Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 174 - Adam Lisagor and Scott Simpson

Episode Date: July 12, 2011

Adam and Scott of You Look Nice Today join us to talk about spiders, gym etiquette, and general childishness.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 174 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a chicken lily spider stopper, Mr. Dave Schumke. Yeah, some great stuff just happened pre-show. Graham went to a lot of work to corral this enormous spider.

That everybody, note, everybody was terrified of, like a bunch of pretty girls. Yeah. I was willing to smash it. Yeah, but no. And then you were like, oh, I need to take it out of the house. Yeah, because I believe in...

You believe that spiders are our future. And Graham corralled it using a cup and a piece of paper. And then I got it outside and Dave thought he was funny and stomped on it. Because he's the worst and he stinks. It was pretty funny. I hate him now. He's my new number one enemy.

And I have to sit next to him through this whole podcast. You were preserving life? I didn't get that from the whole thing. Okay. Well, no, that's noble. I do that too. I'll bring a flea outside. Yeah, right?

Yeah, and just let him go. And let him play base. And set them free. Thumbs down. Thumbs down, Dave. Those two voices that you guys are hearing are two-thirds of the enormously popular but missing in action podcast. Yeah, the hiatusiest.

You look nice today. Mr. Scott Simpson and Mr. Adam Lissagor are our guests. Hi, guys. Thanks for joining us. What was that prepubescent crack that just happened? We all go through changes every 15 years. Hi, guys. Welcome to our city.

Welcome to my house. It's spider-free. Well, as far as we know. And Graham is not going to volunteer to help capture another spider. So if we do find one. Oh, no, I will. I will capture it and make sure that Dave's checking his shoes to make sure. Ooh, my shoes. There's no guts on them.

What we heard was fantastic because the spider, Graham expertly caught the spider. The timing must have been hilarious. It was really amazing. I mean, it took you a minute, but you just calmly reached into this box full of recording equipment. It's my favorite minute to win it game. Kept the spider in the cup. Took a coffee mug and a piece of paper, got the spider, corralled it into the cup. Dave and Graham walked outside while Adam and I sat here laughing about it.

And then we just heard, Dave! Yeah, I said Afray and then Dave stomped on it. For no reason, he was outside. Let's tell the story a third time from the spider's point of view. Let's get to know us. Get to know us. So, what brings you guys to the Great White North? The GN?

The good story. You want to tell them? We're on a North American tour in support of our forthcoming podcast episode. Is there one in the chamber? It's about two months out. It's going to be good.

This is great. This is our Ben-her. Ben-her? I hardly knew her. i right guys move on um no are you is there really an upcoming episode because people who are fans of yours would love to hear that we've recorded a lot we've recorded a lot and they just sort of don't see the light of day you know what it is this is gonna turn into your smile that's going to be like Brian Wilson Like, oh, we just need one more recording session, guys And we'll get it Yeah, bring in the didgeridoo

Yeah, bring in the sandbox They're just, I don't know We haven't found our stride yet I don't know We've got to record some new material Sure That's what we've got to do Well, people who

are fans of your podcast would probably be very excited to hear that something's in the works. It's a weird process, though, that a podcast is in the works. Yeah. It's a bunch of bullshit. And that we're doing so much promotion for it. We're on the road. Yeah, we're all the way up here.

We hit Albuquerque. Oh, I saw you on the morning breakfast show today. You're going to be on the road. Yeah, we're all the way up here. We hit Albuquerque. Oh, I saw you on the morning breakfast show today. Yeah. Right. Good morning. You're going to be on Craig Ferguson. Yeah. No.

It's nice to be in Vancouver, though. Right. Because it's so beautiful and the greatest city. It's a great city. Yeah. When I was flying in, you guys flew in yesterday. Are you guys sharing a room? Wow.

You just want it to be all about... Let's paint a picture. Get a room, you two. No, we have separate rooms. You guys flew in. There's four beds between us. Oh, hey. Yeah.

Party floor. Well, what are you doing up here? What brings you here? I interrupted your story. I'm classic Dave Schumpka. Our friend Albert just turned 40 and he gathered together a lot of our friends and we're all up here because it's the greatest city in the world. Am I right?

That's right. Playing to the crowd. You guys like Vancouver, right? Who here smokes weed? We thought they knew how to party in Seattle. Seattle.

We thought they knew how to party in Seattle Now You both have been on the podcast In the past But never as a team I feel like this is a bit of a coup That we're getting both of you At one time Sorry that's my hangover working its way up

That's tomorrow's hangover Hangover part two. Yeah, all right. Guys, what do you think will happen in the third one? Yeah. Do you think they'll drink too much? Where can they go in the third one? Mars.

They wake up on Mars. They wake up, they're all part of the space program. They should merge with another franchise, like do a hangover. Hangover 3, Viva Rock Vegas. I think that would actually be really great. Oh, boy. Anyway, so here we are. It's great. It's so nice

to see you guys. You guys, so fun, so cool. Nice people. Did we mention you killed it at MaxFunCon? Did everybody hear that? Did the public hear that yet?

Any of your stuff? Yeah, I heard the episode that we recorded. Did the stand-up stuff go up as well? No, that won't go up.

No, that's private. You pay money for that. Yeah, yeah. Although somebody videotaped, videotaped? Somebody had a videotape recorder.

Somebody filmed Andy Daly doing his thing and then posted it on YouTube. Oh, is that a no-no? I'll take it down. It's cool. It's weird because I know for sure it wasn't a sanctioned... Do you know what I mean?

Well, to be fair, when you say doing his thing, you're not talking about his comedy actors. He was taking a crap. Yeah. yeah he was answering shit in the woods adam lisigar beats everybody to the punch um yeah it was fun you guys were both there did you have a fun max fun con yeah yeah yeah wonderful you crashed we were three three peters oh yeah yeah it was uh it was something that i Have a fun, max fun con. Yeah. Yeah. Wonderful. You crashed it, Scott. Well, we were three Peters. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. It was something that I decided at the last minute to just come up and say hi to everybody. I told my wife I was going out for a beer. I'll be back. And then ended up in the mountains. It was fantastic. It was great to see you guys. Yeah, it was good to see you, too.

We had a nice little airport run in then afterwards when we were all waiting for our flights home. I was sitting there, I don't know, sexting or something, and Dave and Graham walked up. You did this to me once, so I'm going to do it back. Hey, Scott, 2007 called.

Is sexting not a thing anymore? I think it's more germane than ever. Really? Yeah. Well, with Anthony Weiner, I guess. Oh, yeah, Anthony Weiner. Was that technically... What would you call it?

A sex Twitter. Yeah. What would you call that? Come on. Race for it, guys. A twang? Twix denining. I don't know.

Twix denining is, I think, as close as we're going to get. Because his phone was upside down when he did it. But I interrupted you. I'm sorry. You were at the airport. No, and then ran into these guys, had a beer. I remember my favorite moment that took place when we were having our beer

at the airport restaurant was we ordered from Manuel or whatever his name was. God bless him. That is such a racist thing to do. To sort of slip in somebody's name. It wasn't his name. It was a Mexican restaurant and we sure ordered Coronas.

Well, that's true. After we ordered Coronas, he goes, do you guys want shots? Like's true. That's true. After we ordered Coronas, he goes, do you guys want shots? Like, what? That's right. You guys want shots? It's a normal thing to just supersize a drink.

Yeah, and a shot. You guys want shots? And it's not 11 o'clock at night. We hadn't said that we were here for eight hours waiting for our plane. And we're also getting on a plane. No, it is. And we hadn't said that we were here for eight hours waiting for our plane. And we're also getting on a plane. Yeah, we're getting on a plane. Would you like some violent-making juice before you get on that plane?

