you could make too yeah hey i'm gonna check these out put that on his list of things he needs to do um

next to get a job the but he went to see arnold schwarzenegger and there was a whole bunch of people like so many people waiting around for arnold schwarzenegger to show up like he got on a bus and like the bus was packed and everybody on the bus is like we're going to see arnold anybody had like big signs that say like get to the chopper every arnold schwarzenegger stereotype like people there was a guy who climbed a tree and was just yelling stuff like you think that's the real quade and like every everybody was going commando and like there was a bunch of news reporters and stuff there but like basically as soon as arnold schwarzenegger showed up and then like he had the torch and he

went running by he was the running man everybody was like there he is and they were excited but then he ran by and they were like i waited all day for this i don't want it to be over so then they just went ape shit and like started chasing him and they were pushing each other out of the way and like this lady had like a bunch of stuff like she was and uh like a pile of books and it got totally trampled. And this guy got punched and his news camera got broken. And all this shit was like a fucking mob scene. And then as soon as Arnold Schwarzenegger gets in the car and drives away, he said it was like this weird calm that just sort of fell over everybody.

And they just kind of like wandered away in every direction. Like, all right, well, sorry I bumped you and broke your news camera. It would have been great if a Flashmob-esque scenario had sprung up where everybody showed up in Predator costumes. Oh, that would be so awesome. I think that would have been great. Or everybody showed up with luggage and then said, your luggage.

That's my favorite. That's from a racer? Yeah. That's where he shoots an alligator. And he said, your luggage. That's my favorite. That's where he shoots an alligator. He says, your luggage. Why would he sass off an animal? A dead animal. An endangered animal. Yeah, an endangered dead animal.

It's crazy. Had the animal been in a tank? No, the animal was the big bad guy. You know how he fights all the time? And then it turns out it's an alligator. It's a crime syndicate. Operated by alligators. The gun in that movie was so weird.

It could shoot through. The rail gun. I want to call it. It would lock onto their heart. Yeah, heart lock. It would lock onto their heart. It, heart lock. It would lock onto their heart. It could see through walls with the scope, and you would see people's outline,

and then it would lock. And their hearts. And their hearts. It was just skeleton and heart. It had the technology to just see. There's no other lungs or anything. We've combined the best of MRI technology and guns. Pew pew.

As long as Gator Face doesn't get his hand on it, that should be all right. It doesn't log on to Alligator Hearts. Oh, no. It's in its only weakness. Your luggage. All right. Now let's move on to Overheard.

Why not shoes? You're a belt. Alligator luggage. Yeah. Overheard. You should move the microphone, not your face closer. Who has elevator luggage? Over. You should move the microphone, not your face closer. Too close. Good?

What am I like this? I'm going to lean back. I'm going to be on the couch. Yeah, chilly chillman. Welcome to the couch hour. Chilly chillman? I like it. Chilly chillman.

You don't like it? Dave doesn't like it. Penguin. Penguin. chillman you don't like it dave doesn't like penguin that tickled me in the right spot chilly chillman i'm giving you the i'm shooting yeah i know you're a penguin with sunglasses it would be chilly chillman what are you talking about chilly chillman he keeps kids off drugs or introduces them to them yeah depends what

they're into yeah yeah they want to be cool like chili children you want uppers or downers you uh your luggage hey thank you hey luggage come over here chili children once they have with you uh overheard yeah do we get all that? Because that was good stuff. Overheard's. Things you may have heard in a lunch counter lineup. Sure. In the Arctic. People are still going to lunch counters. In the Antarctic with Chili Chillman. That's his haunt.

Yeah. I'm looking for Chili Chillman. I don't want Pingu. I don't want... Who are other famous penguins? Chili Willie. Chili Willie. He's Chili Chilman's... Opus?

Was Opus a penguin? Yeah, Mr. Holland's Opus. Was he a puffin? What about Happy Feet? Happy Feet was a penguin. Sure. Surf's Up. Surf's Up was a penguin.

All the penguins from those movies. They had their own show. Yeah. All right. The Penguin. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Batman's Archdemos

Mario Lemieux Cindy Crosby All great penguins Or penguins as we call them in Canada Next Overheards, things you may have heard in a penguins game Things you can hear just about anywhere We always like to start with the guest.

