Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 156 - Charlie Demers

Episode Date: March 8, 2011

Comedian Charlie Demers returns to talk about superheroes, pep talks, and slippers.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everyone, and welcome to episode number 156 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a big fan of Tattoo, both the band and the character from the Ninja Turtles movie. Movie, not movity.

Well, it was. It was a movie and a comedy. It was a movity. Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I don't remember the character from the movie or the movity. It was like a... It was a movie and a calamity. So a comedy movie is a movity. Yeah. So a documentary is like a movie...

Is a... A doccy? I gotta go. A documovory? A doc-u-mo-very? A doc-u-mo-vity. That's like a funny movie documentary. Yeah, that's like something like American Movie would be a doc-u-mo-vity. Sure.

And joining us here on week two of the Pledgeves, the Max Fun Drive episodes, a perennial favorite guest, number five time appears. I believe so, yes. So now in the elite club of the five-timers, held only by Abby Campbell, Alicia Tobin, and now Charlie Demers, our guest. If you live in Vancouver or anywhere near the area, on March 16th, he will be doing a reading of his brand new one-man show. Is that correct? It'll be a monologue, a short monologue, and then a play that I am co-writing and co-performing with Ryan Beal of the Sunday Service. Past guest, Ryan Beal.

And also Tim Carlson from Theatre Conspiracy will be doing a monologue that he's written. And so that will be at Vivo. Vivo. Where is Vivo? On Main Street. It used to be called something else. Video In. Well, it's technically the same thing.

It was called Video In, Video Out. And now it's just the acronym. Oh, hey. Oh, yeah. Very slick. Well, do you guys want to get to know us? Oh, yeah. Please.

Get to know us? Oh, yeah, please. Get to know us. So, Charlie's working on a play right now. Driving a scooter. Riding up a storm. Driving a scooter. Riding a scooter. Driving a scooter. You're in charge of it.

It's a scooter, D. It's a funny scooter. Yeah, I am driving the scooter, I guess. Yeah. And what else is going on? What's new? What's been happening? I should have told you. Just those things. That's when one

of the things in the introduction is and this is your mode of transportation. That's never a good sign. Shiny new helmet. That's never a good sign. You know, things are... Irons in the...

You know. I was actually thinking, you know, because the podcast has come such a long way. And when you first started, I was, you know, I was working as a groundskeeper. And I would listen to the podcast. I would listen to, you know, five or six podcasts a while whilst mowing lawns and pushing a wheelbarrow and then you know all these years later it's become this huge thing and people love it so much and you have fancy new microphones and full circle i might have to work as a groundskeeper again this summer so it's the circle of life.

Oh, and also, life is horrible. That's one of the lyrics from Circle of Life in the Lion King. Yeah. It's the circle of life, and life is horrible. By the way, life is horrible. No, it's... Wasn't that the tagline? The life is beautiful? It had an asterisk, and I said, just kidding, life is horrible.

Spoiler alert. Yeah, yeah, spoiler alert. Life is beautiful, bracket, sarcastic. With a little arrow pointing at the... And by the way, I'm being so sarcastic. Roberto Bonini. Roberta Flack. Rober Roberto Flack. Roberto Flack.

And kissing him softly. I felt it right in my head. He, uh, he... Roberto Flack. Roberto Flack. Put it on your SNL reel. He's throwing me my pain. He's throwing me my pain.

With his... Lady fingers. my pain. With his... Lady fingers. With his fingers. With his lady fingers. You're going to make a... What's the Italian dessert? Fettuccine? No, the Italian dessert.

Oh, do they eat lady fingers? Yeah, yeah. Oh, with mascarpone and the lady fingers. Oh, Berlusconi. Tiramisu. Yeah, yeah. Oh, Burlesconi. Tiramisu.

Yeah, yeah. Tiramisu was what they called the tattoo character in the Italian Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Who was the tattoo character? He was the bald Asian gentleman with the mustache. He was no gentleman. No, he was not a gentleman. That's true. I was thinking of... I was just trying to sound not racist.

Elias Koteas character with the hockey mask. That was Casey Jones. That was Casey Jones. Oh, not to be confused with Casey Jones or Casey Jones. Are there like four Casey Jones? Well, Casey Jones was a train something? Train slash baseball player. Really, the Casey Jones thing is a weird...

Because Casey Jones in old labor songs from the 1800s, Casey Jones is like the scab. And so he's like a bad guy. And then Casey Jones is the guy in Mudville who... Casey at Bat? Casey at Bat. He's a good guy. I don't think we ever knew his last name.

Oh, I thought that was Casey Jones. Oh, he would check into hotels under Casey Jones. So that people wouldn't know it was him. His real name was Casey at Bat. Yeah, Casey at the Bat. The wiggling Welshman, right? There's no joy in Mudville. And then there's the Grateful Dead song.

It's called Casey Jones. It's about fighting the foot clamp. It's about driving a train high on cocaine. Yeah, so that's a blend of all the great Casey's. Driving a scooter high on computers. It's the Casey Jones character in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

I remember my uncle, I think, took us or, anyway, he was talking about it and he just thought that that character was crazy and it's true. It's this, the movie's very kind of whimsical and basically magical. I mean, there's these I don't want to blow the mean, there's these... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to blow the secret, but there's the zoos.

Well, there's these teenage mutant sort of like turtles who are like samurais. Yeah. They're like samurai pizza cats. They're like biker mice from Mars. And he... But then Casey Jones is just a lunatic with hockey equipment who beats up muggers. Or at least he thinks they're muggers. It's like some guy running in the park.

It could be anything. Yeah, that's true. It could be somebody running from a mugger. I just feel like when we were about eight, nine, ten, like every every movie had petty thieves being absolutely shellacked. By a massacre. These heroes. Because that would always be the inciting incident introduction to the character. It would be like, before Batman starts beating up the Joker. Yeah. It's just like some drug addict.

Yeah. Who's like taking change from someone's car. Yeah. And Batman just, you know, destroys him. Those are called jabronis in wrestling culture. Or henchmen in James Bond culture. There's a scene like that in it's a

Sylvester Stallone movie called Cobra. It was filmed in Vancouver. Was it? Oh, I had no idea. I think they made a TV show out of it, too. Oh, why not? There was a lot of grist there. Because it was a novel originally. That was the movie where he arm wrestled a cobra, right?

Yeah. But there's a scene in it where I think, like, instead of negotiating with... That was the other thing from movies in our childhood was negotiation with hostage takers was a no-go. Like, not even just, like, not even trying to end it calmly. The guy says, like, I want something rather. I want a news camera,

which would be, like, really doable to get. And Stallone's like, Nope! How about a noose camera? And then he hangs him. And takes a picture of him. I have to have at least one big pun every time i'm on the podcast noose camera might end up being i hope i can do something better but there was

well that's i was watching commando this morning and what kind of underwear were you wearing and there's the scene at the end where he kills a guy by driving him like i think he drives something through the guy into a steam pipe and then all the steam comes out and he goes let off some steam that was the fun but it was kind of like he the weird thing is is that the guy's dead and his his daughter is up in the rafters. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Alyssa Milano. Alyssa Milano, yeah. Is up in the rafters, but he doesn't know that she's there, so he's saying that to a corpse.

He's saying his best line of the movie, let us in steam to a guy who's dead. That would be so embarrassing if someone walked in. And then he fucks it up the first time. He's like, no, let me go again. Yeah, why don't you steam it up? No, no, sorry. Let off some steam. I mean steam.

Steam some clams. Wait a minute. Don't cross the steams. Yeah, they drop that. That doesn't really happen except in Spider-man yeah that's true i kind of miss i mean the the mugger thing was it was a classic like that mugging somebody just grabbing their person running was like the worst thing a dude could do it's like the death penalty in superhero movies it's just like these like a poor guy he's got scabs all over his arms. Grabs a purse.

You're out of here. And this is also something that was a kind of a trope from that genre, especially in the Batman movies, was somebody saying, you know, I heard there's this vigilante guy. And the other person going like, nah, that's crazy that there would never, like that our friends would all tell us about this vigilante. You're crazy. And Batman descends immediately. He's waiting to hear, when would be the most incredulous time? Ironic time. Irony man.

Waiting, waiting. Don't exist, don't exist don't die he's about to jump and then the guy's like I suppose he could exist he's like ah crap

so he just doesn't even do anything he just lets him get away you were right by the way he just drops behind him uh yeah good thing you said that last part

ah good stuff so anyway that's what I'm up to Uh, yeah. Good thing you said that last part. Uh, good stuff. So anyway, that's what I'm up to. Fight and cry. Oh, there's something I heard that's sort of, like, something that would have been featured in movies from that time a lot. It was a scam on the news that they showed this weekend. It's called a white van scam. Okay. And someone will show up in a white van.

And usually in a movie, it would be like someone selling speakers in a parking lot that you think are stolen. But I don't know how this made the news. People will show up in a, well, now it's like a cadillac escalade instead of a white van sure and they'll have some stereo equipment and uh they'll say oh yeah this is like an eleven thousand dollar piece of stereo equipment but i gotta get rid of it i'll take a thousand and the person will buy it like people just have a thousand dollars on them yeah and then they get home and they find out that it was like it's worth $50. But it's not stolen or anything. So it's not actually a crime.

