Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 148 - Pete and Courtney Johansson

Episode Date: January 12, 2011

Pete and Courtney Johansson join us to talk about foreign toilets, lotions, and creative breakups.  So giggly.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 148 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who looks good in a rugby shirt, a whiskey shirt. Or no shirt at all. No shirt at all. Mr. Dave Shumka.

A rugby shirt, a whiskey shirt, a vodka shirt, a cider shirt. Yes. We're singing Chumbawamba. Chumbawamba. Yeah. Oh yeah. They've had so many hits it was hard to figure the right one. But that one, yeah, that one stands out of their millennium of albums. And that voice you hear is our guest who we wanted to have on the show since we started

the podcast. But you've been on the other side of the globe in England, Mr. Pete Johansson and his lovely wife, Courtney Johansson. Don't talk to her. Well, she has a microphone in front of her if you want to pipe up you can anytime it sounds like i'm making it up now now it's now i sound crazy that'll be the thing we won't have her talking till the last second uh thanks for coming on the podcast oh you're welcome and welcome back to canada thank you it's so nice to be back in canada yeah it's nice to have you back it's talking too quiet Thanks for coming on the podcast. Oh, you're welcome. And welcome back to Canada. Thank you. It's so nice to be back in Canada.

Yeah, it's nice to have you back. Am I talking too quiet? No, you sound great. This is great. Should we get to know us? Sure. Get to know us. We were listening to this in Hong Kong when we couldn't sleep.

Your podcast. We got... We were... What? It doesn't help you sleep. Okay. Oh, hello, Courtney. She's here.

Yeah. Oh, crap. No, but we could, we had the worst hotel room in Hong Kong because it was, it was nice. It was a nice hotel. But it was, they were pile driving. Do you know the pile, they did it when, years ago when they were building the docks here and they were bang, bang. Oh, yeah, yeah.

We were right next to them building another hotel and they were in the pile driving phase right and from six o'clock in the morning till eight at night just bam it was unbelievable and then at eight at night they'd go instead of a hotel it became a hotel for dogs what wait a minute oh no she's pitching a script now imagine a hotel um but what do you now. Imagine a hotel. What do you mean it became a hotel for dogs? There's dogs barking the entire time. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like the floor underneath us, they allowed dogs.

In their defense, it was dog new year. It was the year of the dog. But yeah, so we tried in order to sleep, we covered our eyes, which doesn't bring down the noise. And then we put on earplugs, but when it's that type of vibration, it goes right through the earplugs. So instead, what we did was we put on your podcast. We downloaded about 12 of them. Wow.

And we'll go, we'll fall asleep to listen to your guys' podcast. For 12 hours. I mean, come on. We tried to just focus on Dave's voice, right? Oh, ouch. Come on. Zip. That hurts.

Does it? No, it doesn't. Here's the thing, though. And wow, drinking at this hour. But we couldn't because we're so interested and we're laughing so hard that we became the noise yeah and then people called our room and said hey stop with the laughing we're trying to hear the pile driving that's how we sleep here in hong kong uh you were touring there right you were doing shows there how uh like you're playing for mostly expats

or what are you playing? What's the crowd in Hong Kong? Hong Kong's mainly, well, they live in Hong Kong, but they're expats, yeah. Although it's a mixed audience, Hong Kong. Hong Kong was pretty mixed. Yeah, was it good? Some places you go around the world

and you get, it's just expats, but that one's pretty mixed, actually. Yeah, but are they, like where? They're a great audience. Hong Kong's fantastic. Really? Yeah, actually. Yeah? But are they, like, where? They're a great audience. Hong Kong's fantastic. Really? Yeah, yeah. How come?

Smart, educated, upper middle class, you know, part of the power that dominates the poor. Yeah, yeah, sure. The people that can't afford podcasts. So we can make fun of them because they can't even afford the dime to down. This is free? Yeah, it's free. It's a dime. Okay.

You have to put it in a coin slot. That's what the thing on the bottom of your iPod is? You plug it's a dime okay you have to put it in a coin slot that's what the thing on the bottom of your ipod is you plug it into a dime and then you return it at the grocery store to get your done you plug into your next time it's a very complicated system needlessly some people say are penny loafers actually powered like they need a penny to work that's the that's the transition wow this guy i know this guy's shooting everything block yeah this guy is no and don't wimp or block thanks for coming out you guys it's been great i love you dave you know that you're my favorite tweeter oh thanks i do i love your tweets i think you are the most astute grasper of the tweeting art that there is. Oh, well, thank you.

Now, let's get back to you guys. You're a big international traveler. Yeah, I do. So the crowds in Hong Kong are great. Do you do like the Middle East? You did Dubai, didn't you? This year, I've been everywhere this year. I was in Oman, Dubai, Beirut, Qatar, South Africa, Mumbai, India. What was the worst, crowd-wise?

Worst crowd-wise. Not worst toilet-wise. Oh, yeah. What was the worst toilet-wise? Oh, India. Really? Bad toilets? I got that just hole in the ground with feet marking toilet. Really?

Thailand, too. Yeah, Thailand, too, had that. Oh, yeah, Thailand was bad, too, because they had all the mosquitoes in it. Yeah. Mosquitoes in the toilet? Yeah, the toilet. When you get the footprints where they suggest you put your feet out of the hole, like this is where you suggest.

But as a white person, just try to put your feet where they suggest Because they've got an extra bone Because if you pull your pants down all the way Let me explain this If you pull your pants down all the way And you put your feet in those spots And then you crouch down to take a poo You will poo right back into your pants

It is not designed For western people bending Courtney is half Japanese If you can't see her on the podcast is not designed for Western people bending. Courtney's half Japanese, if you can't see her on the podcast. If you can't see her, just put more coins in. And if you can see her,

you've got that weird brain thing where you see colors. Synesthesia. What do they do? That's on an Art Bells show, remote viewing. That's what that is. They're remote viewing us in a lab in Russia right

now. They're looking for weapons, but they stumbled upon this room and they're like, hey, let's stop and listen. That's a great Russian accent. All you have to do is throw the word comrade at it. Everybody knows what you're doing. Duh. Pretty good.

I've got to stop laughing and be more serious. So are you suggesting that Courtney has this extra bone? No, but she can crouch like a... A tiger. Hides like a dragon. No, it's because the legs are shorter than the torso. So when you bend, you have balance. Where if your legs are too long, then you're off

balance when you crouch. Wow. That's the argument Hitler used. So what? It's just where the suggested foot area is doesn't work. So that you just have to find your own...

Yeah, you gotta move your feet outer and ahead. He is acting like he ever crouched. He just stood with his legs apart. I did pretty much just stand straight up. Which is difficult to do at best. You're the one who asked where the worst toilets were.

Okay, where's the audiences then? And also, were there any audiences watching you go to the bathroom? Yeah. No, I'm not like that. And I don't appreciate the aspersions you're casting. Sorry. That's okay.

No, the worst audience, honest to God, all the expat audiences are great. They're so receptive and so nice. I had the weirdest though. Pattaya. Oh, God. Well, Pattaya was creepy in Thailand because it was all like, you know, the creepiest. Think of your worst type of tourist to Thailand and what type of guy that is. A fat, sweaty, white guy with a way too young.

Big glasses. Yeah, yeah. And way too young girlfriend that you know isn't really a girlfriend. Kind of like a bunch of Philip Seymour Hoffman's. Yeah. It's good looking. It's like a Gary Glitter sort of event. Okay, yeah.

You know, like just there's something creepy going, and you just don't want to know. And because I had such disrespect for the people in the audience, I had a hard time having a show. Because whenever they'd participate, I just thought you'd disgust me. You feel like, oh, I don't want to appeal. That was actually the same as Manila, too. I had the same feeling in Manila. Every guy in here is wanted on an internet charge bat home. And that's what they're doing here.

It creeped me out i had a hard time with that but the rest of the time for stealing wi-fi yeah exactly exactly for blocking their address off the google webcam vanilla is the only place that doesn't care about that uh wow so you really you have you've been everywhere pretty much. And is that... I'm a global headliner that nobody's ever heard of. Is that weird? Like, is it more fun to travel just as a comedian and not have to worry about having a particular type of material? No, it's... You would rather everybody knows who you are.

