Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 167 - Ben McGinnis

Episode Date: May 23, 2011

Comedian Ben McGinnis joins us to talk about the Hays Code, stairway etiquette, and Werner Herzog.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 167 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. All the small things, am I right? What's that mean? Blink 167. Look it up, it's a famous band.

My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who leaves me little surprises that let me know he cares, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I left your roses by the stairs. What's my age again? If anybody's confused, that's not really the name of the band. No, no, no, no. It's 157. I thought we were going to let it sit there. Let it hang?

Yeah. Why do we have to be right all the time? I don't know. It's just that people come to this podcast to learn. This one and the stuff you missed in history class. Our guest today, a very funny young comedian, a man who raced over here, just finished up work, came right over here to be a guest on the podcast. We appreciate it greatly. Mr. Ben McGinnis is our guest.

Hey, Graham and Dave. Thanks so much for having me. And I'm trying to think of other Blink-182 lyrics, but I got nothing. Oh. You're already the voice inside my head. wow what song is that from uh is that their later serious to waste your time when they let the drug yeah they got real yeah that's where they got real what was the one where they um uh were a fake boy band uh isn't that all the small things yeah that was all the what was the one where the guy goes spiders all of their songs have that in it yeah i think

that's their signature they say spiders once per song and if you find it they send you a blink 157 shirt uh should we get to Blink Us? Sure. Get to know us. This is something that was a cultural thing where there were contests like that. If you found everything and you reported it, you would win. I'm not explaining this. I do remember...

I'm not sure what you're talking about We had this book called Animalia Nintendo Power And every Page was a different Thing of the Alphabet

Like a number of the alphabet A segment of the alphabet Letter A different position of the alphabet. Yeah, a segment of the alphabet. Letter. A different position in the alphabet. And every, like, A, there would be a hundred things on the page that started with A. And you had to find all of them and catalog them and write them down and send them back to the book company. And you would win, like, a trip to Disneyland. Whoa.

Wow. trip to Disneyland. Whoa. Wow. There was something I heard on, I think it was somebody who was calling into the best show on WFMU, and they were working for a kid's book company where they hid gold bars all over the United States, and these books had clues, and kids could go with their parents or whatever to see if they could find where this and that would like the gold is really hidden and through these books you'd go and find the gold and like you get to keep it or something that seems like a thing that uh i imagine all the gold is still out there uh and somebody from the book publishing when they're really old, like Curly's age. Legendary. Ben, what's going on with you?

What's new? What's exciting? Not too much. I started working a job after a pretty long period of unemployment, which was the best. How is the... Did we mention he's a comedian? He is, yeah, absolutely. He's a very funny young man, comedian, by night, superhero by day.

So you can't take this story too seriously about being unemployed. We're joking around here, guys. Day job. So you had a long stretch of not having to work during the day and now working. How is the transition? It's tough. It's like taking a cold shower at 7 in the morning and having to wake yourself. Because that's what you have to do.

Out of bed, exactly. And shaving every day. Yeah, because you used to have a beard. I had a big beard and that's gone. Did you shave it before you got the job? I kind of shaved it as like a push the snow down the hill and make the snowball of getting a job. Okay.

Because it's tough to like That sounds like a horrible job, that snowball job. No, it's pretty easy. You just start the snowball down the hill and wave goodbye. But then you never get to see the end result. Where's the job satisfaction?

You read about it. When it runs over a town. Yeah. the job satisfaction you read about it when it runs over a town yeah um and uh so you you like okay i'm gonna shave off the beard that's gonna be my first step to being a legitimate member of society yeah yeah i registered to vote and you don't have to that's true nobody's just saying you're trying to you're doing grown up things all at once good for you what are the grown up things

well they're different than the small things I bought a collared shirt a collared shirt sounded like colored that's kind of racist what are the grown up things wearing collared shirts which you guys both are.

Ironing a shirt is super adult. Ironing a shirt. Yeah, totally. Like not just having a crumpled collar. Yeah, and not singing I Am Iron Man the whole time. That'll do it. Yeah, ironing is definitely one of them. I think a regular shaving schedule sounds like an adult thing to do.

What else? regular shaving schedule sounds like an adult thing to do um uh what else i always used to think cologne was a very adult thing and now that i'm on the other side of that i realized that it's a thing for idiots mostly idiots right it works though women uh it's like panty remover. Yeah, it really is panty remover. If your panties need some sort of remover. Buy cologne. Buy a bigger size. There's something wrong with your panties. Spray some cologne on the nearest man. Stock on. What else isn't really, like, I'm trying to think what is really kind of like adult, well,

working, having a job. Yeah, there really isn't much. think cooking like a long relationship or you're paying for your own xbox live membership yeah that's right canceling your credit cards when the playstation network is compromised all right oh wow sounds very grown up. What about cooking yourself a proper meal? That seems like a thing an adult would do. Like thawing out something at the beginning of the day and then coming home and cooking it up. That seems like an adult thing to do. Kids don't do that, you know?

No, they go to farmer's markets and buy stuff fresh. Yeah, or they eat pizza pops. Yeah. All right, well, I think we've uh explored adulthood yeah congratulations everybody um two of us are adults i'll tell you who at the end of the show uh what else is going on so you're an adult congratulations i'm a grown-up and i think adult is the best term because grown-ups that's what kids call them yeah that's true oh i should take that

off my resume is what you're saying sure i is a grown up i just want you guys to be assured that i am all grown up um but i'm not too grown up to have fun around the office you know to kind of joke around i can let uh loosen go on the company paintball thing i'm not too adult for that you know um have you ever well you've only been at this job a short time so you haven't had to do any company bonding or anything like that no no no company bonding yet have you ever had a job like that yeah i've had the odd like conference room christmas party kind of bonding sure which is the best of course but no like have you ever done that at a job where you've had to go out i've had like um kind of

ropes course style thing no way really not literally uh but like that kind of like um you know uh we've we've uh put you all in different groups and uh're going to give you all a different problem to solve. The team that can get this bag full of stuff the furthest without using whatever. Define the letters in Animalia. Yeah.

Who can stack the stuff the highest. Without using the glue gun. And it's always some weird you had to pay very attention to the wording of the challenge.

They never said you weren't allowed to throw it. They never said that we had to do this. So let's not do it. And they say you just assumed and write assume on the board. Right. And so on and so forth.

Now, the key words in this are assume. That would be funny if they came in there like, we have one pink slip here. Somebody's going to get it by day's end. Okay, games. Day of games. Somebody's going to get it by day's end. Okay, games.

Day of games. That's a bleak kind of battle royale job scenario you have in your mind. Yeah, I don't... I mean, I haven't ever had a job that's ever had a thing where the management cares if there's a unity or whatever. Like, they don't care if you, like, break your arm or die on the job. You know, like, there's never been, like, let's make this a better place to work, kind of. I've never had a job like that where it's, that's been high on the important list. Is that a thing? An important list?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, so you've got this job. You're working as a comedian. What else? Give us something juicy. What's happened to you in the last couple weeks? Well, I was enjoying the super sweet, warm weather out today, and I was hoping that today would be the 2011 first podcast where Graham and Dave complain about how hot it is.

Oh, yeah. Well, as you... Last week, you were sweating a bit, wasn't you? Yeah. Like, not a bit. Like, I was sweating like I was working out at a gym. Like it was uncomfortable for me, and I feel probably for you guys, amount of sweat. I don't remember.

I passed out. But this week, I'm wearing shorts. As a preemptive strike. Yeah, because I, exactly, it was totally a preemptive strike. I don't wear shorts, ever. Even on the hottest days, I try to not. Because I feel like there's no way to not look like a douchebag when you're wearing shorts. When you're a guy.

When you're a girl, you could wear fucking whatever and you look fantastic. But shorts, they're hard to pull off. Dave, you're like Dave. They're pretty easy to pull off. Is there a way to wear shorts yeah i think so i haven't found it though no there's no way i think if you're like are guys supposed to wear skorts is that yeah yeah that's wait a skort is is short uh a skirt with shorts on it yeah that's sewn into them yeah okay yeah you can wear that. Okay. Men in kilts

and whatnot. Etc. Men in skorts. I think you can wear shorts if you're like Michael Jordan. Okay. Right. So, if your... If your job requires it. So, if you're a professional athlete, what if you own... If your job requires it. So if you're a professional athlete,

what if you own a really expensive boat? That seems like a thing where you could wear like a nice pair of white shorts. But then you're just going to look like an asshole all the time because you have an expensive boat. If you had a boat, would you just tow it around to the back of your car just everywhere just so that everybody knew that you had a boat?

