Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 171 - Paul F. Tompkins

Episode Date: June 21, 2011

Paul F. Tompkins joins us for our second Hollywood episode.  We talk TV recaps, celebrity sightings, and crying in movies.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 171 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who looks good in a stripy sock, both horizontal and vertical, Mr. Dave Shumka. Can I find the horizontal ones to make my ankles look fat?

No, no, don't beat up on yourself like that. I'm fishing for compliments. No, no, you've got thin ankles and you know it. Thank you. And joining us for our second podcast being recorded at the Orlando Hotel on Orlando Bloom Avenue, a very funny and accomplished young man. He is a podcaster. He is probably the biggest and best podcast guest on all of the internet.

You would say that... And then he decided not just to be a guest on other people's podcasts. He is the proprietor of his own podcast, the Pod F TomCast. And he's here today, third time on Stop Podcasting Yourself, Mr. Paul F. Tompkins. Energy! Energy! Why am I the second guest? Who was the first guest in the Orlando hotel? Who was the first guest in the Orlando hotel?

It was Allison Augusty. I told you this. I know, I forgot. And also, you're lucky because there were a lot of technical, we're talking into microphones that have foot socks on them. Sure. Obviously, that was not something that we had. And she's like, what, this isn't Twitter.

She doesn't understand anything that's not Twitter. Exactly. That's her character. She lives her life on Twitter. Hey, this isn't Twitter. That's her catchphrase. That's every room She lives her life on Twitter Hey this isn't Twitter That's her catchphrase That's every room she walks into She's constantly separating things

Into what is Twitter and what is not We're all my friends No one's following me So many characters She calls the police because Nobody's following her And on and on guys She calls the police because nobody's following her and then and on and on guys she calls the police

well no she'd tweet the police I guess she'd DM them at Los Angeles Police Department should we get to know us? yeah let's get to know us get to know us. Get to know us.

You can have that for free. Now, Paul, can I say congratulations for making it through the entire season of American Idol, writing recaps as you went along? Yes. idol writing recaps as you went along yes it must have been what was a joyful experience for everybody who read them must have been a horrific experience for the person who wrote them i will say it was challenging yeah i bet um the the thing that seemingly made it uh easy when i first accepted the job was oh that dumb show it'll be easy to make fun of and snap to write. But then what made it very hard is that it's a terrible show and not a lot happens on it.

And in order to make it funny and not just a recap with like a couple of comments, was I had to really do a lot of work. It took a lot of thought to come up with things to say about the nothing that was happening and make a larger point. And how many days a week is it on tour? Three?

Two. Oh, did you know that going in? Because I didn't know that until I started reading your recap. I guess I didn't really think about it. And the guy, Josh Wolk, who got me to do the job, he did warn me early on that it was two days. He didn't really warn me. He told me that it was two days. And he said, well, the second day is just a result show, so you don't have to do that one.

But I did anyway for some reason. And then it became a thing where I was – We won't pay you for that one. I don't know if I got paid at all yet. Anyway, that's not for here. That's for a conversation I will have with someone else later that is for there um i i yeah it was uh it was two days a week from the end of january to the almost the beginning of june and it really took over my life in a way where I

had to plan around it because I w I would watch the show live furiously taking notes on my laptop and then write about it as soon as the show was done. And I routinely finished at 3am, you know, when send it in to be published the next day in New York magazine and online. And, uh, it was like,

well, New York magazine, there is a, there is apparently there's a big distinction between the online version and the print version. online. You don't have to qualify it. New York Magazine. There is apparently a big distinction between the online version and the print version. According to them? I think according to a lot of people who are aware of such things. Oh, okay. Well, that's not for here.

Not just random people. It's not like you could do a poll and find out who around the globe makes a distinction between the online and print versions of New York Magazine. But yeah, it was something. I had to really, like, when I got to the realization of, like, I can't do anything on a Wednesday or Thursday night at all. Like, I had to miss out on things. You know, like, I would love to do that, but I can't do it.

It was like a part-time job. Like, gotta i gotta really was yeah and i mean you know to be fair a lot of that i responsibility i put on myself i i wanted to make it good so that i was happy with it sure i could have easily tossed off something that i didn't care about that would have been no sweat but but you know i wanted it to be good and and now that it's done i'm really happy that i have done it sure and i wouldn't say i would never do something like that again i will never do american idol again ever that will never happen i and i have only watched i think i watched the first couple episodes when i found out you were writing about them oh and then uh then i read one that i hadn't seen the episode for,

and I was like, oh, I don't even have to watch the episode. This saves me a lot of time. Yes, yes, yes. That was most of my readership, I think, was people that were not watching the show, but were just reading the recaps. And I kept that in mind, that I wanted it to be like, well, I mean, the idea, recaps to me are so strange,

because it's like, if you are a fan of American Idol and you watch the show, why would you read the recap? I don't get – And who are you if you're a fan of American Idol? Yeah, because it's not a discussion. It's not just a discussion of the show of, well, when this happened, I felt this. It's here's what happened and here's my little comment about it. But if you're already watching the show, why do you need the here's what happened and here's my little comment about it but if you are if you're already watching the show why do you need the here's what happened yeah who's it for because like i understood why people were reading mine because i was writing comedy pieces you know i wasn't just writing recaps but so if that element is removed who the fuck is reading are there people

that read there's real recaps that aren't funny recaps? Yes! Oh, I did not know about that. I think a lot of them think that they're funny. But it's only a sort of token effort to be funny, in my opinion, from what I have seen of these things. So these are people who watch American Idol or whatever, or just American Idol? No, no. There's recaps for 30 Rock or breaking bad or whatever i don't get that at all why but where they're recounting the show yeah and then their commentary on it but especially

what what boggles my mind is for a show that's a quality show like i i don't know why you would watch breaking bad and write a funny recap of it, of a thing that you like. Because there's not a ton of laughs in it. That's why. You've got to lighten the mood on that Breaking Bad somehow. So heavy at the end. Do you have to? No, you don't.

I really like the show. I wish they'd lighten the mood. Or I wish someone else would. After the fact. To have one wacky neighbor. Somebody from a Mike and Molly doing a guest appearance. Sure.

An Edie McClurg. Right. What's Edie McClurg? She's free, I'm sure. Edie McClurg. She's not a regular on anything right now. I'm trying to picture

who Edie McClurg is. She is the secretary from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Oh, she's very funny. Yeah, she'd fit right in on Breaking Bad. That's right. I met her on, I did a voice for The Life and Times of Tim on HBO.

And she's apparently a regular voice on that. You met her last year. I did. Yeah. She seems nice. Like a delight, right? Yeah, like a delight. She was awful to me.

No, I'm joking. So you're writing these recaps for the... Actually, here's the thing. So you're not writing them for the print. You didn't write them for the print edition. How often does the print edition come out? I don't know if it's a weekly or monthly magazine. Because if it was a monthly one and you just had eight recaps in a row, that would be crazy.

I will say that I wrote an article... I wrote about writing for the recaps for the print edition. Oh, wow. So I wrote an essay that was about my journey with American Idol watching and writing. And I didn't realize it was for the print edition until the day before it was due, right? Before my homework was due. So I write this thing and turn it in, and then the editor writes back to me and says,

and it was a different editor than I had for the online. The editor said, yeah, with the print edition, we don't have as much leeway with space, so you're going to have to cut 200 words out of this. And so I did a pass on it, or they did a pass on it for me, and I was like, nah, this is okay. And then they cut further words out of it and let me read it

because they had to make room for a bunch of dumb pictures. So they sent it back and then I had to quibble with like, can I have certain words back just because I feel like they're me and my personality. I said, I'm going to take these

words back. And one of them was the N-word, to be fair. To be fair. You have to reclaim them. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I reclaim them on behalf of them. So when I finally – so then the thing finally comes out.

Now, you have to understand, when I would submit the recaps to the online edition, there would be proof – I would proofread them a couple times, right? Sure. But there were still mistakes that I would miss. And then they would go through the online proofreader. And then those folks, whoever they were, and God bless them, I think a lot of times did not understand that sometimes I was making words up to be funny. And so they would replace it with the actual word or just take it out or something. And I would have to say every day, wait for the thing to go up online and then read it and then have to write back, could you actually change this back to what I had?

Because that was supposed to be funny. Or any italics I used were dropped out entirely or, you know, things like that. So there were things that they proofread that interfered with the humor of it. And then still after that, I would have people writing to me on Twitter saying, you said he instead of she when you were talking about J-Lo. I'm like, well, that's just a typo. Is that really worth bringing to my attention

and you know i don't i don't i don't have access to vulture you know to the new york mags uh uh you know uh whatever their interface with with their with their website like i don't go in there and make those changes myself so it was there were a lot there was a lot about it that was kind of frustrating so when i when i wrote the thing for the print edition, when they published it, they wrote that I had been doing it for 18 months instead of 18 weeks. And then people were writing to me saying, it says you did it for 18 months, not 18 weeks. And that's in the heading of the article where clearly I didn't write that part. So now you're really – now this is in print, so it can't be changed. And I clearly didn't write it myself.

Why are you telling me? This is what's wrong with the internet is everybody gets a voice. And there should be an internet test that you take to see if you're allowed to use the internet. And hey, internet people, what are you doing reading the print edition? Yeah! I got loud on that internet You did A little warning came on

There was a Well you could see my Yeah, you got angry I used some Doppler It's a great effect They haven't invented a font that would properly express your anger with this situation. The font has yet to be created. My favorite, kind of back and forth between...

You tell me your favorites and then Dave will tell me his. And then we'll go around the horn. What are we talking about? I don't know. I hope it's about me and how great I am. You wrote in one of the articles that you were getting paid something like $10 a word. Started out at five. And the first eight comments were, $10 a word?

That's ridiculous. That's fucking ridiculous. How can they pay you that much? I kept adding $5 to it every few weeks or so. And there would always be somebody that said, well, that is outrageous. For what you're writing, I can't believe you're getting paid that much. And I even had a friend of mine in the first one, I said I was getting paid $5.

No, no, no. I said I was getting paid $5 a word. And a friend of mine direct messaged me on Twitter saying, are they really paying that much? Because I'll write something for them. She writes for another magazine. It's like, I'm not getting near that much money. I write something for them because she writes for another magazine it's like i'm not getting near that much money i'm like that's nobody is that's yeah it's ridiculous

stephen king doesn't get that it was a joke yeah um uh i like that uh well yeah because you you said um the print edition that said oh we don't have quite as much leeway with the amount of words. Yeah, because you have an actual physical piece of paper. Yes, sure. I'm sure you could write as much as you wanted for the... Oh, yeah, absolutely. I wrote way too much. They didn't need to be that long. Disagree.

Yeah, well, they were... It's another thing. I was very happy with the length that they were But the very first one that I wrote This one guy commented In the comment section This guy wrote These need to be zippier and funnier

I mean this is like you literally Recapped the entire two hour show It's like yes that's what That's exactly what I did Zippier and funnier. And he was like, look, I know this is your first time doing this, but these need to be zippier and funnier. That was a

weird line where people thought I was like a recapper who didn't get it. Like I was new to the recapping game. It was like, no, I'm not. I'm not. Perhaps you've read my recaps of Breaking Bad. Another great show, guys. What's going to happen next week?