No, no no i just the traveling is i like it i love seeing new places and i like but i don't feel like i really get to meet people enough sure i'd like to really like you know i don't know how to explain it but i just feel like i'm i feel like a tourist you know and not even a good tourist like a because i have i actually have less time in my day than a tourist right other tourists get to do crap and they oh we'll go on an elephant ride at five and i go i can't i gotta go and have a nap because i gotta do a show right yeah yeah and then it's kind of yeah it's just not as quite as fun you know right but i like i like the fact that i don't have to pay for my plane ticket yeah that's nice

because i would never be able to afford to have done the traveling i've got to and you you were in uh you were based out of London for three years? Yeah, it's coming up on three years now. Wow. And now you're back here and you don't know where you're going to go. Yeah, well, we're... It's up in the air.

Could be Canada. Well, I want to come back here because my lovely wife would like to go back to college. Yeah, sure. Get an edumacation. Yeah, and I mean, I'm never going to... Why do you look so offended at that? This is acting like I'm not edumacation. Yeah, and I mean, I'm never going to lie. Why do you look so offended at that? He's acting like I'm not edumacated.

It's true. I'm just adding to my two other degrees. Oh, nice. You're just topping them up? Yeah, just seeing what else I can do. Well, it's that and also, you know, we've experienced it. And England's always going to be a part of our life. We're always going to go back and forth there.

I mean, it's, you know. But at the same point it's i've felt like i've abandoned north america to a certain degree and i love it here and we realize with this little trip here the last couple days have we not realized how much we love it here particularly vancouver yeah right it's nice here it's it's gorgeous yeah and the gomorges is that what you're gonna say i caught myself it's also people are smiling. We haven't seen people smile in three years. Really? Not even when the new Harry Potters come out in England?

You would think that would be a really happy time. No, it's Mordor. It's too strong. That's a different movie, right? Even I know that's a different film series. I'm just combining them all. So, yeah. Welcome back. It's nice to have you back. Oh, thank you. Do you know what

you're going to go to school for, Mrs. Johansson? No. Alright. It's actually Mrs. Kuriyama. Oh, really? Are you Mr. Kuriyama? Yes, I am. Oh, nice. It's going to bring me a whole new fan base. So that's your stage name then is Johansson. Johansson. But we changed it legally to Kuriyama.

I love it. And I'm a doctor. Congratulations to both of you. What is it about podcasts that make us lie so much? Well, it's very hard to prove or disprove anything. Have you been on other podcasts as a liar? No, not as a liar. I've done a bunch of podcasts, but I don't remember lying this much.

Were they all English? Yeah. What's the best funny podcast in england uh herring and collins herring and fantastic richard herring if you have a chance you'll love plenty of chances yeah richard herring is hilarious really really all right guy uh uh he did uh he did the hitler mustache for his uh edinburgh show last year and then this year was Christ on a bike. And they're both great. Hitler mustache, it's about him getting mugged in a park, but he's got a Hitler mustache. He's racing after somebody in the park with his arm up.

There's far more to it than that. Yeah, I was like, that's a hard premise to stretch over an hour. So I'm still running, looking more and more like Hitler. so I'm still running looking more and more like Hitler him and Stuart Lee are about the cutting edge of British comedy Stuart Lee's very good and then there's Daniel Kitson

yeah very very well he doesn't do a podcast does he? no I've only met him like three times but he's kind of like an enigma you know he's a theater comic he might not exist either comic that sounds good that sounds like a backhanded compliment yeah well he won't

he won't do any television or anything like that but he's probably the most like he's he's incredibly well respected like there's no equivalent respect wise i don't think anywhere else like you won't find any reviewer or anybody that ever says anything bad about the guy huh but uh yeah he's massive you know but he won't but you can't find him reviewer or anybody that ever says anything bad about the guy. Huh. But, yeah, he's massive, you know? But you can't find him. Like, you go look for clips of him. Like, there's maybe one from Melbourne from years ago, but that's it. He's a mystery.

He is. It's really kind of... He's the Banksy of comedy. Yeah. Fair to say. Fair to say. Oh, wow. Wow.

Banksy's name is Eric something, right? Didn't we find that out? No, it's Glenn. It's Glenn. It's Glenn. No, it is Glenn. He lives in Bristol. Yeah.

Oh, really? Glenn Banksy. Glenn Banksy. That's all it took. They just looked in the phone book. Oh, there it is. He's only one. He just took his first name off. 411. We're looking for an artist.

Then they call him. He's just super eager to talk about it. He's like, nobody knew who I was. I watched that movie, Exit Through the Gift Shop. Have you seen that? Yeah. It was irritating, wasn't it? I hated Mr. Brainwatch. Oh, of course! But he's not a... it was a whole thing, right? He's not a real guy. Spoiler alert.

Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, he's not. The whole thing was a phony baloney, right? I just found it tiresome. Am I wrong about that? Are you thinking of the Oneean Phoenix movie? Oh, that was irritating. I saw that two nights ago. That was the item irritating, nights ago oh my god well there wasn't a point to it other than irritation the uh this was what i gathered after it came out that they said oh it was all a hoax right like that was the couple days after it came out the guy they said it right before it came out. Yeah, but what's the guy who directed it? They said it during the taping and after.

But my theory is that they made the movie, he comes off so horribly that at the last second... Was it Casey Affleck? Genius! Genius!

Drowning Mona star, Casey Affleck. The brothers of stars are always the most talented yeah well that's why Brian Doyle Murray is one of the greatest comedy actors of our generation when will we see more Don Swayze out there once we reach our Frank Stallone peak

what's that Tim Hanks is that one Colin Hanks no that's his son he has a brother or something I can't remember his name Tim Hanks Colin Hanks whatever no that's his son yeah there's no Tim Hanks he does he has a brother or something

I can't remember his name his brother is only one letter off they were twins that's why they're dressed in matching outfits Tim Hanks

in Fierce Gump like they just changed one letter in all of the movie titles they just released a direct to DVD version with Tim Hanks the cheap version They just changed one letter in all of the movie titles. They just released a direct-to-TVD version.

With Tim Hanks. The cheap version. Do your Tim Hanks impression. Or Tom Hanks impression. No, do your Tim Hanks impression. Yeah, do your Tim Hanks impression. For some reason, when I had a cold about two weeks ago, she insisted I sounded like Tom Hanks,

but I didn't know that she'd taken a bunch of codeine. And so she made me leave messages on her machine. Like, Tom Hanks is running? Didn't sound like me. Wilson! Wilson! How deep is my wife's voice, eh? I thought the pills after the operation would have lightened it.

At no point did... That's not how he talks to Wilson, though. Yeah, he's not ever mad at us. Neither of us has ever actually seen it. Are you being Dennis the Menace mad at Mr. Wilson? Cutting Mr. Wilson off at the back. Oh, lordy. But yeah, I think that it was actually...

I think that's actually how he was. And they decided to say... Oh, let's say it was a fake. I've met him, by the way. Casey or Joaquin? Joaquin. Is he crazy? He wasn't very interesting.

I was at Caroline's about probably 10 years ago. Yeah. Was he doing comedy? No, he came down to see the guy I was working with, who's a friend of his. And he came backstage. A young Casey Affleck. No, no. But he came backstage and he's like,

hey man, it was really funny. I go, hey, thanks. I can't remember what he said. I made some joke about punching him in the mouth because he had a hair lip. And he's like, let's be friends. Remember when he had a hair lip? Somebody obviously beat me to it or something. It was some lame joke

about his obvious affliction. And then you were like, remember when your brother died? Yeah. That's just a couple blocks away from here. It's still nice enough to invite us to go figure skating the next day. For real? Yeah, yeah. And Dan was so mad at me because Dan was with me. To go figure

skating? To go skating in the park because he was dating Liv Tyler at the time. But the word figure before skating. Well, I just assume it's figure skating. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't skate. I'm not going to go skating. I hate skating.

He once had a dream that he could skate, though. I did have a dream about it, but that's a different whole podcast. No, let's get into the dream. People love that. No, dreams are stupid.

You should cuss yours and move on with practicality. Agreed. No, but yeah, and then he was dead and found out the next day that I'd slept in past the time that we were supposed to. And he was done Found out the next day That I slept in Past the time

That we were supposed to And he was so mad at me Oh really We could have gone skating With Liv Tyler and Joaquin Phoenix I don't care But would that have been I guess

You know Anytime you see skating On television You know One time I went skating With Joaquin Phoenix And Liv Tyler Or if you're watching

Lord of the Rings Or I'm not here. Also, good ways to bring up that story. Is she? Barely. What? I'm not there? Which?

Lord of the Rings. Yeah, she was a... Oh, yeah. She was a Mordor. I like the other one, the one with the white skin that scares me. Powder? Talk about directors I saw in Manila.

Good reference. Did you see how quickly I tied that all together? Very well done. Thank you. You're very welcome. Nobody got it. The guy who directed Powder is a weird pervy dude. Yeah, he had a pedophile charge against him. He disappeared too. He hasn't done any more kids movies.

