Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 142 - Peter Oldring

Episode Date: November 30, 2010

Peter Oldring of This Is That joins us to talk crank calls, divas, and which Gyllenhaal is prettier.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 142 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a gentleman who looks good in a sweater, a button-up shirt, or a jacket, Mr. Dave Shumka. Today it's a sweatshirt.

Yeah, it's totally sweatshirt. I don't think I've ever seen you in something not button-up. Yeah, I think it's like if I cut the collar. Is that what people do? Oh, like cut the collar wide and cut the sleeves? Yeah, like a flash dance. Flash dance ass pants? Yeah, you could totally be Flash Dance. The title character. You could be.

Karen Flash Dance. And our guest today, all the way from sunny Los Angeles by way of Ontario. Is that right? Yes, yes. And if we continue going back in the by way category, Ontario by way of Montreal, by way of Calgary, by way of Drayton Valley, Alberta. It's Mr. Peter Oldring. The DRV. He has one half of This Is That and recently

may or may not have appeared on Lopez Tonight. Ah, yes. Oh, that old chestnut. Thank you for being our guest. What a delight, really. Thank you for having me. Thanks. What a beautiful sweatshirt you've got.

Should I cut it now? It might make for something nice in hour two of the program. To just hear those shears working through the company. Do you guys want to get to know us? Yes, please. Get to know us. Now you, Peter, you just came back from Whistler, our nation's capital. Yes, I did.

Australia's capital. Oh, the parliament buildings look just so beautiful up there, mid-mountain on Blackcomb. Just a beautiful new setting for our nation's lawmakers. Hard to get to, fun to get away from. It really is. It's the Excalibur gondola whips you right into the House of Commons,

at which point you're offered a bowl of clam chowder and some hot chocolate. So it's just a wonderful afternoon. I had to come to our nation's capitable for the chowder. Of course, that will all be edited out. I would hate if anyone thought that I would

ever put a B where it didn't belong. Let's get a clean capitable and chowder. Yes, yes. To our nation's capitable to get chowder. Yes, yes. It's to our nation's capitable to get chowder. Perfect. And let's go with that lower voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It sounds a little less like a tall auntie. So you're in Vancouver. You're working on the coming season of This Is That. Feverishly working. We are feverishly blowing stories out our mouth, which I know being, you know, in the world. Is that the marketing campaign? It's going up on billboards later this month. They're blowing it out their mouth this time instead of taking it all in.

I'm not sure exactly how it came, but of course, we just sort of figured in the arena of vocal arts. I'm not sure exactly how it came, but of course we just sort of figured in the arena of vocal arts, so working in the radio, that we just simply blow the stories out our mouth. Yeah. And I had just assumed because, of course, we're podcasting right now that it was an industry-wide term. Am I wrong? This hasn't been... We haven't heard blowing stories out of our mouths yet. But it totally makes sense. John Doerr didn't bring up blowing it out his mouth at any point.

He blew it out his something. Okay. Okay. And how... Have you ever spent any time in Vancouver? Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Sit back and prepare your ears.

Every time he talks, it's like we do need to sit back and prepare our ears. I really... I'm not going to blow this out of my mouth. I'm just going to kind of let it drizzle out. And I was thinking, well, wouldn't that be a perfect setup to just say, oh, yes, followed by a long silence. And I can't talk about it. And just leave it? Yes. Oh, have I?

But the courts have ordered that I never speak of it again. And then we would just cut to Shears cutting through cotton. As a matter of fact, my parents live in Vancouver. Well, they lived in White Rock and then they lived at the bottom of Howe Street and now they live in Nanaimo by way of Howe Street, by way of White Rock, by way of Calgary. You're a completist. I'm not sure if I've made a full circle or two parabolic curves. Yeah.

I mean, if people could actually see what they're listening to, they'd see my hands making two Cs. Like two sine waves? Is that what they are? Yes, yes. That's what I was thinking. Two sine waves that are playing with a Rubik's Cube. Like really focused on the Rubik's Cube.

Two kittens mouths. Do you play with a Rubik's Cube or do you just... You solve it. I think it plays with you. Oh, yeah. It's like you don't play with a crime. You solve it. Or commit it.

Do you know who invented the Rubik's Cube? Ted Rubik's. Erno Rubik. No. Had he ever been to Vancouver? AMC's Rubicon. It's Erno Rubik. No. Had he ever been to Vancouver? AMC's Rubicon. It's Erno was his first name. Hey, Vern, it's Erno.

He never solved that thing. Dumb. Tell us about your history in Vancouver. Well, originally when I was here, my cousin and uncle and aunt lived in White Rocks. We would come out and visit them in the summer times when we were living in Calgary. And my cousin and I were sort of notorious for doing various and sundry pranks in the lower mainland. And so this might be an incriminating moment. And so this might be an incriminating moment In that one of the things that we did

Is we had convinced We used to just randomly pick up the phone And you know kind of make stupid phone calls Like cranky anchors Yes yes yes Like a jerky boy A bro Jake Or just sort of like a senile grandmother In surrey trying to how do you what do you mean

this is not a pizza place uh this we had sort of you know gotten into this thing of kind of randomly calling people and then we would you know bogusly say this that this or that or whatever and so we got in this thing where we had sort of said uh you know oh is we called this number and said we'd like to order a pizza and the the woman was like, Oh, this is not a pizza place. This is a private residence where we kind of like, we kind of hit her back. And again, she's like,

this is not a pizza place. This is a private residence. I, I understand that, you know, you've already called and we just kind of blurted out that that's so strange because we, um,

just got the newest version of the Lower Mainland Yellow Pages and it says in big bold letters, your phone number at Ocean Park Pizza. And she was like, oh no. So literally for the course of like two years, we would call and she would say like, this is not a pizza place. I know it's in the Yellow Pages.

I have been to Bell Canada. They cannot help me. But it culminated. But it wasn't in the yellow pages. No, no, of course not. Of course not. You would think that would be the first thing she would do. You'd think that it wasn't enough that she couldn't discover it in there.

She knew that she had to go to the source at Bell. I'm not even sure how that makes sense. She got the yellow pages, looked at the cover, saw it was printed by Bell. And said, okay, I'm going to get to the makes sense. She got the yellow pages, looked at the cover, saw it was printed by Belle, and said, okay, I'm going to get to the bottom of this. So one time we called, and we got an answering machine message, and there was a name on it, a last name.

So my cousin and I looked in the white pages. We found the name and the phone number, and there's an address. And so we printed up a bunch of flyers for a pizza place. With her phone number on it. We went to this building, and it was like a condominium. And we left all of these flyers inside the lobby of this condo. And then the next day, called the number and said,

you know, we just got a copy of your new flyer. And she's like, I know! I have seen it! And that was the last time that we called her. We said that somebody was handing it out to the back of a moving truck at a Loblaws. And she was like, oh no! So that was my first visit to Vancouver. And that's how the chain Pizza Hut got started.

Yeah, she figured, I might as well start a pizza place. She couldn't beat us, but now she's buying us. That's so great. Yeah, there's a lot of patience with that prank. And, you know, I mean, oh, it was just a series of ridiculous things. You know, yeah, kind of a series of ridiculous things. We'd convince somebody that they had a large shipment of carpets. And, you know, again, in the lower mainland, there's like, you can, well, you can, there's a time of year where you can go around and everyone will just throw out everything, you know.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And that weekend, you can go and load up your. Yeah, that's true. You know, stuff. So we had loaded up with several carpets and made a delivery. And just to this person that we had convinced that there was...

Anyways, you know, juvenile stuff. But that was, you know, my early 30s. I look back on... Those are bygone times. So different now. Ever since I became 34. It was a time when you actually had white pages and yellow pages. Oh, yeah.

