Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 178 - Abby Campbell

Episode Date: August 16, 2011

Abby Campbell returns to talk about getting married to one of our hosts. Find out which one. The answer may surprise you.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 178 of Stop Podcasting Yourself, a special morning edition of the podcast. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is the Hoda to my Kathy Lee, Mr. Dave Shumka. Are Hoda and Kathy Lee equals? Yes.

Okay, there's no... When they married, it was in their vows. Because there's some shows, I guess morning shows, it's mostly, there's no single host on a morning show. No. Like, on The View, you can tell that there's a bit of, like, alpha female when Barbara's there. Yeah, and Elizabeth is the smartest one. She's the brains. Joy Behar's the looks.

Let's make lots of money. And the, who else is on there? Whoopi She's the old one Like the wise The wise black one Is that what you're getting at? I was going to say the wise cracker

But then that wouldn't make sense Is there one more? Yeah, Star Jones Mock 2 Oh right, Sherry Shepard. Yeah, she is the... The unwise. She's the brute strength of the organization. She's the muscle.

Yeah, she's the Mr. T of their age team. Why, because she's black? Yeah. Because she wears a lot of gold jewelry? Her mohawk. Her beard. Her feather earring. her feather earring and our

guest today we thought in the in the flavor of love the fact that the two of you switched names over this past weekend traded rings, switched names

please welcome Dave Shumka our guest who's still her own person. Do we know that for sure? Oh, I don't know. Legally, maybe not. Yeah. Maybe she's dentured servitude.

Yeah. Miss Abby Campbell Shumka or Miss Abby Shumka? We don't know. We don't know how that works. I have to look into that. Yeah. We think it's going to happen. What's my name now?

I switched a name with somebody as well didn't i yeah your name is graham hulk hogan um uh abby is my new wife yeah my newest wife yes hello your wives i'm the newest and her own person yes yes and uh you guys uh waited to be married right Right? Yeah. Do we want to get to know us? Oh, yes. Get to know us. Marriage edition. Yeah.

So you guys waited 11 years. Yeah, we finally got married. So our wedding, let's dive right in. Yeah. Is that what everyone wants that's what everybody wants uh we got ourselves married this past saturday one week ago from this recording yes we're recording it on august 13th never forget yeah the 50th anniversary of the berlin wall oh is that right yeah oh that's why you did it that's why we got married a week before that. 50th anniversary of it going up, right?

Not coming down. They started putting up fences. Yeah, sure. It was a piecemeal thing. Did David Hasselhoff also play at the opening of the Berlin Mall? The opening and the closing. Yeah, he was a baby star as well. He played his baby hit.

It's so tough to be a German baby. That's what it translates to, but it rhymes. In German, it's totally different. So congratulations to the both of you. Thank you. So let's go through the past 11 years of our love.

Real quick. 140 characters. Or less. And your wedding was what they call a destination wedding. You had to go. Everybody had to go out of town. Yeah. It wasn't that far out of town, but it was just enough to make it exciting.

I thought. Or a hassle. Or a hassle. It was a two- boat uh trip yeah and uh 190 minute ferry 120 minute ferry that's right and also a little jaunt in between through the lovely town of nanaima bc oh right did you guys know that the carpenter union hall there has made out of cement? Oh! I noticed that on the drive.

Oh, wow. That would have been like rain on our wedding day. So it was in, what do you call it? What was the island? Gabriela? Gabriela Island. Yep. An island of 4,000 people and one murderer.

Oh, yeah, that's right. One rampant, stabby guy. You wrote to me. Hopped up on meth. Was it really? There was rumors of meth, but I don't know. Oh, sure. There's always rumors of meth.

When there's a stabbing. That was required reading in junior high. Rumors of meth. The bonfire of the meth. Methamphetamine. You wrote to me on Facebook just before we were coming over for the wedding. You were asking, like,

when are you guys coming over? Also, there's a murderer here. And I naturally assumed that was a joke. So did a few of the people I told it to. Yeah, I was like, and everyone's a suspect. I thought you were doing that. Yeah.