Did you ever see the shower scene in that? Like how could he not? It was the most longing sort of gazed cinematography of young people showering. Yeah, it's awful.

It's just so incredible. I'm not sure I understood what the point of powder was. I never saw any powder. Albinos have magic. Yeah. We all know. That's why he's trying

to lower the prejudice that we have against albinos in our society. Yeah, he was trying to tilt the prejudice we have against albinos in our society yeah he was trying to tilt the scales most of us hate albinos we want them to go back to Antarctica

where they're from but this movie sort of bridged that gap we want them to go back to albino was he actually an albino or did they powder his skin well

you're giving away the ending he just wanted a pension he liked donuts I'm sweating can you hold that while I take my shirt off He just wanted a pension. He liked donuts. I'm sweating. Can you hold that while I take my shirt off? Pete's taking his shirt off. No, just my sweatshirt.

Dave, what's going on with you? Well, um... Have you traveled all over the world lately? I haven't traveled all over the world of late. But, uh... Well, I'm... Not much is going on with me, and that's why I'm going to describe what's going on with me. Lately, the weather has been very dry.

Yes. And I'm becoming a... An old lady. Yeah, sort of. A kind of person I've never been, where I've gotten dry, cracked skin. Sure. And I've invested in various lotions and lip balms. An old lady. Sure. And I've invested in various lotions and lip balms. An old lady. Yeah.

And I have a set for home and I have a set with me in my bag so everywhere I go. A travel set. Is it Burt's Bees? No, it's, well some of it is. I'm testing out various products because I've never been this kind of person before.

An oatmeal base I hear is good. The Aveeno ones because they're the best for rashes too. The weather's gotten a little... Dave and Pete are touching each other's hands. The last few days has gotten a little

more humid here. Did I tell you when I met that I was MCing... I was emceeing, like, I was telling jokes at my friend's birthday party, and... You did all the best gigs. I know, I really did. This old cowboy guy walked in, and I shook hands with him,

and his hand, you know, felt like a burlap sack. Right. And he said, your hand could be a woman's. And I was like, wow! But he's right! Like, I mean, compared to his hand yeah right in the dark that's an opening line for a cowboy i'm pretty sure he then showed me photos of the girl that he's seeing in town who was uh well she was a man like he seemed to be the only one that didn't know that it was like oh what yeah he was like you better not hope he listens

to this podcast i'm not sure he doesn't know what a podcast is. He didn't seem to know what a transvestite was. Like, he was a real... And he was showing pictures? Yeah, because he is a guy who sold part of his land to an oil company. So he had, like, all of this money all of a sudden. So he came out to Vancouver for a vacation. And he was showing...

He had just bought a fancy, like like super fancy camera the day before and taking pictures up at the like the top of that building downtown that has the rotating restaurant whatever that's called oh yeah no the um uh gravitron yeah the gravitron the one that pins you to the wall and then they throw food at your mouth is that Harbor Center? yeah Harbor Center the Sheraton at Harbor Center and then he was showing me pictures and he said

this is my sweetie and I was like and then he showed a couple pictures of him with his arm around her they were at the she might be the camera though those new cameras have so many pixels they make everybody look like they're flaws the... It might be the camera, though. Those new cameras have so many pixels. No, but they'll make everybody look like they're flaws.

Well, the flaw was that this person was a man. I have a 16 megapixel camera, and you can just... Everybody looks like a transvestite. Just everybody. But what do transvestites look like? You should take a picture of one. Oh, yeah, that's actually a good question.

That's annoying whenever someone's like, hey, look at my girlfriend, or look at this person you've never met. You know those Canon cameras that show the little square around people's faces? They should have another little one, too, that goes over their Adam's apple. And it's an apple shape.

Little flashing transvestite. Clearly we have found an Adam's apple. And instead of red eye reduction, they just have Adam's apple reduction. For my friends. Click lower, lower, lower. So yeah. So yeah, got some chalky hands.

Yeah. But it doesn't, like the dry skin doesn't bother me, but the kind of person I'm becoming bothers me. The kind of person who needs moisture everywhere. A real fancy boy. A real fancy boy. My hands could be a woman's. Yeah, sure.

Weren't they called fops? Yeah. Dandies. Fops, dandies, fancy boys. You're a month away from a powdered wig. Yeah. I'm going to powder up my face and draw on a mole. Like the movie Powder.

But you're talking about the cowboy. It reminded me, I think it's in Of Mice and Men. Oh, the guy, Vaseline. Yeah, one of the cowboys keeps Vaseline in his glove all day, and that's the hand he uses to touch his wife. Yeah, he keeps one hand soft for his wife. That's the hand that Lenny crushes, if I'm not mistaken. I believe so, and that's the hand he uses to touch his wife. Yeah, he keeps one hand soft for his wife. That's the hand that Lenny crushes, if I'm not mistaken. I believe so. And it's a rabbit.

His sex hand. I read a similar story about pimps in the ghetto. Really? One sock hand? By John Steinbeck. Tyler Perry presents Mice and Men. I shouldn't laugh so hard at my own jokes That's really tacky

We're here to have fun Yeah, we're all having a good time, right? I'm so drunk I've had three quarters of a beer, but I'm having a flashback I know, but you had that cheeseburger too I know, Dairy Queen DQ, baby Yeah, their hot eats got nothing on their cool treats, am I right?

Oh, true Really, their hot eats got nothing on their cool treats. Am I right? Oh, true. Really, their fries are my favorite. Really? Have you ever dipped their fries in one of the milkshakes? Yeah. So good. Especially if it's just a vanilla one. Have you ever tried that? I don't mix sweet and savory. Ever? What about a sweet and sour

pork? I separate the two. With the sweet pork over here and the sour pork over there. What about a salad that has like strawberries and nuts and blue cheese? I think they should be separate. But equal. They should have the same rights.

Like an apartheid. But different water fountains. No, I don't like it. Courtney will eat chocolate followed by an onion followed by an anchovy followed by cotton candy

wow without any break in between them you could be a like a New York uh restaurateur I think Asian people

generally do that mix and match yeah yeah like my dad will just be eating jelly beans and then he'll have a piece of pizza, and then he'll eat whatever. Program a computer. Then he'll do your taxes.

We do. Your dad sounds awesome. Dad is the coolest dad ever. You can pay him in jelly beans. You could pay him in jelly beans. Oh, yeah, he'd like jelly beans. He's adorable. you could pay him in jelly beans oh yeah he'd like jelly beans that would be the greatest moment just to pay somebody in a

briefcase that's like full to the brim of jelly beans and you just open it up it's like a retarded drug dealer that he bought the jelly beans but you uh okay that's an offensive voice everybody hates that voice sorry I didn't mean to I don't do a lot of voices Okay, that's an offensive voice. That's all I've got to say. Everybody hates that voice.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I don't do a lot of voices. Well, stick to your Russian accent. But I think, like, I imagine a world where candy is the currency. Right. And someone's trying to, like, do one of those drug deals where, you know, you have a stack of 50s, but... There's broccoli in the middle? Yeah. Jelly beans on top of that whole layer of broccoli underneath.

Their version of a recession is diabetes. But candy was the currency when we were kids. Do you remember, like, you'd get given... Okay, but among children. And those who prey on them. When you say, when we were kids, you don't just mean the 1980s. In the 80s.

Which was a super crazy time. Caramel prices went through the roof. They trickled down. Post-war candy inflation was crazy. You need a wheelbarrow of jelly beans just to buy one. Sorry, that's how Hitler got in power again. Why did I do that? I brought it back to Hitler.

You should have gone to voodoo economics. Voodoo economics, right. Everything's got to be pre-World War II. Well. So that's me. I've got fancy hands. Yeah, you've got real fancy hands. And what's going on with you, Graham?

Speaking of being a fancy, fancy, all things fancy, I guess. I went to another burlesque thing last night. That's really popular, hey? You know what? I'm into it. And unapologetically so. I know a lot of fellow comics hate the idea. I don't hate the idea. Name them.

Just in general, I think a lot of comics... Does it rhyme with mumka? Oh no, I know Dave hates it. I know I hates it. I know I hate it. You got turned off of it because of that movie that you saw. Yeah, Burlesque. What's it called?

It's called Burlesque. It stars Sharon. You know, that's not out yet in England, so I haven't seen it. Is it good? Oh, no. Well, everyone's seen it here. It's been the number one movie for six weeks. Well, you put Sharon Burlesque in a title. Who doesn't want to see it?

