Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 112 - Bita Joudaki

Episode Date: May 3, 2010

Comedian Bita Joudaki returns to talk pop starlets, Freddy Krueger, and beer with ice.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 112 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and joining me as always is the man who's based on the novel Push by Sapphire, Mr. Dave Shumka. Ooh, real timely reference, Graham. You're about the third person to make that joke.

About you? No, just in general. Oh. Sorry to jump down your throat but yeah right just like they did to precious all that food did see you got on the bandwagon pretty quick yeah our guest today is a return guest return by request yeah we didn't want to have her back we said no we. We tried to fight it. The votes were overwhelming.

Very, very funny lady. An improviser, a comedian, and just all around great lady here in Vancouver. Miss Bita Judaki. Hello. Thank you for coming back. Thanks for not wanting me.

We wanted you. Oh, you're kidding.. Thanks for not wanting me. We wanted you. You're kidding. Let's get to know us. Get to know us. But we really did. We got requests from people, sent in emails, bomb threats, petitions. Petish. Petishes.

No, we really did we got requests from people and so we were like yeah let's get Bita back on wow because people just enjoy your

intoxicating laughter oh wow yeah so that's pretty great right yeah that's nice that's very nice yeah you're making

a change thank you so what's going on what's new in the uh world of bita judaki when we last spoke oh no oh yeah when we last spoke you were moving to degrassi street in toronto and you also predicted that katie perry would no longer be popular i did oh my gosh did you re-listen to it no we we We got people who wrote to us. Oh no. After the year changed over to 2010 and said, I would like you to bring BWJudaki back on. Call her onto the carpet and discuss how wrong she was about Katy Perry.

Really? About Katy Perry. She's still around? I guess so. Isn't it? She's getting married to what's-his-name? Lady Gaga now? We talked about Lady Gaga last time you were on, too.

Yeah. But she's getting married to what's-his-name, and apparently the stress from the wedding, planning her Indian wedding. She's getting married to... It's an Indian wedding. Like, big Indian wedding. Yeah, go on. And the stress is causing her to smoke. Oh.

Goodness gracious. She recently was seen in a video with her and Timbaland. Okay. And Timbaland, I realized. Timberland. Is it Timbaland? No, it's Timberland. It's Timbaland.

Timbaland. Timbaland. Timbaland. He only has two dance moves that he's been cycling through every video he's in. One is pointing at the girl that he's working with and going like, Let me check out Nelly Purtado. This is pretty good over here. And then another one is him kind of backing his chin into his neck and going like so i got all these chains if i do this i got a bunch of tunes anyway so what do you think

still on top i don't think she's on top no she's not on top it started out with her and lady gaga you know they both came out at the same time. And who cares about Katy Perry? It's all about Lady Gaga. You're right. Oh, you mean in the battle, the victor has been crowned. Right.

With a crazy giant red crown. I don't care about Katy Perry. I think we have a new pretender to the throne in the wonderful Kesha. Oh, yeah. What are your thoughts on Kesha? I think maybe Katy Perry is just the jester.

I really like that. I really like that song. You know. The TikTok? I really like that song. The TikTok? I really like that song. I do, too. But I listened to her new song, and I don't like that one very much. Which one? Blah, blah, blah?

Yeah. Yeah. It sounds just like TikTok, but not as good. Yeah. It's got a lot of talking, a lot of slurred speech. I heard she was on that reality show with Paris Hilton. Really? Yes. The Become Paris Hilton. Really? Yes. The Become Paris Hilton's Friend?

No, no, no. The one Paris... Oh, the real life or whatever? Yeah, yeah. No, no, where they went to the town folk and made fun of the poor people. Oh, Simple Life. Simple Life. Yeah, I heard she was part of one of the families and that she barfed in Paris Hilton's closet or something.

I think I heard that. Maybe I'm making it up. I don't know. Did Paris Hilton travel with a closet? Yeah. Well, maybe in her room closet. I guess they stayed with a family. I remember that, sure.

Yeah. Well, because we got an email from a gentleman last week or two weeks ago that went to high school with her. It was in Tennessee or something. Yeah, Keshville. How old is she? She's like young, right? Yeah. 22-ish.

22? Yeah. She is the marker by which people should figure out how successful their lives are. Yeah. Like, what did Kesha do at this age? What did Kesha do at that age? What did Kesha do at that age? I'm unsuccessful then. But, you know, you're probably better at...

I don't know. ...not looking like John Travolta. That seems to be the comparison people are saying. Does she? I don't think so. I don't think she's beautiful. I don't think that's right at all. What's wrong?

She's a pretty lady. She's got a lot of sass. She's just as good as Katy Perry. She's better. Do you think? I don't know. I think she works it better than Katy Perry. I don't know. Guys, this is really slumber party material.

I don't know. What's going on with Bita? What's going on in your life? What are you up to? Since the party material. So what's going on with Beta? What's going on in your life? What are you up to? Oh, okay. Since the last time. Yeah. Or just in general.

Because you moved to Toronto before. Mm-hmm. And you got bed bugs. Yes. Hated it. Yeah, yeah. Moved back. Mm-hmm.

So you gave Toronto a second shot. Yeah. And I just wanted to move home. Oh, I enrolled in school in Toronto, and then I dropped out after the first week. Yeah. And I didn't have a job anymore, so I was like, oh, I got to go home. So I just went home. Wow.

That's kind of a, I don't know if I would follow that same line of thought. Like, oh, I'm dropping out. I don't have a job. I can skip town as well. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I just didn't want to stay. You found out that home is where the heart is.

Yeah, but I'll probably move again one day, you know? Back there? You know what I mean? No, no way. Okay. It's over. Never again. I think no one would talk to me anymore if I moved back again.

I would have no friends. You should move back, but act like you never moved there twice before. You think so? Yeah. Okay, I'll try that. Yeah, and act like it on this end as well. Act like this is your first time that you're leaving. Yeah.

Throw a big going away party. Yeah. Yeah, that would be good. Yeah. Throw a big going away party. Yeah. Yeah. That would be good. And confusing. I got into school again. Maybe I'll stay in school this time. What are you going to learn?

I've been in school three times now and I keep dropping out. It seems fun to drop out. Does it? I've never dropped out. Did you ever drop out? No, but I... How am I... Oh. Yeah, no, it sounds wild. Yeah, I mean, it's like a rebel thing.

Yeah, it's like Tom Hanks in Punchline. That's the most recent example I can think of dropping out. If you have something more recent, I would like to hear it. I don't know, but I imagine you... First, it starts with smoking outside the school. Oh, yeah. Driving a nice car. Yeah, yeah. You've got to work smoking outside the school. Oh, yeah. Driving a nice car. Full on.

Yeah, yeah. You got to work on your Camaro. Yeah, yeah. And then when you drop out, you have more time to work on your Camaro. Or start a band, right? Or just cause a ruckus. Yeah, I do that. Yeah, yeah.

You do all those things, right? When you drop out, is it a subtle or was it like i'm out of here and you throw your papers everywhere i'm out of here it was it was a very it was a very um uh you know uh um quick decision okay which i have realized is how I make most decisions. Impulsive. Impulsive. That's the word I was looking for. Maybe that's why I'm an improviser.