You're just a sucker. You're just an idiot. And there were so many examples of this. And my favorite one was this one guy who was like, he said it was like an $8,000 set of speakers. But he could sell it to me for $1,000. But I managed to talk him down to $260 for a set, and I bought three sets. So you're greedy, and you got taken. Well, that was literally a Mr. Show sketch, though.

Where he's like, come on, through here. And then he goes into the van with them, and then out the back of the van and into the speaker store and he like waves down in attendance like so somebody was watching see that's the big waste of time we watched mr show and they're like oh let's be funny when we grow up yeah some kid Some kid was like, I'm going to just do that thing. Yeah. I'm just going to scam people. Sell people speakers.

Well, the thing is, I was reading an interview with one of my personal favorites, Jason Statham, who used to make his career doing just that with jewelry. He would go and stand in front of a famous jewelry shop in downtown London, and he would sell junk jewelry. But everybody would assume, because he's standing in front of this jewelry shop and he looks shifty, that it has to be stolen from a jewelry shop. And so he would sell these pieces that would turn your skin green after a week or whatever for 100 pounds. But why would a thief hang out in front of the store he robbed? Well, it was just around the corner from the store. So it was like, you know, and he would never say that he stole it.

But it was all like alluded to and people just assumed, I'm getting one over on the jewelry store. But, you know, he wasn't doing anything illegal, technically. But the craziest thing to me is that there's people who aren't even in the market for these things, and it's, oh, it's a deal? Yeah. I guess I'll become a stereo salesman. Oh, it's...

Yeah. Or, no, you just walking through a parking lot, you're like, well, I could use a stereo. Yeah. I had never considered it, but this is too good to be true, so it must be true. Here's another way that scam could work, is you park on one end of the parking lot, and you sell the stereo, but it is a legitimately nice stereo, and then the person walks away,

and you have an accomplice that mugs them and steals the stereo and runs away with it. Now, hopefully there's no vigilantes around. I heard there's a guy that dresses like a... That's crazy! You could have someone, an accomplice, who waits. Like, you sell them a nice stereo, then the accomplice comes in at the last minute and sells them an extended warranty.

You guys should do that, but then they get home and it plays your podcast. Yeah. Like, that's just kind of guerrilla marketing. Yeah, exactly. Pretty good. Well, not free. Really expensive promo.

Yeah. Yeah, but effective. One at a time. One at a time, scheme-based marketing. Yeah, if I was a scam guy, I would leave my mark in some way. Like, you open up the CD player and there's a CD, or there's like a business card shaped like a CD that says, You've been scammed by the wet bandit.

A business card, the wet bandit. Shaped like a CD. You can print it off. The printer's just like, so what's this? What's this you've been scammed thing? You're like, oh, it's a long story, but it's awesome.

Why wouldn't you? If you were a scammer in 2011, I figure all the good scammers are computer-based. I don't know. I think you have to because like isn't it at the root of every con there has to be somebody who's fundamentally greedy right like you have to prey on somebody who's greedy enough to overlook that they're

probably getting scammed or um sometimes some cons are bad i'm covering for myself like you know sometimes we think we're helping oh yeah yeah that's true because it's true that you can you can also be conned that way yeah when there's there will be no return on investment yeah that's the word i i would say that that to me is like in the hierarchy of con men that they're the bottom rung the ones who do like oh can i need five dollars because my car broke down or whatever yes they're the worst and then the next level would be like these guys who sell the stereos like they're not technically breaking the law but they're also kind of dirtbags yeah and then is the guy who's still the stereos they're the worst of them all i don't know what that is oh really that's that um band that was made on much music oh it was made on a show but like they weren't like they were a band but it

was that you mean like damnocracy damnocracy yeah that was do you guys remember that show yeah it was damn yankees and ted nugent or something no ted nugent damn yankees and it was a guy from anthrax i think and uh the guy from megadeth that's just a super band well yeah but there was it's like the batman of superheroes it was like they're dressed up like them they don't have any powers it was a super band but it was made for tv yes like there was another one there was a boy band and they were called man town no no no well there was o-town oh with oh i remember that it had the guy from color me bad color me bad and he put on about 70 pounds yeah the whole plot was him losing weight it was essentially just shedding for the wedding yeah but uh color me fat has

have either of you guys watched shedding for the way no um it took okay i'm not a fan of the biggest loser genre of shows like the hey i'd like to lose some weight and then but i want to get humiliated yeah like it's like by them saying outwardly on camera i really get off on being humiliated as well like Like, I relinquish my... Like, I'm allowing... By saying I want to lose weight, I am allowing you to humiliate me in any way you see fit.

And shirtless weigh-ins is really the... He's the most unpopular of the weigh-ins brothers. It was so... It was sitting right there. Oh, man. Shirtless weigh-ins. Yeah, shirtless weigh-ins. Can I be in the movie next time no put on a shirt that's really funny

but the shirtless way ins way hyphen ins are like that's the tipping point of the oh you should just say oh no sorry I'm, I'm a human being. This is ridiculous. I had never seen that shedding for the wedding before.

I watched an episode of it this week. And first of all, I don't understand the premise. It's two people who want to get married, who love each other, supposedly. And what happens, like, what's the, they don't get married if they don't uh what happened like what's the they don't get married if they don't lose the weight what's the what's one of if only one of them loses the weight they get to marry a hot lady okay even the woman who's not gay she has to marry batman and it's called bat or Fat Man on ABC I would watch that

they have to marry Shredder it's called Shredding for the wedding but yeah it was it was really it was just thoroughly unpleasant to watch. And it's got the host is the lady from... Who was way better looking. Yeah, she's from the Jenny Craig commercial.

She's got red hair. Oh! She was cuter. Sarah Rue, yeah, she was cuter before. Yeah, and so now, you know, not that she's bad looking now or anything. No, she's an ugly now. Definitely. bad looking now or anything no she's an ugg now definitely but the the one thing that was like i watched i i mean i didn't get through the whole thing because it was so terrible but there was

one part of the episode where i could not stop laughing which was somebody didn't uh complete a challenge or whatever so their punishment was having to exercise without their coach or their whatever what do you call them personal trainer sure and uh the so it was this couple that were doing like the stretch band thing yeah and uh it was like the lady didn't know there was a camera on her because she made the craziest faces i've ever seen like just like her mouth was open and she's just like like her eyes were crossing and it was like do you know that there's a camera on you this whole time and she's doing the like the most half-hearted kind of she's just doing it like halfway like and i was like so so what what is the point it is it's to humiliate them that's the whole and

it's a self-loathing thing, too, right? Because, I mean, the show is... That's the thing that I've never understood about the United States, is it's the most fat-hating slash fattest country. Like, people are really big. And so you're watching Biggest Loser, and it's not like, look at those freaks. It's like, look at those mirror images of me. I hope somebody makes them cry.

Like my dad made me cry. Like, it's all this, like, psychological baggage. I don't understand them. I don't understand the appeal. I saw a cover of, I think it was Life and Times, and it was celebrities High Times? Life and High Times. If you read

High Times, you don't have much of a life. It was celebrities losing the fight with cellulite. And it was like Britney Spears with a bit of cellulite on her legs. But one of them was Kate Gosselin, a woman who had six children inside of her,

who's famous. Oh, she's only a celebrity because of that. And it was a picture of her jogging, and it said, jiggling while jogging. What? So mean. Yeah, you're being mean to a woman who's famous

for putting on six babies worth of weight for having extra fat on her butt. Whilst exercising. There's like, why don't you get off the couch and stop jogging? You track potato.

Yeah, I heard that the husband from that is like was. Is the coolest? Yeah. He was photographed like he's working as a roofer now, which I think is awesome. Like I think that's exactly how that story should end. It's like office space. It's like he just realizes like, hey, I'm outside. Yeah.

I like doing construction kind of. Yeah. I hated being on reality TV. Oh, man. Dave, what's going on with you? Oh, what is going on with me? Oh, well, yeah. Yesterday I left the house and I was a little bit late.

I think I had left the house like twice, and I kept forgetting things. And then I, like, I'm not OCD or anything. I'm not one of these people who says, oh, I'm a little bit OCD. Have you had it diagnosed? No. I just diagnosed myself with that, because. Because it's fine. A little bit schizophrenic.

Because the bus is gross. I need to wash my hands when I get off it. But I'm maybe just a little bit paranoid. And I left the house yesterday for like the third time. And I thought I had left the door unlocked. And I actually gave myself a pep talk. And I had never done that before. And I made myself laugh because of what I said to myself.

And I literally said to myself, come on, get on with it. You're a winner. And I really made myself laugh because I'm like That's not a pep talk I'm not good at this You're like Oh man That was the worst pep talk And you just get locked

Into a cycle Trying to encourage yourself Like Hey come on It was your first pep talk You did pretty good That was real winter pep talk Nah I'm stupid

I'm bad at it Nah I'm stupid That's my favorite like self-loathing on the cheap like we need to make it clear this character hates himself i just have him say he's stupid such a dumb jerk you're not you're not i just started teaching at this school in X neighborhood. We're going to shape you up. We're going to shed for the wet. Have you guys ever given yourselves a pep talk? Or anyone a pep talk?