Now, people talk about how there's less privacy, but I can't find a stranger's phone number anymore. No. Although I put my phone number on my Facebook and my Twitter, just in case anybody wants to get in touch with me. But, yeah, because everyone has a cell phone and those aren't listed. That's true. It does seem like the most ridiculous thing when you get that giant shipment. When I was last in Toronto, which is where I was living before I recently moved, when you would just get that shipment of white pages.

It's kind of like, who in their right mind is thinking this is still even important? The short. I guess that's it. of white pages. It's kind of like, who in their right mind is thinking this is still even important? The short. I guess that's it. You know, parents with children, but no, you know, little dinner stools or whatever. Yeah, sure. Photographers at photographer studios. Like, how can you even print up a white page and think that you're even, I mean, you don't see that it's just kind of a bit ridiculous and a bit of a waste of time.

But those would come and sort of go, oh my gosh, look, it's something from the 80s has appeared again. It's a large book of names and numbers. Now, in Toronto, did people do that same thing where there was people just getting rid of their stuff by just leaving it on the corner? Well, that would be during garbage strike. Things would just start to build up and people would just grab whatever. But no, nothing like that that I know of. things that just start to build up and people can just grab whatever but no nothing like that that I know of although we were kind of you know living downtown

and maybe in the maybe a little bit further out of town people would but there wasn't like corner spaces at a bit of a premium there I lived in Vancouver my whole life and I'm just sort of going along with what you're saying but I couldn't tell you the time of year when people do throw out everything i guess the summer kind of yeah

like i would say late spring early summerish not in the middle of the summer because that's really garage sale season it seemed to me yeah like that somehow this coincided with kind of a giant spring cleaning oh carpet season yeah it was when people would usher in the new carpet of the season. And they would get rid of that old dusty, you know, desert beige. I wish there was a carpet for all seasons, but there just isn't. Maybe a million dollar idea.

It's a St. Patrick's Day shag. Deep pile. Carpet of the month. Carpet of the month. Carpet of the month club. Wall to wall. So the guy has to come and install carpet. Take out your old February

carpet that's red because it's the month of love. It wouldn't actually be that expensive. Like his carpet's not... No, no. But the labor of a guy installing it. I know of what I speak. And only because earlier in the month, I replaced a carpet.

Oh, really? Because our dog ate through the carpet. Oh. Oh, what kind of dog is this? Are you sure you don't have a crocodile? No, it's dead. It's dead now. We had to put her down.

We were so angry that we had to put her down for her own good. And she was so filled with polyester. She doesn't take carpet as seriously as she should. We had to, we tried to vacuum it out and it was one thing got led to another and we pulled out her stomach and then we had to simply put her down. No, you know,

we were living, my wife and I, which is actually why I ended up moving down to California is because she was living there. We, you know, met and got married. And so we're living there. Nice. So we have this little place there that we're renting. And the landlord graciously said, well, we're going to redo your floors for you and this, that and the other.

And so they were redoing a portion of the floor and leaving carpet in the bedroom. Well, we had sort of had to keep our dog Maggie, who's a rescue, a real mix of... I mean, she looks sort of like a pink dingo, sort of with tiger striping. I mean, it's like... Yeah, like a pink dingo.

It's like, you know, those pink dingoes. Or am I thinking of an animated character? Yeah, maybe that. Yes, I think I'm thinking of an animated character maybe that yes i think i'm i think i'm thinking of the pink panther in any case uh she uh is like a large uh athletic dog but she's terribly nervous like just sort of jittery and so i think the sound of this person power sanding the concrete in the other room had her seek solace by eating a large portion of carpet the only thing that would settle her collywobbs was just getting like carpet in her in her mouth so i believe that's a

canine term yeah yeah um so anyways we had to replace this carpet so we went to home depot and i think that their deal was you know because one, we had to pay for it ourselves because it was a carpet that our dog ate. Yeah. It was a carpet rescue. Yes, yes. We had to immediately step into a carpet rescue. And so, but it wasn't much. I mean, the carpet itself was sort of, I don't know, $200.

And the labor to put it in was like $39. What? Wow. Yeah. So for like $250. The carpet layers union is not very strong. No. No.

And if we had bought Martha Stewart's carpet, that comes with free installation. That sounds good. And I mean that, it's one of the only times that I mean that with absolutely no entendre. Yeah. Single entendre. Martha's carpet is installed free of charge. Someone will put in her carpet free. It is well-maintained carpet.

Beautiful, deep, rich, gray pile. Don't the Kennedys have a place on Martha's carpet? Oh, dear heavens. And you'd be surprised at the area it covers. It's just... dear heavens. And you'd be surprised that the area it covers is just all the way up the walls and part of the roof. It's just such an ample, ample carpet.

Ew. He's just water-ish. 240 bucks for a carpet. So you see, the carpet of the month might not be much more outrageous than a wine of the month club. Right. Yeah.

That's true. Especially if you spill that wine on the carpet, then you're paying double time, right? You're paying for the wine of the month and a new carpet. Like if you're a real lush, right? Yeah. You're just sloshing it everywhere. You might as well just get the new carpet. You know you're going to ruin it anyways.

Yeah. Because you're a jerk. I guess if you do have the Carpet of the Month Club, towards the end of the month, every month, you just start being a slob. Yeah, which is kind of fun. Of course. To just, like, spill a gravy.

Yeah. You don't need to have... You don't need a vacuum. You don't need to do anything. Yeah. That's, like, 12 carpets a month. I don't vacuum 12 times a year. Or 12 carpets a year. Yeah. Yeah, that's like 12 carpets a month. I don't vacuum 12 times a year. Or 12 carpets a year.

Yeah, yeah, that's true. And it's environmentally a great choice because, of course, it's not hardwood, which is killing trees. Yeah, yeah, and carpet is biodegradable. That's right. You can go put... A hardwood of the month club would be really ethically wrong. You could put the carpet on like an inner city playground that's just all concrete and kind of make it like there's grass.

Or you could put linoleum on an inner city playground and people would breakdance on it. Oh, yeah. Everybody get your cardboard. You give the inner city any surface, they're going to breakdance on it. They're going to move. Point to the fact. They're going to move.

Linoleum robot. Before we move on to Dave, I would like to hear this Lopez tonight. Oh, boy. Hold on. Grab your belt and cinch it and breathe in and other preparatory functions. Now, I know that Lopez wields a big hammer and a big carpet. Yeah. So this makes you uncomfortable.

No, no, no, no. This is fine. I think everybody comes out looking pretty good in this, except for me and George. No, I had gotten this phone call while I was in the afternoon saying, Oh, hey, we got a call from Lopez tonight. They want you to come over to do something on their show. And I was like, who the hell knows me? I don't understand this at all.

It was your agent calling you? Yeah, yeah. It wasn't a prank call from some kid? It turns out it was my cousin. We had some pizza together. You should have seen the flyers I found when I got home. Oh, my God. Lopez performer for hire.

So I instantly, I head down to the Warner Brothers lot where I met by somebody to take me on to the location. somebody to take me on to the location. We're at this studio and they've set me up in this nice sort of trailer set up and I'm honestly going like, I don't understand what the hell's going on. Someone's saying like, you've got five minutes and then we're bringing

you on stage for a rehearsal and I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing. Is there a script? Is there anything? Well, yes. You didn't get the script? I was like, no. I don't even know why I'm here. Well, what's your name? It was just sort of this confusing thing so anyways i am given a script and then i recognize the two names at the top are kind of uh a couple of people that i had worked with in the past who are now writers for that show and so i was like oh okay and i had done some sketch comedy with them in the past so i sort of thought oh well this is really nice they

are bringing me onto this thing so i i look at the script and it says george lopez janet jackson and peter oldren and the dream cast it's a real it's a real triumvirate of comedic power um so we uh i go out to rehearse uh george is on stage and the whole idea no one introduces me to him and it's a little bit tense in there like it feels pretty tense sure um because they're making television yeah janet's telling everybody janet if you're janet she's jackson if you're nice sorry well so she of course she's not there uh but the idea is that during this interview between george and janet i kind of step up from the audience and play this nervous obsessive fan of janet's who's going into this uh you know oh miss jackson i'm a huge fan i'm so and so from

tustin california i've seen everything you've done this that you know and her new show or her new movie that she is promoting is called for colored girls and so you know done, this, that, you know. And her new movie that she is promoting is called For Colored Girls. And so, you know, I... Has this come out yet? I think it has. Oh, I loved it. Oh, you didn't see it or you did? It depends if it's come out.

