Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 147 - Phil Hanley

Episode Date: January 5, 2011

Comedian Phil Hanley drops by to talk breakups, chocolate, and Man Vs. Food.  Then we stuntcast Police Academy.

Previously on Stock Podcasting Yourself... Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five... Continued on the next episode. And now the thrilling conclusion here on Stock Podcasting Yourself... Four, three, two, one, happy new year! Just continue your countdown, this might be a drunk dial. Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 147 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me for another thrilling year of podcasting is my favorite podcaster this side of anywhere, Mr. Dave Shumka. Another year, eh? Oh, brother. Fine, I'm in.

Fine, I'm in. And our first guest of 2011, a repeat guest, one of our favorite dudes around, a guy that's been living in New York City and traveling all about and is just in town for a brief while, Mr. Phil Hanley returns. Hi, Dave. Hi, Gary. Hey, Phil. Thanks for coming back. Nice to see you guys. Should we get to know us yeah get to know us um so phil hanley stand-up comedian uh you just we just recently all

saw each other on new year's eve yeah we did a show at the Ukrainian Hall. We ate ourselves silly on pierogies. And everybody did great. And thanks for everybody who came out. And so what's happening now with Phil? It's 2011. What's going on? Yeah. Well, so far, so good.

That show was fun. Right? Yeah. And Dave did hilarious. You did a hilarious scene with an audience member. I did do it. Yeah, I did do a scene. That was quite a scene.

Yeah, no, that was fun. I was nervous. I didn't know what was going to happen. Yeah, well, you just wrote it, what, that day? Yeah, I wrote it that afternoon, and I emailed it to Jeff for you to proofread it. Yeah. Because I've brought people on stage before, and I'm such a bad speller that the whole joke becomes some girl making fun of... I've had your spelling.

Yeah, yeah. It's humiliating. So I emailed. Yeah, so I just did it that afternoon, and yeah. It's humiliating. So I emailed. Yeah, so I just did it that afternoon. And it was a Phil's version of a breakup phone call with his ex-girlfriend. Yeah, of five. So basically what happened, as you both know, because you guys have been so there for me. That's what we do.

Yeah. We're like friends. Yeah, so basically, yeah, like 12 days ago, I was in a new Connell Lodge in Regina. Oh, yeah, yeah. I've stayed in one of those. Yeah, and the... Purple, maybe, is the color. Was it like kind of a maroon theme?

Yeah, but it went black. Everything was tones of black. Because my girlfriend and I of five years broke up over a bad Skype connection. I think that's the worst, right? It felt like the worst. So far, it's been the worst. And it was after a corporate show uh for kfc employees okay kfc not like not the kfc owners or managers no no it was like i think it was a like a work release program that they have yeah kfc it's a work release program

from kfc yeah and yeah yeah exactly yeah so you. So you do your time at KFC, and then you were punished with this comedy show that I had to do. You're like a halfway house. Yeah, I was like a halfway house, yeah. So anyway, it was... Did you do any jokes about how green the coleslaw is? No, I... The coleslaw is really green, I, yeah, you know, it was. The coleslaw is really green. Is that a bad thing?

No, like bright, like neon green, an unnatural green. Isn't it kind of, it's like bog-like. Like there's like a, it's like a gelatin involved, isn't it? Like a bog. Yeah. Like a bog, bog-like. Yeah, no. Yeah, fog-like.

You know what? Well, that's the thing. I haven't been to KFC in so long, but the whole time when I was performing. Was that what they served at the show? Yeah. Oh, man. That would have been the thing. I haven't been to KFC in so long. But the whole time when I was performing... Was that what they served at the show? Yeah. That would have been the worst. No, well, it was supposed to be a bunch of different... Macaroni salads.

It was a bunch of different fried chicken chains. Coming together. It was supposed to be all these different companies from Regina. But no one showed up except KFC. Well, KFC just like, I don't know if they thought it was like a mosh. They just like ran into the front and they had all the front tables. So it was all these different companies.

So I had jokes about different companies. But it was just these KFC people. And it was... Real salt of the earth people. Yeah, real... I did one 11 herbs and spices. Oh, I shouldn't have done that joke. Dave's indicating no by shaking his head all right okay uh i know that i was gonna do it here but i was just trying to pinpoint how why they were so grumpy i was just saying that the reason

that they were so drunk is that there's so much pressure keeping those the secret spices under their hat was why they were as intoxicated and angry as they were that night and then they all booed you yeah oh they were oh it was anyways it was a terrible uh it was a terrible uh gig and then i went up and then it was a terrible skype connection and then it was a a terrible breakup yeah yeah it was wow yeah what are the uh i mean was it video skype it was video okay it was video skype but it kept chopping in and out so i would say something and then she would reply but it would chop and kind of freeze so it looked like she had that like kind of angus young snarl so i was yeah so it seems like a real peach yeah and uh yeah no she's uh she's very very nice very nice and this isn't this isn't be derogatory uh

about um about her no of course no and just for this i't to be derogatory about, about her. No, of course not. And just for this, I'll call her Sarah because that's what her parents call her. Zingo. Yeah. No, that's not her name. Yeah.

But anyways, yeah, so yeah, so it was, it was like freezing. So you'd say something and you'd be like, okay,

I've really kind of put it out there and then you'd get the Angus Young kind of cover a highway to hell. For people who don't know, it's the guitar player from ACDC. Oh, people don't know that? People might not. Some people might.

They should know. Now they know. Anyways, yeah, so yeah, it was... And then you hang up and you're in O'Connell Lodge in Regina. It's like 1 a.m. Time to rebound. Yeah. And I was on it.

I was on the scene. Yeah. You got this giant bucket of coleslaw that they gave me as a parting gift. Yeah, and it was on it. I was on the scene. Yeah. You know. I got this giant bucket of coleslaw that they gave me as a parting gift. Yeah. And it was really green. What do you guys think is, do you think, because for the longest time it was, you shouldn't break up over the phone and you shouldn't, you certainly shouldn't break up via text

message. Skype, is that okay because you can see the person? Because then that'll eventually lead back to it being okay to break up over the phone because most phones will have a thing where you can just see the person. I may be biased. I would say it's not okay. Yeah. I think a breakup is an in-person thing unless you're on a pirate ship thousands of years ago.

Sure. And you write a letter. It was a long distance relationship though. Mind you, she's here now. She's in Vancouver now. Oh, so like if she had just waited a week she could have done it in person.

Yeah. Oh god. Honestly, that's why I've been opening all my sets. It feels like someone's standing on my chest. Oh, my God. This is a sad episode. This is a sad cast. But you know what?

It's good to get it out. Let's get it out. 2011. Yeah, let's get it out. So that's a horrible way to end off the year. But it's good that it happened at the end of the year. Because then you're not starting off a new year with the, it's the first thing and it's horrible. Yeah.

Am I wrong about that? No. Yeah. Fresh start. Yeah. Tabula rasa. What was that? Tabula rasa.

Tabula rasa. And you, you should explain that to the people who didn't know who Angus Young was. Tabula rasa is Angus Young's brother, Malcolm. Oh, oh. Raza Young. Young's brother, Malcolm. Razzy Young. So, aside from you know, mending a

broken heart, what else has Phil been up to? Maybe just that. Yeah. Pining. Yeah, there's been a lot of pajama pants. A lot of Lannis Morissette. Oh, yeah, yeah. You ought to know.

Yeah. Thank you, India. Is she perverted like me? Now, breaking up over Skype, and let me just, before we, I am joking around, and it wasn't like a completely, I'm not, by no means am I saying anything bad

about my ex-girlfriend. And I think the Skype thing, it was because it was a long-distance relationship or whatever. It was more appropriate then. It wasn't like I was flying back to Vancouver. So it could have happened on the Sunday. She lives far away. But she did come. This is supposed to be our romantic trip right now.

And here you are. Yeah, and here we are. Here we are. This is kind of romantic. It is. Bromantic. Yeah. Come on, Dave.

yeah and here we are yeah this is kind of romantic it is bromantic yeah come on dave um but uh speaking about uh video speech speaking over skype sure that's not a thing um but uh like if you look back at old uh science fiction um or like anything that was like futuristic yeah they all had video phones yes that was one futuristic. Yeah. They all had video phones. Yes. That was one of the technologies that we would have at this time. And we do. Yeah. Basically. Yeah.

Except in the, they weren't, I think most examples, they weren't thinking of mobile. Yeah. It was always people sitting at a desk. Yeah. Or people like have a video phone in their kitchen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But do you find in most of the things, all of the video phone conversations were the type of conversations you would have with a phone that has a cord? It was no people weren't walking. It was all people. One guy was sitting at a desk, and maybe one guy was driving a car. But it was sitting mostly. Yeah. It was the new technology using the old ways of using a phone yeah car and lounging being bag chair futuristic being bag chair

um yeah i don't i'm not crazy about the idea of a video phone i hate regular phone yeah so i can't imagine that i would like to be on video no and I talk to people all the time beside my computer. We could be Skyping. We could be video phoning. But I'm just as happy talking on my phone. Hmm. Dave? Yeah.

