Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 127 - Darcy Michael

Episode Date: August 17, 2010

Comedian Darcy Michael returns to talk LARPing, getting stitches, and Chuck E. Cheese.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 127 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who just made his cable television debut by getting a tattoo on LA Inc., Mr. Dave Shumka. That's true. It's what is known colloquially as a tramp stamp. a tramp stamp.

And the laughter you just heard is a second time returning guest, a gentleman who was just nominated for a Canadian Comedy Award, a very funny man indeed, Mr. Darcy Michael is our guest today. That's me! Thanks for joining us. Thanks for having me back so soon after the last recording.

114 episodes ago, is that right? If you do the math. Time flies. If you're going to get technical about it, it was 114 episodes ago. Yes. Well, shall we get to know us?

I would like to. Get to know us. So, Darcy, thank you very much for coming. We were just talking about your traffic woes. Fiascos. Getting in. You live out in kind of the woes. Fiascos. Getting in. You live out in kind of the suburbs. I'm in the boonies.

To say suburbia would be a compliment. You live in a farm. Yeah, I'm in farm country. Are you really in farm country? Yeah, it's just like us, some cows and sheep. Really? And the occasional hick. Oh, yeah, like it's farm country.

Do you have a straw hat? Yeah, I have a straw skirt. Like a Hawaiian. Like, it's farm country where we are. Do you have a straw hat? Yeah, I have a straw skirt. Like a Hawaiian. Yeah, yeah. It's a Hawaiian farm. We grow macadamia nuts. Macadamia nuts, pineapples, coconuts. And everybody gets a bra.

Yeah, bras only. That's great. That's great. Have you ever heard that thing that coconut, like just a raw coconut the uh electrolyte level and the salt level in the coconut water is as close as you can get to human blood without it being actual plasma and in an emergency you can use it as an iv like to keep somebody that milk or yeah yeah the stuff that well the the water that comes out of it yeah you put lime in it uh yeah you put a little lime in it.

You don't drink it up, though. You intravenous it. That was just a silly song. Yeah. No, I hadn't heard that, because it's ridiculous. It's ridiculous, but true. Is that why? That's going to take up space in my brain forever, and that's something I'll remember.

Did you read that in Guns, Germs, and Steel? No, what's that? Is that a thing? It's a book that explains why the Western countries, or yeah, European countries conquered the world. Oh, because of Guns, Germs, and Steel. Yeah. I just stick to reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Oh, yeah?

Oh, have you read it? I'm reading it right now, actually. Is it good? It is. We watched the movie. The Swedish movie. The Swedish movie. That movie why it doesn't have anybody in it so they've made a movie based on the book but it's in sweden fantastic it's fantastic but it is in swedish so they're remaking it with an american yeah laugh track now is that it's all about letting in the proper vampire i think so

i think that uh i fell asleep in the middle, but I... You're thinking of Leist's Drive. Okay. What's it like to read a book? It's slow, and I fall asleep a lot. Is it only... It's more than one book, right? There's three books, and apparently I was reading this thing about the...

Because the guy that wrote the books died after he wrote the manuscripts and sent them to the publisher, but he wasn't legally married, and his wife didn't get any of the money from the first three books. And so she's got the fourth book on her computer, and she's not giving it to anybody. Put a ring on it. That's what she's saying. You want this book? Put a ring

on it. Publishing company. That's how it works, right? If you're married to the author, then after they die, you become married to the publishing company. And then you share the estate. I don't know. It sounds very technical. It's so strange to hear of success in the publishing industry.

So no one ever needs to know this information. Except in rare occasions. So, reading a book. You were discussing earlier that you were trying to do an audition where you passed at 17 yes i uh i was supposed to be a grade 12 bully uh oh actually i could see that yeah yeah who's been held back for 14 years or so and uh is in some dire need of hair plugs and a razor.

Yeah, it was one of those ones where I was memorizing the script for the audition the entire time, screaming every two minutes, I'm not going to get it, it's such a waste of time. I'd love it if they did cast someone who clearly had hair plugs as a high schooler, like Brendan Fraser. Like John Travolta or somebody. Like, hello, this is my first day. What was the movie

that I was watching just recently where it was... Oh, it was on AMC. They were showing Rebel Without a Cause. And the whole cast... Like, James Dean is supposed to be a high schooler, but even in that era he still looked

like he would be middle management at an ad firm or something. Well, because people lived a lot shorter. How old was he when he died? 27-ish. So Rebel With A Cause was his first movie, wasn't it? But I'm sure he's a guy that even in high school you were like, put a tie on this guy

and he could pass for the bank manager. Swoon. Se the bank manager. Swoon. Sexy bank manager. What was that movie? It was one of those stupid spoof movies like Meet the Spartans. But it was about high school. I can't remember what it's called.

With John Lovitz. High School High? No, no, no. That was the great one. Which one? Not Another Teen Movie. Yeah, wasn't there... The gag was that Jamie Presley was playing a teenage cheerleader, and she was easily

in her early 30s. But I'm glad you did. Also, Kyle Cease's big screen debut. Oh, sure. I want to take that boot camp. Have you guys heard about this thing? This comedy boot camp? Oh, and isn't that the one that Patton Oswalt called out on his blog or something?

I know Doug Stanhope did. Doug Stanhope. I knew it was one of those angry motherfuckers. Personally, I am here to endorse the Kyle Cease... I've had half a beer. I'm wasted here. I'm a waif when it comes to the booze But you're a bully when it comes to grade 12 Yes

Grr, I had to growl in it too Really? I was working on my You're a par Yeah, boot camps are great Yeah, the boot camp, that's intense Yeah It's an intensive boot camp.

I think I don't believe in any boot camp that's not military. I don't believe in any boot camp where Louis Anderson is one of the drill sergeants. Who is the guy that runs it? Kyle Cease and Louis Anderson. He was the guy in Not Another Teen Movie. I don't know how many more ways I can say it. Is he Canadian? No.

He's from the Northwest, isn't he? Yes, he's from Seattle originally. Oh, so a little too close to be calling him out. Yeah. Oh, he doesn't live there anymore. Now he lives in Los Angeles. Okay, I'm doing the Seattle thing in November. The comedy competition?

Yeah. Wow, have you ever done it before? No, I just did the laugh-off in April and losing that one made me think let's go lose another Let's have more humiliation That's that vampire movie you're talking about

Let's let more humiliation in Close enough We're still warming up, guys Have you seen You haven't done Seattle. No. I did it years ago. You have to have more than five minutes of material to do a contest.

Not for me. You don't, actually. The whole first round is five to seven minutes, I think. I don't know what they're going to think if I make it to the second round and I just repeat the five minutes twice. Oh, it doesn't matter. Yeah, they won't know. Oh, you mean like you start back again at joke one and do the other half? Yeah, like when I get to five minutes, I just start again on the first joke.

That's what they used to do with records if they needed a B-side. They would just put the same... Yeah, do a Spanish language version. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could speak any Spanish. There are a couple German Beatles hits from earlier in their career. It was a German version of an English... Come give me a dine a hand.

Which one's that? I want to hold your hand. Wow. They don't have a German word for hand? I actually never thought about it. No, they don't. Weird. Because they all have claws.

Yeah. It's an interesting... It's weird that they call it the Seattle comedy competition because you really only do one or two shows maximum it's like the Washington I think if they called it the Washington one all the comics would realize how much driving was involved

and wouldn't do it you play a lot of casinos and that's fun and the islands there's tons of little islands in Washington, right? Most of them uninhabited, so you do a show. You settle it.

