Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 146 - Conor Holler

Episode Date: December 29, 2010

Comedian Conor Holler returns to talk lycanthropes, Christmas donkeys, and male burlesque.  Then we get some drunk dials.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 146 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who whips his hair back and forth, Mr. Dave Shumka. That reference is like six months old. No, no, no. I'm not talking about the song. I'm talking about the way you whip your hair back and forth.

Oh, that's brand new. Yeah. Before the show we had a big talk about not hitting the microphone stand and uh that's a good segue into the person who hit his microphone stand our guest third time appearance on the podcast and an all-time fave mr connor holler hey what up thanks for having me guys thanks for coming back on the show i know uh you don't live in town anymore, and it's a rare occasion, so thank you for making a little time in your holiday schedule. You know, bustling, mistletoe, nestling.

Toll house cookies. Yeah, toll house cookies. Feeling the fire that's so delightful. Warning about it being cold outside bristling and thistling yeah um decking oh nice yeah hall decking um snowman eggnog yeah consumption wassailing wassailing yeah um rustling garland, um, garlicking the turkey, the dragon, the Christmas Dracula,

killing the Christmas Ducula. Um, um, well, should we get to know us? Uh, I think we got a few more references. Oh,

okay. Uh, stuffing, greeting. Sure. Um, oh, uh,

acquaintance, frigating. Yeah. Yeah. Or lang yeah langzining yeah in the old way um all right folks dressed up like eskimo oh um spirit visiting all right i'm if i'm tired of this wonderful lifing okay I'm back in. Grinching. Grunching. Brunching. Brunching. It's on our jump in here anytime.

Just dive right in. I wasn't sure what the game we were playing was. We're saying funny Christmas words? Yeah. I kind of picked up one. I was like, oh, you already burned all my Christmas knowledge. Yeah, sure. Yule-ing.

I said I had eggnog and that was it. Yeah, you didn'tule-ing. I said I had eggnog, and that was it. Yeah, you didn't say a verb. You could say nogging. My family is very deeply religious, and not in the Christian way. All right, let's actually get to know us. All right. Get to know us. So, like I said in the intro, you're living out in Toronto.

You're back to visit the family, your deeply religious family. Druids, are they? We've built a miniature Stonehenge in our backyard. My dad will be sacrificing a cat for Christmas. Do they know what Stonehenge was for? Do they even know it's Stonehenge time at all? Is it Stonehenge or Stonehenge? Stonehenge was for? Do they even know it's Stonehenge time at all? Is it Stonehenge or Stonehenge? Stonehenge.

Stonehenge is a hedge made of stones. It's also known as a wall. Yeah. That's what they call walls. Yeah, in Europe, Stonehenges. So, how's things? What's going on? Tell us.

So, how's things? What's going on? Tell us, I think the last time you were here You had just released a web series called Mental Beasts That's right Yeah, yeah, yeah So I guess it's like Christmas Like around Christmas time that I was here Yeah

It's not like a one year thing And that got like a web thing Or a Leo award or something Yeah, it was nominated for Best Web web series and uh for the leo awards which is like a west coast kind of film thing um we didn't win oh what one was it uh it was like a science fiction show oh reese i think uh i don't know i don't want to go on record the peanut butter chocolate science fiction show remember they used to have those ads with the flying reese yeah no no, it was like

at the end of E.T., what happened to all of Reese's Pieces? It's the sequel. That's what won. There's a clip from E.T. eating a bunch of Reese's Pieces. Not really a web show, but a really funny clip.

But yeah, so that did that and now in Toronto i just got a real job i guess yeah um starting that in january and uh oh i just started uh doing stand-up i was telling you that yeah the show so that's kind of a new experience for me now how's it going stand for people who don't know you uh which is a large portion of our audience i mean they know you to have listened to this uh to you on past episodes but you are primarily a sketch comedian and improviser

but have you ever done stand up? I didn't do it once when I was in Vancouver and it's like something that I always wanted to do but moving to Toronto I lost my sketch partner because Craig stayed here I guess Craig's been on the show too so I can say Craig yeah yeah Craig Anderson

yeah you can say it. You'll bleep it out. So yeah, I just needed something I could do by myself and started getting into it. Cool, and is it like are you on the stage where it's fun? That stage in your comedy career? It's weird because weird because like i feel like i should

be really comfortable on stage you know like because i've been on stage performing sketch and improv and stuff but it's it's it's a different beast and uh the thing i keep starting out here i'll lay on i'll give you my my angle and everything is. I like to go in and I like to start the set off with a joke about the room. But it means I write the joke like 10 minutes before I go on stage. And if that joke goes well, awesome. Set goes awesome. Say goodnight. Yeah, that's it.

If that joke goes well, I leave. That's a. If that joke goes well, I leave. That's a good angle. I demand money from everyone in the audience and I leave. But if that joke goes terribly, then there's been a few real stinkers. Real clunkers. Now, are you working in a club?

Before you ask the next question, I just want to point out that when you said stand-up was a different beast... Yeah, I know. I hated that. I made an evil eye to Graham so that he wouldn't say a mental beast. And I took that evil eye. Yeah, of course. We've got a shorthand

now. I would have bit. Now, although it does defeat the purpose of sending out the evil eye, if you then backtrack through. I know, but I want people to, to, to peel back the layers and really. Oh yeah. Peer behind the curtain and see the layers of the onion being peeled back, et cetera.

Um, so are you doing, are you, uh, working in a comedy club or an alternative venue? Yeah, mostly those. Like, I haven't kind of, I haven't gone into that. Which is it? I'll get to that. I'm scared to death of doing, like, the real comedy clubs. Just because everyone's told me it's been like, man, you're going to get heckled. Like, it's going to be really intense.

So I tend to do, like, the, you're going to get heckled. Like, it's going to be really intense. So I tend to do like the, you know, like a comedy bar. I don't know if it's a Toronto spot. That's like, I've been doing some stuff there. And I started like a monthly there with Sarah Hennessy, who's a comedian. She does video on trial. So we've been doing shows there. Now, do you find that the alternative comedy clubs, instead of laughing,

people just snap? Yes. I perform only for beatniks. Yeah, they snap into their berets. Into them. Yeah. To amplify. It's a muffle. I do it to amplify. He does it to muffle. It's how you hold the beret. If you make it like a cone.

