Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 161 - Josh Stubbs

Episode Date: April 12, 2011

Josh Stubbs returns to talk about field trips, how we'd do in prison, dorm room posters, and we get an AMAZING a capella phone call.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 161 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who will wear a pink shirt even outside of anti-bullying day, Mr. Dave Shumka. Oh, you got it. It reflects the light back up in your face, it colors you, it's great. It does, it does give you a little color.

Yeah, and it makes me feel like a skank. A real Kesha kind of guy. Yeah. I gotcha. And our guest today, a returning guest to the show, very funny man, and a guy I'm just glad to see in general. Oh, thank you. When he walked in the door, Dave did kind of a college guy greeting, which was great.

Mr. Josh Stubbs is our guest. Yes, thank you. Good to see you again, Graham, as always. And yeah, Dave gave me a big Stubbs-y when I came in, like we great. Mr. Josh Stubbs is our guest. Yes, thank you. Good to see you again, Graham, as always. You gave me a big stubsy when I came in, like we were old pals. Like a fraternity reunion or something. Yeah, yeah. Old army pals. This is only our second meeting, and the first time

was on the show, and you may have seen me at my worst, because it was one of two episodes that had huge tech problems. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah.

Well, it wasn't so much a tech problem as so much as I deleted the entire episode. Deleted the first half of the episode and we had to re-record it. Oh, then we went back again. Oh, yeah. I completely forgot about that. But this is what I forgot to mention was I never knew Dave, but long ago, I actually used to work with his fiancee, Abby. Where at? Terminal City, the insane his fiancee, Abby. Where at?

Terminal City, the insane newspaper. Oh, yeah. It was an alternative. It was a newspaper for crazy people. Yeah. And then I started listening. It was pretty much, it employed a lot of, it was, like every job I ever worked at, people were like, you should write a sitcom about our job.

And I'm like, well, it's kind of boring. But that was the only one that I was like, no, this is insane. Like the copy editor lived in the office and it was pretty great. Murphy bed? No, no. That was his name. Let's get to know us. Let's get to know us.

Get to know us. Did he really live in the office? She lived in the office with all her clothes and I would come in earlier and earlier to work and then she was brushing her teeth one day and I was like i think she lives in the office but but uh i was gonna say i started listening to the podcast and uh uh only because once uh dave made a reference to grandpa the dog right i was like i only knew one other person that would name a dog grandpa i was like oh that abby i used to work with and then i put it together a couple of times later. Yeah, I remember there was one thing where Terminal City, I think, put out like a – was it a Christmas card? Oh, yeah.

And it was a picture. It looked like a class photo that you do in elementary school. And you said like – I think at the time like you had shingles or something. Like you were super sick. Oh, yeah. That's right. And then like you couldn't tell unless you said that. But then you looked at the picture again. You're like, oh, yeah, it looks like your face is on fire.

It wasn't a good Christmas card, that's all. Now, my brother had shingles once, and I was super young when he had it, and people just explained to me that it's like getting chicken pox again. Yeah, is that right? Is that... For me, it was only... All I got was like red blotches on my face. Okay. But other people I've talked to were like...

And where does the name come from? The roofing material? Yeah. Used to be a roofer disease. Sure. Yeah. Well, isn't it that the blotches look like shingles? That's what I thought it was.

They certainly didn't look like it on me. Not even Spanish shingles? No. What are those called? Spanish shingles. Yeah, I forget. Adobe something. Photoshop.

Is it a thing like if you get it when you're a kid, you can't get it when you're an adult? Or shingles a year round? It's a year round. The entire span of your life. One year. You can get it when you're a kid at two months old, or when you're a full-grown adult at 11 months. I saw an ad like a week ago that I'd never seen before.

It was for something called plaque psoriasis. It was like, not for a product that gives you that. But some kind of treatment. That sounds worse. It's a plaque. You have psoriasis it was like not for a product yeah but some kind of treatment that sounds worse it's a plaque you have psoriasis congratulations um but it was one you know how there's uh the kind of like old bit that comics would do where they list all the side effects and they're all horrible this really was like the legitimate version of that like it said like this has been known to spur on certain types of cancer and i was like well i don't know how bad psoriasis is but is it trading it in for cancer bad maybe plaque psoriasis

any thoughts on plaque psoriasis i've i've heard some really bad uh side effects like apparently red bull gives you wings um uh but no there are ones that are like like i can't even think of any examples but it's like uh you know sleep screams or something um that red bull thing where they have the contraptions that are supposed to fly but then they land in the water the fluke dog yeah is that right yeah none of them actually fly any distance at all right they all just go off the ramp and land right in the water not far did you see it when it was here no oh you gotta go you simply must it was just kind of funny because it was like it was everyone's like we'll do a Canadian thing and so it was like

nine out of the ten were like hockey like a skate or something and then they played the Tom Stompin' Tom Connors

such a one note country and then even some guy came all the way from Winnipeg and he had like a big thing about the Jets and he was like if we chant loud enough

the Jets will come back and we can have the Jets in Winnipeg but it was Vancouver's like oh yeah we chant loud enough the jets will come back and we can have the jets in winnipeg but it's and it make it where no one cared like in winnipeg you might get that rally going but it make it was like we have a team what do i care if winnipeg doesn't have the jets but the uh science world people they they uh chickened out the last second

oh really yeah they wouldn't do it oh because they they knew there was no science in it But the science world people, they chickened out at the last second. Oh, really? Yeah, they wouldn't do it. Oh, because they knew there was no science in it. I can't see it. Scientifically, this won't fly. Or they didn't want to be shown up in a scientific competition by like... By a guy yelling at the jet. Omega Pi. Which is the best pie shop in Vancouver.

Yeah, like... Wasn't there something, I don't know, it seems like the news every year has a story of, like, an engineering department that did some dumb thing. Like, ah, they had to make a thing fly 20 meters or an egg fall, you know, fall out of an office building. And, you know, and it's like a slow news day. So they, you know, yeah all out of the an office building and you know and it's like a slow news day so they yeah you know give three or four minutes to this story and you're like god what is the point dude why did you film this for the news couldn't you have run some be real about it yeah something did you ever have to do anything like that in school we did the egg one. What was your contraption? It was a box with a lot of stuffing in it. Because I was like,

in my head, not scientifically at all, I was just like, well, how do they deliver stuff so it doesn't break? A box with stuff in it. We pulled a science world, and rather than try to win, we made the messiest, we filled like a bag with ketchup and stuff.

And put it in. And threw it off the school. And our aim was to splatter like all the people watching. And it didn't quite get that far. That was the. So now I suddenly feel sympathetic to the science group. Which is what you made fun of for taking each way over. We did a, I think I, my partner and I did a, I was in a gay relationship as a child.

My partner and I, Lewis. Really? No. Oh, man. We used a yogurt container, like a big liter one, and we filled it with Jell-O. Oh, that's not bad. It exploded everywhere, but it was kind of fun the

theory was sound uh we all in a similar thing i also once just to cause trouble was uh we did a mock it was a mock confederation game and we had to pretend we were uh doing the confederation of canada i'm confused as to what that even would be it would be like we all had to play roles and the goal was to create Canada and someone was assigned Johnny McDonald and all these things, right? All right. And who was in charge of handing out the blankets? I was assigned Charles Tupper and then not knowing anything about politics and not really having any opinion on Canadian history at the time, just decided I would derail the

entire thing to piss off the teacher and took control and passed a motion that Quebec should not be allowed into Canada. And I kicked him out and I passed him a mean note saying, like, get out of my country. And this whole, like, revolution, it was really horrible. And then the teacher tried to step in. He's like, you can't pass a negative statement. And I was like, oh, okay, okay. the motion will say that uh we can only have these provinces and quebec wasn't listed in it gotta caught him in that and then uh i've always felt really guilty

and embarrassed at my behavior since then come on you were a kid you were 30 yeah yeah it was a work yeah yeah totally let's have a confederation game here at work and i was like you sleep in the office get out of here i remember uh when i was a kid that they took our class to the the courts yeah uh and uh like they simulated a trial uh like they were you know the the class was divided like okay this kid's gonna be the defense lawyer and this kid's gonna be for the crown and and uh i was made the bailiff which is like this isn't educational at all like did you make a lot of uh night court jokes well that's when they said bailiff that was my only frame of reference so i was like all right

i think he was my favorite character i'm bull yeah but then i just stood over by the door where you would bring the i brought in the defendant and that was it that was my whole and then i didn't pay attention the rest of the day i just stared off into space while they held the trial and then uh i escorted the defendant out at the end so i learned what bailiffs do. We did a mock trial and the guy took it way too seriously. I was the defendant, I think. And then they said, you have to swear the Bible. And I was like, can I affirm?

