Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 143 - Dan Werb

Episode Date: December 7, 2010

Dan Werb of Woodhands returns to talk about Predators, sleep disorders, and beard paintings. Then we talk to a listener who attended the Spiderman musical.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 143 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is the only person I would be willing to be stuck with on Predator Planet, Mr. Dave Shumka. That's very kind of you. Oh yeah, well I think we could do something really great on Predator Planet.

Oh, you think we would play cooperative mode? Yeah, yes, well, I think we could do something really great on Predator Planet. Oh, you think we would play cooperative mode? Yeah, yes, absolutely. Okay, I assumed you would be an alien and I would be a predator. Oh, no, no, we'd be fighting predators together. Okay, cool. Yeah. I hope they don't cloak too well. I hope they don't cloaking themselves.

And joining us here for, we believe, his third appearance. but it's in question dave thinks it's the fourth but i i think we all agree it's third right except dave uh somebody who i wouldn't mind being on predator planet with a guy who i think wait let me introduce who you are first. You may know him as part of his musical adventures. Adventures isn't the word I wanted to use. I think they call them bands. Yeah, that's right. Bands. Musical bands.

Silly bands. Woodhands, Mr. Dan Wurb is here again. For the third time. I feel like by your opening graham it feels like you would be okay with me on a predator planet but i would probably be one of the first to be killed yeah that's the thing about being on a predator planet it's if i when you said it to me i was like oh okay because i'm weaker than you but it's not it wasn't it's not like the Predators You think you're going to survive That's the thing

I hope I'm not going to go to Predators planet to die I hope that I'm going to survive You got that confident gleam in your eye When you get back from If you survive a Predator planet It's a big if Is it like NOM where you expect you'll get a parade

And you don't But then you are getting a parade and you don't because i i sort of but then you are getting a parade but it's cloaked yeah i sort of feel like the living envy the dead on a predator planet yeah that's true let's get to know us that's dark get to know us um uh yeah well we were talking about Predator because Predator is on TV as we speak. Um, everybody run to your TV. Run to the history of your TV so you can pinpoint when we recorded this. T-Bow that shit.

Um, and, uh, we were talking about the movie Predators and about. Not Predator, Predators. Yeah. So spoiler alert, spoiler alert. Let's just talk about Predators for the rest of the episode. Is that an episode spoiler alert or spoiler alert. Let's just talk about Predators for the rest of the episode. Is that an episode spoiler alert? Or is that a movie spoiler alert? Both.

Oh yeah, so if people are wondering how this episode turns out, we talk about Predators for the whole time. This is the thing that, because I didn't want to talk about it because you hadn't seen Predators yet, but we've all seen Predators. And then I didn't want to mention that I had seen Predators because I didn't want to talk about it because you hadn't seen Predators yet. But we've all seen Predators. And then I didn't want to mention that I had seen Predators because I didn't want to talk about it. It was just the fact that there was the one guy that they had brought in from a prison. He was like a good murdering guy. The Shanker.

Yeah. And he just... Ravi Shanker. He just had a shank the whole time. He tried to get a gun at one point, but really it was half-hearted. He took it back from him or something, didn't he? Yeah, but he ended up just running around with a prison shank. If I remember correctly, he actually shanked a predator.

Yeah. Successfully. Did he say something like shanks for the memories? He wasn't the clever character, was he? I think they all should be. I saw Predators. The new one. Yeah.

I don't really remember it that well. Well, Miley Cyrus isn't in it. I can tell you that. But Topher Grace is. Yeah, which is crazy. That's right. Doesn't he drop out of the sky at one point? Yeah. Or is that someone else? No, they all do. Yeah, they all fall. That's right. Doesn't he drop out of the sky at one point? Yeah.

Or is that someone else? No, they all do. Yeah, they all fall out of the sky. I know, I know. They all get there, but then they find him later. Yeah. But he's a doctor. Yeah.

Oh, doesn't someone fall out of the sky without a parachute? Yes. And then just dies. Yes. Yeah. Yes. It really gets you into the action right away. Yeah, because that's the first thing you see is, what's his head?

Adrian Brody falling out of the sky. Yeah, terminal velocity. In my dreams, am I right, guys? An Adrian Brody falling out of the sky? Or jumping out of a cake. What's going on with you, Dan? What's new? What's new with me?

Well, we just finished touring this year wow how was it it was i mean it was everything it was where did you go we started in january and we basically have toured on and off since then so we went where have you gone just north america we went canada a few times we went all over the states we went to europe which was pretty fun vacation yeah little european vacation big ben parliament and then uh funkadelic more uh yeah just all over shows shows shows where was your favorite place that you had never been to before uh that you toured on hmm like like the new discovery that you the new discovery man we went to new orleans twice which was super fun

yeah which was great and we also went to portland or oregon fucking amazing yeah okay let's talk about portland was it everything we imagined yeah it's weird. Is it super hip? It's like Vancouver. It's like Kingsway. It feels like Kingsway. So it's like low level commercial and mixed residential. City of Roses. Is that right?

Portland? I saw no not a rose. I went to a strip club for the first time in years and years i thought you meant like first time ever which i was no no no no no no i remember frosh week going to a strip club with 12 jockey strangers which was terrifying jockey strangers you like people in their job am i allowed to get a boner? Or is that embarrassing? Wait, when you say jockey strangers, do you mean jockeys that ride horses?

No, like jocks. Just call them jocks then. Rugby gentlemen. Jock strangers. Strange jocks. I remember that movie. So that was the last time I went. And then this time We were touring with this Crazy

Female rap group from Oakland Called Called Hot Tub Okay Up the west coast And they're all like Nasty Talk about their

Genitals Their business Oh yeah And they're great They're great Really fun And they were like We gotta go to the strip club Because the girls don't have Dead eyes there What? They're all like genitals oh yeah and uh they're great they're great really fun and they were like we got to

go to the strip club because the girls don't have dead eyes there what they're all like not like upset they're empowered strippers wait a minute okay so uh let's roll this back this is in portland this is important yeah so okay we're touring up the west coast and uh they're like when we go to portland we have to go to union jacks we have to go to union jacks and uh yeah so we go to union jacks the british themed strip the british themed strip with bad teeth everywhere yeah uh and it was fun like i obviously had only ever been to this strip club with these jockey strangers oh right so you did you go to like everybody hates me like everybody here hates me

and i'm a horrible lecherous i'm a fraud misogynist yeah but then when i went with and i have a boner and i may have a boner but i don't know if it's socially acceptable do you wear a bracelet that flashes every time you get a bone so uh what do you mean that like i'm really fascinated by this like it was it was it like the suicide girls set or kind of like that they were like yeah they're like suicide girls z so it's like a burlesque kind of like that movie you know what it was just a strip club but the strippers had tattoos and seemed on their faces no no because that's where it's it's like fun if it's on their body but then it's re-scary again

if it's on their face you definitely had like a niche strip club if it's on the face i think it's a prison strip club that's where you are so anyway we went and like i was nervous and they walked in and they're like oh these girls are like oh my god girls you're so beautiful you're so beautiful and they're like oh thanks girls so there's like this girl empowerment yeah thing happened their bras yeah girls are doing it for themselves we like went to the back and smoked well i didn't smoke cigarettes because i don't know how but they smoke cigarettes what do you mean you don't know how i i do you look silly when you smoke a cigarette i can't bring it into my throat i can't bring it into my throat i hold hold it in my mouth. I look like Dizzy Gillespie. And then I go.

Because I just cannot go in the throat. Why? Because you're afraid. Have you never inhaled a cigarette? I maybe did when I was a teenager. And I think I vomited. Oh, really? Yeah.

The first time I inhaled a cigarette, I was like, this is for me. I remember thinking that in my head. This is for me. This feels great. yeah the first time because like when i was young and you know you're fake smoking like that you're just breathing it out of your mouth and you're like i don't understand why people love this and then my friend said you have to inhale it and i did and i was like oh yeah this is this is the best thing it's too bad cigarette companies can't make commercials like those tied commercials with real customers. Because you would be an amazing real customer.

Oh, who, me? Yeah, on a smoking ad. But I don't smoke anymore. I quit because it causes cancer and whatnot. That's the worst. Allegedly, we don't want to get sued by the cigarette companies. Yeah, that's right. Sorry, big tobacco.

I have maybe been to a strip club four or five times in my life. Yeah. Not in years. But there's always a story that comes out of it. That's true. You can't ever go to a strip club without something happening, right? As long as

you consider every boner, you get a story. Every boner is a story boner diaries that's your website right boner diaries i once went with a friend who uh heavily blogged who actually i need to blog it right now blog it out man i went with a friend who uh uh went we were there one of the strippers went to high school with them really yeah this is this is at the uranus lounge uh i remember the place that was karaoke downstairs but the karaoke was prohibitively expensive so it was just a place for gangsters to hang out downstairs right for gangsters to sing karaoke to each other and knock at boners yeah um boners on the second floor boners on the side andrew barrymore film clowns to the left of me

here i am um yeah i don't uh i don't think i've ever been in a strip club experience where I felt like the strippers were happy to be there. But I always feel like if I was in a strip club, because doing comedy, I feel like it's probably the same thing when you go to a comedy show and the comedian seems like they don't really want to be there. But if it was a really great crowd for the stripper, she'd probably be having a lot of fun. And right. Am I wrong about that? Am I way i way off i mean what's a good crowd though like define this good cheering like they're just going nuts for like thomas wagon yeah like it's just fun right like actual thing like wolves aren't isn't everybody gross though when you think about it yeah everybody's gross everybody's. Everybody's. In a strip club, everybody's gross. Fucking gross. But I wonder if there are any parallels between the world of comedy and stripping.