No, when I first started doing stand-up, I only did little rooms. Mostly because the way people explained to me how to get on at the clubs was so confusing. Gotta fuck the booker. You gotta call this number, but only call between these hours. Leave a message. They will have never heard of you. And then, et cetera. between these hours leave a message they will have never heard of you uh and then etc uh but then when i started doing it the the audience is like laughs like jokes that i told uh in alternative clubs or alternative shows that got kind of a laugh got huge laughs at the actual

clubs that's encouraging i like hearing that yeah yeah the uh not to get too deep into the uh comedy talk because i think there's a couple podcasts out there that do that yeah sure but you know you like the them to uh uh drop the check drop the check not during my uh not during my closing act i can tell you that all right well your lips think bit big. Yeah, it's weird because the audience, I don't find they heckle that much in comedy clubs. I think that's overblown a bit. Just like the comedian talking to the audience member is also overblown. It's really only the host that does that. And the host only does that because the audience always responds amazingly to it like

that's the only reason that you know people go oh i don't want to get picked on but that's the thing that the audience loves the most of anything that happens in a comedy club is the hey where are you from your name's janet and then you it's like that's like part of janitor and like people are like people like you just thought of that and i'm like well that's because it's not that clever where does he come up with this stuff um but yeah so like uh don't worry too much about that if you're uh if you want to work in comedy clubs uh worry about the drink prices am i right guys nice very nice um so you live in it's how long has it been in Toronto? Has it been over a year? No, under a year

I've been there for eight months But I was I guess the reason I went out there Was I was gonna Well, I did I went and did a program Like media program And I didn't do any comedy or anything

I was just like Alright, that's what I'm out there to do That's what I'm focused on But I finished that And I was like Okay, well right, that's what I'm out there to do. Yeah. That's what I'm focused on. But I finished that and I was like, okay, well, now I want to get back

to what I want to do, you know? Yeah. You're from Vancouver. Mm-hmm. Have you, had you ever lived in a city other than Vancouver?

I spent, I spent about six months in LA in like a, going through a really rough breakup. I was like, all right, got to get down to LA. Pilot season.

Because this is my opportunity to make it. Yeah, yeah. Post-breakup. And I feel the worst about myself. So I spent some time down there. And that was, you know, it didn't ever really feel like a permanent thing. You know, it's kind of like, I'm always going to come back here.

Toronto feels a little bit more, you know, I'm going to be there for a while. Yeah. And what do you like about Toronto? That's, you know, a lot of our listeners live out there. And now's the time to cater to them. This is it. This is it. I know.

Actually, I was telling you last night that not a lot of people in Toronto that I've met know a lot of comedians that I know in Vancouver, but everybody knows you guys. Yep. And I bragged about being on Stop Podcasting Yourself to a girl. It's the power of the internet. It's also what made Grandpa one of the internet's most important dogs of 2010.

One of the top 30. There's a lot of internet dogs out there so to be in the top 30 is... The fact that well, why would anyone know?

Hey, I think a lot of people know. A website called BuzzFeed had a list of the top 30 most important internet dogs on the internet.

I guess dogs on the internet, not internet dogs on the internet. most important internet dogs on the internet i guess dogs on the internet not internet dogs on the internet uh redundant dogs on the redundant net and he was i believe number 21 pretty good who did he beat that you were really excited that he beat uh benji uh either bell or sebastian i forget which is the dog Did Air Bud Did he make the list No Air Bud

Was Shout out Yeah shout out For the first year Oh wow How the mighty have Fallen And

Rolled over Did he play basketball He plays all manner He played a lot of sports in his career Did he play hockey? No, you're thinking of MVP Oh, yes The Most Valuable Primate

That's with Matt LeBlanc Joey from Friends was in it No, that was Ed Starring Tom Cavanaugh From the category of movies that is animals turned sports stars Yeah Oh, there was a kicking mule, wasn't there? I don't know about a kicking mule per

se but i know for sure ed is the worst on-screen uh monkey oh yeah ever been you bad acting monkey no it's not it's a guy in a monkey costume oh it's oh it's horrible really yeah no there's no way that's a real monkey uh maybe maybe a faraway shot, an establishing shot. Yeah, that's it. Well, why wouldn't you use the guy in the monkey suit in the faraway shot? Why wouldn't you use a real monkey for the close-up? Look, it wasn't a hit for a reason, all right? They made a lot of errors.

Yeah, I'm trying to think. I know for sure there was a basketball movie About a Sasquatch That played basketball Are you thinking of Teen Wolf? I know about Teen Wolf Of the Seattle Supersonics mascot Who I want to call Thunder

No, but I'm aware of that Person Well, he's not a person, he's a missing link But no, there was a movie person. Well, he's not a person. He's a missing link. But, no, there was a movie. It was about a Sasquatch that plays high school basketball. It was basically Teen Wolf. Yeah, exactly. How did that get made? They already had Teen Wolf and Teen Wolf 2.

Teen Wolf 2 was, he was a boxer? Which is strange. No, didn't he go to college? The Fighter is actually a remake of Teen Wolf 2. Sure. No, he go to college? The Fighter is actually a remake of Teen Wolf 2. Sure. No, he goes to college and he's on a boxing scholarship. Oh. And he boxes and he turns into Teen Wolf.

And he's really good at boxing. Oh, because everyone else is terrified of the wolf that they're about to fight. I gotta fight that guy? I mean, wolf? Yeah. All of a sudden, I think I mean, wolf? Yeah. All of a sudden, I'm gonna... I think I'm gonna take a dive. Something about big words like pugilist and lycanthrope.

What's pugilist? I know... Boxer. Pugilist is a fighter, yeah. Oh, nice. You guys both know those. Real sweet science. And lycanthrope is werewolf, right? Yeah.

And in French, it's loup-garou. Loup, meaning wolf. Garou, meaning were. I suppose. So yeah, you're on a boxing scholarship in Toronto. And every full moon turned into a rabid wolfman.

Boxer. So what's your favorite thing about the Big Smoke? Is that what they call it? Yeah, they call it Hogtown. Hogtown. Big Smoke. I didn't even know they called it that. You guys are just throwing town names out.

Well, Corktown is definitely one of them. And Big Smoke is one of them But I'm not Hog City? Hogtown I think it's Hogtown Why is it called Hogtown? Smoky Hogs Smoky Hogtown

Yeah it's a great place to get a hot dog Why is it called Hogtown? I don't know Because of their new mayor am I right? Yay! Oh man when Rob Ford got elected that was big Big big I'm not even sure about what this is Am I right? Yay! Oh man, when Rob Ford got elected, that was big, big, big in Toronto. I'm not even sure about what this is. Because I've been kind of out of the loop the last couple of months.

Toronto has a new mayor who's a big fat guy who loves Don Cherry and hates communists. Yes. You should see the videos that are of this guy. I don't want to get too political here now, but I mean... That's our new format here on Stuff I Hitch or So. Eventual political. Day of hot topics. Uninformed politics.

Pugilist lycanthrope politics. He's a wolf mare. On every full moon, he shoots three throws and beats up all the other politics on top of a van. It's Canada's most uninformed news team.

Now you can just loop it. Sound effects. Nice. Here's actually the inspiration. I downloaded I was like oh man he Do you know what Rob Ford looks like? Yes

He looks exactly like Brian Dennehy Oh he really does From any movie He looks like a big fat gross young Brian Dennehy You were showing your iPhone to Graham And then you showed it to me And it was blank Is Brian Dennehy your background on your iPhone?

Yeah, because of Rob Ford. I was like, you look so much like Brian Dennehy. This might come up. Isn't the big thing about Rob Ford? This is always the hilarious undercurrent. It's the same with Don Cherry.

