Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 120 - Simon King

Episode Date: June 29, 2010

Comedian Simon King returns to talk about kids today, shirtlessness, and fictional sandwiches.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 120 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is the Tom Cruise to my Cameron Diaz, the night to my day, Mr. Dave Shumka. Do we know for sure that he's night and she's day?

Oh no, I looked it up last night and neither of them are night. So it's too bad that they came up with that useless title well no i saw him on or maybe it was her on uh they've both been making the rounds yeah uh it may have been the view it may have been uh the daily show who can tell and uh she said that that uh the host whichever host asked uh sort of the character's name night and? And I think it was Cameron Diaz said, I can't say why we call it that. Yeah, well, it's not because of the character. So scratch one, Cameron Diaz.

And our guest today joining us for his second time in a long time. There's been a long gap between appearances. He's a gentleman whose first comedy CD that he's put out ever is available on iTunes or Amazon.com or E-Date. E-Harmony. E-Harmony. J-Date.

Yeah, J-Date. Mr. Simon King, and the album is Unfamous. It is. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for having me, gentlemen. Thank you very much for... Oh, it's our pleasure. I was kind of hoping

to find out which was night and which was day. That's really the only reason I came here. Night and day is a chain of restaurants in America. Yeah, and that's the thing.

I thought it was about the founding of that chain of restaurants. Is it up here as well? Yeah. I thought it was they'd go through this thing together

and decide to start a restaurant. I want a movie where just the characters from restaurants are the characters. So, like... J.B. Denny's yeah sure ronald mcdonald's mr sizzler mr sizzler mr mike's herbert um okay all right let's get on with the show want to get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us.

Now that's all I want to think about is TGI Friday. Or TGI, you know, this can't be Frank, right? Because it's a guy's name. His name wouldn't be Friday. I'm thinking of different character names for this restaurant movie. Red Robin Williams. Not bad. Batman and Red Robin. There you go.

So what's going on with you lately, Simon King? You've just released this album I have And I know you've been touring I have been touring You've been touring very hard Left and right, north and south Yes And what's happening now?

What's going on? What's interesting? What's interesting? I just, we just, we recorded the album in January And we did that at the Seattle Underground. We did a week there. Home of the old headshots. Oh, yes.

Well, they've changed it now. There are now very few headshots, but there are comedy-inspired art pieces on the wall. So, yeah, you go down and you get greeted by... Are they inspired by comedians or inspired by bits? Well, they're inspired by things that occur in a comedy club. Oh, okay. So on the wall, there's like, someone's like written heckle lines on a piece of wood and stuck it on the wall and go, that's art.

And there's like a big, as you would at a comedy club, there's a big Groucho nose and glasses. Oh, right. But extremely large. Like if something was to happen and this was to be buried, because it's downstairs, in the far distant future, they would believe that at some point Godzilla had been hilarious. That's the thing that I don't understand. There's been this kind of symbolism that goes along with comedy.

Like the Groucho knows, rubber chicken, maybe. Whoopie cushion. Hand buzzer. Joy buzzer. nose rubber chicken maybe because yeah but all things like you don't if if i say like uh we're going to like uh you know we're gonna music thing you don't just have like a victrola on the wall like you don't have out of proportion date wise yeah wolfman jack just stuffed and hanging he's posable um yeah no i don't i you know it is funny because like everyone always like i think it's because what is funny is so like what is music is pretty

you know well this is what we use to play music with nowadays and the instruments have essentially stayed the same for x amount of hundreds of thousands of years our groucho glasses haven't changed haven't changed really i mean now they're horned-rimmed because it's hip. Because I don't like to get my eyes... Yeah, sure. I don't want cataracts with your Groucho glasses. But yeah, but I think with funny... A lot of people have contact lenses and just the big nose with the mustache.

That's the laser eye surgery. They just stick the nose on. And this done. You like this? Wow, that's really good. That's sleek. Yeah. Don't get steamed up when I open the dishwasher.

I need the ironic mustache now. Yeah, exactly. It's twirled up. It open the dishwasher. And you have the ironic mustache now. Yeah, exactly. It's twirled up. It looks like a hipster with an aquiline nose. But yeah, I think that's what it is. No one really, you'd be like, hey, what's hilarious? And it just in your head pops up all this, like, what people associate with funny is like out-of-date clip art. Yeah, that's exactly where it's going.

From like the late 80s. It's like, here's a parrot with glasses on. That's hilarious. Nobody really knows what's like... It always seems like some soccer mom's sort of invite to her kid's party is what everyone thinks is funny. It's like, oh, balloons and clowns. They don't really know what's... What they should do is they should do what most of the bits are about now.

Like Asian drivers. I have clip art of that. Black and white people being different. Yeah, clip art of somebody saying, who here smokes weed? Come to my hilarious bachelor party and this is clip art. Who smokes weed?

I love the idea. If any of our listeners live in Seattle or in kind of the surrounding area, I do encourage you to go to the Underground because it is like a one-of-a-kind. Oh, yeah. It's got a lot of history. Yeah. You've been there, right, David? No, I don't think so.

Really? I don't know why I say I don't think so. I know where I am at all. I've never been there. There's a period in the fall of 2009 where you were unconscious for three weeks. I don't know. Dave was in a fugue state. People take a lot of pictures of me.

Send them in. But yeah, it was like, it is like really quite, you have to go down like 30. Are you talking about the new, because they have moved it. You still have to go down. But the old one used to be. What, they moved it? Oh, I didn't realize that. Yeah, back in like 2004, 2005 was I think well they moved are you talking about the new because they have moved it you still have to go down but the old one what they moved it oh i didn't realize yeah back in like oh four oh five uh was i think when they moved it it was on the other side it wasn't far away it's still in that kind of sketchy part of town yeah yeah pioneer square place i i'm thinking yeah it's basically the same idea the old one's a little more uh kind of have more history to it

and feel but the new one's similar idea like it's in a basement with low ceilings it's it's cleaner it's newer i prefer the old one just because i i was used to it the new one still it's still a good joint it still feels like like i think it was seinfeld said when you whenever you go down into a comedy club it feels like you're going to a comedy club whenever you have to go downstairs seinfeld i get a bone to pick with that oh yeah man gaga related yeah it's like it's fine if you don't you know like if you if you've got a really, do you know what I'm talking about? The Lady Gaga thing? Lady Gaga was flipping off some fans at a New York Mets game.

Yeah. And so they relocated her to a box that was empty. Yeah. Owned by Jerry Seinfeld. And it happened to be owned by Jerry Seinfeld. So then he goes on a radio show and he goes like, I hate her. She's a jerk. And, but then he does.

I hope she's on the marriage ref next year he does some of the most kind of they were like sub dad joke yeah jokes like he's just oh yeah yeah you know talking about her wearing the bra and he says like lady gaga if you take the a off it's just lady gag and i was like oh man i read some i read some like i think it was on yahoo news and some guys like it was a clever quip like that's not that's the equivalent of the grouch your nose and glasses really like that's that's the joy buzzer of but i feel like this is a guy when i was uh and i think we probably all to a certain extent we like loved the show that he did and thought like this guy is the somewhat the pinnacle of comedy and

like now he's just become like i don't know like crotchety old yeah boring old kind of and the sort of uh he's like what's wrong with these kids today kind of guy and i'm just like i don't know about this uh and he sort of does like uh he there was a while where uh it was kind of charming that like he he we were used to him as the character on the show. Right. And now he's just him and he's super successful. Yeah. And I'm rich.

I own every Porsche. But that's kind of charming for a while. Yeah, sure, sure. Not anymore. Yeah, because he was kind of aloof about it. And he would go on talk shows and kind of be like, what? What am I doing here? But then the thing when he said against Conan, when there's the Conan Leno thing, and now

he's- I forgot about that. That was a bit offside, too. Now he's just like, these kids today. I mean, and he's attacking Lady Gaga. She just looks exactly the same as Madonna in all those pictures. So he's attacking a thing that was old when he was young. Right, right, right.

He's like, these kids today, it's the same thing that when you were – anyways, it's sad to see somebody that you thought was funny. To the same token, Larry David, I still find to be – who is older and more crotchety, has been crotchety the entire time. And I find it still to be endearing to hear Larry David go off. He's hysterical. Yeah, he is. And so to me, it's almost like, you know, the more you kind of see these guys 10 years hence,

you kind of look back at it and go, hmm, big word. It rhymes with fence. It's part of my scavenger hunt of words that I do every day. But it's like, you find that now, you look at Moringa and you go, oh, you can totally see why,

like, I can totally see the Larry David in that show. And I can totally see why that show was. Right, right, right. It's, you know, it gives you more appreciation. But does it ever go well when you kind of utter the what's wrong with these kids today? Like that automatically puts you in like you're such an old, just such a boring old. I mean, didn't Bill Cosby, he went really like that for the last,

was it like 10 years or something? He's just gone... Yeah, but then he tried to release a rap album, which is great. Has anybody heard it? Did he try to release it? Well, no.