You settle it. Do a show. It's kind of like a reality show. That's most of the trip. It's that one night that turns into two weeks worth of building. You've got to build the stage out of coconuts. Not native to Seattle or Washington State at all. Then someone loses a lot of blood.

You've got to use the coconuts as a intravenous... Transfusion. Et cetera. So what else is new? What else has been going on? I'm filming a movie in September. Really? Yeah.

The new M. Night Shyamalan knight shellaman yeah well judging by the script probably um it's about something that i don't know anything about uh larping live action role playing you guys dave you probably know more about this than anybody else i've never done but i have knowledge of useless fact i i know, like Warcraft. Yeah, yeah. It's basically about these people that meet and dress like fairies and dragons, and then they fight. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's live action. Yeah, yeah.

So I'm playing the villain. It's like a... The bully. Typhcasting. So it's like a kind of Civil War reenactment, but with fantasy, I guess.

I haven't read the whole thing. I heard about there. I saw a preview. It's like 110 pages. I know. Reading's the worst. My brain. Yeah, there was a movie that came out where it was about that, and then it turns into kind of a horror movie because the guys take it too seriously, and they think they rape a wench. I'm not sure.

It's quite illegal in our day and age. I don't know. I think I'm on page 72. So if it turns to a horror, right now it's comedy. Sure. But it could turn to a horror in the last 30 or 40 pages. Is this a local production? Is this an international production?

No, I'll be going. I got to go to Alberta the last 30 or 40 pages. Is this a local production? Is this an international production? No, I'll be going to... I got to go to Alberta for a few weeks. Oh. Because it's all out in the heat, in the sun, in the field. So I'm hoping that I'll lose some weight. Yeah, that will. Sweat it out.

There's no skinnier province than Alberta. I think we can all agree. I think by the end of it, I'll just walk up to a cow and take a bite out of its ass. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. Yeah, it'll be interesting, but I've got to figure out what this whole world is about. Apparently, it's quite a big industry. Yeah. Okay, so I don't really know much about that.

I'm surprised. Is it like something where you would have rule books like Dungeons and Dragons yeah yeah there's there's references

because my like the whole thing about the character I guess is that I'm a real stickler to the rules but I have my own rule book

that I create okay and it throws the whole LARPing community look out people because shit's gonna hit

the fan because my my magic spells are are unbeatable. Do you get to dress as a wizard or something? I hope so. I hope it's something a little queen-y, a little Lady Gaga-esque. Is it you get dressed up in costumes, you go out in the woods, everybody's playing a specific character. Yeah, characters, and there's teams.

Some people must fuck. Yeah, well, that's got to be part of the character. Like the one that has the forbidden... Some people must fuck. Oh, I think I've got six sex scenes. What? No! The sexiest LARPing movie to date. Would you do a sex scene?

No! What about a nude scene about a barely do the sex no reflective surfaces no lights no hands no touching i just want to get it over with give me 26 seconds that's all i need um that's all they would have on film anyways they usually stretch it out a certain amount of thrusts. No, I got booked for something where I had to take my top off and I wouldn't do it. So they booked somebody else. You were like, I'll do it, but I get to wear a bikini top.

Yeah. Training bra. Non-negotiable. I remember when I was in England once, I saw a huge medieval reenactment. And it was this big society that there were people that had booths and they were kind of like playing the kind of poor merchants. Everybody was filthy. And then these two armies that were probably like 200 people each came on the battlefield and actually fought. Like physically hitting each other?

Yeah. Or like play fighting? It's play fighting, but it was very close contact. I'm sure people got hurt. But it was out in this field, and it's a reenactment of some actual battle. My whole problem with that thing is, like, how do you, who decides who wins? Because if it was like, if you were like, okay, we're, you know, whoever wins versus Darcy and Graham, and it's like, oh, I got your elbow, I win win i would beat the snot out of you i would be like no i win you're unconscious

it's kind of i guess it's like capture the flag or whatever it's basically tag yeah he just took what sounds like a uh thousand thousands of dollars worth of production and was like yeah it's tag we're all getting together thousand people getting together for some tag it was uh i think the thing with that was it was not unlike a civil war reenactment because at one side historically won oh yeah yeah i guess so but unlike the actual, they didn't have announcers calling the fight. Well, maybe they did. You were talking about a movie you saw where it turned into a horror movie.

Yes. I feel like everything like that could potentially turn into a horror movie. Laser tag. Paintball. Ooh, a paintball horror movie. Not a good horror movie. No, I think that could make a great horror movie, because what if... Well, what's the twist?

Isn't that what happened to Brandon Lee? Oh, I guess that's just murder I was thinking like oh you just replaced I don't know I'm a real bad I'm really bad at making horror movies I'm like oh you just replaced the paintball with bullets Oh yeah there might be one guy with bullets

Yeah Played by Jim J. Bullock So what would you have? You could have it that the guy replaces it with Bullock. The paint is haunted. The grounds that they're playing on. Yeah, I was going to say the grounds. Indian Barrel Ground.

Yeah. It could be ghosts. Ghosts, yeah. Or some kind of they're playing on someone's property who happens to be a- Like the Picton Farm. Yeah, or a Leatherface. Or a Leatherface. What if it was something like...

What if it was kind of one of those Eastern European kind of horrors where it turns out one of the people that they're playing with is a hemophiliac and he gets hit by pellets and then he's... He probably shouldn't have been playing. I was thinking... No, I know, but he didn't know until that day.

He just thought, oh, I bruise easy until he gets hit with a hundred paintballs and dies. Did you guys ever see that horror movie? And they have to cover it up. Chemophiliac. I thought you meant hermaphrodite. Is that the lady with the dick one? Yeah.

What's the... There's a camp... Lady with the dick one. There's a camp. A horror movie about a summer camp. A camp lady dick. Yeah, well, the whole... You're watching this movie,

and it's this chick going around killing people and everything, and at the end, she's sitting naked on the beach, and she has a dick. And that's the only... We were 13 when we watched it. We remember being like, oh, let's watch it for the boobs, and then she had a dick.

Instead of boobs, she had two dicks. Do you remember? Were there any famous people in it? No, no. It was like... Brendan Fraser. I was hoping you guys are the ones that know all these things. Was it camp?

It wasn't sleepaway camp, because there was nothing in that. No, but it was that era, and that... Cheerleader camp had a lot of weird spinoffs. Maybe. I don't know. I was 13, and there's been a lot of drudges. Oh, hermaphrodite camp. Yeah.

Hermy camp. Come to think of it, it wasn't that much of a twist at the end. Well, only if you didn't know that, if you thought it was about a hemophiliac. Then you'd be like, oh, that's what that means. What's the hemophiliac? It's the blood. You bleed very often. Oh, okay.

You don't clot. That's an intense horror movie. Yeah, right? That would be very moody and they accidentally kill a kid. They've got to cover it up. With coconut milk. Have you ever been paintballing? No.

I worked at a laser tag thing. What? Yeah, in North Van. I worked at Laser Dome for like three years. Were you the one that was like, no running? Yeah, that was my thing. I'm a robot. I am a robot.

No running. This is the future. No running. I have a scar under my beard that you can't see from a laser gun. So that's what the beard's for. A laser gun. A 10-year-old kid fucking punked me with it and just threw this gun at my face when I kicked him out. Oh.

Wow. I still... Kicked him out for running i can't remember it was probably something probably for throwing what kind of infractions did people do uh kissing kissing in the corner kissing your cousin yeah we bought we busted these uh like 13 year old uh this 13 year old couple uh the girl was giving him a BJ. It was so creepy and gross. You're like, this is the future. Because aren't they all set in the future? Laser tags? They totally are. They play the music and the smoke machine comes out and then the

doors fly open. This is the future in 1977. Gary Newman. You've never been to Lasertag? No. Wow. No birthday, no nothing, eh? Never had a birthday.