You brought this up. Yeah, I like a good Skype call. Would it be okay in the reverse to ask somebody somebody to marry you over skype no no so then it can't be if you if it's not okay to engage over skype then i don't think it's okay to break up over skype no there i said it yeah although there's always uh like the there's that can't be a parallel because people always try to come up with really creative ways to get engaged and no one ever tries to come up with a really I really want to spoil her with this breakup.

I really want her to know that she's the girl. I want a breakup. I want a breakup. I want to do it in a way. Why don't people? What's the opposite of a knight in shining armor? A day in ruddy rags.

A night with a K. Okay. Tell that to the movie Night and Day, starring Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. I will, if I could get a copy, but they're always out. At Netflix, they're always out. um yeah because when you ask somebody to marry you they're already there's already a sense of you know like uh of happiness and and and emotion so you don't actually need to do something over the top with fireworks and stuff but the breakup it's really downtrodden you might appreciate some fireworks i mean you don't want it to be very public,

but certainly like a fortune cookie with your... Oh, yeah, sure. You should see other people or... I don't mind fireworks or like skywriting. Yeah, like as long as it didn't say your name exactly. Like, wouldn't it be easier if somebody texted you and said, look up right now, and then you look up and it says, we're splitting up. Yeah, I'm seeing someone else yeah um yeah i don't know i think that'd be kind

of great uh you know the jumbotron at the game they they arrange the kiss cam so that the person that she or he is dating now are kissing so that you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, look at the kiss cam. Oh, that was my significant other making out with somebody else. We'll take all your suggestions of creative breakups. Stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com. I think it is.

I think the creative engagement is old hat. Creative breaking up is the new let's do it. Let's do it, 2011. Yeah. Would you have appreciated that? Something with a little more flair than just a Skype call? Yeah.

Yeah, I'll be honest. A Skype call did do the job. Yeah. It's all said and done. It was effective. But what if somebody hired a stripperpper and they strip and then uh you know it's written on her stomach we're breaking up and then uh there would have been a great heckle though she could have hired someone a kfc person probably for oh wow that would have been

really creative yeah yeah uh yeah see and that's something you'll never forget you'll be able to tell uh grandkids and your grandkids grandkids yeah absolutely uh in the future you'll be able to tell grandkids and your grandkids' grandkids. Yeah, absolutely. In the future, you'll be able to record all the messages to your grandkids' grandkids via hologram phone. Right? Fair enough, yeah. Did you have good holidays or not really? It was quite, I just, yeah, it was fun. I enjoyed, Christmas Eve was fun.

Yeah, we went to the Hotel Vancouver and had drinks. Oh, that's right. You left town on Christmas Day. That's right, yeah. And then I had Christmas with the Cranks. So the Hotel Vancouver is one of Vancouver's oldest and poshest hotels. Yeah. The hauntedest.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, we should have known, because there was a ghost organist playing all night. Oh, really? Spooky carols? Yeah. Spooky carols, exactly. And then he would go around from table to table telling people to change their ways, or mend their ways. He had an old way of talking.

Spooky. From the 60s. But yeah, they do christmas is a big you know they had the whole lobby was decked out and they made like a huge uh archway made out of real candy that you walked in uh yeah it was pretty outstanding i licked it it was real the first it was unwrapped candy yeah it's a traditional unwrapped candy and It's a traditional Unwrapped candy And also It was unwrapped And it's a dog friendly hotel

So you probably Yeah You know what I just realized Because there was like A lounge kind of singer At one point We had a reggae Christmas Yeah

I just realized By Brian Adams Did Brian Adams Is that a Brian Adams song There's a Brian Adams song Called Reggae Christmas It was the B-side to Everything I do I do it for you No it was His other Christmas song Oh Calypso Christmas Is that a Ryan Adams song? There's a Ryan Adams song called Reggae Christmas. It was the B-side to...

Everything I Do, I Do It For You? No, it was his other Christmas song. Oh, Calypso Christmas. Yeah, something about Christmas time. Oh, yeah. Because he did... But I just realized probably 70% of the times in my life I've ever been in that lounge singing situation

has been with you. Yeah. Yeah, we like the lounge. Yeah, who don't? You're lizards. Yeah. We like to keep warm under sunl like the lounge. Yeah, who don't? You're lizards. Yeah. We like to keep warm under sunlamps and lounge.

Yeah, so that was good. I enjoyed that evening. I went back to Calgary. I went to the zoo while I was in Calgary, which was great, because I haven't been to the zoo since I was like, I don't know, 12. And it's awesome. It was great. I don't know, 12. And it's awesome. It was great. I saw some hippos. You didn't have any problems with animal allergens at the zoo?

Oh, yeah. Huge problems. I felt sick the whole time. Really? But it was totally worth it. Yeah. There's lots of... Some of it was outdoors, and the ones that were indoors were behind glass.

Lots of them. It wasn't a free-range kind of situation. Oh, no? No. It's like captivity. Do they keep all the animals separate from each other, basically? There's not really mixing between species in a zoo. They did.

Yeah, there was mixing. They were mixed species that would have been together in nature. But not ones that would kill each other. Yeah, no. They did not put predator and prey. But, like, yeah, there was porcupines in with meerkats. Oh. And I guess they hang out together.

Although the meerkat didn't look thrilled about it. But yeah, it was... I did that and I went to Banff, which I haven't done since I was... The National Park. The National Park Banff, which used to be, for years, was really famous for having natural hot springs. And now the i guess the hot spring went cold and so now it's just uh like a huge hot tub it used to smell like sulfur that's that's

what heated it now it just smells like chlorine so it's just a giant outdoor chlorine pool that you're sitting in and it's not naturally heated but it's heated it's heated yeah it's just like a giant hot tub now it's okay but wow that would be a pro none of it is natural now it's all weird yeah they're just like it does it is it do they make it look like it's still made out of rock and stuff like that or does it just look like a big uh that one never looked like it was made out of rock like it always looked like a giant hot tub oh right okay but uh it was yeah it was uh there was a lot of tourists in it. I'm confused about how it didn't used to look like it was made out of rock.

Aren't hot springs like rocky pools of... Some of them are. This one in Banff, it looked like they had put tiles in and stuff, but all the water that came in was... I'm telling you that this was never a real... It was, because it smelled like sulfur, and there's no way they would add that smell. It was real because it was filthy

It smelled like rotten egg parts And then they learned about this chlorine That you could put in the water Yeah, that's great Did you go in? No, gross I don't want to sit in a hot tub with like a hundred grossies But it's in the middle of winter it's

kind of like a a fun you could go back to your swedish roots yeah um there was a guy in a wheelchair in the pool that was something i've never seen before was he swimming did he want to be there it's hard to say uh but i've never seen... They have a ramp and you can rent a wheelchair and just roll around in the hot springs. Wait, you can rent a wheelchair if you're disabled or anyone can rent a wheelchair? I'm not saying he was disabled. He was in a wheelchair. That's all I know. All I know is what I saw.

Well, that might be a good way to learn or to strengthen your wheelchair muscles because you have that resistance from the water. Oh, yeah, exactly. So you can really give Rick Hansen a run for his money. Like those people who wheelchair with a parachute behind them. Those people I made up. The Downhill Wheelchair Association.

Yeah, but you know how people train with carrying a... There's no such thing. Well, no, not wheelchair people. But like... Like parachute people? Well, like... No, no.

Like runners will run with a parachute tied to their back. Really? Yeah, because it builds up wind resistance and then that... When they're not running with a parachute.

Unless during the event they forgot to take off the parachute. Wouldn't it just drag on the ground? Like, you'd need a real wind to get it up. It's not a huge parachute. Oh, okay.

It's just, it doesn't offer it's just tripping you the whole time. Little kids are running behind it trying to play with it. Because if it was a big one, you would actually probably get airborne. I would, yeah. Dave, how was your holidays? Oh, so that's it for you?

You went, you did a wheelchair in a pool. Yeah. I learned how to pool a wheelchair. And then you saw some goats in a farm. Yeah. A meerkat. A miserable meerkat. Yeah.

A miserable. One miserable meerkat. You went and saw your family yeah you ate a christmas turkey uh tofurkey did you yeah uh-huh how was that oh it was great and is it great yeah it's fine it's uh it's not turkey but that's fine i don't but like i is it is it a good enough substitute that it's worth having it on a special occasion? Yeah, well, I went to the place. Remember that one time it was myself and you and Jamie Kilstein and my wife Allison.

That place sells like a kind of like soy-based fake meat stuff. So we bought the duck from that place, and that's what we had for her. It was great. Was it delicious? Oh, yeah. Mashed potatoes, gravy, the whole whole nine do your folks eat tofurkey too no oh they had they had a turkey and it looked amazing was the gravy turkey gravy or mushroom gravy oh okay yeah uh psychedelic mushrooms so yeah yeah uh you had a reggae Christmas. You know, because reggae is that psychedelic kind of music.

