Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 106 - Nicole Passmore

Episode Date: March 22, 2010

Nicole Passmore returns to talk kissing, creeps, and Ke$ha.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 106 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who has never suffered from the Oscar curse. Mr. Dave Shumka. No I haven't. I have the Madden curse.

Yeah, what's the Madden curse? The guys on the cover of the Madden video games, they die. What? Yeah, within weeks. Really? Every time. That's Yeah, within weeks. Really? Every time. That's not true. Is that true? It's bad mojo. No, no, but they all, you know, have a bad season. Oh, really? Or have a bad

day. That happened to Daniel Powder. Powder's the one from the movie where he's bald and white. Well, you're not far off with Daniel Powder. But my question is this. What's the Oscar curse? Is it Sandy Bullock's curse? Yes, Sandy Bullock's curse. If a woman wins the

Oscar, I think, for Best Actress specifically, then whatever relationship they have going at the time is doomed to fail in spectacular Hollywood fashion. Like most Hollywood relationships, awards or none. Yeah, but this one...

I've heard that Tori and Dean are having trouble. Yeah, but she was up for an Oscar. Okay, enough of our Stalin. Our guest for this week is a return guest. We're very lucky to have her. Never been nominated for an Oscar yet.

Never been kissed. That's not true. That's not true. You're a big kissing fan, right? I'm pretty into kissing. She is an improviser, actress. She is one of the members of Pony Hunters.

Also Rosa Parks Improv. She is one of the people who runs the Pump Trolley comedy show. And in a year from now, you're going to be the coach for the Canadian... Trainer. Trainer, sorry. Oh, I'm going to be a trainer for the Canadian Improv Games. For the Canadian Improv Games.

It's Nicole Passmore. Thanks for joining us. Oh, you're welcome. It's very nice to have you back again. Thank you. I see already Dave has tried to make fun of me wow wait let's get to know us never been kissed okay last last time i was on the podcast you implied that i had hairy legs a mustache and looked like a man none of those things are true um for the record none of those

things are true yeah well or if you listen to the show graham says a thing and then i say a thing that's like that thing yeah never been nominated for an oscar never been kissed no i get it it's just you're the mean one yeah and you take it personally well no mustache looks like a lady no much smooches all over town all over big smoocher yeah huge um what's your what uh are you smooch slut is that your on online handle no but i i used when after i graduated high school i had a bunch of girls who were friends of mine who would call themselves makeout bandits oh and one of them even had a shirt made that said it what if you got robbed what if you worked at a bank and you were robbed by the white bandits

by the makeout bandits give me all your kisses and then they're like, also all the money. Well, now that we distracted you. Do you, if a fella is wearing like a fruity chapstick, is that a bad thing? We brought you in because you're a kissing expert. So you mean like fruit scented or flavored? Yeah. Not like a gay chapstick? What's gay? I didn't know if you were using fruity as...

With like sequins. Ball-scented. Not sparkles. Sequins. Okay, well, I think that that pretty much answers its own question. If a guy's putting on sparkles before he's kissing you. That's a turn-off. Yeah, it depends.

Maybe not. Lady Gaga. I don't know. If I'm kissing a guy and then he tastes like Bonnie Bell chapstick or like a cupcake, I might be like, mm. Well, if he tastes like a cupcake, then you're making out with Jessica Simpson.

If he tastes like a cupcake, then you're making it with Jessica Simpson. I only own two delicious chapsticks. Really? What? Yeah. Well, I own a... What's the... Frankenberry. I own a Frankenberry.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I own a Dr. Pepper. Oh, okay. But I don't apply chapstick every day, and I almost never make Pepper. Oh, okay. But I don't apply ChapStick every day, and I almost never make out. Oh, yeah. But you're in a committed relationship. Making out is for swingers. Oh, it's over.

I have a boyfriend. Yeah? Do you guys still do lots of smooching? Yeah, but you're not committed. Yeah, I'm pretty committed. Okay. I'm pretty committed. Yeah, I'm pretty committed. Okay.

I'm pretty committed. Here's the, my favorite chapstick I ever owned was a, no, it was a promotional chapstick from the movie where Reese Witherspoon dies and Napoleon Dynamite, John Heater is in it. Oh, okay. What was that movie called? Ghostbuckers.

Ghost lips. Ghost smooches. Yeah. Spooky smooches, I think was the name of it um so nicole tell us it's been almost a year yeah since you were here and the last time you were here you were coaching you were hairy i i still am i was not oh oh last time you were coaching a high school improviser team. Yeah. Yes. And you were just about to go to the, it was the Nationals? Yeah. And close but no cigar, I think, was what it was.

Last year we came sixth out of all of Canada, which is pretty sweet. But we were six points away from being in the finals. Oh. Which is not so sweet. But incidentally. You got a free trip. Well, yeah, I got a free trip well yeah i got a free trip and it was really sweet but we also um are going back to nationals oh wow really when does that

take place uh next week you guys this is it this is your year i said that last year are there do you think this is like the madden sandra bullock curse don't curse me i don't know well how do i rectify it? Give you my chapstick? Yeah, give me your lucky chapstick. Your favorite chapstick. My Reese Witherspoon chapstick. Last year you said a lot of your students were actually listeners of this very show.

They still are. But they graduated. No, they're all in grade 12 this year. None of them have graduated. Yeah. Wow. Hi, everybody. Hi, kids.

Hi, Prince of Wales. Hey, stay. Yeah. Wow. Oh, yeah. Grade 12. Hi, everybody. Hi, kids. Hey, kids. Hi, Prince of Wales. Hey, hey, stay in school, guys. Yeah, yeah. Well, only till the end of the year, at least. Well, yeah. Get early acceptance to your safety school. Don't take ketamine. Don't take ketamine, guys.

Yeah. Guys, stay away from the ketamine. But make ketamine if you can. Yeah, make it. Sell it. But don't do your own stash. That's how drug dealers go into it. Is ketamine the horse tranquilizer?

It is. It's a veterinary tranquilizer that you distill to get the... The best out of a horse. The drugs, yeah. Yeah. So you have to steal it from a vet if you want to... Is that special K? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. All right. Okay. Well, only the good stuff. It's weird weird why do you know so much about ketamine i don't know really we were all 16 once yeah we all used to hang out at the horse track she smooched a lot of jockeys i bet jockeys are are aate and willing to give you ketamine

I bet you they're not desperate Because I remember watching an interview With Davy Jones of the Monkees Oh not to be confused with Davy Jones Of the locker Of the locker yeah No Davy Jones of the What Davy Jones locker are you talking about

I'm giving you a look like I'm a crazy person Like I'm a crazy person No Davy Jones' locker are you talking about? I'm giving you a look like I'm a crazy person. Like I'm a crazy person. No, Davy Jones' locker? Really? I think the horse. There was a horse named Davy Jones. No, the guy.

An announcer. He's the guy who invented the term and down the stretch they come. Look it up. Okay, but there was also Davy Jones, the singer from the Monkees, whose previous occupation. What? What? That's a Brady Bunch episode.

He was a jockey prior to being a musician. And he got more smooching than this whole corridor of smoochers could handle. Corridor? Really? Yeah. But they're all so little. Yeah. I mean, Davy Jones has got to be the exception

because he had that adorable haircut, that adorable accent. That little sailor outfit. You wear a sailor outfit, right? Yeah. All the adorable people do. Now, Nicole. Nicole's dressed in one right now.

I tried to ask you how your day was, and you wouldn't tell me. You said, save it for the podcast. Yeah, something happened today. I did say that, didn't I? But that was just because I was playing off of how you wouldn't let me say anything. Okay. And also, you didn't want to talk to me.

No. Dave. Now, Nicole. I was just going to say, I was going to talk about Prince of Wales actually because I was coaching them today what's happening at POW the Prince of Wales is the high school of rich kids that you coach I can't believe you remembered that well you just said it

I didn't say it you said Prince of Wales and I remember that they're rich kids well but they're all they're cool kids. Well, but they're cool kids. Yeah, cool rich kids. They'll give you rides home in their dance table. Ski-offs. We actually decided... Come do ketamine in my parents' hot tub.

Yeah, that's what we do. That's what all high school students are like now. Well, the rich ones are out of control. No. It's true. This is not an after school special. No, it's traffic with Topher Grace. None of them are Topher Grace.

Topher Grace was the little thing in Caddyshack that Bill Murray was changing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you, coaching during the day, you said you worked at American Apparel, which we were both very excited about. Because we've heard a lot of rumors. What rumors have you heard? No pants are in. All the ketamine you can drink.

Is it drinkable? No. I don't know. I guess it could be. What I've heard is that when you do a job interview, they take your picture. I didn't do an interview. The interview was the picture. They saw your fashion spread.

That's it. It's okay. Okay, okay. Explain. Here we go. Take us through the seedy underbelly. Well, first of all, I only worked there because my friend Tegan was working there. And she's like, we need people.

I was like, yeah, I guess we need a job. And we got a Polaroid camera. And well, they have this digital camera. So when you go in, like I brought my resume. And they laughed. They kind of, yeah, kind of like they took it and they were like, okay. We don't read. Let's just shove this over here.

