Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 177 - Kyle Bottom

Episode Date: August 2, 2011

Comedian Kyle Bottom returns to talk about the Battleship movie, panhandlers, and more of your wake-up calls.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 177 of Stop Podcast Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who will be doing his very last show with his maiden name, Shumka, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, my last show as a single guy. This is technically, this I think counts as a bachelor party. Yeah, oh right, yeah. a bachelor party. Oh, right! Yeah.

So... What happens here stays here. And that means you too, listener. Don't tell anybody this shit. Shit's gonna get crazy. I'm gonna do body shots. Is that a thing? I'm gonna, you know... Fist bumps.

Yeah, sure. I'm gonna eat a banana out of a lady's hand. You're gonna take your lumps. Yeah, sure. My birthday bumps. Yeah, sure. I'm going to eat a banana out of a lady's hand. You're going to take your lumps. Yeah, sure. My birthday bumps. And with us is a guest who, last time he appeared on the show, he was but a boy and is now a man.

Yeah, he's not a girl, not yet a woman. Mr. Kyle Bottom. Very funny man. Thanks for joining us. Thanks for having me here. Can I jump out of this cake now? Oh, woman. Mr. Kyle Bottom. Very funny man. Thanks for joining us. Thanks for having me here. Can I jump out of this cake now? Oh, yeah. No.

Stay in it. It's just Kyle's head is peeking out of the top of the cake. You're not fully marinated. It's a poor surprise. They've never had something like that on Cake Boss where it was like a stripper cake, right? Like where he made a cake that had like a little chamber inside for a woman to no he but he has made there was a an episode of cake boss where uh his mother he was a bachelorette party wanted an erotic cake yeah uh not uh

an erotic cake not a neurotic or an unerotic cake like we want the least erotic cake, not a neurotic cake. Or an un-erotic cake. Like we want the least erotic cake possible. Something really un-erotic. Maybe a cake of my dead grandmother. An erotic cake? Like a Woody Allen. What do you got in a... Your dead grandmother falls out of the cake. But yeah, the cake boss's mother wouldn't allow it yeah oh yeah because

they've got a uh reputation to uphold yeah they make mostly transformer cakes and such they really only do corporate stuff at this point they're all class yeah nasa called us up but they really did a spaceship cake i remember we talked about it when it went up the thing and well uh you know what we need to get to know? Us. Get to know us. Now, there is going to be... You're getting married next week. I'm getting married next week.

Oh, so there will be no episode this... Or next week, listeners. So find... Explore the avenues of a different podcast or go back if you're if you're a new listener go back and listen to some of the uh the back catalog because i know there's people who say i started listening at episode whatever well whatever number that is there's episodes before go back and listen to one of those yeah you're you're you're being greedy i'm trying to share the wealth with other podcasts oh that's yeah i like i like how you do dave but i'm afraid you know i'm afraid of the old guest host thing

right where you bring in a joan rivers all of a sudden she kills johnny carson gets her own show yeah that's how she got her own show that's why the first year of her show was just like johnny carson's blood was all over her face she did that that like Vlad Dracul to send a message to other broadcasters not to fuck with her. She had Ed McMahon on a big pipe in the lobby. It's a really weird ending to the run of that show, but appropriate.

Kyle, what's been going on with you in the many years? I don't think we gave him a proper introduction. Yeah, you're a stand-up comedian. That's right, I didn't give him a proper introduction. A local favorite. So we've tried to... I think we must have tried to have booked you

again in the past three years, and it felt like... Kyle says no. No, it's been a long three years. Well, it's not personal. Okay. Well, we'll find out. That's what today's show is about. Yeah. They can listen to this episode, and then go back and listen to my first episode and see if there's any trends in but imagine like this is this will be amazing

because this is like the seven up series of our uh podcast is every three years right right we'll have kyle on and see just check in i i actually went through the other two meanings of seven up the beverage yeah and the uh the game the yeah heads up seven heads up seven up game nice that surely was invented by the people at seven up right to just get their name out there just uh yeah probably right i don't know where that came from because there is no seven up anywhere involved in that game yeah that that doesn't ever come up except in the name of the game right seven people get to go around and tap people's thumbs. I feel like that makes a lot of sense, and that wasn't part of the rules in the game

Oh, it was part of the rules, yeah. I think that was. I think Sprite at one point tried to sponsor the pixie cut. Pretty good. Nice. Now, what's been going on? I know you've been doing stand-up comedy yeah for the past three years yeah do it it's been a long it's been a long three years uh doing stand-up uh also very busy with uh work i got a lot of jobs happening you have a you have uh one of the coolest uh day job jobs uh pretty much, of most of Dave's day job jobs, pretty great.

You do. I work, basically, I work at Science World at the Science Museum, and I do all sorts of experiments and stuff. And then you also, don't you do a thing where you're translating? Oh, yes. And then when I'm not doing that, I translate. No, I don't translate. I rewrite foreign cartoons oh fun right yeah sounds like a lot of fun oh cool so that's why i've been super busy lately i didn't know that existed all the time i didn't know you did that yeah it's fun it's hard to explain though because like uh when i do explain it

people think that i that i translate and that i speak many different languages, and that is not the case whatsoever. Oh, now I really stepped in. Like live-action cartoons or comic strips? Yeah, like animated cartoons. Okay. Like brought over from Japan or China or India. And then, yeah, I have to basically take a translated script and rewrite all the lines so that they match the animation. Oh, okay.

Yeah. It's actually pretty fun. So someone translates the script and is like, this is what they're trying to say. It's like a Google Translate version of Translate. It's just like, these are the words they're saying. And we accidentally re-translated it back to Japanese and then back to English. So it's really screwed up. Yeah, it's pretty cool. There's a lot of leeway with it like I can write in my own jokes and stuff which

is nice and uh yeah it's uh it's pretty fun I like it and then you hand it off and then like American actors yeah do that voice based on the script that you've yeah it's actually I do this through um a recording studio and then once i turn in my scripts they basically give them off to the director and the actors and then they record it see that's like one of those jobs that's like it's so awesome but you never knew it existed like you somebody must have had to have done this awesome thing but what's your credit uh my credit you mean like in credits, what does it say you do? They would say ADR translation by Kyle Bottom.

Okay. Oh, cool. That's like one of those jobs. I had a friend who, for years, his job was he would drive out into prairies and make sure that telephone poles and stuff, that their integrity was secure just by knocking on them. They weren't sellouts. Yeah, exactly. And that was it.

And you're like, well, that's not a job. But then you think about it, you're like, well, somebody must have to test them at some point. And that was him. He would just every week would be driving way out into this area, knock on some posts, knock on wood. would be driving way out into this area knock on some posts knock on wood my uh my friends once knocked over a telephone pole uh in towassen where i grew up i don't like the sound of this well no here's the thing is that they were uh i wasn't with them they're all like i think we were

17 at the time they're all like drunk and rowdy going around the streets of towassen the mean streets looking for cred and uh yeah one of the guys climbed a metal telephone pole, and it just tipped over and smashed on the street. And then they went over, and the whole base of it was rusted. See? Yeah. Pole knocker. I wouldn't know the difference between a telephone pole and an electrical pole,

so I would not climb either. Oh, wait, I was totally wrong. It was a lamppost. It was a street lamp, not a telephone pole. I retract my entire last comment. How the fuck did he get up a street lamp? This guy was very, very acrobatic and athletic. He was actually on a Jones Soda label for a while because he could run on walls.

Like, he'd do the sideways run. Like, just run really fast. That's how he marketed it. Yeah. He was parkouring. Did you, as a teenager, ever do anything rowdy in the realm of knocking over mailboxes? Or is that something that only exists in movies? Like, with a baseball bat out of a moving car. Yeah, I was watching, what do you call the movie uh what do you call it no it's like dazed and confused yeah i was gonna say it had a young uh ben affleck doing that uh yeah windows uh i

think i had friends who but not postdocs because everybody's mailbox was attached to their house yeah so that's like a country road kind of... Yeah. Those old-timey mailboxes where it's got a little flag on them, and you put the flag up if you're like, Hey, mailman, I want some mail today. That works. This box is open for mail.

You just put the flag up when you're feeling sassy. Come on by. Magazines, please. Yeah, the... No, I... Well, I mean, Kyle obviously had friends like that. They were climbing lampposts. But I could never get into that kind of thing.

Sure. As soon as it comes down to destruction of property, I'm like, that belongs to someone. You can't... You're going to be so upset. No no it's not my thing yeah my uh the closest i've got to climbing lampposts was like hey let's see if i can touch this awning i think i had a lot of friends that they uh like post hallowoween would take rotting pumpkins off of people's steps or from the curbside garbage and throw them at houses, schools, etc. That doesn't seem that bad.