Yeah, there is something about Christmas time. Brian Adams was right. How was your holiday spree? Well, I was sick most of the time. I got sick about 10 days ago. It's the worst. It's the, yeah. Yeah. I just wanted to, well, the time. I got sick about 10 days ago. It's the worst. Yeah. I just wanted to... Well, the thing is, I love Christmas, and I love doing all the stuff.

Yeah. Wassling. Wassling. I think we went through these a couple episodes ago. Yeah, but when you're sick, you just want to sit around. And all the obligations were a bit of a pain in the neck. There was a great picture of you on Facebook with your nieces where you had clearly, you were just run out of any kind of like you were running on fumes kind of thing. Because you're leaning back on the couch and and Denise is clearly trying to show you something, and you just look like, oh, somebody please distract.

I don't know that that's true. I think it's probably just that a photograph captures one instant, and I might have been blinking. Nope. You were doing that talk to the hand thing. You're straight arming her. Putting the palm right to the face. Right up.

I was on my phone. But yeah, no, it was a good little holiday. Stuck around town. Sure. And then just sat around with my family and ate a lot of chocolate. Oh, man. Actually, Boxing Day, the day after Christmas. We're in Canada.

They don't do that in the States. No Boxing Day. No. Yeah. But I just went to Shopper's Drug Mart, and they had so much discount chocolate. And I hadn't even intended on getting any. But I saw it and I... What did you get? You got a pot of gold?

I got a... No, I got... After eights? Some bocce. Okay, yeah. I got some turtles. Oh, Ferrero Rocher? No Ferrero Rocher.

I was going to say Ferrero Rocher, but I was afraid I wasn't going to pronounce it right. Nope. Well, you should have had Jeffrey U. Pruvery. I feel like those times on stage. And what else? the reese's peanut butter tree oh okay yeah it's like a cup but it's a tree oh nice really how so it's like a cone shape it's a shape like a tree okay well i've seen them all right i've seen trees shaped like a maple tree so it's a maple but then they fill it with uh peanut butter

yeah it's it's not a maple tree. It's like a pine tree, like a Christmas tree. I get it. So like a cone? No. Really? Aren't they kind of cone-shaped? Are they really exact?

Oh, man, I wish I could draw it. Well, a cone is just like a three-dimensional triangle with a circular base. This is like a, it's got a little stump. Oh, it's got a stump. And then it goes out, and then it goes in, and out, and in. Oh, so it's all one piece. All one piece. Oh, I see. Okay.

All right. I think Phil and I both thought that it was a bunch of Reese's that made up a tree shape. Yeah. Is that what you were thinking? That's what I was thinking. That is what I was thinking. No, it was a bunch of little trees. Oh, okay.

Ah, yum. Yeah, pretty good. But yeah, it was a big, it was like 10 of little trees. Oh, okay. Ah, yum. Yeah, pretty good. But yeah, it was like 10 days where nothing happened. I watched a bunch of movies. Yeah. Saw that Salt movie about salt. Oh, Uwe Salt. Yeah.

I saw that Black Swan movie about salt. Uwe Noir Swan. I saw. Are there any movies actually about salt? There should be. There's a book called Salt that's about the history of salt. And when that Angelina Jolie movie came out, that's what I thought. I thought it was a movie adaptation of the book about salt.

And I was like, I read the book. It's really one of those books that can't be turned into a movie because it's just all facts about salt. But I was like, and angelina jolie was starring in it and i was like i don't understand like maybe it's going to be like the red violin like she's the salt expert that's like going through the files but no her character is called salt and she's a salt expert oh you know what it would be great just as a nod if Barry Pepper was in the movie. That would be good. That's your enemy? Yeah.

But his name isn't Pepper, but it's kind of fun for movie fans. Yeah, and he keeps sneezing. Yeah. Oh, you know what would have been a great tagline for Salt? It's like, sea salt run? It's like sea salt run. It was like sea salt. Anyways, guys, did anybody but me watch the Police Academy marathon on New Year's Day? No, I was watching the Dirty Harry marathon.

It's too bad. It's not as... I guess it's just the great thing is I was watching it on a channel that doesn't run commercials, so I just watched the movies. And before you knew it, I watched three of them right in a row. What's the grand total on Police Academy? There was eight in all. Whoa, really?

Yeah. I think Mission to Moscow was the last official Police Academy film. When did they start going straight to video? I don't think they did. Start to the bargain, straight to the bargain bin. I don't think this was back when... Mission to Moscow went to the theaters? Yeah.

Really? Oh, yeah. Wow. Yeah, it was big. Bring on salt. When did the straight to video thing start happening? Because videos only started existing basically in the 80s and I think that was uh they didn't start doing straight to video

yeah immediately well that's I went to my parent when I was at my parents house we went to a Rogers video and uh the videos that they had for rent I would say probably one out of ten was actually one that had been released in the theaters and the rest were all movies that i've never heard yeah yeah that were made for dvd i guess yeah that look like other movies yeah yeah yeah to trick you into thinking you're renting yeah the one genre of movies that like uh is for like you know teenagers or like like you know like early teens whatever it looks like Van Wilder. Yeah. It's like a girl in a bikini or whatever and a guy who's drunk.

Yeah. On his whole rack of them. Yeah, but there are actually a bunch of Van Wilder movies as well. They have gone direct-to-DVD. Yeah. Maybe. I am dyslexic. Maybe I'm just not reading the...

Okay. Yeah. I got to get Geoffrey U to come with me. Video stories. Yeah. maybe i'm just not reading the okay yeah i gotta get jeff for you to come with me um yeah because uh there was yeah there was just a whole mess and i not people they weren't starring no buddies but they were starring rutger hauer and john no there was a couple of them that was like starred like actual famous people williams treat williams exactly you understand um but yeah the police academy but when i was watching it it doesn't hold up i mean the jokes and stuff are very dated but as a concept for a movie they could easily why don't they just remake that like it's a perfect thing where you could just cast a bunch of young ho people. Yeah. And have a little stunt cast it later.

I wouldn't mind. Okay. I wouldn't mind. They made a movie in the last year that was Harrison Ford and Brendan Fraser. Oh, Dudley Do-Right. As doctors. And it looked like it was direct-to-DVD. Yeah, I saw the preview for that.

Yeah, it looked like the cheapest thing. Like Harrison Ford was doing it pro bono or something. Yeah. What was that? Was it Carnosaur? Extreme Measures, I want to say it was called.

But yeah, someone was sick. Brandon Fraser's... Extreme Measures, the one where Michael Keaton is the death row inmate. Maybe. It sounded something like that, though. It sounded similar to that.

The cover looks like Van Wilder. And Brandon Fraser's like this drunk guy. Harrison Ford's in a bikini. Harrison Ford is his nerdy Indian friend. Taj. I did see a preview for that, though, in the movie theater. And I remember thinking, like, wow, this looks so... It does. it does it looks really low it looks like a movie yeah yeah yeah but harrison ford's in a lab coat i feel almost compelled to rent one of these movies just to see like

are they actually okay movies but they just never found a distributor because like i mean paul blart was in movie theaters but it should have been a direct to DVD like DVD yeah because there have been a few in recent years that like have Morgan Freeman in them and uh there was one with Robert Duvall in it

that was a direct to DVD and I was like seems weird what's the marketing on that like if nothing else is in this is what people will write how do you hear about like where do you watch a preview well that's the thing you go and i think you recognize somebody in the movie and you go yeah i guess i'll rent like mickey rourke made tons of them between his first round of popularity and his second round yeah that's all he made was direct to you know he made one with uh who with, who's that woman she was in all the movies where she

was being, like, stalked or whatever. She's the sister of a Judd. Ashley Judd. She's the sister of a Judd. Yeah. Ashley Judd and Mickey Rourke were in a movie like that. Yeah. Called Extreme Tosh.

Van Wildest. van wildest uh um yeah so uh happy new year happy new year happy new years everybody yeah and if you can think of a uh an awesomely creative way to uh break up with somebody that's like fun it's outside of the traditional sphere send us a to stop podcastingself at gmail.com. And if it's a little script that you write, can you not use my name in the script? Yeah, put Van Wilder

as the name. Sure. And what was the girl's name? Sarah. Sarah. Sarah and Van Wilder. See, I've never gotten out with a girl named Sarah,

but I've always wanted to. Hey, man. Now's your chance. Do you think Sarah's a nice name? Dave? Do you think Sarah's a nice name?

Yeah, it's modern. Yeah. Is it modern? It's not crazy modern. McLaughlin. Michelle Geller. Yeah. Sleen.

Soda. Sarah Soda. Florida. Toga. Sarah Toga. Sarah Toga. Yeah, Toga. Toga.

Yeah, Van Wilder. Do I know any other good Sarahs? Are there any bad Sarahs? Oh, Sarah Pal So, yeah. Yeah. Van Wilder. Do I know any other good Sarahs? Are there any bad Sarahs? Oh, Sarah Palin. Whoops. Yeah. Oh, that's true. I forgot about her.

Oh, well. You know. Just don't forget to vote against her in 20... When's she going to run? 2028? You guys want to do Overheard? Yeah. Okay.

