Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 130 - LIVE, with John Keister

Episode Date: September 7, 2010

Almost Live's John Keister joins us at Seattle's Bumbershoot festival and we talk bad tattoos and play a round of Graham's Dad Movie Reviews.

Oh, there we go. Theme song. Let's sit patiently while the theme song plays. Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody! And welcome to a very special live recording of Stop Podcasting Yourself here at Bumbershoot. My name is Graham Clark, and with me, as always, is a man who never forgets to honk whenever he drives by Fern Funk,

Mr. Dave Shumka! Yeah. Yeah. I, uh, I honk because I'm horny. Yeah. You follow Bumper bumper stickers very closely? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yesterday we were following a great bumper sticker.

It was a truck that said, follow me to great food. And we followed it, and it was just a, what was it, like a sewage repair? I think maybe they bought the truck, and it already had follow me to great food on the back. And then they just said, yeah, just leave it. Maybe we'll get some new business. It's very great to be here. Thank you very much for having us. And we have a very special guest today.

We're very excited to have this gentleman. He's a legend here in these parts. A very funny man. You may know him from his work on Almost Live. Please welcome to this stage the very funny Mr. You may know him from his work on Almost Live. Please welcome to this stage the very funny Mr. John Keister, everyone. Thank you, guys. Nice to be here.

Thank you very much for joining us. What have we got? Do we... Well, yeah, we should get to know us. Did we actually start... Well, there's a lot of fake stuff going on here. All right. There we go.

There we go. Get to know us. Perfect. We always like to start with the guest. John, what's been going on with you recently? Well, I had a loved one in the hospital. That's fun. Yeah, it's fun actually to, yeah.

It's fun to, because I'm, you know, it's like the drugs go in and then the truth comes out. Yeah. It's just, yeah, all sorts of things are said. And, you know, it's great. And everything's fine. It's all fine. But, you know, just weird things happen in the hospital.

My family, okay, is of the, we're of the culture that if you're fine and it's midnight, we're going home and getting some sleep, okay? You're knocked out, you know. Other people are like, what are you crazy? You spend the night and they bring out the horrible cots and, you know, my dad has always been one of those, no, everything's fine, go home. You know, he was like, he was in the hospital last year because I get this call and I'm in line about to order a cheeseburger and I don't listen to the call and then I see,

oh, what, what is, wait, what is, and I listen and it's my mother going, I'm in the aid car, we're on the way to the hospital. And I'm like, what? And I call her back. And it's like 10 seconds. And I call her back. And she doesn't pick up. And I run down to the emergency room and identify who I am. And I get in. And he's OK.

They're going to eventually. Was the cheeseburger still in hand? I had the hand. And they're going to put a stent in his heart. And he's going to be OK. He had an angina attack. And I'm like, mom, why didn't you pick up you know when i called you freaked me out and she said oh this is only for emergencies the rates on this are killing us my dad had trained her to turn it

on make the call then turn it off because it's just you know that's just emergencies you know so and then he's like resting fine he's like like, everybody get out of here, go home, go to sleep, and we're like, okay, dad, all right, and so a couple days ago, it's, it's midnight, she's zonked out, you know, and it's, and so I said, well, I asked the nurse, how do I get out of the parking structure, you know, this is Swedish, for those of you who want to reference this, anyway, up on Broadway, which is, you know, okay, anyway, Anyway, so the nurse, yeah, that's true. All right. So they say, well, no.

I'm confused. I'm sorry. The parking structure was in Swedish? Yeah. We have Swedish hospital. He lost me an angina. I've been holding it a lot. It's a Ballard thing.

That's true. Swedish hospital, and they do it. Anyway. Put it together yourself. Yeah, you're in the parking structure and they say it's okay after hours it's just a flat five dollars you put it in and the thing goes up and you get out

so I go down and there's the bar that comes down like you know the train track thing and then there's the big door that comes down and stuck in between the bar and the door there's this big SUV and there's a guy looking back, and he's got this haunted look on his face,

and I'm like, what are you doing? And he said, well, I got my card out, and I put it in the thing, but I took too long. I kind of rearranged something. I put it back in my wallet. So he goes through the bar, and it closes behind him, but then the door, oh. And I said, well, what do I do?