They didn't look at it ever. And then they're like, okay, so stand against the wall. We're going to do some headshots and some full bodies. Some? Yeah. And then Tegan was like, listen, we want you to get hired. We want you to get approved. What are you going to say?

Hi. We want you to get hired. With us. All the ketamine you can drink. So we're going to Photoshop these. But then she's like, we want you to get approved. So you need to look like what Dove wants, who is the infamous company owner. She's like, so start looking like a Russian prostitute.

I was like, ah. You're like, I will kill Rocky. That's how you look like a Russian prostitute. All the things she said, all the things she said, running through my head. This is not enough. You're not gonna get us Tattoo everybody Tattoo

Not gonna get us Do they send all the pictures to Dove? They send it to like his Is Dove a man? We're not talking about the soap No we're talking about the chocolate bar It's like DOV I know about that

No we're talking about a man named Dove. Like his name is David Dove? No, his first name's Dove. His last name's Charny. Okay, and he's Russian? No, he's not. He's a prostitute of some sort? He really likes girls who...

Have that tattoo look. That emaciated... Like the desperate, like, I'll have sex with you for a green card look kind of oh yeah very in i used to have i'd buy i'd buy leggings from someone like that i've got the coldest legs in the world the russian i'd buy a henley dog t-shirt for you you clearly actually do shop do they have we have a dog t-shirt from american apparel yeah they care i don't know if they have henley's though no um here's a question i've always wondered about american apparel are you being judged the entire time that you're in there by

the staff uh i work in west van at the mall american oh so is that kind of like no no it's not as gritty. Yeah. You're being judged by 40% of the staff. So, I'm talking like, how about a downtown? I'm at American Peril downtown. Am I being judged by everybody? Pretty highly, but...

Or they just... I can't take it. They don't really... Like, now there's a lot of nice people who work there, but a lot of them are just like, I don't give a shit about this job or you. I play keyboards um yeah so probably the answer is probably probably but then i realized when i was working at a coffee shop that's all i used to do so people yeah that's that's i think 90 of your

life when you're human nature i've never worked in customer service. Oh, it's the worst, right? No. It's kind of the worst. I've had other jobs, you know. No. Russian prostitute. I guess that's sort of

Russian prostitute. Head of a two-girl techno group. Head. Yeah. Well, you founded them. Oh, yeah, sure. I was the Lou Pearlman. I managed and molested.

You know, we manage. Yeah, customer service is the worst. It's kind of the worst. I mean, it depends, I guess, where you work, too, because the type of place that you work in will bring in a...

You know, there's... I imagine there's certain places that would be horrible horrible places to work in because all of the customers would be douchebags do you i sometimes uh i'm worried that the the people are judging me like like there's if i go to a nice store i I'll be like, well, or if I'm thinking of going to a nice store, I'll put it off until I can put on better clothes. Oh, yeah. I always think they're going to think I'm like a weird shoplifter. Those people that work in fancy stores are no different than people that work in the... I know, but... They don't care as much as you don't

care about your job. Yeah, that's true. It's just when you're thinking about it at the time. I'm in a pair of tie-dyed leggings and oversized... You look like a shoplifter. I'm wearing

them because I shoplifted them from American Apparel. Do you have to go through a purse check or a bag check before you leave the store? We're supposed to. Oh, I like it. That's all I'll say. Dubs words. What kind of discount do you get? And can you get me a discount?

On some gold lame leggings because Dave needs them. Because we're going somewhere. I get a pretty great discount. And I'll get you some gold lame leggings. Both of you. I want v-neck leggings. You want v-neck leggings.

So it just shows the top of your pubic hair. No, that's not my neck. My neck is up here. Maybe she means my dick neck. So, coaching away. Oh, yeah. How are the kids this year? Drugged up?

They're not. Okay, for the record, none of them are drugged up. I just assume rich kids are drugged up. I don't know why. Assume that they're even rich kids. You have seen traffic too many times. Although, speaking of drugged up, a week from now, I think, is the premiere of the third season of Breaking Bad. Oh, no, It's this Sunday.

Is it this Sunday? The best show. I know that previously a lot of people say The Wire was the best show. A lot of people say L.A. Inc. Yeah. Lank. That was actually on in your living room. Yeah, I know.

We were watching it. You legitimately think it's great? No. No, it's the worst. Have you guys seen the pictures of the Jesse James? Yes. Mistress. Have you?

Jesse James. Jesse James. The one who's with Sandra Bullock? Not anymore. Wait, I thought this Oscar curse was hypothetical. No, this is true. Still for her. It's over.

They're done? Yeah. Oh my God. Isn't that horrible? They were so cute. I want to get nicole's uh like immediately you know hearing this gut reaction how do you feel i feel bad for her all right you want to learn the deets graham i do i do actually i haven't heard anything because the last i saw was at the oscars when she had her impassioned speech oh so much her and she was

like and thank you so much to my parents who let me have this wonderful man. And then he was just like, hmm. He's like, you're right. Correct. Checkmark on wonderful. He was like, monster, monster garage. So what happened? He had sexual intercourse with a very skanky looking, like extraordinarily skanky looking... Like, extraordinarily skanky looking.

Well, I mean, it wasn't skanky in the sense that she looked unclean. Well, I disagree. She's... I don't know that skanky is the word, but... Stanky? Yeah, certainly stanky. Stanky?

So she's the kind of girl that Outcast would sleep with. Sure. She's from Stanky. Stanky. So she's the kind of girl that OutKast would sleep with. Sure. She's from Stankonia. Yeah. She's something that I've never heard this phrase used before. She's a tattoo model, which I don't... Oh, no, you don't? No.

Well... Is it a model with tattoos? I think so. Because if you say that you're a underwear model, that means that you model underwear. But she doesn't model tattoos. Or if you're a hair model, they do your hair. Yeah, they don't do your tattoos. No, but I think if you're a tattoo model, you model cars and hot rods and motorcycles.

And you have sex with jizzies. Oh, that's so sad. He was a train conductor and hung out with the Ninja Turtles. Yeah, well, she moved out. And she has a tattoo on her forehead. Okay, not Sandra Bullock.

The girl that he slept with, yeah. What is it of? It's hard to tell. It looks like a barcode. She's got tattoos everywhere. Yeah. Oh, my God. But including just a wad on her forehead. Oh, but there's one place that she doesn't have tattoos, according to the internet, and I saw a photo.

Whoa! There's none on her boogalings. Oh, I thought you were talking about downtown. Her v-neck lamé leggings. Yeah. Dick neck, you know what I'm saying? Her dick neck is free and clear. Oh, lordy.

Maybe it's because the women are all too busy trying to get an Oscar, so they're working really hard. Yeah. The men feel impotent. Also, Jessie James is a moron. Yeah. The men feel impotent. Also, Jesse James is a moron. There's no... Even during the Oscar ceremony,

when she was talking to him, the camera would cut to his face and you could tell that he was just in his head like... I can't believe I gotta wear this monkey suit. Instead of the monkey suit I wanted to wear, which is an actual monkey suit. Instead of the monkey suit I wanted to wear, which is an actual monkey suit. From the movie Congo.

Wouldn't the Oscars be great if the rule was that you had to show up in costumes of other movies? Yes, it would. That would be amazing. So if it was like, oh, here's James Cameron dressed like the Tin Man from Wizard of Oz. Oh, man. If I was in charge of Hollywood, am I right?

And then they'd have all these zingers like, James Cameron, Tin Man, made of tin because he's heartless. That's why he cheated on Catherine Bigelow. And then it would just be like Steve Martin awkwardly roasting everyone's costumes. Yeah. No, which would be great because Steve Martin would be dressed like the spaceship from Close Encounters of the Future.

And then in Us Magazine it would have Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin both dressed as a spaceship and it would be who wore it better. Yeah. and Alec Baldwin both dressed as a spaceship, and it would be, who wore it better? Yeah. James Cameron, he... Jimmy Cam.

He cheated on Catherine Bigelow? Yeah, with the girl from Terminator, I think? The lady from Terminator. The chick? No, the one who fought the Terminator. The lady from Terminator. Oh, I thought you said the lady Terminator. She said the girl from Terminator.

He was correcting my sexist terminology. She wasn't a child. She was a lady. Whoa, whoa, whoa. She was a pretty lady. Linda Hamilton. Linda Hamilton.

Linda and the Hamiltons. I think they're married now, though. Oh, good. I think. You know. They were. They certainly were. I don't know if they still are yeah maybe

you're right i think he should marry uh the tattooed a reflection of himself um i think he should marry the spaceship close encounter yeah well like at the end of wizard of oz they're both made of tin and uh and heartless yeah so theirows would be, they wrote their own vows and the spaceships would be, boo, doo, doo, doo. Right? Isn't that how the spaceship talks? Spoiler alert. Sorry. That really is kind of the twist in it.

Well, I think it's on the movie box when you rent the DVD. It's not him building mashed potatoes. This means something. Now, there was something else I wanted to... You had a lot brewing this week. I really did. This has been a crazy week. There was a thing.

It did a show in a casino on the weekend. A birthday party. What? Yeah. Where was I? Not there, which is probably for the best. I didn't... It was...