I saw this. If you go to YouTube... It got caught up in distribution. He tackled it before he hit the studio. He wrote the raps and then he got somebody else

to do them because it would be too ridiculous. Oh, man. Were they positive? Yeah, yeah. Well, it was like when Macho Man released that rap single. Sure. You know what I'm talking about, right?

Macho as ice. He wrote a song. Please, Slim Jim, don't snap. You're not thinking of the song Macho Macho Man, are you? That wasn't the Macho Man that did that. He was not affiliated. Do you guys know what I'm talking about where Macho Man rapped about his dead wrestler friend, Mr. Perfect? He wrote a song to Mr. Perfect.

This is news to me, but now I have to hear it. Yeah, Mr. Perfect. Mr. Perfect's Kurt Henning. Sure. He wrote a rap to him. It was kind of like, and so then I think that maybe, I don't know if Bill Cosby saw that exact clip but I'm sure somebody he served on the web one day

and he's like how can I get into the rap game as an established celebrity of 80s significance he just googles it and Macho Man comes up finally someone to lead the way I remember when i was like

i was like 10 i i got um don cherry's rock'em sock'em too every year don cherry canada's hockey blowhard yeah puts out a video of of uh you know hockey highlights uh for the previous year and uh i remember telling my teacher about it and my teacher, I, at the time I didn't appreciate it, but my teacher was spot on and I, and it was perfect. But,

uh, I, I said to my teacher, Hey, I got this new video. Don Cherry raps in it. And my, I've seen that.

And my teacher says, of course he does. See, this is a whole bunch of stuff That I didn't know existed And now You've wasted my tomorrow for me So Bill Cosby He was gonna release a rap album

And I think his original plan was It was going to be him But then he got Like real established rappers To do the actual rapping But all of the Cause I'm DMX I'm sitting around

Looking for something to do On my next project But it's about positivity and Theo cleaning your room. Etc. Move, bitch, get out of the way, but don't say bitch. Yeah. I wonder who he would have approached to do, like, if you're Bill Cosby, theoretically your Rolodex, if you still use one, because you're Bill Cosby,

it's quite large. Who would you call anybody in the movie Meteor Man first? That's the first people you could call. Kenan Thompson. Yeah. When I think of Bill Cosby's Rolodex, I actually think of Cliff Huxtable's Rolodex in his office. Is he a dentist or a psychiatrist?

He was a gynecologist. Oh, right, right, right. Different end. A lot of female rappers. Oh, yeah. World Kims. Yeah. M.I.A.

Yeah. M.I.A. Yeah. Not a lot of people know that Bill Cosby actually delivered M.I.A.'s baby. Nenna Cherry. Yeah. It's probably more than... That's what he would do. He would go to the 80s. Yeah.

Salt, Peppa, what are you up to? Spinderella? Yeah. I can't seem to are you up to? Spinderella? Yeah. I can't seem to get left eye on the phone. So, but he, like, the difference with Cosby is he went,

he became like an old, but he didn't, he wasn't became an old. That's not a very Logan's run of you. He got stamped his crystal turned to red but he was like

what can I do to affect positive change and Jerry Seinfeld is just doing the you know Bob Hope wearing a hippie

a fit like it's just like oh no but see that's like I mean that's the interesting thing that they go that way because you would have thought Seinfeld.

But he must know he sounds like that because his wife is quite a bit younger, right? Surely she could sit him down and go, look, you're way out of touch here. Stop talking about that. No, I do comedy, honey. You stick to handbags or cakes or whatever. You keep spending that money. A cookbook. Oh, yeah.

I remember this weird because it would come. There's a controversy around it. Yeah, because somebody else said, you stole my cookbook, and then Jerry Seinfeld and this woman, whether or not they did, I don't know, but they sued this woman into the ground and then released this book.

And the whole concept of the book was, hey, it's Jerry Seinfeld's wife. Yeah. Like, who cares if you stole my cookbook? No one's going to buy yours. You're not. Yeah. Yeah.

You're only Jason Alexander's wife. The future is called food for these kids these days or whatever. What's the deal with food? It's just recipes and then Seinfeld chiding them. Pull your pants up. Well, and he was going on and on. He's like, this woman's wearing a bra. She's just walking around in a bra.

And I'm like, isn't that a whole episode of your show? Yeah, yeah. That you thought was so funny. This woman's eating a Mars bar with a knife and fork. Yeah. It's just weird. I remember years ago I heard him taking credit for Friends. Because he had said oh then they then and

then they have this other show about for the concept of the concept of having friends of the show friends oh the show hey to the concept in general it's like it was my idea but in the 70s they didn't have it but like but he's like he's like yeah and then all of a sudden nbc comes out with this other show about people living in new york and i wonder where they came up with that i'm like i don't know a lot of people live in new york like i don't think i thought that was a bit much i would buy that that yeah i would buy that though i would buy there was a while when there was that and i'm mad about you and the single guy and caroline in the city all kind of around that same night of the week i think yeah i would buy that because his show is successful that they did a run of buddies hanging out,

nothing happening type shows. Because I remember there was even one... And nothing's really happened in sitcoms since. And that's the opposite of what's happening. That's true.

Right. The show What's Happening that used to play them back to back. And people were like, nothing's happening. Wow, so much more is happening. What's happening, right?

So in the 70s, what's happening? Right. And now... Nothing's happening. Wow, so much more is happening. What's happening, right? So in the 70s, what's happening? Right. And now, nothing's happening. Yeah, I gotcha. Speaking of television and the young generation, I don't know if anybody else caught the Much Music Video Awards. I did not.

I did not. Can you guys hear the ice cream truck going by? Yeah, I'm very excited. I'm surprised I'm still in here. Mmm, Rocket pup. I think that's probably the first ice cream. Oh, I've heard a few. Oh, really? Yeah, I live in Kid Town.

Yeah, you do live in Kid Town. I used to live right near one of the city's only... I mean, there's a couple around, but... All kid rock bands. One of the city's only outdoor pools. Your Beavers, your Jonas's. And during the summer, it was just,

it was like the scene in The Simpsons where Martin has a pool and all the kids jump in the pool and then it explodes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, there were so many kids in the pool. All peeing at all times. Oh, just, you know, just grown-ups. Tra kids in the pool. All peeing at all times. Oh, just grown-ups.

Trailer of the movie. And it would be this crazy kid party, and then the ice cream man would pull up, and it would stampede out this one. There was only one gate to get out into the general area, and every kid would try to do the kind of three stooges thing all at once to get out of out into the general area and every kid would try to do the kind of three stooges thing all at once to get through and uh it would go nuts like well kids do kids keep money in their uh swim trunks how do they have access to yeah maybe their parents

give them 50 cents for a hot dog or something i don't know these kids today they've got these credit cards last time you visited a an ice cream truck because i like as a kid it was so exciting but now you can just go yeah they have a six pack of of rocket pops and keep them in your freezer yeah and eat them in four hours yeah yeah they're always these are less the week a Sunday. No, it's not. They don't last the week. The last... When was the last time? Probably like years ago. Like two years... And it wasn't in the city.

It was somewhere where it was novel enough to see an ice cream. I was nearly an ice cream truck driver two summers ago. Seems like you. Yeah. And the only reason I didn't take the job... The beard? No. Believe me.

As far as looks go, I was on the upper echelon. Oh, wow. He was the only guy without a clown costume. Yeah. Like a weird lopsided haircut. All these dudes just sweating through the clown. Just reading a copy of The Life and Times of John Wayne Gacy. You're like, what the hell?

It was all Danny DeVito's. We can't hire that guy. You mind if I wear my big fuse? You're like, I caught on the break, but sure, whatever. It was all Danny DeVito's. We can't hire that guy. You mind if I wear my big fuse? You're like, I caught on the break, but sure, whatever. 20 Danny DeVito's and me. Anyways, I watched the Much Music Video Awards, a part of it, because this is going to be my what's wrong with these kids today moment,

but it's outside, right? it's all done outside and so everybody is up on these very high platforms and the uh crowds are just standing at street level and every single woman came out in a very short skirt and it was like immediately clear that everyone in the first three rows could see everybody's skirt. Like they had to, and nobody seemed to mind. And it seems like we're in like... Would you mind? You mean the women didn't mind?