What about that one episode where they're all stuck in the... Weren't they looking for something? Oh, the bottle episode. What were they looking for? A bottle? They were looking for a bug. A fly. Oh, yes.

Now, do you listen to the podcast that's the behind the scenes of Breaking Bad? I do. And I love it. I love it, too. Because it's... First I watched the whole show. Yes. It's one of the editors. Oh, okay. And the creator of the show. Yeah, and sometimes the actors come in. Oh, okay.

Foreign dignitaries. Pensioners, the blind. Ambassadors. Pensioners. Elder blind. Ambassadors. Pensioners. Elderly shut-ins. But it's, I really, if you like the show, then it's a great little addition

because it's just, you know, this is why we did this, or this was, we wanted this character to be, you know, through the whole next season, but he ended up on another series. They've written around a lot of stuff that actually turned out to be amazing storylines that didn't exist. You know what I mean?

We can't afford to shoot outside of Albuquerque. We can't afford a nice location. It all has to be... At no point is he going to Miami. And if he is, we're going to see one palm tree in the background. I do hope they do a Hawaii episode. It all has to be... At no point is he going to Miami. And if he is, we're going to see one palm tree in the background. I do hope they do a Hawaii episode. Yeah. Where everybody goes. Yeah, Mr. White

and Jesse. He falls in love. They go, yeah, yeah, yeah. Walter Jr. leaves a trail of popcorn behind him. Was that the Brady Bunch Hawaii episode? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? They went into some cave where they met Mr. Hanalei. Sure.

Played by Vincent Price. Of course. So scary. The most Hawaiian-looking actor they could find. He's a local. Who was the one in the Brady Bunch? When the Brady Bunch went to the old West Town, there was some, like, swindler there played by, was it Jim Backus, maybe?

Somebody like that? I don't know that one. That was the... I like the idea of Jim Backus as a swindler. That era, sitcoms would go to an exotic place and then it would turn into a Scooby-Doo episode. Well, really, just the Brady Bunch. The Family Ties had a great one where they went to London.

Who went to Paris? Facts of Life? Facts of Life went to Australia. Oh, yeah. Somebody went to Paris. I'm sure maybe the Facts of Life also. Sanford or Sun? Went to go see some Parisian garbage. Down Under. I'm sure, maybe the facts of life. The facts of life also. Sanford or Sun. Yeah. Went to go see some Parisian garbage.

They got the best junk in Paris. You big dummy, where's your passport? This is a big one. Le one big. I remember. He's throwing out these ancient antiques. Exactly. Look at this paint, she ain't even. I was going to say, out these ancient antiques. Exactly. Look at this paint.

She ain't even... I was going to say, she's not even smiling. But of course she is. She's barely smiling. What's she thinking about? That's the one remarkable thing about that painting. The Mona Lisa grimace. I remember.

By the way, is the Mona Lisa a pretty lady? The Mona Lisa isn't that... I wouldn't kick her out of a painting. For eating painted crackers. I remember the family ties where they went to London. One of the plot lines was that... I think it was Alex. They kept hitting Michael Palin.

Was that Michael Palin? Fish Goldwanda? No. The European Vacation. Which one of the Monty Python guys? Eric Idle. I think they kept running over Eric Idle. Oh, okay.

On a bike or like... In European... Would he show up periodically with yet another comical cast? Yeah, and then they would run into him. I haven't even seen this and I'm guessing it. No good. Alex Beaky

and somebody put a microfilm in his brush. Oh, great. That's the thing. Every time a sitcom travels, there has to be some crime element to it. Yeah, yeah. Why? And he has to get away from the spies or terrorists or whatever on, like, a rowing team boat, you know, that would have, like, eight guys on it. That was the only vehicle that he could use to get away.

What are those called? Long boats? I know it's called crew when you do it. Yeah, crew boats? Winklevosses? Crewnecks. I have no idea. Row boats.

Row, row, row your boats. Yes. And if you're out there, if you know the answer to what those boats are called, keep it to yourself. At P.F. Tompkins. God damn you! Why did you do that?

He gets paid $10 for every word he says on this episode. Seems high, right? It does seem high. There's a Canadian... Is it the Heart and Stroke Foundation that has the commercial where it's a bunch of people rowing one of those boats and then they the announcer says a warning sign of a stroke and then the captain yells stroke and so you know dizziness stroke pain in your arm stroke and uh it's probably one of the most tasteless you know the commercials out there they don't get i think they do a lot of the PSA work pro bono

Do you think so? Yeah, that's why they're never good You get what you pay for So what's going on for you? You finished with the recap business You're out One last score Would you recap something else?

You know what I kind of wish I had? The voice Everybody was saying, will you please do the voice? Why would I do it? No! You can clearly see I'm not happy doing this The voice. Everybody was saying, will you please do the voice? Like, why would I do it? No. Oh, you can hear, you can clearly see I'm not happy doing this. Why would I do another one of these? I kind of wish I had done Game of Thrones.

Oh, yeah. Because I watched the first one. Yeah. I kind of, I sort of half live tweeted my viewing of the first one like almost a week after it aired where I was watching it. And I was just writing random things like, thanks for bringing that box of snakes to my wedding. Stuff like that. And that show is just ridiculous. That would have been a very easy and probably enjoyable one to recap, but it's too late.

They're all stacked up on my TiVo, probably never to be watched. We've been watching them. Have you really? I haven't seen any of it. Is it good? Is it bad? It's not... What is it? No, it's not good. But I'm sure there's fans of the books who are...

Oh, it's based on a book? It's based on several books, I think. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Books that apparently take too long to come out and the people get mad at this old man who writes these books. Like, why isn't that book out? And the books are, I think they're thousands of pages. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, they're fantasy. That's the format. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's all these dynasties and lineages that have to be discussed and intrigue. I can't. And I've been watching. It's fun. I've watched every episode.

I know maybe three characters' names. And I know, like, there's a lot of very bloody violence, a lot of very not. Sexy sex, right? Not bloody. I was going to say bloody. I don't know. There might be some. What?

Bloody sex? Well, I mean, like, there's so much violence going on around them, some blood might spray onto some sexers. Sure, sure. But it's... Sextants. I can't, yeah, I can't keep track of any, like, I don't know if it's good. I can't, that's the, for me with fantasy things, and I may be the only one, but it feels like work to have to learn the this this person is part of this kingdom and this is the map and you have to know the map in order to know where

they're going did you like it at all when you were a kid no when i was a kid i read all the lord of the rings books and i really enjoyed them when i was in high school you know and then um when the movies came out i tried to reread the books and uh it was impenetrable i i don't know i lost some elasticity in my brain or something because i looked at this and like oh i'm on page 12 they're still talking about what hobbits eat for breakfast and then when i saw so when i saw the movie first i saw the movie and i was like i guess that was okay and then i tried to reread the book and then i had new respect for the movie like wow they cut out a lot of stuff that needed to be cut out sure good job everybody we can't just stare at a doorknob for 12 minutes of the film but i i tried to read

the the silmarillion or the silmarillion or whatever it's called which is like the the the bible of of the lord of the rings you know and it's written like a bible and like a bible i could not read it i i started to and was like i'm trying to escape this in my life i already have this at school i remember bringing because uh my dad had a copy of lord of the rings that had all three books all in one book. So the paper was like tissue paper. Was it a handsomely bound volume? No, it was like a paperback, but very 70s looking kind of thing. Shaped like Mount Dune, like a DVD box set would be. Did it come with shot glasses? Yeah, it came with shot glasses. That's all books in Canada. For the Lord of the Ring

drinking game. Yeah. Described on the back of the drink every time they say ring but i remember bringing it for quiet reading time what's the most common book they say or a common word they say hobbit i would guess the might be the probably tolkien loved articles yeah yeah yeah but i remember bringing it to like the free read like every day at school you get like half an hour to just read whatever you wanted and i remember bringing it to the free read Like every day at school You get like half an hour to just read whatever you wanted And I remember bringing it to school Just because it was hilariously oversized Like you pulled it out of your book

Yeah, yeah Time to get to my free read And everybody would laugh And then Then you were stuck with that dumb book But I tried to And everybody would laugh, and then I felt like... Then you were stuck with that dumb book. But I tried to... Can I read your encyclopedia, Brown? Can we read it together?

Tell me about Superfudge. Superfudge. Yeah, there's a big... Everywhere we go in L.A., we see a poster for some kind of kid movie that's based on a series of books i imagine something something in the not bummer summer that's all okay haji paji in the not bummer summer mr horkins penguins what's the penguin mr popper's penguins which is uh infinitely funnier i'm sure they'll agree sure then your title um we've seen tons of posters for it we oh yeah no idea what it is yeah he has six penguins jim carrey has taken

care of six penguins from what i that all have names that are like the seven dwarves yes that i think he gives them based on their personalities sure uh what i did what i've gathered is that he's some Uptight jerk Who needs six penguins sent to him To teach him not to lie To teach him a lesson, yeah Wow He's a liar He's a veteran liar

He lies too much, he says no to everything He doesn't have godlike powers Yeah, and he's a pet detective Which made the penguins Meeting him very convenient Script wise He doesn't have godlike powers. Yeah, and he's a pet detective, which made the penguins meeting him very convenient script-wise. So what is filling a Paul F. Tompkins day these days? Okay! I'm doing... Do you make a little notation?

Yes. No, no. The computer goes... When that warning comes on, our headphones go dead. Well, when it goes into the red and lights? Or what's the warning? Is it an audible warning? No, it's just a feedback warning that says,

I think what we may have detected was feedback. But no, we didn't. Then you have to override the computer and say, No, computer. No, come on, guy. This is a guy joking around. And then the computer's like, what is love? Yeah, what is joke?

Joke's not compute. Destroy, destroy. Garage Band comes with settings if you have Paul F. Tompkins as a guest. Because he is the most. And everybody does. Yeah. It's curious you don't say garage band. Is it?

Yeah, well, I think with the British influence That's true That's not one of the words we Britishize I wish we had that We say carport in Canada More than we say garage They were considering calling it carport band But there is no such thing as that

You can't build a garage in Canada Because the ground is frozen all the time Permafrost You can put a little port in Canada because the ground's frozen all the time. Permafrost. Yeah. You can put a little port for your car or ski-doo. Wait, wait, wait. You're insinuating that a garage is always underground. But it is not.

Well, you have to build a foundation for a garage. I tell you now, brothers. Here in America, we have above-ground garages. Go on. That's pretty much it. Oh, yeah. It's the same as you would know except above-ground. They're like carports. And above-ground pools. Oh, yeah. It's the same as you would know except above ground. They're like carports.

And above ground pools. Oh, goodness. No underground pools for you. Finally, you don't have to go under the ground to swim. So what's keeping you busy? Well, you know, as you know, I was writing a sitcom script with my friend Tom Sharpling, host of the best show on WFMU. So that's going to be impossibly funny. Yeah.

