Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 158 - Kevin Lee

Episode Date: March 22, 2011

Kevin Lee of The Sunday Service returns to talk trangressive fiction, Tyra pranks, and pilates.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 158 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is the Karate Kid's number one fan, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, we were watching the Karate Kid, the Jaden Smith version. This appears.

R.I.P. And I couldn't think of a thing to say to qualify it. Esquire. Yeah, Jaden Smith. Esquire. Yeah, Jaden Smith. Esquire. Rest in peace. No, we wish Jaden Smith a long and unhappy career. Yeah.

But a happy life. We just hope he's not happy in his career. Like he hates his job, but he loves his life. Yeah. No, he's just unhappy because he feels like he can do so much better. Does he feel like he's living in his dad's shadow? No. Does he feel like he's living in his dad's shadow? No. Does he feel like he's standing on his dad's shoulders?

No, he feels like he's living in the shadow of his famous mother. Alfonso Ribeiro. Well, we've got to restart this show. No, I don't think so. Our guest this week on the podcast, a favorite returning guest, a member of one of the best improv troops around the Sunday service, and also a member of a featured performer, I guess, and writer on the podcast. Do you guys write it? I don't know how it works.

I'm due time, Graham. A beautiful podcast. Mr. Kevin Lee is our guest. Hello, gentlemen. thank you for having me Thank you for returning You say that about all your guests What? That they're in the Sunday service

Their favorite returning No, you really are The last time, I think the first time you were on We talked about a pizza shirt And I think the next time you were on There was something about I think the second time you were on, there was something about... I think the second time was the pizza shirt. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay.

So that was a banner episode. A lot to live up to. Yeah. Well, let's get to know us. Okay. Get to know us. Citizens. Citizens. Get to know us. Citizens.

Listening on the internet, having such a good time. Get to know us. Citizens. Listening on the internet, having such a good time. Get to know us. So what's new, Kevin Lee? You were saying you just got a haircut. I did. I got a haircut. No one told me this. Oh, sorry.

We should have done the pre-show brief. We do the intro. Recently haircutted. I have a beard now as well. That's good. Yeah. It's a whole new shirt. I'm a beard now as well. That's good. Yeah. It's bushier. I'm joining the club, Grim.

Yeah, right? How giant is your girlfriend going to let the beard get? Or is this maximum? How giant is your girlfriend? I thought that's what you were going to ask. How giant? What kind of giant is your girlfriend? She is a tree giant.

She has trees on her back. I don't know. That doesn't make sense. She's going to get so mad at me. I got someone explaining to do at work. We didn't say you were a visible minority. We listened to your podcast on the PA system at work. So everybody heard that I'm a tree giant.

So everybody's been calling me moss face for the past week. Let's talk beards. It's very important. Yeah, sure. Yeah, it's pretty good. I like it. She doesn't mind. She doesn't mind.

She's cool. Yeah, she's all right. She says she likes it both ways. She's an ACDC on this beer. She wants to say, you can't have your beard and eat it too. That's right. I think I want to do the half and half where I shave half of my face, and I'm like, smooth face, beard face.

Lipstick face, not lipstick face. And dress half my body as a clean shaver man, and the other half dressed as a guy who has a beard. Yeah. So one half is plaid, the other half is stripes. And then you do a cabaret act. Yeah, that's right, where I make out with myself. Which is what she really wants.

One side, what, does her taxes, and then the other side just plays one half of a guitar. Is that how it works? Which side is which? I don't think the beard side does the taxes is he no i guess not yeah you're right like the beard side is trying to learn guitar in his spare time sure but only with one hand exactly he has to get another half bearded guy to do the strumming part while he does yeah well the guitar is half of the guitar is the neck part. That's what the bearded guy is doing.

But the other half is a calculator. That's right. So it's kind of, it makes noise. Boobless. That's like a calculator. Shoeless. Shoes. Shoeless.

You can do shoes? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I guess so. Oh, yeah, lowercase h. Four. Yeah so uh oh yeah lowercase h yeah four four yeah four is the lowercase h good call good call um now you've got this haircut i'm just you just got a haircut i want to return to this haircut it's very important um did you did you get a haircut at that place that is on main street or close to main street that's the old-timey barbershop oh no i didn't i don't know i don't i feel to Main Street that's the old-timey barbershop?

No, no, I didn't. I don't know. I feel like I'm going to burn some old-timey bridges, but I'm not really into it that much, that place. Fair enough. No, it just looks like, because it's got a bit of a trim on the side, so it looks a bit like the style you would get from the old-timey barber on Main Street. Right. Who's not really an old-timey barber. No. And there are actual old-timey barbers in Vancouver that will give you like a $12 haircut. But the old-timey barber you're talking about is like a $35 haircut. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

But his, it's weird because old-timey now, the definition could have shifted because if you went to an old barber who's been cutting hair for like 30 years, could give you a haircut from 1981 and be like, well, that's the way we did it when I was in. I just imagine him having like a catalog of his own haircuts from Uchiha, and he's like, well, you want a 1981? He just flips back to his face in 1981 with like weird shade glasses. Weird new age new wave. Kissing a pair of Duran Duran tickets. Is that too early in the 80s? Probably.

To be kissing tickets? Yeah. Too early. I'm just going to push up the sleeves of my blazer before I cut your hair. There you go. It gets caught in my blazer cuffs at my elbow. Some hair. I don't know. So what else is is going on everything seems like it's coming up kevin everything's coming up haircut coming up haircuts and beard and facial hair um also um

i don't know yeah i'm producing the the sunday service presents a beautiful podcast that's going well which is great and that's that's out there and uh you just got your first piece of fan mail you said yeah and i have to have you guys to thank for it. It was from... It was all you. Come on. And I think it was from a lady in Australia. I feel bad because I forget her name.

She's a teenage lady in Australia. Okay. It was probably... Amanda? Suzanne? What are famous or popular names in Australia? Kanga? Dundee. Kangaldney melbourne uh perth

little sharky every time i try and do an australian accent it sounds like cockney or irish i feel really little sharky little sharky is that a thing yeah little sharks yeah little sharky oh okay that's well i knew i knew an Australian girl in university, and she said everyone got nicknames. There were big nicknames in Australia. So mine was Big Kev, because there was some sort of T, like a carpet salesman, or a used car guy. He sells used car carpets. You'd think you would just want a new car carpet. You got a 1991 Mazda.

I've got the carpet. You got a 1971 Beetle. Bring've got the carpet. You got a 1971 Beetle. Bring me in a carpet. I need one. I wish you could do an Australian accent. That would have been so close, right? It's pretty bad. I can't do it.

I'm not a master of accents. Yep. She's lovely. She's very nice. And she said that she heard about our podcast through your podcast. I really want more teenage Australian girls writing to us. No, I don't. Yeah.

Just kidding. All right. Well, anyway. Well, you don't want to discourage it. I don't want to discourage it, but I don't mean that in a creepy way. Yeah. In the way that I can. You mean 18 and older.

18 and older. Send me them titty shots where the boobs move in a different way. And the counterclockwise boob shake. Oh, that's weird. Anyway, don't do that. Don't do that. You guys can sit in your butt shakes, too, if you want. Yeah, sit in your shots of Down Under.

Your boners go down. Anyway. This is flaccid penis as a boner in Australia. Everything is opposite, right? Oh, okay, yeah. Perpetually opposite day. Like it's tomorrow, today, the day when it's night. Winter and summer. Yeah, it's all opposite.

Your boner is right wiggly. What does that mean? Is that mean? Are they referring to a flaccid penis? Do they say that? They're referring to a very docile flaccid penis. My boner's straight wiggly.

It means a bent, flaccid, not moving penis. Everything's opposite there, Graham. Yeah, everything is opposite. Let's just delete all that stuff. No. That's only the beginning. Yeah, this is...

So is that... I'm taking a creative writing class? That's fun. Go on. I want to learn more about this. Writing creatively now. Where does a Kevin Lee take that type of thing? Is it a night class thing?

No, auditing a creative writing class at UBC for their creative writing program. So I'm not working towards a degree or anything, but just taking a class. Sure. I've always been fascinated with the idea of auditing a course. Because you're not... Are you getting grades back, but not credit credit i'm not sure what auditing means i don't think i get i do get grades for sure uh fuck yeah i wouldn't do this this is for real oh yeah man i need the head pets i uh and but you do you pay the full course fee yeah yeah so at least i guess maybe i'm using

auditing wrong i'm just but what does that mean what is the meaning of like i know what it is to audit tax wise but what's what is auditing a class mean um auditing a class well you're doing it i think i'm doing it am i auditing a class are you teaching the class in kevin's world auditing a class is when you pay for a class and you go to it but you're not using it to build towards a specific degree. Oh, you're just taking a... I'm taking it and it shows up on my transcript. Like I'm from... I was born there.

You've grown in their greenhouse. And how is it? Are you with a lot of young university students? Or is it all people auditing or what's the makeup of the class? Um, yeah, it's, it's mostly like, uh, uh, people that are in like the creative writing class, like, uh, programs. They're all young. They're all fairly young compared to, compared to me and maybe like one other person in the

class. Are they super annoying? Um, no, but you can tell that they're young. And for the most part in like the writing, you can also tell that they're young. one other person in the class. Are they super annoying? No. But you can tell that they're young. And for the most part, in the writing, you can also tell that they're young. They're like, this is a story of the weird bubblegum. Suddenly it's like

the weird bubblegum rapes something. There's a lot of pretty harsh subject matter that people want to work through, I guess. It's edgy. That's it. They all want to work through, I guess. It's edgy. Yeah. That's it. That's it. They all want to work through edgy things.