And he says, well, just put your card in, and and it'll open it up and we can both race out it sounds like a scam that's what i would say i know but it's a big suv right this guy's got he's you know it's worth 10 times the car i'm driving and so i'm like well and but i'm kind of uh whatever so i put my card in everything opens up we drive. And then as you're driving out, you go past the patient pickup area, and there's these frantic people run up to this guy's car, like, where have you, what's going on? So it took me about a block driving down to realize that this guy screwed up, and the thing came down, and he's like, he's not paying another five bucks, right? And I'm thinking,

how long did he wait? I'll wait here all night. All damn, something my grandfather would have done. These Swedes aren't getting another cent out of me. These damn Swedes, they all want your money. That's always my greatest fear,

when you pay at the parking gate. This is your greatest fear. Well, I've never heard of getting trapped between two things. But if you pay and you're not quick enough, then the bar will close down on your car. Yeah. Oh, man. I don't have a car. Because I don't know how.

I assume there's computers at work or just a guy who controls it. No, there's a dude in there with a button and a romance novel. Yeah, yeah. Same guy who works the stoplight. Yeah, you just make... Bring it down a little bit. A little bit, you know. Yeah, I was like, God.

So, yeah. Interesting stuff. Yeah, absolutely. Fun times. Dave and I, we drove down yesterday. Speaking of going through a panicky situation. My fear is going through the border. I hate it.

Oh, I hate it so much. Which you should fear because I can't even – Because look at that beard. We can't even get back – Yeah, exactly, right? Yeah. We can't even get back into our own country. I mean, as I told you before, I have relatives in Vancouver, and we go up there every year.

And the year before, it's like, what's your citizenship? Let's see your ID. And I showed my driver's license like I've always done. No, passport. That doesn't mean anything. It just means you can drive a car in Seattle. And I'm like, well, OK. But man, I mean, it's like, it used to be just,

ah, you know, whatever. And my thing is like, what have the Canadians ever done to us, right? I mean, when you think about it, it's like the WTO. Well, Justin Bieber. Yeah, well, there's that. I'll give you that. But here in Seattle, the people who come up and mess with the city, it's like the WTO riots. That's hippies from Eugene, right?

It's people from Oregon who, keep in mind, aren't even allowed to pump their own gas, right? And they come up and just bust out the city. And whenever you see that some research lab has been torched or there's a bomb gone off, the FBI, they search it out. It's always some hippie from Eugene, you know? And my feeling is that's the border we should meet.

I mean, in Canada, you just get up and you get great beer. You get that toffee. Yeah, sure. We're famous for our toffee. You get diabetes. Yeah, and the 222s with the codeine, you know. Yeah, that's right. So that you can face another day in the office because you got you.

Well, we got an official letter sent to us from Bumbershoot and we said, we're allowed and this is okay and it's official and they're allowed to cross the border and they're doing this podcast which we were just so excited to have to explain what a podcast is at the border.

You had to show your papers? We actually had papers. Here's our papers. He says they're coming to do a podcast. Exactly. Open up the trunk. When I came here last time, I said, I'm going to Bumbershoot, and the lady said,

what's a Bumbershoot? What is a Bumbershoot? I didn't say I was going to one of the Bumbershoots. But this time, we had the papers, we had it all worked out. What are we going to say? You're going to say this, I'm going to say that. We were going to say of the Bumbershoots. But this time, we had the papers. We had it all worked out. What are we going to say? You're going to say this. I'm going to say that. Where do we work? I'm going to say my name. I'm going to tell the truth.

What's our story? Just so that we weren't panicking. And then the guy just goes, what are you doing? We're going to Bumbershoot. You staying overnight? Yep. Go ahead. After all that preparation. You wanted to know who my car belonged to. Me. Done. It's a all that preparation. You want to know who my car belonged to. Yeah. Me.

Right. Done. It's a really good way. What color was whoever's white horse? I don't know these old jokes. It's also really good when you go with a friend who's not having it, right? Yeah. I have a friend who's like, he's not having it.

And like, yeah, what were you doing? Oh, tourism. And I'm with a buddy and we went out to go drinking in strip clubs and all this stuff. The great things you have in Vancouver. Do you not have strip clubs here? Not like yours. Oh, wow. I was in one once

and there was a hockey game on television and a completely nude woman over here. And everyone was watching the hockey game. Including the stripper. Including the stripper, yeah.