Right? I think people are going to say this is impossible. This is a regular Popper's Penguins of a script. Mr. Popper's Penguins, if you please. Sure. Don't be so casual with him. I'm using Hollywood slang. Pop pens? Yeah. pens what does variety call it

this is a real pop pens Mr. Double P's oh goodness Mouse House so we just turned that script in to Comedy Central it's a vehicle for myself in which to star

let's hope that that works out. Come on, Comedy Central. Hey everybody, if you still have fingers, cross them. Yeah. People might be listening to this after 4th of July. They did not see any of the PSAs. In Germany,

they hold their thumb instead of crossing their fingers. That's good luck. I bet you they get a lot of broken thumb. It doesn't look very lucky though. Everybody at home, do it. If you're not at home, don't do it. their thumb instead of crossing their fingers. That's good luck. I bet you they get a lot of broken thumb. Everybody at home, do it. If you're not at home, don't do it. It looks like maybe I got your nose. Do they stick it through like I got your nose?

I don't know if they stick it through. They just hide it. It's good luck to hide your thumb. Well, if you squeeze your thumb, apparently your gag reflex goes away. Really? What? A sword swallower can swallow swords. Oh,

I'm doing tongue twisters. If the sword swallower could swallow swords. They squeeze their thumb. How many swords can a sword swallower swallow? If he leaves his thumb just sticking out there hitchhiker style. Probably none. Probably barfs. Should he be hitchhiking and sword swallowing

at the same time? Does he think that's going to get him more rides? If he's doing it really. You'd at least slow down. Right? Make sure he's alright. If you saw a guy sticking his thumb out and swallowing his sword and gagging on it. He pulls it out

and he's going to wipe it on his pants. Sorry. Oh, man. How has there not been a reality show about that? About swords and stuff? Because it's disgusting. And no one wants to see it. If you see it in real life,

when they pull the sword out, it's wet with their insides. Same with the guys that do the nail in the nose. It has actual blood on it. Did you ever drink raspberry juice or something and then eat spaghetti, but only eat it halfway and pull it out of your throat and it's all red? What the hell are you talking about? I did that when I was a kid.

Now, how did you think that was going to be a thing that everyone could relate to? I know. Did you ever compare those with one other person before today? Especially because I started with raspberry juice. That's not a plentiful juice. Why not grape? Well, cranberry, sure. But kids don't like cranberry juice.

But raspberry juice. Kids don't get urinary tract infections. You know how you're drinking a cold glass of huckleberry juice? And you're eating capellini. And then the food gets halfway down your throat, and you're like, I've got to see what this looks like. Well, no, you're taking one strand of it. You're not eating a mouthful.

Wait a minute, I'm just going to pull one out of my throat. No, I honestly can't remember how exactly it went down. You are making the way I thought of it sound crazy. You just have one at a time. Look, we all eat our spaghetti one strand at a time, right? We're agreed on that. Well, you're not eating spaghetti. You're doing your gross out things.

I'm just like you, guys. I eat my spaghetti one strand at a time. Didn't you do stuff like that when you were eating with your friends at the cafeteria? Do stuff to gross each other out? I never did that. I was not one of those kids. Really? Yeah, yeah. I think because I was very kids. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think because I was very sensitive to stuff like that, it would make me – I was grossed out very easily. Okay. And so I chose my friends carefully. Yeah, chose your friends accordingly. I'm not going to have a bummer summer here, guys. Guys. I had a friend who used to be able to do the thing, the drink, the milk in the nose and squirt it out of the eye. Thumbs down.

I'm giving a silent thumbs down. I thought when I was a kid that he was the only guy on the planet that could do that because I never. I would not blame you for thinking that. Yeah, right? Yes. You thought he was one of Charles Xavier's mutants. Milk guy. I saw that movie last night by the way oh really not good of course not really not well but i mean there's there's for

for movies like that there's not good and there's fun not good sure whereas like that wasn't a great movie but there was some cool looking stuff in it but this had so much boring bad dialogue and story structure that it was any action stuff that was happening like too late you already lost me i don't care what happens with that anchor chain you know it's gonna fly in the air i don't care that magneto is destroying an entire yacht why did they decide to tie it into a historical thing? I think so that we would understand the folly of man and his hatred and fears and suspicions. Of Cubans. That of Cubans, of mutants.

Because it happens during the Cuban Missile Crisis. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. Because it happens during the Cuban Missile Crisis Oh, right One of the mutants is trying to start World War III So that the Humans will wipe each other out Magneto? No Titanium Man? Who?

Titanium Man? It's a Paul McCartney song Magneto and Titanium Man The Cowardly Lion? Diamond Woman? Let me tell you this. January Jones turns into a diamond. Yes, she turns into a living diamond lady.

And I read those books when I was a kid, so I sort of remember some of those characters. That was kind of about the time that I was tuning out of that world. So some of them were like, oh yeah, that guy. But I don't like when some of the mutants have more than one power. Where there's somebody that has these sort of insect-y wings, and she can fly.

But then also sometimes she can spit some flaming lava ball out of her mouth that just plops on the ground and explodes. How much would that gross you out at lunch? 100%. Right? Yeah. Ew. Then, like, so the Diamond Lady,

she also can read people's minds. Yeah. Why does she have both? And influence people's minds. Not just read them, but like... In the movie, she does not influence

anybody's minds. She just reads people's minds. Oh, no, no, no. That's right. She Jedi mind tricks them. Yes. She makes a guy think that... Well, I'm not going to spoil it

for your dumb audience. They... I mean, they don't appreciate it, but they don't appreciate it but i'm kidding audience here's the weirdest thing about that movie uh shaking his head no he's not kidding at all uh no i feel bad i'm kidding well you should read the i'm a big fan of the show you should read the recap of this podcast. I'm sure there are no fans of mine, sons of bitches. There was a series of commercials that tied into the X-Men thing that were for State Farm insurance. Yes, a friend of mine is in that commercial. Really? It's so weird.

The one where it's like, here's Beast, he's in our class, and then we transfer one of our students elsewhere. Is he the other student? Yes, he's the other student. Then I guess Havok shoots some energy at him. That's also clear. It's so unclear what some of the powers are. Like this guy, Havok, and he like windmills his arms.

And then some pink disc flies out of him. And then everything just explodes then some pink disc flies out of him and then everything just explodes a pink disc a frisbee yeah it looks like it looks like one of those frisbees that was a ring that wasn't oh yeah a solid disc you know and that's his power no but and everybody everybody in the movie acts like they understand what just happened everybody's like wow you gotta harness that i guess i guess he does yeah uh superman was uh uh like the first superhero right yes well very i think so yeah yeah and he can do pretty much he can do all of them yes that's what makes him the most boring superhero yeah because he's so powerful is he faster than flash well that's i think that's a big comic book debate yeah yeah i

think they did one where they raced one time they did i swear to god i think they did a a superman versus the flash did they could they not have uh like made a thing that they actually had to race for like some someone was in peril that they had to race to or was it an actual no i think i think they taught someone to a stake and slit their wrists. And it was up to Superman or the Flash to get them to the hospital. Superman would just use his heat vision to cauterize the wounds. He should. But rules are rules.

And this was just a foot race. He's very respectful. Is the Flash strong enough to carry someone to the hospital? No, he's very weak in the upper body. No, but here's the thing. If he can get there fast enough, he can just drop them. You know what I mean? It's like if you have heavy groceries, you just got to get through the door.

That's all. I always like how in those comic book things where there would be, you know, well, you know, if he's impenetrable how how can he do this that or the other and then you know some poor comic book writer's got to sit there and be like i don't know he found a thing and a ship i don't know can't you just enjoy the comic instead of like you know like ruining it but i sort of get it because there are some things that are you suspend your disbelief and you say yes okay i accept all this but then there's other things where you just feel like that's uh that's a little sloppy like i don't know i don't expect to have answers to everything but uh that is really i shouldn't be thinking about it right you know you shouldn't be writing something that's making me think well how does he do that if all these other things are the case right i mean yeah

i guess they should have thought there should be some pre-thought but also they shouldn't have to go back and go oh yeah you invented uh you know uh stretchy pants or you know a syringe that had some kryptonite in it so it could go in his arm or whatever. It's just like, oh, boy. Because that was in the one where, I think, where Superman died, and they bring him to the hospital, and they're all trying to put IVs in him. He's the man of steel.

What are you going to do? You can't put an IV in that guy. Oh, my God. And you're telling me that a Superman... You're telling me. Let me get this straight. A guy who has saved the world

many times over. No doctor was like, we should develop special tools in case he ever gets in trouble. Yeah, yeah. They got complacent. They got complacent. This dude is going to be around forever.

Yeah. But, you know, guys, use your imagination. Isn is your imagination i only ever pay attention to comic books when there's something like that when superman dies or like when there's a news story about it like sure uh betty and veronica betty and veronica got married yeah that was big news who wasn't wasn't there a redhead in the Archie gang? Yeah, Archie Brenda Starr Archie Andrews

True But didn't he have Yeah, I think there was a redhead like Cheryl Blossom Oh yeah, Cheryl Blossom had her own comic From the South She had different colored red hair than Archie But anyway You know what?

Takes all kinds Yeah, I thought she was She probably dyed hers Right? Archie was a natural ginger Anyway, I thought she was... She probably dyed hers. Right? Archie was a natural ginger. Anyway, I thought she was prettier than Betty or Veronica. Sure. But she was also hard on the tape.

Dave, what's going on with you? I know what's going on with you because we're in Los Angeles. Well, we're in Los Angeles together. On our episode yesterday, we didn't mention any of the celebrities. Oh, we're done with me. Well... Not at all. Round the horn, Paul.

I'm kidding. We're kind of. I am, yes. I know. I'm kidding. I am kidding. I like how Dave's twiddling the mic. Well, sort of.

Dave, you seem very sour this whole episode. Really? Yes. I don't. I don't think that you're having fun, and I think you're mad at me. You seem very disapproving. Do you? Very headmaster-ish.

That's not helping. No, Paul, I'm on Team Paul. We're all on Team Paul. You go back and edit this and throw in some laughs to make it look like you're having a good time. I'm not a big laugher. I hear you laugh on this goddamn thing all the time. How dare you? I don't think you really hear me laugh. I hear you laugh on this goddamn thing all the time. How dare you? I don't think you really hear me laugh.

You hear Graham laugh a lot. I like to laugh a lot. Look, I listen to this thing every week. I know people's respective laughs or laves. The lav and lav nots? Yes, exactly. Big smiles for me. No, that's not true

That's not true either Silent labs No Look I'm sorry I came by here And did your podcast Oh we should say that Before the podcast started Hilariously

I'll have Tom get Hit behind the curtains In this hotel room Classic hotel room prank That's right It really is the classic. I had a feeling when I knocked on the door

there was a prank brewing. I wished that maybe this table was not in the way so you could see my shoes underneath the thing. Or I could have put my shoes under that curtain and then jump.

I was behind the other curtain. Oh, wow. Ghostfoot. Yeah. So that if you, like, pull the curtain aside and then it's just a pair of shoes and then from over there

I kill you. Yeah, yeah. Jump with a straight razor. Yeah, I take it's just a pair of shoes, and then from over there, I kill you. Jump with a straight razor. Yeah, I take it past the prank level. Dave, what's going on with you? Well, we're in Los Angeles. As we all know. Graham and I, what do we...

