Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 116 - Cameron Reed

Episode Date: June 1, 2010

Cameron Reed joins us to talk award shows, the Lost finale, and celebrities who look like they smell bad.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to Stop Podcasting Yourself, episode number 116. My name is Graham Clark and joining me as always is the man who's the Josh Brolin to my James Brolin, Mr. Dave Shumka. I'm your son. That's right.

And I occasionally have a mustache. And you're a powerhouse, right? That's right. I was actually considering, I have a beard right now. I was considering shaving it and just keeping a mustache for a day. You know, like the movie Mustache for a Day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With Josh Brolin? With Meatloaf a Day.

But is that, if you are only doing it for the experiment, is that too ironic? Let's get to know us. Oh, wait. Let's get to know who our guest is. Okay. Our guest this week is an accomplished musician and also a producer and kind of, how would you say, like kind of a subterfuge person, like a person who brings talents together. Oh, Malcolm Gladwell would call that a connector.

A connector. He is a gentleman who is in charge of a great festival here in Vancouver called Music Waste, of which Dave and I are going to be a part of. Yep, with our two-person rap act. Yeah. Funk and CeeLo. Bones and sauce. And also, you may recall if you're a long-time listener of the podcast,

Connor Haller and Craig Anderson were on the show at the end of last year promoting a show called Mental Beast. A web series. Which then was nominated for a Leo. That's right, a Leo Award.

Yeah, and sorry, that's Cam Reed is our guest this week. Thank you for joining us. Hello everyone. Yeah, a Leo Award. Let's get to is our guest this week. Thank you for joining us. Hello, everyone. Yeah, a Leo Award. Great. Let's get to know about that. Yeah. Get to know us.

So, Cam, this festival's coming up next. Hey, I want to talk about your Leo Award. Oh, yeah. Okay, let's start there. When are the Leo? What is a Leo? What are the Leo Awards? I think it's like the Academy Awards.

No. The Academy Awards for Western Canada that no one's heard of. Sure. No one knows exists. Yes. And now I have a friend who won a Leo Award a couple years ago. Who won the Leo for Best Web Drama? Last year? Yeah. I don't remember. Okay. Who won the Leo for best web drama? Webisode last year.

I don't remember. Who won the Oscar? For best webisode, it was a series of L'Oreal commercials. With America's Next Top Model. Now, with the Leos, my friend and past guest,

Erica Sigurdsson, she won a Leo for writing for television and they made her pay for the trophy do you know about this you should be so lucky I am I was freaking out just today because I will have to pay 150 just to go to the thing yes yeah I I'd been waiting for an email I thought maybe we had given some different communal email that a bunch of the people that worked on the project all received. You know, you've been nominated. Right.

We didn't even get that. We didn't even get a personalized email. It was just the nominees have been announced to just a general sort of like as if it was a mailing list. Like get updates on the Leo Awards. You expect it to be like the Golden Globes where you get a call at five in the morning. Yeah, yeah. From Halle Berry. I was hoping for at least something saying like you know at

least something that said you can pick your free tickets up sure you know at x spot but uh no yeah i got a uh myself and i if connor uh is in town i guess we'll have to pay 150 dollars and then anyone else that's involved with the project has to pay 200 dollars for the awards yeah and then the what i think they give you the one trophy, whatever it is. And all the rest are $100 extra? Yeah, like you have to pay extra. Like if it was Erica and another guy, Peter Kalamas, who won it, and they just gave them one trophy for the two of them,

and so they had to order a second trophy. There's a name for that scheme, I think. Pyramid? Yeah, the Leo Awards. for the two of them, and so they had to order a second trophy. There's a name for that scheme, I think. Pyramid? Yeah, the Leo Awards. Now, is it open to the public? I think so. Would I have to pay $200? Yes.

I don't want to. Students pay less than me. Whoa! There's a student discount that is more than the nominee discount. I don't think any award show should have students Is there a beer garden? Solon members are playing Are they really?

But that's too believable So when are Do you know when they are? The 4th and 5th of June Oh my goodness. Well, they do the Tech Awards on day one. That's exactly what they're doing. With a blonde bombshell.

Yeah, who's a local blonde bombshell that they can get? Tamara Tang? No, she's on the main show. Spinnaker? I don't know what Spinnaker is. He's a famous dolphin. So is that... Are you guys going to go?

Well, I sent... Again, I said it was just today that I realized this, and I sent out an email to all the writers. Connor, I think Cam McLeod is another past guest. You don't have to give your thank you list now. Save it for the awards. Although, you didn't want to practice your speech. I didn't. Honestly, guys. Yeah yeah what web series are you up against oh yeah oh let's bash them for your security which which i really i i enjoyed but it was kind of it was you know it's a workplace but

about a workplace comedy but about being a security guard sure and i saw an episode of that is that possible that i would have seen an episode of that? Yeah, they love the oeuvre. Yeah, I like webisodes. I like, what are the other ones? Mobisodes. Another one that was kind of okay was My Pal Satan,

but it was about a girl whose roommate's with Satan and that is the joke of a number of episodes. Does it have to be a web series? It has to be only on the web. And it has to be more than one episode? Yeah, there has to be like, I think, four or five.

Next year, if they open it up to podcasting, I will pay $150 for Graham to win a drive-in. Are there not radio awards? I don't know. We're not on the radio. You're so fringe and outsider. Yeah.

But that being said, having said that, there are radio awards. And if web series are being included into traditional TV, then shouldn't you guys? Or at least 100 strong for podcasts getting radio awards. Shouldn't you guys? Or at least 100 strong for podcasts getting radio awards. I feel like those type of awards for a while I was working at a TV station and at one point we stumbled upon a hidden

cupboard that was a mirror on one side and we slid it open and it was filled with old awards that the TV station won. Participation awards. For green ribbons. But they were from the 70s, the 80s, the 90s. They're just kind of like, I don't know.

It just seems like every possible industry has some sort of award or plaque that you can win. I mean, they have the importance you assign to them, I guess. Yeah, yeah. But if you have to pay for it, like... No, that's it. Hey, I won't deny that we were excited when we found out we were nominated. I mean, I certainly don't know, one,

how many web series are being produced in British Columbia and Alberta, which I think is where it is, but the Western Canada. And then I also don't know how many applied to be in the Leo or considered for the Leo Awards. When you apply, does that cost money? It seems like a big cash grab.

It does, but I don't think that is – oh, yeah, it's clearly a very big cash grab. But I don't think that that was very much. I think it was only like $25 or something like that. And what about the dress code? Well, judging by the pictures on the website, it looks pretty fancy for ladies, but there are definitely some pictures of, you know... Affliction t-shirts?

Affliction, but also probably edgy actor guys. You know, like, I'm just going to wear my ripped jeans and a blazer. Really small glasses. My girlfriend, Abby, who's her own person. Yeah, she is. She used to work at a talent agency, and occasionally she would get invited to events. Everyone in the office would get invited.

So there were a few that we went to, and actors would get invited as well. Yeah. And, oh, these actors, what they wear to things. Yeah, they've got a banjo strapped to their back or something like that. They own a lot of blazers that have embroidery all over them. Ooh, that's fun. Well, I think they've all read the game, so they're peacocking, which I think is a term. But they're not going big enough to be peacocking.

Don't you need to wear, like, a Dr. Seuss hat? Only if you're attending a rave. That's the only time that that works. Eyeliner, yeah. pretending a rave. Sure. That's the only time that that works. Eyeliner.

Yeah. Well, I mean, if everyone's dressing down at these events, maybe just wearing an embroidered jacket is, you know, standing out.

Have you read the game? Because it is the second time he's brought it up today. Oh, I was talking about the movie earlier. Which is based on the book. Yeah. Michael Douglas.

Yeah, Michael Douglas shows you how to hit on women. On that weird... Put them down first, then bring them back up. I used to work at 1-800-GOT-JUNK, which for... I think it's kind of an international phenomenon. They'll pick up your stuff for money. Yeah, yeah.

It originated here. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And I was working in the trucks. I was picking up junk from people's houses out in West Van, which is a really nice, kind of

rich neighborhood. And one of the houses that we went to, I actually picked up the game and I ended up flipping through it in the truck, but then my partner on the day said that he wanted it, so I really only got to see a little bit.