Because I really don't believe in this stuff. Right. Because that's an option, right? And he's like, you affirm and we lose this case. And he was so serious about it and i was like well i just i just don't think that's uh our client's gonna fry totally yeah and i was like i was like yeah and i was like i can't do this he's like well it's a mock i go it's just a mock trial he's like well can't you just be a mock christian and pretend to fair enough yeah i was like all right

yeah so you went way over the top with it yeah i swear abortion is wrong um i remember uh my one um uh field trip memory i'm sure i'll have more yeah okay but i have field trip amnesia. It's diagnosed. Maybe you'll recover some field trip memories in therapy. Yeah. We went to the aquarium at one point. Sure. And we were all given a sheet that we had to fill out while we were at the aquarium. We had to go to different exhibits and then fill out answers to different things.

And I just remember I was bored on the drive home or the drive there and I was hanging it out the window of the car and I lost it it was gone forever and then I felt so guilty about it and I got like

I was too afraid to tell the teacher even until the next day I was like I don't have my worksheet. And she was like, oh, that was just for fun. And you're like, oh, that's the antics. I was at the Beatles Museum in Liverpool, and there was a field trip going through of elementary school kids, and they had a thing where they had to write 10 things about the Beatles on it.

And then I couldn't resist. I looked over at the kid next to me, and he had written, a dentist gave George LSD and the one below it said, Yoko had three miscarriages. And I was like, whoa. You just had to write down any fact?

Yeah, just 10 things or something. And I was on the sheet. I was like, whoa, okay. Oh, wow. That kid's going to kick ass at Beatles Trivia Night. Paul is dead. So I didn't even ask. What's going on with you?

We just launched right into field trip memories. None of that will make the cut. Oh, yeah. I'm going to accidentally delete it. So what's going on with you? Anything interesting? Nothing. The only kind of funny thing that occurred to me today was, so we talked a little bit about my job.

Yeah. Working as a technical writer for this safety consultant company for a construction site. So I have to visit construction sites all over the city every day, and I'm driving around constantly. And I had a stack of these books that I was trying to get rid of, and I couldn't sell them at a used bookstore, and I couldn't donate them at the library because they were too beat up. Right.

And I found this website called Book Crossing, and you put like a tracking number in the book. Right. And then you leave it somewhere, and then if someone finds it, then they register it and they pass it on. Oh, okay. Right? I've done that with a $5 bill.

Yeah, it's a similar idea, right? So I was like, I'll do this. So, because I'm driving around the city all day and i've just been driving around and every time i see a coffee shop coming in with the sites i go to a walk-in and leave it on a table and walk out really fast and somebody's like sir you left your book uh yeah nothing like that yet and uh it's been about 11 of these now and uh no one has registered them so i've just realized i've just been driving around the city throwing away books uh that's my hobby that's that's all i got going on but that's i've got boxes of books at my place and i don't really because they're the similar kind of thing uh because a lot of them i got from when i worked at book warehouse so they have a black you bought when you worked at...

Well, yeah, you know. Because I used to work there too. I know how... That's why I'm also now driving around the city scattering books. But a lot of used bookstores won't buy the ones that have the black... There's like, they draw a black line

on the pages or whatever. Yeah. So then what do you do with them? You can't... Yeah, and... I guess I could give them to the Salvation Army, but I don't want to. Last time we moved, we had so many duplicates, Abby and I. Right.

We went through all our books. We're like, we've got to get rid of a bunch. And we had so many. For some reason, we had like four copies of Janice Dickinson's autobiography, The Supermodel, the original Supermodel. No Lifeguard on Duty is the name of the book uh and all hardcover yeah first editions leather bound uh and um yeah it is like what do you do with them but i think i i like the idea of just leaving them places on purpose like every day

take a bag full of books and just leave one on the bus. Leave one in the garbage. I did that on the Skytrain. Leave one in the garbage. So if anybody wants a copy of Tarzan, you can go to the higher grounds in Broadway. Yeah. And might be still sitting there a week later.

I don't know when this comes out. Tarzan the Disney DVD book? No, the book. Yeah, yeah. It's a picture book. The book of Bill Collins lyrics from the disney soundtrack indeed um now you have a uh speaking of disney thing you have a young son yes and oftentimes when people post pictures of their kids on facebook i'm like no thanks but you

he actually writes that on the picture next but uh you have several pictures of your kid uh that look super hilarious if i could and i can't even capture how hilarious he is well the stuff he does is just so insane there's one of i guess it's your profile picture right now is him in a spacesuit but his head is so tiny in the spacesuit. I don't know. It just made me laugh really hard when I saw it. And he just got his hair cut, but he's got all these cowlicks, so it's kind of puffed. He looks like Tom York in that video with the no alarms, no surprises. Oh, sure.

Just give me the radio head. Yeah. It's like a 96. But yeah, there's a picture of him. I think it's from like some cowboy thing you were at. And it's like, it's, well, I think. Oh yeah, we were in Phoenix and there's like a green screen that you could, it puts you into a cowboy movie. And he.

He's like waving at the camera. He's waving at the camera. But the awesome part is A couple days before I saw a poster for Tron And I was like Tron cool And then he's like what's Tron I'm like it's a guy that got stuck in a computer And then when he was in the green screen

He was like how do I get out of here I'm Tron He kept yelling Tron But it's all like these It's like a cowboy scene where they're like all gambling. And then there's a kid at the front of the table waving at the camera. Good stuff. It's way cuter if you've seen the picture.

Describing other kids' pictures may not be the best for a podcast. Disagree. I do it at least once a podcast. I love how Graham described it as, You were at some kind of cowboy thing What were you at? That they had a green screen cowboy event It was the Natural History Museum In Phoenix

Okay So we went to Phoenix for Christmas And so there was lots of dinosaur bones there And cowboys That was pretty crazy shooting So it tapped into everything in a three-year-old's mind like he was like i love phoenix it's all full of cowboys trains and dinosaurs like now did the three ever coexist but i he has a cartoon called dinosaur train he loves

oh really i'd buy that i mean dinosaur train is that what it's called? Yeah, I feel like you could make up any kid's show. Like, pick two things in the room. Necktie guitar. Hey, necktie guitar, that's not bad, actually. That's not bad. Copyright. Dave, what's going on with you? Well, I'm really looking forward to editing all your sniffles out of this episode. I told you, I told you up front. Graham is very, very ill right now.

No, it's sniffles. Come on, guys. Get over it. It's going to be quite a... Just if a couple sniffles are left over in the episode, I apologize. Yeah. I will be going through with a fine-tooth comb. Yeah. Fine-toothed?

Fine... Fine... Teeth? Teeth? No. No, nothing's teethed. Teethed. Sorry.

Fine-teething. Teethed. You. No, nothing's teethed. Teethed. Sorry. Fine teething. Teithed. You tear out every tenth. Now, here's what's going on with me. Not a heck of a lot. Really? But yesterday, as I was leaving work, there's a grocery store downtown near where I work. And it's the opposite way from the train. So if I ever go to the

grocery store on my way home from work, I then have to double back and go past my work again on the way to the train. And that's what I did yesterday. And as I was going to the grocery store, I saw these two kind of thug guys walking up to this other guy and they were crossing the street towards this guy and they were saying, hey, where's my rum? And I was like, I couldn't tell if they were really mad at this guy or if he had really stolen their rum.

Because he didn't seem afraid at all. And they looked kind of mad, but maybe they were just like, you know, if I was fake mad at you, it would seem real to an onlooker. Sure. And so I went to the grocery. You're beating me with your belt.

Ha ha, we're just having fun. So I went to the grocery store. And then I came back and I walked past there again. And there were cops everywhere. Oh, whoops. And the one dude was covered in blood, had a bloody face. Real Andrew WK. Yeah, he was partying too hard.

And the cops were like, where'd the guy go? And I guess the guy had stolen the other guy's rum. And it's not that he was too afraid to run away from the guy. He had just drank all the rum And he couldn't move And so the cops were talking to him And he was like, I don't know Something about rum

That seems like a A pirate felony To steal all the rum To steal another man's rum. Yeah, you don't beat a guy up for that. You make him walk the plank. But I missed all the fighting. Yeah.

Well... I saw the preamble and the denouement. My feeling is that if I ever see somebody like in that situation where there's like a crazy guy yelling at another crazy guy,

and I don't mean crazy in the mentally ill sense. I mean, like, somebody's yelling something crazy, like, give me back my rum. I'm going to stick around for an extra five minutes to see how it plays out. Sure. Because I'm pretty sure it's going to be great. Like, even if it just fizzles out,

I still get to say, like, I saw the whole narrative. Yeah. You know? And the weird thing was the the the thug guy the guy who did the the rum beating there was a thug and a gentleman yeah uh he uh was wearing these huge like raver pants like so much fabric on his legs and i'm like you're gonna find this guy he's gonna be so easy to spot. No, he's going to catch some wind. And he'll never catch him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're almost out of him. Then he catches a nor'easter. And then he's out. That's a wind, right, guys? Yeah, nor'easter. It's a storm, I think. But a storm with wind?