Interviewed Twitter celebrities. Who's next? Kelly Oxford. Yeah, absolutely. She's on the must interview list she's very nice everybody's very nice listen don't make fun of my friends Ryan Seacrest

is he nice he seems like he probably would be I disagree why wouldn't he be is he too busy working he doesn't seem nice on that show, even. Oh, come on. How dare you?

Nobody has watched that show more than I. I know. I haven't watched it since season two. He does seem like he's kind of past it all, right? And so when a young kid comes out and doesn't make it, he's like, you know, he's got to be kind of packed with it. The weird thing is, and having watched my wife and I watched So You Think You Can Dance, and we watched that

and actually enjoy it. Sure. Because it's like, in many ways, it's the opposite of American Idol, where the judges who are judging the dancers, they come from the world of dance, like they have done it, they've been dancers, you know, so they know what they're talking about. And the

there's like a lot of artistry on display. They have to do all different styles of dance and stuff. And it's pretty amazing. But the host on that show, who fills the Ryan Seacrest role, is this British lady named Kat Deely, who's like the sweetest lady. She's so nice, and she doesn't try to be funny. That's the

thing, is that Ryan Seacrest always tries to be funny, and he's not funny. There's always a... Something will happen on that show, and then there's a beat where Ryan Seacrest is trying to think of a thing to say, and then the thing that he comes out with is, oh, he's wildly disappointed. Now, this Kat Deely, she is the tattoo lady? Yeah. From LA.

A different Kat. A different Kat lady. Kat Von Deely. Okay, so we're in Los Angeles. A different cat. A different cat lady. Cat Von Dealey. Okay, so we're in Los Angeles. Yeah. Flew into LAX. And how many celebrities have we seen at this point? I've seen myself.

I've only seen two. So you've seen yourself. Right. Every time I look in the mirror. I've seen two. Officially. The first one we saw was right when we were on the budget rent-a-car. Bus.

Shout out. Bus to the rental facility. We saw another celebrity other than ourselves. Yeah. Waiting for a rental car. Right. Terry Crews. Terry Crews.

Oh, wow. Right. Terry Crews. Terry Crews. Oh, wow. Yeah. And somebody in a passing vehicle waved at him, and he gave him a, hey. A finger point. Yeah, you're looking at Terry Crews. I would think he lives here. I guess not. Yeah, I thought that.

I was like, why is he renting a car? But maybe he does a lot of theater in New York. Yeah, yeah. Maybe he does. Terry Crews for The Uninitiated is. He starred in The Uninitiated. Yeah. He played the title York. Yeah, yeah. Maybe he does. Terry Crews for The Uninitiated is... He starred in The Uninitiated. Yeah. He played the title role.

He played Drill Sergeant in The Uninitiated. He was in White Chicks. He was the big muscular guy who believed that the White Chicks were actually White Chicks and fell in love with them. That's probably where the majority of people would know him from. He was also in The Exhaustible Expendables. Yeah. Exhaustible Expendables. That's all where the majority of people would know him from yep he was also in the uh the exhaustible expendables yeah exhaustible expendables that's all i can think of him uh and he uh he played the dad on everybody hates chris the chris rock sitcom which ran for a million years and he also that's probably why he's in bridesmaids currently oh yeah he plays the yeah

workout guy in the park but they're stealing stealing his instruction from him. Very funny. Very funny scene. And he also, there's a very funny picture online of him and a bunch of his expendable cohorts on a red carpet. And he, for some reason, he took his shirt off. And somebody very quickly doctored it to look like he was wearing a leopard print bikini underneath his shirt. Very quickly. Him taking the shirt off was up one second, and then several seconds later

he's wearing a bikini top. And everybody's laughing at him so you believe that he was revealing a funny... He was wearing this bikini top. So great. If you're one of the Expendables,

who makes the move to take your shirt off when you're in a group of Expendables? I'll answer that question. Terry Crews. Yeah, I think the guy who's younger than everybody by two decades. That's right. Who's not full of collagen and poison.

Fair enough. And then we think we saw... Oh, Terry Crews is also on the $5 bill. People might know him from that. Oh, sure. Yeah. That's recent, though. Oh, yeah.

That's only in the last year or so. That was a plebiscite that made that happen, right? A what? Is that a Canadian word? A plebiscite? It's like... What's the equivalent? Not a poll,

but like a thing where everybody votes. Everybody votes on policy. What would that be called? A referendum? Maybe a referendum? I don't know. I don't know what the difference is. I don't know. I know that plebiscite made Paul really jump

through the race. I thought it was like something out of War of the World. We've been attacked by the plebiscites. Some Doctor Who creature. Anyway, it was a plebiscite, a Doctor Who creature, who put Terry Cruz on the $5 bill. Then we think we saw...

The Doctor Who had to fix it. Alternate reality. We think we saw a death cab for Cutie. Which one? One of the bearded ones. Sure. The guy with the crazy hair? No, his hair wasn't super crazy.

He's got like two points here. Like those curls things. Yeah. Yeah. He's got like silent movie hair. Yeah. Yeah. He was on an escalator.

Yeah. And then we saw the, what was her name from Community? Gillian Jacobs. Oh, yes. We think it was realator. Yeah. And then we saw the, what was her name from Community? Gillian Jacobs. Oh, yes. We think it was real quick. Yeah. But it looked a lot like it. Was that on the set of Community?

Yeah. Yeah. I bet it was her. Yeah. We were taking the Community tour. Where did you see her? On this very street. Impossible.

Impossible. It's possible. They've got a really nice bakery on this street. So I assume there's a lot of people would go and get it. That's true. It's very... There's a lot of popular rest all rants in this area of town. And then, okay, here's the one I saw today. Paul guessed this earlier when I was in the pre-show.

Oh, you guessed it. I did. I did. Did you give any clues? Well, I told him where I saw him or her. Oh. Well, him. I walked down to The Grove, which is this outdoor shopping mall and farmer's market.

Was that fun? You know how I love to walk. Yeah. And I saw, shooting an episode of Extra, Mario Lopez. Oh, wow. See, he was on my list of people that it would be great to have said I saw in Los Angeles. The list you and your girlfriend have. Five celebrities we're allowed to see.

Yeah, exactly. You're allowed to look at any of these celebrities. Wow. Yeah, exactly. You're allowed to look at any of these celebrities. Wow. Yeah, and he was... So I'm... Did you catch what he was reporting on? Yes, I did.

He wasn't reporting on anything. He was reporting on... He was congratulating Lady Gaga for something. For publicity. Yeah. You did it.

For... You did it. It was something about. Yeah. You did it. You did it. It was something about, yeah, congratulations on your success. Like a real best wishes. Yeah. Like a sort of, you told me this was going to happen and I was skeptical. And then he went on to say something about how great it is to see someone make it on their talent, which is kind of a backhanded compliment in a way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's good to see the uggos taking over Hollywood. Yeah. It's also especially when you're hosting extra. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. And before that, you weren't saved by the bell. Well, he is very talented. He plays drums. Yeah.

I think he was on some show like Kids Incorporated or something. Sure. Oh, he was bread for this. He's a real thoroughbred. He's finally come into his own. Yeah. He's a real plebiscite. I was standing.

I was trying to take his picture. Of course. Yeah. Because he's just standing there. He's irresistible. And other people are there taking his picture, so I didn't feel awkward. And there was enough separation. I didn't go up to him and put it in his face.

He wouldn't have found it. Probably not. There were some people gathered around behind him. And I guess the extra crew had wrangled some people to be the audience standing behind him. And as I was taking a picture beside they're like hey would anyone mind joining our audience and so I went and joined the audience oh I was like oh it'll be funny I'll be on an episode of extra in the background and they they shot one take

and then the director went over to the audience okay a of you guys are too tall to be in the background. Your heads are getting cut off. So he pointed at me and made me move to the side, which I think meant stop making a dumb face behind Mario Lopez. What were you doing? Just kind of. Were you kind of? Just kind of. You were mugging it up a little bit?

Yeah, I was like, what am I doing here? Me of all people. I love that the guy was being diplomatic about it. Like, why couldn't he just say, stop making faces, get out of here? Yeah, go to J.Crew. But I guess you've got to be careful just in case. What if you had some disorder and you weren't in control of what your face did? Then I would sue him.

Of course. Of course. For hurting your feelings. The People versus Mario Lopez. How were you able to guess that it was Mario Lopez just from the fact that they were at the Grove? Yes, because there are two people you can count on seeing. There are certain people you can count on seeing at the Grove. Mario Lopez.

They do a lot of remotes. I'm not sure if they still have a studio for extra anymore. It's like Carson Daly's style where they just send him out into the street. Yeah. Poor Carson Daly. Yeah, him carrying a pineapple. A pineapple? Like he just came out

of a market, you know? You hold that pineapple so it looks natural. Yeah. It looks natural. What? A pineapple? Oh, clearly this guy

just got out of the market. Got a lone pineapple. And the cast of Modern Family abc's modern family because they uh many many scenes at least one an episode will take place at the grove oh okay yeah it's one of the rare sitcoms that is set in los angeles it has nothing to do with the entertainment industry but everybody lives in la yeah well it's kind of like that movie we mentioned it on the last podcast uh battle la why was why did that take like aside from that it's in the title that it's la but when i was watching a thing on the in-house movie channel they said now not a lot of people know

but this wasn't shot in la and i'm like well why not why would you call it battle la and most of it takes place in Santa Monica. Yeah. I went to see that movie with some friends. I went to see, honestly, I do enjoy on some level movies that have

famous things being destroyed in some way or in the future or whatever. Things like that. So I thought, well, this would be fun as a resident of Los Angeles to see the Hollywood sign burst into flames or whatever. Why would they bother?

These dumb aliens don't know. They don't know what's important to us. Why did the aliens in Independence Day destroy Chicago? Who cares? We gotta make sure we take out Chicago. They got a list of cities. Right.

They got a Zagat sky. They're inside man. So me and my wife and a couple of friends of ours went to see this movie. And we were laughing all the way through it because it's a terrible movie. Laughing all the way. Laughing all the way through because it's a terrible movie. Laughing all the way. Laughing all the way. And at one point this guy in front of us had had

enough because he was really trying to enjoy this film. And he turned around and said could you take the cackling somewhere else? And I said I'm very sorry. We'll stop. And so then the guy was not done with me yet because he had a whole speech. Clearly clearly yes in his mind he was like i'm gonna let these guys have it first

they're gonna put up an argument and then i'm gonna give my reasons why so i said sorry and he said it's not so much the volume of the cackling i said i said i'm sorry and then the guy turned back around and then we sat there in silence, in respectful silence of Battle LA. And then we realized, what are we doing here? We're not going to sit here and quietly watch this awful movie. And we left. But I'm curious what he was going to say. It's not so much the volume.

In retrospect, I wish I had let him continue. These cackles need to be zippier. Yeah. Look, I know this is your first time cackling in a movie. Well, congratulations on seeing Mary Lopez. Yeah, thank you. Did we have any other? Taller or shorter than you would think?

