Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 166 - Brent Butt

Episode Date: May 17, 2011

Comedian and TV star Brent Butt joins us to talk conspiracies, Gigolos, and backstage riders.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 166 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's thrilled to bits that we just stomped one of our opponents in the playoffs. By the time you're listening to this, we'll probably be in another round and who knows what that'll hold. Mr. Dave Shumka.

Yeah, the second round is over. It's great. It's not really a sports show. People areumka. Yeah. The second round is over. It's great. It's not really a sports show. People are tearing their hair out. And our guest today, a legend of Canadian show business, and not just Canadian show business, American.

You're in America. Also, Egyptian show business as well. The two countries, Canada and Egypt. He's conquered both. His CTV television show, Hiccups, will be debuting its second season starting May 30th.

Our guest today, Mr. Brent Butt. Hello, fellows. Thanks for joining us. My pleasure. I was supposed to be here previously. Thanks for letting me off the hook. I had a personal thing come up. Sure. And in a panic I called. Because you don't want to piss off Shumka.

No, I know. But how cool was I? I was like, hey, come on, forget about it. You were like, was that tonight? Oh, glad you called. Should we get to know us? Sure. Get to know us? Sure. Get to know us.

Now, the whole day today, we were having back and forth via text message, and your autocorrect was owning you. Yeah, I think they shouldn't call it autocorrect, because it's rarely correct. It doesn't go, oh, I think what you really mean is this. It's like, no, you're way off on that. You're not even close. You've turned peanut butter into philistine. It's not autocorrect.

It should be like auto-random. Because you were saying, well, I'll come over after the game, but then it came out as I'll come over after the fame. Yeah, after the fame. When the fame is over, which it never will be. Yeah, exactly. You want to live forever. Fame, which it never will be yeah exactly you want to live forever fame i'm gonna live forever i want to learn how to die that's what if you tried to do the lyrics of fame i want to learn how to fry i think you mean and then when i said i was uh

coming over here in a cab it said can i'm waiting i'm waiting on my can yeah yeah which i was technically but it wouldn't even be a car. Car would have been better. Yeah, car would have even been better. That's why I said it shouldn't be autocorrect. Yeah. Auto wrong. Well, thanks for being our guest.

I know you're a very busy man. What's going on for you lately? I like to give the impression that I'm busier than I am, actually. Yeah. Truthfully. People, you know, there are chunks of my chunks of your hands always covered in ink yeah i always have like a little soot on my face i'm a chimney sweep as well as tv producer but i uh uh you know i'm very busy for chunks of the year yeah and then that kind of carries over people see me working

17 hours a day for a little while, and then they think, oh, that's how he works all the time. And who am I to tell him otherwise? I let them think I'm the hardest working man who ever lived. We understand that you're two hours late. You're a very busy man. Yeah, exactly. It really affords you some leeway.

And you've worked as a... You're a producer and a writer and a star of a television... Long time running television series here in Canada and now another television series here in Canada. What we're saying is

you're probably the biggest guest we've ever had. Yeah, we were talking. Yeah, we were thinking about it. We were like, well, it's... You had Paul F. Tompkins, who I'm a big fan of. Yeah.

You guys went on uh you went on the road to see him you you left the confines of your studio yeah to meet him somewhere to a hotel uh uh ballroom yeah we recorded with him and he was in town at a ball he was here for a big ball yeah he loves to go to ball he was officiating that's what it says on his business card Comic MC Boss And the people who know get it Yeah He was holding a glass slipper the whole while Looking over his shoulder trying to see If there was a lovely young lass

Anytime someone walked in the back of the room He'd get really excited Will you try this on please Speaking of that All that that stuff, did you, like, we never talked about the royal wedding stuff at all. Did you watch it? No. Did I talk about it? I saw the highlights.

I think we talked a bit about it a couple episodes ago. It seems like our country, Canada, was as obsessed as, like, the British would be. But it seems like we shouldn't be. We still have the lady on our money. Yeah. We have one of our provinces that says British right in the name of it. We're right on board. Until it comes to politics, then we kind of put our foot down.

We say, we're really going to do what we want to do. We'd still like you to sign this. For the whole sugar-me-do. You know, the old, you're the queen and stuff. The old Sasquahanna shuffle that we do. But really. Yeah, no, we're still very into the moniker here. Did you watch it?

Or just highlights? I put on my best bonnet. And I went down to the Hotel Vancouver at 2 a.m., and I demanded to be called the Duke the whole while I'm there. No, I didn't. I watched, as Dave said, the highlights, although that's kind of a misnomer, isn't it? I watched some people in a carriage, and I saw some people kissing a balcony, and then I kind of wandered off.

But my wife, Nancy, she's into it. She's kind of a... Is she crazy for the Brits? Well, she loves all things British. Yeah. So this is a big to-do if you love all things British. Holy crow. This is bigger than a pan of hot scones coming out of the...

Do they have a crazy British word? The sconery. Get thee to a sconery. Get thee to a sconery. Yeah, my dad was over in Northern Ireland just leading up to it, and he bought everybody that he knows tea towels with William and Kate on it. And it's too elaborate to dry your hands or dishes on. Like, it needs to be framed.

It's this, you know, because usually dishcloths, maybe they have a saying on it, you know, wind at your back. Why do they call them tea towels over there? They call everything tea over there. Yeah. Like, they call, when they're having dinner, it's tea. Yeah. Their towels are tea towels, but they're not, like, sopping up spilt tea with it.

They're tea crazy over there. Everything's got to have tea. Yeah. Mr. t is the biggest star mr t is like a big giant cup the talk it's a different mr t but he's still he's still you don't want to cross him yeah he's voiced by vinnie jones um i my my parents had a uh charles and diana uh a little some of their stuff some some of their merch some of their merch and that was back when it was like you couldn't just have a on an online company print up whatever like yeah you had to have they had to pose for ceramic artists they didn't have Google image search. Yeah, exactly.

There feels like... I mean, I remember around 9-11, I was shocked by how fast people were able to have merch, like Fire Department NY shirts and stuff for sale. It seemed like it was really quick. But now the turnaround, like there was, you know, Osama dead things. This seems like the beginning of a crazy conspiracy theory. Like the people who make t-shirts somehow, they finance the 9-11.

Yeah, sure. And they had the merch. And the people would prove that you couldn't have had that ready in time. You knew it ahead of time. It's like a crazy, futuristic Agatha Christie novel. There is still a converted bus parked at the very foot of Canby Street that's a 9-11 was an inside job vehicle. Does the bus run? No, I don't think so.

Also, the bus not running was an inside job. They shut me down. Yeah, exactly. They let all the air out of my tires and took all the gas out of my tank. And raised the gas prices so I couldn't afford to drive my conspiracy bus around. See how it all ties together? Have you ever been at a party or something and been cornered? Stop, you're right there.

This is the closest it's gotten. Wherever I am is a party, Greg. Oh, sure. If I'm alone sitting in my underpants, it's a party. Well, see, that was unquestionable. It's a party. Well, see, that was unquestionable. But have you ever been cornered by a conspiracy guy at a party that just is,

here's why I've got the solution to the Middle East conflict? Not really. Maybe you're better at avoiding it than me. Well, no, I think it's just really a matter of being cornered. I'm able to push my way past these people. They're generally not giant, beefy dudes, the conspiracy people. They're kind of easy to push aside. And they're not the kind of people who are invited to parties. Yeah, that's right.

You pretty much have to go over to their house or be trapped on a bus with them. Yeah. I'm usually holding a binder. I find that there's... If you go to a house party, and this could be probably a thing for any city anywhere, is that if there's a large patio contingent at the house party, anybody can walk into the house party. Like at a certain hour, anybody can walk in. And I feel like I always get trapped with the guy that wasn't invited by anybody. He doesn't know anybody.

Yeah. And he zeroes in on me. Whose beer is this? Saw an open door. Whose Alexander goes who's beer is this saw an open door who's alexander keeps is this these are for everybody right um but yeah i've been i was cornered by a guy who uh who had a whole theory about uh i've got the solution to the middle east uh peace crisis but he's his pants uh didn't have any belt loops like all the belt loops had been torn or fallen off of his pants.

I like your gut instinct. They were torn off. I think that's the way that more likely happened. Well, my belt loops fell off. The moths went straight for the belt loops. But what kind of fight would you get in where your belt loops would get torn off? Some kind of... If you're thrown from places belt loops would get torn off? Some kind of...

If you're thrown from places, often by the scruff of the neck, and somewhere around the belt loop area, somebody like that I could see being probably turfed from a few places. Or you're hoisted by your own petard. That's right. Yeah, no, probably torn off is the... That's probably the right assessment. Or a crazy fashion choice by him.

Yeah. I'm going to go out to crash a party tonight. I better... Was he trying to wear a belt? No, no, but what I had noticed was he had a shirt was tucked in, and there was no belt, but there was one belt loop, and then on the other side of where there would be another belt loop, there was no belt loop

i noticed that something women can do is they can wear a belt without belt loops they can wear a belt over a shirt yeah women can why can't i get away with they do a lot of stuff they can do a lot of yeah it started with pregnancy and i just kept going until snowballs because we can't really argue with them on it right if they say something is something is fashion, who are we to say, no, it's not. Yeah, that's true. It's not our call. Show me the loops. Yeah, where are the loops?

