Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 173 - Pat Kelly

Episode Date: July 5, 2011

Pat Kelly of This Is That returns to talk McRibs, cigars, and riots.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 173 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark, and with me as always is a man who is the most excited man on the planet than the McRib is back, Mr. Dave Shumka. Um, I don't know that I'm excited anymore. I got excited that one day, and I ate two of them.

And then the thrill is gone? The thrill is gone. It's a fine sandwich. I don't know why it's a punchline. Because it's called the McRib, and it's not made out of rib. It's shaped like ribs, though. You've got to give them that. Well, could they shape something like a boomerang and call it the McBoomerang? Look, Flintstone vitamins are shaped like the Flintstones.

They're not made out of the Flintstones. Research hasn't proven that You keep that to yourself You don't know that that's not ground up fossils No, I'm a creationist Oh, I'm sorry Oh wait, are you? I forget which way our arguments are going I'm a Jetsonist

I believe only in the future And our guest this week, returning guest A gentleman who Is one half Of the fantastic CBC radio show, This Is That, which has already started its second season on CBC radio. One, not two or three. Thank you. Dave gave me the one sign. Yeah, with my middle finger.

Yes. From the street. Mr. Pat Kelly is our guest. Hello, gentlemen. Hello, sir? Yes. From the street. Mr. Pat Kelly is our guest. Hello, gentlemen. Hello, sir. Thank you for joining us. I want to thank, first of all, one of you. I didn't know there was going to be a speech.

No, there is. This is the speech part of it. It's a short acceptance speech. I want to thank both of you for allowing me to be here today. Oh. And for continuing to do what you do very well well thank you and uh dave i want to thank you for your shirt oh for wearing it yeah for wearing it okay finally wearing one when i show up because the other times i've been here just a sports bra yeah oh yeah yeah yeah he's a

real soccer nut this guy wearing a sports bra all the time. Waving his jersey around. What was that lady's name? Maria Sharapov. Canon. Canon. Just like a waving shirt. Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us.

What was her name? It's not Mia Hamm. Mia Hamm was the best soccer player. It's not Cheryl Swoops. That was basketball. Cheryl Swoops. There was no Cheryl Swoops. That was basketball. Cheryl Swoops? There was no Cheryl Swoops. In basketball?

She was like, it was written in the stars that she was going to be in basketball. Swoops? Yeah. Wow. It's like the famous Canadian baseball player who was born to be a baseball player. His name was Stubby Clap. Wow, that is a good baseball player name. From Winnipeg, he played for the Canadian national baseball team.

I thought you were going to say something like made up, like the famous tennis player Ted Rackett. Yeah. There was a string where... Yeah, Johnny Third Base. The BC Lions, the local football team, all of their quarter... It was called Three Downs. That was his name.

All of their quarterbacks had great football names like for like five in a row there was dave dickinson oh yeah that's good uh casey printers uh buck pierce oh yeah wasn't jarius jackson bill long bomb i think that's about it was uh printer he was the guy that everybody didn't like, right? Printer Hughes? You mean Casey Printers? Casey Printers. What did I say? Hewlett Packard. Hewlett Packard. HB?

HB sauce. A lesser known guy, too, was Hal Mary. Oh, come on, guys. Gay Taurade. His first name was Gay. Gaylord Taurade. Now, Pike Kelly. Ed Zone.

Hurry up up Offense Belly Itcher Let's do this for 90 minutes You just came from Tad Cole Tad Cole Tad Cole He was a natural born frog

He hate me you just came from smoking a cigar to celebrate a friend's just had a baby and how was it you didn't have a good time with it I think most men

experience this where they think this is something they should do or they want to do. You're Selics, you're Schwarzeneggers, etc. Yeah. And I'm pretty sure those guys don't actually like doing it either. Yeah. But yeah, it's not a good feeling.

Like, I just don't understand the purpose of it. Well, I think it was from a time, it's like something you would do in the 50s. Yeah. If your friend had a baby in the 50s. Yeah. Like something you would do in the 50s. Yeah. If your friend had a baby in the 50s. Yeah.

Also, it was in the 50s when putting a wiener in your mouth was considered, like, that wasn't really done. Like a wiener. Like a man's wiener. Oh, yeah. Because now it's like, who cares, right? Back then it was like, ugh. But they had cigars to supplant that. Right.

That's what it was. Right. That's what I gather it was. Right. So, yeah. So now that you smoke that cigar do you think it'll be another like a long time before you put a wiener in your mouth no no i want to now i'm like i don't like cigars i'm pretty sure i want a wiener in my mouth you know it's

a gateway thing it is what it is it is uh sly stallone loves wieners yeah constant bruce willis famous wiener meister who's a schwarzenegger yeah are there non-famous people who smoke cigars uh yes old gross dudes yeah yeah yeah i remember i once saw jay leno perform in las vegas and there was a guy two rows did you just put perform in air quotes no no no you did it seemed like you did no i was gonna be like i was practicing my clutching fingers there's a guy who rose in front of me wearing this hawaiian shirt and the entire time he had his arms around the two people next to him and uh had us an unlit cigar in his finger the whole time wow there's also like i think guys who are not famous who smoke cigars like the idea that

they know that they're everyone else hates it. That they're doing it. It smells disgusting. It smells disgusting. It wrecks the room. Yeah. But I think that's part of it, is that there's this sort of like... Hey, get out of my way.

Yeah, look at me. I'm so awesome. I'm totally just annoying you. But aren't I rich? Aren't I the richest? Pipe smoking, on the other hand, delightful. Yeah. A delightful scent.

And it's not really a thing. I think people who would have the courage to be pipe smokers, they're not encouraged. That's right. We frown upon it nowadays. But I would be friends with a guy who smokes a pipe. With confidence. Yeah, right? Yeah. Like, you wouldn't feel weird about it. No. That's right. cigarette smoking in here but go ahead henry but henry touchdown dance my dad smoked a pipe until i was like five oh really yeah i remember uh vividly he would sit in his office and smoke a pipe and then we you know obviously that's i don't think kids even know the craft thing is called a pipe cleaner oh yeah nowadays there's a bunch of kids that are just like oh it's those things

but yeah we knew them as pipe antennae on You used them to put antennae on your... Oh, what? Are they not called pipe cleaners anymore? No, no, no. But... Can you imagine how you'd have to explain that to a kid nowadays? Yeah, you... It's called a pipe cleaner.

What's a pipe cleaner? They've always been called pipe cleaners, but... But now, do they market them as like bendy... I don't know. They're just like bendy, swirly... But kids wouldn't know what a pipe is. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's right.

Well, I mean, until they hit high school and then... Right. Right? They get into the Weezer's Green Album. Do you? You don't clean a marijuana pipe with a pipe cleaner. I don't think you just throw it away. It seems like there's not quite the classy maintenance with

a marijuana pipe that comes with the tobacco pipe. No. I think that art of pipe cleaning has gone away with pipe smoking. The art of pipe cleaning. It was... I imagine it's really gross inside of a pipe. Oh, yeah.

But do you even know how to... Do you just put one of those in the end and pull it through and then it's clean? I think, no. It's like a chimney sweep, but it's like a pipe. No, no, no. You put soap in there

and you pretend you do the little bubbles in the pipe. Yes. Bubble pipes. With your monocle. There's a, where I go to my tailor. Classic, he's bragging about having a tailor. Yeah, you want $8 jean hems?

Mm-hmm. I'm listening. He's got them. It's upstairs in a building. It doesn't have a storefront. You have to go up into a building. Oh. On that floor.

So it's like you got an office building? No, On that floor. So it's like you've got an office building? No. It's just like it's above another store. So you have to know it's there or what? Yeah. Well, you know where True Value Vintage is downtown? I do. You go downstairs there.

But instead of going downstairs, you go upstairs. And there's a bunch of other stores. And there's a jeweler. Creaking. Yeah, I can't believe I didn't know this. other stores and uh there's a like a jeweler and a tailor and a marijuana a marijuana shop with like pipes and stuff and you can always tell who's going to that store while i'm waiting for my uh the dumbo gentleman yeah shortened um i don't think those stores will ever uh catch on with mainstream popularity.

There's always going to be... The marijuana shops? They're just kind of silly, aren't they? Well, you know what? I think it's like if they sold a line of marijuana pipes, they're like, okay. Marijuana pot, yeah. Yeah. You know, you're an adult now.

Maybe you have a couple kids. Sure, the Pursuit of happiness brand of marijuana. Yeah, right? Because I mean, I have friends who are full-blown adults who work in normal jobs and smoke weed. Yeah. But that's where they have to go. And they always find it hilarious that they're going to a marijuana shop. But they're not going to get that at Mountain Equipment Co-op.

No, but why not? Why hasn't it expanded? Why haven't the old pipe tobacco manufacturers, they're all old men, linked up with the young pot dudes and made a classy pipe for the

adult pot smoker? Can you smoke a pot in a classy tobacco pipe? You can smoke pot smoker. Can you smoke a pot in a classy tobacco pipe? I don't think you have to do it in a... You can smoke a pot in anything. We did it in an apple. Yeah, an apple. So the answer is yes, you can.