It did come out, yes. Oh, it was the best. Wasn't it wonderful? And so, you know, I'm supposed to say something like, now, you know, I don't know if I want to be politically correct here. Am I allowed to say the title of your movie? She's like, oh, yes. And blah, blah, blah.

So anyways, I sort of sketched drones on. Anyways, you know. Sounds like your writer friends are very good. As you could tell. It was a bit of comedic gold. So anyways, they travel me off to basically go and eat small lamb chops while I'm kind of hovering around waiting to do something. Here, here's some lamb chops. Okay, very good. I'll be busy for the next four hours.

So I really work those bones clean. I show up to the set, can't fit through the door. My fingers are literally dripping with lamb. And it's discovered Janet Jackson has a lamb allergy she puffs up like a blowfish and of course I'm licking my fingers just as fast as I can for her health

and anyways we laughed about it after the fact by her pool in a hot tub so anyways I get put into position George Lopez comes out. I'm supposed to be sitting in the audience. They're sort of midway through taping a show.

Jennifer Lopez had... Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Another diva. Who's the other... Mariah Carey? Yes. Thank you. Mariah.

Wow. Mariah with her bee-stung belly due to pregnancy. She had just been out, so it was an evening of divas and me. Anyway, so they bring me out into position, and George Lopez comes out on stage, and he's kind of finger gun-shooting me and winking, you know, like,

here we go! And all of a sudden, it's magic hour. It's go go time it's time for that hilarious piece when you pretend you're from tustin california and uh so anyways the director comes over and taps me on the shoulder and says like i need to speak to immediately and uh pulls me off when we go into the vom and he says you know janet jackson janet jackson's people just saw the script they don't want to do the sketch they don't want to do the sketch. They don't want to do the sketch.

She's just going to do an interview. Don't worry, we'll take care of you. And he sort of unceremoniously ushers me out, gives me more lamb and puts me in my trailer. So,

we'll take care of you. You have the worst agent as someone who... We'll take care of you, lamb-wise. We'll take care of you, travel in the lamb. So fresh. So, Is your agent Lebanese?

Yes, he is now I had to get rid of the original one So yeah, but I did pass her in the hallway And if I may say Ms. Jackson looks fantastic It is a happy ending Time and work has treated her well Mostly work.

She looked great. How's Lopez looking? Oh, God, like Janet. I couldn't tell the two of them apart. So you were in the audience at the beginning of the show? Well, no, because I sort of, as I say, I was literally backstage eating lamb. I got lost in all the lamb. There were so many lamb references, it was hard to even keep my own head straight.

They had just brought me out to sit in the, you know, basically right in front of the stage immediately before her interview. So I was backstage while, you know, these other interviews while, you know, Jennifer Lopez was... Oh, no, no, no. Mariah Carey. I keep on saying that. Yeah. I don't... What does it mean about me? What does it was... Mariah Carey. What does it mean about me? What does it mean about Mariah? What does it say about divas?

That they're interchangeable. Oh boy, yes. I think that's exactly what it says. But there's only one Selene, am I right guys? And only one Selene, rest in peace. Too soon. Actually, no, not really at all. No, just the right amount of time, maybe. Actually, she wasn't culturally relevant up here at all.

Really? Not even in our growing Latino population? Our ever-growing Latino population? I would like to see the numbers on that. You can't drink. Dave, what's going on with you? Well, nothing Jackson-wise. How's your lamb? It's great.

I actually did eat some lamb this week. I go to a falafel stand where they have lamb. Opa. But this week, not much really happened to me, except one day I went to the grocery store, and I was in line, and it was just the express line. So it was a very short conveyor belt. And so my stuff was up there.

And then some people came up behind me and it was like people in their early 20s. And they had, yeah, well, a loaf of bread and just a giant pack of condoms wow oh wow and fucking sounds like they were french but it was it was uh you like i've never seen someone just like casually put a giant thing of condoms on the conveyor belt. Usually, I've never used them myself. Yeah, Brad. Usually, I think people try to hide them or turn the box over, but just confidence.

Yeah, confidence is key. What is the chance that those two things are going to be used simultaneously? That's always the worry. You have to buy stuff to cover up the condoms. You have to be used simultaneously. That's always the worry. You have to buy stuff to cover up the condoms. You have to buy ten things. You have to buy a cinema kit.

And a pornos. This might be, it would be best to maybe tuck this under a thick round of rye. That gives me the best coverage over these Trojans. But he was not at all shy about it.

It was just... It was him and his girlfriend, too. So it was like, picture this. Yeah, picture this. And then us having a sandwich. Maybe like a... He's got one of those George Foreman pocket things. We're going to eat fondue off each other.

We're going to carb load and then really work it. do off each other. We're going to carb load and then really work it. But you always like... Not you. Certainly not. Wait a minute. I've been fixed.

I feel like people need to have a story about them. No, these aren't for me. These are for some kid. I always think about that. These are for some kid. I mean, oh God. I work with at-risk youth. I always think about, you know, when you go, when you are getting groceries or when you're getting anything like that,

that kind of the story that you are basically telling to the teller. And I think about that a great deal. Like you can, you can, you are basically seeing What is happening for me tonight Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true And you kind of wonder For a teller If they get to basically piece together Oh, okay, so it looks like tonight

You're dining alone Single guy You can really spot the single guys And the single ladies All the single ladies. All the single ladies. Which makes you think, do you think that anyone ever goes, only for their own sense of self-esteem, they just get

stuff together as though they're having a major party, but they're not. So they'll go in, and it's like four bottles of ginger ale. I need more tonic! I once bought some stuff to make a pie, and the woman was like, oh, bought some stuff to make a pie and the woman was like oh looks like you're making a pie

and then you slap down some condoms and then I'm gonna fuck it but I want to be safe I saw this great movie with Eugene Levin I want to try something I saw like six movies with Eugene Levin The Naked Mile

Bandcamp I made the mistake of saying and this was the truth oh it's for a pie making contest this was true this was true yeah oh nice and she was like oh my god report back to me later back here immediately and now i avoid her every time I'm at the grocery store. And it's been years. There was a lady that used to work at the grocery store near where I live. And I'm fairly confident that in the off hour she was a dominatrix.

Because she had the very... She was an older lady. Not old old, but she had the very... What's a good age for a dominatrix? I think she was kind of like, I would say, in your late 30s. You've beaten up a few business guys. You know, the ropes. It feels like the youngest edge of that

that sort of really can reasonably pull off the title of dominatrix would have to be mid-30s. Yeah, I would say so. And then it works up, and I think it could get up into the late 60s. Sure. Easily. Yeah. Oh, with today's leathers?

Yeah. And then with some careful rules, maybe into the 70s. Oh, yeah. Exactly. No sudden movement. I wear my pads at all times on my elbows. A human born today could live to 200, they say.

Oh, gross. Really? What? Yeah, so a dominatrix born today could dominate to, like, 180? Yeah, at least. Of course, not with everything that's going on in North Korea, am I right, guys? Yeah, let's have a moment of silence.

Yeah. Is that too long? Yeah. Oh, no, wait a minute. Dead air, you don't have it. You should know that as a broadcaster. Dead air is death. If there's a hole, I'll drive into it with my deep tone. The listeners, if you want a moment of silence, just pause. Yes, yes.

Totally. It's on you. So conveyor belt condoms. Yes. Oh, no. Dominatrix lady, because she had a very, I don't know how to describe the haircut, kind of like a Cleopatra. Yeah, okay. Kind of. Like a Cleopatra. Yeah, okay.