You know, like when you're not using it in the water, would you just drive around town with it, like, towed on the back of your boat? I guess. Am I cursed with this boat? Like, am I not allowed to sell it or anything? Do I have to keep it with me all the time? You had an at-sea marriage, and the guy who was marrying you,

you didn't speak the language, and he married you in the boat. He married you in the boat. You thought you were marrying your fiancée Abby, but married you in the boat. You thought you were marrying your fiancée Abby, but you accidentally married the boat. Stupid Estonian sea captain. Because I don't like

maritime culture. I don't like boating. I don't like being on the water. That's gross. Yeah, it's gross, and it's a hassle. Like, what a waste of money. It's a huge waste. It's okay if it's gross and it's a hassle. Like, what a waste of money. It's a huge waste. It's okay if it's someone else's boat. Sure. Because then it's like this sucker wasted his money.

And I get to sit on it and eat hot dogs. Yeah. That's it. Now, what are these hot dogs on the boat? Are we talking a hibachi made thing or is somebody making those below deck and bringing them up? Hibachi, for sure. Wow. Hibachi on a boat. That sounds pretty good. That sounds like what i picture rich people doing eating hot dogs on a boat like hot dog on a stick yeah but not the kind of hot dogs we eat like nice hot dogs yeah yeah yeah

johnsonville they come like wax paper from whole food i uh i asked uh i was on stage it was like a couple weeks ago and i asked the lady that was sitting at the front table who's really chatty like what what did they have for dinner and she said hot dogs and i was like at a restaurant like i was like there's no way they got hot dogs on the menu and then her boyfriend came back for the bathroom and he was like we got like it was like a fancy sausage that he got but to her it was just like everything's hot dogs that's a very non-grown-up like meal i've been eating hot dogs a lot lately i want uh some kind of explanation uh because i go to costco every day no the when uh I come home and there's been all... We've been doing great in the hockey playoffs.

I've been coming home and watching hockey. Good for us. And I don't want to have to cook dinner. And my SkyTrain station is right by the stadium. Sure. And so there's a hot dog vendor right there. Yeah. And I just get it and I eat it in public in front of people.

And some people pay me a little bit of money to watch me eat it. But then I'm good for the evening. Now, do you go to this hot dog stand so often that the guy knows your situation? No, he does not. And yesterday he... I don't think you can be a regular at a hot dog stand. knows your situation? No, he does not. Yesterday, he... I don't think you can be a regular at a hot dog stand. Yeah, I think it's a volume business. No, no.

Because in Sex and the City, doesn't, like, she goes... Oh, okay. Well, if it happens in Sex and the City, sorry. No, but I want to know what you think happened in Sex and the City. Remember that one where Carrie falls in love with a hot dog guy? But she's conflicted. Yeah.

Because. She doesn't relish the opportunity. That's the exact type of writing I would expect to see. No, she, there was this, I don't know, maybe I'm not thinking of that right. Oh, I'm thinking of Cashmere Mafia. No, I feel like. I feel like I've seen a scene where they go and get hot dogs and the hot dog guy knows what the girl's going to order. She goes there all the time and eats hot dogs.

Wasn't there a show? 30 Rock, maybe? Oh, maybe. Or Liz Lemon. Maybe I'm thinking of 30. Anyways, so how often? You've been to this guy enough that he would know, like, hot dog? Like, that's all he needs to know.

You're going to do your own toppings, right? Yeah, but they have a number of kinds of hot dogs. Oh, there's some... Like, there's one called the cheese jalapeno dog. Oh, that sounds gross. It's got cheese and jalapeno inside the dog. Don't do it. I don't.

Do you think that they fed that to the cows and then they killed them? Don't digest it. That's really sad. The worst one, I don't know if it still exists, but it was at 7-Eleven, and it was called the Bacon Cheeseburger Bite. Oh, yeah. It was like ground beef with cheese and bacon in hot dog shape, and it would just roll for hours and hours.

Pretty great. I don't think Gary ever ate one of those. That's more of a random meal. That was a pre-Takito era. Yeah, they've been really, they've stepped up their game at 7-Eleven in the making everything smell bad department. It used to be, it was when I was like in high school, smell bad department. It used to be when I was in high school, maybe junior high, that the 7-Eleven near my house

I had timed out exactly when they had to throw out the hot dogs. And you would put your mouth between them and the garbage can? And I would wear a garbage can costume. Hide in the garbage can like some I would wear a garbage can costume. Hide in the garbage can

like some kind of hot dog monster. Wait, you would wear a garbage can costume and hide in the garbage can? No, I'd stand right in front of it. Someone threw out this perfectly good garbage can. Yeah, no, they would just give us the hot dogs. And, you know, there's no difference between an all-day sitting on the rotator

or a fresh one. It's just disgusting. Yeah, like, it's the same exact... There's no... You can't tell the difference. One's a bit more George Burns-esque. Sure, yeah. Like the cigar or his face?

His face. Face and the cigar. Sure. Same paddler. But, yeah. How did we get started talking about hot dogs? Oh, sure. Same paddler. But yeah. How did we get started talking about hot dogs? Oh, yeah. That's what you've been eating.

You've been eating a lot of hot dogs. I'm still on the all hot dog diet. Yeah. So that scales you back a couple steps from being a grown up. Oh, yeah. Definitely. But who cares? You know, we're just here to have fun.

That's true. We're not here for a long time thanks to hot dogs you know who makes a good hot dog is that orange julius i wonder what the meeting when they first because it wasn't always hot dogs and orange julius was it wasn't it you didn't start out it was just orange julius yeah and certainly it must have started with orange julius they didn't call themselves Orange Julius and just make hot dogs. Orange dogs. Make pizza dogs.

What's a pizza dog? Oh, you gotta try it. Oh, what is it? Is it a hot dog with pizza injected into it? It's a hot dog with marinara sauce and cheese melted on top of it. Oh. I don't think... Well, I guess that's the core ingredients of a pizza.

Yeah, you got bread, you got your sausage. It's prepared by a craftsman Italian. Got that feeling you have to hit yourself in the chest when you eat it? Craftsman Italian? Oh, that's a type of tool. Where are you getting your hot dogs? High Roller? Yeah.

You have a chef on your boat making for you Do you like boating? I hate boating You must like boating Where are you from Ben McGinnis? I'm from Vancouver It's a maritime culture you'll love it Yeah you guys are both native

Native you guys are both native You guys are both native Vancouverites Yes Did you Native? You guys are both native. Yeah. You guys are both native Vancouverites, yes? Yes. Yes. Did you, what high school, what's your alma mater? I went to Sentinel Secondary in West Vancouver. And I've never heard of it.

You've never heard of it? No. Weird. I must have heard of it. In the city I grew up in, Calgary. Pretty famous. Yeah, why is it famous? Who's your most famous alumnus?

Douglas Copeland. Ooh, Coppy D. Coppy D, yeah. You know famous who's your fame most famous alumnus douglas copeland oh coppy d you know uh who dave's most famous alumna i think i do is it the green lantern it is green lantern yeah there must be others i think joshua jackson was too oh wow wow moody moody uh dawson creek star joshua jackson pacey something voted most likely to be Moody Pacey Witter? I think that was his name how many of the last names of the cast of Dawson Creek can you name?

Dawson Leary, Pacey Witter Joey Jeremiah Joey Lawrence, wrong, go don't remember any other first names. Steven Spielberg poster. Yeah. Michael Pitt was on, playing a character named Henry.

Jack was the gay guy. Jack gay guy. Jack rainbow flag. You guys are both wrong. And Dawson Leary's parents were both Leary's as well. I knew their last name. They had an open marriage.

Did they? Yeah. On the show? For a season or two. Or is this in your Dawson Creek fan fiction that you wrote? I should have clarified. Then Mrs. Leary.

Geocities.com slash Dawson's Creek fan fiction by Ben mcginnis mrs leary took the uh there's a counter at the bottom of the yellow m&m into her arms it's fan fiction she's having sex with the big yellow m&m yeah for the commercials and he's talking all dumb yeah mrs o'ary, you're married. Yeah, why is the peanut one the dumb one? I don't know, because he's a big lug. Yeah, I guess so. He's oafish.

Yeah. Last night I went crazy trying to remember Reggie from Archie Comics' last name. I could remember everybody else's, but I couldn't remember... G-O-O... No, it doesn't start with an O. No, it doesn't start with an O.

Leary. I literally... Did you ever figure it out? Yeah, I looked it up, but I couldn't figure it out. It's not Lodge. No, that's Veronica's. It's not Miller. He's a basketball player.

Yeah, it's not Watts. That's all I could think of was Reggie Watts. What is it? It's Reggie Mantle. Of course it is Jughead Jones, Betty Cooper, Archie Andrews Moose and Squirrel

Moose and Squirrel Midge at Mr. Weatherby good times I guess Mr. Weatherby. Good times, I guess. Do you know Mr. Weatherby's first name? Did he have one?