On your shirt. Right now, I believe I've been told via social media that Jennifer Lopez is trying to bring back MC Hammer pants. Oh, harem pants? Harem pants, yeah. What's the difference between harem and parachute? Oh, a plane. Hurdling out of a plane. A thousand years.

That's the only thing that's... Is a harem like an old-timey Middle Eastern brothel? No, a harem is a collection of women who do your bidding. I believe it's kind of like... A bunch of Girl Fridays. Girls Friday. But, yeah, that's the main thing. These guys have a harem full of ladies just waiting around, waiting to get the call.

Who's going to get to hit the sheets with the kingpin tonight? Boy, oh boy. Fingers crossed. What do they do? Is it like a Hugh Hefner situation where one gets to spend the night? Gets to. Well, there are TV shows about the Western equivalent.

It was me. Lucky. He favors you. What do the rest do? They just go... Knit? Yeah, because I know inugh hefner's circle he doesn't they don't go out like he's they're not allowed to just go hit the town without him he

has to be for fear they might see somebody who's not a hundred and give the wandering eye all the butlers in the place are also a hundred they're all a year older than Hefner. It's like the old Lucille Ball. Ethel always had to be 20 pounds heavier than her. That was in the contract. Same thing if you work at the grotto. You've got to be at least a year older. Everything's just covered in dust. All the picture frames are all just askew.

The only guy working for Hugh Hefner now is the Creepshow mannequin, that guy. The only people working for Hugh Hefner now is the creep show mannequin, that guy. The Crypt Keeper. The only people working for Hugh Hefner now are people from horror comics. I watched a little chunk, like a very little chunk of the reality show that's about his pets. They're basically pets, right? Well, that's Penthouse. That's pets.

Oh, right. They're playmates. Yeah on they play with him sit down in the ballroom if you will they organize a play date um but he in the episode that i saw they had a gym downstairs that uh the girls were saying oh we've got to update the gym. And they showed the gym. And it was like... Medicine balls? It was all fake wood paneling and old beefcake pictures. But you could tell that it was a gym in name only. Was the workout equipment the old rubber band around your waist that vibrated?

Was the workout equipment like the old rubber band around your waist that vibrated? When I was growing up, my buddy, his mom had one of those things. And so we were like, I don't know, seven or something like that, right? And this thing sat in the basement. It didn't do anything. And we would go, and the big thing was you'd get inside the little band, right, that's supposed to shake the fat off you. And because we're short, because we're like seven or eight,

we would lean away from the machine so the band would be around our chest, right, and under our arms. And then it would be like, okay, hit the switch. And it would just shake the snot out of you. And you couldn't help but laugh. Oh, man, it was hilarious. I couldn't wait to get over to his buddy's place and go down to the basement

and just let that machine shake the snot out of us. It'd make you all queasy almost. I grew up in a small town. There wasn't a lot to do. But I feel like that must have even been from a generation before you. It was handed down. Because that's such old technology. The fact that the science ever said that you could shake fat off of you.

That that was ever a... Not like today with the shake weight. At least they don't say it gets rid of fat. At least they have decency to say it tones muscle. And that's, you know, well, all right, maybe. Yeah, I guess holding on to that is going to be kind of difficult. But that's the type of thing you really can only do

alone in the dark, right? The shake weight thing? Yeah. Yeah. You can't be sitting on public transit doing the shake weight or something. Please. Please don't do anything on public transit at all. Just sit there.

Don't work out on public transit. The shake weight. I like to lay down in the alley of the bus there and do some push-ups. If you've got some time to kill on the SkyTrain or wherever you are. You've got a chin-up bar you can do. I do crunches. Sometimes I'll miss a stop and just run beside the train.

Run the train to the next stop. The Shake Weight comes in a box that just has the two cartoon eyes in the dark. And that's how it's like, just don't use this ever with the light on. Don't get it wet. Don't feed it after midnight.

Yeah, one of the things they had was the bicycle that has the big wheel at the front that looks like it's from a hovercraft or something. And it has two handlebars that go back and forth it looked like the playboy mansion yeah this was the playboy mansion thing it was was it a penny farthing with a big wheel up front and a small wheel in the back yeah and then it had a moviola that you just watched a strongman workout they had like a little clip on handlebar mustaches at the door you You put it on before you work out. Everybody has to wear a handlebar mustache. Yeah, round weights and such.

Dumbbell. One shoulder or two shoulders? Leopard or black. I wonder if the one shoulder was scandalous when it first came out. Oh, sure. When Andre the Giant came out on the scene. Scandalous. Out here bare-nippled. Look Out here, bare-nippled.

Look at him all bare-nippled on the boardwalk. You can see one nipple. You can only imagine what the other one looks like. That was the beginning of what became the Jersey Shore. That's how it started with one. It's how it morphed into Playboy. The nudity of Playboy. It started with one

nipple, a singlet with one strap, down in the gymnasium. Which is what they still call it there, I imagine. But it wasn't, you know, they had like shag carpet, which is not a good carpet choice for a gym, right? Observes the bacteria well.

Stores it for the next user. But, you know, these ladies are supposed to be, they have to stay in shape. What's the most up-to-date room in the Playboy Mansion? That's a good question. I've only seen that one episode. I mean, I guess they want a certain

kind of classic aesthetic where they, you know, wood paneling. Not wood paneling, but like real wood. Yeah, yeah. No, but they had wood paneling. And they also still have the disco room with the floor that has the lights on it. You know, like the Saturday Night Fever. I don't begrudge them that one moment. There's a bit of me that's a little jealous of that.

Yeah, well, I mean, if you have it, you're not going to tear it out. What are you going to possibly put in that's going to be better yeah i mean everything comes back in style you know eventually the disco floor is going to be all the rage again and then you're going to look like an idiot if you tore it out yeah you let your stupid girlfriends uh redo the place for you is it still like a party destination do people still get invited to sure james kahn is there every other weekend. Jeffrey Ross? A lot of guys sweating on the ladies. That's what I imagine. A lot of ladies

like, going to the, excusing themselves to the powder room to wipe off a dude's sweat, you know? And it was always like, whenever there was a list like a, you know, picture of celebrities at the mansion, the list of guys was always like, this is better for the guys than for the women. It's never like, handsome dudes don't have to go there.

Yeah, it'd be like, Drew Carey. Like, it just was never anybody that the ladies are like, oh boy. But the one, I guess, what's his name? Irish? What's his, the actor? Irish actor? Colin Farrell. Nailed it. He met his lady friend that he made a sex tape with at the Playboy Mansion.

Did they make it at the mansion? So some classy things happened there. So there is some classy stuff, but a lot of it is real skullduggery as far as I'm concerned. I remember when Hugh Hefner announced that he was having kids and he was having kids and he was redoing the mansion to make it kid-friendly.

When was this? This was when Entertainment Tonight, when I still got my information. You seem to know a lot about this. I've got to tell you, this has really become rather Playboy Mansion-centric. I remember Entertainment Tonight would show Playboy spreads,

but they would have film over the boobs, like fake movie film like these were movie stars yeah why film these midwestern girls no one's ever heard of again it should be a cloud breaking like a broken dream they were like how do you personify parental disappointment film Film. Maybe a strip of film, probably. Yeah, it was the... They showed Hugh Hefner's place, and he

had redone it because he's having kids. He was like 72 at the time. The young man is 72. And he said he was turning the grotto into a pool that the kids could play in and I was like what amount of cleaning or cement

just the word grotto I remember as a kid playing in the grotto isn't the root word grot I still imagine James Caan was still hanging out there teaching the kids stuff telling them stories how he punched out James Coburn and then I socked him right in the kisser

kids are crying I put him in a hammer lock a lot of moves that don't exist anymore I kicked him in the solar plexus. Quick snap mare and he was down. On his caboose. I wouldn't mind going out for drinks with James Caan some night though.

I bet he's loaded with stories. Well there's not, there's very little he hasn't done, right? You know one of my favorite nights one time at the Royal York, the fantastic Royal York Hotel in Toronto I was there. It was like for some music award thing and I was emceeing it, right?

And anyway, Loverboy was there and already I'm excited because it's the Royal York. You know when you grow up watching Canadian TV, while in Toronto, guests of whatever, guests of Bazaar stay at the Royal York. And they'll rent the car from Avis or something. So, you know, just growing up as a kid watching Canadian TV,

oh my lord, I'm at the Royal York. And then, here's Mike Reno from Loverboy, he's there, and we, after the soiree is done, we find ourselves, there was a few people kind of descended upon the lounge there in the Royal York, and then me and Mike Reno were sitting and talking and I had a hell of a good time. We probably sat and told stories, road stories for about three hours.