But is a regular tobacco pipe not going to be wacky enough? Oh, to express this is not regular tobacco. This is not the wacky well i mean is does if it's wacky tobacco do you need a wacky tobacco accessory i think what you need to do is offer the pipe in your left hand because they used to call pot like joints left-handed cigarettes

so if you offer a pipe to somebody with the left hand that means it's got pot in it and if you offer your pipe to somebody with the right hand that's it's got pot in it and if you offer your pipe to somebody with the right hand that's tobacco right you pass the doochie and if you pass a cigar it means you want a wiener in your mouth right let's pass around this wiener yeah and have a have a real good new year's eve um now there's no other than that what's going on with you well you were just saying that you watched the bill hicks yes i Yes, I did. American, a hero of America. Yeah, American, the Bill Hicks story. What did you think? I loved it.

Really? For two reasons. A, the style of storytelling, the use of animation and stuff. The animation was very different. Spectacular. The claymation? Yeah. Yeah, they got the people who did

Wallace and Gromit to do the Bill Hicks story. Bill Hicks wears the wrong trousers. Yes, that's right. Chicken Run? Chicken Run, yeah, sure. Nailed it. So the animation was a really neat way of

they just used old photos, but then made them come to life. So when he's like a teenager, you kind of get the sense of what he was like with his buddies and all that kind of stuff. But also I didn't really know much about him. There's this like – I know of him and any comedian you ever run into, they're like Bill Hicks, legend, man, legend. And I never really did that much digging to find out actually who this guy was. I know the Letterman thing and all that stuff. Sure, yeah, yeah.

But yeah, pretty spectacular guy. Like as far as just what he was willing to sort of dedicate to his stuff. Yeah, no, I mean, he's one of those guys that as a comic I've had foisted upon me as opposed to discovering him organically and going like oh what's this guy all about and instead having every comic when i was starting comedy telling me this guy's the best guy which basically sets me up to just hate everything that he says right which i didn't i didn't hate everything he said but did you i don't think he was like honestly this is just me saying this i didn't think he was so hilarious like footage and stuff, I didn't think he was hilarious. But I think what people really respond to about him is that he was the first maybe kind of guy to just not just stand up there and tell some jokes, but he was told ideas.

I'm more of a Joe Rogan guy. I kind of like that stuff. You know? No, I thought the animation thing... It's worth watching. If you have any interest in... So it's an animated movie. I should bring my kids to it? Yeah. It's like Cars 2.

Larry the Cable Guy plays prominently in it. He does the voice of Bill Hicks. Which is a risky choice. A lot of people criticize that. Ashton Kutcher plays his dog that he had growing up and stuff. They're pretty cool.

Who gets into all these hijinks because of the claymation. And Owen Wilson plays his car. That looks good. I know. It's the first movie that's ever gotten bad ratings on

RottenTomatoes.com the first Pixar movie ever they give it a thumbs up to everything House of Wax loved it all the other Paris Hilton films the hottie and the naughty

the hotsy and the notsy the stars are blind. Her music video. Pat Kelly, what else is going on? What else is your season two? Yeah. Of This Is That? How exciting.

It is exciting. And it's, I mean, we just recorded a bunch of stuff, you know, several months ago. And so we were kind of working in this, in a vacuum for a while. Not literally, right no we were we were working with vacuum with vacuum so it's just our new thing um maid service yeah yeah yeah there's just a like undeniable authentic hum of a vacuum yeah okay yeah like a noise machine so whatever sketch or interview we were doing just like have that kind of white noise of a vacuum it's perfect yeah this is really has being born right yeah um but anyway so we uh have uh now released it on

the world and it's just kind of fun getting that people are going to be able to listen to it now because uh you know how's the response uh in the the little previews you put out? People excited? Good, yeah. I mean, I think what's funny is that we've been fielding all these questions about the intention of us doing this satire to get the pot stirred of the Canadian listener. And it's really like that's not our intention at all. We just wanted to do a show that sounded like the CBC with some silly ideas. And so it's been fun. If people haven't heard it or haven't heard your previous appearances,

it's basically like a lampoon. It sounds like public radio in Canada, but the stories are fake. Yeah. Yeah, which sounds a lot like public radio in America, basically. Yeah. It's got like a low, mellow kind of tone to it and lots of acoustic guitar. Yeah, folksy interludes and transitions.

It's funny. It is really funny, and everybody I know enjoys it. And it's nice to have something on the radio, you know, on the main radio station that's like a thing that people I know that aren't my dad listen to. Yeah, okay. Well, it's funny you said you realized. I don't listen to radio ever.

I don't listen to any radio. Yeah, I mean, I imagine like the. You weren't going to go after, you weren't going to make fun of. The mothership? The existing comedy on TVC? No, no, no, no. I wouldn't even know. I wouldn't even know where to go.

What's on there but see i don't know if in the states that let's make fun of it if if in the states that mpr is such like a a precious and coveted thing to american people and they don't necessarily want that thing meddled with but what we not the republicans but what we've just yeah well you know and in canada i think that there's this attitude that like the CBC is this place that when this whole world is going crazy, we still have the CBC to tell us the truth and to be a grounding Canadian voice. And so to some people, us going on there and doing something fake is like incredibly annoying and asinine to them and so we've been doing a lot of kind of uh defending of it which is super weird because that wasn't our intention just like maybe people just like listening to this and so it's it's kind of a interesting position to be in

sure to defend this like cultural institution that people think that there's no business having this nonsense on the radio. There's no business. Like no business. There's no business like fake business. Like fake business. Like fake business. Faux business. There's no business like faux business.

Right. Let's put it on a pillow. Yeah. But anyway, I hope that people will like to listen to it. Yeah, absolutely. Why wouldn't they yeah what kind of jerks do you think that would listen to the show they're the greatest yeah yeah the greatest greatest jerks in the world are listening to this is that and appreciating top top 100 jerks absolutely four or five has done has anyone done that kind of list on uh who are the top jerks yeah like oh the list magazine would that like, I'd put Ashton Kutcher on it.

Donald Trump. Jada Pinkett Smith. Jada Pinkett Smith. Yeah, this is a co-ed. Guys, let's do a top 10, seriously. Okay, right now? 100's too long, but let's do a top 10 jerk. Can we agree that Donald Trump is on it?

Sure. Okay. Scrooge McDuck. Oh, no, it has to be real. It. Scrooge McDuck. Oh, no. It has to be real. It has to be a real person. What do you mean? Oh, do you know about Jesus?

I want to tell you about Jesus. Did he save the ducks? Can Charlie Sheen be on that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So that's two for sure.

You said Jada Pinkett Smith. I'm going to agree with that on many levels. It's just something about her face. Although, Leah Romini's face, too. Who? Which one is she? She was the Queen of Queens. She's on the talk.

Yeah. The voice. The talk is not the view. Yeah. But it's named after the uncomfortable thing you have to have when you get puked. The uncomfortable thing your parents give you when you get puked.

No, but you also, the don't sex ed teachers tell you to go with a hand mirror and get the view? That's what I thought you were talking about. I don't think they tell the guys that. I think we get a pretty good view. Enjoy the view do you know what a friend of mine did in junior high

and I say friend did he stick a wiener in his mouth you just said friend in quotes so is this friend it's you or friend not really your friend it's my friend contemplate now I'm giving this friend thoughts Or friend... Not really your friend. It's my friend. Okay.

Contemplate. Now I'm giving this friend thoughts. Uh-oh. He thought about this for 35 seconds. My friend thought about this when he was in junior high because all of his buddies had started to get armpit pubes. Sure. He thought about taking his mother's makeup thing and

putting fake pubes on for gym class under his armpit. Like drawing curly lines? I think that's the greatest idea. If we have any young listeners, that's what you should do. Go get your mother's mascara and put fake pubes under your armpit so when

seven... When gym class ends you can be like me too man yeah until you guys go in the in there like a showering component and then your pubes wash off did uh magical pubes or swim class oh yeah right tubes float on the surface um the uh did he really do this or did he just think about it? He thought about it. He confessed. Maybe he did. I don't know. It wasn't me. But I did think about it. Guys, I want you to know

it wasn't me. Like Shaggy said. So we didn't finish the jerk list. Let's do top five. Confirmed. We have confirmed a Donald Trump, a Jada Pinkett Smith, a Charlie Sheen. That's shag. Confirmed. We have confirmed a Donald Trump. Yes. A Jada Pinkett Smith. A Charlie Sheen. That's only three.

Tiger Woods. Wait a minute now. He's on a comeback. He's making a comeback. No, he's still a jerk. You think? Yeah. Is it because he cheated on his wife?

That's excusable. To some sort of extent. I mean, if you think about it, you own up to it. You're not going to make the top five list by just cheating on your wife. Yeah. Sure. It's the way that you deal with it afterwards and still... Do you think?

Would you put Tiger Woods on that? I think... Okay, so he doesn't have to be on the list. We're going for, like... Like, I'm thinking... Osama bin Laden's dead, right? Yeah. So who killed him?

Thank God. Obama. So he should be on the list. What about the... He's got all that blood on his hands. What about the guy that's on Canada's Dragon's Den and America's Shark Tank, Kevin O'Leary? No. No?