But there were some gems that I have definitely thought about using. I've read passages of it as well because I used to work at a book warehouse. And so it would routinely come through in kind of the shipments. So I would flip through. But it's shaped like it's a novel. And it has a little red. Other books are also shaped like novels. I mean, there's a novel and it has a little red it has other books are also shaped like novels there's a narrative in it like it's not just chapter one it's not shaped like an apple yeah

it's like yeah he's trying he's telling the story of the um yeah of his his buddies or whatever but what i thought was really weird is there's a little red string so you can hold spots oh like it's like a bible yeah and it had a it was a leather bound cover too i think yeah and it's got gold like the king james version of the game um the uh no letters i want to know more about your picking up junk in a rich neighborhood what what kind of stuff did you keep oh uh is it true about one man's junk being another man's sugar it certainly is especially we went to Especially, we went to a Nintendo warehouse one time. No, no, no. What?

Sorry. What do you call those? Business parks? Yeah. Yeah. We had to clear out a bunch of chairs from there. They had just an excess of rollable chairs. Before everyone got those big inflatable balls for their core.

Or the kneeling things, you know? Really good. And there were, I guess during some sort of phase of Nintendo's marketing, they had live events with Mario's with giant

foam rubber head. Mascot Mario. With the pants that would go like three feet off your body and it's just like the little suspenders that go over like a hoop skirt yeah and i was wow and i was playing in a band at the time and uh and we had we had a big the band was called the band was actually called hot loins which is kind of weird on its own but we uh we were uh we were gonna play a big show at one of the big stages in vancouver and we're like oh we have to have those like that would be hilarious for us to come out and mask out uniforms

and uh and we put them aside and uh and my boss was like you can't like you can't take you can't take those like they're way too big. And I was like, I'm going to come with a car and pick them up from our little storage unit. Wait, they asked you to take away chairs. Did they say everything else is fine too? Yeah, you could also just take whatever you like. Well, it was mainly chairs, but they had just a bunch of stuff in one corner that they had to go. No systems or anything like that.

And I also like that you called it uh like a mascot uniform like somebody could show up for mascot duty and like forget to wear their uniform like just have the head and then whatever clothes they were wearing that day and just show up and like what do you do oh i'm just wearing the giant mario pants so anyways yeah we we tried to we tried to get these things but then they uh they cleared out I'm just wearing the giant Mario pants. Anyways, yeah, we tried to get these things, but then they cleared out our storage space, the office. They cleared them out for me before I was able to get back to them. But a lot of speakers, a lot of little TVs, you know, like TVs that you would have in your kitchen or bedroom. In your dorm room. In your dorm room, yeah.

Wow. So the junk men had their junk taken away by other junk men. I actually wonder if they had to call the secondary smaller company. Doug's Rubbish. I think there is a Doug's Rubbish. That's why I laughed so hard.

My friend used to clean airplanes and he would there would be so much stuff that people would just leave on the airplane. And if you lost your iPod, you're not getting it back. They didn't find it. You lost it somewhere else. Yeah, I think they'd probably be ass deep in iPods, right? Because people are just... I imagine there's probably one left on every flight.

I'm sure, yeah. That's my guess. And wallets, right? If you find a wallet on a plane, you're allowed to use the credit card for small purchases. Oh, you're allowed to use it for that phone. The air phone. Call all your friends in Denmark. I forget what I was watching recently where someone was using the phone on the airplane.

Nobody ever uses that. I've never seen that. Is there one by the washroom? No, there used to be ones on the back of the seats in front of you. Yeah. And you would be able to swipe a credit card and then call somebody from the plane. But I think it was only ever the middle seat. So everyone had to share the phone.

Not that anyone ever used it. But if you wanted to use it and you were in the aisle seat, you had to reach over. Pardon me. I remember my brother falling asleep and then me reaching over and pressing the thing that released it. So it would fly into his face while he was asleep. So we were talking about the Leos, which is a locally based award.

And then you brought up just before the podcast started that Ryan Beal was not, he's been nominated for multiple jesse awards which are an actual award that's like people pay attention it's named after both good guesses um and ryan beal was on the front page of the vancouver sun this morning the many faces of ryan the many faces of ryan bill yeah and i don't i mean i don't want to take credit where credit's not due sure but he was on the podcast not but two weeks ago and then all of a sudden through the roof right so the rizzy um but uh nothing is ryan and certainly he should be on the cover of the arts and entertainment page But nothing against Ryan And certainly

He should be on the cover of the arts and entertainment page But is there not Bigger news than the Jesse Awards Look it's not like there's an oil well That's blown up If there was Hey this is local news guys Or it should just be

There should be a newspaper that's just Hey we just do positive news They do it's the coffee shop news Oh the weekly bean There should be a newspaper that's just, hey, we just do positive news. They do. It's the coffee shop news. Yeah. Oh, the weekly bean. They do news.

They do jokes. They do fun facts. But he's been nominated, what, for three or four different Jesse Awards? Yeah. He's the king of the Jesse Awards. There's nobody like him. He's the James Cameron of Jesses. Yeah. Or the Catherine Bigelow, because

he's going to win. Oh, right. Unlike James Cameron. Who only won some of the awards that he won. Now, the other reason you're here, well, other than us, we should... Just being great company. Yeah, you're great company. I should point out

that Cam is someone we don't actually know. Not personally. We definitely see you guys around a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah company. I should point out that Cam is someone we don't actually know. Not personally. We see you guys around a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is kind of unusual for us, but we thought we'd take a chance on Cam. And I wouldn't have brought it up if it wasn't going so swimmingly. And I wouldn't have said yes unless he sold me with, take a chance, take a chance, take a chance, when he sung it to me on the phone.

Take a chance, chance. Yeah. You can change your mind. That song really should be sung. Resupply. What is it? The male lead. But you're the organizer, producer, promoter,

All of those things. Are we talking about the festival? Yes, the Music Waste Festival. Myself and a number of other people for the last four or five years have kind of been running the whole thing, overseeing it. This year... What is it? It is going to be taking place June 2nd to 6th. What is it?

It is... I did not hear that question correctly. It is a cultural festival. There's 20-some-odd music shows. It started as a music festival. We added art two years ago. And we added comedy last year. Suck it. Yeah.

All you other just music festivals. Yeah. And yeah, it runs for about four or five days. And there's dozens of different events all around Vancouver. Now, I'm not a guy who keeps up with the local music scene. I'm more of an American Idol fan. We did a segment last week, Fake Band, Real Band. What is the best band name in this festival?

Well, unfortunately, they didn't make it, but my favorite name from all the bands that applied were uh the milk pipes which i which i really liked which then i think there was also another band called the house pipes and it just are pipes the new wolf i think pipes my yeah the new crystal both pipes so uh and music waste for anybody out out there, that's the name is derivative of Music West. Yeah, it started in 94. Music West did. New Music West. No, sorry.

New Music West had been going since 93. And then a bunch of bands didn't get in. A bunch of indie bands back at that time. The Wet Sprock. Sure. The Odds. The Odds. And they were like, fuck this festival.

We're going to start our own even more indie festival. And they started Music Waste, a really hilarious pun on the New Music West. And it has outlived it. And New Music West is no more. And yeah, we took over.

What if somebody sublimates Music Waste? Like, what if they go and say, I couldn't get into Music Waste.

Milk Types starts their own festival. There were bands that postered outside a show two years ago that were like,

you know, like, fuck the hipsters and the Music Waste and like, check out this show happening tonight and it was like all ska bands it's like how many of them had the word ska in their name i was just gonna say i think the one was like called like the scattles yeah scattles bag of scattles sure scat chatt

scab of the scuts scab of the huts scot-skank redemption scot- real bands these are real bands yeah get out of my scar scar from the Lion King scar face oh good stuff

well yeah so if you're in town and you want to check that out Dave and I are going to be part of the comedy portion yeah that's that'll be great on the 5th?

On the Saturday. Yeah, Saturday night. Dave, what's going on with you lately? You're about to go to Los Angeles. I am. Are you excited? Yeah, I suppose. Yeah, I am.