I don't think I've ever given anyone a pep talk. Yes, I have given my share of pep talks in my life. I don't know why, but i seem to end up in situations i'm actually pretty good at them as it goes you know like i think uh and i don't mind doing them you know what i mean because they they're i think the key to a good pep talk dave for the next time you do it yourself be genuine okay that was the problem when i called myself a winner well you knew that you would make fun of yourself for that that's not believable come on you're a winner you're a fine human being you're okay that's my you're that's the best i can do have you given a pep talk charlie to myself

and others yep yep i um because i actually have like i have ocd diagnosed, and so you do have to give yourself a little, come on, you know that touching that rock eight times won't make that happen. Or whatever the thing is. So you do give yourself pep talks. But every time I've ever given a pep talk, I think I get lost in the middle and start, I'm just talking about my own problems. And you're just kind of thinking out loud your own thing. Like the coach is like, you gotta run up the middle.

And she says she wants to leave. You don't let her. And Black Snake Moan was born. I never saw that movie that might be completely I don't think that's the one I think it was more like a husband and wife yeah husband and wife not a woman chained to a post I always feel like at the end of a pep talk

the thing that never happens is the person's like I'm gonna do thing that never happens is that the person's like i'm gonna do it like it never ends with the person going and doing the thing that the pep talk was about it was like yeah thanks a lot and then it's just kind of like it's very anticlimactic because they don't commit suicide yeah well that's true then you're like okay well good yeah but if it was like i guess if that was the... If those were the states.

These are some high states. Yeah. I think in your case, then there doesn't need to be some action after. Yeah, they don't need to be like, they don't need to come out with a lot of pep. Yeah. That's right.

More pep than negative pep is good. Yeah, it's, I mean, I guess, yeah, because the thing is, you give a pep talk, and it's not like you can then cut away to another scene, and you're like, okay, now I'm leaving. It's like, you're with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, pep talk's over, you want to watch a movie or something? Yeah! Because you're just, you're still physically there.

And you have to, like, continue the, no, you'll be able to do this. You can talk to your dad. Yeah. You have to continue the, no, you'll be able to do this. You can talk to your dad. Can we save the pep talk for before, right when I'm about to leave? Yeah, like, wait until I put my shoes on. Not jacket, because I'll get too hot.

Yeah, that'd be funny. You're like, I'm actually, let's move and start. This pep talk's taking longer than I thought. Do pep rallies happen? Do they happen? That seems to me to be a thing that only happens in movies or TV. Well, though there are things... I think they happen in the States. Yeah, because there's things like homecoming.

Yeah. Right. What is homecoming? What does that stand for? What does it mean? I think it's the big game. After a war. Oh, no, go on.

It's the big game. There's a parade float. I think you don't have to qualify floats. Only happen in parades. Oh yeah, that's true. And then there's a big dance, but it's not

the prom. Nope. It's not Sadie Hawkins Day. That's a thing that only exists in movies, by the way. Was she exist in the states sadie hawkins if she was she was just a really aggressive woman she was she just made a legend of herself by going up to guys doing the old tongue through the two fingers you doing that to me yeah i'm sadie haw saying pointing with one hand and then the other hand is the fake vagina she invented grabbing a guy's crotch yeah that that was called the hawkins yeah

they made a whole day of it they toned it down a bit yeah that's just you ask somebody to dance yeah um but i think pep rallies exist. Yeah, they must. Yeah, they do. Because I've seen YouTube videos that are like, guy falls on face at pep rally. It's usually douchebag falls on face. Epic fail. Yeah.

It is better when it's an epic fail. Epic pep rally fail. As fails go, I prefer them epic. Graham, what's going on with you? Well, two matters of business. First, today I did something that I haven't done, I think, since I was a little kid, or at least a grade school kid. I went out into society wearing sweatpants. Hey, there you go.

You're not wearing them now, though. No, these are corduroys. That's a tight corduroy. It's a narrow corduroy, yeah. It's a comfortable corduroy. It's a narrow whale. A narrow whale. W-A-L-E.

Ah. Alicia, on the last episode, talked about going in public in sweatpants. Yeah, yeah, and I did it today, and I get it. Like, i get it like i get it why people do it i don't condone it but i get it because it is like walking around in your comforter like it's very comfortable thing to do but i could see how like just a couple steps away from where i am in my life now i could see myself doing it all the time so it is a very yeah yeah that is where a pep talk would come in you are not winning right yeah

you're not a winner you're not a winner yeah i have a pair of track pants that i will occasionally what do you do you go to the grocery or no they're like those and they're like those they're not track pants in the sense of like they wouldn't go like if you touched them like they're those kind of adidas almost kind of run dmc-ish kind of half sweatpants have to wear those on stage quite a bit yes yeah do you still on stage no um around around Yeah. I'll admit to... Because they really are. I mean, they're so comfortable. Like in the house, I'm all sweatpants.

I'm all... You know, we all can get into... Not Dave. Dave, you're always dressed, ready to go? Or you're in full top and bottom pajamas? I don't put on pajamas until it's time to go to bed. And then in the mornings, I get up like three hours before I have to be at work. And so I'm in pajamas then.

Wow. You really get up. But I don't do anything when I'm up early. Well, you make coffee. I do. You're up. I'm up. You've already beaten me.

Yeah, you feed the dog. I beat Charlie. This is the worst pep talk ever. It's faster than a pep talk. I often go worse than pajamas. I will often just be in boxers in my house. I think in your house, whatever is your thing. Going to the grocery store.

No, I stay in the boxers. We need to do a pep talk. Also, whenever I'm at my boxing club. A pep intervention. A pep rally. a pep talk Also whenever I'm at my boxing club You need to do a pep intervention A pep rally You need an intervention rally When you're at home in the boxers I'm just imagining this

Wife beater? No t-shirt Oh yeah, t-shirt and boxers I can see that I couldn't think of the... Is there another word for wife, Peter? Tank top? Is that right?

Undershirt? Tank top, undershirt? Trap top? Tube top? Tube top. I mean, a tube top and boxers. That's my general... Charlie hates sleeves that much.

But you do wear the little cuffs that a Chippendales dancer wears? Yes. Well, I'm not an animal. You know, you watch a Woody Allen movie or whatever, and we were watching Interiors once, and my friend couldn't get over the fact that the dad is wearing a sports jacket in his house. It's like he's at the breakfast table in a sports jacket. And you're just like, I am never going to get it together. Like, I will never.

I don't know. Yeah, like, I think in my growing up in my house, it was very, you know, you wake up and then you don't, maybe a robe if it's cold, but that's about it. My dad wore a suit to work every day yeah and he would come home and he'd change out of his suit and put on casual clothes but what were his casual clothes oh like jeans and a t-shirt jeans and a t-shirt or a polo shirt because like mr rogers that was his whole deal like he was in a suit yeah oh that's right tie on but he just put in a sweater and then slippers

but slippers is another thing i don't wear i just wear socks i have uh boots that are like moon boots that i wear uh that are like for mountain equipment co-op because uh my house doesn't have heat right so yeah keeps the feet warm i do have a nice pair of, they're actually made out of... Bread loaves. Oh, that would be great. Like fresh bread on your feet every morning. That would be the pinnacle of opulence to me. That you have a baker that makes you... Fresh bread slippers?

Yeah, like foot slippers every morning. What is happening? I feel like somebody said something crazy and then the other person in the room to whom i would turn and be like can you believe this crazy stuff is totally into it so then i'm in the odd position of feeling like maybe i'm crazy for never having thought about bread slippers i haven't thought of it either, but it's so great. Think about it. You wake up in the morning and they're there. They're toasty.

And then you slip them on. You would want the crust peeled off so you could get into the hot innards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They would have scooped your baker slash servant. Would have baked it. Scooped out enough area inside the loaf. Just the right size. That's right.

And then put something on top to keep the heat in. I mean, he knows when you're waking up. But during Passover, you have to have flat ones. Yeah, you wear flats. Flip flops. And then later on in the day, they're sold as Parmesan loaves. At Starbucks. Yeah, that would be the best part, is when you sell them at Starbucks. Yeah, that would be the best part

is when you sell them at Starbucks. No way. You've been walking around in your bed. Later on, a poor person has to eat them. Yeah, at a soup kitchen. Yeah. But my slippers are actually made of sleeping bag material. Nice.

Oh, that's pretty good. But it doesn't sound adult. No, they're not. I figured, because you're a pretty grown-up dresser. Yes. Like, you tuck in your shirt. Generally, yes. And so I figured maybe you had those kind of, like, man's leather slippers.

No. I do, when it comes to pajama time, it's... Sweatpants and t-shirt. Well, I have actual pajamas. Oh, okay. See, that's your stuff. But it's not top and bottom. It's just a pajama. But we talked about this last week.

Yeah, we did. That's true. Okay. Enough pajama talk, guys. We got an email pertaining to something we saw we talked about on the last episode where we talked about these guys who found a pack of cigarettes on the ground.

One of our listeners, Sarah N., wrote to us. Just a little more recap is these two guys were on the SkyTrain, and they got off the SkyTrain. They found a pack of cigarettes lying on the ground. And they were so happy. So happy. Like dirtbags. Which you would be if you were a heavy smoker,

and you just suddenly got free cigarettes. Now, Sarah N. has written us and, uh, oops, sorry. Sarah N has written to us and she said, uh, Hey, David Graham. I was listening to The Overheard on your latest podcast. In one of the Overheards, a person found a pack of cigarettes and they were really excited.