Ivan, you said that you've, not only do you have some overheard, you have some great overseens from your time in the Sochi territory. Yeah, I have a few. I'll start with the one that's kind of cosmic and interesting because I was at my place of work in the office and I overheard a bunch of people talking about how the exhibit with the dead people is coming back.

Oh, the Body Worlds. The Body Worlds is going to be coming back and they were talking about... Is that the most successful exhibit ever? Oh, absolutely. Like, it was... They were open 24 hours a day. Even more successful than Exhibit of Pince-Mas.

Sure, yeah. Than the movie with Exhibit of Pince-Mas. Sure, yeah. Than the movie with Exhibit. Three Kings. No, that wasn't it. It was super... You had to wait, I think, over an hour in line just to get tickets to get in to go see it. Yeah, and when you were in the gallery, it was super quiet. No cell phones, no pictures, no nothing.

It was just like you gotta respect all the like i didn't know i didn't work there then but for anybody who has never heard of this thing it is a process that a scientist a german i'm assuming uh yeah yeah he's a german guy yeah i think you're right actually uh he it's it's a process called plastination where he is able to preserve human tissues and then he poses these actual cadavers. Cadavers? Cadavers? No, well, some of them are divings. So they're cadavers.

One of them is Gaddafi. He's donated his body to the – It's Jerry, Carl. He's donated his body to the... His jerry curl. But, yeah, these are actual people who died and donated their body to this process. And it's like this strange, multi-layered kind of... You see their muscles. You see their skin.

You can see their bone. Genitals hanging out there for everybody to check. Some of them not hanging out there. Some of them are standing at attention. Yeah. Oh, sure. I don't know. I never saw.

Did you never see it? It's great. I know they do. They pose them in different ways. They have a horse. They have a horse. They have a plastinated horse. Yeah.

And Dennis Miller was there when I was there. He was walking around with his kids. Oh, no way. Dennis Miller. That was weird. Did he have any comments his kids. Oh, no way. Dennis Miller. That was weird. Did he have any comments? Hey, horsey. This guy's got less skin

than the Hannibal Lecter's dinner guests. That's not a good Dennis Miller at all. Something Seabiscuit. No, Seabiscuit is too well known. Seattle Slew. Sorry, we totally cut you off No, it's fine, but they were talking about

how the exhibit's coming back and they were talking about their favorite moments with the old exhibit They were talking about you They were like, there's this comedian and he does this joke about how there was a kid that's like, is that a real soccer ball? And I was like, I know who that is!

I know that guy. Dennis Miller. And that's what I said. And they were like, yeah, I thought it was him. Yeah, nice. Hey, Leigh. Hey, Ronaldo. You're, uh...

I don't want to go off on a rant here but butterfly something cell phone I don't know that makes a lot of sense now do you want to kind of do you have an overseen

that you want to do and then we'll pass it around and we'll come back to you because you said you had quite a few overseens from I have like three. Okay, so give us one. And then we'll kind of rock it around the sun and come back to you. Okay, well I was doing busy work today.

I was basically entering the results of some surveys that grade 11s and 12s filled out, and some of the comments are one of them that i thought was uh a fruit you would kind of a salad they basically at the bottom it said do

you have any other comments and uh some of them are like just a picture of a cat but the one that i thought was uh kind of funny was it just said pie and then a greater than sign cake. Oh, not good. Paul F. Tompkins would be upset. He would be very upset. Well, although if that kid knows about the caveat of frosting on pie, then he would know that that is the ultimate equalizer. I disagree with that joke. Oh, are you a pie guy?

Oh, yeah. You give cake to children. They don't know better. Yeah. Oh, are you a pie guy? Oh, yeah. You give cake to children. They don't know better. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm a pie enthusiast. Pie is great. Sometimes.

Sometimes it's really bad. You know what cake, the situation they've been like, because I don't have a job. The situation doesn't eat cake. That's how he keeps that physique. He's a beefcake. That's how he keeps that physique. He's a beefcake. Watching that, there's two main fancy cake shows.

There's Ace of Cakes, right? And Cake Boss. And Cake Boss. I hate Cake Boss. I hate that guy so much. Oh, you hate him more than the hipsters at Ace of Cakes? You're right. But I don't like his every time that they interview him. I'm going to get beard hair in my cake.