Do they treat you differently because you're the old man on campus? No, no. Yes. Old man Lee. We've got to get him to buy alcohol for us for tonight's rager. Yeah. Yeah. For tonight's kegger.

Yeah. We planned a kegger. Forgot we can't buy kegs. Yeah. Yeah, for tonight's kegger. Yeah. We planned a kegger, forgot we can't buy kegs. Yeah, exactly. For tonight's salvia smokehouse. Is it, I haven't been in a class of any sort for years. So is it fun? Yeah, it's pretty good.

I mean, it's not a lot of lecturing it's just like you sit around and people bring their their work or like they they bring like work to the to the to the class and then you you read it and then the next week you all get together and you critique it okay and then they just like listen to all the critique um are there a lot of people a lot of people wearing scarves yes or no no oh wow i'm really uh surprised at that a lot of people wearing sweatpants with the university logo on the butt. No, no, no, no. So far, it goes from zero for two. Yeah, zero for two. Okay, 18 more questions.

There we go. Oh, lots of text messaging during class. Yeah, a couple people do that. Anyone write their creative writing in text message speak? Lol. Yeah, see ya with the C as just the letter C. Yeah, they just text message me their whole Lol. Yeah. See ya with the C as just the letter C. Yeah, they just text message me

their whole story. Yeah. Hello, Al. Da we a B-gum got R apostrophe da da da da just take the A out of raped. I don't know.

So, is there a lot of is there a lot of rape narrative no uh there there um no there was one there's one one lady who's very nice and she uh she doesn't like to write transgressive fiction which is like uh we know what transgressive it's the uh it's like the opposite of aggressive it's yeah it's when an aggressive person wants to turn into a not right yeah that's right yeah yeah i know what it's transgressive it's uh it's it's like um i feel like i'm also gonna not define this right chalk this up to kevin's bad uh bad definitions with audit uh a audit banana it's It's like a fruit, I think A-S-C Kumquat? Is that a C?

It's a Q. I think it's a K I think it is a K It's a K, but there's a Q in it I don't know anything I gotta audit a class on life, guys Yeah, do they teach a spelling class? Oh, geez Your fancy Ivy League university

Yeah, they have Ivy there, truly. Transgressive is... Transgressive fiction, I guess, is like, what's it about, like, barf and rape? It's like mean stories that are, like, about being mean. Chuck Palahniuk is apparently kind of transgressive, because, you know, he talks about, like... Barfing and rape. Yeah, barfing and rape and zest and and whatever oh he wrote that book barf club the first rule of barf club is

don't tell anybody about my if you heard about it and you might taste that one anyway um yeah this is transgressive podcast yeah um yeah i don't know what else my life yeah you guys asked me at a really boring time in my life i'm just gonna i'm just gonna be really i feel like i'm gonna say bad things about people in my class i say bad things about about uh old-timey barbers on the show. What else do you want me to offend? Dave and I were both in attendance at your awesome surprise birthday party.

Oh, that was fun. Yeah, thanks for coming, you guys, and leaving early. Yeah, hey. Just kidding. You guys are welcome. Hey, plan an intermission. That's an escape route. Exactly.

He didn't plan an intermission. Surprise! Another intermission. What? You surprised the't plan an intermission. Surprise! Another intermission. What? You surprised the party with the intermission. Surprise! Well, two can play at this game. Surprise!

Graham and Dave have to leave. Get out of here. Right now. Intermission. Goodbye, guys. Did you notice we left early? I guess we said goodbye. Yeah, yeah.

Wow. Now I feel like a real... Now I feel like a right jerk. Not at all. I didn't expect anything to happen. So anything that did happen, I was quite happy with. And thanks for, yeah, thanks for coming. And your lovely girlfriend got you a cake that was very, like, way better than anything

Cake Boss would do in its execution. I mean, the, like, anything he would do as a cake, but he does a lot of great work in the community. Yeah, that's true. He just gives back a lot, this cake, though. Somebody was describing an episode to me where they have a gay employee, and there was something about... Some storyline along that somebody wanted a male stripper cake, and the mother forbids any erotic cakes being yeah made so they made them

secretly and they got the gay guy to help design the erotic man cake i've seen that episode on many occasions i do not believe there is a gay guy working there that's uh that's what i that's what i was told in this uh i think buddy is gay i think he was the guy that was working on it. He only has one love. Cake. Yeah, sure. He's married to his cakes. Cake?

Yeah, you got a... On your birthday, you got a cake shaped like a 1981 Rolex. I was born in 1981. And you love... I love just fancy watches from the 80s. If she'd known me today, it would have been an Omega. Omega, that's a fancy watch, right?

That's a fancy watch. Yeah, absolutely. Also, your haircut's from 1981. That's right, yeah. It's also called the Omega. You're very Transformers of you. Graham, you have to get out. Get the bubblegum cube.

There's lots of transgressive transformers transfiction happening at my house. The bubblegum has something to do with them being childish, though, right? Well, it represents childhood. It's a metaphor. Are you sure I haven't taken a class? You got it, Graham. Oh, wow. But yeahon's childhood. It's a metaphor. Sorry. Are you sure I haven't taken a class? You got it, Graham.

Yeah. Oh, wow. But yeah, it was a 19-year-old Rolex inset into a silk handkerchief on top of a stitched red ottoman, I guess. It looked like a red cube with stitching on it. It was really weird. It came in and it looks like a piece of plastic, but it's all that fondant stuff that you can sculpt.

And it was really odd to eat. Did you guys eat any of it? No. Was it good? The inside was good. The fondant was really gross. Yeah, fondant is gross, I think. So basically what they've done then is just take a thing that's malleable,

but tastes like shit, and that's malleable, but tastes like shit. And that's how they do the fancy cakes. Yes. Okay. Yeah. And it's, so getting a fancy cake is like, it's a visual experience mostly.

And then the eating is like, did you just bring in a second cake that doesn't have any fondant? Yeah. You can, if you want a weird shape, you have to use like fondant or maybe modeling chocolate. That's what Ace of Cakes used to use. Modeling chocolate.

There's a craft store in Vancouver if you go to. He has a line of products that he sells for cakes. Oh, Cake Boss? No, the Ace of Cakes. Oh, yeah. He's been canceled, though. Yeah, well, that's why he moved swiftly into the cake product. Too late merchandising.

It's real retro now. Remember when I used to make these cakes and got muscled out by the most popular guy? Come on. I only buy products by defunct reality show stars. That's why all our microphones are Brian Dunkelman microphones. Who's that? He was the original co-host of American Idol. Wow. What happened to him? Brian Dunkelman microphones. Who's that? He was the original co-host of American Idol. Wow!

What happened to him? Brian Dunkelman, how could you lose? Everybody else made millions and millions of dollars off of that show except him. He's the only guy who didn't profit. He might be actually working in a Dunkelman tank. They should do a social network where it's all about him getting squeezed out of American Idol

and getting too much money. He's the Andrew Garfield of Idol. I can't even picture what this guy looks like. Think Ryan Seacrest. Okay. Plus Dunkelman equals the reason why he's not on the show. So what?

Seacrest is a better name than Dunkelman? Yeah, Dunkelman is like your AP calculus teacher. Seacrest could be a made-up name. It's such a great name. Oh, it is a made-up name. There's no way that's his real name. And is the term, when he says Seacrest out, is that a play on the secrets out? Oh, no.

I thought that it was something about a tide going out. Oh. I thought it was just like, I'm out of here. My name's Seacrest and I'm leaving. No, that was his original catchphrase. People were like, punch it up. I'm Seacrest and I'm leaving. And I gotta let somebody

to let me out the building. That doesn't make sense. Yeah. The security pass? Anyway, I don't know. What do you got there? Dave's got a telephone. Dave's got a little telephone over there. Pardon me, I got't know. What do you got there? Dave's got a telephone. Sorry. Dave's got a little telephone over there. Pardon me. I got a little reminder.

Reminder. Turn off phone. Reminder. Seacrest. Oh. Reminder. Energy. Yeah.

Dave, what's going on with you, man? Not a lot. Well, here's the thing that I've been noticing a lot is I uh, um, I've had the temptation to trip strangers quite a bit. Go on. I like this. Uh, like, uh,

it's only if someone is running in, in like on the street. In an election. Or in a, uh, a SkyTrain station or. Or from a disaster. Ooh,

uh, nevermind. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. Oh. Anyway. Anyway. Oh, shit. Yeah. Anyway.