Like a dominatrix. Yeah, but had the makeup as well. A very severe haircut. Yeah, and she had... She might have just been in Cabaret, the musical. Wait, wait, wait. She might have been. I understand the haircut.

Yeah. What's dominatrix makeup? Kind of like heavy on the eyes, like a heavy blue or a black kind of. Oh. Kind of gothy, but not so gothy that I thought that she was a goth. Were there any suspicious piercings that sort of seemed... By the way, what's the age cutoff for goth? Well, with Wicca, you never know, right?

It's kind of timeless, am I right? Sure. My grandmother still rocks it, but she's kind of on the upper range um but yeah anyway she doesn't work there anymore but uh probably got a better offer at uh the dominatrix um academy finally the dominatrix velodrome when the cyclists aren't using it. Good stuff, hey guys? So what's going on with you, Graham? I was working hard all week on a show called The Debater.

I saw you working very hard all week. Sweating it. That's something the listener might not know. The three of us all work in the same building. We never see each other. The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. Yeah. We pass each work in the same building. Yeah. We never see each other. The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. Yeah. Yeah. We pass each other in the hallways, in the open corridors.

Always smiling. Always. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Having a wonderful time. Never giving each other a dirty look. No, no, no, no, no. That's not in our player's manual.

Never sort of... Velodrome. In our velodrome. Like, never ill gossip at the vending machines. It's just a place of great... Everything comes up with a wink and a smile. Absolutely. Absolutely it does.

David Suzuki, here's a wink and smile for you, good man. Hello. There's a bluebird on your shoulder. Literally. Oh my good heavens. What a beautiful bluebird. Tell me more. Came up in a hurricane.

So did that all week and uh you know long days and uh long nights and then yesterday i got horribly sick all day i was telling me about it yeah throwing up all day really yeah it's like my body had saved it up for all one what were you throwing up uh nothing there was nothing in my. He wanted something that dated back to something I had five weeks ago. It was a cupcake. Some sort of tinker toy that I had swallowed when I was four. I've been a vegetarian for five years, but it was meat. It was mostly chicken bones and lamb.

It was a soother. I don't know what on earth. It was lamb from your story So it seems like I've pulled all the muscles in my torso So every time I laugh It feels like somebody is punching me in the face Wow, you came to the wrong place

Yeah, I know, right? A place of joy, a place of pain Much like a Safeway dominatrix Be careful, I'm about to start pulling faces and voices Now, I'm curious about dominatrix. Be careful, I'm about to start pulling faces and voices. Now, I'm curious about dominatrixes. Is that the plural? I'm pretty sure it is, yes.

What, like, what really goes on there? Do you get the, like, an erotic massage, you would get full release. Do you get that at a dominatrix? Or do you just get beaten up? I think it's on you. You say, this is what I'm into. I want to be, you know, whatever.

Gentlemen, I... Never tells. I want to tell you that I have spoken to a dominatrix. So have I. At a safe way. You may recall that Pat and I had a web show that we did for the Comedy Network called Good Morning World.

I remember. Yes. One of the episodes, we interviewed a dominatrix. Ah. And, yeah, she, I mean, I guess maybe it's actually, it seems as though it was like, probably as you would imagine. Kind of a real cross-section of people And would just kind of Hire her to I don't know

Come in and be In my mind It's always politicians Or big business men Yeah No it's Fat guys mostly It's like family men

Suburban types Yes Or pastors Or you know People you wouldn't suspect It's always an uncomfortable suit With a lapel That's a little too wide

Slightly thick striped tie Certainly someone who would be ashamed. And someone who would lose their job. Somebody wearing an undershirt. They're very red in the face. Quite pasty but sort of get flushed when things get too pointed or heated.

Someone from the House of Lords. Good heavens. A handkerchief comes out to dab a brow. Now here's something that happened at CBC this week. A listener was there. Exploded. Which was great. Their mind was blown.

But a listener that said that he was going to be in town, he was part of, I don't know, a conference or something? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was on a tour of the CBC and came across you at your desk. And then I just ambled by. And well i can't now i can't remember his name's tom and he uh he owns a uh a club in windsor ontario and he has a he said he he's told us about this like many maybe two years ago he told us about these books early on he's got these books of overheards that he overhears in his uh in his work at the club he'll write down funny things that he overhears and he called us a few times and he said uh here's some funny overheards and uh they they were funny but they were filthy oh yeah they were super filthy and he would uh then he'd call back and he'd say

why don't you guys play my overheards are you mad at me yeah and we told them this is a podcast for ages one to a hundred and yeah or in the future two hundred yeah two to two hundred and two and yeah but no very nice guy tom yeah i only got to talk to him very briefly but i'm uh tom if you're listening it's great to meet you. Wow. Well, you know, there's this group called 4Track. Have you heard of these guys? They're like an improv sort of sketch group that has some videos online.

They're from New York. Okay. And one of the sort of running sketches that they do is they go around Manhattan with a tape recorder and tape record people who are talking loudly on their cell phone. Oh, nice. So anyone kind of having a very loud conversation, they tape the conversation and then they transcribe it and then they simply act it out. Oh, wow.

They use, and so the actual conversation is read and then it is kind of acted out. So it's basically little snippets of overheard conversations on cell phones. Wow. And then it's sort of, each video finishes by saying, so please, you know, shut up. Yeah, please be quiet. Yeah, yeah. But it's really, it's hilarious.

And they're not really sort of like pointedly interesting conversations. It's like one guy just simply ordering a sandwich. They got what? They got that? Okay, no no i don't want that though i want the salami yeah yeah give me the double-aged salami and i want what do i got i got ciabatta okay i want the chai batter i do not want it like i mean it's that was a really good that was a great voice. We're very big fans of that book. Oh, man. We might add street noise to that. Yeah, exactly. Maybe a subway. Maybe put him on a subway.

All possibilities are out. All that lamb, it just really soothes the throat. I really like lamb. It's nature's cough drop. Lamb. Uh-oh, I'm getting a little horse. You'd better bring me some chops. Not horse chops.

Oh, dear. I should getting a little horse. You'd better bring me some chops. Not horse chops. Oh, dear. I should have been more specific. Should we move on to over here? Oh, I was going to say one thing in regards to horse. Horse and its meat. A good friend who will be named Albert Howell. Oh, yes. You know this deep-voiced baritone of the East.

Don't know. He's on Television's Comedy Inc. Yes, and Albert and I grew up when we used to do We grew up. Kudos. Actually, Albert and I just grew up and I wanted to share that. It's very like, stand by me. Yes. We came of age. We used to improvise together at this comedy club in Calgary

and anyways, when we were... Loose Moose? At the Loose Moose, but then that's sort of where we met. And then Albert and I improvised with another guy named Graham Davies for four years in this comedy club as a regular middle act. So we would do six shows a week at this comedy club. It was called Punch Lines and then it became The Laugh Factory and Jesters. Yeah, that's right. I am also from Calgary.

Oh, of course. Yes, we share that. I'm from whatever valley you said before. Drayton Valley. Ah, yes, I remember fondly. Basically from the Tigers. But Albert once in Montreal, when we were sort of all hanging out with friends, ordered horse at a restaurant because it was on the menu,

and it was quite controversial. Yeah, I bet. And delicious. I've seen it in grocery stores. Really? In France. Yeah, sure. As glue. So I don't know if that's the same thing. I've seen it in

grocery stores. Why is it specifically horses that turn into glue? Because lambs are turned into lozenges. Yeah. Duck is turned into... Chickens turn into jello. Bats are too sticky. It's too adhesive.

That's crazy glue. They work through every animal until they find the exact sticky consistency they were looking for. That's the pinnacle of humankind. Working through every animal until they found the exact sticky consistency they were looking for. That's the pinnacle of humankind, working through every animal to see what... What is the process of making glue? Boiling hooves is what I... Boiling?