No, the women didn't mind. Oh, okay. There were a bunch of guys, well, this is ridiculous. I came here to see a show. I brought my grandma. She's a big guy. Yeah grandma she's a big guy yeah she's a big kardashian uh she's here which one though right which one um but yeah it was like that was weird and it feels like we're in a new probably like a new upskirt era like an all-time all-time renaissance like a real golden age yeah because the the big

thing was miley cyrus yeah had a another kind of crotch situation during the awards and uh yeah she's like 11 or something i don't know she's 17 she'll be 17 oh okay so she's but she's like young though like she's not like But she's playing the exact same playbook that Britney Spears played out of. It's constant. Upskirt nip slip. You said Gaga and Madonna.

Same thing. It just goes on and on. You got your Marilyn Mansons. You had your Alice Coopers. Who's our next Marilyn Manson? Oh, I don't know. Well, he hasn't hatched yet. Bill Cosby, if the album gets out, finally.

It's all really dark. Yeah, so anyways, I thought it was weird. But the one thing that I was really surprised by is they had a lot of technical difficulties. And so they would throw to one of the vjs who was hosting and they had zero kill time skills oh yeah just couldn't you know they were like are you telling me just talking heads on a music channel have no improvisational talent whatsoever but like orion seacrest is perfect yeah he's great he's seamless that's the big time yeah but you get to seacrest level you're expected to know what you're doing. Yeah. But they went to one of the VJs, and what had happened was they said they introduced

Drake, who was still doing a soundcheck, when they cut to him. The drummer wasn't even sitting at the drum kit. And so they were still doing their soundtrack. And so then they went back to the vj who then just said so we've got drake coming up soon and then uh yeah said how about how was so and so wasn't that exciting and uh and and went on like you could just tell that the director was in her ear just keep going you're doing great but you're right there should be some sort of like i mean if you're dealing with people like because not everyone you're right. There should be some sort of like, I mean, if you're dealing with people, like, because

not everyone you're going to have is going to be able to handle that because they're not, I mean, a lot of it's really... Except if that's your job. If your job is to be able to talk. That's the thing. It's like a lot of it, a lot of their behavior, particularly for red carpet stuff and stuff, it's all reactionary stuff. It's like, hey, what are you wearing?

Are you? And they have five questions they ask. But you're right. There should be some sort of like, hey, there might come a point here because this is all live and this is that you might have to kind of do your job like i don't know if you're prepared to and but yeah they don't seem to have no it's not the first time like i didn't see that one but it's not the first time i've heard of that and or like seeing that it does seem to be better in the states though they seem to have a better hang on is it a canadian thing that they're just

we are second rate no no no i mean but I mean but our award shows like I have a hard time like well of course watching the Gino's that's a joke yeah it's like it's like

not really the Geminis don't get me going no of course not I can't wait to see the which ones are the Geminis for movies yeah

TV doesn't matter see right there that's right there Canadian movies and Canadian TV and that's the producers have the same conversation

so it's like hey you want to produce the Geminis? Which one are they? Yeah. TV thing? Oh, yeah, sure, whatever. Couldn't we just put them all in one award show? They're going to call it a Bruno Drusi. Double the audience.

Yeah, why don't we call it the double doubles. Can we get an elevated stage so we can see up some skirts? There's a renaissance going on. Yeah, I want to see up Chantal Kraviezic's skirt. Oh, yeah, you know. See that Kraviezic. Oh, never mind. I was going to say something,

and then I was like, no, this has no relevance to anything. So, Dave, what's going on with you? Any skirts? No, no, no. Not wearing any skirts. Not seeing up any skirts. Oh, well.

No nip slips. Nope. Summertime, though, right? Yeah, summertime. Oh, it's the worst. Yeah, I hate it. The days are like the first sort of hot day yeah it's pretty hot yeah like the first kind of melty day where you're like

uh you know nasty commercial yeah take the plunge yeah you're just like um summer of sam that would be a very nasty weather man it's as Sam hot out there Why do I see on movies Kids playing in Fire hydrants How do they get those off I wonder that too actually I think and I'm just gonna I'm just gonna guess

That in you know how like In Dangerous Minds or something The kids like they know how to pick a car door The same thing with fire chasers. They just know the code. Don't you need some sort of giant wrench? No, no, no. Not on the street.

You just need to... I think it might just be that in Queens, every other guy's dad is a fireman. So he's got one of those at home? Or plumber. Or wrench salesman. Maybe they're all so poorly maintained they just keep popping up

um but uh oh yeah i uh i uh here's what's going on with me i live i hope the home listener can't hear but i live in kidsburg yeah kidsburg thank you usually we record later at night when the kids have already gone to sleep. But you guys are busy tonight. Yep. Busy. But my neighbor, my upstairs neighbor, has two kids and every summer... Two kids and counting? Or are they going to cut it off? I think they'll cut it off. They don't seem happy.

And every summer he puts out a swing just on a tree, which seems like an insurance liability waiting to happen. But so like neighborhood kids just gather around. And I live in a basement. And so they, you know, they're literally above me. You may be their Boo Radley. They may be thinking like, what's with the guy downstairs? I would rather be more of a Mr. Wilson. be their Boo Radley. They may be thinking like, I would rather be more of a Mr. Wilson.

Oh, like get off my lawn. Or a Jerry Seinfeld. For you kids these days. I don't understand Lady Gaga. But the other day... Lady Gaga with a slingshot out the back of her pocket. I also kind of live on a hill. I think I've given way too many hints

about where I live. Kidberg. If you listen back to previous episodes, you can rob me. Yeah. But rob the upstairs. They're the rich ones. They've got kids. Take one of the kids.

Can't afford condoms. They've got a neato swing, though, apparently. You can get to in the summer. And kids will, like, we saw as we were coming in, there were like a 10-year-old on a tricycle. Yeah, I didn't agree with that. He's not riding it. He's just using gravity.

Yeah. Just because I live on kind of a hill. Yeah. The other day, there were two little kids. One tree hill. Yes, it is. Tree swing hill. Street lugeing

What? They were lying on skateboards Oh so they didn't have the full But they were lying down on skateboards On the street and going into traffic Yeah You know what a good slogan for An anti-street lugeing thing would be

Big problem I'm guessing it's a pun. Well, I don't even have to finish it then. Please finish it by all means. Street luge-ing is for street losers. I like the way you said it all embarrassed. I guess I'll do it. So you don't like kids or the heat?

I think I would like to have my own kids and keep them away from these kids. You wouldn't allow them to luge then? No. Well, no. Those kids should be supervised. Yeah. So they were just bailing out into traffic on the... Yeah.

So you go through all the effort to have a kid. You raise it to the point where it can luge. Yeah. And then you just... You let it luge on the neighborhood. Hello. Right? Pretty good. That's. Yeah. And then you just, you let it luge on the neighborhood. Hello, right? Pretty good.

That's pretty good. And then it, but like that seems to me, I'm not a parent, but a little irresponsible. Yeah. It takes a while to build a kid. It takes, well, it takes the women a while.

Am I right, fellas? High five. High five. Takes me about 45 seconds. Ogreload. We're going to put that right next to the black people and white people are different on the wall of the underground here's the thing here's something that i've noticed and just because

like you say today's the first really hot day yeah and i feel like there was another kind of hot day last week but already today and this is a lot for the number of people i saw today because i i hid out in my house almost all day to try and keep cool i went to granville island at one point and at another point i went out just to uh you know get uh dinner and i saw today two women uh both with the wing motif on their back tattooed big or little uh well that's what i was thinking is when they're done big it it brings up angel when they're done small it looks like a pigeon has landed in your back like it doesn't look if the effect is always to be angel wings yeah if they're tiny it looks

like freak like freak wings like uh like you're in the metamorphosis. Yeah, like in that Soul Asylum video with Claire Danes turning into some weird freak. Oh, yeah. I forgot how hot she was in that. So how big would you go wings-wise? What do you think is the cutoff to make it freak? Didn't Claire Danes wear giant wings

in Romeo and Juliet, too? Yeah, yeah. Is that what started this all? The whole wing trend in ladies? I don't know. I wouldn't be surprised. Is that what started this all? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The whole wing trend? I don't know. I wouldn't be surprised if that's what started. I think if you're gonna, when it comes to wings, it's go big or

don't get it. Because if you get little ones done, either you get them done up on top of your head like Captain America, or if they're tiny, then they do. They look like, I don't know, they look disproportionate, then they do. They look like... I don't know. They look disproportionate. They don't make you look like Cupid. They make you look like they're

sprouting. Like Brundlefly. You look like Brundlefly. What if you get airplane wings on the back? That would be funny. Big airplane wings. On my back, I have a picture of the cast of Wings. Look how young Thomas Aiden Church looks.