I don't know a ton about Rob Ford. Don Cherry, for the uninitiated, is a hockey buffoon. it's the same with don cherry and it's the same i think i don't know a ton about rob ford just kind of don cherry for the uninitiated is a hockey buffoon he's a uh glenn beck of hockey like a hockey carpet he is a clown yeah he's a clown and uh and they're good buddies these two and they always they always like equate like a public transit or riding your bicycle as being something that only the intellectuals or the elite do. Like, that's them in their ivory towers with their bicycles and their transit. But then they talk like they're the straight-shooting blue-collar guys. And I'm like, who do you think uses transit?

Yeah. And rides their bike. Like, it's people that go to work and don't have money. Don't have millions of dollars. Yeah. Yeah. So that's always kind of struck me as hilarious that people buy. But, like, I don't know anybody that's happy that he got in.

But you know what? I saw a cool, like, graphic that basically was, like, it showed who voted for which candidate. Central Toronto was for this one guy. And then every outside of Toronto suburb that gets to vote for the mayoral race

was pro-Rob Ford. So it's just the suburbs that push this guy in. Picket fences stone walls stone hedges um well this stone hedges this was the worst no one cared about that i'm sorry no we we went political political with like almost no jokes yeah i tried to make something out of the riding bike taking the transit.

That was good. Let's backtrack to that. Yeah, maybe they think that the elite ride bikes because... Do you guys ride your bike? I don't own a bike. I own a bike, but I'm terrified to ride it in the city because the drivers here are not the greatest. And I just don't want to get hit by a car.

I think that would be the worst. And helmets look dumb. Unless they're like one of those World War I German style with the spikes. I think we've had this very conversation on this show with maybe Connor. It sounds familiar.

I think I saw you riding your bike without a helmet. I'm 50-50 on the helmets. Sometimes I'll wear it, and then other times I'm just like, no. Yeah, like condoms. Yeah. You know. Sometimes you just have a good feeling about the person. Dave, what's going on with you, man?

Well, we are releasing this episode after Christmas, but... Before the new year. Let's talk resolutions. Oh, were we supposed to come up with lists of our favorite things? No, our top ten, top whatever of the year? Oh, shit. Oh, that's good. That would have been a good bit.

We'll come up with something during the break. Oh, okay. Yeah. Because I had an idea for one Anyway It's before Rob Ford is my number one No no that is even though we

Talked about him for five minutes Before It's before Christmas right now We're recording this on the 22nd The day after the solstice Peace be with you Oh and Lunar Eclipse everybody Next time it'll happen this on the 22nd, the day after the solstice. Peace be with you. Oh, and Lunar Eclipse, everybody.

Next time it'll happen. 2094. So mark it on your icon. Although the last time it happened... For your kids. Okay, so it's before Christmas, and you know how there's Dasher and Dancer, Prancer and Vixen. No, how there's Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and there's Frosty the Snowman.

And those are two characters that were just completely made up out of nothing. Yeah. Well, Dave, nothing's born of a vacuum, but go on. But there was nothing... There's no in a vacuum, but go on. But, like, there was nothing... There's no reason for Frosty the Snowman. Like, there was no... He was not part of the Christmas culture before that. And then, like, someone came up with this idea,

and that took off. And now Frosty and Rudolph are, like, two of the main characters in the secular Christmas. Or is it non-secular? I don't know non-secular what? secular? isn't secular non-religious? yeah I think so

I thought secular was religious I get confused around this it doesn't matter non-religious Christmas but there are characters who who were invented who didn't take off. And I've been hearing, I've been listening to the two Christmas, there's two all Christmas radio stations in this city. And I heard a song today about Dominic the Italian Christmas donkey.

Oh my God. That is amazing. Yeah. And I was actually reminded of that when we were talking about the mule who could kick field goals. Why is he Italian? Is it an Italian legend? No, I don't think it's an Italian legend. It might be.

Legend has it. But I think it's because they wanted to do it in kind of the style of a Dean Martin, moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie. And so they named him Dominic, the most common name in Italy. Yeah. Dominic. The Italian Christmas donkey. And I didn't listen close enough to get what his deal was.

Like, what was special about him. Other than he's Italian. He's made. Born on the same day as Jesus. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like every year there's an attempt to add another character to the... But very few of them ever take. I feel like there's been always...

Every year I see an attempt at another one. Yeah, there's a few... Like, there's a lot of really good Christmas songs. Yeah. Probably over a hundred. None of them by christine aguilar the worst christmas it sounds like she's having an orgasm while she's singing about christmas which song all of them the whole album you have the whole album i remember when i used to work

at toys r us during the christmas season they couldn't play any of the religious, non-orgasm songs. Non-secular slash secular. Depending what the words mean. But they could only play the kind of Mariah Carey, All I Want for Christmas is You type song.

So they would play the entire album of Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera and NSYNC and all their horrible, horrible Christmas songs. None of them have sustained. But hers sounds like she's masturbating while she's recording. That was one of the techniques. That's how she can hit the high notes. They built her a special chamber.

With one microphone up top And one down below And an all leather bean bag chair That she would sit in That seems like a waste of leather To make a bean bag chair Poor cow They must have them, though.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm sure. Rich? Yeah, well, rich lazy people. Rich teenagers. Your Zach and Cody's. The Doogie Howzers, yeah. I like the Zach and Cody one better.

Yeah, that's a... Doogie Howzer, I haven't watched it since it was on TV. But he was a child genius. Yeah. And he became a doctor at age 16. Yeah. And his friend climbed the tree and came in through his window. Yeah. Vinnie Del Pino.

Yeah. And he dated Wanda. Was his girlfriend. Wanda Sykes. Yeah. Very edgy show. very edgy show but he didn't he didn't seem super rich

he didn't seem to be making doctor money as a matter of fact he didn't seem to be going through the hell that the cast of Scrubs are going through they gave him like a teenage salary he was like a McDonald's employee. Minimum wage. He still lived at his parents' house.

Yeah, but I think you would. I wouldn't. If I had doctor money coming in? No thanks, Mom and Dad. I'd eat so many cookies. Castle roll again. Castle won't. See, that doesn't even work as a thing um castle won't oh i'm just hot it doesn't feel like christmas in here it feels like uh well it's because you drink that jamaican rum um and the other thing uh that struck me uh me in the last couple of days was, Connor, in Toronto, do you have a car?

No, I don't. I take transit. But you had one here, right? Yeah. Commie. And there's something that happens in the city where people will put something on your windshield when your car is parked. They'll put a flyer for something. And it

will always... You'll have a rush in your heart like, oh, I got a parking ticket. And then you see it and oh, I'm never going to go to this business. This is the worst kind of marketing. Sensual Saturdays. Or it's an ad for how to become a parking attendant.

Well, I got one once that was from the ICBC, the insurance corporation. And it was something that they put on your windshield if your car looked like it was something that the kind of car that someone would break into. Right. So it was something that just said, hey, don't leave stuff out in your car. And it looked like a parking ticket. Fuck. That's the worst, because then any car thief would be like, thanks for marking them for me. Also, ICBC is kind of calling you out on having a shitty car.

