Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 110 - Jason Bryden

Episode Date: April 19, 2010

Comedian Jason Bryden returns to talk about Foursquare, fatherhood, and Conan O'Brien.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 110 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is the only man who I would ever trust the answer to the question, fucking magnets, how do they work? Mr. Dave Shumka. And I don't want to hear from any scientists.

Right. I just want, because the scientists, they lie. Is that what the line is? Yeah, and they are making you pissed. Oh, right. They're making me pissed. We're referencing the new Insane Clown Posse video. And joining us today, a three-peat guest, a charmer, an actor, comedian, producer, most recently came back from Los Angeles just before he left to go to Los Angeles released on the internet a series

of short films under the title The Staff Room A web series, we're going to call it a web series Yeah, it's a web series, webisodes Yeah And a favorite here at Stop Podcast Yourself Mr. Jason Bright Thank you for having me

Thanks for coming back My pleasure, I've been asking you for having me. Thanks for coming back. My pleasure. I've been asking you for weeks, I think. I don't think that's true. Technically, I did send an email weeks ago. Yeah, but... So, when did you arrive back in Vancouver? Saturday night. Okay.

Now, let's get to know us. Get to know us. Now, here's what we know us. Get to know us. Now, here's what we know about Jason. Here are some facts that he may wish to talk about. Yeah. Comedian. Fine. Fine.

Who wants to talk about that? Not necessarily a fan of the Insane Clown Posse because he didn't start singing along with our introduction. Okay. Big, don't interrupt. I swear to God, Graham. Big user of Foursquare. New, proud new father. Yes.

That he knows of. In that order. Hey now. Big time vacationer. Been out of town forever. I love to travel. We've been out of town forever. I love to drag.

And a man who, right before we recorded this podcast, said he wanted to be more like Richard Branson. Oh, that's right. He certainly has the coloring for it. I do, but not the entrepreneurial spirit. Let's start with Branson and work our way back. We'll see if we can find time for the baby. This is how we solve problems. You work backwards. You said you saw Richard Branson on Oprah.

You said, I gotta be more like him. I was talking to somebody on the phone, and I said, oh, gotta go. Oprah's on. That is the kind of routine that I've, as I was saying to you earlier, I'm not out in the world thinking, No, I'm not. Fucking magnets, how do they work? How do they work? I'm sorry, I got that backwards.

I'm working backwards. I'm not at home thinking, God, I want to go out and party with this newfound fatherdom. I'm actually at home thinking, I would love to watch Oprah right now with my wife. And Richard Branson was on it, and whatever, it didn't, it just showed him in his beautiful house on Necker Island in the Caribbean, Would love to watch Oprah right now with my wife. And Richard Branson was on it. And whatever.

It just showed him in his beautiful house on Necker Island in the Caribbean. And I thought that would be great. I've seen that house on Cribs. Oh, really? True story. I love Cribs. That's a great show. Yeah.

There's bad voyeurism TV and there's good. Oh, this isn't the show about L.A. gangs. Crips. That's a different show. Cribs, Unk. What's that? I didn't know either. Yeah, me neither.

But he's a rapper from Atlanta, I think, or West Virginia. Hotland. Hotland. I should have known to call that. I listen to all of your podcasts. I should have known to call that. I listen to all of your podcasts. And Unk was this rapper, and he doesn't have a crib. He has an attached two-bedroom home.

Okay. I think they call them track housing. Track housing. Yeah, track housing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was on cribs. Man, he was proud as a peacock. He opened up the door to the bathroom with great flair and said, His and her think.

He hit himself with the door. That's why he spoke with a swelled lip. Yeah, he did. But what about Richard Bratton? Is it just that he of that. Yeah. Swallowed lip. Yeah, he is. So what about Richard Bratton? Is it just that he owns property? Yeah. No, because he takes risks and gets it done and flies a balloon. Yeah, that's true.

He's a jet setter and a self-made man, and he's adventuresome and brave. I guess he is. What was the... He tried to fly... It wasn't around the world, but across the Arctic in a balloon? Is that right? Or over Everest?

Or under the sea? Whatever. It wasn't under the sea. Whenever one of these billionaire thrill-seekers does something, it's like they've set the parameters of what's a challenge. Sure, fly a balloon over the Arctic. Oh, yeah, like it's nobody daring them.

Yeah, like, I don't know if that's a big deal. You tell me. You're the balloon expert. That's true. He, I don't like him. I'll go, there you go. Like, it's not that I don't like him, but I think, I don't like him. I'll go, there you go. It's not that I don't like him, but I think, I don't know. I don't need him telling me how I should live my life. He lives in a fantasy world.

You just moved like Charlie Demers. Did I? Yeah. We spent a lot of time together. Former guest Charlie Demers. Former guest. One of the funniest people I know. Easily.

I'd like to be more like Charlie Demers, too. Really? Yeah. Because of his balloon conquests. God, he's such a great ballooner. The trips he's taken. The things he's seen. Did Oprah have Richard Branson on because she's been known to balloon from time to time?

No, but good one, Dad. Thanks. She didn't have Richard Branson on. She sent an emissary to interview him on his island. Oprah does a lot on Skype. Not on Skype, but there is a big tie-in. Oprah's padding the coffers. Yeah, yeah.

She has got tie-ins with Pillsbury, Skype. Pillsbury, Skype. Raspberry with Pillsbury Skype Pillsbury Skypes Raspberry Pillsbury Skypes She doesn't have enough money I don't think she thinks she has enough money To fly this whole Balloon Her own balloon TV show What do you think happens?

Do you think that you hit a certain amount of money and then you go, I guess I need more money? What drives you? Because I'm with you. I would be one of those people that implode. If I got you, there would be trouble.

So if you got like... If all of a sudden somehow, some venture you took a part of, say, for the sake of argument, you put in some sort of balloon company. Yeah, filled with cash. It, quote unquote, blows up. You make, let's say you make two and a half million dollars, which isn't, it's not Branson money. Two and a half mil, I'd be fine. You wouldn't go crazy? I'd be fine. I wouldn't, no. Nothing would change.

So where's your implode level? Two and a half bil. Oh, well, who wouldn't? I would do some terrible things, I think. What would you do terrible things to yourself or to others? No, no, not to myself. Okay. No, I think I to myself. Okay.

No. I think I would try and buy another human. That's easy enough. You don't need to be a two and a half billionaire to do that. Asian girl babies. So hot right now. I think I'd try and buy babies easily. I thought you meant like a full grown human with dignity. Oh, like... That's good. That's better. Dignity. Yeah. full-grown human with dignity. Oh, like...

That's good. That's better. Dignity. Yeah. Buy somebody's dignity. I think I'd try and buy an election or something. Like, oh, yeah. I'd try and change the course of history to my liking.

Or I would force upon people my idea of entertainment. I would try and legislate taste. Oh, okay. I think that's something I would do. Yeah, sure. I would buy up land in places where there was gas. There was oil. Or gold.

I thought you meant like a geyser or something. Oh, okay. I would do things to spite people. I would buy a plan where there's gas. Here's a question. It deals with misanthropy and wealth. Who do you think... Do you guys know?

I have no idea. Who is the richest person who's in prison? And who's the richest person who's in prison for life? I'm going to say that whoever it is. Do you know the answer to this? No, I don't. But I would like to see like a Discovery Channel special on it. It's a great reality TV show right there. It's somebody who is in prison who's affiliated with the Mexican drug trade.

Okay. That's my guess. Or some kind of organized crime. Yeah. I'd go with, did any of the WorldCom or Enron people go to jail? Some of them. I think so. Yeah.

There may be some people there. There may also be... No, lost it. Okay. Wesley Snipes. Yeah. Because he stole that money train with Woody Harrelson. How come Woody Harrelson didn't go to jail for that?

Racism. That's right. Because the system is built against him. Guys. Yeah. Okay. So we've tackled Branson. Branson.

What's next? Vacationing Baby and Fort Square. Wait. Vac What's next? Vacationing Baby and Forbes Square. Wait. Vacationing Baby. Vacationing Baby for 200 hours. Can we make a movie called Vacationing Baby? Yeah. We can do it right now.