Yeah. No? No, we're fine. A Chinook. Now, you're from Calgary yes are chinooks uh real yes okay what's a chinook it's a chinook is like a uh sudden warm wind that just uh it kind of they really do kind of come out of nowhere there's no kind of preamble to them but like does it get as warm as summer uh the the wind can be like it is like, they can be as warm as like if you're standing in front

of a hand dryer. Like it can be that warm. Okay. But just all of a sudden. And in the middle of winter? Yeah. Oh. And it'll melt snow everywhere.

Calgary's like right in the path through the mountains that creates the Chinooks, so we get them all the time. Also, splitting headaches, a company. Those. Yeah. Like anybody that gets like migraines or anything is like, oh, I feel sick. All of a sudden everybody's like, oh, yeah, it's warmer. And then there's, you know, one person in the room was like, I feel like I'm dying.

Like, it's worth it. Because every time I've been to Calgary, it's like in the winter, I was like, it's insanely cold here. And everyone's like, oh, no, the Chinooks. It's all worth it for the Chinooks because it all evens out with the Chinooks. And I was like, what level of denial? Are you like, are you just trying to convince yourself that this is okay? sound fake but it is real it's uh uh and you know that it does make winter bearable compared to other cities that don't have them like if there's just straight winter for six months i don't know how people do it i really don't uh toronto winnipeg edmonton it's a vagina i don't know how you know i've maybe have never been to another city in the winter. Really? I've traveled all over the...

Hither and dither. Hither and thither, all around the world. Except I went to Thailand once in the winter. But most of my traveling has been either spring or summer. I've never been to a really cold place in the winter. I think I can handle it. You know where it's super duper awful cold in the winter? Ottawa.

Ottawa is freakishly cold in the winter. Way colder, I think, than Toronto. And bleak. It's like cold and bleak in Ottawa. You know how in Toronto there's like, yeah, stuff. I'll cut that out. Why? It's boring.

I'm trying over here I got the sniffles and everything I feel like I'm a real trooper like the band Trooper yeah another Canadian thing

sometimes these episodes are too Canadian for me we're talking Chinooks we're talking how cold Ottawa is I brought up Charles Tupper

oh yeah that's right when I worked a book where I was like I called. That's right. When I worked at Bookware, I was like, I called in. He's like, can you put this book aside for me? I'll pick it up. And he was like, what name should I put it? He's like, Charles Tupper. I was like, like our prime minister?

Because I was so proud that I knew the prime minister from like 1888 or whatever it was. And he's like, he was my great-great-great-grandfather. And I was like, oh, fascinating. And he's like, I'll be down in 20 minutes. And I was like, okay was my great-great-great-grandfather. And I was like, oh, fascinating. And he's like, I'll be down in 20 minutes. And I was like, okay. And they got my copy of Jugs. Totally. And then he came out of a book it was. It wasn't a brilliant book. It was Janice Dickinson's book. And then he showed up and he had huge mutton chops. And I was like, you're so into being Charles Tupper IV or whatever you are.

Oh, wow. Was he wearing a waistcoat? Was he wearing sleeve garters? And pantaloons. Forsooth, my copy of Juggs, please. Played in the Finian League. Graham, what's going on with Chew?

Well, you spoke about work Which is at the Mother Corporation Yeah, Graham and I work two floors apart At the CBC Oh, it's a Canadian You can play to both and you're like, I work at the C I know, but I'm not going to be like Oh, here's a

Yeah, don't say you work at ABC Here's some famous Canadianadian dolphins spinnaker i don't know what that is what is the dolphin at the aquarium it was on it was on his quiz that he had when he was 10 nailed it uh now you work in the basement i I think I know where this story's going Yeah you do Because we communicated about it Over Facebook today

There was somebody playing like Hobo harmonica in the stairwell Like an employee then Well we don't know I didn't go and inspect it It's a stairwell that's not the main one so it's not used yeah and down in that area where i work there's often they rent out the studios for various events so there's always musicians like tuning up or sound checks or whatever but this uh

this was at first i was like oh it's just a check. But then it kept going on and on and on. And we're down in the basement. It's very prison-like. Like it's gray walls and just there's nobody around. It's cold. And so then like this like, you know, lonesome harmonica ricocheting off the walls for an hour. It was just like, oh, this is super mournful and echoey. But you know what?

Neither of us went and saw if it even was a person. It may have been a ghost. Oh, no, I saw. Oh, yeah? Yeah. What would this person look like? Stripe clothing? No, he was wearing he might have been like a maintenance guy or something. Yeah, it was Really? He was not in a band.

Weird. Because there's only two maintenance guys, from what I know. He might have been an outsider. I don't know. Wow. But that's what he was doing on his lunch break. But isn't the security kind of heavy there? You can't just get into the building, can you?

Unless you got a bindle. Unless you leave a fresh can of sardines sitting on the counter. But it's... Links of sausages for the guard dogs. Yeah, sure. What other, like... I feel like cartoon crooks were a lot...

You need to... A lot more food-based? Well, no. There was a lot of things that wouldn't work in real life. Like the... You need a magnet to get the keys off the sleeping jail...

Jailers. or wooing somebody away with the smell of a pie yeah or even i smell would grab the guy's nose or even uh you know dress up the sexy girl version of yourself oh yeah uh that's been or just trust that laser beams would be set uh at the width of a human body. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you could just weave through it. Like, why set it at that? Yeah, exactly. Pretty trouble. Why not laser, you know, complete shield? Yeah, yeah. A human could pass through here,

but it would be very difficult. It would be very entertaining. They must be very limber. What about if a, like, you were describing the harmonica playing as being jail-like. Yeah, yeah. Very, like, low, kind of long-held notes. Is that something that still happens in jails, or would you be murdered? Yeah.

Like, when was the cutoff when they started killing harmonica guys? I think they would have stolen your harmonica on day one if you went in and you're like i'm the happy hobo prisoner they'd be like i own you now i think if you announce yourself as happy in any way but maybe like a sad because you got nothing to do in jail if someone entertained you unless you were like an improv troop then you would be murdered immediately got some suggestions for the jailed nights what what if you were all those things like the classic kind of you know hobo character in a jail but you didn't know harmonica you only knew french horn and so that was you got your friend to bring you and your friend to earn a giant cake. Like, you wouldn't be a, how did they get harmonicas in prison? I guess there was like a Morgan Freeman type character that could get things. He'd be in his ass and sneak it in.

That's right, somebody would have a smuggler and be like, don't sneeze. You sneeze out your ass? No, no. You sneeze out your ass? It's like a Martin Lawrence movie No I think you get You get one thing You're allowed You get one luck Like on Survivor

I want a gun Some guy's like I want my lucky gun I brought my flag in Texas Colby That's when I stopped watching He has to bring one thing And he brought my flag in Texas. Colby. That's when I stopped watching. He has to bring one thing and he brought a flag? Yeah.

Oh, man, that's good. He made a tent out of it. It was giant. He said he brought, I believe Colby on Survivor said every morning he thanked God for two things. One, that he was alive, and two, that he was from Texas. Oh, wow. In that order, right? Mm-hmm. One, that he was alive, and two, that he was from Texas. Oh, wow. In that order, eh? Mm-hmm.

Oh, good for him. Where is he now? What's he doing now? Is he going to replace Piers Morgan? He was one of the more charismatic survivors. I'm going to bet he's in Texas. Oh, yeah. If you're wondering where he is.

Yeah. He gave up Texas right away for Hollywood, the first chance he got. How the Hollywood flag. The first chance he got. The Hollywood flag. Imagine what's on that. Charlie Chaplin drinking at that diner with Marilyn Monroe and Sad Humphrey Bogart. Boulevard of Broken Dreams.

Yeah, that's the flag of Hollywood. Like Hawks of the Diner? Is that what it's called? Is it Boulevard of Broken Dreams? It could be called any number. We know it. I've seen it.

Well, I think it's like two different college posters. No, two different works of art. One, like there's the original. And then I think the Boulevard of Broken Dreams is all the people from the 50s. Like Elvis is the soda jerk. Jerking it. Jerking it. And then what's the original? I don't know. Dogs playing poker

in the diner? I don't know what the original is. I think that is the original. Isn't the original that just the... Oh, like you mean there might have just been one of just people at a diner. Yeah, and then they Hollywoodized it. Yeah. And everyone bought that one. Yeah. Nobody cares bought that one. Yeah, yeah.

Nobody cares about the original. They made it better. It's like when the Black Eyed Peas sample song. Anything, yeah. Back to prison. Yeah. Oh, no, we're going back? Yeah.

Well, I was a bailiff before. Well, you were held in contempt of court. I should have sworn on the Bible. Yeah. I told you. Back to prison with you, young man. How do you guys think you would fare in prison? Oh, very poorly.

Next question. Very poorly. What if you had a really nice roommate? Oh. Cellmate. Roommate. Like, if it was, if you guys got to go,

if you guys were both convicted the same day and they're like, good news, you're going to be cellmates. You don't have to be cellmates with scary people. If me and Greenwood were together,

I guess I'd be okay. We would never leave the cell. Yeah, that's it. We would just be cowering inside. I figure, like, you'd have to do something crazy because they say, like, on the first date you're supposed to, like... Are you have to do something crazy because they say, like, on the first day,

you're supposed to, like... Are you bringing your harmonica, though? I'll fucking kill you. I bring in a kazoo. Yeah, are you supposed to punch a guy on the first day or something? I didn't kill a guy.

