Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 126 - Pat Kelly

Episode Date: August 9, 2010

Pat Kelly from CBC's This Is That returns and we spoil every M. Night  Shyamalan movie, tell childhood camp stories, and Graham explains how  fireworks work.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 126 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who always prays before he eats or loves, Mr. Dave Shumka. I like that new movie. Yeah.

Step Up 3D. It's my no carbs left behind dance movie. It's my no carbs left behind dance movie And joining us here today on the podcast A return guest Who we figured probably the last time was on Was almost a year ago Very funny man Improviser

Writer and producer Of the CBC radio show This is that Mr. Pat Kelly Hello fellas Thanks for joining us Can I back Thank you for having me the CBC radio show, This Is That, Mr. Pat Kelly. Hello, fellas. Thanks for joining us. Can I back... Thank you for having me, first of all.

Hey, no problem. Can we just back up to Eat, Pray, Love? Sure. For a second. Can we just take a moment and play our Get to Know Us theme song? Yes. Do it.

Get to know us. Done. EPL. Yes. Oh, is that what you're calling it? That's what we talk about on the message reports. Done. EPL. Yes. Oh, is that what you're calling it? That's what we talk about on the message reports. Or eples. I really, you know, I'm a fan of your tweets as well, but I do really take a shining

to Mr. Shumka's tweets. He's an amazing Twitterer. He's a factory of them. Almost at 3,000 followers, are we? Rounding the bend? Guys, it's not that impressive. It is. If you put 3,000 people into a room, it would be amazing. Imagine if you just showed up at a

park and there was 3,000 people there to hear you just say one sentence. Especially if every one in ten of them was a fake porno person. Oh, wow. Like a hologram? Yeah. But anyway, I think I know exactly what tone you were writing this tweet in when referring to Eat, Pray, Love.

But I just want to hear how it sounds coming out of your mouth. Julia Roberts is so interesting. Oh. You just wrote that sentence and it made me laugh. And I think it was sarcastic. I mean, it obviously was. Well, I could have been in an argument. Julia Roberts is so interesting. Someone was like, she's not interesting at all. mean, obviously it was. Well, I could have been in an argument. Julia Roberts is so interesting.

Someone was like, she's not interesting at all. Yeah, she is so. Is too. Or she's so interesting. Julia Roberts is so interesting. Anyway, is it a reference to the trailer of that movie? Or did you see her on a talk show? Probably the talk shows I know I'm going to see her on.

But I had a suspicion that she was interesting. And once you said it, I was like, okay, if Dave says she's interesting, I don't know about her life. You're committed. Yeah, I don't see her photographed as much as, say, a Snooki. An Adrian Brody. Her contemporaries, like Snooki.

It seems to me, I don't understand why anybody would want to go see a movie about a rich lady who takes a year off and goes and has fun. It seems like it's the same kind of ethos. It's like a slap in the face of most people's situation these days. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. She can just find herself for a year. I want to take a year off. I want to find myself. Stay in really nice res herself for a year. I want to take a year off. I want to find myself.

Stay in really nice resorts and spas. I want to eat a pizza. It's escapism. Why do people watch Entourage? Well, because they love Turtles. Because they love Aerie. Is it pronounced Aerie? Is it?

Is it Aerie? It's Aerie. I'm sorry. So would the same argument go for Inception? Is it pronounced Ari? Is it Ari? It's Ari. I'm sorry. So would the same argument go for Inception? Not every movie is escapism. That one is super realistic. Just dreamland.

Dreams within dreams. Within spoilers. I now refer to when I wake up if I've gone three dreams deep. Have you ever in your dreams gone more than one dream deep? Sometimes I dream about the group three deep is that the uh boy band made up of uh soap opera star i don't remember i think so is that b44 oh whoa yeah oh that was canada's answer now uh you uh we said you were uh kind of the the host and you're one half of the creative team behind This Is That. Yes.

We have quite a few listeners that aren't from Canada. Explain what This Is That is. And everyone from Canada already knows what it is. Yeah, they're hip, right? Well, I don't know. I think to get into the explanation of this show, you have to explain what the CBC is. And you guys have – more specifically, CBC Radio. So you guys might have to help me with this a little bit.

But it's not unlike NPR in the States. I think NPR is less sort of consistent in their celebration of an entire nation all the time. And their folksy sort of all-inclusive, like

let's not forget, we're all just Americans. And I don't think NPR really does that. But I would say that CBC Radio has been, since we were kids and even before that, sort of the voice of the nation. And they kind of give us everything we need to know about what it means to be Canadian. Right. That's good. That's as good an explanation as I can. I mean, did you... I grew up with it constantly just on in my kitchen. Yeah. Right. That's good. That's as good an explanation as I can. I mean, did you...

I grew up with it constantly just on in my kitchen. Yeah. Yeah, same. The world at six. Yeah. Quirks and quirks. Yeah. Peter Zosky, double exposure. I used to think double exposure was great when I was a kid. Yeah, me too.

And the air farce. The air farce was better on TV. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny. It was was like i don't know how did that meeting go where they were like well none of you look like any of the people that you do the voices of and none of you look attractive oh well by the way he's a listener by the time they put them on tv all they were all in their 60s. But then that show was on for like nigh on 20 years or something. Yeah, a long time. They used up the cast, though, near the end. They got new younger members.

And then they made it live. The last season was live. Anything could happen. That's a great idea. A Saturday Night Live who has nine times the budget does that well. So let's do the same thing with one ninth of the budget. But we only have to do a half hour show and 30% of it can be shooting chickens out of a cannon. Exactly.

Oh, yeah. That's for people who have never heard of Royal Canadian Air Force. They do a thing called the Chicken Cannon where they stuff... They kind of theme it. It would be like Berlusconi and they would put spaghetti in it and then fire it at a picture of Berlusconi. It's a real thing that we watched.

So are you guys saying if this is that eventually turns into a TV show, it's going to be terrible? No. Well, it will be... You're going to have to get a better wig department. If they wait 30 years until you're in your late 60s. Right. If I'm still...

Or, sorry, late 50s. I don't know how old you are. I think that's what happens when you just start doing a radio show at CBC, though. You just sort of stay there for the rest of your life. Yeah, true. Why not? It's comfortable there. Air conditioning.

The radio is great. Yeah. Guys, you are on the radio of the internet. are uh you know on the radio of the internet yeah we're on the radio of the internet the theater of the mind um all right well uh so we've explained what the cbc is okay it's folksy npr yeah and it's with a more focus on speaking for an entire country yeah and like it's something you uh For some reason, people listen to it while they camp. Yeah. Or do dishes in the kitchen.

Yeah. Yeah, that's when I listen to it. Or you're driving on a road trip and all your music's run out. Or you're a long-haul trucker, and that's how you keep in touch. And you fantasize about what the different hosts look like. CB radio? That's what I meant, yeah. Totally different.

So this is that. It's like a satirical bent on that. Made up stories. I would never suggest that we're as capable of this, but the closest thing would be sort of akin to would be like The Onion a bit. Right. It's like fake fake made up stories we're not sort of you know finding something in the news that uh you know stephen harper did and turning that on

its head right right we're just basically inventing what would he say yeah if this was happening plus that thing yeah yeah so we're inventing the issues and characters and stories behind and so no one is real so when we refer to a politician, it doesn't exist. When we refer to an organization, the person in charge of it... But it all sounds like it does. Well, that's what our goal was when we started doing the show.

It wasn't really to focus in on really doing biting satire or anything. Obviously, that's in our nature to kind of go that direction. But we just really came from it from a sense of loving to do an impression right of the cbc and without we had a discussion about this and when you started recording stuff we were like you know it doesn't work if you go too big with it yeah yeah we found it way more satisfying to just sort of keep it in the tone

so like halfway through the goal is that someone is listening to it. And then they're like, wait a second. This story doesn't add up. None of this adds up. Wait a second. Like people are writing in thinking that it's a real thing. You were covered in the National Post? Yeah. And what's interesting is you think when you're recording these things that these comedic

premises are exactly that. You're like, this is obviously, everyone's going to get this joke but the the post wrote a story we did again referring to canada for those who don't know our television is not as quite as slick as the american wait a minute yeah um for whatever reason so we did this story where a Canadian network had a genius idea. The way to make their television more watchable was to buy the physical set of Friends. Not the show, not the episodes, just the set. Central Perk. Central Perk.