In water or just in heat? In other hooves. In liquid hooves. So sauteing. A liquid hoof and then just fold in other hooves. Yeah, just fold in other hooves. Just fold in other hooves. We're folding in more hooves. It's going to take a lot of glue to stick this house on earth.

Now, do you need to... You've got to take the shoes off. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, you've got to be polite. All right. Overheard. Okay.

Overheard. all right overheard okay overheard overheards a segment not to be soon forgotten if you've just heard it say right now it's 142 episodes it's hard to come up with this many intros for one segment yeah well you don't you don't necessarily need to come up with nonsense. Don't I, Dave? Fair enough. Isn't that what I'm good at? No, good point. Don't you. And on the show, we like to do the overheards. We like to start with the guest.

Oh, wow. If you would do so. If you're not comfortable with it, we can start with Dave. God, I mean, I, and now, so, oh, boy. And so I need to, I mean, this is one of those, it's one of those things. I need to, something that I overheard somebody else say. Yes. And then I need to talk further about that. No, you just have to, you just have to lay the scene.

Okay. And what was said. It would be a wonderful opportunity to lay a scene and then whatever it is I overheard is kind of the punch on that. Oh, man. That would be the best. That would seem to be kind of the point of this segment. Mm-hmm.

Let me... Okay, I'm going to... I hate to do this, and I hate to go out of order. Can I please pass until we come around? And then it'll make it when I do say it. Unprecedented. Yes. Unprecedented.

It's precedented. Oh, yes. Oh, it is? Super precedented. Can I go in the middle? Yeah. No, I'll go at the endprecedented. It's precedented. Oh, it is. Super precedented. Can I go in the middle? Yeah. No, I'll go at the end. Okay.

Okay. All right. Dave, would you lead the charge? Okay. How does this work? Just kidding. I like it. I like it.

The other day, yesterday, as a matter of fact, I was on the bus, and it was someone talking too loud on their cell phone. Oh. We should start a sketch. But actually, they had their Blackberry in their hand and I couldn't see their other ear but I assume

they had a Bluetooth item in their ear. And the first thing, he said a couple of things but the first thing, I think the person he was talking to had just won

a free magazine subscription of their choosing and they wanted to give it to this guy. And the guy was like my age, but talking so loud into his Bluetooth on a very empty bus. But everyone there was listening to him. And he said something about like,

oh yeah, just, oh yeah, magazine, that sounds great. Give me, send it to my address. Give me whatever. I don't know, Sports Illustrated. Oh yeah, no, I don't read the New Yorker anymore. Ever since I took up drinking again, I just don't have time for it. And then he went on to say, oh yeah, Revenue Canada called me. Turns out I haven't filed income tax since 2005. All that drinking has gotten

in the way of filing. Yeah. Oh. So he seems like a complicated guy. Yeah, right? Lots of stories to tell. Wow. None of them from the New Yorker. The story he mostly told was about the Revenue Canada guy talking tough to him and him talking tough back. Yeah, that's how you get it done. And by that, I mean getting put in jail. Yeah. I saw, this isn't my overheard, but I saw a girl on the train and she had the, like, earphone piece thing so you don't actually have to have your phone anywhere near your face.

Right, but it's like headphones? Yeah. Was it wireless or wired? Wired. Wired. Okay. But she was also holding her free McDonald's coffee from free coffee day. Yeah.

Free coffee two weeks. Yeah. Free coffee fortnight. She was like blowing on the coffee but talking too. So it looked like she was talking to her coffee. Like she held her coffee up. So it looked like she was whispering sweet nothings to her coffee um you're going to become part of me i hope you're not too hot

um did you uh either of you get free coffee no i don't drink it i yeah oh yeah you don't um i did and it's very much at the McDonald's near the CBC. Yeah. It's a very popular place to go for free coffee. Sure. The two weeks of free coffee. And it's very soup kitchen-y. Yes.

Because you're lining up with Deadbeats to get this free coffee that's not good. It's not. Businessmen and Deadbeats. It's not. Business men and dead meat. It's not the worst. It's like the last supper. Because I want, you know, I have to have a strong cup of coffee in the morning. Cup of Joe, you call it.

Yeah. And some people, it doesn't really matter, but I really kind of have to, and it has to taste really, like, you know, gross. Even bitter and straight. Yeah. Because the face you're making looks like it's like it's gotta taste like liquid horse and i and i and i don't mean glue i mean i mean like

the actual horse uh and so i hesitated even you know even though i said because there is a coffee place right beside the cbc that in you know in vancouver they make great coffee and they put it through this french press and it's very strong. And so I keep on thinking, oh, that's free. But I wonder, and it's bothering me going, I wonder, is it really good that they're doing this because they have a new coffee and it's really good now? Yeah, it's not the worst, but it's really sort of hit and miss. Yeah. But it actually your...

It depends which one of the chefs is preparing. Yeah. Is Bruno in today? Ooh. The, your, this is that partner. Yes. Co-host? Yes, yes.

Pat Kelly. Well, Pat Kelly. We prefer partners. He was in a McDonald's coffee ad maybe a year ago. That's right. Yeah. So he would know. Yes.

Yeah. He would be an expert. Well, of course, in the commercial, he was drinking coffee from JJ Bean. Because they didn't, of course, that never read on camera, but that's what they were doing. That's how they Greek it. Just so that they could get the expression that they wanted. That he was really enjoying the conversation.

Yeah, and to get him to say the lines, they put peanut butter in his mouth. It's an old actor trick. Now, Graham. Yes. Do you have an overheard? My overheard comes courtesy of a show that I've never watched before.

I watched half of an episode. It's weird because I know all the people on the show By way of tabloids and such Oh, can I guess the show? You may Dancing with the Stars? No Something that tabloid people are in

The TMZ show Nope Is it Keeping Up with the Kardashians? Keeping Up with the Kardashians is what it was. And it's just, it was the last thing I heard on the show before I turned it off was the dad, Bruce Jenner. Oh, sorry. Can I stop you?

Nope. Okay. The TMZ show. Yeah. None of those people are in the tabloids. I think I misunderstood what we were going for. Okay, fine. They are tabloids. Yeah, they are tabloids. Okay. Technically, they're in the tabloids. I think I misunderstood what we were going for. They are tabloids.

Technically, they're in the tabloids. I think I really... Technically, they're not, because tabloid is a format of newspaper. I mean, it almost... If it's online, it's just called the Lloyd. It's called the fabloid. Fabloid.

But at the end of whatever I was watching, Kardashashians they're eating dinner and the bruce jenner and his wife are fighting and he says uh this salmon is really dry and her comeback to it was i'll give you some dry salmon which sounds horrendous right that sounds like a dig on herself right how so martha stewart carpet i'll give you some dried salmon oh wow yikes right although dried salmon sounds delicious that is like a jerky come back yeah like a uh smoked overly smoked and then she said i'll give you a smoked dried salmon and then you see a cigarette.

Stop it. Stop it. And it was that exchange that made the final cut. Yeah, exactly. That was the 10% of what they shot that they thought, well, we've got to put this in. Yeah, we've got to put something on air. Everyone comes across looking sharp as a whip on this. That was the one take where Bruce Jenner's face moved.

Yeah. Oh, man. We've got to use it. Bruce looks like he's living. So now that you've heard a couple of overheards, do you feel like you're in the spirit? Yes, yes. I have something that I did over here. I don't enjoy flying that much.

It used to be something that I would be much more anxious about. No, I'm not so, you know, not as bad. But this was a flight that I was coming into Toronto. And it was very bumpy and, you know, coming in. And, you know, as we were going down, it was sort of nighttime and with all that cloud. So you're kind of going down into what just sort of feels like absolute the pits of darkness. Because there's no light coming up from the city yet. And then for some reason, the clouds began to turn red.