Right? Well, yeah. For anybody who doesn't know, ICBC is the of calling you out on having a shitty car. Right? Well, yeah. For anybody who doesn't know, ICBC is the insurance corporation of British Columbia. If everyone wasn't paying attention a minute ago. Oh, did you say that? Oh. I was trying to make an icy dead people joke in my head. I didn't say it.

So there's points to me on that. Well, kind of redundant if you go back and revisit it. Touche. you go back and revisit it. Touche. But today I saw something on someone's windshield that someone had put under the windshield wiper. And from a distance it looked like a parking ticket. But when I got closer,

it was just an empty bag of old Dutch potato chips. And I thought that was like a really awesome dirtbag maneuver. Yeah, exactly. I'm just thinking that. It's like, it's so, it's really funny, but I could never bring myself to just put garbage on a stranger's car, you know? Yeah. The kind of guy who would blow a snot rocket.

Yeah. In front of the queen. I see guys do that pretty regularly. And I am, like, number one, I've tried to do

a snot rocket before and it never works. I just get snot in my beard and all over my face. Oh yeah, snot rockets are not for people with beards.

Let me tell you that right now. Very smooth-faced man. I just don't understand. It's so gross. It is gross. But some people are so good with different kinds of spitting. Yeah, everybody's good at something. It's my thing.

It's what I'm doing. Yeah, I guess every time I see someone doing, like, a really good spit, like, through their teeth or something. Oh, gleeking. Yeah. That's something else, isn't it? That's when you just shoot it right out of your salivary glands. Some people can do that. Yeah, I thought that the leaky... Yeah, isn't it like it goes

between your teeth? I don't know. Anyway, if they're good at that, they're probably bad at something else. So don't be jealous of those people. Careers. Having a job. That is weird.

I can picture the exact guy that would put a thing of potato chips under a windshield. Can I ask you this? Is he wearing sweatpants? Not necessarily, but he is wearing jeans that are too long for him,

and he didn't bother getting them hemmed, so they really bunched up at the top of his high-top shoes okay i imagine in the winter he's wearing a dirty coat yeah oh and in the summer he's just not wearing a shirt in the city jeans and no shirt in the city or in the summer he might be wearing just uh overalls with no shirt underneath and one of the buckles under. He's Lenny from Above Mice and Men. He's a real okie. Now, one more thing before we get to you, Graham, is Connor brought us

a Christmas present, each. And it's wrapped. A Kinder variety. Oh, the wrapping was not misleading. He brought us each a Kinder Surprise egg. Do you like Kinder Surprise eggs? The chocolate of them? Yeah, I like chocolate.

I like that it's some sort of white chocolate on the inside and a ethnic chocolate on the outside. Oh, hey, mine's a puzzle. And mine is... Oh, awesome. Mine's a puzzle. And mine is... Oh, awesome. Mine's a little awesome thing.

What is yours? A little bearded guy I have to put together. So thanks, Connor. Thank you, Connor. Yeah, I'm surprised by how many languages these warnings are. Like, it's in almost pretty much every possible language. Do they have to make a warning for every toy? Or is it just like, you can choke on all of this?

Yeah, choke on this. Yeah, as far as I'm concerned, you can choke on this. I think my puzzle is of two bunny rabbits in teacups. I don't understand what... Who is sitting and thinking up what's going into the Kinder Surprise toys, you know? Am I right, people? Hair Kindler. Kindler?

Kinder. This is a bearded guy in some kind... He's got pilot... Goggles? Goggles on top of his head, like Snoopy or the Red Baron would wear. Or Launchpad McQuack. Go on. And he's got some weird futuristic skateboard.

Thanks, Connor. So, Graham, let's get to know you. Well, I recently acquired a bunny puzzle. How many pieces? About eight. Well, I recently acquired a bunny puzzle. How many pieces? About eight. I guess I could put it together. I won't, though. Oh, I won't.

What is going on? Oh, well, I went to a burlesque show, which I enjoy a burlesque show um which i i enjoy a burlesque show but only you don't need to see a lot of a burlesque show before you're kind of like okay you know it's it's all the same they all end the same right pasties yeah pasties it always ends with pasties there's no um and uh i went to that and it's it's a strange it's like a specifically strange uh you know craft or pursuit or whatever to do because when you see a person you're big you're in essence you see them naked and then if you see them in their day job it's hard to not see that yeah yeah so uh on the way here uh they saw somebody that uh that i saw on the show and it was it's strange it's strange because yeah

like you've seen this person yeah naked and sassy yeah and then uh and you know doing their poop routine what how much is too much? Their scat routine. That's how all the burlesque shows end. Take a dump. Pasties and poops. They take a dump on the Canadian flag. Yeah, how much is too much for burlesque?

When does it become bawdy? Lack of pasties, I guess. I guess it's pasties is the real dividing line but they always keep a bottom on right yeah i think so i've never seen them i've never seen actual like proper nudity at a burlesque show i've seen a lot of side boob yeah a lot of undercarriage of the yeah sure but never any you know usually pubes or someone carrying a bag of pubes. There was one lady who threw pubes into the audience as part of her final routine.

So I went to that. It's a thing you... I feel like you need to be there with, uh, you have to have female accompaniment because it's. Yeah. You don't want to be a gross guy. It's mostly, I feel like it's a lot of women are at the burlesque. The women enjoy it, but you can't just go with a bunch of dudes.

That doesn't seem like it works. It's not a strip club. Yeah. It's a bit of a, like a weird empowerment thing. Like we're taking back stripping. Because empowerment is weird. Right guys strip club. Yeah, it's a bit of a weird empowerment thing. Like, we're taking back stripping. Because empowerment is weird, right, guys? Yeah. Yeah.

You're not taking back the night. It's ours. We called it first. Yeah. Oh, I told you. I saw an ad for something called Gorelesque. Oh, yeah, right. Which is burlesque based on Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth.

No way. What? No, it's not. How great would that be? How great would that be? I totally bought it. Why is somebody not doing a concept burlesque? Yeah, there really should be more heady burlesque.

Oh, that used to be my burlesque name. Heady burlesque. It's not bad. My burlesque name? Eddie Burlesque. It's not bad. Although, most burlesque performers are a little more creative than to have the word burlesque in their name. Is there, I guess, male burlesque doesn't exist, does it? It does. Well, yeah. There are guys that do the same type of thing, the burlesque thing, or they are part of a larger number.

Okay, because you're prototypical. Prototypical. Protozoic. A female stripper is like a woman with a fake tan and fake boobs, but a burlesque performer is a natural younger lady with maybe tattoos. Kind of like maybe a suicide girl. Betty Page. Yeah, yeah, Betty Page. But your protomatical male stripper is a Chippendale guy all greased up and muscly.

Is the male burlesque guy like a pot-bellied... Yes. They're not muscly dudes. They're like a hip-bellied... Yes. They're not muscly dudes. They're like a hipster. Sure. You would... What you would expect. Let me loosen up that V-neck for you.