Monica's apartment. Yeah, et cetera. Joey and Chandler's space, all of this. It was all in there. And the idea was that this guy was going to buy it. They bought the set and they didn't know what show they were going to put on it but it was going to be some sort of Canadian show set on the set of Friends.

Therefore you'd be like, I know what that is. That's a great show. It's got a great look to it. A guy at the National Post saw that on Twitter, listened to the story then just wrote exactly what the story was and put it in the paper. Didn't fact check that the network

of Boss didn't exist. Didn't follow up with NBC or Friends. The Friends set is actually in a museum in LA, I think. We said that he bought it for like $500,000. And, you know,

it's like... So, really, really i mean to sort of not defend that one but when we were asked to sort of explain it we were just like well you know if nothing else we're really like kind of the overall sort of message we're sending with the show is like listen once in a while yeah yeah because it's like we have so much stuff in the media and with twitter and facebook you know we get get all these tidbits and everyone just takes it for like... Newspapers are grasping at straws. That's a national newspaper.

We should throw a press conference. They'll show up. Send them some credentials? Oh, we just make up credentials. Like little teeth. And then we just take our three microphones from here, put them on a stand at the Sandman Inn, and then just wait for the press to roll in. Yeah, what do we have to say?

We're crashing Chelsea Clinton's next wedding. Her honeymoon. I did that for a show in Toronto that I was putting on, and I kind of got lazy about it. It was just a regular kind of night. Sure. that I was putting on and I kind of got lazy about it. It was just a regular kind of night. Sure.

And like a day before I was like, you know, I haven't done enough to get a big crowd out to this place. I got like a big room and all this kind of stuff. And so I made it a fundraiser. I like went on the internet to find like some organization about kids who shoot other kids. And so I made it an anti-gun show show sent out a press release to all these news agencies and uh a bunch of them showed up like cameras and stuff like minutes before the show and there's just like it's a bar there to see some stand-up and they're like this is fantastic

what are you doing for the show wow i didn't even know the organization and they'll they'll show up they'll show up kids They'll show up. Kids shooting kids. It was bro kid shooting. Oh, yeah. It was like, let them do it. Get them guns. Get them target practice.

Get them practicing early. Well, usually we don't interview guests like we have. No, but it was interesting. I'm going to just slap your wrists. Ouch. Admonish you. Ouch. Hey, what's going on with you, Pat? Let's just chat. Cash. Styles. Ismonish you. Ouch. Hey, what's going on with you, Pat? Let's just chat. Cash.

Styles. Is this when I talk about This Is That? That was some good plug-in, though. Yeah, that was great plug-in. Tell our listeners they can download the podcast. Yeah, they can download the podcast at cbc.ca slash thisisthat.

Or on iTunes. I think you guys are the kings of iTunes. We're kind of... Yeah, that's what we are. No, you're always there. We're kind of... The pictures are already... We're always hanging out on iTunes.

Our pictures are close right there anyway. So if you're going to grab yours, grab ours. Yeah. Yeah. Your iPod can handle both. If you have it in your hearts to download a podcast with two white guys talking. Yeah. Why not one more? what is the thing on

itunes i went on the top 100 comedy downloads uh podcasts on itunes and like you guys were one yeah we weren't but uh like 60 of them were what is called like crazy tree friends it's like a cartoon show they might be that might be video i don don't know. Yeah, it's video, but it's taken over. It was like at least 40 of the slots were dedicated to them. How come we don't have 40 separate podcasts? We had two. We had two on that list. Oh, it was per episode? Yeah.

Weird. And it was called the Creepy Tree Friends. It's something from Spike and Mike's. Sure. What is that called? Cross Country Adventure country adventure no that's my sick and twisted yeah yeah that's right yeah anyways we're losing ground to them um a former guest of yours too paul f tompkins he had a big one this what was his is it a special or something tomcat no it's i think it's a gonna be his regular recurring is but it's only i've had one oh yeah it's gonna be once a month i think sure yeah it's gonna be like christmas monthly yeah his with yours was fantastic though that was episode uh something

so we'd like dave was saying enough with the pluggery what's going on with you in general i have a sty in my eye, and that's not a joke. You guys have seen this. Yeah, I've had one. A sty. I've had maybe like three of them in my life. I get them every once in a while. They're gross. I can't see it.

Is it on your eyeball? See how it's a bit small in there? It's underneath your eyelid, kind of. Or it's on the outside. I don't know. You're supposed to rub a gold ring on it. A what? A gold.

Anything gold. You rub it on there and... Wait a minute. Well, I traded it on my gold for cash. Was the only person you consulted a witch or an owner of a curio shop? No, this is a female presence in my life. At least three of them. All said, rub some gold on it?

Gold, yeah. Are you sure they didn't mean gold bond? You put a hot towel. put a hot, something hot, like a hot towel. Saltwater is also good. And gold. Yeah, I think the first two would probably work better. Yeah. The, yeah, that seems.

I mean, I think it's an ancient, you know, placebo. Yeah. An old wives tale. Yeah. So what's the, you know those. We're going to talk about styes, are we? Yeah. No. Well, there's those things that seniors wear, those bands that they wear on their wrists.

To let you know that they're dying. Not all seniors. You know what I'm talking about? They have kind of like... Oh, yeah. Like a copper band? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was like athletes had them, too.

It was like, this is the best thing. Healing power of magnets. Get the energy. Healing power of magnets. That's what it was. athletes had them too. It was like, this is the best thing. Healing power of magnets. Get the energy. Healing power of magnets. That's what it was. Something like that. It's like putting gold on the sty. Yeah.

Yeah, there's a lot of those that you see in the back of a magazine. Yeah. We need to come up with one of those. Yeah. Microphone cord. Do we have to find something in this room? Yes. If we're going to come up with it, it's got find something in this room? Yes. If we're going to come up with it, it's got to be

in this room. A blue striped shirt. Sunglasses. You have to wear those on your wrist. So you've got a sty. That's what's happening. How does it affect your vision? No, it's fine. I feel a bit like... I don't even know how these guys feel, but to me it feels much more swollen than it is.

So everybody I've made eye contact with today, I feel like I look like a guy. All day I was imagining what it would be like to be a guy who fights on Friday night and then has to show up at his office on Monday and people are like, hey, Brad, what happened? And he's just like, yeah. I mean, I often think about those guys who fight. And then they got to go be regular people. And they've got this obvious, like, evidence of their, like, absolutely weird weekend behavior. When I worked at, like, an office job, I don't remember anyone. Fighting?

Yep. I was a fight clerk. I don't remember anyone doing anything... I remember people being so ashamed if you found out they had a tongue ring or... What office was this? I think it was a law firm. These weren't lawyers with tongue rings. They were people at my level.

Paralegals. Yeah. Me and the stenographers. Oh, were you in the stenographers room? No, but I never saw any shiners. I worked with a guy who came in with a crazy black eye. But did you work at an office? It was like a... It was

like a video equipment rental place. But it seems like that's like a place where people would have shiners. What are you saying? Wait a second, Dave. What type of people are you saying got into fights? It has to do with the color of your collar. Well, they were mostly

priests I worked with. So they were black color. No, but I feel like if you work with your hands You would also be fighting with your hands But if you work with your mind, you fight people with your mind Like a professor Xavier Yeah, I see Anyone who has a college degree Uses it in fighting?

Yeah I don't know, because this guy was not a fighter type a college degree. Uses it in fighting? Yeah. I don't know, because this guy was not a fighter type, but he got involved in a bar fight, and he ended up getting somebody hit him in the face with an elbow. And then he had the black eye, but his eye was also red, where it's usually white.

Where it's bloody. Yeah, and it was like that for weeks. It was really hard to talk to his face. Have either of you guys had a black eye? Yeah, it's usually white. Where it's bloody. Yeah, and it was like that for weeks. It was so... Yeah, it was really hard to talk to his face. Have either of you guys had a black eye? Yeah, it's gross. How'd you get it? I got punched.