The stripper's like dancing like, huh. You know, like, yeah, like, goal. So we come back and they're like, you know, how many days have you been? And it's like, I don't know. And then, all right, get out of the car. And so we both start to get out of the car. And I said, what? I said, him, you stay there.

And he, fine, okay, fine. And then it's like, open the trunk. And then like, what's in this? And I go, Pete, what's in this? I don't know. I don't know. I can't get out of the car apparently. So I don't know.

I'm not, and I'm like, oh no, not now. Not the we got rights thing. That's a really good time to explore your inner rebellion. I don't know. She won't let me out of the car. And I'm like, oh, God. But we made it. Yeah, we got down here.

We went to a place called Cyclops last night, your finer X-Men themed bar. Yeah, sure. And what else? What else have we done since we got here? I went and saw some white people rapping over on the main stage just before I came in here. That was pretty good. There was a guy who wrote a whole rap based around

Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. That was the theme of the song. Anybody else? Yeah, it was alright, right? Those guys, they kept saying, do you want free music? And then whipped CDs at people's heads. They're not Frisbees, right? Those guys, they kept saying, do you want free music? And then whipped CDs at people's heads. They're not Frisbees, right? If they connected, that would really hurt.

Do you want free music? I am enjoying free music. We did a Mardi Gras parade once in Seattle that I was involved in. Mardi Gras happens in the Pioneer Square section of Seattle. And the crowd, the parade went for like ten blocks. The crowd existed for two blocks.

And the rest of the ten is just transients passed out. And you're throwing beads and you're like. You're just like. I'm just waiting for the bus. People passed out on the sidewalk and the floats are going by. And then you're just hitting them. They're startling awake.

Show me your breasts. Hobo. You were going to say tits, but there's kids in the program. Yeah, right, there's kids. This is an all-ages show. It's the Vera Project. And I apologize for just saying tits. But God bless them.

Yeah, right? Ain't I a stinker? It's all right. They're our future. God bless them. I believe that. Tits are our future. Teach them well, let them lead the way. Yes. Yeah.

I think the last time I was down in Seattle before I was coming to Bumbershoot regularly was I was in the Seattle Comedy Competition years and years ago. And look at me now. The laugh off. I actually was in that 25 years ago or so. How long has it been around for?

26 years. 26 years. I don't know, 30-some years, or so. How long has it been around for? 26 years. I don't know. 30 some years, I think. It was a lot of fun. It was in the 80s. It's fun, right? It's a couple weeks. We did a show in, I think, Bellevue. Is that a place?

Does that exist? Not technically. It exists, but there's nothing in Bellevue that you can't see every place else. There's nothing indigenous to Bellevue. It's one giant franchise. They have an Arby's. They have an McDonald's. Yes, but they don't have a Dick's, which is that's Seattle.

Ah, that's local, right? That's the Seattle. And after what we used to say on the show, after 50 years, because Dick's celebrated their 50th anniversary, after 50 years, Bellevue is still dickless. That's what we like to... It's a slogan that we had. And a good one. But yeah, it's a place.

Yeah, we got lost. We ended up driving up the side of some mountain or something at some point. And we stopped. The road was closed. And there was a state trooper or whatever pulled up behind us and got out of the car. He had the reflective glasses. It was very Stephen King. I was like, this is how we're going to get murdered.

This guy's going to murder us for being on the wrong road. And he said, oh, you're nowhere close. You're miles away from where you need to go. So we were driving back down the mountain and then we thought we saw other people from the competition driving up the mountain so we honked at them and they didn't respond. So we followed them back up honking at them like flashing our lights

and then we pulled up and it was like this old married couple and they were just out for a Sunday drive and we were like, oh, we're sorry. You know this is closed? And they gave us the like, everybody knows this road is closed. This road's for lovers or whatever.

But just terrified. But they end up doing a set, amazingly. You explain it to them. They do a set. They take the championship. It's like, you know. The first ever two-person act. Stan and Lynette, they won that year. We almost got murdered last night.

Almost got murdered? Well, we just got lost and we were afraid we would get murdered. There was some sort of heavy metal concert was getting out, so there was a lot of dudes with angry beards and shirts that say, not me. I don't know what they say. Not in my house.