Because you can just go with it. Because I'm very impulsive. Yeah. Anyway, I was sitting in class and I was just like, ah, I got to go. Or you left mid-class. Well, the class hadn't started yet, but everyone was gathering to start. And then I just left. I had some anxiety. It was, yeah.

Here's my request to you. If you decide to drop out of another school institution, when you leave, when you're walking out the door, say to whatever professor or teacher, say, another school's calling. School of life. And just walk out. Oh, my God. I have to drop out now. Graham, no. No, I know.

You're going to have to talk to my mom. But when I say that line to your mom, she'll be like, that's a pretty good line. Yeah. Yeah. If you're going to drop out, I also advise you to use that line. And you should have a toothpick in your mouth when you say it. Yeah. And flick it at your professor.

All right. What are you going to study? I'm going to Emily Carr in September. Are you taking painting or sculpting? The first year is a foundation year. You do a little bit of everything. Do some makeup. Yeah, sure.

Foundation. Oh, I see. Delightful. Yeah. Yes. And after that, who knows you know no yeah um here's the thing about if i may uh everybody who sees you perform live always comes away with that i'm always i'm constantly in the process of people asking me have you ever seen Bita Judaki? And I say yes, I know who she is, and just they go on

about how delightful you are, even though I've just said I already know. Yeah, shut up already. I already know the delightful quotient of Bita Judaki. So whatever you're doing on stage right now, keep doing it. Really? Yeah. Well, let me tell you this. Okay.

Alright. I actually Keep at it. Really? Yeah. Well, let me tell you this. Okay. All right. I actually have nothing to say. I just did one show recently, and it was just the worst. Yeah. It was just the worst. Well, put yourself in my shoes. Every show's the worst. No way.

You guys are not the worst. But no, the shows are. What? I don't understand. Well, you don't really do stand-up. I tried it. I hate it. It's the worst.

I don't think it's the worst. The feeling of, okay, everyone in this room hates me right now. Or not hates me, but... Wants to see you fail. Oh, yeah. No. Which is kind of like hate. No.

Everybody wants you to succeed Oh, yeah. No. It's just kind of like hate. No. Everybody wants you to succeed. No way. Yes. In stand-up, there's nothing worse than sitting there and watching somebody do badly. Like, that's not enjoyable for anyone. I don't know. I would like to do stand-up, but I just find it way too

humiliating when it goes bad. You know? How about improv? Like, when you're doing improv, do you just blame it on somebody else? The weakest of the cast? You just say, well, that was mostly your fault. I don't know. With improv, I don't know. I don't try to be funny with improv, really. I just, like,

say whatever my impulses tell me to. So if it's not funny, then I'm like... Is that what you're calling? Whatever. I wasn't trying to be funny. You know what I mean? Does that make sense? I wonder how that would have went on Whose Line Is It Anyways.

That's a whole different thing. We're going for funny again. I don't know. But with stand-up, it's like, this is what I think is funny, and I wrote this down, and I've been working on it for a while. I think this is really funny. Yeah. I've got this five minutes of material that I've been working on for years.

Yeah. I won't even try new jokes until I perfect this. Yeah. And I'm not even close. It's a tough racket. It's very tough. Guys, speaking of awesome things. Yeah.

Which I don't think we were. Uh-huh. Speaking of awesome things, which I don't think we were, but I got free tickets to a movie premiere this week. I went and saw Freddy Krueger, the new Nightmare on Elm Street movie. Are you a fan of scary movies at all?

They don't scare me, but yes, I'll watch them. What? They're not real. No, but has any movie scared you? Not really. Real, like real thing, like America's Most Wanted scares the crap out of me. Yeah, because those guys are right outside.

Those guys are right outside. They're trying to kill you right now. Sometimes they come to Canada. They do. They have to do a special episode. They do. Yeah. I swear.

That's true. Did you guys hear that story about the guy? Did we talk about that on last season? Freddy, he got burned in a fire. Yeah, he goes, he goes in your dreams. He kills you with his claw hand. There's a guy on Vancouver Island that's like, he was the inspiration for Jack Nicholson's character in The Departed. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did we talk about that? No, we didn't. No. But I heard about it. And that, like, speaking of America's Most Wanted, this guy guy is like he's wanted for like 18 murders oh my god but he's a retiree he's like in his 80s and he travels around the world with his wife he's on the lamb yeah like they're running away but they put posters up at all the bookstores because he's a big book fanatic and they're so they like, any bookstore that carried an extensive library of World War

II books were given a post. Are people still writing World War II books? If he's a big reader, wouldn't he be done them all by now? You would think so. But it's one of those things that people just, until there's another awesome war, they're just going to keep writing about that one. Pretty good war. Yeah.

One of the greats. One of the two greats but it's uh yeah so like that guy like you could have been on the island with a scary mobster yeah i can see why it's not scary he's old and retired he's a retired gangster he's a retired gangster but he is armed at all times oh Oh, nice. Oh, yeah. He would shoot you in the face. Probably more likely he would shoot you in the face than a young thug, because that thug would punch you. He'd punch you up, maybe stab you. Sure, because he's roided out.

Yeah, just to prove how youthful he is and awesome with his blade. That's what they call him. Like we are. Young thugs. Yeah. Is it too late for us to join gangs, the three of us? No. No? Well, what type of gang? Like one that does a lot of community organizing?

No, no, no. Like a violence gang. Oh, like a fight gang? A fight gang. A extortion gang. Oh, yeah. A family gang. What would you... What would we call our gang? No, no, no. We wouldn't join the same gang.

The three of us have to join different gangs. Oh, okay. It's a reality show. Oh, okay. Do I have to join an existing gang or can I? Yes. You have to join an existing gang because I'm afraid that we're too old. We don't know anyone. I'm going to join the UN gang.

We don't have any experience. No, the Red Scorpions. We maybe have experience because you have the School of Life. Oh, right. School of the Streets. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, she went to School of Life. That's a different school. School of Hard Knocks is what you're thinking of?

School of Fort Knocks. I know. It's Hard Knock Life. I've never, obviously, growing up in Calgary, Alberta, the gang culture, not as strong perhaps as the, you know, four wheel motorcycle culture. What do you call those, quads? ATV? Yeah, that's a lot stronger than the gang culture. You grew up here in Vancouver, Bita.

Do you know anybody in a gang? No, but I think my brother. My brother is kind of like a tough guy. Oh, really? And I think that, I don't know if he was in a gang. He wasn't. Because I'm pretty sure once you're in a gang, you're in a gang for life. Yeah, no, he wasn't.

And that life is short. But there was like this gang called Persian Pride, I remember. Oh, I was in that gang. Were you? I remember hearing about that gang. Like when I was in elementary school and they were all at the high school I was going to go to. Oh, that's scary. I don't know if that was real or anything.

Before you went to the school. Oh, that's like something that, because I have a feeling that any, that sounds like something an elementary school kid would have made up. A Persian pride is the name of a gang. There's this one, actually there's this one kid and he was, he was getting like a bully, not bullied. People were saying mean things to him. He was like, shut up. My cousin's in the Persian pride. Persian pride after you!