Like, do they work on their material? No doubt they work on their material, man. Yeah, and they have to travel. They have to do, like, different circuits. I mean, do they worry about being hacky? I'm sure. I'm sure everything applies. Yeah, I'm sure, like...

And it's a solo art also do they not want to do crowd work before the headliner comes on a lot of strippers do crowd work they talk to the guys in the front row and kind of joke around and have fun it really humanizes them

which is a big turn off they make you understand them as people so you toured around all over the place yeah you were a real road dog yeah how was that a road i was a wild hog you were uh what was the jeff bridges movie uh crazy heart you're a tron i was a tron you were a road dog wild hog crazy heart. Yeah. Tron. You were a boys on the side. It was great. Yeah? Do you enjoy the road life? You know what? It was so crazy. I got really, like, in

December 2009, I got really, really sick. Like, well, no, I didn't even get that sick. I just got, like, kind of like a flu, and it stayed with me until April. Jesus. Because I broke up sick i just got like kind of like a flute yeah and it stayed with me until april jesus because uh i broke up with my girlfriend oh hey come on you know what it's good for the best why is it good it's for the best why no this is we'll get not everyone's meant to be with everyone exactly

i thought everybody was meant to be with everybody yeah that's what you you that's why you propose that world orgy yeah i'm still proposing it if anybody's interested if everybody's interested yeah oh you broke up with it you broke up with my girlfriend my ex-girlfriend your bgf my formerly best girlfriend your ex-gf and then i stop it graham i went on tour and i also defended my masters I don't know remember last time we were talking about all the school stuff I was doing

so I did that and I basically didn't sleep and I was stressed out and at the time I didn't love touring because I was like sick and like actually in a very like cliche rock touring way like downing whiskeys, right before I went on so that my throat, like, I talk like this all day.

And then, like, right before I went on stage, I'd, like, drink a bunch of whiskey and, like, scream until my voice popped out. Why did you think that would help? It does. Really? It does. And then when it's done, it just, like, your throat just clamps up. Yeah, so in actuality makes it much worse. It makes it worse.

But if you're, if you have no voice, you have like, you kind of. Don't you get cortisone shots like Ashley Simpson? What, like they say, is whiskey what they would give babies who are teething? No, no. That's rum, wasn't it? No, I thought it was. No, it was. It was whiskey.

Yeah. I thought it was scotch. Scotch is a kind of whiskey. I know that, but it's not just like, were you downing scotch before you went on stage? 30 year old vintage scotch. I don't remember. So many drinks. Do you spell whiskey with an E or without an E? Depends on if it's Irish or Scottish.

Okay. Because I've seen both and I don't get it. of the Irish it's a go go and I think it tastes gross I spell it with an e as in you yes yes so that happened but then after that was done I was like I don't know I just loved it yeah just loved it so now what are you doing? What's the deal now? You're off the road? We're off the road.

We just finished touring Canada. We went from Vancouver to Toronto. With Maylee Todd. With Maylee Todd. Yeah. Who's like a frequent collaborator. Nice. And she has an awesome band that's like soul music.

And now we're writing, which is fun. I just came from my parents' house where I was playing piano. Shout out to Dan Wuer's parents. What's up, parents? What's up, Ellie and Ron? Ellie and Ronald. Oh, is it Ronald now? He wants to be taken seriously. Ronnie.

Ronnie. You do a great impression of your mother talking to your dad. No, that's her talking to me. I'm Spaniel, man. But he... I don't understand. What are you guys talking about? Okay, so Dave and I...

Have known each other since grade one. Many, many years. And you were falling into this weird hole of talking about something. Talking about my mom. My mom... My parents are foreign. And my mom... Sort of talks like this.

Yeah, she's from the Belgiangian congo she's from the belgian congo and uh she calls me spaniel where's your dad from south africa oh really yeah a real blood diamond relationship real exploitive also i just read heart of darkness and i'm like i hate you mom i hate you so much. But you don't, really. Too literary? I did not get far in that book. That was a difficult read. It's all about people fucking up the Belgicongo.

Yeah, but the language, the readability of it. These are not human sentences. Isn't it Heart of Darkness? Am I wrong? Isn't that what Apocalypse Now is based on? Yeah, yeah. Okay. I haven't read it. I've seen the movie uh great movie great book yeah dave hates it um yeah no i like the movie and i also

like the movie called hearts of darkness yeah it was awesome we were making a movie about vietnam it was vietnam that's the best part yeah coppola being crazy that's what he part. Yeah. Coppola being crazy. That's what he does. That's what Coppola do. It's Sophia. Yeah. That's what I meant to say. Are we talking about the Virgin Suicides? What are we doing now? Okay, this is going off the rails. Alright, so we were talking about my parents. Oh yeah, because I was at

their house playing piano. Because it was Sing Along Saturday. Because it was Sing Along Saturday and I'm starting to write some new material for a new album for my band Woodhands we're back on track but do you write, you don't play actual

like acoustic pianos this new album is going to be ragtime music mostly it's just like variations on The Entertainer by Scott Joplin it's a good name for an like variations on the entertainer uh no but good name for an album variations on the entertainer write that down um no but it's fun like i write it on some one of the ways that we write music is i write stuff on piano and then i bring it to paul

my drummer drummer and bandmate and um we turn them into like dance songs so that's fun nice yeah so it's all happening it's it's rolling yeah rolling yeah what does that mean that's just going along all right yeah i'll accept that yeah fun times anything interesting happening of late besides writing an album which is fascinating in and of itself, but just any nuggets? Of like? Just whatever. Just of daily life. I went to Palm Springs.

What? Why? That's kind of mean. Why did you go to Palm Springs? What do you mean, why? Well, why would you go to Palm Springs? You would go to golf. Do you golf? No.

Well, there you go. So why'd you go? I went for a wedding. Ah. Of two golfers? Of two golfers. I bet it was outdoors. Am I wrong? It was for a wedding. Of two golfers? Of two golfers. I bet it was outdoors. Am I wrong?

It was outdoors. It was outdoors. With the guy wearing a white suit? And that place is crazy, man. That place is crazy. It's like the middle of the desert and nothing happens there except weddings and old people. And golf. And courses with no names.

And golf. Oh yeah, is it famous for golf? Yeah, apparently it has the biggest carbon footprint because it is the desert, but they've got so many golf courses that need so much water. It's so crazy dry there. I can't imagine any turf anywhere.

And a lot of people fly just to see the crazy carbon footprint. World's largest carbon footprint. It's a roadside attraction. It's a roadside attraction that you can see from the air. Well, where were we going? Yeah, so that happened.

And it wasn't nothing of note? Palm Springs? I just sat and drank booze. You've got a real problem. Yeah, it sounds like you've got a bit of a problem. You can't shut up. You need booze to sing.

You've gone to strip clubs. You can't smoke.. You need booze to sing. You're going to strip clubs. I can't sleep properly. You can't smoke. Smoke properly. Yeah, that's true. That's true. You can't smoke unless you've had whiskey. Actually, you know what? You've got mother issues.

You said how much you hate your mom. I hate my mom. Yeah, I said that. I'm a real... I'm really fucked up. No, but you know what? I actually have a sleep problem. I thought you said sleep problem.

Okay, tell. I have a sleep problem. So does Graham. Yeah, you do. You guys should spoon spoon i have a pretty crazy sleep problem what is it that you bleed in your sleep that doubles as a really shitty pickup line oh here it comes okay can we guess yeah yeah guess okay yes um you guys are uh hilarious oh i can fall asleep during sex there you go is that it did I guess right I

when I fall asleep I defecate I don't need to be awake to defecate that is so hot to the right girl so check it out so when I guys

listen to the science Daniel's about to drop what you guys don't know is he's sitting on a backwards chair he's just pulled out of the chair so I don't own a backwards so sleep apnea sleep apnea

so when I am coupled and sleeping and sharing a bed with someone you're not married but when I am coupled and sleeping and sharing a bed with someone. You're not married. But when I am with a woman. With a child. Dave, come on. Daniel's pregnant.

Sorry. Okay, guys. I apologize on your behalf. So when I am coupled coupled with woman in bed none of this is my sleep problem but it's also is a pickup line when i am coupled with woman in bed when i'm coupled with woman in bed i sleep great i sleep great yeah when i'm uncoupled and alone in bed yeah the lack of a human barrier causes me to okay so i start on my side i start sleeping on my side got my arms kind of near my face maybe sleeping that classic angelic you know it's like a baby angel. Baby angel, that's me. And then somehow throughout the night.