Yeah, somebody told me... Carl. Carl Weathersby. There was a guy at my high school who was also named Graham, and he was our valedictorian, and his whole speech was centered around an Archie analogy. And he knew all of the characters, first and last name. Even like Dilton. Well, Dilton was Dilton Doyle.

Yeah, Doyley. Oh, Dilton Doyley. Yeah. And the black one was Sherman Hemsley. Right? Yeah, Sherman Oaks. Yeah, anyways. What were your valedictorian speeches like?

Go. What was it about? Was the theme about the future? Next. Yours? Embracing the future? Mine was a little, I think there was a tribute to our principal

who was retiring. Oh yeah, that's an easy out. Mine was, he was the son of our guidance counselor, so it was a little bit shady. Weird. The son of the guidance counselor went to you, he was in your class.

He was, yeah. Did he get more guidance than you? I think he did. But he also got more counseling. Downside. We're guidance positive. Did your guidance counselor wear funny sweaters? All the guidance counselors at my school

wore funny sweaters. What? Did he? Oh, I love this idea that the guidance counselor's son is in your grade and like maybe the guidance counselor is giving everyone else bad advice yeah it's just like you should go to sfu that's the bad university yeah local everyone local reference but wasn't there like uh yeah like his he could be like you know what because the popular cheerleader is like i

feel empty inside and he's like maybe you need a boyfriend he'll fill you up my son is uh not taking anybody to the sadie hawkins day dance ask him because those are the rules yeah did we ever find out when sadie hawkins day is um during sweeps. I know that. November or February or May. Wait. How many sweeps are there? Oh, sweeps are year-round now. I mean, now that you got the, so you think you can dance during the summer.

And The Voice. Oh, I watched that show the other night. I did, too. I'd never watched it before. I don't understand it at all. Like I just, I, with every other show like Minute to Win It or So You Think You Can Dance, even if you've never seen it before,

within two minutes you're like, I get the concept. I get what's going on here. But the voice, it's like this whole fucking, like there's teams and squadrons and people have to pity their own members against each other spinning chairs yeah these spinning chairs and like they they flash back to past episodes where it was like i picked you based on the not seeing you portion of the

show and i was like but what was that about like why don't they explain that? I've seen a bit of it. But what I've seen of it is, like, the whole show is them patting themselves on the back for how not shallow they're being. Like, can you believe, like, these ugly people are on TV? And they keep bringing that up. Exactly. Look at this guy. He's fat and gay. There's a fat gay guy out there.

Isn't, uh, and this was something I didn't realize, and maybe it was just because I've only seen- Is that CeeLo Green you're talking about? Yeah, well, I was just going to say, like, I was going to say, I didn't realize CeeLo was, uh, he was, he's, is he like a, is he like a large- Mini-me? Tiny person? Or small person?

Like dwarf? Because he's got very short arms and he's very short and he he's also very fat that that contributes very gay no he's married he's happily married not that gay people can't be happily married yeah dave come on it's uh it's the 90s um yeah well what's uh and then the other guy there's of the guys, I don't even know who he is. Maroon 5. No, I know who he is. Everyone knows who Adam Levine is.

Yeah, he's Maroon 5. Yeah. Christina Agrugola. And then who's the other guy, the guy he was wearing all... Branst... Crampton. Branst... Crampton.

Cramft... No, that's not a name. Crampton. Branst.... No, that's not a name. Cranftbronst. Bronst. Bronk. Fronpst. Steen. Clonk.

Schlomp. Schlomp Klezman. He was a Klezmer player. Yeah. It's not Trace Atkins, but it might as well be that. So he's a country singer. He sure is. Allegedly.

Right. But what is the point of the show? They're going to find the next voice. And then that voice will go on to voice a better looking band. A C&C Music Factory. A Milli Vanilli. I see. Because, yeah, I just...

The rules of the show, I spent, you know, the 20 minutes I was watching it, trying to figure out how is the show run? And then I lost interest. I remember that show when they... I was just thinking about shows that were so straightforward and simple to understand. Do you remember that one, I hope it comes back this summer, with all the stuff on the conveyor conveyor belt on top of the building oh the uh yeah drop it to mob it smash your stuff yeah yeah uh it was called uh hey hey poros yeah look at all this shit looking waste in your face

uh i'm not even and sometimes it would just be a representation Of what they would win It would be like you could win a trip to Vegas And they would just smash a slot machine I wasn't even going to win the slot machine There's a dead prostitute on the conveyor belt They put one of the dancers Like one of those famous Vegas dancers She's dancing the whole time

Some Cirque du Soleil people are Doing flips and then they fall to their death. That's sad. Oh, man. Tonight they are working without a net. And wasn't it, it was a wrestler who was the host of that, too. Right, yeah. That show really did have everything.

Jericho? Yeah, I was going to say Chris Benoit, but is he a dead? Yeah, he's a dead. He's a deceased. A sad dead. It's hard to, well, a sad dead. There's no happy wrestling deaths. No, that's a dead. He's a deceased. A sad dead. It's hard to... Well, a sad dead. There's no happy wrestling deaths.

No, that's true. No one lives a long life and dies in a happy way. Ric Flair is going to have a happy death. He's going to die with Flair. Yeah, for sure. Dave, what's going on with you? Okay, well, you know how in this country live we live in a country uh what a country yeah where you drive on the right side of the road yeah yes uh it's not and you mean the correct side

no i mean the right the right-handed side of the road sure does that apply to everything because like if you're walking down the street do you stay stay on the right? If there's two sets of stairs, do you take the right stairwell? My feeling is, and that's a good point, actually, because I feel like if you grew up in a country where... And what a country. And what a country. If you grew up in a country where you drive on the right, the natural assumption is that you would also walk walk on the sidewalk on the right if there's people in a hallway yeah i would say that you would if yeah that you would be on the right that seems like the natural thing i think i know where you're going but then some bikers will go

the other way so they can see the cars coming at them i don't like that logic at all. No. No, I can see that. It didn't happen, though. But it's terrifying for drivers. For sure. But it's also terrifying for cyclists, because cars are so much bigger these days than bikes. Yeah, but cyclists like a thrill. Yeah, that's true.

They're real thrill seekers. They wear those shoes with the clompy feet on them. Clompers. They have to deliver a document. Oh, is that the guy's name? Clom oh what are we talking about oh yeah the country singer clomper t johnson uh so uh because i i feel that way that you you especially at the sky train station oh i just keep talking about transit trains and hot dogs, this guy. Real phallic.

I never thought about trains as phallic. Well, because they go in a tunnel and then they back up and go back in. Having seen North by Northwest, that's the final shot. It's a train going into the tunnel. Is that the Hitchcock movie? Yeah, yeah. I have seen it. They're kissing and then it cuts to a train.

Oh, really? It was like a big risque thing. Yeah, that was like the beginning of that cut to hilarious stock footage to represent sex. Yeah. Rocket taking off. Wow, I've never... I mean, I've seen that movie once and probably got bored. You were waiting for the big sex scene at the end

and then it was just a train going in a hole. Get you a haze code. I went back to... The haze code! That's exactly what it was. What's the haze code? It was in the 50s and maybe 60s. They had rules about what they could show.

Like, they could only show kissing on the lips for like five seconds. So there's movies where people will kiss and then stop and then kiss again. that's why and there was the whole i don't know if this fell under the haze code probably not but on the dick van dyke show the way that they got around the rule that men and women were never to be seen in bed together like that was completely foreboding was that uh dick van dyke kept his foot on the floor right so

there's shots where his foot is like on the floor for some reason and that was good enough like they're like okay as long as his foot's on the floor he can't do no fucking i guess we're the brady bunch the first parents to share a bed yeah because everybody like like in i love lucy and stuff they would have their separate single beds. Yeah. Because that's how people lived. And Milton Berle used to keep his cock on the floor. According to the Hayes Cat. What's the code?

Is that the thing at the start of every movie that we talked about? The meeting that went down in Stockholm in 1977? No, no, that's Interpol. Oh, yeah. The band? Yeah, it, that's Interpol. The band? Yeah, it's the band Interpol. They decided you can't copy videotapes.

That was their first album. Then they sang some gloomy songs. Okay. Sky Train. The right side of the Sky Train. Oh, yeah. Well, there's a stairwell that leads up, and there's a railing in the middle. And so it's very clear that you you know

if you believe in my ethos you should stay on the right side um but people come down the left side all the time or come down the right side i guess i guess it's their left side oh now i guess if i put myself in their shoes there it It's not so crazy. But this morning, I was... Their shoes are on the wrong feet. Today, it was the worst it's ever been. Because as I was climbing up the stairs, there was a teenage boy... This is at nine in the morning. Yeah, this is already the worst.

...blocking the area with his girlfriend on his shoulders. Not on his shoulders, piggybacking. Oh, God! And as people... Where's the haze code when you need it? Yeah! As people are coming up the stairs, he's pushing her butt into the... Oh, God!