Persian Pride sounds like a course offered by the YMCA. Sure. Come and learn about Persian Pride. Or just a mural you would see in a primarily Persian neighborhood. Yes. As part of an outreach program. But that kid's really smart. If that kid made up a gang to say, like, don't mess with me, my cousin's in.

That is really smart. Like, that's a really clever. Look, I'm still talking about it today. Yeah. You're still afraid of it. Yeah, it worked. This very day. Hey, it worked.

So you're not afraid of horror movies. No. They don't do. But I'll watch them. Oh, yeah. You saw one. Yeah. I saw the remake of.

But then as I was watching it, I was was like i don't know if i've seen i've seen the nightmare on elm street films but i don't think like anything when i was a kid i was scared shitless of freddy krueger like that the idea of a guy with a burned face yeah first of all that's pretty scary in it of itself but like if i just saw a guy with a burnt face, I don't think I'd be scared of that. But then he's got a claw. And then he's also magic. So that's like... Oh, because he goes in your dreams.

He goes in your dreams. And he can, like, do all these crazy things to you in your dreams. And also there's, like, overtones that he was a child killer. I don't know. I've never seen these movies. In the original, right? I'm familiar with the character. And the sweater.

You can buy the sweater you can buy the sweater at hot topic oh wow oh really scary spooky i had a friend when i was in elementary school who wore a freddy krueger sweater every day like it was obviously it was a halloween costume at some point which then transitioned into wearing it as regular clothes Then transitioned into he was basically a cartoon character Because he was wearing the same striped shirt every day I wonder where that guy is now When I was in high school I think I knew a lot of guys who wore the same shirt every day

No this was elementary school Even more Yeah that's true You don't stink when you're a kid so much. Kids stink, right? Yeah. I mean, you know, the way they act stinks.

The way they carry on is garbage. Dave, you're not a fan of scary movies. I know that as a fact. How so? Oh, do you not? I thought you didn't like watching scary movies. I thought Abby, your girlfriend, who's still her own person, she's the horror movie fan, and I thought you didn't care for them. No, I don't mind them.

I like to be scared, but I don't like gore, and I don't like the Saw movies, the torture stuff, but I love The Ring. The Ringu? Or like that one? No. The one where the person comes out of the pillow yeah that one but the English one I saw the English one first

Sarah Michelle Gellar no that's The Grudge which I also saw I like scary movies I like a good scare have you heard about that gross movie called The Human Centipede that sounds gross

I don't think I would want to watch that. I'll take a Freddy Krueger. That guy, Jackie Earl Haley, here's something I learned. Okay. You know who Jackie Earl Haley is? He played Maskface. Yeah, Maskface in the Watchitim In the Watchguys.

He was a child. What was his name in The Watchmen? Rorschach. Rorschach Maskfaceach mask face yeah so he's kind of got this career now where he plays like creepy kind of dudes messed up dudes and but he was a child actor and he was one of the guys in the bad news bears with walter matthew he was the kid who like swore a lot you can tell he was a child actor because he had three names yeah and he quit acting jonathan taylor thomas oh yeah uh hayley joe losman zachary ty bryant tara noah smith i just know the kids from home improvement macaulay jared culkin rory jared culkin but he uh he i guess he grew up and he got out of the acting business and like kind of held down

different jobs and raised his kids and then sean penn said you should get back into acting and then now he's only pedophiles or only like creepy dudes that's okay yeah so what is the thing yeah that would be a hard typecasting to get over do that noise again. It's a little different every time. Yeah, I agree. I don't want to be a creepy dude, but he's kind of yeah, he looks it. What do you think

the casting room would look like? The casting couch. Yeah, for a movie where it's like one of the characters is like a child. Oh, wow. That would be a weird... I bet he sees the same guys at every audition. And there's a lot of guys there who are undercover cops.

And then down the hall, there's like a Kraft Singles commercial and they're like, don't open the door. There's a lot of creepy dudes in this room. They set up a lot of laptops to catch a predator kids on there. What if there was a sting?

It was like, open casting call for any guy who looks like a pedophile. And then that's how they get better. Can't judge a book by its cover. I didn't mean for the conversation about Freddy Krueger to go into pedophile chat. We're back on pedophile chat. Yes, hello. With us is Peter Giudice.

Let's get to know me. me yeah what's going on with you well this past week well first of all I'm drinking a beer with ice cubes in it I don't know about that because people always tell you not to yeah why do they tell you not to you should put a straw in there too

I should see why don't we it's just that people like my whole life Yeah, why did they tell you not to? You should put a straw in there, too. I should. See? Why don't we? It's just that people, like my whole life, people, oh, you don't want ice in your beer? I put ice in every other drink. Oh, no, they were saying you don't want ice in your beard. Oh, no, that's right. Because it looks weird.

If you're in the Arctic, it just sticks to it. Yeah, that's a good look, I think. And your eyelashes. Yeah. Have you ever seen those pictures? I always wonder why guys in the arctic grow a beer i guess because it's better than having ice on your face am i right yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah shackleton um so yeah i'm doing this and you know what it's fine yes yeah well maybe if you're like uh you know really if you're really into beer it would kind of water down all the flavors.

Of course it does. Right? I don't know. It does that to Coke. I like Coke more than I like beer, but I'll put ice in my Coke. I like milk. I put ice in my milk all the time. That's weird.

Do you really? No. That's ridiculous. But have you ever seen commercials where they pour milk into a glass that's super wet? Yeah. Like a wet glass? I don't know if that's super appealing they do it to beer too yeah that's more appealing to me a wet glass for beer sounds great but a wet class like if i'm eating breakfast i don't know if i want a wet glass um all over my newspaper all over my sally for i thought like single guys i'm sure own one glass and just wash it constantly

and don't even dry it. So it's still wet by the time you... I think that's what those ads are for. That's what they're trying to symbolize. Drink milk, you deadbeat. Your teeth are going to fall out. So there's that. It's delicious.

But what happened to me this week is my headlights went out on my car. Okay. And. In the middle of the night? No, they just. You were driving around the neighborhood real slow. They just stopped working.

And, but like my high beams worked and my daytime lights worked. And I thought, oh, that's enough. Yeah, that's all you're going to need. I'm visible uh but it turns out other cars don't like you to have your high beams on as you're driving around and i thought okay i thought to myself well okay i just i'm not gonna drive at night right and the days are getting longer it's not gonna be a problem yeah yeah yeah no problems right this problem's gonna solve itself yeah it's just a waiting game yeah uh and then i'd started to affect like i don't even go out at night so it unless i have a show

yeah but i did have a show yeah the other night we were at the same show together yeah and i had at the um we cured cancer no. And I had to, at the, um. We cured cancer. No, no. It was before that. You're welcome, society. Yeah. Graham and I did a benefit show for the can'ts. Yeah.

Against the can'ts. Let's be clear on what side of the fence we both fall. Yeah. Well, um. But, uh, yeah. No, the Science World show, I had to take the bus. Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah, no, the Science World show, I had to take the bus. Oh, yeah, right. The worst thing about the bus is there's actually people who have burned faces.