It's not. I mean, you know, I don't know if they were throwing them at moving cars or... Let's hope not. That seems borderline deadly. See, it goes from being pretty innocent to fairly deadly. There was some, I remember some good natured, like, hey, let's burn down the school. But, you know, not really. Let's not really burn down the school.

Let's not really burn down the school. We'll gather the supplies. And we'll get our balaclavas on. Yeah, but we're not going to go through with it. I'll ingest. get our balaclavas on. Yeah, but we're not going to go through with it. I'll ingest. I had a friend who climbed up on the elementary school roof

and took all the balls that had been kicked up there over the years. I remember that being a... Like, he had a huge garbage bag full of, you know, round bouncy balls, tennis balls, hacky sacks. Nice. Yeah, it was quite a haul. Occasional... Mixed bag of balls.

Fruit. What are the fruit toed bag of balls. Fruit. What is a fruit to the flat fruit thing? Fruit skin. What was that called? Fruit leather? Fruit leather? Yeah, but wasn't it fruit roll-ups? That's what it was called, yeah.

That's not around anymore, is it? Those were on the roof? Yeah, like some kid, you know, stole somebody else's fruit roll-up and threw it up on the roof. You call that flat fruit skin? Those are still around, absolutely. It was all bully. They've come a long way, too. They have cutouts now.

Really? Yeah. Oh, kids. Hey, what's better? I used to wrap them around my finger. Oh, yeah? Oh, I hated those kids. Wrap it around your finger and you just suck it on your finger all recess?

That's what that... Screw you, Dave. Stop rubbing it in. That's what that Cranberry song is all about. Linger. Uh-oh. I thought it was suck it. I thought it what that Cranberry song is all about. Linger. I thought it was Suck It. I thought it was a Cranberry song called Suck It.

Suck my fruit roll up, finger. Yeah, I didn't know those were still around. I thought they, you know... There's a lot. There was something called Fun Fruits, I remember. There's a lot of stuff you... Fruit by the Foot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's all still around. You just don't notice it because you're not grocery shopping for kids. Yeah. No, but I grocery shop like a kid. I went camping a couple weeks ago, and I had to go shopping for myself for camping, and I totally shopped like a child. And I went in there hungry, so I walked out with pudding, cheese strings, chips. That was my food

for the weekend i hope this all works out i've been camping with somebody who just brought up like things that you would eat with food but nothing that was like the essential food components and then like after day two i'm like i'm afraid you're gonna get dysentery like it's not you're not actually eating food you're just kind of like ingesting weird chemicals. Yeah. You know, like just chips. Like that's not a meal unto itself. Yeah, I remember looking at a package of little fruity little chews. Sure.

And one of the ingredients was beeswax. And I remember being very enchanted by that as a child. What kind of magical fruit is this? Bob, can you get me those beeswax candies? For the last time, Dave, those are candles. Mind your beeswax. Just wrapping a candle around his finger and sucking on it.

I was so goth. Yeah, when I was at the grocery store the other day, I found a thing of marshmallow fluff, and that never ceases to amaze me that that's a product. Do you know what that is, Kyle? What's marshmallow fluff? It's like a jar full of marshmallows, but they're in goo form. Yeah.

Oh. Can you turn them into marshmallows? Nope. No, I don't know what they're for. Well, the famous sandwich that you make with them is called a fluffernutter. And it's peanut butter and fluff. Oh, yeah. That sounds good.

And then, like, fried, right? Like, do you fry it? I don't know. I've never had one. That's how Elvis died. Yeah, he got fried to death. He fried him. I don't enjoy camping.

But what you were describing that seems like a real highlight of camping is that you just get to eat garbage every morning for breakfast I would have a pudding and a banana and an all brand bar and I would use the banana and the all brand bar as the scooping utensil

and we look down on raccoons for eating garbage look at what we've become kyle kyle admires them look at those clever guys look at their little hands they're using other food as a tool um so you've been working you're working your ass off. You're doing comedy and working two jobs. Yeah. How's that for you, two jobs? It's a little hectic. I didn't have any scripts for the last month or so, so that was really nice. But before that, I was basically working full-time science world, full-time script writing.

And when my alarm clock went off in the morning, I didn't know what day it was. I didn't know why I was waking up. I was just really disoriented. There was no weekend. It was just a straight flow through of work. Memento. Yeah. Yeah, totally.

Or Insomnia, the follow-up from the same director. Are these scripts weird? You have to know the mythology of the thing? Are they those type of... Yeah, yeah. So how do you write that, then? Do you have to know the stuff? Well, like, the show that I just got, there's a huge... It's one of these shows that centers around a game,

which is funny because, like, when I got into this, I was like, oh, it'll be, like, writing Yu-Gi-Oh! And now I'm, like, essentially writing Yu essentially writing yugioh there you go yeah but dreams come true when i yeah when i first got it i had to you know like learn a couple things you you learn some stuff and you assume some things and then if later on it turns out that you you know made an error in judgment you just go back and change it because oh because it's it's yeah i'm turning in like four scripts at once so by the time i get to you use a computer yeah oh right okay so this isn't done in the old yeah mimeograph style i actually chiseled these scripts out it's really tough because they they've already pre-chiseled

the the translation script and i have to chisel that all i bet chiseling these days is even done by computers i bet like tombstones probably yeah i think it's like a laser cut probably laser cut at this point yeah sorry chiselers but uh oh we're not talking about guys who uh chisel their good looks yeah you keep chiseling yeah fellas you're chiseling the situation speaking of uh things based on games has any uh anybody else in this room seen the preview for the movie Battleship? I heard it was really dumb, but I haven't seen it. Yeah. They made a movie based on the game Battleship?

Yes, yes, yes. Wow. Apparently, as the rumor goes, whoever owns Battleship, Hasbro. Hasbro, probably. Why Hasbro? Why not the Parker Brothers? Maybe it is Parker Brothers. Might be. Who owns Monopoly? Is that Parker Brothers?

Parker Brothers or Milton Bradley. Oh, yeah. I heard Milton Bradley's got a big... I actually had an idea. Who does Milton Berle? What? I wanted to write a series of children's novels where the Parker Brothers are like the hardy boys and they're

always uh they're always trying to foil crimes done by milton bradley and it's always uh somehow it's like life-size versions of sorry and and uh battleship and whatnot clue yeah sure exactly nice but apparently the battleship movie yeah they bought the uh property like all these properties in a batch of i think there's a you know there's a monopoly movie monopoly and candyland and clue and the stretch armstrong toy was one of the things and battleship was one of the properties they bought. And so it's like, yeah, you can make a movie out of a battleship. But you shouldn't. Well, you could, but it doesn't need to be the board game.

Yeah. I haven't seen the trailer, so I feel like I'm a little bit in the dark. Yeah, pull us in. The trailer, this is, it's got Liam Neeson, I think, is the, he's the head of the battleship. And who's the guy, Chance Tatum? Channing Tatum. Channing Tatum, thank you. Oh, I mean, I don't know. And then I think, I could be wrong on this, but I think Rihanna might have a part in this.

It's a good time for an acting debut. Of course. It's a good vehicle. And so you see the... She's got beautiful skin. Yeah. Right? She really does. She looks good with that red hair. She's like, I know I make a lot of jokes about, you know, loving Kesha and Katy Perry.

But Rihanna's got the best songs out of all of them. Yeah. Oh, she's a real talent. Oh, and she's the prettiest one. Oh, well, I mean, that's going to, do you agree, Kyle? I think that could create a firestorm of controversy. Not in this room, I'm going to agree with you, but. I'm going to have to excuse myself, guys.

Katy Perry's all boobs, which I love. She's all the thing that I'm going to have to excuse myself, guys. Katy Perry's all boobs, which I love. She's all the thing that I'm for. Okay, so Kesha and Liam Neeson are making out. Take it up. On the deck of the battleship. So there's just some kind of dialogue that's setting up that Channing Tatum is going off to join the military. And the lady who she dated Leonardo DiCaprio and is a bikini model. Bar Raffaele.

Thank you. She's his love interest. She's very pretty, too. Freckly. Yeah, right? That's fun in the summertime. Freckles? Summertime freckles? very pretty too freckly yeah right that's fun in the summertime freckles summertime freckles um summertime freckles i'm gonna see this movie it's got some beautiful ladies oh yeah a drill feast for the eyes and there's a there's a shot in the in the

trailer that is a from above where you see all the battleships. So it's like, get it? This is what it looks like when it's a board game. D2. And then... Bingo. The twist is that they're out in the ocean and they have to fight some sort of ocean aliens. Oh, like in the board game. Yeah, exactly.