Oh, boy. I just picture the assistant manager who came up with that line. Just like, he's not hitting his monthly numbers. What can we do to meet our goal? And then, shucks. My favorite thing about that restaurant, and I've since gone on to incorporate it into my stand-up comedy act, was they had these giant novelty-sized martini glasses filled with calamari that, like, one would be enough for a whole table of friends. And it was like each person at this table had their own giant novelty

full of calamari it was uh and i was saying it looked like one of those things they have on dr oz where they build like a model to show you like this is how much calamari is too much a frappuccino is the equivalent of this much calamari. This is how much calamari is in an average whatever. I was kind of under the impression growing up that all seafood was really classy. And then you get into the deep fried territory and it becomes less and less classy. I always, my first thought about seafood was always like Captain Highliner. Like that to me is like. Oh, i thought like uh like seafood was like the poor man's like you had to catch

something from the sea if you didn't have you have long john silvers here no no we don't but we do we i don't think so you have red lobster do you have red lobster yeah sure we yeah sure we do i love the cross border do you got you guys got roots? I think so. I think it came here recently. You guys got Sizzler? Red Lobster works on me, though, because I'm watching it on TV, and first of all, I love Lobster. I've never actually been to a Red Lobster, but it works on me because I'm thinking, how bad could it be? It's Lobster.

It's Lobster. I want it. I want lots of it, and I want it for $10, $10.99. You know what stinks about going to Red Lobster with Graham, though, is that he spends an hour meticulously removing all of the lobsters from the lobster tank with a coffee mug and a piece of paper. He takes them outside, and then Dave steps on them. Which ruins it for everybody, because now you can't eat lobsters if you're stepped on.

Which ruins it for everybody, because now you can't eat lobsters if you're stepped on. I was watching a channel from Atlanta, I feel like, and there's a restaurant called Steak and Shake. Are you guys familiar with Steak and Shake? Okay, so that must be a regional, that's not like an American one. Because that's the worst name for a restaurant. Anybody else want to weigh in? Steak and Shake? Sounds pretty horrible. Do they sell steaks and milks milkshakes yeah they just shake you i like my steak shaken that's dirt yeah is it like shake and bake steak

um no it's steak and yeah i think milkshakes i didn't why didn't i even check it out why do you think that's a bad i mean that seems like a pretty good name. It says what it is. It's descriptive. People are fat. Do those go... Yep. Is that something that goes together, though? A steak and a milkshake? No.

Nothing really goes with a milkshake, but you feel like it does, because you go to a 50s style... Johnny Rockets. Johnny Rockets. Moxies. Well, it's implied, though. You don't want to say it in the name of the restaurant. Milk is a bad choice. They should just call it cows, because it's just...

Cow stuff. Cow stuff. Look at the cow stuff. Yeah. But, yeah, because you get a big burger, and then they bring you a milkshake, which is basically dessert. Yeah. But they give it to you while... Before your meal.

Before your meal, with a metal canister with extra in it. That's true. It's the only thing where you order a set size, and they're like, here's a little extra. Because they know you're disgusting. It's like they haven't figured out how much to make, and so they always do too much. We were just going to throw this away. This isn't a science, guys. This is more of an art.

It's a different amount of ice cream every time. The metal thing is the girlfriend cup on the side, because that one always goes to my girlfriend. Oh, that's nice. That's sweet. Sorry, ladies. He's taken. my girlfriend. Oh, that's nice. Oh, that's sweet. Sorry, ladies. He's taken. My girlfriend.

Is that playing on radio? Girlfriend? Yeah. He's air quoting it. Now, you in California, is there anything that's just a restaurant like that, a disgusting restaurant that's only in California? Of course there is. I mean, everything.

There's disgusting local things everywhere. Yeah, well, ours is White is. I mean, everything. There's disgusting local things everywhere. Yeah, well, ours is White Spot. White Spot, sure. That's our regional gross. Yeah, I walked by on the way from breakfast this morning. I walked by a White Tower. I don't even know what that is. White Tower.

I think it was pizza. Yeah, it's downtown. Yeah, it's like kind of a knockoff of White Castle, but it doesn't have any of the menu of white castle also tower white tower you had to say it yeah exactly time yeah all of us to really right yeah hey where are you going to now i'm going to the white tower pardon nowhere it's a pizza good uh There's a suburb of Vancouver called White Rock. And I used to be in a band with guys

from White Rock and they were a White Rock band. And it was... We had to always be like, that's not the genre of music we're playing. Oh, yeah. I used to be a white supremacist. Yeah. Right. But that's just because white supremacist. Yeah. Right.

But that's just because I think this race is top. It's better. No pun. Just that's how I feel. That's interesting that like the gay pride parade ended up like just being called like the pride parade. And the white pride parade never like it always stayed white pride. Is there a white pride parade? Or did I just make that up right now? Again, every day is a white pride parade.

Maybe this is one of those things that you can combine the franchise and do everything. A white pride and a gay pride just all in one parade. Yeah, it's just pride. It's weird that they just got both the rainbow and the word pride. Didn't they get the equals sign too? The equals sign. Do you have that? There's a little bumper sticker that's basically

a blue background and a yellow equals sign. I've never heard of that. I used to work for a company in New York right after college called One Such Films. And they, like, One Such. There's only one. And their logo was the yellow equals sign with a red cross

through it like no equals but gay people would see this and i wore it on a t-shirt because i didn't know but gay people in the bride braid and you're like yes this is my most colorful shirt yeah i thought i was in your pith helmet i just picked every every time you tell a story i just if it's not funny or if it's boring it's not going anywhere right you just put me in a pith helmet it gets funny if it's really bad i put you in a postal uniform like a full u.s postal service you know high socks you have the postal pants don't you I do yeah I had to go through proper channels

what are postal pants postal pants are well they're just the pants that postal workers wear but in the states they have cool they have like a hamster stripe down the side they're very military looking and they're awesome in the states do they actually wear those

pith helmets or is that a oh yeah they're awesome. Now, in the States, do they actually wear those pith helmets or is that a... Oh yeah, they're allowed to. It's a component of the uniform. You're allowed to wear a pith helmet. I've seen it on a sunny day. Yeah, and you can wear... You can just mix and match different parts of the uniform. You can also wear the hat with the beer can holders on the side shirt.

You can wear your socks in a parka. Whatever things you want to put together. Your choice, mail carrier. You guys, is there a custom of tipping your mail carrier at Christmas? Or setting a little present? I know you tip your garbage man.

Oh, really? I didn't know that either. You tip him a little, like 15% extra garbage. Yeah. A little extra. Those coffee grounds are for you. There's a pizza box. It's complicated, because I think if you're in a bad neighborhood, you're supposed to like wait for them and give them an envelope full of, you know, 20 bucks or 50 bucks or whatever. I've never heard of this. But in a nicer neighborhood where you don't have to worry about people stealing money off your garbage, you would just leave an envelope. So you tip your garbage men, but I don't think you tip your recycling people. And those two groups do not get along. They don't get along? No. What are the colors here for the containers?

For the... For the trash and recycling. Blue is recycling. All right. And trash is trash can. Okay. So that's not interesting at all. No.

Same here, I guess. Different shape. Blue. It's just a blue, like, box. Whereas the garbage cans are garbage cans. But I don't even know my mail carrier. Like, i don't even know my uh mail carrier like i don't even know who that is because it's changed five or six times in the last year like it's always every time i see the person it's somebody different so if i tip the person that just

started december one they're getting everybody else's juicy well yeah it's like a restaurant right i think they probably maybe they have to split it up. I wonder. It goes into a huge... Would you split it up? My milkman? Yeah. There is no milkman. What?

Well, my parents still get milk. They do? Yeah, delivered. In bottles? No, not in bottles, but they did for a while. No kidding. Straight from... Do you guys...

Do you have a milkman? Straight from cow stuff. Sure, everybody does. No, that's not true. That's not true. In California? No, I was trying to do it. I'm imagining, though, hey?

You have a lemonade man, a milkman. No, that's not true. In California? No, I was trying to do it. I'm going to hedge in, though, hey? Yeah. You have a lemonade man, a milk man. Every beverage. Every condiment, too. You have a Dijon mustard man. Regular mustard man. Ketchup man. They do not get along.

How much do you tip a ketchup man? They were head to toe red. Just like, but like like the sort of like the polyester dickies hey Mr. Johnson I've got fresh ketchup here oh we still have a ton of it

you should really eat a hot dog once in a while but we don't need it every week I mean how much we eat hot dogs four days a week. Hot dog, man. Get your hot dogs here. He's wearing head-to-toe flesh color.