And I was thinking like this is... It honestly looked like we were flying like straight into hell. Like somehow, which I mean arguably we were flying into Toronto. No. Topical. All of a sudden, the engines roared, and the plane started to jet directly up again. Wow. We had been like we were on our final approach where you hear the tires go down and everything. All of a sudden, it jets and goes straight up.

And I hear the stewardess in the back talking to the other stewardess and says, that's weird. Right. And because I'm literally sitting in the, if it's not the back row, then they're sitting behind me. Right, right. That's weird. And all the way along, they'd been talking about, I was going home for the holidays. And all the way along, they've been talking about, oh, it'll be so good to be home. And what a long run.

And I'm, you know, because I'm sort of neurotic at the time. Yeah. Going like, just shut up. Oh, I can't wait. There's a huge dinner waiting for me at home. Little Timmy's finally at the wall. This is my last flight before retirement. And so they're like, oh, that's weird.

And then she's like, should we call the pilot? And the other woman says like, oh, no, no. They're probably very busy up front. And so, and that phrase, they're very busy up front. Part of my neuroses about being worried about flying is because I obsessively began to read some things. You know, just sort of read those news things and these uh headlines and transcripts sure i had read a transcript of a flight that did go down and the pilot came on to the just before they crashed came on to the uh

you know pa and said well because there was the plane had been sort of right about the PA and said, well, because the plane had been sort of thrown about the sky. He said, well, folks, we're experiencing a little bit of difficulty up here, but we're doing our best. Just stay tight. We're pretty busy up front.

Oh, wow. And that was the end of the transmission and then they go down. And then I was thinking, oh, my God, it's airline talk. They're busy up front we're going as it turns out there was uh you know a plane that had not cleared the runway they had to loop around and land so it was it was fine but i just sort of thought that uh i recall thinking like oh

my god scary yeah that's like that is terrible that's spooky yeah you're better off not researching plane crashes i I think. No, I've stopped doing that. And it's not even that I control it. Well, you know what it is? It's like I never really thought anything about it. And then one, excuse me, one of those plane disasters, you know, years and years ago got a lot of coverage. And so it was just kind of everywhere.

And so then I couldn't help but be like, oh, my gosh, my gosh here's more you know pages and pages about what they're finding out and a little bit of that information is just horrible yes so then i'm thinking like well they were talking about a clicking sound before this happened and i'm hearing clicking what the hell is that put your pen away sir you know but so i you know then i started to kind of you know whenever i would see something about that i could not help myself but to kind of read wow and so anyways i've stopped doing that because it's kind of like they never they never choose to write fabulous stories about every single flight that lands which i think would be more helpful it's like another 12 000 flights landed in america today here's you know a page story on every one when you said that thing about the pilots are

busy up there i remember my friend told me in ireland if there was a bomb scare and they didn't want people to panic they had a code name that they would they would say like would mr tom something rather please pick up the courtesy phone or what you know like it was there was that was their way that every all the employees in the store knew that there was a threat that had been made yeah and uh now i've always got that in the back of my head if i ever hear somebody on the intercom i'm like uh is that a thing has it has a warning gone out to employees and then I'm looking around at employees? Are they moving out of the store? Yes.

Because, yeah. Oh, my. And then it's your cue to shoplift. Oh, yeah. Exactly. Hey, if I get out. And I get a new scarf. Who's going to be the wiser, right?

Lordy. Well, we get overheards not just from the three of us. Yeah, we get them from club owners. Yeah, from people all over the place. Listeners, avid listeners to other people's conversations. Yeah, and... And by the way, if you are listening to this on a flight, don't worry about that clicking sound.

No, that's not an issue. And don't even worry if stewardesses are building up their excitement about being back on the ground. Yeah, it turns out that people have emotions. Yeah, totally. Our first one emailed in, if you want to send in one yourself, you can send it to stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. It comes from Travis M. As me and my dad are walking down the road in Portland,

a man on a bike stops... Maine or Oregon? It doesn't say. I'm sorry. It's alright. A man on a bike stops next to my dad and yells, Hey Grandpa, you need to get a bike like me and get rid of that gut. My dad is in his mid-forties and the guy on the bike must have been over 55.

He then gets back on his bike, which is too big for him, so he has to jump on and tries to speed off, but because he's going uphill just slowly rides away. Wow. I imagine he got the bike that day and he assumes he's going to ride it every day. I like to picture that the guy was really barrel chested and had the big old timey mustache and was bald. And he was riding a penny farther. Like he was going to go juggle those club weights, the bowling pins.

I don't think I've read this one before but i had to i took some from earlier emails uh while you were barfing yeah while i was barfing uh i'm a multitasker if nothing else uh this one comes from zach b um just heard the following exchange in a library i don't like maggie gyllenhaal she looks like my grandma. Sorry, dude, but your grandma is hot. Well, she's also dead. Oh, sorry for real then. Yeah, there is a... People fall on both sides of the Maggie Gyllenhaal argument.

I think she's pretty. Is she not? Am I wrong? Oh, yeah, I think she is. She's pretty, but she's like a thinking man's pretty. It may not be the most obvious sort of example of pretty, but yeah, she's pretty. Yeah, she was in Crazy Heart, and she was very good looking in that. Oh yeah.

I did not see that. No. That seemed like a terrible bummer. It was in part. Yeah, reminded me of certain points of my own life, although he's much older and much worse off. Sure, but these things repeat themselves. And he got to have sex with Maggie Gyllenhaal.

So it's, you know, it's some good, some bad. Wait, did she play herself? Yeah. It was a really weird movie that way. Terribly revealing. A lot of overheards just from that movie. Are you guys going to go see the new Jake Gyllenhaal vehicle?

Anne Hathaway vehicle? Yeah. She shows her boobs in it, guys. Wow. It's like it's in her contract. She'll show her boobs, but only if it's in a Jake Gyllenhaal film. Only if it's in Jake, guys. Wow. It's like it's in her contract. She'll show her boobs but only if it's in a Jake Gyllenhaal film. Only if it's in Jake's face.

Then I'll... How desperate. It's a little desperate. Yeah, she's got a sign that says, we'll show boobs for food. We'll show boobs for Jake. Alright, this last one comes... Have Jake and Maggie ever been in a love scene that would be that would be a true measure of acting would yeah yeah because they're guys

are you actors are you siblings yeah because they could play lovers who aren't related because it's just acting come on hollywood yeah hollywood is ready for an incest love scene that's not about incest. She would have to wear a scar or something to make her look less like him. Lit beautifully. Do they look alike? I think in that close of proximity I would lose track of whose torso was whose.

I think that he may be a closer example of pretty. A more traditional example. She's more challenging, I think. Yes, yes, yes. That's very interesting. You don't need to be a smart man to find him pretty.

Oh, yeah. So he's like a dumb man's pretty. He's a dumb man's beautiful. Yeah. And she's like a princess of Persia. I did physically... Actually, I did physically see both of them. Physically, yeah physically I was physically

with my own eyes there was a fellow that I had met a long time ago that dated her really? and I met her did you do a nude scene with him? no she's not made of Hathaway

and then I saw strangely strangely enough, I saw him at a restaurant on crutches, I don't know, about a year and a half ago, wearing colorful Crocs. Ew. No, no. If you're on crutches. I disagree.

It seemed to me that the Croc was on both feet. The foot that was bummed and then the other one. Now the croc was on both feet, the foot that was bummed and then the other one. Now the croc's on the other foot. I'm not sure what that reveals. I think you need to own crocs before... He didn't go hurt his leg.

And then go up and buy. See, this is where it becomes forgivable. If it's a croc on the wounded foot, you go, ooh, whatever's happened, that's the only shoe that fits. But he's got a very sensible new balance shoe on the left. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, no, no, it was a double croc on the wounded foot. You go, ooh, whatever's happened, that's the only shoe that fits. But he's got a very sensible new balance shoe on the left. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, no, no, it was a double croc. Ew.

So it's interesting. Have you ever worn crocs? No. Yes. Have you tried them on? Yes. Have you felt the rubber of them? Yes.