But I quite often lately, whenever someone is running past me, I don't feel like I'm about to trip them. But as soon as they pass me, I realize, oh, I had to stop myself. I don't know. I don't see it happening as it's happening. This is a weird thing, right? I wonder if most people that do that kind of thing, like, had the, you know, because that's all it is, is like you realized a second afterwards that you shouldn't be thinking that. So you're, maybe it's just the person who does that is just one second behind you

and they've already done it and then they realize they shouldn't have done it. So that's kind of like the person who is standing at the edge of a cliff with a friend, and they think about pushing them, and they don't, is one second after the person who always is shoving friends over the cliff. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But I don't even think about it. I don't think about doing it. Like, even enough to stop myself, something just stops stops me and then after it's happened I say, oh I almost did that

I almost did it that time instead of I almost did that, you say yes, I am still a good person that's true there's something in you or a ghost or something it might be a ghost there might be something in you, like a ghost

it's called conscience. How do you know it's his conscience, though? It could be William Shakespeare's conscience. Yeah, exactly. Is it a ghost holding my ankle, like preventing me from sticking my foot out? He's got a cane. I think, no, I feel like the ghost is in you, holding you back. So the ghost is the same size as me well not necessarily the ghost travels smaller but a lot stronger yeah exactly like he could

be like much shorter than you but yeah exactly like a really strong upper body okay but so does he how does he fit in me so you have to be possessed okay so i don't get it you have to be possessed by the ghost in order for it to stop you. It can't just do ghost touching. It can't just... No, yeah, this isn't an outside ghost acting. This is an inside ghost acting out. But he's smaller than me. No, he could be.

I'm not saying he is. I'm saying he has potential. He can't be bigger than you. Because he wouldn't think. Yeah, if he's stopping my leg from tripping someone, he can't, at the same time, stop my hand from giving someone a high five. Oh, no, yeah, he can stop the whole... Yeah, he's that powerful.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But only when you're thinking horrible, horrible things. Okay, because I'm high-fiving someone. Hitler. What's up? Whoa, why couldn't I do that? Hitler's going to be so mad. Yeah, the ghost is strong with you.

So that's literally what came to mind when you asked me what was up with me this week. But that's not insignificant because it is a, like, it's analyzing, like, what's your level of impulse control? Pretty good. It's a pretty good level. Yeah. Yeah, but maybe, do you feel like it's dwindling, though? Because you didn't used to have this feeling, and now you are. Well, no, I feel like maybe

there was a time in high school, elementary school, when I would have just tripped people. Oh, okay. But that was because everyone did that. But maybe this is... It was totally acceptable. You had to st. trip high. Fall on your ass, bitch.

I don't know, it's stupid. It's a Catholic school. It's a Catholic private school. Our mascot was a giant foot sticking out. Maybe that's your thing. Maybe you were really, really good at tripping people, and then everybody suppressed it in you, and now you want to let it out. You want to get back to what you're calling. There was so much behavior in school that wasn't necessarily acceptable, but no one cared. If I tried to take someone's hat today, I'd get smashed in the face.

That's true. I remember when I realized I could spit at people. It was a bit of a spitter for like... You can spit at people? No, no. You can. You shouldn't. It's the worst.

But I think in grade three, I was like, oh, I could just spit at somebody. And then the world's my oyster yeah exactly can i get exactly it's not good i'm not saying it's good but you know like you were saying you trip the trip people kids are the worst they're little uh they're little devils yeah yeah i've i do i was never like a bully in school not at all if anything i had my hat stolen quite a bit. I tripped a lot. I don't think I got tripped a lot, but it was a lot of hat stealing.

I certainly remember that. And a lot of punches in the shoulder. Oh, yeah. I think I had a fair amount of both when I was a little kid. I think I was bullied upon, and then I took out that bullying on weaker my i think my brother's friends i could spit at them oh right right right spit band-aid you had a little mask and stuff i got in trouble for spitting at one kid i remember yeah like from the kids that's the worst yeah oh i mean i you know i've mended my ways i don't ever i don't even spit anymore

like not at people not on the ground. Really? Yeah, I think it's the worst. So you're, so you don't have the same impulse. Like, you're not getting to the point where, Dave, where you're like, I want to spit on this person. And you're like, oh, wait a minute. I shouldn't spit on this person. No, yeah.

I'm like somebody who's gone to AA and now leads AA meetings. Like, I'm way past it. SA. Yeah, I'm not spitting anywhere. It's the worst. I don't respect people who spit. I think it's the worst. People who spit in toilets disgust me.

Oh, yeah. People who just, like, spit sunflower seeds just indiscriminately, like, just wherever they feel like it. That's, if we're not at a baseball game, then spit it into a bag or something. Your sleeve. Not your sleeve. You have like a little baggie tied to your cuff that you spit into this little baggie. Yeah, I don't... I never see that. Are people just

walking around? I got on the train the other day and the whole front area was covered in Oh, well that's that's quite off that's really gross that doesn't happen no i know it doesn't and it shouldn't but it did and it was gross uh the other thing i've been noticing a lot uh happening in uh sky train stations lately is like every other day i see um either a policeman or a security person with a notepad talking to someone and they're writing up something. And if they're talking to me.

An interview. Yes. They're just doing a sketch. Hold it right there, sir. And you like soccer. Okay. And roller coasters. Because the roller coaster could be hitting a soccer ball.

But I always, if they're talking to a guy, I always assume that he is like a fare evader and they're writing up a ticket. Sure. And if they're a girl, I assume she's reporting a crime. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. I don't know why in my head. Or she's asking, where's the breastfeeding station?

Yeah. Where's the baby changing station? For future reference. You mean a female transit security officer? No, the person who's being written up. You always imagine if it's a lady, she's being written up for a particular crime? No, no, no. She's reporting a crime.

She's reporting a crime. She's reporting a crime. Oh, I see. Gotcha. The guys are the offenders. The girls are the offended. Yeah. Okay. Now, is that something?

Is that a sexism? I don't know. Is it reverse sexism? I don't think women are good enough to evade affairs. No, no. But it's not like it's... Because it is weird. Because you kind of think like...

You're not thinking a negative thing. You're thinking that... Yeah, I'm thinking a negative thing. You're thinking all the guys are the dirtbags. But it's kind of a similar-ish thing where you're like, all Chinese people are good at math. It's like, well, that's kind of good, but it's not true. And it is a generalization.

Yeah. So, yeah. I don't feel right about it. Lots of ladies evade fares. But do they get caught? No, they use their wiles to get out of it. Everybody knows that. You flirt with the officer.

He gives you all the tickets. He draws a nice caricature. He draws a caricature of a dirtbag guy getting caught. If you were a guy, you'd look like that. Oh, and I'm hitting him in the leg with nightsticks. Is this the man that robbed you? The rollercoaster? Nightsticks.

Is this my phone number I'm giving to you? Hello. Oh, man. How does somebody become a person who draws those? Caricatures? Yeah, yeah. You have to be a failed artist. Is that it?

I don't think it's people who are like a cartoonist and stuff like that who want to, you know, busk. Yeah, I think it is like... Don't play harmonica. I think it's a source of income. Yeah. And that's it it's like oh i can't i'm 80 of what like i'm working in the field i want to work in yeah but i'm doing this at a county fair oh yeah can you imagine working at a county fair in any capacity as a podcaster that would be like

like we're working in the field we like, except we have to podcast the pig races. Yeah, Shelly the pig looks really ripe for slaughtering. Old man Grimpus has brought Pitter Patter down. Pitter Patter's looking a little thin this year. Maybe it's because old man Grumpus's old lady Grumpus left him. I think. Neither of them are eating properly. Did they bring the same Grimpus before? Sorry, Grimpus.

Did they bring the same pigs back year after year, or did they kill them? Could they bring a pig one year and they bring a plate of bacon the next? Looking a little thin this year. Thinly sliced. Lean bacon cuts. Mmm, Grimpus.

Grimpus Farms. They know what they're doing. Oh, that's about it. That's a lot. How about you? What's going on with you? A couple of things, actually. First of all,

when I woke up this morning, I woke up early. And I watched the local... You woke up feeling like P. Diddy. Well, every morning when I wake up, there's something staring at me from my four-post bed. Sugar Ray. Yeah. Look into it.

Halo? Oh, that's it. Halo. That's what it was. The video game. He predicted the video game. I have no idea what's it. Halo. That's what it was. The video game. He predicted the video game. I have no idea what's happening right now. You don't know your Sugar Ray history, I guess.

Sorry. I know they were a band once, and then the guy kind of did a solo thing. Now he hosts Extra. What? Mark McGrath? Yeah. Yeah. You didn't follow the story that far.

He's the Brian Dunkelman of... Shut up. Of Sugar Ray. Can we start again? But this morning on the local news, their interview segment was with Lou Ferrigno. Yeah, I saw that. Did you see that?

Although, ironically, it was on mute the whole time. Ah. He's deaf. Oh. But can speak. Yeah. But the weird thing about it, did you watch, did you listen to any of it? Or you just...

They talked about his career, like, you know, being the Incredible Hulk and also being famous Mr. Universe bodybuilder and being a King of Queens. And what he's doing now, he's like a search and rescue. He's like a deputy officer in California. But he wasn't plugging anything. He was just there? But he doesn't live here. So there was no, like, what are you doing in town? He just said he was really

eager to work out after the interview i'm like so is he just hanging out like how did it come about that they were like there's a really good dumbbell in vancouver it's my favorite dumbbell it's so good i'm hosting a reality show where i go around the world lifting historic dumbbells around the world in 85 dumbbells around the world in 80 reps I'm pumping my way around the world 20,000 reps under the seat I also love Jules Verne

that's interesting. I was trying to think of this week I'll be pumping iron in the Steel City, but there's no such thing as Steel City. Pittsburgh, but what are they called? Not Steel City. Pittsburgh? Steel Town? Steel Town, yeah.