You're supposed to kill two guys on the first day. In the morning. Why are prisons so full then? No, that's in the afternoon. If you get there in the morning, you have to kill like ten guys the first day. Because you've got to do a full day's work. Don't take kindly to slackers.

Yeah, I don't know. Does anybody go into prison and they're super popular? You know how in a TV show where an exchange student shows up at school and everybody's like, hey, that guy's cool. Is there ever a guy or gal that, I guess maybe a leader of a powerful gang or something or a celebrity? Oh, yeah, who goes into prison. And would be automatically super popular? Not in the like, I want to. I think if you had any

If they had any idea who you were Like for whatever reason You'd have trouble The second you got in there So it's better to be unknown than known? Yeah you'd think it would be great to be like Usher in prison Oh no I mean it'd be great

For the guys who are gonna Own the names Buy and sell Usher My lux radium would be the flag of Texas I mean, it'd be great for the guys who are going to own a house. If we were cellmates. Buy and sell, Usher. Yeah. My lux radium would be the flag of Texas. Then you would break a rock hammer. Yes. And we'd dig a hole and I'd hang the flag over it.

And they'd never figure it out. We'd just dig a hole into the guy's cell that's next to ours. Or behind my boxman diner. Yeah. We'd make it like one of those hotel rooms that has the extra door so that you just open it up and make a big suite. Oh, fun. Well, you've got to make sure you have nice neighbors, though.

You don't want to do that with a bunch of jerks. No, no. We've got two, hopefully, two options, and if neither of them are nice, we'll drill a hole through the floor and make kind of a fireman pole situation. I think that's a lab. Yeah. No hot plates, but you can. Yeah. No hot plates.

But you can do that. No hot plates. And you're making it seem like a dorm. We made bunk beds. You've been to university, right? Yes. Okay. Because we're uneducated, right?

I went to college, but I didn't live at university. What kind of college, though? Mount Royal College in Calgary, which is... Oh, seriously? Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. So I'm the only dummy. So were you in dorms?

I was. What posters did you have on your... Oh, well, every year a poster sale comes around. And so that's where you stock up. You spend all your September money. And I had a Star Wars one. I had a Breakfast Club one. And there was a misspelling on it.

It was an error. It was super rare. On the Breakfast Club. Yeah. I forget what it was. It was like, oh, what were they? The Breakfast Club. The Breakfast Club. No, it was whatever they, it was like um oh what were they the breakfast club breakfast clock no it was whatever

they it was uh like they called themselves a brain uh a basket case a uh was it the brian because i do that all the time no it was it was one of the um one of their like sort of nicknames within the club was like the princess the brain the, the basket case, the jock. What was Judd Nelson? Because I want to say he's the skid, but I don't think they called him... Was it Judd Hirsch? I think it was Judd Hirsch. The taxi driver. He was the taxi dispatcher.

It's time to get in. No, yeah, he was the criminal, and it said criminal. That's impossible. And what other posters did I have? I didn't have, like, the typical Bob Marley smoking a joint, pulp fiction. Take me to your dealer. Take me to your dealer. Student crossing with a street sign. What I really learned in school, lots of beers.

Lots of beer flavors. I was different. Oh! I wasn't like the other boys Different sex positions Cartoons Sure yeah That's another one I didn't have

Yeah No I think Yeah those are the only two I can remember You just said you didn't live in dorms Or go to college So I can't ask you the same thing I lived at my parents house The first apartment I i i uh moved in and i had like nothing like i just had i did the first months and last month and moved in and then i had like a chair and i literally uh instead of a table

i had like the cardboard box that i brought some stuff and i flipped it over and i was eating off of that until i could afford uh and it was just the most bare depressing and then i was like i'll get a poster because that'll give me at least something on the wall. And I can afford that because it's like $5. Right. And then I went to this record store and then there's a poster for Taxi Driver. And I was like, I love that movie. And I hung it up and it was just a crazy picture of Robert De Niro.

And I didn't put it together in my head. Like, oh, I'm trying to make my apartment less creepy and frightening. And now I just had a bare apartment with nothing in it and a picture of de niro looking like he's gonna kill me swinging bare light bulb yeah so it made like yeah totally and it made like a day before i took it down because i was like that poster freaks me out i remember uh when i was younger i would go to like the video store and they would have a box of old posters. Yeah. But they didn't ever label like what they were.

So I would just grab like, you know, a bunch of them and then I would just put up the one that I thought was kind of the okayest out of the bunch. So for a while, I had a My Blue Heaven poster.

Oh my God. That's about me. Yeah, I had a Fletch Lives, which wasn't it. That's not bad. Fletch Lives. That's not bad. Fletch Lives. Fletch is okay. Oh yeah.

You know me. I love Fletch. Abby and I were once at Crazy Mike's video and they had the same He's crazy. They had the same box of cheap posters and she picked one up and she's like, I'm going to get this. And I'm like, what? And she's like, come on, it's Viva Las Vegas. And I'm like,

nope, it's Viva Rock Vegas. She didn't even unroll it, she just, like, they were labeled. So, I'm going to get Viva Rock Vegas. He is crazy. And first of all, I don't want Viva Las Vegas in my house either. Viva Las Vegas would be a cool poster, though.

I think I believe any Elvis movie would be a cool poster. Yeah, kind of like a 60s, you know. No, no, no. No. Not one? Not one? It's not one? No.

Here's the other thing that went on this week. Oh, right. And this is weird because I haven't heard anybody like doing this on purpose in the last while I got an email from a friend of mine who said

like I'm kind of giving a week's notice here's all my contact information because I'm leaving Facebook and I haven't known anybody who's done that. Like, either they've deleted their account. And lived. Yeah, no, exactly. I don't know

anybody who's done it and lived to tell the tale. Mostly because you can't get in touch with them anymore. But yeah, is that... It seems weird, because I feel like if I did that I just would be losing touch with everyone. i'm

not gonna send somebody an email am i yeah i'm not it's um i don't know it's kind of like i am barely on facebook but it comes in handy quite a lot yeah that's to contact people so uh i'm the opposite i actually made arrangements with my wife that if I do die, she keeps the Facebook account alive. Nice. And then she'll be like, Josh is decomposing. And she would do all the things until everyone else drops off because they're just too creeped out by the constant. Oh, gross. He's updated his photo again.

Josh's fingernails are not growing. His skin is peeling off. Ew. But it's great. But yeah, like, how else would you contact people? Because, like, now with cell phones, I guess you have everyone's number programmed in. But I was talking about this with someone today. And how many phone numbers from your childhood do you remember?

All of them. I remember like three and then. I remember all the ones from childhood, but then from age 20 on, I can't, I can't even remember my old, my old phone. You were really popular as a kid.

No, I just, we didn't have a, we didn't even have a thing that showed who was calling until I left the house. Then my parents really sprang for all the good stuff. So they could start screaming. Yeah, I don't know.

Like, you had to memorize people's numbers at a point, right? It's weird that some of them stick with you. Yeah. I remember, like, I was talking to someone about this this and I was like, I remember my parents' number, my aunt's number, and Domino's. Your friend, Domino. Yeah. Yeah, he was really good at

what's the name of that game? Scrabble. Right. No, what's the name of that game? Oh, Domino. What's the one with the black and white and there that game? Oh, Domino. What's the one with the black and white and there's triangles? Oh, never mind. It's in a felt box.

Domino? Chinese checkers? Mahjong? Rutabaga? Nope. Guess who? Pizza? Pizza? Punchline Warfare? Yeah, it was pizza. It was the game of pizza. Guess who? Pizza? Pizza! Punchline word for it.

Yeah, it was pizza. It was the game of pizza. I forgot it was Domino's, so yeah. Good work, everybody. It was it. Wasn't it? Okay, so you're quitting Facebook. No!

Guys, no. Did they in the thing explain why? No, there was no explanation, but it was just kind of... Am I a friend also with this person? Because it may have just been an awkward way to get rid of you. To just be like... You're like, hey, you never said that to me. Maybe. It's possible. If you unfriend someone on Facebook, will they be notified?

Or will they notice? No, I was never notified. No, I don't think anybody would. Because I've had people where I look through and I'm like, oh, I thought we... no, I guess not. Yeah, I've... I only... Like, that I know of for sure,

I've been defriended by somebody who friended me. And then when I went back and was like, oh, I wonder what's going on with that. And I was like, hey, wait a minute. You asked me to be friends. Yeah. I think I told you this story. I can't remember if I friended him or he friended me, but a comic in town. Yeah.

We haven't talked to him in a couple of years. I can't really be offended that he was like, there's no need to keep this tie going. We don't talk. Yeah, yeah. So I had friended him. Then I looked. And then a lot of mutual friends with him. Right. They all posted, like, so-and-so's car has been stolen. Here's a picture of my profile. If you see it, contact this.