But what do they wear? Because the ladies wear the pasties and then the bottoms. Well, their nipples are all over the place. The men's. Yeah, they'll finish, I guess. I've only seen it once, and it was the guys had G-strings on at the end. Right.

Golden. Is that... Does that do anything for anybody? Yeah, like the female burlesque kind of goes back to an older time when that was acceptable behavior to walk around wearing pasties, but I don't know that there was male stripping at all until 1975. I think it was first women

had to be able to vote, and then Male strippers. Yeah, then they got their way strip-wise. That's also the name. Strip-wise? It's an agency that says the most name stripwise? it's an agency that says the most ethical strip bars

you go to their website I thought you were going to say it was the name of a terrifying clown stripper stripwise the clown how bad would that be I think there are female burlesque clown I can see that.

Vancouver comedian Patrick Malijo, one of his promo shots is with two clown burlesque women. So, you know, check that out if you want to Google that. And then the other thing I did this week was I was the emcee for past steve bay's uh wedding oh nice on uh on saturday night and uh that was fun and it was very nice reception and i uh i told the story on stage last night uh the the big fear was that there were people that were gonna that like because there wasn't really any security, so there was some people wedding crashers, and at one point I went downstairs

to use the bathroom, and out of nowhere there was a bathroom attendant and he had like a plate of mints and he like got the paper towel for me and helped me like turn on the taps and stuff but he wasn't there the rest of the night.

He was just there. And then I went upstairs and I said, where did that bathroom attendant come from? And everybody was like, what bathroom attendant? And I went down and he was gone. So it could have been an episode. You could have

imagined this. Yeah, like Somebody said He didn't tip him did you I was like yeah He was a bathroom attendant Of course you did I've actually Never heard of wedding crashers

Outside of the movie Wedding Crashers Yeah But I've also never heard Of someone doing it And then giving themselves The job of bathroom attendant Just the lowest

You gotta take a hit If you want them To believe the lie Yeah That was the first draft of wedding crash um so that was yeah it was it was good it was fun and uh you know drank too much and um you got paid i'm sure in beer uh yeah yeah i did and i took that pay all the way to the bank um and uh yeah it's it was like it wasn't a seated reception uh it was like a party basically okay um the fun audience yeah yeah they did not uh respond to being talked to

by me it took a lot to be the uh get them to be quiet for the uh parents making speeches about their sons and daughters special day. But it was fun. Yeah, it's fun. And that's like now the fifth or sixth wedding that I've emceed. I just did one. Again, I was telling you, because we just did a show last night. So I saw Graham just this past evening.

And you guys killed last night. You did a very funny sketch about fathers. That's right. Connor and Craig Anderson. It was great. Thank you. You did a very funny sketch about fathers. That's right. Connor and Craig Anderson. It was great. Thank you. You were also very good. I was all good.

But I was telling you last night about how I did a... Ginger beef. I did a... I did a... MC'd a wedding in Croatia for a friend of mine. Oh. And at the very last minute, I got there and the father of the bride was like,

okay, Connor, I know you're a comedian. Do it in your Borat voice. Wait one second. He's like, I don't mean to spring this on you, but we had a Croatian comedian who's going to emcee, but we were wondering if you would be willing to emcee it along with this

guy. And I've never met him before, so I was like, okay, you know, I guess I will do you this favor and do it. And this guy, nothing against him, but he was so Croatian. How Croatian

was he? I only remember one of his jokes. And it was, it's a doozy. He goes, his joke, his main one was, Is everybody enjoying the soup? And everyone's like, yes. And he goes, well, it's a good thing it's not raining. Because it would take so long to eat the soup.

And this is like... It was an outdoor wedding? It was an outdoor wedding, yeah. And this is like what I'm... I'm like, my eyes are wide on stage. You know, like, okay, so... Sure, you know, like, let's go there. Zanisha.

It was fun. Zanisha? Zanisha was the name of the comedian. Oh, wow. Wow. Yeah. That's the fear around taking these MC gigs is that you just, like, you don't want to be the thing that fucks up the wedding in any way. Because there's always something.

There is always something. And I don't want to ever be that something. So far, I've been okay uh but uh you know like you just don't want to mention the thing in the room that's uh you know why is she wearing white or whatever yeah oh right it's so important like it's their it's their wedding like that's a that's something that they'll remember their whole lives and if you blow it then that is tied to I remember there was a guy once who offered

it was actually a pretty good chunk of money to come and just do comedy at his wedding and I yeah and he offered and then I had like I just had my doubts and I called asked, I called the guy back, and I asked the guy, like, have you asked your wife, or your future wife, if this is okay?

And he hadn't. And I was like, how about you ask her first to make sure that this is kosher? And he did. And it wasn't. Not even close. He was like, well, it's not a nightclub, it's a wedding. You don't just have and now the comedy stylings of some guy like it's all personal speeches and then uh yeah you know

um but yeah it's uh the bathroom attendant and also the the other thing that's kind of crazy is in bc right now they made this zero tolerance drinking and driving policy. So you cannot get a cab anywhere. Right. And so after the train had shut down and I was trying to find a cab and it took me over an hour to get a cab. And when I did, we got in the cab, myself and past guest Alicia Tobin. We got in the cab and the guy was a Sikh gentleman, big, luxurious beard. And then he started talking.

He said, I like your beard. And we started talking like beard maintenance things. Do you read Beard Aficionado? Yeah. And then he said uh you can touch my beard if you want and i did i was so appreciative just to be in a cab uh much less have an offer like that and how was it uh well it was lucky it wasn't raining otherwise it would have taken forever to finish that suit uh was it different than your beard? Yeah, he uses like an oil treatment.

And I think I'm going to start doing the same. Like he puts olive oil in it. You wash it out. You don't just put olive oil in it and walk around with a stain on your shirt. You're just ruining suits every day. I have to wear a bib everywhere my beard bib sprinkle a little oregano in there

guys we are having some fun yes we are do you want to move on to overheards? sure overheards but before overhe Heards. Oh, right. We have our top things of 2010.

Okay, so how does this work? I have no idea. It's a dumb thing. Mine are the top sects that got intercepted by the media and put out on the internet. Sects? Sects, or sexy photos. Okay, your top how many sexts? I'll know when I get there.

Okay, sure. Then we'll count up. Yeah, pregnant Jessica Alba. Number one. Yeah, the girl from 40-Year-Old Virgin. Don't remember her name. Kat Dennings. Kat Dennings.

Yummy. Yeah Dennings. Kat Dennings. Yummy. Yeah. Kanye West. Brett Favre's penis. Are those pictures private? Are those pictures of his private? Oh, very funny. No, but did those get leaked?

Yeah. Okay. I knew that... And his leaked? Yeah. Oh, okay. I knew that... And his genitals also leaked. Come on. Nice. Connor liked it. What's the STD that makes your genitals leak?

The drip? Is it called the drip? No, that's the dance craze. Do the drip? Everybody do the drip. Yeah, sure. It was a dance craze, but then STD education really adopted it.