Yeah. Tim Daly? They're all there. Tony Shalhoub? Crystal Bernard? What was the name of the old guy? The chubby guy? Roy?

It was Roy. Roy! It was Roy. Can't name the actor. Probably dead. He wasn't healthy. Didn't seem healthy. Probably smoked.

He ran the opposing... Probably smoked. Thing. Airline. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah. There's one Seinfeld can't take credit for, because that was in Nantucket. Yeah. Itine. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah. There's one Seinfeld can't take credit for because that was in Nantucket. Yeah.

It probably happened first, too. Did Wings happen first? I mean, it was like Sky Cheers. Yeah, maybe Cheers could take credit for it. Sky Cheers. Sky Cheers. It was one of them New England shows. It's like, let's take Cheers and let's make the fat guy mean in this one.

Yeah. Sky Cheers. Put it in airplanes. Yeah, sky cheers or Nantucket taxi. You know what I find with the heat is because it is the first hot sort of day. And last year we had the heat wave. Every year we kind of have a heat wave. And we always have forest fires for no reason.

But last year it was – To no one's benefit. Last year it was so hot that – How hot was it? Oh, I got no joke. So hot I can't think of anything. But I noticed this year already a lot of shirtless dudes in the elevator in my building. Now, my building is climate controlled, as a lot of buildings are, and I don't think you need to be –

and this is not a guy who has taken off his shirt in anticipation of going outside. This is a guy who has no shirt with him, who is just wandering around with no shirt. And I think that, to me, like, look, if you're a dude and you want to take your shirt off and you say, yeah, it's great. I think it's venue appropriate, though. Like, I do think that there comes a point when you're just like, I can't. Summertime is only for the in-shape. That's the only people that like it. What are the good shirtless venues the in-shape. It really is. What are the good shirtless venues?

Gay Pride Parade. Beach. The Shark Club. Wrestling events. MMAs. If you're in the park playing Frisbee or some nonsense. Shirts and skins. Basketball.

Chess. Three on three. Three on three chess Shirts and Skins They should have Shirts and Skins actual little chess men That'd be great, that'd be so awesome Anyone out there making chess sets But I just like

Yeah, like I don't get, you know, people are just like Oh, Summer's here, it's great I just hate them and I don't get you know people are just like oh summer's here it's great i just i hate them and i don't understand what's wrong with them they're like i i think i like a little bit of summer i like that the sun heats the planet yeah to a livable that's useful temperature i read a book about it yeah i'm big on that i like getting to enjoy uh cold foods yeah yeah but i mean i think the idea of like, I like taking the dog for a walk in the sun

and also like the idea of road tripping when the weather, yeah, the dog swimming, taking the dog swimming and barbecues and things. Like it's nice to have, but I don't need the heat.

Like if it was like 25 degrees or so, that's as much as I. It's probably just not even that today. Yeah, but I don't need that sort of like 35 degree

brain melting heat No, but people, there's people who love it. They go crazy. Oh, it's so warm. It's so warm. I'm like 35 degree brain melting heat that people love it. They go crazy. Oh, it's so warm. It's so warm. I'm like, yeah, but you can't escape it. Like I can put on a – if I'm cold, I can put on a sweater.

But like there comes a point where there's only so many things you can take off. In this heat, who's laughing now? Lady Gaga just wearing a bra. Now all of a sudden, who's the crazy one? She's flipping off the sun. That's what she used to do. Wearing your crazy turtlenecks. Rich man turtlenecks.

These air-conditioned Porsches. Seinfeld. I do like other places that are hot. Yeah. I like when... Like you mean going to other places that are hot? Yeah. If it's like the winter and then you go somewhere nice.

Like a snowbird. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. Who wouldn't like that? We do sound like a bunch of old men. There's snowbird wings on your back. It's because we're having a shift.

I'm going to Florida. I bought some cotton linen pants. Those will come in handy at some point. Did you? Yeah. Really? I got some khakis on right now. You'll probably see these a lot during the summer.

Can't wait. Yeah, it's going to be great. But I still am steadfast on my preference for never seeing a man's feet. And the summer really just throws that in my face. I just get it everywhere I go. It's where food's being served and in places of law. Are you going to foot tissue? You could go to the courthouse and there would be flip-flops there.

It's just too many. Your Honor, flip, flip, flip, flip. My client, flip, flip, flip. Your lawyer will be played by Matthew McConaughey. I don't mind that so much. I'm not sensitive to that like you are. You're very sensitive.

Here's the thing. I was flipping through a magazine last night and there was a charity advertisement featuring Jack Johnson from a couple years ago. That guy's got – he never wears shoes. So he's got like a beach foot, and I don't mind it. You know what? Because his foot – I don't mind when you see people who live in a tribe and they never wear shoes.

That's great. I admire that. It's just like – I don't know if it see people who live in a tribe and they never wear shoes. That's great. I admire that. It's just like, I don't know if it's just white people's feet I don't like. Or city folk. It might be city feet. Or like, yeah, your feet get dirty in downtown. Yeah, and it's just like, and women I don't have a problem with. But dudes don't take care of their feet.

No. And so there's just like... I probably have an ingrown toenail, but you know. I have terrible feet. I just trim it every once in a while. Mine are for utility only. They're not for looks. Yeah.

Mine are for traveling. You've got a traveling foot. I've got a traveling foot. I've got Hobbit flat feet. But I've always... I don't know. Have you seen those shoes that are just, like, they're like toe socks? Oh, those freak me out.

Those freak me out. I don't like those at all. Oh, you mean the... They're like gloves for your feet? That's worse than bare feet because... But they're for... I saw this thing on TV about, it was like a 60-minute style show about sports. And one was all about running and how the running shoe...

They try and beat the record every week it's down to 47 minutes yes a four minute 60 minutes uh but it's it's for uh apparently since the running shoe was invented in the 70s yeah uh the the stride has been been off like you're landing on the wrong part of your foot no doubt like running in running shoes not that i've done it for a long time but it's it doesn't running shoes there's nothing natural about like it's but here's the thing that it's like well there is nothing natural about like they don't you wouldn't hit on your heel right at all ever if you're running thing right yeah i i run when i when i ran when we look by the way the three of us are in great shape for the home listener.

You know that Donovan Bailey? Three of them right here. It's so... Different shades. I've not been in great shape the last year, but I've really let it accelerate leading up to summer. And now I'm just in horrible shape. There's no way to turn this boat around.

I've gotten to the point where I i'm in kind of a you know like in a narrow shallow water and i can't turn so yeah a canal yeah i've been in terrible shape for uh i've been in terrible shape for uh 25 years and there's a there's a certain comfort that comes with knowing like a lot of people like oh it's bathing suit season there's a certain comfort with knowing that even in the middle of December, this is it. Guys, I don't own a bathing suit. I don't need a bathing suit. Do you own a bathing suit? Yeah, I own several.

Do you? Yeah, I own one. Different styles? One for when I do laps and one for when I like to goof around with the pool noodles. With the boys. Deep pockets and such. My gang is called the pool noodles. He the boys. Deep pockets and such. My gang is called the pool noodles. He's got a place to keep his money for the ice cream truck.

Oh, he's wearing his business bathing suit. He's here to exercise. He's not screwing around. It's a power suit. But yeah, I find that there comes a point, like, I've just come to accept the fact that summer for me is always

wish i was in better shape and then that's and then it goes away after that because then i found out that um all these people like well you know i worked all this year to get in shape and then they don't want to drink too much beer and sit on a patio and like i want to go out like i don't want that's not what i want out of my summer out of my summer is to sit on patios or beaches drink and hang out with my friends and that's it it sounds pretty good and i want yeah it's to me i'm going to avoid it all yeah i don't see a lot of i don't like half the guys with their shirts off aren't in great shape no oh yeah that's true and that's if you're lucky well that's and that's the other thing too is like there must be like i know that there's like you know you can't let the women not have their shirts on unless you're

european you can't not let the women can't shirts on. You can't have... We have to make it mandatory. What am I in favor of? Basically, we... The important thing is that we're policing the women. Yeah, that's important, really. But no, but they say that... But who will police the women, please? You're not allowed to have the girls without their shirts on

because of the boob issue. But quite frankly, there are guys with huge boobs. And I mean, I'm not like... I wouldn't say mine are huge, but they're subtle. But the thing is, they're more, it's to me, incredibly more offensive than, not than any of it's offensive, but it would be much more offensive to me to have to explain to my son or daughter why that man has bigger boobs than mom. Why that man is lactating. Yeah, well, yeah. I hope that's lotion.