They sure do feel comfortable. Space age. But they're gross. Yeah. Oh, I agree. And they make you a bad person. My parents are huge croc fans. Oh, your parents aren't bad.

It's tricky. Well, no, no, that's fine. But it's such a... I would assume they were if I just saw them, though. No, but if you imagine this, my dad travels with Crocs. And by traveling with Crocs, I literally mean he came over to visit... He goes to the outback. He came over...

Is your dad Jack Hanna? He came over to visit me in Vancouver andouver and to go to my uncle and aunts for dinner did he know about the croc store here no it would have it would have saved him packing he he packed the pair so that he could slide them on to where at my uncle and aunt's house oh wow and then to yes he's a big what a good guest. He loves... Wherever he goes, the Crocs are sure to follow. There are Crocs that... That was also a Jack Hanna slogan. There are Crocs that are like cute girl, like girly shoe Crocs.

Like heels. You might not even notice are Crocs. I think I would. I think I'm pretty keen. Yeah, you got a good nose. Yeah. I've got a good nose for weird rubber. Our last written in

overheard comes from Tim B. Is it Timberland? Yeah, it's Timberland. I'm not supposed to read last names on the show. Today, in the course of my work, I came across a town in Ontario named Aurelia. I instantly pictured a sign on the

edge of this town saying welcome to aurelia and then someone added a question mark at the end of the second line below yeah really uh like aurelia yes that's an overheard if you imagined it i didn't realize until i was reading it that he imagined it can i can i have another shot at an overheard i guess he may just have he may just have voices his head, and that's what he's overhearing. It was such a loud voice yelling that he just overheard it. I'm going to allow it. It was his inside voice talking to somebody else, and he just simply happened to overhear that. And he was wearing his inside shoes.

This last one comes from Sharon M. This last one comes from Sharon M. In chemistry class, we were doing a lab where we had to find the mass of the precipitate from the reaction of aqueous solutions. Wow. So we had to filter the product through coffee filters. Remember when you had to do that garbage? Yeah, I do. I remember it exactly.

It comes in handy now. There was one guy whose filter tore. The teacher asked him what happened. Should have borrowed a condom from the guy. He loudly responded, it's not my fault. It ripped through the paper like a cheetah ripping through paper. Pretty good. Pretty good, yeah.

I apologize for stepping on it. It's okay, Dave. Some of those large words at the beginning were a bit daunting. Yeah, sure. You guys thought it was going to be a chemistry joke, but it wasn't. You large words at the beginning were a bit daunting. Yeah, sure. You guys thought it was going to be a chemistry joke. But it wasn't. It was about a cheetah. Yeah, it was precipitating.

A big magical cat. And in addition to overheards that have been written in, we also have a phone number that you can call in with your overheards, you know, if you're not feeling shy. Yeah. Our phone number is 206-339-8328. Let's have a listen. We're talking to you, Jake Gyllenhaal.

Hey, guys. This is Brandi in Baltimore. I just had a funny overheard for you. A friend of mine and I were sitting in a bar the other day, and there was a couple of guys sitting next to us that we heard talking. We weren't really paying attention, but one guy was obviously bitching about something, some girl from work or something like that. Anyway, the one thing that stood out was he said,

I mean, you know me, man. I don't hit girls, but if she walked in here right now, I'd punch that bitch in the face. Jesus, he's loose on his own rules. He's a regular Chris Brown. Yeah, if she walked in here right now. This is my one exception time. Well, I don't like that kind of attitude at all. No, me neither. No. But maybe it's like that, you know, you get to sleep with one celebrity.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, like I get one time that I'm allowed to punch you in the face. This would be it. Yeah. If you walk in right now, I'm allowed to punch you in the face. Couples do have those. There are five celebrities they're allowed, and there are five women they're allowed to punch in the face, or members of the opposite sex.

And the five people that you meet in heaven that you punch in the face. Mitch Albom. Oh, that was a good one. That was a good one. Let's see if there's another good one. I imagine there are two others. Hi, stop podcasting yourself. This is Clay from Houston, Texas. I haven't overheard. I went to see the Ben Affleck movie, The Town,

and it was the middle of the day, so it was just me and my wife and quite a large collection of older people going to see it. During the trailers, though, the elderly couple in front of us, the wife of the party decided to let everyone know which movies she was interested in seeing and which movies she wasn't interested in seeing. At the end of the party decided to let everyone know which movies she was interested in seeing and which movies she wasn't interested in seeing.

At the end of a trailer, she would say, oh, I want to see that. But my favorite part came when the trailer for Fair Game, the Valerie Plame story came on, the Sean Penn movie. It looked really good. Ited like a good political thriller. And as soon as the trailer ended, the gentleman stopped and in dead silence go, oh, yep, that's right,

just blame Bush, which I thought was hilarious. I am sick and tired of people blaming Bush for everything. Yeah, come on. He was a good... You know, he wasn't the best president, but he was probably second best.

I haven't seen trailers for that movie, but I imagine if it's Sean Penn related, it's not pro-Bush. That would be shocking if he made a Bush movie. That would be shocking if he made a bush movie that would be shocking if he made remember when oliver stone made w yeah i saw it yeah i saw it too kind of weird yeah but

everyone was like oh man they're taking down a president who's in office right now and they didn't really did nothing no no one who liked bush saw it yeah that's true that's the kind of the thing about those those things is it's like the people who are it's aimed at really have zero interest in seeing it yeah it kind of feels like uh yeah i don't know how much stuff that really sways like even like michael moore's films and stuff you know you're either someone that kind of really digs his film and are on board with where he's coming from, or you're not. And so I don't really think if you're kind of like someone that doesn't believe in his politics, you're going to go to one of his films and go like, oh my gosh, you're right. Yeah, yeah.

It's a little bit in that world. Have a real Ebenezer Scrooge moment. Yes, yes. You can be very strong. Do you remember when he released that? He made a movie that was, like, I forget what it was even called, but it was about youth voting, like getting the young vote out. And he released it for free, and so nobody saw it. It was like, oh, this is free? No, I won't buy this.

It's obviously material that would have no box office appeal. There's nothing entertaining in this at all. It's like when you used to, I don't know if you guys remember this, but you used to be able to go to video stores and rent the Magic Johnson Arsenio Hall Talk About HIV tape for free. And it was never out. It's not really renting at that point, is it?

It's mostly just having. I just have. I just have it because there's no punishment if I just continue to have this. Yeah. My friend has this video. Do you want it? Nope.

Do you want to borrow this video from my friend? No, thank you. Do you know Arsenio Hall has AIDS? Well-known fact. That's why they canceled his show. Why was that offensive? That's what I... Because it's too late.

It's not too soon. It's not right time. Oh no, I don't know. One thing that really bothered me about the Arsenio Hall show is he would... I don't know what part of the show it happened, but I remember his signature appearing on air. He was writing it. You would see his autograph being written. Oh, yeah, that's right.

But it was just a giant A and then a squiggle. Yeah. That's not an autograph. That was his nickname, was A Squiggle. When I was a young man, we went with... It was on part of some school trip or some trip that took me down to California.

What? Wow. To be a plant in the audience of the Arsenio Hall Show. It was an extension of our shop class. We built the bleachers that house the people at Arsenio Hall. You carved his haircut. We built the rail at the dog pound. It was kind of cool. But yeah, we went and saw a taping of the Arsenio Hall show where Don Johnson was a guest,

and so was Katie Lang. Wow. Yeah. Do you tell Don Johnson this now when you're... No. No, I didn't. No. He's a pretty funny, gravelly kind of guy. Yeah.

Not much for small talk. He hung out with Hunter S. Thompson. Isn't that weird? They were like buddies. Wow. Don Johnson and Hunter S. Thompson. Hunter S. Thompson

wrote an episode of that show that he was on with Cheech Marin. Oh, not even Miami Vice? No, no, no. Is it Bridges?