Were you asking for it? Yeah. Well, not like, please give me... Please, sir, can I have another? Yeah, like I'm trying to get out of work on Monday. I had one from playing outdoor hockey, a the puck hit me in the eye and it's same thing it lasted for you know a week and a half and it was that's the thing i mean that's fine that was that's a good one though yeah yeah i was playing

hockey yeah yeah bruises look awesome at first and then they look progressively gross as they heal up i i had uh one when i when I was in grade 6 or 7. A taller kid was playing. I was playing basketball. You were fighting with your mind. I was falling down, and a tall kid was jumping up and kneed me right in the eye. Ouch. But what are good jobs to have a black eye for?

Ooh, meatpacker. UFC. Yeah, UFC fighter. Meatpacker. Meatpacker. Because you can put a cold steak on it. Oh, Meatpacker. UFC. Yeah, UFC fighter. Meatpacker. Meatpacker. Because you can put a cold steak on it. Oh, yeah. Good jobs to have a black eye. What about like an

optometrist? Because you'd have your selection of sunglasses to cover it up. Or someone who looks into microscopes, because you always have to have one eye closed. Ah, that's true. So lab tech. Yeah. An on-staff mascot for McDonald's playing the Hamburglar. Ooh, that's good.

Your whole face is covered. Bail bondsman. Okay. Bad jobs. Politician? Yeah, most jobs. Escort. Mail escort. Yeah. Not a lot of jiggle um speaking of uh of all things to do with the eye last week for some reason we said we were wondering out loud if we had any blind

uh listeners and we do uh somebody wrote in and uh and we also wondered if we had any... Stevie Wonder. Thanks for listening. Yeah. I think his name was George. And so, how's it going, George? Hi, George. So, you know, that answers that question. I didn't know that we asked it, really.

But it's good to know. Yeah. I wouldn't put it past... Why not? Yeah, wondering out loud is just as good as asking. Is it? I think so. That's how you end up with a lot of black eyes, if? Wondering out loud is just as good as asking. Is it? I think so. That's how you end up with a lot of black eyes if you're wondering things out loud.

I wonder if there goes a jerk punch. Dave, what's going on with you? Summertime funs? Summertime blues. I hear it might rain. Super excited. It was close today. I'm excited. Are you excited about the rain?

When it comes, it's going to be glorious. I've been doing a rain dance, but then I'm going to do a Sprite commercial. What products cause it to rain? Nestea. Trident Splash. It used to be like

Coors would make it start snowing. Rain. Arizona ice team. Axe bodies. No. It's not important. The important thing is that it's going to rain and we're all... Why do you want this?

For the crops. Yeah, we're going to... Redemption. Rain equals redemption. Because the last time I was here You guys will remember When I first moved here You warned me all about this

Rain and everything And now you want it to rain Oh yeah I was actually thinking about this earlier Wait a minute, didn't we talk about how horrible The winter was Yeah, look, we are at best two people who will never be satisfied until we live it that's why how we keep striving for excellence yeah uh in ourselves and

in our weather in our environment um here's what's been going on with me is uh this past weekend i saw a television show and i know that they've kind of run out of reality stars or or uh ideas former famous people to have reality shows about but i saw one uh starring d snyder of twisted sister oh yeah called growing up twisted and it's exactly the same as the gene simmons family jewels but they just don't have quite enough quite as much money yeah i was gonna say way less rich yeah uh but they seem to be doing all right um oh i mean better than all right uh but he uh uh yeah it was him it's he's got teenage kids sure he's got a wife sure she's mouthy really um is this an original wife is this a love of his life i think so yeah yeah yeah okay um yeah yeah like the mother of the kids i think right uh but not

probably not high school sweethearts because he had a twisted sister phase where yeah he was busy being awesome and getting the best women in the world yeah probably yeah the ones that weren't terrified by his appearance yeah Yeah. He could have a black eye and no one would notice. No, he'd be great with that, actually. That could be his new thing. Yeah. I wanna fight! How does a guy like Dee Snider ground his

kid when he was the poster boy for getting out of groundings by calling on Dee Snider? I don't know. I only saw the one episode. Surely they'll model an episode around that very subject. What happens in every reality show. Sorry, where is this set?

Where is he calling home? The New York, New Jersey area. Okay, so it's on the east. I don't know if it is New York or New Jersey. So it's not a Malibu. No, the accents are different than that. But as happens, the accents are different than that. Okay.

Every reality show, one of the characters in every reality show now has to do stand-up comedy. Oh, yes. Yeah. Otherwise, it's not real yeah and so i saw an episode of this show where his son does stand-up comedy and um he uh he he he's talking he actually talks about that very thing about uh being in high school and people saying just telling him they're not gonna to take it. Pretty good.

His principal tells him that. And all of his, of course, his family shows up. It looks like the show is at about 4.30 in the afternoon. Sure. That's the only time the crew is available. There was other comedians who were talking to the audience. Because it was evident that Dee Snider's entire family was in the front row right of this comedy show so other comedians were making fun of them uh and then everybody makes a we're not gonna take a joke yep gets out of control they have to reset and then afterwards the whole family goes out for pizza

and they're talking about uh uh what a good show was, except one of the kids is really mad that everyone was making fun of them. And he's like, oh, man, I should have killed that comedian. He should have gone on stage. And, of course, the comedian brother is like, no, that's not what you do. We are going to take it. But then his mother is like, yeah, you should have. You should have defended your family It's the Snyder way

Wow So is this kid pursuing it as a profession Or is he part of reality comedy school I don't know I think it's like It seemed like you From the opening credits This is my son he's a real jokester.

Oh, okay. This is my daughter. She likes to fight. So, like, Hulk Hogan's show was a vehicle for his daughter to be kind of known for singing. Like, he might be just sort of... Well, I mean, that was sort of like... Hand modeling. He helped, like...

And his son to be known for manslaughter. That's right. Vehicular manslaughter, Graham. That's right. Sorry. No, I don't think the guy died. But he used these shows to sort of enforce some sort of nepotism, right? Yeah.

So do you think he's like, what are you going to do with your life? And the kid was like, I want to be a professional comedian. He's like, okay, I'll get a reality show where we'll put you on. Then people will know. Then you'll be doing it at Jersey Shore every summer. Did it give you that sort of sense? I don't know if the kids are legally bound to keep doing this. Okay.

But yeah, it seemed a little bit slapped together. Right. But like in Gene Simmons' family jewels or Ozzy's show, The Osbournes, was that what it was called? Yeah. They were people whose royalties have afforded them kind of the sit-around luxury. But like Twisted Sister only had one hit as far as I know. They had two. What was the other one?

I Want to Rock. Oh, right. Good call. So you think he's still working something. I think he might have been a radio DJ too. Like a big radio DJ later in his life. Every five years or so those guys

can sell out casinos and stuff. There's a whole new generation to them. This is like ironic music. Would you want to play for an entirely ironic crowd? Would that feel good? I sort of feel like I already am. But I...

You forget that in the 80s, and before... Sorry, no, I was just going to throw in Bret Michaels. Look at that guy. He brought back his rock career. Sorry, I was thinking of Shawn Michaels. Is that who I'm thinking of? No, he's the wrestler. Right.

But he also came back. Yeah. You're thinking of Bret the Hitman Michaels. Yes. But remember, the people in the 80s, musicians, and everyone before the internet is super rich. People would pay $20 for an album. That's weird. And people would go see...

Well, I guess people still go see... One hit probably made those guys tens of twenties of millions of dollars. Ray Parker Jr., for example, is rich. One thousandth of a million dollars. Is Ray Parker Jr., is he rich? No, I think he was sued by Huey Lewis.

By Peter Vang. He was. He was sued by Huey Lewis. He was. For the Ghostbusters song? Yeah, it sounded like I want a new drug. Oh, man. Huey Lewis, is he rich? Yes. Really?

Like, super rich. I saw him on one of these Catching Up With Them shows. He's got a big wrench. Huey Lewis can't lose. I believe what you saw was called Hit Me Baby One More Time. Yes. So what you're saying, Dave, is that you're saying now the internet world

and generation has no ability to make money whatsoever with any sort of commercial art form. Lady Gaga, she is rich. Is she not? I don't know. She's got to be. Yeah, of course. She's gorgeous. But her songs are commercials

For things She's like Text me on a virgin phone Or tens of thousands of people Go see her live and pay $50 Yeah But who's downloading her Songs legally?