He tells a great story, Mike Reno. I bet. And he's a little, he's kind of nutty. He's a little nuts, but not in the kind of, not that, boy, I hope he doesn't bite my cheek kind of way, right? And I hope he doesn't smash an ashtray across my temple not that way more like you know he's just like you know who knows the shirt could come off at any second yeah but he's a fun guy is he still wearing the red uh uh leather pants no no what about the headband

well sure no headdress he had a big feathered headdress on no no it was just so me and him and we kind of shut the joint down we stayed up and we just we just told the you know we kind of took turns telling road stories from the wow early days and it was one of my favorite nights because first of all i grew up as a big fan of lover boy uh i always felt as though i were working for the weekend and they nailed it with that tune. They sucked me in with that tune. But then, you know, just to have some drinks, we got kind of half in the bag and just told road stories. It was a blast.

Wow. That's like there was a story, a friend of a friend worked at a bar here in Vancouver while they were filming the Dr. Parnassus movie here. And they were just about to close when a foursome of guys showed up and like can we get a drink and it was terry gilliam uh johnny depp um the colin farrell and tom waits no sorry we're closed yeah the sign says closed fellas rules are rules

but just yeah he said it was just out of nowhere if I had a talk show I would have Mike Reno come on like he would have an open invite just come on whenever you want unannounced push your way past security drunk or no and just come in and start telling stories

yeah awesome story teller way past security. Drunk or no. And just come in and start telling stories. Yeah. Awesome storytelling. And he's got stories. He's still on the road. Oh yeah, so every week is a new story. Sure. Yeah, when I met him, I've only met him once. He was wearing the red leather pants. He told a really funny story,

but I won't tell the whole story, but the gist of it was him and his wife were looking for a house and then they saw this house that they really liked, and the number, you know, the real estate number. So he called the number up, and so the lady comes down to meet them, and he said, I didn't even think about the, you know, where it was or the size of the show. Anyway, it's like $11 million, the house, right?

And, you know, I was hoping to spend like $800,000. So, you know, but, you know, she knows knows who i am and she's all making a fuss so he's got to kind of back out of spending 11 million on this house that he doesn't have you know i don't know that seems like the wrong color wall they're not gonna be painted making a public tag carpet? Oh, those are shingles on the roof, eh? I'm not a big shingle guy. He's going for all the things that are easily fixed. These windows are open. At some point, that amount of money, it's like unfathomable.

Sure, maybe Mike Reno does have $11 million he can throw around. Yeah, that's true it's like uh it's i remember seeing photos of mike tyson's first mansion that he owned when he was like first you know made his first couple million or whatever and it's this crazy like it's crazy it's like steve martin's house in the jerk like it's just everything is you know mirrored ceilings and gold everything and crazy gigantic weirdo stairwells. It's like when you hear that the surface of the sun is

like 5 million degrees. You're like, oh man, I can imagine much more over 100. That's way over 100. So you can imagine a $100 house but not a $5 million house. It's like a really nice dollhouse anything over a hundred

dollars is unfathomable dave what's going on with you uh well not a lot's been going on with me really but the one thing i wanted to talk about was the tv show we saw right after we recorded the previous episode okay well then yeah that then, that'll cover both of us. I didn't know this show existed. It's on Showtime. But it's on HBO Canada. It's made by Showtime. And it's called Gigalos?

Yeah. Now, do you get HBO Canada? I receive it, but I don't get it. That's it. The old timey joke. You know, yeah, I get it, but I don't... I had never seen this show before, or heard of it. That's it. The old timey joke. You know, yeah, I get it, but I don't... I had never seen this show before or heard of it. We watched it. Remember, I'm the busiest man on earth.

Right. I know. So I can't watch a lot of TV. But you have some sort of wrist television that you can watch. I do have a wrist television. What? It's the best thing in the world. You have a wrist television?

I have a wrist television. When you're on set shooting a show, you know, you have... I'm sorry to take away from your... No, no, please. We have all night. So, you know, the camera shortcasts, it broadcasts over a very small radius so that the directors and the producers, you pick it up on a UHS signal. Everybody's huddled around a monitor.

So you can see what the camera's seeing. So I, you know, would have a little monitor, so when I'm sitting at my desk writing or whatever, I can watch what's being done, so I can run into the panic. This is all wrong! I said frying pan. Frying pan is funnier.

Not frying pants. That doesn't even make sense. Why did I write this script on my phone? Stupid autocorrect. Frying Pants is funny, though. So then we one of the guys in the camera department is a tech nut.

He's always looking at magazines. What's available out there? What's the cutting edge? If he's a tech nut, why isn't he looking at blogs? Why is he reading magazines? Well, he's kind of a tech you know, he's out there. Well, that's a good point. I have no... Really, he's only tech. He you know, he's out there. Well, that's a good point. I have no... Really, he's only tech. He's

only interested in tech as it pertains to the filming of television. Sure. Fair enough. So, anyway, he's looking at what's available and here's this. It's a wristwatch TV. That's incredible. And yeah, so, well,

I had to have one right away I said order me one of those So is it wristwatch sized? It's a little bigger, it's a little clunky Is it HD? Not HD, 4x3 Picks up UI draft signals That's pretty outstanding though

But I remember one time I watched a hockey game CBC Hockey Night in Canada on it Just like this? What happens if somebody asks you the time? Yeah, go fuck yourself. It's time you got to watch TV, my friend. What do you mean time? It's the first intermission.

It's about eight minutes to play in the first. But the picture was actually better than you would imagine it would be. Well, I'm imagining it. No, it can't be as good as I'm imagining it. I imagine the battery must die. I felt like Matt Helm. I felt like I had some gizmo that nobody else in the world was privy to. I was like Matt Helm.

I felt like if I hit a button, the screen would flip over and there would be a bar underneath it. Or if you pressed the wrong button, it was somebody sitting at a wooden desk giving you a mission. I used to have a watch that had a remote control on it for TVs. Really? God, I never had a watch like this. And you had to, like, there was a code you had to program in for your own TV. But if you happened to be in a public place that was the same brand of TV, you could test it out and try to change the channel on that. That's a lot of fun.

That was really popular. You know what would be great is if you were watching TV at the bar on your first watch TV and he was changing the channel. That would be great. A little TV battle. How frustrating. Watch battle. But here's the sad thing. Here's how

crazy powerful and successful I am. I just threw the watch TV away. What? Yeah. In cleaning out the garage. It had been sitting there for five years untouched. Yeah, sure.

And had to go. I was kind of really condensing down a lot of stuff. And I made the call. Yeah, throw it in the pile. You can't live your life like that. Like looking at your wrist all the time to watch TV. Not a good way to do it. And really, it was actually quite impractical when you're trying to... It didn't serve the purpose, you know, you're trying to see what's being filmed.

It was kind of too small of a screen to see what was going on. It'd be good for a nanny cam if you didn't trust your nanny and you were going across the street for a potluck. That'd be good, right? But it would be good if you're in a scene. No, it wouldn't be good. Terrible. But yeah, if you're in a scene and you're like, oh, how do I look right now?

I have to do that sometimes. When I'm directing an episode and I'm in it as well, it's a tricky thing. First of all, I always say we get our stand-in to like my stand-in blocks the scene. he runs the lines as I would and I tell the camera

where I need to set up and the way I want the shot to be done and then when we're shooting then I go in and I do the scene but I always have the monitor somewhere so that you can so I'm like a terrible actor to work with when I'm directing because I'm not there for you at all

there's zero connection I'm directing because I'm not there for you at all. There's zero connection. I'm really looking at the monitor that's underneath the counter. Everybody's like, bring that stand-in guy. I'm interested. What's your relationship with the stand-in like? Oh yeah, that's interesting. I've seen a picture of you

in the stand-in standing next to each other and him in the trench coat. Is he a flasher? Yeah. Brent's show, Hiccups, is about a wayward flasher. He goes from town to town solving mysteries. Trying to help people overcome their hang-ups about nudity. Just live your life, everybody.

Relax. I've had it down to here with your rules. That's his little catchphrase. I've had it down to here. It's on the t-shirts. That's his hookphrase. A little catchphrase. Don't we get along good?

You know, you've got to find a guy with glasses. He's going to get along with you. You've got to find a guy with glasses who's balding. Yeah. That's the key. Who's maybe a little beefy. Yeah. But you got to find a guy with glasses who's balding. That's the key. He's maybe a little beefy. But you have to be the same height.

That's the thing, right? He's about an inch taller than me, but that's close. That's close enough. He's not allowed to wear shoes on set. You can't find a guy that's my height and my width. You've got to pick one or the other. He's going to either be taller or not as thick.

What was the big controversy? It was Natalie Portman's stand-in did a bunch of the ballet for her. Well, that's different. I was just going to use it as a segue to ask how much ballet has your stand-in done for you? So far, zero. If there's ever any comes up,

I will call upon him to do the ballet. I won't be doing... I'll be right up front about this. I will be doing none of my own ballet. There won't be any controversy about how much ballet I did. I will have done none of it. Now, this show we were watching...

Oh, yeah. Gigolo or Gigolos? It was called Gigolos. It's a reality show. Yeah, it's a reality show in the same vein as like a Real Housewives, but it's with five real life gigolos. I don't know. Three of them are identical, so it's hard to tell. The only two.

Triplets? No, they're just. Triplet gigolos? I think. What would that cost me? Have these men sent to my home. Take the standard fee, triplet. There were...