Why is he nursing a baby panda? That guy never has to wear a shirt. They are the cutest of the pandas. But yeah, there is a point where you go, I know it's summer, but dude, I don't need to see your... There comes a point when it's just like, you're a wiener. Is that what we're talking about, guys?

We're talking about wieners all the time. My wiener is such a we're talking about guys wieners we're talking about we're just wieners all the time my wiener is such a boob always falling down oh man but yeah so yeah so uh anyway do you want to move on to overheards uh yes yes i do overheard overheards uh if you've got a voice out there you don't know who might be listening to it while you talk asinine talk and say things out of context. And, you know, there's people out there picking them up. And we always like to start with the guest. And you've had time since your last appearance. You've had tons of time to pick up.

I have picked one extremely good one that I liked. And this happened to me in Los Angeles. And I was sitting in the Jewish part of town, the Fairfax Village area. And I was sitting there and I heard something that you would never hear aside from usually a highly populated area populated with older Jewish gentlemen. And I was sitting at a table at a deli and I heard this, Have you ever had a really good tomato? Which I think really sums up what was going on.

And that made me laugh. I enjoyed that. So I thought, as my over-herd, I thought, Have you ever had a really good tomato? In a very thick sort of... Yeah, tomatoes are fantastic. Oh, if you have a good one. If you have a good one. I mean, hey, you want to talk about it. And that's, I think, where the conversation went.

I left. I feel like I wish I was in on that conversation. Like, that's a conversation I could really get into. I think it was probably starting an argument. Not so much as a conversation. You haven't tasted a good tomato. You don't know tomatoes. Have a bite of this hot sauce.

These tomatoes are no good. This is my uncle's place. The bagels in New York are better. It's the water. Tomato. Dave, do you get an are better. It's the water. Tomato. Dave, do you get an overheard? I know you do.

I do. Of course I do. Yeah. Have I ever failed you? You're good for it. No, never. You're the night to my day. Cruvis Diaz. Yeah.

Are we ready for such big stars? All in one film? Yeah. I mean, they're both at the apex of their careers. I watched a bit of Regis and Kelly this morning. With Tom Cruise?

Yeah, Tom Cruise. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They showed a clip and Cameron was not looking good. No, right? What's going on with her? I don't know. She looks a little rough

around the edges. Really? And around the face. In the movie. Not on the show. Oh, like actually with a team of people to make you look good. Yeah, and two cameras

in 3D. Yeah. Does anyone have one of those rigs? But, you know, it was like, when Tom Cruise talks about motorcycles, it's like a shitty kid that you knew that was rich. He's talking about having a pool

or a motorcycle. That's what it sounds like. When he talks about it, he's like, I always ride motorcycles. It's really hard to ride a motorcycle. And then iCarly was on. Yeah, he does. Why don't you come over in the morning so we can watch this together?

Because I saw it too. Well, let's make it a date then. I'm coming over tomorrow morning. iCarly? That was funny when Regis is trying to make jokes. It gets funnier with every year when Regis tries to relate to a 17-year-old. Yeah, Regis,

at least Regis is trying, Jerry. He's trying so hard. Jerry Seinfeld's not trying. Yeah. Get in the game, Seinfelds. Sein-smelds, am I right? I think it was Seinfeld was the mad parody. But we, oh Oh I forget my over The other day

I was in Safeway Popular grocery store And it was Sunday It was actually Father's Day And there was this dad 40ish And he had these two Around 10 years old

10 and 11 boys You think he had these two around 10 years old, like 10 and 11 boys. You think he got, like, what, a paperweight, probably? Yeah, probably. From them? From them, yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't know. Yeah.

Is that paperweight age still? Yeah, paperweight or... Card and a jerky. Yeah, what's... What did you get your dad for Father's Day? This year? Yeah. I got... It's also, it was his birthday, but I got it.

It was all in the same week. I bought him like one of those sound machines from Miami. The rhythm's going to get you. No, it helps you sleep. Oh, like a white noise machine? Yes, yeah. And I don't know if it works because he's working a job right now where people call him at 2 in the morning. So he's like, it might be working, except my phone.

Your dad is a suicide hotline guy. Yeah. And then he goes, have you ever had a good tomato? Well, then don't kill yourself yet. He just hooks the sound machine up to the person on the other end of the suicide holler. Listen to the gulls for a bit. That'll calm you down. The music is going to get you.

Yeah. My, I didn't get my dad anything cause he was out of town. Oh, so what? You snooze, you lose. Yeah.

Well, every year it's the, what do you get? The guy who's got everything. Nothing. Yeah. By yourself. Yeah.

Oh, you need a new tennis racket. You can afford that. Anyway. So I saw this guy In Safeway, he's got these two kids And the kids are like really Really wound up, really just having You know, kids Ten year old kids, they never stop

You know, they're just talking and talking And the dad's ignoring them Because you can't pay attention to these kids No, right? And they've probably eaten toffee And they're just like... Toffee? Yeah, yeah. First thing in the morning, big mound of toffee.

They're having Werther's Original. That's why he didn't get anything for his father. He's a horrible dad. That's why he just got a paperweight. And your toffee. They were having toffee pops for breakfast. A big bowl of them. Off to street luge after.

Yeah. They might have been those kids. But yeah, so they're just yammering away. And I got my eye on them, but I'm passing them so fast that I only caught one little bit. And it was one of the kids said, Seriously, I feel like

I'm carrying a Pokemon baby. I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't get it either. And I don't know if he meant he was carrying the Pokemon baby as like a mother carrying a child. Or like he was going to take a poo. No.

Oh. What is that? Or like he was carrying it above his head. Oh. Oh, I got go Pokemon, baby. I gotta go Pokemon, baby. Ask if they have a bathroom. I've never gone to the bathroom.

What was he carrying? Nothing. Nothing? He just said it? Yeah. What? In where? Gone to the bathroom?

I've never gone into the bathroom in anywhere that wasn't a restaurant or a mall. I've never gone to the bathroom in anywhere where you had to ask if there's a bathroom. Like a grocery store? Oh, I've done it all the time. Oh, really? Weirdo. Sometimes once a week, if I'm walking around. Just for some quiet time? Yeah, yeah.

Like a London Drugs, a Safeway, a Home Depot, a Bay, a Sears. The Sears has... it's kind of public. Yeah. Well, you've got to walk through a whole section of clothes. It's not just right out there. Yeah, but that's all of Sears. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, they've got the softer side.

As opposed to going to a home hardware or something. Yeah, no Home Depot. I use that. Oh, a mom and pop shop, I think. That would be weird. You know, it's like, oh, I know you don't really have a public washroom, but could I use your... Yeah, and sometimes you're at a 7-Eleven and you hear someone ask for the bathroom. What's wrong with you?

Go to a McDonald's. Yeah. Yeah, and then the employee is kind of like, I guess... It's just like this weird... Because it's like they've got their meth and stuff. Yeah, and they... Don't touch my meth. Yeah, the employees, it's their... it's their break room is probably right adjacent.

If you're working at a good one. My overheard comes courtesy of another popular chain, Subway Restaurant. And there was a lady ahead of me in line, very, very, uh, petite, but very, uh, bassy voice. And, uh, she's,

she was ordering, you know, her toppings, uh, lettuce and, uh, green peppers and whatever. And,

uh, she said like a little bit of mustard, a little bit of mayonnaise and a shitload of pepper. And so then the lady that put, know like more than enough pepper and then she went more and so then she dumped more more and then keep more and she said it three times and then i looked at the top of the sub and it was like asphalt like there's just there's so much pepper and uh and she's like that's good and then as soon as she said that's good uh kesha's your love is my drug was on on this week and she started singing it at the top of her lungs

your love is my drug yeah pepper is really that's a lot of pepper yeah maybe her uh maybe her canary had been swallowed by a an alley cat and she needed to. A shitload of pepper. She needed to get it to sneeze. Maybe this is the best solution. Who's ever sneezed so much that you barfed out a bird? The best solution she could come up with, educating herself with Warner Brothers cartoons, was like, I'm going to go get a Subway sandwich. Pepper is her drug, and sneezing is her natural high. Sneezing is a lot of fun.