Obama. I don't know why the metalheads are right wing. Show me your birth certificate. Satan. Okay. Hey. I listened to your last podcast. And speaking of that, you were talking about seeing someone dressed in Nazi regalia

walking down the street. I had this weirdest thing. One of my sons brings home this. Yes. You always remember the first. He said, Dad, you've got to watch out for her. She's a white supremacist. Oh, you're serious? watch out for her. She's a white supremacist. And then I...

Oh, you're serious? No, no. Okay. No, it gets better. It gets better. And I look, and she actually has a swastika tattooed on her inner arm. And I'm like, what? And she's like this punk rocker.

And what she had tattooed was... You remember the Dead Kennedys song, Nazi Punks, off. Yeah, yeah. Right, okay. And the logo for that song. And it was like an 80s anthem. It was an anti-Nazi anthem.

But the logo was like the red circle with the slash. And so she had put this swastika with a red circle and a slash on her arm but the red dye reacted with and it faded so that she just was left with this and she worked at subway and they made her put a wristband on you know to you know and i'm like you know my my thing was like, can't we agree that we, I mean, do you need to say that you're anti-Nazi? Isn't that like,

that's like the default position, right? That's the default. I mean, we all agree, we're anti-Nazi. That's where you start, you know. And so, you know, you're like, okay. I mean, if you saw like, you know, you had a t-shirt that said i don't like nazis people would like well fine you know but then if the shirt folds over yeah you're walking down the street that guy likes nuts but think about it

there are a couple places where you actually could get in trouble by having a tattoo that said i don't like northern idaho you know? Sure. No, I'm serious. It's like there's certain parts in the Northwest that if you're walking through certain towns, people are like, what the hell is that? They'd find that really offensive. Maybe Subway should give her a transfer. I think, yeah.

Or if you've gotten a time machine back to Germany. Yeah. But isn't a black circle with the line through it, isn't that an option? Well, I think that she should investigate that. Or maybe you can turn it into a flower. I don't know. I don't like the Hitler mustache,

so I'm going to get a tattoo of a Hitler mustache with a circle and a line through it. I've seen people with the finger mustaches that they can go like that. I've actually seen that. There's no way anybody's going to regret that tattoo. No, no. It's going to be clever to their kids, their grandkids are going to love it. Yeah.

I teach at the Art Institute in Seattle. It's sort of like a tattoo museum. It's just sort of like you walk down the hall and just go. What's the worst one you've seen? The worst? Well, to me, the ones that are on breasts. If we could just bring it back to breasts? Well, to me, the ones that are on breasts, if we could just bring it back to breasts. Well, I was hoping

you would. I didn't know you were censoring ourselves. No, but I mean, it's like, you know, to me, that's pretty good as it is, you know. You don't really need to decorate the breasts, but they've got weird little cat heads coming at it. Oh, God!

Weird feathers and things that you're just like, man, that's not good. That's going to age well. That's really messed up. But if you get tired of it, you just put the circle through the line. I don't like this tattoo anymore.

I don't like it. The ones down on the tramp stamp ones, those are really bizarre. Oh, man. That must have been a bad day for women when somebody realized that rhymed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, no, I came to school once, and I...

The Bloodmobile was... And I was like, what are you... And they're like, oh, yeah, we're going to take donations. I said, wait, I thought that you can't... if you've had a tattoo, you can't get, and they're like, well, no, there's a waiting period. There's like a six, if you've had a tattoo. I said, you know, I think pretty much 90% of the student body is ineligible to give. And if they did, I don't know that I'd want to, I mean, I love my students,

but I don't know that I really want to have their blood. And love my students, but I don't know that I really want to have their blood. I don't, you know... Oh, that's going to go well. That'll go well. I thought you were going to say someone actually had a tattoo of the Bloodmobile. Alright, I guess. If you think about it, it makes sense.

Yeah, if you get behind the codes. Is anything going on with you, Dave? I don't know. I saw a bug the other day. Uh-oh. We stayed at your brother's house. Yeah. And your brother has two young children.