Nobody in this room. Yeah, I'm downloading it illegally. I'm worried about her. That's what I'm saying. No, we all are. Is your point that since we are pursuing a digital entertainment lifestyle, we will die poor? You guys are rich, right? Yeah.

From this? We're not. We're rich. We're love rich. Yeah yeah did your parents use that on you no we're coming back to eat pray love guys you see we're eat rich yeah we're very rich we're julia roberts rich no we're not she's rich right yeah pretty woman The royalties from that song? Yeah, that's when people bought soundtracks. She wrote that song, that movie, and starred in it.

I think being on a soundtrack, not even having a hit, but having one song on a soundtrack that sold millions would make you rich. So you think that Ghetto Superstar is set praz for life? Oh, well, I know Praz is set for life. Yeah? Just take it from me. I've seen his MTV crib. I mean, this is also, we're talking as, you know, three Canadians as well. Yeah.

You go down to the States, you basically do one little thing. It can get you rich. That's the whole American dream. Right, yeah. So do you think the Bachelorette is rich? Yes. That's great whole American dream. Right, yeah. So do you think the bachelorette is rich? Yes. That's great. Good for her. Maybe way richer than us. Yeah, everyone is.

That's true. Except the homeless. I don't know about you, Pat, but I know Graham and I are the poorest. I'm love rich. To a homeless person, we're like the bachelorette. Yeah. That's why they read on homeless magazines, we're on the bachelorette yeah yeah uh and that's why they read on homeless magazines we're on the cover yeah and the headlines are like will they or won't they yeah

homeless guys look at you and they're like the homeless guys look at you and they're like man i just wish i could make some podcast money so it's all a matter of scale yeah i need i need to just start getting my podcast i used to podcast when I was a kid. What happened to me? Yeah. I could have been a podcaster. I sold my microphone. Yeah. I should have invested in gummy bears.

That's what I invested in. Yeah. But you ate all the profits. Yeah. I should have invested my allowance. Did you get an allowance? Yeah, I think. Did you have to earn it?

Well, by staying out of it. I think it was on a deductible basis. Like it was... I think you started at a certain amount and then infractions brought it down. Which, you know, I lived an infractionful life. So that's what brings us full circle to why I eat, pray, love.

Wait, where did I bring it to? I don't know. We'll cut that all out. Yeah, okay. Speaking of movies, Summertime Hits. Yeah, let's talk about you. Yeah, you had something that's burning a hole in your bonnet. Yeah, last week's guest, Jeff McHenry, and I were downtown,

and we had breakfast, and we walked past a movie theater, like the second-run movie theater, like the second run movie theater, and the last Airbender was playing. And I was like, it's rare that a movie gets such bad reviews, like across the board bad reviews. It's got like 8% on Rotten Tomatoes. So we're both like, well, let's go see what the hype is all about. Was it released in 3D?

It was released in 3D. The viewing that I saw was not in 3D. Okay. And this is M. Night Shambalan. Yeah. M. Night Ambulance. He doesn't make a bad movie. No.

Come on. His last three have been just amazing. His batting average is... He's in a bit of a slump, but it's better than a major. Why does the coach keep playing him? That's my question. I wanted to see if it was possible that it was as bad as all

the reviews said it was. Is the last Airbender... Should we... Is there a twist? Is there anything we need to know going in? Is it part of some kind of franchise of airbenders? It was a Nickelodeon... Graphic novel?

Well, it was a TV show. It was a cartoon. Okay. And so this is a live-action version. But the one thing that I went into it knowing that was heavily criticized was that they cast a lot of white people in roles that were originally asian and which did they make them wear asian face uh yeah and uh it was really offensive but the one thing it was like i wouldn't have noticed it except that two of the main

characters live within an inuit tribe and they're the only white people, and that's never addressed or explained why they're the only white people in the tribe, and the last airbender is also white. But, man, it was so fucking bad. Like, it was the only notable, like, person that you could be like, oh, I know who that is, is, it was one of the correspondents from The Daily Show. I can't remember his name. Indian Fellow.

Oh, OK. And he's supposed to be playing a bad guy. Not credible as a bad guy. Too hilarious. Everything he says, super hilarious. And nobody in it knows how to act. And the writing is, I mean, it kind of was like, it was like a high school play kind of writing. Like, let's move over here now.

There were a lot of lines like that. Like, let's go this way. Why don't we do that thing? And, you know, everything was very on the nose. And then the last scene was a setup for a sequel. They were like, we're pretty confident yeah that this is gonna do for sure yeah um more air so is there room did enough people see this for us to do a parody mockumentary called the last air bander about lip syncing yeah

did enough people see this well in the theater I was in, there was four people. So we should sit on it until the sequel. Yeah. And there will probably be a sequel, because I don't think it lost as much money as everybody assumed that it would. I don't think those kind of movies do. They're built in to not lose money. They go to cable, and they go to kids' DVDds you know special dvds for kids yeah because kids

will watch anything they don't care they think the last airbender is the best thing they ever saw everything in it was ripped off stupid kid from another movie like the the costumes were all from different movies and the flying animal thing was from the never-ending story and the fight like everything was modeled after another movie, but they were like, what if you did a movie where the guy just didn't know how to film an action scene? All the action scenes took place in wide shots. There were

no cutting in close to the action. Just like, let's just see what happens. That's how they save money. That's his art, too. Let's not make this a rip on him on Shambalan. What the M stands for? Money, art, too. Let's not make this a rip-on M on Shambalan. No, no, no. What the M stands for?

Money, money, money. I don't know either. Honestly, though, yeah, terrible movies. I'm forgetting the one. What's the one where the girl's living in the pool? The Lady in the Water. You like that? No, no, no, no, no.

I'm saying that one was terrible, too. And then The Village. Yeah. But at least those had some star element to it. I never saw Signs. I liked Unbreakable. Signs was based on that song from the 70s. Sure.

Signs was okay. What happened in... There was a twist. All of them have twists. Yes. So what was the twist? There was no twist in Unbreakable. Should we go through the twists in all of these movies?

Okay, Sixth Sense. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert, everybody. By the way, when I saw The Sixth Sense, I don't know if I've ever said this on the show, probably. I'm in the theater. Or no, I'm about to go to the movie theater.

My mom calls me. Oh, I can't talk, Mom. I'm going to see The Sixth Sense. Oh, just so you know, someone's dead the whole time. I'm not going to say who. Yeah. Yeah, so that's the twist in Sixth Sense. The twist, he's dead.

And Bruce Willis could see dead people. Yeah. No, he is a dead people. He is a dead people. You're right. Then the unbreakable. Same with Shutter Island. He's a crazy.

Samuel L. Jackson has a crazy hairdo. Yeah. That's the Island. Samuel L. Jackson has a crazy hairdo. That's the twist. Samuel L. Jackson has been causing all these accidents to find unbreakable people. Is that the twist? But he's super breakable. He's made of glass. He's got a sty.

Signs? Never saw it. The twist wasn't really a twist. His wife gets in a car accident there's this scene in it the wife gets a car accident the car pins the wife against the tree and they're like once we move this car your wife is history so he goes and like chats to her before they move the car and uh she's all sad and then she says swing away and you're like what does that mean and it doesn't really mean anything until uh the aliens are attacking mel gibson and then he remembers oh yeah swing away and he grabs a baseball bat and hits the alien in the face

right like she knew that this was gonna happen and yeah all right yeah the village you could have done it with a baseball bat You kill aliens with a baseball bat They don't have baseball in there They're not vampires The Village was The Village just made the village Because they didn't want to It happens in modern times

Because they didn't like society I thought the monster was going to be a tractor Or something They'd never seen a tractor The Lady in the Water Never saw it I saw it, don't remember it The monster was going to be a tractor or something. They'd never seen a tractor, you know? The lady in the water? Never saw it. No, I saw it.

Don't remember it. I can't even remember that. What was the twist? She wasn't in the water at all. It wasn't water. It was actually vinegar. She was a dude. She was a dude.