Is it Steel Town? Shit, I was one... It might be Steel City. Steel Villa? Yeah. It's a villa. Steel Town. Is it Steel Town? Shit, I was one... It might be Steel City. Steel Villa? Yeah. It's a villa. Steel Castle. But isn't that weird?

Don't celebrities only appear on talk shows because they have something to plug? Usually. Yeah, but this was not a talk show. This was a morning news show where they're desperate for... No, I understand it from their end. I don't know why he was being interviewed. That was the thing I couldn't understand, because they were like,

oh, you were saying you were going to work out after this, and he seemed really eager to leave and work out, so he wasn't into it. Was he lost, maybe? So it was like, hey, can you show me where the gym is? Oh yeah, it's through here. Just let me put a lav on you.

The morning talk show told him that someone from California was lost in their studio. And he's like, I'm coming to get you! So, what are you doing? We're going to search and rescue you. Or they just played, like, the greatest sounds of a workout room, and then he just walked in the studio expecting to, you know, a lot of clanking and grunting. He's deaf, Greg. Oh, yeah.

But he was wearing a hearing aid. He wasn't reading the He's deaf, Greg. But he was wearing a hearing aid. He wasn't reading the guy's lips. I think he wears a hearing aid. Oh, man. It was the only muscle he couldn't exercise. Oh, man, that's the name of his autobiography. Movie of the week. The only muscle I can't exercise. In parentheses,

my ears. My ears, my muscles, and me, the Lou Ferrigno star. Although, ironically, he can move. in parenthesis my ears my ears my muscles and me the Lou Ferrigno star although ironically he can move like his ear muscles

like he can move his ears really well he just can't along with his hairline yeah one of those people oh can you guys do any

are you guys able to do it a little bit yeah let's see that's my beard really excruciating. All I saw was just you moving your face. Looking kind of happy, like...

You did that Dwayne The Rock Johnson one eyebrow thing. Yeah. Yeah. Can you smell which ears I am moving? I don't know. Oh. That doesn't make sense. I'm saying everything that doesn't make sense.

Okay, guys, we'll start again. Okay. So I saw Lou Frigg on the news this morning. Oh, yeah? Yeah. He's deaf. Did you know that? I did.

Say what? That's what he said. So that's one. Okay. Two. Good one so far. Yeah. Two.

I got into a cab the other day. And I can't... Is this going to be a taxicab confession? Well, yeah, I guess so But it's about the taxicab So it's like an Australian taxicab confession The show is people getting into cabs The drivers are like, oh man

My girlfriend's pregnant I got herpes I'm afraid my baby's going to be made of herpes i'm afraid my baby's gonna be made of herpes this show is so repetitive because it's just the same guy on the whole half hour just him telling the same story and he's got so many skeletons in the closet i murdered a guy too this cab's made out of baby skin when When they get in, you want to see a dead body. I got into a cab and it was right away, the smell in the cab was specifically, specifically like fresh baked bread. Oh, that was lovely. It was like a bakery,

but I looked around, there was no air fresheners, he didn't have fresh baked bread in the thing. So was I having a seizure or something? Or how does somebody make something that's not a kitchen? Maybe the person before you had a bunch of fresh baked bread. Oh, maybe. I didn't even think about that.

A loaf of something. That story took a real unexpected turn. Because usually someone who starts a story with, I got into this cab and I could smell. And it's always something really bad. No, that's true. But this was, and it was strange because it wasn't that long of a cab ride, but the whole time I was completely preoccupied with where is that. Like, I looked, and there was nothing.

Like, nothing that even looked like it might be an air freshener. Did you try asking him? Or was it Lou Ferrigno driving? I can't hear you. That's what he was in town to promote. I'm driving a cab for a day for some reason. I own blacktop cabs in Vancouver. I'm doing the Hidden Boss

show. Undercover boss. Hidden boss. It's like hide and go seek. The CEO just hides under a chair and then people have to try and find him. He dresses in camouflage. Yeah, camouflage boss.

And he's staring out from behind. It's the guy from Boston Pizza staring out from behind all these pizza boxes. Where is he? Get back to work. Is his camouflage just lines on his face to look like boxes? Yeah.

Like the start and end of phone numbers and stuff. I imagine camouflage boss being like the pentago pizza boss but he's actually in like camo in the woods like like 100 miles away so it's like where is he he's cut to and he's in the woods not moving but yeah it was uh and and the other like because you were like you said it might have been somebody who just left who had big which makes but i didn't even think of that as a possibility. The only thing that I thought was this guy is like, this is a night job and he just got off work at the bakery. But he said it was the last shift of the day.

So if he was doing double time, then that smell really hangs out with you. There's a scene in the movie, Oh yes, we're all familiar. I haven't seen it. But the two guys are in a car and one of them says, Do you smell fresh baked bread? And the other one takes a big whiff and the first one had just farted. It's a big whiff, and the first one had just farted. Yeah, exactly.

It's a big trick move. That's how you do it. You smell farts? And then he pulls out a bag of fresh-baked bread. Hello! Maybe that was my brain playing a trick on my nose. It was Ichu Mama Tambiening you. Exactly. It was like taking a bigger whiff of that smell,

and then it turns off the fresh bread scent, and it's just fart smell i hate my brain so much such a jerk um so that's weird right sure like that's a weird thing that happened and i can't explain it and i don't feel like i have a satisfactory like explanation but uh i'm glad i brought it out i think I think it was a ghost that went inside your body and started smelling... I put ghost bread inside the inside of your nose. How does that work?

Okay, so the piece of bread that they put in there can't be bigger than your nose. It has to have died already. Oh, like a breadstick. Yeah, like a breadstick. A dead stick. So, when you eat a loaf of bread, it's bread ghost goes up to...

Sour go die. That's sour dough rye. Sorry. I'll be here all podcast. We'll see. Yeah, exactly. Ghoul wheat. That's like whole wheat?

No? Not as good? Do you want to take us over there? Let's see. Dead per nickel. All right. So that's number two. And then number three is an entirely podcast-related thing,

and related to bakeries as well. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That two episodes ago, when Charlie Demers was here, we had discussed how great it would be to have a pair of slippers made out of fresh-baked loaves of bread. Every morning, a new pair of slippers. That's easy. You just claw a foot hole out of a loaf of bread and stick your foot in there. No, but they have to be fresh-baked for you.

You have to hire a baker to have your foot measurements. Oh, so it has to be really... It has to be fresh and warm for you to step into every morning. So this, one of our listeners, our bumpers, works at a bakery and took home two loaves of bread and carved out all the inside bits and made kind of perfect footholds in them as well and took some photos of himself wearing these bread slippers. It's pretty top drawer stuff.

Pretty great. What was his name again? His name was Sam. Sam. Sam needs to get a couple baguettes and make some skis. Yeah. And actually try and ski in them. Comfy skis.

They'd have to be, like, a day old. Yeah. Harden them up. Yeah. You gotta wax the bottom of them with butter that just makes sense right good politics

the dairy industry pays a lot of money to me to say using butter is good politics but Sam I think you're one of the greatest guys out there because you were wearing bread slippers it must have felt so soft they did look really comfy You're one of the greatest guys out there because you were wearing bread slippers.

Like, it must have felt so soft. They did look really comfy. Yeah. They weren't fresh. They were a couple, he said it was old bread. It was old bread, but he... Which is an expression that they use in the baker industry, meaning currency. Also in Hollywood. Don't cast him.

He's old bread. Yeah. But yeah, they did look comfortable, right? Like, I don't think there's anything that would be... Probably bad support, though. You know, but they're slippers. Yeah. You could put orthotics in there.

Or like just a smaller dinner roll. Just made out of like chips. Like a pita chip. Those are pretty hard. Pita chips would be the perfect orthotic. Yeah, exactly. Orthotics hard? Yeah, they're hard. Wouldn't you want like a gel sole?

well you want a little bit of flexibility speaking as probably the only person here who has orthotics, they are hard oh do you have custom made orthotics? yes oh yeah I've always wanted oh it's so glamorous you put baking soda on them so they don't stink

ass they're really a lot of fun. Oh, man. They should make glamorous versions of every kind of... Foot supplement? Foot supplement, but also like... Neck braces. Yeah, that sort of thing.

Like a Kim Kardashian neck brace? Yeah. Retainers? Yeah, your retain of thing. Like a Kim Kardashian neck brace? Yeah. Retainers? Yeah, your retainers, you would have grills. Yeah, come on. Diamond-encrusted things. I think a neck brace would be really easy to make glamorous, but headgear would be really difficult.

Yeah, or that sort of cube that you have to have on your head if you break your neck. Oh, that's like drilled into. Yeah, drilled into your skull. I think you could have a lot of decoration on it. What you need to do is you need to put something like a solid gold lion's head on the top. Yeah, that's a good call. Kind of like a gargoyle, but it's just solid gold.

It's big. It's pretty big. It's about the size of your own head. And a beaded curtain all around. And like, oh, I'm not going to speak to you anymore. Close the curtain. Oh, you wouldn't. Yeah, you'd have to have like a pull string on the side that opened and closed it.