The uneven of murder mystery. No one told me our wedding would be murder mystery themed. That would be fun. That would have been so great if when it was officially announced, the lights went down and then somebody was dead. Everybody's a suspect. And the minister is also a detective. I have only done one of those murder mystery things once. And it was maybe like

I was 20 at the time, so I was crazy. Yeah, right? It was a meth murder mystery. Murder at the orgy house. I did one when I was early teens, I think, with my family, and it was Star Trek The Next Generation. Oh. It was awesome.

Yeah. Who got beamed up? We didn't want it to end. It was great. So, Oh yeah, so a couple days before the wedding, this island, it's a quiet island of 4,000 people.

People move there and never leave because it's so lovely and nice. Everyone sort of knows each other. And there's a lot of artists. It's like the most concentrated people that all do art as a living in North America or something.

Something ridiculous. And it's like a lot of mom art. Oh, yeah. A lot of hippie, a lot of mom, a lot of new age. Yeah, a lot of pictures of milk jugs. Yeah. Maybe a cat on a milk jug. Flowers. Painted rocks.

Tie-dye. Wind catchers. Yes. Dream makers. Oh, yes. Driftwood statues. Chimes. Yes.

Yeah. Garbage. And there's never, you never hear sirens and then was it the Wednesday? no the it was the Wednesday it was the Wednesday

we were getting married on Saturday the Wednesday night we heard a bunch of sirens on the island there's like one police car on the island and it's not even there the whole time

I think it's just there a few days a week and we just kept hearing sirens that's crazy and we were like oh maybe someone had a heart attack or something. There's a fire or something. Maybe it's, you know, not a police car. Maybe it's an ambulance or a fire truck.

Was it an old time one of those wind-up? The crank? It was a British one. Like that. The old 1940s version. It was an air raid siren. Yep. And then we kind of forgot about that.

That was in the early evening, and around about 10 o'clock, I started getting tired, and I went to bed. And as I was drifting off to sleep, Abby comes into the bedroom and says, Dave, want to hear something freaky? And you're like, no, not at all. Poor man's like two seconds away from being totally asleep. Poor man. Me?

Yes. You're a man now. And I'll be a woman soon. Right. Want to hear something freaky? It's Friday and we switch bodies. Oh, my God. There was a murder on the island

and it was like a kilometer from our house. It was three kilometers. We Googled and mapped it. But at the time, you didn't know that. Sure. It was right around the corner. It only takes half an hour

to drive around the whole island. And the murderer's on the loose. Yeah. Yes, he has escaped. He didn't escape. They never caught him. Well, I guess they never caught him, yeah. They didn't catch him? Well, no, no, no.

At that time, you couldn't say he was escaped, because he was still just on the loose. Did they catch him because he accidentally ran through a chime store? Like a murderer in a chima shop. A bull in a chime. So, that night We were terrified

That there was a murderer on the loose My dad and I were googling Like crazy Refreshing Refreshing All these like community forums And stuff Because there's no information

There's no newspaper There's no newspaper There's no like And the cop was probably like It was like no country for old men like he's like i haven't dealt with anything this crazy i'm gonna retire next week yeah i'm too old yeah his gun has just got all like cobwebs on it he's got like it's in his desk drawer he doesn't even carry it he lost the key to that drawer years ago

but there were uh there like there were way more cops on the island a lot of cops came over from vancouver helicopters and mobile forensic units and antiquing yeah yeah it just so happened it was the second annual cops antique market i'm looking for a uh Cuffs, antique market. I'm looking for a steampunk thing for my search dog to wear. Oh, the search dog has a search to do. The dog's wearing an old-timey crank siren. Yeah, so everyone locked their doors for the first time in 20 years on the island it's such a small island that nobody locks their doors people leave their cars like

there was a couple houses that didn't even have locks on the doors they were like what are we supposed to do just push a dresser in front of the door they just had like locks and bagels on their door. Dumb, sorry. Yeah, and so we were like, well, the first thing I said is, is there any weapons in the house? And we were like, we don't even have a baseball bat. We got nothing. Oh, yeah. You got to have something. Yeah, I slept with a hammer at the bedside. That would have come in handy.