Yeah? I'm mostly nervous about what I tell customs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they don't know what a podcast is. No. And you've got the crazy beard that you're going to turn into a mustache. Well, not by then. No, I...

Well, if I do shave the beard, I like to have a mustache for a day. Yeah. You know, like the hip movie. And, uh... But, uh... That's okay, right? Like, I'm not a guy walking around with a mustache thinking I'm cock of the walk.

I don't understand anymore... Weekend of of the walk. I don't understand anymore. Weekend of the vampire. I don't understand what the rules are with mustaches anymore. Well, you should read my book, The Rules. In brackets, not mustaches. In very tiny brackets. You're like, a lot of people will buy this

because they think it's the other book. And that will be our major market. People who buy it by accident. We'll make the spine really flimsy so they can't return it. That's the rules of book selling. Running a book retailer. But what are the rules? Because really, you know, my stashes were, you know, 30 years ago were the domain of everybody who could grow one.

It was a businessman could have one. A porno man. A porno man could have one. Who's also a businessman. It's all right. Sure. A politician could have one. Oh, yeah.

You don't really see that very often. Television hosts. Yeah. And then it went away. And then it became a signature item. And then it was only gays, I think. Sure. Gay people owned mustaches outright for several years. Or people who had had them before.

They were grandfathered in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or fathered. Fathered or grandfathered mustaches. And then I think they went through a period where they were like wrestlers, tough guys had mustaches. Yeah, Jake the Snake. Sure. Ted DiBiase.

Or did he have a full beard? No, DiBiase had a full beard. Ravishing Rick Rude. Yeah. A lot of mentions of him. He's a great guy. If we could get him on the podcast, he's dead. Oh, yeah.

So, okay. So, then the hipsters took them. They took them and ran the field with them. Hey, look. I can grow a mustache. Yeah. Look at how weird it is. I'm curling it up.

Oh. Look at how weird it is. I'm curling it up. Oh, but there's also the side branch from that, which is the kind of throwback. Gentlemanly? Yeah. Gentleman. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

Sure. Yeah, yeah. The guys would wax a mustache. Yeah, yeah, right, right. But now where's the mustache now? Is it still... I feel like it's fine as long as you're not veering into that I take my mustache really seriously. I'm going to have this for a day. No, no, no.

I'm just curious. Because here's the thing that happened to me on the weekend, guys. And this is going to... Like, we've all seen women with mustaches. Like, we've all seen women with mustaches like it's we've all it's because some sometimes that just happens you got tips yeah but this lady uh-huh she had like something you'd be proud of no like my mustache but without kind of the edge bits like just just a cold beard for the homeless Yeah but like a real Like a trimmed

Maintained Like a real deal Not curved up but certainly like not an accident Well that's a whole Other subgenre Of mustache I don't think I've ever seen it before That whole community of women who groom their mustache

Is that a community? The hipsters, the gentlemen women who groom their mustache. Sure. Is that a community? The hipsters, the gentlemen, women who love their mustache. Because I know I've seen ladies who have a mustache, like a default mustache, because they have dark. They're in default. Yeah. Because they have dark hair. But this, it was blonde, and it was grown. It was clearly to be having a mustache.

Yeah. Well, I mean, she could. Are you sure it was a woman? Yes. Okay. That much I am sure of. I asked to see her vagina. You examined it with a hand mirror.

Yeah, exactly. That's the gentlemanly way to do it. You had it on you. You had gotten it from the old timey barber shop where the guy wears an apron. And he said, do this for any inspection of yarn ladies.

Of yawn lady parts. I don't know. If you want a mustache for a day, go crazy. Yeah, exactly. Well, but what usually happens is handlebar mustache for a day, regular mustache for a day, Hitler mustache for three weeks. Mustache and a flavor saver? Is that what the... The little guy?

Under your bottom lip? Just the little one. Is that the soul patch? I thought the mustache was the flavor saver. Wait. It depends on your. Is that the soul patch? I thought the mustache was the flavor saver. Wait. It depends on your... What's the soul patch? It depends on what you're...

If you're drinking Kool-Aid, then this is the flavor saver. If you're doing something in the nethers, then that's the flavor saver. Is that actually a perverted term? It just hit me. Is that a gross thing to say? Flavor saver? That's what I thought it was. I thought it was like with food or something.

Like you ate a spaghetti and there would still be some sauce in your flavor saver. I guess a whole beard would be a flavor saver in a way. It would be a maximum version. Yeah. Oh man, we all learned something. Yeah, we learned a lot about mustaches.

But what I really wanted to talk about was the last episode of Lost. Oh, I've never seen any episodes. Have you? You should start watching it. Oh, yeah. I went through that whole... Well, is it... I heard that it doesn't add up.

It doesn't pay off. Yeah. No, it's... So now I'm rethinking watching all these episodes of Lost. You should watch the first three seasons of Lost. Oh, yeah. And then just stop just be like like as if you did you watch deadwood you ever see yes yeah one of those things where you kind of you knew it wasn't gonna you knew it didn't get

picked up for another season you're like you just accept that it's that's where it left off watch three seasons of loss and just be like well didn't get picked up for the final three and leave it there. Don't ever look back. Fair enough. Because I feel that way about X-Files, is that first three or four seasons was great, and then the last whatever amount of seasons

added nothing to the experience or the storyline or whatever. So is that what happened in Lost? My favorite episode of Lost was the one with Giovanni Ribisi. Yeah. And he could control street lights with his head. Traffic lights.

That's the only X-Files I've ever seen. I really loved it, though. I should watch more. That one episode. I started watching Fringe, which is another J.J. Abrams. J.J.? Yeah, the new J.J. project. Yeah.

And I'm into that. It's kind of like an X-Files-y sort of thing. Do you have to watch it as a series? Is there an arc or something? There's definitely a bit of that, but each episode is a new mystery. So I think you can watch individual episodes. I was going back through our old recap blogs of the show, which I still do. We still put them out.

They're now over on MaximumFun.org. And they're great. Someone was asking why I don't do them anymore. But they've just moved. Yeah, we still do. But I used to do a lot more Photoshopping. And I had done, when there was a series called Life on Mars, we had talked about if David Bowie or Ziggy Stardust was a character in it. And then we talked about once the new TV series.

We talked about it when it was new. Fringe. Yeah. And it was Joshua Jackson in Fringe. And I photoshopped a picture of Joshua Jackson wearing a fringe leather coat. A fringe jacket, yeah. yeah so great i should do more of that yeah um i uh yeah let's get to know you oh well i didn't watch i didn't watch the last thing well moving on then no i avoided it like the plague so i didn't know uh but then

unanimously everybody i asked said that it was a huge letdown. I will say there were parts of it that I kind of – I got a little sad. Yeah? A dog lays down with him when he's about to die. Oh, no. I don't know. And spoiler alert, I guess. Oh, come on.

The one thing that bothered me with the whole – I mean, the whole last season wasn't very good. But as a general rule for writing, I feel like you can't introduce something three episodes before the final episode to answer the question of an entire six seasons. Sure. You can't just be like, and there's this thing that's really important and it's going to play a major role two episodes from now. That's kind of where everything started. Yeah. But no, it was... The thing I loved about the show was all the

mythology and the mystery of the island. Or the mystery. Mystery works. Of the game. Yeah. The peacocking of the island. And then the last season sort of focused on the characters who I don't care about. I determined that I don't care about the characters that much at all.

Yeah, what's up with the statue? Yeah. Grand statue. Why does it only have four toes? We never solved that. Never find out. I'm guessing it was a mistake. What is in the hatch?

That thing that you were talking about, a lot of series do that, where they introduce an element in the last kind of season as a way to kind of, oh, we've got too many tendrils going this way and that way, because they did that on The Sopranos. Like, all of a sudden, Tony Soprano was a gambler and had

a gambling problem just out of nowhere. Like, this guy who's like a seasoned mafia business guy all of a sudden doesn't know how to keep a lid on his shit. It kind of all just, like in that last five episodes. I can, I'll allow that in The Sopranos. Objection! He's, he's, but I already said, I'll allow. Can I see you in your quarters?