Overheard. Overherds. Overherds. 2011 edition. Yeah, this is the last year we'll be doing Overherds. Yeah, so rest in peace. 2012. Well, it's the last year we'll be doing anything, right? 2012.

See you later. Oh, no, 2012. I think it's the very end of 2012 that everyone dies. Oh, so we've got two years? Yeah. Yes. So I should go to the brick, buy some furniture, and now. Do not pay until 2013.

Yeah. And do not pay, period. That's your new slogan. Yeah, exactly. No pay. What are you guys going to do during the apocalypse? Do you hope that you survive, or do you hope that you die? There are many Mayan furniture places that have a do not pay until after the world ends.

What kind of furniture do the Mayans have? Wicker? Rattan. Bean bags. Actual beans. Soaked. Overherds. Apparently the last year of overheards.

We'll keep doing them in the future. What do I care? You don't. Whatever, right? And we always like to start with the guests. Phil, you said that you kind of backlogged on them. You have a few. Yeah, yeah.

So how about you hit us with one. Okay. And we'll go around. All right. Hit us again. Okay. Maybe we'll go, you know, do some calling, then you can hit us again. Okay.

You say you got three. I do have three. All right. One's more of a... Yeah, and then you can hit us again. Okay. You say you got three. I do have three. One's more of a... Yeah, I guess one has a long setup. But yeah, okay. So should I go my first one? Sure. This was about two and a half...

How long ago was I on the podcast? You were on episode 18, maybe? Long time. So over two years ago. Oh, wow. Okay. Well, hey, thanks for finally getting back to me. We don't go on location to New York City.

But we would if anybody wants to give us the chance to do so. Sure. Yeah. But okay, so this was, I think we were on tour together in Ontario. Okay. And for some reason, I think I may have been walking to meet you somewhere. But these two guys were coming down the street and uh looked very kind of disheveled one looked like he may like live on the street right and the other one looked like he

just hasn't been home in a really long time right they were quite one was more disheveled but they're both disheveled they're cruising down the street and when they passed me the uh the little guy who looked rougher than the other guy said to the there it was kind of a big guy, he said to him, so, when did you get out of the detox-a-roonski? I've never heard such a casual... Yeah, they were just strolling down, and they looked like, even when you see someone, you're like, oh my God, you must feel so hungover. That's how they looked like they'd been. And yeah, the dude was just totally,

yeah, they're strolling, sunny day. When did you get out of the detox of Roonski? Yeah, you know he calls them Brewskis. Yeah. I gotta get off the Brewskis. I gotta stop sniffing Glooskis. I like that it was a big guy and a little guy. It was perfect.

Like a team of criminals or a comedy duo from the 20s. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Chubbs and Slim. My name is Barry Chubbs. But Chubbs is the little guy. Chubbs and Slim.

The comedy stylings of Chubbs and Slim. Steve Slim. And Barry Chubbs. Good first names. Dave, do you have an overheard? Well, it's the... Arunski. I do have an overheard Arunski.

It's the holiday season, so whoop-dee-doo. And rickery duck. But I was in the shopping mall, Pacific Center, the downtown shopping mall in Vancouver. And there's a store called Crabtree and Evelyn or Evelyn. I don't know. I'm not sure how you pronounce it. Ask Jeffrey you. I think it goes either way. Okay. But

I know it's like a, they have like nice soaps and stuff. Yeah. And stuff for women. Kind of like a body shop? It's like a flowery, it's like a body shop for grandmas. Oh. That's a good way to describe it. I've seen it. Like a saggy body shop. Yeah. And it's, I know

sometimes on Regis and Kellylly during their uh trivia thing uh if you win something then someone in the audience gets a 500 gift card to crabtree and evelyn oh okay yeah uh so it's a lot of soap so i was in the mall walking near the crabtree and Evelyn and there was this family like a dirtbag guy with his wife and maybe one of their parents and he maybe just ate something

and he was tapping his belly and out of nowhere he just points to it and goes Crabtree and Evelyn pretty good stuff he just ate a it and goes crab tree and evelyn pretty good stuff he just ate a bunch of crab tree and a bunch of soaps yeah he had sworn before did you ever have to do that uh no i no i never had to do it. You chose to. Yeah, I did it once to see, because there was that, speaking of holiday times, that movie, Christmas Story. Yeah. He has to sit there with a bar of soap in his mouth. And then the mom tries it, and she goes, ugh, it's disgusting.

And so I tried it after watching it. And it is, it's like poison. Like, you shouldn't, it should never, that was like a slow poison, I'm sure. Because it's just got like lye in it. It's got all chemicals in it. It's like poison. It should never... That was like a slow poison, I'm sure. Because it's just got like lye in it. It's got all chemicals in it. It's really foul. Even the good smelling stuff tastes... Yeah, it probably tastes worse.

Well, there was one time I was at a friend's house... It tastes worse than like an industrial soap? I doubt it. Yeah, I think so. What about that soap that has the sand in it? That would probably be the worst tasting soap. It would be bad. Just because it smells like watermelon, it's not going to

taste anything like watermelon, right? But you'll have the scent in your nostrils. Yeah, you think so, but the taste really overruns it on your tongue. So you should only stick it in your nose. Yeah, or I was going to say only eat it when you have a cold and you can't smell anything,

but that's the opposite of it. And really, that will not speed up your recovery, just eating sulfur shampoo. After you've burned your tongue, you should eat it. Yeah. One of my siblings, I don't remember which one, actually swore, and my parents, or my mother, I think it was one of my sisters, used liquid liquid soap made her swish it around in her mouth wow I think to me that would be worse because liquid

soap kind of expands with water right I would want to put oil in my mouth first so that the oil all dissipates so at least it looks cool speaking of eating weird things I've heard of this show numerous times but I've only watched it on Boxing Day.

They also had no Man vs. Food. I've never seen it. I heard about it, though. And that is not Guy Fieri. No, it's a guy. That's what's terrible about it. Sorry. Guy Fieri.

Guy. Yeah. He kind of is like the cake boss of eating. Like, he's the same kind of, I'm from New York. Let me eat a thing. Cake boss is from New Jersey. That's true. Good call.

This guy's from Brooklyn. Okay. I think he wears a wig. He's a hipster. And a girdle. Because, yeah, I think he wears a girdle because his top half is a fat man top half. I love it. And then it slims off.

Yeah. And he wears these t-shirts. But then you never see him when he's eating. So I'm sure that's when the girdle is off. Yeah, they take that off. Yeah. But he goes to places where there's like a thing. You eat this giant thing and you get it for free and you get a t-shirt.

He's not good at it. That's the one thing. He only won one of the four episodes I watched. He won a thing. the rest of them he lost all the budgets just over uh and he unlike guy fieri wears makeup because uh he doesn't sweat except when he's eating and then he sweats so much it's the most disgusting i've never and he keeps talking i'm getting uh it's a term I'm not super familiar with. The meat sweats. Oh, bro.

That's probably a good thing you're not familiar with that. What is the meat sweats? I think it's when the fat from the meat comes out of your pores, I'm assuming. I think it's when you wear a girdle. Oh, God. It's got somebody with a girdle. So, like, if he started sweating barbecue sauce, it would be like stigmata. Yeah. Is that what it is?

The meat sweats? I've heard the term before, but only, only like people alluding to the grossest possible do you know what would be that would be a good college nickname for somebody meat sweats van wilder two meat sweats sorry van wilder seven seven yeah um have ever been, either of you been good at eating a lot of anything? No, I tried once. No. No. I was in like a marshmallow eating contest or something in high school and it was just misery.

No. You think that you can do it. It's just like, why would I do this? When I was a younger man, I could eat a lot. Yeah. Oh, it was very impressive. I remember once 12 McDonald's cheeseburgers wow wow over like two months oh this is no i'm joy no in one sitting well that's the thing is it's not about

a sitting with these there is a time limit like you have to eat a there was one where you had to eat six steaks with a huge sauce with fries on top of it and then cheese in half an hour. And I'm like, wouldn't your colon just like explode or something? Like, wouldn't something in your body just like push back? There are. Yeah, there are a few of those in Vancouver. Oh, really? I did not know.

And like occasionally you'll see a news story on them. It's always either a news story about a on the fluffiest part of the news. It's the leading headline. About either a $200 hamburger or a ridiculous hamburger, enormous pizza-sized hamburger with bacon and eggs on it. That's, I think, what would really kill me. News coverage? The fact that there is a fried egg in the middle or a bunch of fried eggs in the middle

that you have to get through. Well, this guy, he went, he did a thing where he had to eat a bunch of steaks and then there was another one called Davy Jones' Locker. That's the one he won where it was... Seafood? Yeah, it was like this giant seafood platter.