Or you could get Venetian blinds like it too. And then you could just stick your hand in between and just open up one of the blinds to look out. See if they're still there. If you're like a creep peeping on a neighbor. If you're like in a public shower. Holy begolias. Holy begolia. What?

Holy magnolia. Holy begolia, I think is what I said. I'll think about it. Well, casts, they do in different colors now. Yeah. That's not so glamorous, though. Like, colors. Yeah, they should do.

This is the tip of the iceberg. Spray paint your cast with muscles. A really muscular, circular arm. I don't know. That's pretty good. That's not bad. What if they could give you an option of several animal arms

that you could have as a cast? You could have a bird wing or you could have a gorilla arm or a lion's paw. That'd be pretty good, right? Yeah. It'd be fun for kids. Really difficult for adults.

Sure. Particularly drunk adults who are getting a cast foot on. Give me the lion, and then I have to get married. Yeah, give me the lobster claw. Oh, man. It's really just a creative oven mitt. They make all those in oven mitt form already, I think. So it would be cast all the way up the hand as well.

Yeah, like if you broke an arm wherever, they would cast your hand as well. Well, if you broke your arm wherever, they would break your hand. Just to help you out there. And if it was a lobster claw you wanted, they would break your hand with the lobster breaking. What I would want is an extra long arm. So it's like a forearm and it just keeps going over my hand to more forearm. And there's just a hand at the very end of it. A five arm.

Yeah, a five arm. That's what Tyra Banks calls her large forehead. A five arm? Five head. A five arm, yeah. She's got a five alarmalarm five-arm. She gels her hair to look like a hand. And she shakes it a certain way.

It's waving goodbye. Nice to meet you, sir. You just shook my hand. Tyra Pranks, y'all. Tyra Pranks. Those Tyra Pranks are the worst. What were her Tyra Pranks? yo! She does that, too. Tyra Pranks. Those Tyra Pranks are the worst. What were her Tyra Pranks? She did the one...

Oh, she pretended she got rabies. That's what I saw. Oh, man. Oh, wait. Tyra Pranks was an actual thing? Well, I don't know. I don't think the segment was called Tyra Pranks. It is.

Really? Yeah, she called it Tyra Pranks. Whenever she finished the prank, she would go, Tyra Pranks! Yeah. To who? To the person who did the prank. To. Whenever she finished the prank, she would go, Tyra Pranks! Yeah. To who? To the audience. To the 150 people that are there. Yeah, she did one where it was supposed to be in between.

It was during commercial, but the cameras were still rolling. And she just told the audience, oh, man, I got a bit of a headache. Oh, did she get... She said she got bit by a dog earlier. Yeah, she went on a jog and she got bit by this dog. And dog and she's like man but i'm okay like i got my shots everything's fine totally good all right and then she like did she get the guest out and she like sat down on the other chair she's like kind of going through the pre-interview stuff and then she starts going like looking like kind of rough and then she's like

she put like i guess like alka-seltzer or something in her mouth where she started foaming. She's like... And she started running around on all fours, sniffing and barking audience members. And so many audience members were actually scared. They're like, who are you? She starts sniffing people's crotches. I don't know. Tyra Bransio.

She started peeing right now at somebody. I feel like I now regret Not watching more Tyra No not trying to get into a live audience Taping of Tyra Cause now it's gone I'm never gonna have the option to do that And I feel like

There's probably a lot of really dumb stuff That she says in between I bet she says a ton of dumb stuff. It just would have been great party conversation for the next ten years, which I'm running out of. I just don't have that much. It wouldn't have been hard. She was in, what, LA?

I think it was New York. She may have even switched coasts at one point. One once I'd get out. That's why her show got cancelled. Every other show was in a different city. Yeah. It's very expensive. point one once i'd get out that's why that's why that's why her uh her show got canceled each every other show was in a different city yeah you move the whole set it's very expensive yeah oh man but and she never announces that they're in a new town yeah and then her crew would show up to like a wrong town she'd be like ty not pranks Oh man

Tara thanks y'all Putting up my bullshit Hey Graham Yeah Dave Do you want to take care of some business? I sure do Life can be fun Don't get carried away

You gotta do the things you don't want to do To get through the day Sure do. Life can be fun. Don't get carried away. You gotta do the things you don't want to do to get through the day. You gotta shine your shoes. You gotta sweep the floor. You gotta clean your house. You gotta do some more. Take care of business. Now, this week we have a commercial message.

Hey, let's get commercial. Yeah, right? Is that an expression? Hey, commerce rules. Yeah, right? Is that an expression? Hey, commerce rules. Yeah, right? Get into it. Now, this is an interesting, this is a hybrid thing. It's one of Max Fun's listeners. And one of ours.

I'm going to assume. A mega supporter. Yeah. Andreas Dues, D-U-U-S. And you put quotes around that? Quotes around that. a supporter. Yeah. Andreas Douce. D-U-U-S. And you put quotes around that? I think I verbalized it. Pape. Andreas has a new podcast called The Lion in Tweed.

And it's quite different, I think, than most podcasts out there. Yeah, most podcasts are yakety yakety. Don't talk backety. And, don't talk backety. And then you do talk backety, and we read it on the air. Sure, yeah. The Lion and Tweed,

it's a story podcast. It's about a college professor of economics and sound studies who plays folk music on the side. That's pretty interesting on its own, but is there anything else about this guy? He's also a lion.

A lion? Yes, a lion. And it's an episodic musical podcast. Now, we've been told that it's a combination of, like, Mermaid Avenue, which you told me is. It's the Billy Bragg album with Wilco. And I think they did Woody Guthrie covers. And if that, if all of those things mixed with American Splendor, you would have. Don't ask me to explain what that is it was harvey p cars uh stories of everyday life in cleveland often illustrated by robert crumb but not exclusively uh so if all those things mixed together and was

a podcast it would take you a a long time to explain it to anybody and b it would be called the lion and tweet yeah um which i think is really cool because podcasting it feels like the same way like television started out it kind of didn't know what to do with itself and so now it seems like podcasting it was kind of lots of you know two jerks talking yeah the early days of tv were a lot of people talking about, you know. Ghostbusters. What celebrities they think have bad body odor. They were like, Apple Merman. But, yeah, there's all, I can think of a handful of scripted sort of episodic storytelling podcasts.

And I think, yeah, I think it's really fun. I could see... And this one sounds unlike the ones I can think of. This one also has a musical aspect. Yeah, and it sounds... And there's... A visual aspect, too. Yeah, there's artwork that's been done by Winston Roundtree of the webcomic Subnormality. And the drawing that accompanies the email that we got about this is beautiful.

Beautiful drawing of exactly all those elements. A college professor, folk singer, lion. In tweed. In tweed. It is really... I've got a lot of tweed, and I don't wear it often enough. And you do like to moonlight playing folk music. I have a soft spot in my heart for folk music.

And you're going to sleep tonight, just like a lion. A-wim-a-way. It's a musical podcast, much like ours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Although I think they might rely on instruments, whereas we are gifted acapellists. Yes. Do it, Rockapella. Acapella fellas.

So you can go to thelionandtweed.com or follow him on Twitter at thelionandtweed. But following him on Twitter is not going to do anything. You've got to get this podcast. Where are you going to get it? You're going to get it at iTunes at TheLionAndTweed. Just search for TheLionAndTweed. Yeah, and like I say, it really does sound like a one-of-a-kind project, and I'm honored that they would advertise it here on our little podcast.

So, I don't know. Do you want to move on to overheards? I'd love to. Awesome. Overheard. Overheards. If you've heard this podcast before, you know that we have always done overheards.

And if you're new to the podcast, then welcome to this segment where you hear things and then we joke about them. You guys are communicating via facial motions or what is happening? Seems like it's like facial muscle warm-up twitches. Uh-huh. Yeah. That's what's going on.

Pretty fun. Good stuff. Now, we always like to start with the guest. Kevin, are you game to start out or do you want to... Oh, don't give him an option. Oh, sorry Kevin, are you game to start out? Or do you want to Oh, don't give him an option Oh, sorry, yeah, you gotta start out Okay, yeah, I'll start out

It's not, it's great, it's a really good one It's my girlfriend's overheard And she overheard, she was at a bus stop And there was two guys there And they were youngish guys And one of them had his phone out, like a smartphone And he was doing something on it And then he turned to, so guy number one's looking at his smartphone

and he turns to guy number two and he's like, hey, do you remember if I had my collar popped yesterday? And then guy number two's like, no, why? And then guy number one's like, somebody wrote something on Facebook and I'm trying to find out if it's about me. That was pretty good. That would be a good detective show i would watch that yeah uh collar puppy puppy color detective csi popped collar yeah just anywhere pop colors happening in csi i've got a pop-o-matic memory uh so i know you had your collar up that's that's super rude to not only be on your phone while you're with

your friend, but then ask him about I'm on my phone. Can you help me with this thing I'm doing on my phone? Yeah, yeah. I'm in the middle of an investigation and I'm commandeering our friendship. Protecting my sterling reputation because I can't decide a specific day to pop my collar on.

It's Pop My Collar Thursdays! What do you think that he saw on Facebook? What was one of his friends like? I think it was, you know, that fuck, you know, fucking something with his pop collar,

you know, like that. Like, I can't believe he... My friend with a pop collar got my other friend pregnant. Yeah, I can't believe he stabbed that guy. And he's like, he's like,

wait, did I pop... Because I also stabbed a guy, but I don't know if it was me. I thought it was... I did it in camouflage. But I had a balaclava on with my pop collar. Couldn't see my face.