How much? How many Branson bucks? When I say Branson bucks, I mean that's a mil. Sure. One million dollars equals one Branson buck. And you can only spend them at Branson theme parks in Branson, Missouri. In Branson, Missouri. So you can only buy them at Branson theme parks. In Branson, Missouri. So you can only buy unlimited tickets to

Yakov Smirnoff concerts. Concerts. That's what he calls them, right? What are they called? Plays? Gigs. They're called gigs. If it's at the same theater, is it every night called a gig? It's called dinner. Isn't there a buffet? Oh yeah, probably. You guys gotta go there. Come on. Why haven't isn't there a buffet oh yeah probably man let's go you guys gotta go there come on why there's certain things that you once you reference uh

something a certain number yeah you have to go there and find out if you're an asshole yeah well you gotta find out for sure we're definitely gonna have to fight ivan drago yeah we're gonna have to fight ivan drago preferably in branson, Missouri. While Saved by the Bell is being taped. Yeah, correct. So how many Branson bucks do you think we can make with Vacationing Babies? Well, there's a new movie called Babies coming out. Is there really? It's just called Babies?

I don't know. The trailer? So cute. You guys have to see it. I don't know. The trailer? So cute. You guys have to see it. And there's a nice Sufjan Stevens or some that kind of vain Decemberist.

A Devendra Banhart. Yeah, exactly. Soundtrack playing. Complicated name, gentlemen. Gentlemen that are sensitive and mostly just women like listening to them. Sure. So I think we ride on their coattails. Is this an IMAX movie about babies?

Yeah, inside a baby. Yes. 3D inside. Babies inside out. Yeah. Oh, that sounds so terrible. You think that... A baby inside out?

You need a tiny camera to go inside a regular person. Hold me closer, tiny camera. There you go. Now I'm on track. He's doing it the Branson way. How was your baby vacation? Baby vacation was good. He was two weeks when we left.

We drove down to... And this is your first of many babies? First of many. We're going to have 10 or 12. We drove down to Los Angeles for pilot season. Did he score any? He did very well. He's going to be in babies.

He came close. He did come close to a... Fuck, I can't do it. I'm sorry. You're an exhausted father. So you went down with a brand new kid. And a wife. Brand new.

And a brand new wife. Yes. That's not easy. Because that's kind of from while I've gathered from Tales of Pilot Season. That's not an easy time. That's not a fun time. It's not a relaxing time. No, the first five weeks of babydom are hell.

At least that was ours. A friend of mine said the first month is horrible. So I had day 30 marked on a calendar and nothing changed. And you did like in the movies where you scratched it off each day? Big old X. He works hard for his money or whatever. Time passed. Yeah, totally. No, and nothing changed.

I'm keeping my baby. Week five, he started to get, I don't know, less baby-like. Colicky. Less of that. Less complaining. Less curmudgeon-y. Okay. So then things got better.

He's kind of an old man baby. Total old man baby. Yeah. He looks at you. Wears a lot of tweed. Up until recently, he would look at you like. Always watching the History Channel. Let's lose a racial.

So that was that. We spent six weeks down there. And then we spent a week driving up. And driving down, we did it in three days. Henry, the baby, loved the car. He would sleep the whole way. So he didn't take any shifts.

No, he wasn't at the wheel. He would navigate. But then on the way back, he was old enough to get bored of staring at the seat in front of him. It's true. I think a baby can get lulled to sleep in a car for years. He was unhappy on the way back, and he didn't get lulled once.

Maybe he just doesn't like going north. Maybe. Oh, fair enough. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe that's his orientation. Maybe. Fucking magnets.

How do they work? Yeah, well, nobody knows. Have you put sunglasses on your baby yet and taken a photo no but that is a great idea i think i'm gonna start with the kanye west venetian blind glasses there's nothing funnier than a baby wearing sunglasses well i mean there's a lot of things funnier but there's nothing i'm i more want to see new parents do than put sunglasses yeah sure or on their dog's butt. Yeah, yeah. Either or. Yeah. If you could do one and kind of do like one of those split shots where it's one of the baby with glasses and then a dog's butt with the same glasses.

Yeah, like before and after. And then say vote underneath. 200,000 hits on YouTube right there. That's 200,000 hits on YouTube. That's a one and a half Branson's. Great. We're halfway there to a budget. All right.

We're going to make a movie. You love babydom. Yeah. Love babydom. Now, what is Foursquare? Yeah, tell us about Foursquare, Jason. Because we both follow you on Twitter, and it is unbearable.

Your Twitter updates, just tell us where you are, and give us a thing to click on. Well, I've changed my habits with Foursquare. Which is a thing. Yeah, explain what Foursquare is. Foursquare is an app that locates you where you are. And it's a competition. It affixes points.

It's a competition. It affixes points. So the more you check in, the higher you are in the Foursquare ratings among your Foursquare friends. So you want to check in as much as possible so that I am... And the more you alienate your Twitter friends. Right. If you were to spend a moment caring. Because I do read Shrimpka's tweets. Yeah, because I'm excellent at it.

You are excellent on Facebook. It's gone downhill. You complain about your boss all the time. And some of them, now this may be my fault, some of your tweets are so obtuse, I have no idea what I'm reading.

I don't know what obtuse even means. Please, he's being... I don't know what obtuse even means. Please, he's being I don't know the word. Quadratical. So anyways, I've turned the functions off now on the Foursquare app so that it only alerts Foursquare friends, not Twitter

friends or Facebook friends. Thank you. You're welcome. I also tweet by the way. Oh, I do. You know what? Don't worry about it. Here's my constructive criticism for you. You're welcome. I also tweet, by the way. Oh, I do. You know what? I know. Yeah. Don't worry about it. Here's my constructive criticism for you. Go ahead.

Now that it's all out. By the way, if you tweet the same as you Facebook, I don't know about that. Oh, the Twitter just gets to the Facebook? No good? I got to do two different? You i gotta do two different you gotta do two different otherwise why am i following you on twitter can i just go on foursquare on facebook you can tell people know where i'm tweeting from i would love to be your friend what if i'm always at my house though would it just say still there because that's not safe because then criminals

will find out when you're not at your house when when you're not Foursquaring, and they'll go in and steal your shit. I read an article. Why did I friend San Quentin Prison on Foursquaring? That's stupid. Because you love ass play. Hey, I get it. Okay, I get it. They're the opening act for Coldplay.

Guys. Guys. Dave, what's going on with you? Well, A, number one. I think you're a great Twitter. Thank you. I agree. I regret bad-mouthing his Twitter for square over that. He came back strong.

But, I mean, if they're too obtuse for him, maybe he needs to do some more research. I don't have the time. I know. You're too busy. I don't PVR. You're at Marie's Cakes in Toronto. I don't PVR these. I know, you're too busy. I don't PVR. You're at Marie's Cakes in Toronto. I don't PVR these shows I've never heard of. I don't know how you do it. Oh, well, you just click record.

No, you know what I'm talking about. I'm not sure what I'm talking about. Don't be so straight ahead. Guys, I'm going to get a little obtuse here. Yeah, go ahead. And by which I mean acute. Yeah. Okay. What do you mean cute? Yeah, I'm going to get a little obtuse here. Yeah, go ahead. And by which I mean acute. Yeah. Okay.

What do you mean cute? Yeah, I'm a cute guy. Let's see. What's been going on? I trimmed my beard unevenly. Really? Well, I've always grown a beard and then gotten sick of it and shaved it. And never trimmed.

I've had a dozen beards. Sure. Never gotten to the point where I've always just let it get out of control and then shaved it all off. Yeah. And then the other day I was like, well, maybe I like this and I should just trim it and just, you know, keep it neat. Yeah. But it's patchy now. Oh, no.

It's an Apache beard. It's an Apache beard. It's rugged for playoffs. Sure. Oh, no. It's an Apache beard. It's an Apache beard. It's rugged for playoffs. Sure.

But for the hockey playoffs, I think you're supposed to start with a blank canvas. Tabula rasa. Caveat emptor. And then you start from there. Oh. So otherwise it doesn't count? I don't know. I don't believe in luck.

Oh. I think you make your own luck. Oh, okay. You got to be good to be lucky and lucky to be good. Any more luck things? Chance favors the prepared. Yeah. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Fortune favors the brave.

24-7. Lucky, lucky. Look who's ducky. No. At the end of the day. You're another day older. Bottom line. Les Mis. Very good. And what else? This past weekend, we went,

Abby and I, went down to Seattle to visit my brother and my nieces and my sister-in-law and her parents. Not really her parents. So a family trip. Yeah. What do you mean, not really her parents? Well, they only speak Vietnamese. But they're charming people.

Yeah. Yeah. Did you learn any kind of just casual phrases? I learned some when my brother, I think, started dating her. My brother lived in Vietnam for about a year. Yeah. And he taught me a few things. Here's a few.