Every time I sneeze, I kind of enjoy it. I hold them in. I feel like I'm going to have a stroke every time I sneeze i kind of enjoy it i hold them in i feel like i'm gonna have a stroke every time oh really oh i really enjoy that have you ever sneezed so hard and then your muscles ache afterwards yeah it hurts and you're just like why does that hurt so much you're working out that's not exercise yeah yeah it counts you're burning calories what do you do i sneeze three times a day so quite frankly i don't know what you're talking about heart problem like i sneeze all the time so do you know how much pepper i have on my subway yeah yeah no mayo lots of pepper

yeah that's what jared was doing at subway how do you hold in a sneeze you just like there's tricks you can use to so you do sneeze like you look at the light oh it goes like uh and then i hold it like i don't go like oh right right right, right, right. Yeah, you can do that. But they tell you that's bad for you, though. Oh, it's probably horrible. It feels horrible when I'm doing it. Have you ever held a sneeze in, and then your back pops?

Like, your muscles? Yeah, but... I think I've broken... I've been holding in sneezes so long that when I do let out a sneeze, I feel like my organs are going to shoot out of my face. You'll have to sneeze through a wall. Well, it's like I don't know how to do it anymore.

So then I pull muscles in my neck and my throat hurts after. Just let it out, man. It's so good. No, but that's what I mean. Every time I do it, it's like I don't know how to do it. Well, you know what? Two tickets to Sneeze Academy. It's just like riding a bicycle. No, it's not.

No, no, no. Move your feet. Get on a bike. I haven't ridden a bicycle in so long. I feel like if I tried to ride a bike, it wouldn't be just like riding a bicycle. Yeah, when was the last time I rode a bike? How long have you been riding a bike? Oh, I don't know. 15 years? Really?

I never rode a bike. I rode a bike when I was a kid, but never when I was a teenager. It's got to probably be about 15 years since I rode a bike. Yeah. Well, maybe less, but not much less was a teenager. It's got to probably be about 15 years since I rode a bike, actually. Yeah. Yeah, I think about it. Well, maybe less, but not much less. I've ridden a stationary bike. Well, see, it's the same thing.

It's just like riding an elliptical. Yeah. But, you know, I like those recumbent bikes where you sit down and your feet are up at the same – Oh, there you go. There's a guy – I have your kids behind you. Oh, yeah. There's a guy in my neighborhood that rides one of those.

It's the sit-down ones, and then it's got a plastic shell on the outside, so it looks like a bar of soap or whatever. We're going down the street. Is it a clear plastic shell? Like a clear bar of soap. I love that that's the first thing.

That looks like a bar of soap. Like not a full bar like when it gets down to a sliver. Like a roommate bar of soap. I don't know why that's nice. Like it's just a sliver. One of them bar of soap bikes? Oh, absolutely.

Why do you need the plastic? Aerodynamics. Rain and stuff. Can you see out of it or is it like that little tiny bubble? It's got a little tiny bubble. And rain, yeah. And rain and stuff and protection. Like, is it one with... Like, can you see out of it? Or is it, like, got that little tiny bubble? It's got a little tiny bubble. It's really dumb. I hate it.

Of course it's dumb. Get a real bike. That's your mode of transport? That's how you get around? Is it just... Climbing the shell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's usually him and a lady in the shell.

Show up to the meet. Put in his groceries. I can make love in this one. Snuggling kids into the drive-in movie in the back of his bike show. How many people you got in there? Just me. That's a lot of feet. All right, fellas.

Let's move on to some overheards from people who wrote in to the show. Why not? We've earned it. If you want to write in an overheard on your own accord, you can send them to stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com and uh this isn't an overheard but somebody uh who works at an insurance company uh one of the policyholders name is orville herd orville that's great yeah Yeah. I like that.

That comes courtesy of Leanne M. Okay, so let's see. Orville Hurd. Orville Hurd. Okay. That life must be difficult. This is from Bart M. Bart M.

This is a bit of an older one, but he says, I think it holds up. In late 1999, cast your minds back, gents. Okay, where was I? Y2K was on the horizon. We were all panicking. Everyone was frosting their tips with wild abandon. Yeah, yeah. O-Town was doing their thing, climbing the charts.

We weren't sure if Hanson and Lauryn Hill would make it into the next decade. And they did. Jessica Simpson had her life ahead of her. That's true. Reality TV seemed like a fad. Everyone was doing the Regis Philbin, who wants to be a millionaire, shirt that matches the tie. I just thought you were going to say, everybody was doing the Regis Philbin. Yeah, the dance.

It was actually more popular than the Macarena. Come on, everybody. We're going to have a good time. Yeah. Filbin'. Call my wife, Joy. Remember that video he made with Don Cherry? Great video.

Rock him, suck him, Filbin'. Rock him, suck him, Filbin'. In late 1999, my wife and I, we were in our early 20s at the time we were going to see Man on the Moon with Jim Carrey playing Andy Kaufman

while in line to buy our tickets we were standing behind a couple that was in their late 50s or early 60s they looked very normal and middle class and there was nothing at all unusual about them

when we reached the front of the line the husband in this couple said in a very loud and clear voice with no hint of shame or irony, two for deuce, bigelow male julo, please. Pretty good.

Man on the Moon was on this past weekend. I've never seen it before. Do you believe they put a man on the moon? Right. But I was watching a bit of it, and I didn't watch the whole thing Because I didn't see it from the beginning And you know I'm a completist

Yes A DeVito completist But I was watching and they had There's a scene where Or I guess there's a number of scenes Where he's on taxi And they brought back all the cast from taxi You know 30 years later

25 years later. At least, yeah. And was that fooling anyone? Conway's looking a little ragged. Yeah, they're all looking... Although Conway's really gone downhill since. Has he? I haven't seen him since.

Oh, yeah, he's in a wheelchair. Really? But like... Yeah, he's on that celebrity rehab. What's he in the wheelchair for? He's just too lazy. No, no, he's just like drug-addled to get up. Wow.

Not related to Tim Conway. No, there's an A in there. Conaway. Oh, Conaway. Yeah. I like... Dork. I like...

You know, the thing is, I like that movie because I like Andy Kaufman, and at the time I thought Jim Carrey was doing interesting movies. He was picking some interesting movies and i liked the movie in general but there's one line in it every time i see it on tv uh makes me cringe you know that feeling when you hear something so bad like you get the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and you're like oh that's oh that's bad there's a scene where j Jim Carrey and Danny DeVito are in a restaurant, and Jim Carrey's acting all Andy Kaufman-ish, and he does something, and then DeVito goes, he's laughing, and then he goes, You're crazy!

But you might also be brilliant. Was that in the trailer? I feel like it was. Yeah, it was written for the trailer. You might also be brilliant. Nobody said that to any other human in the history of language. So I just wanted everybody to know that. It's just a one-time thing. All right.

This next one comes from Andrew D. Andrew D., I was in the university library sitting next to a guy, sitting next to two guys, sorry, who were looking at a girl's Facebook profile when I snag the following overheard. Guy one, you hooked up with this slut? Guy two, she's not slutty, she just uses a lot of LOLs.

Lots of labia. It's a different color. No, it's from Australia. It's different. It needs to look different down there. No? I was trying to give it some context. No?

Lord of Lisbon. I don't like any of these. It's a Portugal reference. I like the idea that girls who use a lot of LOLs are just slutty. You think like that's... It's kind of like they're handing them out. They're not actually laughing. Yeah, touche.

Yeah. I would... Okay, let's see. Let's see. I got one more. I got one more. Yeah. I would... Okay, let's see, let's see. I got one more. I got one more. Sure. This one comes from Kate G.

Kate G. Kate Gosselin? Yeah, Kate Gosselin. I was... I just had my eighth kid. How did she find time to write? I was on the bus one morning last week on my way to work when a middle-aged man and a woman both in business attire got on and sat down behind me.

They were already deep in conversation as they sat down, and she was saying, I mean, I guess he's nice, but what does he do? Get coffee? The man then said, he doesn't do anything. He's useless. I don't know how he could ever justify his position within the company. As they went on talking this way for another minute or so, I was thinking, wow, these two are really mean. This is how they would talk about their co-worker? But then after a short pause, the woman said, ah, Dilbert's so funny. And it's been extra good lately.

Best one. Yeah. Well done, Kate G. Until then, it was Orville Heard heard but that's the best one that's awesome so i i like i used to read the funny pages we called them comics yeah i'll see you there uh uh i used to read them every week or every day yeah uh but i never noticed when it was got any better or worse. When it was getting good, when it was getting worse.

I would usually gauge how good the comics were by the size of Dagwood Bumstead's sandwiches. His sandwiches are getting really high these days. Yeah. That's when you know that economic times are good, when his sandwiches are like roof size. Yeah. How much napping is Fred Bassett doing? roof size. How much napping is Fred Bassett doing?