Yes. With just like a yellow stripe down the middle. I assume that the milkmen wear just white just because they deliver milk. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. Maybe if they spill it on themselves, it needs to blend in. Sure. They're drinking it all day long.

Now, that used to be a thing, right? Like, milkmen would go and have sex with your wife. Yeah. When you were at work, right? Yeah, the kid always looks like the milkman. I saw an advertisement that stuck with me 10 years since I saw it originally in a magazine. It was a boy growing up. It was sort of a baby, then a little boy, then a five-year-old, then up to an adult.

And the adult of the progression was a milkman. You're doing the white power side. You're telling the story using... It's reflexive. It's like Peter Sellers. You're telling the story using... It's reflexive. It's like Peter Sellers. The adult was a milkman, and it was an advertisement for a paternity test.

Oh. Just to show that, just in case, to make sure it's yours and not the milkman's. Was it just for the generic idea of a paternity test or a brand of it? Because I would never be like, oh, no, I'm not going to use that brand of paternity test or a brand of it because i would never be like oh no i'm not going to use that brand of paternity it was it was sponsored by reliable it was sponsored by the paternity test deliverers union i like the uh idea of because there aren't really a lot of milkmen anymore that the term milkman is just moved over to somebody who impregnates your wife because like you you can't make sense by the way um there's a brand of uh muscle builder called

muscle milk is this yeah right gross gross super gross gross people say like you don't want to hear anybody you get it like a um a supplement store yeah right. And you would put it in a smoothie or something? Something. I don't know. Maybe it's in powdered form or something. White powder. Right? So a muscle milk is milk for your muscles or milk from your muscles.

I think it's milk for your muscles, maybe. But does it come from your muscles? No. It's milk for your muscles, maybe. Does it come from your muscles? No. It's probably cow stuff. I think it's like whey protein or something. It's sold in those gigantic... You see them stacked up in front of the supplement stores. Those four-gallon

drums. Muscle milk. Yeah, it seems like it would be a slang term, like baby batter. Yeah. Throat yogurt. You've been waiting to use these. It's, yeah, it seems like it would be a slang term, like baby batter. Yeah. Yes. Throat yogurt. Yogurt. You've been waiting to use these.

Calm. I don't get it. Boy. So much friendship. So much friendship. Where? I don't know if anybody else in this room goes to a gym. I do. I go about goes to a gym. I do.

I go about three times a week. Okay. Now, do you go to a gym that is mostly just regular-looking people or super muscly people? It's very regular-looking. It's my work. It's associated with my company. So it's just... Pasty nerds.

Yeah, it's pasty nerds and the occasional tattooed angry guy. Yeah, there's a... The gym I go to is like almost overrun with giant men that are lifting impossible amounts of weight. And I feel like even the locker room is below the weight room and it feels like, I don't think they built this structure properly so you just hear weights pounding and the lights kind of flicker a bit like i don't think this are you talking about jail is this yeah that's your so-called gym and everyone's tattooing each other

the showers are the greatest. I just canceled my gym membership after three consecutive years of not going. Was it the kind of gym where it's really hard to cancel a membership? No, not at all. But you delude yourself into thinking, I'm going to go tomorrow for three years. Wow. That's a long stretch. That's not bad.

That's a thousand days. A thousand tomorrows. Yeah, a lot of wasted resources. And it was full of attractive people. I think that was my number one favorite reason to go to the gym, was all the attractive people. I would rather have it be a bunch of uggos. Really? Attractive people?

I want to blend right in. You're pansexual? Well, you know. Are you just trying to seem like, oh, I'm not really into ladies? No, I like both. Really? Oh, no, no, not in that way. Not in that way. But you like

seeing attractive men as a heterosexual? Yeah, I don't mind it. Really? Yeah. I wonder how I feel about attractive men. I know. I'm on board. I play everything that's attractive I like. I'm an attractive man. I know, I'm on board. I play everything that's attractive I like. I'm not down with uggos and anybody who says that I am. I would like there to be a few people uglier than me.

Yeah. I want everybody to be as ugly or lower than me. I don't like being on a treadmill next to somebody who looks great. I find it inspiring. I find it the exact opposite. I'm like, well, this is never... I'm never going to get to that point, so why bother?

What's your regimen, Graham? I am doing... I asked, what is the... Because I have to... I'm training, basically, because I'm doing a thing called a spartan race in august that sounds really terrible yeah it's probably going to kill me it's going to i'm with i did it uh because my dad's like a big big time athlete and uh so that is gordie howe yeah my dad

is canadian hockey legend gordie how. I didn't keep the name. But it's like all these crazy things in one event. Like you have to lift a bucket of rocks and stuff like that. Like you would in Sparta. Yeah, right, right. Welcome to Sparta. And yeah, I'm the only one on the team that's not in like fantastic shape. Oh, it's a team sport yeah there's a four of us

it's my dad and my brother my brother uh is like statham-esque yeah and then uh somebody my dad works with that just finished an iron man oh like he built an iron yeah he built an iron man and killed it with his bare hands it sounds like you're setting yourself up for failure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what's your team name? The Gilmore Girls. This is your contribution to the team. I see.

I see why you're on the team. Comic relief. I am the Jack Black to their team of Wilsons. Is it a relay, or do you all go at once? I don't know. I don't know. I've, I think it's, that's a good question. Okay, lifting rocks, what else?

There's a, you have to climb on, like, belly under some barbed wire. Oh, wow. And you have to jump over fire at one point. Are there guys with the actual gladiator sticks? Really? Yeah, that knock you down, and you have to try and get around them. But you get up again? They're never going to keep you down.

They're called tub thumpers, I think. They were going to call it either a Spartan race or a Chumbawamba race. You have to run. There's a running up a hill component and climbing up a rope net. Oh, yeah. Climbing up a rope. I think you have to climb a wall. Wow.

See, I watched the shit out of American Ninja Warrior on TV. Do you know this show? No. Sounds great. It's an American Gladiators ninja obstacle course show on the G4. Have you watched it, Scott? Yeah. Well, it's based on a Japanese yearly big event that is watched by some huge number of people there.

Wow. It's a huge thing. Yeah. It's really fun. It's like, did you watch American... Well, I know this because I've researched it. There was an American gladiator in a lot of different countries, and they're obviously not called American gladiators.

You had Canadian gladiators. We didn't. We used your American ones yeah we had steak and shake yeah uh long john silvers what were the guys names they were all they all had crazy names like viper yeah yeah lays laissez-faire lays the potato chip various economic concepts of the past yeah sure, sure. Madeline Albright. Yeah, trickle down. That dream I had. The Laffer Curve. Wheezy.

Wheezy. Oh, boy. I would love to go on an obstacle course that's defended by horribly out of shape people. Yeah. Or just all sassy black ladies just down the line. Oh, don't you think about walking past me. You just feel bad. You just kind of move slowly past.

The judge from Legally Blonde. Yeah, so I'll probably die doing that. Okay. But that's in the meantime, I've been trying to do, just get some endurance going up. That's great. More than any kind of strength. I've just foregone, I'm not going to win this thing. I just need to survive it. Yeah, that's really fun. We'll see.

Remains to be seen how fun. Is there a uniform? Do you dress like Spartans? Oh, we should. Are you guys going to get matching shirts? There should be, yeah, we should definitely Uniform, I like the way you're thinking Are you finally going to win your dad's approval?

I don't know, my brother's on the team, so if we do win You're going to have to rescue him from something You and your brother are going to team up No, my brother's going to have to carry me on his back the whole time Is that allowed? I don't know from something. You and your brother are going to team up. No, my brother's going to have to carry me on his back the whole time. Is that allowed? It's going to be tough when you're going under the barbed wire. Just scratching your face. Yeah, I'm going to be on the back

wearing me like a backpack. Yeah. A lumpy backpack that just holds you down and doesn't hold anything. So yeah, that's my... know that's a stairs i do that stair machine that's the worst oh like there's a machine that's actual stairs yeah that's the one oh wow that's that's cool it's cool but it's like it's always like a tiny escalator yes it is yeah and nobody ever uses it because it's the hardest thing ever it's really hard and it's also exactly

what hell it's going to be like. Like literally. Never ending stairs. Yeah, never ending stairs surrounded by people who are better looking than you. Mirrors, which is obviously invented by Satan. And a machine where you don't go anywhere, but you just kind of... And just out of reach at the top

of the stairs, there's pizza or something. Oh yeah, exactly. And then the TV that you're watching is non-stop Housewives of Beverly Hills hills i've never watched a single one of those me either i i i that's one part of like trash tv culture that i i and i'm usually i consider myself uh you know kind of a connoisseur in that area but for which you should be ashamed yeah i but i've missed out on every single one of those. I just assumed they would go away. Yeah, but they haven't. No.