Yeah, it was like the crying game. And it wasn't Paul Giamatti. It was a guy who looked like... He got another actor named John Gimbiati. Who looked exactly... Who's Tom Candiotti. And then what was the other one? It was called This Happening? Yeah. I didn't see that one.

Yeah, me neither. I just heard that was the worst movie he had ever made. And then the twist in The Last Airbenders. There's going to be a sequel. So pretty much after Unbreakable and The Sixth Sense, it just is a string of this is the worst one he ever made. This is the worst. Well, no. Unbreakable was worse than The Sixth Sense.

I like the Unbreakable. But it was worse than The Sixth Sense. But I just don't understand the conversations in decision-making rooms where they're like, yes. Well, it's like the Dee Snider thing. You make one thing, and then they just let you keep doing it. But M. Night Shambalan. Shambalon? Shambala?

Shambala. I will not correct you. He is rich. Yes. Yeah, but see, his first movie made, it was one of the highest grossing films versus budget of all time. It was pretty gross. I remember when that kid barfed.

No, I don't remember anything in it except where he's at dinner. He's like, stop talking. Stop not talking to me. I'm not a ghost. And then it's, no, little does he know. I wish would happen in other professions, mostly in the entertainment business. What about the teaching profession? No, because this is part of my argument. Yes, in the entertainment business. What about the teaching profession? No, because this is part of my argument.

Yes, in the teaching. So you look at athletes. They make a ton of money. Yeah. Then they can't do it anymore. Yeah. They're like 35, and it's like, you're done. You can't play baseball anymore.

You can't play hockey. You can't play hockey. You have to stud. And they're happy about it. They're like, great career. I made my money. I'm going to be a batting coach yeah yeah i wish like filmmakers musicians there was a point of like an expiration date where it'd be like you're just you're just done lady gaga you're like you had a great career you're too old now to do it lady gaga we're gonna raise your weird outfit

into the rafters yeah Yeah, retire, you can go into the... She becomes a coach. Yeah, exactly. She does color commentary. Yeah. For the MTV Movie Awards. She's like, I remember when I was... She's an analyst. Yeah, why not? But why they make the same kind of wealth.

And to athletes, they're like, fine. They're like, I've had a great career. I've made more money than I was even wanting to do. I just love playing baseball. Isn't that the big thing? People want to go back and they want to see the musician that they lost their virginity to or whatever. Wait, the musician

whose music was playing? No, no, no. Don't twist my words. Don't twist my sister. It's a great talking point. It is pretty great. I also went and saw The Fireworks. Oh, the movie? Yes.

Directed by... Spoiler alert. Now, every year, Vancouver has four nights of fireworks, a symphony of light, a trifecta of originality, a champagne of noises. Beers. And every year, someone gets stabbed. trifecta of originality. A champagne of noises. And every year, someone gets stabbed. Somebody gets stabbed. The beach gets completely obliterated by garbage and cigarette butts,

urine, and etc. But, yeah, I went and saw them, and there was a... I don't know if you guys have ever seen, there was I don't know if you guys have you ever seen there was a kind of redo of George Romero's Dawn of the Dead that takes place in the future

and it's like zombies have overridden all these cities and the only way to distract the zombies long enough to kind of get into the cities and get supplies is by launching fireworks and all the zombies just stop dead in their tracks and they're like, whoa, and they can just walk right past the zombies. That was like people nearly ran into each other in their cars.

Like fireworks really do something primal to people's brains. Like I just saw people walk out into the middle of traffic and nearly get hit by a car just because there was fireworks happening. Worth it. Yeah, I guess so. What is it about fireworks that make people so crazy? I don't know but do you know what i mean yeah and they just sort of stopped in their tracks and their jaw drops and they look up and yeah you could get so much stabbing done small wonder small wonder that so much stabbing gets done

if you're stabbing on a budget this is the the place to do it. Do you guys still do the overheard? Yeah, we're going to do that next. It's coming up. Save it. I'll save it then. It's fireworks related. Oh, that's going to be great. We'll call it back. Any other fireworks topics? I saw some kids trying to sell lemonade

and nobody was buying it. Downtown? Well, I wasn't downtown. I was on the fringe of downtown. Did you see those squid-like ones? Which ones are those? It looked like a jellyfish. Yes.

Those ones were impressive, but then for the most part, I think I'm a bit of a cynic. Fireworks seem to have reached The best they can get Oh I disagree But I would love one of those countries To just go We all wait for the climax Do four of those Make your show just like

Let them finish For ten minutes You can loop in another one I think I think Let them finish. For ten minutes. Hey, I thought they were going to be four. You can loop in another one, right? I think they've been doing the fireworks here, the celebration of amnesty, for 20 years. And it's gotten better. They have been making technological advances in pyrotechnics. It was China that I saw.

That was pretty impressive. The thing that they did with the gold, it seemed like it coated miles of sky. It was just like this gold thing. That was amazing. That was pretty Stanford. What are you guys complaining about? Just make them better. That's all I'm saying.

That was amazing. Next year, everyone's going to be copying China. Oh, by the way, for people who don't know, it's a competition. And the winner wasn't China. Who won? It was Spain. Well, Spain won the World Cup.

I know, that's what I'm saying. What don't they get? Did they win the Tour de France? Did a Spanish man win it? Yeah, probably. Is that where Julia Roberts goes to eat prey and love? There's a shot of her on a bicycle. She goes to places that start with an I.

She goes to Italy, India, and Indonesia. But in the ads, they don't say Indonesia. They say Bali. Why is that in the book? That she goes to the only place? I don't know if it's in the book, but it certainly sounds better if it's kind of like a Da Vinci Code thing.

Like you figured out kind of a thing that nobody else knows. I have? Yeah. No, I think they just... Three eyes. I, I, I. Yep. Mexico. Yeah. Something. Mariachi. Yep. Mexico. Yeah. Something. Mariachi. Yeah.

Cockfights. Ease. Pray. Olay. This is dumb. Let's move on to some overheard. Okay. Overheard.

Overheard. Perennial podcast segment. Oh, I thought you were going to go for Triple P. No, no, I'm not an illiterate-er. Yeah, you're no eat, pray, lover. No. And we always like to start with the guest. And Pat, I think while we were talking about the fireworks, you said you had one.

Yes, this is definitely... You look panicked. This is definitely something I overheard at the fireworks you said you had one yes um this is definitely panicked this is definitely uh something i overheard at the fireworks i went to the final night as well um let me see if i can uh sell the sizzle on this one it's all it's all in the impression so i was sitting beside uh now you're known for your voices yeah well it's less than the voice just the delivery of the way that this was came out um i was sitting beside a uh a family my girlfriend and i were sitting beside a family and um the mother and the daughter were sort of sitting together and the father and the son were kind of sitting together and they were all kind of on a blanket the kid was probably

about seven or eight and as the fireworks are going off and they're in kind of on a blanket. The kid was probably about seven or eight. And as the fireworks are going off and they're in their main sort of crescendo, the kid says, Dad, how do fireworks work? And the dad said, Well, there's a series of charges on the barge and the crew then ignites the charges and then they're their miniature kind of rockets,

they head up in the... I don't know, son. I don't know how fireworks work. And I just looked over, because I thought maybe he was sort of kidding, and I looked over, and this father had the most defeated look on his face, because the son was sort of sitting in front of him on the lap,

and the dad was just sort of shaking his head, going, I had this look of like the one thing I needed to know this was it yeah this was my moment this was my weekend how he ran out of gas he said well there's chargers and the thing and I can light them up and yeah

I'm a big fan of the lying father that just kind of concocts it as he's going along he's just making up facts yeah i think if i ever am a father that's exactly the one i'll be especially when it comes to math just been making stuff up oh i'll make it up two plus two is something yeah i'm not gonna tell you what why don't you find out on your own that is it that is like you know that that is one where you think yeah of course you're gonna need to know how fireworks work because you're going to be sitting there watching them one day. You know what's crazy is I can't believe that there's somebody that doesn't know how they work.

I'm going to raise my hand. You explain it to me, genius. How fireworks work? Yeah. It's all gunpowder. It's just an explosion. Oh, that's not an explanation. Yeah, I know that.