Really? Why not? Because it's just... He's bombastic, but he's not a jerk. He's not a jerk. Well, I mean, I'm always a big fan of putting vincent gallo on these lists brown bunnies vincent oh uh no uh he's a winemaker no uh that's ernest and julia i just saw a sofia coppola movie she could be on that list what wait a minute yeah back up why somewhere or something? She's not a jerk because of it.

That movie was not an entertaining movie. No, but wait, no. She brought us the virgin suicide. She brought us the... She brought us my first virgin suicide. She brought us Mary Antoinette.

Yeah, exactly. Both of them. Yeah, I know. She's not a jerk. I think that was aette. Yeah, exactly. Et cetera. Both of them. Yeah, I know. She's not a jerk. Okay. I think that was a good top three, though. If we just have those top three. What about that girl from Glee, What Everybody Hates?

The pose in the sexy clothes. What about just, can Glee be a jerk? Well, I don't know if they're all jerks, but she seems like she's a class A jerk. The one that plays the jerk? Yeah. No, maybe plays the jerk? Yeah. No, maybe. Oh, Steve Martin. Yeah, nailed it.

Yeah. Steve Martin. Navin R. Johnson. Martin Short. Yeah. Martin Sheen. Martin Sheen. Charlie Sheen.

Yeah. And Sheena Easton. Sheena Easton. Nailed it. Top five jerks. Well done, guys. Top five jerks. done guys Top five jerks Great jerks

Dave Yeah What's going on with you? Well this is our first episode we've recorded since we were in California I miss you California I miss you Dave I don't

I've seen you Oh yeah we saw each other the other day We've seen each other a couple times Yeah Still It's fine Dave I miss you.

I'm not. I'm keeping real busy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. It's how I cope. Yeah. Yeah.

And that was a great trip. Thank you very much to Jesse Thorne for having us down there. And all the Max Funsters. What a good group.

I know. But Jesse paid for it. Yeah. Thanks to him for that. He's the greatest. But yeah, thank you very much to everyone. It was so great meeting all the people we met. It was a joy to

perform for you. A real honor. A real love, honor, and obey. And then we returned home. It's really been a long time since we've recorded a new episode. I know, I've missed you. Oh. And since we last recorded, Vancouver lost the Stanley Cup Finals,

which was a huge bummer. And then our city was destroyed. Which was less of a bummer. Oh, really? Did you think that it needed a redo? I just, I mean, I don't care about the city as much as I care about hockey.

Oh, I understand. Yeah. But, yeah, so that was basically it. That's basically all that's been going on. That's been, that, were you in town during the ride times? I left the morning of game seven. That sounds a little suspicious.

To go to... Yeah, sounds a little too simple. Yeah. To go to downtown Vancouver. Get my drink on. Get my drink on. Like, when I say I say i laughed like i checked out it was an out of body experience got my fucking riot yeah yeah put on my brass knuckles both

oh my god and i was eyeing this ottoman at the bay for months right and i was like there's no way what are we gonna do payments just an ottments? Just an ottoman? Yeah, just an ottoman. You really like putting your feet up. Oh, God. He doesn't even have a couch. It's just the feet. Just an ottoman. I just like sitting kind of on it, like, you know, my elbows on my knees, just kind of

getting real with my living room. Fun. You know, that kind of stuff. But no, I did. I left the day of and arrived in Regina, saskatchewan reggie's ass to watch the game and then i had to do a show that night and so i watched the first two periods wasn't looking good no and so i said well it's gonna be what it's gonna be sure did the show we went to a bar afterwards having a beer another guy from vancouver ken lawson was there and he was getting

updates from his girlfriend and he just turned to me and he said the bay is on fire and that's when we started paying attention now if you're not from vancouver the bay is a store it is not the actual bay it's like macy's but 400 years older spill gas in the bay light it on fire yeah it's the it's the oldest uh corporation in North America. In the world. That can't be true. No, no. At one point, they owned the most land in the world. Because at one time, North America was owned by the Hudson's Bay. Right, right, right.

Never set sun, the Hudson's Bay. Yeah. Except around 10-ish. It was weird not being here and watching that happen. I wasn't here as well. Right, right, right. Sun never sets on the Hudson's Bay. Yeah. Except around 10-ish. It was weird not being here and watching that happen. I wasn't here as well. I was in our province's capital, Victoria, BC. And here's who I feel sorry for. Like, in the long run, who I feel the most bad for are the reporters who have endlessly had to report on the riot.

Yeah. week in, week out since it has happened. Oh, let's see the show of support from the citizens of Vancouver after the riot. People writing apology notes on boarded up windows. You know what I've got is I'm going to do a story on social media and how it impacts

our society now. Who was that famous couple who are making out yeah what is their deal you know it's the word that's the worst thing that's happened in the riots yeah that that guy i'm an aspiring uh stand-up comic oh that's the worst thanks for uh bringing us into your weird is that what he is yeah he's got an agent and a publicist and a manager. Because of that photo. Yeah. And he's going to go on a tour of Oz.

I don't know what it is. The Riot Photo Guy tour? Yeah. The Romantic Rioter. And is he going to end... Oh, he's going to be like Ravishing Rick Root. He's going to pull out a lady out of the audience. I wonder if he's going to build an act around it.

Yeah, that was me. Puts it on like an overhead projector. Overhead projector. PowerPoint. puts it on like an overhead projector overhead projector well he's going to some very very small town yeah he's gonna be uh giving a presentation in my grade three class and he's gonna end every act with bringing her up and being like here we're getting her down yeah let me show you how people throw shit and then a couple yeah a couple couple of Riot guys in Riot suits come out on the stage. And then they play I Predict a Riot. Yeah.

And then they make out on the stage for 45 minutes. Yeah. $10,000. Amazing. Amazing. $10,000. You can have him at your corporate function. $10,000.

Yeah. He'll make out with any of your executives. Female only. Yeah. And they must be executives. He does not want to deal with partners. I guess partners are executives. Associates.

It's like his corporate training, like his speaking tour. It's like, you know what you got to do when shit really hits a fan? It's just believe in love. You, CEO, Diane, get up here. I predict a riot. I predict a riot.

It's on a loop. 25 minutes. And then he gets up. I've just impregnated your CEO. She is pregnant. You need to change the name of your company to H&R Block and Sons. Because I impregnated her with many sons.

Intel and dot sons. The stallion that will mount the world. So yeah, this guy's... I wouldn't recognize his face. No, no. I don't think I'd even recognize the kid who was like... He was the water polo scholarship guy. Oh, yeah.

Who was putting a... Rag in the gas tank. Yeah, lighting a rag. If I saw him at a party, I'd be like, man, these riots, eh? Yeah, it would be super awkward. Did you see that guy? Did you see that one guy?

There is a picture. I mean, there's tons of pictures, of course. No, there's only three. Here's the third one. Guys, buckle up. It's a picture of a big, badass-looking guy who is protecting his truck, and he's punching a guy,

and it looks like something out of a comic strip because the guy is flying in the direction, and this guy looks... Yeah, and you can see the way the guy punched. There's like... It's kind of like action lines. Yeah. And stink lines coming off another guy.

Yeah, there's a guy in background with a dirt swarm. So the guy doing the punching is protecting his own truck. Yeah, yeah, it was his truck, and the people were... It looked super flippable. And he... It was so much fun to flip. He was...

And he said that he was talking with the crowd, and then a kid threw, like, a newspaper lit on fire through the window of the truck, and then he cranked them, and somebody took a picture just at the right second, because it does look like a superhero knocking a guy out. So that was great. We got that. No, there's some great pictures. There's another good one too and I encourage everyone listening to go and source these out. I'll try to post as many as I can.

There's a maxfun. At maxfunfun.org. Have you seen the one where it's a car on fire, big crowd around it, but a guy just naked? No! It's amazing. And it's kind of like a Where's Waldo. You're looking at the picture. Someone handed it to me

and they just said, look, look. Oh, so he's in the background? What is it? No, he's in the front row, but there's so many people and so many things happening. But then if you just find him,

guy just naked with his hands up in the air, like he's at a summer solstice party and he's just completely naked. He's like, I don't have to go to Burning Man this year. Yeah, he's like, this is good. I went to Burning Car. Epic, man. I went to Burning Prius. I was in town during the riots.

Yeah. And they... And you're safe. Thank God. Thank God, dude. Yeah, at 2 o'clock, the big thing that they were doing to minimize the risk of any conflict was closing the liquor stores at 4 o'clock. Yeah. And at 2 o'clock, there were huge lineups around the block. And people were the drunkest.

I managed to get out of work at 4.30. And, like, right where I work is the epicenter. That's where it happened. Yeah. And so it took me what is usually a 30-second walk to get half a block from the front door to the next street. It was like 10 minutes. Wow. And I felt really bad because as I was walking through the crowd, my bag hit a girl, and I was like, oh, I'm so sorry.

And then when i saw what was going on later that night i was like okay but what if it's not the worst thing she remembers that as the worst thing that happened what if i kicked off the whole thing that was it what if that was the beginning the first jerk yeah and then the guy's like are you talking about me and then and then over three hours it developed into a riot. It's slowly, one person at a time, they told two friends. Did you see at any point somebody burning you in effigy? No. Okay.

But it was a crazy scene. Like, people... At 10 in the morning, people were bringing couches to go and sit and watch the game outdoors. That's garbage. Like, over 100,000 people were downtown. Yeah. And now the mayor's in trouble. Right.