Tony's slipping. That's all it means. Anyway. Oh, man.'s all it means. Anyway. Oh, man. Lost was a disappointment. Yeah. I'm just going to throw that out there. Okay.

Gal, I'm sorry for you. I'm for your loss. I don't want to talk about it for too long. You've never seen it. No, well, and I didn't see it because I was on Sunday night. Was that the last night of Lost? Yep. I was emceeing a stranger's wedding.

Oh, no. Yeah, that's right. Because I don't have a job. Because they paid you for it. Yes. They tapped you on the street. Yeah, and they said, you, son. We got a good feeling about that guy wearing a tuxedo. Now you're like me.

Okay, how did this transpire? This is very exciting to me because it's something I'm terrified of. I, a lady named Sarah, she and her room to be, I guess. Okay. They both had been to the old comedy show I used to run. The old spaghetti factory. Yeah, at the old spaghetti factory. Which has delicious free bread.

Do you know what? I've never been to the old spaghetti factory. Oh, you should. It's amazing. You've got eight bucks. Is that what you need? Eight bucks for a plate of spaghetti? Oh, well, it's $8 half liter wine. I'll tell you that much. Oh, man, I'm going to go get a drink. Free bread, that's enough. half liter wine. I'll tell you that much. Oh, man. I'm going to go get a drink. Yeah. Free bread.

That's enough. One whole loaf. Go on. It's weird that we call it a half liter when it's wine, but a pint when it's beer. Things you think about. When you're me. Okay. So you were at the old spaghetti factory.

So she sent me a message on MySpace. Really? Yeah. I don't have a – you don't have a MySpace account anymore. I never deleted mine. It's still there. And so once a month, I'll check in just to see. Do you get notified by MySpace?

Yeah, through email or whatever. So then I was like, oh, okay. And then there was this big, long explanation that the only – he was from Ontario and she's from out here. And the only mutual friend they had was going to emcee the wedding and had to back out. Oh, no. And so nobody else in the – everybody in the family was terrified to emcee and nobody wanted to do it. So they kind of thought about – they were like, what about that guy who used to do that show he was funny and so they hunted me down on the internet and they said will you come mc our wedding so i met with them and you know got to know like how do they meet and all that kind of stuff and then yeah on uh sunday i put on a suit uh-huh and i

went out to wangley and I emceed the reception. So what is entailed in an emceeing of a wedding? I've done it. My brother and I emceed my sister's wedding. Did you do like a comedy duo? No, we had some one-liners. Like a vaudeville thing? Yeah, yeah.

The Sandman came and swept us off the stage. But basically, it was just introducing other people to speak. Yeah. What I did was I had to introduce the head table when they came in. So it was both of the bridal parties. Oh, you should have seen if they were going to serve turducken because you have that great bit oh yeah i did the bit um because i i introduced them and then i kind of said to everybody you know this is how the evening's going to proceed and uh you and then we ate and then after i went up and like introduced who I was and everything and told jokes for 10 minutes.

And then brought up speakers and in between told jokes to keep it all kind of smooth. And then at the end of the last speech, I thanked everybody and they did a toast. And then... Tip your waiters. Yeah, yeah. Did everyone know that you weren't related? Yeah, I explained it right up front. speech i thanked everybody and they did a toast and then tip your waiters yeah yeah did everyone know that you weren't related yeah i explained it right up front i was like the only guy who wanted to do this had to back out because he got a job as a firefighter oh so he couldn't

true hero so i got a random guy who kind of wanted to do it yeah and kind of wants to be a firefighter you wore the uh the waterproof pants yeah and suspenders and i had a rotating red light on my head the traditional firefighter outfit so and then yeah i was uh and they had me seated at the table with which was great the greatest part of the evening was they had me seated at a table with the only other guy in the room that had a crazy big beard it was me and him sitting at a table with the only other guy in the room that had a crazy big beard. It was me and him sitting at the table and instantly the entire table's conversation turned to beard maintenance.

And we talked about it for about 25 minutes. What did they serve? Anything that got stuck in your beard? Yeah, my Flavor Saver. My overdeveloped Flavor Saver. Your overdeveloped boulder holders? Sorry, that'savor Saver. My overdeveloped Flavor Saver. Your overdeveloped boulder holders? Sorry, that's two different things.

I had the vegetarian meal, so it was just vegetables. Yum. Just steamed on a plate. Yeah, and then some mashed potatoes. That's literally what it was. And it was great. It was a very classy wedding, and was uh yeah most of the bar was open bar except for like the really expensive stuff was cash and then uh everybody was nice

it was great it was i love that you inquired about the expensive stuff yeah what about that kvatche how you pronounce it yeah well isn't it kvatche isn't that is it a t or is it an s um is it i think that's i'm pronouncing it how the ladies man but this honestly if that was my job just to mc people's weddings i think i might be happy for the first time ever my life life with job-wise. Because that's, you go, you get to eat a dinner, you get to meet all these people. Every joke you do kills. Okay.

Because nobody else is funny at a wedding. Right. Like, they're funny, but within, like, remember that time that you shat yourself? And everybody's like, oh, I wish you didn't tell that story at my wedding. I don't have that burden because I don't know anybody. That was my only rule when I emceed my sister's wedding was don't say anything to embarrass us. Right. Yeah, but I think that at most weddings somebody gets embarrassed or feelings get hurt or a weird old family business is brought up. But if you just bring an emcee from outside, they're just fun.

My family business is junk up. But if you just bring an MC from outside, they're just fun. My family business is junk removal. Mine is removing junk remover's hidden stashes. Hidden mustache? Oh, man. Good capper. Well, I guess we should move on to overheards.

Although, we first would like to thank everyone who donated to the MaxFunDrive. It really means a lot to me, and I'm assuming for you as well, Dave, that a lot of people wrote to us via Twitter or via the email that said, you know, either I up my donation or this is the first time I've ever donated to a podcast because of your podcast. That meant a lot. And thank you very much for all the people who decided to subscribe

or make a one-time donation. Good job. Yeah, and I hope you all enjoy your t-shirts. So comfortable. I can't wait. Yeah. Can't wait to slip into one of those. We're recording this before the end of the MaxFunDrive, but we assume it's been a rousing success.

Yeah. An arousing success. Yeah, an arousing flavor saver. Yeah. An arousing success. Yeah, an arousing flavor saver of success. And the other thing we talked about before the show, which we thought we should just make the entire show, was celebrities who, just by looking at them, we think would smell really bad. Do you have any off the top of your head?

Jeff Goldblum. Really? Oh, that's interesting. I think he probably smells fine. I think he would smell like mint, but not like a mint, like the plant mint. Oh, that's nice. We disagree. I don't know why. For some reason, that was the first one that came to my head.

That's interesting. And like right away, without hesitation. Yeah, I don't know why. The ones we came up with were Mickey Rourke, Doubt and Cologne. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I said, this is mostly for my brothers, we always believed that Busta Rhymes would have horrible breath but just the dreads alone

would probably smell as well I've never smelled dreads have you ever smelled an African American's dreads? not up close none of them have ever let me just get in there I know but like a white person to make dreads

has to make them gross. But I think there's a natural, nice way. Dreading? Yeah. True. Less Petruli in those dreads. I think it was mostly breath-based with Busta Rhymes. With Busta Rhymes, sure.

Mine was John Frusciante, the guitar player from Red Hot Chug. I laughed so hard because I was like oh man that guy probably smells so homeless but also like when you're a musician it's like a lot of sweating anyhow so you would just kind of but he looks gross dry you mean yeah just if you ran into him on the street you're behind him in line at a bank you'd be like oh. Yeah. I, when I was a musician, I sweated like nobody's business. But I always smelled fresh as a daisy. I showered every day. Apparently Gwen Stefani's sweat smells really good.

Okay. That's what I heard. Which is how they developed her new scent. Yeah. She does have one, right? A new scent? Yeah. Harajuku.

Harajuku. I'm saying that right, right? Yeah, Harajuku. She just does like Do you remember that Kids in the Halls sketch with the husk musk? That's how she does it She's just on a treadmill with like collector cups Under her armpits

And it's like the greatest smell That's probably one of the greatest sketches ever It is very great Very great Who else do you think? Is there anybody else? This is certainly something that if people at home can think of a celebrity that they think just on sight smells, send it to us, stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. Because right now I'm a bit stymied.