Yeah, there's a lot of Freddy Kruegers on the bus. There was one lady. Really? Yeah. A Frederica Krueger? And she had a cigarette in her mouth, too. Like, she couldn't wait to go back outside and light another flame. Yeah, that's the...

Bita, you're a bus rider, a transit user. Is there anything worse? And I don't know if you're a smoker or not, but you don't strike me as somebody. Do you smoke cigarettes? No, I'm not addicted. Yeah, right when it's cool, when you're with friends, when you're carefree.

Considering dropping out of school. Road trip after you told your prof to go fuck himself. The thing that people do on the bus a lot is they'll have a half a cigarette that they butted out and then put in their jacket pocket, and then you have to sit next to them, and it smells like garbage. I want to offer people whatever the equivalent is to sit next to them and it smells like garbage like i want to offer people whatever the equivalent is to one cigarette to not do that like i would pay them a dollar to not have a half burn cigarette on their that that really is quite vile that actually really really

do you really ride the bus i'm starting to question no i do but i i try not to sit in the back I do. I'm starting to question your credentials. No, I do. But I try not to sit in the back. Okay. I try to sit alone. Oh, you're one of the good kids in the front. And I try to sit in the front.

It kind of is like school on the bus, where all the bad kids are in the back. Yeah. So they can do stuff. I was the one that sat in the back. Well, that's where all the good drugs are. Oh. Yeah. Okay.

All the good drug trade goes on in the back. Yeah. That's what I picked up from watching The Wire. Sure. Pandemic. There's one season where... What season are you on? I am almost done the second season.

I've been... I couldn't... I tried to watch that. I just didn't like it. Really? Yeah. How many episodes did you watch? Maybe like four.

But every episode I had to be like, okay, just keep watching. I'm with you. Just keep watching. I don't understand half the things these black people are saying. But here's the thing about The Wire. A lot of people had told me how great it was. And I was getting to that critical point where it was like, if I don't watch it now, people are going to still tell me how great it is. And then it will never live up to this expectation that people have built up in my head.

I don't have a job right now. So I've been able to. I rented them from the same video store, two at a time. And the lady at the video store was very clear in her instruction. The first three or four episodes, you will not like them. It really doesn't pick up. But then if you get over that hump, then all of a sudden,

all the stories start to kind of intermingle and start to make sense. And so by the end of the first season, I was hooked. I loved all of it. That's what everyone says. And then now the second season's even better. I will say I'm kind of like i watched it

all all five seasons you've seen it all yeah you've done it all yes like that bjork song about the trains what the is she on a train yeah anyway um yeah it's it's not the greatest thing ever i watched it after twin peaks and i really wanted a show I would love as much as Twin Peaks, and someone told me to watch The Wire, and it was just... I guess I was just comparing it, and it's not even the same at all. Not even close. Not even close. Totally different.

I enjoy it. Like, I really have been enjoying The Wire. It's not... It's about a murder. What's that? They're both about murders. Yeah, well, there's murders. Still, Breaking Bad is my top- shelf program that I cannot live without.

And for me, it's Lost, even though it's not good anymore. Now you're a, what was it? A Lost apologist? Yeah, sure. Do you guys watch Glee? I don't. I have a Glee hat if you want to borrow it. You have a Glee hat?

And by borrow, he means have and never to return it. I don't really want it. Do have a Glee hat if you want to borrow it. You have a Glee hat? And by borrow, he means have and never to return it. I don't really want it. Do you watch Glee? Yeah, I love Glee. Abby watches it. I love Sue Sylvester. That is Jane Lynch's character. Jane Lynch, yes.

I think she's the funniest lady on TV. Who else is funny on that show? Just her. Exactly. She's great. And why wasn't she just given her own show? she's great and why wasn't she just given her own show that's what I'm always confused about why isn't there

just a show that has her as the main character anti-lesbian conspiracy is she a lesbian? I didn't know that are you shocked? I'm not shocked but I did have to look it up to confirm who's this lady married to um yeah she's

great and hilarious and uh yeah but she's somebody from the first time i saw her in uh best in show like i was like she everything she says is hysterical and why doesn't she have her own movie or show or something and then she's kind of still always just been like the supporting character. And she's always much better than whoever's in the lead. But maybe that's her place. Maybe she's just going to be great at that. Yeah. When are we going to find our place, Dave?

What are we at? I don't know. Are we the Jane Lynches of something? Of this show. Bita is carrying it. Yeah. Are you the Jane Lynch of this show? don't know. Of this show. Bita is carrying it. Yeah. Are you the Jane Lynch of this show?

Yeah. Wow. And I'm the wire of this show leaving you to be the Freddy Krueger of this show. This is a really weird show.

Do you guys want to move on to some overheards? Wait. Wait. Did we cover everything? Did we cover everything? I don't know. I have nothing to say.

Okay. But we haven't finished who we need to rank. Kesha, Katy Perry, and Lady Gaga. Okay, Lady Gaga is number one. Okay. Kesha is number two. Katy Perry is number three. Can I rank them?

Yes. Okay, number one. Wait a minute. What are we ranking them on? Funkiness of outfits? Bangability. Number one, Katy Perry. No way.

Number six, Kesha. Oh my gosh. Number 30, Gaga. Just wait until next year. Oh, and predictions. Nostradamus? Pop music? Can you hand us at least one

beta prediction for the next year? Our listeners will demand that you come back to account for it. I think that Lady Gaga and Beyonce are going to rule the pop charts and they're going...

So your prediction is what's happening right now? But even more so. Together or separately? Yeah, no, together. I think... Are they going to form a girl group? I don't know. They already made that one video together.

Yeah. And they made little... They gave us little hints that there would be a second one oh right because the video had a question mark at the end question mark and Katy Perry

we won't know who she is next year I don't disagree completely because Katy Perry really is just the momentum of last year. Yeah. But here's the thing. She's going to get married to Russell Peters.

She's going to have a baby. I think you mean someone else. Do I? Is it also a comedian named Russell? I don't think there's two of them. You're right. And he's in a movie. Yeah.

Get him to the Greek. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So she's going to have his kid or twins. in a movie. Get him to the Greek. She's going to have his kid. Or twins. Is she preggo right now?

No, but she will be. And if not, if she's infertile, I'm thinking Malawi baby. Right? Or some sort of... How come nobody adopts any Arctic babies? Think about it! Think about weird stuff!

Oh, there was a really cute arctic baby named Canute. Give Canute... Give a hoot! Adopt Canute. No! Don't! Don't! I've had enough. I've had enough ice cubes in my beer. This beer doesn't taste very good anymore. Let's move on to Overheard.

I'm going to make a beer float. Overheard. Overheard. It's one of the finest segments that podcasts have ever had. Is that what I said? Oh, God.

You're drunk. And Dave and I came to kind of a conclusion that we need to scale back a little bit on the overheards because they were overwhelming us like a... Yeah. It was just like a tide that never stopped coming in. Kind of like a tide. Yeah.