They've expanded, yeah. There's going to be one in Vancouver. Oh, there is? I heard, yeah. Yeah, I'm not happy about that. What are they like? What are Vancouver housewives like? Oh, you'll see them tonight on Granville Street. Okay, good. Peeing in an alley. The classiest. Can I ask you guys a question?

Yes. I have a problem at work. As you know, as I said before, it's affiliated with my job, and so it's very nerdy. Oh, your work is affiliated with your job? Yes. Sorry, my gym. My gym. It's very nerdy.

And so lots of the folks who work out there maybe aren't super aware of how they smell. Oh, really stinky. Stinky people. And I feel like they're doing me double pain because they smell bad and that's horrible and I hate that and it's interrupting my ability to – because I'm also breathing really hard yeah that's another thing you do at the gym yeah uh so I'm extra inhaling their smell and then they're doing the double pain of making me mad at them and angry and not sure what to say or do I I wish is what is there something that you can say is there like a a card you can give to these guys that what do address the situation? Now, is this a person that only smells when they're at the gym?

Or are these like nerd guys that don't shower? Or people you only see at the gym. I don't know them outside. So you just know they smell horrible at the gym. They just smell terrible at the gym. And it's probably just their clothes. Because I think... And their skin.

No, when you're sweating at the gym, it's like a clean sweat, isn't it? It's your clothes that you haven't washed multiple times that cause BO. I think the only thing... This has always been my gym clothing policies. The only thing that you re-wear to the gym is shorts.

Shirts, socks, everything else has to be like... It's a one-time deal, everything else, like, has to be, like, it's a one-time deal, and then it goes in the wash. Like, you don't keep, like, a filthy shirt at the gym. You just keep putting on. But your shorts are, you know, they're big collectors. I got those wick-away deals, you know? Like basketball shorts. Oh, tearaway shorts.

Yeah, they're tearaways. Oh, I didn't say that. Yeah, I wick them off at the end of the day. Yeah. No, my towel gets the funkiest, but I don't, but the rest of them I think I wash regularly. Well, you work out in a towel. Yeah.

In an elaborate arrangement of six or seven towels. Toga style. Adam strides out of the locker room into the gym. Other people are lifting weights. He just walks, he doesn't even work out he just sort of pretends to direct them to lift my leg up lift lift yeah want to hit the heavy bag i don't know i don't know how you address somebody's scent what i would like especially somebody that you don't know right it's like

like so if you're on the like you're running on the treadmill next to somebody that's stinky i would just like as you know as subtle a way as possible just reach over and push them off the treadmill in as gentle and polite a way as possible yeah because then they go flying it's hilarious everybody laughs slowly push their treadmill towards a cliff. Or, yeah. I haven't been to a gym in a long time, but do treadmills have rearview mirrors? Because if so, you should put an air freshener on it. A pine tree. Hanging on them.

No, it's not you, sir. I smell something. The problem I have at the gym I go to is loud housewives that are like, this is their time out of the house, away from the kids. How loud and what way? So loud that I can hear them over top of the music I listen to. But what are they doing? Are they grunting or talking? No, no, talking.

Or orgasming? But gossipy mom, they're orgasming together for a greater good. Sexy, Jim. They're talking, you know, they're having a loud mom talk. Come for the cure. This is our charity. Stop it. This is our charity. Please. I'm sorry.

It's gross. So what do you do about that? Muscle milk, guys. Oh, just tell them, hey, shut up. Yeah, knock it off. Yeah, go home. God, you guys are loud. I feel like I've complained about somebody at the gym.

Maybe not. No, I haven't. Yeah. I mean, the big guys, they can yell and grunt and do whatever they want. Oh, God, you're not going to touch them. No, they're giants. Yeah. They're giants of society.

They're also idiots, and they probably wouldn't understand. They wouldn't take up all your talk now, et cetera. Overhand weight to the face. They have their muscle milk mustaches. I have a kind of a social etiquette problem as well. Oh, yeah? It's not gym related, but it's related to the summer. And it's, what is it, July 9th.

Sure. And it's the hottest day of the year, and it's not even very hot. Scott here is wearing a cardigan. Yeah. I am sweating through a shirt. I am also sweating. But we, my next door neighbor, well, actually upstairs neighbor, they, the worst thing about summer is that they're outside all the time.

And every time I go in and out of the house, I have to, oh, hey, hello. Your neighbors are Muppets? Yeah. Okay. But they've got a couple of kids. And last year, it was super awkward, but I guess it's okay. One of their kids was like three, and he was running around naked. Yeah, he was constantly naked.

Yeah. And by the way... Adam's disgusted. Gross. And by the way... What does that even look like? Describe. I feel bad for being uncomfortable around it but the alternative

is that i'm super into it it's a good thing that i'm uncomfortable around it right but now he's a full year older and a full year naked or oh yeah there is it there's got to be a cut what is the cut off it's now right it's school the cutoff is school it's kids kindergarten it's five oh really yeah for sure i think you know in the stages of life you have youths yeah and i think in the It's now, right? It's school. The cutoff is school. It's kindergarten. It's five. Oh, really? Okay. For sure. I think in the stages of life... Because you have youths. Yeah, and I think in the stages of life, you really notice a complete social difference in children when they start going to school and having friends.

Before then, they're really at home with the family. So I think that's a good cutoff. Yeah. I disagree. I think it's as soon as I'm disgusted. Right when it comes out. What you can do is you go right out there and take all your clothes off. Let me show you how it's done.

I never went to school. I got a good idea for you, which is to start a company that makes very small tuxedos for children who have literally just been born. But breathable. Because evidently, you hate to see the human form. Or I could invent a pair of glasses that have little tuxedos on the inside so every time I look at a naked person, I see them wearing a tuxedo.

Or a schlubby person. Yeah, sure. Yeah, all of a sudden, your whole world is fancier. Everywhere you go is a gala ball. Yeah. All of a sudden, your whole world is fancier. Everywhere you go is a gala ball. Yeah. Speaking of all things horrible, I saw two horrible things colliding that made the greatest thing. The other day, I was hanging out at a bar slash restaurant right near the window. There was like a an intersection and going against

the light was a filthy hippie guy on a longboard uh-huh right thumbs down to his whole situation yeah um and he was and then he was uh fell off of his longboard which was the greatest and then his longboard was run over by somebody in a brand new Mercedes, which I also hate. And the longboard like went in the wheel well, and then popped out. It bounced and popped up and landed in the grill of the Mercedes. So I was like,

Oh yay. And I was so excited that I knocked my friend's drink into her lap. Cause I was like, Oh my God, you guys. Cause I was the only that I knocked my friend's drink into her lap. Because I was like, oh, my God, you guys. Because I was the only one who saw it. You know, this is, not to take anything away from your story, but I don't know if, this was also page seven and eight of Richard Scarry's Busy Town. So, the filthy longboarder worm.

That's amazing. Yeah, it was really, it was just like, oh, it's just such a, like it was like watching a movie made just for me like here are the things that you don't like what did the hippie say and then that was the greatest was after I called everyone in the restaurant say harsh bummer

what a wash that's terrible After I got everyone in the restaurant's attention To how great this was Then we watched as the hippie Tried to pull his longboard out of the grill Of his Mercedes The guy in the Mercedes did not bother Getting out of the car and just waited

Until the hippie had removed his longboard It's a no fault Well I guess it's the hippie's fault. It was the hippie's fault. Yeah, you can't get longboard insurance. But also, it was also kind of the Mercedes' fault for being cool with driving over something that could have been a human.