Every time they interview him, he seems so shocked at what's going on. He's like, these guys ordered up a car shaped cake. Chevrolet calls me. Ask for a cake shaped cake. Well, that's what you do. That's your whole thing that you do. So I got to make sure this cake is done on time. Well, of course you do.

These are all things that shouldn't be catching you off guard what I love about that show love may be the complete opposite word is sometimes someone will screw up and so they will do a prank to them where they make the person stand in a place

and they get on top they get on the roof and they pour water on the person and they pour flour on the person. When they're least suspecting it, they just get covered in flour. Except that it's the same prank that they do every time at the same place. And so whenever someone screws up, they should just know, hey, don't stand at that place where they throw flour on. Don't go standing in flour alley. up, they should just know, hey, don't stand at that place where they throw flour on it. Don't go standing in flour alley.

Stand next to the flour bag. Flour man's curve. What are your thoughts on Cake Boss? I've never seen Cake Boss. I didn't know there were that many shows about cakes. Fancy cakes. What's the other one? There's a wedding one. Ace of Cakes. I've seen some pretty sweet cakes on the internet though, like pictures of, like there was

one that was like a wedding and the cake was from Star Wars. It was the Tauntaun cut open with its guts and Luke Skywalker halfway coming out of it and then it was like For a wedding. It was the wedding cake. Oh, was it two five year olds getting married?

Two five yearolds in 1983? Yeah, they had that aging disease. Well, we legally have to marry you. That's right. They wanted to have a wedding before they died when they were ten. Oh, that's a sad one. Here they are, living in this zorb.

That's right. There's a zorb cake. I saw that. Okay, overheards. Alright, Dave. Zorb cake, I saw that. Okay, overheards. All right, Dave. Okay, well, yeah, we'll go to Dave. And then we'll go, because I like where this... Where was it? What was your one just now? Pie is greater than cake.

Pie is greater than cake, okay. My overheard is thus. After the hockey game on Sunday when we won the gold medal. What? And our city went crackers, bananas. Upstairs, downstairs. Yeah. Your lady's chamber. Abby and I took the dog for a walk.

And we don't live near downtown. I mean, five minutes from downtown. Ten minute drive. Yeah. Let's say ten. Sure. I hate people who are like, oh, yeah, I'm just five minutes from downtown. I mean, you know, five minutes from downtown. Ten minutes drive. Yeah. Let's say ten. Sure. I hate people who are like, oh yeah, I'm just five minutes from downtown. Even though they live a highway away.

Five minutes if you're a hawk. Yeah. Yeah, I was giving you hawk time. Wait, wait. Hawk time? As the hawk flies? Is there a mouse downtown? Let's say three minutes. say 15 with traffic Depending where I'm going

So yeah But you know we could hear People going crazy And for some reason people just have Fireworks on hand at all times Oh yeah this neighborhood though is heavy fireworks So we were just walking the dog The dog is so freaked out

Hates fireworks That has nothing to do with the overheard is heavy fireworks there. So we were just walking the dog. The dog was so freaked out. It hates fireworks. That has nothing to do with the overheard. But we were walking past a house party where these people were celebrating. And we're in the backyard and we were just walking through the front and we could just hear the party coming from the backyard. We just heard one guy going,

Is this incest? Is this incest? He was trying to ask if it was incense. Oh. But he was drunk. It was his sister's incense. Because I'm going to eat it.

Is this incense? Because I'm going to eat it. Because if it's not, I'm going to eat it, guys. I'm a poor cereal lover. I was wondering if it was Pocky. Oh, yes. Well, that blew out the microphones.

Well done. Mine is also courtesy of drunken revelry. Revelers? Revelos? Rabble rousers. There was actually quite a few that I heard. But, you know, I can save some for future weeks. But this one was my favorite. It was two very, very drunk gentlemen.

One was a white gentleman and one was of the First Nations. Sure. And they were arguing back and forth very loudly, like yelling at the top of their lungs. The guy who said, the First Nations guy would say, when they were singing the national anthem, I made sure to yell it extra loud when they said native land, because it's native land. And then his friend goes, the song says patriot land. And he goes, no, they don't. It's native.