And they've got in the habit of capturing spiders in a Fabergé egg. Not real. There's a saran wrap and a McDonald's straw so that the spider can breathe. Your brother tried to show me the spider last night. The spider has long since figured out the saran wrap thing and pushed his way through. When he opened it, it literally jumped in his face,

which was great. So he'll be missed. It's good in Hawaii that when the spiders get to be the size of a dinner plate, you know, and... Don't eat dinner off them, though. No, no. I had a brother-in-law who is in the military

and is asked by, like, hey, look at this spider. And he goes in and he's like, all right, I'm going to take care of this. It's great. I mean, they're enormous. If anyone here has been to Hawaii, you can verify this thing. It's like the body of the spider is like a mouse and the legs, they radiate out to a diameter that's like, and so he's got this, like, big plate that he's going to, you know, put on and then going to slide some big thing and get it out. Anyway, he gets close to it and the spider jumps.

And the way his wife describes it is that he made a noise that she'd never heard before. But it was like a like a young girl it's just like that's kind of like that weird noise you make when things are like it's just so horrifying that you can't you can't even modulate a proper scream like a masculine sort of ah you know like it's just like this you know like the thing that and yeah i was talking to another guy some guys that were in uh on patrol in um in columbia some secret like anti-drug you know blowing up cocaine lab things like you know you always meet these guys in boy oh yeah i was in the and he's saying that they were hiking in columbia and and they came into this clearing in the field there was this tree

and uh they were like what is that on the tree and they went over this clearing in the field and there was this tree and they were like, what is that on the tree? And they went over and these giant South American cockroaches, you know, and these are all just military guys and, you know, full regalia with all their stuff. And the cockroach started to hiss and move. And he says, the next thing you saw is people dropping their weapons. Running. You're all this like, click, clack. The machine guns are falling and they're just running away because it's a

cockroach. These are our special forces guys. That's why they say cockroaches will be the last ones left. They certainly can stand up to the special forces. I want to be an army ranger. I want to live the life of danger, but not a cockroach. I don't know.

I don't want to be the orcan man. Graham, anything going on with you? Spider related? Yeah, well, that seems to be the flow. Yeah, well, there's... I like spiders. I'm not... Like, I don't love them you know i'm not one of those freaky guys it's got them you know i was like hey that's my pet you don't have a

spider tattoo no no no but i don't have an anti-spider tattoo so i'm open keep it safe yeah i don't mind i used to live in a place that had uh wolf spiders yeah and uh which was fine because we kind of didn't have a problem with each other until one morning I woke up and one was trying to get into my mouth. Into your mouth? Yeah. Why? I don't know. It looks a bit like a cave when it's wide open. Sure. So he's trying to, yeah, and so that sealed my... Like wolf spiders, I'm not crazy about.

Like a teen wolf spider. Right, sure, yeah. Sure. But yeah, that's all that's been going on with me spider-wise. Spider-wise. And this is my spider chat. Yeah. Well, it's about time.

Do you want to move on to some overheard? I would love to move on to overheard. Let me ready everything. Here we go. Don't worry, this is all going to be... Overheard. There you go. Overheard, if you're new to the podcast,

if you've never heard it before, this is a segment where we all just kind of... We've heard something hilarious that's on the street or in everyday life and relay it here on the podcast. We always like to start with our guests. You said you had a couple. I have a couple. Maybe we'll start with you. We'll go back around

and bookend it. It's from the Art Institute. I'll stand up because you walk down the hall and you hear these weird snatches of conversation in the Art Institute. There's a kid in the audience. Here we go.

Anyway, as you're walking down the hall, it's always like, no, you hear these things and you just wonder, what was it? And so I'm walking to my class and I hear this, no, that's not how you kill a vampire. That's just a bunch of Hollywood bullshit. I actually heard that.

No! And he was angry. He was like angry about it. That's not how you kill a vampire. That's just a bunch of Hollywood bullshit. And so I'm thinking I want to go back. How do you? Because it's an issue. I bet if you were really invested in vampires for your whole life

and these Twilight movies came out you would be sick to your stomach yeah you've seen the Twilight films no I have have you seen them? I'm just afraid they're going to ruin the book

why did I out myself right off the top like that I just assumed we'd all get into a nice conversation about Twilight. Did you see The Fast and the Furious? Yeah. There's no vampires in there. You've seen Twilight. Yeah. Love it?

No, I don't love it. I don't hate it. It's whatever. The first one was all right. How do you kill a vampire in Twilight? What is it? Metaphor for chastity that somebody wrote so that kids won't have sex. Basically.