Does it say anything about behind a Taco Bell? Because that's where I stabbed my guy. Sure. Oh, I should log in and ask. Like, LOL, Taco Bell, right? And then the person responds. It is a good way to find out if you're being set up for murder.

Facebook. A lot of people. You've caught four set up murders. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like of all the set up murders that people have tried to frame me for. Yeah. I've caught four of them.

Graham's totally going to fall for this murder. I got him banged on. Yeah, exactly. I think I saw Graham Clark coming into my house earlier and I was like, like, lol, guys, no way I'm at banged on. Yeah, exactly. I think I saw Graham Clark coming into my house earlier and I was like, lol, guys, no way, I'm at home right now.

Sorry, Chexout. Graham murdered me, guys. Doy. Guys, I want to talk about murdering someone else. Yeah, sir.

Seriously. Dave, do you have an overheard? As a matter of fact, I do. Mine is also from a bus. Yours was from a bus stop. Mine is from inside a bus.

There were these two hippie-looking young women in their 20s. Sure. Nouveau hippies. Yeah, wearing hemp clothing. Sure. Wear it, don't smoke it, lady. Yeah. hemp clothing.

Sure. Wear it. Don't smoke it, lady. Yeah. And one of them said, oh, I got to go to yoga. Fuck my life. That's pretty good.

It's not a really good hippie sentiment. Yeah. Or a yoga sentiment. Or a person is living in the... First world problems. Yeah, that's true. Oh, God. I got to go to yoga.

Yoga's super expensive. I tried yoga out maybe a couple weeks ago with our mutual friend Sean Devlin, whom I think you haven't... Has he been on this before? No. He's our white whale. He's the ghost that goes inside your body. He's the opposite of that guy who popped his collar.

We can't get his attention any which way. Though we have tried. And given up. You went and you yoga-fied him? He yoga-fied me. He took me there and it's really hard to do. But it's also very expensive. So anyone I see going to yoga, I suddenly understand that they're in a different economic bracket.

This I know from just time in vancouver but also there's a new uh in vancouver and i guess internationally lululemon is a brand right yeah i think so there's a uh store uh on in my neighborhood uh that's the main store it's like a creative you go in there and i guess you ask for a specific kind of pants and whatever and they like make them there in the store and there's glass so you can see it all happening you can see them sweating away yeah that seems like a really rich thing to do to go in and ask for like just wear the same pants everybody else is wearing like you're getting your own you know super secret. And they're stretchy pants. So they're like... They don't need constant retailing or anything.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I've never done yoga. I know I... I guess just the kind of people who do yoga, I would assume it's kind of expensive. I know one girl who doesn't want to pay for yoga. So she...

Does it in a parking lot. No, in exchange, she does the laundry for the yoga place. Ew! I'd rather pay. Yeah, that's pretty tough. That's pretty tough. Oh, man.

There's two places, a yoga and a capoeira studio that I wouldn't accept. If I owned a laundry place, I'd be like, nope, I'm not taking it. Really? Yeah. Really? Quite capoeira.

Well, capoeira, have you seen them? They sweat like crazy. Yeah, there's a capoeira place on Broadway and the windows are always steamed. Yeah, yeah. So it's probably like erotic capoeira. Oh, yeah, yeah. A lot of people falling in love. There's a lot of hands smacking against the window and then streaking down. Yeah.

And then right at the bottom hitting a little drum. Boop! It's a very passionate martial art. That's the thing. You try to disarm your opponent by making them fall in love with you.

How many times have either of you done yoga? Just the once. Really? That was your first time? It was hot yoga. It was one of those hot yogas. Yeah?

Oh, God, it was hot. Yeah. And smelly, I bet. Yeah. My sense of smell is not the best, so that wasn't too much of a problem. But the sweating was big. I don't think... Yeah, I think if you're in it...

It's just muggy. It's just like... Like you don't notice it. Oh, yeah. But yeah, if you... There used to be one... You walk into someone else's hot yoga and i walked through like the when they opened the doors of one when i was on the way to a liquor store and it was like having a thousand feet punch you in the nose not kick you curl up into a fist

yeah not like fresh baked bread it's the exact yeah polar opposite i've done yoga three times and uh one of the times i fell asleep so it wasn't for me i mean it's great for sleeping because i am interested i've always been sort of interested in the idea of doing it but um do you just walk into a class where everyone's an expert or do they have beginners yoga yeah i think uh they like if you went to the ymca they would just like they'd have a yoga class for everybody and no nobody make funny everybody's like bending and it's tough yeah when i went it was like everybody goes all together like at different skill levels and they're pretty the instructor was like militant she's like all

right you could do it come on lift your leg up so you would be doing it you would be doing it with like a black belt yoga person yeah totally there's some people like there's like a small a small wisp of a lady who was like bending sideways and we lost crazy stuff and then there was also a guy who was like all shredded who could like couldn't keep his balance so everyone's kind of all over the place yeah but oh yeah you shred that you shred that body anyway uh but yeah but it was uh it seemed like a good workout because i was really sore afterwards all over the place see i never equate shredded and flexible shredded to me means you can lift a lot of stuff not bending

that's why you have the thing and uh stretch mcgee yeah whatever his name is mr fantastic yeah mr fantastic yeah that's right it's That's right. I really hurt my back a couple weeks ago, and it was the day it snowed, so it might have been from shoveling. Okay, from tripping people in the snow. Just dig your foot out of the snow to stick in front of someone.

Or it could have been after I came inside, Abby made me do a Pilate. One Pilate? She showed me how to do one Pilates. Just one. One Pilates? She showed me how to do one Pilates. Can I have a spaghetti, please? Pilates aren't

Italian. Yeah, you go in Italy, everywhere it's pizza place connected to a Pilates studio. A pizza Pilates. That's what you do when you do a bad Italian accent. Pizza Pilates. A pizza Pilates. Hey, why you do when you do a bad Italian accent. Pizza Pilates. A pizza Pilates.

Hey, why you no like the Pilates, huh? We just put in a new Pilates. I don't know anything about Pilates. I'm not even sure. What is Pilates? Is that a... It's, um... Is that different than spin class?

It's... Spin class is just riding on a bicycle, isn't it? Is it? Yeah. Stationary bike. What? Did you think it was like... There's some other contraption that you got and you spin around.

It's like that thing that the astronauts go in and you hold on and spin in all the directions. Except it also bends and makes you crunch at the same time. Well, it's a relay race. That's not really a class. Spinning is a relay race. You go and you put your head on a baseball bat and you spin around it five times. You got to drink a beer and spin around five times. You got to dip a sponge in water and then carry an egg on a spoon.

I thought the sponge was going to go between your butt cheeks and you have to hold it there. And pass it to the next person. Yeah, yeah. Try to lose not so much water and pass it to their butt. But Pilates, I think, are... I don't know what the difference between... There's Pilates machines. I don't know what the difference between Pilates and Kabbalah is.

What? Oh, Kabbalah. Well, they're both Madonna. That's in the Venn diagram. That's where they overlap. Pilates are like... And leather. I think it would be the three things.

Stretch thing. Why is there leather in Pilates? Yeah, leather is Pilates. uh pilates are like uh they're like leather i think the three things stretch thing it's why is it leather and pilates yeah leather is pilates and what was the third thing you mentioned kabbalah kabbalah and then in the middle is madonna but how do leather and pilates overlap with madonna no but like the venn diagram doesn't just just... How do Kabbalah and Pilates overlap? With Madonna. There's three circles, but two of them have to link. Oh, okay. So leather and... How does leather and Pilates come together?

It says chafing. Yeah. Yeah. Don't wear leather to Pilates. Crotch blisters. Yeah. Crotch blisters. Sounds like a...

Punk band? A punk band But not a real punk band A punk band That would be What your mom made Yeah First Wives Club friends

Yeah something in your In a bad spec script Or it sounds like Like a friend of George W. Bush When he was in a frat Hey Crash Blisters We call that guy

The Skulls Yeah Crash Blisters That's Face Blisters And that's Hand Blisters Just went through A blister phase Naming people In the White House.

Just aides and interns and shit. Speaking of overheards, Graham, do you have one? Oh, sorry, yeah. Pretty good, right? Well done. Mine comes courtesy of two elder ladies sitting outside a coffee shop in the, you know, like how a dog lies in the sun. Same deal. Just taken in the sun, right?

They're panting and their legs are spread out. Their bellies up. But I didn't see the person. That was kind of my folly is I didn't see the person who they were talking about. But the woman was saying, one of the old ladies was saying to the other one, they think it looks good, but it makes them look like shit.

And I was like, oh, wow, I don't. But then I was like, oh, it might've been me, but no,

I think they were talking about a woman. Like, I feel like it was maybe, in my head, I think it was jeggings or jeggings. Oh, that's what I think. Yeah, that's what they say in Norway.

Because they're across between leggings and jeans. Or in Mexico, jegging. Hegging, I guess it would be. Yeah, it would be hegging in Mexico. Oh, man. It would be jegging in Portuguese, I think. Right, yeah, fair enough. You would wear jeggings in Brazil while you did capoeira.