And he pushes his friend into one of those blue security fences. It's native land. And he goes, no, it goes, and patriot land. He doesn't sing it. He just goes, and patriot land. Not anywhere. It's't sing it. He just goes, and Patriotland. Not anywhere. It's true patriot love. Yep.

Our home. Yeah. And native land. So I liked it. It was an argument that could have easily been stopped by just stopping anyone on the bridge wearing a Canadian male leaf and say, is it native land in Canada? True patriot love. And la, la, la, la O'Canada? True patriot love. And la la la la. So that was my favorite

overheard. Now you have another overseen that I saw. Another quick one that I saw? Another oversochi. Another question, will this impact your career?

And the student just wrote, I'm going to China. On the survey. And they drew that thing where, like, with the two, the eyes that are, like, the thing on top of a six on your keyboard, and then an underscore, and then another thing on top of the six.

What? Oh. It looks like a happy sort of face. Oh. It's not sideways. See, in the Chinese culture, they don't believe in the sideways smiley faces. No, it's bad luck. They just do the two happy eyes.

They don't even do a smile, really. So he was saying, basically, the subtext there was, instead of a future, I'm going to go to China. Is this going to impact your career? My career is China. Yeah, I'm going to go to China. Is this going to impact your career? My career is China. Yeah, I'm going to go to China. Seven years in Tibet. This is a survey about a science presentation that they saw one time for like an hour. Yeah, basically it was just like this little workshop.

No, it's not going to impact my career. But it's a career building workshop. It's to help kids who want to do science in the future. What's science going to be like in the future? Yeah, I want to do science in the future. There's going to be a lot of lasers. Yeah, it's going to be a lot like that gun

from Eraser. It's going to be a lot of Zorbs. Zorbs are the only thing that gun can't shoot through. They didn't tell you that in the movie. That Zorb looks like some kind of luggage. I can't log on to his heart. Anything else? Any more?

We have a listener overheard or two. We're taping this very close to the last podcast. We don't have a ton of... Do we have phone in ones? Yeah, sure. Oh, okay.

Oh, hey, we just got some new overheards. I'm going to read them. No filter. No filter. Here we go. All right. We got one from Kevin Y. Ooh.

Because we like you. Yeah. This is an old one. I used to work in a bar, and in order to get to the office or the kitchen, sometimes it was an easier run down the stairs, through the banquet rooms, then back up the stairs. Mouse trap. What a good time.

Well, on Wednesdays or Thursdays, they used to have Weight Watchers meetings. While I was halfway running up the stairs when I noticed a woman hunched over with a man rubbing her back halfway up the second step. Is that what the guys are calling it? Rubbing her back? And she said, remember, pant, I could own pant. Pant, gasp, pant, pant, catch his breath for a second, make it up, gasp, gasp, step. Then the guy said back to her with a complete lack of emotion, yes, you're doing great,

and rolled his eyes like he had something else better to do. Was she barfing? No, I think she was super out of breath. Couldn't make it up the third step. Couldn't make it up the third step. I like the comic book onomatopoeia. That was pretty good, right? It was like an old Batman TV show.

But why would a Weight Watchers hold a meeting in a bar? In the banquet room? No, there was a banquet room. But you shouldn't be having it during a banquet either. Yeah. Alcoholics Anonymous, they can go to bars. I know, but it's a weird

place for them, wouldn't you think? Them. But, furthermore, a banquet's not a good idea either. Don't put the idea of banquet in their head. Buffet. Of Alka-Seltzer. What? This is from Nancy

S. I was babysitting my three-year-old niece. I decided to take her on a walk to the post office to mail some bills. The post office has small mailboxes that you can drop letters in one side or drive up putting letters in the box on the street side from your car. I wanted to make it fun for my niece, so I said, The mailbox is hungry.

We need to feed him. My niece dropped the envelopes in one by one. We talked to the box and made eating noises together with each letter, yum yum and burps included. Nom nom nom nom. There was a middle-aged woman and an old Cadillac pulled up to the drop-off spot on the street side of us. I looked at her and she gave me the stink eye.