So the tide goes out as well. Oh, that's right. We have decided we will have R over Hertz. A staple. A staple of the show. As well as up to... Up to three written in ones. And three called in ones.

So you guys got to be good. Yeah, you got to... This gives you something to strive for. Be the Freddy Krueger of... i got paid a lot of money by by freddy krueger my new lines or whatever i don't know what company made it warner brothers sure um but we always like it's our tradition here to start with the guest. Okay. You know that, being a return guest. Yes. And a lover of tradition. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you have any traditions in the Judaki household? Not really. No. No, we don't. My gang and I have a lot of traditions. We celebrate Persian Pride Day. Yeah, Persian Pride. I'm not in Persian Pride.

I'm in a gang that just celebrates Persian holiday. Yeah, me too. Which, Persian Pride is the biggest holiday in the Persian Pride. I'm not in Persian Pride. I'm in a gang that just celebrates Persian holiday. Yeah, me too. Which, Persian Pride is the biggest holiday in the Persian community. It's the gay pride. Gets a week off to celebrate and plan their float for Persian Pride. And it's how Vancouver is a multi-party. We're going to get murdered. Oh, by who?

By the Persian Pride. A fake gang that may or may not exist? Probably does. Probably does. Yeah, that's true. Do you think that the gangs are big into podcasts? Is that what they do? They should submit a t-shirt. Oh, a proposal.

Oh, yeah. We'll get to that in the not-too-distant future, a proposal. Oh, yeah. We'll get to that in the not too distant future. But Bita, would you like to lead the charge with your overheard? Okay. Okay.

I had a hard time coming up with one because I don't... I always listen to my iPod. Yeah. I think that's what I said last time I was on the show, too. But, okay,

I have one from... It's from a few years ago but it's just always stuck in my mind it's perfect i say it yeah of course okay i was working at this shop and the door was open to outside and i was just standing there and this girl and her mom walked across the doorway just like walking past. Like a young girl? Yeah, she was like five or something. She was like, hey, Mom, do you want to hear a joke I have about construction? And then her mom was like, yeah.

And then she was like, sorry, still working on it. Yes! And then that's all I heard. Like, that was all... You know what I mean? It was perfectly timed that that's all you heard. That's the only overheard I can ever remember. Yeah, but it's a gem. You decided to remember the Jewel of the Nile.

Sure. The gem and the holograms. Dave, do you have one? Well, this one isn't so much funny as it's just really... Scary? Yes. So strap yourselves in.

Okay, this one... It's a real spine-tie. Yeah, this overheard was a call that was coming from inside the house. Oh no! Oh no, get out of the house, Dave! It is a, it's not so much funny as it was like this smug guy at Whole Foods

just being smug. And it was all in the way he said it. But when you're at Whole Foods, when we check out, you can get a bag, or you can forego a bag. And they charge you 10 cents for a bag. And if you don't get the bag, they'll ask you if you want your 10 cents back or if you would like to donate it to a charity.

Yeah, that's right. And this guy said, I'll donate it to a charity. And the three charities that they had on offer were a um there's a women's shelter a an environmental thing and this children's charity yeah and the guy uh he said he looked at the charities and uh she asked what what charity he wants to pick and he said let's uh let's help the kids I had a thing at that because I couldn't read what the things were and I didn't understand her question because I

had one earphone in and one out and she said all I heard was a dime and I was like yes and then she's like do you want to donate it? And I was like, yes. And then she's like, do you want to donate it? And then I was like, yeah. And then she said, to which? And I just blurted out, I just said, the kids.

Oh, that was you in front of me. But the first one is something kind of ridiculous. It changes every time. Like buckets for trucks or something weird like that. There's often an orphan kitten rescue that I'll help a lot. Pretty cute. Yep. I like orphans.

I like kids. I like rescue. Yeah. Oh, God. This guy in rescue. You should see me at the beach. Everyone's drowning. Graham, do you have an overheard?

Mine comes courtesy of Nightmare on Elm Street that I saw last night. Nightmare the 13th. Nightmare on the Friday the 13th. The crew behind me. Actually, okay, just a little background. When I sat down in the theater, these were free tickets. And so I sat in, there's some seats that were reserved for media, which I guess technically we are, right? Yeah, we should really get on that.

Yeah, that's true. We could probably get like free dinners. I was going to say, if anybody asked me, who are you here with? I was going to say, stop podcasting yourself. Fucker. You should have gotten the name wrong. I was going to say, don't podcast. I'm here with kids.

But I sat down because I had, like, not great seats, but I was by myself. So I felt really good about that. And then this couple came in. And this is new. This is something new that I guess movie theaters are then this couple came in with a and this is new this is something new that i guess movie theaters are doing they came in with a full pizza what yeah like this is this is downtown and at the downtown at the uh scotia bank yeah at the you know the kind of the fancy megaplex they now have a pizza place and you can order a full pizza. What's a pizza got to cost at a movie theater?

You're looking at $60. They just hand over the keys to their car. So, yeah, they were sitting and eating pizza, and I'm like, I'm not comfortable with this. If I was also eating pizza, I'd be great with it, but I wasn't. So I moved to the row ahead of them, and these two really just with the comments, the whole film

just like, don't go in there, yada yada. But some of their comments were actually very funny. Like, they had some pretty good, like, you know, Freddy would kill somebody and they'd laugh really hard. So these were media types? No, I moved into a media seat to get away from them. Oh, but you still heard them.

Yeah, I was in front of them. I moved into some fancy Warner Brothers media seats. And then, you know, they had some funny stuff. They were yelling and carrying on. There was a lot of people in the theater screaming and laughing. But then at one point, there's a scene where the guy decides they're trying to stay up so Freddy doesn't go in their dream and kill them. Sure. And so he is in a hospital and he steals some adrenaline from a cart.

Okay. And he takes the adrenaline and then he steals a syringe and the guy behind me goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Too much. Oh, whoa. Too much. Was he reacting? Oh, you can steal the adrenaline. Fine.

But drink it. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You got to smoke that adrenaline. So that's my overheard. Love it. I'm loving it. Yeah, right? And then we have some written in ones. I will tell you, it's difficult to pick just three, but I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it right now. You know, three maximum. You can pick two if you want. Oh, I see. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. This first one comes from Ben P. Congrats, Ben.

You'll be getting a shirt. From Ben P. Congrats, Ben. You'll be getting a shirt. So I work at an after school daycare and I overhear quite a bit of darned things. Here are two from this week. I'm only going to read one. This only counts as one.

Yep. Only one shirt. A group of kids were talking about Star Wars when one kid brought up Spaceballs. A second kid asked what it was and the first kid explained it was like Star Wars but making fun of it. The second kid said, that's offensive. When asked how it was offensive, he responded, that's offensive to Star Wars. Not bad, kid. Not bad.

That's Ben from California. Have you seen Space Balls lately? Have I seen it lately? Yeah. That's Ben from California. Have you seen Spaceballs lately? Have I seen it lately? Yeah. Yeah, actually I have. Have you ever seen the movie Spaceballs? No, I've never seen it. Never seen it?