The thing when you get hired to do these... As an improviser, do you get hired to do birthday parties? Oh, you... Like corporate things you have, I'm sure. I've done corporate. Yeah, you're so corporate. I've done parties. Oh, um... Like corporate things you have, I'm sure. I've done corporate. Yeah, you're so corporate. I've done parties. Okay, Dave.

Such a sellout. I know that a lot of friends of mine have done bar mitzvahs. Oh, really? Bar mitzvahs, yeah. Hmm, l'chaim. Oh, are you quoting Black Eyed Peas? Correct. Aren't I always?

black eyed peas correct aren't I always um the thing about these kind of these birthday shows is it's a room full of people

that are all friends and they kind of bring in a comedian and it's I've done it before and I know exactly like going in there I was like

I know exactly what I'm in for uh you are kind of a facilitator for people in the room to kind of make fun of each other uh over the course of a 40 minute spent like your uh material means nothing to them like it is really like uh you know there's uh the the birthday girl and her sister-in-law and you know

this is the funny guy and the mother-in-law and this is the funny guy and the mother-in-law is there and all this kind of stuff. And it's literally just you say a thing and then somebody says, oh, you know... Just like that. Yeah, Frederico has something to say about that. And so it was a lot of that and it was a real...

I mean, it was fine, but... So did they have to rent out the casino? No, this was in the casino hotel. So it was like in a kind of like a banquet room. But they rented out a room and hired a comedian. Yeah, it felt very much like I imagine how a stripper or a prostitute feels when they do a show. Have you ever jumped out of a cave? Not a prostitute, but a stripper.

Fair enough. Like a stripper. Fair enough. Like a stripper that goes all the way. You know what I'm saying? Prostitute gets hired for a room full of people. After every sex move. They yell out, Oh yeah, just like Frederico.

Yeah, Frederico, let's all have some special K. Happy birthday. Drink it up. Yeah, Frederico. Let's all have some special K. Happy birthday. Drink it up. Mazel tov. I just wanted to quote Black Eyed Peas. I hired a jockey prostitute. And my big development of the week was I'm at home a lot. So there's a lot of home alone.

So I'm setting up a lot of traps for priglers. Yeah, paint cans on ropes. I'm at home a lot. So there's a lot of home alone. So I'm setting up a lot of traps for priglers. Yeah. Paint cans on ropes. You're always putting a heating element on your doorknob. These are a few of my favorite things. Paint cans on ropes and things on doorknobs. You have a cardboard cutout of Michael Jordan that you attach to a train so people will think he's at your house. No, come on.

LeBron. Oh, right. This is 2010. No, come on. At your house. LeBron. Oh, right. It's 2010.

First of all, I realized completely by accident how much I love the ESPN series 30 for 30. Oh, what's that? It's a series of 30 documentaries that ESPN has commissioned because it's their 30th anniversary. because it's their 30th anniversary, and it's 30 different stories that they commissioned from filmmakers or celebrities about their favorite sports story. And I watched, it was about, I think it was 1995, between the New York Knicks and the Indiana Pacers. Oh, yes. So great.

The documentary was so engaging. And also that day, I was playing around with my mustache just with my fingers and uh not with anything sure nothing else and uh i realized that i have like because i haven't shaved for a long time and i have enough mustache growth that i can actually twist it up into like a raleigh fingers mustache can you do it right now no well i bought mustache wax and i did it last night and i walked around on the town where do well i bought mustache wax and i did it last night and i walked around on the town where do you you bought mustache wax yes did you know where to go to buy mustache wax i had a hunch that it was at this place uh what was the name of the place is it

lee's mr lee's mr lee's uh general store and uh it's an old-timey general store and the heart is it a haberdashery as well i might be a haberdashery i don't think they oh they have hats but they're not making hats and uh cobblers i don't know it might be haberdashery oh cobblers jockey prostitutes they um they are selling ketamine in glasses down there we're just gonna reference the first 10 minutes of the show over and over. I should have said ketamine. That was the problem. Really set off this ball rolling. But they have a jar, a glass jar

of tubes, old-timey tubes of mustache wax and it comes with a tiny little comb and you comb it into your mustache and then you slowly kind of roll up and I had it. I had like the old-time... That's awesome. Now, Nicolele when you're

kissing a guy do you like him to have a glittery mustache it doesn't glitter does it no but it smells delightful does it yeah no it doesn't it doesn't have a sheen but it does have like a very kind of lemony snicket um i want to go back to the ESPN thing. You're not your typical sports fan. I'm not, although I've been watching more and more sports. That's another thing that's just suddenly Susan-ed. Yeah, for the last year. I've become a...

During the Olympics, I've watched every single hockey game that was on television. During the Olympics, I watched every single hockey game that was on television. And I've always followed the Flames, who are not worth following this year. They're having troubles. They're a hockey squadron. They're a hockey squadron. And then somebody told me about this 30 for 30, and then I watched it. And the way that this story was told about how it was kind of... Reggie Miller versus Spike Lee.

how it was kind of... Reggie Miller versus Spike Lee. It was Patrick Ewing's kind of last hurrah because he was really injured fairly extensively. He had enormous nostrils. But he had these bad legs and they kind of made that a through line that this was kind of going to be his last season and his legs weren't what they used to be

and the last kind of play of the game... No, he used to know how to use them. Oh, okay. And then they fell apart. And then in the last play of the game, it was his legs. He wasn't able to build the momentum to slam dunk, and that's what cost them the game.

Oh. And neither of them got a ring. Right. But it was a really interesting documentary. It was very... Anyways, there's 29 more of them got a ring right but uh it was a really interesting document it was very anyways there's 29 more of them so okay um yeah there's gonna be one about davy jones and his jockey days there's gonna be one about the other davy jones who called the jockey races yeah and then davy jones's locker yeah that's uh and then there's gonna to be... Davy Jones from the Ninja Turtles. It's a popular name.

It's not. It's Casey Jones from the Ninja Turtles. No, it's Casey Jones. I was about to ask what his name actually was. Casey Jones has something to do with trains, and Davy Jones was a pirate that had a locker under the sea. Yeah, Casey Jones is also a... Sebastian the Crab. Davy Jones' locker is where you go when you die.

Is that in the movies about the pirates of the Caribbean? Yeah, it is, but it was a thing before that. That's the old thing is when a seafaring man would die, they'd go, he's going down to Davy Jones' locker. Okay, and that wasn't a sex

euphemism. Well, maybe. I don't know. Those pirates had to have had some crazy Reese Witherspoon smoochings. Yeah, sure. With dead people. Yeah, what's your week been all about? Well, not a lot.

Over Christmas, I bought a couple of new pairs of shoes well that's going way back in the vault but uh i bought a pair of black sneakers yeah sneaks a nike tennis classic and a pair of white sneakers a uh a um you don't put them too close to each other, right? No, because they'll fight. Can't we all just get along? What? Pass more what? What? She's kissing the microphone. I'm not kidding.

I'm trying to make the tsk noise. It looks like you're kissing the microphone. Okay. Okay. Well, Nicole just loves kissing. She loves kissing. Now, my other pair of shoes were white. Yeah.

We're talking about this, kids. They're an Adidas Stan Smith. Okay. And I had another pair of Stan Smiths about 10 years ago. Well, I had them for about 10 years. Sure. Built to last. Yeah, well, I own a lot of shoes, and so they don't wear out very quickly.

Yeah. But these ones, I remember when I got them, my last pair, they stayed white for so long. And I'm not the kind of guy who likes his shoes to stay white, because I don't want any attention drawn to myself. And I certainly don't want people to start a conversation about my shoes. That's why I put this one off for four months. But I still have these white shoes and they're still so white. Gleaming.

And I tried, like I rubbed dirt on them. I could scuff them up. But the leather has to get, you have to wear them so the dirt gets into the leather things. Yeah, you gotta wipe that dirt off of your shoulder. Right.

And I find the way I dress with a button-up shirt tucked into jeans. Yeah. If I wear white sneakers, I look like Jerry Seinfeld. But if I wear, like, black pants, I look like Ellen DeGeneres. She likes her white kicks. Which do you prefer?

But only when you dance. I think I prefer looking like Ellen DeGeneres. She does look more like a man. That's not true, but she... Yes, it is. She just has... Like, Jerry Seinfeld just has bad... Well, he had bad...

Fashion. Fashion back in the Seinfeld days. But on the marriage raft, oh, you gotta catch the fever. You know what's weird? marriage ref oh you gotta catch the fever you know what's weird the weird thing about the jerry seinfeld post seinfeld uh is he's really like it's kind of like how um there was like martin and lewis uh which i don't like dean martin and jerry lewis right and uh when they were together as a partnership they they were really, really great. And then kind of when they split, Jerry Lewis had some very early success.