He's very, you know, she wants to have vampire style intercourse with him. And he says, no, not until we're married. But then there's like a werewolf guy that he wants to do it right away and she really wants to do it with him too. Well, can you blame her?

Yeah, exactly. Michael Jackson thriller style. There's a lot of dance numbers in it that are inappropriate. There's no zombie love story. But I felt like that movie was missing a mummy. Like a whole Monster Mash theme. High school.

Like when they went to the high school prom, I expected it to be more like a Monster Mash. Frankenstein doing a dance. And anyways, let's move on from me watching Twilight. Because I'm feeling it. Do they ever eat or drink a punch that's all bubbly? Yeah, everything they drink is bubbly. And they do that thing where you put your hands in

grapes. Is it eyeballs? Yeah, that's how they do their dinner parties. Cold spaghetti. Works for me. Dave, do you have an overhurt? I do. I was at a boutique. You know how I like to shop. Yeah, absolutely.

Big bags walking down Hollywood Boulevard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was at a nice store, and they were having a sale. And I had dollar signs in my eyes. But I'm just looking at clothes, and this guy comes out of the change room, and he's wearing a T-shirtshirt and he just says to the sales girl convince me.

Wow. And the sales girl for her part was like this is the test. This is it. I've been waiting for this. I check. My overheard comes courtesy of being on a train platform late at night.

Three very drunk gentlemen. Two of whom kept trying to bait each other to show the other his genitalia. Really? That was the whole conversation. And the third guy was very uncomfortable with this. And they were going back and forth.

He's like, show it to me. I'll know you first, and then I'll show you. And then the third guy goes, where is Sarah? Where is your girlfriend Sarah? And then the one guy says, oh, she's out of town. She hates it when we hang out together. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha. I I'll bet Why would she? She's a stick in the mud That's why She's always got to clean the windows After I stick my genitals on them Look what it looks like all pressed up Sorry kids Looks like Gonzo from the Muppets.

You're welcome, kids. John, you had another one for a bookend? Yeah, I had another one. There was a few years ago. I was sitting at a counter and there's this conversation going on next to me with these three women. And the two are trying to...

No, you did the right no, I don't. No, that was, you did the right thing. I don't know. What are you talking about? He's like, well. And it's going on and on. And I start realizing that what is happening is that the two on either side of the woman in the middle are trying to say that she did the right thing by getting breast reduction surgery. Right.

Okay? And so they're like, I don't know. I just start. I realize now things are a lot different. And, you know, people used to come up to me and all of that. Well, yeah, but you didn't like that. You said you didn't like that type of attention. And then she said, I don't know.

I finally realized I met a lot of people through my tits. I was just, oh, man. It was the original eHarmony. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, I met a lot of people

through those. Instead of getting breast reduction surgery, ladies, you should just get circles with lines through them on your breasts. Pretty good. We'll call back that one again later in the show, I promise. All right, well, those were great.

Fantastic overheards. Now, do we want to move along to the next segment? I guess so. I think we might just end early, which is kind of nice for these people if they want to go to another show. There might be some more white rappers on the bill. In fact, we could wrap it up right now.

All right, that's it. Clear out. All right, well, should we play the theme for the next segment? Sure. What are you made of? Can you see with both your eyes? Look in the distance.

It's easy if you try. Watch all the movies and don't waste your time. Just give it a line. One line. Graham's dead. That's a... That's a theme song for a segment called Graham's Dad Movie Reviews.

And if you've never heard it before, my dad, whenever he watches a movie and you ask him what he thought of it, he always is very curt. Yeah, he has a format. Yeah, he usually gives just one line that he feels summarizes the whole film. And then either he'll say it's pretty good or give it a miss so nothing's ever great he also doesn't know any names of actors yeah yeah except Paul Newman that's the one guy that he always and now that he's passed away there's very few actors yeah so an example is the fugitive Indiana Jones gets chased around by Al Gore's roommate,

and he jumps out of a pipe. Yeah. I don't even think you know the Al Gore's roommate part. That's pretty inside. That's pretty good, yeah. And then he says, pretty good. Pretty good. Because he liked it.