Not applying any brake pressure whatsoever and just being like, I'm going to drive right through this. That looks fun. I just wanted to share that with some people who are next door. Oh, now, Graham, before we move on to overheards, I wanted to share that with some people oh no graham before we move on over herds i wanted to ask you about your night last night oh sure you uh as as i understand it you pulled an all-nighter on vancouver island yeah because this is how much i was like uh i like i'm so excited that you guys are both on the podcast this This is how much I like you guys. All right.

As I was on the island, I did a show in a place called Souk. The show was pretty rocky. And then afterwards, like I didn't have, the show didn't come with a hotel room or anything. So I just went to the other comedy club that's just outside of Victoria

and hung out with comics through the night because I was like, I'm just going to get on the first ferry possible. And I slept at the ferry terminal and then got on the first ferry. Like, I slept for an hour and then I came here specifically to be on

the podcast with you guys. So I am still living in yesterday land. And so many drinks. I drank all the drinks. I drank so many of them. Did you stay at the club after hours? Yeah. Extra late?

Do comics do that? If it's a cool guy that owns the club, then he's like, hey, yeah. Just a jam. Yeah, we just did a comedy jam. We all just go up and do some premises yeah you're really playing for each other at that point yeah it's the jokes here not tell it but yeah we uh and i ended up i ate like eight at a denny's at three in the morning and it was

very it's very like oh yeah college days like i remember this you know it's the sun coming up and being like yay but this i was like i feel terrible when you sleep at a ferry terminal do you sleep sitting up or do you risk getting beaten by the police i know i slept yeah like that's one of two options i uh i i sprawled out and when i woke up uh my overheard comes from this guy, so I don't want to... But he was a hippie guy, not wearing any shoes, had walked to the ferry terminal with no shoes, and also had a baseball cap with no brim on it. Just the cap part.

Oh, weird. Yeah. A jughead. Yeah. A baseball yarmulke. a baseball yamaka but uh yeah so i'm still uh i'm sweating out uh last night's booze while bringing in new stuff to replenish the stock sure muscle milk uh well on that note let's move on to the overheard segment overheard guys overheards hey's have some. Let's do some. Yeah.

Things you've overheard or overseen. We'll accept that, too. As heard on Fitzdog Radio. Yeah. As invented by Greg Fitzsimmons. Yes. Our, what do we call him? Our hero?

Our idol? Yeah, he's kind of like our spiritual leader. Yeah. We like to always start the overheard segment with the guests. And we'll start with Adam. Do you want to? I'm fine with it. No, let'll start with Adam no let's start with Scott we'll start with Scott Adam's going to buy some time he's hoping to overhear something as a guest

mine's just going to be what I overheard Scott saying you told us in the break that you completely forgot about overheards and I've never been a guest on our show I don't know if you know that but do you now have that feeling of being in school where you didn't finish your homework? Yeah, I didn't do my homework. I didn't build the volcano I was supposed to.

But I came up with something. Oh, great. I slapped something together at my locker. Thanks, dog. Okay, Scott? Mine comes from a fancy boutique in Soho, New York. I was just kind of browsing the racks. And I think...

Boobs, right? Hot dog. Especially jarring about this was that when you go into a fancy boutique, everybody who works there, they're always really thin, really beautiful. This was two guys who were chatting with each other. And so my working assumption is that these people don't lead normal lives because they spend their working lives around $1,000 t-shirts. And I just figured they don't go outside.

They just go back in the back and all sleep naked together in a pile of perfect human flesh i like the sounds of this place what was the name of this a target is that what you said so anyway sorry for the big lead-up but uh it made it especially weird when i heard one guy say the other guy um i've been really into shredded carrots lately no but like but like as a whole meal wow yeah that's that's my over um it's what so you said boutique and uh it was a clothing boutique are there other kinds of boutiques because a scary one boot it can only be it can only be it can't be anything too manly it can't be like it's got to be like little soaps or it was a it was an african themed store called the batik boutique it wasn't it was it was fancy that was great um uh yeah and the thing about the people who work there they're they're thin because thin is in they're they're working in retail at the store that sells one t-shirt a day.

Yeah. They spend all their food money on their clothing. Yeah. I like the idea, though, of just eating a meal that's all just potatoes, but all different types of... I'm going to do that today. Yeah, you can do that. You can shape it into whatever type... You can shape shredded carrots or a potato into something that looks like a drumstick.

Yeah, right. Or a cupcake. I'm going to eat my dessert first. Or a celebrity face. I'm eating a Stelgetti. You can cut a shape out of a potato, use it as a stamp, and then eat it. Yeah, yeah. Using non-toxic food dyes.

And then mail yourself. Yeah. Shut up. I didn't actually even hear what you said. I just said, yeah. I talked over you. It was fine. It was fine.

It's fine. A lot of what we talk about doesn't make sense. And then mail yourself. Stamp. And then mail yourself. Oh, because you're... You ate a stamp. And Adam's wearing a pith helmet,

as we discussed earlier. Adam, do you have that? Oh, wait, I got a new overheard note. This idiot just said mail you. Boy, I am the worst. Guys. That's a good catchphrase. I am the worst.

Sorry, ladies. Have you seen this guy? Me? I am the worst. He's so good. When we were at MaxFunCon, Teresa Thorne of the Maximum Fun organization, she remarked she thought it was great

how we thought everything was either the greatest or the worst. And I had never noticed that about us. I noticed it because somebody had pointed it out to me before. You say everything's the worst. A lot of people were using that at MaxFunCon this year. I think it's the best. Yeah, it is the best. It's the best, right?

So extreme. There is it is the greatest. So extreme. There is no shades of gray. It's all black and white. Yeah, this isn't the worst. It's pretty bad. Now, Adam, come on. Overheard. You got overheard. No more stalling. Good technique so far. Show your work. So when I go through the security at an

airport um you know they have they have the back scatter machines now that spread cancer all over your body uh-huh so i've heard so i art bell yeah i uh i opt out when that's when that option is presented to me um so i mean this which usually works out fine. It takes an extra two and a half minutes and they pat you down and they say what they're doing and they're very respectful. It's kind of nice to be touched, right? Yeah, it's intimate. And somebody has to. Yeah, right? So in this last round on my way from LA, the TSA guy was just scummy and he

was like, he just, he looked the worst and he gave me this look like you're in for something fun now. And he wanted to make jokes about it while it was happening. And so he stuck his finger around my waistband and then around the back and he's behind me and he goes oh i see a butt crack wow that is rude i see a butt crack yeah because he was looking for it well actually to be fair he he was surprised he had looked across the room at a plumber somebody fixing the x-ray machine.

I always opt out of that as well, because I don't want them to have my penis on file. Right. That's the major concern. I'm not worried about them spreading cancer all over my body. But also, I feel like this dehumanizes me, but it also kind of dehumanizes the people who have to touch me. Yeah, agreed. Agreed, yeah. Like, touch my filthy body. When somebody asked me if I wanted the pat down, they said, you can opt for the pat down

as opposed to the thing. And I said, let's do this. I was trying... This is actually totally true. It's not a joke. I'm a backscatter cow tower. Enthusiast.

Yeah. I buy plane tickets just to go through the machine. Yeah, I know. I swear, I can sure ask me about my backscatter. Yeah, you put messages on your penis for them to read. Penis on File is my favorite Tom Selleck movie. Tom Selleck? He made like three movies, and one was Mr. Baseball.

That was a great movie. The other one was Quigley Down Under. Name the third. Oh, three men and a baby Mr. Baseball. That was a great movie. The other one was Quigley Down Under. Name the third. Oh, three men and a baby. Oh, yeah. We did it. I go through the backscatter machine, and when I'm 20 feet away, when I'm 20 feet out, I start kind of going to some go-to boner inducements to just develop a little more of a presentation.

Sure, yeah. Boner inducements. That's my favorite Tom Selleck movie. Boner inducements down under. Him and Rob Schneider. Would it pick up a fart? The machine. The backscatter?

Would it pick it up? What? I think backscatter is just a euphemism for a fart. That's our new word. You guys are just backscattering. Whoa, who backscattered in here? Never mind, it was me. Now give me a pat down.