But then over time, you were like, oh, Dean Martin is the awesome one that kind of kept the whole act together. And he kind of was what made Jerry Lewis fantastic was, you know, Dean Martin being so awesome. And like that's the same thing, the Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld thing is like the split off. At first, Jerry Seinfeld had some great success. He had like a great tour and he also like put out that documentary that was really good. And then over time, you're like, wait a minute. I think it's Larry David that's the amazing one. And Jerry Se seinfeld was just

kind of there for the ride i forgot about larry david and i was like who from seinfeld is the great one yeah it's totally larry david though right like that guy that guy's money in the bank and he's a super fantastic and hilarious and i actually was filming through the channels uh in the middle of the day and he was on an episode of Hannah Montana. Larry David, just as a cameo. Not as himself? Yeah, well, yeah, as himself. And he has his niece and nephew with him, because I heard later in an interview that's why he did it.

Because his niece and nephew are a big fan of the show. And he was like, I bet you I can get on that show. And so, like, the weirdest possible nephew ten dollars so so there's this cameo of him at a restaurant trying to get a table when the restaurant's all booked up and he does like the crazy is it a chinese restaurant like that? But he does like the Larry David like, what do you mean there's no Chinese? But it's on Hannah Montana. It's like

when you see somebody on Sesame Street doing what they do. Like Kanye West on Sesame Street. I wonder if the person who wrote, or let's face it, people who wrote that episode of Hannah Montana. Yeah. I wonder if the person who wrote, or let's face it, people who wrote that episode of Hannah Montana. Yeah.

I wonder if in the Larry David part, they were like, well, I know he likes just an outline. He was going to want to mostly improvise. Let's keep this loose, everybody. Yeah. If Larry gets mad, there are no tables. Larry gets mad. 90 seconds. Improvise.

Let's put aside a whole two minutes for this. Can I just tell you guys? Yeah, yeah. I've seen that episode. Oh. Did you really? Yeah. I don't actually watch that show, but I'm a very...

But you like the best of both worlds. You're more of an L.A. I'm a pretty ADD television watcher, so I've actually seen... Yeah. Yeah. It's weird, because I've watched all those shows, and I know you did as well, Zach and Cody. I've seen a couple episodes.

What's the magic one? Wizards of Waverly Place. That one's all right. That's So Raven. That's So Raven. That's So Raven, yeah. There's another one. There's the one with the sister and the step-sister and step-brother.

What I Like About You. Is that the one? No, that's with... Kyle Exwine. That's with Amanda Bynes. That's with Amanda Bynes. The Secret Life of the American Teenager. Someone has strong feelings about it.

I'm so poorly acted. Well, they're all poorly. No, that one's the worst. In acted. Well, they're all poorly. In defense of television, they're all poorly acted. I watched one episode of that, and the girl who had the baby was yelling at her mom about soup. Is her mom Molly Ringwald? What? Molly Ringwald's on that show.

Yeah, I said she was on that show. Do you know who Molly Ringwald is? I do, but did Molly Ringwald get molly ringwald yes yes she did okay yeah oh you mean put on white yes that's what humans do as they age would not approve how old is duff is he in his i don't know i'd say 40s i think he's in his late 40s is he gross yeah he's got like a weird can i call him gross he's gross he's a girl him gross? He's gross. Yeah, I could get fired. Maybe he's not a gross looking dude, but he's a creep. He's gross, yeah.

But not like a... Is he more like a Charles Bukowski creep or more like... He's more like a Terry Richardson, Vincent Gallo creep. Like a Vincent Gallo creep? He is selling his sperm online for a million dollars.

Wait, is Terry Richardson considered a creep? Well, I hope so. What do you say? Who's Terry Richardson? He's the guy with the mustache and the glasses. He takes all the porny photos for Vice. Used to, now he does Rolling Stone. He doesn't use a good camera,

and that's why he's considered a good photographer. Yeah, I think he's probably a creep. Yeah? He gets naked a lot of the time with the ladies that he's taking photos of. Here's the thing. How do you talk... First of all, how do you talk a woman into taking her clothes off? Not only just taking her clothes off.

That's hard enough. That's months of work as far as I'm concerned. That's like a six-month to a year commitment. But then actually... Hey, in my case, if it's not done by the third date, I'm out. That's like a six month to a year commitment. But then, how do you then... In my case, if it's not done by the third date, I'm out of there. These are the rules, guys. How do you further

convince them that it's a great idea that you should commemorate the occasion through photography and or painting, or in the lesser cases, poetry? In his case, both he and the model are getting paid a lot of money. But in his early days when he's building up his portfolio. Yeah, sure.

You know what I'm saying? Shed a little light on this here, Passmore. A lot of girls will fall for a guy in art school. Okay, I used to be in love with Vincent Gallo. Yeah? I sat through Brown Bunny. I really like Buffalo 66 as a film. A lot of people do.

It's a good film. It's not the best, but it's good. Brown Bunny's not a good film. No. That I know is a fact because somebody told me there's a porno thing. And I watched the whole thing and I was like. Not worth it. No.

But I used to be in love with Vincent Gallo and I would go on his website and he sold a bunch of his stuff and sperm he sold his sperm you could buy his sperm for a million dollars what? are you guys being serious? seriously wasn't he a racist about it?

yeah you couldn't be black you can say black you couldn't wear black shoes. I wasn't contemplating whether I was allowed to say the word black. Wait, okay. I feel like I'm awash in confusion. Vincent Gallo

is an actor. And he decided to sell singer and director in what capacity is he saying? Like Dogstar? He put out an album. Sure. In what capacity is he a singer? Like dog star? He put out an album. Sure. Okay.

He put out an album. He also, I think, So did I. did his own soundtrack for Oh, probably. one of the movies he did. Brown Bunny? Anyway.

He's like, Oh, Brown Bunny. Brown Bunny. Brown Bunny. But I used to be in love with him and even with all that stuff i thought there was some dirty attractive quality to him how did he sell his stuff what does that mean it was an online like you could paypal or you could send him like buy screeches house.com and he used to be friends with charles manson and he sold off some of charles manson's artwork okay but he he he

offered himself for one night like you could you could pay a million dollars to sleep with him or you could pay a million dollars for his sperm but you couldn't be black um you got in either case no i don't think in either case yeah and if you were if you were naturally blue-eyed and blonde hair you could get it either of those for 500 grand. Oh. You got half price. So I could have slept with Vincent Gallop? Only women.

He said only women. This guy's got a lot of stipulations. But you could have got his sperm. Yeah. You could have got his sperm. And then he also gave you a discount if you were Jewish. And he wrote a little stipulation.ulation he was like it's not because i like the jews it's because don't get me wrong it's because i think if i if i have a child with

a jewish person that they're more likely to be successful in the entertainment business the most important business there is but he but he he like, he was handsome to me. Is he a guy who is, is he dead now? Or is he still alive? You're thinking of Gigi Allen. He's still alive. I was thinking of Gigi Allen.

So Vincent Gallo, no, I was thinking of the wine company. Ernest and Giulio. Yeah. Ernest and Giulio and Vincent. No Jews. Well, some Jews. No blacks. Wow.

And you used to like that. You used to like that about him. Yeah, that's... But what was it? So now you're calling me a racist. No, no. No, I think it was that he was dirty and artsy. And I was young and confused. And, I think it was that he was dirty and artsy. Yeah.

And I was young and confused. And now I'm older and realize I was. But yeah, when I was younger, I had a huge crush on Parker Posey. And she's of that same, not same ilk, but same generation. And same kind of like artsy, independent. Yeah. And then, yeah, you get a little older and then you're like i need someone who can provide for me yeah i'm not a good provider like a woman with a forehead tattoo um do you guys want to move on to some overheard i would love to Overheard. Are you ready? Um, sure.

Just wait, wait. Let me start. Let me remember mine. Remember me. Starring Robert Pattinson. Is that a movie? Is that the new one that just came out? With Emily DeRevay? He dies in 9-11.

That's the twist. That's... And then he's a ghost or something? Yeah, he's the ghost of the Twin Tower. That's why they have such messy hair. I just heard that somebody said there was like a million dollar gold coin. I was talking about the one that was in the...

I'm listening. The like Royal Canadian Mint Pavilion for the Olympics. Yeah, the Royal Canadian Mint Pond. Yeah, I heard there was like a million dollar like gold coin in the Twin Towers and they never found it. Yeah, because it would have melted into nothingness. But I don't think that's true anyway, is it? No, none of the things.

A million dollar gold coin would be too heavy to carry. It would be like a... Yeah, it would be. My cousin at Christmas showed me like a gold bar she bought, and it costs $6,000. And it weighs... I'm trying to think what would be a comparable weight. It's that big. It's the size of a miniature chocolate bar.

And it's very weighty. It is very heavy. But that's $5,000 for that big. So a million dollar one would be probably like the size of a serving dish. It sounds like it's losing value because it was $6,000 a few seconds ago. Oh, sorry. What did I say? $5,000, $6,000.

Oh, you guys. I hope you guys got out of the gold market before. Yeah. No, well, it's got a lot of gold. That's why that business is so shaky. Overheard. Who's got them? Overheard.