So he kind of helped to make this happen, right? He's a good mayor. We all like the mayor. I mean, I think there was a sense that this was going to be a family affair. I'm not a fan of the bike lanes. But, yeah, he's a good mayor. You know, he's a very attractive man. He is.

Dreamy mayor. Can we put him on the list? Jerks? Yeah. No, I think there are more jerks than he is. No, he's not a jerk. Put him on the wiener cigar list. That's the list.

What's that supposed to mean? He's just a jerk in the sense that every female I know who lives in this town is just like dreamy over the mayor. But that's not his fault. It kind of is. You should put women in the city on the jerk list for being so involved with this dude. Also a big pig in the city.

Who rides his bike everywhere and anytime there's a sighting they just gush. I saw the mayor. And again, put up the most handsome picture of this man. I'll put up the picture of him from Men's Health magazine. Is he in it? Yeah, absolutely. Abs?

No, no, with his clothes on. Most in shape mares. Yeah, healthiest mares. Toronto, not entered. Although I did walk past him one time when he was riding his bike, and he was obviously heading home. There's nothing happening around him. He wasn't on parade or jumping.

He looked grumpy. Well, yeah. And I caught the mare at a moment of him being just kind of grumpy. I kind of like the idea of him going home and going Ah, fuck it. What's for dinner? Like, this is a big... Why is he talking like a baby at his own house?

Ah, fuck it. I'm tired of being healthy. I'm tired of being a McRib. Post your boy for fucking life in Vancouver. I was thinking about how municipal politics like this is a really big deal this riot like he's probably gonna get voted out because of it really

why uh because he like no one ever asked any questions as to why why are these big screens showing up and showing the game to people it really was had faith in town. But no one was asking, was he in charge of it? I don't even know. They just showed up like, oh, by the way. That screen, the big screen, came from Burbank, California. Is that right? So let's not end the wild... Let's take a look at what

Pat Sajak was doing. Let's see who's involved in this. This shit goes deep. You've got Buble, you've got Burbank, California. You've got Cliff Ronning. He's everything. You tie it all together. Where was he?

Oh, yeah. Follow the money. He put a big apology in the Georgia Strait. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why did he have to apologize?

Why was there only one rioter wearing a bow tie? And a velvet jacket. Pruning. But the last municipal election, like the reasons people vote for things, no one knows. To watch hockey games in public. No one knows what they're voting for with municipal politics. I voted out the last, I voted against the last mayor because my garbage didn't get picked up a couple times. And actually, I was thinking,

if I ever run for mayor, I guarantee... Is this happening right now? Yeah. Are you declaring? I am declaring. I will get elected if I introduce a bylaw that makes it illegal for people carrying umbrellas to walk under

awnings. Ah, good call. Good, good. Double umbrella. Also, here's another, while you're already working on an umbrella bill. Let's throw these things in here. Okay, here we go. Let's do this. Let's do this. No more golf umbrellas in the city. If you're not on a golf course,

those giant golf umbrellas, beat it. What about city limits? Or what if there's a grassy patch? Oh, if you're out in the park and it's just you and a duck, you have at her. Okay. Wait, what does that mean? Oh, fuck that duck.

Have at her. But stay dry. But if you're walking down the city streets, a giant golf umbrella, get it out. Also, no riots. From here on out, guys. It's serious this time. Riot only every other 12 years. Yeah, no riot.

You can riot if Guns N' Roses cancels a gig. We lose the Stanley Cup. Can we riot for the BC Lions opening game? No, no one cares about that. Wait, what about fireworks? Can we just have a fireworks riot? No, you can have a few stabbings. Okay.

What about the Grey Cup? It's coming here. What about the Grey Cup? No one cares. Car Free Day. Can we do something there? We can have Car Free Day. But can we riot at it?

I don't think people would do that. Oh, yeah, yeah. You can maybe... It would be fun maybe if someone... What about Free Car Day? Ooh. Oh, yeah, yeah. You can maybe, it would be fun maybe if someone... What about free car day? Ooh, yeah, that seems like a riot situation. Like, only the first thousand people get a free car. Have you been downtown and seen the scorch marks on the ground where the cars were burnt?

Yeah. Pretty cool. Yeah. Like, I mean, all things considered, nice job, rioters. But, like, how did people like i would honestly like you know people were really casually just sort of standing around watching a burned car don't you like isn't the knowledge from movies and stuff that that thing is eventually going to explode like the dukes and hazard every car that was on fire would explode people today have seen

mythbusters yeah but it did it did explode quite bit. Like it did over the course of the evening as things caught on fire in the car, they exploded, right? Yeah, but an explosion doesn't happen over the course of an evening. Well, a romantic explosion. Have you ever been to an ACDC concert?

An explosion that knows how to take its time. Sure. With that slow ACDC song. They start slow and then it explodes. knows how to take it's time with that slow ACDC song I mean they start they start slow and then it explodes yeah so like you've been thunderstruck

it explodes every time at the moment of that is it called you've been in parenthesis thunderstruck you've been thunder in parenthesis struck the original name of the song was just struck Thunderstruck You've been thunder In parentheses struck The original name of the song was just struck Yeah

So I saw that Riot What else has happened Let me consult my notes I'm sure we have more Riot notes It was a big Riot Everybody saw it Even people not from here

I'm sure people are so curious Hey, hey, what did you guys think of that riot? Were you there? I got a few messages that night. Same here. Be safe. Yeah, be safe. Stay dry. Bye-bye.

Use your road sense, et cetera. I really did. I found it absolutely A, uber predictable. Like the most predictable thing of the century. Everybody I know said that it was going to happen. It happened.

So, more or less, I think those people I know were probably involved. They were like, dude, it's going to happen. Trust me. I'll fucking bet you money. I'll bet you a million dollars it's going to happen. My Bella'll i'll fucking bet you money this is how confident i'll bet you a million dollars it's gonna happen my bella clava pal yeah uh but also come on it was a bridge and tunnel it's like any other city bridge and tunnel yeah i came in clear out the bridges burned some shit yeah yeah exactly burn down the tunnels well uh well the like big suburb of vancouver is called surrey like that's

the big one that's the butt of all the jokes yeah and and has been my entire life yeah uh and and surrey's entire life imagine how they feel yeah and uh the day after the riot uh there was a bunch of looting and people looted the louis vuitton store. And the next day, there was tons of Louis Vuitton stuff for sale on Craigslist. All from Surrey. Oh, really? Yeah. Well done. And all way under the price.

People had no idea what these things were. But crazy volume, too. Some guy posting 13. Yeah, he's like, I got four clutches. I'll have a little bloodstaining on them. Some bloodstaining. Because they were in my clutches. But as good as new.

A little tear gassy. Don't open it right away. Let it sit outside on your porch for a week. And the news footage, they kept calling stuff flashbangs. Oh, the cops threw another flashbang. Is that like a flash mob? It's like a flash mob, but with banging. Can we put flash mobs on the jerk list

yes flash mobs number one in front of uh sheena easton and you both have seen the hilarious clip of the guy getting the uh tear gas thing to the nuts right yeah that was the greatest yeah those weren't uh i talked to a guy who i went to school with it was it was now a policeman and he was saying yeah there's no such thing as a flashbang. I mean, that's in video games or like... Oh, like a thing that blinds people? Yeah. So that ninjas can come in and do their thing? Yeah, basically. Those were all tear gas canisters.

And the guy I talked to who was a cop, I asked him. It was so annoying. I see him like once a year. And all the time, every time I see him, it's all cop questions. Yeah. And this time it was all riot questions.

Do you walk around swinging your club or is that just from cartoons I watched when I was in college? And I asked him like, what was the funniest thing you saw? And he said that he and like, I don't know, 10 other riot cops all had their riot gear out. And just occasionally, they weren't in the middle of the action. They were like just... They were in Burnaby.

No, they were somewhere where there was less rioting. But occasionally someone would just run up and dropkick them. And like get a full head of steam and then do like a full WWF jump in the the air and kick them into the shield into the shield and then fall to the ground yeah and then eight cops come over and beat them and every time like the crowd would be cheering for them the whole time until they fall down and then they start booing them and apparently so many people got bit by dogs and usually that's like a big deal like there's so much paperwork if a uh a police a police dog bites someone but that night they were just sending them on their way yeah they were like go they they kept showing the dogs pepperoni sticks you can

have as many as you want uh i mean you definitely you know there's certain uh situations or circumstances where you don't necessarily always side with the police on some things. But in that situation, I just felt for those people. You know why? Because the game before, I, you know, I live close to the station off of Canby there. And I saw them all arriving to go to work. And these are like regular people. Men and women just like, well, I've been called

in because there's a hockey game. They're not robots. The worst thing is that they're probably the makeup of someone who is a police officer. They're hockey fans. So they've got to miss this every time there's a big game. They have to babysit

a bunch of, you know... Rowdies. Yeah. Rowdy 18-year-old so-and-so and such-and-such. Rowdy Pipers. Rowdy, rowdy Pipers. Anyway. Does anybody say that we're going to do that as grandfathers? Rowdy, rowdy Pipers? Nah, he's just

one of these rowdy, rowdy Pipers. Yeah, I'm going to do that right now. Yeah, why wouldn't they? Why do I have to wait until I'm a grandfather? Yeah, I probably got kids out there. I don't want to wait. You know this guy. He's one of these Rowdy Roddy Pipers.