Penis on file. Dave, do you have an overheard? Mine's an overseen. Go on. It's a car up the street from my house. You know, occasionally you'll see a car that's... I think it happens a lot on vans. A van or a car is really

dirty and people start writing stuff in the dirt. They'll write wash me or also available in white white I've seen. Oh, that's clever. I like that. Yeah. And then I just saw this one on a car,

on the back window of a car. And the car's been sitting there for over a year. I see it every day. And someone wrote, clean me please, Ron. Love your wife. It's so good. This is sad.

It's like the car had material, it had worked so hard to materialize that sentence out of the dust. Yeah, come on, Ron. It's up to you. No one else is going to clean me. This is not an off-road vehicle. My garage door used to get tagged all the time because we live in a little bit of a...

Not a great neighborhood. Hollywood. It used to get tagged with indecipherable gang symbols and things. But one time somebody tagged, I love red wine. You're like, that's red wine. You're like, that's a keeper. We're leaving that one. Just enthusiasm.

I love Ron's red wine. Do you do either of you like red wine? Sure. Allergic. I prefer it to white. I prefer it to white. I prefer it to white. Dave spends a lot of time in Italian restaurants

It's a fun winter wine It can have a room temperature Oh that's fun, that is fun It's a fun winter wine You know the kind of wine that is red wine I'm a kind of a wine A connoisseur Wine smith

Wine smith is my favorite of the smith. And so my favorite kind is probably... Wine smith is my favorite of the smiths. There's Willow and Will. I thought you were going to say wine smith was my favorite Tom Selleck movie. Yeah. Wine smith. He goes into the mines to... To get to Blu-ray.

Well, Graham. Yes? Do you have an overheard? My overheard comes courtesy of the gentleman that was wearing the baseball hat with no brim and no shoes. And he seemed like, I think, at the core of his person, he was like a guy who was like, he was very comfortable just talking to strangers and kind of striking up conversations. And he seems like he was a very good-natured person because he was helping an older man hell like get all his luggage down and i guess the older guy they were talking about like he was undergoing cancer treatments and the hippie guy was disgusted by the cart that was given by bc ferries to move this guy's stuff around he's

like god damn it i can't i mean geez you know what if you had breast cancer you wouldn't be moving around on a shitty cart like this. That's not logical. No, no, that was great. And the old guy is like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you get a point there. Gotta play the cards I was dealt. Yeah, exactly. That's at the point that I realized, oh, these guys have just met.

Like, these are not companions at all. This guy's like, mm, right, right. Are there cancer class wars like like certain kinds are considered cooler than other kinds or skateboard cancer is the greatest everybody loves skateboard cancer not so cool we also have overheards that were sent in via electronic mail. Yeah, and if you want to email us, which is short for electronic mail, our email address is stoppodcastingyourselfatgmail.com

At email.com And by all means, join Google Plus while you're there. Right? Yeah, they really want everybody on board. They pulled out all the stops. Do you guys know what that is yet? Sure, we're on it. I know, but I'm on it, but I don't know what it is. I don't get it. I don't know. I have no idea what it is.

I've clicked on the thing. Does that mean I'm on it? It feels like a Facebook thing. It feels like Facebook, and I don't use Facebook, so I don't want to use that either. But I got invited. And it would be rude not to be. I don't think I've been invited. But I got invited. And it would be rude not to. I don't think I've been invited. Were you invited? Did you be invited? I did be invited.

Pretty good. I can see that I'd be on that note. I've got $499 left. This first sent in overheard comes from Travis in Sudbury, Ontario. I was at Dairy Queen the other day and saw a young family eating hot dogs outside

when I heard the four- or five-year-old girl say to her mom, I don't want any more hot dog, mom, but you only had one bite, girl. I want ice cream, mom. Sweetheart, the Dairy Queen doesn't give ice cream to little girls that don't eat their hot dogs. Whoa.

I don't even think Dairy Queen has a Dairy Queen doesn't give ice cream to little girls that don't eat their hot dogs. Whoa. I don't even think Dairy Queen has a Dairy Queen. Do they? No. It's not. There is no The Dairy Queen. No, but there should be. That's brilliant. The Dairy Queen.

Yeah. Why did they never market anything? The only characters I remember from Dairy Queen are Dennis the Menace. Yeah, right. On the sides of their Mr. Misty cups. When you were a kid, did your parents ever, like if you were at a restaurant eating a hamburger and you wouldn't finish it, did they ever just eat the meat part? Oh, sure. Well, I'm now on the other end of that where I'm creating the bargains.

I'm striking the deals. What kind of kids are not finishing a hamburger or a hot dog? That's what I want to know. Full one. Yeah, I am shocked. Healthy, thin ones. Live, not going to die at an early age ones. I hate them so much.

Yeah, they're terrible. They're like algebra cans. Can I give you guys a really quick little kids say the darndest thing overheard from my daughter? I think you'll enjoy it. I said to my daughter, you know, you're the best. She said, I know, but sometimes I still walk into walls.

That's pretty cute. I love it. She understands. She's working up to something. She sounds great. Yeah, that's pretty profound. Yeah, I am the best but you know what i'm only human like oprah must feel that way like i am the richest uh you know most famous person in the world but you know i still i still spend four hours a day on the toilet

really poop based episode is it, they're all kind of Back splatter? Splatter? Splatter is scatter Who said anything about splatter? Isn't back scatter? Oh, sorry, pardon me Gross

Back splatter When you're walking through the back scatter And you feel something splattered Sorry Sure, well, we all know You feel something splattered. Sorry. Sure. Well, we all know when you're driving a Chevy and you feel something heavy, et cetera. Shorts are filled with foam.

That's just how it works. Yeah. Slide into third. Come floating down the gutter on a piece of bread and butter. I don't know that one. What is the third base one? When you slide into third and your pants are full of turds. Oh, sure. There's no second no i think yeah because uh the first part like you why you don't even slide into

first the logic doesn't make any sense i slide around all the bases that's my move that's why i was popular in baseball and then slides, every base, out in the field sliding back and forth. Like you slide into first, you're out. And then I slide back into the bullpen. Then you run over to second. You're like, you still run the bases even though you're out. Okay, this next one comes from David P. I work in an office building where everybody is in cubicles,

so overheard potential is off the charts. I didn't know there were charts. We should start the overheard charts. Nah, Fitz and Mrs. have already done it. I'm at my computer, and I hear all of a sudden, Hey, how many babies did that octomom have again? Well done, cubicle friend. Although it is a bit confusing, because John and Kate plus eight have eight kids,

but she didn't have them all at once. No, that's true. And they only call her Octo-Mom because she had her babies in the octagon. Yeah, sure. Against Chuck Liddell. She's the first pregnant lady of UFC. You know when someone, like if you consider you doing UFC up against like a UFC guy, you'd be like, oh man, I would soil myself. That's what she did, except she actually had eight babies.

She thought she was soiling herself, but actually it was giving birth to... She was featured on I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. Eight times. Wasn't there an MTV show where if you were a bully, you had to go up against a UFC guy? Yeah. What? And the UFC guy would beat these bullies to a pulp. It was pretty great.

No, I think he would just go, and give them a nuggy. You're not so bad. Yeah. The UFC guy just sits down and talks to him about how your dad bullies you, and now you're bullying other people. Why is that wrong? Here's some tips. Here's some tips on bullying.

I was a bully myself, so... Here are some tuxedo glasses. What you need is a classier planet to look at. This last one comes from Danny M. I was in my economics class today, and I overheard three guys talking about the Cookie Monster. Guy 1, Google Cookie Monster and see what

comes up. Guy 2, Google what now? Guy 1, Cookie Monster. It's worth it. Guy 1 walks off. Guy 3 to Guy 2, what's the Cookie Monster? Guy 2, I think he's a porn star. Wow. I see. We've come a long ways that's okay cookie cookie cookie monster

do you know what is this just uh nope no it's a private joke between me and myself oaky cookie no what is oaky cookie scott no nothing you dip an oaky cookie in muscle milk in a way yeah yeah it's a party game uh--huh. Oh, yeah, you know. You guys know. Oh, is it? Okay. But it might be with a cracker. Oh, yeah, we would do it with a cracker.