That's great. It was great. It was the... It was the worst. I find on the Sky Drain... this seems like it's a Vancouver-specific thing. Because every other city, and I've been to tons of cities' train systems, but every city I travel to, I've used their train system. Everybody kind of adheres to, you know, one side or the other. of adheres to you know uh you know one side or the other but that in vancouver going both ways it's always a flood up the stairs or a flood down the stairs and it's uh people pushing their way onto the train before anyone gets off yes people trying to bring a bike onto the train that's full

i think what's happening with the right leftleft thing, though, is that the staircase is divided by that sort of banner thing, whatever. And when you're on the right, and everybody's on the right, there's room to your left between you and the banner, and that's tempting for the people coming the other way. Like, it's clear passage.

I don't think people even think about it. I think it's just, they hear that train pulling in, and they lose all sense of decency. it. I think it's just they hear that train pulling in and they lose all sense of decency. Yeah. Well, I think it's the only public transit system in the world or train system where there's no turnstiles. You don't pay to, you like, it's the honor system. It's one of the few. They'll check on you sometimes and dehumanize everyone on the train.

But, but. That's an evil laugh. Well, it's true. I have a bus pass every month, and I think some official has maybe seen once out of every six months I've had to show it to somebody. Yeah. Oh, the worst is on the bus, because you do have to show it on the bus. But sometimes...

You sort of have to. The officials come on uh the security comes on and they're like oh it's just the most uh uncomfortable thing because there's always one person who barely speaks english who didn't do it properly and they have to and every it slows everyone down and there's one really uppity person who's like, Sir, you know that you need to carry your security license at all times. May I see it? Yeah. And I'm sitting there and I'm like,

Hey, some of us have real jobs to get to. And then I remember my job is producing podcasts. And there's a teenager behind you with his girlfriend and a piggyback. He's like, we are both late for our jobs. Some of us have hot dogs to eat here. Oh, the hot dog guy. Yeah. The other day, I was buying my hot dog,

and we were talking about it was during a hockey game, and Vancouver has... So you've had a conversation with this guy, and he still doesn't know your hot dog choice? No, because usually it's a two-person thing. One guy takes your money and the other guy makes a hot dog. Oh man, this is horseshit. This whole operation... You should go to another stand where they know your name.

Sometimes you want to. But he... I think he... Vancouver had a famous hockey riot in 1994. Yeah. And the hot dog vendor was talking about how many hot dogs he sold that night. Old war story.

The police. He thought there could be a riot this year and he was talking about the police inciting a riot, but he didn't know the right word and he kept talking about the, insinuating a riot.

I think there might be some sort of ruckus tonight. If you're picking up what I'm putting down. Stupid hot dog guy. Yeah, he's the worst. Hey, Graham. What's up? I think you and I both, we saw the same movie, not at the same time, during the documentary film festival. He's too highbrow, dude.

Yeah, right? Monocles for everyone, except you. What was the movie called? Cave of Forgotten Dreams. Yes, it was the Werner Herzog. Werner Herzog. And it's great it's a really yeah it's a 3d documentary about this uh cave that was sealed up yeah by a landslide and it's like the oldest cave paintings that have ever been found 35 000 years old it's they're twice as old as the

oldest that they had previously and they're twice as old as the oldest that they had previously. And they're twice as old as your mom. Oh, snap. Inside the cave is the grizzly man. Yeah. And there was, uh, it was really great.

It was 3d. It was probably the first time that I've seen 3d actually used to some kind of effect. Like it actually, it was neat. Cause you actually could feel like, this is how the cave structure feels like. Like, this thing's behind that thing, and that thing's behind this thing. And so that was neat.

And I liked it. I thought it was really cool. The paintings were amazing. There was one scene in it where I laughed so hard I couldn't stop laughing, where they were interviewing this French he was a geologist. In France. The's in France. Yeah, the caves in France.

I kind of didn't know France had cavemen. Oh, they were the fanciest of all the cavemen. Sure. All the paintings are people with their pinkies up drinking tea. The French. It's fancy. Hey, you eat hot dogs. It's fancy.

Hey, you eat hot dogs. But there was a guy, he was a geologist, and he was studying these things and was at a computer showing the map that he had done, and Werner Herzog is interviewing him, and he's like, well, I haven't always been a geologist. Before this, I worked for the circus. And Werner was like, what do you,

what did you do for the circus? He goes, unicycle juggling. I couldn't stop laughing. Because he looked like a guy who was from the circus. Oh yeah. Well, all French people sort of do.

No, but this guy really. He had a scarf and a ponytail. Yeah, he looked like it was... If it had said circus professional under it, I wouldn't have questioned it for a second. I think he had even said, like, what did you do before this? And he said, I was a circus man. Yeah, I was

a circus man. And he's... The way he described when he saw the paintings, like, I went home and I had these dreams about the cave and I had to take the weeks off because I couldn't get it. And I was like, you're such a circus man. Oh, no, but that is a friend. I'd love to live in a culture where you could just be such a drama queen.

Yeah, but be a guy that you're there at the computer and you're the expert that's being interviewed for this documentary and your past experience was being a unicyclist it's the greatest but like perhaps the greatest country on earth do you think a culture like that where you can take weeks off because you had these because you had weird dreams weird dreams about your immaculate uh um work um do you think they have those same kinds of conferences where it's group bonding and stuff? Or is it... I think that they have a lot more you have sex with my

wife. Stuff like that. I think that's how they bond. Lots of... Not orgies, but I think just a lot of misunderstandings. Fun misunderstanding know a lot of misunderstandings fun misunderstanding a lot of farce oh yeah they live for it that's the circus and uh speaking of all things circusy uh this week i almost uh went to a capoeira class yeah okay that's almost a great story yeah well let me tell you what happened was it was free it was at the ymca uh so i was like oh you know what just so that i

know like i've heard the the name capoeira and i've seen it for 30 seconds through a window at a class and i was like i don't actually know what it is i know there's instruments and some sort of dancing but also some sort of fighting yeah so i was like just curious enough so i actually went and uh the one the thing that was happening was there was like uh one of the girls there her boyfriend was there and he was uh like you know these guys you can see him right away and you're like oh this guy is uh trouble this guy is looking for a fight with anybody um and really in a martial arts class yeah i know it's really weird he wasn't even there for the class though he was just there to harass other stirring Yeah, he was just there to stir up trouble. He's wearing a I hate Brazil t-shirt.

But everybody was speaking in a language that I don't speak, and I don't know what language it was. But you could see through body language that the boyfriend guy was talking down to one of the other guys in the class. Just by body language, like, you could tell that he was, you know, flexing and trying to get the guy engaged in a class, just by body language, like you could tell that he was, you know, flexing and trying to get the guy engaged in a fight and the guy wouldn't. And that's when I realized, oh, I'm the only one here that doesn't speak this language of the four or five people that are here for this free class. Also, the only one not dressed head to toe in a capoeira outfit. And the only one there without some sort of instrument so i as soon as the class started up i just turned around and laughed because i was like uh this boyfriend guy's looking for the weak yeah uh antelope to pick off and i am i am him did you just silently

leave or did you oh yeah i just walked out i'm in the wrong class yeah i just pretended like i like it just never happened i just walked out as class started i was just like i just never happened. I just walked out. As class started, I was just like, I just turned around and... You didn't come back with a tambourine. That I made in the locker room. Capoeira. I was looking for the cafeteria. So, yeah. So I was... I'm still

now at this point, I've come that close to the capoeira and I still don't know. What... Was it... Were they speaking Portuguese, do you think? It could have been, yeah. Now, at this point, I've come that close to the capoeira, and I still don't know. Were they speaking Portuguese, do you think? It could have been, yeah. I mean, I've never really heard a lot of Portuguese. It's kind of like a Russian-sounding Spanish. It was a very quick-sounding language, like Spanish?

Yeah, well, they're all quick-sounding languages if you're fluent. That's true but uh yeah that could have been i don't know like aren't the the roots of capoeira are from brazil or just south america brazil i think i don't know uh which wait where's blanka from from oh video games sure um in any case uh yeah i would make yourself into electricity but it said it said it was an introductory class it didn't say like wear white pants and a sash sure you know what i mean like uh but it was just and the sign the the ad you saw was in english yes yeah and that was the other thing is i was like i don't want the instructor to have to do the whole thing in english because i'm the only guy there that doesn't speak the language everybody

else is speaking because that would be horrific maybe you were the bait like they try to get one like english speaking weakling to show up in shorts and sandals they all just take turns beating him up yeah yeah it's kind of uh it's like uh the iced tea film what is that called the game where they bring in a homeless guy and then they hunt him oh the most dangerous game yeah exactly exactly yeah but also not only the most dangerous but the most rewarding right beating the shit out of a human, as opposed to a dog. Hot dog. But yeah, so I don't know anything more about capoeira, but I do know that my senses around people that I know are trouble are just as fine-tuned as they ever were.