I was thinking of Davy Jones from The Monkey. Yeah. It was a fried monkey. Peter Tork's toque. Michael Nesmith wore the toque. Oh, sorry. Peter Tork's wig. And then he ate some really hot chicken wings.

hot chicken wings and uh that's what but it's it's the craziest part of the show uh is at the end of every show they do a mock press conference oh where people who are watching him eat ask him questions and he's wearing sunglasses and he's sitting behind these microphones and they say he's got a towel on his neck toilet related questions could you please do that elsewhere i have a question how much notice will you give us before you go elsewhere can you chip into the air freshener? But I think if you're a restaurant that offers that, you must

have some kind of system for the bathroom. Some kind of contingency plan. Oh, it's just a doormark bathroom and then you walk out and you're in an alley. No, it's a cleaning shop. And it locks back I think I told you

Never mind This was going to go down a gross road I'll tell you Let's go down a gross road I think I told you the other night I saw a friend of mine just walking down the street And we were both heading to the SkyTrain station And he said to me Dave, you're going to love this i have to clean my rug because i got the shits

and i was like no you're gonna love it i know i don't love that you know how you're into industrial rug cleaning and personal anecdotes about my bowels yeah you know you love a good bowel tale now graham do you have an overheard oh man that sounds like an overheard right there someone had to walk by that yeah no i i immediately looked around yeah you're saying this so loud um uh i was at a uh we'll keep with the eating theme. I was at a Chinese restaurant a couple days ago. And there was one table, a very, I feel like it may have been their first time in a Chinese restaurant. Everything was such a surprise. You know, dumplings were amazing to them.

And at one point, the lady very loudly proclaimed, oh, don't get any of that stuff. That stuff I hate that tastes like bok choy. Long pause. Friend. Do you mean bok choy? Well done, observant friend This is the kind of restaurant Where they serve bok choy So we'll make sure not to get They should just call it something else And then maybe she'll like it

Yeah, this is bok choy It's made of meat um phil do you have you have another one uh yes i do yep all right here we go another overheard ski yeah another overheard ski uh it was uh so it actually just uh just occurred it was um after the art after the show we did on new year's eve i left a comedian was having what i was told was going to be like a party okay um weird i wasn't invited well dave um and uh no it was it was like uh i think you were invited because you when you were leaving i was like oh we're all going to so-and-so's and you said you just wanted to go i

held up my middle finger you did yeah um anyway so we went there and i got there and i hadn't really i mean i guess i had a few drinks through at the night but i got there and i could tell everyone had been partying a lot more right so i arrived thinking all this day for a few minutes but then i realized like oh i'm gonna be here like a long time right everyone else like you so uh which is fine and i had a great time and stuff like that but when i I was leaving, I was talking to the host. And this was New Year's Eve, so I gave him a hug or whatever. And then we ended up having a conversation. And it was ending, and because he was a little more tipsy than I was or whatever,

I thought, like, oh, I guess he might not remember that I already hugged him. And I don't want to just cruise. Right. So I gave him another hug. And then I was actually leaving and then it got like kind of like another kind of few minutes past when I was saying goodbye to people and stuff like that. And then he's standing by the door and he's hugging everyone as they leave. And I thought, oh, I wonder if he realizes that we already hugged. So I gave him another hug.

A third hug. A third hug over a span about 15 minutes okay and because he was fairly drunk i thought like you know maybe he won't as i said maybe he won't remember whatever but as i was going in for the third one which i was just trying to be polite like i'm not i don't need to hug everybody uh even with what i'm going through dave yeah you crave human contact yeah so i'm going and as i. Yeah. You crave human contact. Yeah. So I'm going, and as I went in for the third hug, which I thought he wouldn't remember as I'm going in,

I heard him like mutter to himself, oh, we don't have to do this again. And then so I left walking home going, well, I wonder, like, I'm going to be

that guy that hugs all the time to him. Real Danny Tanner. Yeah. Yeah, I forgot that about him. Yeah, he liked hugging. He liked cleaning. Yeah. But forgot that about him. Yeah, he liked hugging. He liked cleaning, but he also liked hugging. Which do you like more?

Do you think hugging, cleaning, or hosting Wake Up San Francisco? I don't know. Hard to say. I don't even want to discuss it. Not because it's super boring. No, I understand that. I... Oh, sorry, not I. not because it's super boring no i understand that um i uh oh sorry not i you out there the listeners the bumpers if you want to send in an overheard you can send it to stop podcasting

yourself at gmail.com like these people did it's my favorite um so this first one comes from uh m william p okay that's pretty good right i think we know who that is yeah he's the gentleman who saw spider-man that is correct um and this was uh okay i had to use the washroom while using up some holiday gift cards i don't understand that opening myself either uh there was more that he wrote beforehand i'm sure Wait, wait, wait, wait. No, you go first interaction at the urinals. Here's what I heard them talking about. Father, as he's using the urinal, This bathroom is really bad. You know why people don't like coming in here? One of the sons.

Why, Dad? Father, because this is where all the dicks hang out. Both sons laughing hysterically. One of the sons, Dad, stop, I'm going to spray all over. He'd never hear the old, This is where the dicks hang out joke. Yeah, but if you'm going to spray all over. He'd never hear the old, this is where the dicks hang out joke. Yeah, but if you're telling a joke and you're afraid you're going to pee your pants,

you're literally standing in a urinal. Yeah, it's the ideal time. I just really like it when a kid hears an old, old, old joke for the first time. Have you ever had that? Where you can remember hearing an old joke for the first time and you thought it was super hilarious?

Yeah. I remember when I was a kid there was a shirt that had two eggs where the boobs would be and it said, I got laid at Humpty's which was a chain restaurant. I thought that was the funniest fucking thing. And my parents both were like, you're not buying that shirt.

Then they were like, take it off. You can't wear that to school. Oh man, did I think that was funny. Still today, if I see a shirt like that, I consider it. Where was Humpty's a chain restaurant? In Alberta.

And I think maybe in Ontario. Is it still around? Yep. I don't think it was in Ontario. Oh, then just Alberta. It was like a Denny's or an IHOP. A Beano's.

Beano's? What's that? It's a defunct, I think it's a defunct chain restaurant in the Vancouver area. Beano's? It's also a thing you take if you have a...

That's Beano. Oh. Beano's was B-I-N-O apostrophe S. This is B-E-A-N-O. Oh, no, wait, no. The antacid is B-E-A-N-O. Oh, okay. Oh, that spelling.

I didn't understand any of the spelling. Sorry, sorry. But it's a similar name, though, you must admit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's probably why they... There's no Humpties as far as names that's probably why the restaurant doesn't exist anymore because people thought it was just a place to get the farts

or the shits as my friend would say in public what did you respond to your friend when you said that? go away no I literally think I said oh why would I want to why would i enjoy that why would i love this oh yeah yeah why did he did he did he like you you know you i think it's

because he's a friend of mine who i've known since i was a child and it's a very something i would have loved as a child i would have thought it was hilarious yeah okay instead of tragic and then he gave you some cards and said see you later here's some hockey cards yeah and we whipped them at the wall put them in our spokes um you don't need to do that with spooky dokeys uh those are the little plastic things you put on your spot and they would go up and down the spokes link link link spooky dokeys yeah that's what we call them in Alberta. After we went to Humpty's for breakfast, we put some Spokie Dokies on our bike.

Sure. This is from Laurel K.S. In a Target store in California, little girl to her brother, how much is that, older brother? Your face plus two more. Burn. Classic brother. Classic brother. Classic brother. Making up an insult that's not quite an insult,

but kind of sounds like an insult. Your face. It's cussed your face plus two more of your face. Up your bum and around the corner. Half past a monkey's ass. Quarter to his balls. Your ass is grass and I'm a lawnmower that was in one of the police academy movies i watched yesterday uh this next one comes from julie i julie i uh i was at a friend's house watching tv i don't have a television and i was getting sucked into the show

because moving colors on the screen are really distracting and i wasn't paying attention to anyone who was talking to me. As a result I blurted out, this is why I do not have a television. Another young woman then screamed at her husband, see we should totally get rid of the TV imagine who we could be without it. And he replied, really?

Who could we be? And she shouted back, like imagine all the great inventors I bet they didn't have TV and he said, great inventors? Like who? This is when the discussion started to take on the tone of an argument, and she started to fumble in response and finally screamed, like,

like, like, like the guy who invented pogs. Pretty good. Yeah, I bet you didn't have a TV. No way you would have come up with that Pretty good. Yeah. I bet you didn't have a TV. No. No way you would have come up with that if you were watching House. Did you ever play Pogs?

No. No, I didn't have a TV. Oh, right. I'm not asking if you invented Pogs. No, one of those, those little cardboard discs. Yeah. What were you supposed to do with those? I don't know.

Slam them? Yeah. Were there slammers? It was like marbles for people who were afraid of rolling things okay it was two-dimensional marbles now phil you have another over i do yeah oh my goodness yeah i have a third one uh horn o plenty third vor herd this was uh uh over christmas i was hanging out um with i have a my my three-year- my three-year-old nephew, and he told me that he said that he wasn't a baby, he wasn't a big boy, he was a regular Spider-Man.