Camun. That's thank you. Yeah. Choi oi is my god. Okay. How do you say something, anything from Apocalypse Now? I love the smell of napalm in the morning. They know that, right?

They've seen the movie. Yeah. Kum-kum-ding-ding means crazy. Means the fight's about to start. Ding-ding. But yeah, it was a good weekend. I taught my... My niece is about to turn three in May.

Sure. Now, those kids must be cute. Oh, man. Boy, howdy. We taught her to say... You don't have to teach her to say anything. She just repeats what you say. And she asked...

Her name's Amy. She's almost three. And her one-year-old sister was crying a lot, her sister Kate. And she asked, why is Kate crying? And my brother said, oh, because she's a crybaby wimp. And so now Amy just kept saying, Kate's a crybaby wimp. I like it. And we went for breakfast and I taught her to say, where's my damn

waffle? Where's my damn waffle, crybaby wimp? The kid's gonna be a bully. You're raising a bully. Yeah, that's right. Older brothers and sisters are supposed to be bullies. Is that right? Well, I was bullied by all of mine. Teach your children well.

That's what I'm gonna do. Out of the mouths of babes. So you already put your kid into bully training? Maybe buy them a toque of some sort? I think Henry's gonna be bullied. Really? Yeah. Oh, give him an eye patch. Baby eye patch. Good idea. Baby eye patch

with the Kanye West visor sunglasses. Sure. Over or under? What goes on top? Glasses on top. Muscle shirt. If you want them to be tough, give them some of them knuckle tattoos. That's a great idea. What would be a good truncated name for knuckle tattoos?

Knuck-tat. Knuck-oos. Nickies. Knuck-oos. Knuck-tats. I think knuck-tats. Knuck-tats? Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Knuck-tats. Kn Nucktats I think Nucktats Yeah Nucktats?

Yeah Nucktatties? But then How does somebody say That they got a Vancouver Canucks tat? Tuckles? I gotta do Nucktat And then they're like

Chuch Nuckle Tuckles isn't bad Nuckle Tuckles Muckle Shoot Um Nuckle Ink Oh yeah Oh they're slang

Inkbone Inkbone Inkbone Well Ink How about an inky sandwich except that knuckles and sandwiches aren't necessarily synonymous oh that's true uh well we'll get back to this because it's going somewhere i'm gonna work on it yeah workshop it and um so that was my weekend. Any reactions? I love Seattle. Great town.

When in Seattle, where can I find you on the four square? I'll be in Wallingford at Dick's. Is that the burger joint? Yes. That only has hamburgers, cheeseburgers, milkshake, fries, and that's it on the menu? That is it. And Sir Mix-a-Lot sings about it.

Oh, really? Sings or raps? Raps. Oh, sorry. Great song. Great restaurant. It's called... The song is called Dicks?

No. I don't remember... I like big dicks. I like big dicks. It was in his gay phase. I don't remember, but his... The line is, why don't we eat at Dick's instead? Yeah, I went there and somebody said, like, you're going to love it.

It's a novelty. You go to this place. Yeah, you can't order anything except what's on the menu. No substitutions allowed. Right? Am I right about that? Yeah, you can't order anything except what's on the menu. No substitutions allowed. Right? Am I right about that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't say, no, I don't want tomato or whatever, because they'll just...

They don't have tomato. No, what is it? It's just a bun and then burger and then the condiments? It's one of those places where the menu hasn't changed since the 50s or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or the decor. Sure. Or the decor. Sure. Or the people serving it.

Sure. I had a moment the other day when I was at a Harvey's restaurant. You know, you have to tell them. And I'm sure this just happens to everybody. Harvey's is a hamburger joint. They make your hamburger a beautiful thing. Yeah, they make it to order. It's like a Subway of hamburgers.

Sure. And it's only really good of hamburgers. Sure. And it's only really good because of an ingredient called nostalgia. And also an ingredient called airport, which is mostly where you find them. Or Home Depot. Home Depot is where I go. Those are the magic ingredients.

Nostalgia, Home Depot, and airport. A real lack of competition. Exactly. But I like Harvey's because they have a really good veggie burger uh-huh and uh but when i was getting the toppings i had one of those moments where your brain drops a word and you can't and replaces it with the n word yeah i think it's there's a name for this condition where you scream out uh but i i couldn't remember ketchup it was like what when people who have a stroke say they can't say a word like they used to know what it was so like i was pointing at the bottle of ketchup and i couldn't like that

red sauce no i said tomato i pointed at it like I was a kid and said tomato Ketchup The guy who at best had a tenuous hold on English Was looking down on me like Do you mean ketchup? Get it together, pal Shitbag Get out of my Home Depot

That's right Take your plywood and get out So, yeah, that was my hamburger. Shall we get to know you, Graham? Well, speaking of Harvey's, I was at the airport eating Harvey's because I went to Winnipeg. Oh, whip an egg. To the Winnipeg Comedy Festival, which I've never been to before. How was that?

It was great. I went to Winnipeg once many years ago to visit a friend. Was it Randy Backman? Yeah, he was in a small band called the Backman Five. And it was great. Winnipeg's neat. It's a neat city. They're friendly. They're friendly and they have lots of theaters and culture. Why do they need to be? I don't know.

They're so folksy. It's like a small town. But it's like a tiny metropolis, isn't it? They need to be nice because why? Like, you don't go there for the decor. Are you saying that they're unattractive? No, not the people. I'm just saying that the town feels feel Seems like a bit of Hell on earth

I don't think that A. I disagree with that statement It's just like any other city There's rough parts and nice parts No I just mean like the climate The climate is punishing But if you're anywhere in Canada Aside from Vancouver

Or possibly Victoria You could say the same for any city So it's not exclusive in having horrible, punishing weather, because that's... But they're friendly. People are friendly there. Culture is very important. The comedy festival is excellent. People who listen to the podcast went out of their way to come see me perform at the

gala show. I'm sorry I called you names. Yeah, what a jerk over there. And how did you know they went out of... After the show, there was... Everybody that was on the show had to sit at a table and sign autographs if people wanted them. And there was the two gentlemen that run the Hot Cakes podcast. Sure.

And a gentleman, I want to say his name is Todd, who was the person who made it possible that people could get in. Oh, yeah. He was the one who arranged tickets. Sure. And a gentleman, I want to say his name is Todd, who was the person who made it possible that people could get in. Oh, yeah. He was the one who arranged tickets. Sure. And they introduced themselves after the show. Very nice. And said, oh, yeah, we're big fans of the podcast.

Which was nice, because I was seated next to one Trevor Boris, who everybody wanted to talk to. And the other... He was voted Canada's gayest comic? Well, I don't know about the gayest, but popular gay comic. Canada's most popular gay comic. And yeah, he's a hometown guy there as well.

So everybody wanted to get his autograph, and I was sitting next to him, and nobody really wanted my autograph. And that's understandable. Sure. So mostly, I just signed trevor boris as well if uh people felt obliged to give me the program here's something that might be offensive did anyone ask him to sign his wiener uh to sign his own wiener to sign their wiener no uh mostly

sign it with his mouth uh for anybody who doesn't know who tre Boris is, he is a gay gentleman. Yeah, we said he's Canada's most popular gay couple. No, but people could construe that as you were just saying that to be controversial. No, I never accuse people of being gay. You call me gay all the time. Sure, that's because you're a fag. You are gay. You're a total fag.

Look at your beard. You're a bear. Yeah, well, I would be a bear. You are a bear. Or a cub. Yeah, I, I would be a bear. You are a bear. Or a cub. Yeah, I'm a cub. I've got to grow into bear status. Not like you, Twinkie.

But Winnipeg was great. And the Nutty Club factory is there. It was right behind the hotel. Oh, Nutty Club is a... Type of candy? Type of candy, but they also make nuts? Yeah, but the only thing they manufacture still at that tiny factory is jelly beans. Jelly beans only.

Oh, what? Did it smell sugary? Yeah, and there was Oompa Loompas everywhere. Because at the bar around the corner is where the Loompas hang out. Fine. It was a legitimate question. It was close because it was the weekend. I know, but it might still have a sweet smell

of success. You know, here's my guess. The manufacturer of Jelly Beans? Not sweet smelling at all. That's my theory. Because it's gelatin, which is made of horses. So probably I would say it's not the best smell. Sure. They make jelly beans in glue. Yeah. If you

boiled down a jelly bean, you got a glue buster. Jason, don't touch that. Right, don't touch it. We gotta give you some sort of string or something. Shum string was talking about his dink it's gotten so gay in here you guys yeah not enough for my liking um there was one other thing oh you went to see conan last night i did i went and saw the traveling uh not allowed what

was it called prohibited from being funny on television tour okay in seattle no vancouver oh he came here yeah he's still here tonight. It was good. I'd love to see that. Well, get going. See you guys. Get out of here. well pretty good Ronald Reagan

he went back in time to the 80s how was Conan it was great where it was at the Orpheum. And he's not a stand-up guy. His thing is being... Wait, wait.