Exactly as I dreamed. Terry Crews, shorter. Yeah. Terry Crews, I expected to be a towering inferno. But you know what? Somebody pointed out to me that you can't be that muscly and also be hugely tall. Because muscles, like for a tall person, their muscles wouldn't form that compactly. Yeah, I think you can only widen yourself so much when you are a very tall person.

So all those action guys who are like mega muscle guys are all pretty short. Yeah. Okay. That's all I'm saying. I had somebody recently tell me that I was taller than they thought I was going to be. I guess that actually is a common thing if you see somebody on television, that they are taller in person. But I guess I think of, to me, the weird one is always Conan.

Conan and Andy Richter. Right. Because Andy Richter is a tall guy. He's like over six feet tall. Yeah. But Conan is like from the circus. Yeah. And so he is like ridiculously tall.

One of my favorite things ever was the last time I did the old late night show, my wife came, and she's small. And to watch her talk to him to meet him that she had to look up in the sky like he was in a cloud like her neck fully at the back of her head fully touching her shoulders to talk to this guy i love it uh what's going on with you, Graham? Same? Well, two things. Have you seen Mario Lopez? I didn't. I know. That was in one of the four hours, four waking hours when we haven't spent together.

Yeah, in the four waking hours that we haven't spent together, I... Now, let me set the scene for the audience. Please. You guys are sharing this room. You have a line of towels down the center of the bed. Well, and I drew a line on the floor just in case the towels fall I thought that was because you were having an argument It started as an argument

You got the side with the bathroom But Dave has the side with the TV Exactly But he's got the remote on his side Oh This argument is tearing the guys apart He keeps dipping it in the toilet A couple things have happened In this hotel This argument is tearing the guys apart. And he keeps dipping it in the toilet.

A couple things have happened. In this hotel, there's an elevator. There was a murder. And everybody's a suspect. Everyone at home, lock your doors. The elevator, a little bit kind of shaky, a little jerky. And Graham a little bit complaining. Yeah. There's a plaque on the elevator wall that says, and I've never seen this in an elevator before.

It says, you know, if the elevator stops for whatever reason, you know, this is the emergency button. And it says, there is little chance of suffocation. And I was like, oh, I never even thought of that as a remote possibility if an elevator stopped. Unless it's autoerotic. Sure. Oh, I guess it's up to you. Yeah. That's true.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Maybe they're saying you can try to autoerotically fixate yourself here, but it's probably not going to happen. Where are you going to hang your belt? In the elevator. First of all, it's not that long from floor to floor. Yeah, that's right.

People will open up the door and you will stop. Yeah, don't be embarrassed. But if the elevator stops, that's the first thing a lot of people go to. Yeah, get your belt off, get it around your neck, scratch it off your bucket list. But that seems like a little, a little seems like a lot. Do you know what I mean? There's little chance for suffocation is too much of a chance. Yeah, yeah.

Well, you can drown in like six inches of water. That's true. I guess it depends how big your nose is. And if you're six inches of water. That's true. I guess it depends how big your nose is. And if you're lying on your back. Am I right? I don't know. My mother always told me that, that you can drown in a very small amount of water. But that's if you're unconscious.

If you're face down unconscious, they make it seem like, accidentally, you're going to drown in six inches of water. I wasn't paying attention. No, I did. Just watching. Accidentally you're going to drown in six inches of water I wasn't paying attention Now I'm dead Just watching Putting in eye drops I squeezed the bottle too hard

Now I'm in heaven So there's that So that happened So that plaque i saw um secondly whenever in the united states of america whenever i'm here i cannot the only channel i will watch just continuously fox news because we don't really get it in canada but it's fascinating i always feel weird when i go to a hotel or something or a gym in a hotel and then fox news is on when i walk in they're like who was

just in here or is this the way the hotel feels about things yeah who do i judge yeah it's kind of like uh oh this is what people like this This is what smart people watch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not too smart. Yeah. People who want to have opinions. Yeah, people who will pay for the hotel bar, because they're not that smart. Sure. And bring in their own snacks.

So, and I've just been just, it's an amazing window into a whole other world. Yeah, it's horrible. Yeah, it is pretty horrible. Who's your fave? I don't know any of the characters on it. Fox and Friends? That's the morning show. Oh, maybe that's what I was watching this morning, Fox and Friends.

It's a blonde-haired guy and a dark-haired guy and some horrible-looking woman. Who's the blonde-haired woman that's like an anchor in kind of the midday? I forget her name, but I know who you're talking about. I was watching her, and she... The only story that they were covering that was not politically related was fires in Arizona. And even then, they were trying to wrangle up some kind of angle on why this...

Maybe some foreigners got in and set the fire. They're stealing our arsonist jobs. It's funny, because I was watching the Today Show, and I never watch that at home, because I watch local news in the morning. But the Today Show was on, and it happened to be Meredith Vieira's last episode. We wish her the best. I hope to see her at the Grove. But it was her last episode. We wish her the best. I hope to see her at the Grove. But it was

her last episode. I never watched the show, but they did this big... Did you get a little choked up? I did. They did this Don't Stop Believing thing where they played the song Don't Stop Believing, and everyone was wearing shirts that says, like,

Al Rogreta shirt. It says, Al Hart Meredith. Aww. Did they do, like, a dance routine? That would have been the best. They did a big dance routine. They did a thing, like, I forget what their call it. They did a number.

It was a lip dub. She didn't know what was happening, and they brought her from one location. Did they do it live? Yeah Wow, that's kind of impressive And they pulled her off the set They were all lip-dubbing to this song

And they pulled her into the outdoor area The plaza The street Yeah, and the whole crew was wearing these t-shirts And they had all prepared this thing And they took her to somewhere else. And everyone was holding up big cardboard squares. And it made a big thing of her face.

And they flipped them over. I would hate that. Yeah. Flipped them over. And it said, we love you or whatever. It was hard to see, actually, because the way the light was hitting them, it just looked like a big white square. But, you know, it's a thought that counts. You know what would have been the greatest?

Like the absolute greatest? Everybody flips theirs over for the Meredith face, except somebody doesn't on the I love you and she had like one missing tooth. Yeah, sure. That would have been the greatest thing in television history. And then... But alas.

Take that, moon landing. Yeah. But like, at least I know this was real. It was kind of impressive, and I kind of know who she is, and I was getting choked up. Yeah, sure. It was just like, imagine if someone did that for me. Are you susceptible to that sort of thing a lot? But I mean, is that something you know about yourself?

Because I am. Do I get choked up at a lot of things? Well, I'm very susceptible to the things that are designed to choke you up. And I do not have to be invested in it at all. Yeah. You know, like the last ten minutes of some dumb movie that I don't even know what's going on. It's like those things are very... Yeah, the music comes on.

Yeah. They start erasing the line on the floor. Right? So, two friends are reconciled. Yeah yeah the father figure is uh showing weakness i don't know i'm trying to think of the last uh movie that i saw where it was really um now you haven't seen bridesmaids so i won't say anything that spoiler alert that i'm apparently gonna cry yeah it is very at the end it's like if you've ever been... If you've ever had a friend who's gotten married,

it's a very touching kind of sentiment at the end. Yeah, at the very end? Yeah, just kind of around the last 20 minutes. I was like, oh, this is a surprisingly touching film. Really good performances in that movie. Everybody was really good. I think WALL-E probably was the last movie that I was like, oh, good.

Those movies. Oh, the first 20 minutes of Up. Oh, God. Everybody in the theater. It's so obvious. Why didn't I see? Stupid. With no dialogue either.

No, right? Way to go. Way to go, Art. Way to go, Art. Way to go, kids movies. Third thing that happened today. Okay. They always come in threes, don't they?

Right? When it rains, of course. Oh, I also saw three celebrity deaths. Oh! The beds in this hotel are very, very comfortable beds. Don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. But as you can see, not the listener, but everybody in the room,

there's like a little wooden part of the frame that sticks out. I see it. And I jammed my knee on it so hard this morning. Some shin music. And I cut open my knee. You see the shin music? Yeah, sweet chin music. Sweet chin music.

Give me a little shin music. Sure. But I really, there was a moment when I did it that I was like, oh, I'm going to have to go to a hospital here. Oh. And I was like, oh, I really don't. I can't afford that. Yeah.

Well, I bought travel insurance. Was it one of those things where you hit your shin, and then there's a point where you expect the pain to subside, and then it doesn't subside. And you think, this is how my life is going to be. My shin will always feel this way. Really, when I hit it, I was like, oh, there's no way that didn't break. Because that was so loud. And I just fell on the floor and I was like, oh, God.

But then I was like, what am I going to go to some hospital? I guess there isn't a really famous hospital. There's no hospitals here. Oh, God. No, no, no. They bulldozed them all. This happened in the late 80s. So everybody has to be kind of a desperado, stitch up your own gun wound.

Pretty much, yeah. We're all good at it. Let me know if you need anything while you're here. Well, I might need you to. That was very convincing. Yeah, that was very convincing. What's it really? Yeah.

Well, there is... What is there? Cedar Sinai. Is that here? Yes. Yeah. Very close to here, actually. Oh, good.

You would have been fine. Yeah. Good. There's also the one for the TV show Mercy, I think. Yeah. Was that set in LA? Oh, you can also go to a hospital set at any of the studios. Yeah, where was Scrubs?

It'd be taken care of. Scrubs was here somewhere. Yeah. Have the guy from Scrubs take a look at it. The mean guy. Oh, Children can also go to a hospital set at any of the studios. Yeah, where was Scrubs? To be taken care of. Scrubs was here somewhere. Yeah, have the guy from Scrubs take a look at it. The mean guy. Oh, Children's Hospital, they shoot in the hospital from Scrubs. Oh, right. What about House? Is that here?

We got a shot in a house that they've made to look like a hospital. Wow. Someone misunderstood the concept of the show. And they hastily... In French, if you translate uh house to or hospital or french and back to english it's house really no burn double burn this is like death trap or something uh guys do you want to move on to overheard yes i do overheard well overheards can wait just a moment because we've got a very special thing that we want to tell you about.

A one-time only promotion that is ongoing for months and months and months. Yeah. Fuzzy Balls Apparel is a company run by, it's just a part-time venture by a gentleman named Roy that we met. We met him at MaxFunCon. Yeah. So now we're forward in time from the back in time that you were just listening to. We hadn't gone to MaxFunCon yet. Now we've returned.

Yeah. Roads. Where we're going, we don't need no roads. Exactly. We don't need no roads. And yeah, it's a company that sells T-shirts and little figurines and glasses and badges and stickers and tattoos. Now when you say glasses, can I get like a horn-rimmed sunglasses? Pardon?

I mean drinking glasses, coffee mugs, et cetera. Okay. And like I said, we met Roy at Max Von Kahn. Super wonderful gentleman. Do you know how I recognized him? Wearing a Fuzzy Balls apparel jacket. Yeah, or hoodie. hoodie yes that's right and uh i was wearing a fuzzy balls a barrel barrel uh t-shirt that had a spaceship on it a barrel yeah

i was wearing a fuzzy balls apparel barrel for the uh 30s hobo in you um and uh yeah they're just they're they're neat uh that just neat designs kind. Some of them are reminiscent of the March of the Dead type of Mexican designs, and other of them are just kind of... Reminiscent of the March of Dimes. Yes, correct. And also, one of the things that we got in our take-home bag was a badge that you would get as a Cub Scout. It was your Donating to Podcast badge, which I thought was really cool.