For my birthday this year, we went to the Gun Range in Poco. I did that once. You did it? Yeah, for my friend's bachelor party. It's great, right? Did you like it? No, it's very jarring. Really?

Well, I guess when you look around at the people... Then you'd hate Lasertag. Yeah, if you don't like the Gun Range, around at the people... Then you'd hate laser tag. Yeah, yeah. If you don't like the gun range, laser tag is... You are not fit for it. I thought... I was fascinated by the whole thing. I thought it was great.

But Jer, who had never shot a gun before, he stood there. And I have a video of him. He stood there for a minute and a half holding the gun and shaking his hands. And then he takes the shot and he puts the gun down and runs out of the room. Oh, really? He was done. He was like, that's it. One shot, I'm out.

Yeah, when I went, it's just, the woman gives you... Like, ten seconds. No, no, she gave us like five minutes of nonstop instructions, and I didn't absorb any of it. Because the whole time they're shooting, too, So you can't, were you in the room? No, no. We went, we had our instructions. Yours sounds way more organized.

Yeah. I don't know where it was. We were in the, we were in the room. There was 30 people shooting guns and the guy said, put the bullets in here. Don't point it at me. And, and showed me, he spent more time teaching me how to move the target back and forth than he did shooting the gun. Like this is, press the blue button. I cannot stress this enough. The blue button is what moves the target back and forth they needed like this is press the blue button i cannot stress this enough the blue button is what moves the target don't press it with the gun well press

it with the gun but don't shoot it with the gun yeah yeah um yeah i think i talked about that on the podcast there was a place in calgary called the shooting edge where a guy who was shot by accident bachelor party my uh my one of my best friends maureen canceled the morning of where a guy was shot. By accident. Bachelor party. One of my best friends, Maureen, canceled the morning of going to the thing because she was just really depressed. She was like, I honestly don't want to be in a room with a gun because I might take people with me.

I was like, yeah, that's a good idea. You probably shouldn't be. Wow. Wow. Who would have thought that a sound business practice such as a gun range would be so loosey-goosey? Yeah. So you've paintballed? No.

No? Really? You? No. I've played with paintball guns. I've never been to a paintball. They hurt so much. They do.

Yeah. I shot myself in the leg with a friend's paintball gun to see how much it hurt. And it hurt. What are you, a cop? I've got to be tasered. Are you a trend taser? I also shot myself in the finger at Playland with the shootout, the star game. Oh, sure.

We did a bunch of acid, and it was really hot that day. And I wanted to... It seemed hot. It's an air compressor and it blows cold air. So I was going to turn the gun on my face and cool myself down. And I hadn't paid to play the game.

And so just before I did it, I put my finger in front of it and shot. And a stray pellet came out and shot me in the finger. A stray pellet implies that you didn't pull the trigger. Well, no, but I mean, like, I hadn't paid to play the game or anything, so someone could have come along and shot it and got the star.

I think you think that carnies have some sort of real rigorous testing. Well, in hindsight, you know, and with my grade nine knowledge at the time, I probably should have known better. But the best thing was that Playland called my parents and left a message on the machine saying, Your son's been at Playland and he's been shot. He's a Burnaby General. Oh, wow. And so my mom rushes into the hospital and I'm sitting there tripping out on acid staring at my finger.

And your finger's like, we made some mistakes today. Dave, speaking of hospitals, I think let's get to know you. Oh, yeah. This week. I don't know. It's not a great story. I just got five stitches in my hand. I was doing some dishes.

Yeah. And there was a broken glass in the sink. I pulled it out. I didn't know it was broken. And twisted my hand around inside it. I know. It's so gross. It's so horrible. Was it all broken, and twisted my hand around inside it. I know, it's so gross. It's so horrible. It's so gross.

Was it all jagged, the cut and everything? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big C-shape, big flap of skin. Ah. And I've never had stitches before, so I didn't know. Really? Yeah. Wow.

I didn't know if I needed them. No pain in the ass to live. I didn't know if I needed them. Yeah. But I was pretty sure I did. Were you alone when you were in there? No, Abby was with me, but she doesn't drive. She can't drive.

So I had to call my sister to drive me. Call a phone a friend. Yeah. And so we went to the hospital. How long did you have to be at the hospital? Two hours total. Oh, that's not bad. No, it's not.

That's actually really, because the last time I went for stitches, I was there for seven and a half hours. What did you need stitches for? I was on a finger, my right finger. Or did you need stitches for? I was on a finger. My right finger. Or was it my left finger? I can't remember. You have only two fingers. Yeah. Everybody knows it.

It's one of my things. I was de-icing a fridge. And yeah. My hand slipped. You can't handle this stuff um and but usually if i like i cut myself i'm in in the moment i'm fine and like i can totally totally handle it and afterwards if i think about it it's fine but this time this the cutting my hand i think about it every 25 seconds. And I want to barf every time. I get really queasy. When I was in grade 11

and grade 12, I took all the lifeguarding courses and everything. I think my parents spent two grand for me to be a lifeguard and everything. And my first day on the job, a kid came up to me with a cut on his hand and I passed out. And then the kid's like, everybody stand back! Yeah, I got him.

I got him. I remember, because when I went, I had a couple of drinks. And I bled a lot, so I was quite woozy. And drinking thins your blood. Yes. And also, when you're already in that level and then you lose blood, it gets even worse. you know, when you're already in that level and then you lose blood, it gets even worse. And I couldn't, because it was on my hand,

I could only put on, like I was wearing shorts, and I'm like, I'm not going to the hospital and I've got to sit around in these shorts. So I put on my pants, but I couldn't get my belt on, so I had to hold the pants up with my good hand. So then when I went into the hospital, it was like, you know, 12 or 1 in the morning or whatever, and I'm like walking, and I'm like, one hand's all covered in blood, and the other hand's like you know 12 or 1 in the morning or whatever and i like

walking i'm like one hand's all covered in blood and the other hand's like holding up my pants did you have that beard at the time no i had a beard at the time and i probably reeked like booze that's probably why you were there for seven hours they were like he just needs somewhere to be warm well they kept asking me are are you going to behave? And I didn't understand. Like, I didn't understand. Crazy Larry's back. He's got his finger to stay in the room. I didn't understand what they, and it was only the next day

where I was like, oh, I must have looked like a maniac. Were you by yourself? Yeah, I was by myself. My then roommate dropped me off. Well, I wouldn't expect anybody to stay for a seven-hour jaunt in the ER. So you cut yourself, and then what else? There's other things that must have gone on during the week. Well, the next morning, I almost fainted.

Oh, really? I think I lost a lot of blood. Yeah, yeah. And, yeah, like, I got up. Did you take that in a jar and donate it? Or I guess they only take fresh blood. They don't want the stuff sitting around. It's like mixed in with suds.

Yeah, no, I got up at 7 in the morning with the dog, let him out. And then, as usual, he goes back to bed and I get up and start my day. And I was on, I just went to the bathroom and I was peeing. And I felt, like, the weirdest tingling in my head, and I was like, oh, my God, I hope I finish peeing before I pass out. That would be the worst. But I was okay, and it was like, I'm going to pass out and barf at the same time. Oh, no.

Did you actually pass out? No. That's good. But I had to go lie down. Jared passed out while peeing once, and I kicked the door into the bathroom because I heard this crash. This is your husband. Yeah, yeah. And it was just like he was still peeing.