You would do this. If you're in a fraternity, the last person has to consume it. That's how we ceremonially end every podcast. You may be wondering why there's that ookie cookie on the floor. Why there's that triscuit I think it doesn't work in Canada because they don't really do the uh like we do Oh, what do you do? Ooky

Ooky-cookie Now in addition to overheards that have been written we also get overheards that have been phoned in If you want to phone us it's 206 338-339-8328. Hi, David Graham and guests.

Hey, great show so far. This is Kent from Denver. I like that. A rare combination overheard and drunk dial. I was just at a bar, and I saw a mid-20s, 25-year-old guy hitting on a girl who was probably, maybe she was 50 years old. She was easily twice his age. I love it.

And he was trying to close the deal with her. And he looked at her and said, man, you look just like Susan Sarandon. And she got a terrible look on her face. You have to specify the era. No, but like an old Susan Sarandon. You know, like a gross Susan Sarandon. From Heartbreakers. Was she in there?

No, was it? It was Sigourney Weaver. Oh, I always get them confused. It was a foxy Sigourney Weaver and an even foxier Jennifer Luffy. With Gene Hackman in that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a foxy Sigourney Weaver and an even foxier Jennifer Love Hewitt. With Gene Hackman in that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Was it like Bill Murray in an interview referred to Jennifer Love Hewitt as, he goes, you know that one that was in the movie where she's wrapped up in the beautiful dress? You know, she's got the body that won't quit. Yes. Very nice. I love it. When did he say that? That was in a GQ interview from last year.

He goes, yeah, you know, the one that had the body that won't quit. Oh, Bill Murray. The modern day Frank Sinatra. Right? Oh, he's the greatest. I always get Susan Sarandon and Sigourney Weaver mixed up. Oh, gosh, really? What's something Susan Sarandon's done lately?

I mean, I know the difference. She helped seal that deal for that dude at the bar yeah i mean uh roger dodger what's the best era of each of them susan sarandon's best era rocky horror pictures i know i would say she was like super hot in lorenzo's oil ghost ghostbusters i know that's that's wait what did i say that's sigourney weaver yeah it's ghostb Ghostbusters. Yeah. Susan Sarandon. I said Lorenzo's oil. Okay. That's when she was at her Foxy's.

Or Deadman. Well, she wasn't Foxy in Deadman. No, but she was. She was really actor-y, though. Yeah. But she was the, I mean, she is the consummate MILF in Bull Durham. Right. Oh, yeah.

But does she have children in that? Off the shoulder, then. Well, she's an ILF. Yeah. Okay. She's an elf. Yeah, okay. She's an elf. And Sigourney Weaver, alien. An elf I like.

Sigourney Weaver, ghostbusters. She was super sexy in Ghostbusters. Yeah, but isn't she wearing just a tank top in one of the alien movies? Yeah. And undies. Yeah, and underpants. Sigourney Weaver was also one of the hot blue aliens in Avatar. Oh, right. No. Oh, wasn'taver was also one of the hot blue aliens in Avatar. Oh, right.

No. Oh, wasn't she a human who turned into a blue? Yeah, they weren't hot, though, were they? Were you attracted to the aliens in Avatar? Yeah, I'm attracted to everything. You're just like a Stanford t-shirt. You just... Are there hot blue aliens at your gym where you work out?

Well, there's one. There were no fat aliens at Avatar. There was no, like, really out of shape. Those are called Smurfs when they're fat. That looks good, right? Yeah, right? Katy Perry. Branching out.

She's Smurfette. Were there other female Smurfs? Nope, that was it. There's always that thing about, you know, is she repopulating the Smurf? She was never pregnant, though. No. Well, not that we saw. That's true. There were

a lot of episodes where she was shipped off to Smurf school. Don't they say Smurfing everything? Yeah. Like, Smurf school for Smurfs. For Smurfs. See, they all would Smurf her one at a time and she'd go off to smurf to go to give smurf to a smurf that's a long child smurf her smurfing canal uh in in hawaii they use aloha the same way

smurfing. This is going to be a breach smurf. Guys, this is the greatest. Next overheard. After smurf. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Jessa from Chicago. I just went to see the movie Bad Teacher.

And while I was sitting in the theater, the couple next to me were talking and the girl leaned in to her husband and said, When is this woman going to start teaching the kids? Wow. Oh, that's good. I just saw the word teacher in the movie.

She's not a very good teacher. Oh, wait a minute. She looks at her ticket. See, this is what I want to know. Not having seen the movie, not ever will be having seen the movie. You never know. You it be having seen the movie you might be on a plane you might right there might be some kind of uh clockwork orange situation where your eyes are i guess yeah to cure you of your cameron diaz obsession sure i would like to know does she become

a good teacher in the end is it that kind of a story where she has to redeem herself in order to get justin timberlake well that's why you need to see the movie. No. All right. To get Justin Timberlake, I thought she was going to get Jason Segel. Oh, this is confusing. I feel like Cameron Diaz is the opposite of a Sigourney Weaver or a Susan Sarandon. Yeah, agreed. Somebody who, as she goes along, is less and less tolerable. Right.

Because it's like, well, you still are acting like a teenager. Yeah. I don't know. She dated Justin Timberlake for a very long time right i haven't seen that played up at all uh i saw it in an interview and they both played it down so people who tried to play it up it was a real power struggle i also noticed that they basically wrote jason siegel out of the promos no justin timberlake out of the promos. It was originally Jason Segel was all over it, and then slowly they turned it around, and then all of a sudden it was Justin Timberlake,

because they were like, oh, people don't care. No, people don't care about Justin Segel. He doesn't fill the seats. I wish Timberlake was in more movies. He's a great actor. I think he's going to be really great in that remake of that Ashton Kutcher movie that they made earlier this year. Oh, right, The Friends with Benefits.

Do you appreciate Justin Timberlake on an SNL? Yeah, I get that he's one of the people who now hosts once a year. Because he's got characters that he does every time now. But he's not good in movies. And I don't like on SNL that every time he enters a scene, he gets applause. Like, he's the host. He's in every scene.

He's this generation's Kramer. Yeah, exactly. He's like Bud Bundy. But did you guys hear the thing that Justin Timberlake was one of the people who purchased MySpace? Oh, really? I didn't know that. That has to be one of the least self-aware, like, you know you played that guy in that movie, right? Yeah. in that movie, right?

Yeah. Like, that's not weird to you, like, that you're, you know, one of these and then you bought

into a thing. Like, you just should stay away from the internet buying business altogether, right? If you're a... The social network

ownership. Yeah, like, just stay out of that game because you played one of those dudes. Anyways. Anyways,

finally, and finally, an overheard from a sushi restaurant. Cast your mind. Okay. Hey, guys. It's Francesca from Portland with a combo drunk dial.

Overheard? So I was at the dinner today, tonight, at a sushi place. And my buddy, who I was out to to dinner with got up to go to the bathroom and I noticed a table and was kind of people watching and like one of the dudes was wearing flip-flops and this was like a pretty nice sushi place and two of the dudes were wearing their sunglasses like backwards around the nape of their neck. And I started to get all judgy and be like, oh, what a bunch of douche wads. But then I was like, no, you know, you got to have the benefit of the doubt or whatever.

And so then a couple of minutes later, the waiter, like, comes by with their food, and he, like, sets the food down and he takes maybe like one step away from the table and one of the women sitting at the table super loud goes oh wow yeah confirm can i uh just admit that uh when you said before this this overheard comes from a sushi restaurant i was very close to making that decision. Yes. Well, you do have your sunglasses on the nape of your neck. Wow. Now, two of those overheards were also drunk dials. We've been getting

a lot of that lately. Yeah, we encourage it. We do, but I'm also worried that our listeners are drunk all the time. I'm alright with it. Well, it takes up a certain nerve to call into your favorite show it's true yeah um speaking of drunk dials we have a couple that are just drunk good segue do you want to listen to those let's do it yeah theme song when i was a child didn't know what a phone was never tasted liquor either. But one day when I grew up, put two and two together.

Drunk Dazz. Telling my girlfriend to start her period. Drunk Dazz. Telling my friend he looks like a wolf man. Drunk Dazz. Calling Future Shop and asking for Best Buy. Drunk Dazz. Drunk Dazz.