Which becomes the fatal position. Throughout the night. That's my guess. I end up rolling over onto both my arms. Right. And I wake up, and this happens to me maybe two or three times a night. I wake up and both my arms are under, I'm sleeping on my belly. Both my arms are under my belly and they're asleep.

Right. So I have to somehow get turned on to wake up your arm. I can't, they're like immobile. I can't feel them. And I have to somehow like turn over and like wriggle my way. Like, just like slowly back and forth. Like I'm like a headless, turn over and wriggle my way just slowly back and forth. I'm like a headless

like I'm a head without a body. Just slowly get in the momentum. Head full, body less. Does this make sense to you? Do you understand this? It's so frustrating. Then I have to lie there and finally

when I get over to my back again I just have to wait till all the tingling goes away in both my arms. It's a little bit fun if it happens sometimes. But it happens like three times a night. Here's the thing. It seems like this is an easily solvable problem. Yeah. All I need is somebody in my bed.

Or to create some sort of barrier out of uh pillows and such yeah but the thing about that is like if you build a weird pillow yeah you're never gonna get laid like weird ever ever i i think that you're okay if you build a weird pillow thing they will come they're they're not gonna you you're in your argument women are just coming over while you're asleep already wanting to have sex and getting turned off by your pillow thing that you've made to help you sleep by yourself i just picture it like being like a vicious downward spiral where like first i get a small pillow then i get uh but why don't you just have a size pillow then i put a little face on the pillow yeah then there's like this like you know and put a little face on the pillow.

Then there's this... Then there's a hole in the pillow. Then there's a hole in the pillow. Suddenly, I'm sleeping with a blow-up doll. You know, like, I... I will live with this disability. If you had a blow-up doll, inflating it with air doesn't seem like it would really help you,

stop you from rolling over. Would you fill it with rocks? Or, like, cement yeah i think that you're i don't think what you have qualifies as a sleep problem i can easily remedy are you serious yes it's an easily i wish you could sleep a night in my body no i wish you could sleep a night in my body because i literally can't sleep you guys okay i have a classic inside guys sleep off yeah let's have a sleep off wait you just straight up can't sleep you guys should sleep for pinks really like last night i couldn't get to sleep until 3 30 in the morning and then i

was up again at 7 so that was the most when did you bed down uh 11 so that what do you do for those hours i ended up watching tv i watched the history of violence because it was on tv last night that's crazy h.o.v how long that's what the h.o.v line means right you can drive in it if you if you see um oh man that's some good stuff the uh the worst sleep problem i've ever had is I used to get nosebleeds. I would just wake up with my face caked to the pillow. Oh, gross! You slept fine through it. I slept fine through it, yeah.

It's more like a wake problem. That's like a waking problem. But now, actually, I sleep with the dog. And that would help you from rolling over, so you should borrow my dog. I just picture you bleeding profusely on a poor little grandpa. No he would love it because then he could slick his hair for it like he likes. Yeah like rocks from friends.

Would he like lap your nose? No I haven't I had nosebleeds since I was like 12. Wow. So we're all a little fucked up, guys. Yeah, a little bit. But I think we... That's the lesson. Maybe... Are you against having a pet? I can't believe you just totally dismissed my sleep problem. No, I was trying to offer a solution. You dismissed my solution, is what happened.

I think I'm going to hold out until... You got a warm body, Mason? Yeah. Yeah. Yep. There you go. Still waiting. I don't know if the microphones picked it up, but they high Mason? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. There you go. Still waiting. I don't know if the microphones picked it up, but they high-fived.

Yeah. But it was a pretty weak high-five. Yeah, because we're far away from each other. Yeah. Yeah. Not too far away to try it again. No, we're sharing a couch. Dave, what's going on with you?

This week... How's your blood sleep? Blood sleep. Sounds like a terrifying movie. Well, I wrote the first draft of my new movie, Bloodsleep. It's a Gary Busey vehicle. Yeah. That guy looks like he could bleed on command.

You know, like there's like some of those actors like just cry, but he can just bleed. It just starts coming down from his hairline. Where do you want it from? I'm a real pro. This week, I turned 30. Happy birthday. Thanks, everyone. Dave, did I write on your wall?

I don't know. 77 people did. It's weird that you and I have known each other since we were both in grade 1, but you're only 24. I'm a prodigy. No one can be that much of a prodigy. No one man should have all that power.

If I was in grade 1 and I was six and you were zero it was just his mom coming to school he's like i got a really good feeling about this yeah show him some math flashcards show my belly some flashcards uh yeah i turned 30 it's the worst and. Get ready for a year from hell. It's the worst. Thumbs down. No, why? A year from hell? Why do you say that? So old. It's over, man.

Dude, I'm loving this 30 thing. Man, Bieber's so far ahead. Yeah, think about it. What would Bieber do? I have this theory about celebrity. Go on. Sorry to interrupt your whatever it's called. What's new with you?

Thanks for listening. Oh, come on. You know what it's called. I don't like who's who in the zoo. So, my quick theory. I believe celebrities arms fall asleep.

Celebrities bleed profusely all the time. And that's why they're so beautiful. Yeah. I feel like the age at which celebrities become celebrities is the age at which they're stunted. Yeah. So Bieber, that's why jackson was always kind of like eight yeah you know bieber's always gonna be like 16 yeah but isn't that the goal isn't that what everybody wants ron howard for life ron howard got out forever young i want to be forever young

do you really want to live forever forever forever young, you don't want to live forever old. No. Like, you don't want to, like, hit 90 and then live forever after that as 90. Right? Yeah. You guys have heard of the Fountain of Youth, right? Heard of it, yeah. It was founded by Vasco da Gama.

Hugh Jackman. Oh, sorry. go on. No, but I agree that like being a kid and being a celebrity, what jobs did you have as a kid and could you imagine still being interested in those things? Like being a paperboy as a grown man? My first job, hockey referee. Lemonade stand employee. Maybe part owner? No. Working your

way up to part owner. Yeah, sure. Lemonade stand and associate. So you're the big 3-0. So the big 3-0. So you're upset because you think Bieber's better than you. No, that's not what it's... That's a weird... He's better than him at pot dancing. Dave, I think that you're way better than Bieber

thank you I mean and his appeal to 14 year old girls what the fuck does this guy care about 14 years old kids

remind me not to talk try to rant I get so grammatically incorrect just undermine everything I kinda want you to rant more then

that was so crazy it wasn't that crazy yeah but it's in the wrong place no it just sounded really funny to me all right all right so no you're depressed i know i'm not really i'm just uh having a pretend pity party all right and what else for your benefit uh let's see what else uh not a lot just working a lot yeah at the cbc you love your job yeah i like it a lot yeah it's fantastic lot. Yeah, at the CBC. You love your job. Yeah, I like it a lot. Yeah, it's fantastic. Great.

Would you say this is the first job you've ever had where you actually enjoy doing it? Yeah, actually, that is very true because I worked Thursday night. I was there until about 10 o'clock at night. And I've done other jobs where I've had to work really long days and I've gone home and been just so mad about it. Yeah.

But I... You're a real rage-a-hol. Yeah, oh, no, I do have... I'm a rage-a-holic. No, no, no. He drinks the rage-a-hol. Yeah, you drink the rage-a-hol. I'm not the product.

I'm the product of the product. Dave Schoenke's rage-a-hol. And, yeah, you guys have both been 30 for years. Yeah. I'm in my last year of being 30. My age is varying wildly during this podcast. Yeah. You were originally 24.

Now I'm mid-30s? No. Or 30 for years. 30 for years, yeah. Guys, this is my 4th 39th birthday. Am I right? What, uh, what's, uh, like, it seems like there's a lot of downside yeah uh this whole year has been just through the floor are you 30 now you're also 30 yeah yeah yeah

man guys i'm loving 30 i don't know what your problem is uh you're touring all over the world falling in love going to strip clubs it's. I guess it's more like 20. No, I didn't. Although one of the strippers came to our show the next night. Which was kind of nice. And did she strip? No, she kept her clothes on.