And I was like, oh, they stole this thing. So right away, I copied and pasted that message, put it in my status update, then tried to go to his thing to get the picture to put it as my profile. Because I was like, someone's going to get the car back. And I was like, oh, we're not friends anymore. So I was like, screw you get the car back and i was like oh we're not friends anymore so i was like screw you yeah fuck this guy oh man see it pays to stay on facebook yeah um well uh graham we have a uh a commercial message yes that we we'd like to to send out to all of our lady listeners. Our commercial message

is from, well, you might remember, last month, or maybe the month before. With Ivan Decker was here. Yes, that's right. And it was Fuzzy Balls Apparel. They were kind enough to send us a big box full of samples.

A vat. There was decorative egg things, kind enough to send us a big box full of samples. A vat. A vat of samples. There was decorative kind of egg things. There were t-shirts. The t-shirts, you still, I saw you in a couple of them the other day. Yeah, I wear them. You wear them two at a time? Yeah, I wear eggs.

I wear one on top and one as a pair of bottoms. Sure. And stickers and mugs and jugs. And pins. Yep. And pins. Yep. And I've given away buttons, those little buttons, the ones that you put on your lapel.

And yeah, I do. I wear, I've got three other shirts and I wear them regularly. Yeah. They're in high rotation. And they're a fantastic company. They make just these cool products with original sort of creepy,

cute designs on them. I believe their slogan is cute and creepy t-shirts and things. There you go. It's catching on. That does really sum up exactly what it is that they sell. And we got a we're doing a commercial message for them. That's what you've been listening to.

Surprise! Gorilla marketing! Supernatural. Not supernatural. Dave, I'm scared. Yeah. But very natural. Oh, Dave, I'm turned on. Let's just do what comes natural. If you go to

fuzzyballsapparel.com for all spy listeners, they're offering a podcast quality gift. Just include spy in the notes when you order, and you will receive an exclusive extra gift free, just for listening to your

favorite podcast. Which is us. Spy. Or stop podcasting yourself. If you made it this far, we're clearly your favorite podcast. Wait, you mean on this episode? Yeah. This episode's been great. No, this episode has been great so far. A lot of prison talk.

Yeah. Our favorite. Yeah, field trips and prison. Ooh, have you ever taken a field trip to prison? It's called Scared Straight. Yeah. Did they ever do it for, like, normal kids? Sorry, that was bad. I think I made kids seem less than. Sorry, that was bad. I think I made kids seem less than. Did they ever do that? Have they ever had a field trip for... Normies?

Yeah. Kids that didn't need to be scared, they're just scared the way you are? Yeah. Just scared to stay scared? Well, just like kids who are super interested in punishment. I like that it's called the Stay Scared program.

You're already kind of scared of prison? We're just going to reinforce that. Reinforce that. And now you have some, you go to a dominatrix once a week. Or do they do like a do like a scared straight program for white collar criminals at like a super club fed style

prison with just like Harvard grads. Money launderers. for white-collar criminals at a super club-fed style prison with just Harvard grads, money launderers. Do you think that the Harvard grads and the Yale grads separate off into gangs a la Oz, where they're like, yeah, I'm going to form an alliance with Vassar. With the Crimps. Vassar's all women. I know.

So controversial. What would they sneak in the cakes? With Vassar. With the Crimson. Vassar's all women. I know. Ooh. So controversial. What would they sneak in the cakes? What would they put in the cake there? Oh, those little triangle flags that say, go Harvard. Go Harvard. Shouldn't have done it. That is fuzzyballsapparel.com.

Yeah. Check it out. Check it out. Podcast quality gift. Hey, Graham. What? Do you want to move on to some overheards? I do. Overheard.

Overheard. Wait, wait, Dave. Okay. I would like to propose a new segment. Oh, yeah? Yeah. No, I'm excited about this. Yeah, okay.

I don't know nothing about nothing. I like to propose a segment. I think it would work well in the show called Is That a Thing? because I listen to the show a lot and I notice Graham is often uncertain if something is a thing or not it's a constant thing you're always like, is that a thing?

and then I could name something or you name something and then Graham has to guess whether it's a thing or not I like that I haven't thought it out much beyond that. Do you have any examples? Or a theme song? No, none of those.

I prepared it in no way. But I do like it. It was more or less today. Give us an example of something that I had wondered. Making an omelet out of an ostrich egg. Is that a thing? Yeah, is that a thing? Yeah.

I know you can make an ostrich burger, but could you make... I know you can buy ostrich eggs at like a Whole Foods on Top Chef. I read it once in a Sherwood Anderson story. Is that right? Oh, right. So that would be a giant... A four character. That would be like a man versus food size omelet, right?

I don't think they... I remember on Top Chef, someone wanted to make one. And I was like, why? I was like, why? Yeah. But they didn't ask me. They made an omelet out of an ostrich egg? Yeah.

So it is a thing then. Wow. Well, they've tried to make something. I didn't know it was a thing. They tried to make something out of an ostrich egg, but it doesn't cook the same way a human egg cooks. But they... Chicken egg cooks. And it also stinks oh really yeah oh wow but it is like a

little dinosaur egg like so not a dinosaur egg uh brontosaurus oh yeah no i know that's not a thing you just described it uh it's actually a brachiosaurus. But if you told me earlier in the week that triceratops are those a thing, I would have said yes, absolutely. But now that you said that they've been challenged as a thing. That was, we had a big dinosaur talk during the break. Yeah. Graham learned about the birds and the bees and me. And the pterodactyls and the things that they have sex with. Female pterodactyls the pterodactyls and the things that they have sex with. Female pterodactyls.

Pterodactyls. Pterodactyls? Terry and the pterodactyls. Pterodactyl? Well, it's not the worst. Oh, God. I like it, though. I like it, too.

I would like Dave to whip up some things that may or may not be things Is that a thing? Okay, sure Wait, is this segment a thing? Wait, is it a thing? It's getting very philosophical now It just folded in on itself For the next episode or right now? Well, no, I'm not expecting you to

Generate on the spot Because I was not aware. I didn't know we would be talking about this. Also, your socks look like prisoner socks. I just realized that right now. Prisoner socks, is that a thing? Yeah, well, they must be. Yeah, they must get issued socks.

I know that in some prisons they have, instead of shoes, they have kind of like a slipper. Like an espadrille. What's that? It's like a slipper. Is that a thing?ille. What's that? It's like a slipper. Is that a thing? See, that's exactly how I would go in a normal conversation with you. Make it a segment now.

But do my socks look like prisoner socks or do they look like Hamburglar socks? Oh, yeah, but he was a prisoner. But why would he wear... No, he wasn't. He would wear prison gear. You know, he did time. Because he had a stripy outfit on. Why would the burglars, because just burglars in general wear striped clothes.

Why would you wear that? You'd want to look as less like a burglar. Yeah. Oh, yeah, exactly. And why don't modern burglars wear one-piece orange jumpsuits? Ah, good question. Well, because black and white stripes, like the zebra, good camouflage. Bright orange jumpsuit, unless you're robbing a place that's on fire, not as good camouflage. You're stealing traffic pylons from the store, from the factory.

And the Brit, I remember when I was a kid, we used to get comic books from my aunt in Ireland. And she would say, like like all the prisoners in those their outfits were arrows pointing upwards like instead of stripes it was a series of upward pointing arrows was what their prisoner outfit okay now in this segment now i'm saying that's not a thing this is the challenge okay you're trying to trick me with that not things were european people yeah the british like the brit the old-timey like how the old-timey prisoner outfits in america were stripes in britain they were these upward pointing arrows i don't know why i don't like a uh like a

herringbone pattern or like a full arrow yeah i'm I'm picturing full arrows. Yeah, like that. But not quite... We'll look them up on the... Dave might have to post a picture on our blog. Yeah, I'll post these on the blog. But this is infuriating. At StopPodcastYourself.com. Should I describe something else that's hard to describe? Yeah.

What do British ambulance sirens sound like? Like they're the audio equivalent of an upward pointing arrow. Oh, the worst. Oh, bird herds. A segment about hearing things with your ears. Yeah. Or seeing things with your eyes.

Or with your heart. Oh, right. Yeah. We always like to start with the guest. You being the guest. Josh. Okay, yeah. start with the guest. You being the guest. Josh. Yeah. Stubbsy.

Stubbsy. Stubbsy. Yeah. So I got kind of one here. Because since I was on last year. Yeah. Every week at least something happens that I went, that'd be a perfect overheard. And then you called me on Sunday and I blanked on every single one and today i was

like i gotta hear something please uh and then like i go to all these construction sites as a construction site i had to actually use the the porta potty there the john which i hate using because uh i don't know if you ever been on a construction site oh yeah but you go inside and it's just it's just writing everywhere inside and just uh oh, it just, no, it's just crude and just racist thing. And just the most horrible sexist and just drawings. Like, um, those cave paintings with the,

where they throw the spears at the mammoth. It has more maturity than the drawings they put in here. So, uh, uh, I go on it. And then on the back of the door, someone wrote things I like.