By a freak nasty. Yeah, that's the same thing happened to the twist. Any more sex? There was another one. Favre, West, Alba, Dennings

there was another Kesha oh that one's gross she's like coming off a bender her face is like the size of a rugby ball you know oh it's not a pretty one but it's not The size of a rugby ball, you know?

Oh, it's not a pretty one. But it's not... I only saw two pictures of that. I saw a close-up of her face, and then a close-up of her crotch. And it could be just someone found a picture of her face, and someone found a picture of her crotch. Of a crotch. And they just put the two together.

Like, it's pretty simple to do. Yeah. of a crotch. And they just put the two together. Like, it's pretty simple to do. Yeah. Although it is the same dude. Yeah, right. In both pictures. There's no questioning that that dude is the same dude. Also, Christina Aguilera trying on naughty outfits. Oh, right.

And I think that's it And I think that's it. I think that's it. Top six sexts. Yeah, top six sexts of 2010. Well, mine are the top new professions. Number one, Hollywood Star Whackers. Oh, my goodness. And the, no, the top baby names for boys yeah jayden jayden oh yeah aiden yeah

caden no i did i did see a list of the top baby names for boys. And Jaden, Caden, and Aiden were all on there. And for girls, Madison and Addison were on there. Oh, wow. Rappers take note. Yeah. Okay, actual overheard.

So thanks for sitting through that. Yeah, that was great. Overheard. Tastes like a rugby ball. You should know the routine by now. Things overheard in everyday life. We like to start with the guest, Connor, if you... Ah, I was supposed to cook one up. Oh, if you don't, we'll start with Dave. We'll come back around.

Yeah, let's start with Dave. I'll try to dream one up. Sure. Dave, is you ready? I is ready. Okay. Okay, I was on the bus the other day, and I had my headphones in, and it was at night, and I was on my way to a party.

I like to party. Mm-hmm. And I had my headphones in, and there was a group of girls talking, and I was like, oh, maybe I should have a listen. But yeah, even then, I was like, mm, these girls don't seem that interesting. But they had really, I could tell through my headphones that they had really posh british accents and i was like oh what kind of classy spicy classy thing are they talking about yes they were more like posh spice than say say chimney sweep spice

also known as sports foot. Cockney Swiss. And then there was one of them. One of the girls noticed that a girl was looking at her nose and she said in this very posh British accent that I won't be able to replicate. It's a zit. It's not a booger.

I've already been called on it today. Ew. So people just keep looking at her nose, and she has to convince them, no, it's not a booger, it's a zit. Stop looking inside my nose. I wish I could do a British accent. It's a zit. It's not a booger.

There you go, that was posh. People raising their cards on it, it's a zit. And she's not a chimney sweep, right? No, no, no, no, no. She's, uh, she's Irie. I was going to say Irish. Maybe it sounded more Jamaican. My overheard similarly comes from a transit trip from a couple weeks ago.

I had one from this lady. She, I was on the train and it was a young woman was on the phone for the entire 40-minute train ride. And she was talking about how school was going. Oh, how was it going? Oh, well, it wasn't going well. She said, you know, she was talking about how she showed up for class. And she's like, and I walked in. I was late.

And you know how I do. I walked in like a gangster. And I'm like, why would you do that? And then she said, and everybody was doing a test. And I didn't know that there was going to be a test that day. Anyways, I, like, failed that test. That teacher's the worst teacher ever. I truncated it down I made it all into yeah I yeah I love that she walked into that class

like a gangster you know what a gangster would do you probably not go to school yeah and it would feel good to be a gangster. Oh, damn. Vancouver's most uninformed news team. We elected a fart. A secular fart. Yeah. A secular fart. What was the other thing we said before? right lucha libre uh so now it's on now you're on i did go all right okay so actually i i changed it halfway

through because i i thought of one about these two girls on transit um but then i i started thinking about other overheards that maybe are not quite as recent because i was gonna share it was very recent but there is an overheard that i have from when i was probably 13 years old that i've never told like never i've never got to share with yeah oh this is great um anyone ever uh well i've told people the story but never like publicly in confession yeah you're a therapist yes um so i was in uh san diego with my family when i was like really young like early teens 12 13 and we're on we we were going to the san diego zoo and we're on one of those like buses that around the zoo. It's a double-decker, so the top deck has no roof. And everyone's sitting on, we're sitting looking at the animals and the foliage and everything on the zoo.

And we get to the rhinoceros pit. And the rhinoceros is kind of humping this rock. And this has stuck with me for more than a decade. Until the rhinoceros finally, as humping ends, he does his thing on the rock, and this big black eye on the top of the upper-decker bus, as we're watching this, goes,

He's doing it! he's doing it. He's doing it. Oh, yes. Oh, my God. And he freaks out. Like, everyone was, like, quietly trying to ignore this animal doing this.

And this guy just, contrary to all social reason, gets out of his chair and, like, champions this animal sex scene. social reason gets out of his chair and like champions oh man and did you understand at that age what was going on no i didn't it was one of those things that like it for maybe i like had some inkling but it's it was the kind of thing that i the image and the whole experience stuck with me

and then I reflected on later in life and I was like, oh, that's why he thought it was so hilarious. Because it is super hilarious. It's an endangered species doing that. Yeah, fucking a rock.

Endangered species. Well, that explains that. Oh, man. Now, in addition to overheards that we get from the zoo, we also get overheards from our listeners. So if you would like to send us an overheard, our email address is stoppodcastingyourselfatgmail.com and Graham will read three of his faves.

Yes, I will indeed. He's going to count down the top three overheards from this week. Sweet. Okay, the first one comes from a local comedian here in Vancouver, Mikey Wolf. Oh, Mikey W. Yeah. I am sitting in the Tree's Organic Coffee Shop on Granville Street here in

Vancouver. Just as I was sitting down, I overheard a woman say, Well, that ruins another perfectly good friendship. Stupid sex. I know, right, guys? Do you think it was a rhinoceros talking about a rock? Sedimentary bastard.

Still lag tight. This next one comes from Lucas C. Lucas C. of does not say. Oops. Sorry. Chicago. From Chicago.

Oh, the Windy City. I was on the train the other day mining my own beeswax listening to music when a guy and a girl got on at a stop and stood next to me the girl looked fairly normal however the guy was of the white dreadlocked grateful dead parka wearing variety also just to get the proper mental image he looked just like Adrian Brody, only with super shitty facial hair. I figure an Adrian Brody... Does he grow a thick beard? I can't think of any examples. But I imagine he has.

Although, this description reminds me of the time Adrian Brody announced Sean Paul on Saturday Night Live wearing a dreadlock wig. And was banned from the show. Anyway, continue. Girl, you should totally come to this party up in Wisconsin this weekend.