Wait. No, he's not a stand-up comedian. No. It seems to me he's a real stand-up guy. You heard what I said. uh he so it was like uh he he's a guy that like he's good when he's bouncing off of people when and when andy richter was on stage it was very funny and they did you know they brought out the masturbating bear and they brought out uh and for anybody who is going to one of the shows that uh he's traveling to stop listening now is it really spoilery or is the joy that

he's bringing out these things that you love yes like that's mostly the joy is that you don't know what what else he's gonna bring out from the show sure because he's not alone by nbc well that was the running gag is uh there's a running gag through the show like at one point the masturbating bear comes out and he says we can't you know technically we're not allowed to have the masturbating bear and then a stagehand comes out and puts a panda head on top of the masturbating bear and then he starts masturbating and uh which is great and what a relief yeah yeah and then they relief and uh they did you know uh of course course, the dog triumph was there.

And he had the lever. Ketchup. Yeah. Tomato. Red. Blobby. Just give me a blobby. Get it together, Bear.

And yeah, it was fun. And we thought, Dave and I were talking about it like last week or the week before, that it was just going to be filled with yahoos. Yeah. Like when Conan does, when he used to do live shows, like he went to Toronto one week, he went to San Francisco. And the TV versions of that were unbearable. It was just audience reaction the whole time. Just so much screaming. So it wasn't that.

Like it was actually when it was appropriate for people to go nuts, they went nuts. Because he did, at one point, he walked out in the audience and played guitar and stood up on somebody's seat. And that was fun. Everybody's going nuts. Did he do any pandering? Yeah. Did he do any Vancouver pandering? Yeah, they had bits written about Vancouver.

And he'll do that, I'm sure. Didn't Andy do street segments, too? Not really. Okay. Did he do any, like a doobie joke? Yeah. He did. Yeah, and they made fun of Jappadog, and they made fun of the Penthouse Strip Club.

Sure. They did, like, now a word from our sponsor and one of them was Jappadog. The Jappadog one was very funny. The Penthouse one will be the same one they do about whatever town strip club. Yeah. But the Jappadog one was good because you know that that was

outside their hotel. Right. You know, they read the sign, they made fun of, they were like, endorsed by Steven Seagal and Ice Cube. two actors who are struggling with obesity. So it was, you know, like, there was a lot of, there were a lot of good moments. Was it sold out? Totally. Oh, yeah, they had to add a second show.

Jappa Dog, for anyone who isn't from Vancouver, is a Japanese hot dog that people line up for for some reason. Yeah. It's a mystery to me. It's a hot dog with some nori on it and teriyaki sauce. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. But it's the one thing, the last time I had one, I've only had them twice, is because

it's the only hot dog cart near the movie theater. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I wanted a hot dog. But you're going to be late for your movie if you have to line up. I just missed the previews. And I don't care about Sex and the City 2. I don't.

It looks so bad. Liar. It looks so bad. Can I talk hot dogs? Yeah. Sure. Getting back to the gay. Yeah.

Puerto Vallarta. Uh-huh. PV. PV. PV. Do they have a Mexican hot dog? Christmas. Xmas. 2008. PV X Do they have a Mexican hot dog? Christmas. Xmas.

2008. PV Xmas 08. Two ancient Mexican people. Knuckle dinks. Knuckle dinks. Dinks. Christmas 08. Picture me.

Picture him. There's two ancient Mexican people With a hot dog stand Aztecs Or Omex Voted in Condé Nast Traveler magazine Top 10 hot dogs on earth In Puerto Vallarta

Miss Condé if you're nasty The hot dog is The same consistency as the bun. Soft and wet? The hot dog is the same consistency as the bacon that it is wrapped in. And then covered in a mango salsa. Delicious. With mayonnaise, ketchup, ketchup.

Thank you. And surrounded by people. Catch it. Thank you. And surrounded by people. It was the best hot dog I had ever eaten, and it's served to you by these Aztec-ian Mexican people. Yeah.

That I would understand people lining up for. Apocalypto. Japa dog, I don't understand. I was a little confused as to whether it was good or not when you said the hot dog was the same consistency as the bun. Isn't that a measure of fast food? That the meat and the bun and everything is the same. You bite into it. There's no struggle.

It's just ease of eating. It right down the gullet. It slips down. So, well, no. So, in your ideal world, A, you'd be flying balloons all over the world. Sure. B, you'd be flying balloons all over the world. Sure. B, you'd be eating mush of some sort. C, everyone would be as friendly as in Manitoba.

Well, hey, who couldn't vote for a world like that? Am I right? Windy Peg? Huh? Probably never been called that before. It's really windy there. And from every direction direction which is some sort of anomaly it's like a vortex it's all the winds are meeting there to fight yeah what is the

dominant wind a lot of satanists that's where the last airbender takes place balloon balloons i don't know what that means balloons hate when it's very obtuse yeah please, please explain, Airbender. I don't need to get the references. No, I do. What was it? I don't know. Oh. What is it in reference to? I think it's a film. The Last Airbender?

Yeah. All right. It's a sequel to Air Bud. The thing in Winnipeg, have either of you been to Winnipeg? Yes. Have you taken... Oh, I stopped there once. The plane had to refuel.

Yes, yes. So I'll there once. The plane had to refuel. Yes, yes. So I'll get this. They have underground tunnels all over downtown that connect all the buildings. Because it's so GD cold. Yeah, but it's like living in an ant farm. Right. Because you do. It's all tunnels.

What a terrible situation. Do you think? Yeah. Don't you think that'd be terrible to live in a place like that? There's a boulder chasing you the whole time as well. Did I mention that? That's what motivates you to get to work. Oh, that's great.

And blow darts. Yeah, there were lots of blow darts. And then you get back to your plane and it's not even running. The guy's a little fucking working on it. And most times the blow darts are just because it's so windy there. They're just flying all over the place. Yeah, someone left out the blow darts are just because it's so windy there. They're just flying all over the place. Yeah. Someone left out some blow darts.

Well, we should probably move on to some Overheard. Why not? Overheard. Overheards. If you've got a... I love that theme song. Yeah, right?

Yeah. It's held up over time. That's the greatest thing. They all seem to have. Although I miss the Chapeau Chinois. Yeah, we really only do the two segments let's play it celebrity crush hat crushing the hats celebrity crush hats go fuck yourself celebrity crush hat chapeau chinois celebrity crush hat crush hair there you go that's some good chapeau chinois we still say

chapeau chinois when we want to go eat Chinese food. Oh, good. Because that's what it means. The wife will say, what do you want? Chapeau chinois? Sure, let's do it. Did you take French as a child? Yes. Did you refer to the accent s'il conflègue as a chapeau chinois?

The first thing I didn't know about, so I wasn't referring to it as anything. Obtuse. Have you gotten over the obtuse comment yet? Not quite. No, I think maybe you just don't know anything. Wow. Apparently you haven't gotten over it. No, I'll take that to the grave. Your grave.

All right. Overheard. No more fighting. Let's not turn this into another John Doerr episode. Oh, God. We love John Doerr. Yep. He's great.

Two out of three of us love John Doerr. Now, overheards. You know what the drill is. Yeah. Things you've overheard, right? It ain't rocket science. Exactly. Unless you overheard somebody talking about rocket science and they said something hilarious.

Yeah. Then why not? We like to start with the guest, Jason. Exactly. Unless you overheard somebody talking about rocket science and they said something hilarious. Then why not? We like to start with the guest, Jason. By the way, 40th anniversary of Apollo 13. Oh, Houston, we have a problem. That's it. Thank you. It seems like it just came out like 10 years ago. That's an overheard, basically. Unless you were the one getting the message directly. Sure.

Oh, by the way, the archivalival footage not as good as the movie yeah well it didn't have Kevin Bacon in it think about that great movie Ron Howard brings it to life when they jettison that urine what an interplanetary golden shower

I do have an overheard I overheard. I overheard a homeless male person say... Oh, wait a minute. Now, are we talking about a homeless person who delivers the mail?