It was the worst thing ever. He was passed out on the ground with this fucking spray of piss in the air. I was like, I'll deal with you. Oh, like a water fountain. Yeah, yeah, like a water fountain. And I was like, I'm going to let you finish, and then I'll wake you up. He was just really drunk, though, so I'm sure he was fine. Yeah, and then, so that was a big day.

Yeah, no kidding. And then yesterday I went to the movies. I went to see. Dave Shumka at the movies. Yes. I went to see The Other Guys. Oh, yeah. Kind of a forgettable title, but it's a good movie.

Yeah. Will Ferrell back on top. Yeah. Usually I hate seeing the trailers for movies because they put all the jokes in it, but there's way, way more jokes in the movie. Oh, that's good. I heard it was funny. Yeah. When I go to a movie, usually someone misbehaves in some way, and I can't stand it.

Like someone's on their phone, or someone won't stop talking. But the weirdest thing happened, and I wasn't even mad about it. It was just... Taking you back? Yeah, it just made me laugh. Sure. So we get to the movie. It's a 9 p.m. showing.

Late. Yeah. Oh, staying out at all hours. What is this montreal uh yeah who says that vancouver is the no fun city we've got nine o'clock movies uh we uh so it's nine o'clock and oh in the movie theater you know how they now have um like there's a back area with half the seats are in the back and half are in the front and then there's a middle place where you walk oh yeah and then

there's a to dis disability seats as well yeah there's there's actually six of them oh yeah disability seats handicap seats what are we gonna refer to it for in this story handicap let's say handicap okay limpa ruse so yeah there's like a bulls there's like okay we don't need to do that there's there's two of them and then there's a bunch of room for wheelchairs oh and two more seats and then more room and two more seats uh and then there's the that little area where you can walk uh that's where you enter sure um so uh we're there and the movie is about to start at nine o'clock and it's Tuesday and it's fall.

Sure. It's cheap Tuesday. So it's, oh, well, it's almost full. So all the seats are basically full. And then this guy shows up and he is handicapped and he, he, he, he doesn't seem handicapped. He just has a card. But, and he goes up card. I have the card. And he goes up to the people in the seats and says,

would you mind moving? Because the people sitting in those seats are obviously not. Those were the only cheap seats or free seats. They're all the same price. So he goes and he takes the two seats from the people and those people move and i'm sitting right behind a couple of handicapped seats yeah and uh then the trailers start and this guy uh his friend shows up yeah to to join him in the seat and so he gets up and he takes two other people's seats. What?

Because he's actually with a group of four people. The other two people haven't shown up yet. So he's using this thing like he's commandeering vehicles, like a cop. And the trailers are starting, and these people have been sitting there for 20 minutes, and now they have to move, and they're not happy about it. Yeah, no.

It's a couple, and the woman's like, well, are the people you're saving seats for, are they all handicapped? Yeah. And, I mean... You get to do a gray area, no doubt. Well, you should just basically get up. You're in a seat.

You've been trumped. Yeah. But she did have a point. Yeah. As the people who ended up showing up for those seats were a woman yeah and her four-year-old daughter oh hey no thanks at a 9 p.m showing of the other guys let me uh i know we're not doing a don't get me started on this but really kids the only movies you should be taking kids to ever are kids movies. Yeah. Cartoons.

End of story. End of story. PG, PG-13, these are guidelines that don't mean do it. Like it means don't do it. You know, if it's, like you say, cartoons, a movie meant for kids, an IMAX, all acceptable. And what do you mean by kids? Like 10 and under.

Like a kid. Anyone who can't be quiet for 90 minutes. Like somebody who could wear short pants and you would be like, yeah, that's good. Whenever we took Grace to the movies, we flipped a coin and Jare or I would have to take Grace to the movie and then the other one could go and watch another movie. Oh, that's good. Because I was like, I hate the kid stuff. And so, because I'm not a kid. It's not for me.

Finding Nemo? All right. Rare find. I heard that, well, the one place where a kid could be a kid, Chuck E. Cheese. Am I right? Have you read about all those Chuck E. Cheese assaults? What?

Oh, my God. Chuck E. Cheese in the States. It's gone downhill. It's like crime central there's always these random things these parents uh left their two kids there overnight because they couldn't find a sitter so they just had them hide in the ballroom what until they close that can't be blamed on chuckie cheese well no but like it's just the clientele that it brings in now because uh i'm not gonna well, I'll admit my source. Perez Hilton

has had some scathing exposés on... He's gone beyond the celebrity stuff. Yeah, yeah. On Chuck E. Cheese. And if you're interested, you should read up on it, because it's quite a... So, I haven't been to Chuck E. Cheese since I was a child, but

is it... They have not renovated it. Sure. Is it all just the ballroom and ski ball? Yeah. I went to one five years ago. There's Guitar Hero now as well. And the whatever, Bash the Gopher. Yeah, and there's still the room where you can go in and see the music shows.

Do you remember that? Where it was just the robotic characters singing? I went to one five years ago, maybe, in Edmonton. And yeah, not much has changed. Although they served beer, which that didn't fit with my recollection of how it was. Is it free? What?

Chuck E. Cheese? Yeah. You pay for the games and you pay for pizza. There's no cover charge. Yeah, but there's no cover charge. It's cover free. Well, but there's no cover charge. It's cover free. Well, like an amusement park you would pay to get in, but you also have to pay for something.

It's like a glorified arcade. Yeah, but do you pay for the ballroom? Well, you pay for it one way or the other. You're going to get covered in urine. Yeah, exactly. I'm just wondering, is it completely free to send your kids there for the night? Sure. You have to be there.

No, no, no. But these parents, were they right? Well, yeah. Well, the restaurant closes, so why not? So the parents basically... The kids probably got hungry. They saw that movie Bad Santa. They realized that you could just stay there after the store closes. Have you ever seen Bad Santa?

It's more like the movie... I've seen Badder Santa. That's not a thing, is it? Badder Santa. Yeah, that was the store closes. Have you ever seen Bad Santa? It's more like the movie... I've seen Batter Santa. That's not a thing, is it? Batter Santa. Yeah, that was the DVD release. There was more. It was unrated. Or A Night at the Museum, but with Chuck E. Cheese.

Yeah, instead of a giant T-Rex dinosaur skeleton. Anyway, so I saw this movie, and the little four-year-old girl, for the first 20 minutes, was fine. Yeah. And then just started wandering around. Oh, really? Talking to herself. We were right in front of that railing and she was climbing all over

the railing. I didn't mind it. It was funny. That's when you start putting your feet on her fingers as she's climbing the railing. Just apply some small pressure. By the end of the movie, it was 11 o'clock at night. So I was just basically impressed. A four-year-old is not going to watch anything for more than 20 minutes.

Well, also the mother was feeding her chocolate-covered coffee beans. And that's why the kid was able to just keep going. Or maybe it wasn't a kid. It was dark. Maybe it was a small person. Well, no. Who got bored with the movie and decided, yeah, see, it all comes together. I didn't even notice at the beginning of the movie when they came in.

I just heard child laughter. And I was like, where's that coming from? Oh, right in front of me. Do you think they did the trench coat thing when they got in? So they only had to pay for one? Would the kid be the face? I guess, because you couldn't get on the kid's shoulders i know but the kid can't support well i mean the kid's face is a kid face what if the kid just kind of hugged you koala style so then it looked like you had a giant belly or you're a prego yeah yeah yeah

that could work yeah well more importantly, what people really need to know is did you see any good trailers? Nothing I hadn't already seen on the internet. I'm obsessed with Apple's movie trailer site. Because I got... I think my phone might be ringing. Is that your phone? Are you going to be okay with that?

Yeah, I can turn it off. Oh, we can't hear it. Oh, you can't? Oh, sorry. I'm going to have to take this. Another bully role? Apple trailer site, go. Abby trailer. Abby trailer.