But listen, think about it. What's a celebrity you think just by by looking at them, probably stinks? I don't know. I can't think of any other ones. Well, I said the guy from Brown Bunny. Vincent Gallo. Yeah, I said he looks like a guy who just reeks. Like, never uses deodorant.

What do you guys think about Woody Harrelson? He's really natural and stuff. Do you think he probably smells? Although, does he surf or anything to wash it off? He does. Yeah, that's true. Matthew McConaughey. Yeah, he probably does it as well, though.

He probably surfs. Yeah. Certainly Jack Johnson. Famous surf musician. I brought up the fact that the lead from Entourage, Adrian... Grenier? Yeah, that some groupie that gave him oral pleasure said that his nethers

were filthy. What blog was that on? I don't know. It wasn't a blog. It was a speech at the web. Alright, well this is enough of that. Don't tell us who you think

has smelly privates. We'll assume that. Okay. what do you think though oh and also special category for oscar winners you think smell bad like do you think there's any oscar winners that smell really bad okay um actors like, cinematographers? I'm assuming, like, most people who win the foreign short film, they probably smell. Oh, Dave! No, have you been to Europe? People don't have the same standards. I have been to Europe, that's true.

But isn't that the home of soap? Isn't that where they came up with soap? Well, it's where they came up with perfume because they don't bathe. I'm sorry, European listeners. Jeez Louise. You're going to cause an international incident. Yeah, I don't like it. Well, maybe that's payback for the whole BP thing. Right? Now we're even.

Bubble penetration? Okay, let's move on to Overheard. Overheard. Towards right. Overheard. Towards the end of the last segment, I was hearing, I think mostly me, but also you guys too had some dry mouth. Yeah, it was getting hot in here. I do that when I sleep, actually. That's my snoring ego.

My brother does that too does it yeah i don't know how common that is but i think i'm you know who probably smells good common yeah yeah what celebrities do you think smell good most of them i bet you know i bet you smells like big bucks like a million bucks this is my guess well most of them have a million no but like a guy like a guy who spent a million on it like i bet you like a guy who smells like a really classy suitcase is uh larry king oh sure you know i bet he smells really good regis smells really good oh yeah yeah like i bet he smells like like some kind of cologne and then like kind of powdered sugar. You know what I mean?

But the powdered sugar is the after smell? At first it's a cologne and then after you're like, I could go for some cinnamon donuts. Some of those little donuts. Do you... Lost it. Do I stink?

Well, sometimes. But I'm not a celebrity so i don't have to worry about it oh i read a book have you ever read a book perfume no it's a a book about a murderer who um is like has the world's greatest sense of smell and you realize when you read the book that there are only so many words for smells and the word olfactory is repeated repeatedly oh yeah right yeah that wasn't made into a movie it was oh it was and it was like it had an ensemble cast um yeah who was the lead i want to say a ben wishaw was the lead and when it was remade it was called johnny stinks yeah stinkerino murderer i just like it's weird with

movies i was i worked in a i worked in a video store for you've led a very interesting life junk movies yeah well yeah rags riches or this video store and i was like i i don't know i don't know if you guys ever had that but you base what the film is on the on the color scheme of the cover okay the main poster so i'm just like you got matrix colors it's the techno thriller yeah yeah like the net which you brought up earlier yeah also also like yeah greens and and uh yeah and dark yeah blacks and dark blues but uh no just for some reason perfume i remember that being on the shelf of the new British releases, and it had a red. It was red. Sure.

Blood. Blood. Blood, yeah. Blood. Murder. Murder, yeah. Yeah. Overhearts.

If you're somebody who listens to other people's conversations, either by choice or by force due to proximity. Or by some kind of weird court. Yeah. Yeah. If you have to. An overheard court. Yeah, sure.

Then you are most eligible to participate in this great longstanding segment of the show. We like to start with the guest. We stole this from the Greg Fitzsimmons show. Yeah. Well, this is the way I tell the story, is that people told us that he stole this from the greg fitzsimmons show yeah well he this is the way i tell the story is that we people told us that he stole it from us that we stole it back from him yeah like the n word yeah exactly exactly um and we always like to start with the guest and so i'm assuming you were briefed

i'm assuming you came back yes all right overhe assuming you came packing. Yes, I've overheard. Yeah, my overheard, I guess my overheard is kind of a weird one. It was an over-experienced, I guess. I was on a bus going through Vancouver's downtown east side, which is a... Rough and tumble neighborhood. A rough and tumble neighborhood. You're dead woods. Yeah, sure. Rough and tumble neighborhood A rough and tumble neighborhood You're dead woods There's a lot of people that

Have mental illnesses And things that live in that neighborhood And I was on the bus And a guy got on the bus And I could see him outside of the bus Clutching a Handheld stereo, battery powered stereo And the doors open, and of course,

there's kind of like dance music coming out of it, a little louder than really should be. And he got on the bus, and he paid the thing, and I was thinking while he was standing there, I was like, is this guy going to say anything in terms of, you know, shut your music off? Bus driver doesn't say a word. Guy gets on, he's like, thank you, driver,

and sits down and still clutching the stereo, and then it goes to DJ, and sits down and still clutching the stereo. And then it goes to DJ. It goes to the DJ. And the DJ is like, oh, okay, that was blah, blah, blah. And on the line right now, we have, oh, who was it? Oh, the guy that played Richard in Lost. It was like an interview with a guy from Lost because it was the day before the final episode.

Sure. And, uh, and, uh. Mr. Carbonell. Yeah, yeah. And they, and they did, like, they did this full interview with Richard, the man that played Richard Alpert on Lost. And then all of a sudden, like, dance music starts back up. And, and the guy's still playing it full loud on the bus. And I'm just like, that's really weird.

That's never, that's never weird. That's never allowed. You know, even teens are getting, you know, tapped. Like, come on. Teens are untouchable. Yeah, yeah. They're like, leave them alone. So all of a sudden I hear on the bus intercom, it said, it's like a nice, calm woman's voice,

but a pre-recorded calm woman's voice saying, audio devices are not allowed on the bus. We ask that you please turn down or turn off all your audio equipment. And the guy's still sitting there with the techno, just happy as a clam, clutching his thing. And I guess the guy, a couple moments later later presses it again like he's just he's not taking any effort like when the guy was at the door he didn't do anything you know he waited a good five minutes before addressing it yeah really strangely passive aggressive and then pressing the exact same message again just in case but the funny thing is you could barely hear it over the guy's music so it's kind of like it already passed the point where you're able to really say anything once the guy's through the door because the bus driver liked techno music

yeah well i gotta follow procedure i'll just turn down this announcement i want to dance to whatever techno music is i can't name an artist loving sure yeah chris shepherd's dance mixes whichever they are yeah he's still huge, right? I assume. His glasses are still huge. Is he still around, Chris Shepard? I feel like he should. Chris Shepard, for the uninitiated, is a Canadian DJ with a British accent.

Yeah, who wore his hair in double buns. In Bjork hair. Yeah, and he had giant sunglasses. He sang a song called Broken Bones, I think. Well, he didn't sing hair. Yeah, and he had giant sunglasses. He sang a song called Broken Bones, I think. Well, he didn't sing it. No, you're right. He's one of my favorite DJs behind Tarzan Dan. Who?

I think he's a VJ. Yeah, he's both. Yeah, he does. He DJs weddings and he VJs videos. When I was a kid, VJ was our short term for vagina. PJ was pajama. That was before you learned how to

spell. Well, no, but if PJ's are pajamas, then VJ's are vaginas. Vajamas? Well, let's move on to me. Yeah, buddy. This overheard is an overseen scene and i just it's uh it's nothing yeah at all it's it's garbage you'll hate it but i just saw a uh a truck that had uh it was like a um like a ford truck whatever uh with its company name on the side. And the company name was Cobra Interiors.

And their logo was the Cobra logo from G.I. Joe. Wow. And they're doing interiors of houses. They're designing your living space. Dwell Magazine. So a lot of the, there will be rifles on the wall. There will be a thing where you press a button and it will flip the whole room around. There will be like a control room.