So it's like a reality show, but with, I think, actual sex. Well, yeah, that was the crazy thing, is it seemed like it was the natural evolution of what reality shows... Because, you know, in reality shows the couple would always just go into the hot tub and then the camera pans away or they go behind a door and they close the door. But in this one

they close the door and then it cuts to a camera they've implanted in the room and shows them having sex. Which isn't... Which makes it not a reality show anymore yeah because the people know like it's a pornography at that point right it's easy now and becomes pornography i've had it down to here with your labeling um uh but my two favorite characters yeah brace brace brace brace was the he's gonna be a jiggle that's a good name i gotta give him

that he was the guy on the crew who is the he's the eldest yeah he's uh he's got a little bit of wear and tear on his face still in great shape he frosted tips he might be 30 years old and just have a lifetime of tanning on his face but he is very. A lot of bad decisions worn on his flesh. And he was a religious fellow. Well, sure. Yeah, he goes and talks to his priest during the show. He tries to talk the ladies out of this. As he's undressing.

What you're doing is wrong. Maybe you want to rethink this as he's undressing. A portion of what you're paying me is going. 10% of my fee is directly to the church. I would like you to pay me by putting it in this basket. Pay me in loaves and fishes. But there was a scene where Brace, he's really conflicted about his life as a gigolo. He goes and visits his old friend who also used to be a call girl.

And you see them talking at the dinner table about like yeah you know that's who you go to for moral decision yeah is there a hooker that I could run this by she's got a heart of gold my old friend the hooker is there an assassin I could chat with about this and the greatest

part of the whole scene was they were talking and he's like yeah you know it cuts to him doing the interview thing. It was like, it really helped me figure things out. It was really nice to talk to somebody in a similar position. And then they go upstairs and fuck. Problem solved.

And my other favorite guy. Go with your strengths. That's the key. Yeah. My other favorite guy was. I can't wait to's the key. Yeah. My other favorite guy was... I can't wait to hear his name. After Brace, this is going to be like that. Well, he was a bald gentleman, shaved head.

Oh, right. He could be my stand-in. How tall is he? He wasn't that tall. Do you remember his name? His name was Vin Armani. Vin Armani. Vin Armani.

He's just trying too hard. Brace, that's natural and swarthy and studly. And so he felt his name is probably like Darcy, right? And he's got to try and make up. Or his last name was Brace and his first name was Murray. And he just, M. Brace. Yeah, sure. Yeah, right?

M. Brace. So Vin Armani got hired by a woman, but not to do sex stuff. She hired him to... This is the plot of Mask. Are you sure you aren't watching Mask? To be his... Was Cher in this? There was a lot of plastic surgery, a la Cher.

Eric Stoltz was one of the prostitutes. A woman hired Ben Armani to be her partner in a salsa dancing competition. Yes. And they trained for a few weeks. Minutes, I guess. I'm thinking hours, because per hour he's on the clock. Yeah, right? Does he have two fees?

Does he have a close-on fee and a close-off fee? He sends her over the pricing card. Learning something, that's a huge... You can get two of the above the line and one of the below the line. And so they had the competition and they came in third. Yeah. And then they had sex. And then they went back to their place.

Every one of the stories has to end that way. If you're watching a show about gigolos, and it doesn't end with that, you're going to be a little disappointed, right? And then they made a sandwich. They had a nice barbecue in the back yard. Oh, well. And the show was produced by Richard Grieco. Yeah.

Richard Grieco of 21 Jump Street. Fame? Yeah. Fame? Question mark? Yeah, also what was the movie he was in? Oh, If Looks Could Kill. If Looks Could Kill. It's somebody, I can't remember what it was, but

he said he was doing an impression of Johnny Depp's agent turning down scripts that Richard Greco jumped on. And the agent being like, he's making millions of dollars. You're making a huge mistake with your career. This guy's making so much money right now. I mean, he's making gigolos now. He's doing all right.

He's doing all right. Speaking of Johnny Depp, are you excited for the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean? I wouldn't say excited. When I was watching the second one, I thought I was watching the fifth. It was like a five-hour movie. They are all long. That's a little brazen to think to you. How full are you of yourself to think that you can get people to sit and watch your movie for nine hours?

That's a little... Yeah. It's not Lord of the Rings. Wrap it up! It's based on a ride. A two-minute ride. It's not the other way around. They didn't make a ride based on the movie.

They made a movie based on the ride. Wrap it up! It's funny because I watched... The first one was really entertaining. Was it not? I fell asleep, but I... In the first one? really entertaining. Was it not? I fell asleep, but I... In the first one? Yeah. Okay. But I don't like...

So I can't judge if it was entertaining or not. Yeah, because I fell asleep. I'm not a fan of maritime culture. I wonder if this fourth one was made just because Johnny Depp really likes wearing that costume. Is that possible? I think this one was just made on paper.

It's a lot of hidden camera footage. He doesn't even know they're filming. He's just wearing the get-up. It's bloopers. Running around. Half of it takes place at the Oscars. Having sword fights with hobos. Parking attendants.

Who kind of are pirate-looking. They kind of look like pirates. He's just wailing on some hobo with a sword. Yeah. It's him at Coachella. When you wail on someone witho with a sword. Yeah. It's him at Coachella. When you wail on someone with a sword, you slice them up. Well, they don't give them a sharp sword. They have the wisdom to give them a rubbery sword.

Yeah, and they add sound effects. And then you put Danny Elfman behind him. Yeah, sure. It all seems... I wonder if... You know there's all these Somali pirates out there, right? Yeah, yeah. Out in the high seas, these Somali pirates out there, right? Yeah, yeah. Out in the high seas, these Somali pirates.

They're the Somali-est. I hadn't heard of any pirates until after the Pirates of the Caribbean. I wonder if the Somali pirates watched the movie, if it glamorized piracy. And seemed simple enough. They're all Johnny Depp fans. He's a global phenomenon. He's not just famous in North America. So, like, I don't remember any...

Do you remember any pirate stories in the news when you were, you know, in the 80s? No, in the 80s, all the Somalians had scissor hands. That's right. They loved Johnny Depp over there. They all have a tattoo of one tear on their cheek.

Sure. It's like when Tony Sony soprano watches the uh like he's watching scarface in the show and you're like oh the mafia guys like the mafia thing do the somali but yeah what the only pirate story i heard about also courtesy of entertainment tonight when i was younger was younger, was a yacht that was taken over by pirates. And I thought that was very exotic. And it might have been, I think it was in the same area. What if they used cannons?

Like if they pull up with their cannons? Blam! They got cameras now. Canon cameras. Canon photocopiers. Yeah. They're actually sponsored by canon yeah

a huge payday from canon load the canons and get some shots of this takeover um yeah I uh Johnny Depp he's got the goods do you want to move on to the overheard segment there was one other thing

I was going to say. Okay. Well, I thought we were both getting to know each other through the medium of gigolo. There was one other thing. I like that you guys get to know each other each week. Yeah. Well, stuff happens. You're like old-timey friends from the late 30s.

You guys have been hanging out. But every week, get to know you. Come around. I have stories. Every week, get to know you. Come around, I have stories. I played two shows this weekend at the Jazz Cellar here in Vancouver, which is a real deal jazz club.

Are they doing comedy? No, this was with a jazz trio. They kicked him out. He did a quick two minutes before the bouncer got to him. I was scatting. There was a guy, he's the head of a jazz trio, and he wanted to do an old-style night. How did the other two guys feel that this guy's the head of it?

Well, it's called the James Dandiver Trio, so he's the guy. He locked it because his name is James Dandiver. So he was like, I can't believe the odd. I'm so fortuitous. He answered an ad, James Dandiver T james dandruff looking in the trio pages he doesn't even play a jazz instrument he plays an accordion um but they wanted to uh uh you know do a comedy set and then we'll do a jazz set and the drummer and the pianist were on stage while i was doing the comedy set. So when I walked in, I was wearing a suit, and it was all – the place was packed, and it was very – it felt like old-time show business. They were like, there's a table at the back for you to sit, and they brought – here's a drink and all this stuff. And I was like, oh, this is really – this is amazing.

This felt the way I thought show business was going to be before I started and I was like this is great I just feel great and then a couple people showed up and they were like hey you gotta get out of these seats there's some customers here I was like ah modern day show business rears its ugly head once again

so I was standing by the toilets that's what I always said about stand up was that the bulk the first 15 years of doing stand-up, the crux of your existence is you're in the way.

You're standing somewhere you shouldn't be. Could you get over there, sir, please? Could you move? Buddy, look, we're trying to sell some tickets here. You're in the way. You just spend like 12, 13 years being in the way and then maybe something will click for you but for that's really where you're oh sorry just spent like 15 years apologizing sorry it felt it felt like for a second it was like oh this is what it maybe it used to be like

and then just turn it off toilets yeah but you know put your foot in the toilet that story is still kind of strangely romantic to me it's like you had that moment and then it got yanked away for the reality it still kind of has a romantic air to it if I was ever playing theaters on my rider would be you have to have urinal pucks in the dressing room

because otherwise I'm going to get nervous without that scent put a chemical toilet in the bathroom please in the bathroom, please. In the bathroom. My first rider ever. That's amazing. You've actually made a rider.