Abby trailer. It's to you as well. Until we meet again. Oh, I hate those. again oh i hate those uh but i i like to get uh i like to just watch the apple movie trailers because i i don't have a big attention span uh which is probably why i'm bored of this interview already but oh are you well our apologies give him a travel this is a very hard-hitting interview yeah yeah we broke that Chuck E. Cheese story. We broke the tag. I saw a movie this week.

Let's talk about you. Yeah. I saw the movie Get Low, which is a movie you probably wouldn't have heard about. It's got Robert Duvall, Bill Murray, Sissy Spacek. Very slow, great acting in it. But if you think going to movies with teenagers around

or kids is the worst thing you can get, seniors take it to a whole other level of just not knowing what's appropriate. It's just lots of coughing. Where was this? The Fifth Avenue? This was at

Tinseltown. It was all seniors. I like how you did jazz hands when you said Was this the Fifth Avenue? This was at Tinseltown. Oh, okay. Yeah. And it was all seniors. I liked how you did jazz hands when you said Tinseltown. It sounds like... Is it still a ghost town in there? Is it still just the theater pretty much?

It was very happening when I was there. It was very full. Like, it was just people everywhere in the food court getting food poisoning without knowing it. But yeah, it was all old people in the theater and like old guys would just get up and then go and they'd be gone 15 20 minutes come back in couldn't find their seats lots of talking pass me this where's my that i dropped this thing uh wow i would uh i would almost take that crazy four-year-old kid that's climbing on stuff is this a comedy they'll get lowlo? No, it's a drama.

Apparently, it's based on a true story, which I didn't know when I was watching. I missed the first two minutes. So I was like, I didn't really pick up the first scene. But it's like, I mean, everybody's amazing in it. And it's well worth seeing. But do not go to a matinee. I always get disappointed by movies where it's like, oh, they're great performances. The movie's not great.

The movie is. It's a little slow. A lot of Bill Murray's a bit slow. That doesn't pay off for me. It's his new... Everybody dies in the end by a paintball. Okay. Yeah.

They get paintballed by a hermaphrodite. And then they use the coconut milk to bring them back to life. They get paintballed And then they use the coconut milk to bring them back to life I like the Tinseltown Theater though They seem to be the most lax About letting you in with a McDonald's bag And not only that

They're also lax about theater hopping You can just move from theater to theater And just enjoy as many films I never thought of that You've never thought of that concept? Of doing it there. I've never done the concept either. Have you ever done it?

It's great. Because I can't... If I'm going to watch a movie, I need to see every minute of it. Like, I can't miss. But what you do is you kind of... You schedule? Yeah, you kind of map it out. Like, I mean, if you get an app...

Tell me about these apps people are speaking about. They're those things that people have before their meal. They're like happy trails. Happy trailers. That was a great... Come on. Yeah, it was fun. On the fly.

So, no, it's a great way if you don't have a job and you have eight bucks. It's a great way to kill off a day. I don't know. Yeah, I don't... Like, after a movie, I'm spent. Yeah? I can't sit through it.

You get into it. You're on the edge of your Yeah. I can't sit through it. You get into it. You're on the edge of your seat. You're applauding at the end. You're screaming. Well, they sell me the whole seat, but I only use the edge. Don't go in there. He's in the thing. He's screaming stuff out.

So he did that. And then also, on Sunday, yourself and myself were part of an annual event that I've never been to before. You've been to many times. Originally, it was called Cake Night, but this one was called Cake Day. A friend of mine, past guest, AJ Bond, every year for his birthday,

doesn't celebrate his birthday. It's a celebration of cake. Oh, like everyone makes a cake? No. It's just like, cake. Oh, like everyone makes a cake? No. You just go and... There are cakes. Let me keep gassing. Keep gassing.

Basically, you don't need to bring a present. You don't need to celebrate him. We're just here eating cake. Yeah. Okay. So I had heard about this celebration. It was in the day. It was in the day.

How many cakes? It was cupcakes. Yeah, it was cupcakes and day. How many cakes? It was cupcakes. And a frozen cake. Is that what those cupcakes on your counter are from? No, those are homemade. So there was cupcakes, there was ice cream cake, there was hamburgers, there was

veggie situations, veggie by the bowl full. Great spread! I had heard about this and I didn't believe how great it sounded so great. And then it lived up to every expectation. And then there was the thing with an ottoman. This giant ottoman that you

told me about. And I was like, how giant could this ottoman be? Tell me about it. It's the biggest. It can fit two people inside of it. It opens up. Like an Ikea one, right? It's a little nicer than Ikea. This was an upper scale. And it folded up

and then kind of like it had a lever kind of system, so it folded over and up. Oh, crazy. And two people could fit in it. Two small people. Like I'm not getting in it. You could get in it by yourself.

Me and Gramps. Yeah, sure, Gramps could getting in it. You might get in it by yourself. By yourself. Me and Gramps. Yeah, sure, Gramps could get in it. He doesn't want to. No. But maybe if you have a salami in there, maybe he'd be curious. And so they did that, which was great. That's how every cake night ends, with people getting in the ottoman.

To the two chants of ottoman. So it was just so great. It was great. It it was enjoyable and i just i had such a cake hangover i ate too much cake i can't eat it and i don't eat ice cream cake ever ever and i ate it and i just i remembered instantly why yeah yeah you can't like my mom every now and then, because she always gets me ice cream cakes because I can't have regular cakes. Yeah. And she doesn't always. She gets them for me on my birthday. Good morning.

Although that is, I was raised with treats, for sure. I was like, okay, I did my swim lessons. Where's my Snickers? Get in the ottoman first and we'll discuss it. And one year she brought me one of these Safeway ice cream cakes. And I punched her in the ottoman first and we'll discuss it And one year she brought me One of these Safeway ice cream cakes And I punched her in the mouth Why did you punch her in the mouth?

I could have punched her in the mouth People would have justified it It would have been like Safeway ice cream cake I punched her in the mouth You could see why I was so distressed Yeah but that's ridiculous He's a very sweet man Also you could see why I was just so shocked.

I've been cast as a bully and a villain. It says here on your resume that you punched your mom in the face. You LARPed her in the face. Yeah, oh man. If you get the wrong cake, it's just a waste. It's just, you know, three pounds of fat.

My kid doesn't like cakes She's a pie person and I hate it Because her birthday is on Monday And I know we're going to have pie What kind of pie? Cherry Sounds great Can you not eat pie?

I can't eat pie You can eat pie filling I don't like pie filling I don't know how to describe it But I don't like when fruit has a Liquid or gel I need it to be I don't know how to describe it, but I don't like when fruit has a liquid or a gel. I need to. Yeah, me too.

I need it to be. I wish the chocolate-covered cherries were just cherries covered in more cherries. It's not true. I don't like those things at all. They're weird. Yeah, me neither. And that maraschino cherries? Yeah.

No, but that's what you're talking about, like a goop. Yeah, the goop. I don't like that kind of goop. That hair product. Yeah, sure.op. I don't like that kind of goop. Like that hair product. Yeah, sure. That Gwyneth Paltrow email. Oh, yeah, right. Should we move along to Overheard?

Sure. Overheard. Overheard's easily the most splendid way to pass the time when you're eavesdropping on your neighbors, your strangers that aren't friends yet, your friends that you want to be strangers. We do this on the podcast each and every week, and we always like to start with our guest. So, Darcy, if you'd do us the favor. Okay, mine's not an overheard, it's an overread. It's allowed. I read someone's's Facebook status and it angered me to the extent that I wanted to

punch an emo in the mouth an emo? this was emo phillips a friend of a friend of a friend you know how you have all those ridiculous connections on Facebook her Facebook status in the news feed, the earlier one is, I hate shopping. And then the next one was, I'll never go to the Gap again.