Yeah, there will be a lot of chairs that are remote control that just hover. I don't really remember what Cobra had going on. A lot of capes. A lot of cape area. Oh, walk-in cape closet. Cape storage. Sure. Cape humidor. A place for helmets. I'm walk-in cape closet. Cape storage. Sure. Cape humidor.

A place for helmets. I'm sure there's a lot of helmets needed there. Yeah, exactly. Lots of helmet shelving. Sure. A Destro mirror. Destro had the mirrored head. Yeah, that's right. Well, they both had metallic heads, Cobra Commander and Destro.

Didn't Cobra Commander just have a napkin over his head? Wasn't he the guy that had the napkin for a face? No, didn't he have... Well, no, but it was like shiny, wasn't it? No, I think he just had a napkin over his head? Wasn't he the guy that had the napkin for a face? It was like shiny, wasn't it? No, I think he just had a napkin on his head. He looked like a ghost from Pac-Man. Yeah, yeah. So nobody ever knew what was underneath because he looked like Vincent Gollum.

No, I think I'm right. Really? I think you're wrong. I think the one guy had the shiny head and then the Cobra Commander... He had a helmet with a shiny face. A shiny two panels of face. Who's the guy I'm thinking of that had the napkin on his head? I think we might both be right.

Like he sometimes would take the napkin off and have a shiny face? Yeah, like sometimes he's Venom and sometimes he's Spider-Man. Oh, I get it. I don't even remember there being other guys that were part of Team Cobra. I thought it was just Cobra Commander and a bunch of like... Minions? Putty, yeah. Just like other guys that were expendable pawns, you know?

Did you call them putties? Yeah, like from Power Rangers. I never saw Power Rangers. Because when you said putties, I thought of putty from Seinfeld. Sure, yeah. That's for the team. A lot of guys wearing new jersey devil makeup um my overheard comes courtesy of uh while we're while we're talking about uh sci-fi action movies and such i was just watching transformers one in your living room before the podcast

and there was a line in there. I'm sure Michael Bay was the guy. Because I think he really, he's got like a, he's kind of like a right wing guy. He doesn't like government. I know that. And in the movie, there's a bit of dialogue where somebody from the government, from the president's office, comes to talk to John Voight. And he goes.

John Voight's the president. No, John Voight is... Is he the president? Or a special envoy. Yeah, he's a special something or other. But this guy comes in and they're talking and then at one point the guy says, I'll bet my exorbitant government salary on that.

I'm like, no! No! Government official would say that. But also, those guys don't even government doesn't even get paid that much well well too much yeah right for what they do they don't make they don't make robot movies they're all just a bunch of commies from mexico yeah mexicanis let's see John Voight's birth certificate. All right. So now, as we do with the overheards, we have some sent in ones from listeners via email.

And if you want to send in some as well, you can send them to stoppodcastingyourselfatgmail.com our first overheard written in comes from a past guest Emmett Hall oh who wrote in a thing he said this is an overseen

I first saw this ad campaign out by the ferry there's one down by Science World 2 this is billboards attaches a photo he attached a photo

and what it is it's an ad for Shrek tie in with McDonald's and it says attaches a photo you attach a photo and what it is it's an ad for shrek tie-in with uh mcdonald's and uh it says um it's the shrek the name of the milkshake is shrek ogre load and it's separated by a dash like it's not just ogre load yeah yeah so it's not just ogre load it's og Yeah. So it's not just ogre load. It's ogre load. Oh, I just got it. Yeah.

Shrek. And then you, like, the milkshake's in the picture with it. It's not a milkshake. It's a mint arrow blizzard. Or a McFlurry. Yeah, it's graphic. Sure. Well, because it's green.

Yeah. So that was a mistake,cdonald's ogre load shrek's ogre load i read that email and i i was like yeah so what yeah now i get it um so what it's a delicious You know. Do you like Shrek? Sorry. That was dumb. I can't believe there's still... That's still going on. Is it the fourth? Yeah. It's the last one.

Yeah, right. No, of course it's still going on. Yeah. Kids will see it. Yeah, I guess. I always thought it was like kids movie for adults or something. Well, because there's all that fucking... Yeah, because of the ogre loads.

Yeah, they may have done that intentionally, right? Shrek's Ogre Load. Get it? Now drink it. Shrek's Flavor Saver. I saw the first Shrek movie. Yeah. I saw the first Shrek movie I saw the first two I liked the first one

I thought the first one was great I thought it was super hilarious But it wasn't for grown-ups But I thought there was a lot of No, but like Other grown-ups would say that Oh, it's a kids movie, but grown-ups enjoy it You can watch it

If you have kids, it's good kids movie but grown-ups enjoy you can watch it yeah if you have kids it's good for that oh please you know kids um this next one comes from uh luis uh m luis uh i was out shopping and overheard a couple looking at drapes for their bedroom she wanted to get a regular thickness and style drapes but her husband wouldn't and yelled at her saying we need to get a regular thickness and style of drapes, but her husband wouldn't and yelled at her saying, we need to get the thick blackout drapes. You know I have thin eyelids. You know this about me. You knew that when you married me. Is that a common problem?

Thin eyelids? Thin eyelids? No offense to anyone in the room with thin eyelids. I don't believe so. I've never heard of it before. You can't not have them. There's no such thing as thick eyelids. There's no varying thinness.

Well, I'm sure it changes from person to person, but I think it's the thinnest skin on everyone's body. Well, well. Except for my ogre load. That means butt, right? Yeah, you got the joke. I just got it. There's a... There's actually two.

I'm divided. I'm trying to figure out which one is the one. Rules are rules. Rules are rules. Rules are rules. The rules are rules. We're still adhering to a three-letter. Yeah. Okay.

Well, I will go with this one. This is from Peter R. Peter R. I was picking up my sister from her grade school today, and apparently they're having student council elections this week. So there were ads all over the place telling the kids who to vote for. This one kid, Cooper, had some very outgoing posters, three of

which I took pictures of, and the pictures are great. The first one said be a trooper for Cooper and had a large picture of a soldier with a giant machine gun. This is grade school. The second one had a picture of a grid of people with one small blue man at the front of the pack

with the tagline, Cooper is the blue person, the leader, or at least he will be when you vote for him. And the third one had a picture of a cupcake and said, it's my birthday Thursday, but the only present i want is to be elected for vice president vote cooper for vice president uh which i thought was great that's a very uh pick flick that's i'd kind of feel bad if his parents actually helped him with those

because those seem very like made by a child but also like you can kind of imagine a parent being like, no, no. I'll help you photocopy these. But also when you see a picture where the kid was like, I'll use people's direct passion for the military to get them to vote. Yeah, then that's Sarah Palin, basically. Using the exact same tactic as this kid. I was watching, Election was on TV the other day, and Chris Klein's character, his name's Paul Metzler.

It's a squeaker. He's driving home, and he's trying to think of campaign stuff, and he's just talking to himself, and he goes, Paul, Paul, progress, promise, peanut. Great movie. Great movie.

Great line. Great work, Chris Klein. The sky's the limit for him. It really is. Has anybody seen these things with him auditioning online? Well, there was the one real audition he did. And now he's doing a bunch of fake ones. Yeah, two.

Chris Klein knows how to capitalize. Well played, Chris Klein. Yeah. I didn't know that the... On an internet meme. Yeah. Yeah, one was real, and now he showed his audition for Avatar and stuff like that. Yeah, et cetera.

Yeah. Dave, are there people who have phoned in? Yes, there are. They really phoned them in this week. Oh, really? Yeah. Because I've got some great written-in ones. No, no.

I mean, they literally phoned them in this week. Oh, really? Yeah. Because I've got some great written in ones. No, no. I mean, they literally phone them in. Oh. If you would like to call in, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Hey, guys. How's it going? I've got a very good overheard. It was from the beginning of this year.

It was a New Year's Eve party. It was a large hip-hop show. And I was working the box office. And right at midnight, me and another was working the box office, and right at midnight, me and another person working the box office decided to open some champagne. Meanwhile, there was a group of young gentlemen deciding whether or not they should pay to go into the show, and one of them, when they heard us pop a bottle, goes, Man, they're popping bottles in there. We gotta go in.