I have come up with a list of movies based in the Pacific Northwest. Yeah, theming it up. I like that. And I called your dad. I have his reviews. And I would like you to try to guess them. Before you play? Before I play the reviews.

All right. Okay, so the first movie is set in the fictional town of Hope, Washington. This movie is called First Blood. Oh, okay, First Blood. Rambo. It's a Rambo picture. Yep, yep, yep. It's from the Rambo series of films.

It's a good one, too. Yeah, it was shot in Hope. Hope, B.C. Hope, B.C. That's probably where they came up with the fake name. All right, so I would say it's probably in the neighborhood of, it's a movie where Rocky has a gun instead of boxing. Give it a miss.

All right, here it comes. First Blood, Rambo, Sylvester Stallone. Stallone is a misunderstood guy, and he just mumbles a lot. Give it a miss. Give it a miss. Give it a miss. All right. Partial credit.

Misunderstood guy who mumbles a lot. I think that's it. Yeah, that sums it up. That's also Sling Blade, too. Yeah. That's a lot of things. It's Cliffhanger. It's the specialist.

Your dad, actually, I will warn you, he's learning actors' names. Unless you think he's cheating. No, I think he's got the internet. He's got an iPad now. Really? There's no slowing him down. Okay, the next one.

Set in the fictional town of Castle Rock, Oregon. Stand by me. Oh, stand by me. A bunch of kids go to find a dead body. Kiefer Sutherland threatens them. Pretty good. Jack Bauer threatens them. Jack Bauer threatens him. Jack Bauer threatens him.

Guy from 24 threatens him, maybe. Stand by me. Stand by me. Bunch of kids go out to find a body. They almost get run over by a train and River Phoenix finds some leeches in his underwear. Pretty good.

Pretty good? Pretty good. How did he pull River Phoenix? Yeah, because it's the name of a thing. Geography. Yeah, sure. River. It's easy to remember. The Colorado River runs through

Phoenix. Sure. He's got a mnemonic device. Set in the fictional real life town of Astoria, Oregon. Short Circuit.

I wonder if you would know the name Johnny Five. I don't know. Or would it be like the guy that looks like Wally goes on a crazy adventure? Pretty good. I'm going to give it that. Okay. Yeah.

Short circuit. Johnny Five has a love affair with that hot bad girl from the Breakfast Club. Oh, man. He knew more about it than I did. Who is it? Ally Sheedy? Yeah.

Wow. That hot bad girl from the Breakfast Club. And he doesn't have a love affair with her, does he? I don't remember. I think they do it. I don't think they do it. I think there's a really long sex scene. Like 20 minutes. Oh, God.

This one I wrote down wrong, but it is set in the real-life town of Seattle, Washington. Let's hurray! Nothing. It's because I was sarcastic. And the surrounding forested areas. This is a film called Harry and the Hendersons. Oh! Yeah, I know that he knows this, forested areas. This is a film called Harry and the Hendersons.

I know that he knows this because I saw it with him. We went to it in the theater and I bawled at the end of it. Oh, how I cried when Harry went back. It was the natural order of things for him to go back with his own. Maybe that's in his review. Is it Graham cried during the film?

There's a good chance John Lithgow He's not going to know that Oh okay, a guy from Third Rock from the Sun Runs over a Sasquatch and brings him home And the Sasquatch jumps in a pool Pretty good Harry and the Hendersons

the Hendersons come across Harry the Sasquatch they bring him home and he wrecks their furniture the most emotional movie ever for Graham oh man it's so embarrassing

You're crying a bit now A little bit Let it out, buddy Let it out Alright, how many more are there? As many more are there? As many more as you want. Oh, we've got the time.

Well, let's go two more, and then we can... All right. All right. Well, I don't know. I give it up to the audience. How many more should we do? Somebody said one. One of the kids was yawning before. Which one?

Guy in the end. Arms folded? Not into it at all. He just wants to see Bob Dylan, right? That's who you're here for? Bob Dylan? When we got here today, there was a guy standing outside. Another mumbling guy who's misunderstood.

That's right. There was a guy standing outside who was looking for... Usually you hear, anyone got an extra ticket? Oh, God, I saw that guy. Was it the guy that's just holding up the one finger? Yeah, at the press.