And then the next one was, for Christ's sake, will someone please tell me where I can buy skinny jeans for a one-year-old? It was just like she was constantly updating her status With this drama Of finding her one year old some skinny jeans Stupid the gap One year olds can't they're so fat Not only that but like the diaper You can't have skinny jeans I told this about my niece has some skinny jeans

Very stylish She's two Does she wear a diaper as well Do she wear those type of diapers that look like a pair of jean shorts? No. Have you seen those? The designer diapers? Yeah, it's fancy.

Because then you only need some skinny leggings. To go with it, yeah. And then it just completes the... I believe Lindsay Lohan has some leggings. Not where she is. She's got a one-piece orange jumpsuit. Nothing that can be tied together. Is she still in prison?

Did she not get out yet? She's in the psych ward or whatever. Oh, that's right. The 5150. Oh, right. What's 5150? It's a Van Halen album. 5150 is a Van Halen album. It's an Alvin Parsons project. I finished the beer, so I'm officially drunk now.

It's also the amplifier that Eddie Van Halen uses. It's the psych law in California. I can't believe I even know this, but it's what, that's what they use to involuntary when Britney Spears went crazy and she wouldn't go into the psych ward.

It's called the 5150 that the court can decide that. Is it just a California thing for celebrities? I think so. 5150 sounds like, you know, 12 half dozen, the other 51 51-50. 51-50.

She's a little half crazy, so let's keep her for a while. So, well, we wish her well. Yeah. Oh, man. Get well soon. She was so great back when she was great. Remember Parent Trap? When she was a mean girl?

Oh, well, mean girls. I really just remember mean girls. Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen. Yeah, maybe. That single she put out Teenage Drama Queen. Yeah, maybe. That single she put out about paparazzi. Yeah, yeah. Rumors. Yeah, yeah.

She did a lot of great work. Saturday, stepping into the club. The DJ's in the zone. I'm gonna turn it up. You really do miss her. I just wanna get on the zone. To the beat like what? Dave, do you have an overhurt?

Yeah. I can see that you're watching me. Probably going to like what you didn't see. That doesn't make sense. No, it doesn't. Last night I was at the movie theater. And there was a woman talking. And Abby noticed a couple things she said during the movie.

And I noticed one thing she said during the movie. But she was kind of like a dumb person who wanted to appear smart. And so when she noticed something in the movie, she said it out loud. Oh, that's him. That kind of thing. And in the movie, there's a scene where... Is this a spoiler? No.

Should I be alerted? It's one of these... It's a classic comedy gag. Okay. Where in this one, it's Marky Mark. He is in a ballet class. Yep, classic. And he starts to ballet dance.

And you see his head. And then they cut to the body. And the body is an amazing dancer. And then they cut back to his head and back to his body. So it's a classic comedy thing that is done all the time. I love it. It never fails. But this one,

they start on his head and he's moving all weird and doesn't look like he's a very good dancer. And then they cut to a completely different person's body dancing and the woman goes, oh, he really is doing it. Because if it's on the screen, it's true.

They were obviously showing you that it wasn't him doing it. I think my favorite variant on that was, I think it was Naked Gun 2 1⁄2, where Frank Drebin's making out with his wife, and then she's feeling... He's got rock-hard abs, and he's all tanned and stuff, and she pulls clay. They're doing the scene from Ghosts.

She pulls clay out of his pants and makes it into an ashtray while they're making out. Pretty great. There's a good one in Step Brothers where Adam Scott pulls up his shirt, and there's a completely different guy's abs. And they're all greased up.

You're right. Now that you say it, it is always funny as a guy. Face, cut to super hot body. Graham, do you have an overheard? I do. My overheard comes courtesy of a group.

It's two ladies standing on a corner corner kind of having the parting conversation. They've obviously – maybe they had a drink or a dinner and they were parting. And I've never kind of heard something where the beginning statement was not supported at all by the rest of the sentence that she said. Because all I heard her say was, yeah, so it's been really great. I just lie around all day, and I have been putting the drops in my eyes because of the pink eye. And I was like,

well, what's so great about that? Sounds terrible. It's been great. I get to sit around and put drops in my eyes. Just like I do when I get high. That's the only reason I get high So I can do the drops Having pink eye is really fun It is really fun Because you're instantly controversial

Everywhere you go Ooh pink eye Stay away from that one Stay away from my kids Somebody hasn't been washing their hands Is that how you get pink eye? Dirty hands? Because from

Pooh particles From fecal matter Oh is that really? Yeah It's from poo hands? Yeah It's from poo hands? Yeah, it's from shitty limbs. Have you ever had it? Yeah.

I haven't. It's gross. The dogs have it. Conjunctivitis, they call it. Really? And it just drops, right? Yeah, it drops. But you also get a fever and you have to spend... You have to be isolated.

Yeah, because it's really contained. Super, yeah, super contained. Super contagious, not super contained. That's the opposite of what it is. It's not contained at all. No, it's everywhere. Oh, jeez, Greg. Don't rub your eyes on my stuff.

Rub your eyes on my stump? My stuff. Oh, sorry. My thing that I said was gross. Yeah. A lot of mishearings in this episode. Am I wrong? No, I think you are wrong.

Right. Okay. We also have overheard sent in from listeners. If you want to send in your own overheard, you can write to us at stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com. And our first overheard, sorry, I'm looking up his pronunciation of his name, Declan. Declan K.

My overheard takes place on a road trip my family and I were on through the American Southwest. We'd stopped in a Wendy's to eat and were alone in the restaurant except for a pair of older Southern ladies. During the meal, one of the ladies' cell phone rings and she answers. My family and I hear muffled Charlie Brown-style squawking. Then the lady interjects with, it says in brackets, in your best Southern accent, please. So I guess that's me now.

Yeah, it's on you. I don't know if I can do... How do the Southerns... Hello, governor. Is that it, right? Mock, mock, mock. Hello, governor. The that it, right? Mock, mock, mock. Hello, governor. The lady interjects with, You got beat up where?

At the church? Who done it then? More squawking ensues, and the lady says, Oh, well, that's okay then. If it was your daddy, he's a preacher. And that's from God. Pretty good, Declan. Thank you.

And pretty good acting by me. Yeah. I'll give it to you. You're going to be nominated for a Gemini. A Gemini. Yeah, because it's so exciting. When you get the Gemini. This next one comes from a gentleman named Riley H.

So on my way back from work in North Van, I stopped at the McDonald's for my obligatory flurry at Lonsdale Key. And just as I arrived, a fine young man, I don't know how true this is going to, it's not going to be supported at all, burst from the bathroom. He had a large fake diamond cross, snakeskin boots, and was sipping from his commemorative UFC sippy cup. He turned to the cashier and in a furious tone shouted, why aren't there any damn mirrors in your bathroom? To which the employee responded, I'm not sure, sir.

To that, he responded, well, you might want to fucking check that out because that shit is fucked up. Probably wanted to see how the cup looked next to his face. How do I compare to Randy Couture? Is that a guy? Let me count the ways.

I've never talked to a McDonald's employee. Ever? More than to order food. I've never gone back and asked them, Hey, did you notice this about the floor? One time, I think, yeah. They seem kind of miserable. Yeah, I had a bagel sandwich there years and years ago.

They used to have, I don't know if they still have them, like a BLT with a bagel. They still have them. And mine had glass in it. So I took it back to them, and then they were very, it was actually, if I recall correctly, also at this same location in Northampton. That is a sketchy location. Yeah, and they kind of seemed flummoxed, like, well, what do you want us to do about it?