No. Okay. All right. A homeless courier opposite of female. Sure. Okay. A man.

A man. A real man. Say to a homeless female person. And I think he was recounting an anecdote. I think he was trying to impress her with some laughs. Sure. And he said to her as we walked past, you know, you're not the only person in the state with a subscription to crossbow monthly he would know that because he delivers the mail yeah exactly right he was delivering that

crossbow monthly what do you think are we talking uh pictorials or are we talking oh yeah there's got to be a centerfold yeah yeah miss uh Quiver. Sure. Robin Quivers. Yeah, yeah. Isn't that what it's called? Arrows in the Quiver? Yeah, yeah, you know. Is the Quiver what holds the arrows? Yeah.

It's the thing what holds the arrows. Yeah. That what? Wow. Crossbow Monthly. Yeah. Crossbow Monthly. I can see quarterly.

Yeah, totally. CQ. Dave, do you have an overheard? I sure do. Oh, sure do. As I mentioned a couple weeks ago, I was taking a class, a night class in copywriting. The Creative Art Persuasion. I know you are, but what am I?

No, wait. That's not it. Go ahead. That's copycatting. Yeah. Thank you. No, wait, that's not it. Go ahead. That's copycatting.

Yeah. Thank you. It was a, and the class was filled with people whose jobs had paid for them to go to it. So a lot of people who didn't pay their own way, didn't really have a lot invested in it. Had to be there for work. Yeah, but were just obnoxious and opinionated about everything. Because it's not a real class. I don't think we got graded on it.

We had assignments, but I never got any back. So there was just a lot of... One woman had a very feminist attitude towards things. A lot of people just were... She was like a Jesse Spano. Yeah, she was the Jesse Spano. A lot of people were very disruptive. It was annoying to be around the other people. And once we were talking about the Apple ads with John Hodgman and Justin Long, the I'm a PC, I'm a Mac ads. And one of the people in the class...

We were talking about how great the ads were. And one of the people in the class, we were talking about how great the ads were, and one of the people in the class said, and it was so great that they got Justin Long right before he got famous. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty good. Before he launched into the stratosphere.

Yeah. Because he was in the Die Hard 4, 5, 5, 4. Yeah, 4. Die Hard with a Forgence. With a Forgence. I saw him at a steakhouse once. Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?

That's all I got with Justin Long. That's fine. That's plenty. That's all I got. He got famous, though. That's a good thing. He got so famous. At the same time, I saw Joey from New Kids on the Block.

Joey McIntyre. Thank you. Eating dinner with Joey from... Friends? Blossom? NSYNC. Oh, Joey Fatone. Wow.

Oh, I bet you they were eating Italian. Were they doing Lady and the Tramp style? They were. It was Lady and the Tramp. Like eating the spaghetti strand. Yeah. It was Lady and the Tramp. Like eating the spaghetti strand. Yeah. It was Lady and the Tramp. It was so...

I think you are gay. You keep bringing it back. What? Two guys kissing? Yeah. What's gay about that? Yeah. If he likes two guys kissing, does that make him gay?

Yeah. If he wants to be one of them guys? If I want to be one of them guys kissing the other guy? What's so gay about that? Which of the two Joey's would you kiss? Which one? Yeah. Not Fatone. Garlic bread. Am I right? other guy what's okay about that which of the two joey's would you kiss which one yeah uh not fatone garlic bread am i right oh he's eating his pasta i'd kiss chris kirk patrick well oh i didn't know

we were allowed to go off of the joey theme i am oh okay what about joey lawrence okay joey lawrence joey tribiani oh uh and who's the other who's the third joy joy tomatoes yeah fight him fuck him oh marry him throw him off of a cliff yeah it was uh uh mary boff kill or whatever oh right yeah we Em, Fuck Em. We used to do a segment on the show, maybe twice. Way back. That was... 108 episodes ago. That was reality shows that we would pitch.

Right. Oh, yeah. That's where that was from. And prior to that, we had come up with a giant list of reality shows, and one of them was Bigfoot. Find Em... Find Em, Fight Em, Fuck Em. Find Em, Fight Em, Fuck Em.

was Bigfoot. Find him. Find him, fight him, fuck him. Find him, fight him, fuck him. Do you think you could get contestants for a reality snuff show? Yes. I think you could.

Yeah. I think you could really make, you could go 13 episodes of that, no problem. You could get that on Craigslist, no problem. Right now. Yeah.

You could find people that will kill themselves to be on TV. 13? Does someone die in every episode? Yeah. Do you think you could find 13 people? That would constitute a mass murder, wouldn't it?

No. Not if you spread it out over a season of television. And if you did Russian roulette. Oh, yeah. Has anybody seen that footage of the guys at the Russian wedding where the guys are playing, like, instead of doing a thing where guys are all doing shots, they play a Russian roulette with a rubber bullet and a gun?

Oh, no. And the best man pops himself in the head and knocks himself clean out. I bet. Oh, Russia. Am I right? What's that thing you guys say? Is there a manlier country? About, it's something. When you're here, your family?

In Russia. In Russia, a rubber bullet hits you? Yeah. Well, that's in every other country, too. You know what I would do? I would leave the wedding, as I do to every wedding. Yeah, but in Russia, if you do, that's a sign of cowardice. And then you have to fight the president.

You have to go to the gulags. Man, they've got the toughest president going. Is there a tougher president? No. Is he still president? Well, he's pulling the strings. Yeah, but he has a prime minister, doesn't he? Yeah.

Or is he prime minister now? You got me on that one. Whichever role allows you time to wrestle tigers and swim and have a lot of photo ops in the countryside. That should be his Christmas card is him punching a tiger. I think it was. And it shouldn't even be photoshopped. Yeah, no, that's what I mean. Like he should go to Bengal where

there are plenty of tigers. He's tough. Hungry tigers looking for a fight. Hungry, hungry tigers. Hungry like a wolf. My overheard. Okay, Graham a wolf. My overheard. Oh, okay. Graham, what's your overheard? Thank you, buddy.

When I was coming back from Winnipeg, I was on the train. You took the train back because you were afraid of flying. No, no. Back from the airport. Oh. Yeah. Yes, and, Graham. Yes, I took the train back from Winnipeg.

There was a murder on it. And who was the murderer? And then there were ten little Indians. Then we filmed the snuff show. There was a lot of people, like a lot of people on cell phones, kind of for the duration of the train trip. But there was a guy who got on at the casino stop. And he couldn't have looked more like a guy who should be getting on the train from a casino stop he was wearing kind of like a suit that you would see in the kind of the late 90s uh maybe a little yeah three button exactly

uh he had hair like the kid in the uh axe body spray commercial what spears the fish with his hair. Okay. Your B4-4 hair. Yes. Oh, God, that is evocative. That's bringing me right back, and I'm filled with rage already. Yeah, so this guy had it, and he was on the phone, and he was saying, and he was very serious. He was saying, like, I don't know if I'm going to be able to pick them up tonight. I mean, if we've got to do that, if that's the only time that works,

then we're going to have to – I mean, that's the way we're going to have to do it. And there's three of them. So there's three of them I've got to pick up. It's going to be a tight squeeze. I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it. But there's three pirate costumes. Three pirate costumes. And then, like, he goes off on this huge thing where he's described –

like, two are, like, kind of servant pirates and then like a pirate king. And then there's a long pause and he goes, I don't know, like the servant pirates, but bigger, you know, like a more piratey, like he's the king of the pirates. So, you know, a bigger hat or something. And so who is he talking to on the other end? It's not a costume person. This is a Sunday night. They're closed. Oh, yeah.

So who, you know, was he talking to? I'm going to say his mother. I don't think his phone was in service. Oh, he was just trying to impress. I was going to say, a lot of that train, what do you call it?

The Canada line? It's underground. Yeah, yeah. Were you in a tunnel? No, this is when it was still above ground. Okay. Yeah, but you're right. It should have cut out underground.

I didn't even think about that. And he was still talking. He was trying to bed you. Oh, do you think he was looking at me the whole time? Were there only two of you on the train? He was like, there's a cub. No, there was a lot of us. Yes, and there was of you on the train? There's a cub. No, there was a lot of us. Yes, and

there was a murder on the train. You guys are really getting improv friendly over here. I like it. I like it a lot. Can I get an occupation? See you next week. No, seriously. Can I get an occupation? Theater sports. They have a new home. They do.