Oh, yeah. No, I mean. That's fantastic. Eight out of nine people. I guess cadaver Burlesque in a title who doesn't want to see it oh yeah no i mean that's fantastic eight out of nine people uh but uh cadaver burlesque was taken uh uh no i i just i don't hate burlesque but you know i you see it once you're done with it yeah but i went it's fun i like the uh the atmosphere is uh it's like uh you know like if you've ever been to a strip club, it's the most depressing place. But the concept of somebody dancing

mostly naked is great. So you're like, why is it so depressing in this place when the thing that it's built around is so much fun? So burlesque is basically taking the thing that's fun and created a positive atmosphere around it. And I enjoy it. So, uh, I like it for you And I enjoy it. So, uh...

I really like that explanation, actually. That's warm. And I'm glad you finally found something you enjoy. Yeah, exactly. After all this time. I just started curious. It's topless, though, right? They do... Or is it pasties? Pasties. Yeah. But the top, you know, that's topless. If I don't see the nipple,

it just feels weird to me. I mean, it's... What's the big deal? I mean, it's just weird to me. I mean, what's the big deal? I mean, it's just a nipple. I don't know what the big deal is. I mean, we all have nipples. I think it's zoning. I think it has something to do with zoning. Are you telling me the government is sending away the nipples?

The government is into our nipples. How is the Tea Party not up against this? Get your dirty hands out of my burp. Get your dirty hands out of my burp. But yeah, it was an end last night. There's a guy in town that has a big bushy beard and longer hair who I have been tagged as on Facebook in some picture that wasn't me. It was this guy. And I met him last night.

And he's gigantic. As Abby said, he's like Chewbacca size size he was like a full shoulder and head taller than me but with a giant beard so that was nice i got to meet that guy and set the record straight facebook wise and uh and i came up with my burlesque name as well oh what is it tit for tat so the last name is for tat and my first name is tit you would need tattoos though wouldn't you yeah i'm I'm going to get them. Around your boobs. Yeah. You should have your breasts in an argument with each other.

Like, this one's right wing and this one's left wing, arguing tit for tat. Yeah, donkey and elephant. Yeah. Yeah, right? That is fantastic. Yeah, I want to bring politics back to Burlesque. It's political roots. Do any males do burlesque?

Well, that's a very interesting question. We were talking about this a couple weeks ago, and you answered it. It's political roots. Do any males do burlesque? Well, that's a very interesting question. We were talking about this a couple weeks ago, and you answered it. Yeah, there is. And they short-term, they just call it boy-lesque, just to separate it. It's the same kind of setup. So you know when you can leave and get a drink. Yeah, or if you... We'll have 45 minutes of boy-lesque.

And yeah, it was the same kind of setup as the burlesque, only with... Are they slightly Rubenesque, like burlesque artists are as well? Which I was kind of surprised. I thought they would be dudes that were in shape. Super slim, yeah. Like Chippendales or something. But female burlesque artists are always the girls that couldn't quite... I don't want to say it.

But you'll do a retarded voice. Female burlesque, it's all different body types. Same with the male. The two guys I saw were in the same zone as me. Pudgy. But no, they don't wear pasties on their wangs. Yeah, they just have

a cone. Yeah, with a ribbon on the end. So it would be, but it would mainly be like a gay male thing, right? Or would there be straight males in there too? I think these guys were straight. Really? These two dudes were straight, yeah. Oh, that's good.

Kind of chubby, right? And they were all over the lady burleskers, you know. Lots of high fives and smooches. Let's share a change room. Yeah. I would love to see Boylesque. Yeah, it's fun. I think that's quite interesting.

I give you Boylesque all the time. You do. You do a good part. I dance naked so much in my life. What do you do? Do you do like a waltz or a Charleston? A bop. A bop and with kicks.

A lot of kicks. I do a lot of kicking. Oh, kicking. I love kicking. I'll kick you. Don't. No, I kicking. I'll kick you. Don't. No, I will. I'll kick you.

And I think it's a cheap kick if it's above your knee, so it's got to be low kick. That's how you kick people. All right. If you're kicking high, you're just punching with your leg. You're just punching with your leg. That's what they originally called kicking before they had the word. You know when you punch with your leg

I think in German it's still a compound word That just means leg punch I love kicking though I'll do it for like half an hour sometimes You could have a second career on your hands You're a bit of a fancy boy No, I do it manly Top of the stairs

Like you're kicking a door down I'll kick you I never will kick her I'm not door down. Oh, I'll kick you. I never will kick her. I'm not that abusive type. No, I threaten. Yeah. I will let her. You say, I'll kick you.

And she's like, but you're naked. You're dancing. How did this turn violent? One thing with burlesque. I'm worried that as I'm becoming obsessed with skin moisture, you'll become obsessed with burlesque and take it with you everywhere you go. Yeah, so then we'll become a couple of fancy boys. Sounds like a cop drama.

Here's moisturizer and burlesque boy. They're going to solve this crime. All the evidence keeps slipping out of your hands. Let's go stake out the burlesque show. Again again this murder has nothing to do with burlesque i found that pasty at the scene that was your pasty you're planning evidence sequence everywhere

um okay well i want to move on to another segment uh that was brought up last week because our guest phil han, had broken up with his girlfriend. She broke up with him via Skype. Oh, wow. They broke up via Skype. There's no tell. It's not important who broke up with him. Oh, that's right.

But it was a breakup over Skype. And I think you are on the same page. Even in the age of this technology, breaking up in person is the thing. But we asked people to send in, like, because we were like, Skype, it was a bad way to break up. And then we were like, what would be a really great way to break up? What would be a creative way? And we asked people, and they sent in some pretty good ideas. We'll read them after the break.

All right. So we'll read them after the break. All right. So we were talking about breakups. Creative breakups. Yeah. What's a great way? And right before we went on break, you guys said that Courtney came up with a perfect one. I think probably the champion of ways to break up. Or you said you should bring along.

Who said that? That was Courtney. That was Courtney. That was Courtney. You should have the perfect person. Because you'd realize what was wrong with you guys being together. So you'd bring another girl in that you thought was more suitable to that guy. And then Pete thought that maybe that girl at that time could maybe service you while you were breaking up with them. Give you some sort of blowjob.

Yeah. Yeah. Some sort of. And then everyone's happy and you leave feeling good about yourself. Yeah. Oh, wait. This is about the person being broken up with. Wait. Everybody's happy? I Blowjob. Yeah. Yeah. And then everyone's happy and you leave feeling good about yourself. Yeah. Oh, wait, this is about the person being broken up with. Wait, everybody's happy? I think so.

Wait, well, who wouldn't be? The one person's getting out. The one girl got to have a forced blowjob on a stranger. See, that's the one that I worry about. But what if, what about if you paid her? The perfect Albanian mafia breakup. No, Albinos. Albinos aren't involved in white slavery.

That's the only type of white slavery ever. We have some fun. But we got some suggestions. This was from Adam. Adam sent in, you get a ring box. Put on your best suit. Take your soon-to-be ex-lady to a beautiful, expensive dinner. Halfway through the dinner, get down on one knee in front of her and pull out the ring box.

Open the box to reveal either an empty keychain or a note. If you choose the keychain, when she picks it up out of the box to inspect it, just say, Yeah, I'm gonna need my key back. If you choose the note, let her take it out and read it she will read we're through toots maybe you're breaking up with your painful farts that's fantastic that is a great way yeah yeah it's very it is very thoughtful i mean it's thorough. Absolutely cruel. But isn't that the opposite of the... No, it's just creative. Yeah, we're just looking for creative.

Like you were thinking creative and... Mutually beneficial. Yeah, and nice. These are just... Because we felt like Skype or breaking up over a text was kind of... Like they didn't give it enough thought. Yes. We tried to come up with a parallel between getting engaged, because people always come up with really creative engagements.

Oh, that's true. But no one comes up with a really creative way of breaking up. Yeah, to end it all, you know? Skywriting. So this one actually has to do with skywriting. It's from Andrew L. He incorporates Groupon, which if you don't know, it's where a bunch like they'll you know a company will put up a thing and say if 10 people sign up for this thing everybody gets 50 off oh god so he's on.com yes

right so he said what if someone oh groupon that's a totally different site site. It's.net. Yeah. It involves a bunch of Japanese guys in a carriage car. What if someone collected enough money to rent a plane to leave messages behind it and gave the schedule to its contributors

so they could collectively send look up in the sky messages to their collective others? I'm dumping you. There's 20 people who all are looking forward to dumping somebody they all get in because renting a plane yeah i like that he made it feasible yeah or they could have it have it timed out for like if if uh if you're want to break up with someone named mary you say like have her look up at 305 if you want to wake up break up with someone named Mary, you say, like, have her look up at 305. If you want to break up with someone named Marion,

have her look up at 306. Yeah. We got one from Jessa on the forum. She said, a barbershop quartet singing a song in lovely harmony about all your flaws and lackings.