I am 18 and have never smoked or had alcohol. Sticking to the law, right? Yeah. Had alcohol is one of those, like like when you say, I do pot. It's technically not incorrect, but nobody says it. I've never injected alcohol. So I was not so much excited when I happened to find a pack of cigarettes on the ground with all the wrapping still on. I didn't know what to do with it,

so I've decided to just keep it in my bag until someone asked me for a cigarette. This may take a very long time, so I was wondering if you have any suggestions of what to do with this full pack of cigarettes. Maybe I can make a cigarette-based art installation, or have a party and make gift bags and put one cigarette in every bag. I actually do like that idea a lot uh i'd love to hear your suggestions sarah so uh i like that i liked uh that and i don't know what i would do with a pack of cigarettes yeah i mean you could take up smoking

it's really cool you look cool you do look cool yeah you look cool you look mature especially at 18 that's your coolest smoking age. Yeah. You're smoking hot. So you can take up smoking. Yeah. What else? I really do like the idea of just waiting for some, because usually if someone's bumming a smoke off you, they're in pretty rough shape. They're like, yeah, you got to smoke.

That's true. And you're like, actually, I have 20. Oh, and you make their life. You just make their life. Yeah, that's true. That would be a really sweet moment. You will often see homeless guys trying to find just cigarette butts on the street. And then they take the tobacco and make a cigarette.

Wait for one of those guys until you see one of those guys and give him the whole pack. That's probably, I think that's probably the throat. Huck it, Adam. Yeah. Still better than you but here and also here's this loaf of bread I won't tell you where I got it

but when you give it to them warn them that it causes cancer and emphysema yeah that's only fair so those are those are two

or that's a sweet that's probably the sweetest thing to do yeah I do like that idea of like the just pie plate eyes

when the guy's like hey do you have a smoke oh do I ever but I do like that idea of just pie plate eyes when the guy's like, hey, do you have a smoke? Oh, do I ever. But I do like it even one note more when you find the guy who's like picking up a cigarette butt and they're like, here's 25 of those things. Have you ever after a meal

at a restaurant gotten like taken home the leftovers and then seen a homeless guy and given them to him yeah yeah all the time yeah uh often i did that uh just a few nights ago actually and what what is their reaction usually uh the guy was asleep at the time i just put it next to him yeah that's a classic move i've done it once and uh i said are you hungry and he said always yeah of course that's a tough one. Then you start crying.

You're like, here's some cigarettes. They suppress your appetite. Kara, like... Your wife. Sorry, my wife. Well, they should know. Kara thought it was, like, just so empowered that one time this uh uh she offered this homeless dude um some chinese food that she had left over and she's like oh do you want this and he's like oh what is it and

she was like uh it's just chinese food he's like nah i'm not a big fan or something like that like she just loved that like the the dignity of just like it's not for me yeah like every time i eat chinese food i find half an hour later I'm still homeless. Not a bad joke. Sad, sad joke. It comes with a misfortune cookie. I think I'm going to vote that my favorite is waiting to see a guy picking up the butt. Short of that, if you're in a shop class, you can make a clock where every hour is a cigarette. I'm going to vote that my favorite is waiting to see a guy picking up the butt.

Short of that, if you're in a shop class, you can make a clock where every hour is a cigarette. In the middle, it says, time to quit. You give it to somebody who's trying to quit smoking. Then they take all the cigarettes off the clock. It's like an advent calendar of quitting. But they're covered in glue

and they get so high. The other suggestion is go to prison and trade the cigarettes for sex. Oh, yeah. Or other smaller cigarettes. I don't know what I was going to say. Other things that you want in prison. Chocolate. Yeah, sure.

A small pick with which to escape. Oh, yeah. Yeah. A rock polishing set. What else was in the Shawshank Redemption? An older black mentor. Those are my only two.

If your only two sources of knowledge about the American prison system are Oz and the Shawshank Redemption. It's either kind of a fun men's club where everybody kind of hangs out and cracks wise

or... It's really bad. Which is which. Because as I recall, the Shawshank Redemption wasn't fun. He gets raped for like a minute and then everything's fine. Yeah. Oh, and he's trying to escape the entire time. But he's trying to escape, but that's never

explained. Like, it's just him and his homies. And they're just... Just because there's a black guy doesn't make it okay for you to say that. I don't think Morgan Freeman has ever been anyone's homie. He's not really homie black. No, he... The Shawshank Redemption,

you're watching it and you're like, yeah, I could live in jail. I pretty much do. It's just me and my friends and don't get outside much. Do you know what's weird about the Shawshank Redemption I just realized? Is the word shank is in the title, but there's no like, shanking.

Do you know what I mean? Like, did they know that? It's the sure shank sure shanky redemption. When you were talking about it, I was like was there anybody that got shanked? It was originally going to be called the shiv shank redemption. Yeah, I imagine there are

one star Amazon reviews for it. They're like, I expect there to be more shanking. No shanks. Shanks, but no shanks. Well, should we move on to some business? Yes, let's. Life can be fun. Don't get carried away.

You gotta do the things you don't want to do to get through the day. You gotta shine your shoes. You gotta do the things you don't wanna do To get through the day You gotta shine your shoes You gotta sweep the floor You gotta clean your house You gotta do some more Take care of business All right, so we've got a little bit of business to take care of. That's right.

It's Max Fun Drive time. Time to cut off Graham. It's always time to cut off Graham. And this is week two of two weeks, which will culminate, we should add, in a live streaming episode of JJ Go. That's Jordan Jesse Go for the uninitiated. And that happens on Sunday, March 13th from 7 to 9 Pacific. And that's the official end of the drive. They have a goal of 1,200 new donors by March 13th.

And we would like to hit the emphasis this week in the fact that they are looking for monthly donors because that helps them, I guess, not only with budget, but it also helps in the sense that they have challenge donors who will pay a certain amount. Let's not say they. We. Oh, yeah. We're a family. Oh, yeah. I just don't know what the mechanics they use to decide how to give we the money.

And I refer to my family as they. Yeah, right? Yeah. Just because I feel slightly apart. Yeah, right? We don't live in the same city. Yeah. Yeah. just because I feel slightly apart we don't live in the same city yeah so we're looking

primarily at monthly donors and you can donate anything from $2 to $5 a month all the way up to $200 a month yeah I'm sure they'll make exceptions if you want to go even higher too no no I've been told $200 is the cap

they will refuse the $300 per month and not even gracefully exceptions if you want to go even higher too no no i've been told 200 is the cap they won't they will refuse the 300 per month and not even gracefully yeah fuck you what did we what are we supposed to do with 300 a month and uh uh we've been uh we uh yeah we've been through all the uh things you can win last week yes but we'll'll just refresh your memory a little bit. At the lower levels, you'll get a MaxFun... Pack. Packlet. That has stickers, a MaxFunClub membership card, and... A pack of cigarettes.

A pack of cigarettes that you can give away at a party as gifts. Make a clock out of. And you get, with all levels of donation, monthly donations, you get exclusive access to the special donor-only episode of Jordan, Jesse Go, Judge John Hodgman, Stop Podcasting Yourself, and My Brother, My Brother and Me, plus our podcast and Jordan, Jesse Go, and My Brother, My Brother and Me all riffed over a 1950s educational film. Three of them. We each Rift over one.

And those are super funny. I haven't listened to all the Rift videos. I listen to all the podcast episodes. And we did an all-overheard episode, and I'm just going to say it was the best of all of them. Yeah, it's the greatest. It's the greatest thing your ears will hear this month, possibly this year. So every donor is going to get that.

At the higher levels, $35 a month, you can get the Nerd Emergency Kit, which includes a bunch of stuff that a nerd is going to need, Band-Aids and a Maximum Fun USB drive with hand-picked episodes. It's an actual wooden USB drive made from real rainforest wood. Yeah. So support the wiping out of the disgusting rainforest.

And it also comes with an Eton, E-T-O-N, self-powered AM-FM weather radio with flashlight, solar charging, and USB power station slash phone charger. So that comes in that kit. And there's a portion.

You're going to need that when the world ends. Yeah. You're going to need one zombie gun. Yeah. You're going to need, well, you should watch The Walking Dead. Educate yourself about zombie lifestyle. Yeah. When your sister gets bitten by a zombie

and she slowly turns into a zombie, you should stay with her the whole time. Yeah, stay with her and remind her of the better times. Yeah. Sing a song that reminds her of the better times. And then shoot her in the face. Whiskey drink, vodka drink. Yeah. Cider drink.

And they at the $10 level and everywhere up from $10 a month, you will get a tote bag. Max Fun Tote Bag. From the wonderful Eco Bags Company. And there's three different designs? Is it JJ Gill one? I think there's four. Oh, wow.

There might even be five. Jesus Christ. I wish I hadn't even opened my mouth on that. Yeah, you can get a Stop Podcasting Yourself one, or the other shows. Yeah. So, like... But, you know, you're listening to us. Get our thing.

And also, when you do donate, I've noticed that my brother, my brother, and me is sort of killing us on Twitter with the donors proclaiming that they donated. When you donate, make sure you tweet that you donated for us and hashtag it with Max Fun Drive. It's the exact opposite of everything your Christian upbringing has told you about charity. That's right. Make a big deal. Big deal.