You probed my battleship. So, yeah, it's like these giant ocean aliens that look... I know there's no game paces, really, in Battleship. They're pegs, right? Yeah. But they look like something that would belong in a board game. Okay. From above.

They look like X's. I've never played Battleship, but I think I know how it is. You just guess for whatever sector on the board. And then if you get a direct hit, then you keep guessing around. It's like Minesweeper basically, but a two-player version. Yeah.

Minesweeper meets Goldfish. Sure. So there's like... Ooh, I fished my wish. What is that? I think that's the thing where when you're playing Goldfish and you say, hey, do you have any fives? And Kyle says no.

Go Fish, I pick up a five. I pick up a card and it happens to be a five. I fish my wish. I now have doubles. I get to go again. Oh. It's been a while since I played. And then in this movie version of Go Fish, right?

The head guy in the movie is played by a tough guy actor. Oh, we're casting Go Fish. I'm just coming up with the premise for Go Fish. Okay, well, there's definitely got to be alien fish. No, I think the lead guy's name is Fish. Oh, yeah. Played by Dwayne Johnson. The Rock name is Fish. Oh, yeah. Eddie Fish. Brian the Rock's Johnson.

Okay, and Go Fish is all about getting doubles. You need two, you know, you get a pair of cards, and then you put them in your stack, right? Yeah, I think Kim Kardashian should play her own twin in the movie. Are there any famous twins? The Olsens. Yeah, okay. Oh Kardashian should play her own twin in the movie. Are there any famous twins?

The Olsons. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Oh, the Olsen twins, like, action movie debut. It's the Olsons. It's Dwayne the Rock Johnson as Eric Fish. And it's kind of like Get Carter mixed with... Like, it takes place in a casino, so there's all the card bit.

Right, right. Card motif. He's trying to find the other Olsen twin. Yeah, yeah. Do you have another one of these? It's just a romantic comedy at this point. Oh, and he also has a wish. Oh, he fishes his wish.

Yeah, and he's an ex, you know, like, deep-sea fisherman. That's not a thing. This is a sci-fi movie. I think generally we fish for the fish that are closest to the top. Not this guy. That's what's great about this guy. This one's see-through. You want to eat this?

This one shouldn't exist. This is a monster. This one has elbows. How do you like it? This one was unknown until I fished it. I wish I could find that fish again. So he's a deep sea fisherman who then comes, he docks in Las Vegas. Port of Elvin. At the Hoover Dam.

He docks at the Hoover Dam. He docks at Red Rocks. Who's his, like, funny, you know... Oh, Jamie Kennedy. Yeah. Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Jamie Kennedy, the Olsen twins, and Kim Kardashian playing her own twin. Yeah. But not the other twin.

Yeah. The other twin's just referred to via photos of them together. She's the bad... Yeah. I think she's the bad person in it of them together. She's the bad. I think she's the bad person in it. Go fish. Green light. Yeah. Summer 2012.

Yeah, so Battleship. It's going to rock everybody's... That's surprising. When's it come out? Next year. It's up against the Avengers, which they showed a bit of a teaser at the end of Captain America that I watched online. And it looks like it's going to be pretty horrible.

Yeah? Yeah. Did they change the actor for the Hulk again? Yeah. It's not Ed Martin anymore. No, it's Mark Ruffalo. Again, again. Mark Ruffalo.

Yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can count on him. The kids are all right. Zodiac. Yeah. Now, have you guys, Dave, have you seen any of the summer movies, any of the superhero movies yet? Oh, no, I don't.

I won't. You won't? You're just not going to participate? Captain America, I don't care about.? Captain America, I don't care about. Green Lantern, I don't care about. What else is there? Thor. Thor, I don't care about.

I went and saw Thor. I'm going to even include Harry Potter, I don't care about. Oh, there you go. Wow. How about you? Do you care about any of these? I want to see Thor, but I don't go to see a lot of movies in the theaters anymore, unless it's something I'm really stoked for.

Why? It's so much fun. Yeah, I just like, you know, people know how to behave. You gotta call someone, otherwise you go as the loner guy. The guy who's forced to masturbate by himself in the theater. To Thor.

Yeah. Forced. Sir, if you're gonna be alone in this theater. We would appreciate if you piled be alone in this theater we would appreciate if you piled up your end of the bargain you cut a hole

in the bottom of your popcorn for yourself to discover oh it's my own I kinda I wanna see Captain America

but uh naked kinda wait yeah I don't know I'm just waiting to see like what people think about it

before I commit cause Thor got really mixed reviews from my friends yeah so and I heard I didn't hear very good things just waiting to see what people think about it. Sure. Because Thor got really mixed reviews from my friends. Yeah. And I didn't hear very good things about the Green Lantern either. So, I don't know. I think I've only seen a second of the Avengers and already I'm like,

Nah, this is going to be dumb. It seems like it's a dumb premise for a movie. I heard that in the... So, what is the Avengers? It's a Marvel thing? Yeah. Is it just a group of superheroes get together? It's like the Justice League.

Justice League come lately. And is Spider-Man a part of it? No, Spider-Man, it's the Hulk and Thor and Iron Man and Captain America. And Hawkeye. Captain Lou Albano. Who's Hawkeye. Captain Lou Albano. Who's Hawkeye? Hawkeye, he's a guy that's good with bow and arrows. He's an archer.

Dumb. Who is Samuel L. Jackson at the end of one of the Iron Man movies? Okay, Nicholas Fury. Yeah, Nicholas Fury. Nicholas Fury and John Spider-Man. And that's the Avengers. But the Avengers was only... What's that?

Nick Fury. It reminded me. There was this guy. I think I've probably talked about this before. There was this guy in the early 60s in England named Larry Parnes. Sure. Who was a music impresario. And the Beatles were one of his bands very briefly i think okay but he

he got all these uh young artists and he renamed them oh yeah he gave them names like dickie power and oh no dickie pride duffy power uh georgie fame nick fury nice and nick fury went on after that renaming to form the avengers yeah alongside Alongside the guy from Old Christine and New Christine, or the New Adventures of Old Christine. Yes. You know the husband character from that show? No. He's in Thor a lot, and the whole time it just makes you think of the New Adventures of Old Christine. It wouldn't make me think of that, as I never saw it.

of the New Adventures of Will and Christine. It wouldn't make me think of that. As I never saw it. I was too busy watching that show where Jason Alexander is a motivational speaker. Yeah, it was called George. It was the later adventures of George Costanza. Was that an actual show? No.

It wasn't called George, but it was like half a season. Bob Alexander. Yeah. Some dumb name. And then there was another, he had another show as well, where he was something else. Ironic. Maybe not ironic.

A superhero. But maybe unexpected, the most successful TV actor to come from Seinfeld, Jerry Stiller. Oh, well, what about Elaine? She was on The New Adventures of Old Christine, your favorite show. Yeah, that didn't last very long, though. It's in syndication. Is it? Yeah.

I haven't seen it. Well, I think we run in different cable packages. It's certainly not as in syndication as King of Queens is. Wow. My eyes are getting weirder. When I watch your show burn on kevin james and he's a big listener i'm sorry sorry kj uh so what else is going on with you dave wedding prep right well i i was really sick last week yeah uh i finally broke down and uh took antibiotics for the first time in my life.

And this week was my last week of work. I'm off all, or this past week was my last week of work. This upcoming week, I have the whole week off. And so everyone at work was like, hey, can we take you out for drinks before your wedding sometime this week? That's nice. Yeah, it was. And then I was like, just to make sure. I want to make sure I can have a couple drinks.

Enjoy yourself. While I'm on antibiotics. Oh, yeah. And so I went through all the material that came with my prescription. And it said nothing about alcohol. But I googled it. And I googled mixing antibiotics and alcohol. And the first result was,

it was like a test to know if you're an alcoholic. Oh, that's funny. If you can't go 10 days without a drink because you're on antibiotics, you should probably join Alcoholics Anonymous. And I was like, but it's a special occasion. It's like, doesn't matter. You should still join.

Just for Googling it i felt bad it's always a special occasion when you have a problem happy tuesday um so uh yeah a lot of wedding preparations yeah those those are fun you're a real groomzilla right yeah totes um and you were asking me about stuff that was happening after the wedding, and I literally have zero idea what is going on in the world. Like, I don't know that the world is even continuing after the wedding. I think, well, I mean, there's no way to say for sure. But I'm going to say that I think it might. to say that i think it might um now you uh um well that was one thing i was wondering leading up to the wedding because i'm i'm going to be your mc are you is is abby who is her own person

is she still going to be abby campbell i think she's going to be abby shumka goodness gracious that's big that's really big yeah i and i i'm not even that big. I'm not pressuring her to do it, because I think Abby Campbell is a great name. It is a great name. You should merge your names. That's the new way of saying it. I thought you were going to say murder. You should murder somebody. Steal their name.