Okay, this first one is from a telephone. I don't have any. I don't remember what the first one's going a telephone. I don't have any. I don't remember what the first one's going to be. So I just said, future or past. Since we went to California, we're still catching up on all our phone calls. So this one is from a fan of our rival hockey team who defeated us three weeks ago. Hey, guys. hockey team who defeated us three weeks ago. Hey, guys.

So I got drunk and watched the Cup. And as a native of Massachusetts, I'm happy that Boston won. But as a big fan of the show, I'm sorry that you guys are sad. And that's not sarcasm. Anyway, I hope this turns out okay for you. I know, Will. You're strong, man. It's true.

What? I think he called that in before our city got set on fire. And I am glad that you clarified that it was something to do with hockey because all I heard at the beginning was, tonight I washed the cup. I was like, you've got to do it. It's hygienic. Tonight I washed the cup.

All of your drunk dialers sound really sleepy, so I think you should just encourage sleep dialers. Like first thing in the morning. No, just set an alarm for 3.30 in the morning. First thing you. Can you set an iPhone to dial at a certain time to just record you snoring? I would like that as a temporary experiment, setting your alarm. Dream dial?

Yeah, for whatever the exact middle of your regular sleeping schedule is, setting an alarm, the exact middle of your regular sleeping schedule is, setting an alarm, and just having the phone on speed dial, just calling us, and just saying whatever is the first thing, and then just hanging up. That's really good. I like that. Yeah, okay. Numbers 206-339-8328. Program it in.

Program it in, then program in an alarm. Yeah. And interrupt your circadian rhythms. Yeah. And one more Dur-a-dial. Oh, this is from a person who kind of claims she's not drunk, like doesn't know for sure if she's drunk. She's drunk.

Ha, ha, ha. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Hi, Dave and Club. Hi, Dave and Club. I call you because I have a story about my friend's graduation party, which was yesterday and also today. Yes. Wait. Oh, God. also today yes um wait she's destroying her life

sounds like every job interview we we we we and other people can't I will try again later.

I'm sorry for the der. I'm not yet. Maybe. Goodbye. Wow. She said, I'm sorry for the der. I'm not yet. Maybe.

You're drunk. Wow. That was a cry for help. Yeah. That was outstanding. Did you ever, when you were younger, in your, say, teenage years, when you were first kind of like discovering drinking, did you have any kind of test for yourself to go like, oh, I think I'm drunk? Do you ever? No?

No. No, but boy, would I love to have a breathalyzer close so I could know where I am technically at all times. But no, I never had. You sell them in 7-Eleven. Yeah. Oh, do they really? Yeah. My thing used to be, it doesn't work anymore, but when I was a teenager, if I pinched my

lip and couldn't feel it, then I knew I was drunk. Wow. Like if I had numbed my lips sufficiently, I was drunk. I watch Schindler's List, and if I don't cry... Then you are drunk or you're not drunk? I don't know. Do you play the Schindler play the drinking game every day? Sure.

This test is inconclusive. What am I supposed to be doing? Drink every time it's sad. I love from this angle, the lower half of Adam's face is obscured by the microphone pop filter. So it just looks like he's been unamused by this entire thing. Like all I could see is... Draw a big smile on the front of it.

Yeah, right? Remind yourself to smile. Now, do you guys as either together or separate have anything you want to plug? Where do people find you online, etc.? You guys are both avid Twitterers. You're fantastic on Twitter. You have a podcast that still exists. Podcast.

You look nice today. Thank you. You can find more stuff about me, upcoming dates, ookycookie.co.uk. Dot MZ. Dotki-kuki.co.uk.mz .papua-na-guinea Spelled it out.

.papua-na-guinea .tuvalu television.tuvalu But you are on Twitter. You're at Scott Simpson. And you are at? Lonely Sandwich. And guys,

you guys are fantastic. We love you guys. We love you guys. All nighter. Dave, do you have anything you want to say? Yeah, here's the thing. A few months ago, you were actually involved in this.

Our past guest, Charlie Demers, is hosting a – or he hosted a CBC radio pilot along with Erica Sigurdsson. And Graham was involved. It's called Adultery. And it's all about how people of our generation don't know how to do anything that our parents knew how to do. Right, like adult stuff. Yeah. And so we are releasing the pilot episode of that online. Oh, fun. And you can download that.

And I'll put a link on the blog. Just go to StopPodcastingYourself.com or MaximumFun.org, and you'll be able to download the pilot episode of Adultery. That's awesome. That is a lot of fun. Charlie Demers is my favorite Stop Podcasting Yourself guest. He is amazing. And in that episode,

I cut a child's hair. Yeah, that was Graham's challenge. He had to cut a kid's hair. A kid that I had never met. In a kitchen. Oh, that's a lot of fun. Give it a listen. We did a pilot where Adam had to cut a kid's hair. A kid that I had never met. Yeah, in a kitchen. Yeah. Oh, that's a lot of fun. Give it a listen. We did a pilot where Adam had to cut a kid.

Sure. In the kitchen. It's called Cutters. I felt nothing. Well, then you're doing it wrong. You're supposed to cut yourself. Well, everybody, thanks for listening. If you want to, contact the podcast. It's stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com. Oh, and if you want to become an advertiser on the podcast, there's a new system.

It's no longer email-based. You now should go to maximumfun.org slash jumbotron. Yeah, we're kind of implementing a new way of doing the advertisements that's as jumbotron would express pithier uh more jumbotron we want to make advertisers kiss each other yeah all the kiss cam all the time exactly uh and then um we'll play jay giles freeze frame oh that's fun yeah uh if you want to call us in the middle of your sleep cycle, 206-339-8328, or drunk dial, or overheard. And if you'd like to show, tell your friends, and come on back next week for another wonderful episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Wait. Is there a giant spider on top of your tambourine?

Oh, probably. Oh, my God. I think that's a bungee cord you're looking at. No, no, no. There's a giant... No, no, no. By the bell... By the set of tambourine jinglers that are closest to you.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it is a big guy, too. Wow. Holy shit. All right. Well, that's my cast over. I can't go forward. Here, I'll get it.

What? I'm going to go kill it. No, no, no. I'll get it. I'll take it outside. Oh, you guys are my heroes. Just give me, like, a little piece of paper. Spider trapper.

Yeah, that's perfect. A syringe. You want the window? Shut up. What? Oh, yeah. I'll just... What? He's going to goringe. What? Shut up. What? Oh, yeah. What? He's going to go fast. Like a scary spider.

This guy's a monster. No, it can't go out the window. No, we've got to kill it. No, don't worry about it. No, he's gone. Oh, there he is. There he is. He's on the ring.

He's been there a long time. Look at all them spider webs. Oh, brother. Oh, I'm going to fart. He just jumped. He's a jumper. He's a jumper. I have arachnophobia. You do? webs. Oh, brother. Oh, I'm going to fart. He just jumped. He's a jumper. He's a jumper. I have arachnophobia.

You do? No. Well, yeah. But not, like, on DVD. Not on Blu-ray. You want me to... Give me a cup. I think this guy's a cup catch.

We have to throw away the cup. Oh, God. He's going to disappear, and then he's going to show up on my shoulder. When you're giving yourself a splash of water in the bathroom? Yeah, yeah. Well, glad that's over. Is this good? Is this good?

Don't tell Abby it's her. You're not a big fan of splinters, are you? Well, I don't dislike them I don't have a phobia of it Come on, get in there, you son of a bitch Yeah, get in there, you fucker You good? Your little peek is

Well, yeah I've got some raid we can use Yeah, let's spray a bunch of raid in here And then record a podcast By about hour three It's gonna get done Yeah, let's spray a bunch of raid in here and then record a podcast. By about hour three, it's going to get done. There we go. Wow, well done.

Thank you. So calm. Did it kill it? Oh, I hope he killed it. I hope they got it out there and they killed it. Oh, dang. Oh, dang. These three frraidy cats. Oh, that is really terrible, but also unbelievably funny.

Dave, you're the worst. That's horrible. No, I just heard, oh, Dave. That was cute. Graham Graham you should be mad That was a lot of work I just did there You stuck your hand near the spider's den It's my house He was successfully removed from it

Everything was going great I got it out of your house You're the worst Oh god friendship