What good is she? She bought a lot of merch though. Man, she bought like two vinyls and a t-shirt. She was going to use them on stage the next bought like two vinyls and a t-shirt she was gonna use them on stage the next night the vinyls two vinyls right spin them yeah yeah that's what they call them vinyl nipples got a real pair of vinyls um lordy so dave loves his job he's 30 he's engaged he's doing it i know it's but it's very grown up sleeping with his dog yeah let's not say that he doesn't get nosebleeds anymore yeah he doesn't have blood sleeps

now he's he's far enough removed that he can start writing about it yeah it can be based on a true story yeah you could turn it into like a mike berbiglia sure sleep well sleep with me yeah but actually come to think of it no one ever showed any concern about my nosebleeds in my sleep like well i bet your mom when she was washing your pillowcases like no no but there was never hard to get out yeah but there was never any uh we should have you checked out no one should bleed this much every night we need to talk about dave and his crazy blood sleeves anyway that's about it for me thanks to everyone for great who uh uh wished me a happy birthday hey do you know did you see uh i'm still here no did you see it i don't even know the walking

phoenix the walking documentary no was it good no i watched it this week i don't know why that when you were talking about sleeping there's a scene where his friend takes a poo on his head while he's sleeping spoiler alert is that the end of the movie yeah and then they were all credits they were like this is what you're waiting for was it in 3d uh yeah it was in 3d i'm still here um oh lord yeah it's weird because it was like the day it came out they said that it was all uh a hoax and i would have waited but here's the thing when i was watching it i was like i was Watching it, I was almost reconvinced the other way. They said it was a hoax because they made it, and it makes him look so horrible that they were like,

oh, we got to do some damage control. And so they came out and said, oh, guys, it's all just a hoax. He's not really this crazy, horrible person that's portrayed in this movie but we're pretty sure that he is right uh it seems like like unless he's the best actor that's ever existed ever then yeah it seems like that was him in the thing he is a pretty good actor and joaquin's a big listener of the podcast so what i'm saying is if you're listening which you are uh because he does a lot in the movie. Walk.

He does my walk. Does he play the podcast in the movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I didn't tell you that. I haven't heard about it. Yeah. Well, nobody's seen it. I'm the only guy who's seen it.

So wait, what part of this reminded you of Dave? Oh, when he was talking about just his sleeping things. And you just pictured him getting shot on in the face. Yeah, somebody, you taking a dump on him, I guess. It was about my mom doing pillow laundry. And then I was thinking about who had to clean up after that. Sorry. That just popped into my head.

And for my birthday, Graham. Graham's a great friend. Not just a colleague. When he says he's going to bring me a present, I assume it's going to be something funny and weird I'm wearing a weird Al Yankovic shirt right now

who knows what wacky shit I'll do is that from the Jurassic Park tour? yep was that Alapalooza? Alapalooza but he our dog, Graham and my dog yeah, it's our dog

my dog Grandpa has. Our dog. My dog, Grandpa, has been getting into the garbage a lot lately, and we have to keep something on top of the garbage. So Graham got me this garbage can with a lock on it. Yeah. Thoughtful. That is so sweet. Yeah. Right?

Can you imagine? That's such like a grown up present. Yeah, it totally is. Not fun. It is kind of fun. Just utilitarian. It is kind of fun to not have to clean up garbage off of your kitchen floor yeah that's true right that's so thoughtful of you

graham i try you know i'm not i honestly would have wouldn't have thought of that for myself i was like well i'm just gonna have to deal with this by putting a giant thing of pennies on top of the garbage for the rest of my life and then the pennies just spill everywhere yeah and then you can't tell which ones were the collector's pennies and which ones yes because i keep two separate things of pennies oh my god do you guys have that ever when you're like i don't know if you ever have to like you know but like buy soda or do laundry or whatever and there's like a coin that you won't use nope you i won't use a terry fox coin that's the only coin i won't use because you love him yeah i think he's great he's he's pretty great yeah right yeah you use present tense which is still great yeah he's still great

his legacy lives on right legacy's great wait which one is which which denomination is he on? I thought you said something about his leg Oh his legacy That's the worst He's on a loonie Sometimes I'll be at the laundromat And then a loonie will come up And then I can't

Then what do you do with it? Keep it? Yeah Have you been at the laundromat And not had enough because you used... I always have. I have other... I have bills on me. What's wrong with you?

I don't know. Is there something wrong with me? Yeah, because coins are... That's the point of coins. I know. Every other coin I feel no affection towards, but I feel like a weird affection towards this Terry Fox coin. But you're not a collector.

No, no, no. No, I don't want them to collect. I feel like I can't use it. Now that's a problem. Yeah, it is, right? Do you, like, do any anything else to respect Terry Fox's legacy, or is this the only thing that you do? Yeah, no, I donate to the Terry Fox run every year. Oh, man. Really? This guy loves Terry Fox.

How many people do you donate to? I only, well, only usually one a year. I don't usually know a squadron of people who I'm running. You should just donate the loonies to them. Yeah, totally. Oh, Dave! That's what I'm gonna do. Yep. Well done. Save one a year. I don't usually know a squadron of people. You should just donate the loonies to them. Yeah, totally. Oh, Dave. That's what I'm going to do. Yep.

Well done. Save you some money. Problem solved. Do you see how relaxed I am now? Yeah. You were kind of getting tense. Yeah. Your beard was like all curled up.

It was like a little fern. Oh, let's talk about your beard. Oh, yeah. I'm doing paintings with my beard at the moment. And you started them. Because a few weeks ago... Okay, what's the deal with this you wanted i'm confused you want to get rid of your beard but you want to do something i want to trim it back i don't want to get rid of it right i want to i can i interject this for a moment please by all means i'm trying to currently grow a beard

it looks great are you doing a goatee or full of grams uh i'm doing anything that i possibly can i think which is nothing it looks like you're going to be a goatee. I don't think I can go beyond the goatee. No, what you have there is... But nobody wants a goatee. I don't want a goatee. No? Anyway, let's talk about your beard.

Fuck your beard. It looks pretty good from where I'm sitting. Well, it's about two millimeters long. I don't think it's two millimeters. It took me a week. No, how did it start okay you said you wanted to trim your beard and uh but first you thought that maybe you would uh paint something with your beard and then listeners started writing in and saying i want one of these beard paintings yes so you're gonna dip your you've you've already started. Paintbrush like, your paintbrush like beard in paint.

Yeah. And so I like, what I've done is I like, I do like a, like a Captain Lou Albano. Or a Spoonman. Or a Spoonman. I tie it off. So it's like a, kind of a scraggly brush. And then I just paint using the beard. sometimes i use my hands to kind of guide the beard and other times it's just do you use your hands to guide the paper yeah sometimes it's

just the paper and i'm just working off of the beard and are using watercolors or oil-based acrylics acrylics yeah oil-based wouldn't wash out when yeah okay so you you have to wash every time you change color that's right do you how many are you painting uh how many colors how many paintings i'm gonna paint as many as people want no but at the same time like do you have like six paintings in front of you and you do orange and all of them all at once no i've only been doing one at a time uh so i just like last night i did one that was inspired by the movie Kill Bill. These aren't just abstract weirdo

They are abstract. But they're inspired by specific things. I've seen one. So they're of nothing at all. They're of a beard. They're by a beard. They're not of a beard. They're of beard.

They're of beard. And so yeah yeah i've been painting them i'm gonna give all the when i uh auction them off i'm giving all of the money to charity uh possibly terry fox probably beards beards for no it's it's not terry fox but he's cancer related okay um so i'm gonna give away are you a good man? No, I'm not. Not at all. I'm making up for something. You're a good man. I killed a lot of people.

On that Predator's planet. You're making me feel like I deserved it. On the Predator's planet, I killed a lot of my fellow men to get in the Predator's good books. The Predator's apprentice. You should keep me around. I totally wiped out all those dudes you were trying to predator. They'd be really pissed. Yeah.

They live for that. Yeah, that's what they do. They predate. What are you doing? They predate. It's like that. Yeah. So when I'm done them, I guess I'll post a thing on the website.

But I don't know how to auction it. I've never done that online. eBay, man. eBay. I guess eBay. eBay, yeah yeah so i'll put them on ebay now uh you went to the store and you asked the salesperson for what paint to use with your beard i think he just pointed at his beard and they knew exactly they're like i need to use this i was with past guest al Tobin and she said my friend here wants to do some paintings with his beard. Because you were too shy. Yes, very shy to ask.

And the lady laughed and said acrylic is probably best because it will wash out. Oil is bad and watercolor won't show up enough. Or Crayola. I feel like your beard is so big it might almost be able to grip a crayon it's possible there's all sorts of different modes I'm trying out now beard modes yeah beard modes I gotta say you look very you look very much like an artiste with that beard like I'm getting like a Van Gogh vibe yeah maybe I should move to like some European country and just hang out with the I mean you're trippers there you're good at smoking cigarettes I'm very good at smoking cigarettes always have been from like day one

i was a really good cigarette smoker i kind of want to see you do that yeah i can understand that i was really good at i had the hang out of the mouth thing i could do that you couldn't do that with that beard though because you would light that beard on fire yeah yeah i do like to hang out of the mouth and just hands in the pocket yeah masturbating um pocket pool uh anything else going on with you sir no that's it that's taking up a lot of time like it's from when i wake up to when i go to sleep do you have any formal training in face painting? Nope. No, face painting is something different. This kind of reminds me of in Forrest Gump when he's running across the country

and people want answers from him. They think he's this oracle and someone says wants an idea for a bumper sticker and he doesn't have anything but then he steps in some shit

and he says, it happens and that's where shit happens comes from right and this other guy wants i need a slogan for my t-shirt and then he forrest gump gets mud on his face and then uh wipes his face with the t-shirt and it's a smiley face yeah that really annoyed me because that's not what would happen ever. Smiley face is a circle with two eyes and a smile. He's a big bearded running man covered in mud. That's not how it would look. So are you saying I should become a running man? Yeah, like the movie Running Man starring Predator star Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Oh, lordy. This has been a good get to know us. So long and convoluted but at the same time i love it we learned a lot yeah when do you guys want to start the real podcast the thing is i'm just picturing the rams beard multi-color it looks to me like in my brain it looks like a hyper color t-shirt at the end of the day it's there's strands of it that are all different colors. I need a photo of that, you beautiful man. I took a photo of it last night with yellow because I was doing the Kill Bill painting. You should maybe section it off into different areas.