Overheard. Maybe you're a person that's lucky enough to be blessed with the sense of hearing. And you can go out whenever you like, and you can hear the endless stream of nonsense that society provides you. And then you can report it here on the podcast. And we always like to start with our guest. Oh, thank you. That's very polite. Isn't it, though? It's really nice. We like to roll with our guest oh thank you it's very polite isn't it

though yes it's really nice oh we like to roll out the red carpet nice um okay the tricky thing about overheards is that for me it's more about how people say things right yeah no act it out than just just what well i i was at work in West Vancouver. And I saw a little girl walking with her mother. And her mother was sort of like a West Van Trophy mom type. West Van is Canada's wealthiest neighborhood? Yes. Is that true?

I think so. The British properties is. Right. Yeah. But West Van is also. During the winter, when kids usually would be out on plastic toboggans, the kids at Wes Van are on million-dollar coins. Yeah, well...

Right, the magic carpet. They like those things. Oh, no, the flying saucers. The discs, yeah. Well, okay, so there was this mom, and she had a daughter who was maybe seven or eight, and she looked like a ray of sunshine. She was blonde and had a little yellow sundress on.

Adorable. Just adorable, the sweetest little thing. And she sort of was walking along, and I couldn't hear her. And then when she came close enough that I could hear her, and she was just smiling, just beaming. And she turned to her mom and went, No, Mom. It's just like Johnny Cash in Walk the Line.

She's getting mad at her mom about Johnny Cash. And I just had a moment of like, why is there a 60 year old man in that little girl's sunshine body? But I fell in love. Why has that little girl seen Walk the Line? Why is she

trying to provide a context for her mother? I want to know so much more about that. So do I. We all want to go back in time she sounded like like a raspy voiced like 50 something year old drinker smoker smoker mom what you gotta get yourself is a pair of heels she very seriously sounded like that that's what i sound like when i was a kid though too so maybe but i used to drink scotch out of the box so great great because actually my

overheard falls on the same kind of acting it out but let's let's let's go from nicole over today let's do the old let me draw a picture of the room we are moving diagonally from nicole to dave yeah picture a trififorce. Yeah. And now I'd like to point out that even though Nicole works in the richest neighborhood and her other job is coach for the richest kids, she has humble roots and she lives in this very neighborhood. Yeah. Well, I'm not rich.

No, yeah, I know. But I just don't want our listener to think that just because you spend all... People think American apparel workers make a lot of money. Because they're all unionized. Oh, yeah. And well-respected. And we don't get told how to pluck our eyebrows. Oh, what?

Yep. What? Well, to be fair, on the last episode that you were on, I told you... Get out of here! I have beautiful eyebrows. You do have a very beautiful eyebrow. It's actually all I can look at now. Is my eyebrow?

Yeah, they look good. Oh, thank you. I like this dynamic where Dave insults me and then you compliment me. It's really nice. It's like the circle of abuse. They do actually have a picture on our intranet that tells us how to pluck our eyebrows. Oh, it's a local area network. That's funny because that is like the weird...

Because retail, the thing always has been, and I'm sure since kind of like... It's very much an American thing where they decided people will shop at a place because of the customer service. And so they set out these crazy guidelines. Like I worked at Toys R Us and they had crazy guidelines of how to say hello to somebody and how to refer to different products and all this kind of stuff. But yeah, I never thought that it would. But of course it would. Why wouldn't it morph into uh you know yeah some weird how you look and also what like why imagine one of those like uh the stores in the malls that look like a nightclub

where like the lights are all your hollisters is that what it what's the name of the place you know no like where literally the lights are low and they play like dance i think that happens at the abercrombie i think it's the Hollister. Hollister, I think is what I'm thinking of. I think they might be the same company. Okay. But it's... I'm sure you're right too. It's like you go in and it looks like a dance club. It's a little less dimly lit. I like girls who wear

Abercrombie & Fitch, if it helps. Only in the summer. She's been gone since that summer. Since that summer. Oh, guys. Chinese food makes me sick. Chinese food did make you sick. He was one of the guys from Man Band.

Oh, really? Remember Man Band? They were the ones that Damocracy killed. Yeah. Okay, my overheard. A couple weeks ago, it was right after the Olympics. I went downtown just to spend the day walking around downtown. Because I was avoiding downtown the whole time the Olympics were on.

Soak it in. This is my neighborhood. Even though it's not. So I was walking around and I heard these two girls smoking. I heard them smoking. And my ears perked up and i follow that sound i walked past these girls who were smoking and i overheard them uh they were talking about crazy stuff that had happened during the olympics and one of them said a cop took my picture with a bunch of firemen

i was so drunk. I think the cops did let a lot of stuff go during the election. They had to. I was once walking by a... This might have been a better overseen. Just people... There was a cop car because there was no traffic. All the roads were blocked off. So there was a cop car in there was no no traffic all the the roads were blocked off yeah so there's a cop car in the middle of a street and there were just tourists getting their picture taken in the

back of the cop car what wow like they would close the cop car door and they would roll down the window but there's bars on the window and the people would be reaching out the bars and uh wow it's uh and then they're like time to fill the quota and they just drive away with whoever happens to be in the back you have the right to remain foreign they did actually i mean i don't know i haven't heard any stories to the contrary but it seemed like they were given a directive like be nice yeah to everybody. Because I saw some seriously drunk dudes kind of falling over police officers and

them really not resisting in a police-y fashion. They were more like how I would be, like, no. That's the sound I make. You're more of a resident advisor. Keep it down. Stop it.

Get your hot plate out of here. Get your hot plate out of here. Is that still a problem in university? I don't know. Get your raccoon skin coats out of here. That's really old university. Yep. My overheard comes courtesy of last night, which was St. Patrick's Day.

Oh. St. Aaron Goebra. Yeah. Shrug. You know, the thing I was saying to somebody, I was talking to a friend from Montreal, and they were like, how is St. Patrick's Day? I was like, everything post-Olympic nonstop drunkenness seems like a letdown. I always look forward to St. Patrick's Day

to see some really great drunk situations. And this year, pretty much not. There was nobody out stumbling drunk. Did you go to a pub? Which one? I went to, down on Main Street, we...

Sounds innocuous. Yeah. Well, I believe in the people on Main Street. You know, there's the people on Wall Street, the people on Main Street. I am with the people on Main Street. And yeah, I went to a little pub and there was a lot of Irish dancing in it, which is great.

Did they hire Irish dancers? No, there was just drunk people, Irish dancing. And Irish music. Yeah. They might have just been fighting. It's a subtle difference. But all there was, there was no really drunk people, but there was a great crazy guy

out on the street. One of the greatest. One of the greatest of the crazy guys. And it was much like Nicole's, it was all in the change in pitch and tone because he was doing that kind of guttural, you know, saying nonsense, crazy. And then all of a sudden he went up super high pitched and went, well, I guess we'll have to file the paperwork. Oh, man, I laughed. With me and my Raleigh Fingers mustache.

Yeah. Did you do anything for St. Patrick's Day? No. Don't you take that tone with me, young lady. Yeah, what's that about? Gross. What's that face about? No, no.

Gross? What's wrong with you? I'm not that type of person. Irish? Drunk? No, drunk. I am drinking a guinness right now yeah well that's because my my saint patrick's day involved buying guinness yeah and then not going out because you had guinness at home i had two guinnesses at home it's like a meal yeah i had a guinness at the bar last night, and then I woke up. Draft beer, I can't do it anymore.

That's what I did last night. What did you do? I went to wheelchair curling. Wheelchair curling? Oh, the Paralympic Games are happening right now in Vancouver. How was it? It was pretty good. I had a friend who was asking.

On ice? Yeah. And they're chairs? I mean, sorry, they're chairs. They have wheels? Yes. They're classic wheelchairs. They're not electronic.

Of course. Do they sweep as they wheel? They don't really sweep. That's the thing. They'll have one person on one side who pushes the rock. Yeah. Okay. And then they have a sweeper in i don't know the terminology

in the end zone yeah sure the button the house in sure in the house uh who can sweep but you you're like there's no sweeping in between a lot of people in wheelchairs have to hire a maid is that true oh i get I get it. Alright. It was pretty fun. I think people got annoyed with us because I was there with my sisters. And you were like, stand up, stand up. And everybody was like, come on, don't say that. This is the worst Olympics to say that. We spent like two hours

just gossiping. And then my older sister was not exactly tactful. So at one point she was like, oh, yeah, the other day I was at real person hockey. Oh, Jesus. I was like, Crystal. Oh, yeah.

I mean, normal hockey. Stop it, Crystal. Yeah. Okay. And then she bought a pizza and she sat there complaining for 10 minutes, because she's like, I think they put powdered cheese on this pizza. On this curling arena pizza. And we were trying to explain to her

that powdered cheese is the kind of cheese that's in macaroni and cheese boxes, like Kraft Dinner, Annie's. Yeah, like they were like, throw out the noodles. People want powdered cheese on this here pizza. But she thought that they had made a mix of water and powdered cheese

and then poured it on a pizza and baked it. She's very smart. She's just completely obnoxious. Nothing about what you said indicates that. She doesn't give much of a good first impression. No, I swear she is. And then the last thing she said

before she died. there was a korean team playing okay she's like i i'm just gonna put this out there please don't crystal i'm betting that every one of those korean team members is actually from north van and we were like what she's like have you been to my bank she works at a sperm bank well and then and we were just like what do you mean she's like if you go to the bank of montreal that's all you're gonna see korean and then we were like that's a that's a bit racist she's like no i'll prove it that's where the conversation ended so no it's well was she drunk no so no excuse no i she's she's like math smart you know sure and like korean smart

put a button on it in the house when hey sorry dave you were talking about powdered cheese i just thought about what if Thank you for getting us out of that uncomfortable. Hey, sorry, Dave. You were talking about powdered cheese. I just thought about what if you were at a pizza place and they had like a Parmesan shaker and an herb shaker and then like just a macaroni and cheese. Would you put that on your pizza? I would. I would try it. I don't know if I would love it.