Yeah. This was maybe 10 years ago. I booked on a gig and then they said, include your rider. And I didn't have a rider. Sent him a tape of Easy Rider. So, I don't know why rider. Sent him a tape of Easy Rider. I don't know why you guys need this.

So I wrote, I typed up my rider, and I wrote, something to eat, something to drink, no fish. And for about two years, I used that as my rider, and it was a little sociological study, to see what people would do when given this kind of leeway. Some people would really cover their ass and you'd show up and there'd be like a buffet.

There'd be a banquet. Other people were like legally we're covered with a bag of chips and tap water. So it was great to see. Every time you'd go somewhere it would be see how people responded to this freedom you've given them. And this can of sardines is outside of your dressing room.

As per your request. But now on my rider, there are Hawkins Cheezies. Wow. Yeah, right? There's rye. It's a very Canadian rider. Hawkins Cheezies and rye. I can only work

in this country. My rider is keeping me from being an international phenomenon. When you tour the States, they're like, those Hawkins Cheezies cost us more than you feed a ship in here. We're flying in a cargo plane. Humpty Dumpty chips? Was that the brand? Humpty Dumpty? Rye. We had to go back to the 60s to get your cocktail.

We had to build a time machine. We had to crash the set of Mad Men. Yeah. The only rider, because they used to put them up on Smoking Gun, famous people's riders. famous people's writers. And you would see the difference between Johnny Cash, which was any coffee, and Diet Coke for somebody on his crew that only drank Diet Coke,

and Jennifer Lopez's, which was, everything in the room must be white. There's that kind of lunacy that's off the charts. Yeah. Sometimes I'll show up to do a show, honestly the writer is the last thing on my mind When you're a comic You're not a band You're by yourself

You don't have an entourage Maybe some people do But you don't have a tour manager I think there's some comics with entourages It is weird But anyway I travel by myself Or with an opening act I've been your opening act

you know how I roll we wing in devil may care and we share a microphone we're very low maintenance sometimes people can't believe you're going to share the microphone they're like wow you guys are great

you grow up in the business of stand up dodging ashtrays you're not going to throw a fit because there aren't enough pickles in the dressing room we designed a whole lighting scheme for both of you but you're just going to want the one light what's your theme of your speech are you an autumn or a spring

are you going to have your colors done before the show but yeah people will be in a panic they'll be like we couldn't find the cheesies an autumn or a spring? You got to have your colors done before the show. But yeah, people will be in a panic. They'll be like, we couldn't find the Cheezys. They're ready to compensate you with cash because you don't have the Cheezys. That's alright. I actually brought some of my own.

I traveled with some Cheezys. I'm fine. There were some in the hotel. I got some at the vending machine outside my room. Oh, man. Do you want to move on to some overheards? Oh, please. Overheard.

Overheard's our longest and most enduring segment where you overhear things or oversee things. People send those in as well. You know, spend your time while you're standing in a boring line, etc., listening to other people's goings-on. Yeah. Now, you're new to the segment, so we usually start with the guest, but we can start with Dave, and then go to me, and then go to you, if that works the best.

Let's do that. Dave. Am I overheard. Yeah. This past weekend, I went to Seattle to visit my brother. Maybe you heard the blues call. USA! USA!

USA! But my brother, he's Canadian. The day is long. And he has two little daughters who are four and two years old. And we were watching the hockey game on Saturday. And one of his little daughters, my little nieces, the two-year-old, after a goal was scored in the hockey game, she said, Yay! They're hugging! They're not fighting anymore! That's the happiest overheard of all time.

That restores my faith in humanity, the overheard of all time. That restores my faith in humanity, the overheard. And it wasn't even us. It was the other team. Yeah, but she doesn't care. She just is pro-hugging. They are... Or traitorous. Perhaps traitorous.

No, but she is American-born. Yeah, that's true. She has the instinct. I don't know that we really go along nation lines with club hockey uh yeah i guess we go along club lines fair enough we line up for clubs um my overheard uh comes courtesy of riding uh the bus back from the jazz seller show on saturday old time show this is this isn't the story that a rich man tells yeah riding the bus back from the jazz seller show on Saturday. Old time show. This isn't the story that a rich man tells.

I'm riding the bus from a jazz club. This isn't a wealthy man's story. And when we were coming back it was kind of the time of night when some people are heading out to the clubs and other

people are heading to their second club of the night or their second party of the night. It was that kind of transition time. It wasn't super late, but there was a guy on the bus. And you could tell he was going to be the loudmouth guy that you could even hear over top of whatever you're listening to in your earphones. He was just talking really loud. And over top of a you're listening to in your earphones like he's just talking really loud over top of a bus and he obviously had recognized somebody that he went to film school with and he was talking with this guy you're still on the bus too yeah he was talking with this guy and he was convincing this guy hey man we we got to go out tonight. We got to party.

We got to party. It's Saturday night. We got to party. I'm wearing my party pants. Flea sweatpants. Party pants. And the guy is like, nah, I got to go. This is my stop.

And he gets to go off at the stop. And his friend keeps going like, nah, we got to party tonight. It's Saturday night. We got a party tonight saturday night we got a party and his friend like to my astonishment goes okay let's party and he sits back down and then uh you know sweatpants party pants uh you assume at this point that party pants has a party to go to because he turns to these girls that are sitting next to him on the bus, and he goes, so where's that party you were talking about? And the girls go, we didn't invite you to that party.

And he goes, are you uninviting me? And they're like, we would have had to invite you first to uninvite you. You're not coming to our party. And you could tell that his film school friend was like, this is a huge, huge mistake. I should have got off at my stop. And then to kind of make it less uncomfortable, Party Pants asks his film school friend like, oh, have you run into Matt? What's Matt up to? And Matt goes, oh, yeah, I have run into Matt.

He's working on a project right now that's the opposite of cops. It's about criminals doing stuff. The first one is about a purse snatcher. That sounds super illegal. Opposite of cops. I like that notion. I like that that's the pitch. It's not filmed in color.

It's on radio. it's on radio and then um uh at the next stop you know these girls have said there's no way that we're telling you what party we're going to and the guy goes uh well i guess i'm gonna off here. And the party pants goes, yeah, sorry you missed your stop. And then he's walking off the bus and the party pants goes, but keep it real. And the guy goes, yeah, yeah. Don't get realer than this.

Couldn't they have just followed the girls to their party? Yeah, I guess they could have, but they seemed like they could really handle themselves. He was wearing sweatpants. They could have just pulled him down. they could really handle themselves. He was wearing sweatpants. They could have just pulled him down. That would have been that. He had his fingers crossed. I hope they pull my party pants down.

That's why they're called party pants. Anybody can pull them down. I've never, just because it's Saturday, thought, oh, we should party. Where are my pants? It was funny because you could tell that that guy that was talked into it, it wouldn't take that much to talk him into a murder. It's Saturday.

We've got to kill a guy. It's Christmas. You get one for years. This kind of reminds me of... Can I tell a second hand? I'll tell my overheard story. Yeah. But this story reminds me of our good friend Jamie Hutchinson, comedian and show producer

and bon vivant. Bon vivant, yeah. He told me this story one time of something that he overheard. It just reminded me, this guy on the bus reminded me of this guy. So Jamie's at a, he goes for lunch at this place by himself, outdoor patio, you know. Sure. He's sitting outside and he orders a sandwich or whatever and the guy at the table beside

him, good time Charlie, you know, and he's he sees a couple of gals at this table, you know, a couple tables away and he starts chatting them up this guy. Hey ladies, you know. And they're kind of trying to ignore him, and he's like, we've got to go party.

He says, we've got to go party. I just got paid. He's got a lot of cash, right? I just got paid. Weekend's coming up, and it's a Tuesday. That's the beauty of this. Jamie said, for this guy, the weekend is always coming up. Yeah. Right?

It's like... Like our friend Mike Reno said. 1202 Monday morning. Right? 1202 AM Monday morning. Weekend's coming up. Less than seven days away. Yeah.

I got my sleeping bag dry cleaned. Let's go. That's a good... You know, I think about that guy often. I wasn't even there. It was Jamie's story, but I think of that guy. He's very optimistic, this guy. You can't get him down.

The weekend is always. Well, you know, and it only takes one girl to say yes. Yeah. You know, to make that week magical. If I wasn't engaged to a beautiful lady, I don't know how I would go about meeting women. I tell you... It was never my strong pursuit. It was one of my new gags I did in my...

You know, when I did the week at the comedy mix, working on new gags. It was one of the new gags. I said, you know, I'm glad I'm married now because I was always slow with the ladies, the uptake. A woman could have her hand down my pants and her tongue in my ear ear and I'd be like, what are you looking for?

That's my favorite new joke that I did out of 30 minutes of material. That's my favorite new joke. Yeah, because you did a weekend where you were just working out new material. Which is... Wasn't it midweek?

No, it was the whole weekend. I think I started Wednesday and then did the... Wednesday's early. Wednesday's midweek. Oh, yes. Overheard, yeah. Let me do my overheard story. I will let you.

And then we'll dive into that. Because I remember we had to do an overheard. Mm-hmm. I rolled the clock back to my favorite overheard probably ever. We're talking 1982. Yes. Rolling the clock back to 1982. Picture me in a tube top.