When did we decide capoeira was the coolest martial art? Did we ever decide that? I think we did. No, I always thought kung fu was, because of its affiliation with Bruce Lee. Yeah, but kung fu's kind of the coolest. But it's 70s retro. Capoeira's pretty cool when you see dudes doing it,

because you can kind of, like, two guys can kind of lock in, and it's like a dance that's not gay at all dave's giving me a look well it's like a uh like what a french geologist would do before they get into geology um well it's dance fighting it's dance fighting like um like it was a practice is a dance but it's useful as a fight i think i've seen people do it i think it was a step up. But the practice is a dance, but it's useful as a fight. I think. Like, I've seen people do it. I think it was, like, slaves started it, and they were. Is that right? Yeah, because they wanted to teach each other or learn a martial art, but their masters wouldn't let them, but they disguised it as a dance.

Now, here's my question. Now that you. And then they never rose up. Now here's my question And then they never rose up As you were saying martial art I'm like Do they have martial artists Like other artists

Where they're like this guy really Because I know Bruce Lee He invented a whole He was more of a performance artist But are there martial artists Where people are like oh this guy oh yeah you know really invented gotta see his leg kicks yeah he's he really put a new spin on and are there art movements like impressionism and yeah yeah exactly or does bruce lee have a blue period

who was the first white guy to do karate wearing a mustache like who started that whole genre of karate um i would think it was checkers well no back then everyone everyone had a mustache but not everyone did did a karate oh i assumed everybody did karate they had karate jeans back then well they were they were the chuck norris karate jeans yeah which is great what What's the Israeli one? Oh, yeah. What is it called now? Ayalon? No. Mad Men reference?

Krav Maga. Krav Maga. Is that it? That is Krav Maga. That's a bad guy from Donkey Kong. Yeah. It is. That's the martial art that they teach in the Israeli army is Krav Maga.

And there's a beginner's class of that this Sunday. I'm going to go check it out. You better brush up on your Hebrew because no one's going to speak English. There's a big wall to get in. A couple of checkpoints.

I was going to make a Hebrew national joke type back to hot dogs. Right? That's the kind of hot dog, isn't it? Kosher. No porn. Aren't Hebrew Nationals the ones that plump when you cook them? Or is that...

I forget which one's plump. Johnsonville Brats. Yeah, Hebrew Nationals are, I guess, a hot dog. It's a political party and a hot dog the hebrew nationals and uh sponsored by the hebrew nationals hey graham before we move on to overheard yeah we should do an ad yeah for our good folks for our good folks yeah the good folks our good Now, when you say ad, do you mean advertisement? I mean... We're not going to add them on Facebook. It's an ad hoc commercial. Sure.

Guys, check out Fuzzy Balls Apparel. They make cute and creepy t-shirts and things. Yeah, and as I've said on past advertisements that we've done for them, I wear, regularly, I wear the shirts that the company was kind enough to send us as a promotion. And I mentioned on the last episode that I got grease all over

my favorite one. And the guy from the company sent us an email and said, I'll replace that shirt for you. That's the type of high quality and the shirt that I'm talking about, you cannot buy. That's the type of high quality. And the shirt that I'm talking about, you cannot buy. That's a gift that you are... They don't sell them on the site.

They're giveaways. I think you might be getting special treatment. Yeah, no, nobody else is getting this treatment. But I'm telling you, these are good quality dudes is what I'm saying. Sure, yeah. Fuzzy Balls Apparel. You know what? It's cute, and it's creepy, and it's t-shirts and things. And if you go to their website and you mention the spies, the podcast yourself you'll get a uh free gift with your purchase uh it could

be one of their little uh they have like these cool ceramic eggs that are these uh kind of spanish looking characters like what do you mean by sp-looking? Spanish Mexican Day of the Dead is what I wanted to say. With that Spanish-looking dude over there. You know what? I don't like your attitude one bit. I don't like your racism. You used to like it. It used to be your favorite thing about me.

It did, yeah. Fuzzy Balls. Fuzzy Balls Apparel. Now, Graham, he's been giving me his hand-me-down t-shirts from Fuzzy Balls Apparel, and they are delightful. I don't like the idea of hand-me-downs, but... But you like the idea of a handout, okay. Or a hand-up. Fuzzy Balls Apparel.

Yeah, really, I do think their designs are really cool, and it's cool that it's an independent business. Their designs are really cool, and it's cool that it's an independent business. And it's cool that they've decided to spend their sponsorship dollar on our podcast and our parent podcast, Jordan Jesse Go. And I just think, yeah, let's support these dudes. Yeah, they're really cool. And on the topic of advertising, if you're somebody who's interested in advertising, you can write to Teresa at MaximumFun.org to find out rates. And we're honest guys. I wouldn't be plugging it if I didn't like their product. I would refuse.

I would plug it. Dave would. He'll just say, well, whatever. Well, that's not our policy. We don't need to like your product for us to advertise it. No, but I'm giving my own personal endorsement. He sent us a bunch of stuff, and it was great. Yeah, because I to advertise it. No, but I'm giving my own personal endorsement. Yeah, well, he sent us a bunch of stuff, and it was great. Yeah, because I believe in it.

If you want to advertise on the show, you don't have to send us a bunch of stuff. No, you don't. But you know what? If you do, I'm not going to shoot you in the face with a gun. You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps. Exactly. I'm not going to put a bucket on your head and push you down a flight of stairs if you do that.

But it helps. Yeah. FuzzyB. If you do that. But it helps. Yeah. FuzzyBallsApparel.com. But it helps. Hey, Graham. Overheards. Overheard. Overheards. If you can understand the words that I just said, you probably have an inkling as to what this segment is all about. Overhearing things or overseeing things.

We don't want to be a limiting force in your creativity. We want to be limitless like the movie Source Code. I was going to say the air up there, but yeah, Source Code is good. The air up there is probably better. Gwyneth Paltrow took a lot of pills to be a flight attendant. No, no. A different one? View from the top.

Yeah, the air up there is the kevin bacon of course must be crazy for basketball we like to start with the guest always uh ben do you have an overheard that you've brought yeah yeah sure i um have one where i was was classic like walking towards people and they passed me and i just caught a bit of their conversation. So I was walking in New Westminster, I think you know why, and there was a young couple kind of walking towards me, maybe like late teens, early 20s, and I didn't catch what she said.

She said something to him, but it was clear that she was kind of like teasing him a little bit, saying something kind of cutting or whatever, and she kind of looked at him and uh she thought he she kind of looked at him like ha ha ha and then he took it like really seriously and got like really intense and just as i was passing her he turned to her and he was like listen you're no better off than i am whoa hey yeah we're both going to this comedy club together. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. It's pretty intense, so. Yeah. Anytime you have, like, relationship problems, just throw that one out there.

Just like, well, you're no better off than I am. Yeah, exactly. I find Abby's always putting on airs. Yeah. That one time I dated Joan Collins, she was always putting me down. I could never use that line, though, because she was so much better off. Yeah. But I was younger.

But she didn't cater to that kind of love. I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone who's much better off than me. I don't think that that usually... What's in it for that person? What's in it for Richie Richardson? Well, I mean, they get to hang out with me. That's pretty good. It's pretty good.

Lots of yucks. Lots of hot dogs. Everybody wins. Well, I don't buy anyone a hot dog. That's true.. It's pretty good. Lots of yucks. Lots of hot dogs. Everybody wins. Well, I don't buy anyone a hot dog. That's true. You hoard them all for yourself. Yeah. I eat one on the spot before it goes.

But I don't take it down to the sky. Before it goes. Before it goes cold. I thought you were saying before I goes home to watch. Before I goes home to Liza. Dave, do you have an overheard i do but first i want to uh talk about how excited i am that we're we're recording tonight's episode of gigalos oh yeah it's gonna be great because one of the guys i don't know gigalos what is gigalos is this uh show it's a reality show about real life gigalosos in Las Vegas, Nevada. It's like The Real Housewives, but with gigolos.

And they have suntans. And then sex with ladies. Yeah, and it's explicit. Yeah, it's very explicit. Oh, really? Yeah, they show the sex. What channel is it on? I said last week it was on HBO Canada.

It's actually on Movie Central. Movie Central. But it's from the good folks at Show was on hbo canada it's actually on movie central movie central but it's from the good folks at showtime you got the badass cable package oh i've got a big cable package yeah that's how he was able to pull down that really rich shit yeah joe collins judy collins judy jensen uh jody sweet yeah jody sweet and collins shumkaumka When did she marry Phil Collins Okay The reason I'm excited to watch Jiggalos is because we saw the Episode description and it said

One of them Is pursuing a rap career I cannot wait I cannot wait Okay What rhymes with Jiggalo Triple O Goes to white spot I cannot wait. I cannot wait! What rhymes with gigolo? Triple O?