You can make multiple paintbrushes because it's so bushy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good idea. Maybe I'll try that out on the next one. What do you mean by good idea? Like i'll try that out on the next one yeah that's what do you mean by good idea like the opposite of that like an interesting idea all right do you guys want to move on to overheard i would love to yes overheard overheards time to say with your mouth what you've heard with your ears like that pretty good right amazing uh we always like to start with a guest.

And you said before the podcast that you have one. It's an old one. It's an oldie. But maybe not a goodie. Also. I don't like that. No, I actually, this is for me, it was just such a wonderful moment. So I was at a party. This is maybe like

when I was in college years ago. And it was a birthday party and a cake came out and I was sitting uh next to my friend Tobin who was my roommate at the time yeah um and we're sitting there and a cake came out and then there was this novelty fork that was brought out I don't even know what that is. I can't wait to learn. And it was about the length of, like, my forearm. So maybe, like...

Like a giant fork. But not even giant. Like, maybe, like, two and a half times the size of a normal fork. A salad fork. Okay. Yeah, like, slightly bigger than a salad fork. But not a salad fork that you eat salad with. Like a serving fork.

But, like, it was, like, clearly a novelty fork, though. Right. fork that you eat salad with it like a serving yeah but like it was like clearly a novelty fork though right um and you know there was hilarity novel hilarity while the birthday boy ate some of the cake with the funny fork right which was slightly too large funny forks and then name for something next to we're sitting there on this couch and we look over and there's this girl and she she looks kind of like shocked and confused and terrified but also in awe and then she's staring and then she leans over to her friend and says i've got i've got a big fork collection but that's the biggest fork I've ever seen. It wouldn't fit in my case. Yeah, it's like, what shitty big fork collection do you have?

This fork is only maybe double, slightly more than double a normal fork. And she just lost her mind. She was just like, for the rest of the party, she was just like staring at this fork. It's funny because when you say she's got a big fork collection, it's either she has a big fork collection or a big fork collection.

No, no, no. It was definitely like large forks. She has a collection of big forks. Anyway, that was pretty funny. That's great. Wow. Yeah, you thought it was going to be an oldie but a baddie, but it was an oldie but a goodie.

It was an oldie but a goodie. And now it's a newbie and a goodie. I don't know. The fact that you said it doesn't make it newer. No, no, it's new. It's new to you. You don't bring new life into it. Dave, do you have one? I do. There's a gentleman on Granville

Street downtown who beatboxes into a microphone for money, for the passerby's money. Busker. I thought it was just for my enjoyment. Well, I assume it's for money. That doesn't mean I've ever given him any.

You're not like Graham. Generous to everyone. Do you give money to buskers and vagrants and Not beatboxers. Panhandlers. You're more into the guitar-y types. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

There's a guy with a steel drum at the city center station. Yeah, that guy's pretty good. Yeah, he's awesome. Because it makes you feel like it's warm out, even when it's not. Yeah. I don't give the musicians money. I give homeless people money. I give homeless people money.

Yeah, me too. But I don't give street musicians money. Or street performers. They make me uncomfortable. Anyway. Would you never street perform? Even if it was the only venue for you to perform your music? No.

Wow. I'd rather starve. Yeah, no. It's not a good day. Nobody likes that. No, I feel like such a jerk. No, it's's true I'm on Dan side just make me uncomfortable and feel awkward yeah well this guy my little drum guy would make you feel alright mmm like island time it my overheard stop drooling is this guy beatboxing into a microphone and you know how uh and this guy

was slightly better at beatboxing than i am yeah and you know how like if i beatbox it would be boom boom boom uh but he uh he really wanted to do that uh uh that sound that's like a subwoofer that's sort of distorting. Like, whoop. Yeah. So he did that. And he was rapping as well. He would beatbox for a bit and then rap for a bit. And beatboxing went.

And I'm not going to be able to replicate it because he's slightly better than I am. But it was, whoop. Whoop. Whoop. Whoop. he's slightly better than I am but it was actually it wasn't it wasn't it was of it that and then and then he started rapping but it wasn't even really rapping he just did these two lines and then he went back to beatboxing i took a card from the deck what the heck right back into beatboxing take a card from the deck what the heck my name is randy and i'm here

to say i hope everybody has a wonderful day boom it's almost like he's a hilarious comedian making fun of yeah boxing almost not quite that's your job i'm getting there uh that was mine and uh we wish randy the best randy the rapper Randy the Rapper. Graham, do you have an overheard? I do. This comes from a London drugs. That's a drugstore? Local drugstore? Local drugstore. But also has everything.

That's the thing about it. Yeah. Drugstore that also has television. Rice cookers. Rice cookers. Computers. Vacuum cleaners. Cameras. DVD section.

Heaters. Fans. Magazines. Books. Pharmacy. Pharmacy. DVD section heaters, fans magazines books pharmacy sweaters it's got everything oh you're not going to say more stuff? wicker chairs

this is just aisle one patio furniture patio lanterns barbecues yeah living room furniture yeah uh make it socks magazines toiletries uh makeup uh oh oh stuff bus passes there's a coffee counter in there oh yeah i spent a whole weekend

it's got everything in it when I need to get away from the city I just go to London drugs that is nobody does it better no and there was a lady saying to another lady you can't buy somebody kitty litter as a Christmas present

to which she said you don't buy somebody kitty litter as a Christmas present. To which she said, you don't understand the situation. So maybe you can. If you understood what was going down. Wow, you weren't there. That cat ruined my house. I was visited by three ghost cats oh delightful yeah right delightful yeah i took a card from the deck what the heck my name is randy and i'm here to say i hope everyone has a wonderful day

you said thunderfall before yeah i know i change it up um uh and we also have overheards sent in by listeners bumpers we call them um and if you want to do the same you can send it in to stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com hey i just want to point out this bumper thing reminded me i saw your t-shirt and it's awesome. It's a bumper car. Yeah. And I actually saw it because I was playing a show, I think, in Ottawa. And someone came to the show wearing your shirt. Wow.

And was like, hey, man, great show. I heard you on the podcast. And now I'm here with this shirt on. Nice. So thanks, guys. Yeah. And thanks to... A little change in your pocket.

Yeah. Some of the Terry Fox A little change in your pocket. Yeah. Some of the Terry Fox loonies in your pocket. Enough to keep you off the streets from doing woodhands on the street corner. This first overheard comes from Jaden P. This is Jaden from Regina. While standing in line at the grocery

store this morning, a large man walked by my checkout line, and the guy beside me clearly knew him. Man one. Uh, what the fuck are you doing here? Man two, carrying an industrial-sized sack of plain bagels. Haven't seen my kid in a week, so I figured I'd better get him something. Oh! When he said, I haven't seen my kid in a week, I assumed I'd better get him something. Oh. When he said I haven't seen my kid in a week

I assumed the kid had been missing but no I guess the dad had been missing. Yeah the dad had been missing but knew But knew exactly what to do to right the situation. Kids love bagels. Haven't seen my kid in a while. A ton of bagels. Now here's the thing

that it's not an overheard but it was sent in by Abby's Aunt Sheila. And we don't often get emails from her, so I feel like any time that we get one... Yeah, she was a big character in the early days of the podcast. Yeah, and I feel like we owe it to her being our longest, probably, listener and big supporter of Abby's Aunt Sheila. Is she your first listener? Probably. I assume Abby would be the first listener probably i assume abby would be the first listener yeah but certainly in the first in the first four um but yeah this was uh

she said according to formula one driver rubens baccarello i don't know if i'm pronouncing his name correctly rubens barichello maybe yeah the style of waxing of the mons pubis, pubic hair, guys, commonly referred to as the Brazilian in Western culture, is actually called the Hitler in Brazil. Oh. No way. Did you know that? I didn't know that.

I wonder if there are other things like that, where it's like a country is known for one thing, but in that country it's... Like in French bread, they just call it, like a country is known for one thing, but in that country it's... Like in French bread, they just call it... Like in French bread land, they just call it bread. Sure. Or the Hitler. I just thought that was neat.

Yeah, you think a lot of Hitler stuff is neat. You have a big collection. You is neat. You have that collection. You've got a pretty big fork collection. Not a big fork collection. But thank you very much to Abby's and Sheila. That's the biggest SS fork I've ever seen. Okay. Were you aboard the SS fork?