Ignoring her, we continued feeding the mailbox. As we walked away, the woman pulls up and shouts out her window, Oh, you got a baby with you. She thought I was talking to the mailbox. Why would she give her the stink eye That's delightful Yeah somebody's just going nom nom nom

Burp Bet you're hungry Mr. Mailbox Here comes the airplane I do that at the ATM Who wants a bunch of $20 bills And when it gives me money I act like it's throwing up. Yeah, it's bullying.

I'll never be good enough. For you, Dad. I tried to climb three steps at the bar. Gasp. You're doing great. Eye roll. Wish I was watching Lost. Hey, guys and guests, whoever you may be, or if you don't exist, that's cool.

What you do? I do. that's cool. But you do. I do. Hooray! If you're still alive. But I have an overheard that I remembered from this past summer. So my friend and I were at a local train station just hanging out because we were really bored and some guys pulled up next to the platform waiting to pick up his wife, in quotes.

I'm assuming and he was loudly talking on his phone with the window open. Not smart for what he was talking about. And all I recall from what he was saying is I don't know what my doctor is talking about. How is Jell-O going to make my penis bigger? Never mind that he says to eat salad too. That's not going to help me at all. Okay? Well, I don't know if the two were related. He probably said to salad too. That's not going to help me at all. Okay.

Well, I don't know if the two were related. He probably said to eat salad. Probably not jello salad. Who asks their doctor about... Clearly this guy does immediately. Look, I want to get healthier. Is that going to make my dick bigger? No, you need jello for that.

You're a genius. Don't you want to be a scientist in the future? Why do you think Cosby has such a big smile on his face? So those are written in overheards. How do people write in to us, Graham? They can send us their overheards to stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. Is that on some kind of computer machine? It is.

at gmail.com. Is that on some kind of computer machine? It is. And you can send that along with your exuberant enthusiasm for any kind of boat cruise we may be putting together. And fan art. Send your fan art. We actually do get fan art. Someone called the potential boat cruise a bumper boat.

I like that. Yeah. Bumper boat. Yeah. I like that a lot. We do have one or two overheards that people have called in. And if you want to call in, you can always call us at 206-339-8328. Hi, Dave and Graham and possible guests.

My name is Michael. I'm calling from Vancouver. Just to have a quick overheard. My wife and I were walking down by GM Place, or Canada Hockey Place, and we witnessed five or six possible Europeans, obviously not from here, walking towards us, towards the hockey place. And I heard one of them say, hey, the public urination in this town is off the hook. My wife and I got a good chuckle out of that. Bye. It's true. It is off the hook. One of and I got a good chocolate of that. Bye. It's true. It is off the hook.

One of our great features. It's pretty good. A lot of dumpsters. Kim Cattrall does it in that commercial for BC. Michael J. Fox did it behind the tree before he got up. You gotta pee here. You gotta pee here.

Oh man, inside I wonder if those commercials were everywhere during the Olympics though Why are they advertising to us? We are already here That Ontario commercial made... I like Ontario but I like it a little less

after that commercial campaign Were we supposed to know who those people were in the commercial? The singing, dancing kids? I don't but there was the there was the hip-hop guy who just followed around the one guy singing and he'd go i'm in ontario y'all with the guitar i thought i thought he was gonna smash it like the juicy fruit come to ontario just good call back um the uh i like the in that phone call the the caller. Rick, I want to say? I don't remember your name. Canada Hockey Place.

Yeah. He referred to the people as possible Europeans. Might have been Australian. Maybe. Now, we have a... Last week, we talked about possibly... Possible Europeans. We talked about possibly...

European publicly. Playing some drunk dials. About... possibly uh possible europeans we think about possibly european public playing playing some drunk dials uh about eight months ago we asked people to program our phone number 206-339-8328 into their phones yes so that when they're drunk they don't call somebody that's an ex or an employer or yeah somebody they're going to regret the next day. It was just leave us a message and get it out of your system. Yeah. So today I went back into our archives and I looked up all the old phone calls and tried to find all the drunk dials. And they're all pretty long.

Well, as you would imagine they would be. So we'll play it until we get sick of each of them. Okay. Oh, and there's a theme song. Oh, yeah. Hit the theme song. When I was a child, didn't know what a phone was. I'm just kidding.