And then the other thing is if you're somebody like we got a message from somebody who's donated who is currently unemployed and and his donation is he's made a donation out of his unemployment check uh so what's your excuse is what he said yeah and i echo that sentiment what's your excuse uh prediction this will be a

tax rage news story pretty soon some conservative conservative politicians are going to be like, my tax dollars are going to some hippie broadcast. In Canada, no less. But yeah, if you're well-to-do, if you're somebody who's working and you can, $20 a month or $35 a month goes such a longer way in the world of putting together these podcasts and maintaining the MaximumFun.org site and forums and all that stuff than it ever really could in your life. Like $20 or $35.

If you're well off, if you've got a job, if you've got everything well in hand, you will not miss that money. But we will miss it if it doesn't. if you got a job, if you've got everything well in hand, you will not miss that money, but we will miss it if it doesn't and it's such a great family, like there's nothing else like it on the internet, there's no organization that puts out this many there's no other organization that puts out like this

yeah, that's true, but that puts out this many great podcasts, not on the internet 20 bucks a month, we'll put out all you want but yeah, it is really like, and we're honored to be a part of this Not on the internet. 20 bucks a month. We'll put out all you want. But yeah, it is really like, and we're honored to be a part of this group. And we want all the spy listeners out there to make your voices heard. And if there are people who are new to the podcast, donate and let Maximum Fun know that we are a valuable part of their family. We joined Maximum Fun about a year ago. Yeah.

And since then, think of the guests we've had on the show that have been fantastic. People we hadn't even met before. Yeah. A Kyle Kinane, a Paul F. Tompkins. A Jamie Kilstein. A Jamie Kilstein. A Debra DiGiovanni. Right.

And these are all people that, you know, if you're just a guy with a podcast, it's sort of weird coming up to a stranger and saying, hey, do you want to come into my basement apartment and talk into a microphone for an hour? Schlubs like me have been signed on from the beginning. And you are, you're a perennial favorite, always have been. And that's the thing, too, is we will keep these episodes free. Yeah. Whereas other podcasts, once they're out, they'll charge you to listen to back episodes.

We're not doing that. Once it's out there, it's out there. It's out there for free. You can always go back and listen to every single episode from 155, we're at? Six. All the way back, all free, always and just being under the Maximum Fun banner

it helps so much when we talk to someone we've never met before, we say oh, have you heard of the Sound of Young America? yeah, we're involved with them we're a legitimate operation don't be afraid, we're not going to murder you in a basement so go to MaximumFun.org you can click on Donate.

It's right on the home page. And like we say, the monthly donations are – the one-time donations are certainly, certainly appreciated. And thank you to all the people who did that. But Maximum Fun really does kind of get its operating budget out of these monthly donations. And they also get money from Challenger donations. Don't make a joke about the space shuttle. That is exactly

what was in my mind. Wow! I'm not going to because you told me not to. If anyone wants to hear what my joke would have been, write me at... No, donate! Yeah! And Charlie will personally If anyone wants to hear what my joke would have been, write me at... No, donate.

Yeah. And Charlie will personally write to you with his punchline. Yeah. Horrible. Yeah. Yeah. If you... I'll tell you what. If anyone here will give 100 bucks, they can write me...

A month. A month. Yeah. They can... You can give them my email and I will write them the most horrible challenger. That's my pledge to you. I will give you a terrible, really offensive, and maybe might make you cry, challenger. We said last week if there's anybody in Vancouver or the surrounding area that wants to donate $100 a month.

Or more. Or more. Dave and I, we'll take you out to dinner. Yep. It's on us, and we'll go wherever you want. And I mean- Blackout dates. Anywhere.

Last week of December. Yeah, that's true. Point of prohibitance. It's just somebody's just like, look, I've been wanting to go out to this $150 restaurant. Yeah. Yeah, well, no, we would do that. Yeah, because we'll do it. As long as you give $100 a month.

We're not going to take you to a $150 restaurant every month. Also, you don't have anything else going on in your life? There's things on the menu less than $150, I hope. It's not one of these novelty news story

hamburgers but if you want to do that we'll watch you eat it yeah i'm talking to you guy oh man i had this really great hamburger the other day uh anyways uh go to maximumfund.org click on donate and uh yeah um thanks. Do you want to move on? Please. Overheards? Yeah. Overheard. Overheards.

Things, not just things, phrases, little tidbits. Potpourri. Potpourri that you've heard in everyday life. As always, we like to start with the guest, Charlie. Hit us with the big one. Charlie. Oh, man. This is always my, the prepared bits are always the thing that's most terrifying. I think I might have mentioned part of this to you, but I, so I was, I did a show a couple

weeks ago, and I was down, we were down on the West End and Phil Hanley, very funny. Pass guest. Phil Hanley, very funny. He's passed. Oh, that's a shame. He went up on the show and was just kind of trying some new stuff and I think wasn't really feeling the new stuff. So just decided to do crowd work. And so he's talking to the crowd and he's really flirting it up with this one girl as he's want to do in his stage persona and asks this girl as

like a little kind of parting thing he's like so listen i'm gonna get off the stage what would you like me to do like you know if you could have a comedian do anything what kind of material would you want to hear and she kind of blanks and turns to her friend and her friend is kind of material would you want to hear? And she kind of blanks and turns to her friend. And her friend is kind of brought in on, okay, now, mind you, she's been told, a comedian that can do anything, what would you want a comedian to do? And her friend goes,

Chinese impersonations? And then Phil made a face. A Chinese face. Pulled his eyes back. So Phil makes a face. And she goes, comedians do do that.

The best comedians. She was catching him up on... Then it got really ugly because there was a Chinese dude sitting right next to her who made his totally reasonable reservations about her suggestion. Are you sure it wasn't a Native Indian who made reservations? Do we say Native Indian? No one says Native Indian. Americans say Native American, and we say First Nations.

I met a guy who's a native of india fair enough um so yeah not bad not bad at all chinese impersonations comedians do do that unfortunately a heck of a. Yeah, we do know people who do that. And it is sad. Dave? Yeah, I was in China the other day. Doing impressions. And someone was so sorry.

And I forget what they said about being so sorry. But they loved me for a very long time. Okay, for realsies. I'll allow it. This is just a real quick, cute little one. It's an overseen, and you know how much we love graffiti that has been altered by the next graffitist? Oh, I love it.

Oh, there's one right by my house. What is it? Someone has written, I mean, it's kind of, well, I'll tell why it's cool afterwards. Or uncool afterwards. But someone has written, 9-11 was an inside job. And so somebody went by and made it.

9-11 was, uh... So crossed out the N in an. And then just wrote, uh, hand job. And... But it's right outside an elementary school. That's the part that doesn't make it super cool. That is good. Okay.

Mine was at a bus stop. Someone had written on the bench, Jesus is alive. Right. And someone else had come along and changed it to Jesus is an olive. Nobody gets hurt there. That's something everybody can enjoy.

Unlike Jesus is alive, which is super offensive to me around Christmas time. I hate it when people say that. You should say, happy holidays. Yeah, exactly. Happy olive days. Happy olive days to you. Mine is also an overseen um which was uh it's what had happened was i was walking uh you know downtown we have a library main branch filled with bed bugs not to

brag yeah we have a library downtown. And I was walking... Oh, and by the way, if people don't know Vancouver's main library, it is featured in every movie. Yeah, and it is shaped like the Coliseum. Yeah, I think it might be on the... The Pacific Coliseum. I think it might be the head offices of the CIA or whatever on Fringe. And it's the main set piece in that movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah, the sixth day.

Sixth day. They filmed, I was at SFU, Simon Fraser University, for those of you who went to UBC, University of British Columbia, for those of you who went to SFU, when they were filming the sixth day. And there's, I guess, a scene in that movie where Schwarzenegger drives down some stairs, and those are like the convocation stairs that, like, when I graduated, you know, you walk down the stairs.

You drive down those. Yeah, you drive down the stairs. When you graduate from SMU's driver's ed program. System driving program. And they literally, for an entire semester, the whole university was covered in cables and wires and blah, blah, blah, for a six-second driving down the stairs. Worth it. That's why that movie's called The Sixth Second.

But yeah, I was coming around. That movie's garbage. I was coming around the corner and there's this uh bar that has these uh hedges so i could only see the top half the hedge fund i could only see the top half of what was going on but it was a lady asking two other ladies for directions and she was pointing a lot and the two other ladies didn't seem to respond at all to the, like, I'm trying to get from here to there, she was pointing. And when I came around the hedge, both of the ladies she was asking had seeing-eye dogs. It's like a zany reveal gag.

Yeah. Like, it kind of, just for laughs Gag Like a kind of just relapse gag Kind of Like you come around the head Like right before they're doing it It's like they're winking before they put on the big glasses Yeah they do a little Break the fourth wall

I was walking by the library the other day And there's a little Like plaza area Which by the way a piazza yeah vancouver doesn't actually have any like sort of public gathering spaces like no just just the art gallery in the library yeah but no one no one uses the library really people just hang out there and eat a sandwich yeah uh but there was a girl there uh and she was on the phone and she was crying so hard and i was it was hard not to stare

at her but I really wanted her to lose her mind. You know what? You should have gone over to her whispered in her ear, You're a winner. That would have got her to stop. Push through this, man. You're a winner. Here's some bread shoes. Honestly, those

would be so great and I would eat them. You would eat your bread shoes? That's disgusting, Dave. I feel like if I have a baker on staff, I would just have him make a second set of shoes for me to eat. I don't know why they have to be shoes. Can you make them in the shape of a steak? You're like, give me a second pair of shoes. And also, cut a steak into the shape of a foot.