I was. When it sank off the coast of... Now that was a big fork. Yummy. Alright. This next overheard comes from Jordan S. Jordan S. On the ferry,

young mom and child in the playroom. There's a play area on the ferry. Ferry boat. Yep. Not like a magical ferry. That's right. Oh, imagine how beautiful and wondrous that would be.

And the playroom on that would be great. Boy to other child, give me that fucking car. Shocked mother pulling son aside. can't you please say something else that is such a bad word say frog instead or something boy to mom but frogs don't say fuck fair enough well done done kid yeah yeah the system the small victories yeah okay now effing victory this one comes from barry p barry p uh from denver or was he from denver or he's just in the denver airport doesn't really matter nope i was at the denver airport on my way to chicago maybe he lives in chicago i don't know and i'm sitting in the seats next to the terminal three guys clearly from chicago due to their accent is there a chicago accent oh yeah all right the bears um we're bantering back and forth when i overheard this guy one you should quit smoking guy two

says something inaudible about him liking to smoke. Guy 1, well, if you continue to smoke, your daughter will pick it up when she gets older. Guy 2, she's five now, and I won't let her smoke. Guy 1, in a creepy, sexual-sounding voice, yeah, she'll be smoking something else. Uncomfortable laughter by all three guys, then silence. Guy 1, sheepishly, meant uh the mary jane you should have done the accent i didn't i don't know how to do it unless you say bears yeah there was no bears in this are you sure i heard bears uh so that's three right that's three

but i also wanted to and plus a sheila one and a sheila but we've got a great prank that was sent in and i i wish that last week when uh we had peter oldring was here he just launched into a wonderful prank story and we didn't get a chance to play our awesome prank theme we have a prank theme and he told us a great prank story and we couldn't set it up. Oh, well. Yeah. But I've got a great prank for the next time we want to play that theme. I love that theme.

Well, maybe we'll play it after these overheards that people have called in. Yeah, because it's beatboxing in it. It fits into this overheard segment very well. So if you would like to write in with your overheard, you can write us at stoppodcastingyourselfatgmail.com. And if you'd like to call with your overheard, or for whatever reason. Yeah, just call us up. If you're drunk, drunk dial us.

That would be great. Please, yeah. Our phone number is 206-339-8328. Hey, Dave and Graham. It's Jesse from Texas with a quick overheard. As I was leaving Starbucks this morning, I held the door for two young ladies and got only the very end of their conversation, which was

I don't know, it just seemed like Tiffany got a lot more Asian in college In college? Oh, there was a big controversial McLean's article about too many Asians in college There was, I doubt Tiffany read it. What a dumb thing to write in a magazine. McLean's,

you're super dumb. There's like an Asian problem? Yeah, they said, are there too many Asians in universities? No. Do they pay tuition? Then it's fine. Did they get accepted? Yeah.

Great work. Top drawer. Awesome. Hey guys, it's fine. Did they get accepted? Yeah. Great work. Yeah. Top drawer. Awesome. Hey, guys. It's Lara from Maryland. It's Friday night, and I'm shopping with my partner, and we're standing in front of the Intamin's Rich Frosted Donuts cap

at the end of the aisle. And while we're standing there, two guys walk over, and one of them points to the devil's food version of the Intamin's we're standing there, two guys walk over and one of them points to the devil's food version of the Edmund's rich rooster donut and says oh, oh, these are Whoopi Goldberg's favorites. And then he says no, no,

I'm sure they're Whoopi's favorites. And then they have a discussion about it. So do regular dudes, just buying stuff on a Friday night. And it was hilarious. right have a good night I think there should just be a product called Whoopi's favorite I just like that it still made her laugh so much while she was retelling it

but Whoopi's favorite sounds like some sort of caked product. Like Newman's own. Whoopi's favorite. All the proceeds go to help Dreadlocks. We don't have Entenmann's, do we? No. I only know that from that episode of Seinfeld where she ate the cake

and tried to replace it with an Entenmann's. Right, right, right. And I looked it up on Wikipedia. When? When I first... No, not when it first came out. But like recently. Yeah, okay.

That's why I was axing. Thank you for axing. Because Entenmann's is not a thing. Why did they never come to Canada? I don't even know what an Entenmann is. It's like a cake. A cake. A cake company.

Or I guess they also make donuts. It's deep and delicious. Like McCain. We never mentioned that when Paul F. Tompkins was a guest on our show last, he brought with him a deep and delicious cake. McCain's deep and delicious. I'm looking at you, Dan, like,

where is your deep and delicious cake? Did we finish that? That night, if I recall. Next. Hi, Dave and Graham and delicious cake. Did we finish that? All right. That night, if I recall. Next. Hi, Dave and Graham and possible guests. This is Ben from Brooklyn, New York. I've got a pretty great overheard to share with you. I was visiting my family in Cincinnati

over Thanksgiving weekend and went to see my dad play in a jazz band. And they're pretty awesome. And the night before thanksgiving is their biggest show of the year so the place was packed with lots of people uh mostly college kids and their parents and uh they were playing one song in particular that's sort of known for being really quiet and then getting really fucking loud all at once and right before that happened i overheard one music school bro say to his other music school bro,

hold on to your pussy. That's my new expression. I love jazz. Hold on to your pussy. That's going to replace the time-honored hold on to your butts from Jurassic Park. From Weird Al's Jurassic Park tour. Now, I really... hold on to your butts yeah jurassic park from weird al's jurassic park tour uh now i really oh go ahead i just really caught a really good vibe from that guy yeah i kind of like his life

i think if your dad is in a jazz band you're probably well adjusted i mean he lives in brooklyn yeah goes to cincinnati yeah his dad plays in this jazz band they're like at and they're really popular yeah his dad his dad is Dave Brubeck? He didn't say his last name. Benny Brubeck. Benny Brubeck. Benny Brubeck. Now, we have one more phone call.

I'm just going to play it, even though it's not an overheard. I'm into it. Hello, Dave. Hello, Graham and Grandpa and possible guests. This is one of your bumpers from Detroit, Michigan, our Trina J. Just want to say you guys are doing a great job. And in 19 more days, I will be 40. And I want you guys to say happy birthday to me.

Okay, keep it up, and I'll talk to you to me. Okay. Keep it up. And I'll talk to you another time. Yes, I'm nervous. This is my first time making a call like this. Have a good one. Bye. Does she want us to sing happy birthday to her? I love this woman.

Yeah. Artrina, happy birthday. Happy birthday, Artrina. Happy birthday. Detroit, Michigan. Detroit. Detroit. Detroit.

That's one of the cities you want to visit. Yeah, yeah. On your list of awful cities tour. I did not say it was awful. That's your word. No, no, no. It's not awful. It's crumbling. There's a huge difference.

Sure. I want to go to Detroit. I want to go to Baltimore. I want to go to... Amsterdam. Amsterdam. Yeah, I want to do drugs in Amsterdam. You want to go to Cleveland.

You want to go to Rockefeller, New York. I want to be robbed. Rochester. I want to be robbed in Amsterdam. You want to go to Cleveland? You want to go to Rockefeller, New York? I want to be robbed. Rochester. I want to be robbed by Omar. Go to New Orleans. Yeah, I want to go to New Orleans. I want to go during Treme season. Sorry, season two.

Yeah. All right, well, happy birthday. Happy birthday! That was fun. That was fun. She's so nervous. I understand there's another hilarious prank on the horizon Do you want to play the theme for that?

Play it! What? If you fart in your mother's mixing bowl Or you steal your girlfriend's birth control It's hilarious pranks Hilar hilarious pranks hilarious pranks that was my beatboxing style which uh would get more than a few terry foxes in my guitar case this is too canadian we were talking about it before i know it was too canadian

too canadian now well if you're an american and you don't know who Terry Fox is, he was an awesome dude who ran across the country with one leg. So, pretty great. Right? Graham loves him. Yeah. He's like the John Henry of our country. I like him.

Was John Henry real? He was real, right? Was he a steel drumming man? Yeah. Was Paul Bunyan real? Oh, yeah. No, he was a giant lumberjack with a blue ox. Giant ox.

Giant lumberjack, yeah. What about Paul Revere? Paul Revere was... No, he was a giant lumberjack with a blue ox. Giant ox. Giant lumberjack. What about Paul Revere? Paul Revere was, yeah, he was part of the Raiders. What about Paul Rubens? Also real. He was B.B. Herman. Yeah. Sure.

Okay. Paul Abdul was one of the L.A. Lakers cheerleaders. Anything else? Later on an American Idol. Dated Arsenio and then later dated MC Stat Cat. Paul Anka was a Canadian singer that was also popular in America. Neil Sedaka is a guy I get confused with Paul Anka. But this comes from David W.

This is a prank. My brother pulled a prank that he will never be able to top when he was about nine years old. They were in the Grand Canyon and we were all amazed by the panoramic view obscured by safety rails or ropes it was unobscured my apologies by safety rails or ropes of any kind from the parking spot it appeared that only 20 meters from where we stood the ground fell away into an unimaginably huge chasm my brother ran ahead and quickly realized

that this was merely an illusion. The seemingly endless drop was only about four feet down where there was a gentle slope for another 10 meters or so and then the guardrails. So it looked like it was a straight drop off. He spontaneously seized the opportunity to jump down the four feet and duck out of view, making it seem like he just leapt to his death.