They got some bottles in there. We gotta go in. I never think about that saying as literal. I'm just like... Yeah, that's a good way if you're still trying to fill up the show at the last minute. Make it look like shit's going on. Get somebody to give you a blowjob.

Sure. Champagne. Flavor saver, ogre load. Man, they got ogre load in there. Just like, create a tape of just a loop of different bottles getting popped. Just have that playing sort of outside.

Sounds really popping in there. Shit is literally popping in there. What does a box of wine sound like? Plonk. That's right. Plonk. They're popping boxes. They're plonking boxes.

Next. Hello, Stop Podcasting Yourself team. My name is Jared. I live in Dartmouth, and I have an overheard. My wife and I, the other day day were walking into the Bulk Barn. It's a food store that sells food in bulk. And there was a couple, an older couple, walking in front of us. And the guy kind of opened up the door and looked back at us and said, very enthusiastically, Jesus Christ, I love food! Come on! And of course he said,

come on, with an excited waving movement gesturing us into the store. And once we were in there, he looked at us kind of giddy and ran off to get some food. He loves it. He's going to buy it in bulk. I love food. Have you tried this stuff? I can't

say that I've never gone into a grocery store and just been really excited to be there. I'm excited. But food is very broad. I was like, if he was talking about free samples, though, that'd be a different thing. He wasn't even there to shop. He's like, I'm here for lunch. I don't like the free samples.

Well, I guess it depends what store you go to. You go to the fancy ones, like Urban Fair. Sure. Ooh, what kind of free samples are they giving away there? Oh, they're like high-end cheeses. Yeah, put on this top hat while you eat it. But Safeway, it's a lady with a microwave that stinks up the whole place. Yeah, and she's microwave-ing something that shouldn't be even.

It's like a pizza pop cut into ten. It's a chew toy. Yeah. Hey, wait a minute. You just melted this popsicle. Licklistic. I'm selling microwaves. I'm not selling food.

I'm just trying to show you how awesome it is at melting things. Now, take this plastic soldier and get out of here. Don't stand in front of it. That's what my mom used to say. What? Because of the balls? My genitals would fall off. Oh, fall off?

Word for word. That's what she said. I think you mentioned that before. Do you own a microwave today? Of course, but I don't stand in front of it. What do you mean, of course? I don't own a microwave. I don't either.

I would if I did. Wow. I don't own a toaster either, though, so I'm on the really low end of the scale. Toaster oven? Nope. No, but I mean, of course, as in look at me. Do I look like I don't own a microwave? Hey, look at this guy.

I pop in bottles. Yeah. I'm binging microwaves. Sure. I'm saving flavor. I'm waving flavor. You can't have a flavor wave without a microwave. No doubt.

No doubt. And finally. Hi, Grave and Dam. This is Dave and Graham. This is Tim from the Hoosier State. This is a 25-year-old overseeing graffiti. This was back in the mid-'80s when I was in summer camp. And when we got there, a bunch of us boys went into the boys' cabin.

And there's the front door, but then there's also a back door. And on the back door, it said, This door eats balls, which was pretty funny. But then looking back, what was even funnier was all the little kids standing around the door kind of nervously laughing and wondering whether or not that was true. Which it turns out it was not. Anyway, thanks. Bye.

What movie was that with sick balls? Where there was a dog in a junkyard and somebody would say, sick balls. Was that Stand By Me where they had to jump? Or was that the sandlot? It was one of the two. I don't know. Or it was a dog that tried to chomp a... I don't feel like the sandlot, the dog was named sick balls.

No, no, no. That was the command. Oh. Sick balls. Pickles. Yeah. It was sick balls and then it would attack. It would attack a...

It was probably stand-by me because they didn't have microwaves back then, so their balls would have still been on their bodies. Mine have fallen off. Years ago. We didn't have a microwave when I was growing up until I was like 12, and then...

It became a privilege. No, but then I just microwaved everything yeah ice cream yeah gotta get it nice and melty yeah melt it down a little bit yeah that's right and uh my one thing that looking back it sounds disgusting is i would take a tortilla yeah take a wiener like a hot dog wiener yeah and uh grate some cheese on it and have a hot dog fajita whoa that sounds great what do you mean that sounds yeah that doesn't sound so bad all right it's great although although i i wonder why you pointed out that when you said a wiener you're like a hot yeah well i didn't have like a uh um a sausageizo sausage sure yeah ah

great so go home make that and then don't write in if you know the answer to whether it was

stand by me it was stand by me yeah I just don't want a bunch of people writing in no but do write in if you know any celebrities

that you think smell yeah that's what I want stop by guessyourself at gmail.com okay so we actually have one more phone call.

It's not part of this segment. It's a long time ago, maybe a year ago. Yeah. We were talking about pranks. Play the theme. What? what if you fart in your mother's mixing bowl or you steal your girlfriend's birth control it's hilarious pranks hilarious pranks love it it's great it is a great thing uh and then we haven't really been getting very many we We get the occasional letter about a prank, but this call I really enjoyed very much. Yeah.

Before we play the call, do you have any pranks that you know that are great pranks, Cam Reed? Not even like a set prank, but something you've kind of... Like where you think it would be a good prank. Well, just today I was actually technically pranked. I was iced today. You were iced. I was iced. Which I guess is kind of just a fun drinking prank.

Explain what icing is. So I guess very recently over the last couple months, allegedly originating in frats in like southern carolina or something like that sure the southern of the carolinas of the carolinas uh they uh there's this thing that dudes are doing out there or bros are doing out there which is wait wait did they do it before hose yeah i think it's only bros icing bros okay dot com which is a website oh br's only brosicingbros.com, which is a website. Oh, brosicingbros.com. Yes. Double pits to chesting.

Sure. So this is a very, yeah, it's a pretty bro-y thing. And allegedly what the prank is, is you have to present a Smirnoff lovely to your buddy in a clever or creative way so oftentimes it's like you know like uh someone someone bringing you your takeout food and then you open up like you know the thing that they picked you up and it's just a smirnoff ice and what you have to do when you're given it you have to drop to a knee and um and drink the entire thing so is that so that's what now is this something that smear off ice came up with no i was doing i i was looking into it yesterday and today and um i mean it's natural that if it

was a sort of viral thing it's matched that a company would deny to be a part of it if they wanted it to be this underground thing but um everything's pointing to it's not a part of smirnoff because i think when it originally started it was they would not do something that clever yeah what are you saying uh but i think i think when it started it was like like you give you get like you present someone with this smirnoff ice and it's like haha now you have to drink this Smirnoff Ice. Yeah, you have to drink this horrible beverage. But they have mango flavors and stuff, and that's not bad. I've only ever had the original, and it's fine. Yeah, I've never had a problem with it.

I've never enjoyed it, but that doesn't mean that it's not enjoyable, but that seems to be the point of the prank. Doesn't mean that it's not enjoyable, but that seems to be the point of the prank. But I mean, like, and regardless of, I mean, what I thought originally was like, it just sounds cool to say I iced someone. Yeah, sure. But when you say bros icing bros, that sounds like a gay weapon. It does, sure. That's exactly what it sounds like, yeah. Like yelling, like, I just want to get iced.

Yeah. I want one of my bros to ice me. Or I hope I don't get iced this weekend. Sure, yeah. It's like a frat initiation. Well, we iced this cracker, and then he had to eat it. But I think it's like... Ogre load.

So how did they present this to you? I was at work and I got a call from the reception and the reception just said, oh, your roommate's here to see you. I don't have a roommate. Bachelor suite. Nice. Keeping it simple. No microwave. No toaster.

And I was like, sorry, roommates? Like, yeah, your roommate, Kellen. And this is my friend, Kellen, who I had been talking to about icing and how hilarious it is. And no one had been iced yet. And he just showed up at my work out of nowhere. And I just turned around and I was like, oh, like, what are you doing here? And then he pulled out from his backpack a Smirnoff Ice. Typical Kellen.

Yeah. Such a Kellen move. Classic Kellen it. You can check it out at ClassicKellen.com. Yeah. Classic Kellen icing, bros. So, yeah, I think that's a fun prank. I think it's a fun prank.