Sometimes when I would look at the anatomy of his huge sandwiches, sometimes there would be a whole half of a sausage just like in there. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? That's just poor preparation. That's a waste of food. You would cut it up into sausage bites. When have the funny pages ever been funny? Like I,

there's a couple that were funny. Farside. Farside was great. Calvin and Hawks. Non-sequitur once and all, Calvin and Hawks. But since recently, like,

in the last 15 years, when have they been really funny? Yeah. When have they been funny since I became mature? Yeah. Since I grew up. Yeah.

Online comics. You're implying I'm mature. There's a lot of really good funny webcomics. Probably. Yeah. Maybe. That I enjoy.

Like, I enjoy... I can't remember the name of it, but it's all from historical drawings. Wizard of Id. And the guy, he puts dialogue... Like, it's all from old... Like, basically what used to constitute clip art. They used to have books and books of pictures. Yeah, what is that? Married to the Sea?

Toothpaste for Dinner? One of those? Yeah, it's very funny, though. I like those things. Sure. But yeah, man. The print ones? I like your red meats and stuff for your dry shaves. But here's things like that.

Like speed bumping. You're in meats and your dry shaves. But you look at stuff like, what's that? Not High and Lowest, but what's that one with the kids that's been running forever? Oh, Marvin. No, Marvin. I used to like, what's his name? Oh, Hubert.

What's the one with Herman? Herman, I liked. Herman was good. Yeah, Herman had the hair. It had its moments. Yeah. What's the one with Herman? Herman I liked. Herman was good. It had its moments. Here's a question. Because on the weekend, I watched a bit of the movie Spanglish, and there's a scene where Adam Sandler makes a huge sandwich.

You got the gist of it. Yeah, and Dagwood Bumsden makes huge sandwiches. So does Cliff Huxtable. That's what I was going to say. What's your favorite giant sandwich in fiction? It can be television. It can be movie.

It can be drawing. Why don't we get the listeners to write in the fictional giant sandwich? What is your favorite giant sandwich? And it can be from any medium. It can be... We're not looking for the giantest sandwich. No, it doesn't have to be the biggest sandwich. But what is your favorite giant sandwich

Let's just say your favorite sandwich But I want it to be like a fictional sandwich Ridiculous sandwich Your favorite sandwich from pop culture Your favorite pop culture sandwich And nobody get cute with saying lonely sandwich Or anything like that Like sure he's great

But we're talking about sandwich sandwiches Like the giant sandwich that Homer ate And stuck behind the radiator Like, sure, he's great, but we're talking about sandwich sandwiches. Yeah. Like the giant sandwich that Homer ate and stuck behind the radiator and ate over time. That sets the level really high, that sandwich. That's a pretty good one. But I'm willing to hear about any great pop culture sandwich. Yeah. I was thinking about... Send it along to stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com.

Yeah. I was thinking about this morning, actually, now that we're talking about comics. Do you remember the Garfield and Friends animated series? Come on down, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends.

And the friends were Orson's Farm? Do you remember Orson's Farm? Yeah, it was... Was it Orson's Farm or was it called Animal Farm? No, I think it was... I don't know.

I think it was called Orson's Farm. Yeah, maybe it was called... It was Orson. And then wasn't... What was there? A fox? A fox that liked to fuck. No, wait. That was Harvey Crumb. Those fits the cat. No, wasn't there something else?

There was a dog or something. There was Orson's Farm and then there was another... Really? Yeah. Odie? Are you thinking of Odie? No, no, no. Odie loves to fuck. That's why Garfield hated him so much.

Yeah, I know. No, I feel like there was another... Because at Orson's Farm, they had the pig, and there was a duck that wore a life preserver around its waist. Oh, now I remember this. Yeah, that's a long time ago. But then wasn't there something else? There was another gang on that show. I always turned the channel until it went back to another Garfield story. Yeah, I remember this. Yeah, that... But then wasn't there something else? That was a long time ago. There was another gang on that show.

I always turned the channel until it went back to another Garfield story. Yeah, I'm sorry. Didn't care for those artists. Why did they put those on? I don't know. They weren't popular. Like, kids didn't like them. Like, we like Garfield.

I made a Littlest Hobo reference the other day on stage, and like... Why? 90%... Well, it made sense at the time, but like 90% of the audience had no idea what Littlest Hobo was, and I realized that that's really sad, in a way, because they've been playing it a lot lately. 90% well it made sense at the time but like 90% of the audience had no idea what Little Sobo was and I realized that's really sad in a way

because they've been playing it a lot lately yeah and it's almost unwatchable I can't believe I loved it so much as a kid I must have been

really dumb apparently the back story is like he's a CIA agent dog dog? no no apparently you know the first episode

he was like parachuted into a place? Like, I'm not kidding. That's because he commandeered a plane. And he didn't know how to land it. There are different levels of what he... Like, apparently in the last one they... Does he go from town to town?

Up and down the dial. Is that part of the music? No, that's from... No, there's a road that keeps on calling. But does he go... Does he help a new set of people every episode? Yeah, every episode he comes in and helps. And it's all like...

Like a fugitive. All these people have problems that could be solved by a dog. So it's not like there's some guy who's in... Oh, my taxes need to be... It's all dog related. I need that ball from inside. It's all really simple. I buried something.

These people are always... Yeah, these people are always like... But that's not... That's not, though. For people that haven't seen The Littlest Hobo, he would infiltrate organizations. He would find out if an election was being rigged.

Remember when he was in Black Panther? He went undercover with the Klan. It's a Canadian show about a dog who goes from town to town helping people. Yeah, it was like Lassie, but more... But the gag that was ongoing throughout the history of The Littlest Hobo was no matter what family he landed with,

they would give him a name. They'd be like, I'm going to call you Spike, or you're going to be called Lightning. And then the dog would be called that and respond to it. No matter what name you gave him, he would respond. But it's like the dog had a higher conscience than everybody in the show like he was always trying to set things right didn't play sides uh you know right he didn't carry water for anybody that dog he just went

in took care of business unless they needed water that's how he solved the problem would he sometimes help bad guys no no no but, no. But, you know, he didn't, like, he wasn't like, you know, Lassie was a single-serving dog. Like, he just was with the one family. Liz Tobo spread it around.

Yes. Well, he was giving LOLs to everyone. But, yeah, it just seemed to me like, it just seemed to me like that every problem they had,

it was like, every episode, and you're right, it is nigh unwatchable. Like, you'll watch, like, problem they had, it was like every episode. And you're right, it is nigh unwatchable. Like you'll watch it. Like part of it, the history of it kicks in. You go, oh, I remember watching this again. Now you watch it and you go, oh. Even for the time period and dog-related shows.

They shoot this on VHS. Yeah, this is not good. And there were like six or seven different dogs named London who played the hobo. They drowned him after every episode. It just takes all the mystery out of it, right? He also wrote a lot of books under the pen name Jack London. Most people don't know that. Okay.

Well, we've got overheards that have been phoned in using telephonic technology. Your VoIPs. Yeah. Your Skypes. I can't wait until we get our first call on the new iPhone Oh, it's going to be great I'm calling from an iPad Yeah

I'm Skyping you from a you know, tablet Is that a thing? So if you would like to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328 Hey guys This is Dan in New York City and I have been overheard for you. I live uptown near 125th Street and Broadway, and there are a lot of sort of middle-aged guys who don't have jobs,

hanging out on the street all the time, talking. And I was walking past a group of them, and there was an older guy with a cane, kind of holding court. And as I walked by he said listen i know two things whether you got fake hair and whether you're a man or a woman and i never been wrong yeah it's like having the ability to know when a storm's coming yeah yeah he feels it in his cane yeah yeah his his knee swells up if it's a woman or man. I feel like those are the kind of guys who might know a really

good tomato. Good tomato, and where to get it. I feel like I'm getting better with age at guessing who's wearing a wig. I watch those Mori episodes, and I don't know whether it's a man or a woman oh yeah i'm so bad at that game yeah they always the hottest one is always a man

they used to do a joke on stage about how nobody wins at that game like you at home feel terrible and surely the woman who everybody's like that's a man feels terrible so like nobody nobody walks away feeling good about it Mari is not a is not here to help your life yeah is it still on I don't know if it's still no it's no read they just went to the all paternity test format and after that I really yeah it's like oh that's all it is now my favorite thing I want a few boot camps thrown in I like a few I miss any camps I like a confronting your fears.

Was it Cotton Man? Yeah. Oh, Cotton Ball Guy. So great. Fear of Cotton Balls. And then him just chasing her. But not even... Slowly.