I remember the movie poster for it, though. Yeah. It was this man with two baseballs as balls. No, you're thinking of Basketball. Oh, you are thinking of Basketball. Oh. Never mind. I worked in a small town. The poster was this woman.

She was gone with the wind. I worked in a small town and the only movies they had in the theater that summer were Zorro with Antonio Manderas and Basketball. Both of which I've seen several times. I loved Spaceballs when I was a kid. Yeah? I'm just going to say that. My brother had the novelization. Really?

Yeah. yeah i'm just gonna say that my brother had the novelization really yeah for any of the listeners who haven't seen space balls it's a it was a mel brooks yeah uh satire it was in mel brooks joint it had uh john candy was in it yeah he was the chewbacca character. Yeah. Who was half man, half dog. Yeah. Who had a tail that wagged. And Joan Rivers was the voice of the C-3PO character. And was there an R2-D2? Daphne Zuniga. And then who was the guy? Was it Bill Pullman? Bill Paxton? Pullman.

No one really gets them mixed up. Rick Moranis was Darth Vader. Dark Helmet. Was that his was Darth Vader. Dark Helmet. Was that his name? Dark Helmet. That's not very creative. It's a very silly film. Are you a fan of silliness?

Yeah. And you're a huge Star Wars fanatic. And I really like basketball. What is that called? Basketball? That's Matt Stone and Trey Parker, the people who created South Park. That was their live action film. Yeah.

Orgasmo was their other live action film. Yeah, that's right. Didn't make it to this small town. That's all. Sure. It was only the one. All right. How many overheards have we done this thing forever?

It really is. I'm sorry. No, no. If we only do a small amount of them, it gives us more chance to do hilarious reactions. That's true. Sylvia N. from Montreal writes in, A group of friends and I were walking through St. Catherine and downtown late Friday night after a party slash potluck. My friend Gabriel had my

acoustic guitar with him and proceeded to play it everywhere we went. He seems cool. Yeah. All night we got cheers and high fives from people as Gabriel got hit on by countless drunk women. My overheard is when two drunk women approached Gabriel and asked, can you play Juicy Fruit?

And Gabriel asked, by by who the two women replied in a drunken slur by you pretty good did they mean the juicy fruit commercial yeah the juicy fruit song okay where the guy right doesn't he play it on a guitar and then he smashes his guitar it's probably good he didn't play that. Yeah, it's not his guitar to have smashed. Yeah, exactly. Good reactions. Good work, Henry. What's the name of the band

that have a video, oh, five years ago, with a guy playing guitar walking through the streets? Oh, Alanis Morissette. No, it's Canadian. Well, she's Canadian, years ago with a guy playing guitar walking through the streets. Damn it. Oh, Alanis Morissette. No, it's Canadian. Well, she's Canadian. But, uh, Obedowin Soundclash.

That's what I was thinking. Oh, wow. They're Canadian? I thought they were Bedouins. Um, this comes from, uh, John K. from Portland. John K. This is an

overseen. He has seen a stop sign where somebody has put the... You know how sometimes people will put the word war on a stop sign? So it says stop war. Or podcasting yourself.

They should put. That would be my challenge to any graffiti-minded people. To put stop podcasting yourself, they should put. They should put. That would be my challenge to any graffiti-minded people, to put stop podcasting yourself on a stop sign. Take a photo of it, send it to us at stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. And then erase it and have some respect. Yeah, for city property. But somebody took the stop war that has been added on and vandalized that by putting stop GWAR.

And then somebody went even farther. So now instead of saying stop, it's got stop to stop war to stop GWAR. Somebody has written over top of the stop, no one can. No one can stop GWAR. No one can stop GWAR. So those are three great written on overheards if you have one that you want to write in to us it's stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com and we have three

wonderful called in overheards coming up if you want to call us it's 206-339-8328 hi Graham and Dave this is Leo from Dublin with an overheard. Yeah, I was in the video store today looking for a present for my friends. And I was browsing through the DVD section and I heard some guy on a cell phone behind me and yeah, he sounded like he had been instructed

to buy a specific thing for somebody but it sounded like he couldn't find it. He was on the phone and I heard him say, yeah, no, I couldn't find the box set but they have most of them for sale individually so uh i turned around to see what he was talking about and uh i saw that he held in his hand scary movie one two and three my mind was racing to try and figure out what it was, and he exceeded my expectations.

Wow. Yeah, they should come out in a box set. Well, I'm sure they do. It's easy to package things. But, you know, they should come out with that one, and then Epic Movie, and not another teen movie, and Date Movie. Meet the Spartans. Meet the Spartans. Oh, my gosh.

And the other one. It's the most recent one. It's called Van Dudesing or something like that. Oh, yeah. Stan Helsing. Stan Helsing, maybe. All those ones, they are so quick. Yeah.

Like, they don't even. You mean quick and smart. Yeah. No, I mean, they don't even, they haven't even seen what they're referencing by the time, like there was a, I forget which one, maybe Epic Movie had a Juno character. Yeah. That came out at the same time as Juno. Yeah, that's right.

And so the movies must be made within 10 days. Yeah. And mostly while high. Yeah, that's right. And so the movies must be made within 10 days. Yeah, and mostly while high. Yeah, sure. Because in that Juno character's case, the baby comes out and does karate. Where was I when I was watching that, where the Elvin and the Chipmunk characters go all crazy? Was that here? I hope not.

I don't know where it was. It was on TV, and I watched it. Yeah, it was it was on tv here once yeah that's what it was yeah don't feel good about that no yeah burn your tv next call hi graham and dave this is dusty in ottawa calling with an overheard the other day at work i was listening in on two of my co-workers talking about hockey, talking specifically about Ottawa Senators goaltender Pascal Leclerc, and one of the guys says, man, that guy's ugly. He looks like one of those Munsters from the Adams family.

Love the show. Bye. Good cross-referencing. For our basketball crowd, Munsters and the Adams family were two similar similar but different shows. Yeah, also the Ottawa out of the playoffs. Who cares? Ottawa citizens, I suppose.

We don't talk about sports on this show. Did you? No, but I was watching the tail end of the last game where Montreal got advanced to the next round. Sure. And I guess maybe the game ended sooner than the station thought it would because they spent a lot of time filming sad fans in the audience just sitting by themselves, kind of like hanging out and kind of wondering what to do. They sort of do that every series.

Really? I would be one of those sad fans. I always reconsider my life when my team loses for the year. Oh, really? Where you're like, what should I do now? I kind of... I find a parallel in my own mediocrity

with that of the Vancouver Canucks. Would you call your mediocrity meteoric? Yes, yeah. That's probably too good. Are you a sports fan at all? No. Are you a diehard fan of anything where you would follow a thing?

Fish? Are you a big fish fan? Fish? I used to be. Really? Tell us about this era. It was just a few months ago. Oh, do you mean the band Fish? I used to be. Really? Tell us about this era. It was just a few months ago. Oh, do you mean the band fish? Yes. I'm way more interested in your fish.

Yeah. Can you tell us about this other crazy thing? When you travel around to see some goldfish? No, I was just recently, I was a vegetarian for like five years. And it's not as exciting as, okay, whatever. I was a vegetarian. Graham's a vegetarian. I'm a vegetarian as well.