I like that. Or surprise party. Gather all the friends and family, sit in the dark, wait for him or her to come home. Everyone yells surprise. Stunned, he or she asks, what's the occasion? What's going on? And then you say, I don't love you anymore. Also, there is cake.

That's pretty good. Yeah. Somebody on the forum named El Wombato that's such a new popular name El Wombato yeah

it's half the kids in the nursery yeah yeah top boy names for 2010 Mohammed El Wombato top two names

yeah uh I mentioned the creative breakup bit to my girlfriend, and she proceeded to explain. Yeah, we're breaking up. We're through. How she bought a birthday cake to a breakup in what I have now dubbed a cake-up. So we joked about candy grams or stripper grams or best of all, a stripper in a cake breakup. Yeah. Cake-up.

That's nice because you stripper in a cake breakup yeah cake up that's nice because you leave them with a cake um and then somebody uh j boss from the forum said i was thinking something involving a flash mob maybe an iphone app so he was in yeah exactly one foot in one you guys finish this he's like a producer i got the building blocks of a great idea. Let's get some writers in here and workshop this. I think I have a great one. Some sort of flash mob or an iPhone app. Throw in Justin Bieber.

We got a six-run series. We also had one guy called in, and he was kind of drunk. Oh, I like it. It's kind of an entertaining call. So let's hear his thoughts on breaking of it. Hey, Dave and Graham was kind of drunk. Oh, I like it. It's kind of an entertaining call. So let's hear his thoughts on breaking up. Hey, Dave and Graham, this is Chase Colton from Chicago. I had heard

your last episode, you had asked for creative breakups. Also, it's a bit of a drunk dial. I came from a holiday party where I had some drunks, some drinks. I had drinks. There were drunks to the rafters.

Me, just a bit. Anyway, I had in high school received a card. Oh, my goodness. I'm sorry. There's a Canadian goose. Hey, buddy. Hey. Hey, buddy.

Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy.

Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy.

Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. I was given a card that was an engagement card. I did not realize they made these. And it said, you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. And after it, the girl had written out,

you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life without and then under it she wrote get fucked that's uh that's a semi-creative but i'm so mean so mean the cadence of his talk was that of a drunk guy trying to talk his way out of a ticket know, but you know how fast you're going? Well, here's the thing. So goosey. Oh, man. I think that that one would be a good breakup one for if the person had wronged you. Yeah, of course.

Well, anything that involves get fucked. You ever break up for somebody that really righted you? No. It's true. You're too good. I gotta get out of here. for somebody that really righted you well some people do like self sabotage because they can't deal with being in a stable relationship but they never come up with a creative way of but those people like if you just really were irritated by how nice the person was right you kind of do have to be mean when you break up with them because then they don't get it.

They never understand that they're broken up with. Oh, we should just be friends. That's great. That would be great. I'm going to call you tomorrow morning. I like passive-aggressive bake-ups. I don't like telling them. Exactly.

Leave them on for a few weeks, and then eventually they'll get them. You put a little drugs in their bag on the way through. Did you check her bag fully? Oh, I don't know what to do. That's more aggressive than passive. Sending her to a Thai prison. When I think of passive-aggressive breakups,

I think of just not calling them back. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that too. But an international drug arrest is going to work too. I don't want to run into her again. That's the difference. That's a real broke down palace. Well, that was great, everyone.

And I guess we can keep this going if anyone has any more ideas. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you very much to everybody who wrote in, and especially the gentleman from Chicago who saw Canadian Goose. Congratulations. You should have a thing. Call in if you've seen a Canadian Goose anywhere and find out how far Canadian Gooses go. What's the plural of Gooses? geese gooses i'm pretty sure it's gooses i don't know i'm pretty sure that's a that's the word in britain that means somebody that's like a tough guy it means anybody

oh it's just a geezer it's so frustrating because here it means an old guy A geezer is anybody over there They just like bastardize our language They've taken the language they've given to us They've taken it back They don't know nothing about knowing English Alright so we will be right back Here at Stop Podcasting Yourself Very recently we've opened ourselves up To the possibility of Advertising I don't know that we recently opened ourselves up to the possibility of advertising i don't know

that we recently opened ourselves up to it i just don't think anyone ever asked oh that's right uh but uh most recently we've said that if you are interested in having a specific uh cause personal business or otherwise advertised on the podcast, you can contact Teresa at MaximumFun.org. That's T-H-E-R-E-S-A at MaximumFun.org. Yeah, and we've got our very first commercial message. It is a very, very specific message. Yeah. So basically what has happened is Nick Yingling, and that is spelled, just in case anybody's wondering, is Nick, how you'd usually spell, and Yingling, Y-I-N-G-L-I-N-G.

Yeah, like the verb to yingle. Yes, to ling your ying. to ying to yingle yes to ling your ying um he needs to relocate to penn state uh state college the pennsylvania area to be closer to his family and uh basically what he what he's looking for as a job or he's looking for anybody in that area if you work for penn state university and you can help out with a somewhat decent semi-professional job. Even if you work in the state pen. Yeah, sure. Penn State or the state pen.

He's looking for a job. Basically, from what we understand, Nick is an e-learning professional. He currently runs a learning management system with 52,000 users, 1,300 plus courses, and juggles about 20 vendors and their associated contracts. So if that makes any sense to the person listening, then that... Then you are the target market. Yeah, you are the exact person he's looking for. But Nick wants to make it very clear that he isn't limited to e-learning specialties. But he's awesome at e-learning.

Yeah, he's one at e-learning. He's one of the top guys. He has additional skills with the potential to move into other lines of work. Basically, he has to relocate for family, and anybody who's ever had to move to a new city and leave a job that they know and a career that they know knows that that's an incredibly stressful thing to do.

So this is basically just a call out to anybody who listens to the podcast, who might know somebody in that area, who might be able to help a longtime bumper of ours find a job. You know, if someone listens to this show, they're probably a pretty good person. I'm going to assume as much. Yeah, and if they're an e-learning professional, then that is something also. Yeah. So if you live in Pennsylvania,

around the Penn State College area... Maybe off campus. Maybe you've got a house off campus. Sure. If you want to contact Nick with any kind of leads that you know of, if anybody's hiring anybody in that kind of specific of a field, you can contact him at nick.yingling, that's n-i-c-k dot y-i-n-g, l-i-n-g, at gmail.com, or through the Max Fund forums under Yingling, or Twitter.com slash Yingling.

Yeah, not only is he good at e-learning, he's also good at having various ways to be contacted. Yes, yeah, he's a contactable guy. And I think this is an incredibly unique initiative that somebody is taking in order to find work. And I really, really hope that it works out for him. I will say it's unique. I won't say it's incredibly unique because unique uh there's there's no degrees of uniqueness you can there's just unique and well there's unique New York right and then there's something else anyways uh if you do if you like Nick Yingling uh in a search for job want to advertise on Stop Podcasting Yourself, you contact...

Or if you have anything you want to advertise. Yeah, you want to tell somebody to go fuck themselves? We'll do it. It's $150 for a corporate message, you're advertising your company, or $100 for a personal message, like to say happy birthday or who farted. Yeah, who farted? Go fuck yourself. You contact Teresa at MaximumFun.org. Best wishes to you and yours.

Do you want to do some overheards? I would love to. Overheard. Overheards. If you've never listened to the podcast before, pretty self-explanatory. Yeah, download, put a coin in an iPod. A dime, a nickel. A penny in your loafers.

And give Greg Fitzsimmons' podcast a listen. That guy. Oh, right. You were the one that kind of hit this. I made me so mad. Oh, when I saw it, I was angry, because I know he kind of copied you guys. The Fitz dog. He's very funny.

We originally called ourselves, Stop podcasting yourself. It was Shumdog and Clarky. No. So, overheards. We always like to start with the guest. You said you had one. Well, it's not... This is this thing that happened on a bus in England.

Good enough. We'll take it. It's not an overheard because... A bus is a lorry. Am I right? No, that's a truck. Oh, it's a loo. Yeah, it's a loo. It's not an overheard because... The bus is a lorry, am I right? No, that's a truck. Oh, it's a loo. Yeah, it's a loo.

It's a lift. It's a big red two-story loo. But, okay, now I don't know if you know about kids in England, but they're awful. Oh, and they stab each other. Yeah, they're awful. When I was there last, there was a stabbing epidemic. The worst children in the world. And British people are oblivious to it.