Yeah, he's one of these George the Animal Steals. He used to have to buy things on eBay. Jimmy Superfly Snookers. This guy comes in and he's kind of one of these macho Randy Savage. He's bushwhacking all over the place. Yeah, he's a real heart foundation. Brutus. He donates to the Heart and Stroke Foundation.

You know, a real Iron Sheik type. There's Nikolai Volkov on the camel clutch. Etc. We gotta keep going. I don't want to. I don't. Moolah. Alright, Graham. What's your deal? What is my deal, right? I don't know. We haven't recorded a podcast.

Speaking of grandfather things, here's the thing. Usually, like I would say, 98% of the time, when listeners out there write a review on iTunes, it's always positive. Yeah. We always get these beautiful, positive reviews. People saying, I love it. I listen every week.

It's funny. Thank you. To everybody who writes a positive review, I say thank you very much for taking the time out of your day you don't have to do it maybe you didn't even have an itunes account there's some people create an account just to leave a compliment bless your hearts yeah yeah we got one we got a negative one first of all if you hate the show don't fucking bother yeah because what the fuck please was it oh wait no you go ahead this is this is this don't know what you're thinking about This guy, just speaking of

grandfather jokes or whatever This guy wrote, it was like a paragraph long thing Doesn't like the show That's fine It's not for everybody It's literally not for everybody There are thousands of people who don't listen to this show Welcome to my world with This Is That

But he writes a thing. He writes a review saying he doesn't like the show. He doesn't like the style of comedy. Decides to throw a little touch of his comedy into his review. Where he says, these guys cut off their guests more often than I get cut off driving down the number one highway. often than I get cut off driving down the number one highway. I was like, oh, well, okay, you've just aged yourself as an oldster guy that just hates probably everything. Yeah, and loves old-timey jokes.

Yeah, and that, well, of course you would hate this. That's the kind of joke that you like? Fucking, like a pun thing? Oh, a different kind of cut off. Yeah. Like a pun thing? Oh, a different kind of cut off. Yeah.

These guys cut off their guests more than my son cuts off his jeans into shorts. More than a pride parade construction crew. These guys cut off their guests more than the barber cuts off my hair every time I get my haircut. They cut off their guests more than a rabbi. Anyways, this guy was the worst. He's obviously the worst guy. But it was great to have somebody say something. Is that the one that started with, Why are there so many five-star reviews?

Yeah, I think so. I'm going to take these guys down four notches and he the the thing that's crazy it's it almost never happens where it's like that instant loop where it's like i don't like your thing let me prove what shitty thing i do like so that you can feel fine for the rest of your day so that was great my favorite was the guy who i maybe we're obsessing too much over our i don't i think we think we should obsess more about it. Well, no, I just noticed you posted something that said a guy talked about how we ripped off Greg Fitzsimmons' Overheard segment. Which, come on.

The Overheard segment as an idea. It's out there in the ether. Well, I'm not saying we invented it. Right. But we most certainly did not steal it from Fitz Dog Radio. And I would also suggest... Just wait a second. These guys, they cut off their guests more than I cut off the tips of broccoli to put in a salad.

Pretty good. They cut off their guests more than Mary Antoinette's friends. So-called friends, I guess. So there was that. I thought, well, no, I did cut you off, though. You were going to say something. Oh, overheards. That's not even really a segment.

That's just humor in nature. Yeah, it's just a thing. It's humor in nature. Humor in nature. Oh, no, there's a website that's overheard in New York. Fitstar Radio is a great place for them. That's where I first heard it. Do you think David Letterman gets mad at every top ten list that he sees around the world?

Like a community newsletter with top ten hilarious reasons to go to the barbecue? Top ten reasons to wish Gale a happy birthday. Letterman's like, God damn it. Gale. So there's that. I just called him Letterman like he's my buddy. Yeah, right. We all like.

Davey L. Yeah. You know, Letterman when we saw him on Saturday. You know, his show is going pretty good. It is going all right. Good for him. Yeah. Dave Letterman, he's a big listener of the show is going pretty good. It is going alright. Good for him. David Letterman, he's a big listener of the show. Congrats.

What do you think David Letterman podcasts? Does he listen to podcasts? I don't think so. He treadmills something and he podcasts something. What do you mean he treadmills something? He's got to be on a treadmill at some point in his day. I just imagine that guy being on a treadmill at some point in his day. I i think he's got a pretty awesome imagination right yeah i think it's all in his head i think he's got a great imagination is that why so if i i keep myself occupied with entertainment

i don't have an imagination no no are there imagine hey this is not this is not cool you know just because david letterman has a great imagination doesn't mean you have a bad imagination. Also, it begs the question, is this how you size people up? Yeah. What? Are they as good as Letterman? No, imagination-wise. Do you right away, you're like, that was fun last night.

I really like that guy or that girl. I can tell. He's got a great imagination. Do you picture him on a treadmill just imagining things, just thinking of shapes and colors? Is he like a treadmill just imagining things? Just thinking of shapes and colors? Is he like a synesthesia guy? He doesn't watch TV or go to movies or podcasts? No, yeah. Number one is Willy Wonka.

He lives in a world of pure imagination. Okay, sure. Let's do the top five imagineers. Imagineers. Leo Ramini. The other thing that's going on, guys. Okay. or a meanie. The other thing that's going on, guys. I have entered, it was my father from Graves Dad

Movie Reviews. You may know him. John. Yeah, right. It was his birthday. He's an active guy. He races all the time. He's a marathon runner. Treadmill imagination. Exactly. He's got a huge imagination. Does not need an iPod. He races all the time. He's a marathon runner. Treadmill imagination. Exactly. He's got a huge

imagination. Does not need an iPod. He I asked him if he was interested in this race called a Spartan race. Which is... This is Sparta. Yeah, it's running and getting knocked over by a big dude

and going through the mud and jumping over a fire. Probably getting kicked into a pit. And I said, I would, uh, if he, if my brothers would also participate, we could have a team and I would go in this event.

And, uh, I was at his birthday. I went to Calgary for his birthday and we watched the video of the thing, which I had not done. I only know the spider race because past guest Jane Stanton's brother organizes it. And I was like, oh, this seems like something my dad would like. And then I watched the video.

I'm going to die. I'm going to die in this thing. Tell me about it. Like, literally, you have to go under barbed wire, in mud on your belly. And you have to run up a mountain with a huge thing of stones on your back and you have to get hit by these giant guys that have the gladiator things.

Just not regular gladiators. Well, there's laws, Dave. It's not all being entertained. Right? And then they're fucking running and shit like i didn't i thought it was just that was the name of a like it was a race okay but i didn't think it was all this

when is it like you thought it was sparta was like a energy drink that was yeah it's you know sponsoring it's like when i like a girl's soccer team is called the spartans they don't kill people at the end of the ask for the head of the coach yeah for winning it's not actual sparta right so what why like so what type of people are into this are they like athletes like iron man people or are they like role-playing people no they're like athletes like uh but everybody in the video it was like a field full of fucking jason statham's like everybody was in the best shape ever right i'm going to get murdered. Dave, I'm going to get murdered.

Are you doing it as a team? Is it a relay? Yeah, we're a team and our team name is the Gilmore Girls. My dad said we needed a team name and I was watching one of the hockey games and I was drunk and I put in the Gilmore Girls and that's our team name. That's pretty good.

Okay, when does this take place? This is in August. This is post-wedding. That's pretty good. Yeah, it's pretty good. Okay, when does this take place? This is in August. This is post-wedding. Post your wedding. Post my wedding. I don't care. No, well, you don't want to have a guy with slash marks in his face bleeding all over your nice suit.

Because you're going to have a nice suit. Yeah, that's true. But I'll tell you, most weddings I've been in, it sounds very similar to this Reese. Yeah. These guys cut each other off more often than Sparta. These guys cut each other off more than all the guys at

Dave's wedding are going to be to cut him off to say I do to Abby. Pretty good. You know? I love it. So it's in August. What do you need to do to train? Do you need me to punch you in the face once a week? Do you want to run around with me on your back?

Yes. Second one. I want to do like a Yoda type thing. Yeah. Do you want me to hit you with barbed wire? I guess probably in the back. Sure. Scratch your back.

Yeah. I'm not going to do the backstroke through the mud barbed wire style. You're right. You're right. Yeah. I got to wait for the day. Yeah. You'll be like, hey, what's this fly doing in my soup?

Anyways, so I just want everybody to know that it's been really fun doing this podcast. And at the end of August, I'll be a dead man. And so, I don't know, Dave, will you do, can I be stuffed? I think we'll do like, you do like when Regis does a week of guest co-hosts. I might get Becky Newton from Ugly Betty.

Poppy Montgomery from Criminal Minds. Lisa Rinna would be a good possible co-host. Here's the thing about Regis and Kelly. They get the worst co-hosts for Regis but Kelly gets the best co-hosts. She's fun. She's got big lips. Here's the thing about Regis and Kelly. They get the worst co-hosts for Regis, but Kelly gets the best co-hosts. Yeah. You know why.