Like a, you know. Yeah, and then vote on their behalf. You could merge your names and have, like, Dave and Abby Shambles. Shambles? Oh, that's pretty and Abby Shambles. Shambles? Oh, that's pretty good. Shambles is good. Yeah. It's like a, I don't even know what it is.

It's not in the realm of Nick Fury. Kamka's pretty good, too, though. That sounds like you're both models. Yeah, sure. Like a little Kamka Jansen. Yeah, right? yeah sure like a little kamka yanson yeah right um that's uh it's it's been and like a all of abby's family from far-flung places all over the world they're all here right they're so far-flung so you've been in a like in a family reunion slash getting ready for the wedding yeah

sort of uh but i've also been so busy at work because I have to pre-record radio stuff for the week that I'm off. So it's like every day I'm either... If I get home at a reasonable hour, I have to write stuff for the next day of work. So it's... It's a lot. It is a lot. I've got Kyle Bottom syndrome. Yeah, you guys both pulling down all the hours doing things with your life look at you

look at you we're forming a support group yeah the avengers uh but uh other than wedding stuff i here's a thing that i noticed in the last couple of days that i had never seen before in my life um i was on the bus on thursday and i looked out the side of the bus, and there was a Volvo right next to the bus. And it was a station wagon, and so it had a rear windshield wiper. Oh, yeah. And the rear windshield wiper had a bag of dog poo clipped to the back of the car. That's pretty funny. It clipped to the back of the car.

to the back of the car. And I didn't know... I don't know if someone had put it there temporarily and forgotten about it, or an angry neighbor had clipped it. That's pretty great. And I had never seen that before in my life. And then the next day, I saw it on a different...

on a van this time. Now, in the perfect scenario, this is a revenge for somebody who hasn't cleaned up after their dog yeah in the worst scenario it's somebody who's cleaned up after their dog and said fuck it i'm not carrying this anymore and clipped it on although somebody's car maybe yeah like uh or on their own car because like they you don't want a bag of poop in the car yeah there's nowhere to do nowhere to throw away. There's no garbage can around you. Oh, yeah.

So you're like, well, I don't want to carry this inside the car. It seems like that's rife with potential problems. Yeah, but twice in two days just seems insane. Yeah, it feels like maybe is that a thing? That's my question. You're a dog owner, though. It feels like you would be on the inside track of this. I am a dog owner.

You're a dog owner, though. It feels like you would be on the inside track of this. I am a dog owner. But we only ever walk the dog... We only ever drive the dog to either the park or the beach where there are garbage cans. That's interesting. I would hope it's like a revenge thing. Yeah.

And it just stays on there. I didn't even for a second think of that third possibility that it could be just a convenience. Because what would you do? It's like throwing your handkerchief on the back of your stick. It's called a bindle. A bindle? Yeah.

What, the stick is called a bindle? When you put a stick and a handkerchief together, it becomes a bindle. Yeah, if you pack it with, you know, chewing tobacco and other hobo goodies. Yeah, shoe shine kits. Corncob pipe. Knife. Button nose. One stick of tnt um yeah i've uh one time this was years ago

but i wish i would see it more often i saw somebody uh put a slice of pizza under somebody's windshield wiper like it was a ticket yeah yeah it's pretty nice that's pretty funny uh i don't know that was like yeah it was like six years ago that's great yeah. I don't know. That was like six years ago. That's great. That's great, though. It's like a dollar, two dollar prank. It's a victimless crime. Because if it happens on your car, unless you're a real jerk, you'll be like, ah, that's pretty funny.

That's what I found. Yeah, exactly. It's at least going to make your morning at work when you're like... Well, unless you work at a pizza place. In which case, you'd be like... Probably people frown on that. Hey! Hey!

We don't make it a pizza pie to be used as a parking ticket. Da-da-da-da-da-da. Cake boss. Well, so that's basically it with me. Poo baggins on the back. Bill poo Baggins. Work on it. And wedding stuff.

Oh, so much wedding stuff. Doo Doo Baggins? That's pretty good. Yeah, okay. Doo Doo Baggins is pretty good. We'll workshop it. Right? We'll just pass it around a bit.

Next week's guest, Doo Doo Baggins. That's pretty good. Yeah, but what's going on with you? Not much. You guys are both, I feel like, I don't work like you guys work. You guys are TCBN.

I heard you had an awful show on Thursday. I sure did. What show? I was at the media club, and it was, I was up very late, and people were, they just,

it was like, the show itself, like the people who ran the show were really, really nice and they had drinks there for us and they you know, it did run on time, which is great, but it was that the audience was like, half of the audience

there was there to try and get laid by by the other half of the audience. By the other half of the audience. Is this a strictly stand-up show, or was it a variety thing? It was a stand-up show. There was a couple of musicians at the beginning that did a half-hour set. They hiccuped and burped at the same time, and it was the worst. And it was kind of a yawn, too.

It was a real gross mess. You need a nap now. That's all the work you can handle for one day um so i did that uh i also saw thor in the theater that was a big i thought you had already seen it nah just like this we saw it's still in the theater nah it was in the cheap theaters yeah oh where uh on granville street oh is that is that the second run at this point? Yeah, basically. It came out in May, I think. Yeah, and I didn't want to go

see it in a theater like an adverse run theater because it's just so many horrible people going to movies these days. You can't avoid movie theaters on that account. You have to... Oh, but can't I just wait until that account. You have to.

Oh, but can't I just wait until it's almost out of the Chief Theater when nobody is going? But the first-run theaters are better theaters. Like, there's stadium seating and, well, that's basically it. Yeah, that's true. But I really like the idea of just being morally right in a movie theater. And everyone else, if people talk, if people are on their cell phones, if people are... You're about justice. Texting. And all the lights are out, so I can throw stuff at them.

Good call. You're your own little Captain America. Yeah, wow. Whatever his... Except the popcorn doesn't come back when you throw it at someone. Does he have a boomerang? He has a shield.

And it comes back? Does it cut off people's heads? Is it sharpened? It bounces off of things. What is Captain America's deal? He's a super soldier. He's one of the old, old, old comic book heroes. From the same era as Superman.

Fighting the Nazis old. Yeah. He fought a lot of Nazis. They've made a bunch of Supermans. Captain America has always kind of been a dud, hasn't he? They made a Captain America movie. In the early 90s i remember that and it was starred i was looking it up because the guy who played him also played some other like

really iconic role and i was like oh you know like it was like the kid in this yeah we'll have to look it up was a story george exactly and uh and it was bad because he was only in the captain america costume for like a sum total of seven minutes of the running time did he have a motorcycle um who was that captain america's thing i think in this one he just drove like you know economic compact yeah a kia something not american made captain america but i went to go see it's just my name and i uh i this is the first time i've ever seen this happen before and it was at the cheap theater before before thank you um it was at the cheap theater off of granville and in the kind of 10 15 minutes into the movie this lady walked in and looked around as if she was looking for her group that she was

going to meet and then she stood right in front of me for you know 30 seconds or whatever and i tapped her on the shoulder and said like move get out of the way. And she went around, she sat next to this couple, and I couldn't hear what they were talking about, and I was like, well, that's weird, because they're obviously not waiting for her. And then she walked around and sat next to a couple behind me and started asking them, she was talking about her popcorn or something,

and she was panhandling in the movie theater wow which i feel like uh i can't imagine a less receptive audience and they just laid down 15 or whatever and uh uh yeah it seems like that's the last place ever that people would be like yes let's talk about your... What would you like my money for? Yeah, sure. But, I mean, in her position, she had to be pretty aggressive because she laid down, like,

ten bucks to get into the theater. I doubt that. She's got to recoup that. Right? Yeah, she made an investment for herself. She probably bought tickets to a really long movie so she could get three hours worth out of panhandling. Yeah. Well, maybe

I'm the one who's wrong. Although she is panhandling in the cheap theater so it's all people who brought their own snacks and only want to pay $7 to see a film. I just think this lady, maybe she's dumb. Is that possible? Is she a dumb panhandler?

I think we are far too kind. Well, maybe not. I don't know about kindness, but like too understanding to the homeless and panhandlers. I would disagree. I would disagree that we're understanding to them. There's just too much understanding going on in this world, guys. But like there's a chance that you're just a failure.

You're just too dumb to function. I think there's definitely... Yeah, you're too dumb to function. It's, like, too big to fail. Yeah, I think there's probably... Well, I mean, certainly this lady who thought, like, that she had stumbled upon a golden... I'm going to say that she's probably the first

dumb panhandler that I've ever come across. I just think panhandlers are panhandlers. I never gauged their intelligence until this lady in the theater. I certainly don't see them handling many pans. That's true. That's a carryover from the Golden Rush days. That's how they got here.