Never tasted liquor either. But one day, when I grew up, put two and two together. Drunk Dad's telling my girlfriend to start her period. Drone Dials. Telling my friend he looks like a wolf man. Drone Dials. Calling Future Shop and asking for Best Buy. Drone Dials.

Drone Dials. Hey, guys. Graham and Dave, it's Chris calling. Chris from Vancouver. I'm a little surprised to hear that they gave me an option to do a fax, because I can't imagine anyone faxing in any kind of funniness. But I don't know where this falls in your categorization, and this is part of the whole situation,

is a big fan of the show, and I'm drunk dialing right now, so it falls into that category um but at the same time i think that some of the stuff that you guys have hinted at in the last little while regards to mr fuji as a movie ticket taker and stuff is you might even have um i don't even want to take credit for this but this is potentially potentially a new segment with a new theme song, because I know you guys like making theme songs, which is like, ran into dead celebrities. Not even dead celebrities.

More like ran into celebrities that are past their prime. Right? Because that's an option. What I was thinking is that you guys could actually have a whole segment of people that have run into random uh celebrities in some scenario and the reason i thought of that was because i was with my wife um at our next door neighbor's place talking about um talking about uh running into celebrities because she had a good Al Pacino story. I've got a Sylvester Stallone story

that I swear to God is the truth and one of the weirdest things that ever happened to me. So I thought that I should give you guys a shout about it. The story goes like this. Basically... So that one we cut short because it was four minutes long. But thanks, Drunky.

Well, here's the next one. Yeah, no, I appreciate it. This is what I expect from the segment. Oh, here we go. This one's from New Year's Eve. Awesome. Awesome. awesome good enough

I don't think we need to hear any more of that that's fine with me another? yeah sure that was great this one mentions the podcast Jordan Jesse Go when he says jordan jesse go that is a podcast a podcast okay so uh i don't know if you guys are still doing the drunk dial thing but i thought you were but here's the thing i thought it it was Jordan Jesse Goh that was doing that.

So I called them, and as soon as I called them and the beep, the tone went, you know, the beep, you know, it sounded more targeted at me. Assuming that you guys didn't know that. But anyways, as soon as that thing happened, I instantly realized that it was you guys that are doing the drunk-doubt thing, not them. And I'm extremely sorry for that. Why are they apologizing to you? Anyways, I meant to drunk dial you guys, but I ended up drunk dialing them.

I meant to tell you guys that a funny thing that happened. I was at, there's banging downstairs in my house. I don't know what that is. I don't know if you can hear it, but it's really loud. Oh, what is this? Is this like paranormal activity? Oh, yeah, my college. You should have had this on your murder mystery.

It's coming from inside the house. It's in Ontario in Canada. And I was there, and I went into a Mac lab there, and there were two girls listening to Mariah Carey. And I, as I was walking by, they were listening to a video, and the video started out like this. Like, why are you so obsessed with me? And I thought that was really ridiculous and funny. So as we walked by, I said to them,

the only person obsessed with Mariah Carey is Mariah Carey. And they didn't find it very funny or anything like that. So they got up and they started uh they started yelling at me and pushing they pushed my shoulders their hands on my shoulders and they pushed forward and i was i thought it was still really funny so i sat down at my computer and they kept looking over and they were yelling and screaming at me it was really funny and these are like 20-somethings. All right, I'm going to stop it.

Starting to fight in the Mac Lab. Now, that is one of the... If you're going to drunk dial us, don't just call up as a drunk. That guy did the right thing, and he had a story to tell. He lost the ability to tell it. Yeah, but it was great, though. He got in a fight. That song was really about Eminem? The Mariah Carey, like, obsessed thing?

Yeah, I think it was about Eminem, because there's a part where she has, like, the... She dresses up like him in 8 Mile with the sweater. Doesn't she? She throws up. And then he... Because he wrote a response rap to that, because that's pretty much all he does in his career now, is, like, sit around and... response rap to that. Because that's pretty much all he does in his career now, is sit around and do drugs. And then whenever anybody disses him,

like somebody phones him like, Eminem, somebody's dissing you on a track. And he's like, alright, get me to the studio. And he slides down a pole. And then when he gets down the pole, he's changed into a rapper uniform. And then he goes up to his magic turntable. What does he wear at home?