And I saw a couple people wearing it around the conference. Anyways, neat little company. We're super glad to have them as a... Cute and creepy t-shirts and things. Yes. Is what they're known for. And if you head over to FuzzyBallsApparel.com and order something,

let them know you're a spy listener and you'll get a discount or no, you get a little gift. You get a little value pack. Yeah, and I think they, like I say, I wear this stuff myself and I dig the guy that runs it

and you should swing by F fuzzyballsapparel.com. Now, do we for realsies want to move on to no overheards? I don't know. Can we go back in time? Let's try. Whoa! Overheard. Overheards.

Pretty good, right? I like that you still have the joy of overheards when you introduce them. Exactly. They are still joyous. As long as people still send them in and enjoy hearing them, I will continue to eavesdrop on conversations. Wherever there's people talking and other people are listening to that talking. That's right. You'll be there.

It's very much like Optimus Prime's closing monologue in Transformers 1. How'd that go? Something like that. Do the whole thing. Now, overheard. We like to go... We like to start with the guest. Yes.

We move on to Dave. Close it out with me. Move on to the guest. The sent-in ones by email. Can I guess what happens next please then the calls that's right yeah then denouement yeah tie up all the loose ends everybody comes back together at the end like the end of a west anderson movie yes west i think i call it west anderson yeah it's west is short for west you know by his full name west anderson

because of his love of the American Southwest. It's short for Southwest. Southwest Anderson. Well, that's a good name, actually. Southwest Anderson is not bad. It is pretty... It's the guy who founded Southwest Airlines. If he knew how just casual they're being on those planes,

he'd roll over in his grave. Why is everyone joking around? These are important announcements. He's a good savior. There's no such phone as a strawberry. Stop saying that. I was on a flight recently where they make that thing like,

put away your blackberries, blueberries, strawberries, whatever you got. The woman next to me laughed. You've got to be kidding me. You've never heard this before. In this day and age. And then she asked me if I was going to, we were sitting in an exit row,

and she was like, you know how the safety instructions go, right? I was like, yeah. And she goes, okay. And then I thought, like, was she pre-testing me? Like, she wants to know, like, she's such an experienced flyer.

Like, she wants to know that, you know, her co-pilot or whatever, her partner is not going to let her down? Or is it like, I'm not paying attention to any of this, so I'm trusting you to save us if there's an accident? Well, I think if she laughed at that joke, that was her first time ever on a plane. That's what I thought! Like, what? You must have heard this before.

Not even on a plane, though, because that joke exists outside of planes. Sure. Movie theaters. Maybe she had only ever heard of a Blackberry the day before. That technology was brand new to her. Do you think if they rounded out with Bumbleberry, she would have just lost her mind?

Bumbleberries? Is that a thing? I'm pretty sure Bumbleberry is a thing. Don't look at me for approval. You know what? Is that from Winnie the Pooh? Bumbleberry pie. That's my Winnie the Pooh, by the way.

That's pretty good. Thank you. Bumbleberry pie. Classic Winnie the Pooh. Now, Paul, you have an overheard. I do indeed. I have a special L.A. overheard for you guys. Oh, yeah.

All right. This happened not far from us at a restaurant called Real Food Daily, vegan restaurant. Ah, yes. I know you're interested not far from us at a restaurant called Real Food Daily, vegan restaurant. Ah, yes. I know you're interested in that. Yes, please. Because you love animals so much. I do.

They're the greatest. And animals wait on you there. Popper's penguins? Some penguins. Mr. Popper's penguins. The ox and the ass, all the biblical ones. Sure, yeah. Two camels.

Pieces of burden. Yeah. Don't let the bull near the china. Am I right, guys? This restaurant is very, it's almost cult-like in the way the people greet you and say goodbye to you. They're super happy that you're there and everything. And then when you leave, you think nobody's watching you leave. Nobody saw you.

You think you just slipped out the door. And then as you put your hand on the handle bye it's it's not they always get you they never miss anybody leaving this place so one time i was sitting there at the counter and uh there's a waitress behind the uh the counter and she's talking on the phone to somebody and i heard her say lana good news I've got a cat sitter for you. His name is Johnny Latte and he is stoked. That's good news. I think I dropped my fork.

His name is Johnny Latte. Oh, no, wait. No, it's not. His name is Johnny Latte and he's stoked. That's so great. He cannot wait to sit this cat. His name is not actually Johnny Latte. I just called that because he orders lattes. Maybe not even Johnny.

He might not even be stoked. I'll call you back. He might just be kind of into it. Now, a cat sitter is basically a house sitter because you can't bring a cat to your house, can you? Who knows? It might be. Maybe Johnny Latte has a habitat for them. Or catanity.

You went through so many emotions. Flummoxed. Happy. Exasperated. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Acceptance. You said a funny thing. I recognize it was a joke. And third of all, what's that from? Oh, Habitat for Humanity?

That's not too close. Not at all. What if I'd said, this is like the $20,000 pyramid. What if I had said, Habitat for Felinity? That's pretty clever. That is pretty clever. At least it would have taken me Would have taken me longer to get to what you're talking about

Like to Wait is that It would have taken you longer So that's the desired thing You like puzzles I do like a puzzle And I like a movie that makes me sad Do you put together puzzles and then glue them together

And then frame them No What why not I'm not that proud of my accomplishments. I don't want to brag to my visitors. Don't hide your light under a bushel, Dave. Can I say that the last hotel that I stayed in, all of the hotel art was put together puzzles?

Framed puzzles? Yeah. I don't know how I feel about that. I either like it or I hate it. Okay. It wasn't in a hip hotel, so it wasn't like in a, isn't this crazy? Starting to like it. Yeah, starting to like it.

It was in like a Best Western. I think I love it. And it was like all like puzzles of classical paintings. I am 100% on board with that because it makes me think that Best Western, there was somebody at the Best Western who was like, wait a minute, I know what to do. We got all these dumb puzzles. Let's put them together and glue them. We'll save a fortune.

We'll save a fortune on those expensive prints we get down at the poster shop. And the picture frames that are attached to the wall, that are part of the wall. Now, Paul, do you do many puzzles? No, I am not a puzzle doer. I get frustrated by things like that very easily. I just want them to be done. You know what it is? It's like if it's going along for a while, I'm excited about it.

But when I hit a wall, that's when it's not fun anymore for me. You shouldn't hit a wall. That sounds dangerous. Well, it's like if I have to spend two months. I do them in my car. wall. That sounds dangerous. Well, it's like, if I have to spend two months... I do them in my car. I open up the dash, and I just lay out a puzzle in there.

And it's only at stoplights. I'm very safe about it. Of course. I have a hands-free puzzle system. Computer, drive with my knees. I remember watching an episode of the Rosie O'Donnell show back when that existed. And the guest was Ralph Fiennes back when people thought he would be a decent guest on a show.

Wow. And he loves puzzles. Of course he does. And he was talking about how he would do, someone bought him a thousand piece puzzle that was just the color white. Oh, so it's all in finding where the piece fits as opposed to looking at a picture. It's all about punishing yourself, I think. I hate that person, and I hate Ralph Fiennes.

Yeah. I might hate Rosie a little for that, too, for allowing that story to be told. Well, you're a cutie patootie. Oh, I want to shoot a koosh ball at you so bad! Dave, do you have an overheard? I do. Do you remember you stayed at a hostel a few weeks ago?

Oh, that's right. With the guitar dude? Yeah. Oh, God. Terrible. You can't do that as a grown man. Tell him that. I meant you. Stay at the hostel. I know.

And yet I'm probably going to do it again in the fall. I'm going to have to stay at a hostel. I find that when you do things like that, like I took a cross-country train trip. Oh, yeah. Which was mostly miserable. But there were aspects to it that I realized if I did this again, I would know how to do it to make it not miserable. Yeah. I stayed in a hostel.

It was like two years ago when I was doing like a tour, a comedy tour. Yes. And it was based around toronto and i stayed in a hostel for like three weeks and uh yeah but it was a private room like it was a private i do beg your pardon private room but shared bathroom which i'm gonna have it the other way around everybody gets their own bathroom but you to sleep in a big pile. Like a litter of pups. With private bathrooms.

Yeah. Good call. These are all dogs who have inherited money from eccentric owners. They like sleeping together. They live in toilet house. Sure. Toilet house. Toilet manor.

Welcome to toiletilet Manor Do you need to void your bowels? Do you even know you have to? You're a puppy You can't even understand me, can you? I bother You dumb damn dog This is the worst job I've ever had

I worked at Hotel for Dogs The puppies always want me to rub their nose in their money. Dave, yes, I stayed at a hostel. You stayed at a hostel. And you loved it? Mm-hmm. No. I'm gathering.

Nope. It was the worst, right? It was between I loved it and the worst. It wasn't the worst. I stayed in way worse hostels. I was on this bus. More hostile hostels. Talking.

And there were these two, a guy and a girl talking. Ooh. And they were both the kind of... In an earlier episode, John Buehler referred to them as beggars with binders. Oh, yes. People on the street who have a binder who work for a cause and want you to sign up for something. Oh, boy. Amnesty International or...

Now, later, John Bueller was visited by three ghosts. Is that correct? Yeah, that's true. Yeah. And he revised his position. He is now... He works as one. That's right.

Although, after he said that, I think Beggars for Binders would be a good name of an organization. Beggars for Binders? Or Binders for Beggars. Yeah, Binders for Beggars. Or Beggars with Binders would be a good name of an organization. Beggars for Binders? Or Binders for Beggars. Yeah, Binders for Beggars. Or Beggars with Binders, like Doctors Without Borders. And you provide beggars with binders, so they have something to talk about to you. Sure, exactly. But anyway.

You have to make up some story about how they ran out of gas. Sure, they're going to take a flight. Beggars for Blinders, go on. They were on the bus and they were talking about how, well, first of all, they were talking about how guilty they feel about having to do this job. Yeah, because it's the worst. Yeah. You're a telemarketer in my face. Yeah.

But then they were talking about, one guy said he, when I first moved to Vancouver, I actually stayed in a hostel for a couple weeks It wasn't as much fun as I thought it would be It's literally a place where people just stay Yeah What did he think it was going to be? I don't know He thought it was going to be like that movie Hostel Maybe nobody had a guitar there

Oh yeah, totally I bet he was expecting the guitar person Maybe he was supposed to be He was taking the place of the guitar person He probably would have loved the hostel I was in It seemed like there was a lot of community activities going on Yeah I've been When I was traveling across Europe

There were the occasional hostels that were like Had a bar in the bottom and it was right in the heart of the city And I was like oh yeah this is If you like that kind of thing this is fun Not for me In bed by 8 Did I tell you? In bed by eight. Did I tell you about when I was at the hostel in Halifax one of the days,

when I was walking outside, I passed by a guy that looked very familiar, and I was like, hey, where do I know you from? And he was the guy who was working the front desk at the hotel that kicked me out for the time that I needed to stay in the hostel. And I was like, wait, you work for the hotel and you live in a hostel? That's like the one place that you think they would have somewhere for you to hang out. This hotel really likes to kick people out. We even do it to our own employees.