They have no idea how bad they're... They think they're bad, but they don't think they're worse than other places' kids, where they're epidemic. The worst children in the world. And British people are oblivious to it. They have no idea how bad their kids are. They think they're bad, but they don't think they're worse than other places' kids, where they're by far the worst children. Like, that country is just doomed. Yeah, ringtone. It is doomed. Yeah, well, on top of that, they're alcoholism. They don't know what's going on.

Mostly ringtones. Yeah. What's that? Ringtones? What do you mean, ringtones? That's all. All those kids are into ringtones over there. And Big Brother.

I watched a show from there that's about... Ringtones? No, the youth of England called The Inbetweeners. Oh, that's a great show. That's really funny. Who's our buddy on that? The one that plays the teacher? Greg Davies.

Is he the guy who plays the crazy? The teacher? He's a really tall teacher. Oh, okay. Not the principal. No, he's mean to the kids uh okay not the principal no he's really he's a mean he's mean to the kids he's quite funny he's a stand-up he's he's fantastically funny his wife's in parliament yeah i got just got elected to uh house of parlor yeah his wife's

like an mp what are they called mp yeah mp masters of parliament yeah yeah we have the same system uh okay sorry yes uh children you were on the bus Oh yeah, awful Anyways, and old people get to travel for free Over 55 there They get this card and they sit down Wow And they're all at the front of the buses That's where the seats for old people are And they use them

Yeah, I would too I know, it's like so They're sitting down This guy looks like Santa He's a big bear He's kind of like a big, you know But he looks happy Sure, like a Santa

Like a permagrin on him And every once in a while I don't often do it in England But I'll smile at somebody Yeah you know, like just, but he looks happy. Sure, like a Santa. Like a permagrin on him, anywhere he's standing there. And every once in a while, I don't often do it in England, but I'll smile at somebody, you know? And so I sort of smile at him totally right back, so I knew he was a good guy. Nice. Anyways, we're not paying attention to each other,

because in England you don't talk to anybody. And these kids get on from the school, because all the school kids get on, and they're loud, and they've got their outfits on, and they're bumping into each other, and they just take more and more space, and the thing's packed, and they're just having into each other and they just take more and more space and the thing's packed and they're just having this obscenely loud conversation

and stuff like that and I keep looking at the old guy and he keeps smiling at me. He doesn't say anything. And then as they're leaving, they start screaming off and they're bumping into everybody. Without looking at me specifically or anybody, he just said, it's just loud enough and I apologize, you're probably going to have to edit this out. All he says is, cunts.

It was so perfect because the last kid could hear him say it and he turned back like with this wonderment like did and it was just the loveliest way and then he caught up to

the rest of them and told them like obviously this guy just called and he made no other reference to it he just he just kept smiling and it

was just it was lovely it was just a lovely moment he enjoyed you he wasn't he wasn't talking about you yeah but he wasn't addressing kept smiling. It was just, it was lovely. It was just a lovely moment. He enjoyed you. He wasn't, he wasn't talking about you. Yeah, but he wasn't addressing, it was just like, he was just,

it was like, it was like verbal sabotage, just like within earshot to just, here, take this with you. Yeah, yeah. Tell your friends. Now, kids,

they had uniforms on. Yeah. But like the bare minimum, right? Like, with sneakers and hoodies and stuff. They'll personalize it by untucking. Making a short tie.

Yeah, he was a bad influence. He really was. On Carlton, etc. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air would wear a tie around his head and he would wear the jacket inside out with the lining. That never looks good on any other jacket

except that one special one that the Fresh Prince had. Yeah. That didn't look good, though. But it looked like... It was like floral print or something. Yeah, no, no. But the lining on a regular jacket doesn't even go all the way. Yeah.

It'll go like... And it's got seams that are kind of... It's got seams. But this was Bel Air. It was a rich neighborhood. They can line the entire jacket. No. The way I understand it is in West Philadelphia, he was born and raised.

That was not my impression. What did his dad do, or his uncle or whatever, do in Bel Air? He was a judge? He was a lawyer at the beginning, and then he was a judge. He must have been a dirty judge to live in Bel Air. Why? Because you don't make enough money as a civil court judge to have a $3 million

home minimum for Bel Air. What was Vivian? Vivian had a job too. You're a civil servant. Top end. $250,000 unless he's taking drug money on the side. Interesting. I just assumed that judges made a lot of money. I know she had a job though.

That's true. And especially with a butler. What judge has a butler? Who has a butler? who has a butler oh um bruce wayne let's start from what we know right didn't it seem like he was there out of the goodness of his heart though like i don't think he got paid that much no he must have because previously he was the butler for the royal family yeah and also he was like a celebrated poet and all sorts of things like he left for a while to be Judge Joe Brown's.

Or not Joe Brown. The other guy. The meet the whatever his name was that lived down the street. No. You know what I'm talking about. I don't know. The other judge. I'm fascinated.

Judge Judah. Judge Ito. Oh, right. That's a good reference. Ito. Jefferson. Judge Jefferson. Judge Ito. Oh, right. Judge Dredd. That's a good reference, Ito. Jefferson. Judge Jefferson? There was another. I think that's George.

Please rise and continue moving on up. Well, I don't think we know enough about the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. We'll do our research. We'll come back next week and we will never speak of this again. Now, Courtney, you had an overheard, yeah? Yes. Share. It was my dad, actually.

So I don't know if that's really overheard. But we were talking as a group about what kind of fruits we didn't really like in the fruit salad. My dad was saying that he really doesn't... Typical conversation. First world problems. Typical conversation. First world problems. My dad likes a lot of things like pop music.

He really likes toys and stuff like that. Jelly beans. He loves candy. But he was talking about how of all the fruits, he didn't like the bananas. But he did say that they look so good when other people are eating them. Oh, controversial. He did say that they look so good when other people are eating them. Oh. Controversial. Like whole bananas. Yeah. In one bite.

And then he did the motion of how it looks so good when people eat bananas. I also like the motion of ice cream cones. Yeah, sure, right? That's a sexy... I did it. Yeah. For you guys. Or when people are holding up some meatballs like that.

Tickling balls. Those are meditation meatballs that you just roll around in your head. Yeah, roll around in your head before you eat. You just pick it and take away stress. That's the stress buster pasta. You roll that around. Dave, do you have an overheard? I do.

This one is also from public transportation, the bus. The area where I take the bus to is an area with a lot of English as a second language schools. And so there are a lot of people who come from around the world and live in Vancouver for a few months and go to these schools. And there was a group of people on my bus. There was a Korean guy, a Middle Eastern guy, and a guy and a girl who were Hispanic. And they were talking about music. And just as I was sitting down, I caught the tail end. And one of the Hispanic guys said,

In my country, Jack Johnson is not famous. I just like that. I like that country. And the Middle Eastern guy goes, oh, weird. Are we talking about the boxer? No, Jack Johnson, the musician. The laid back musician.

Apparently he's not famous in your country. I don't really like any of that crappy music. Is he's not famous in your country. I don't really like any of that crappy music. Is he still famous? Jack Johnson? I don't know. It depends if you're hacky-sacking. Or banana pancakes. Have you ever seen the Ken Burns documentary on Jack Johnson?

The boxer? That's one of the best documentaries I've ever seen. I thought you still meant the acoustic guitar. Ken Burns presents. Eight hour series. It's just a lot of still photographs. Zooming in. Zooming out.

With the soundtrack to Curious George playing in the background. Wow. He spends four hours on his barefootedness. Why does he hate shoes so? Why is he a surfing enthusiast? Is he? Oh yeah. Yeah, he loves it. Almost as much as he loves guitar.

I hate guitar. I can't lie. I hate people that play guitar. I hate anybody that has a guitar. I mean, guitar is the instrument that you pull out at a party going, oh, you know how you guys are all talking and having a good time? I want that to stop. Everybody focus. I love it when someone pulls it out of the party.

Not a guitar. That's Groupon. Somebody's instigating a Groupon. Somebody pull it. My overheard comes courtesy of the laundromat. Oh, fun. Yeah. You know, you can do your laundry here. Yeah, well, that's very kind of you to offer, but then I wouldn't have got an overheard comes courtesy of the laundromat. Oh, fun. Yeah. You know, you can do your laundry here.

Yeah, well, that's very kind of you to offer, but then I wouldn't have got an overheard. That's true. They have a little TV at the laundromat, and it was showing the remake of the Dukes of Hazzard with Johnny Knoxville. And Sean William Scott. Yes. And Jessica Simpson. And, oh, who else?