Jeff Probst. Oh, he's the greatest. Anderson Cooper. The Coops. The Probst. The women who co-host with Regis just do not know the show. Yeah, they should just get a prostitute. Spice it up. Let's move on to Overherds.

Overheard. Overherds. If you're somebody who has the... If you listen to Fitz Dog Radio, you know what this is. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. We like to start with the guests, always.

We like to cut off the guests. Yeah. These guys cut off their guests more than I do in traffic when I'm late for work. Oh, wait a minute. That reflects badly on me. Now I'm the jerk. I should write a review on

myself. Hey, Pat. Yes. Okay. An overheard is something you overhear, oversee, overhear, oversee, overhear, overland, or oversee. Guys, I brought you this one. Thank you. It's in my mind. It's not a physical thing.

But I want to share with you. I was on the Canada line. Popular train. Popular train that goes from the airport, YVR, to downtown Vancouver. And I was coming down from the airport and, you know, this wasn't at the start of the journey, about halfway through, some older teens, I will say, probably, like these guys may have just... Barely legal? They finished high school. Yeah, sure. They're high school. Yeah, sure.

They're maybe 19, 19 or so. And I don't really have any other way of saying it, but they were very kind of, they were just very well put together nerds. Oh, fun. Yeah, that's good. Just nice nerds. Yeah. Going downtown to do something. And they were, I was standing and they sat at the seat right in front of me.

And they got into a conversation, and I just liked how they talked. I mean, they were both being very respectful with one another and engaged in a very civilized conversation. And one of them said, you know, I want to live till i'm about 70 max that's it that's it because i think that's life in a nutshell and uh the other guy said no not me not me i want to live till i'm about 85 and and i'll tell you why mostly because i want to see how this jennifer Aniston thing plays out. You're going to have to wait that long. I have no idea what he means by that, this Jennifer Aniston thing. Will she or won't she?

Like, will she be, you know, how she's going to age. She is barely aged, right? Yeah, exactly. Oh, right. I know that. Okay. She is our generation's Dick Clark. Yeah.

Like, she's, how is she going to, and just like the rest of the train ride, I was like, how is this Jennifer Aniston thing going to play out? Who do you think she's going to end up with? Ross? I don't know. I think probably Ross. Ross. Will she get old?

Will she be? You know, I think she's going to end up with somebody fictional, like Sherlock Holmes. Somebody from the world of fiction. Flipper. Yeah. Flipper. Grimace But he said it with the most

Sincerity on his face Not me I'm waiting until I'm 85 I want to see how this Jennifer Aniston thing plays out I'm going to need those extra 15 years You're going to die in 50 years I'm going to die in 65 Because Jennifer Aniston at that point

Will be 105 years old exactly uh but his buddy too just sort of took it with like good point yeah okay fair enough i'll give you that i'll give you that um it's one of those jennifer aniston nerds everyone's a nerd about something that's right that's right. You know, the word nerd, unless you're a word nerd, has been sort of destigmatized. Stigmatism. Sure. Dave? Well, did you ever watch the old, there was a show on Fox.

It was a sketch comedy show. I think it was called The Edge that Jennifer Aniston was on. What? And this was. Oh, I think you're thinking of L that Jennifer Aniston was on. What? And this was... Oh, I think you're thinking of Leprechaun, the movie. Is that what you're thinking of? There was...

This pre-Friends? This was pre-Friends. This was in the early 90s. She did it right after Friends. It was the biggest show on television. You know what I'm going to do? Sketch comedy. Sketch comedy.

It was... On Fox. Jennifer Aniston, Wayne Knight, TV's Newman.iston. Wayne Knight. He's Newman. Yeah. Wayne Newton. Las Vegas's number one entertainer.

Julie Brown. Downtown Julie Brown. Yes, downtown. Uptown Julie Brown. Oh, downtown Julie Brown. And the only sketch I remember, well, there were these great animations that were between the sketches. That was what linked them all together.

Oh, they were Spy vs. Spy? Yeah. It was Will Sasso. No, the only sketch I remember was this old, it was like an old Western TV show called Cracklin' Crotch. Oh, that sounds pretty good. About a cowboy whose crotch made a crackling noise at 24 hours a day. Why didn't that last?

I think it was on at the same time as the ben stiller show like and it lasted longer than the ben stiller show was it like uh do what you wanna do like that kind of feel was there uh yeah urban uh yeah except for an entirely white cast oh yeah everybody here is equally kind that's when when they even live in Calais. Okay, my overheard is from Vancouver's pre-riot days. Those were the days. Hey, guys. Remember how it was?

But it was still the time when there were a lot of rowdy, rowdy pipers around. This was on a game day as I was making my way home to watch the game. There people arriving downtown uh and uh i was in the sky train station the sky train is like this train that we have that is kind of uh flies through the sky it's like the great glass elevator from willie wonka yeah a lot of wonka on today's episode more than usual but less than i'd like um you know i've never seen that movie or read that book you've never seen that movie? Or read that book. You've never seen... Oh, have you seen either version? Nope.

How about James and the Giant Peach? I've read the book. Or had the book read. Was that a movie? Did they make that a movie with real people? No, no. Claymation. Animation.

Oh, no. I want to see Johnny Depp as... He was probably involved somehow. He played the Peach. Yeah, why does he have to be in every dumb thing from childhood? Who is going to replace him as the guy who does movies like that? Oh, Jennifer Aniston. I want to see how it plays out.

Yeah, you got to see how this plays out. I don't know. Do you think Crispin Glover is mad that Johnny Depp gets all the weird guy roles? I think he's cool. I don't think he's mad. He's just sort of like like I would have done it differently He's not mad at it Like he would have been a better Edward Scissorhands

I don't know about that Definitely a better Donnie Brasco Sure Certainly a better 21 Jump Street Yeah The title character Okay Making my way home

In the Skytrain station, people are getting rowdy. It's not the day of the riot. It's a few days prior to the riot. Pre-game, pre-game. Yeah, pre-pre-game. And someone gets pushed on the stairs, and as I'm walking past, I hear someone say, Hey, it's called Manners, fuck ass.

Fuck ass. I don't think I've ever had the forethought to put those two together. I've had them in the reverse order. Ass fuck. Fuck ass. I think I like that. But it is called Manners.

Yeah, hey, it's called Manners, fuck ass Oh, you think it was short for fuck assly? Yeah, fuck assly The famous 80s singer Redhead You like putting a couple swear words together Oh yeah, but I really don't think I've ever put together fuck ass Here's one that I had in my head

As someone was in my way one day That I didn't say it out loud But I that I had in my head as someone was in my way one day. I didn't say it out loud, but I wish I had, because it made me laugh just when it popped into my head. Dick Wasp. Oh, Dick Wasp. That's pretty good. I like that a lot. Dick Wasp.

Get the fuck out of here, Dick Wasp. Wasp. Yeah. Do you think that was invented by someone who didn't know? It was invented by me. But you didn't know at the time Or you were trying to say Dick Wad? Yeah, probably Or Dick Weed

I came up with a tamer one the other day When I called somebody a butt skillet Nice That's not bad, right? Yeah, butt skillet That seems like it'd be a fun one for kids to try out Do you remember when you were looking through your mom's spice rack And you found out that Dill Weed was an actual thing? Oh, yeah That would change a lot you found out that dill weed was an actual thing.

Oh, yeah. That would change a lot of things for me. And Gaylord was an actual name. Yeah. Like, those were two really enlightening days. Yeah. Now, you have an overheard, I understand. This comes from the world of television.

When I was at my parents' house watched uh the miss usa miss usa speaking of jerks the guy owns that was donald trump yeah yeah and uh trump with a p yeah trump he produced like a trump kit yeah yeah yeah uh and they do they don't do a talent uh portion in the music they do bathing suit okay they do evening wear and then they do, they don't do a talent portion in the Miss USA. Thank God. They do bathing suit. Okay. They do evening wear, and then they do question.

They do high kick. Yeah. They do high kick. They do roundhouse kick. They do sweet kick. Wasn't talents part of it all? That might be Miss America. Miss America.

Yeah. Oh. Miss USA is a bathing suit. So which one does Trump own? Miss USA. Okay. And Miss Universe, I think, is also Trump. So Miss America is owned by America?

Still? Yeah. Oh, thank God. That's why there's such a big deficit. So there's no, like, corporate, private... No, no. It's all by the government. This is pure.

This is pure. As American as apple pie. Yeah. Okay, cool. There's a pie-making contest. There's a pie-eating contest. Greedy, corporate, private... Yeah.

Okay. So there's a get-to-. There's a pie-eating contest. Greedy, corporate, private. Yeah. Okay. So there's a get-to-know-the-contestants. Exactly. There's a get-to-know category. Do they do overheards? Yeah, they do overheards. I feel like we did that before them. Don't get me started.

Yeah. But at one point they asked the girl. Do they do what's-the-deal-with? Well, that wasn't a thing thing you just made up a thing okay I'm going to get to this over here so who won Miss Fitz Dog this year it's Greg Fitzsimmons go ahead

sorry to cut you off more than some sort of something in the thing they asked the girl she said I'm a real, they said, what are your interests? And she said, well, I'm a real history buff. You know, you can always find me reading A Game of Thrones. That's true. Yeah. Quite almost, right?