But couldn't you have a foot? Also, red condom. Like, what about chicken feet? Like, if you went for dim sum and they brought you the chicken feet in little bun slippers. That would be cute. That would be delicious. Cute and delicious. All right.

We also have Overheard sent in by listeners, bumpers, if you will. If you want to send us in Overheards, you can send it to stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com. And our first one comes from Michael K. Michael Kane? Yeah, Michael Kane. I do a great Michael Kane impression. Go ahead. Let's do battling Michael Kane impressions like on the internet.

I do a great Michael Caine impression. Go ahead. Let's do battling Michael Caine impressions like on the internet. Michael K. says, fair warning, even though this overheard is funny, it features a word I am not a fan of. I'm also not a huge fan of this word, but the overheard is worth it. Okay, can we guess it? Go ahead. Genuflect. Genuflect.

Uh, uh, genuflect. Walking behind a group of boys along the lakefront here in Milwaukee, who appeared to be about 12 or 13, I picked up the conversation as follows. First kid, whatever, you're a faggot. Second kid, defensively, you know, in the Bible, a faggot is just a bundle of sticks. Quiet for a second then. First kid, the Bible, a faggot is just a bundle of sticks. Quiet for a second then. First kid, you're a Bible faggot. Well played, kid.

Yeah, classic kids. No, I meant the stick one. You are a bundle of sticks. Yeah, that's the one. I got a haircut this morning, and my hairdresser was showing me this bump she has on her wrist. And she says it's a Bible bump. And I had never heard that expression before. I know what that is. Yeah.

Yes. If you hit it with a Bible, it goes away? Yeah. It's like a... Where is it? It's on the inside of your wrist? It's on the outside of her wrist. And it's like a...

Basically, it's like a deposit of fat. Oh. And that's how they used to get rid of it. You put your hand on a desk, and they would slam it with a Bible. And it would basically disperse the... Wow. Yeah.

Because I had one of those on my arm. And she is a professional who needs her hands. She probably shouldn't be smashing it with a Bible. I wonder if that's where Bible thumper comes from. No. I think it just comes from when people were in court and they had to swear on...

Somebody's like, hey! You're not swearing hard enough. Right before. That was like right before. Hey, this is serious. Look at that bump on your arm. That's going to distract the murderer. Smack. You're not swearing hard enough.

Yeah, because I think Bible thumper means someone who thumps their hand on a Bible, isn't it? You know. Yeah, like a tub thumper. To get people's attention. What does tub thumping mean? mean well it means you get knocked down i forget the rest well you don't stay down you get up again um the second one comes from evan m we're gonna stick with the vein of kids saying hilarious things okay or darned oh yeah this is totally darned uh this is a local one, too. I was walking around Maine in 28. Yeah!

All these bagels! Oh, wait, no. That's not Maine in 28. CIPC. Cafe Montmartre. Yeah. Good call, guys. I saw a group of four kids standing on a street corner. They were all about 10 or 12, holding long boards and wearing helmets. One kid said,

Hey guys, do you want to hear a joke? At which point I paused around the corner to listen to the joke, which was what's the difference between a black guy and a white guy? What, his friends asked. I don't know. That's nice. Yeah, right?

I don't see color. Although that joke could only have come from Vancouver. Kids all through the rest of North Americaica have answers yeah it's just like i can tell you the difference between a white guy and a chinese guy someone was telling me about how vancouver like there's for people who've never been here there are four black people it's one percent of the population okay oh wow yeah but someone was telling me about how vancouver used to have like a big in the 60s had a big soul music scene had a big kind of like a jimmy hendrix's family is from here yeah um there used to be uh tommy chong was in a motown band yeah i think they were called the Vancouver's. Really? Yeah. Wow. There was a place on Main Street. Not that Tommy Chong is black, Mr. Chong.

Or a minister, as we learned. Yeah. Oh, man, that was my favorite story. But there was a place on Main Street that used to sell, it's now a vintage furniture shop, but it used to sell vinyl and kind of collectibles. And the guy who owned that had a bunch... Do you remember that place? Yeah. And he would only be in it like once a week or whatever,

but he had all sorts of... Oh, was that Louisiana Owls or something it was called? Yeah. And he had photos of him... He was from Spokane, right? He had photos of him. He was from Spokane, right? He had photos of him with, you know, James Brown and like, but like all in Vancouver. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's weird. Vancouver's got a strange history with that. Jelly Roll Morton spent some time here and wrote a bunch, like he wrote an entire album when he was here, apparently. No one knows who that is. No, he's a famous blues musician. But the spot down by where the Georgia Viaduct is, they kind of tore down what had been the black neighborhood in Vancouver, which was called Hogan's Alley.

Right. Named after Hulk Hogan, who tans so much he turns black. And he uses the word brother a lot now if you're down there uh there's there's the jimmy hendrix shrine yeah uh and that's because yeah nora hendrix his grandmother and then his dad and mom were here and i can't remember if jimmy hendrix was from here but like he was mostly from seattle but yeah his whole family was here yeah there was, my brother went to Lord Bing High School and there was a rumor that Jimi Hendrix had gone. That turned out not to be true. But I forgot to mention that Charlie is also an author

who has written a book about neighborhoods in Vancouver. Yeah, called Vancouver Special. So I feel like you're the perfect guy. And I feel like a bit of a dummy. No. Like, hey, there was a black ghetto. I don't know if you know this, Charlie. No.

No, but you didn't say it in a way that... I know, but I feel like I did. You wanted to. I still feel sorry for you. But not because of that. Hey, you're a Bible faggot. I'm a Hendrix thumper. faggot.

On Hendrix Thumper. And the final one comes from Weston S, which is a great, great name. Weston? Classy. But like a little bit upper crusty. Unless it's West space I-N-N.

Unless he's named after a motel. Weston. That's where we made you. This is an overheard that he just couldn't keep to himself, is what he wrote. At my place of employment the other day, I overheard two of the ladies I work with greeting each other. Lady one, good morning. Lady two, good morning, Lady 2, good morning Vietnam. Pauses for a moment.

What movie is that from? Of course. Lady 1 shrugs. So great. Life is like a box of chocolates. Life is beautiful yeah that's true I want to make love with you all

remember when people didn't find him annoying yeah that was only for like 10 minutes and then he made Pinocchio and then we all said hey I made it he kept making Italian movies yeah he was so successful then he started doing Italian stuff.

He started. He started doing Italian stuff. He made a version of Pinocchio that was one of the worst things I've ever seen. But the Jonathan Taylor Thomas version of Pinocchio is the actual worst thing I've ever seen. Because that is horrifyingly scary.

In the Roberto Benigni? I was going to say Roberto Baggio. Soccer player. No, it's pronounced Roberto Benigni. And that's what Italians tell you when everything's fine. He thought he had the answer. It turned out to be a Benigni bump.

It's a Maligni. In his Pinocchio, who did he play? Pinocchio. Oh, who played Pinocchio's dad, Lou? I forget the character's name. Geppetto. Geppetto.

His dad, Lou Grant. Lou Nokia. Lou Nokia. Pinocchio. Hey, Pinocchio. Who played his dad? Some Italian guy? Yeah, Ed Asner.

Eduardo Asner Gotta stop calling him his dad Geppetto did it with a tree No, you're being more accepting of his alternative situation Yeah, that's true Because you're like, oh, his dad Who made him in a shop Fair enough

And wished him to life It's a really sad story. It's one of the saddest. He gets eaten by a whale. It's horrific. But I mean, Gebetto's story. Yeah. Isn't it really like, I'm so lonely.

Oh, why don't you impregnate a woman? Nope. No. That's another option. I'm a grown up in my life. I saw this movie, Lars and the Real Girl. I'm a big Ryan Gosling fan. I didn't even think it was evident that he was a talented other guy.

I saw a screen cap of the new Ryan Gosling movie. And he's bald in it. But naturally bald. Not a shaved head. So he's got, he's bald in it, but like naturally bald, like not a shaved head. So he's got like the... Oh, he's got the cul-de-sac. Yeah. He says he's a very, he immerses himself in a role.

He does. He gained a lot of weight for the whatever one that I just said, the real girl. Fatty and the... Yeah. Shedding for the wedding, the movie. Shedding. Fatty and the... Shedding for the wedding movie. But he makes a lot of movies, and he seems like a really good actor,

but he makes a lot of movies I don't want to see. Yeah, oh, fair enough. The Jewish Nazi one, that was pretty good. Which one was that? The Believer thing it was called. I saw that one where he was the substitute teacher. Oh, Half Nelson. Yeah, that was really good.

They're making a full Nelson. It's a sequel. Special guest appearance by Judd Nelson. Sure, yeah. There's a prequel called Quarter Nelson. Do we have any phoned in? We sure do. If you would like to call us with your overheard,

our phone number is 206-339-8328. Hey, Dave and Graham and one of our guests. I just called in, but I just overheard some more of this same amazing conversation and I had to relay it to you. So the next part

of the conversation I caught was, you should get me a job at Smashburger so we can both have an income and pay for hot air balloon lessons, buy a hot air balloon, and then fly to Egypt.