How do they work? What do you mean? They've set them up on barges under certain timed cannons they're all linked into a computer okay and so they're starting off with a head of steam all the uh all the fuses are linked into like so that's it's all time coded uh okay yeah it is i saw the guy setting it up on the breakfast television it's all. So it's not. They don't have like somebody like lighting them.

No, no, of course. The charges. Yeah, it's all choreographed. And all the fuses are linked into this computer system. And then it's just literally just like it's kind of like an audio board. Like you're just flicking switches. Okay, but when one goes up and you can you make one and then it explodes and turns into green rain yeah chemicals and just chemical react

that's not an explanation but it is it's just like it's things like copper it's different chemicals react wait a second just shut up son i know shut up while I tell you. Different chemicals react with heats at different temperatures. So the ones that blast off right away are ones that don't need as extreme heat to turn their different colors. And the ones that blast off at the higher elevations need more heat. And that's what creates all the different colors. It's different chemicals. How about patterns? Is that the way they're stuffed into the little bombs?

Yeah, what about the... I assume that... Because when you get the ones that you buy at the store... This is where we're cornering Dad right now. What about the jellyfish? But when you get the ones at the store, they're all different sizes, right? So the different sizes and shapes of them dictate what they do. He's hoping we'll just fall asleep.

I've got your answer already. You just don't want to believe that it's right. You're going to get some emails maybe about this. I think the answer is you don't want to know because they're more exciting if you don't hear my boring explanation. But the jellyfish one, explain that one. I don't know the jellyfish one. It's like another charge went off to make them go back up or something.

That was a ghost of all the... Jellyfish past. Yeah, exactly. Dave, do you have an overheard? Mine is also something involving a parent dealing with children. I also have that. Oh, wow. This is pray love.

This is going to get us our CBS sitcom. Stuff a dad says. Growing up Shumka. I was in Safeway, a popular grocery store, and there was a mother with five children. They may not all have been hers, but she had five kids, and maybe she was just taking care of some of them.

That's a lot of kids. She was in the cereal aisle, and she was trying to tell them, we need to get actually, I'm not getting any of these garbage cereals. We need to get a healthy cereal. And the kids were suggesting things, and one of the kids picked up a thing of a box of captain crunch and he said mom this doesn't have any sugar i looked it's only got crunch in it zero captain endorsed by the army because it's a captain and also if you have five kids you have to buy so much cereal a box is going to be gone in no time.

I would buy those jumbo bags that they have at the bottom shelf. That's why families like that end up eating those wheat puffs in the jumbo bags. What do you mean families like that? Families like that. You know what I'm saying? Polygamist Mormon family. Yeah. All right.

Nobody has five kids. Come on. That's gross. If they're not a Mormon. Some people do. People who don't understand contraception. I come from a family of five kids. Come on. That's gross. If they're not a Mormon. Some people do. People who don't understand contraception. I come from a family of five kids. How many wheat puffs did you eat?

My brother says that we didn't... Well, none of you called me on that. I know. Family of four kids. My brother says we didn't have any good stuff until I came along. Oh, really?

Yeah. You were the golden child. I was the one who got all the sugar cereal. Were you the last? Yep. Okay. What kind of sugar did you eat? Sugar smacks?

Sugar everything. Really? Your parents were just beaten down by that point, and they're like, fine. Yes. What was your go-to, your favorite sugary cereal? Count Chocula. Ooh. We never had.

Did you have sugar cereal? I wasn't. We didn't have it The closest we had was apple cinnamon Cheerios Which is kind of borderline It's not fun, it doesn't come with a prize No marshmallows

It does come with health information I remember we Broke our mom down after a while And we finally were allowed to get A box of Fruit loops And once I had them, it was kind of gross Broke our mom down after a while, and we finally were allowed to get a box of Froot Loops. And once I had them, it was kind of gross. I didn't want them because the milk got all sugary.

Yeah, it's great. Froot Loops. What are Captain Crunch? Are they a shape? Circle. It's kind of like a barrel. Oh, that's right. The berries are the circle.

Maybe. Crunch berries. Yeah. But they're just beige or bright yellow, actually. They used to be called beiges. They cut up the roof of your mouth. They hurt pop, corn pop, but barrel. But speaking of Cheerios, there's two Cheerios commercials that are on that bother me.

Cheerios does commercials? Yeah, there's the one with the British husband and wife and she's eating some kind of... You're talking about my weight. Yeah, and sometimes it's a British couple and sometimes they're not British. And they seem to think she has a weight problem because she has a round face.

And then there's the other one with a couple who is enjoying breakfast. But maybe they're not. It doesn't seem like they're enjoying breakfast at all. Seems like she's mad at him. Yeah, yeah. They had a fight. Yeah.

Meanwhile, a Macy Gray song is playing. But it's not Macy Gray singing. I try to say goodbye and I choke. Is that the one? Yeah. And they give each other dirty looks. And then he flicks a Cheerio at her. In her eye.

Ah, my eye. Slice of life. So they got over their fight from the night before. Yeah. By that. Because it was about. It's a little gesture. You're like, come on.

I'm not having an affair. You know it. It was about his lack of ability to share his Cheerios. That's what the whole thing is. No, it wasn't about feelings. Well, maybe. But it seems like she's dressed up to go to her job as a fancy

uptown lawyer. He's unemployed. He's unemployed. He's wearing a t-shirt. It's a blue collar, white collar thing. You know, but that story is happening

all over America these days. I mean, this is It is. It's the American story. Yeah. If you look really closely, maybe their house

is being foreclosed. Try to walk away and I stumble. Oh, yeah. Read into the lyrics. What do the lyrics mean in that? Even though I hide it, it's clear. Your world's crumbling because of the economy. Macy Gray had a great MTV Cribs.

She also had a great appearance in Spider-Man. Oh, yes, she did. She's rich from one song. Oh, man, you should see her MTV Crib. What a big couch. Yeah, yes. She did. She's rich from one song. Oh, man. You should see her MTV crib. What a big couch. Yeah, that's true. Like 30 people on one couch.

And it's curved, so everyone gets a good TV viewing. And what was it? Her bathroom is all red? Every room is a different color. Nice. Do you remember when the main sort of feature of showing off on cribs was a flat screen yeah yeah now it's just sort of like well everyone in the in best buy they have them all yeah what if you what it was like went back and they had just buried like you know somebody carved out a huge chunk of their wall

to put in and pretend they had a flat screen but it wasn't it's just a black hole yeah put a tube like a tube like a tube television into the wall. In this giant hole that they created? Name one celebrity who would have done that. Slash. It's the only flat screen that is four by three. Slash. Screech.

Screech. Share. I have it over. Oh, good. Oh, yeah. What fun. It also involves a bit of parental advice. Oh, yeah.

What fun. It also involves a bit of parental advice. It was a walk past where a kid was fishing around in one of Vancouver's numerous water fountains. Water display fountain kind of things. They're everywhere in Vancouver. Is it the kind that kids are supposed to play in? No. It's not like a spraying park. No, no.

How great would that be? Why would I be walking by one of those? You're hanging out at kids only? But no, it's just a regular fountain. But there was a kid fishing around taking money out of it. And the mom was super angry at him and said, Don't touch that money! It's people's wishes.

Yeah, right? That's all that money. Yeah, super easy explanation. I like my dumb fireworks explanation. You guys wanted to know. That's amazing. That's a new M. Mon Chambalam movie.

Oh, yeah. People's dreams and wishes are crapping all over the world. And then the twist at the end is some kid in Vancouver is taking money out of a thing. Oh. Guys, I'm telling you. Well, let's get him on the phone. Oh, his phone probably got cut off, though. He probably doesn't have a phone anymore.

Shambhala? Yeah. Shambhala? No, he's rich. You don't stop being rich because you make a bad movie. That's the thing. Really? That's the thing about celebrity. It's like, oh, man, I bet Huey Lewis is bagging groceries right now.

No, and first of all, no famous person ever has anything to fall back on. What if he was bagging groceries at a pharmacy? He'd make a lot of new drug jokes. A lot of them. What was his other song? Something about... Which one? Power of Love?

He did all the Back to the Future songs. Both of them. Did he have a song about the news? I want a new... No, that's... About the news? Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to the news. And then they just went through all eight members of the news.

And they all had to do a solo. Billy Puff on drums. Is that a good name for a band? The News? The News? I don't know. It's not the best, but it's not the worst. What would be the equivalent would be?