Your nephew's the best. Yeah, he is. He is the best. He's a regular Spider-Man. He's a regular Spider-Man. Was there a time when kids weren't into Spider-Man? Before he was was invented and then as soon as he was invented kids have always been into him i i feel like kids weren't into spider-man when i was a kid oh he's huge into spider-man when i was a kid yeah all right he likes he likes spider-man batman uh and superman kind of all like changes

each day yeah he's got all three costumes. Oh, yeah. Oh, man, costumes have come a long way, too. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it used to be just a straight-up plastic mask and a plastic outfit. Yeah, smock. Yeah, some sort of smock. Superman was always... Well, it was always Long Johns were always involved.

You're going to be a superhero, right? Yeah. You had to make your own pants. Yeah. Long Johns and a pair of red undies. And red rubber boots. Red rubber boots. Yeah. Not anymores and a pair of red undies. And red rubber boots. Red rubber boots. Yeah.

Not anymore. Now you can get the whole kit and caboodle. Fake muscles and stuff like that. Oh, it's great. Yeah. Kid with fake muscles. That's the best. Oh, man.

I wish I had the disease where you were a kid your whole life. Benjamin Butt-nitis. No, that one where you stay really tiny, but you age really fast. Oh, Webster. I want that one. I want to be tragic. And in addition to overheards that people write

into us, people also call us with their overheards. And if you would like to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328. And I'll play some overheards, but before I do, a bunch of people actually called in and wished us a happy new year and we had a lot of

drunk dials that were, you know they were okay, I'm not going to play them though we'll play them in the future, save them put them in the drunk dials, no they weren't great but they were just nice hey by the way I'm drunk, but happy devil no they weren't great okay uh they were but they were just nice like hey by the way i'm drunk but happy new year it wasn't they weren't embarrassing enough okay well bless you all yes bless you all and one guy uh called in to complain uh that there were no more beard or he couldn't find any beard paintings uh and that's because they all sold and

uh i'm gonna start up a new round of them because there's still people that want to buy them. I bought one of them. Dave did buy one of them, almost as if by accident. Yeah. But a lot of, but yeah, the guy had a lot of two on there. Oh, I want to hear it. Was that one of the drunk dials? No, it was just like, I'll play it right now. Let's hear the two. Yeah.

Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Matt, and I've been asked to donate $1,000 to a charity, and now I would like to get one of your beard paintings, or at least bid on one, but when I go to eBay and type in beard paintings plus Graham Clark, like you've been saying over and over and over again, nothing comes up. I've searched over and over and over again, nothing comes up. I've searched over and over and over again. Can't find them. Yeah, so there's just a bit of two there.

But they... eBay doesn't exist in a vacuum. Yeah. Time runs out on these bits. Yeah, so all the bids finished. The last kind of bid was on, I think it was on the 24th. Yeah.

And then I've been away, and so I'm starting the new series tonight, actually. So they will be up this week if anybody wants to bid. Again, all the proceeds go towards my friend Claire and her out-of-country cancer treatments. Now, let's hear some overheards. Hey, Graham, Dave, possible guest. This is Matthew in Austin, Texas with an overseen. I was just driving down the highway and saw a maroon Dodge Caravan towing a maroon Dodge

Grand Caravan. So if you sort of picture a maroon Dodge minivan pulling a nearly identical but slightly larger version of itself behind it, you have what I just saw. I would title that He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother. Wow. Well, you know, sometimes a family finds a kind of car they like and that's it. Yeah.

But why tow it? Oh, because one's broken. It lost in a Dodge Caravan fight. Oh, yeah. I could see maybe two Dodge Rams. Sure. Because they always go up and ram each other. Yeah, on the mountain.

Yeah, with their sure-footed, hard- stubborn etc etc next hey dave and graham and possible guests uh this is joe from chicago uh i had a couple overheards for you uh these are both from my wife um she was on the train uh the other day um and there was some like white trash lady at the other end of the car just talking way too loud to this guy who looked like he didn't want to be talking to her. And she was talking about what were his plans for Christmas, and he said, oh, well, we're going to have turkey. And she said, turkey? You should get a rotisserie. It gets so fucking juicy, I found mine in the trash.

Rotisserie. To begin with. That's a library of rotisseries. Recipes. And it gets so effing juicy. And she found hers in the trash. Yeah, that's a try level. The first time I listened to that, I

couldn't figure out what she had found in the trash. But she hadn't thrown it out. She had found one that someone else had thrown out. She had found a rotisserie in the trash. Yeah. And it's so fucking juicy. She's so happy with it. Yeah, a lot of garbage juice.

Yeah, yeah. That is the worst juice. Yeah, that is the worst juice. It's the worst of juices. When I was in high school and we were, we would do a lot of like, would you rather? Yeah. With the grossest things we could think of, but nothing, garbage juice was the grossest. Yeah.

Like grosser than any bodily fluid. Yeah. It's well, because garbage juice can contain bodily fluid. Yeah. That's the, that's the. Yeah. The reason it's the king of gross juices. Yeah. It's all encompassing. Take that man versus food yeah yeah eat some man versus juices

we should open a restaurant that just has like uh disgusting things that you can get for free oh it's a thousand dollar uh bucket of garbage juice unless you uh it, in which case it's free. And then we invite Man vs. Food on. Yeah. And then he has to eat this garbage juice platter. But he's got to eat it off

Guy Fieri's flip-flop. Is that a thing? Does Guy Fieri eat things off his own flip-flop? Does he wear flip-flops? Yes. Oh, of course. Really?

Yep. Party shirts and flip-flops. And sports sunglasses on the back of his head. Probably Crocs in the winter. Okay, because I've never seen his feet feet but he strikes me as some type of boot wearing person but no no he definitely I think he

he strikes me as a flip flop oh I'm sure he's got it okay but he's also incorporated eating food off of his disgusting flip flops oh really man versus flip flop no but because when I see he wears a lot of those like gladiator yeah sure then i i think more of a like a macho type of footwear although i guess flip-flops are

kind of well they're disgusting as those little bracelets and also he wears those flame party shirts so i yeah those go with flip-flops really well. But don't you think, like, you want to let your feet out, but then you want to have the leather? If anybody wants to weigh in on this, you can go to MaximumFun.org and go on the forum, weigh in. Is Fieri a guy that's wearing boots or flip-flops? I guess I can kind of picture him wearing, I don't know. He probably wears both, but I just imagine all the food he trips on to his feet.

I picture an onion ring around his big toe Oh yuck And finally we have one more over Hey guys this is Trent from Las Vegas Just a quick overheard for you So it's Christmas I just went into 7-Eleven to pick up some soda. These two dudes walked in.

Unimportant. Both of them were about 6'8", 6'9". Very important. Both of them had no trace of an accent. They were wearing just jeans and hoodies, nothing that identified them as hill people. So they're staring into the soda cooler for probably a good three minutes.

And finally one guy turns to the other guy and he goes, 7-Up? What is that, like RC Cola? To which the other guy says, Dude, I don't know. Wow! Never heard of seven up sounds like they're on uh magic uh mushroom gravy oh yeah they might have been on magic mushroom gravy that's right oh or they might

be from the future no they would have seven up in the future unless we don't and royal crown is the only the only soda of the future but if you saw saw a case of pop you've never heard of, wouldn't that be something you wouldn't stare at it for three minutes unless you were tripped out? Yeah, that's a good call. Wouldn't you be like, right away, you'd be like, do they sell RC Cola around here in these parts? Because I see the trucks, but I've never seen it.

Yeah, you can get them at grocery stores, but it's very rare that you see a... Not the grocery stores I go to. Well, go to a No Frills, for example. Oh, okay, I buy too many frills. It's because I buy those fringe jackets at the grocery store. Now, do we want to stunt cast a movie? Yeah, well, yeah. Let's play that theme. Are you an actor?

Are you looking for work? Stunt casting. Stunt casting. Stunt. Stunt casting. Powder. Danny DeVito. Taxicab, the movie. Danny Glover. Martin Short. Stunt casting.

Stunt casting. Yes. Now, we haven't done this in, oh, a year. At least. But watching three back-to-back Police Academy movies made me feel like... I authentically believe if they recast it with whoever's young and popular now, it would be a smash hit comedy. Because it never really reached its full potential. It was always just kind of a dumb thing. Yeah, but I think the idea of the you know, the classic slackers going through

a police academy, and pranks and whatnot, it could be funny. Okay, now, in the past, if people don't know, that's what this segment is. We take old movies and we revamp them with new cast members. Yes. No, just, I could be completely

wrong, but did, on, was I on the first, because we talked about Taxi. Yeah, I think i could be completely wrong but did on did was i on the first because we talked about taxi yeah i think i could be wrong but i think i think that was the first one that would be it feels right yeah yeah i don't know why but but today it just feels right yeah the feel here and this feel right yeah oh and we did we stunt cast taxi taxi yeah and then we put in and bore more more out was lat. I remember that. I can picture the little thing you set up on the internet for each episode.