Well, she did get the title right. A Game of Thrones. Yeah, pre-cell phone. So that's history. Now, also, people at home, listeners, if you want to send in your overheards, you can do so via two ways. The first of which, via email. Use your two-way. You can send it to stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com.

And this first one comes from Natalie B. Natalie Bruglia. Natalie Bruglia, for short. She's from Rochester, New York. My mother and I went to the movies last weekend. We sat down a couple of rows behind a middle-aged man and his wife. There were commercials playing on the screen, which people don't generally pay attention to, but this man was very focused on them.

One ad came on announcing that on Tuesday, movie tickets were $6. The man, with a handful of popcorn shoved in his mouth, took this moment to express his approval by saying, $6? Holy shit! That's pretty great. $6, that's a's pretty great Six dollars That's a good deal Yeah That's a fun reaction Holy shit

He was probably like that I should have acted it out Like I had popcorn When is a lot Like it's fun To react to deals I don't think we get To do that enough anymore

Do not pay Until 2014 Yeah Like who gets To react to do that enough anymore. Do not pay until 2014. Who gets to react to deals like that anymore? I've had an experience where I've been at the grocery store and I've seen like a two for a while. Yeah, like two baskets of

strawberries for like $4. And you're like, holy shit! I gotta eat so many strawberries! You gotta eat them today though. Those things go bad fast. A Groupon is ruined deals. Oh yeah, that's true. Have you ever done a Groupon? I just did for the baseball game. Oh, yeah?

The Vancouver Canadiens had one that was half price. Oh, yeah? How was it? Well, I haven't gone. You could buy four, so it's for future games. Fair enough. Have you ever done one? Yeah, I bought a trial thing for 20 bucks to a gym but then i realized that i already

had a gym membership to the ymca so why would i buy like why would i do two you can go to two gyms at once i don't know that i got that kind of get up and go or just have time or anything i got that much time certainly you're running the spartan yeah you're right i should probably be doing both right i should probably be doing both, right? I should probably be doing two gyms. Get three gyms with barbed wire. Join the one that has barbed wire. Join the military as well. Get a little... Yeah, maggot.

The only thing I've ever done in a Groupon is the opposite of a gym. I got... You went to a foot-eating contest. Half-priced beard papas. Those cream puffs. You did so good. I remember you talking about that on this. You talked about that.

How many did you get? Well, you get half a dozen. But you got it for half price. Yeah. Cool. That's pretty good. I recommend a good beard papa. They're so...

They're ice cold inside the pastry. They just fill them with this... Have you ever had one? Weird papa. Yeah, more like this guy cuts me off more than beard papas to my mouth. And I'm cutting them off to go in my mouth. But they're so messy. They're just jam-packed full of this vanilla cream.

It gets all over your face. It's like a wiener in my mouth. This next one comes from Bethany R. from Orlando, Florida. Go Expo. Yeah. Go Epcot. Yeah. Go Captain EO.

A woman was in the restroom talking loudly on her cell phone. The majority of what I heard was her complaining about something or other. Then two toilets flushed. There was a silence for a couple seconds followed by, what? No, I'm not in a bathroom. No, I'm not in a bathroom. I'm just coughing.

I'm allergic. And her friend's a doctor and is like, you should go to emergency. That flush cough you have sounds terrible. You sound like a toilet. You've got toilet mouth uh toilet mouth that's a thing when you can't stop saying squares right i don't think it's a condition i think that's tourette syndrome potty mouth pot it's potty mouth potty mouth there you go right that's how you say that toilet toilet mouth it's like your mouth is actually a toilet

when you open it when you open, it sounds like a flushing. I dig it. Guys. This last one comes from Amy L. Amy L, guys. I'm a Canadian living in the UK. Oh, kudos. You know what? Making your way in the world today

takes everything you've got. Making your way in the UK today also takes a lot. Thank you. I'm sitting outside Starbucks in London. They don't call it that there. They call it Stubux. They call it Stubux. Stubux.

They call it Yank Yanks Beans. Yankee Beans. Actually, that would really be a good name for Starbucks as a British slang. Start it over there. I'm going to ask you, Amy. No, they call it buckas.

No, yeah. It's got to be Cockney rhyming slang. So what's a word that rhymes with Starbucks? Good luck. Good luck, Ash. They would just call it good. Oh, right. Right.

I'm going to go goods. I'm sitting outside Starbucks in London right now, and this conversation is going on between two young guys with thick accents. I know there was a lot more stupidity in this conversation, but this was all I could catch. Da Vinci, he didn't know how

to write, so he would write backwards. And when he used to write down how to write a painting, he would leave one thing out so if you tried to copy him that's how they would be able to tell you copied da vinci yeah i can tell he always when he writes backwards one thing out when he writes a painting when he does the schematics yeah he was worried about college students plagiarizing him. He was like, paint by numbers. Da Vinci's paintings were just like

paint by numbers. Paint by backwards letters. Leave one out. In the original Da Vinci code, the D is backwards in the thing like Toys R Us. Yeah. Toys D Da Vinci code. Yeah, the Da Vinci code.

Guys, in addition to overheards that have been written in, we also get ones from a telephone. Oh, sure. It's a magical machine. It's got ten numbers plus a pound sign and a star symbol. You can use it by dialing 1-206-339-8328. If you do that, you'll just get us, and then you'll leave us a message, and we'll play it on the show. Maybe. Hi, Dave and Graham

and lovable guest my name is Landry, I'm from Chicago and I haven't overheard from you so I was sitting on the train of course and there were these three kind of I don't know they weren't bros

they were kind of trying to be tough and you know they were just wrestling. They were wrestling. And the one guy, they started talking about poetry. And the one guy goes, you know, guys, my rhymes are dope. Just check them out on my notes on my Facebook page. I've got this one. Listen, I will shake you from your cradle to your grave.

And my one is called Miss America. And it goes, it's about how, you know, America, we help everybody, but we don't help ourselves. It starts out, Miss America, oh, how I love you. Your gorgeous woman is as red, white, and blue. And that is my overheard. Well, he rhymed it. He eventually got around to a rhyme.

Yeah, they were talking about poetry. Yeah. But what rhymes better with America, how much I love you? You're gorgeous. Like, what would you say? Yeah, red, white, and blue. Or the

California city of Malibu. Yeah. Or I'd rather live here than in Timbuktu. Yeah. Your country were the inventors of the board game Clue. Yeah. Nike shoe. America, how I love you.

You're gorgeous. Now, what do I do? Yeah. Let's go drink some Mountain Dew. Yeah. Questions. Yeah. There's a drink some Mountain Dew Like, yeah, questions, you know There's a lot of rhymes he could have gone with But I think the red, white, and blue is a problem Nailed it, pretty much

Roses are red, white flags are blue And they got some red in there too What about you, mother? Well, you gotta put a swear in there Yeah, right Yeah, a butt skillet Next! You know, that's probably the biggest challenge

Of being a parent of a teenager these days Is that having to deal with them Wanting to be a rapper phase I don't know that it is Because it's a good creative outlet Yeah, oh yeah, yeah It's like that movie Poetic Justice Yeah

Like Tom Hanks' son is even trying to be a rapper Have you seen that? Oh, that's gross Colin Hanks? Yeah, it's amazing He's got some really good raps I don't think that's true. It's true.

I don't believe you. Internet it. We don't have that. Well, I don't... I mean, you know, I'm not opposed to it. I'm not for it. I want it to exist

so that I can see it. I don't think... I don't believe you. Yeah, you know what? This is that guy over there. Oh, no, no. This isn't fake news, guys. You get a lot of guys.

You get a lot of people being like, you're making this up now. Okay. It's up to you and your listeners to go down this rabbit hole. You're saying Colin Hanks is an emerging hip-hop artist. Yes. And really wants to be. Well, I mean, who doesn't want to be, right? All right.

Next. Somebody should remake Wannabe from the Spice Girls. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Amos from Portland, Oregon, United States. I'm calling with an overheard. This is from the World Naked Bike Ride in Portland, Oregon, where 10,000-plus people take off their clothes and go for a bike ride in the pretty cold weather.

My overheard is this. I really like your leg warmers. They really compliment your penis. Gross. You know what? Naked bike ride's the worst. We had one in Vancouver. Yeah, I know.

It's the worst. I've seen it. I bet it's the worst. You know what? Naked bike ride's the worst. We had one in Vancouver. Yeah, I know. It's the worst. I've seen it. I bet it's the worst. You know what? Here's the ratio. 95% balls, 5%. Maybe they're vaginas, but there's so much hair you can't tell. Have you seen those bike seats that are vulgar, that have a hole in the middle?

For your balls. Is it for your balls? Yeah, it's for your balls. Or maybe is it... You don't put them through it. Well, they alleviate some ball pressure. Yeah, yeah. Wait, no, I've never seen this.

They've got a little... It looks like George O'Keefe painting in the middle. Oh, so it's for a lady's vagina. No, it's not, though. I think it's for a lady's vagina. No, it's not, though. I think it's for a dude's... I think it's for... Balls. You can't say balls.

Well, no, I don't mean balls. Oh, is it for the... No, no, no, no, no. I think it's for the taint. Taint relief? Taint pressure. Well, that's where you're putting your weight isn't it? do you guys call it taint or chota?