You would love it. Let me just cut out the middleman. Is Annie's shells powdered cheese an option? What's Annie's shells? You know, like the Annie's organic? I don't know. Annie's is the... No, it's Amy's is the vegetarian.

Who's Annie? She's the one with the purple box and the rabbit? Yeah, the bunnies. That's not... We're talking about macaroni and cheese here. That is not macaroni, but it is shells. Yeah, that's not macaroni. You know what We're talking about macaroni and cheese here. That is not macaroni, but it is shells. Yeah, that's not macaroni. You know what we're talking about.

Sometimes I have craft spirals. Stop beating around the bush, Passmore. Fine. Yes, I'd put that on my pizza once. I would try it at least once. Right? Yes. I'm going to open a pizza plate.

If it was delicious, I'd eat it again. Well, of course it would be delicious. It's not delivery. It's delicious. I'm so sorry. We have some overheards that people have written in, and let me get to them. Please. Woo.

Okay. This first one comes from Bridget B., which I love that name. That's a great name. Bridget? Bridget? Nice. How much fun. Yeah.

Hey, Bridget. Classy. What's up? Yeah. Hey, Bridget. Patsy. What's up? This, she writes, I hope there's no time limit on overheards because this one is about 30 years old. My dad's friend was in a McDonald's waiting in a long line when an overweight gentleman with an extremely red face cut in line, ran up to the counter, slammed his hands down and yelled, I'm Den dolan and god damn it i'm hungry to this day

instead of saying i'm hungry my dad and his friends will say i'm denny dolan which is great that's a great substitution feeling a bit denny dolan we have a thing in my family we were once i think we're at the revolving restaurant in van Vancouver. Oh, yeah. Atop Harbor Center. I may be getting three or four stories mixed up. But someone went into the bathroom where a woman was changing her baby. And she said to her baby, Oh, Ryan, stinky winky. And so now anytime anything smells, it's, Oh, Ryan,inky Winky.

I'm going to start saying Denny Dolan whenever I'm hungry. It's pretty good. And when I picture Denny Dolan, I picture the fat guy from Office Space that makes the leap to conclusions game. Right, right, right. That's who I think Denny Dolan looks like. This one's from Daniel S. from Palm Springs. Not as good a name as Bridget

no not at all it's okay Daniel apparently we put an overheard of his on and he said I experienced two today I'll only read one from separate people in my music history class

about five minutes apart from each other the first one was from a girl sitting behind me who must have been at least 20 years old. She said to her friend, I'm so fucking tired today. Chuck E. Cheese really wore me out.

Does she mean the restaurant or the guy? Yeah. The mouse. Or the rat, I guess he is. This one's from Nancy. She confirms a couple weeks ago we were saying how kids say the darndest things.

Which is true. She said kids do say the darndest things. While working at a child care, Megan, a two-year-old, walks past with a pail and a ball. Me. Hey, Megan, where are you going? Megan. To the beach. Me. What are you going to do

when you're at the beach? Megan. I'm going? Megan, to the beach. Me, what are you going to do when you're at the beach? Megan, I'm going to go pee in the sand. Like a cat. Pretty good. This comes from Charles B. It's not so much an overseen. He said it's kind of a blend between hilarious prank and overseen. But basically, it took place at a blend between hilarious prank and overseen, but basically it took place

at a rave party back in 1999. Where a lot of people were wearing glittery lip gloss, I'm sure. Some friends and I were watching people dance all weird and make fools of themselves. If you have ever seen people dance at a rave party, you will know what I'm talking about. That was pretty funny in and of itself. One of my friends was eating a banana and someone suggested he placed the banana peel on the ground to see if somebody would slip on it uh don't worry you got the banana from a concession stand well i don't know why there's no cause for alarm i assumed you brought it from home the dark lighting and smooth floor was a perfect setting for such a prank sure enough just like in the cartoon some dude steps on

it although he didn't flip backwards like in the three stooges his foot slipped forward and he almost did the full splits which when i read that i laughed so hard at the idea of a guy stepping on a banana peel at a rave and one leg slipping and him having to go all the way. Instead of picking his leg up, he just keeps sliding and does the full splits. Well, he's on ecstasy. He'll do whatever feels good. His body's in control at that point. It's bad for your spine.

I hope he was in the big parachute, orange or rainbow colored chains. I hope he had one of those, the chains that you have but like a big plastic one you would use for lawn furniture patio furniture

this is from Phil from Montreal yesterday I'm at the metro station waiting for the train and I'm standing next to these two approximately 11 year old boys boy number one oh no I need to go home I forgot my next to these two approximately 11-year-old boys. Boy number one, oh no, I need to go home. I forgot my medicine. Boy number two, what's it for?

Your gayness? Boy number one in totally defeated voice, no, it's for my allergies. Pretty great. This is from brin uh brin today while at work i got up to stretch my legs and overheard this snippet my office is at a golf center in victoria although i do nothing with golf there was a young gentleman taking a break from hitting some balls to talk on his phone he was wearing a shirt that said country boy on it. This is what I heard.

Sounds like I won't be getting hired. Pause for what I assume was the other person asking why. I was racist. Was it your sister? Yes. I like that he works at an office at a golf center. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Like, what do you do to get away from the job? I imagine everyone has one of those little putting setups in their office. You put it into the thing and it shoots it back at you. This is the last of the overheards for this section. This is from Nicholas A. on behalf of his brother, PJ. I'm submitting this overheard on behalf of my brother, PJ. He and his wife were at a Denny's for breakfast recently and took notice of an obese mother and son sitting behind them. Before their waitress arrived, the portly man asked his mother,

Do you think they have those big cinnamon rolls? She replies, Of course they do. It's a breakfast food, isn't it? The waitress arrives to take their order. The man, Yeah, I'll have the T-bone steak and eggs, a bowl of chili, and one of them big cinnamon rolls. The waitress, I'm sorry, we don't have cinnamon rolls. The man, Okay, forget the chili then.

For dipping. Oh, gross. Chili for breakfast. I know, it's the worst. Also T-bone steak for breakfast. I haven't had steak and eggs, but I've seen it on menus.

Yeah, I haven't either. So yeah, if you want to send in overheards via email, you can send them at stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. And the one thing that's not an overheard, but is an interesting point that I'm kind of interested to find out if this is a fact or not, a lady named Fran wrote in to us. Was she a nanny from Flushing, Queens? Yeah. A nanny named Fran wrote in to us. Was she a nanny from Flushing Queens?

Yeah. Her boyfriend threw her out one of those crushing scenes. What was she to do? Where was she to go? She was out on her fanny. So she went over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door. She was there to sell makeup, but the father saw more.

She had style. She had flair. She was there. That's, but the father saw more. She had style. She had flair. She was there. That's how she became the nanny. What did I have to go describe? It was just exactly what the doctor prescribed. Now the kids are actually smiling. Watch out, Cece.

Yeah, that's right. Damn it, damn it, Hyman. Such wallopies. Watch out for you, Hyman. She's a lady. All right. The name is Fran. Swearing tan.

Fran from Atlanta. You mean Flushing Queens? Yeah. She wrote, perhaps I am your oldest listener. Oh, because we were asking last week. Is that why? I think we said, I believe I said, I wonder who our oldest listener is. Okay, well, she says that I am a 61-year-old freelance illustrator who loves listening to the podcast while I work. My 28-year-old daughter turned me on to the podcast.

And she said that I should try to claim the oldest living listener title. Who's our oldest dead listener? Yeah, which was weird. But she does, you know when you go to the doctor and there's kind of pictures of, she does those drawings. She has a whole website. She does medical illustrations and she's amazing at it. That's great.

So A, Fran, thanks for listening and being awesome. And B, can you get us some ketamine? Fran thanks for listening and being awesome And secondly Can you get us some ketamine Or at least draw us a map To where we can get ketamine And also Yeah so 61 is

So far our highest bidder So yeah if anybody wants To contact us via email It's stoppodcastyourself At gmail.com and I believe we have some Overheards via telephone. Yes, we do. And if you want to call us, the phone number is 206-339-8328.

That's 206-339-TEET. During the break, when Dave was setting things up, we were talking about baby. Nicole and I are in the babysitter's club. And I'm not sure. Dave, did you have any babysitting? No I went to Sweet Valley High I see We were just talking about how

Nicole probably babysat some young gentleman Who would be older now And into their adult years Will probably still carry a long term affection For you Although the two stories that you related to me Made it sound like you crushed some dreams. You set them straight.