No. No. My mother just had time to turn white as a sheet and collapse into a pile of mush. This is a terrible prank. When my brother's face popped up above the rim with a huge grin on his face. Which quickly disappeared when he realized what he'd done to his mother. Dave W. from Winnipeg, Manitoba. That is terrifying.

That was worth it, right? Yeah. I actually... Can I tell a prank? Yeah. I have an amazing prank have you guys had young yeah you have yeah you remember aj bond yes yeah yeah yeah do i remember talking to the audience okay you guys remember episode 60 or so um so aj bond pulled an an

incredible prank on his family. His family was making Chinese food for dinner one night. Or as it's known in France, SS food. Wait, fork food. And they bought fortune cookies.

And he surreptitiously took the fortune cookies and with tweezers removed all the fortunes. Wow. And then typed out and printed his own fortunes. And then with tweezers inserted them back into the fortune cookies. Wow. And then at the end of the meal, they all got their fortunes.

And one of them was just said duck and then another one said you will die horribly in a car accident Wow and another one said you will be molested by a relative and it was just like a series of horrible horrible fortun. And it was brilliant. He did well. He's got a brilliant streak in him. He's got a brilliant morbid streak. Very morbid.

Yeah. We're at that cake party, and he put the cake in a casket type thing. Oh, yeah. Remember? There was a cake in a casket. Oh, well, yeah. He himself went in a casket. That was an Ottoman. That was an Ottoman. Yeah. but he had the cake all set up like it was like yeah like he was gonna die yeah yeah yeah

man which he will well i mean we're all gonna die not me aj this year not me um well i guess we're at the end here. Except. Except. We do have a couple weeks ago. We had a gentleman who listens to the show. Let us know that he was going. A few weeks ago, we talked about this new Spider-Man musical with the music written by Bono and the Edge. The U2 Spider-Man collaboration. Yeah. What? Are you serious? Not with the other two by bono and the edge the u2 spider-man collaboration yeah not with the other two members who wrote the musical for mission impossible uh but they

that's not true is that true no they wrote yeah larry mullen larry mullen adam clayton junior oh they wrote the music for mission impossible they didn't write the musical theme song they performed the theme song for the first Mission Impossible movie. But they should write the Mission Impossible music. Yeah, no doubt. But Bono and the Edge wrote the music for this Spider-Man

Hero's Journey. I don't know what it's called. Spider-Man. Spider-Man the Colossal Flop. Spider-Man Explosive Diarrhea and they what was our point? oh well he got tickets to the premiere

it wasn't even the premiere I think it was a preview and he's from Chicago he went to New York to see it he's back in Chicago and we're going to try to call him right now. Hello, William. Is it William? Yes, sir. Hey, Dave. Dan Wurb is our guest.

Hey, Dan. How you doing? You're in Chicago, the windiful city. The windiful. The setting for perfect strangers, I think, is what the city's motto is. Family matters, lots of it, lots of it. Oh, yeah, right, family matters. Yeah, Ferris Bueller's. Yeah, oh, absolutely.

Plural. Plural. Here's a question. Wait, what's the start of the Family Matters theme song? It's a rare condition in this day and age sure to read any good news on the newspaper page yeah exactly now William yes sir tell us about

how you got involved laughter laughter how you got involved with the spider man musical you were called up by Bono personally as I understand yeah he loves Chicago tourists How you got involved with the Spider-Man musical. You were called up by Bono personally, as I understand. Yeah, he loves Chicago tourists. So he called me up.

No, my buddy, a friend from college. I was a directing major in college. Give a shout out to your alma mater. Alma mater? Alma mater. University of Illinois in Champaign-Urbana. Go Illini! There it is all right you are a directing major yes and uh my buddy was a lighting designer and he is now

assisting on the production that's awesome and uh and so he he said i can get you in for free to this well he he they had they've delayed the show a year and a half is right? It was supposed to be out a year and a half ago. It was supposed to be in the end of the 2009 season. Okay. And it was so expensive, and it wasn't ready yet. That's reminiscent of the Lord of the Rings musical that debuted in Toronto, Canada. That was in Toronto, wasn't it? Yes.

A spectacular flop, as it goes. Yeah, that was Toronto, Canada. That was in Toronto, wasn't it? Yes. A spectacular flop, as it goes. Yeah, that was huge, too. But this one, they had to open the show in New York because they couldn't open out of town, unlike Lord of the Rings did because it was so expensive. Right. They had to gut the... Oh, I forgot the name.

Oh, the Foxwood. They renamed the theater because they demolished it. Really? So a theater was destroyed? Yeah, it used to be the Hilton Theater on 42nd Street. Wow. And they had to gut it. They had to take everything out. They had to really rebuild the inside of the theater to accommodate all the aerial flying effects for the show. This thing better be good it's all right

until it's okay you you go to the show on uh saturday i went uh sunday the 28th very very first preview the oh wow the first preview on american thanksgiving weekend yes it was yes uh the busiest travel time of the year spider-man's in a hurry. It was the best time to fly, yes. What's the name of the musical? Spider-Man colon Turn Off the Dark. And it was... It was embarrassing.

And it was written... The music was written by Bonjo and The Edge. They wrote the word U2 in the program once, because once long, the one that you guys saw on Good Morning America. The boy who fell from the sky.

Yes, that one they credit as U2. The rest are just Bono and the Edge. Mm-hmm. So that, and was it, it was completely, I'm assuming it was completely packed. It was sold out. Eventually it was completely packed. It was sold out. Eventually it was sold out.

It was, the line was literally wrapped around the block, which no one expected. A real blockbuster. Real blockbuster. Real Jaws. And they didn't, this is nerdy, but they didn't have what was called a gypsy run, which was an open tech rehearsal for people and friends. And it's a little bit racist too. A little bit. Gypsies.

So they... You might have felt a little bit gypped by that. Well, somebody did. Somebody did. Later in the night. So describe for us, because I've heard that there were some mishaps, and I don't know if they were from the inaugural show or not, but what happened during the show? Were there screw-ups?

What happened? Describe Derman. Yeah, everything that you heard happened from that first performance. It was a four-hour evening. Oh, shit. Oh. The show was supposed to start at 6.30. We began at 7.00.

We were done by 10.15. So was it much longer than anticipated, the actual? Well, the show was only supposed to be two and a half. Oh, man. So with the delays, intermission was 45 minutes. That's a fun intermission. Do you like it so far? Should we go see a movie?

So it was because of the holds. Right before the show, one of the lead producers came out and says, you know, here we are, finally. And it had been, they delayed this preview opening a week and a half already. Right. So this is after years of delays. So they just had to say, we got to do something. So he comes out, explains, you know what, if there's a problem, if something was wrong,

you're going to hear this. And the stage manager comes on the mic and says, hold, please. And we would just have to sit there and wait. Is that normal for a preview or is that more of a gypsy thing? For a very first preview for a musical with a lot of moving parts, it's kind of typical. Okay.

So a Lion King would have this same. Lion King did. A cape man. What else that is still running? Nothing that's still running has done it, but there's been stories of just things, you know sure oh uh uh stamos did it when bye bye birdie he broke he has a lot of moving parts he broke his hip he broke you know he did some stand-up while they fixed it so yeah he played some bongos um the b-boys were on hand yeah the biggest hold in the the first act was the was well the

biggest mess up was the end of the first act when uh spider-man catches mary jane from falling and she and she yells don't leave spider-man and when when he's dressed up he never speaks or sings so it's all just the the movement right and he he thrusts his body uh up as if he's gonna shoot all the way and he had before he had shot all the way up over the audience up to the balcony so he thrusts his body and he shoots up he he hovers 10 feet over the second row and gets stuck there. So house lights come up. Mary Jane starts laughing.

And the stage manager goes, ladies and gentlemen, that was the end of the first act. As you could probably guess, Spider-Man is not supposed to just hang there. And was he still hanging there when they said that? He was still hanging there. Guys, the apparatus broke. They couldn't lower him. So these two, imagine like two Simpsons-esque stagehands walking out, Chubby and Surly, and they had to grab his foot and pull him down.

They didn't make everyone leave before they did that? No, it was thousands and thousands of people. They had to do it in front of everybody. Oh, wow. Yeah, they had to grab his foot and pull him. I hope there weren't any kids there that just had their Spider-Man illusions blown. There were nothing but kids there. Now, do you know if it's the same

actor who portrays Peter Parker and Spider-Man? No, they kind of have kept it a secret but when you see it, you realize there's a lot of stunt Spider-Men, so Peter Parker rarely wears the costume and

during Curtain Call, all the men who wear the costume actually bow in that costume. Oh, wow. Because there's a lot of acrobatics and a lot of, I mean, literally flying all over the audience and you blink and there's one somewhere else. So, yeah, they kind of keep that exposed

because there's so much of it. Sure. So that was the end of the first act? That was the end of the first act, was the end of the first act oh my goodness and then so you go back into the theater and then what happens then um you know act two was going that was after act one had three holds and there was kind of an eventful we sat there quietly and um when you know there's a lot of there are a lot of celebrities there a lot of theater people because they didn't have that early run. What kind of celebrities?