Willie Nelson. Willie Nelson and Burt Reynolds as Boss Hogg. Fun. AFI's Top 100. Top 100 Boss Hogg portrayers. And there was a lady trying to figure out

as she was saying, I think while they were making this movie Jessica Simpson was sleeping with that guy, Johnny Knoxville. Or was it the guy, Steve-O? Or was it that other blonde guy from that show, Asshole? That's the show based on Dennis Leary's song. That song was such a big hit.

We just saw a book of his. Dr. Dennis Leary? Judge Dennis Leary's song. That song was such a big hit. We just saw a book of his. Dr. Dennis Leary? Judge Dennis Leary. He lived down the street from Philip Banks. We were at the discount bookstore today and we bought a book by Michael Ignatius called True... What is it called? Oh, Patriot Son.

Is that right? Oh, True Patriot Love. And next to it on the bookshelf was Dennis Leary's Why We're Stupid or something. Or Let's Stay Stupid. And I'm like, speak for yourself, Dennis Leary. I need money. Let's Stay Stupid?

So it's like a sequel to his, like he's written more than one book on the same subject. Like Dennis Miller's Rants. In the future, they'll all be in a nice binding collection. Leather-coated. Time Life presents the three books you missed.

First editions. All the greatest thoughts of Dennis Leary. The greatest ghost written collection. I saw him on The View plugging that book. Plugging his four dads. And plugging his hair plugs to make sure that he still had that quality. Does he have hair plugs?

How does he not have hair plugs would be my question. He's really old, isn't he? Yeah. Yeah, probably. He's had plastic surgery and stuff. I'm going to start that rumor right now. Why not? Why not?

But, like, we're all in agreement That he's like a genuinely Awful guy Right like he's just like everything about him Is kind of awful and he's not funny His comedy is kind of scatological And it's just provocative Without sort of a true insightful Sort of you know observation

A reveal you know and then also There's that whole thing about all that material being Bill Hicks' that's kind of a problem. Let's not overlook that. I mean, I don't know the facts behind it, but it seems like there seems to be a wave of evidence in the favor that he had sticky fingers there. Yeah, sure. Have you ever watched his TV show, Rescue Me?

I actually enjoy Rescue Me. Yeah, it's a good show. And he's good in it. Yeah, there's a lot of people that use stand-up as a transition phase to what they really want. But if he had just stayed. Podcasting. It's offensive to those of us that absolutely love stand-up like I do. You know, because they're like tourists coming through.

I'm going to use this to get ahead. You know, and it just drives me nuts. I have a hard time really loving those people, you know. Well, you know what? You don't have to love Dennis Leary. I know, but Jesus says I do. And this is why me and Jesus aren't talking. Just now.

I think Graham was looking for more of a, yeah, we agree. We don't really like Dennis Leary. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but you do. I don't. I like his acting. No, you do agree. Well, I do completely agree with him.

But it would be nice if he just became an actor and stayed that way. But then there's the other problem is I don't believe anything I read or hear. So I think that everything is somewhat manufactured by a publicist somewhere. There's no real truth in the media anywhere so I don't know what the real guy is like. He might be just an awesome guy and everything's

bullshit. Yeah, that's true. Dennis, if you're listening, I apologize. My previous thing I said. What's your Skype number? Dennis? You know this isn't live, right? Dennis, if you're listening, I apologize. What's your Skype number? Skype number. Quick. What's your Skype number? Dennis? You know this isn't live, right?

But what were you going to say about you saw him promoting the book? Oh, it's just he kind of can conveniently abandon his badass attitude. When he's on The View? When he's on The View? When he's on The View. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, he kind of has always sold himself as this outsider badass, but when, you know, he needs to promote a book,

all of a sudden he's... As soon as you laugh at anything Joey Behar says, you've abandoned your principles. Yeah, he's high-fiving her. Whoopee, you're great! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! me. You're great. Alright, so we got some overheards sent in by listeners. Beautiful. And our email address, if you would like to send in your overheards, is stoppodcastingyourselfatgmail.com Or, if you've got a really good one posted on my fan page, facebook.com

slash comicpete. There you go. And I'll call you guys with it. Sure. Done. That's way more efficient. Point out, if you see any Canadian geese while you're on the phone. I need to know globally how far these birds are going. This is

from Emily B. My boyfriend lives in a college neighborhood, so usually we hear some sweet fights on Friday night I spent the night on New Year's Eve and we woke up to some of the frat guys

announcing outside the window listen dude I got a big dick you got a little dick which I'm pretty sure is my new favorite way to start a drunken brawl that is a great way to start a drunken brawl. That is a great way to start a drunken brawl. I like that she said, it was more the way you read it. It was like, we see some sweet fights.

I assumed the fight would be witty. Sweet, some adorable fights. Just two kittens. Okay, this next one comes from Sean B. I just wanted to share a conversation I overheard at a retail electronics store, in brackets, Radio Shack. I could have just said that. I was going to guess Best Buy. Oh, sure.

Maybe, yeah. Isn't Best Buy? No, which one went bankrupt? Circuit City. Circuit City. But in Canada, here's a little inside baseball for our non-Canadian listeners. In Canada, Radio Shack is now called The Source. The Source.

By Circuit City. Circuit City, yeah. And isn't Best Buy owned by Future Shop? Future Shop is owned by Best Buy. That's right. Wow. It's all of you. In gay terminology, Best Buy is the top.

That's right. Yeah. Future Shop is the willing bottom. Future Shop is the power bottom. Power bottom. I was going to say a willing bottom, but power bottom is right. And Radio Sh Shop is the willing bottom. Power bottom. I was going to say a willing bottom, but power bottom is right. And Radio Shack is a twink. This is what we need to read in the business pages more.

Radio Shack is wearing a yellow bandana on its left side. But this is an overheard at Radio Shack between a customer and a cashier during their transaction. I should specify that the customer was a haggard middle-aged man and the cashier was a petite teenage girl. Customer, I saw a movie once where a guy kills a bunch of people

with a straight razor and I haven't been able to look at one since. But I work at a meat packing plant. Cashier, then you don't want to hear my shaving story. Well done, cashier. Yeah. Yeah, because she saw the, he presented a weakness that he doesn't want to talk about,

and she jumped all over it in order for him to shut up. That's a good, that's a very good technique. Like, don't get me started on this thing. I actually love that thing that you hate. End of conversation, right? that's a good that's a very good technique like don't get me started on this thing i actually love that thing you're that you hate end of conversation right um is it is radio shack the one uh and this is probably a 30 year old comedy premise go on about how they they uh they're the store that needs to get your address and phone number no matter how small your purchase oh yeah right feature shop does that too too, don't they?

Really? No, it's, well, it definitely is RadioShot, because remember the one that we used to live below, and you refused to give it to them, and then you stormed out? That sounds like me. That's a reasonable person. You know who else does that? The cops, if you're caught peeing on the street. Can you, what happens if you don't have any ID on you?

I did. I had ID, but I said I didn't. But he used the tricky name Pete Johnson. Oh. And then gave our real address. Well played. The clerical error in your faith. I couldn't come up with something fast enough.

Pete Johansson is my fake name. I'm kidding. And the last one comes to us from Sean. Sean, I teach elementary school, and this is from our school's morning news. Good morning, warriors. This is Caitlin D. with the Lost and Found Report. We have this gray Tony Hawk hoodie, one white flip-flop, and this drawing of a bear. That's so awesome.

That's adorable. Did your, our high school had announcements. Yeah, mine did too. But my elementary school did not. No, my junior high did. My high school didn't. And it became, it was like a thing, and i was like an honor position to be uh doing the announcements like that was something you'd get if you did something good oh really usually

if your grades were the highest in that class yeah yeah yeah you would get to do the amount when the announcements come on after the national anthem no elementary school. No, no, no. Really? Every single day. Were you in military school? No. Did you pledge allegiance? I don't think he went to school in Canada. Yeah, they did.

This is here in Vancouver. I'm sorry. No, in Kamloops. They did our announcements right after we read two pages out of the Bible and said the Lord's Prayer. We didn't have that. But we had... They had... And then they had it every day. It was different. You'd uh every day it was different you'd have it in

english then you have in french english french really i went to a scientology high school we did 45 minutes on xenu yeah once we were clear we knew the fucking announcements without anybody telling us we were clear we're your new lab partner for Dianetics. Talk about another place they take your address when you buy something. Really? I just gave you a personality test. Why do you want to know my parents' name? They take their address because the Radio Shack's

the best place if you were going to build a terrorist bomb. And then they have a record of all people. But they've been doing it since... If they're going to send you coupons to come back and build a terrorist mosque. We noticed you like terrorist buying equipment. Perhaps you'd be interested in this detonator board. You bought a surprising amount of blasting caps.