They were handling pans that went nowhere. That's how they got here. They're people. They came over on the mayflower handling the pans doing the dishes for the mayflower most pan headlers came over on the mayflower as dishwashers is that right yeah and then uh and then they bothered people at the first thanksgiving dinner

you're gonna finish that i'm trying to get some scratch together For a turkey of my own Just throw any squashes you don't want in my pan I'm trying to buy a ticket back to England Good run guys Great work everybody Well we actually have an ad So let's very quickly take care of some business. Life can be fun. Don't get carried away.

You got to do the things you don't want to do to get through the day. You got to shine your shoes. You got to sweep the floor. You got to clean your house. You got to do some more. Take care of business. your house you gotta do some more take care of beers and yes we would like to wish a very happy 25th anniversary from a gentleman named michael to his wife maureen yeah as a matter of fact michael would like to wish it we are merely the i feel like i should get in on that sure just a

little bit yeah they seem fun yeah um uh they met in the 1980s in the Peace Corps in Kenya. Yeah. And then they eloped in Reno, Nevada, the biggest little city in the world. Correct. Make no mistake about it. It was the biggest little wedding you'd ever seen. Yeah. I wonder if other cities are competing against Reno for that.

Tiny or bigger cities? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm ready to look into it. And now they live in the heart of the Silicon Valley valley and that's why they both have huge breasts and they have two lovely kids yep and very very buxom children and michael says that the uh first 25 years have been amazing and uh here's to another 25 life is better than ever at this point. So, happy anniversary to Michael and Maureen. And if you would like to advertise

on Stop Podcasting Yourself, you can contact Teresa through... No, you go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. That's right. Teresa was laid off. Oh, ah! Jesse laid off his own wife. Yep.

Rough stuff. Yeah, it's $100 for a personal message like that, or $200 for a corporate message. A personal message would also be to Jillian on her 37th birthday, or to Wong Fu. Thanks for everything. 37th birthday. Let's move on to overheard. Okay. Overheard. Overheards. let's move on to over okay overheard overheards uh things overheard overseen uh not overdreamt these things had to have happened i i include the occasional overdreamt all right uh well make a liar out of me why don't you

um we always like to start with the guest. Sure. You've had three years. It's been three years. I've had three years to overhear things. But luckily my mind is like a colander so all the good stuff just leaks right out. Yeah, the pasta water is the good stuff.

That's where the memories are. In the pasta water. The water that tastes like... Like weird noodles. stuff that's where the memories are in the pasta water what does it taste like like weird noodles yeah yellow cloudy water that's what memories are guys that's the water i know how the brain works uh but no when you when you contacted me uh the other day and said that i was doing the show again i was like i like kyle the three-year hiatus is up. Five minutes, Kyle. You're unbanned.

So I went out on the street, and I was like, I've got to get me an overheard. So I walked around on the street, and I was going to the grocery store. And I saw this family crossing the street, and the mom and dad, they crossed first, and then the two sons were behind them. And the two sons kind of stopped in the middle of the street. They were play fighting or something. And then the dad turned around, and he's just like, Guys, not in the street!

And so they hustled up to the curb. Sure. Yeah. And then there's older son and younger son. And younger son gets onto the curb first, starts walking towards the parents. Older son gets onto the curb and just smacks the younger kid in the back nice and then they start grappling and the older son turns himself around so that he is closer to the parents than the younger son the younger son is curbside now and the older son says men first men first and then the younger son, you're not a man!

Yeah, he's right. Wow. Like that old expression, men first. Yeah, men first into lifeboat. Yeah. Men first in business. Men and children. Men and seniors first. Women and children last.

That's why women go down with the ship ship Yeah, so they can start an underwater colony An underwater Amazon colony Of one-boobed women Oh, man Great, great work Thanks, guys Three years, and you pulled it out of the hat in the last week Yeah, exactly

Well, I hadn't been saving over herds Because I didn't think I was ever coming back On account of the hat in the last week. Yeah, exactly. Well, I hadn't been saving overheards because I didn't think I was ever coming back. Right, I thought you were banned forever. On account of the past, why? Yeah. Dave, are you so lucky as to have one? I am with overheard. Congratulations.

I went to... I was hanging out in the waiting room at the emergency room at the hospital the other day. You know, like I do. Yeah. Abby's mom had a bit of an emergency. But, like, it's... The emergency room is kind of... Like, it's

the only place you can go to at the hospital. You can't just go to the x-ray room. It covers mild emergency to emergency emergency. Can't go to the x-ray room to take a look at your watch if you can figure out what's wrong. You gotta go through the emergency room. Yeah. It's true. the emergency room. Yeah, it's true.

No matter what. So, yeah. I was sitting there waiting while Abby and her mother were inside. And there was a mother and her child. And the mother was also with her own father, who she was bringing into the emergency room. Three gens. Three generations. And the daughter,

the hospital we were at was Mount St. Joseph's. And the mother was also talking about how she had recently been to St. Paul's, and the daughter was all confused. She was like, wait, who's St. Paul? And the mother was like,

oh, it's just another hospital. We're at Mount St. Joseph. Yeah, I know. Who is St. Paul? And the mother was like, oh, it's just another hospital. We're at Mount St. Joseph. Yeah, I know. Who is St. Paul? He's a friend of St. Joseph. And the mother's, I guess, feeling kind of sassy, and she goes,

yeah, they're friends. They used to go bowling together. Nice. And then the daughter's like, there wasn't bowling back then so she says okay they threw rocks together that's what people did before bowling they threw rocks at sinners they stoned people together you're right although there was bowling in the flintstones wasn't there yeah i think that's what that whole show... That was before saints even existed.

Get your facts straight, hospital. Hospital mom. Remember that movie, Hospital Mom? It was the kid who was wrong. They were all kind of horrible, though. All three generations of them seemed like they didn't have anything. What do you think was on the TV in the waiting room? Because there's no remote control.

What, in the one you were in? Like, is this a guessing game? Yeah. I want to say what's that channel that's all car racing? Speed? Was it Speed? No, it wasn't Speed. Feels like that seems to be in bars or wherever I can't control. Yeah, this was not a bar. It was a hospital.

Was it the television listings? Because that would be so frustrating. The ultimate tease. Here's what you could be watching if you weren't at the hospital. What time of day? It was like 9 o'clock in the morning. Oh, okay, yeah. Then I would say the view.

This isn't a fun guessing game. I just want to tell you. Is this a Canada AM we're talking about? This was a weekend. There's no view on the weekend. Oh, no, that's true. Although, they should bring in like a lot. There's no payoff. Can I just tell you is this a canada am we're talking this was a weekend there's no view on the weekend oh no that's true although they should bring in there's no payoff can i just tell you they should bring in a group of ladies that are like a b tier sure do the weekend view yeah you know what's going on don't they have that it's called the talk yeah i know they don't work on

weekends either uh it was just house and Garden Television. Oh, that totally makes sense, though. Yeah, that's like having speed on. That's what happens when you let a nurse choose the channel. Right. I was a male nurse, though, so shame on you, listener. Yeah, right? Well done. Graham, Overheard, you, go.

My Overheard comes courtesy, I think, I could be wrong, but this weekend is the culmination of Pride Week. And also running concurrently is the Out Games. Oh, also the fireworks, which is the homophobia homophobia

bombs. Yeah. All the homophobes from the suburbs come to the gayest neighborhood in Vancouver. A real clash of cultures. All the homophobes from the suburbs come to the gayest neighborhood in Vancouver. A real clash of cultures. Do the fireworks start on Sunday? Tonight.

Yeah. Oh, gross. Gar-gross. Yeah. Gargamel. Who plays Gargamel in the Smurfs movie? Hank Azaria.

Oh, nice. He needs the money. Yeah. Yeah, he's gonna be fine. Anyways, so I was going downtown the other night to go do this show. And there was some very, just three guys that were the most over-the-top, silly, running around like little kids and like taking photos of each other with their phones and just acting very

basically if they were like three straight guys you'd be like ah these guys I wish they'd get hit by a train but because they were like delightful in their way that they were like oh it's such a giddy fun time I wish they would get hit by a cinnamon bun.

Sure. Take a picture. I just got hit by a cinnamon bun. Unbelievable. Where's your phone? But the one guy took a picture of his friend, and the friend was, like, super embarrassed. He's like, no, don't take my picture.

And he's, like, acting super silly, like, no, don't take my picture. And he's like, okay, let me take my picture. And he's acting super silly, like, no, don't take my picture. And he's like, okay, let me see the picture. And then he looked at the picture and he says so loud, he's like, ah, I love my friends. I love my gays. So, happy pride, everybody.