Check it out. Our record is... That bandit fellow should have been out here days ago. You get out too. You're in cahoots. I just like that you went up to someone and said, hey, where do I know you from? The hostile community feel really took over, I admit.

Where do I know you from? Because if you're looking at me, I definitely look familiar to you. You don't forget a face like this. If we have ever met, you definitely know you from? Because if you're looking at me, I definitely look familiar to you. You don't forget a face like this. If we have ever met, you definitely know you've met me. You are the one who's sketchy. Now, Graham. Yes?

Do you have anything to bring to the table? I got a... Yeah, I have. I was deciding between the two because they both involved... But I think I'll go with the one that when I was picking up bottles of water for this very podcast uh they were by the way thank you thank you they worked nailed it refreshed yes um there were two ladies in the uh corner store talking uh they were buying candies there were two grown ladies buying uh you know like what they would have called penny candies but like you know like ladies buying, you know, like what they would have called

penny candies, but like, you know, like single gummy peaches and things like that. And they were adult women buying these things. He said that like, oh, that's my kind of candy.

I love penny candy. Do you want to feel like you have a cavity at the end of the day? Oh, there's still a piece of candy stuck on my tooth. I thought I had done something wrong. Or those marshmallows, strawberries. Oh, those's still a piece of candy stuck on my tooth. I thought I had done something wrong. Or those marshmallows, strawberries.

Oh, those are great. They probably had some of those. And they were talking about somebody that they both knew that had had a wedding, and that the bride had really dieted and worked out to get in good shape for the wedding. And one girl, while still picking up candy by the mittful, goes, yeah, it's really weird how exercise can kind of work. It is weird. It is weird.

And her friend was just like, just a silent nod. I know. I'm saddled with you as my friend this is my lot in life i have not figured out how to extricate you from my life or you're the smart one yeah exactly please share more wisdom i bet you're right candy monster more exercise less stuff and gummy worms in our face maybe i was at i was hoping to have a super fresh overheard for you guys because I had lunch at this sort of hip diner called Swingers. You're my baby.

Exactly. And there were these two girls talking in a booth next to me, and they had all the earmarks of somebody who was going to say something stupid and they never it was just nothing and i was like oh i was like to the point where i was almost i almost turned around and stared at them just waiting for them to say something dumb yeah i must have looked like i was half turned around in the seat at the counter and i'm sure i looked like i had some upper back injury. I just got to turn this. Don't mind me.

I got to do this every once in a while. Every ten minutes. He used to play discus. He used to play discus. Hey, you guys want to play discus? I'll start. And there it goes. All right, guys, go get it.

Yeah, you go out there and measure how far I threw it. Then we'll play javelin. Is it getting ridiculously warm in here? It seems like it is. It's just always ridiculously warm here. Now, now. It was chilly when we got up. Did you close the window?

Yeah, I closed the window. For sound. I turned off the air conditioning. For sound purposes. Yeah. Totally. But I let everyone in the hotel take a shower at this moment for sound purposes. But I let everyone in the hotel take a shower at this moment for sound purposes.

We also have overheards that have been sent in by our listeners. Bumpers, if you will. If you want to be one of those people, you can send it. Wait, what did you call them? I'm sorry. Bumpers. What is that? Oh, goodness. Are you not familiar with this parlance?

It's from episode one. Yeah, from the very first episode we uh i misspoke and i referred to the little sound uh bumpers that we have between uh uh segments uh i referred to our listeners i i mistakenly said oh maybe if we get more bumpers oh i mean listeners and i see i see and it's stuck it's stuck so there are parrot heads yeah do you say that every episode? Nope. I feel like you're... Okay. But once in a while, you know, refresh. Yeah. F5.

If you want to send them in, you can send them in to stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com. I dare you to. Please. Right? You've been dared. Don't turn... Don't... Make us double dare you.

Don't turn down this challenge. You'll be sorry. This is from right here in Los Angeles. This first one, Patrick R. Overheard while waiting in line. Oh, do you think it's a movie star? Patrick R. Or an alcoholic.

Overheard while waiting in line for comedy Bang Bang last week. A couple had apparently been discussing the police when i heard the young woman say i was driving one night and then the spotlight was right on me and i was like what the heck i was just going to get some fourth meal no yes what the heck you are exactly the kind of person the police should be pulling No Yes What the heck You are exactly the kind of person The police should be pulling over

Yes For anybody who doesn't know Fourth meal is something that was made up by Taco Bell Yeah And should not have caught on with anyone But apparently did with his dummy Because Taco Bell was afraid that people weren't eating enough food I thought fourth meal is from the Hobbit series.

You have second breakfast. No, that's Elevenses. And then fourth meal. Yeah, fourth meal was essentially, it's like you're drunk or high and it's late at night, right? That was the code that they used. Yeah, they don't even... Hey, you fat potheads. They don't try to couch it in anything.

We came up with a name you can all use instead of coming up with your own. I was watching a KFC commercial. And in the commercial, they're at a house party and somebody shows up with a bucket of chicken. And people are all grabbing a wing or whatever. And I was watching it with my friend. And she was like,

can you imagine being at a house party where people were just eating chicken? Wouldn't that be the craziest can you imagine being at a house party where people were just eating chicken? Wouldn't that be the craziest if you just walked into a house party and everyone was just eating a piece of chicken? Because it would. Nobody eats... It's not a good party food. Or just eating a piece of chicken. Imagine showing up to a party with a

bucket of chicken and being... First of all, this is for everyone. You can all have a piece. Yeah. I have a problem. I brought my own bucket of chicken because I always need to be eating chicken. Now... The slaw is for everyone. You can all have a piece. I have a problem. I brought my own bucket of chicken because I always need to be eating chicken. The slaw is for me. I'm going to jump to a disorder where this guy couldn't help himself.

A, B, C. Why else would you bring a bucket of chicken? Always be chicken eating. Always be chicken eating. There is a time where I would have found that very appealing. There is a time Where I would have found that very appealing There's a time in my life where if I'd been at that party

And somebody showed up with that bucket of chicken I would be thrilled like this is great And I will say this I once went to a dinner party It was a very relaxed thing It was a group of friends And it was a potluck kind of thing This couple hosted it at their house every sunday

um so people would bring various things and so there's one time me and my friends i think had started drinking before we went and we're like we got to bring some food like let's go to mcdonald's and get 30 cheeseburgers we'll be the heroes that's exactly what we said i said to my friend john when we show up with these 30 hamburgers, we are going to be the heroes of this party. That is a direct quote. And guess what? We were.

Really? There was not a single one left over. And there was plenty of other food there. But those are the single McDonald's cheeseburger, very easy to eat. And everybody ate one. Yeah. It was kind of a magical moment.

That is a great... Yeah, you were completely in the right. But was kind of a magical moment. That is a great... You were completely in the right. But more efficient than chicken. Yeah, I guess. Because chicken is like... How many people's hands have been in there? There's bones involved. Oh, yeah.

There's something to throw away at the end. Yeah. But a cheeseburger, it's a one-handed food. You've got your extra hand there for, you know, gesturing. Yes. You don't have to worry about biting into a weird gnarle of some kind yeah some muscle that's left on the chicken

that happens in the occasional mcdonald's cheeseburger that there's a weird muscle i guess that's true but you know what 69 cents or whatever there you go yeah you get what you pay for that's right um the second one that's their slogan 69 cents or whatever Or whatever Not you get what you pay for No Which would be a great slogan For a restaurant You get what you pay for

Don't look disappointed $1.29 menu You get what you pay for Fourth meal You get what you pay for Alex F. writes Overheard while on the subway Almost Axel F.

Right? So close Two ladies got on And all I caught from the conversation was It's overheard while on the subway. Almost Axel F. Right? So close. Two ladies got on, and all I caught from the conversation was, that camel should have its own TV show. I almost drowned in one inch of water. Do you think it was Joe Camel? I'm trying to think of what the name of the TV show would be called.

There was an upright camel in a leather jacket and sunglasses walking around. Yeah, smoking. If I had a camel TV show, it would be called Designed by Committee. Am I right, guys? Oh, right. Yeah. It would be about a camel living with his father, reconnecting. Right? The father says a bunch of outrageous stuff.

Yeah. They work. And he's wildly miscast. They're on a committee, and their last bunch of outrageous stuff. Yeah. They work. And he's wildly miscast. They're on a committee, and their last name is Design. Yeah. These are the rules, right? These are the Hollywood rules. Like, if you name a movie Night and Day,

one of the characters has to be named Jack Knight, and the woman character is Jane Day. I don't think her name was Day in the movie. No. Somebody said her name was not Day in the movie. I don't think we ever... What was the point of making that movie? Zero. Men will never know.

Men will never know! Maybe someday after the apes destroy the Statue of Liberty we'll figure it out. How excited are you for Rise of the Apes? You're a big Planet of the Apes fan. I just heard about it the other day. You're a big Planet of the Apes fan. Well, you are, right? Who's been telling that lie about me?

One doctor's ape. He's not even a real doctor. Did you know that? It's an honorary degree. Yeah. What a pretentious ape. Yeah. Picked up from primate Harvard.

Who was in that movie? James Franco. Right, right, right. And a bunch of apes. And a bunch of apes. He's having fun. Yeah, right? Good for him.

Just having some good times. Hey, I just hosted the Oscars on a lark. Yeah. I felt like doing it. He's having fun. Yeah, right? Good for him. Just having some good times. Hey, I just hosted the Oscars on a lark. Yeah, I felt like doing it. Yeah. Poorly. Not my dream. Probably somebody else's. Who cares? Is hosting the Oscars that many people's dream, though? I think more people

dream of winning an Oscar. Probably somebody who's a stand-up comedian maybe, or or a presentational person in that way hosting the oscars would be it seems like it would be a radio dj but it's like something that is always uh it's generally poorly received yes hosting award shows is such a no-win thing it It all amounts to the same every year. And people are like, he did a great job. He didn't do such a good job.

It's all the same. Like, when you want it, though, it's all the same. Yeah. But I think the reason, like, Billy Crystal is the most successful Oscar host is that he's comfortable doing it. That's kind of all you have to be is just like, yeah, I'm totally at home here. So I'll do these corny jokes as if they're funny. Yeah. You know? And everything's fine. And it doesn do these corny jokes as if they're funny. Yeah. You know?

And everything's fine. And it doesn't make, it makes a huge difference. Sure. I guess I would rather see somebody that believed in the corny joke. Yeah, I guess. Than somebody who's like,

ugh. Yeah, three hours of eye rolling. Hope everybody still thinks I'm cool. I fought Valanche tooth and nail on this joke. But like when he, when he went on General Hospital. Yeah. Like, okay, maybe if you want to do a couple episodes of a soap opera for

whatever. He's doing all these, it's like he's, I think he's a guy who can't turn down a dare. That's my thinking. There was a part of it to me that was, okay, he wants to have these experiences and I think that's cool, like he wants to try all these different things. But then when he was on it for like a full season, I was like, well, surely somebody else wants that job that needs it you know like

if you showed up every once in a while or whatever and you brought some publicity because somebody was trying to make the case like well the soap operas are dying and he's bringing you know life to this uh thing like okay but he doesn't have to be on it every week right like you're right every once in a while is enough to keep people interested in it, in this dumb thing. Did he play himself? No. He played a character. That would have been great. James Darko. Close to it. Frank James-o.