And then it was like 10 things. And it was like, pussy, metal, cocaine, fucking people up. Like, just crazy stuff. And then at the end, it said, weed. And then someone changed it, so it said, weeds, the TV show. Take that. Take that, Matthew. Totally. Matthew would do something like that.

Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh. I guess the porta potty on a construction site reminds me a bit of what I imagine prison would be like. Yeah. Except with everyone has a pen for some reason. Yeah, yeah.

I think there was probably some overlap. Yeah. Maybe people had gotten out of prison. Right, right, right. Went to the porta potty. I'm not used to being on a toilet that's closed in. I'm used to one in the middle of the room. Yeah, yeah.

You can use the door open just to feel comfortable. Speaking of porta potties, I watched the third Jackass movie over the weekend. And have either of you guys seen it? No. It's weird. If you ever do see it, tell me that Steve-O doesn't seem like he really doesn't want to be there. Like, it seems like probably he needed the money, but it feels very much like of the group, he's the one guy who's like, I'm kind of past being Steve-O. I don't really want to do this anymore. Because in every scene where they're doing something gross, he throws up.

So he's not interested in seeing something gross anymore and physically he's not interested and the lead up in one of the stunts he was complaining like the whole time like he's like i wish i wasn't steve-o and it's like when he said that i was like wow what a deep thing for steve-o to say uh but yeah every man with a giant steve-o tattoo yeah yeah yeah life size but yeah it's it's strange because everybody else kind of seems like i mean they're all too old to be doing the things they're doing and so kind of the fun of some of the more bone crunching things are like ah that's gonna hurt for a long time uh but he's the one who kind of seems like, I guess he doesn't drink anymore. Right.

Completely. Now, Johnny Knoxville had an acting career briefly. Yeah. Bam Margera. He had his own television show. And he's a skateboarder professionally. Yeah. A lot of them are professional skateboarders and the like.

Yeah. He apparently makes $2 million a year just to wear a certain type of clothing, like a skateboard company. As long as he wore it in the TV shows he was on, he'd just have checked for $2 million. He didn't have to mention it or anything. He just had to wear what he would wear.

Does Steve-O have another gig? No. I mean, he's Steve-O have another gig? No. I mean, he's Steve-O. Did he ever try to do movies or have a rap song? Yeah. Dude, the Steve-O. He did. He released a rap album.

Did he have a dance craze? Did he have a cereal? Because that would be awesome. It's so simple. Steve-O-O's. Steve-O's. He did. He put out a rap album oh he really did yeah oh okay i was joking now no i know and uh i only realized that it was in the movie at one point they said do you guys want to i don't know you know put a snake in your pants or listen to steve-o's rap album and

everybody's like snake in the pants also there's a guy who could fart on command in the movie that was pretty great yeah he could use a blow dart gun using his butt oh my wow yeah so that's worth kind of you know whatever uh i don't think the the problem with being able to fart on command is the constant command like would you be able to like Like, would you be able to resist the command? Like, nope. As soon as someone says it, you have to do it. Like, physically, your body won't... Like a genie? Yeah.

Is it like it's a certain word? Or it's like you make a deal with the devil. Like, I wish I could fart on command. And the devil always sort of tricks you in your deal. Oh, yes, but these are commands. And anyone can command you. And the code word is the.

Apparently there was, this is true, there was a guy in medieval France that could do that. He could fart on command and he became a national celebrity. The king thought...

No, it wasn't medieval. It was in the... Was it later? It was Victorian. It was like a vaudeville Victorian. So you know this is a true... I only know it because in Blazing Saddles, one of the characters was that dude's name. Yeah. It was like a piece of trivia or something.

Yeah, well, Michael J. Fox wanted to make a movie about this guy's life. It's true. What era Michael J. Fox? Post Spin City, Michael J. Fox was actively trying to

make a biopic. But I think his name was Lepetome. Uh-huh, sure. I think that's what it was, but I could be wrong. Well, pet means fart. Yeah, so I think it was Lepetome. But he could, like, sit in a bucket of water and create a fountain, like, out of his butt. Fact.

This is a fact. My favorite French freak is... I appreciate that you said it was a fact and not a thing. Yeah, is this a thing? Yes, it is a thing. It is a thing. My favorite French freak is Monsieur Mange-Tout, who is the man who can eat anything.

Oh, he ate a plane. He ate a plane, ate a bicycle. Just be careful if he asks you to share a cab. Right? Boo. bicycle just be careful if he asked you to share a cab right boom dave do you have an overheard why as a matter of fact i do i was hanging out with my friends uh steve-o and miss you mommas too mr eat everything yeah no um this is a few months old, but Abby reminded me that it existed. We are pre-recording this one, this episode on March 22nd. We are banking a whole bunch while Graham is away the month of April. And so it's hard to come up with a bunch of overheards, but thankfully, I was reminded of this overheard. A kid this past year was, there were a couple, you know, snotty neighborhood kids hanging out outside the house.

And Abby overheard this conversation between two of them. And they were talking about the kid who lives above me, who I will not give his name, but let's call him Kevin. Okay. He's home alone. Yes. Someone ate all his cheese pizza. So the two kids outside said, hey, look at that window. That's Kevin's bathroom.

And the other kid said, no way. Unfathomable that a kid could have a bathroom. Yeah. Well, when I was a kid, it is unfathomable that a kid could have a bathroom yeah well when i was a kid i it's it is unfathomable well it's not his own it's not his own bathroom oh that i would have been shocked like a kid with his own bathroom how great would that be well it'd be disgusting there's no way a kid would clean a bathroom i had alistair has his own bathroom does. Wow, he's the richest kid I know. I had my own bathroom once all my siblings moved out. Wow. Wow. I never had my own bathroom.

You're the oldest. Yeah. You always had to share it. But once the older kids move out, you get everything. That's true. But like, Alistair has a bathroom in his room or connected to his room? Well, next to his room. It's two bathrooms because it's a suite designed for a daycare. So it's like a kid's bathroom and then our bathroom.

So all the fun stuff is in the kid's bathroom. Well, the toilet is, yeah. Is it a tiny toilet? No, no. It's like normal. Because I always shave when he's in the bathtub. And then he's like, you can use my bathroom if you want. Aw.

Does he do fake shave? No. No no no that's always fun isn't it you ever do that when you were a kid uh probably i i remember i once i shaved my arm with a real like dick but with no razor blade just like ripping the skin like like a whole uh like this is the skin. Oh, God! Like, a whole... This is the worst story. You know when they were putting grass on a place and they just unrolled? Oh, no, no, no! This story is the worst! Stop telling the story! Stop it!

There was no blood, though. It was weird. Stop it, it's gross. It is gross. You're grossing everybody out. Overheard's for you. Oh, my overheard, like you said, hard to come by an overheard in such a short span of time. But I got lucky tonight.

Oh, really? Yeah. I got lucky tonight, guys. But in the past? No, just on the break between Get to Know Us and Overheard. Oh, I got one minute. Oh. You were left alone with Grandpa.

between Get to Know Us and Overwintered. Oh, I got one minute. You were left alone with Grandpa. When I was at home, there was somebody had called... It's not called AAA. It's called CAA, right? In Canada, it's called... Here, it's BCAA. British Columbia Audio Association.

Somebody had either, I don't know, locked their keys out of their car, the car engine wouldn't start. Anyways, what was occurring was the guy was trying to help them with their engine problems, but the car alarm would not shut off. So he was spending most of his time trying to disconnect the car alarm so that he could fix whatever the problem was. And so it was just like the car

alarm would go off then it would stop then it'd go off again then it would stop this went on for honestly 35 minutes just constantly and it was one of the ones with the honk honk honk like that uh the crazy carnival experience and uh after about like i think at the 32 minute mark there was the longest silence and then uh it started up again and you could hear him yell over top of it well fuck i know poor guy you almost had it but they uh drove away just moments before uh before you showed up oh before i picked gray minivan oh great minivan that's right i actually remembered one while we were sitting here oh that's perfect if you want and then you can edit whatever the better one in is if you want no no we like to book at this point

okay yeah uh i remember i was in a i was in a in chilliwack oh yeah walmart oh god it starts out well chilliwack is a a um distant sub Vancouver named after the rock band from the 70s. Exactly. Yes. Yeah. And so we're in the Walmart. And then mother's walking by with her daughter. The daughter is probably about 6'7", I'd say, something like that.

The mother is probably about 26. So right away, you start doing some math. And then the little girl went, Mom, do you know who Lady Gaga is? And then the mother leaned in really close and went, Duh. Super mean. God, you're such a dumb kid.