A housecoat. A housecoat and an apron that says kiss the cook um okay how about another yeah why not i'm loving this thing this is great loving every minute of it hey dave and graham this is dana from phoenix um I really love the podcast and I know I'm like way behind because I started like a month ago at number one and I'm still like 30 episodes behind where you are now. But I just wanted to say, if you're still doing the drunk dialing in, I just want to say I love you guys. A little tipsy right now, but I just wanted to tell right in, or not right in obviously, call in and love you guys. A little tipsy right now, but I just wanted to tell right in, or not right in, obviously, call in and tell you guys about an overseen I had seen

on the light rail today. And basically what it was was there was this guy sitting, and I didn't really recognize him. He's just a normal guy. But what caught my eye was his sunglasses. And regular looking sunglasses until I noticed what was catching my eye was the pink lettering that said Playmate. Playmate with the whole little bunny as the A. And I was like, that's kind of a girl's sunglasses.

I don't know if many guys will wear that. I don't think he was wearing it ironically. So anyways, just by calling. Might have been Levi Johnston. You can only get those Sarah Palin. If you're a playmate. Yeah, that's the one

that knocked up. I think the Y, the bunny is a Y, not an A. That would make more sense. It's true. Yeah.

No, the bunny is like when you do with your fingers and then you stick your tongue in the middle of it. Isn't that what it is?

Grow up. That's not the bunny. Is it? No. I think I did that to a police officer once. What? fingers and then you stick your tongue in the middle of it. Isn't that what it is? That's not the bunny. I think I did that to a police officer once. What? Inappropriate, Ivan.

I was at Rambunctious Youth and she was a female cop. We were both young. We were experimenting with different things. I was experimenting insulting police on my bicycle. She was experimenting beating me up. She was experimenting insulting police on my bicycle. She was experimenting beating me up. She was experimenting not caring for her car.

She did something that none of our previous drunk dials did, which I like a lot, is she was a woman. Yeah, and she expressed affection. And then also, whenever a girl says, I'm tipsy, it's sexy. Yeah, because she expressed affection. And then also, whenever a girl says I'm tipsy, it's sexy. Yeah, because hey. Maybe they'll tip over onto your dick. There's a reason. Never mind. Never mind.

Okay. Was that all the drug dials? There's more if you want to. I don't normally say things like that. I'm sorry. I don't know. Is there one that's going to be one better than that one? Let's go for one more.

This is just a lady who seems like a nice lady. Oh, right. Another lady. Tip on to Ivan's dick. Hi, Graham and Dave. This is Maria from Athens, Georgia. And I was just grading some exams and drinking a lot of wine. And I wouldn't say I was drunk, but probably well on my way.

Maybe one day you'll get a proper drunk dial. But anyway, I had overheard from you guys. Never mind. Huh? If that's not a proper drunk dial, I don't want to hear it. I don't know. I liked where it was going. She had a nice accent.

She was drinking wine. She said she was grading exams. Let's hear her accent. She was drinking wine. She was grading exams. Let's hear her out. She always depends on the kindness of strangers. She's a teacher and she's getting drunk while she grades the exam. I had teachers do what we would say. That's what I do. We would do big projects or we would all have

to write a portfolio and then at the end he'd be like, yeah, I just take them all one night with a big couple bottles of wine. And I just grade the exams or the essays as I go. Well, by the end, you are either. I hope to God my name starts with an A. Or it starts with a Z.

And you're at the end when he's just like, A. Because something that you wrote reminds him of an ex-girlfriend who tipped on his dick. If you're. I'm sorry I saidgirlfriend who tipped on his dick. If you're... I'm sorry I said that. I'm not. I already am upset. If your name begins with Zed, you know you just have to write a great first paragraph.

That's right. Is that really? Do we want to listen to the rest? Yeah, I want to hear the rest. Chili Chillman says, let's tip on a dick. Try some ecstasy. I was in TJ Maxx, which is a discount store. I don't know if you have it in Canada.