I walked past it last night. Looks spiffo. Looks good. We have some written spiffo. Looks good. We have some written in overheards. Love it. This first one comes from Oscar B. Oscar B., I had a summer job delivering fireworks during the busy 4th of July season. Best summer job ever. Well, until the 5th of July.

That's true. Well, that's the way it goes with summer love. Now, mind you fireworks are banned in seattle and most surrounding areas the fire department advocates so-called safe dash n dash sane so safe and sane safe and sane safe and sane fireworks which is to say the safest and most boring kind i was on one of my uh one of one of my runs nearing First Nations Reservation that sells the good illegal stuff when I saw a sign that said, safe insane fireworks. Love it. Pretty good.

So they take it and use it against itself. What are your favorite fireworks as children and grownups? The one that goes swirl and then green. Is that the screech-a-roo? The one that goes swirl and then green. Is that the screech-a-roo? The one that goes up. It's like a gold. It's like a gold spin. And then it goes up and it goes green or blue or whatever at the top.

I like the pounded screech-a-roo. You pound it and then it explodes. Oh, yeah, yeah. It loses all function. Just explodes. I like the worm. Oh, yeah, yeah. It loses all function, just explodes. I like the worm. Oh, the worm. That's great.

Oh, I like the smoke bomb, too. And the burning schoolhouse. Burning schoolhouse is good. I'm not even sure that's a firework. That's what you do with a firework, is you catch a schoolhouse on fire. Yes, and you also buy the firework. Great improv. Pretty good.

This is from Craig G. When I say yes and, it's only because I disagree. So you were being too obtuse there. I didn't get it. Oh, you too. Craig G., my brother, who looks like the wrestler

from the movie The Wrestler, which is mostly why I like this overheard told me a story about him on the bus once he was about 40 years old and was on the bus alone except for one guy in a wheelchair the bus driver is supposed to buckle the wheelchair in but for some reason uh seemed to have forgotten to do it on this occasion the bus took a hard left and the man tipped over in his wheelchair my brother a little bit drunk helped him back up that's not funny but the man tipped over in his wheelchair. My brother, a little bit drunk, helped him back up. That's not funny, but the man was wearing a wig, so my brother had to not only help him up, but put his wig back on him.

I just imagine my brother not putting it on totally straight and giving him a pat on the head and saying, there you go, buddy. So when you picture the wrestler putting a guy's wig back on a little askew, that's a pretty great visual. And you're welcome. Thank you you Craig G

Have you ever seen one lady dog wearing a funny wig Wait was the wrestler his brother Or the wrestler was the guy in the wheelchair His brother was the wrestler I wish I had a brother who looked like the wrestler Instead of my garbage brother Well ask your brother to start working out Leave some steroids in his

What does he eat He's an oatmeal man right You? You know him very well. He eats oatmeal? Yeah. He wears... He eats children's cereal. Alright. Alright. Okay. John R.

This is in a high school. Two girls walking, talking to each other. Girl one, I'm not going to pay $7 to go eat with them. I hate crepes. They're disgusting. Girl two, yeah. Girl one, I mean, I don't know what they are, but girl two, ain't they some sort of Mexican waffle? Not bad, John R.

Crepes. Teenage girls are so much better before you hear them talk oh yeah who's with me high fives all around this yeah i had a chinese waffle recently oh what's that like it was like it was called mini egg oh that's uh you have mini egg yeah i've had them at Easter. Is it Cadbury? No. The lady said at this stand called Tunk Tunk. Okay. He really does get around.

Alright, Rickles. It was like you were eating puffy waffle cone. Puffy, warm, soft waffle cone. Is that good or bad? I can't tell from your description. It was delicious. And she called it mini egg. Well, he only talks about texture, not flavor. soft waffle cone. Is that good or bad? I can't tell from your description. It was delicious. He likes the mush. He only talks about texture, not flavor.

And this is confusing you? That's what confused you? Well, I don't know. It could have been... I maybe got soggy out of that. It was delicious. He means he got soggy out of your description. Yeah. Speaking of mini-egg as the name for a thing,

do you know that the Paul Simonsong Mother and Child Reunion is named after a Chinese menu item? Oh, no. It was a chicken. It literally was a dish that contained chicken and egg, and it was called Mother and Child Reunion. That is brilliant. Isn't that great? Yeah.

I had a dumpling once that had... Don't tell me what it tastes like. Tell me what it felt like on your lips. This is what I had. I had a dumpling once that had soup inside of it. Okay, wow. It was incredible, yet painful all at the same time. It was hot soup?

Because it was boiling hot soup. You couldn't just take a bite. You'd have to eat the whole thing. Yeah. You've got to catch them all. Delicious as it went down, scalding. Right. Okay.

Simultaneously. Taste and texture. Is that better? Yep. Love it. Speaking of Asian cuisine, an overseen comes courtesy of Carrie F. an overseen comes courtesy of Carrie F. A sign outside a Japanese restaurant

in Port Coquitlam said to go Ginza or not to be. And there is a photo of it. And yeah, she goes on to say, what does that mean? Either eat sushi or kill myself. Maybe, I don't know, maybe it's

hinting at a little bit of both. Oh man, I could go for some sushi. Didn't have dinner tonight. Yeah. How about some Sushi-yama? I like that place. I like that place. It is good.

It's very local. It's full always. It's almost as good as Toshi, but it doesn't have a lineup. People love this. People follow blogs about food. But it does have a lineup, Jason. It does have a lineup. Yes, and, Graham. Yes, and. There's a little place down the street from there. about food but it does have a line up Jason yes and Graham

yes and there's a little place down the street that doesn't have a line up this is like listening to my aunt yes it is Jaime and you're not being racial yeah but it's

that's pretty good too a lot of colorful rolls like original rolls. I'm going to try the Jaime. Yeah. The week they were supposed to open, a car drove through their front. This is where everybody's turning off the podcast now. I hope they don't jip me.

Okay, Graham, do you have an overheard you'd like to read? That was just terrible. I don't know why you guys were talking about restaurants. People want to know. Nobody wants to know. We're going to do a new one. They do want to know. Didn't guys are talking about restaurants. People want to know. Nobody wants to know. We're going to do a new one. They do want to know. Didn't you see Julie and Julia? They want to know. Yes and no conflict.

Apology accepted. We should do a weekly segment where we bring Jason back once a week and we talk about restaurants for 45 minutes. I agree. I don't know if I could handle that. Well, then you're not the only one. Yes and. I've got to stop fiddling with my mic stand. That's okay.

Derek W. writes in, a couple years ago, I was at the drive-thru at a Burger King after I ordered my food, in quotes. I don't like that attitude. I pulled around to the first window and paid the fellow at the window. There was a car in front of me stationed at the pickup window, so I had to sit for a second. On the wall between the two windows were some promotional BK posters. Your typical, come and get some hot delicious fries posters. And one of them said, hungry? But underneath that word on the poster, someone had just written, duh, that's why I'm here.

Not bad. Pretty good, right? Pretty good. I don't like him saying food in quotes like he no one's putting a gun to his head what if somebody was oh why would he have left that part out i don't know yeah right that's bad storytelling yeah it wasn't pertinent to the overheard that's true yeah because then we would just been like oh tell us more about that like my thing in my class about the woman who didn't like the feminist woman.

That had nothing to do with nothing. No, but you know what? Not bad detail. Yeah. Creates an atmosphere. That's why that overheard went over so well. Damn right. This is from It's Zav.

Zav D. in Toronto. He was walking out of college college and he spotted two students, a man and a woman, talking to each other. Woman, do you not like me because I burped or because I burped the alphabet? Man, no, I don't like you because you're a lesbian.

I think he meant, I don't like you more than a friend. Yeah, yeah. I think some of these are written. No, I don't. You know than a friend. Yeah, yeah. I think some of these are written. No, I don't. You know what? That one was really good. I'm pretty good at sussing out the written ones. There was some thought put in there.

Maybe he put a bunch together. Oh, sure. But you know what? Made it past this screener. We all had a laugh. Nobody got hurt. Jason was a little silent on his laugh. Yeah, well, he was thinking about some Japanese

place he wants to go check out later. He's working on his next review. Thinking about my flog. Is that a word? A food flog? I don't think it is. No, but it means something. It is a word. Yeah, it means to flog. Yeah.

Yes, and. Dan H. I overheard this on TV I was watching Anchorman A line in the movie where Ron Burgundy says Go fuck yourself San Diego Was edited for TV Except the edit was You're a dirty bitch San Diego

That is great That's not that much better Pretty good That reminds me of Weird weird science edited for TV moment. What do you know, yeah? I'd like to better get to know your muffin. Which is? What did they edit that to?