I want names. Speaking of a Ferris Bueller, Matthew Broderick. Oh, wow. Sarah Jessica Parker. Wow. Was it Nathan Lane in attendance? He was not. He was in a show.

He was doing Adam's Family. He was playing J. Jonah Jameson in a rival show. Dennis Franz was there. Ooh. I know. Glitterati. Yeah. Sean Hayes and his husband were there.

Wait, Sean Hayes is gay? Uh-oh. Oh, no. Outed. Oh. Wait till the advocate hears this. And there's a lot of old theater nerds that i was um too embarrassed to talk to so it was cool that's awesome very cool so so in act one we just sat there silently while

while the holds happened uh and then respectfully like applauded when it started because they were very it was it's a big deal 65 million dollars and it's it's expensive. 65 million? 65 million. Billions. I heard billion. But in Act 2, the long haul, the show is almost over. It's almost over. And they hold. Oh, guys, we're almost there. Hold on.

In the silence, I think the Times wrote about this woman. But out of the silence, this woman goes, she stands up in the audience and goes i don't know about anybody else but i feel like a guinea pig here this isn't supposed to be a dress rehearsal whoa and never people booed her yeah no kidding yeah and it was rightfully so i mean there's two actors on stage um and also you're you paid for a ticket for the first preview of a show that's been delayed three years or whatever. Yeah. You got to chill out. Yeah, man.

Come on, lady. Yeah, exactly. Get into the spirit of Spider-Man and be friendly. Tis the season. Turn off the dark, am I right? Well, that sounds great. What else was that? Oh, sorry.

I'm sorry. I always forget this part. Sorry. A fly wire broke and it hit us? Oh, sorry. I'm sorry. I always forget this part. Sorry. A fly wire broke and it hit us. You got hit by a wire? Did you get ripped in two? Oh, sorry. What's a fly wire as opposed to like an electrical wire?

One of the wires that one of the, I forget if it was a Spider-Man or one of the villains. It landed on stage and then they sunk into the ground, and the wire that was connected to them didn't clear a set piece that was coming. So there was tension, tension, tension, and it snapped, and it fell on us. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, we were a little close, so it landed right on the five rows right by the stage there. Now, nobody was hurt during this, I'm assuming. No, that was the one time they didn't stop the show.

Oh, wow. Audience injury. Keep going. Who cares? No, we were all cool. We were just cracking up. So, overall, was it amazing to be in a... Was it the amazing Spider-Man? It sounds pretty amazing. Was it great?

The visuals... No one's ever seen a show like this before. Wow. But the story, it wasn't ready yet. Okay. Because they had to work with having the show fly over everybody and having a full audience and having the technical stuff work. They have a month of preview,

so they don't get reviewed for another month. Now, how was the music? How was the music wasn't bad really yeah i was i was surprised um there was some fun the song that you heard on tv sounds better in the show okay because it's just one guy and not the band there right um and what who's the villain in this one um that's a weird part too that's part of the problem green goblin is the main villain and but he kind of gets defeated at the end of act one spoilers no spoiler spoiler everybody no that's fine i'm gonna ask how the whole thing ends after you answer this question in a minute um but the the lead um villain is a creation of julie julie tamor's

the director who did like you said lion king right and she's very earthy very cool but she made them like the main villain uh arachne who's a greek goddess type character she was the it sounds so confusing so it's spider-man versus medusa yeah because they one of the characters explains that spider-man wasn't the first spider man hybrid it was oh so it goes really greek and mythical and it it's a it do they get spider-man to the greek is what i want to know oh but uh okay so no spoilers but can we expect a sequel in 40 years yeah yeah oh well it's uh it sounds amazing and i probably will never get to see it but i feel like i lived it through uh through this uh this review it was uh yeah you really got to see something special it seems yeah i know it's no one else is going to see another four hour version of it so

i feel like i feel happy about that that's awesome well thank you so much for calling in to the show and uh and letting us be a part of your special Spider-Man experience. Thank you guys so much. I really appreciate it. Oh, and turn out the dark or whatever the hell it's called. You can't fight the nightlife. Yeah. All right.

Thanks, William. Thanks, guys. Bye. Fantastic. So this is, I guess, where at the end of the show. Now, guys. Bye. Fantastic. So this is, I guess, where at the end is your... Now, Dan. Yes. If people want to find out online when you're touring next,

when they can buy your new album, all that kind of stuff, where should they go? They can go to MySpace slash Woodhands. Is it.com? It's MySpace.com slash Woodhands. They can go to Facebook and join our little fan page. They can go... I don't even know what the transaction is with Twitter.

I think you follow. You follow? Yeah, they can follow us. Yeah, what is it? They can follow us on Twitter. At? At woodhands. W-O-O-D-H-N-N-H.

Yeah, you got it. Do we have anything upcoming that you want to plug? Live performances? Well, I mean, we're done. So we're now going to be writing in January. So people are invited to join you in your writing project. They can submit ideas for songs. Yeah.

Or just full songs. Yeah. And, yeah, I don't know. We'll be touring next year, though. That's fantastic. And you really do have to see woodhands live whenever you're touring uh you should let us know so we can plug it oh and you know what else we're actually going to be doing some more we've been doing some guest

hosting at cbc radio 3 so i think we're going to do a little bit more of that nice it's fun it's good right answer banter It is fun. Dave, anything? I believe every Friday morning from 7 to 8 Pacific on CBC Radio 3, that very station you mentioned, I will be your host. The Shumka Chunk. On the Shumka Chunk. Awesome. Really?

You got your own show? I do. I believe so. Amazing. It's hard to tell what counts as a show. It's a show. Come on. With the immodesty of it, right. It's hard to tell what counts as a show. It's a show. Come on. With the immodesty of it, right?

It's mostly music. It's more music than it is me. Dave, I'm so proud of you. I'm proud of you too, Daniel. We did all right. Yeah, you guys have done all right. Look at us. Could you imagine these schmucks in grade one?

Yeah, I can imagine you guys in grade one, sure. We got out there. We made it happen. Damn, with his Sally Jessie Raphael glasses. And we got out there. We made it happen. Damn, with his Sally Jessie Raphael glasses. And I don't think I have anything else to promote. Oh, December 31st.

December 31st. At the Ukrainian Hall, the New Year's Eve Laugh Gallery show. 20 bucks. Cheapest show you can find on New Year's. Great, hilarious show. Fantastic lineup, including myself, Dave Shumka, Jane Stanton, Alicia Tobin, etc.

I think Jeffrey Yu is on that. Yeah, it's quite a show. It's going to be a real, real gangbuster show. You can get your tickets at Neptune Records here in Vancouver. There's no online ticket sale. And get them before the day, because you will be disappointed

get them while they're hot because they're they're piping hot and they will sell and um and yeah i will announce uh hopefully later this week uh where you can auction on uh beard paintings i want to send them out before christmas so that you can give them to your loved ones yeah or your enemies yeah exactly either way is fine with me. Now, Dan, I don't think you've been here since your most recent album. Yeah. Do you want to play a song to go out on? Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pick a song. Oh,

okay. I want to pick a song. So our last album's called Remorsecapade. And there's a song on there called Dissembler, which features Maile Todd, who we mentioned earlier, who's this amazing singer. It's kind of a duet kind of a heartbroken duet and uh it's it's bouncy and fun well let's go out on that uh thank you everybody for listening come on and back next week for another heartbroken duet episode of stop podcasting yourself When did you begin to disassemble? When did I begin to assemble you?

Oh, you must remember when you disassembled me I guess I just hate the way you make me feel Not real, don't cry, consume me And I'll resume feeling being free You played it right You made up for those 2016 My 20 and 8, my 20 and 8 There's still so much that I'm missing I did you wrong

You keep on insisting When it was always you Who I was going to You knew all you keep on assisting When it was always you who was going to cease and desist me And despite your call to wait And despite this glittering hate, I still remember when all it took was my touch. I guess you can't take the way I make you feel. Too much, that's fine, I'm gone I doubled me

And murdered myself in my sleep You played it right, you made up for those 20 and 16 My 20 and 8, my 20 and 8 There's still so much that I'm missing I did you wrong, you keep on insisting When it was always you who was going to seize and assist me You played it right You made up for those 20 and 60

My 20 and 80 My 20 and 80 There's still so much that I'm missing I did you wrong You keep on insisting When it was always you Who was going to Seize the distance

I'm your 1980 Your adolescent baby Double me and see If you can change me One or the other It's just a little rearranging We both do well in bed So why not exchange me?

I'm your 1980, your adolescent baby It echoes from my double, but this trouble won't shame me So go ahead and frame me Go ahead and frame me Go ahead and frame me You can double date me Trouble leaves you shaking It's the trouble of your making It's the trouble of your making

It's the trouble of your making It's the trouble of your making