Don't you read Life in Style? You got your brains from your stupid dad. He doesn't know who Lady Gaga is either. He acts like he doesn't know who she is, but he knows. We also have overheards sent in to us by listeners. If you would like to do the same, you can send them into stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com. Uh, like these people,

this first one comes from somebody who has just identified themselves as a D. So that's either a name or a, you know, prison handle, whatever. Um, a D, uh,

this is overheard, exasperated woman outside a gas station yelling into a cell phone. I only caught a snippet of her side of the conversation, which consisted of, uh, the dog uses its own eyes and pulls him around. He can't see through the dog's eyes. Then a pause where she sighed and said,

no, even if he was connected to the internet, he can't see through the dog's eyes. Then a pause where she sighed and said, no, even if he was connected to the internet, he can't see through the dog's eyes. It just pulls him around. Another long pause. I think the dogs are trained not to pull people into places where people can't fit.

So somebody thought that there's some sort of Freaky Friday. An actual seeing eye dog Yeah like you get the dog And then you can see through the dog's eyes Would you be frustrated that it was just black and white? Yeah and also dog level Sure

So all you'd be seeing is people's knees And people petting your face Please don't pet my dog And other dog's butts. Hey, get my eyes away from that dog's butt. That's awesome. Just find the pet incontestating. No one ever pets a blind person.

You're not supposed to. No, you're not. Oh yeah, they have a job to do. You're a bib. This next one comes from Martin U u i went to martin u i was waiting at the deli counter behind a woman and her young son the woman dropped her keys on the floor and muttered fuck under her breath the son gasped and then yelled at his mother don't say fuck don't say shit don't say damn and don't say shit. Don't say damn. And don't say gas hole. Good one, kid.

Did your parents ever swear in front of you? Yeah, all the time. My mom swears up at dawn. Blue streak. Not often. My mother probably more than my father. It was a big deal. Was your dad the swearer or your mom?

My mother, definitely. Yeah, yeah, my mom dad i don't think he doesn't swear very much neither of mine did and because i remember if we ever caught them it was a big deal yeah and then you'd have tacos yeah it was a big so we got tacos and it was only ever in traffic or when I You know, played with the stove My dad would swear When something Like broke Either if we broke it or he broke it

Or just broke on his own That seemed to be a time when he was big on Swearing it up But my mom would just swear You know, she liked the F word And the SH word and the sh word yeah my dad like when he said crap like that was uh he he could put more power in that than me swearing i guess 50 swear words like he could really give it some emphasis and it's how

you say it like it really is like you can really you know uh you ever find when you're really mad and you swear and you make up swear combinations just on the fly that you're like well it's not bad for something I made up while I was angry I called somebody a fuckwad last week none of that one that's not bad

no but I don't feel like where would I have picked that up from fuckwad I don't know internet yeah I guess so fuck like... Where would I have picked that up from, fuckwad? I don't know. Internet? Yeah, I guess so. Fuckwad, where would I... YouTube comments? Is that in movies?

That's not really in movies. But, like, I don't think I would use any movie swears. Yeah, you can't afford those. They're a little prestigious. To get the rights to them. Dreams. Our last overheard in the written form comes from Keely W. I have a quick overheard.

My sister and I were about to leave Target when I caught about five seconds of a conversation. Two middle-aged women were walking towards us, and as we passed them, I heard, Anne Frank, you know, she took all those pictures of the cute babies. Anne Geddes, everybody. Anne Frank, Di know, she took all those pictures of the cute babies. Anne Geddes, everybody. Anne Frank, Diarrhea of. Yep. You said that fast. I thought you were saying something about diarrhea.

I was all, what? Diarrhea. Anne Frank, Diarrhea of. Famous for diarrhea. Well, that would be the worst if I said that, but I didn't. for diarrhea. Well, that would be the worst if I said that, but I didn't.

I'm doing this thing at CBC right now that involves... A harmonica? Yeah, a harmonica. No, a few local comics, and I had to get a voided check from a few people, and today, a former guest, Erica Sigurdsson, came

down to my work to give me a voided check, and her checks are Anne Getty's checks. Unironically too, right? I don't know. Hard to say. Yeah. But maybe as a conversation starter, like, is this ironic? Don't you think? It could start the wrong

conversation of oh i love ann getty's and then you're stuck in an ann getty's i would have so loved though if that was a like a cbc guy in the stairwell like if it was like stewart mclean or someone oh yeah we're good on a piece of poorly I know, Canadian Right, right It makes Dave so sad No, it's not sad, Matt Listen, I'm trying to get us into the big time I'm tired of people saying

this show is a little bit too Canadian because usually I don't understand why Do you get a lot of those comments? We do Yeah, for some reason Is it because of our constant Canadian references? It's not usually though. It's just this episode

and four episodes ago. And we also have weird Canadian accents. Yeah, we do. It's not a boot. The night Cobain died, I was backpacking in Europe and I got horribly drunk uh and then uh like

like insanely insanely drunk and then uh it was probably a bunch of american guys i was only canadian and they would constantly make fun of the way i talked yeah and they'd be like say who's and i'd be like uh house and they'd say it just the same as like i couldn't hear any difference and then they would laugh hysterically and i'd be like you say it and they'd say about and i'd say it just the same as like I couldn't hear any difference and then they would laugh hysterically and I'd be like you say it and they'd say about and I'd say aboot but I couldn't hear

a difference they would laugh every time and hear a difference so anyway I was horribly drunk Kurt Cobain died I took it

incredibly badly only because I was terribly drunk I was the only suddenly I was the greatest Kurt Cobain fan in the world I can't believe Kurt's dead totally I was like only, suddenly I was the greatest Kurt Cobain fan in the world.

I can't believe Kurt's dead. Totally. I was like, my child is destroyed. I was just like going off. I couldn't believe he died and stuff. And then I was like, what's life about? And they were like, what's life about? And I was like, now's not the time.

And I just went crazy. And I was like like leave me alone I don't understand and they're like what's it about Josh I'm embarrassed just telling that story that is a great story wow oh man

rest in peace yeah Wow. Oh, man. Rest in peace. Yeah. In addition, oh, by the way, apparently there's a new Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love duet that has been uncovered. Oh, Unforgettable? Yes. No, it's not just an old recording. With her over top of it. Yeah.

Never mind. We're over top of it. Yeah. Never mind. We're recording this in March. This will be out in like four weeks. One of my favorite things is after when the Beatles kind of got back together or whatever. Oh, yeah. It's that weird tape with John Lennon when they all sang over top of it or whatever. Free as a bird. Yeah.

John Lennon when they all sang over top of whatever free as a bird yeah one of my one of my favorite things on Conan O'Brien

had been on for like three weeks at a time and then they were like oh now they're just releasing every recording or whatever like they were talking

about these new singles that the Beatles had coming out and one of them was just like it was John Lennon going like leave a message

after the beep beep beep beep yeah pretty good yeah and yeah pretty good in addition to overheards that have been written in we also get overheards called in

and if you would like to write us our email address is stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.aboot and if you would like to call us our phone number is 206-339-8328. Oh, and by the way,

the theme of today's phoned-in overheards is, so what? Oh, okay. All right. These people overheard things, and once I listened to their calls, I thought, so what? Okay.

All right. Let's see. They didn't really hear over here anything interesting? Well, you'll hear. Hey, stop podcasting yourself. This is Willens from Kentucky. I just overheard an older gentleman in

a restaurant asking the waitress to bring an extra tub of gravy because he wanted to dip his fries in it. All right. Thanks, guys. Love the show. Bye.

That's not the weird part, but the extra tub of gravy, I think, if they were actually using the word tub. I don't think it was. I think he just chose the word tub. I think he's calling because he thinks it's weird that a guy is dipping fries in gravy. Isn't that what gravy's for? Yeah. So for? Yeah. So what?

Yeah, what do you do with gravy? Exactly. Josh, we're looking to you. I don't know. Because I feel like I've been persecuted for being Canadian a lot right now. Yeah, yeah. Well, hey. Oh, right.

Now I'm thinking perhaps it's just a Canadian thing, isn't it? It might be. What do they do in the States with gravy? I guess maybe they... Drink it with a straw. I have no idea. You would have gravy at a Thanksgiving dinner. But maybe you would put gravy on top of a thing

as opposed to... You'd put it on mashed potatoes, I don't know. Because Billy Bob Thornton was upset. That's right. Well, his character, Sling Blade. Terry Sling Blade. Do they have swish la in the states nothing tastes as good as swish but that's where i got dipping some fries in a thing yeah i but i got it from my friend i dipping fries and gravy from my friend whose parents were british yeah but i know vinegar is big is the in the is more of a british thing yeah oh yeah vinegar and

also in like is it france where the whole mayonnaise belgium i think oh belgium yeah well that solves that well uh yeah but still a tub of gravy is too much i don't think you meant a bathtub no i know but a tub of like a tub would be an extra size but how many fries did he have gravy comes in a boat not a tub yeah if you, a tub would be the size of your head. But how many fries did he have? Gravy comes in a boat, not a tub. Yeah. If you dipped gravy in a, if you're dipping fries in a gravy boat, I would object. Sure. That's what I'd be like.

I'd call you quickly. I wouldn't object. I would object if you wanted an additional tub. Yeah, like, we've already given you one tub. Like, because even you would say a tub of ice cream, like, if you had an equivalent of gravy, that's too much gravy. Just, we're trying to work out logistics. Gravy-wise.