Nobody gets hurt. Well, you might get drunk and then drive home drunk and then hurt somebody. Can you buy single Smirnoff ices, or do you, if you buy it, do you have to ice four people? It's like pay it forward. If you get ice, then you have to ice four people, and they ice four people. There's a whole other thing called ice blocking, which is if someone tries to ice you, and you have an ice on you, you can be like, uh-uh, bro. Check it. And then you show them your Smirnoff ice, and then they get double iced. It's called an ice block.

Okay, okay. Was there an iceberg? I wanted something to be called... That's when you get blocked by a Jewish man who has an ice... That's an iceberg. There were... I don't think I ever participated in any of these, but my brother went to a more bro-y university than I did,

and he was telling me about... What's up with you? Yeah, he was... What's the matter, you? What's up with you? What's the matter you? What's up with you? Yeah Sorry He went, how you doing?

The Joey Tribbiani University And he described a game where you make the okay sign with your fingers like this and if someone sees it and they have a chance with your fingers like this. Yeah. And if someone sees it, and they have a chance, or if someone sees it,

they stick their finger in it. Yeah. And then they get to punch you in the arm. But if they look at it, and you see them looking at it, you get to punch them in the arm. Wow. I think you have to be here to see it. They'll create an animated GIF

and put it online, I'm sure. No, no. Oh, that makes sense. It's the okay sign. Yeah, it's like the, well, when you do... When you're explaining sex to a four-year-old. Yeah, this way. Why are you explaining sex to a four-year-old?

Because they gotta learn sometimes. Yeah, come on. Because I'm the emcee of this wedding. Yeah, because they're trying to run for vice principal of the school. They gotta know how the birds have been. Yeah, that's right. Now, we had a called-in prank from a listener. Yes, we did.

Yeah, that's how this whole prank talk got started. Yeah, oh, okay. This was good. Yeah, I can't wait. Hey, Dave and Graham and guests. This is Jeremy from California. I have a hilarious prank I want to tell you about. My wife and I were in bed bed asleep, and I was dreaming,

and for some reason I said, related to my dream, I said out loud, spaghetti. And she kind of woke up and she said, Jeremy, did you just say spaghetti? I was embarrassed because I said spaghetti all night, so I said no, I did not. She goes, God, that's weird. I thought I heard somebody say spaghetti. I said, no, that's hot. Good night. And so I went to sleep.

And I forgot about it until, I don't know, like two or three nights later, just as I was drifting off, I thought about it again, and I kind of leaned over, and I said, spaghetti, into her ear. And she woke up, and she says, Jeremy, I heard spaghetti. And I kind of acted like I'd been asleep and didn't know what she was talking about.

And anyways, I carried on doing this. I would wait, you know, I'd forget about it for like a week, and then I'd wake up in the middle of the night and lean over and say spaghetti. And, of course, I started saying it in a much, much more sinister voice, so I'd lean over and go spaghetti. And she was really freaked out. And it worked because, you know, I would forget about it for a week or so and then do it again. And I didn't abuse it so much.

So she got really freaked out and thought that we had like a ghost in the house or some kind of evil spirit that was whispering spaghetti to her in her sleep. in the house or some kind of evil spirit that was whispering spaghetti to her in her sleep. And it went on for probably about five months because I'd forget about it. I wouldn't do it for like maybe as long as a month and then I'd do it two nights in a row or something. Anyways, I got to the point where I could, in the middle of the night, if I woke up, I could lean over and have a dead sleep. I would just whisper to her very quietly, spaghetti. And I could feel her whole body tense up. And she wouldn't even ask me about it anymore because she knew I'd laugh at her, make fun of her. So anyways, five months into it, I said spaghetti one night. And I couldn't keep it together anymore and started shaking the bed with my laughter.

And she realized it was me and it had been me all along and uh she beat the hell out of me and in a completely unrelated story we're no longer married so i mean i love that story but i also feel like if you're with a partner, you should be able to play awesome pranks like that. I don't want the ending of that story to be... Well, he said it was unrelated. He said it was unrelated. It wasn't spaghetti. It wasn't the spaghetti incident.

Well, that wasn't the reason. It was a cumulative. That was a guns and roses. Cover it all up? I don't know. I think that was... Yeah, that was their follow-up to Use Your Illusions. It was between Use Your Illusions, maybe. And Chinese Democracy.

But he carried that on for five months. Is that a real thing? Was that a fake thing? No, I think that's a real thing. Is that a bitch I don't know your life? No, because like... Pulled over our eyes. Is that a bitch I don't know your life?

No, because like... I think that if you lock into a thing where you're like, I got away with it once, I'm going to try and get away with it twice, and if you do, then you just try and get away with it as many times as you can. I think that's what makes a Tiger Woods.

You do it one time, and then all of a sudden, you're a whore mom. Yeah. Wow. Having sex with waitresses just like whispering spaghetti in your sleep.

Got away with it. You know what? It's almost too easy. But that prank was great. And if anybody has any other great prank stories of pranks that have been pulled on them or they've pulled on other people or ideas for pranks, you can send them to us either by email at StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com. Or you can call us, 206-339-8328. Now, for everybody's favorite part of the show, the plugs. everybody's favorite part of the show,

the plugs. Cam, we know coming up, what are the exact dates of Music Waste? Music Waste happens June 2nd to 6th. And that's musicwaste.ca? Musicwaste.ca, yeah. You can get the whole schedule.

Graham and I are on a show one night. You probably want to see that. That'd be great. And is there any other projects in the. You probably want to see that. That would be great. And is there any other projects in the works that you want to plug in advance? I have a music project. It's called Babe Rainbow. Sounds good. It's weird.

Can I say that? It's really weird. Yeah, it's weird. Yeah, it's electronic music. I have an EP out on Warp Records in the UK right now. It's electronic music. I have an EP out on Warp Records in the UK right now. And I just made my first song that a rapper rapped over. Oh, nice. Which is really exciting for me because I love rap music.

And this is like, it's not like mocha only. It's not a mocha only on the track. It's a legitimate MC from an American city. Nice. You know, a legitimate MC from like an American city. Nice. So yeah, I'm happy about that. So yeah, Babe Rainbow, baberainbow.com. But Music Waste, June 2nd to 6th. Check it out.

One day he'll reveal who the rapper is. Yeah. Wait for the song to drop on my MySpace. It'll be Mocha only. Dave, do you have anything to plug? We're doing that show for Music Waste. You and I are also, or I don't know if I'm on the show. I don't know.

I told you I'm not booking it, but it's at the Cambrian Hall on June 4th, the night before the Music Waste show. You're going to be involved. Yeah, I'll be there. It's home capacity. You're going to be there. Yeah. If I'm doing sound, I'm getting paid. The Laugh Gallery show is June 4th at the Cambrian Hall.

And you can buy tickets at a place called Neptune Records if you're in Vancouver. And if you're not and you're coming to the show, harass past guest Jane Stanton. She'll tell you where to get tickets. I have no idea. Yeah, don't harass us as people For the New Year's Eve show Yeah, it's Jane Stanton's The point person for it It'll be a good show

I know a couple people who are on the lineup Emmett Hall of the Ogreload Overheard, he is One of the people on the show You can get Ogreload McFlurries It's a mint aero McFlurry From now until whenever. But be careful who you go with because they may be trying to ice you.

Oh, okay. I get it. Yeah. It's from our show. If also, like we said earlier, thanks to all the people who donated to Maximum Fun during their Maximum Fun drive. donate it to Maximum Fun during their Maximum Fun drive. And yeah, if you like the show, tell your friends and we can be found along with the blog recaps at Maximum Fun. You can find, I guarantee that this blog recap will have a picture of Mocha only.

Yeah. If not a music video. And tell them how, like, because there's a little trick to getting the blog up. Yeah. It's, you got to, well, you go to, why don't you just go to stoppodcastingyourself.com and there's a link there to take you to the blog. Okay. And then from there you have to click on the title of the episode. And then it'll.

For everything to come up. Right. the title of the episode and then it'll for everything to come up right and uh like I said if you enjoy the show

tell your friends because that's how it can grow and come on back next week for another fantastical episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself You Got Iced Thank you.