Yeah. Did I mention these people were Portuguese? It really makes my story make sense. They're called jeggings, right? Yeah. They're for joggings? They look like jeans, but they're actually like stretchy pants? Yeah.

They're leggings. That's crazy. Made of yeens. Okay. Yeens. But no, they're not made of denim. They're like colored like denim. And sometimes they even have pockets painted on.

That's kind of like the tuxedo t-shirt. Yeah. A little bit of a fake out. It's not that, yeah. Oh, that would be a combo. If somebody showed up and, you know, catch up. Yuck-sedo. I'm talking to you.

Yuck-sedo. Yeggings to you. Yuck-sedo. Yeggings in a tuxedo shirt? Yeah. Yes, please. Or no thanks, depending on what the occasion is. Until the ladies are out there. Yeah, exactly.

It makes them look like shit. We also have overheard sent in to us via electronic mail. If you want to be one of those people who sends them in, you can send them in to StopPodcasterYourself

at gmail.com. And our first one comes from Zach B. Raph? We say that every time he writes this, don't we? The overheard is like, so on the set of Garden State, this is going to be monumental.

The shins will change your life yeah uh this is a second hand overheard but my friend who i don't believe is a spy listener i don't know why it doesn't make any sense when i say it out loud uh just posted this on his facebook status overheard at whole foods in portland cash hi, your baby's outfit is so cute. Where'd you get it? Mom, oh, this super crafty vegan knit place on Burnside. Cashier, oh, rad. To baby, and what's your name?

Mom, Phoenix Bloom. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, where'd she get that name? Yeah, it just came to them one night during the blooming of the phoenixes sure the pheny the phoenices uh i'm sorry stick your phoenix in my bloom it's the weirdest speech you've ever heard but Stick your penis in my bloom. Stick your... We're gonna have a crazy baby.

It's a penis bloom. Oh, man. It's alright. Okay. The second one, also from a person named Zach. Zach D. Anything? Oh, draft.

Hey. this is, hey, Dave and Graham, that's what it says. This is Zach from Rhode Island, and I haven't overheard. At the men's shoe department in Nordstrom, a douchey Bradley Cooper lookalike. I guess he is, is he kind of the prototypical douche guy? When you were saying your pop collar thing, I could easily picture a Bradley Cooper popping his collar. A little bit. I feel like he's just a couple shades beyond that in terms of classy dude. But if you caught him ten years ago or five years ago or something like that, he'd be pop collars all over the place.

Okay. All right. That's my guess. This Bradley Cooper lookalike excitedly grabbed a pair of shoes, turned to his friend and said, Look at these, man. I seriously have a quarter chub for these. Oh my. Isn't that something?

That's disgusting. I think of all the possible boner slang, chub is the worst. Yeah. And of all the possible boner fractions, a quarter chub. It's just the very bottom of your potential chub. I don't even know where it starts. What about an eighth? An eighth of a chub?

Yeah, no, they're all great. All fractions work? Yeah. Fair enough. Eight sixty-fourths of a chub. And this one comes from Nick S. And he says, Hey, Dave Graham, an impossible guest. Impossible guest?

Well, that's what he says. Sorry, guys. I was going to say this at the end of the show, but I'm a ghost. Oh, my God. That's not possible. What ghost is inside of you? It's a double ghost. I got double ghosted.

Double ghosted. That sounds gross. I sat down in my normal chair at the local coffee shop and found an unattended desk calendar on the shelf next to me. I couldn't help but notice what the owner of the calendar had scheduled for the transition from January to February. January 31st was chicken poopy. January 31st was chicken poopy. The best part, as you will notice, he attached a picture, is the arrow with the question mark presumably meant to indicate the looming uncertainty of whether or not chicken poopy will continue

through February 1st. Okay. Do you understand? Does it make sense? Did I explain it? I see it on a, I can envision it. Yeah. But it doesn't make sense

But do you think it's somebody who has a chicken at home Or do you think it's chicken pox Maybe it's a nickname for someone who works there Could it have been chicken pot pie Oh chicken pot pie Like I made it I'm going to have leftovers on the first They just omit the T

Because it looks too much like a crucifix And they are atheists Chicken pot pie I'm going to stick They just omit the T because it looks too much like a crucifix And they are atheists Chicken Popeye I'm gonna stick I'm gonna stick my phoenix In the chicken Popeye Chicken Popeye Stick your phoenix in my chicken Popeye

We all enjoyed it That's his twin brother's name who died in the womb Chicken Popeye We're vegetarians So we're glad that twin didn't make it That's his twin brother's name who died in the womb. Chicken Popeye. We're vegetarians, so we're glad that twin didn't make it. He named himself. We named the baby early and then rooted against him. It was like our... Never mind.

It was about to get much sadder. Thanks for just leaving me with the sad bag. Kevin's a big sad bag. In addition to overheards that have been written in using your fingers, a lot of people call in overheards using their ears and mouths. In a segment we like to call... Speak with your ears. No talk.

If you would like to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Is that right? Yeah. What, really? 339-8328. Hello, Dave, Graham, and probable grandpa. This is Graham's dad calling from Calgary with an overheard from a recent ski trip. from a recent ski trip.

I was standing there and there were two skiers standing on the porch of the lodge looking at a large block of wood that was affixed to the wall. And one says to the other, what do you think that's for? The skier, too, says, well, I think it's a Swiss design meant to move in and out of the wall to accommodate expansion of the floor in summer and contraction in the winter. And just then, the guide walks by, and he's overheard this as well, and he said, it's a doorstop. That's my pops. Hey, Mr. Clark. Pretty good.

Yeah, he's a listener. Long-time listeners will know him from the segment at Graham's Dad Movie Reviews. Yeah, that segment that we retired. Didn't we retire? No, we didn't retire. Oh, get out of here. I like it a lot. You can get a lot of heart attacks out there.

A lot of people got skin. A lot of cars in ditches right now. A lot of people in the bus screaming. No! Fucking no! Getting kicked off of the bus, getting written up, and that's the lady getting the fucking... getting the $20 bill from the car.

Yeah, getting a caricature. So you like soccer and roller coasters. Oh, boy. You like uncontrollable screaming. So do I, night terrors. They're terrible. He's from New York. Sorry.

No, I'm from New York. I got Night Terrors. Night Terrors and I got this weird voice. My doctor said to move to British Columbia and help my Night Terrors. And my weird voice. People here really tame my accent. Night Terrors, not so much voice.

Going along with the Nighte's. Not going so good. Oh, man. It's a good play. Yeah, it's good. Really? David Mam? Mam-ay?

David Mam? David Mam-ay. There you go. We have a lot of fun here, right? Julie Temer. All right, anyway. Two people in New York theater, I know. Yeah.

Oh, what about Billy Joe Armstrong? Yeah, I didn't know they have some sort of a thing, the Green Day. American Idiot. It's closing soon.

Oh, no. It's been open for a long time. I think it was a big success. Is it like an opera? It couldn't have been that big of a success

if it's closing after like a year. Does it have like a narrative or something? Like is there? Yeah. They call it a jukebox musical where they take songs and then they build the narrative around it.

Yeah. So he wakes up, he's a basket case, but then he comes around. And then he goes on holiday. He starts masturbating. Yeah. Most of the album Juki is poop and masturbation. Shitting and masturbating at the same time. Then he wants to be a minority.

He hopes he had the time of his life. And he's looking at a slideshow of him masturbating and pooing. Crying. He tries to masturbate and it doesn't have the magic anymore. No, that was his grad song. He tries to masturbate and it doesn't have the magic anymore. No, that was his grad song. He graduated from

masturbation poop school. Oh lordy. Well thanks, Mr. Clark. Thanks, Dad. We didn't listen to that last part. I think he drove his car off the road when he heard it. No!

Hi Dave and Graham and possible guests. I'm calling with an overheard from Vancouver's historic gas town. I was walking near the steam clock, and there was a family of four, obviously tourists because they were interested in the steam clock, and kind of mother, father, son, and teenage daughter, probably 17. And as I'm walking by, the daughter says to her mother, Mom, for the last time, it's not the Michael Jackson 5.

I think my favorite part of that call was when he started doing the mom, he sounded like a speaking spell. He sounded a little bit like Regis Philbin, I think. Oh, really? Yeah. When he did that voice. Or no, Phil Donahue, maybe. Oh, reaching way back.

What happened to him? Is he still around? He had a show on MSNBC for a while. Don't remember me? He'd be like, do you remember me? I had a show, and they'd be like, no, no, no. And the guests would be like, are you Sally Jesse Raphael? No.

And then that commercial would come out with red glasses on. Good enough. I remember did you ever watch Sally Just Your FPL I don't know that's a dumb question I

don't know I think I did I must have because I watched everything on television always I remember you were one of the villains

that had like a bank of like a wall of TVs every talk show ever yes oh troubled teens yes Tyra Brink yes the TVs at every talk show ever. Yes. Oh, Trouble Teens. Yes. Tyra Brink.

Phil Donahue's I Gotta You. I Gotta You. I Gotta You. Phil Donahue's prank show. Donahue think you were fooled? What? But I believe

in the early 90s I only ever watched maybe three episodes of Sally Just Eat Raphael. Catalog them in your... And there was one where it was all about she was picking out new glasses and the audience got to vote on a bunch of different glasses

and they voted on the glasses that were the most similar to her current glasses oh totally but i bet you they made all the other ones really impossible they're like john lennon glasses yeah like buddy holly glasses the glasses with the fake eyes that are falling out yeah they're on springs um a prescription goggles i would have voted for that. Those giant sunglasses. Hilarious novelty glasses. Prescription welding mask. I'm sure that's got to be something.