Goes to white spot. Juggalo sounds like it. Juggalo, sure, yeah. I ain't a juggalo, I'm a gigolo. And I keep it rigolo. Yeah, maybe they use the igolo suffix the way Snoop Dogg uses it. Yeah, probably. Although I think there's a good chance that Graham's

igloo rap is like eight times better than what you're going to see tonight on the recorded episode of Jigalove. I'm too hot to live in an igloo. I'm a jiggle. Get jiggle-o with it. Getting jiggle-o with it? No. Okay, so my overheard is from

I went to the Cave of Forgotten Dreams. You went there? I thought it was illegal. They said only the film crew and jugglers were allowed. Yes, only the film crew and some of our finest unicycle artists. And the crowd there was the worst. It's the kind of...

Vancouver has a documentary film festival, and it's exactly the kind of people who you would think would go to a documentary film festival in Vancouver. And I tweeted some of the stuff I witnessed already, but there was this awful woman who was just talking non-stop about yoga

and being tantric and what she learned in Tibet and this medicine wheel. And Stephen Harper. Yes, our Prime Minister. And someone asked her about a certain thing, and she said,

Oh, I was in two moons about that. Oh, no! Oh, man. What were the moons? Did she explain? No, I guess she just meant that, you know. No, it's like doing a pressed ham. Two moons. It's where you moon yourself

in the mirror but and there was this the executive producer of the movie was at the screening or not the executive maybe just the producer and he did a Q&A

I used to be a you shot out of a cannon before? But he was Canadian. Oh, okay. But people had questions about the movie. And like, oh, these people were the worst. Like, everyone wanted to seem smart in front of the movie producer. And people...

There's a weird thing at the end of the movie with it's not a spoiler at all it makes no sense and the first question someone asked was what's the deal at the end of the movie there are these albino crocodiles yeah yeah right what's the deal with those and the movie producer was like

well I can't really explain that but my good friend Werner Herzog can. And then he dialed him up on the phone and put him on speakerphone. Oh, that's fun. And he did this weird thing. Like, Werner Herzog is a very entertaining guy who has a lot of really interesting stories.

Yeah. But when he has to explain something that's not concrete, it's just nonsense. Well, it's like uh did you watch the press conference of lars von treer digging himself the biggest hole any directors ever i heard a bit about it it honestly it was the craziest like it was like uh you know like something that you would say and you'd get off track and then you would just say to the person you're with like can we just never say that i said any of that stuff like i just my mind was fucking went crazy

there for a second because he he somebody asked him a very direct question which then he turned into i always wished that i was a jew and then i found out you know growing up i wasn't a jew but i was a german and then he started talking about like how he could relate to hitler and like yes he's done a lot of bad things but i could kind of see his point and you could see kristin dunst is sitting next to him and she's just like uh like this like i'm caught in this weird and then spider-man came down outside down and kissed her but yeah it was it was one of those crazy things where he was like, you know, it's like people get me on set when I'm in charge

and people don't question my craziness but in front of reporters everybody's like hmm, keep going down this crazy road. So he brings out the speakerphone with Werner Herzog and then after that he's like any more questions? And he really,

that was his trump card. That's what you close with. But everyone else was so trying to seem smart and sycophantic about what's it like working with a genius like Werner Herzog? But my favorite part about

this documentary film festival was this overseen. The women right next to me. You know, like when you go to a movie, if there's like a corner store near the movie theater, you might go buy some snacks. Sneak in some Twizzlers. Sneak in some drinks. Yeah. Because, you know.

Some beers get loaded. Because you don't want to pay $8 for a bucket of Dr. Pepper. Sure. Well, the women next to me, one was like, hey, I snuck us in some avocado. Ew. And she's like, oh, I also have these. took out some uh uh ziploc bags full of cherry tomatoes and then they ate those and then i was like okay so they ate those they're not gonna eat the avocado and then she takes out the avocado i didn't see her cut it but uh but she was eating

it with her fingers and was getting everywhere oh that's disgusting licking your fingers it was gross but that is the kind of crap exactly the kind of crowd but you know you don't want to But she was eating it with her fingers and was getting everywhere. Oh, that's disgusting. Licking her fingers. It was gross. But that is the kind of crowd. Exactly the kind of crowd. But you know, you don't want to pay for movie theater avocados. Yeah. But it's like, that is the perfect Vancouver documentary film festival. It really is.

Yeah. You totally should have just stood up and been like, really? Ziploc bags made of plastic. Yeah. Just like dunked on her. Yeah. Like, who's the best documentary film watcher? This guy.

Later I'm going to a documentary film about that island made out of plastic in the Pacific. Hope you're happy. Yeah. Hope they credit you. Hey, speaking of credits, have you ever seen this thing? No, I don't have a credit card. I think it was like the, I don't even remember. Like, it's either the $1 movie or the one second movie.

It's something where, like, you would buy a share in a movie. Yeah, yeah. And the movie was all about, I guess it was all about people a share in a movie yeah and the movie was all about i guess it was all about people buying shares in the movie and every other celebrity on wikipedia it's their picture the picture of them is the picture of them buying a share in this movie so it's like luke perry nice his wikipedia picture is this one movie that i can't remember the name of so you were just on Luke Perry's Wikipedia page. I wanted to learn more about eight seconds.

Like, does he make it past seven? Did seven, eight, nine, et cetera. of a neighbor girl who is having a freakout on her friend over the phone about her new boyfriend and how he's ruining the whole summer. Which hasn't started yet. For both of them. Not even close. He's just the worst. It started out, this is how the whole conversation started out.

She said, he hasn't been nice to me since last summer. And then he was just trying to sleep with me. So that was how it started out, she said, he hasn't been nice to me since last summer, and then he was just trying to sleep with me. So that was how it started out, and it got to the point where she goes, well, you know what? I feel really unwelcome at his place, long pause, because he said, I'm not allowed to show up there anymore.

But why would you say that? I feel really unwelcome since he reverse welcomed me i always like relationships where like one person thinks they're in a relationship and the other person doesn't um anyways it was really magical and so many neighbors heard it and then afterwards there was uh talk amongst neighbors i've never talked to before that we were all talking about this girl's dramatics phone call it was great were they like you should put this on your podcast no it's just like a real like you know when you go and see a

fire or something you know it's just like everybody in the neighborhood you meet people that you've never met before it was like that they were just like oh that crazy phone call wasn't that crazy because you could hear it for blocks around you screaming into the phone about this... It was very private, but behind closed doors and open windows. Do any of your neighbors know you have a podcast? No, none of my neighbors know me at all. I think they know me as the guy that has a beard, and that's probably it.

The downstairs neighbors I've talked to a couple times because they smoke outside, and so I'll see them when I'm coming and going. But that's the rest of my neighborhood. I feel like, I don't know, I think that people maybe think I'm a weirdo. I don't know. I don't do anything weird. Ben, do your neighbors know you're on a podcast tonight? I don't think they I don't do anything weird. Ben, do your neighbors know you're on a podcast tonight? I don't think they do.

But they will. We also accept overheards from listeners. If you want to be one of those people. Isn't it right? We're like the Jerry Lewis of telethons. Dirty listeners. If you want to send one in Who's going to do the act out

Of a kid with muscular dystrophy Calling in and over Nobody showed up for that A juicy fruit hanging from a tree You know what I always get mixed up A juicy fruit hanging from a tree Chewy I always get muscular dystrophy

Multiple sclerosis Cystic fibrosis, and what's the other one? Cerebral palsy mixed up. I always get muscular dystrophy and muscle shirts mixed up. Which one do I hate more? The disease or the shirt? I, like I was saying,

if you want to write in to us, you can at StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com like these people have uh this first one this is fun this is like this is a good uh you know what cleanser this is a good palate cleanser this is a good kind of as summer's approaching this is the kind of conversation i think a lot of uh youths will be having near the end of the summer. This is from, I want to say Cheyenne is the name. C-H-E-Y-E-N-N-E? Yeah.

Is that right? Cheyenne? Cheyenne? Cheyenne wrote this. I caught this in what must have been a much longer conversation between two nine-year-old girls riding bicycles down a residential street. Girl one, sadly. Well, at least it's something

we can write down in our adventure book. I know, right? Wow. That's a really magical... Yeah, it's like a dream journal that comes true. Yeah! I want an adventure book. I'm going to start an adventure book.

A scrapbook just seems like... Like if an adventure book. I'm going to start an adventure book. A scrapbook just seems like... Like if an adventure book is... Scrapped. An adventure book catalogs your adventures. A scrapbook is like bits of food you ate and fights you got into. Things that are left over. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, I really enjoyed that. really enjoyed that thanks cheyenne yeah good

call um okay this next one comes from libby m what a fun name libby are you kidding me my sister's name is it oh that's right yeah i've never met your sister i cannot wait oh no you're not gonna what she's not showing up at the wedding? Because I am. She's not invited. This is Libby from Seattle. I was having some coffee in a Starbucks and a girl was talking over Skype or some kind of video chat with somebody.