No, that was. I know. Matt S. says, overheard on the street under my window early Sunday morning I peeked out the window to see who was talking so loud and saw a classic Jersey Shore style Goomba pacing back and forth and talking on his cell phone while his equally Ed Hardy'd

waited for him Goomba 1 I'm going to church ma I'm going to church ma I'm fucking going to church right now I'm going no I'm not ma ma yes I'm going to church, Ma. I'm fucking going to church right now. I'm going. No, I'm not. Ma, Ma. Yes, I'm going. Come on, Ma.

Pretty good acting on my part. Goomba 2. So you're going to church? Goomba 1. Nah, I'm going to Best Buy. In caps. See? I didn't exaggerate that on my own.

Pretty good. Pretty Goomba. Pretty Goomba. Is that racist? I don't know. No. Don't they go bya is that racist? I don't know don't they go by that on that show? I've never seen Jersey Shore no they're not bright

but don't they call themselves Goomba? they're embracing it so that it takes away the sting the other word that falls in that category is one we can't use oh yeah true Mike R Another word that falls in that category is one we can't use. Oh, yeah. True. Mike R.

This is, this was, he overheard somebody describing this. Basically, I was in a fitness club locker room when I heard a man having a conversation on his phone. I was only hearing his end, but it was one of the, it was the best one to be hearing he said I was driving to work and at a stoplight I looked over to see a man next to me in a very new very expensive Jaguar I saw that he was pretty pissed off and it was at that moment that I took notice of the hood of his car

where someone had glued action figures and other dolls, Superman, Barbie dolls Spider-Man, about 50 of these dolls all over the hood of his car. So, do you think that was a prank? Like an art car. Wow. Yeah.

That's intense. That's, you know what I think that is? I think that's a divorce. Or a cheating, maybe. Oh, and that's great that you picked that up so quickly. And was he a collector of it? Did she steal his prized packaged Star Wars action figures? Sure.

Original Boba Fett? Yeah. Right on your hood? Guys, have you seen, there's kind of a mini meme on the internet, on YouTube. A meme. A me-meme. Where girlfriends, supposed girlfriends, who are

ignored. Girlfriends. Girlfriends that are ignored by their boyfriends destroy their boyfriends' video gaming systems. I saw one which was a girl who logged into her boyfriend's email account and stole his

code for Warcraft. Oh, and then what? Some Warcraft upgrade. And then filmed a video of her putting it in the shredder. Oh, snap. I saw a girl smashing the video game system because I guess that's a thing that's happening now. How many views did this video have?

Well, counting mine, two. No, no i don't know i have no idea but why do you think it's a fake oh no i'm always so surprised that he's just not sure it's a meme what you have to what you have to do to get views on youtube right right right and it yeah it seems like I'm going about it the wrong way. Well, have you Foursquared? Maybe I should Foursquare YouTube. I'm on YouTube watching this thing. Something would explode. Dave, are there called in? Oh, there are.

Oh, let's hear them. If you would like to write to us, it's stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com. And if you would like to call to us, it's 206-339-8328. Do it! Like Godfather Pizza. This first one, a gentleman

has two overheards. Okay. And if you thought you could screen a written one, now's the time. Alright. Hi, this is Mark Davis from New York and I have two overheards for you. The first I heard is I was leaving a free sex clinic to pick up condoms.

It was a teenage boy, and he was telling his friends, girls can't not leave my house pregnant. Well, Tracy Morgan was there that day. Yeah, I think so. I think he was getting cornbread pregnant. Tracy Morgan was there that day. Yeah, I think so. I think he was getting cornbread pregnant. Okay, he has a second one.

Okay. I like it. And the other was at around 2 a.m. in the Staten Island ferry terminal. I heard someone say very loudly, I will not have sex with you on the ferry. Which was really funny. Why not? It's the most romantic place in New York yeah people love the sea yeah love whatever body of water that is there's a one-footed pigeon on the Staten Island Ferry what do you mean I don't know pitch him with one foot how tall is it? Pigeon height. About one foot. A one-footed, one-foot, monopeded bird. That's all I got.

You know what? In Winnipeg, right in downtown, they have a large statue of a pigeon. Very friendly. So what shit's on that? Wow. So pomo. Yeah, right? Holy shit.

What are you going to do? Holy bird. Do you mean Maury Povich? Yeah. Wow, so pomo. Yeah, right? Holy shit. What are you going to do? Holy bird. Do you mean Maury Povich? Mopo. Hey, Graham, Dave, and possible guests. I'm doing this at work, so I've got to go fast. For the past few months, I've been listening to your podcast and been trying to come up with an overheard.

I finally had one on Friday at school. So I'm in grade 10, just came out of socials i'm walking down the hall and behind me i hear a girl bite into an apple and she says to her friend oh my gosh my apple tastes like garlic and her friend says oh my god i love garlic that's great that is great that was a great one that's literally he's a great 10 i'll put my money on this one yeah yeah yeah that's my horse right there great 10 he sounds like he's in grade 12 at least yeah he was in socials i love it yeah that means that they were at the sock shop. That authenticates. Yeah. That overheard right there that he said socials.

Oh my god, I love garlic. So great. I remember when I was in high school, I would have to, like, I would take socials and I would have to, I felt like I needed to dumb it down for grownups. I'd be like, history? I was in history? We call it socials, but it's history. But did you guys call it socials? Wait, plural?

For short. Yeah. We just called it socials. Oh, you mispronounced it. I'm going to social? Yeah. Was it history class? There was only one class.

Social studies. Yeah, the studies was plural plural but we only learned about one social yeah but you take out the studies you add that s to the social social no and no but next hi dave and graham this is aaron from indianapolis um driving around indianapolis and i came across an overseen i just passed a sign advertising cold beer and karate thanks cold beer and karate graham's losing his mind oh man that really is uh that really is my favorite uh combination of things that's a guy that we've never uh for reasons mostly geographic that we've never had on the program aubrey tennant right had a great joke where he said i'm gonna

take a kung fu lessons drunk because that's what i'm gonna know that's what i'm gonna need to know how to do it that's what i'm gonna need to use it that's what i'm gonna i fucked it up sorry aubrey but that's cold cold beer karate. What do you think that place looks like? Do you think that they're teaching it inside the liquor store? Or it's a dojo where they're selling booze on the side? I just wonder what the sign looks like. I imagine it's a guy with a 40.

Is that a malt liquor? Yeah. And then with his leg in the air. Kicking. I would like to see... You know what? We have a very artistic fan base. like a really creative if anybody wants to and I'm just putting it out there design a logo for

Cold Beer and Karate feel free to use Drunken Master as your muse yes is that Jackie Chan also or a hillbilly in some

sort of gi. Sure, yeah. Karate would be in quotes. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. At a BK, you know? You understand. At a Burger King? That's right. Okay. I thought I was confusing you with the character

from Oz. At a BK. At a BK. That's how I say goodbye. Next one. I was confusing you with the character from Oz. Atabese. Atabese. Atabese. That's how I say goodbye. Next. Atabese. One. Hey, Dave and Graham and guests.

This is Jeff from Oklahoma, and I have half overheard, half kids say the darnedest thing. I love it. But I volunteer with a group. Basically, I'm a counselor at a day camp that happens on the weekend for students who've been through traumatic experiences. And what we did, and it's hilarious so far, what we did was we took them to the Natural History Museum this weekend.

And a little boy, not in my group group but in another group walked into this room that has a huge brontosaurus skeleton and he took a look at it he said sweet elevators because beyond the dinosaur was an elevator and the counselor with that group said now Charlie what about the dinosaur and Charlie said and Charlie's about eight and a half, said, Jim, it's a museum. You expect to see dinosaurs. So there you go.

Kids say the darndest things. The elevators are the bonus. That's good. It really is kids say the darndest things. Wait, wait, your kid's going to be a machine. He's going to say stuff.. Just darning it up. He's going to say stuff.

Each thing more darned than the last. Yeah. We've got a couple more that are both in the same category of kids saying and doing the darnedest thing. It's incredible the way that happens. That's incredible. It's a show a lot like Kids Say the Darnedest Thing. Before you played it.

Filled with amazing people. There was a kid on the plane that said and I actually moved away from the kid because I was like I don't want to be I just said can I go sit in another seat please wow you really I never do I should do that

it was a guy with his kid but I just were there empty seats on the plane yeah I sat next to the bathroom that was my choice I would rather sat next to the bathroom. That was my choice. I would rather sit next to people's bathroom experiences than a child. I'm not offended. No, right?