One, one. Bifocals in them? I don't know. Well, I think the welding mask can fit over your glasses, so I don't know that you need a prescription. Probably. But the comfort, you know. Yeah.

Yeah, you do want to be comfortable. If you can afford yoga, you can afford a prescription welding mask. But the comfort, you know. Yeah. Yeah, you do want to be comfortable. If you can afford yoga, you can afford a prescription welding mask. Yeah, welders. Yeah. Just doing it. Yeah. What is the other show that was a relic of that time? The guy, Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.

Oh, yeah. Robin Leach. What happened to him? Is he? He's good. Was he rich and famous Famous. Oh, yeah. Robin Leach. What happened to him? Is he... He's good. I don't know. Was he rich and famous? No, no, no.

But he sounded like a guy who you could picture being rich and famous. Yeah. But he's not. I don't think he is. I think he sounded a little something. Like what Kevin's about to do. Hi. I'm Robin Leach.

Have you ever seen a gold top hat? Get ready. It was not bad. That's not bad, actually. Have you ever seen a gold top hat? Get ready. That's not bad. Have you ever seen a gold top hat full of shrimp? Here's a bag full of shrimp. Get ready. Have you ever seen a British man who looks

like he's 70 eat a top hat full of fucking shrimp? Get ready. Do his patented raspberry that he does at the end. Thank you for watching Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. I'll see you next week. I'm Robin. Bleach.

Perfect. No, he would end wishing you champagne wishes and caviar dreams. That's right. And who would end their show with Casey Kasem who said, Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars? Oh, yeah. We need a better sign-off.

Yeah, we do. Because what's his name? What was the guy, the dating show? We'll be back in two and two. It wasn't a sign-off, but it was. Oh, Woolery? That was his catcher. Yeah, Chuck Woolery.

Or Eubanks, I think it was Woolery. Yeah, he was, we'll be back in two and two. Because four minute commercial break, I guess. Or two minutes and two seconds. Oh yeah, maybe. One second of black going to commercial. And we're out. We should come up with a better way to sign off the show.

Okay. Hey everyone, hope you're eating pudding. Oh, keep your stick on the ice. No, if the women don't find you handsome, everyone. Hope you're eating pudding. Oh, keep your stick on the ice. No. If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handsome. Who says keep your stick on the ice? Somebody says that. Oh, red, green.

Yeah. Oh, brother. Hey, everybody. Keep blinking at your friends. That's stupid. Never mind. I got another there. Get it then.

I meant to say winking. Keep winking on the bus, and in God we trust. Keep winking at your friends. No, keep blinking at your friends. Blinking at your friends. Keep blinking at your friends until you have no friends. We'll see you next month. We'll see you next month.

Hey, bumpers. Email in your number of friends. Hey, this is Joey from Chicago. Last month I said I had 20 friends. This month I've got 17. Don't listen to the next three episodes. Come back in one month. Hey, this is Graham's Dad.

I have 14 friends and now I have 23. What's going on? Am I blinking wrong? All right. One more overheard. All right. Keep looking at your friend. Hey, it's Todd podcasting yourself. This is Todd the Pokebumper with more overheard. All right. Keep looking at your friend. Hey, what's up, podcasting yourself?

This is Todd the Pokebumper with an overheard. I recently just got my new tires, and while I was waiting, I was waiting around, and there happened to be this probably 16-year-old kid with his 14-year-old sister. The two of them were talking, and one of them said, did you see that last episode of House? And the girl goes, oh, yes. And then with all the conviction she could muster, she said, I want that cane!

Yeah, it's... Am I the only one in this room who's never seen one episode of House? Yes, I've seen some episodes. Yeah, I've seen some. So, because all I've ever seen is a parody of it on MADtv, so. Wow, latter day MADtv. Yeah. And let me guess, he was played by an actual house.

It's a house that can cure people. You've got to let this person into your house. I don't want to. But he's a drug addict. Yeah. And also has... A cane. But the drug addiction is as a result of the thing that makes him have the cane?

Yeah, I think so. No, it's a result of the cane. Oh. Yeah, it's a cane. The cane makes you addicted to drugs. Horatio cane. It all comes together. Yep.

But the weirdest part of that one was that it was a 16-year-old guy with his 14-year-old sister saying, Hey, did you see that last episode of House? I knew everything my siblings had seen on television at all times. Yeah, this is the era of people being able to watch things on things that aren't your TV. It's a time to be alive. That's how you sign off the show. It's like the

put up or shut up. See you next month. See you next month with our house recap. Yeah, come on back to house recap. So is house good? Is that a good show? Yeah, I think it is uh it's gotten uh it's a very formulaic right because he is a um but that's what people like right they like like uh law and order has the exact same formula every episode is that the same thing yeah yeah it's like somebody comes in they've got one thing he's like i, I'm not going to treat him. Then they suddenly have something else, and no one knows what it is.

It gets worse. They try and treat them, it gets even worse. Yeah, he keeps guessing what they have, and he's wrong all the time, until the very end. And he plays a bunch of mind games with all his little underlings, and then at the end, he's right. Yeah. He plays mind games like board games,

mostly, like Trivial Pursuit. Yeah, right. Yeah, like a quick round of Scrabble. Yeah, I got it. Yeah, called Cane in the Legs. Guess Who. He plays Guess Who. But with diseases.

They've all got a chart of diseases. Does your disease have curly hair? Nope But they did a Butterfinger They just recently did a musical episode Which means that they've run out of ideas for the show, right? Yeah, but I think the cane he used in that episode was more

Oh, that was probably what they were talking about Why? Maybe he had a special Like a song and dance cane A cane tar? Yeah I'm addicted to pills. I use this thing to walk around.

House. Gonna have to face it. You're addicted to pills. To canes. Rewrite. Let's make that pills, because that's his character. He's not so much addicted to the cane. He uses it.

That's the switcheroo that they hit you with in Season 8. He's actually addicted to the cane. You're addicted to cane. Well, that's mental. Dave, should we wrap this up? Why not? Do we have something else that we want to do? No, let's wrap it up.

Okay. Kevin. Yeah? As you mentioned before, you up. Okay. Kevin. Yeah. As you mentioned before, you're a member of the Sunday Service. You have a podcast called The Beautiful Podcast. Oh, you can subscribe on iTunes. Comes out once a month. Yep.

And where can people go if they want to find out more about the Kevin Lee experience? That's what you call your touring show, right? That's right, yeah. I call that my touring show. Stupid. I'm really not representing how funny my comedy podcast is. It's really funny and quick-witted. Are you addicted to canes? Oh, yeah.

I've got a cane in my system right now. I'm jonesing for some canes. Anyway, yeah, you can go, you can find, we have a website, thesundayservice.ca. We've got some old videos on there and other links. You seem like you're laughing at. We can do a better job of updating that thing.

But you can also find out about our podcast on there. You can also go on iTunes and search for A Beautiful Podcast and we'll be up there. And in Vancouver, we do a weekly improv show, also called the Sunday Service, every Sunday night at 9pm at the Hennessy. If you can find that. Yeah. I feel like you've got something, Dave, to remind me. Best improv show in town.

No, I was going to remind you to say that, but you said it. Yeah, it's a fun time and it's cheap and the podcast is free. And you guys are beautiful and keep blinking until you guys stop wanting you to ask seriously I'm like the worst improviser on this show anytime I have to do a song

on this show that drunk dial song is like terrible I disagree you did your best to make that make sense and it makes no sense and then this I'm like keep blinking until whatever oh jeez guys Dave do you have anything you need to plug makes no sense and then this i'm like keep blinking until whatever oh geez oh geez guys uh dave do you have anything you need to uh plug i know you're working at the uh mother corp i am

still um yeah yeah just keep on keeping on keep reaching for the stars yeah your feet upwards keep blinking till your friends don't like blinking keep your feet what is this keep your feet on the stars i keep reaching for the earth? I like that. You're going to die soon. Oh, no. See you. Space alone.

The Australian one. Yeah, that's it. Okay. And you want to plug things? I don't. Well, I'm going to be in Halifax. If any Haligonians, as they're known, are going to be interested in seeing live stand-up comedy, I will be out in Halifax doing it for the Halifax Comedy Festival.

Oh, definitely go. Yeah, you got to, right? And then also everybody out there who enjoys the show and has never been to MaximumFun.org and checked out the blogs that Dave does every week, the blog recaps, this week's – actually, I was going – MaximumFun.org and checked out the blogs that Dave does every week, the blog recaps. This week's... Actually, I was going... We'll definitely post a picture of the shoes, the slippers.

Yeah, the bread slippers. But this week, while I was working on something, I had to go through a bunch of the old recaps. And they are funny because you put captions above the hilarious pictures that make them one note funnier. Sometimes I do, yeah. Yeah, you do a really good job. They're very funny. So you go to MaximumFun.org, click on the Stop Podcast Yourself link, and then you can find your way to the blog recap. And if you like the show, tell your friends and keep your feet on the ground and blink at the stars.