I love my gays. I think that's Lady Gaga-ism. Is it really? She talks about her gays. So, well, they're not hers anymore. This guy that I hit with a cinnamon bun. Although it's hard to meet her gays with her weird sunglasses. Yeah, where they're wearing a hat as a...

some sort of face mask. Guys, I'm no good with words. Homonyms. Or homonyms. Am I right? I guess homophones. What? Gays and gays.

G-A-Y-S and G-A-Z-E. That's a homophone. Homophone. Thank you. Dial 1-800. Yeah, pick up the phone. Yeah, I had a homophone when I was a kid. It was from Sports Illustrated. Came with the subscription. I can't think of a gay sport that football yeah but oh uh soccer naked wrestling yeah so football uh uh also in addition to uh uh our overhe overheards, also the listeners.

They like to share. What have they got? Yeah, and if you want to email us an overheard, it's $100. If you want to call us an overheard, it's $200. No, if you want to email us, it's free. That's right. Wow. Through the magic of the internet.

It costs us money. That's true. Well, you know, to have internet access. Stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com. I just use the internet at the library. This first one comes from David W. I work for a transit system in Ontario, and this is the fantastic exchange I overheard between two bros in the washroom.

Bro one, did you hear about that dude who got run over by the train? Bro two, the Via train, right? Bro one, yeah, that's like the worst train to get run over by. Like there's ever a good train to get run over by. I like the cinnamon bun train.

Oh, the wheels of magic sweetness. Yeah, that's in the Candyland movie. The thing on the front of an old-timey train, I don't know if modern trains have them, is called a cow catcher. Yeah. Yes. That little grill on the bottom. Do they still have those?

And do they catch cows? You don't usually see them. But, I mean, I know what you're talking about. I don't see trains at all. Well, okay. Because I'm better than you. Yeah. And Kyle's a famous train spotter.

Yeah. No, trains mostly don't have cow catchers on the front of them. That's because cows wise up. That's because people keep their cows where they should be. There's not a lot of wandering cows anymore. What's the purpose of a cow catcher? They would literally push them off of the... Yeah, it's like a lot of wandering cows anymore. What's the purpose of a cow catcher? They would literally push them off of the... Yeah, it's like a plow.

Right. So your cow... But it would break their legs. Well, yeah, but it would stop the cow from going underneath the train. Because that could derail the train. So it wasn't really a catcher. It wasn't at the end of like, oh, look, we've got a whole herd. Yeah!

You had a big basket full of cows. The most profitable ride to the west ever. Steaks for everyone. Steaks and milk for everyone. I was going to just go back to the east coast, but now I'm opening a farm. This next one comes from

Jake K. Rowling? Yeah, Jake K. Rowling. Speaking of famous authors, we were discussing on the break that that Captain America movie... Oh, yeah. I was trying to figure out, like, he was famous for some reason. The gentleman who starred, his last name is Salinger. He is J.D. Salinger's son.

Yeah, he's J.K. Rowling's son. From the Captain America in the 90s. Yes. Not the current Captain America. Chris Evans is J.K. Rowling's son. You don't want to give an unnecessary bump. I work in a grocery store, so you hear a lot of silly conversations between people. We call them silly cons.

Welcome to San Diego silly con 2011. Two guys who had to have been in their mid-20s were waiting in line, and there was a Smash Mouth song playing overhead, which alone is awful enough. Yeah, right? Taste? That's about taste. Yeah, come on. One of the guys turns to his friend and says, extremely matter-of-factly,

you know, I used to be in a Smash Mouth cover band. We didn't have a bassist or a keyboard, so we had to give it up after a few months. And the other guy apparently thought it was the coolest thing in the world because he said in complete awe, no way. Fush you, man. We didn't have a keyboardist.

Or, you know, pride. Wow. We didn't have a keyboardist,, you know, pride. So, wow. Yeah, right? We didn't have a keyboardist, so we became a Sugar Ray cover band. All things being equal. This next one, this last one, comes from somebody who's also named Graham. Ooh, bonus points. I was at the Calgary Stampede

opening parade a few days ago. A couple weeks ago this was sent in. Where the newly wed royals were due to make an appearance. Beside me, some kids were talking and one of them said to the other in reference to Kate, I heard it cost $50 just to

touch her. You're wrong. 50 pounds. Yeah, totally. I like the idea that they would go on a tour where people could touch them and then you give your money and then you just get to briefly touch them. You gotta give your money to a different guy.

She doesn't touch the money. No kissing on the lips. I saw on the news this morning, the news was on mute, and there was a... Somewhere in Scotland, the royals were showing up to a wedding. Oh, wow. But it was someone else's wedding.

To judge. Oh, you call this a wedding? We just had one that was pretty grand. I don't know if you saw it. That's true. That's probably the last place you would want them to show up. Well, no, your shower. Oh, yeah. Well, no, I feel like they...

Unless you're into it. In your shower. Yeah, if they both showed up in your shower. But they have the best of everything, right? Yeah, he doesn't have the best hair. I know, but they have the best, you know, they can get anything they want. Why doesn't he have better hair, then know, they can get anything they want. Why doesn't he have better hair, then?

He's going bald. Yeah, but Jeremy Piven was going bald. He got implants or something. Why doesn't Prince William have a better head of hair? If he's, like, super rich. Maybe he's just cool with it. But I'm not. And I don't know, like, if I have to be part of the monarchy in some way, I kind of like, I want my royalty to have like a thick, brave head of hair.

Maybe any of the Queen. Yeah, like Jeremy Pippin. Jeremy Pippin. Who's the other one that had a lot? Oh, Gordon Ramsay. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Oh, he looks great.

Yeah, those are. He looks angry. Yeah, yeah. And shirtless. What? I haven't seen those pictures. Have you not seen like Gordon Ramsay on The F Word or his other shows? There's always a shirt...

Or like Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares. Like him just getting out of bed? No, he goes to the restaurant and then he's like, Oh, this is gross, that's gross, this is gross. I gotta help you out. And then he goes into the other room to change into his chef jacket. And it's always like, he does an interview while taking his shirt off. I haven't seen those.

Is he very muscly? Oh yeah, totally know that's why he does is he like a former uh uh hooligan or former uh rugbyman doesn't he have like a rod stewart history of playing a sport beforehand kicking balls into the crowd yeah he uh i know that he was like that's that's a famous tabloid thing in britain that he was going you know had super receding hairline and then got... But isn't it weird that he would get implants and then dye them that horrible color? Did they have a fun name for him? Like, a fun tabloid nickname for Gordon Ramsay involving his baldness? Oh, like, yeah, like...

I'm trying to think. Ramsey? Yeah, Scalpsy? Scalpsy? Bald and Ramsey? Yeah, Bald and Ramsey's pretty good. No, it's not, but it's a start. Gordome Ramsey?

Oh, pretty good. Chromedome? Chromedome Ramsey? Chromedome Ramsey. Chromedon Ramsey? Chromedome. I like Chromedome Ramsey. Chromedome. I like Chromedome Ramsey. Now, in addition to overheards that have been written in using your fingers,

we also accept phone calls with your fingers. We're going to need a finger. Basically, you send fingers in a self-addressed stamped envelope. You must be Canadian to do that because it's very hard to get foreign stamps. Oh, it is, right? Because you know a guy. Or, seriously, call us. Our phone number is 206-339-8328.

I'm still catching up on phone calls from the three episodes we banked in America. Oh, yeah. I've got still tons of overheards. Yeah. Yeah. But do call us, 206-339-8328, and let's listen to some of these overheards. Hi, Dave and Graham and possible guests. This is Crystal from Seattle.

I'm calling with an overheard. I was at QFC, which, Dave and Graham, you probably know what it is. It's kind of a more upscale type of grocery store in the Pacific Northwest. And I was in line in the express line, which is the one that's closest to the exit. And I was in line waiting for the guy to, you know, finish scanning all my grocery items so I could put in my information. And next to the exit was a man talking on his cell phone, probably in his mid to late 40s, with khaki pants, a blue polo shirt, and a Titleist baseball cap.

And he's talking on his cell phone, and whoever he's talking to is making him progressively more and more annoyed. He's getting angry, and he's starting to is making him like progressively more and more annoyed he's getting angry and he's starting to raise his voice and then i'm standing in line and we just hear him say you know what i'm not going to argue about this do you want to watch the justin bieber movie when i get home or not we've been discussing this for days qfc always makes me think like I've always got that

tangential connection to QVC. So even when I saw it in the States I would think of Joan Rivers. I like that she said you probably know what QFC is. Because we do a thing on the show where we'll talk about a Canadian thing

and then I will feel the need that we need to explain sure to americans what swiss chalet is or um uh you know so good for so little uh what what's the um the show oh the littlest hobo yes yeah yeah uh but your little mosque on the prairie yeah we we get all of your commercials in america there's no need to explain to us what things are but qvcC or QFC is not... That's not a thing that's advertised up here, is it? We get commercials on the Seattle channels for QFC. Do we? Yeah.