I remember picturing the taxi. Okay, so let's go through the characters that we will cast, because we can't cast all of them from all the eight movies. Obviously, you're going to cast a Mahoney. Mahoney is Steve Gutenberg. Hightower. Hightower is the

white guy? No, he was Bubba Smith. Bubba Smith, okay. He was a giant ex-NFL player. Okay, who's the white guy with the big gun? Tackleberry. Tackleberry. Oh, Tackleberry! Okay. Yeah. He had a big gun and then there was the blonde woman. With enormous breasts.

Yeah, she was like the female Tackleberry. Yep. And they hooked up right uh they did in one of the movies yeah that's right and now tackleberry he looks like joe piscopo kind of a little bit okay cool okay yeah sure um and then there's bobcat goldthwait's character zed zed uh there's michael winslow's character sound effect sound effect guy there's the um i've performed with michael yes i. Yes, I know. When we were watching it, we were thinking about you. He's very unapproachable. Just weird.

Where did you do? At the Halifax Comedy Fest. Oh, okay. Yeah, I remember hearing that he was there, yeah. And then there's the young... Oh, no, there's a short black lady that whispers when she talks, and then she goes, freeze, dirtbag, at some point in the movie. Yeah, she freaks out.

She's really quiet, and then at some point in the movie she freaks out. That's her whole character. Okay, cool. And then there's also the guy who hates all the recruits. There's a couple of those guys. There's one called Mouser. He was in the second and third one. But in the first one, I can't remember his name. Harris, I think his name was. Butuser he was in the second and third one but in the first

one i can't remember his name harris i think his name but he ends up in the blue oyster the blue oyster is in every single one of them it's amazing actually the blue oyster is a gay bar yeah and the whole all three of the movies pretty much every other joke is a homophobic joke yeah uh and at the end of the movie there's a point in the movie where they hire Hooker to try and... Not TJ Hooker. No. They hire Hooker to try and get somebody kicked out of the Academy. Mahoney smuggles the Hooker into the podium that Commandant Lessard...

And then she gives Commandant Lessard a blowjob while he's making his speech. Who's Lessard? Does he hate them? No, he's a nice guy. He's a nice old guy. Yeah, he's a nice old guy with the fish. He gives that weird speech at the end. And then at the end of the movie, Mahoney goes to make a speech at the podium and then you just hear

this fly unzip and she gives him a blowjob. Why has she been in the podium? hookers don't know any better yeah they see a cross that scene stuck with me and it like not every time i see a podium i'm not gonna say it arouses me but no no i'm no not every time i see a podium it has crossed my mind throughout my life when i see a podium i, I'm like... You're like, is Steve Guttenberg in there getting somebody a picture? How can I possibly tell a speech right now? Okay, and then...

So, okay. So, Lazard is the good guy in charge. Yeah, he's the good guy. And then who's the bad guy in charge? Well, we can either cast... You call them Harris? One of them was Harris and one of them was Mauser. Harris is the one from the first one.

Does he get someone write something in suntan lotion on his chest in one of them? That might have been the fourth one. But he's the one that carries around the stick and he's always polishing the end of it. Oh, right. And doesn't he have a lackey? Yeah, a brown noser guy. I can't remember his name. Wow, so many people though. Oh yeah, there's a lot. We should have

a board to keep track of all this stuff. I know. How do you do this? You start with do you how do you do this okay well we start yeah you start with i think you would maybe you start with gutenberg gutenberg so he's the main guy yeah kind of a rascal yeah he's a prankster lovable of course right good with the ladies yeah uh not a good cop no not a good cop but a a socially responsible dude he cares about the law yeah even though he likes to he likes to bend the rules, not break them. You know what I mean?

What's his age range? He's in his early 30s, let's say. So, LeBeouf would be too young. Yeah, yeah. And LeBeouf doesn't have the charm to pull it off. Oh, yeah, he does. But what about a Seth Rogen? Could he, now that he's lost a little weight, no?

Yeah, it's possible. I like the curly hair. Yeah. The curly hair. Immediately, who I thought of, because he's lost a little weight, no? It's possible. I like the curly hair. Yeah. Immediately who I thought of, because he's getting into acting, Dane Cook. Oh, I don't think he's charming enough. Oh, okay. I think you need a charmer, because he's got to be. I think Dane Cook might be able to play the brown noser guy.

Oh, yeah. Oh, he'd be good. Yeah, I agree with that. He's got the same hair. Yeah, see, I'm not going as much by hair. Oh, I absolutely am. There's two schools of thought on this. So, younger than Dane Cook.

So, you're going Gutenberg, because I guess I haven't seen, but when I was a kid, I thought he was like... What about an Adam Sandler? Is he too old? He's too old, I think. It's an academy. Yeah. But isn't he really, I was thinking like a...

What about an Andy Samberg? Is he too... Yeah, Samberg, I think, is a... What about an Andy Samberg? Is he too... Yeah, Samberg, I think, is a close... For Dave's hair criteria. Yeah, it's true. But he's also, like, maybe too good looking. I always thought, like, why is Steve Guttenberg in this? But he was the handsome guy.

I thought he was handsome, yeah. I thought he was quite handsome. He was supposed to be the handsome guy. Yeah. So, do we want to go with Andy Samberg, or do we want to go with a Seth Rogen? Are you guys serious about Dane Cook? I don't think he's likable enough. Okay, all right.

No, I think he's super likable. No, people like him. He's popular. You know what I mean? All right. You know what? He's got a point. Yeah.

That's what I was thinking. I think girls like him. All right. But did girls ever like Gutenberg? Oh, big time. Gutenberg was a heartthrob. I don't know that he was. Did Graham? I, big time. Gutenberg was a heartthrob. I don't know that he was.

Did Graham? I don't. Well, he was handsome in the first one. And they play him as if he's the heartthrob in the movie. But the thing is. I'm just going on that. That they play him that he was a heartthrob. Because he does it with Kim Cattrall in the movie. But they play him as if he's a heartthrob in Police Academy movies.

These aren't movies women ever saw. That's good. Oh, that's true. That's good to know. Oh, that's true. Yeah, that is true. Okay, so I think Dane Cook then does fit the bill probably better than... Oh, I was thinking the opposite. Oh, Andy Samberg? Maybe Seth Rogen.

Okay, let's say Seth Rogen. Really? Do you not agree? I think Dave's just going on hair. I'm running on fumes and hair. Okay. I thought... Let get go back to him okay so the next guy we said was high tower we need a very large shack oh shack is good i was

gonna say the dude that played ba in uh the new 18 oh yeah i think he's too short i'm gonna say shack is oh yeah yeah oh that's right yeah Yeah, he missed the high part of the name. Are there any other tall black celebrities? Nope. Nope. Shaq. Shaq, yeah. I think we've cast Shaq in several movies so far.

He just belongs. Yeah, Shaq would actually be great in that. You know what? He'd be a good Mahoney, too. They should do it with effects so that he plays both Mahoney high town yeah like the club you know I could do we could do police academy this and then we could do a whole kind of soul train or soul plane so playing the police academy only yeah it's all kind of an urban yeah that's not bad yeah I don't hate it. Okay, so

Shaq is Hightower. And maybe Mahoney, we'll see. In the next game. Okay, and then we also have the Bobcat Gulfweight. Zed.

We need a crazy, a kook. A young crazy. A young crazy k young crazy Steve-O Oh, not bad at all Steve-O Yeah, let's keep talking Let's toss it around Andy Dick's good

I like Steve-O Because he's kind of Maybe a Russell Brand No, he's too British Yeah Okay so so young and who's young and wacky um yeah who's serious is too old some there must be some uh youtube celebrity oh yeah oh yeah uh well i mean the um i'm just thinking thinking, because he's got to be kind of a punk-ish type of character, right? But what would be the modern-day punk?

Like a hip-hop? Would he be a hip-hop guy? 50 Cent? Or a Lady Gaga type? Or Kesha? Oh, flip the gender of it. I kind of like Kesha as Zed. Yeah, because she's kind of crazy and smelly.

That's one thing I'm learning, or I've learned from doing these stunt casting ones, is never start with your best one because it always gets rejected. Oh, really? Oh, I should have said Stevo. Yeah. Well, so to me, it's down to Stevo or Kesha. What do you think? I like Kesha.

I like Kesha, too. She's smelly enough looking and kind of dirty like Zed was. I might just make my own. Okay, so we've got our high tower. Does she talk like Bobcat? Of course. If she talks like Bobcat, then I'm down with Kesha. She's got to study the role.

Okay. Oh, okay. Pretty good impressions. How about me? Yeah, pretty great. Yeah, I'd go Shubh Khan this way. Oh, yeah, do you want to be in that? No. Okay.