But he said, anyone got an extra free ticket? Yeah, an extra free ticket. Anyone got an extra free ticket? Yeah, I'm here to cover it. Oh, thank God you're here. Why don't you be my wingman? Here, here's it. You can be the photographer

for the newspaper. Here. He was also wearing a Bob Dylan shirt, so you didn't misunderstand what he was here for. I'm a real fan. Officer and a Gentleman. Oh, okay. It takes place in the fictional place called Port Townsend.

It's real. Bremerton, shot in Bremerton. Where's Bremerton? Is that north, south? It's that way. You don't want to be there, though. I can tell you that. It's like another Bellevue? No, it's the anti-Bellevue, actually. No chain restaurants at all?

A lot of aircraft carriers, basically. That sounds kind of fun. Yeah. The SS officer and a gentleman. Yes. Officer and a gentleman. The guy from American Gigolo, I think. Picks up his girlfriend at work in his costume and she puts on the hat.

Give it a miss. I bet he hated it. Also, it's a movie that your mother made me watch. I bet it's somewhere in there. An officer and a gentleman, Richard Gere gets beat up by his drill sergeant, and Deborah Winger gets to wear his hat. Halfway, halfway.

Not bad. People always laugh when he gives his actual review. I don't actually know if he thought it was pretty good or not. I'll never know. I bet you it was give it a miss. Of course. This one takes place in the fictional town of Seattle,

Washington. Sleepless in the fictional town of Seattle, Washington. Sleepless in the fictional town of Seattle. Oh, wait. What's the other one? It's You've Got Mail. I'm confused. Do they meet on the top of the Empire State Building? No, they don't.

Spoilers. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Everyone in this city has seen it. You can't spoil that movie for these people I honestly don't know if I've even seen it Anybody who watched it in Seattle The audience was so restive Because this guy just moved to Seattle

And he has a houseboat Which takes like 80 years to get So if you're watching it in Seattle He's in this beautiful houseboat in Lake takes 80 years to get. If you're watching it in Seattle, he's in this beautiful houseboat in Lake Union. The scene comes on, that rumbles through the audience.

Then they get on the boat and they end up at Alki. It's impossible. That's impossible. They're yelling at the screen. They can't do that. That's impossible. It doesn't say science fiction This movie's ridiculous

You can't go from there to there Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan I've never actually seen it I thought they met on the top of the Empire State Building They do Give it a miss They meet in Slippery Seattle Are you thinking of King Kong? I thought they met on the top of the Empire State Building. They do. Okay. Well, that's a different movie, though. Give it a miss. Is it a different movie? No, they meet in Slippery Seattle.

Are you thinking of King Kong? She's from Baltimore. Am I thinking of King Kong? She hears his son on the radio. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a real tearjerker. Right, right. She's driving along.

It's Christmas time. She's singing, horses, horses, horses. That's everyone's favorite part. Okay, I guarantee your dad's review isn't I don't think Graham saw it Here it comes Sleepless in Seattle Not sleepless for me, that was a bit of a snoozer So I'd give it a miss

Okay, one more One more. One more. Here we are. An Elvis movie that took place on these very grounds. It happened at the World's Fair. Elvis finds a little kid, and there's a big dance number where the kid sings with a balloon. Pretty good.

Your dad knows Elvis' name? It happened at the World's Fair. Elvis gets kicked in the shins and sings songs at the 63 World's Fair. Pretty good. All right, all right. Thanks, Graves. Graves' Dad movie reviews.

Not bad. Thank you, Dad. So we'll go wrap things up. John, if people want to find you online or they want to find out more about you, where do they go? Well, it's all over YouTube. There's a site that is up there called Almost

John Keister. It was designed by one of my boys. The people on... They write and go, boy, that's really not a very good website. You need to do something about this. People on the internet are mean?

So Almost John Keister? Is that where people should go? You can find me there. Just click in my name and I come up on YouTube doing really weird things. Perfect. Thank you very much for being our guest here today. Really fun.

Everybody, round of applause for Mr. John Keister. A lot of fun. Thank you very much to Bumbershoot and Kevin Heider for bringing us down. We hope you guys enjoyed yourselves. We have somebody who's going to be giving away stickers on the way out, if you want a sticker. And we'll be hanging around if you want to say hi. Thank you very much for coming out, Seattle. You guys are wonderful.

Have a good night.