I'm not anymore. Okay, see you later. Okay, bye. Bye now, I guess. Enjoy your beef. But then when I moved back home from Toronto, I was like, I'm going to eat meat again. Well, first I said I would just eat fish.

And I was just really obsessed with fish and I just ate a lot of fish. On my Twitter, I would tweet all the time about fish. About eating it? Yeah. Preparing it? Loved it. What's your favorite fish? People on Twitter love to know what you're eating. I like salmon. I like salmon.

I like salmon. Yeah. Hometown fish. I worked on Granville Island and... Fish everywhere. Fish mongers. And this one guy would give us fish candy for coffee. Wait, wait, wait.

Wait a second. Okay, that sounds like... Huh? Like a push of candied salmon. That's what I mean. For coffee, though? Yeah. I think a candy...

Can I just step in and say it? You pour it in instead of sugar? No, we'd switch. Oh, you would trade coffee. You'd barter. We would barter. I think a candied fish is different than fish candy. Yeah, I agree.

Is it? Yeah. Because, yeah, I think a fish candy would be like, hey, it's trout balls or something. Malted trout balls. Sure. Not trout's balls. No, of course. That would be like, hey, it's trout balls or something. Malted trout balls. Sure. Not trout's balls. No, of course. That would be gross.

Yeah. So you're obsessed with it. So you just came back from Toronto and you're like, no more vegetarian. Yeah. I had a serious iron deficiency. Yeah, that'll happen. That happens. iron deficiency.

Yeah, that'll happen. That happens. I've heard of vegetarians trying to go back to meat and just being disgusted by it. No way, I love it. Like physically, their body rejected it. I think for a lot of people

you do lose the enzyme or the ability to break it down. I think you get it back. Just break it down. Yeah, exactly. Hammer had it. Have you ever heard the song, I've Got a Brand New Pair of Roller Skates? Yeah, by Fifi Niki.

Something like that. Coco? You know the song? Mm-hmm. A lot of people always thought, because it's I've Got a Brand New Pair of Roller Skates, you've got a brand new key, that it was about... Fucking. Yeah. It was about fucking. Yeah.

It was about possibly in a roller cage. Stick your key in my skate. But it's actually a song that was written after the singer-songwriter quit being a vegetarian and ate a gigantic hamburger. And it was such a crazy change of life thing that she wrote. Yeah. That's what that song's about it's very empowering actually that song? no eating meat

that song's empowering too I would say that that song is going to be your new theme song for the rest of 2010 you think so? that's going to be your power like whenever you need yeah like a source of inspiration and strength.

Yeah? I've got a brand new pair of roller skates. It'll be your like what Spinach was to Popeye. Oh, right now. It'll turn your forearms into locomotives. Oh my gosh. Okay, next over heard. The final. Oh, the final.

In the trilogy. Have you seen the scary movie Quadrilogy? Okay, next overheard. The final. Oh, the final in the trilogy. Yep. Have you seen the scary movie Quadrilogy? Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Erica from New Jersey, and I'm calling with an overheard. I went the other day to Starbucks to get some coffee, and there were these two girls in front of me that were in their 20s, and one of them had a baby.

And the girl without the baby was playing with the baby and cooing at the baby and saying how cute it was. And she turns to her friend and she's like, oh, man, it must be so much fun to have a baby. And the friend just looks at her totally straight-faced and says, yeah, the thing about babies is that they feel a lot better going in than they do coming back out. I just thought that was such a great public service announcement.

Yeah, that's all that is. I'm not sure that a baby ever goes in, though. I'm not sure. Well, they go in in some form. I'm sure, I think she's probably mistaken. Spermatosis. The feeling of a baby going in, she's mistaking that with my penis. With my dick. Yes.

A baby going back in would hurt. am i right ladies i think the important phrase is that she said it doesn't she didn't say it going back in yeah i think that's the key phrase man having a baby the thing about having a baby is it feels a lot better coming out than going back. Yeah, when it goes back in, as they naturally do, because they're afraid of the sunlight. Sure. A lot of babies are vampires. Guys, could I tell you one thing that happened to me on the weekend? I'm not going to stop you.

Speaking of babies, I went to the movie theater to go watch the... The Baby Geniuses movie. Yes, and it wasn't in the theaters, and I was disappointed. It was the movie Oceans and... Eleven. Thirteen. It was... And it hadn't started yet, so...

This is a nature movie. Yeah, it's a film narrated for no reason at all by Pierce Brosnan. He almost ruins the movie. He's so bad at narrating this movie. Yeah, it's a film narrated for no reason at all by Pierce Brosnan. He almost ruins the movie. He's so bad at narrating this movie. But we... Does he do his James Bond voice? I guess he doesn't have to do a voice. He was James Bond. But he kept saying things that were

James Bond-like. Sure. Like he kept asking the squid to have sex with him. Yeah. He kept talking about intelligence organizations I've never heard of. Yeah, he was asking the snow crab to tell him with him. He kept talking about intelligence organizations I've never heard of. Yeah, he was asking the snow crab to tell him his plan. Asking if any octopi have new gadgets for them. But in the interim

between buying the ticket and being let in... You paid for this movie? To go to oceans? Yeah. This wasn't a Nightmare on helm street type situation uh this was just an afternoon matinee let's go see a movie and but uh in the interim time before because the movie hadn't let out of the theater yet so snuck into the only other movie that was still playing

was The Backup Plan with Jennifer Lopez. That, she's still J-Lo? No, not anymore. Yeah, she's no longer

Jenny from the Block. Okay. Jennifer Lopez. It was, I only watched probably 15 minutes of it. I can easily say, without having seen

the whole film, it's the worst movie ever made. Like, easily the worst movie. When the highlight is a cameo by Cesar Millan, the dog whisperer, you know a movie is in deep, deep, deep trouble. They have a dog in that movie,

a Boston Terrier, in a fake wheelchair, because the dog is able-bodied. It's a stunt dog. Well, it's an acting dog. It was like Gary Sinise in Forest Gump. He was acting. He was wearing a green spandex

on his back legs. Not missing any legs, but just wanted to feel nice. I really honestly, I don't know if there's ever a worse movie. What about that Gigi movie she made? Wasn't that... Gigli.

Gigli. So she's competing with herself to make the worst movie. I think Gigi was the girl who sang the roller skate song. There was a scene in it where I think and I don't know because I'm a Hollywood outsider. I'm not a Hollywood insider. But you watch The Insider. Which was about Hollywood.

Is that right? But there's a thing that I guess they must do when they watch a movie and they're like, oh, this movie has no jokes. So then they go back in and write jokes to be said off screen. Oh yeah, Patton Oswalt has a bit about this. Yeah, so that seemed to be the entire thing in this movie was that there were like quips

that would be at the end of every scene when you couldn't see the actor's mouth moving. That seemed to be what propelled everything from one scene to the other, was somebody off screen saying something that kind of fit with the scene. Like there was a scene where she goes to a birthing class, even though she's not pregnant at this point in the film. How much of this movie did you watch? 15 to 20 minutes. Okay. So she goes to she goes to a birth of a 65 minute movie exactly um which i don't think that they would let you just sit in a birthing class if you're not pregnant i think that would be the minimum everyone else in the movie either has a kid or is pregnant in the you pregnant in that scene.