Or gay. Well, I'm pretty sure the little boy who asked me to wipe his bum was probably on his way to gay town. For sure. Well, it was all glittery. But he was like six years old. He was two or six years old.

It was not. No, he was. He was 26 years old. And it wasn't like just like hearing his little voice. Can you wipe my bum? What? No. No, I can't.

I can't. You should be able to. You can reach. I'm not sure any of that's going in the show. Over here. Oh, he was in Tyrannosaurus Rex. Oh, T-Rex. Hey, guys.

This is Dan from Boston, Massachusetts. I just drove by a bowling alley, and the sign outside said, Don't be a dodo bird. Fly like an eagle. Bowl. Not sure what that means. be a dodo bird fly like an eagle bowl um if i had to pick one bird to bowling like comparison it would be the dodo it might be a penguin oh good call yeah or a budgie yeah sure or uh an emu long-legged what's a bird that's really fat? What's a really fat

overweight bird? I don't know. Penguin. Puffins? Puffins are... They just look fat, though, I think. Yeah, because of the water weight. They puff themselves out. We write greeting cards. Hey, Graham, Dave, and guests. This is Michael calling from California, and I haven't overheard.

I'm a 7th grade teacher, or as I guess you guys would say up there, a grade seven teacher, and I teach history. And we were having presentations in class the other day about the Middle Ages, and one girl was doing a PowerPoint presentation about the different parts of the castle. And she said, when it came up to the part about the moat, she said, the moat was a place Where they would keep sharks No, alligators So they look the same That's it, thanks a lot, bye

A lot of people don't know that that's where they would keep The dirty rascal The castle? Well, down low So the implication is that sharks And alligators look the same well they're luggage there's a lot of uh disappointed people in shark week yeah those aren't green those oh i i'm tuned in because i was hoping you know for alligator crocodile tears

somebody on the forum i think we were talking about what's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile and they actually posted a graphic that explains and I guess it's the crocodile has a bit of a smile? Yeah, rhyming rhyme Croco smile Hello, I'm Mr. Chantel from

Fort St. John and I have an over seen or, I guess. And what happened was me and my friends went down to L.A., and we were all going swimming, and then we went back to our place. We were staying with friends, and I changed in this guy's room, and I didn't want my nipples to show when I was wearing a bathing suit. So I put on, it's called a daisy, and it just covers your nipples like people wear when they wear see-through clothes.

So it was like rubber, like silicone, and sticky. And I took them off, and then I put on my regular clothes, and I forgot about them. And I put them on the guy's pants because I didn't want to forget about them. But then I left the room, and he came in and put on his pants, and then he came out and started feeling his leg through his pants, and he started freaking out.

He rolled up his pants, and he was like, oh, my God, what is this? What is this on me? Because it looked like it was skin colored, so it could be, like, a growth. It looked kind of like that, and everyone was like, holy crap, what's wrong with you, man? And he like peeled it off

and chucked it at the wall and was so terrified. And I never told him what it was. I was waiting. What? This sounds like a really mental vacation. When you throw them at the wall, did you ever throw a pass at the wall?

I still do that to this day. Do you really? I think it's fun. Yeah, when spaghetti's done, it will stick to the wall, did you ever throw pasta at the wall? I still do that to this day. Do you really? I think it's fun. Yeah, when spaghetti's done, it will stick to the wall. Yeah. That's overdone. No, it's not. You Americans cook your pasta too long.

I don't like my spaghetti al dente. Oh, you got to like it al dente. It means with teeth. Here's a question. So do you wear daisies? Well, no. Is that a thing? I've never heard of those before.

I mean, I've seen burlesque dancers, but they usually have tassels, which are way more... They would show up way more than a nipple. Yeah. If they had a big tassel stuffed in there. Well, I wear something to cover my genitals. Yeah, so that you'll look like Ken. A merkin. A merkin.

It's called a marmot. So, that sounds like a great vacation. Sounds like a family vacation. I wasn't at all in over her. No, yeah, not even close. I'm glad you shared the experience. Yeah. You know, if we need to create a subset called embarrassing vacations.

Embarrassing nipples. What happened there, Nicole? I just spilled Guinness all over my sweater. Do you sometimes underestimate the size of the last sip? Yeah, I'm not very good at drinking. Sure. What? Like in any respect.

Well, oh, you mean like physically you're not good at drinking. Yeah, like the physical task of it is quite difficult. Like orange juice goes up your nose in any respect. Well, oh, you mean like physically you're not good at drinking? Yeah, like the physical task of it is quite difficult. Like orange juice goes up your nose in the morning? If you had them, I would take a sippy cup. Next one. Hey guys, this is Brennan calling from Chicago. I got an overheard for you. I was waiting for the bus the other day,

and two bros were in line for a Flogging Molly concert, and I just heard one of them say, oh, well, I'd totally piss on a girl. The other one cuts him off to go, oh, dude, take it easy. All right, love the show. Well, you gotta, otherwise it'll

interrupt the stream. Take it easy. What was the concert that they were going to? Clogging Molly. Why was that? I don't know what that is. They're like an Irish band. I assume it's Irish involved. There are no Molly hatchet.

No. Would you piss on a girl? Go. I'm not going to answer that question. Yes. I'll answer that question. No. I don't understand what the... Am I trying to get the tattoo off her forehead? My question is,

if you spend your whole sexual times peeing on somebody... Please bore that. They're called sexy times. Yeah, sorry. Then don't you just get... like, I don't know, wouldn't, like, if you were in a public bathroom situation, wouldn't there be a risk of you...

Getting a hard-on? Yeah. Thanks for putting it so delicately. I don't even use that word. I'm sorry. Hard-on. Getting. Also, it's hard to...

Achieving is how you would say. I call it a boner. It's hard to pee with one A boner Hi Graham and Dave This is Everett in Vancouver with an overheard I was on transit the other day And I heard a girl and

Her friend who was a guy Playing truth or dare And the girl asked Are you circumcised? And the guy said, um, I don't know, half? And the girl said, um, I'm going to have to see that.

Oh, hey. Hey, fellas. I think we just found your way to... Your truth turned into a dare. Yeah. No, there's no such thing. As being half-circumcised? Yeah, how would you be?

I don't want to know. No, neither do I. But also, what a great line to like, well, I gotta see it. What? That's not what I would say. What would you say? Go to a doctor.

Yeah. Ask your parent. Clean it thoroughly anyway. Also, why is somebody asking somebody if they're circumcised? Truth or dare? Well, that's fine at a part. It was on the bus. Yeah.

They weren't spinning a bottle. There was no blacklight. And there was no closet for the possible seven minutes in heaven. Right. Is that how many minutes? Yeah, I think so. How many minutes? It possible seven minutes in heaven right is that how many minutes yeah i think so how many minutes it's seven minutes in heaven seven minutes good lord that's a long time it's a long time to pretend to kiss i'm an adult man i don't know seven minutes i don't know if i could uh certainly not in a closet did you ever play it yeah but did you ever actually do anything in the closet i don't think we would go seven minutes i don't

think i like i know i've played seven minutes in heaven? I don't think we would go seven minutes. I don't think I, like, I know I've played seven minutes in heaven, but I don't think I ever did anything. Yeah, I went into the room and we were like, well, there's a Nintendo in here. You're like, you just started going through all everybody's coats. What parties were you at where instead of going into the closet for seven minutes in heaven, you went into another room with a video game system. Well, the closet is full of cones. There's no room to maneuver. Fine.

No, I think the party was in a basement and there were no closets. Okay. Okay. I had at one point a girl during Spin the Bottle, it landed on me and she said, re-spin. Oh. I would never, for the record, re-spin.

Yeah, no, that's against the rules. I mean for you, Graham. Oh, yeah. Pass more for the win. Yeah, you thought she was in a committed relationship. Dave, however. Sorry, Julio Sorry, Vincent

Gallo Gallo Hey, fellas, this is Thomas from Wisconsin A friend of mine was at a zoo with his brother And they were enjoying listening to fathers talking to their children and laughing at how the fathers suddenly became zoological experts whenever the kids had a question. Well, they happened to be standing in front of the lion cage,

and the man next to them had three kids, all between the ages of three and six. And he said to the kids, now, you see that lion over there? The one with the mane? That's a pop lion. And that other one, the one over there with the tits? That's the mama lion. Now, he said, out in the wild, he'd have to fight for his woman, but here in captivity,

he gets that poontang pie for free. And all the kids' eyes lighted up, and they started clapping and yelling, pie, pie, pie! Well, take care.

Well, I guess gone are the days of learning about the animal kingdom via Lion King. That's kind of unbelievable. There's a trace of unbelievability about it, but I wouldn't put anything past people in terms of saying something dumb. People are the dumbest. It's true. The dumbest catch. Hey, hey, yeah! I can't learn the lyrics. Everyone has a different version

of how that song goes. I've never seen the Lion King. No. Really? No. Really? Hakuna Matata. Mini-minya. Mini-minya. Did you really never see that? Really? Yeah. My. Yeah. I could know my daughter. Many. Many. Yeah. And I'm in. Yeah.

I'm in. Yeah. No. Did you really never see? I'm doing the. You really never. You soon to do a part from in your eyes. In your eyes.