They brought him out prematurely. Yeah. He was not ready for that. I knew a girl years ago who pretended she was afraid of lettuce. I'm not kidding. Pretended she was afraid of lettuce. She must have seen it. And then one day we all busted her on the fact that she

wasn't. It was like, hey, there's lettuce over there and you haven't... Oh, I'm really... Busted. That seems like a little weird thing to pretend... She came out wearing a dress made of lettuce. A couple local comedians were once on Jerry Springer. That's right. One, Jai Harris. And one, Riel Hahn.

That's right. And another guy, Jamie Dressler. He was a temporary comic. That's right. And another guy, Jamie Dressler? He was a temporary comic. That's right. But previously a male stripper. I'm not going to get it. He was actually a stripper. Jai Harris was on it once. He was on Jerry Springer and he was playing a guy who wanted to be a porn star.

And he had nipple tassels on. That's what male porn stars have. Yeah. And then they brought him back to, I think they filmed a week from Jamaica. Was it Jamaica? Hedonism? Yeah, it was. Oh, really?

They also flew him to Holland or something to do a show. Yeah. We might have to have him on to fill us in on that, because that story about him being on the Holland talk show is one of the greatest. And I wouldn't be able to do justice to it. It's really funny.

Anyways, where can we get a good tomato? Yeah. All right, next call. All right. Hey, guys. This is Peter calling from Vancouver. After months of waiting, I finally got my first overheard. I was walking down the street and two young ladies passed me by. One of them said, you just have to

stop eating meat like that. Just cook it. Someone was eating raw meat? Yeah, eating a raw chicken. I think maybe that's the problem with sushi is it's, you know, like you go to some Japanese places and they give you like a raw beef, right? Yeah. I don't think that's the problem with sushi You go to some Japanese places And they give you a raw beef I don't think that's true They kill it They do the same thing

They have beef sashimi I've had that a few times It's not cooked Like a beef tartare That's uncooked I had steak tartare a few times growing up It's like an English thing And you didn't have a stove I've had steak tartare a few times growing up because it's like an English thing, I guess, that they have, and I had it.

And you didn't have a stove. This was before. No. I've had steak tin tin. We lived in the woods. Put it on your forehead and it'll swoop. Until the littlest hobo came and helped us. We had no stove.

And then he pushed one in with his nose. But I had that. And then this was before we knew that meat would kill us all. You know what? And then they came out, meat will kill you all. And I was having this conversation. But it doesn't, like it didn't kill me then. Like obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah. we knew that meat would kill us all you know they came out we'll kill you all and i i was like but it doesn't like it didn't kill me then like obviously yeah yeah i'm not lying about not being dead right like wait a minute yeah but yeah they put your hand through this door no mirrors

okay one more held in suspense. Hi, guys and guests. This is James from Regina, Saskatchewan. I was walking. I have an overheard here. I was walking into one of our mall pool halls here in Regina, and there was a man I'd seen in his late 40s, early 50s, talking to a lady and a man, another man around the same age.

And as we're walking by, all we heard was him saying, our enemies will taste the bite of our steel. Wow. That's what you say before a murder. Yeah. Before a battle. Them dueling words. Or revenge murder.

Not just a battle. Our enemies will taste the bite of our steel. I think it's got to be. Oh, yeah, that's a battle. It's a Viking thing. Yeah, that's a Viking steel I think it's got a theme oh yeah that's a battle it's a viking thing or a renaissance fair it's a lot of renaissance fair

very out of date gangs in Regina not really up to date bring the mace yeah they'll probably feel the taste of it like you're not

going to get everyone right in the mouth with your sword that's where you hit though that's where you want to hit you want to hit but that's the most we'll make them taste this defended part maybe mouth with your sword. That's where you hit, though. That's where you want to hit. You want to hit, but that's the most

defended part. Maybe the most defended part. Maybe they're wearing braces and they're going to kiss them. Yeah, sling! Is the sound that makes. I just want to know the context at which that was where the conversation

has got to, that a middle-aged man was having a conversation with a woman. And middle-aged, too. Like, if he was a thousand. Well, no, maybe he was where the conversation had got to, that a middle-aged man was having a conversation with a woman. And middle-aged, too. Like, if he was 1,000. Well, no, maybe he was from the Middle Ages. Oh, yeah. That would explain a lot. We're imposing a lot of our thoughts on him.

And also, do you have a cure for the plague? Yeah. If you guys out there want to send in overheards of your own, you can call us at 206-339-8328. And, yeah, which brings us to... What's up? Well, two things before we round out the podcast. There was a thing that I was... Earlier in the week,

I'm a big fan of the best show on WFMU. Listen to it every week. And this past week, they had a call from the lead singer of the hardcore band Fuck WFMU. Listen to it every week. And this past week, they had a call from the lead singer of the hardcore band Fucked Up. Yeah. Pink Eyes. And he was chatting with Tom Sharpling

and it was an amusing enough conversation and then in the middle of the conversation, he said that Canada is home to the worst stand-up comics in the world. Which I take on board. Well, he was saying the Comedy Network. Which, we can all...

Do we still have Comedy at Club 54 on there? I mean, if he's basing it on that, we can all agree. He's not wrong. But I think a base statement like that... That's a little unfair. Well, we got some funny guys, right? I think there's a couple of them in this room right now.

You can think of one? Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, but that doesn't seem right at all. What was he basing this on? Oh, I think he was basing it on the Comedy Network. Yeah. Which, you know.

I mean, that's, yeah. I can see that. Because it is, and I've actually had people say to me, like, the first time they've ever gone to live stand-up, I'm sure you guys have had it too, they didn't know stand-up was so much fun. Just stand-up in general was so much fun because they don't ever seen it on TV. You don't get the party favors when you watch it on TV.

Yeah. You only see some guy with a mustache from 1989 laughing his ass off. We can't all be Ben Guyot. And then secondly, on a bit of a down note, this week in Canada we lost a very celebrated

kind of elder comedian named Erwin Barker and so you know he had a long battle with cancer and he was very brave about it and a guy that you were saying you never had the opportunity to meet him but you saw

him many times and he was a great comic and a very nice guy, and so it's very sad that he's passed. But on the upside, we got more time with him than we thought we would, given his diagnosis. And it's, I mean, it's a huge loss, but at least, I mean, this is the one great thing about living in the day and age in which we live,

is that you can, and I would encourage you to look up some stuff from or in bark i mean if you're a fan of comedy that the man the man's material was sublime he was really and as a person he was a fantastic person i know a lot of people say that about people posthumously but honestly really having known him for many years and and i'm sure graham would agree on this he really was a fantastic person he yeah he brought a lot to the table and he was kind and generous. And in the show business, there's a lot of sort of, you know, politicking and backstabbing and stuff that goes on. And he never – he was always above that.

He never got involved in it. And it's a genuinely – it's a huge loss. But I do encourage people to kind of – to take this opportunity to maybe, if you know his work, revisit it. And if you don't know it, look it because it's checking out and that alone is a good example of why canada does not have some of the worst yeah there you go because we were very proud to have him what a great way to wrap this up simon um uh he will be missed uh not simon i mean well you'll be eventually um that sounded like you were waiting for it to happen soon.

Simon will be missed in about six to eight weeks. There's no good way. There's no good way to segue. No. This is as good as any. It was fun. We had a fun little Simon's dead segue. So do you have anything to plug?

I do. I have a website. This is Simononking.com and you can purchase my album on that website and also on iTunes and on Amazon. I would do it on iTunes because you can buy individual tracks. Yeah, and that's the thing.

It's really good and you can actually, it's really cool because you can go through and it was all done in one track. What track should everybody go for? I would say Lama Fisting is a good way to start. Oh, yeah. It's a good way to start. Because we had this conversation earlier.

But I would say Baconator is probably the way to go. Baconator, okay. And you can... The album is called Unfamous. And I think on iTunes it's called Unfamous Comedian because there was some sort of confusion.

But I'm sure if you search me, you'll find me. So thanks. Very confused over there. They have no idea what's going on. Do you have anything? Blog? I don't think so.

Okay, all right. Well, if you're new to the podcast, you can go to the website MaximumFun.org, and if you want to see the blog update that makes kind of a very good companion piece with the podcast, you can check it out there. As well, you can discuss any of the episodes on the forum. If you like the show, tell your friends. And like I said before, if you want to share your thoughts on your favorite fictional sandwich, I want to hear about it. Stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com.

And thanks for listening, everybody, and come back next week for another sweaty and hot version of Stop Podcasting Yourself.