Other people who bought those. Share them with your mosque. What? I didn't say that. I didn't mean to cast aspersions on one religion as being more violent than the others. Oh, no. There's no proof to back it up. I completely missed it.

I'm still on Scientology. Now, in addition to overheards that have been sent in with your fingers, you can also, I guess you can... Use your fingers to dial a phone. Yeah, dial a phone and then use your mouths to form words and talk to us. Our phone number is 206-339-8328. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Rebecca from Brisbane in Australia. Just calling in with

a quick overhead. I was walking out of work about a week ago and there's a couple of young people having a cigarette outside the door and as I walked past I had the girl say to the guy and so she's never going to masturbate again oh no tell her to give it a second try yeah um what a great accent right I don't think that's It all sounds fake. That sounds Melbourne, doesn't it? Oh, doesn't it? Oh, you're asking that? You pretentious dick. I don't know. No, no one knows that.

Oh, yeah, some people do. Maybe she lives in Brisbane. It's a little Gold Coast-y. Lots of people know that. People from Australia, perhaps. And you guys don't know Jack Johnson? Oh, by the way, I'm going to be in Australia this year. We just found out three days ago. With Jack Johnson. You will be opening know Jack Johnson? Oh, by the way, I'm going to be in Australia this year. We just found out three days ago. With Jack Johnson.

You will be opening for Jack Johnson? No, I just got the New Zealand Comedy Festival for the second weeks of April. And then I'm going to the Sydney Comedy Store right after that for two weeks. Congratulations. Well, and if that caller has any inclination to come and see some comedy yeah it's only I think 3,000 miles away but come down to Sydney and see me

I just make up numbers I'm one of those people Courtney looks concerned like she actually knows the real numbers no? okay alright you're good and I apologize that we spent all our reaction to your accent I didn't I said give masturbation another try okay good and I apologize that we spent all our reaction to your accent. Oh yeah.

I didn't. I said give masturbation another try. Okay, good. Yeah. What, uh, what would possibly make you give up masturbation though?

I bet you she went so too fast that she burned herself. Or maybe a dingo ate her hand. Yeah. Cause you can get like, sometimes I have to spray her down while she's doing it. Cause it gets a little heated. See, are you glad you asked it? I wish we just talked about the accent. Sometimes I have to spray her down while she's doing it. Because it gets a little heated. See? Are you glad you asked it?

I wish we just talked about the accent. There's also a lot of vibrators that are so fast that they really burn. Oh, yeah. You've got to go to the Source CC. Yeah. That's their website, by the way. The Source CC. Yeah, for the Source Circuit City, also known as Radio Shack.

Have you ever seen them have things like they're obviously massagers? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know they're not. They're called massagers. Yeah, but they're... I just come out and admit it. It's a massager. Shaped like a...

No, they've got those horse ones that have the thing, but they're just massagers. She's mine. Don't even. Don't even. Horse massagers. What? She's mine. Don't even. Don't even. Horse massagers. Yep. Next call. Hey, guys.

This is Kyle from Cape Cod. I have an overheard for you. I was in line at the bank, and I overheard a guy talking to the teller, and he said, I'm going to Africa for work. And the teller said, well, what do you africa for work the teller said what do you do for work he said i facilitate drum circles for health and wellness so many things wrong with that sentence yeah oh that's lovely i've really enjoyed that yeah

because if there's one thing that uh the afric African people don't know how to organize on their own, drums. What is this, a semicircle? Come on. I'm going to draw this one more time on the board. We're going to try it. This is at best a crescent. I'm tired of Africans stealing our culture. Like drum circles.

Yeah, exactly. This is a middle class yuppie invention that is spread everywhere. that's not technically work, I think, right? No, no. You have to get paid. Although I imagine

he was going there to learn. Also, wasn't his accent more Johannesburg than Cape Town? No, it wasn't Cape Town. It was Cape Cod. Cape Cod. It wasn't Cape Town.

All right. One more? Yep. Hello. Stop podcasting yourselves. This is Jamie in New York with an overheard. I was just walking on my way to the subway just now and passed a drunk guy and girl,

and this is what I overheard from them. It's probably like 10 o'clock on a Sunday night. The guy goes, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. And the girl goes, shut up, I'm not Japanese. No! You've been riding me all night with that song.

Oh, that's great. Is that Japanese or is that Chinese? It's the beginning of the song turning Japanese. Oh, it's not. Is it? Yeah. I thought it was a... Is that where it's from?

No. Oh, sorry. For some reason, I thought it was Hong Kong Fooey. It does sound more... Or Kung Fu Fighting? Chinese. Oh, yeah. Kung Fu Fighting.

Because that would be... Depends on the instrument, I suppose. If it's played on that two-string thing... Well, there's no doubt it was inappropriate. Really? You think that's inappropriate? Well, he's clearly been doing it a lot. Enough to bother her.

Or maybe he's just trying to woo her with her... I do find it funny when people can't tell what Asian country somebody's from, you know, by their name or the way they look. Right. Because I can. I remember when I was... You've got that. I've got that ability. You've got the sixth sense. I can tell Vietnamese, Thai, Malay, whatever it is. You've got the chining.

You only... There's no way you could have stopped that. You're welcome. Well, let's wrap it up. My Lord, Dave. Pete, if people want to see you in your travels, what online, where can they go to find out where you're going to be? I don't have the best web presence, but I'd like it if you did enjoy it. Here's the thing.

Go ahead. Here we go. Two beers down um no i'd go to my fan page on on on facebook's where i update most of my stuff okay i always tell people where i'm going to be on that so that's facebook.com slash comic pete and then this year i'm going to be uh i'm gonna be in los angeles until the 22nd of february doing shows and then uh back to england for till june except for that section where i go to new zealand and stuff but then i haven't decided whether i'm going to do the edinburgh festival again this year

um it's still up in the air uh that's august august wifey doesn't want me to but i don't know i kind of might want to sure um but i probably won't if she doesn't really want me to um and then back i want to start opening up north america a. So I'm going to spend the fall of all. We're moving back here. Cool. So the best place to go is Facebook. Oh, yeah, sorry. Facebook.com slash Comic Pete.

Comic Pete. And then there's videos of me on YouTube on Russell Howard that's really good. And then there's one of the best of the fest that's really good. And then my latest Just for Laughs appearance is on YouTube. So catch that. Nice. And Courtney, thank you very much for joining us as well. Thank you for having me.

I'm going to put naked pictures of her up on Twitter Oh, okay, yeah, so Twitter Oh, at Ascarius E-S-C-A-R-I-U-S Because nothing says Pete Johansson like that Assembly of letters And Dave, do we have anything we have to plug? Well, I will be

Hosting a show at the Cobalt I think On Thursday the 13th. And it is for Sad Magazine. Yeah. Or Sad Mag, as it's known. And Kevin Lee's on it. Nicole Passmore and Caitlin Fontana, I believe, are on it.

Alicia Tobin is on it. Alicia Tobin's on it. A great crowd. I love Alicia Tobin. Me too. Alicia's great. Alicia's fantastic. It's going to be a great show.

Come down and check that out on the 13th. And also, as I said last week week after that guy called in and complained, I've posted a new beard painting on eBay. I'm still auctioning them off. I have yours with me. I bought one of those beard paintings. And please do. They're fantastic paintings.

Make a bid on it. I got one of the steel for, what, $150? Yeah. Yeah. Even lower, $147. No, I believe it's 150 really that's what it said on my ebay and okay 150 did you already click that so that i've worked cool because right it keeps okay we don't need to do this now go to maximumfun.org check out the recap

blog for this episode and uh check out the forums yes and if you want to contact us again it's stop podcast yourself at gmail.com or 206-339-8328 thank you so much Yes, and if you want to contact us, again, it's Stop Podcasting Yourself at gmail.com or 206-339-8328. Thank you so much for listening, and if you enjoyed the show, please tell your friends, because that's how we're able to make it grow. And like Dave said, check out MaximumFun.org. And mark payment as received on eBay.

And I've got a CD for sale on iTunes. Pete Johanson. Search my name and find it and download it. What's the name of the CD? I'm very good at comedy. He is very good at comedy. download it. What's the name of the CD? I'm very good at comedy. He is very good at comedy. That's a fact. Oh, and that's the name of it. Oh, ah.

Or you could also search Pete Johnson. They'll find you. They'll find you. You're a cop. But thanks for listening, and tune in next week for another dramatic episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. stop podcasting yourself