So, what? Hey, Dave and Graham. It's Pete from Watertown, South Dakota. Me and my son are walking to the grocery store, and there was a jogger jogging through an intersection but he was doing the

I'm boxing the air kind of motion kind of just punching into the air and I thought that was kind of you don't see everyday and I wanted to share it with you you know what I'm glad that he I really liked that call because it sounded like I'm calling

you, rethinking this whole parachuting thing. Totally. Falling out of the sky. Wow, that was a windy phone call. But if you missed what he was talking about I totally missed it. You saw a guy jogging

doing the boxing thing while he was jogging. So what? I really like the windiness of that phone call. And also that he was calling while he was crossing the street. Maybe wait until you get away out of harm's way.

Get your kid across the street before you... I liked it. Thanks for calling. I can't hold your hand right now. before you... Oh, man. Yeah. I liked it. Thanks for calling. I can't hold your hand right now. I'm making a phone call. To a podcast. Did he...

Did the jogger run on the spot while he was waiting for the light to change before he crossed? Oh, that's the worst day. Probably not. I don't know. That's about as interesting as the guy punching. Right? I was jogging once and was running, kind of jogging on the spot like that, waiting for the light to change. And a guy went, can I bum a smoke off you?

And I was like, how? Like, I know I'm not a fit dude, but how on, like, a runner can I look if someone's going to bum a smoke off me while I'm jogging? Are you wearing jeans and cowboy boots? Yeah. The only reason you slow down when you're running is to pick up cigarette butts. And another call that made me say, so what? Aye, aye. Hey, Dave and Graham, and best guest ever.

Finally. Better than the other one. This is Adam from Morseville, Vermont, this time, USA, which, if you're curious, is about an hour away from the city of Burlington Coat Factory, calling in with another overheard. I was in McDonald's today, don't worry, I only worked there, on my lunch break when I saw two young ladies sitting a few tables down from me. The first lady says, my mom's all mad that I keep getting tattoos. It's not that bad, they're pretty cool. And the other woman goes, oh, yeah, what are they? It's like, well, I've got this butterfly here, and this one's a

tribal band, and this one over here is the Chinese symbol for spirit. And the other one Yeah, I agree with you on that one. Yeah. I loved the call. Yeah. He said it was the best guest ever, so I'm happy. Yeah, and also he was calling on his breakup, McDonald's. Yeah. It's, ah, see, now that's, speaking of past guests, Erica Sigurdsson,

you mentioned McDonald's and you're in for... Because she used to be the employee of the month at McDonald's. I was at a party and I was sitting next to Erica and then another guy sat at the table and somehow it came up that he used to work at McDonald's. And then I left the table. They were talking about McDonald's.

I came back 45 minutes later still talking about McDonald's protocol. I guess it's like being in an army. Just how terrible it is? No, just like this thing, that thing. What was the, you know? Oh, at my McDonald's. Yeah, exactly. We had to deep fry things for 35 minutes.

Yeah, I think it's like if you did it, it's like, you know, like, yeah, what company were you in, and how long were you deployed for, or whatever. And they just, yeah. Old war stories. Old army buddies. Now, we did get one more phone call. And this refers to an episode that I think is

four episodes ago. The Amanda Brooke Perrin episode. Yeah. But at the time we received the phone call, it was the most recent episode. We're banking a ton of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. And so in that, we talked about the Rockapella coffee ad. Yes. Where they did an ad.

In the podcast, we said they did an ad for Maxwell House, and I think they actually did an ad for Folgers, and I actually posted the correct ad on our blog. At StopPodcastYourself.com or MaximumFun.org. So don't check our blog at your own peril. But this person called in after that episode and wanted to correct us. And usually I hate it when people want to correct us. Especially when we corrected ourselves on our own blog. Dave, slow down. Slow down and relax. But

I usually hate it when people correct us, but this call is fantastic. Okay. You'll really, really enjoy it. I hope it's from Rockabella. Hi, Dave. Hi, Graham. I was just listening

to the Amanda Brooke Perrin episode and wanted to share what a tremendous geek I am. She was talking about her brother being in an acapella group. And, yeah,

you mentioned that Rockabella did maybe a Maxwell House commercial. As soon as you said that, I immediately, while sitting in a restaurant, said to myself, I was having breakfast, and I said, it wasn't Maxwell House, you guys soon as you said that, I immediately, while sitting in a restaurant, said to myself, I was having breakfast,

and I said, it wasn't Maxwell House, you guys, it was Folgers. And then I immediately sang the theme song in my head to the Folgers commercial.

I think I'll do that for you right now. Yes, please. It's burning a hole in my brain, and it goes like this. Every day I wake up and pour myself a cup

of that rich Folgers aroma. The best part of waking up, it's the doo-wop, doo-wop. And all I do, the mountain-grown aroma always coming through. Oh, the best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup. Now I'm right in harmony with that doo-wop, doo-wop city. Whoa, one more cup and it's a hoo-wop, shabop for me. Oh, the best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup. The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup.

That's the theme song, and that's what a tremendous nerd I am. And a guy just walked in front of me, looks kind of homeless, looks a lot like Tom Barringer, and he just picked a hat off the ground, carrying it away, and it's dripping water. Oh, man. That was the greatest. Well, there's no top in that. But unless you're going to be an amazing singer... Yeah, great voice, by the way.

Do not correct us. We've already corrected ourselves. If you want to correct us, you have to call it in singing. That's the only way we'll accept a correction. And you have to outdo that guy. Like, the next person who corrects us

has to be four dudes in four-part harmony. Yeah, or musical accompaniment. We'll accept that as well. That would be great. I don't know if you remember this. There was a guy, I was at Laugh Lines once

and a guy showed up and he was in town for two weeks and he was this comic from L.A. and he was all dressed like total rock star guy, which was kind of hard. Always when it's a comic.

He was totally all rocking out. And he caught up such attitude with everybody. And so I was like, what are you doing? He was like, I'm filming something. And I was like, what are you filming? He's like, a commercial. I'm pretending to play bass in a band in a commercial. And I was like, what's it for?

He's like, Folgers. And I was like, what? Hey, man, it's a gig, alright? It's a gig. If you would like to call in to sing Correct Us, or with an overheard, 206-339-8328.

You know what? I encourage you to actually sing Correct Us. As a matter of fact, I'm gonna say Pluto's still a planet. There you go. Let's just say things that people will correct. Don't worry. Eventually, in the course of any episode, I will say something that is completely untrue.

Captain Kirk is my favorite character in Star Wars. Even though we're backlogging this, we're 80 years old today. Oh, fantastic. Yeah. I thought Gene Hackman played Captain Kirk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Judd Hirsch was also in The Breakfast Club. Yeah.

Fact. If you want to check out the blog recaps, which, like the Folgers commercial, add to the experience, you can head on over to MaximumFun.org and click on the Stop Podcasting Yourself tab on the front page. Or just go to StopPodcastingYourself.com and it'll take you right there. And Josh, thanks so much for being our guest. Oh, thank you so much.

A pleasure, yeah. Do you have anywhere online that you want to plug? Yeah, you can go to JoshStubbs.com. Love it. My website for my work as a technical writer. It will be of very little interest to any of your listeners,

but I would appreciate the hits because I just started so I can go, hey, I got as many hits. But if you would like to know some of my essays, some of my views on technical writing,

if you'd like to know how William Shakespeare's plays would have been different if he'd used proper document control procedures on his files. That's one of the essays I've written there.

I think it would have looked a little something. Like this. If you'd like to know the whole, you mentioned already, the Pluto as a planet. If they'd used proper naming conventions, how the solar system would have been organized better.

Wow. It's another. Joshdubs.com. Yeah, yeah. No one is going there now after that. I think you're wrong. We just had a guy sing acapella Folgers commercial to us. That's true. Yeah, anything is possible. And he's true. Yeah. Anything is possible.

And he was amazing. Yeah, he was amazing. Great, great voice. Great tone, everything. If we're ever, like, super famous, like, that guy should be our opening act. Yeah. The Folgers guy? Yeah.

Yeah, but only over the phone. Oh, no, yeah. Opening act on our podcast. Yeah. If we're super famous and doing the same thing. Yeah. Yeah, exactly Dave, anything that you need to plug?

We're going to be at a show It might be sold out by the time this episode's out We're going to be You're going to host a show Oh, I'm hosting, okay That features me and Charlie Demers And Hannibal Buress All the way from New York City

And that's on June 14th at the Biltmore Cabaret in Vancouver. Ticket information is in a Facebook group. Yeah, there's no... I'm sure if you went to the Biltmore website, there'd be a link. There might be. Sure. Well, maybe not.

What if we're not the promoters? Yeah, exactly. And thanks, everybody, for listening. If you like the show please do tell your friends and visit MaximumFun.org and why don't you check out Fuzzy Balls Apparel while you're on the internet. Please, by all means. And for all your technical

writing needs, JoshStubbs.com Thanks for listening everybody and tune in next week for another enthralling episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.