So anyway, it was 1982 and my girlfriend in high school. Oh, yeah. She had a younger brother, like a year and a bit younger than us. So anyway, we found ourselves in Prince Albert, Saskatchewan. Oh. Shopping for the Christmas, you know, because they had a mall in Prince Albert. Ooh. When I was growing up.

Tisdale. One level. Yeah. How far is it from Tisdale? Hour and a half. Oh, wow. 90 minutes. Easy peasy.

90 prairie minutes. Nothing to it. Point the car and press the pedal. Yeah, fall asleep. It's different than a New York minute. Anyway, we go to McDonald's, as you do when you go to the city. Yeah. Prince Albert was the closest McDonald's to Tisdale.

Wow. So anyway, we're at McDonald's there. And so let's say, I don't know, I'm like 17, right? And my girlfriend's like 15, her brother's like 13 or something. We're hanging out there eating at McDonald's. And there's a table of other kids there, like 13 or something. We're hanging out there eating at McDonald's. And there's a table of other kids there, like 14 or something. And they're kind of loud and boisterous and they're kind of jerking around and they're getting on my nerves a bit.

Because I've always kind of been in my 40s. I was kind of always that guy at the party who was like, does the music have to be that loud? What are you trying to impress? I enjoy the rock and roll orchestras as much as the next guy. But I like a zoot suit like anybody else. But can we turn it down a little? Yeah.

Anyway, these kids are jerking. Your shoulder pads have to be so big. They're jerking around. They're being loud, these kids. And so I start shooting them the stink eye. I keep snarling at them, kind of letting them know visually that I disapprove of their behavior at the McDonald's restaurant. I'm here with my family. Anyway, so they kind of get the drift, I guess, that I'm upset because I overhear, as is the theme of the piece, I overhear one of the kids say to the other kids We better settle down

That fat guy's getting mad And Everybody at our table busted up With the exception of yours truly Who was wounded Who's he talking about That fat guy's getting mad I sat down my third quarter pounder

And thought about my life. That's three quarter pounds. For about a minute and a half and then picked it back up. Yeah, I'm going for the full pound. That's before cooking weight. Yeah, that's right. Pre-cooked weight, everybody. Oh, wow.

That is funny. Yeah, it's funny that I had a similar thing at the jazz club, because I was there with past guest Ivan Decker, and he overheard an older couple walking out of the show towards the end of my set discussing. They were saying to each other, well, it didn't look real from where we were sitting, but now that I see him from the side, that is absolutely... They were talking about my beard. Talking about your beard. They were talking about your beard. They've answered my question. As I sit here, debating with myself. No, I'm growing a beard now

in support of the local hockey club. Yeah. For good luck. And it's gross. I've had, you know, a half dozen beards maybe in my life. Yeah. And this one makes me feel the sleaziest.

Yeah. This is the thing. As my whole conception of beard and beard care was turned around one night. I think I told this story probably on the podcast, if not on stage, about being in the cab with the guy. Oh, yeah, yeah. He was a Sikh gentleman. And he said, I really like your beard. And we were talking beard maintenance.

Having a Sikh guy tell you that, that's... It was huge. You've got to feel good about yourself. Exactly. Sikh guy is digging your beard, giving props to your beard. Give me props to your beard. And yeah, he said the key to his, keeping his beard shiny and healthy was olive oil.

He said you have to put, he uses conditioner and a shampoo, but an olive oil is what keeps it healthy. Have you ever thought of just mashing an avocado in there? Get a couple avocados in your hand, just mash that in there there What could it hurt? Guacamole Or guacamole

Okay, so we should mention We probably lost about three minutes of recording there But some beard talk Yeah, I was going to say that recently When I have to just make a run out of the house I have a toque that's not like a that's not a toque that's super hot. It's like a hemp toque, so I could just throw it on. What?

And sunglasses. What's the matter with you? It's like a toque for keeping cool. Yeah, it's a cool toque. It doesn't seem like it should exist. It seems like it'd be better off without any. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But my hair, as you can both see from the heat, gets greasy very easily.

It's very fine, like a down. Like a greasy down. Yeah. It's like if you pour olive oil all over down, it just gets ruined immediately. So I throw on this toque and then sunglasses, because I have very sensitive eyes. Because I have very sensitive eyes. And anywhere, like any of the windows I pass by and I glance in, it is very ZZ Top. Yeah.

With the duke and the glasses and the beard. It's a stage too much even for me. I get a little worried. But you know what? It's for charity. What can I do? What can I do, Dave? What am I supposed to do? I don't know.

Stop. I think you're hiding behind this old charity angle You're like I gotta come up with some cockamamie Excuse for having this coming off my face This crazy beard Otherwise people are going to be riding me Constantly I don't even buy it

I ride him constantly regardless I had a saddle made I don't know why we had that saddle made we yeah why did i pitch it on it yeah doesn't seem right you still owe me for that um we also have overheard sent in from listeners if you want to send in an overheard you can do so do they mail them in how do they do it they can mail them in at stop podcast yourself at gmail.com oh that's email that's email. Do you have like an old-timey snail mail address?

I have a neighbor. We have been sent mail. The house I live in has five suites in it. And one of my neighbors gets a lot. I don't think that's a house. If there's five different, it's a matter of compound. Yeah. It's a Kool-Aid thing. Send it to Koresh.

One of my neighbors gets so much handwritten old lady mail. And she's not even an old lady. She just must have... It's fun to get mail. Of course it is. You guys should arrange an actual...

Just a post office. You don't want lunatics showing up at your door or do I? here at 1281 West 9th Avenue have I said too much? made up street people can send in their mail

yeah I don't hate that idea I think I'm going to be the only guy sending you guys mail a few people have sent us things and asked us for our address. I think it's always people from out of town. So we always make sure that it's someone who will...

We check how cool they are. We check their coolness rating. But the last person who sent us stuff was a lady named Branwyn. Oh, yeah. She sent a box, like a gigantic box full of comic books from Image Comics, including the entire collection of the Walking Dead series. Just because I mentioned it, how much I like the show.

That's cool. What do I like? I get people mailing me stuff. People wanting me to invest in things. I get... I don't get those mails. People wanting me to steer my millions

towards their dream. Nigerian princes. Fart catcher. I had a guy, he invented a fart catcher. Is it like a dream catcher? Very similar. Except more farty. It's a thing you sit on

if you find yourself gassy. It's like a cushion that has a built-in cushion. Charcoal kind of filtering system. It was designed to look like a cushion that has a built-in cushion. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Charcoal kind of filtering system. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was designed to look like a catcher's mitt. And it was called a fart catcher. Oh, that is the worst.

My ass is already designed to look like a catcher's mitt. I kept forgetting to invest in it. Every day I would forget. Ah, I was going to put 100K towards the fart catcher. Oh, man. Stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com if you want to send us your fart catchers or overhurts. This first one comes from James B. in New Jersey.

During a study hall, two students, one from Puerto Rico, one from Uruguay, were arguing about which country has the better food. After a particularly pointed barb from one of them, a third student loudly exclaimed, Aw, damn, things are getting cultural in here. Mad cultural. Mad cultural. Yeah, I guess...

Maybe getting a t-shirt. Mad cultural. Mad cultural. Yeah, but guess. Maybe getting a t-shirt. Mad culture. Mad culture. Yeah. Things are getting mad cultural. But could you name a single Uruguayan or Puerto Rican dish? Nachos? Oh, yeah.

Nachos. But that's both. Baked ziti, I think, is what it is. Sure, yeah. Borscht. I could go for a little Uruguayan tonight Should we order out Get some Uruguayan There used to be

The restaurant where I first met you Was a Salvadorian restaurant It was a Salvadorian I picture you guys bumping into each other With your buffet trays Underneath the piñata What's with the beard You got your beard in my empanada.

I hope you don't grow that any larger. But I don't know that Salvadoran is any different from Mexican. Don't say that to a Salvadoran. It's going to get mad cultural up in that conversation. This next one comes from Dave King from Sheffield, UK. Wait, Dave K from Sheffield, UK. Wait, Dave K from Sheffield, UK. Oh, yeah, sorry. Dave K from Sheffield, UK.

You say that again as though I'm going to go back and edit it. Oh, you're not? Nope. Oh, okay. At my local pub quiz, that's how you know it's from the UK. Because it's a thing that exists over there? Yeah. At my local toffee shop.

We were asked a question about Scandinavia. After staring at each other with blank faces, a friend of mine says, My friend would know this. She's studying Norse mythology at university. This prompts another friend of mine to lean in and say, Horse mythology? Yes. Black beauty and such.

What was the English thing we came up with? Just Pegasus. That's all she said. Just Pegasus. Horse mythology. I know everything there is to know about Pegasus. I know his siblings. Clove and hoof.

What type of pillow you can make out of the wings. Is Pegasus just one horse? His connection to TriStar Entertainment. I know every movie that TriStar's ever made. Does TriStar still exist? I don't know. I don't think that emblem still exists. I feel like I can't remember the last time I watched a movie that had a TriStar Entertainment.

They've all been swallowed up, right? Yeah, now they are. It's now a division of Dysol vacuuming TriStar movies. This last one comes from Noah P. Here's an overheard brought to you by a high school cafeteria.