The last overheard comes from Amber K. I have an overheard for you. I was working at Starbucks and my co-worker was helping out a customer when the customer asked if we had any wedges to put in her tea. The tea she just bought. And my coworker stared at her confused and said, I'm sorry, we don't sell potatoes here.

This is Starbucks. Oh, no. Well done. That mustn't be true. Wedges like lemon wedges? Lemon wedges. Yeah. But would you ever just go up and ask for a wedge? Yeah, you might get a trivial

pursuit piece. That's more a thing you say in a bar. That's more a bar terminology. Wedge me, bro. Maybe this person was drunk. Wedger a twist. Some special tea. They're pouring a flask into it.

Do you have any wedges? For my Irish tea What was the Your overheard was Latte Jim Was that the guy? Johnny Latte Johnny Latte Pardon me Don't you know the legend of Johnny Latte?

They say on a night just like this Was a rebel I'm going to call you Johnny Wedge Now In addition to overheards that have been written, we also have a phone number that you can call. It's 206-339-8328

with your overheards. Some people have done so. These are their stories. Hey, Dave and Graham and possible guests. This is Taylor in New York City with an overheard. It happened just now. I was sitting in my living room, and my roommate was in his room with the door open,

and he was working out. He does the P90X workout program. And his phone rang. And when he answered it, he goes, hello? Yeah? I don't know, that girl's coming over, and we're going to cook up some vegetables or something. Yeah, yeah. Listen, dude, seriously?

I got to go. My heart rate's dropping. Pretty rude. Pretty rude. Your conversation is making my heart rate go slow. Yeah. I'm dying. That would only be okay if your heart rate was increasing, right? Where it's like, my heart is beating too fast.

I have to get off the phone. Yeah. Some weird hummingbird thing is happening over here. I think I'm going to explode. You were doing the opposite of making me work out. Yeah, P90X. Which one's that? That's where you ruin your carpet by sweating all over it.

You just roll around on the carpet. Like the heat from the carpet makes you sweat, and then that's how you lose weight. It's kind of weird how exercise can make you lose weight. People come over to your house, they see your carpet looking destroyed, and they think, oh, you must be in great shape. Yeah, they say, let's see your abs. Tell me about your core.

What's your core? How much is your bench? Sweet. All right, next. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Corin again from Tampa with another dog park overheard. When we were entering the dog park, my girlfriend and I, there was a chocolate lab that ran up to us,

and the owner's a guy and his girlfriend girlfriend i guess or guy and wife the the girl was was yelling come here emmy come here to the the chocolate lab and then the guy yelled come here dr brown um which makes me believe that the dog's name is dr emmett brown Dr. Emmett Brown. I really did a detective work. The dog is supposed to know that the name has been shortened. Yeah, to Emmy. We named it Emmett Brown. But Emmy's good.

The dog's smart enough to know. Dogs get nicknames. Some people call me that. Not everybody, but some people. Like my close friends call me Emmy. My mother can call me Emmy. Please, Dr. Brown is my father's name. That was a classic Tampa dog park over there.

And finally. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Elizabeth calling from Missoula, Montana, and I have it overheard for you. It comes from local Missoula radio. It was a public service announcement that I just heard for the first time, and it goes like this. It's a gentleman announcer speaking, and he says, your wedding day, the day your son was born, the day your kids first saw the ocean. These are the memories that will go through your mind

as you struggle for life in the back of an ambulance after falling off a ladder at work. It's only those three. The first time your kids saw you Yeah Not even the first time you saw the ocean The first time your mermaid kids Saw their home, the ocean

I told you those PSA ones Were all pro bono All the copywriting on those You know, I've always wanted to I've always longed to have the career of a gentleman announcer Just, you know, me on my farm making announcements

Up with the chickens To bed with the sun There is a grain shortage Be advised Only eat two pellets a day Oh man, I just I think the only thought that would be going through your head be advised, only eat two pellets a day. Oh, man. I think the only thought that would be going through your head if you fell off a ladder and were in an ambulance,

you'd be like, stupid ladder, stupid job. Why did I have to do this at my work? Yeah. If you fall off a ladder at home, you will not have these thoughts. Yeah. But how high is this ladder that somebody's life is rushing past their eyes? That's pretty detailed. And what percentage of us have jobs that require ladders?

Window washers. Yeah. If my boss asked me to climb a ladder at this point, I'm turning them down. No, I will not. That's not part of the job description. Plus, I had this warning. Yeah. From a gentleman announcer. Yeah.

Who visited me last night. What are people doing up in these ladders that there needs to be a public service announcement to get everybody to knock it off? Like, hey, hey, what are you quit dancing around up there. You're supposed to be working. Yeah. Quit dancing around. Face the wall. You don't face out.

Come on, guys. It's a ladder. Yeah, balance that ladder against something. Don't push it away from the wall. See how long you can stay up there. Gotcha. Don't, uh, that top part of the ladder that says this is not a step, we're not joking around about that. Why would we put that there?

It's not a step. Your kid's first day at the ocean. Your kid's first day as a lifeguard. You know what that didn't include? The part where you fall off the ladder. Like, you would think about that, too, I think. Yeah, logically, that would be the last thing. I'd count back from that.

Yeah. That stupid thing you did on the ladder. The noise you made when you hit the ground. Oh! Trying to impress that kid. Whose first day it was at the ocean. Putting a ladder

in some sand at the beach. Saying, watch this. Declaring you're not afraid of no ladders. Oh, man. Well, yeah, if you want to phone in an overheard or a drunk dial, if you're a person who drinks to excess. Drunk dials are so good. They're super fun.

Nothing against overheards. Right? Totally. But 206s are so good. They're super fun. Nothing against overheards. Right? Totally. But 206... 206-339-8328. And you can contact us by email. Stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com. And please, if you're going to drunk dial us, do so while eating fourth

meal. Just after. From a ladder. Tell us how great fourth meal is when you're drunk. Now, Paul... That's me. That just after. From a ladder. Tell us how great fourth meal is when you're drunk. Now, Paul. That's me. That's correct. Hello. Attended.

Check. Present. No guests. Do you have anything coming up over the summertime that you want to plug for our listeners?

Gramb. I'm glad you asked. It is Gramb, right? Oh, it's silent. It's silent. Okay, okay. And invisible. I will be in Montreal

for the Just Pour You Festival. Nice. Is that two years back to back? That is two years back. I don't think I've ever done that before. Well done. Last year I did a half hour set as part of a UCB Presents kind of thing. nice is that two years back to back that is two years back I don't think I've ever done that before well done last year I did a half hour set

as part of a UCB presents kind of thing right me and a sketch group and then this year I'm doing an hour all by myself

and I'm very excited about that I'll be there I think it's like I got a show every night while I'm there fantastic

and then for for Los Angeles listeners July 16th Largo at the Coronet, I will be doing the Paul F. Tompkins show as I do every month. And tickets will be on sale very soon.

All right. Wait, wait, wait. I'm going to say, probably, you can buy tickets to things like this, to all my shows. You can find ticket links on paulftompkins.com. So there's paulftompkins.com on Twitter.

You confuse people. Do not go to paulftompkins.com So there's paulftompkins.com on Twitter. You confuse people. Do not go to paulftompkins.dom That's for Tom DeLuise. Yes, he's a huge fan of mine. He created a fan site on his own website. He owns the.dom.

That's his domain. Yeah, every time you get a.dom domain, he gets a few. What is that called? The.whatever? Yep. Wait a minute. Answer my that called? The.whatever? Yep. No, wait a minute. Answer my question.

Is it a suffix? I don't know. There's got to be a name for... Yeah, like what's.ca or.uk. .org,.gov, all that stuff. Yeah, I know examples. .edu. Sure. .tv.

.co.uk. Ooh. I feel bad for them. Doubling up. So, pauloftonkins.uk. Ooh. I feel bad for them. Doubling up. So, paulftonkins.com. Dom. Oh, my God. Again, you did it.

Leave Dom DeLuise alone. He's probably dead. Yeah. Probably. We might be thinking of Paul Prudhomme. I bet that's why he's a ghost, because people keep going to his website. They won't leave him alone. He's got unfinished business on Earth.

Oh, yeah. He has to approve comments his website. They won't leave him alone. He's got unfinished business on Earth. Ah, yeah. He has to approve comments. Sure. He moderates his own board, which I've always admired. Yeah. And on Twitter, it's... At P.F. Tompkins. T-O-M-P-K-I-N-S.

And they can find your podcast? The Pod F Tompcast. All the usual places. iTunes and so forth and so on. And it's for people who have never heard it, go back and listen to all of them. Once a month. It's not that many.

Yeah, totally. What, you got so much to do in your life you can't listen to my podcast? A bunch of weasels. Are you kidding me? And Dave, do we have anything to plug? I don't think we have anything to plug. I'm pointing my finger at you.

Oh, God. This is important. You're live. Now you're keeping me at bay. Dave went from pointing at me to holding all of his hand out as if I was rushing at him. I'm trying to defuse the situation. You're like a lion tamer. Now he's pointing a chair at me.

Bringing out his whip. Now he's climbing a ladder. He's falling. He's thinking about the ocean. It's a dust ocean. You're live show at the Largo. Yes. Is this the live podcast?

No. That will have already happened. That has happened by the time you're hearing this. How'd it go? It went so good. Of course it did. It went so good.

Yeah. You know, there's stuff I was worried about, but we pulled it off. Yeah. Congrats. I knew you would. Hardly anybody fell off of ladders and died.

Hardly. But those people that did, oh, the thoughts they had. They yelled them out as they fell. My kid's birthday! My son got married! Fourth meal! No regrets. Well, thank you so much for being our guest.

Guys, this is my pleasure. This is a wonderful bit of serendipity. I did not know this was going to happen. This is just so great to come. This is your town. We're in your city. You're in my house now. That's right.

I own this hotel. Really? And I live here. What's your house? Please, I don't want to get kicked out and have to go to a hostel. what's your house yeah please i don't want to get kicked out and have to go to a hostel um for anybody out there that's listening go to maximumfun.org to see blog recaps of this episode where dave lovingly puts together uh photos video clips uh of things pertaining to things discussed in this episode uh perhaps a fourth meal yeah sure commercial uh maybe this is always my favorite part

where you suggest things that are going to be a pain in the ass for him to put together fourth meal won't be a problem that will not but I'm sure he's got something loaded up that you're going to say I can't do that occasionally there's ones that are like no one's made a screen cap of that character from that show

or yeah you're going to put up a picture of empathy how am're going to put up a picture of empathy. Yeah. How am I going to find a YouTube clip of when Facts of Life went to Australia? Write it. If you have to. Write it, shoot it.

Put it on YouTube. Link to it. Think about the ocean. Embed code. And yeah, if you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another LA-based episode

of Stop Podcasting Yourself.