You still want to listen? But I was waiting in line, and there was a lot of stuff around the line. They usually put little cute knickknacks and stuff to try to attract you um toward an impulse buy and um one of the things on display was a bunch of wine glasses and the wine glasses had little cute drawings and paintings and stuff on them like high heels and and lipstick and stuff like that that's fun and sassy little sayings that I guess girls that drink a lot of wine would be attracted to. Yeah. And there are three girls in front of me,

and I guess that they are pretty attracted to these wine glasses because they are really excited. And one girl said, oh, my God, these are so cute. Look at these. And she was looking through them, and she picked up one that said, oh my god, these are so cute. Look at these. And she was looking through them and she picked up one that said, cheap wine, expensive goblet. And she really liked that one and she told her friend, look at this one, it's so cute. And she looked around a little more and found another one. And she said, oh, here's another cheap wine one. I really like these. oh here's another cheap wine one I really like these

I don't know what goblet means but they're really cute and I just thought it was really funny that she couldn't use context clues to figure out what goblet meant she probably thought it was those monsters that come out of your closet context clues

cheap goblin cheap wine expensive goblet I like that she had a nice southern accent, but when she did a dumb woman, the southern accent got really... It really got amplified. Oh, that was delightful. I'm glad we ended on that note.

That was... Although, I don't think they were expensive goblets if they were impulse buys at TJ Maxx. Maybe not. At a discount store? Yeah. It's the winners. Maybe they're like those ones you find at the costume shop. They're. At a discount store? Yeah. It's the winners. Maybe they're like those ones

you find at the costume shop. They're just like a huge wine glass that says pimp on it in rhinestones. I won't drink out of wine out of anything less. Cheap wine.

Expensive pimp. Do we want to... Yeah. Rev it up! Ivan, if people want to find you... First of all, thank you very much for being a guest.

Oh, no problem. Thank you guys so much for having me. It's always a fantastic time. Well, it was great to find you, first of all, thank you very much for being a guest. Oh, no problem. Thank you guys so much for having me. It's always a fantastic time. Well, it was great to have you here. And if people want to learn more about Ivan Decker, where do they find you on the internet? At IvanDecker.com is my website, which was last updated last time I did this podcast. Also on Facebook, and I have, I believe,

a fan page. Oh yeah, you suggested I became a fan of you. No, I don't do that. I'm not one of those people that's like, I'm already friends with you, why am I gonna be your fan now? And why are you suggesting I become a fan of you? Shouldn't someone in charge of your fan club

do that? So, desperate, desperate. My mom suggested that I that a fan suggestion. So, Desperé, Desperé. My mom suggested that I become a fan of her cooking, and I ignored. I'm going to go home and become a fan of Desperé. I'm going to go home and become a fan of Chili Chillman. Oh, that's what I was going to say. If there are, we do have a lot of, the bumpers that listen to the show, a lot of them are of the artistic bent. But the bumpers that listen to the show, a lot of them are of the artistic bent.

And if anybody is bored and needs a little project to work on, I'm interested to see any and all interpretations of what a chili chillman would look like. Yeah, the last time we got artistic interpretations was a few episodes ago when we talked about making a t-shirt out of pizza. Yeah, and we got some great pizza t-shirts. We didn't even ask for those. They just happened. So if there is anybody that wants to submit a Chili Chillman interpretation, whatever that may be, remember his slogan

may or may not be tip on a dick. Tip on to a dick. Yeah, tip on to a dick. That's right. Well, is tip on to a dick good or is it tip on a dick yeah tip onto a dick that's right well it's is tip onto a dick good or is it tip on a dick is that

well that kind of implies something else I guess yeah or it sounds like you'll trip on a dick guys let's clean it up okay but you can send that

either to our website stoppodcastyourself.com or you can send it to our email which is stoppodcastyourself atcom, or you can send it to our email, which is stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com. And as well, if you want to call us,

either with a drunk dial or an overheard or just some... Or get drunk and try to give us an overheard. Yeah, both are good. That's 206-339-8328. And as well, if you are interested in a style podcast yourself, Harvard Cruise, let's get this shit started. Maybe your uncle owns a boat. Yeah.

Maybe your uncle is... Maybe Graham will be the only one who shows up because maybe Dave's afraid of the water. Are you afraid of the water? And spiders. Water spiders. Water spiders. But yeah.

I'm on the surface. What? Stick with Chili Chilman Thank you everybody for listening to the show If you liked it, please pass it on to your friends And come on back here next week For another enthralling episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself Thank you.