Guy, I don't think I can. I don't want to get arrested. Her, get arrested? Yeah, I'm on parole and I can't go out of state. You're on parole? Yeah, but it's okay. I'm moving to Colorado in a few weeks anyways. Wait, you're on parole yeah but it's okay i'm moving to colorado in a few weeks anyways wait you're moving to colorado well yeah i mean i've been living on the train for the past two months

you've been living on the train well ever since i got kicked out of the hot tub i had to get off at the next stop so i didn't hear any further explanation. But what could that mean? Yeah, that's one of those... Good question. That's one of those cases where I'm like, usually you've got to live your life. Yeah. But that's one of those where you've got to stay on. That would have made your life better. Yeah.

And found out why he was living in a hot tub. I'm more curious why she was trying to get him to come to this party in Wisconsin what's in Wisconsin that Chicago doesn't have yeah I guess a happy days museum you know do they really

well that's where happy days took place so I can only assume that no they don't because all the cool stuff from happy days is in the Smithsonian. Okay, this one comes from Marissa G. I was sitting at a bar with my friend and there were two other girls sitting near us. A guy goes over to them and starts chatting them up. At one point he says, yeah, I just got back from Afghanistan.

And one of the girls goes to him, oh my god, you were in the war in Iraq? Close. Close. Classic dumb person. Do you think he probably got some that night? Oh, for sure. He was in the war in Iraq.

I think... Never mind. It's probably a regrettable thing I was about to say. But basically, why else would you bring that up? Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, I mean, that's what I mean is, like, do you think that that's a good chip? Yeah. A card to play?

Like a soldier? Being, like, the soldier card? Yeah, yeah. And saying, like, yeah, I just came back or I'm just going. I think just going really cements a, at the very least, a patriotic H.J. Sure. Saluting while you do it. One hand saluting.

Semper Fi. I pledge allegiance to the flag. We also have people who phone in overheards. If you want to be one of them people, why don't you call 206-339-8328. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Justin from Seattle calling in with an overheard. I was on the bus today and I overheard a conversation. These two ladies who were having a conversation sitting behind me, they were talking about their psychic powers that they each had.

The first woman turned to her friend and she said, God has given me the power to just see what the fuck people are thinking. She turns around to her friend who replies, yeah, God's allowed me to see right into people's fucking heads. It's more of a curse than a blessing yeah like the idea of a swearing psychic yeah who thanks and they both thank god for it yeah yep well who else gave them the power jebus i do but i um i don't know whether a i literally don't know whether a psychic is secular or non-secular, because I don't know the meaning of those words.

Well, she can see into your fucking head. She'll pull the answer right out of there. So, praise God. Yeah. Whoever, whichever word that applies to. Hi, Dave and group and possible guests. This is Elizabeth in Montana, and I'm calling with an overheard of a radio commercial for a local business in Missoula, Montana,

and the overheard is their jingle, so I'm going to sing it for you. It goes like this. At Quality Body Specialist, our specialty is quality. So I thought that was funny. That's sweet. I thought it was going to go our specialty is quality

body. Maybe I should write to them and tell them that would cap off their jingle nicely. That was sweet. I don't know that quality can be your specialty. I think that's just a way you do your specialty what are you what are you doing just everything that you do is quality like you need to have something to balance that against you and as a matter of fact quality is uh

well quality is job one yeah but but it doesn't necessarily it's not explicit that it's good quality oh no yes in fact it's probably implied by that jingle that it's good quality. Oh, no, yes. In fact, it's probably implied by that jingle that the quality is questionable. There is quality. There's some kind of quality there. This company's got a quality I can't put my finger on. Nice. I like it.

Yeah, it's like at O'Henry. Our priority is nuttiness. And nougaty. Next call and final call. Yeah. Until we get to the drunk dial. Oh, drunk dials! I'm really excited about the drunk dials.

Well, don't get too excited because this call's a doozy. Sweet. If I'm remembering it correctly. Hey Dave, Graham, guests. This is Justin from Eugene, Oregon. I was at the Nutcracker tonight, and there was a little boy sitting behind me, and kind of late into the second act,

it was probably like 9.45, definitely past his bedtime, the little guy was complaining to his dad and said, Daddy, this movie is making me sleepy. Now, is that the new Nutcracker movie? With Mila Gunis and Natalie Portman? Yeah. No, it was, I believe, a... Is there a Nutcracker movie?

Yeah, yeah. There was a thing on the internet where this guy took his granddaughter... Like, took the whole clan to go see this Nutcracker movie, but it's like a very weird and dark version of the Nutcracker. I assumed he meant the actual ballet. Oh, okay, but then the kid just thought it was a movie or something? I love it. But there is a movie out now. Oh, okay, well then that casts

a Paul. A Paul? Yeah. A secular? Well, we don't know what words are. But great kid overheard. Classic kid. Don't bring a kid to a thing uh yeah unless that thing is uh yokabagab they love that shit um and now uh if you uh don't know me by now will i ever um yeah if you uh are a drunk person

How do we announce this? Our next segment is called Drunk Tales Don't we have a theme for it? Yeah, let's play it When I was a child Didn't know what a phone was Never tasted liquor either But one day

When I grew up Put two and two together Drunk Tales Telling my girlfriend and two together. Drunk Daz. Telling my girlfriend to start her period. Drunk Daz. Telling my friend he looks like a wolf man. Drunk Daz. Calling Future Shop and asking for Best Buy.

Drunk Daz. Drunk Daz. Okay. Now... Thank you, Kevin Lee, for that thing. So great. And if you're drunk and you want to talk, you want to leave a message when you're drunk and you just have to drunk dial,

don't do it to one of your friends who's going to call you on it the next day. Yeah, don't do it to your ex-girlfriend who's going to call you on it for the rest of your life. Yeah, or your current girlfriend also. Who's going to call you on it when she becomes your ex-girlfriend. So program into your phone [phone].

And if you've got something to say when you're super drunk at four in the morning, we're your guys! And we've got a couple people who were kind enough to share their drunkenness with us. And let's hear what they had to say. Probably something drunk. There were two calls this week

from drunks who probably don't like to be referred to that way. From regular people who happen to be drunk. And one of them didn't announce that it was a drunk dial. I didn't label these, but one of them, I think, tried to come off casual and at the end was like, I'm drunk. So let's see which one

this is. Hey Dave and Graham. It's December 17th technically. December 16th was my birthday. I was hoping I could get a shout out. I planned on totally getting my wife to call with some overheards and shit

because she works at a vet clinic and she always has good stuff and she totally just refused to. So whatever. Maybe you wish me a happy birthday. Whatever. It's a passing birthday. It's 3.06 a.m. here. I love the show. I've been

listening for a while. I'm just starting listening to the back catalog. I'm up to episode 71 and I'm sure in the future you said don't drunk dial us but I'm just listening to the back catalog. I'm up to episode 71. And I'm sure in the future you said, don't drunk dial us, but I'm drunk dialing you now. So, yeah. Fuck, whatever.

I keep calling good work. Oh, my God. I love the ending. That was the one where he tried to keep it casual. Maybe we should wish him a happy birthday. Yeah. Well, happy birthday. Yeah.

But also the day after your birthday, you're still stuck on calling us and wanting us to wish you a happy birthday, possibly over a week later. Yeah. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. I hope you're sober by now. And I bet your girlfriend or wife who works at a vet clinic, did you say?