QFC. Do you know what it is? No. Oh, wow. It's like Kentucky Fried Chicken. Yeah, it's Kentucky Fried Chicken. Quintessential Fried Chicken. I don't know what it stands for.

Quality Food Centers or something. Yeah. But it also has a crown on the sign, doesn't it? Yeah. Queen's Food. Yeah. Queen's Food Challenge. It's a reality show. That's how Prince William went bald, doing the Queen's Food Challenge. Chrome Dome Ramsey.

Speaking of challenges, a quick update. How is your training for the Spartan race going? Good? Question mark? There's very few gyms that provide the ability you know the uh gladiators yeah train uh climbing under a barbed wire fence etc so i'm just hoping i saw my dad uh briefly at the airport yesterday my parents were in home in town for two hours so i went we went up to the airport and had some drinks and then uh he said he is not what happened was

during he went on like some crazy bicycle uh mountain race and uh one of his like teeth caps fell out and so he swallowed it well they had to put in like a temporary one until he can have the surgery and so the doctor is like no no crazy yeah like he said like no crazy exertion and i was like i'm gonna be entering i'm entered in this race and the dentist had said it's it's okay because it's going to be enough time after the tooth has been replaced that's my dad is one of the challenges in the race that you need to pull up, like... Something with your teeth? Yeah, 747. There's a corn on the cob.

You bob for apples, and then you eat a corn on the cob, and you floss as fast as you can. Play a Jew's harp. And then you just chew on tinfoil. But yeah, so it's going well. Like, I'm not in the worst shape of my life How's your core? I don't know about my core Have you considered sitting on one of those giant inflatable balls? Oh, I've sat on those

I mean, it doesn't do anything It's fun though, right? Yeah, it's fun How different are those from the things when you were a kid Where there was a little handle on them And you could just bounce around on them? It's literally just missing the handles, right? That's all it is. Otherwise, it's really hard to bounce on them. If you don't know Kyle, Graham is participating with his brother, his dad, and... My dad's co-worker, Alejandro. Oh, fun. Yeah. Like the Lady Gaga

song. Yeah. They're participating in a Spartartan race which is a uh you have to like carry rocks and go in a ditch and climb under barbed wire and jump over fire wow like climb a rope and uh i'm out i was out at rope it sounds grueling yeah it sounds horrible well um uh we have the next phone call oh yes we mentioned. We mentioned how this caller was kind enough to explain what the American thing was for us. That's not necessary. We generally know what you're talking about. Unless it's something like Steak and Shake, which is like a localized... Yeah, sure, sure.

Feel free to explain that. But this next caller explains a couple of things that are very obvious. Okay, here we go. Hey, guys. This is Richard from Kansas, and I was recently at the Vans Warpage Tour, which is a punk rock music thing, and I was walking around the booths and there was a 10 selling body jewelry like earplugs plugs for your ears and melody button rings and stuff and there was a shirtless guy standing there debating what he wanted and I

walked by him and he and while I was walking by I heard him say, I want something that says fuck on it. Pretty good. That was great. Earplugs. They're not plugs made out of ears. So you plug it in a wall. Yeah. Or you plug your bathtub with an ear-shaped thing.

Although that seems like a pretty good novelty item. Is that a thing that exists? It's called an earplug, but you plug your sink with it? It's not bad, yeah. Yeah. Seems like fun. Seems like something pretty good novelty item. Is that a thing that exists? It's called an ear plug, but you plug your... It's not bad, yeah. Yeah. Seems like fun. Seems like something a kid would want. Yeah, and a Vans Warped Tour isn't just a group of people who come to your town and warp your van. Am I mistaken, though, or did he say Vans Warped Tour?

Yeah, he was being old-timey. Wow. He went to a renaissance fair, Vans Warped Tour. Renaissance. Yeah, the overheard itself. Whatever. I want to buy something with fuck on it. I just wanted to talk about his explanations of things.

I enjoyed the overheard. Of course, of course. I'm going to say an 8. But what's it out of? I'm not going to reveal. We can all relate to wanting something with fuck on it. Sure. When I was a kid, I thought having anything with a swear on it was the greatest.

That was the greatest thing you could own. Like if a friend gave me a sticker that said, eat shit. Kid would go way up in my team. Define friend. Best person ever. Stranger on the street. Sticker. Yeah, yeah. Kid would go way up in my scene. Define friend. Best person ever. Stranger on the street. He was like, here's a sticker. Yeah, yeah.

Kid. Was he doing it to you as advice? Like, hey, Graham, eat shit. I don't know. Oh, I didn't even think about that. He was giving it to me like, stick it on yourself. Yeah. To remind yourself that you suck.

Yeah. Like that. Well, stick it on your mirror. Oh, right. Yeah, that's true. That's a bad insult if you're giving out stickers. That's a prize right there. That's why I assumed

because he was giving me in sticker form which kids love. Kids love stickers, right? Remember the little fuzzy ones with animals? Oh yeah. Then there was the little puff ones that were like plastic puff and they had some kind of stuffing inside of them.

There was maybe some kind of scratch and sniff. Scratch and sniff. Yeah. Those are the three kinds of stickers. My goodness. No, there's also sparkly. Sparkly stickers. Oh, man.

I forgot about sparkly. And what do you call them? The ones that you look at one way and it's a face and then you turn it slightly. Holograms? It's not a hologram. It's like they're ridges. There's a name for them, like recumbent, but it's not recumbent. You know what I'm talking about?

You get them in cereal boxes and be like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're holograms. Yeah, it would be like a Blue Jay pitcher, Roboter Alomar, and then you look at it slightly different, it would become a witch. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that old series from the cereal boxes. The haunted Blue Jay series.

Your favorite sports players. Just so we don't get any emails, Roberto Alomar was the second baseman. But he just was admitted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. The first Toronto Blue Jay admitted into the Hall of Fame. As a pitcher.

As a pitcher, though. He upgraded as he moved into the Hall of Fame. Yeah, jokes on you. Who was their pitcher who had the jerry curl? Lorenzo Lamas. Lorenzo Lamas never had a jerry curl. I think you're thinking of Little Richard. I was going to say Richard Lewis, and I was like, that's not right.

Jerry Lawler? Jose something? Lewis Carroll. That's what I was going for. Oh, right. The Jabberwock. He Jabberwocked a lot of hitters. Yay!

Well, that's the end of the podcast. Don't email us the name of that picture. I'll post a picture of it at MaximumFun.org. What was his name? Jose... My favorite thing about Roberto Alomar was that he

He spat on an umpire once? I would say that's my third favorite. My number one favorite was a series of ads he did for a juice company called McCain's. And the McCain's announcer asked Roberto Alomar, Hey Roberto, what's your favorite pitcher? And he said in his

very heavy accent. Puerto Rican?? And he said in his Very heavy accent Puerto Rican? Yeah, he said the one with McCain Punch The one with McCain Punch Yeah, that was his favorite pitcher, get it? The one filled with McCain Punch But because he drank so much McCain Punch It was confusing because he would be a pitcher

Filled with McCain Punch But he wasn't a pitcher, he was a second baseman I think we discussed this already He was a pitcher filled with McCain Punch. But he wasn't a pitcher, he was a second baseman. I think we discussed this already. He was a pitcher under the pen name Lewis Carroll. Do we have one more? Yeah.

Hey, Graham Clark guest. This is Chris in Milton, Oregon. I overheard the other day while volunteering two rather thuggish-looking gentlemen were arguing with each other about what they had contributed to society before, I assume, having to volunteer

to work off some sort of debt to the same society. And one guy asked, so what is your contribution to society? And the other guy responded, my contribution to society is straight ballin'! Yeah! Somebody had to do it. Yeah. There's not enough straight ballin'. There's so much crooked ballin' going on these days.