That's it. Wait, wait. We could totally Laura Croft that shit, and we'd get away with it, because people won't know. They'd believe anything. Are you following me here? That's what she said to the dude, and I had a very hard time stifling my laughter. Oh, man.

That is something else. It's almost too good to be true. It's not going to be true. It's not going to come true. Right. No, no. But do you believe it's true that he overheard that? Yes.

I'm very suspicious of everyone. Oh, hey, I understand. It's because of my OCD. It could be drugs, though, right? Like maybe these people were on drugs. Yeah, that's true. He did call in with an earlier overheard that wasn't as good. But I don't think there was any indication that they were on drugs.

Not he's on drugs. Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah. That they were. Yeah. So what's Smashburger? I don't know. I feel like it might be something out of a movie script. Out of his spec. His spec about two kids that launch their own balloon.

His spec for the Good Burger TV series. But when he says, we could totally Laura Croft that shit. What does that mean? Wear short shorts. Was Smash Burger the burger joint owned by Jesse Gottsalpels? No, that was the Smash Club. I know, but it wasn, the burger joint owned by Jesse Gottsalpons. No, that was the Smash Club. I know, but it wasn't a burger joint.

No, but it was an underage music club. Yeah. I don't remember that he had a club. Yeah, it was towards the end of the series. Well, the Jesse and the Rippers used to always play at the Smash Club, which they never saw. And then it was going out of business. And so he took it over. Yeah, and I think Stephanie was a waitress there. It was very controversial.

Stephanie got old enough to be a waitress on the show? No, no, no. She was a little kid waitress. Yeah. I always, did you guys, what's the youngest you were when you had a job? I always assumed that companies would hire 12-year-olds. When I was 10, I did a shift in the mines.

No, we were just talking to these longshoremen the other day for the CBC thing, and these guys were like, yeah, what a first job when I was six and working for Creamland carrying milk. Jesus. Yeah, one guy was in the mine.

He was in the mine mill and smelter workers union when he was 14 um but when i was 10 uh i worked one shift in a sports card store like sorting cards wow yeah there were that many cards yeah well that was big like there was early yeah yeah sports cards were like uh and it was gonna be the big investment and whatever and then that's why i'm broke those nolan ryan upper deck yeah no my pavel beret in rollerblades isn't looking for good right now i think i had that card you're reaching in your pocket to get your phone, but it looked like you were going to produce the Pat Valbrae

in rollerblades. In a plastic cover. I think I definitely still have a ton of cards at my parents' house. I have a bunch of basketball cards at home. I think I might have a David Robinson rookie card. What could it be? 15 bucks?

Yeah, probably. And to who yeah who's buying cards nobody really it was the stupidest thing because it was like it it was essentially it was so specialized yeah of like when baby boomers had a bunch of money and wanted this thing that when they were kids everyone tore the shit out of because you played games with them and you put them in your bike. But then it was like, so our age, like kids our age who collected cards kept them in mint condition. Yeah.

So that causes a glut of like, it's just like elementary economics. I was at the flea market and there was a box that was probably the size of like if you put eight uh milk cartons together that was just cards like just loose cards so somebody who had collected the corners all creased no they were all perfect but somebody had just been like well these are just garbage car they're just garbage things yeah and. And so it was huge. And I went through, I think I went through and just collected as many cards from the Calgary Flames as I could. And I was just going to hand them to people randomly instead of a business card. That was my plan.

They're such a pre-internet thing. Like, when you think about it, it's like, what is the point of, like, hey, I have these temporarily up-to- you think about it it's like what is the point of like hey i have these temporarily up-to-date statistics a little story about the guy liking fishing uh when i uh when i was like uh i don't know 11 we went to my dad's childhood home and i found this uh he had this whole set of cards from like 1950. And it was hockey cards. And it was a set of 100. And it came in this little carrying case that had nine cards on a page.

And so there were 99 cards. And the 100th card was there was a special spot for your favorite card. And that was the only card that was missing. And that was like a Gordie Howe. Wow. Super young. But there were, there was like a Gordie Howe. Wow. Super young. Wow. But there were, there was like a Tim Horton in there. Wow.

There was a Rocket Richard. But they were all damaged by this carrying case that they came in. Classic. Because no one intended for you to ever resell them. My dad has, they used to sell cards. They used to be, you could buy a couple at a time or whatever, and they were connected to each other. And you would like with a perforated edge. So he has the whole original set of teams cards still together.

He never broke them apart for whatever reason. Yeah. But are they worth anything? Probably not. Like, I don't really know anything about the card business. The bottom fell out and never came back up. There was a card place right across the street. Comic books, same thing.

Yeah. Yeah, there was a place that sold cards and comics that was right across the street from my junior high. And they did gangbusters for like two and a half years or whatever. And then that was right across the street from my junior high and they were did they gangbusters for like two and a half years or whatever and then that was it like that it vanished i think in the early 90s like uh three or four people uh bought this really rare honus wagner baseball card because uh it was rare because uh i think baseball cards you before they came with uh bubble gum yeah they came with tobacco or cigarettes or something and honus wagner wait to that girl who had the cigarettes exactly start your own card honus wagner was this baseball player who was very good but he also was like anti-cigarettes and he wouldn't uh let them sell his card anymore so they it was a super

rare card oh wow, wow. Huh. That's what you guys should do. You guys should do maximum fun cards. Yes! You have Graham Clark or Dave Shumka and here's the stats. We only produce one Charlie Demers. Only one Charlie Demers.

And then on the back, the stats. It's just big question marks. It says, from Parts Unknown. Parts Unknown, my favorite. You could do that for next year's Fun Drive. I love that. It comes with cigarettes or gum. It may not happen.

Cigarettes or gum. No, Nicorette. It comes with anti-smoking gum. It comes with the best of both worlds. The happy medium. Get kids addicted to Nicorette. Next overheard, please. Hey, Dave and Graham and probable guests.

This is Brian calling from South Florida, calling in an overheard. I was just getting out of the car in a parking lot with my 17-month-old, and I got him out of the car seat and put him up on the ground he's just standing there and the van that parked next to us a mother is getting out with her two children and this boy gets out and maybe he's like 7 wearing a backpack

and he looks at my son and snickers and goes babies totally and snickers and goes, psh, babies. Totally. I love the idea of being young enough to be just contemptuous of a baby. Babies.

The worst. I remember people making fun of me for being like 11 and saying, I remember when I was a kid. Yeah, I said that once. Yeah. When I was a kid. I still do said that once. Yeah. When I was a kid. I still do that every time I hang out at the playground.

You kids don't know. Yeah. You guys still call these monkey bars? Do they still call them monkey bars? I assume. Hey, kid, you're not steering the playground up there. Anyway. I was going to make a four-square joke.

I guess Brent Butt on his Twitter, he was like, can someone explain this Foursquare thing to me? And I was going to write him back it's easy, you just bounce the ball across to the... But then I realized I didn't remember the rules of Foursquare. And I thought, well, looking up Foursquare on Wikipedia for the sake of this tweet that he will

not respond to, not worth it. I disagree. I will look up obscure fact or tweet any time of day. Yeah, but you're dedicated. You will also, when we worked at City TV, you would go to the furthest lengths

to find hilarious images to set as someone's screensaver. If they left their computer open. What's a wallpaper? Screensavers move. Brent Butt, that Charlie mentioned, the star of Corner Gas.

Yes. Hilarious comedian. Posted on his Twitter once a t-shirt that the Max, sorry, the Stop Podcasting Yourself t-shirt. He bought one and posted a picture. And he looked sharp as all ghetto. He actually wrote that I thought he'd been going to the gym. He looked pretty good.

I bought one. Did you? Yeah. Nice. The size that I bought, though, I won't get into it. It's one of the uppers. Yeah. There's an X in it.

It's a large neck hole. Oh, really? And I would like to tell the manufacturers that big tummy, regular neck. But it's great. They great shirts yeah if you would like to buy a shirt it's at max fun store.com yeah and it came very quickly so did i also can i just note how nice it is uh people are so polite that they also address the guest yeah with the overheards. It's very nice. Yeah. We got so many overheards this week.

Most of them were duds, to be quite honest. But what happened last week that inspired people to... Because we got a lot of... I don't remember. We got a lot this week that were Dave Graham and best guest ever. Yeah. Dave Graham and best guest ever. Dave Graham and super sexy guest. I can't remember

what spurned it, but I'm glad that things are happening. And people have sometimes guessed which guest. That's a homonym. Homophone? You're a homophone. Don't be scared of it, though. Homonymophobic.

Guest which guest? I think someone said Dear Dave Graham and Alicia Tobin, and we actually didn't have a guest that week. That was the bonus episode. Which you can get if you go to MaximumFun.org. Click on Donate. Okay, next overheard.

Hello, this is Katie with a stolen overheard from a friend of mine from a while ago. She was student teaching at a middle school and it was the middle of school spirit week, which is a week where every day has a theme. One day would be school colors day. Everyone had to wear school colors. Another day was pajama day. Well, the final day was rainbow day and everyone was supposed to wear different colors of the rainbow or things with rainbows on them. I'm not sure. And some middle school girls had made some posters advertising Rainbow Day, making sure everyone was going to wear their rainbows.