That doesn't seem appropriate to be doing that in public. That was my... A couple weeks ago, I told you about a What Would You Do episode where a guy was doing that in public. Oh, yeah. And having an affair at the same time. That's awesome.

That's right. She was using earphones so I could only hear her side of the conversation. I'm a huge snoop, so I listened in while pretending to read. She said, to whoever she was chatting with, yeah, but you worry about everything all the time, you know? Like how you worry that you're going to have a bunch of heart attacks because you eat too much soup?

You're worried that you're going to have a bunch of heart attacks? Oh, the first few won't kill me. Yeah, but everybody knows the risk factors when they eat soup. Yeah. It's part of the fun. Dancing with the heated can devil. You don't heat the can, do you? No.

Well, hobos do. Sure. Right? You got to. You got to eat it straight out the can. do you? Well, hobos do. Sure. Right? You got to. You got to eat it straight out the can. They slice the bean into three. Yeah. Ghosty slices.

This last one comes from Matt S. I was at the Knoxville Zoo in Tennessee today. While at the Red River Hog, some kind of wild pig exhibit, a 14-ish year old next to me turns to his dad and says, that'd make for some good eating. At a zoo! Of all places. He's probably right, though. He's probably really

fed in the zoo. Pretty tasty. At least it wasn't like a shark or a panda or something. Or a giraffe. Yeah. A giraffe would make some good eating. Hard to get through the door. Has a zoo ever have, like, cookouts? No, no, no.

Have a buffet? No, no, no, no. Make downsides. Well, there was a This Is That story on our past guests. Pat Kelly. Pat Kelly and Peter Oldring.

They had a thing about the Calgary, they did a fake story about the Calgary Aquarium closing with a big barbecue. It is. But do zoos ever have, like, a cow? at the Calgary Aquarium closing with a big barbecue. It is. But do zoos ever have, like, a cow or a chicken or something you eat?

Yeah, yeah, they have cows. Yeah, ostriches. People eat ostriches. Nobody eats ostriches. Yeah, no, no. Those ladies at the documentary, they were going for ostrich burgers. There's chickens running around at zoos. There's no chickens, are there? I haven't been to a zoo since I was maybe negative eight.

Yeah, yeah. You just throw them over the fence. What's the coolest thing you've ever seen someone eat at the zoo? By someone, I mean an animal. Oh, I was going to say this guy I saw eating a big novelty corn dog. Big churro. One of those dingleberries. The dingleberry, was that that the um berries on a stick

yeah um yeah okay guys uh in addition to overheards that have been written and using uh tele not telephones no uh electric telephonics well the printing press we also have uh alexander Alexander Graham Bell's invention, the telephone, helping us out using the phone code. 206. 206. Let's start from scratch. 206-339-8328.

That's 206-339- Tite. This first caller, do you remember a couple months ago there was a guy with a really punchable voice? Yeah, the guy that you couldn't stand. I was fine with him, but you really wanted to punch him in the voice. He just had this attitude. Anyway, let's...

He wanted to punch him in that show, The Voice. Sure. Starring Trump Stump. Klump. What if they had a voice that was called The Punch and it was just who you wanted to punch the most? Yeah, and you turned your chair around and you got the punch. Yeah.

I feel like that would work. This would be the guy. He'd be on a conveyor belt. Nick Cannon would be my guy. By the voice? No, the guy that I'd want to punch. Oh, man. But whose voice would you want to punch?

Other than this guy. That'd be before or after he was wiling out. During. Hey, Dave and Graham, it's... And Mila Kunis, hopefully. Mila Kunis? It's, uh... Matt from Oklahoma with the attitude,

and I just had the best overseen. Not the best. Skating on my longboard through town. The two kids playing catch to baseball. It looks like they just got set up. And one kid goes,

okay, throw it. He throws it right through the window. He turned around and ran away as fast as he could. I do like that a lot. In the preamble, the longboard mention was completely unnecessary. I know, but it certainly

reinforced our feelings towards this guy. It fits pretty well. But the overseen was... that's great. I love it when somebody does something like that, like throws a frisbee and it lands in a tree or something. I can't get enough of that kind of stuff.

Have you ever broken a window, either of you? With a baseball or just in general? Yeah, I punched my hand through a window once. Out of anger? No, by accident. I was trying to open the glass push door and my hand went through it. Oh, don't know your own strength. Many stitches later.

Oh, yeah, I know, right? They make it look like that doesn't happen in movies and stuff, went through it and uh oh yeah your own strength many stitches later oh yeah i know right they make it look like that doesn't happen in uh movies and stuff but it cuts you oh like the stitches don't happen yeah and well no they just punch through a window like it's the like nothing like it's punching through uh you know a hot dog or something just right through, we've all done that. Relatable reference. You don't know many things, do you? No, I know Windows and Hot Dogs. Oh, I also know the show The Voice. Those are the three things I know.

With Rompst... Klem... Krompston? Klam... Bromston. Next. Hi, Graham and Dave. This is Jackie in Chicago

I haven't overheard I was at the gym And Jeopardy was playing on in the background And these two women were very loudly playing along And when the question This Steven Spielberg movie about a Slave ship rebellion came up One of them very confidently answers out loud

Amadeus? Thanks Bye out loud, Amadeus? Thanks. Bye. It's not Amadeus, you're the other GT. The movie, of course, is Roots. It's about the Capoeira Rebellion. Starring Matthew McConaughey as a root

of Jamal Hanson. Is Matthew McConaughey in that? He's Jimon Hansen. Is Matthew McConaughey in that? He's in Amistad. Does he... Yeah, I... He plays the Lincoln lawyer. Does he have chops? A shirt?

No. Does he have mutton chops? He does have chops, I believe. Here's the thing that... Who are the slave owners in that one? Are they Americans? Or are they... I'm just wondering what accent Matthew McConaughey had to do.

Oh, he reprised his character from Dazed and Convicted. Watch the leather. It's like the slaves get older, but I stay the same age. Other way around. I get older, the slaves stay slaves did yeah yeah there we go there was a uh i don't know article in esquire he was on the cover of esquire a couple months ago i find that hard to believe and there was wearing a suit he was wearing a suit um and in the inside of the the thing was it said like the title of the article the article was like, thank goodness Matthew McConaughey's

back. And I was like, who the fuck has been waiting for that? Like, where did he go? I thought you were going to say special. 14 year Amistad anniversary. But yeah, who's been waiting for him to come back?

Yeah, I feel like I haven't seen him for three months. Yeah. Oh, man. Homestead. Finally. Hey, Dave and Graham. I'm just calling from San Francisco with an overheard. I was riding a very, very crowded bus this morning.

riding a very, very crowded bus this morning. And sitting next to me, there was this guy, quite a talker. He starts to just talk to anybody on the bus. Well, listen, the other sketch balls sitting nearby him. And he's like, telling a story about his friend. He's like, oh, man, I want to keep this job I'm at, but I don't want to stop drinking. And his advice for his friend, Zima, he's like, tastes like lemon, and they'll never smell it on your breath. They'll never smell it on your breath. Because that's how they know you've been drinking. Not your sloppy work. It's not that you've been staring at the photocopier light for half an hour.

It's not that you drove the forklift into your boss. Yeah, and it's an office job, too, so how'd you get on that forklift? Sure. You rode it up the stairs. You're a real Arthur. She forgot to mention he was holding a longboard. Yeah. Maybe he works for zima maybe oh wow he's dropping some viral marketing yeah i remember um when i was in high school maybe college uh he works for zima the silent sam was the there was a

there's a brand of vodka sure called silent sam and it's called that because apparently you can't smell it on your breath oh they should call it drinking on the job no uh employable dan should be the name it's got a picture of a guy like an executive but his shirt's all ruffled. Yeah. And his hair's kind of fucked up. He's buttoned the wrong button in the wrong hole. And he's smoking. He's holding a briefcase that's open. Documents are flying out of it.

Briefcases, right? Yeah, he's slapping a secretary on the butt bus there's a bunch of them he's a character commercial yeah employable dance hush hush whiskey um it's vodka but they oh yeah sure but they call it whiskey. Hush, hush. The secret ingredient is vodka. Now, in the realm of people sending in things, a couple of weeks ago,

I have to honor my commitment to the putting out for asking for something and people sending them in. I had come up with the idea of if you've had a weird dream and uh instead of boring your friends with it with your dreams for our listeners yeah but these are all short they're i'm not uh you know i'm not gonna put you through the paces now i think we got a couple phone calls about this but i didn't listen to them and i didn't bother i thought this would this day would never come i thought we'd all be dead by now. Dave checked out after the first staircase to space. Our first one comes from Dana N. This is a dream.