Student 1, what's for lunch? Student 2, taco with a side of slut. Which I think would make a great, like a young reader's book. Taco with a side of slut. Sure, choose your own adventure. Choose your own adventure. But I wonder if that kid thought that made sense

when he said it. Oh, yeah. I wonder if he's like the kid who, he's maybe not sure what slut means. Like, I remember when I called my brother a dildo at the lunch table one time, freaking my mother out. She's kind of churchy, my mom, you know. Called my brother a dildo because I didn't know what it was.

I thought it just meant like a dumb guy. Yeah. Because you hear it in the school playground. You dildo. I said to him. I used to call people a fucking bronco that's pretty good yeah kind of clever yeah but it was a thing that didn't exist but i remember i had a friend named dave uh who when he figured out that the middle finger

was like a thing like an offensive thing he did it like just all the time to everybody and uh we had a thing did i don't know if he had this in elementary school if it whenever the class had to go outside or to an assembly like one kid would be chosen to hold the door open for the whole class to walk through a lot of responsibility and his thing was to uh people as they walk by he would give them the finger he thought it was the greatest like he would wait until if you if he couldn't get your attention with the finger immediately he would kind of cough and get your attention and then give you the finger uh in traffic the finger is mostly used i think but do people still use the the uh the and in hockey games it's like yeah sure yeah oh you're using the uh the the the hand off the chin i think that was only ever used in italy or

people of italian descent yeah this thing with the uh hand on the like where you're kind of like doing like an arm curl. Yeah, onto your hand. I think I find that when you do that, it would have the middle finger would also be... Oh, yeah. Yeah. The middle finger's great. I mean, it doesn't mean anything unless it...

You know what I mean? Because in Britain, the middle finger doesn't mean anything. Yeah, it does, though. It's the two. They're onto it. Come on, they know. They know what you mean. Well, they know.

I mean, there's a lot of cross-pollination here. Sure, though. It's the two. They're onto it. Come on, they know. They know what you mean. Well, they know. I mean, there's a lot of cross-pollination here. Sure. Sure, certain. Yeah, that one's the whole Asian court peace sign. Yeah, backwards peace. Backwards peace. Backwards peace. But then sometimes the sassy kids will give you the peace sign, and then we're like, oh,

good peace, and then they'll flip it on you. Oh. Those dirty dogs. Apparently, in Germany, if you wear the new balance shoes with the N on it, that's the new way of being a Nazi. So if you just want comfortable shoes. Yeah, sure, a nice hiking thing. Forget it.

Careful, you might be a Nazi. Aye, aye, aye, you xenophobe. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also have some that are called in, and we'll play a selection of those. If you want to call in, you can call in to 206-339-8328. Hi, guys and guests. This is Dash from New Jersey with Overseen, I guess. I work at a grocery store, and a mother and her child came in, and the child left behind his grocery list, his shopping list. So I just thought I'd share this with you.

It's pretty great. In order, candy, gum, chips, popcorn, McDonald's, Pizza Hut. I think I left my list behind. This kid and I would get along great. This kid's looking for a roommate. Gum. Candy. Gum.

Gum's the only thing I can't see eye to eye on with this kid. Why do you always hung up on the gum? Let's just go right to McDonald's. McDonald's Pizza Hut. Where's your Pizza Hut aisle? Do you remember a time in your life when you would chew gum not for a good breath? When you chewed gum, like fruity gum, to make bubbles with? The past time.

Sure. My favorite was, what do you call it? Big League Chew that was supposed to mimic chewing tobacco. Yeah. What a bad honest to God

like how Popeye cigarettes? Yeah, exactly. Like cigarettes. Fake cigarettes. We know you can't smoke yet. Soon enough.

One end is lit. That's the end. Start getting used to making the maneuvers. Exactly. He's carrying end. Start getting used to making the maneuvers. Exactly. He's carrying lighters with him. But they just have candy in them. Do they have a fake meth?

Is it Pop Rocks? You know, speaking of tobacco consumption, I'm working right now converting my garage into a games room. Right. I play poker and what have you. Yahtzee. I'll have the and what have you. Yahtzee. All the guys over for me. Yahtzee.

An occasional Christmas twister. But there's always, you know, there's a consumption of tobacco there. Sure. So I can have a vent put in and everything. Because I don't have the tolerance for tobacco that I once did. But anyway. But isn't that amazing? So now I'm shopping for ashtrays. Let me ask you this.

Where the deuce do you go to buy an ashtray in this day and age? Las Vegas. You have to stumble around and hope you hit a wormhole back in 1958. Because there was a time you could go to Safeway in an ashtray. They'd be there with the candles and pumpkin pie filler or whatever. It was part of everyday life, as was pumpkin pies and smoking in the middle. You need to go to the junkyard and just pull it out of an old car. Yeah, I hit thrift stores.

That's where I went. I wish that we were having this conversation a year ago because I gave away, it was one of the prize things at the Laugh Gallery show, I gave away this New Year's was a bowling trophy that was an ashtray with a trophy attached to it. Every trophy with a cup on top is an ashtray. But this was where you had the places for the cigarettes. What was the point of a trophy with a cup on top of it? Oh, champagne.

I mean, you're supposed to drink out of the Stanley Cup, but, you know, a bowling trophy, what are you supposed to pour in that? A little Caps Blue Ribbon? Drink melanin out of the Made in China cup. Do you think that there's ever been a player that refused to drink anything out, like not out of the Stanley Cup while he had it at his house

for whatever the period is. They get it for a day. Yeah, so the whole day when he needed to take his vitamins, it was just putting tap water into the Stanley Cup. I hope they... Start the day with some coffee.

Some hot coffee in the Stanley Cup. I know one, famously, a hockey player's child went to the bathroom in the cup. Ew, gross. I think a lot of dudes do. Yeah, a lot of dudes probably. Look at what I'm doing. Brilliant.

Did I tell that story about the Grey Cup when I was working at the... The Grey Cup, for American listeners, is the cup that they win for the Canadian Football League. Which is celebrated in Saskatchewan. Yes, very much so. But I was working at a pizza place, and the guy that owned the pizza place was very good friends with the guy. Those of you who don't know, pizza is a flatbread kind of cheese and meat on it. He was good friends with the guys that owned the Calgary Flames

and the Calgary Stampeders. And when the Calgary Stampeders won the Grey Cup they brought the Grey Cup to the pizza place which was connected to a sports bar, real low-life sports bar, and they brought the Grey Cup in there and people were taking their pictures with it and the guy who

was the chaperone of the Grey Cup sat down to have a cup of coffee and was talking to the waitress and when he turned around the Grey Cup was gone. Because one of the customers

had taken it out and put it in the bed of his truck and drove around his neighborhood honking the horn. I got the Grey Cup! Classic. Very laissez-faire over our trophy security in this country. Oh, thank you. Do we have another one?

Yeah, next. Hey, Dave and Graham and guest. I just saw something that I never thought I would see in real life. I was walking back from class across a bridge. There were two women in front of me. One of them went down pretty hard and right onto her ass. And as I get closer to her,

I see that she slipped on a banana peel. Oh, wow! Oh, my God, that's a once-in-a-lifetime. Thank you for calling that in, because really, wow. Because you do see sometimes banana peels, and you kind of want to camp out a bit lure people over to them

what other cartoon things could happen in day to day life piano fall on your head drop down a manhole cover anything anvil related that was Mel Brooks definition of comedy right? somebody asked him the difference between comedy and tragedy

and he said tragedy is if somebody's walking down the street and there's an open manhole cover and they fall down the manhole cover and they hit the back of their head on the concrete and then their skull bounces off

the iron railing of the ladder on the way down and they actually hurt themselves really badly. Comedy is if you are walking down the street the uh there was a story about a guy in i'm trying to remember the town now but he it was paris and he was there's a town called paris texas french burg uh but he was in the middle of a storm he was running home and the streets were you know flooding and whatever and he fell in a manhole cover

and he was coming home from dropping his motorcycle off at the repair shop so he had his helmet and he put his helmet on and ended up going the entire extent of the Paris sewer system until he came out of the storm drain and that's where he was rescued. Wait, he put his helmet on as he was falling? After he fell. That was the first thing he thought. He was like, oh, this is going to be a rough ride. Better get the helmet on.

Yeah. And apparently that was the thing that saved him. Viva la France. Am I right? Good story. Yeah. Finally. And that young man's thing that saved him. Vive la France. Am I right? Good story. Yeah. Finally. And that young man's name was Lance Armstrong.

Jerry Lewis. Hey, David Graham, Impossible Guest. I was at a bar just now, and I overheard this argument between friends. And it started with one guy was saying, how much would you give for your left hand? And people were saying, I wouldn't give anything for my left hand. And one guy goes, a billion dollars. And then somebody else says, a billion dollars is too much for anybody to have. And then this woman says, you know, one-third of all Americans are billionaires.

And they have a huge argument about it. And this gal keeps insisting that one-third of all Americans are billionaires. And that's why we had a market crisis. 33% of the population. Billionaires with a B. And that's why we had the market crash. Well, sure.