I don't call it very often you see how much problem I have with it I don't say it with confidence I do perineum? what's the actual thing? it's called perineum chota sounds like

an ancient name for it. Like the Honorable Chota will now lead us in a prayer at the campfire, etc. His Royal Highness. But why would that bike seat be for a Tane Chota or a Perineum? Why wouldn't they be? I don't know. I just want to say hello to my parents. I think because a bike can damage the inner workings that aren't very well protected there. Is that right? I don't know. I just want to say hello to my parents. I think because a bike can damage the inner workings that aren't very well protected there.

Is that right? I don't know. I don't think you should ride a bike more than ever. Oh, okay. But you know what? Here's the thing, guys. Riding on a bicycle seat, it's really hard. For dudes, maybe it is for women.

But women seem like they really are into it. Wow. Do you know what I mean? Look at the shape of those seats, right? Oh, what are you talking about? Is there like a Wang-shaped seat? I don't know anything about bikes. Oh, it's called a horse. Guys.

Guys, come on. One more call. We don't know anything about bikes. I don't know anything about bikes. Or women. Shameful. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Graham from Georgia. I'm calling in with an overheard

that comes courtesy of my job as a lifeguard where I hear many things from little kids. This one was between two little kids, and the kid number one, like, jumped on the other kid and was like, Ha! I just stabbed you with a machete. And kid number two was like, Oh yeah? You're an orphan. And kid number one looked at him and was like, Well, I guess that's worse. Oh man, kids are great.

They say the orphaniest things. What is worse, getting stabbed with a machete or being an orphan? Depends how you look at it. People have debated this for years. Which one of these two is fatal? I don't know. It depends. If you're an orphan.

Yeah, you might get a cholera. Yeah. Instead of kisses, you get... Oh, wait, no. Oh, is this a little orphan addict wait no No I screwed it up Yeah but that's what it is Instead of hugs we get Instead of kisses we get kicks

Instead of tricks we get tricked That's from Annie It's from Jay Z I just watched Is Jay Z an orphan? No it's from Annie Sincere question is Jay Z No no no His mother talked on one of his songs Is he an orphan? No, it's from a wedding. I watch Hard Knock Life. But that's a sincere question. Is Jay-Z an orphan?

No, no, no. His mother talked on one of his songs. Yeah, about how he fixed the bicycle. He was born under a sycamore tree. He used to rap with a beatbox, boombox. Well, wasn't conceived under a sycamore tree? Yeah, which made him a more sicker MC, his mama would say. Fair enough.

I just watched Danny. It was on TV yesterday. And you had no other channels? Your other channels burned down? Here's the thing. I don't think I've watched it since I was a little kid. Does it hold up? Well, yeah.

I mean, they haven't made it. There's no reason. I will say this right now and forever. There is no reason between now and the end of cinema when we finally get brain movies and we don't need cinema anymore. We all thought those would be around by now, right? Yeah, right? Just like straight to your brain movie?

Or at least glass. Yeah. It's called an imagination. You use it on your treadmill.id letterman david letterman has one of those so he's gonna be in charge they don't ever need to remake that movie like they did a really good job with it it doesn't need to ever be updated because it takes place in the past anyways it just i'm telling you now hollywood i shit you not, if you remake Annie, and I'm not even a big fan of it, just don't. Just fucking stop it.

Why did you bring it up? Because they made a Teen Wolf TV show, like the greatest movie. All I remember from Annie was the helicopter shot thing workout. Remember she flies away with Daddy Warbucks or something? And they get married, right? It's a very weird ending. with Daddy Warbucks or something? I didn't watch it to the very end. It's a very weird ending. It comes from nothing.

All of a sudden, yeah, they get married. Yeah, I didn't even know they were into each other. And then they fly off in a flying car and sing You're the One That I Want. I think that's right. And the actress who played Annie grew up to be Dwayne The Rock Johnson. A lot of people don't know that. He dyes his hair.

It was a wig. That's what I heard. I heard it was a wig, but you heard it's dyed. He dyes it now. He's a real redhead. Curly redhead. Yeah. Do his friends call him The Rock or Dwayne?

Neither. They don't call him. I'll tell you what. They don't call him late for dinner. That's for the guy who didn't like the cutoffs. No, we call him Dwayne. Neither. They don't call him. I'll tell you what, they don't call him. Late for dinner. That's for the guy who didn't like the cut-offs. No, we call him Dwayne. Yeah? Dwayne.

Dwayne. There he is. Hi, Dwayne. He doesn't like it when we call him The Rock, but he gets it. We're just taking the piss, as we say in London town. Now, we're going to wrap up this show, right? Hi Kelly Let's plug away

Where can people find you online? This is that, it's on CBC, they can get it online CBC That's me cutting him off These guys cut me off more than You know, by cable provider When I don't pay the bill Pretty good

Nailed it by cable provider when I don't pay the bill. Pretty good. That is pretty good. Nailed it. CBC.ca slash thisisthat or iTunes too. Oh, I got one. I got one. I got one. These guys cut me off more than the shortstop when someone's throwing to home from outfield.

Too long. Too long. No, no. They're all going to be good, right? They're all good. Yeah, you're right. There's a place for them. And you're on the Twitter?

Yeah. You're at Pat Kelly? I'm at the Pat Kelly. The Pat Kelly. Yeah. Make no mistake, there's only one. And you're willing to take all comers in that, right? Other Pat Kellys who want to challenge you?

For years, because the only reason I take this handle when I do internet things is because there's a billion Pat Kellys. Sure. No one's taken the Pat Kelly. Yeah, so that's you. Yeah. And it's been a long-standing dream of mine to get a bunch of Pat Kellys together for a conference or just a weekend. PK Fest. Because I think there'd be something fun about it.

PK F. Or as it's known in Montreal, turkey fried chicken, right? Or juice per rear. Dave, do you have anything you want to plug? No. You're on CBC Radio 3. CBC Radio 3. I heard the R330.

Download the R330. It's a podcast available on Saturdays from your podcast provider. Or listen to me on cbcradio3.com five days a week. Actually, six. No, you know what? Maybe seven. They probably replayed me in the weekend. Wow.

Dude, I had no idea. You know what? I'm really busy. Dave, you're the greatest. Thanks. You too. You're making beard paintings? Yeah, I'm making beard paintings right now.

Did you see... I saw the news clip. I was on CBC television. The fact that the three of us... It looked like you had your own beard painting studio. I do. So it's like a whole sort of artist studio dedicated to you. Can I tell you this?

Please. It looks nicer than your apartment. You know what? Is. Fact. Point of fact. Also, so those are on sale still. At this point, all proceeds go in towards my friend buying a new wheelchair.

Yeah, just search for beard painting on eBay. Yes, and I also have... And are they selling well? They're selling very well. Yes. And I also have... You make about one a week. And are they selling well? They're selling very well. Good. Yes. And there was something else I was going to... I mean, these guys

cut me off more than the bartender down at the Ritz Carlton. That's a good one. Right. You can... Oh, you can come to the Spartan Race and see me die live and in person. You can see my death. Where is that? Is that in Calgary? That's going to be in Calgary, Alberta. Do you predict an April or August

20th? Not April 20th. A rock backpack death? I don't know. A barbed wire death? A hill death? I think one of the guys, the American Gladiator guys is going to knock my head clean off my shoulders. How do I get a job as an American Gladiator guy? I don't know. They're really big.

They're really big. They seem like bouncers. I could wear one of those muscle suits. I think you just have to approach this like it's not an athletic competition. It's role playing. Oh, like sexual? So if you were really in this sort of

situation, how would you survive? By being a sexy mousy librarian sleep with the biggest guy yes sleep with the biggest book war and peace probably um also i i i said for a friend of mine that i would mention a lady named branwyn who's a friend of the show yes she is uh she is participating in the san francisco aids walk and she is taking donations and i think this is the week when this comes out this is the actual week she's doing it i said i would do my best to i put it on twitter here i am i'm doing it right on the podcast

where can we go i think it's sanfranciscoaidwalk.com aids walk and I think if you there's a search, you can find Branwyn's name. Spell it. B-R-A-N-W-Y-N Okay. Did I just pass the drunk driving test? Right there, guys? That was great. That is a good one. Spell Branwyn. Yeah.

But spell the way I'm thinking. Yeah, exactly. It's 50-50. So thanks everybody for listening and thanks again, Pat Kelly for being our guest. Thank you thinking. Yeah, exactly. It's 50-50. So thanks, everybody, for listening. And thanks again, Pat Kelly, for being here and having me, guys. Yeah, nailed it. Please go also to MaximumFun.org to check out the blog recaps that Dave puts up every week. We have pictures of all those rioters as well as a clip from Annie. You have to see this big dude punching the guy in the face.

That's a really good picture. It is a great photo. And naked guy just embracing the summer solstice of the fire. And if you like the show, tell your friends. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Another car's in silence We must be mistaken With their tanks and their bombs And their tanks and their bombs and their guns

and their bombs in your head they are fighting in your head in your head zombie zombie zombie what's in your hand

In your hand Zombie Zombie Zombie Hey Hey Hey Ho

Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Hoへっほーほーほーほーほーほーほー はぁっ ザンベー