My dream, Anthony Bourdain worked at my university and we ended up hanging out all day. That's how his theme song goes. The strange thing was that he got progressively more touchy-feely, and by the end of the day when we went out to dinner, it was really obvious he was hitting on me. My dream self was a game for this. Apparently, we were heading back to his place to seal the deal when I woke up. I thought this was a weird dream since,

while I think Anthony Bourdain is a fairly good-looking person and quite funny, I am otherwise fairly ambivalent about him and haven't even watched his show for a long time. What do you think that means? It bothers me that you think he's quite funny. Yeah, because when has he ever done anything funny? It sounds like she's being defensive about rejecting him in her dream. She's like, I didn't even care that much.

I mean, he's kind of sarcastic. He's charming, but, you know, it's not funny. Yeah. He's a bit of a rogue. Yeah. But it's weird. She's like, in real life, she thought he's nominally... But you know what? I bet if you hung out with Anthony Bourdain

for the day, you'd want to fuck him. Oh, yeah. He's got a quality. Yeah, right? But what bothers me is that she's completely skipped over the dinner. What was the weird food you ate? Oh yeah, exactly. Well, you know what? It was probably hot dogs served on windows. The two things you know exist.

Hot dog a la window. Anthony Bourdain went to Jappadog when he was here. Yeah. Did he really? Yeah, yeah. There's a photo of him. Yeah, there's a photo of him. Next to Ice-T. Ice Cube.

Ice Cube. Yeah. He came ten times. That's what it says. He came ten times. They use the word came. I don't like that. It's a bit awkward.

I like that Ice Cube was, you know, at one point... He's just giving up. He was a really hardcore gangster rapper. And obviously he's kind of moved away from that and been in Are We There Yet? But now there's a commercial where he squares off against a beverage or something. Something that he says, I'm the coldest. And then the beverage makes things really cold. And then he's got frost on his face. And I'm like, man, Ice Cube really has...

It's just... Was he broke? Did he make some bad deals? He's got his edge back. Yeah. Maybe he owns the company, and he's... He owns Dr. Pepper. Oh, no, no.

But I do miss the... It's been a while since there's been an ad with a beverage changing the climate. Like, it seems like beer used to just make it snow. You know what does that a lot now? Gum. Yeah, gum's taking over. Gum seems to be a real season changer in commercials. Now, this next one, the reason I think this is interesting,

this is from a gentleman or lady named Jesse. No, I think I'm going to go with gentleman. Anyways, he's picking up a Chinese girl. He's having sex with Anthony Bourget. I'm dating a Chinese girl who works in my office building. I'm picking her up from home in the morning one day to take her to work. And she is there with her siblings. On the way to work, I ask her about

what she does and she's the majority shareholder for her family's fantasy role-playing company. Awake now, I don't know if this is an online video game or World of Warcraft or offline paperish game. She then goes on to tell me about a side project minigame called Rhinoceros

Soccer. It's an app. That they had debuted at some point, some sort of industry trade show, and it has been amazingly successful. Which industry? I don't know! The soccer industry! Rhinoceros industry? We are at work, the work building, riding up the elevator, and i suddenly remember that i am actually married to my real life wife and so this is cheating uh she gets off the elevator and i try to figure

what the hell i'm gonna do about this whole situation end of dream so we don't find out what renacer soccer is all about he does it i mean he doesn't officially pull the plug on the cheating plan he just woke himself up out of it. Instead of going, hey, this... Do you ever have that in dreams when you realize, oh, I'm asleep, aren't I? This isn't really happening, is it? A lot of times in dreams I'm still a smoker in my dream life. So I still smoke a lot and then when I... Is it the greatest? Oh, it's the greatest. And then when I have the greatest. Oh, it's the greatest.

And then I wake up and I'm like, inevitably, I've had this happen probably 150 times where I've woken up and been like, I'm not, I don't smoke in real life. Because I wake up thinking, you know, it would be great. Cigarette. Doing that thing. Also, you know what felt great peeing i wish i could do that in real life instead of just in my dreams um and this uh this last one comes from uh chrissy m also follows along the uh the cheating

route of uh things popular dream among spy. I recently had a sex dream about Jimmy Kimmel. He just laid there and I did all the work. In the morning I told my husband that I dreamed I cheated on him with Jimmy Kimmel and he just said, gross. So a pretty good dream segment overall. Yeah.

Is that a men and a women difference thing? if if if you told a woman uh your significant lady lover that you had a sex dream about jimmy kimmel or say chelsea handler yeah would she get super jealous well i just yeah it's weird because i think guys just go nah it doesn't mean anything but then for women it's like in I think guys just go, nah, it doesn't mean anything. But then for women, it's like, in your secret, in your world of nim life, you got a dalliance. Your land before time. In your bridge to Terrapithia.

You want to make love to a triceratops. In your fern gullet. In your deepest of fern gullet. Your deepest of fern gullets. Anyways, I enjoyed the shit out of those dreams, and thank you for everybody who sent those in. Yeah, we didn't analyze them. We just made fun of them. Yeah, which is great.

So if you want us to make fun of your dreams, by all means, send them to stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com, which is also where you can send your overheard. Yeah, and you can call in your dreams to 206-339-8328, and I will delete them. And I can analyze them ahead of time. All of the women want to sleep with fat, unattractive celebrities. Well, Anthony Bourdain's fairly trim, isn't he?

Who was in the second dream? He's got a gut. Jimmy Kimmel. No, Jimmy Kimmel was in the third. Oh, the second one was Rhinoceros Soccer. Rhinoceros Sucker, yeah. That wasn't a woman. That was a man, I think. Yeah.

We think that was a man who was cheating on his wife with the woman who, on the side project, invented Rhinoceros Sucker. And she lives in his building. Or no, works in his office building. In real life or in the dream? I think in real life. But he was cheating on her in the dream life. It's very, you know, it's very minority report.

It's borderline. And now you, Ben, we're nearing the end of the show. Do you have anything that you need to plug? Anything that's coming up? I'll be in Victoria next week, Friday, I want to say May 27th, with past guest Toby Hargrave at Heckler's Bar and Grill. Sure! And then June 4th, Music Waste is

happening, and there's a comedy show at the Café de Soleil, and there's probably 10 past guests on that show. James Denton, Kyle Bottom, Alicia Tobin, myself, Josh Lowen, and some people I'm probably forgetting. Nice! If people want to find Ben McGinnis online, where do they go? Tobin, myself, Josh Lohan, and some people I'm probably forgetting. Nice. Talk to me once more.

If people want to find Ben McGinnis online, where do they go? I don't know if I'm online. What about Twitter? Yeah, you can add me on Twitter. I don't tweet anything, but if somebody adds me, then I will tweet them something. Are you at Ben McGinnis? At Ben underscore McGinnis. M-C-G-I-N-N-I-S.

There you go. It's very hard to spell. Very easy to sing, though. It's easy to sing. It's easy to go up on the last sentence. And speaking of live performances, next weekend. This upcoming weekend. This upcoming weekend as this, yeah.

As this crow flies. Dave, myself, and Ivan Decker will all be at the Comedy Mix Comedy Club in Vancouver. Yeah, I'm realizing I haven't written a joke in six months. So he's going to have a lot of Bin Laden jokes. Hey, why can't we find this guy? He does a whole Morgan Spurlock-esque, where in the world is this guy? He's going to talk about his dreams for 20 minutes. And also, on the Dave and Graham performing on the same show, Kick, we are on June 14th

at the Biltmore Cabaret. Myself, Dave, Charlie Demers are all opening acts for one Hannibal Buress, who will be here in town performing. So make sure you check that out if you're around. I know a gentleman from Saskatchewan wrote to me and said, are you, Dave, playing anywhere between the 14th and the 19th? Perfect timing. The most perfect. You should have said, hey, why don't you ever listen? We've talked about the show 10 times.

Jeez Louise. I will be at that show as well as a paying customer. Oh, awesome. So if you want to meet Ben in person. That's right. And really, why wouldn't you? He'll be the white guy. I'll be the thin white guy with short brown hair at the Biltmore.

I'll be the only one, I promise. And, yeah. And how do you want to be greeted? Do you want people to just come up and punch you in the face? Please. And then give me a hot dog. Yeah. So, throw you through a window, give you a hot dog.

Also, if you're new to the show, every week at MaximumFun.org, along with the episode, we post a blog recap of the show that has pictures, videos, all sorts of things relating to things we talked about in the show. I imagine there will be something about rhinoceros soccer. Maybe rhinoceros soccer. How can we find a picture of that? No, but something – maybe Werner Herzog maybe Clarke Deathstorm from The Punch

The Voice all that can be found on MaximumFun.org if you like the show tell all your friends and come on back next week for another Ben McGcginnis light episode stop podcasting yourself