It makes sense. But the kid before I left said something very darnedest. He was a child. He wasn't an infant just screaming for no reason. It was a little girl. And she was screeching a lot. I love your proactiveness. Like, you mean my skin that I use proactively?

Yeah. I love your clear complexion. I understand that. Who doesn't want to hang out afterwards? Go for some drinks. But she said on two occasions, and I thought it was very darling, that she said... He was trying to make her take something so that she wouldn't have diarrhea.

Sure. And then he said, this is so that you won't have diarrhea. And she goes, the taste of it makes me so happy. And I thought that was just darling that she would say that. And then you moved. Yeah, because it had enough. And because she had violent diarrhea. Yeah, exactly.

A screechy diarrhea kid? I don't need any part of that. Not charming at all. So you went to sit beside the shitter. Yeah, but she didn't get up because those pills worked. Eh? No diarrhea for that flight. Okay.

Or die-die, as the kids may call it. Do they? Well, I don't know. We call it socials. Hey, stop podcasting yourself. This is Russ Walsh from Washington. I just got an overheard. I was waiting around by the local park when I watched a child.

Well, this is an overseen, too. I watched a child well this is an overseen too I watched a child take his friends on a tour of the various places he just peed on thanks bye you're welcome kind of like a dog goes a sniffing

darn it kids one final one also childlike in his darnedness Yeah, darn it, kids. Okay, one final one. Here we go. Also childlike. It is darnedness. Darnitude? Darnosity.

Hello, Dave and Graham and maybe guests. This is Laurel M. calling from London, but I'm originally from Edmonton. I'm reporting an overheard that was overheard by another Edmonton friend of mine who's working in kind of rough and tumble North London. He's a teaching assistant. Sporty sport. And on his very first day in the school, he was walking down the hallway, and there was a little seven-year-old talking to the principal, to the head teacher,

and he'd gotten in a lot of trouble. And he told his principal to keep your ruddy wig on. And I thought that was a pretty good one. keep your ruddy wig on. And I thought that was a pretty good one. Keep your ruddy wig on? Yeah. Yeah, that was good. I wanted her to put an accent.

Oi, keep your ruddy wig on. There it is. Keep your ruddy wig on. There it is. Oi, I want more ticker back. Yeah. Oi. Keep your ruddy wig on. I like a rough and tumble kid

I like a ratty wig I like a Roddy Doyle sure I like a Kristen wig and a Roddy Doyle and I like a ratty wig and I like a ratty ratty piper if you would like to call in with your

special brand of overheard it's 206-339-8328. We play up to six of them. Yeah, and like I said, if you've got some sort of a graphic design specialty, karate and beer. Yeah, cold beer, hot karate. Hot karate, yes. on karate yes um now uh moving uh into one thing that's been a theme oh are we doing some folk music no i'm just i'm just gonna do some strumming and yeah no no air guitar oh do you know what you should do some strumming during this because adam v uh-huh vinitary yeah we had a vegetarian. That's not what I said. A couple weeks ago, we did an over-read, I guess it was.

It was a school assignment that was done by a young child where they were supposed to put quotes around the titles. What are the three titles in this thing? And the choices they were given were Hamlet, Old Man and the Sea, and Dracula. And one of the kids handed in with quotes around Hamlet and Old Man and the Sea Dracula. So we asked for artistic interpretations and we got a bowl full. And let me interrupt and say that someone called in and said, we keep saying we got a bunch of submissions, but where can they find them?

I started a Flickr group called Stop Podcasting Yourself. Look on that thing. I'll post a link to it on this week's blog. Yes. And there's some great ones that have drawings. There was a book cover. There was a video game. There was cartoons.

There was a movie poster. My favorite is the book cover. It is the wallpaper on my phone right now. It is amazing. This, Adam V. wrote something that he had meant to put on Urban Dictionary to explain what a sea Dracula was, but it was too long

and I would like to read it here. If we can pass it around. No, go ahead. It's long enough. Are you going to do a musical accompaniment? You've got your guitar out. I love it.

Sure, I'll... Something gentle. Yeah. Yet strong. That's good, yeah. A sea Dracula is a vampire that dwells in the ocean. He came to be one stormy night on the high seas when traveling by merchant ship from Transylvania to the New World.

That night his ship became trapped in a typhoon, a storm so large that it destroyed the ship, sinking it into the ocean. The vampire, later to be known as Sea Dracula, did not realize until night that he was at the bottom of the ocean. He awoke to a new watery underworld. Because vampires have no need to breathe, living underwater is very simple. And because there is no light at the bottom, the vampire can do as he pleases without consequences. The first attack by Sea Dracula was in 1564.

The Spanish fleet was bringing riches from Mexico back to the royal family. Sea Dracula leapt from the ocean and, in total darkness, fed upon the entire crew. Even the rats were drained of every drop of blood. Twenty years later, a baby blue whale was beached on the shores of Jamaica. Upon further inspection by the island's people, it was said that the whale was completely drained of its blood. The most famous of sea

Dracula's attacks happened off the coast of Florida in the 1800s. It was said that a man had paddled his boat out 30 kilometers off the coast, miles in Florida, and began fishing for a legendary fish, rumored to live in the area below.

Almost immediately after casting, the line tightened, and the boat began tilting forward. The man grabbed hold of the pole and held on for dear life while he was dragged further out to sea. After days of being towed by the beast, the line finally loosened, and out from the sea emerged

the Sea Dracula. Dracula. The man lived only because he had a crucifix around his neck. Sea Dracula was unable to approach him. What is your name, old man? asked Sea Dracula. The man was so tired from

his days of struggle, he was unable to answer. Very well. For your bravery, I will not eat you i sent a boat taken forever i sent a boat arriving and i will allow them to rescue you if you wish to remain alive you will never return to these seas for i joe dimaggio will kill all who cross my path with that sea dracula aka joe dimaggio vanished into the deep, dark waters. The old man went on to write about his encounter with Sea Dracula and made a lot of money, but he will never go fishing again. And that's the story of the Sea Dracula, courtesy of Adam V.

Thanks. Thanks for writing in, Adam. Jason is perplexed Beyond all possible definitions I would be too You had me until Joe DiMaggio It's a line In Old Man and the Sea He talks about Joe DiMaggio

That was a lot of time Sure was But you know what? An inside joke As long as we've got each other. Who's with me? We got the world spinning right in our hands, baby. You and me.

We gotta be the luckiest dreamers who never quit dreaming. So gentle. It's like a nursery rhyme. Shall we wrap it up? Yeah. Wrap it up. Absolutely. We should probably wrap it up? Yeah. Wrap it up. We should probably wrap it up like five minutes ago. Yeah.

No, that was fun. That would be perfect. Jason, Ryan, if people want to find you on the internet, they go to Foursquare.com. Yes. Foursquare. Friend me. Find out where I'm eating next. Where's the best place to find out about...

If people want to see the staff room, where do they go? YouTube. They go YouTube slash staff room. YouTube slash the staff room. And if they want to find out about Jason Bryden, where is he performing? Where can I see him? What's he working on next? Where do they go?

That's it. Nothing else. Nothing's happening. no more live performance no more live performance that's not true that can't be true i think well we wrapped it up the last act wrap it up you're not working on anything else you're not working on a new character a new a new manipulation of the life manipulating're not working on a new character? A new manipulation of the live form? He's manipulating his new baby into a new character. No more. No more.

I don't believe it, A. This is a temp thing, and when it does happen, can't wait to see it. Well, thank you for that. Appreciate your support. But check it out, the staff room. It's so great. It's so funny. It was so funny. It's in the perfect exact amount of time.

Chunklets. Chunklets, yeah. So great. Thank you. Dave, do you have anything you want to plug? I can be found at twitter.com slash DaveShumka slash obtuse. So mad. Take it to your grave.

Graham, do you have anything? I don't. Not coming up in the the near near future uh but yeah if anybody does we're we're still uh in the midst of this kind of the switch over we don't have our official kind of spot on maximum fun but dave is posting these episodes to the forum on maximum fun if you want to make any comments so join that if you like Dave said if you want to see any of the Old Man and the Sea Dracula art there's a Flickr page for it and I'll put it on the

recap blog that's still at stoppodcastingyourself.com and if you want to write to us stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com if you want to call us 206-339-8328 and if you like the show, tell your friends. And thanks for listening

and come on back next week for another obtuse episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Bye.