Is that all the. Oh, we got one more. Oh, it's a little long. I'm ready for it. If you have the time. Nicole. Buckle up. Here we go one more. Oh. It's a little long. I'm ready for it. If you have the time. Nicole. Buckle up. Here we go.

Enjoy the ride. Buckle hats. If you're a pilgrim. I'm a pilgrim. I'm a pilgrim. I'm a pilgrim. I'm a pilgrim. Hi, Dave, Graham, and guests, if there is one.

This is Amber from North Carolina. I have an overseen. To give you a little backstory, I work in a kind of open-air shopping center that has lots of restaurants and clothing stores and like an AT&T store and bars and at about 5, about 5 on Friday and Saturday nights it turns into drunk town USA because everybody is going to the bars and so I work in one of these places, and I was leaving work at 2 a.m., which is when the bar stopped serving alcohol, and I was waiting for the elevator with two of the security guards for my work. And the elevator door opened, and I was kind of at an angle, so I didn't see what was inside the elevator at first.

was inside the elevator at first but I saw the security guard jaws drop and then I heard this kind of muttering coming from inside of the elevator and I kind of moved over to see and there was this woman I would say she was a hard 25 26 she wasn't in her 30s but she's been to the tanning bed too much. And she was walking out of the elevator by herself with her cell phone on her ear, top, no pants, just underwear, some really high shoes, and I'm assuming her skirt in her hand. And she was on her phone like, no, it just came out of the elevator. I'll meet you. I'll meet you. I'll meet you. She starts walking into the, she's totally unbothered by the way, like that she wasn't wearing any pants and three people saw her.

She starts walking into the epicenter of all of the drunk people, and the security guards kind of rush after her like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, because she can't walk around with no pants on. So I look, I'm kind of just giving her like, oh, wow, and go to go in the elevator, and I look down, and I see a trail of wetness coming from her shoes leading to the gigantic pile of, not pile, but puddle of urine that she had left in the elevator. Because Miss can't handle Saturday night, I guess.

So, yeah, that was my overseen. Wow. And that was a little long. But, yeah, love the podcast. That was epic first of all hey it's drunk town usa that's what i thought right off the bat well the way you were singing it sounded like the lion from the day we arrived in drunk town stinking of old whiskey pretty good what is that that's from the it's liking you've never seen it so um but i have the soundtrack i don't recognize

so the girl that she saw was kesha right she's kesha. Guys, I love Kesha. She's getting a little too... She's getting a little too... I hope the po-po don't shut her down. Wow, so an open-air mall? I don't understand. When I went

down to LA to go see the Pee Wee Herman thing. That was an open air mall. Was it the Grove? No, it was where the Lakers play. It's a gigantic complex. Oh, the lay play. The Staples complex.

Yes. And there's this kind of weird semicircle thing. and there's a roof, but there's no doors. Yeah. Yeah, I've been, well, like, outlet malls are kind of like that. No. Bigger than a mini mall, but also with a restaurant. Larger than a bread box. But no, not, but, like, I think what they're talking about is something where there's no walls.

There's a roof and buildings, but there's no... Like a courtyard, maybe? Yeah, it's an outside thing. Yeah, maybe there's not a roof. Or maybe there is. Like a glass. With a rain. Yeah, to stop rain.

You know, for rain. Where did she say... Did she say she was from North Carolina? North Carolina. They have to have a roof. That's true. Oh, yeah. With hurricane season. Yeah.

I don't know. And the Dawson's Creek crew. Anyways, how would you be able to separate any girl with no pants from any other girl with no pants? Isn't that the way that the gals are doing it? The puddle of urine. What? She hate me. What?

The, um... You combined the puddle of mud song, She Hates Me, with XFL. what's the um you combined the puddle of mud song she hates me with xfl player he hate me oh and also there was a movie called uh she hate me a spikely movie um

the uh um what's when are you too drunk is it is it when any bodily fluids escape you? Because when I heard that, I was like, well, at least she hasn't barfed. Yeah, I guess. What? No way.

I know. Pee is way worse than barf, but you can function. Oh, but pee before barf. Never. Everybody larf. Barf before pee by a scarf oh now I really have to pee

or is it barf no it's pee well let's wrap this guy up okay well honestly if there is anybody out there that is a listener or has referred the podcast to a listener that they believe is older than 61 we would like to hear from you

we want to know who is the oldest person who is listening to Stop Podcasting Yourself and not just one time you can't just play it for a 90 year old one time and say I'm talking about somebody who's listening to it you could quiz them also I want a medical diagram

drawn of my own body I want to request diagram drawn of my own body. I want to request that formally. Fran in Atlanta. Send us your ketamine. If you don't have ketamine, we'll take PCP. Sure. Here's the thing, though. We call it angel dust.

We put this out a couple weeks ago, and I asked Dave on the way down here tonight. Should Graham start a Tumblr? I'm gonna. But yeah, first of all, should Graham start a Tumblr? I'm gonna. First of all, should I start a Tumblr? Will you guys visit? Second of all, if for reals, if we actually did a harbor cruise, would people actually buy a ticket?

It may cost $30 a ticket because renting a boat is very expensive. I will be so mad the whole time yeah would there be food yeah so there'd be like snacks yeah there'd be at the very least and then you could buy some drinks yeah there'd be drinks you can get tipsy i would go so nicole's on so it's the podcast nicole will be there she's not she's not gonna wear any pants because that's not in a

committed relationship coming as long as there are some guys that look like Mick Jagger. But if people are really serious, I'm trying to actually find out what the real amount of people that are interested in this are. In this room, there are two. That's right. Nicole and Graham.

Okay. Also, something else that Dave and I and other comedians in town and just general fans of comedy are trying to get enough people on board for is to have a gentleman that neither Dave and I know but has started up the Facebook group, bring Paul F. Tompkins to Vancouver. So far, there's just over half of the amount of people that you need. Not bad for a couple of weeks. Yeah, and I think we can do it. We need 300 people, and then I guess you arrange the venue and whatnot after. But we would love to have Paul F. Tompkins. He's a nice guy.

He said a nice thing about us. He said we're very charming. But yeah, if you're interested in that, there's a Facebook group. You can find it through the Facebook page for Star Podcasts. Our Facebook page. Yeah. Nicole, if people want to find you online, you have a lot of great stuff online. You were part of the 2010 thing that Sean Devlin put together.

You were great. I was part of 2010 Real Stories, which was really awesome. A series of films with vancouver comedians by sean devlin really really great you should check those out and where do they find nicole passmore online oh um well hey you can always add me as a facebook friend because apparently i don't discriminate uh and definitely after the last time i was on here, some of your fans added me. A little bump? Why not? They can find me there.

I have an old Twitter. Why don't we go with better things? You can see what improv I'm doing at rosaparksimprov.com. You can check out pumptrolleycomedy.com which is the bi-weekly sketch improv and stand-up show that I help run with a bunch of awesome Vancouver comedians. If you're interested in it,

actually, the Canadian Improv Games is webcasting the finals this year. Really? You can go to improv.ca and knock on wood yeah I'm not saying anything about this year's team that's the closest thing we got

I just knocked on particle board not wood from Ikea but if you are interested in watching the finals of the tournament you can do that at improv.ca and ponyhunters.ca ponyhunters.ca so many things to plug

my sketch group with Caitlin Fontana and if you're in Vancouver if you're in Vancouver for all you locals from April 7th to 10th at the Havana Theater we're doing an improv series called Young and Spontaneous just

type in Young and Spontaneous Vancouver in a search engine and you's Y-O-U-N-G. Wow. Ampersand. Ampersand. And if you're interested in some tight American Apparel West Van. Yep. If I don't get fired for bad-mouthing Dove Charney.

Yeah, suck it up, Dove. Graham, do you have anything to plug? Just that I really wanted to get people on board for the Paul F. Tompkins thing. And if people are really interested in a Harbor Cruise, I'll make it. I will make it happen. What about Winnipeg? When you're in Winnipeg? Oh, yeah.

If there's any bumpers, listeners in Winnipeg, I'm going to be there the 9th to the 11th. I don't know which show. I know one show I'm doing. I'm doing on the Friday night, the Late Show Gala at the... It's part of the Winnipeg Comedy Fest. Yes, and I'm part of the gala there. I don't think I'm doing any of the shows.

I might be, but I don't think so. But I'm definitely on that show. So if anybody wants to come out, if you can't afford to come to the show, I'll figure it out. I'll make it happen for you. I'll try and make it happen for you if you're a fan of the show.

Dave, do you have anything to plug? No. Okay. But yeah, if you enjoyed the show, you can write to us, stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com

or you can call us at 206-339-8328 and if you like the show, do tell your friends. Pass it on to your mom who's an illustrator for the human body. Human form. It's natural. Also,

that's the one other thing. We got a... So many plugs. I know. No, you know, don't worry about it. Just go to stoppodcastingYourself.com and if you like the show, tell your friends and come on back. Yeah, join the forums.

Ah, so much stuff. Just say the thing. Plug, plug, plug. But just, please, come on back next week because we've got another great edition of Stop Podcasting Yourself.