And I was like, anything, aside from what this attitude I'm getting. Because isn't that... That could be a thing I could sue for, right? Yeah, well, look at that lady that sued them for the coffee being hot. She got like 20 million bucks. Yeah, and I didn't even order a glass laden. What were you welling me? I forget what the case was, but apparently the way it was explained to me, it was actually kind of fair.

It was mostly punitive damages. Well, yeah, she has scalding hot coffee. Yeah, and they keep it hotter than most places keep their coffee. And the cup literally disintegrated. And she needed tons and tons of skin grafts. And she wasn't driving. Everyone says she was driving. She was a passenger.

Oh, really? Yeah. And what was the other? Oh, and they determined it as like a fraction. It was like what they gave her was a tenth of what McDonald's makes from coffee in a day. Really? Yeah. What?

I just don't like... I haven't been to McDonald's probably in like six years or something. It's been about six hours for me. Really? Do you ever drink their coffee there? Even when I was a regular McDonald's person. My mom loves their coffee. Apparently it's really good.

She prefers it to Starbucks, Tim Hortons, all that stuff. Do they still have that weird thing that they... Do they still serve pancakes? Or is that... Yeah, yeah. They still do. They call them hotcakes. In that weird yellow case.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. With the sausage and whatever. Is that still a thing? That's still a thing there, yeah. They don't... I don't think they've changed anything. They don't take... The only thing they took away... Do they still have pizza? They had pizza. Well, yeah. I don't think they've changed anything. They don't take added stuff. Do they still have pizza?

They had pizza. Well, no, I was going to say the only thing they took away was the pizza, and that was my favorite pizza ever. Also the Arch Deluxe, which was my favorite hamburger sandwich. Which one was that? I don't know. Do you remember those commercials when everybody thought they were going to be introducing beer, like the big beer.

Oh, because McDonald's had grown up? Yeah. And then it turned out to be the big extra. It was like, oh, you're putting lettuce and tomato on the burger now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the big difference. Yeah, that's right. Because I remember there was an ad, and people were golfing, and Ronald McDonald was golfing.

Yeah. And one of the sandwiches was the Arch Deluxe, which was just like a lettuce and a tomato and maybe a fancier bun. They do swing and miss a lot. Like the McRib and the... But the McRib's super popular, isn't it? They don't do the McRib anymore. They do it for like a week at a time.

Like a monopoly thing. And they don't even put it on the menu. You just need to know a guy. You gotta do it from the side door. I remember I once ordered three McRibs They don't even put it on the menu. You just need to know a guy. Yeah, you got to do it from the side door. I remember I once ordered three McRibs and got the weirdest look. And that was when they had McRibs. It was like during when Flintstones was out. And that was like, oh, let's promote it.

What is the McRib, though? I've never had it. Is it just ribs or is it like a sandwich? No, it's pork. It's a pork sandwich with barbecue sauce. And the pork is shaped like ribs. That's revolting. Oh, that is awful.

And onions on top of it. And then it comes with a pancake, and they wrap the pancake around it. Well, now they have the pancake-flavored buns on their breakfast sandwiches. Oh, yeah, the McGriddles. The McGriddles. There's syrup infused into the English muffin. It seems really gross, and it's pretty good. I stick to the sausage and egg.

Give it a try. With no egg. Give it a try. I don't go back to it. I don't eat at McDonald's for breakfast or really. I'm never up early enough. I eat at McDonald's maybe once a month. What is the cutoff on that?

10 o'clock? 9.30. It's 10.30. 10.30, yeah. And it sucks when you get there at like 20 to 11 and you've got to order a burger. Tell it to Michael Douglas in Falling Down. He'll tell you a thing or two about it. There was a woman who...

The McChicken Nugget lady. She was wasted. And that's not the only time that that's happened. That happened last year. There was another lady that lost her mind over Chicken McNuggets. Have you seen the video of this one? She punched through the window or whatever yeah why why it's the worst hypoglycemic yeah but it's like you know what was it they didn't have them yeah well no they

couldn't serve them because it was it was like uh five in the morning it was 5 30 in the morning and she wanted her nuggets yeah well that well, that's craziness. You're crazy. Yeah. Well, obviously, that's what every news story, that's what the news reporters are not defending her. Oh, so it wasn't sane woman goes crazy. That's their opportunity to say, hey, look at this crazy person. Isn't that entertaining? Isn't that crazy?

And our last written-in overheard comes from Nathan T. Nathan T. I was walking home late one night, just leaving the Fortune Sound Club here in Vancouver. There was a group of guys standing on the corner talking to each other. I thought I was going to be mugged, but rather I heard this conversation. Man, I'm just so stressed.

I just can't get enough Farmville dollars. And his friend responded, Yeah, man, I hear you. So pretty great overheards written in. If you want to send them in, you can send them in to StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com Do either of y'all play Farmville?

I don't, but I had a thing on my Facebook page the other day. Someone wrote a lovely little message about how hilarious I am, and then at the end of the message, it was something like, oh, I just think you're super great, I like what you're doing, and hey, if you have a chance, can you help me with my

on Farmville? I need $10,000 or whatever sent to this thing, and I had no idea what it was, but I was like, do I have to do it, man? Nigerian Prince? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, I have the only farm in Nigeria. It's a game on Facebook? I feel like a 90-year-old man these days.

Technology has passed me by, and I've let it. I think Farmville is more popular than Twitter. Really? Yeah. And the other one, there's another game called Mafia Wars. Mafia Wars. It's so popular, they're making it into a movie Okay, good

Finally Is Jesse Eisenberg in it as the founder of Facebook? Yeah, I don't know what Farmville is I imagine it's just a thing It's like just another variation On those pocket Tamagotchis? I think it's that same

It's like SimCity slash Tamagotchi. Yeah. Is that right? Do I have it right? I haven't played it. Have you played Mafia Wars? I've played that. What about Zombies vs. Plants?

I haven't played that. I don't... I do waste a ton of time. Same here. But not with that. I play video games, but like real ones. Yeah. But you're not a kid.

That's the difference. But isn't Farmville like, aren't these adults that are playing it? No, no. No, but real ones. But you're not a kid. That's the difference. But isn't Farmville... Aren't these adults that are playing it? No, no. No, they're kids. What platform do you have? And drunk people outside of this club. I have the Wii and the Xbox and the PlayStation.

Oh, you have everything. Oh, so you do a lot of the... Well, I don't do a lot. I do a couple hours a week. Do we have any other overheards? We have some overheards that have been called in. If you would like to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Hey guys, this is Daniel in Seattle.

I've got an overheard for you. I was on the bus this morning, and two kind of scruffy gentlemen were talking about bedbugs and problems they had with bed bugs in their homes. And this lady just said, you know, Jack just doesn't know them at all. So the interrupter goes, hey, hey, guys, I've got a question for you. Since you're talking about bugs, you think that if you had enough bugs just came along, like a whole bunch of them, they could just eat you all up?

And you guys paused for a minute. One of them goes, oh, yeah. Yeah, I think so. Yep. And then they just talk about how if you had enough bugs there, they could eat you alive. Yep. Yeah, they're like fire ants. Bedbugs are terrifying.

Have you ever been on the bedbug registry? What? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. On the website? I thought you were asking personally. I don't have to answer that question. No, you do. Like, have I been on that? You have to go when you move to personally. I don't have to answer that question. No, you do. You have to go when you move to a new neighborhood. You have to tell everybody.

I had bed bugs. I'm moving. No, yeah, but it's an epidemic. Yeah. A friend of mine like a week before she was moving gave me like three garbage bags of clothes to give to friends. And then when I was helping her move, I was like, oh, why are you moving?