Oh, yeah. That's what pride parade's all about, right? I like that he's saying, you know, paid his debt to a society and then later said, to that same society. He's not paying a debt to a secret society. Oh, skull and bones. I owe them a cord of pixie blood. Brought to you by Sprite. Now, Dave. Yeah. A couple weeks ago weeks ago yeah let's call it a fortnight

um never we were talking about overheards and talking about uh we we have a segment of the show that we'll bring up uh every once in a while called drunk dials and we've got plenty of those oh but we can't play them because you want to do this other thing i know but don't uh you know that's why you shouldn't abandon ship on the show because there's drunk dials still to come well i mean you know in the future um but i while we were talking about drunk dials which the whole purpose of we actually got a tweet from somebody that uh ended up texting uh up texting some boy in the middle of the night. Instead of calling us with the drunk dial, which you're supposed to, just for your own information,

type it into your phone right now, 206-339-8328. Add to contacts. Create contact. Stop podcasting yourself. Or just drunk dial. So when you're drunk, just click on it and call us kyle's adding he's adding it right now uh instead of calling that x or that future x but while we were talking about it i said that i was interested in having listeners set an alarm on their phone,

waking up and calling us and saying the first thing that occurred to them, like out of a dead sleep. Nice. Last week we got a couple that were just people like... Mumbling and saying, why are you doing this? People are just going to say... And both of them ended it with i guess i'm just gonna go back to sleep yeah which was great because that's exactly kind of what i wanted was just to nice

just to hear what it's like to wake up out of the dead sleep and make a phone call and while i said i'm we're still catching up on old overheards uh and i'm still listening i still haven't caught up on all the phone calls we have i i did scan this week's calls just for the first five seconds of every call because you can tell when the person's asleep. Yeah. So there's two of them. Let's hear the first one. Sure.

Hey, Dave. Hey, Graham. You guys ask people to call for when they wake themselves up in the middle of the night and then have them call you. So that's what I'm doing. I just woke up from a dream where I was the member of an

impossible mission team. Peter Graves gave me a mission to do. And I drove a rubber boat through a house. And a guy threw knives at me. It was kind of neat. That's all I got. Bye.

An impossible mission team! Yeah, yeah. That's the greatest! He's protecting other people's copyrights. He's making a generic toy. Impossible Mission Man. Oh, wow. And I was just thinking while he was doing it, you know how in movies when somebody will

answer a phone when they're sleeping, which nobody ever does in real life ever. Oh, I will. Will you really? Yeah. If somebody calls you in the middle of the night, you don't answer the phone? And they'll say, I didn't wake you, did I? And I'll say, nope. Yeah.

What is, who's, there's a comedian that has a joke about, like, that you're always trying to hide the fact that you're sleeping. Yeah, like it's a bad thing. Yeah, like you're like, no, no, I'm fine. I wasn't sleeping. But in movies, they'll always answer the phone, like, in a mid-yawn. Like, they'll pick up the phone and go, hello. And I'm like, why don't you just prep yourself for one second before you say hello, Mark Ruffalo.

You're going to be a ridiculous Hulk. He's going to be the most sensitive Hulk. How would Hulk answer the phone in the middle of the night? Oh, smash. He would just smash it. Sorry, I don't think Hulk ever goes to sleep, though. He's got to be in a real mood. a real mood.

Yeah, doesn't he, hasn't there been an instance where Bruce or David Banner woke up from a nightmare turning into the Hulk? No. Probably. That could happen, yeah. What do I care? Are you getting really upset and angry in the dream? I don't know, guys.

There's a lot of science that I need you guys to work on. Gamma, mostly. Now, there's one more phone call, and this person actually woke up from a dream involving Jordan and Jesse Go, our rival podcast. Are they?

Well, I like them. I like to make something out of nothing. As Billy Preston once said. Hey, guys. I just woke up. I was right in the middle of a dream where Jordan and Jesse

on JJ Go they were going to have Robin Williams on as a guest and they were going to talk about sharks What a weird noise to make at the end so this is a thing we do now on the show I loved it

I would love to hear that episode I'd love to hear any show just dedicated to talking about sharks just for one week Pride Week it happened to be the same week we're just wrapping up Shark Week and Pride Week dedicated to talking about sharks just for one week yeah pride week pride shark week shark week happened to be the same week i know we're just wrapping up shark week and pride week yeah what what are these two symbols do you proud well i'm just like well yeah well they're not

they're not shamed of what they do yeah i do it right out in the open what symbol yeah what symbol would be if you're like into? Like a rainbow-colored shark? Rainbow fin? Oh, like a rainbow fin above water? I think that's better, because if somebody saw the rainbow, like the full thing, they would just think it's a rainbow trout. Right? Yeah. Like you're a fishing enthusiast.

Yeah, I like just the fin. Is the water that the fin's coming out of also rainbow-colored? No, it's jizz. But what about the lesbians they don't like jizz don't they that's that's why they convert i don't know much about it but they convert it an allergy no very complicated Very complicated process. It's like a peanut allergy. Yeah. Is there jizz in these cookies? Yeah. No. My throat's closing up. Is there jizz in these cookies?

I don't like that at all. These cookies were manufactured in a facility that also manufactured jizz. Some bachelor's bedroom. The choices of jizz. Yeah. Guys. Some old gym sock factory. Kyle, do you have... All of the workers have to wear gym socks On their hands

Kyle Do you have anything that you would like to plug Where can people find Kyle Bottom Online Oh no I have a terrible web presence You should not even look for me Are you on Twitter? You're on Twitter

Don't Twitter I lose about 5 Facebook friends a week due to boredom, I assume. Or I post things about how I recently won a Magic Cards tournament, and then it's just like, next day, boom, boom, boom, boom. Do you have anything upcoming? Any performances that you're a part of? This month, well, when's this episode going to air? Monday.

Monday. Okay. Well, I'm doing that ridiculous people's champ contest. Oh a comedy competition. At Darby's. At Darby's on

4th and McDonald in Vancouver. What day of the week? Yeah they can come see me at Darby's on Tuesday or at the Kingston on Thursday or Sunday.

I think I'll be at all three shows. All three shows. That's three Kyle Bottom hits. This week. Yeah. All in one week.

Satisfy your funny phone. Don't follow him on Facebook, though. No, don't even look for me online. Snooze-a-roo. It's not called following on Facebook. It's a friendship. Oh, when will it all just turn into one thing that I don't have to... Google Plus.

Right? Is it going to be? I'd miss Twitter if it wasn't there. Is there a chance to have Twitter on Google Plus? I don't like Google Plus at all. Oh, really? Yeah. You're going to have to.

I have hundreds of friends on it, though. Good for you. Just a little brag. Well done. Congrats. So, Dave, anything upcoming? Getting married. Oh, I just heard about that now.

You know, as I've mentioned before, we're registered at the Bumfights DVD store. Oh, my God. The Bumfights DVD store. So I expect a lot of phone calls from female listeners sobbing because they missed their chance. Oh, yeah. Oh, send in any female listeners. Send in your regret phone call. They missed your chance.

That boat has sailed. Yeah. That ship has launched. And, yeah, I don't want anyone showing up at the wedding location doing a graduate style. What if Dustin Hoffman wants to do it? That would be pretty memorable. Yeah, that would be worth it, right? Would it be young Dustin Hoffman?

No, it would be. Yeah, Dave. Yeah, it would be young Dustin Hoffman. Oh, it would be... Yeah, Dave. Yeah, it would be young Dustin Hoffman. Oh, absolutely. It would be Dustin Hoffman from Hook. So you're getting married. You've got still things going on. Oh, yeah.

CBC Radio 3. Actually, as I mentioned, no new podcast episode next week. Yeah. But I did... Sunglasses falling onto face. Deal with it. Good for us.

Jinx. But I host the R330 podcast on CBC Radio 3. Look for that on iTunes. Next week's episode will be a special wedding episode. Fun. Yeah. Here comes the fun. Yeah.

I make the same Bumfights DVD store joke on that one. Well, so if you liked it once, you know, right? Well, thanks everybody for listening. Oh, you need to plug anything? I don't. Not at the moment. It's early August. If you want to reach us,

stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com with overheards, drunk dials, middle of the night wake ups Dave getting married regret farewells and also you can write to us stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com

if you want to advertise on the show in a jumbotron style go to maximumfun.com slash dot org maximum fun dot org slash i was that close i was that close slash jumbotron and that is a forward slash i cannot stress that enough and if you're uh if you like the show and you and you liked what you listened to go to maximumfun.org dave posted blog recap that joins up very well with the podcast. It definitely will have the picture of that Toronto Blue Jays

pitcher whose name I can't remember. Roberto Alomar. McCain flew to punch. It's killing me. I could tell you every other position player on the team. James Frank. Sean Olerud on first base. Manny Lee. James Frank. John Olerud on first play

base. Manny Lee. Where did Carter? What was Carter? Joe Carter was, I don't know, one of the outfielders. Joe Carter,

Devon White, and Dave Winfield. Sure, Dave Winfield. Who could forget? The Windmill. Windmill, Winfield,

they called him. And yeah, if you like the show, tell your friends, and thanks so much for listening, and come on back next, not next week, but the week after for a post-wedding where it'll be Graham Clark and David Campbell on Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Stop Podcasting Yourself Thank you.