Nash Bridges. Yeah. Nash Bridges of Madison. That's not a singer. He wrote an episode that had still called Steve Austin. Watcher, Texas Ranger, Nash Bridges of Madison County. What? Father Dowling Mysteries.

Do we have one more over here? Of course we have one more. Oh, okay. Hey, Graham and Dave, I got a real short overheard for you. Oh, and this is Ross S. from Kansas City. Dave, I got a real short overheard for you. Oh, and this is Ross S. from Kansas City. So I was watching two girls and one guy at a coffee table.

One girl and one guy was discussing the history of punk rock. And the other girl, obviously bored, just all of a sudden chimed in with, You know what's great? Rockapella. all of a sudden chimed in with, you know what's great? Rockapella. No doubt.

They were probably my favorite punk rock band from Carmen Sandiego. Rockapella. Oh, man. Well, yeah, he said two girls and a guy at a pizza place, which made me think of you, Dave Shumka, that your blog was featured on the New Yorker's culture section. No, not the New Yorker, the New York Magazine.

New York Magazine, my apologies. Yeah, we read Ryan Reynolds' yearbook quotes two years ago on the show, and he was recently named the sexiest man alive and i scanned i scanned his yearbook thing and i put it online and it made the rounds on the internet yeah it certainly blew up quick and i felt i was like i don't know am i gonna get in trouble for this you know that he was just you could tell from his quotes that he was uber popular in high school. He had popular guy quotes where it was stuff like,

Hey, Janine, why is my hair wet? And it was just like you could tell that it just... He had a lot of inside jokes with a lot of very powerful people at Kitsilano High. Only popular people had those type of quotes in their, you know, inside jokes. Just super inside little jokes. So these are prints, where in the yearbook, these are just sort of... Yeah, he was a,

he graduated when I was in 8th grade, or grade 8, as we say in Canada. I don't know why I... For our American level. I went American. At level 8. Yeah, sure, when I was taking my A level yeah so in my first ever high school

yearbook is his graduating picture and quotes yeah wow but you can tell he was Johnny Potter I think Joshua Jackson went to my high school as well. Oh. It was a real murderous row.

Man, oh man. That guy was popular. He's popular for life. That's his whole life experience is being popular. He never got, you know. No. He never got his. There was never that sort of awkward phase.

There was no comeuppance. Everything was really working out very well. He was popular in high school, went on to be popular in film, and then became the sexiest man of the year. It's only going to continue. He's going to be elected to a high office of some sort. He's going to go to the moon. Becomes the most graceful elder man of the world.

But I don't think he was a bully or anything no but he's just like he's you know like his name might as well have been Chaz you know

like popular like I had a friend named Chaz that really like we went to school and his name really sort of had stymied a teacher of ours who had come over

from England and she kind of was like caught on Chaz Chaz Chaz oh it's sort of a funky Charles. I get it.

She had never been introduced to the works of Chaz Palminteri. When I was a young man, maybe 13, 12, we had, my dad won in a golf tournament. He won a month of Super Channel, which was the movie channel at the time yeah and uh on friday nights they would show softcore pornography yeah including one movie called chad's and vinnie's sex adventure that sounds not sexy at all spin off of like bill and ted's excellent adventure where they're kind of taking that storyline and then but just throwing in a lot more skin yeah a lot more skin uh but no penetration just sort of gentle pushing yeah just lots of no it might have just been like ladies posing naked oh yeah and chas and vinnie were the cameramen that sounds pretty good a lot of high That sounds fun. Just some delicate poses.

With beautiful soft lighting. This was before the internet. This was back in the age where you would get yellow pages and you would look up a porn store, go to it, get a beta tape, or maybe just an 8-track that you just heard. You just heard

nude posing. That's it. Now lean on that with nothing on. That's it. Now lean on that with nothing on. That's it. I like what I'm seeing. Continue being nude. Don't put on that jacket. That's right. That is some good continual nudity. You're continuing to wear nothing

but now you're just letting your hair blow in a fan. Don't let the fan... If you're getting cold from the fan, don't suggest that you should put it on. We'll turn it off. We'll just simply use a hair dryer, so it's hot wind.

Ooh, yeah, hot wind. It's a hot wind. Remove more clothes. It will continue to make your nudity comfortable. Guys, you're probably giving somebody a boner. Yeah, probably. I can think of one person. Somebody who...

Chaz. Or Vinny. I can think of one person. Somebody who... Chaz. Or Vinny. I can see one person. Sorry. If you're listening on a plane right now, put your boner away. Put your boner away. You guys are about to...

Stove your boner. We're about to land. Pilots are very busy up front. Stowing their boners. Stowing their boners well here we are we're at the end of the show and it's great to be here

thank you for being our guest what an absolute pleasure if people would like to find you online where do they go well you know if people want to go and check out this this is that you know they can go to cbc.ca forward slash this is

that a very funny show that's the first batch of episodes yeah and we're gonna be sort of posting trying to keep a little bit of uh the content alive as we ramp up for our next season so kind of you can kind of keep on checking in and if you haven haven't heard it, it is really funny. It's kind of a spin on the entire CBC sound. Yeah. And it's really, it's so much so that you were picked, a couple stories were picked up by actual press, right? Yeah, yeah. I mean, it is, you know, the CBC is such a trusted source

of news and information that pretty much anything that you say coming out of the CBC, people are pretty, you know, it's not a far stretch no matter what it is to take it as truth. So we had some people run with some things that they thought were really stories. CTV buying the set of Friends.

Yeah, that's right. It's something ridiculous. But it's really fun because we've had nothing but support from the folks at the CBC. So we kind of, Pat and I get to just sort of let our imaginations run wild a little bit. And it's been really fun. A real sort of creative project for sure.

And it's really funny. And I'm glad that it's got picked up for more episodes. Yeah, I know. Us too. We're really excited. And I think that we're also uh moving into maybe some uh video components to go with it as well i like it kind of maybe letting it grow a little bit which is exciting for us too so we're kind of uh in the process of if you if you're

looking for a really popular video component you should talk to arsenio hall about having aids oh and maybe how we uh you know how to uh get our signatures slowly then become the you know title of the show or something uh dave do you have anything to plug uh this friday is the cbc open house and i will be broadcasting on the air that's friday december 3rd i think uh i and i will be hosting a show from 5pm to 7pm outside. Bring by a hot chocolate. Please bring me something.

I don't know what I'm going to do hosting radio on live satellite radio. It's going to be great. It's going to be really fun. If you can't make it down, listen on cbcradio3.com. Other people kind of chatting in the background.

Oh my gosh, look at him! He's on the radio now! I'm hosting from 5 to 7 Pacific, so it will be dark and stormy. I imagine there will be somebody there with a baking sheet. And I would like to plug on New Year's Eve, I'll be doing uh dave you'll be on the show

the laugh gallery new year's eve show at the ukrainian hall am i on this show well maybe yeah this might be the invite right now yeah this could be i witnessed it do you expect what's going to be the response i know about the show i don't remember whether i was supposed to be on talk to jane i think i'm on it. Anyways, you can buy tickets at Neptune Records if you live in Vancouver. Neptune with two O's. That's right. It's a cheap way to

enjoy New Year's Eve without having to go out with the rabble and people who are overly drunk and you don't have to dress up. But you can if you want. Oh, please dress up. Are you going to dress up? Oh, of course yeah it's new year's eve old lang syne guys yeah whatever that means um what does that mean uh old acquaintance be forgot okay and never brought to is it uh like is this sort of ancient uh old lang syne is it an ancient Sanskrit it's A-U-L-D so it's old old

yeah yeah very old it's ye old it predates ye oldy yes if Chaucer was kind of if he had released some songs

oh Chaucer was a jerk yeah seriously guys what a bore well thank you again for being our guest thank you very much for having me yeah

it was a pleasure and come on back next week for another old episode of stop podcasting yourself