Yeah, and has great overheards, but she refuses to call. I assume that's an animal vet and not a clinic for war veterans. Oh, well, you never know. And all of her overheards are in animal speak. Yeah, in lol cat. It's kind of a Patch Adams of the vegetable. No, you cannot

has cheeseburger. Oh, yeah! Oh, this one I knew immediately was the drug dial. Oh, wow! Because it started with a yawn. With him yawning into the phone. Okay, let's start that again.

Hey, David Graham. This is David from Texas. And I'm calling in with a... I just finished listening to y'all's segments. Y'all's shows. And this is a partial drunk dial and a partial congratulations to myself for just finishing listening to all of your episodes. The only problem is that I listen to them backwards from newest to oldest. And so I am a little reversed in the times right now.

I feel like I went back to the future. But awesome podcast, and keep it up. Bye. That was great. That was fantastic. awesome podcast and keep it up bye that was great that was fantastic thank you so much for the compliment and for being drunk and calling and starting with such a good yawn

yeah I'm going to keep this short guys we're about to hit the hay well to be fair our voicemail message goes on and on telling them about our problems our voicemail message

actually people have called us it used to be this is stop podcasting yourself please leave us a message but last year for our 100th episode when we tried to get a bunch of celebrities to call us, we changed it to, this is Dave and Graham.

And we were a little bit afraid that that would make us sound like a gay couple. Because the professor from Gilligan's Island, who did call us, is a very religious man. And he also kind of talked as if we were a gay couple. Yeah. If I recall correctly. Oh, maybe I'm remembering it wrong. Maybe he has a gay son. And he's also religious. Anyway, he ended it with God bless you secular bastards.

Has anyone ever, like, any guys that you know, any people that you know, like, called in and done a drunk dial? No. No, no. We encourage it. Again, phone number 206-339-8328. If you want to write in to us, start a podcast yourself at gmail.com. Connor, next time you get drunk, I expect a drunk dial.

I'm going to do it. I will give you a drunk dial. I'm going to take that number down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's going to be a disaster because when I get drunk, it's going to be like the vocal apocalypse that I'm going to unleash on that thing. You've got the bruise on your shin to prove your drunkenness. Your commitment to drunken hilarity. I tried to vault a bench.

Look out, everyone. Full-grown man coming through. Now, vaulting a bench. A vault is a gymnastics device. A place where you keep your money. What I liked to do when I was a kid was a pole

that was waist level. I would put both my hands on it and vault over that and spread my legs. That was your vault move? Well, that's a fun one. Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, that's a good one. Are we talking about a pummel horse? No, I'm talking about a vault.

I'm not sure. Well, no, this isn't an actual vault. This is like a pole in the street. Oh, okay, I gotcha. I thought you were talking about a ski pole that you would plant. No, sorry, I meant like some kind of traffic pole. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's a good one. That was my good vault move. like a ski pole that you would no sorry i meant i meant like a uh some kind of traffic pole oh okay yeah that's yeah that's a good one that's my good vault move oh so it's like it's like uh it's not

like it's not horizontal it's um it's vertical yeah just a vertical yours was horizontal mine was horizontal yeah okay and you didn't make it no i did the one hand the one hand plant and then the two legs try to swing those across oh whoops whoops. Yeah, no, it was really embarrassing. And then you fell four floors. I fell, not four floors, but I was really embarrassed and everyone definitely laughed at me. Well, luckily you don't live here. And yeah, if people want to find Connor Haller online,

where should they go? What should they go to? Well, probably the best thing is my Twitter. You're one of the best guys on the Twitter. Yeah, very funny on the Twitter. You guys are the best ones. That means a lot for you guys. Thank you. Oh, get out of here.

Big love fest. I've been kind of a drub. Is it at Connor Holler? Yeah, it's at Connor Holler. And it's one N in Connor. I imagine a lot of people spell it with two n's and an e so it's it's c-o-n-o-r holler nice yeah holla um well that's fantastic thanks for being here now we this episode will be out before the new year's show yeah like that uh yeah on uh

january or sorry december 31st jan slash slash January 1st, baby old man. There's going to be the Laugh Gallery show at St. Mary's Ukrainian Community Center, which is just off of Canby Street here in Vancouver. It's going to be a great show. Myself, Dave Shumka's on it, a bunch of past guests. Massive, massive prize collection this year. Everybody who comes to the show eligible to win, it's going to be great.

It's only $20. You can get your tickets at Neptune Records. And they will sell out. So get them somewhere before the 31st at 8pm. That would be my recommendation. Oh, and I will be hosting shows on CBC Radio 3 is i don't quite know

the times but uh it's it's uh their music shows so don't expect a lot of talk from me uh but they will be on the uh at cbc radio 3.com on the 29th 30th and 31st from 4 to 7 a.m. Oh, hey, that's the Shumka Chunk? The Shumka Chunk. Shumka Chunk. That's how I pronounce it. I pronounce it differently. But that's Pacific time. Oh, I expect a lot of listeners out east.

Yeah. Now, if you are listening to this, if you happen to be listening to this at 11.59 on December 31st, Oh, yes. we would like to offer you a countdown starting very soon so make sure you check your clock yeah yeah get your champagne are we gonna go down from 10 yeah down from 10 okay okay guys uh okay pause your ipods wait till it's 10 seconds from uh the new Okay, get ready to pause them right now. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5. Continued on the next episode.

Dumb. I'm going to check out this bruise really quickly. I got a crazy bruise on my shin that I have no idea where it's from. Really? Yeah. You know where yours is from. Yeah, I tried to vault a bench down one floor at Tinseltown and I was super drunk last night. You trying to impress a lady? Or the fellas?

Was it one of those kind of things? It was a mixer crowd. It was whoever was leaving. Yeah. The Chinese security guards were walking around. Is Tinseltown open? The movie? No, the movie theater is closed.

Aw. For renovations. It's going to be is closed. Aw. For renovations. It's going to be... But it doesn't need renovations. Well, innovations. 3D. Yeah. Have you guys ever watched 3D TV?

No. I did at the store. How was it? Dumb? I watched Despicable Me with Sue. I knew you were going to say that. No, I watched, it was a, you know, it was a

nature promo thing and you could put on the glasses and watch it. It's as shitty as it is in the theater. Like, you're just like, nah, this isn't worth anything.

Sometimes in the theater it's less shitty than other times. Yeah. But you know what I mean? It's like, just overall, it's like, do better.

Do better, Hollywood. And also, I don't want to wear glasses if I'm watching TV yeah at my house terrible i might be interested if i didn't have to wear glasses if it came with a lab coat yes yes i feel like if you were watching pornography and you were masturbating to 3d pornography you wouldn't know what semen was yours and what was the and you also wouldn't know if someone was walking into the room because they were in these glasses that I imagine are like blinders. And there was no way to fake...

I thought it was on the TV, but it was just my buddy came in, took his pants off, and started humping my face. Well, this can't go in the show.