And then there's somebody, like I guess the big joke is, there's a woman that's still breastfeeding her kid who's like six years old. Okay. Love it. But then there's no joke. And then somebody says some quip like, Baby's too old. Off camera.

And I was like, that's odd. And there were people in the theater losing it, laughing so hard. Well, they did pay to see it. Yeah, and they're also voters in the next whatever election we have. Oh, they should really, you know, euthanize them. Have you ever tried to write a screenplay?

Like, I assume a comedy screenplay? I wrote a terrible screenplay. Actually, I've written two unbelievably bad screenplays. Both of them better than the backup plan. When I was trying to write screenplays, I'll probably give it another go. Yeah. Let's write one together. I don't think that's a good idea.

Why not? Your work ethic. Is too good? Yeah, that's the problem. I don't think that's a good idea. Why not? Your work ethic. Is too good? Yeah, that's the problem. I don't know. Both of us on the keyboard. Oh, would we have to write it at the same time? Yes, that's the only way you can both get credit.

So you go left hand, I go right hand? No, we have to go ghost style. Oh, like I put my hands over your hands. Yeah. Yeah, okay. And then we play that song. But I was like, okay your hands. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And then we play that song. But I was like, okay, well, this scene isn't funny, but I know every scene, as a rule, needs to end on a joke.

Right. So I would just put a joke at the end, and I think that's what they did. Yeah. That's true. Except that they didn't do it in the script. Yeah. They did it afterwards when they realized. In the booth.

Dave, why would we write a screenplay together? Why wouldn't we? Yeah. You don't think it'd be great? I'm kind of cramped in here. What about a coming of age picture? Okay, I like it. Bita, what do you think? I like it. What should it be about? A kid who's really good at playing video games.

A kid who's really good at pinball. Not so good at seeing and hearing things. All of those things. A kid who grows up with his pinball, not so good at seeing and hearing things. All of those things. Yeah. A kid who grows up with his dad. His dad is a robot. I don't even like that. What?

My dad the robot? Oh, I get it now. My father the robot. Yeah, my father the robot. Have you seen My Father the Hero? Yes. I haven't. What movie have you seen, Bita?

I don't know. Every movie you guys say, I'm like, ah. Well, why don't we talk about a movie you know? Yeah, let's talk about you. I don't know. I don't know any movies. Really? I don't know.

What's your favorite film? I don't know. Don't say The Backup Plan. The Backup Plan. Oh, my God. I love it. What do you love most about it? The dog.

See where they buy the cheese? Do people still talk about her butt? I love it. What do you love most about it? The dog. The scene where they buy the cheese? Do people still talk about her butt? I love her butt. Do you really? People are over her butt, I think. Well, people are over her in general. Yeah. But I think Beyonce kind of took over the butt thing with the delicious one.

I thought it was Kim Kardashian. And then Kim Kardashian took it over with her career. Who begets her butt. Okay, yes. Who's the heir? Oh, Peeta. Who's the heir to the butt throne? Yeah, it's a big one.

I don't know. Now, is Kim Kardashian's butt bigger or better than Beyoncé's and or JLo's? Like, who determines this? A voting panel. America votes. says and or j-lo's like who determines this um a voting panel america votes is it uh i feel like it's just uh late night monologists comedian late night doctor hosts in their monologues are the ones who decide who gets the brunt of the butt joke oh yeah so then bill clinton no wait he was fine he didn't have a big butt. Sure, okay.

Kirstie Alley. Yeah. Oh, Kirstie Alley. Where do we go next? Well, something we should announce is we announced it partially last week is that now that we're part of the Maximum Fun family, there's a t-shirt contest going on to design t-shirts.

Both. I think they're doing it for Jordan, Jesse go for the sound of young America and for stop podcasting yourself, uh, on the message board, um, and the forums, somebody has already posted one that's in the style of the,

uh, keep calm, carry on, uh, British war poster. Yeah. Uh, and internet meme. posted one that's in the style of the Keep Calm Carry On British War poster. Yeah. An internet meme. Yeah, that somehow popped up. When did that re-pop up?

After Conan O'Brien went off the air? No, before that. When did it pop up again? Within the last 18 months. Let's say 18 months. Oh, when we defeated Robo-Hitler. Yeah, for sure. We'll fight him on the land.

We'll fight him in the circuit board. We'll fight him in the Matrix. So, but for reals, you can submit at MaximumFun.org. There's kind of a template. I'm not sure if you designed it on the actual template or what. But if you design it and it wins, that will be the shirt that gets printed up. And you will get a free shirt as well. And some other prizes from the prize package vault.

And then all the bumpers out there who want to buy a Stop Podcasting Yourself shirt will be able to do it. And then we'll make money off of it. That's a good deal. Yeah, that's pretty great. Bita, do you have anything that you want to plug? What's coming up for Bita Judaki aside? I know you're going back to class, much like Rodney Dangerfield.

You haven't seen that movie. There's no way she's seen that movie. I have not seen that movie. What about Old School? You've seen that movie. Oh's no way she's seen that movie. I have not seen that movie. What about old school? You've seen that movie. Oh, yeah. I've seen that. All right. There we go.

That's your favorite movie. That's my favorite movie. Yeah. Because that's the only one we can name. That and basketball. No, you hadn't seen that. You only saw the poster. I haven't seen it.

What's coming up for you? Where can people who want to see Bita go to see Bita? I'm in Masterclass. This thing called, it's on Granville Island. At the Vancouver Theater? Clash. The show is called Clash. Sorry.

Okay. And it's Wednesdays. Wednesdays at 9.15. I'm in those sometimes. And sometimes I'm in the Hero Show at Bronx Cheer. Okay. On Tuesdays. And where, if people want to see you online, is there a website? No.

No? You have a Twitter? I have a Twitter. Twitter, is it just Bita Judaki? Bita, Bita, Bita. Bita, Bita, Bita. If you want to follow her on Twitter, it's Bita, Bita, Bita. B-I-T-A.

Anything else you want to plug? No, just that... You'll be in Alberta next week? Yeah, but no, there's no reason to plug. Oh, actually, I'll be... When does this come out, though? This comes out on Monday. Yeah, so it'll be too late. It'll be too late to catch me in Alberta. I'll be back.

Pretty much. Be back? But what do I have? I don't have anything in particular to plug. I really don't. Okay. I don't either, but you can go to, just go to stoppodcastingyourself.com. We now have a page up at maximumfun.com, but I don't quite remember the address.

We'll just, it'll redirect from stoppodcastingyourself.com. Yeah. And if you do want to write to us about anything, be it overheards, be it an endorsement of the lovely Bita Judaki, be it whatever it is, it's StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com. Or you can call us, 206-339-8328. And I think I meant MaximumFun.org. That is correct. And you guys, this has been great. Thanks.

Who does it better? nobody that's right nobody so come on back next week and prove it once again here

at Stop Podcasting Yourself Thank you.