And the poster said Rainbow Day and listed some colors. And then at the bottom in large letters said, no blacks. Bet you thought I was going to go in a gay direction. I did. And I also thought, I think that's so funny that they have to list colors in a rainbow, which is essentially just a list of colors. My dad was a principal.

Your dad, Roy G. Biv. My dad was the dad from that 70s show, Red. My dad was a principal. And, you know, you would get families who were new to the country would come and, you know, sign the kids up for school. I think that's the worst. I don't like them with my kids no it's true and you know so you would see funny things like he saw like a whole um east asian family given western names so it's like okay you you will be yeah tim bob and shirley or like

whatever yeah yeah but one of them was a family from iran uh that came to uh register their kids and they brought the kids and the first day they came was halloween right so you know you've been told like the great satan whatever this like crazy crazy continent of of you know infidels and apostates. And so you get there and people are dressed as goblins and ghosts. And everybody's, I think my dad was dressed like, from Men in Black or whatever. The principal is dressed as Dracula.

Yeah. So it takes like 10 minutes to kind of explain, no, you've come on a special day. This is Halloween. We don't always have like crazy pagan ghost things posted all over the school. Everybody kind of has a good laugh. Everybody should calm down. Okay, sign up.

Leave. You need to come back in a couple of weeks. And they came back on pajama day. So it's like my dad's in like a night shirt on pajama day. So it's like my dad's in like a night shirt and pajama pants. So if not devil worship, then

laziness and Playboy Mansion. Yeah. Walking around and, wait, you just woke up. Oh, man. Oh, that's great. Oh,

I want to read that autobiography. Well, we, we only usually play three overheards. We do. But,

sometimes someone calls up with an overheard and they try to tell us the story and they fail in the middle and then they give up

and it's, it's funny. So we got two of those this week, so I want to play them. Let her rip. Hey, guys. I have a story for you. It takes place in a Dairy Queen a couple weeks ago. Alright, so it takes place

from the point of view of sibling one. Yeah, his phone's dying. It's okay. And also there's sibling two and three and parent one and two. It's. It's okay. And also there's Sibling 2 and 3 and Parent 1 and 2. That's very convoluted. And there's also Best Friends 1, 2, 3, and 4. All right, so Sibling 1 walks into Dairy Queen with his family, makes the order, sits down across from Best Friends 1 through 4,

and starts to listen to their conversation. The evening goes on. He hits the... One of them asks for Best Friend One to get up and get them a soda. And so Best Friend One gets up and refills their soda and then comes back to the table. And then as he does that,

his other friends want him to refill their sodas as well. He refills Best Friend Two new soda and then three. And then turns around and says, hold on, best friend three wants him to fill up his soda. Ah, fuck it. Never mind. Oh, well, never mind. Oh, man!

We got so far! Yeah, it was so convoluted. I believe that that was also sent in as a written oh okay and i didn't read it simply because i was like i can't it is like a math problem the punch line of it it was funny yeah but it's like the challenger spaceship you had to decide it was like one this person one through four and two is sitting across from person three and i was like i can't i won't do this it's like the mr certain show sketch with the pizza place with the maryland monster one uh okay we have one more that was overheard that uh the guy screwed up couldn't finish it hi dave and graham and probably hilarious guest this is aubrey the brooklynper. I haven't overheard for you guys, if you see fit.

I was outside of my apartment, and a bunch of weird, dumb, dumb kids walked by. And one of them said, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I threw them around. There was a big, oh, forget it.. You know, I threw him around. There was a big pile. Oh, forget it. God, apparently this is a drunk dial. Man, my overhead sucks. I got another guy into a big pile of snow, and then apparently the other guy couldn't

breathe for three minutes. Oh, forget it. Oh, darn. Oh, man. Can we sign off the whole show with that? Oh, darn That was very charmingly bailed off Yeah Man, oh man

And that sounded like it was a really funny overheard, too About a kid not being able to breathe for three minutes in a snow bag Snow stuff can be scary Like, we, as adults, we weren't kids we're you know young adults but like in montreal uh for new year's eve and we ran out at midnight to go play in the snow and we're like playing and i there's this huge pile of snow and i grab my friend and i throw him into this pile of snow and it's a white car parked under some snow. And that was like, we're like two minutes into the year. Hell yeah.

Who got this blood all over my car? We didn't even think to check the car. We were just like, oh, Jacob's back is hurt. And probably there's some car. So, some guy goes like, what the fuck did they do to my car? Like a radio play. Oh, man.

Characters. Jacob was there. Jacob was there. So, before we wrap up, we want to say one more time that, like we said before, this is week two of the Maximum Fun Drive. We will not bother you in the future with this stuff. Yeah.

But now is the time to donate. Go to MaximumFun.org. Click on Donate. You're supporting our show. You're supporting a bunch of other shows. But you're mostly supporting our show. And we're looking, like we said before, particularly at monthly donations. As the one-time donations are supremely...

Not satisfying, but they're supremely appreciated. Thank you. Not supremely. I think the other ones are supremely appreciated. The monthly ones are supremely appreciated. Oh, there you go. But the- They're Diana Ross.

Yeah. That's right. It's like monthly is Diana Ross. Once off is the supreme. The supreme. Oh, by the way, guys, I have my monthly Diana Ross, if you know what I mean. The Supreme. Oh, by the way, guys, I have my monthly Diana Ross, if you know what I mean. But remember, if you donate, you can donate anything from $2 to $5 a month, $20 or $35 a month, all the way up to $100 or $200 per month. Maximum Fun USB Drive, the Max Fun special donors-only episodes,

and the three Rift short films. And $35 and up, you get the Nerd Emergency Kit with the Eaton self-powered radio and flashlight. And the tote bag for anybody, $10 per month and up. And I really actually do, I would love to take someone out to dinner. So if anyone in the Vancouver area does donate $100 or more a month, I would absolutely love to take you for the biggest lobster you've ever seen. Yeah, we'll eat it off of a...

At Smashburger. Yeah, we'll eat it off of a... Yeah, at Smashburger. You'll eat it off of a what? A naked woman. So, you know, like one of those restaurants where you eat a naked lobster sometimes they seem to have a thing of saran wrap underneath

sounds like a good idea well that's because she has her monthly Diana Ross oh gosh that's a horrible way to end but yeah go to maximumfun.org remember when that guy said darn go to maximumfun.org click on donate and thank you to all the people who have donated so far.

It really does mean a lot to us. Oh, and tweet about it. I'd love to. Yeah, if you make a donation, shout it out loud. Yeah, and also remember to tune in to Jordan and Jesse Go for their big MaxFunDrive wrap-up on the 13th. Now, Charlie, do you have anything that you want to plug? It would be great if people came. 7 o'clock?

I think it's 7 o'clock. It would be great if people want to come out to that reading on March 16th, Wednesday, March 16th at Vivo on Main Street. Yeah. I think it's 1965 Main Street right and

doors at 8 show will start a little bit after that but yeah we would love to see you there

it's this thing I'm working on with Ryan Beal and we're very proud of it if you want to read more of kind of Charlie's stuff he's got two books

Charlie Demers is The Prescription Errors it's two books. Charlie Demers is The Prescription Errors. It's not called that. Charlie Demers Presents. Charlie Demers Joins. Joins. Yeah.

And also Vancouver Special. Yeah. The Prescription Errors is a novel. Is a novel. The Vancouver Special is a book of essays. Also, you can follow me

on Twitter if you want to follow me on Twitter at just Charlie Demers. Yeah. Good Twitterer. Thank you so much Demers. Yeah. Good Twitterer. Thank you so much for being a guest. Thank you. Thank you very much for having me, guys.

I love doing this. It's our pleasure. And thank you, everybody who's donated, who listens. If you enjoyed the podcast, tell your friends. And if you do listen to this podcast each and every week, please consider donating. Go to MaximumFun.org. Click on Donate. Dave, anything else?

are donating, go to MaximumFun.org, click on Donate. Dave, anything else? Every Friday morning from 7 to 8 Pacific, I host a show on CBCRadio3.com, Sirius, Channel 86. And also check out, go to, the easiest way to link to where the blog for the show is. Oh, yes, of course. You can go to StopPodcastYourself.com and click on the link that will bring you to MaximumFun.org and there you are. You're right at the page.

Oh, and in the posts for the Stop Podcasting Yourself episodes, I list a bunch of references from the show and I don't know if people are finding them, but I call them sponsors. This show is sponsored by. Yeah, they're sponsored by. And I don't know if people are finding them, but I call them sponsors. This show is sponsored by. And you click here for a full list of sponsors. And then in this episode, you will probably see some characters from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Probably Casey Jones. Oh, yeah. At the very least. Fingers crossed. Oh, it's not Tattoo. It's Tatsu. I'm glad that I cleared that up because we got a lot of emails. Like when I said that Cucamonga didn't exist a couple weeks ago.

That was in the bonus episode. We said Cucamonga didn't exist. You said it. I disagreed. And I specifically said do not write us. But people said I know you said not to write. Nobody has to write. Tatsu. And also, we told you not to write this

In the first place And also All the things you said Yeah If you enjoyed this episode Tell your friends Go to MaximumFun.org Click on donate

And come back next week For another exuberant episode Of Stop Podcasting Yourself Oh Darn Any requests before we get going? Do you guys like Jack Johnson? Mm-hmm. Pretty good. pretty good put that on your snl demo reel