Current events? Like the news is, no, I guess the news is always the best. The Parking Enforcers would be a bad name for a band. The podcasters. Joey and the podcasters are pretty bad. Twitterers. No, it's like the news. The news.

It's just news. What's the news? It's like what's happening. Yeah, what's happening. Current events. Social studies. Huey Lewis and the social studies. Yeah.

We also have overheards that people have written in. If you want to write in to us, you can write in to us at stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com. Our first one comes from Andrew H. Andrew H., I was sitting on the patio of a Toronto restaurant one particular morning listening to the conversation of the table adjacent to mine. restaurant one particular morning listening to the conversation of the table adjacent to mine. One of the people at the table was getting up to leave and was describing the baking methods of a bakery he gets his croissants from. This is what I heard as he was leaving the table.

Man, they use almond flour there. Lady, that is very European. Man, very. Pretty good. Some almonds in a Windmill I don't know How you make flour out of an almond I don't

The way you make flour out of a wheat Stock do you want me to tell you Please How do they make flour out of almonds Well it's kind of like What you do is you get a bunch of almonds. Yeah. You crush them up. Sure.

They're going to turn into a paste. That's where you get almond butter. Then you wait, and it dries up, and you get almond flour. Pretty good. Are you asleep yet? The second one comes from Jessica K. The second one comes from Jessica K. Jessica K. has an overseen this morning on my way to work over the second Narrows Bridge.

Local one, guys. Local. Yep, the SMB. This rundown over-lifted redneck truck drove by and hand-painted on the back read, Chief Pound Her Hard. Oh, wow. Wow. Would you guys go to read, Chief Pounderhard. Oh, wow. Would you guys go to a camp called Pounderhard? Would I?

Not now. I don't go to camp anymore. No? What? Oh. I thought you were taking off for Augusta Camp. Yeah, yeah. We're going to sing our cabin song. I think we talked about camp on this show before.

You never went to camp. I went to a camp. Did you go to a sleepaway? Yeah. Did you enjoy it? I can't remember. Maybe we didn't talk about this. We maybe didn't.

I went to a... It was like grade 6 or grade 5. And a couple of my friends had gone to this camp, Camp Furwood in Bellingham, Washington and they came back and they were like oh man it was so much fun there's this big banana shaped thing they pull you behind a speed boat

and I was like oh it's great so I went to this camp the next year it was a Christian camp and it was very christian like two or three hours a day of christian stuff and a lot of water sports you know golden showers

and then it was that stuff was super fun we get back the next year we tell even more of our friends hey it's a super fun camp we don't tell anyone it's christian hilarious so that's most of the fun yeah is luring people in yeah did you go to camp i did i went to a ymca camp uh that i think was largely for troubled youth it was juvie it felt like juvie a Was this Camp Chief Hector?

Yes, it was Camp Chief Hector. I remember this. I went there once with school. I didn't go in the summer. Oh, okay. Yeah, go on. I think I went to both Camp Chief Hector and maybe this YMCA one was Camp River Edge, which may have been at Camp Chief Hector.

Sponsored by Camp Chief Hector. That was the juvie. Yeahonsored by the camp chief. That was the juvie. But yeah, it was some tough kids. A lot of them had knives, but we weren't supposed to. It wasn't a knife-based camp. Yeah, sure. They were carving.

Did you go to... Yeah, I went to... Well, two short-lived experiences with camp. We went to a scout camp, my brother and I, and just hated the nerd party that that was. So I was like, not anymore. No, I can't

do this anymore. And then, same thing, we were duped by this great camp called Camp Quesota. Kind of had a pretty heavy Christian overtone to it. But this is what happened with that camp. Camp ends, September, school started.

I'm coming home from school one day, and I notice in the driveway there's a RCMP car parked in our driveway. I walk into the living room, and my mom is like, boys, this is a police officer. He'd like to sit down and talk with you. Very delicately starts talking about the head man of this camp and asks if anything was inappropriate or whatever.

Nothing, not at all. Sure. The guy, I say, well well he held my hand once that was enough for me to have to go to a trial oh no in edmonton to like be a witness of this thing turns out this guy crazy like bad guy super hand holder yeah super, super hand holder. Holding hands with everything he can hold hands with. Oh, man, that's troubling. So then we never went back to that camp, which is weird.

But they still tell that as a true story. To this very day. I actually have one more camp memory. Do you really? You're talking about Juvie and Tough Kids. Yeah, yeah. The second year I went to this camp, there were You're talking about juvie and tough kids. Yeah, yeah. And knives and stuff.

The toughs. There was this, the second year I went to this camp, there were, we showed up the first day. And we had loved it the first year, except for the Christian stuff. Sure. And the second year, there were these two guys who were like a little bit bigger than the rest of us. Like maybe. Mustaches. Yeah.

Like not fat guys guys but like tough guys yeah um and they were kind of skids and they didn't belong in an outdoor camp thing and the camp uh had this huge hill like you could drive uh cars down it it was like you walk down to the lake you shouldn't because it's camp well no but that's where they made deliveries because like at the bottom was all the central camp stuff. But all the cabins were up top, so everyone had to walk down this big hill. And the first day, these two kids just start, hey, you know what would be a good idea? Let's make ourselves barf and see how far down the hill it is.

And so I avoided these kids all week and then at the end we did a uh we had to do skits yeah every cabin put on a skit and ours was about uh crisscross and so we wore our jeans backwards and um these two kids came up to me and they're like, hey, our friend died and he used to wear jeans like that. Are you doing this to make fun of him? I was like, no, we don't know your friend. We're doing it to make fun of this

famous rap group, Criss Cross. And then they said, you're cool. Let's go barf on the head. You're in grade six. Why is your friend a badass who's dying? Is Chris Cross rich? Yes.

Well, Cross is. Yeah. Chris is dead. It could be a reality show. Yeah. It could be dead. They did? Yeah.

What did they do on it? They made up with kid and play. I think they did. They had to go to a trial. They held somebody's hand. Oh, man. What a crazy round of camp stories. Did they really have a reaction? They did.

Yeah. It was a one-season thing where they were trying to mount a comeback. Yeah. Try to get the Outsiders 2 made. Yeah. It was the time they caught the bus. This new album. Concept album time they caught the bus. This new album, concept album, caught the bus. The last overheard comes in from Emma.

Emma is at summer school. I recently attended summer school to get an extra credit, and there was a guy in my class who really enjoyed saying, that's what she said, after everything you say, even when it didn't really make sense. The overheard is one day, someone yelled in class, oh shit, and the guy expectedly said,

that's what she said, and the really quiet ESL teacher or student from China whispered under his breath, no, that's what your mother said when you were born. Pretty good. So anybody who wants to write into us can write into us

at stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. And if you would like to call into us, our phone number is 206-339-8328 like these people have. Hey, Dave and Graham, this is Nate from Brooklyn with an overheard. The other night, I was walking down First Avenue in Manhattan.

There was a woman standing on a corner, talking on her cell phone. And a taxi drives by, and a guy pokes his head out of the taxi. And he just yells at this woman on her cell phone, Hey, nice cell phone Oh man New York has just got to be Overheads all day every day That's all that's happening in New York They built that city on overheards

It seems like a bit of a summer camp Yeah, it would, right? Like to be going to New York for the summer Yeah sure Would you just wear the same uniform every day Make it like a real camp experience Do you have to wear a camp uniform Did you have a t-shirt

We had a t-shirt that we wore I don't think so One of the kids at my camp found Went into the What do they call them Counselors Cabin and found like a Costume trunk and there was an old the, you know, what do they call them? Counselors? Cabin and found like a costume trunk

and there was an old cone head mask and he wore that the entire camp. He wore it every day like a hat. It was a headpiece, not a mask. It was a Dan Aykroyd mask. His voice in the new Yogi DeVere movie. So did it ever go into your did you take camp long enough

to think that maybe you'd inherit the counselor duty no no there's always those people who are like hey what are you doing with your life they're like i don't know i'm gonna work at camp again this summer and they're like they were just camp counselors a little bit too long them and like tree planners yeah yeah yeah like yeah where it's getting a little bit too long. Them and tree planters. Yeah. Yeah, where it's getting a little bit questionable. He's going to hang out with Australians forever. But he don't want to move to Australia. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Garrett from Ventura calling in with an overheard.