Can I go back? Because I just thought of this, and I will leave the Steve-O thing alone But Knoxville could possibly be Mahoney He could be Mahoney I like that actually Because he's rebellious I like Knoxville as Mahoney We've got our Hightower

We've got our Zed We need Tackleberry Tackleberry Kind of look like a Joe Piscopo But tall Really tall Yeah he was tall He was really tall

And his hair was a certain type Yeah He was a little older though So he'd be a little older than Kesha and Knoxville Yeah yeah But he's got to be like a bigger guy Like a Ron Perlman

But not quite Kind of redneck-y Kind of Is there Because he was kind of like oh yeah or the cable guy uh is there a young larry the cable guy though like there must be a comic that that is that that is like has yet to get her done yeah yeah he hasn't quite got it done what about that ventriloquist guy jeff dunham yeah i don't like that at all. No, okay. What about... I don't mind like

a Ron Perlman or even a Joe Piscopo. What about Joe Piscopo? Bring him back. Yeah. This is his comeback. Yeah, this is it. So he is 40 years older than everyone else. He's 40 years older than everyone else? In the one movie they try and play him off as 26

in the first one. Oh, the guy with the big gun? Yeah. Okay. i love that yeah um so really piscopo is gonna do it well we'll call and see all right who's a younger piscopo or or uh i like ron perlman who's a younger ron perlman i do like ron perlman too uh a vin diesel a uh um no i like ron perlman for it oh Walker from the Fast and the Furious movies He's got similar hair Yeah I don't mind Paul Walker I don't know I don't agree with that

Paul Walker He's going to upstage Knoxville as the heartthrob Sure yeah you're right One of the expendables oh one of the lesser expendables oh randy couture uh oh mickey rourke yeah what about a rourke i don't mind a rourke yeah mickey rourke yeah as tackleberry yeah yeah not bad yeah although probably the same age as piscopo yeah but i think's going to do whatever it takes to make the role work. Yeah, he makes it happen. He wants four days of rehearsal. Now, the

short black woman who says, freeze, dirtbag. Sure. Raven Simone. I was going to say the... Wanda Sykes is the no-brainer. Oh, Wanda Sykes, good call. I was going to say E. Partha Patterson or whatever the one from... Scuson yes from uh

can you edit out the that i used the phrase no-brainer nope we're gonna call you phil no brainer henley at the beginning i will i was trying to why i don't know i don't like that no brother anyways uh okay wanda sykes i asked you to edit okay wanda Sykes. I asked you to edit it. Wanda Sykes, pretty good. Michael Winslow? Michael Winslow. We need somebody who's like a famous beatboxer or something. Or someone who's just good with sound effects. Like a Jeff Dunham.

Jeff Dunham's good with sound effects. Reggie Watts, good with manipulating his voice. Although, I feel like it's sort of a disrespectful thing. Oh, yeah. Although, like, I feel like it's sort of a disrespectful thing. Oh, it's beneath Reggie Watts. Okay, so Reggie Watts is above... What about Nick Cannon? He used to beat box and stuff, didn't he? Did he?

Sure, let's say he did. He used to wild out. I like Nick Cannon as a... But he's a little bit too much of a heartthrob himself. Yeah, you can't upstage Knoxville. Jeez Louise, this is tough. Yeah, there has to be a lot of beatboxing in this. Isn't it weird that there's not a young...

Sound effects guy? Yeah, there's not a young Larry the Cable guy. You know, for the tackleberry. Or why not? Who's the guy who does the motorcycle? Oh, yeah. Oh, from King of Kelowna. Herb Dixon?

Yeah. Yeah, okay. He does sound effects. Yeah. It's a change of race, but I think... It's like a change of pace and a change of race. Oh, I don't mind it. I don't mind it.

It's bold. I don't know if he's going to fill seats south of the border well it doesn't matter he does the sound effects nobody knew michael winslow was before he did police academy that's true so that's true oh bring him in i'm all for it uh and then uh who else uh okay so do we have the whole our preferred cast i'm sure there's uh the leggy blonde, female tackleberry. With the guns. Yeah, yeah. Kind of a statuesque blonde is what we're looking for.

Almost an Amazon. But a tough lady. China. Oh, that woman from the roast. Lisa Lampanelli? Yeah. Done and dusted. I think she's missing one of the roles. Everybody in the Academy has to find her...

Attractive. Oh, sorry. Okay. But maybe like a wrestling lady, like whoever is a wrestling lady. Oh, isn't there that famous... China. Not...

There's a MMA fighter who's a female that she looks like a model. Do you guys know who I'm talking about? No, but I love it. China, I guess, is probably as close as you're going to get. No, I say we go, we find out the lady's name who's the MMA

What did you say? MMA fighter. Is it Stacey Keebler? Is it any relation to Stacey Keebler? She was a wrestling equivalent. I don't know. Maybe. Let's say her. Sure.

Stacey Keebler. I don't know who that is. Me either. Yeah, I'm not sure. I don't know who Stacey Keebler is. Is she good looking? I think so. Okay.

I don't really remember. I know she's one of them. Is this a girl you went to school? Who is she? No, she's like a WWE wrestling lady. Oh who is she no she's a uh like a wwe wrestling oh really okay yeah okay but not as scary as a china um like a tough talking you know is there anybody that's like a tough talking lady lady who's like hot but like what about the one from rizzoli and aisles i've never watched it uh she used to be on Law and Order She has a very throaty voice

Nope, nothing Can't remember her name Mariska Hargitay? Nope, she was post-Mariska Hargitay No, she was on SVU You're screwing all around with the details I don't know I haven't recognized the name in about five minutes

So now All that's left is the brass and Lessard. Oh, yeah, Lessard. We need an elder if Leslie Nielsen was still with us. Yeah, if Lloyd Bridges was still with us. Yeah. Oh, he gets choked all the time? No, just like a guy who's just a funny old man.

Okay, cool. All right. We need, who do we got? Do we have a Martin Sheen? Yeah, Eugene Levy. Oh, Eugene Levy's man. Okay, cool. All right. We need... Who do we got? Do we have a Martin Sheen? Yeah, Eugene Levy. Oh, Eugene Levy. Eugene Levy. Yeah, perfect.

That's really good. He's not quite old enough, but he can do it. Yeah, he can gray up his hair. That's good. I hate to say it, but we're going to have to change his hair. And then the bad guy, Harris, I think is his name. Oh, Dennis Franz. Did you say Dennis Franz, too?

No. Oh, I thought you... I like maybe a Dennis Farina. Oh, yeah. Who's Dennis Farina? He's the guy, he always plays bad guy. He played a bad guy in I Get Shorty, and he was the jewel dealer in Snatch.

Oh, yeah, okay. Gray hair, mustache. Yeah. Is that who I'm thinking of? Yeah, you're thinking of. I don't know if he's right for it, though. But as long as... I like it, because he can freak out. Yeah out yeah yeah i want a hothead yeah and his

assistant dane cook yeah dane cook is the assistant that's a great cast i'm not sure about the sound the sound yeah well who did we cast i forget that we um oh herb dixon oh yeah Oh, Herb Dixon. Yeah, I agree. There's got to be somebody that does... A fart noise man in a fart noise world. Who beatboxed now? Because I think that's the updated version. Who was the guy who used to be in The Roots? Rozelle? Oh, yeah.

Or is it nobody from the Wu-Tang Clan beatboxed I think I don't think so I think they they had a producer right or a DJ or something

DJ Tanner why okay guys I'm gonna go way out on a limb here I like it why not just bring back Michael Winslow

like why why mess with something that's perfect oh there could be a thing where he's retired and they bring him back they get he they need a special job they need sound effects the only way they're going to be able to pull it off they get they go to laugh lines and they get michael winslow yeah i like if we just keep michael winslow where he is um what do you think fine it'll certainly make the photoshopping easier yeah oh it will yeah just add some wrinkles

uh yeah so okay so uh that's quite a cast that's that's a watchable cast i forget half of it already um yeah but that was we did some good work yeah really good work yeah right guys i think so uh 2011's looking up yeah now ph Now, Phil. Yes, sir. If people want to find you online, they want to find out where they're going to be able to see you live, et cetera, where do they go? My website, philhanley.com or.net. Okay. Yeah.

Oh, wow. You got them both. Yeah. Yeah. Well, first of all,.net and then.com became available. But I don't have... Well, who had it before? It was a shipping company in the UK and it was three people.

And one guy's name was like Philip and the other guy's name was like Hancock and the other guy's name was like something Lee. And they put their name together. I thought it was going to be Cockney rhyming slang. Oh, this plan has gone Phil Hanley. Yeah, so I never change the dates, but that's one of my New Year's resolutions is to be more...

Cool. Do you have anything you want to plug coming up? When will this be on the air? Tomorrow. Tomorrow? Yeah. Okay, I'm going to be at the Punchline in San Francisco this weekend. Oh, cool. All right. be on the air tomorrow yeah tomorrow yeah okay i'm gonna be at uh the punchline in san francisco

this weekend oh cool yeah all right well uh yeah go check out phil hanley at punchline in san francisco uh dave and my resolution yeah is to uh give more of my heart oh to somebody who the very next day will give it away. Somebody will break up with you on Skype. Guys, I don't have anything to plug. I don't either, aside from the beard paintings, which I already did. And also you should go check out the blog at MaximumFun.org.

We'll have that awesome picture of the police academy situation. yeah, if you like the show tell your friends if you want to contact us at stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com or you can call us at 206-339-8328 and uh thanks a lot for listening and here's to a wonderful 2011 from stop podcasting yourself Broadcasting yourself.