And she's like, oh, we've got bed bugs. And I was like, oh, I have three garbage bags full of them in my car. Let me light your face on fire. That's horrible. What a horrible thing to do. It was awful. I was really mad. Wow.

But then she moved to Salt Spring Island, so I had to be nice to her because she's got a place on Salt Spring. But now she'll get something more, you know, exotic, bug-wise. What do they got out there? Scarab beetles. Jewel scarabs. Next. Hey, Graham. Hey, Dave.

Possible guest. This is Brad from South Carolina. Again. I got a nice brush over herd. I was standing in line at the grocery store today, and there was an elderly woman purchasing groceries, kind of a rather large bunch of groceries that was taking a little bit of time. And as she was leaving, she said to the cashier,

which I think summed up teen angst at its finest, she said, and you have a nice day, young man. And he said under his breath, or he said out loud, I will. And then under his breath, as soon as you can get the fuck out of my face. And then turned to me and said, and how did you find everything today, sir? Oh, man. Under breath. So great.

Because old people can't hear you. Especially when they're only a foot away from you. Man, that's great. The bitch was up in his grill. Good for him. Isn't that what happened to Vancouver's mayor, Gregor Robertson, not but a month ago? Didn't he say something into it?

He forgot he was mic'd? That ought to hold those SOBs or something. God, I love the grumbling under the breath. Have you ever done that before? Have you ever been busted grumbling? Oh, I'm sure I have. I can't remember, though. Yeah, it happened to me at work years ago when I was working at a coffee shop.

I did similar to what happened there, yeah. ago when I was working at a coffee shop. I did similar to what happened there. And the crazy thing too was what I said was incredibly PG. Like I think I said, you old crank. You know what I mean? But to them, it was...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they were being super cranky. I mean, the best case scenario with the person would have just been like, well, you know, my wife just died or something. And then like,

I'd be like, Oh, I feel terrible. You know? Um, I, I, I,

I've heard it once when I was at a, a sandwich place and, uh, they were trying, the person in front of me was, you know, uh, a middle-aged woman trying to order a sandwich and,

and the, the person serving her kept having to correct her, like, no, we need to know this from you. Give us the bread type first. And the woman was like, oh, I'm sorry, this is really complicated. And the woman's just cutting bread, and she goes, actually, it's not. We're just making sandwiches.

I love angry people at work. Did you see this thing about the JetBlue guy? Yeah. How great is that? Oh, about the... He tells everyone to fuck off, grabs a beer, and jumps and slides down the thing. Then the cops go and bust him an hour later, and he's getting laid. Yeah, that's right.

He was at his boyfriend's house. Yeah, good for him. That's a good day. What? And we're all on his side, right? Yeah. I think he's going to be a working class hero. Yeah.

So that's the big thing. That is the dream, right? Yeah. Like, the fucking... That's the gig. Oh, the perfect way to quit? Yeah. That's the dream.

Oh, yeah. You pull, like, the... What is it? The slide? The inflatable slide? Yeah. You grab a couple beers? You tell a plane full of people to fuck off?

Anybody who has a job that isn't kind of in the wheelhouse of where they want to be spends an inordinate amount of brain power figuring out, like, just, like, doing the... It's always in my head it plays out something like the John Candy scene in Uncle Buck where he says, you know, here's a quarter, go downtown and get a rat to gnaw that thing off your face. It's that. You just deliver the last jab, like, your daughter's a slut. You just walk out, and everybody's just like, that guy did it. People always think about, oh, if I ever win the lottery, I'm going to piss on his desk and screw his wife. And then you never do.

You're like like i've got the money what do i care yeah but uh just like that going for broke like just burn this bridge down he's going to jail or while he was arrested and all that yeah it's great good for him yeah yeah i'm on that guy's side yeah he's the greatest have you ever you've never quit a job in a spectacular no have you um i feel like i gotta do that before i die like i might have to quit a job in a spectacular. No. Have you? I feel like I got to do that before I die. Like I might have to get a job just to do that. All right. I definitely know.

Put that on your resume. I don't think so. In your cover letter. I usually get fired, but I don't think I've ever quit. I think I just stay until they ask me to leave. And then I take a stapler or a three-hole punch. Our office is a collection of all the different... Because I've had like...

I've worked like 30 different jobs. Sure. And everything I've stolen... Our desk is stolen. Like the actual desk I stole from a company. From Burger King. Well, no. I won't say who.

It's Canada's oldest company. The Brick. The Brick. If anybody out there has a really great quitting story, we would absolutely love to hear it. Or a really great quidditch story. Yeah. Oh, that would be good, too. Like anything Muggle related.

Sure. Okay, we have one final overheard. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Liz in Cambridge, Massachusetts, and I have an overseen. When I was getting coffee today, there was a woman at the table next to the cash register reading a book, and she was nodding emphatically and making these audible mm-hmm, mm-hmm sounds. She was actually holding the book, so the cover was very prominently visible, and it was called The Sassy Girl's Checklist for Living, Loving, and Overcoming.

Mm-hmm, and Overcoming. I've got that done. Check, check, double check. The Sassy Girls Guide. That's a whole series of books. Oh, really? Yeah, there's Sassy. Is it made by the magazine Sassy? No, is there a magazine called Sassy?

Yeah, a teen magazine. Oh, it's not a corporate. Yeah, it's not a corporate. Yeah. It's like Forbes. It's The Economist Teen Magazine that they put out, like teen people. Sassy. The Sassy Economist. Sassy Harpers.

Oh, man. So is this, are we at the end of our ropes? Yeah. The end of the road? Yeah. The end of the road? Yeah. Darcy, if people want to find you online, or if they just want to find out where you're touring, if they want to watch clips, where do they go? If they want to get Farmville dollars from you.

Yeah, just come to Ladner. Ask around. They'll find me. Yeah. I don't do this internetting thing very well. No, I have one of those websites and one of those Facebooks and all that. Is it DarcyMichael.com? DarcyMichael.com, yeah.

I'll update it next year. And it's D-A-R-C-Y. D-A-R-C-Y. It's written down right there on your iPod. Is it? It will be. Is this live? Are people listening right now?

They are. I hope you don't feel embarrassed. Oh, man, we're in a weird space-time thing. No, we're recording this Thursday. It'lltime thing. No, we're recording this Thursday. It'll be released... Oh, we're recording this Wednesday. It'll be released Monday. Monday.

Oh. And as we've been plugging the last few weeks, Dave and I will be at Bumbershoot doing a live podcast of this on the Saturday day. So if you want to come out, say hello, get a sticker. We got stickers. Oh, boy. Man, oh, man, do we got stickers.

I'm going to be a bumper shoot as well. Are you? You should come and say hello. No, I didn't think I'm very busy. Oh, really? That's too bad. We were just being nice. But yeah, if you do want to contact us, you can send an email to

stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com or you can call us at 206-339-8328. Those are for overheards. And like we said, if you have a great quitting story, either of you or a friend of yours, no urban legends. We do not care for it. Do not make us look a fool. And no, like, we don't want to hear quitted stories that have already been in Harry Potter books.

Yeah, we want't want to hear Quidditch stories that have already been in Harry Potter books. Yeah, we want new Quidditch stories. And yeah, if you enjoyed the podcast, please tell your friends. Check out the blog at MaximumFun.org. Sorry,.org. My mistake. They're an organization, not a company. Two bad puns in one episode. That wasn't a pun.

That wasn't a pun. It was just great. And tune in next week for another round of greatness, I assume, on Stop Podcasting Yourself. Thank you.