I work in a bookstore, so I'll occasionally hear small snippets of conversations. Earlier today, I walked past these two elderly women sitting at a table and I heard one say to the other you know, Volkswagen people are like Saturn people only more extreme and the other one responded

yeah, that's true good convo so what is it, the Volkswagen people are more extreme than Saturn people. Yeah, that's true. Salt of the Earth, right? Sure. There's no real jumping off point.

I mean, you can sort of say, you can sort of tell what Saturn people, I mean, Volkswagen people are, yes. I agree. The branding of Volkswagen is you're outdoor. So what is a Saturn person? No, it's not.

A Saturn person is your mom and my mom. Yeah. And everybody out there is mom. Volkswagen people are like... Practical. Saturn people are practical. But Volkswagens aren't extreme. No, but you can associate it maybe with outdoors.

Like the Volkswagen bus and stuff. Yeah, I don't know. Volkswagen Golf is something extreme. It's something a sorority girl drives. I think a Volkswagen is something that, yeah, a woman who's living with two female roommates drives. Is that right? Am I wrong on that?

That's a lot of women. I mean, I bet their cycles are synced up. Hot in Cleveland. Or urban couples are Volkswagen people. And then Saturn people are teachers. Teachers, moms. My physics teacher, he bought a Saturn after he weighed the physics of all the cars. That's true.

That's not true. Yeah, yeah. Mr. Davies. His head was shaped like a penis. What does that mean? He was bald and had a penis-shaped head. Total Saturn driver. Yeah.

Yeah. Penis heads. Not as extreme as a Volkswagen driver. But did Saturn... Did they survive all the car shutdowns? No, they're done. Are they done, really? Dunzo.

But you can get a nice Opel. Because what was the big thing when they first came out? It's like, you're not buying a car. It's like you're in a family. Oh, no. The big thing was that the panels were plastic, so you couldn't dent the car. Oh. But it was also more affordable, but stylish.

They were the first to be like, it's cheaper, but it's cool. I thought it was like the big ad campaign was the girl goes, she crashes her Saturn, they repair it, and like all the Saturn like, don't they, they had conventions or something where Saturn owners... Oh yeah, they had a male fucker. Yeah, they had orgies. Yeah, she walked in, it was like eyes

wide shut, they were all wearing masks. They said, remove your robe. You're a Saturn owner. Yeah, but you think the saturn orgies are extreme you should see the volkswagen good good work everybody we mined gold out of it now rub it on your sty one more pretty good pretty good hey dan graham impossible guest i've got an overheard for you uh uh i don't Pretty good. Pretty good. Hey, Dan Graham, Impossible Guest.

I've got an overheard for you. I don't know if an overheard from a podcast counts, but I just overheard my ex-girlfriend on the popular sex advice podcast, Savage Love, talking about how she, quote, unquote, can't wait to give another blowjob. Whoa. His ex-girlfriend? Yeah.

She can't wait to give another blowjob to her ex? Fingers crossed, right? Maybe he couldn't satisfy her blowjob. Whoa. Wow. It's hard to handle. It's too cold to hold. Color gold puzzles. Wow. It's hard to handle. It's too cold to hold.

Color gold puzzles. I mean, good job. Wow. Wow. So his ex-girlfriend called Savage Love to say, I need to blow a job. I can't wait to have a blow job. Give a blow job. Wow. I need to give more.

Yeah. I need to give more blow jobs. Maybe she's had an epiphany. She lives to give. Yeah. She wants to do more blowjobs. Maybe she's, like, had an epiphany, like she lives to give. Yeah. She wants to do more charity work. Sure. Like, maybe she's going to give blowjobs to the poor. Yeah.

And the disadvantaged. She's going to do a tour with the Peace Corps. Give blowjobs, you know, across Africa, South America. Yeah. Yeah. I don't mind it. Blowjobs across Africa and South America. Yeah. Yeah. I don't mind it. Blowjobs for humanity. He sounded a bit angry about that.

Wouldn't you be? Yeah. It seems like you wouldn't be. I mean, I'd be angry that I was listening to so many podcasts. Meanwhile, she's out there. Just blowing it up. Yeah. Blowing up my spot.

It's hard to handle, for sure. No doubts. Tough one to swallow. Nice. If you want to call in to us, you can call in to 206-339-8328. Are we at the end of the road here? Yeah, let's wrap this guy up. If you want to share any camp stories...

Do you want anything? No, no, no. You're looking a little put out. No, I was just... You guys were both... It was looking like you were just exhausted by this whole experience. Yeah.

We always are. Let's cut this... Wrap it up. Get this guy out of here. What you don't realize is how much time of program have we done? Over an hour. Yeah.

And also, wrap it up is my catchphrase. Everyone wears wrap it up t-shirts. Yeah. And during the big AIDS scare in the early 90s, it was huge. And I did a wrap it up rap song. But then you also go to schools and teach kids about using condoms. Yeah. Wrap it up is the other. Wrap it up rap song. But then you also go to schools and teach kids about using condoms. Yeah, wrap it up.

I got a vague idea of what I know about how to use condoms. You wrap it around your penis. You tie it as tight as you can so your penis gets weird. And then you put the box and then you put the condom box on the end. So that your penis gets weird.

So that a girl stays away and then you go get her pregnant. Because your penis looks so weird. That's how that works. We really smutted it up towards the end of the podcast. That's how that works. That's how that works. Speaking of cat choices. Would you like to plug anything beyond this and that?

I mean, this is that. You can hear it on... But people have already downloaded it by now. Yeah. That's true. Download that one. No, let's just download that one. When does it air?

Tell people where it airs. It airs on the CBC Radio 1 Canada. Yeah. Across Canada. Across Canada. Tuesdays at 7.30 p.m. And Saturdays it repeats at 10.30 a.m. There you go.

This is that. Check it out. If you like it, email the CBC and say that you do. Because then we'll get to do more. There you go. And I wrote a couple of jokes that made it in. Dave Shonka's name's in the credits. Is it Researcher?

Yep. Research Jokes. Luca's name's in the credits. Is it researcher? Yep. Nice. Research jokes. I'd also like to plug Stye in the Eye Anonymous. Sure. Stye for gold. Every year, millions of people suffer styes in their eye. And so what we do as a campaign is we're raising gold to rub on your eyes. Styes for gold. pain is we're raising gold to rub on your eyes um so that no sty suffer like wakes up with a

sty and doesn't have gold we they can phone our number you're going we bring them a gold band preferably a grandmother's wedding ring you're going for wedding rings you're going for any kind of bling from the hip-hop yeah but the only thing is that it has to be 100% gold and you have to believe that it'll work. Nothing gold-plated. It's very important that you believe that it'll work. You have to make a wish. Wish upon a star in an eye.

Fuck around with that wish once you've made it. Dave, you got anything to plug? We will be at the Bumbershoot Festival on the Saturday. Is it 1.15? Is that right? Both y'all? Both us.

Yeah, we're doing this. The podcast. Live podcast. This one? At the shoot? This one. You'll be there? You will be there.

Wow. Representing the style organization. We're going to play this live, and we're all going to mouth it. It's going to be the last airbender. We're airbender. Last airbender. So, yeah, you can check out Bumbershoot if you want to find out exactly when and where we're... I can't remember the name of the stage, but it's Indoor Stage.

It's going to be great. And... I don't even want to guess it. Okay. Who are you joking around with there? What do you mean? Just the two of you? Or are you...

We don't know. Our guest is TBA at this point. We're waiting for confirmation. Lars Ulrich. Yeah. I think it probably will be. Yeah this point. We're waiting for confirmation. Lars Ulrich. Yeah. I think it probably will be. Okay. We're going to do a lot of...

He's got a good sense of humor. Yeah, I'm going to make a Napster joke and see what happens. He likes doing things for free on the internet. Yeah. And yeah, if you want to write to us, it's stockpodcastyourself at gmail.com, or if you want to call us, 206-339-8328. And if you enjoyed the show, tell your friends. And if you hate styes, rub gold on them.

And come back next week for another edition of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Bye.