Too many billionaires. 33%. That would be roughly 100 million billionaires in the USA alone. I like whenever anybody says, mathematically, you have to say a million billion. It just sounds like you're making it up. I'm like, you're a little kid. You know what I enjoy?

I enjoy when people back up some insane, ludicrous thing with, and I've actually heard people say this. This is like part of their debate. They'll say, no, it's true. I heard it. As though the fact that it entered your ear canal somehow makes it true. No, I heard it. I couldn't have heard it if it wasn't true.

I'm not deaf. It's even more true. I read it. No, no, it's true. I heard it. I couldn't have heard it if it wasn't true. I read it. I'm not deaf. It's even more true. I read it. I don't know if it's true. I heard it. What's bigger, a bajillion or a gajillion? Oh, I don't know. I know a godzillion beats them all.

Yeah. Well, anybody who wants to send in overheards, there are billions and gazillions of overheards, send them to 206-339-8328 or stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com. Who's the billions and billions guy? Millions and millions guy? Who guy? The space guy? That's his name, Who Guy.

Okay, billions and billions. Billionaire Who Guy. Now, Brent, thank you very much for being our guest on the show. This seems like a long... Now, are you going to edit this down? This seems like a long show. No, people love it. We're going to edit it up.

We're going to double some segments. It's going to be chopped and screwed. Because this is my... This is, you know... Because I would like to do a podcast myself one day. Yeah. But my beef with podcasts in general... They're too GD long.

How long was this going to be? This will be... This will be about an hour, an hour and twenty. I'm guessing three files at this point. So it's like

90 minutes, maybe a little under. And here's the thing. As a a lot of people who listen to this. They're your graphic designers. They're your treadmill addicts. They're your... Commuters. Who's on a treadmill for two hours? The best in cheap people.

So this is really for Lance Armstrong. Yeah. He just listens to this. Oh, he's a big listener. Hugh Hefner's wives. Do you... So, your show, Hiccups, starts May 30th

on CTV. That's Canadian television for anybody who's not in Canada. Tough beans, I guess, for you. You can go to via the internet. That's all the rage, that thing. You get some traction, that internet. What's the slogan on your website? Time after time, people return to the internet. Yeah. That's all the rage, that thing. It's really get some traction, that internet. What's the slogan on your website?

Time after time, people return to the internet? People keep coming back to the internet. Time after time, people keep coming back to the internet. My favorite piece of writing is that stupid Sparrow Media website that we did. I think my best writing ever has been on that. If you have access to the World Wide Web via a computing machine, go to sparrowmedia.com. Sparrowmedia.com. The best writing I've ever done.

It's just really in the bios of the staff involved. And also, you're on Twitter. You're a very funny Twitterer. Thank you. You've got two Twitters. You've got one that's just everyday. Yeah, one is me, Brent Butt. That's at Brent Butt.

At Brent Butt. And then you also have, for the hardcore hockey fan, you have kind of a play-by-play. Be beyond Canucks. If you're a Vancouver Canucks fan, I started a separate account because I get excited and I mega-tweet during the game. So if you're not... If you're a fan of me and not the Canucks,

I don't want to be clogging up your timeline with my whole, oh, Kessler won that draw. Is that something you would actually tweet? Sure. He won another draw. He's at 54%. You've got to follow the BB on Connects. If you're a fan, it's a must-have. You know the weird thing is some people will say on BB on Connects,

they'll say, you're tweeting too much about the game. It's the only reason it exists. Why are you following me at all on this? Why did you follow him on this account because they're fans people are silly you've been a color commentator on a hockey game before

I did I got to broadcast a live NHL game that was a pretty high watermark in my life he also got to throw out the first pitch at a baseball game the Chicago Cubs threw out the first pitch. I've had a few kind of how-did-I-get-here moments in my life. No doubt.

That was one of those. That was one of those where I really made a mental note as I walked out to the mound at Wrigley Field, the second oldest field in existence in Major League Baseball. I told myself walking out there to take a moment and just suck this in. There have been some moments in my life where I kind of look back and go, I can't even remember anything about that. So I had the wherewithal. But you know the cool

story of the Wrigley Field. So I'm sitting there waiting for the game to start. We're there a little ahead of time and there's these kids behind us. Like 13 and 15 or something. And they got ball gloves with them. a little ahead of time and there's these kids behind us like 13 and 15 or something and they got ball gloves with them and so and I know I'm just

waiting to be called out to throw out the first pitch so I say to the kid behind me because I realize I didn't bring a ball glove I should have brought a ball glove so I say to the kid behind me I go hey listen on the off chance I get called out to throw out the first pitch can i use your

ball glove and he gives he shoots me the look the exact look that you would give somebody if they certainly a lunatic absolutely you can you crazy old dude you know and then so like at 15 20 minutes later the security guy comes and says okay let's go now to throw out the first pitch. And I turn to the kid, oh, my Lord. They want me to throw out the first pitch. And the kid hands me his glove in a panic, you know, all wide-eyed. So I go and I throw out the first pitch and come back and sit down. And he's like, he wants me to sign his glove now.

But the confusion on this kid's face was great. What the hell's going on? And he'll be telling that story for the rest of his life. It was a stranger. I wasn't supposed to talk to him at the baseball game. I never learned his name. And like that, he was gone. So I say something.

The other moment where I was kind of like, the how did I get here moment was singing to Queen Elizabeth. That was the other one where I was like, how did I? And I kind of got the vibe she was asking herself the same thing. The second? How did this happen? Wow. How old do you think I am? This was the second Queen Elizabeth to come down the pike. Well, that, I mean, what? When did you do that? How did you? Why? Hang on. I might have dreamt this. No, no, this? When did you do that? How did you, why? Hang on, I might, I might have dreamt this.

No, no, this actually happened. So, so, uh, during Saskatchewan's 100th anniversary, the centennial of the province of Saskatchewan. Sure. I get hired to emcee the evening soiree and, uh, Joni Mitchell is there and, you know, there are numerous, like, Saskatchewanites who've made something of themselves and big dance troupes and everything. And then, anyway, at a certain point, the Queen of England is going to be there. Numerous Saskatchewanites who've made something of themselves. And big dance troupes and everything. And then, anyway, at a certain point the Queen of England is going to be there. The backstage of that must have been like what you imagined show business

to be like. A lot of people in headdresses. Five minutes! A lot of people in headdresses. Like eight out of ten people in headdresses. People doing hoops. But anyway, Queen Elizabeth was there and Philip. Wow. and they're sitting off to the side and i was singing a song on stage called nothing rhymes with saskatchewan looking at the

queen in the eyes i'm eyeballing her and uh we both kind of had a similar how a lot is going on and then i got to meet her afterwards and i think i can I can't, in my mind, I said to her, how's it going? I think is what I said to the queen. I think I had one chance to speak to the queen of England. I said, how's it going? Yes, sup. What's happening? How's it hanging?

Oh, man. That must be every day for the queen. Just someone gets to do their thing in front of her. Every time she buys a paper and she sees herself winking back at her from the money. Well, that moment, freezing it in time in your mind, certainly having Brent Butt on our lowly podcast is one of those moments for us. How did we get here? How did we get here?

Honestly, right, Dave? You promised me rye. That's really what it came down to. I think we had very easily. The Hawkins Cheezies are on their way. Yeah, exactly. Do you enjoy grain alcohol? Certainly.

It's whole grain, so it's good for you. Yeah, it's whole grain. It's really booze made out of Cheerios. It's the only booze made out of Cheerios. Dave, do we have anything we need to plug? I would like to plug something. Go ahead. I am a frequent host on CBC

Radio 3. I think it's probably last Friday by the time this episode comes out. I am hosting a weekly live show and podcast called the R330. It's the weekly countdown show of the top independent Canadian music

hits. So you should download that and join the Facebook group and whatever and give feedback and say I'm not terrible at it. It sounds great, but I question the existence of an independent canadian hit it sounds like something that doesn't exist like and yet it's relative a whole station hit is a great term right yeah it's true uh it's it's not like uh not like I got hit by somebody.

I got hit by a cab. It's like if somebody clicks on it on the internet, that's technically a hit. I got a hit? Yeah, you got a hit. So there it is. That's why we call this podcast a hit. We get that one click. You guys have 7 million people download this.

That we know of. Registered. Judging by your email to get me to come here. A lot of them are Somali pirates they're pirating this show right now Dave and I are also we are on a show in June

June 14th I am hosting and Dave is one of the opening acts as well, Charlie Demers for Hannibal Burris at the Biltmore. And also, at the end of May, Dave and I will be at the Comedy Mix together. With Ivan Decker. With Ivan Decker, from the Jazz Cellar fame.

So those are some things to hold your breath for. And also, what is the blog that that guy started? The Tumblr? Oh, yeah. Well, it's got a curse word in it. Oh, it's called Fuck Yeah, Graham Clark. Is that right? Yeah,.tumblr.com.

.tumblr.com. If you want to see an outrageous amount of Photoshopped Graham Clarks into famous photos, that's the place to go. If you like the show, please do send your thoughts and overheards and or overheards. And prayers. And prayers. Do stop podcast yourself at gmail.com or call us 206-339-8328. Thanks for listening.

If you enjoyed the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another spectacular episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.