I told this to people, and they were like, really? You think a hammer would have been better than a knife? I think a hammer is tough because you've got to get in really close with a hammer. Well, you can stab and hit with a hammer. You can really only stab with a knife. In the middle of the night when you went to have a drink of water, did you accidentally knock your teeth out with that? Pretty classic.

Classic Dave. Yeah, so it was a... But I think I could be... Like, if someone hit me with a hammer, I would be done. But I think I could take two or three stabs. That's a pretty bold statement. Depending, like, maybe deflects off the ribs. Sure.

But you get hit with a hammer. Yikes. Have you ever watched, like, Undeadliest Warrior,liest Warrior where they like stab one of those jelly dummies? It's like, oh, it looks like the worst. Yeah. Yeah, if it gets me right in the jelly bits, sure. Your jellyest bits. Yeah, but a lot of me is pig skeleton.

I only know about human anatomy from Mythbusters and Deadliest Warrior. All my ballistics gel would come out. We're closest to pigs in that we have hooves. Our snouts and hooves are very similar. They use pigs a lot for humans on Mythbusters. Yeah, I think it's... And CSI.

Really? Yeah. Like, I remember there was one back in the day where gil had to like track the the pupation or whatever you know when when bugs turned from pupa to sure regular bugs and he had to guess the rate and he did it with a whole bunch of pigs pig bodies you know what though i feel like that's gil grissom he's like it's like already one murderous day why do we have to kill a pig because they're not going to eat the pig that they shot a bullet into or did pupa studies on. Oh, they're certainly not going to eat that one.

Yeah. So would you? Well, you'd have to find the bullet. That's before you cook that pig. Yeah. I think hunters probably eat the stuff they shoot with a gun. Yeah, that's true. They're not like, ew, bullet.

There's probably one hunter that's like i hate hunting um so you guys solved the murder well um the next morning uh i had to go over to the main island uh for to pick up the pa system and on my ferry over it was just packed with police and helicopters circling non-stop uh but uh that morning they caught the guy or the suspect yeah so yeah alleged yes in one of those hidey holes yeah that's really one of the hidey holes that the island's famous for well uh on on one of the local community blogs, you were... It was just people exchanging information, just looking for any information that they could get. There was probably somebody on there who was like, also, I'm making banana muffins. No, but they were saying that, oh, if he's a local, then he's going to know all the best hidey holes.

It'll take him a while to catch them. And that made me giggle because I hadn't heard the word hidey hole in a long time. And of course, my mind went somewhere dirty immediately. The hidey hole. Oh, Heidi's hole. The one strip club on the island. And then someone, oh, I was reading the same blog later

and one of the comments was, oh, the cops have shut down the area because there's too many looky-loos. Oh, small town life. Yeah. But they caught him. It's all good. What about that for a CBS show where a whole

small town investigates murders in their spare time? Like the whole town. Is it a reality show and they murder someone every episode? No, like they go to some place like there's a say there's a murder in Arizona. The whole population of this small town goes to Arizona to investigate. Because they're all an expert in something very specific. Oh, so they don't stay in their own small town?

No, no. They go to other towns. All 2,000 of them or whatever it is. Yeah, because they were really good. They say they solved a murder like that on their island. They got a lot of publicity. Who's going to feed their dogs? Oh, come on.

They're an expert. Oh, okay. Yeah, but there's the blacksmith. He's good at making small keys. This is an old time. No. This is because they all make quaint things. This isn't Colonial Williamsburg.

There's the lock picking person. The woman that she's got a bit of ESP. Like she can sense things from the crime scene. And then there's three, four other characters. I thought it was 2,000 other characters. Yeah, but I mean, a lot of them are just extra. It only focuses in on the top 40.

Towards the 20th season of the show, you start to have episodes about Apu and Ralph Wiggles. Yeah. Milhouse's mom. Yeah, exactlyhouse's mom. Yeah, exactly. Lenny.

So you guys wrapped up that murder case in double time. Well, yeah, the Thursday was when we actually... People started arriving. Yeah, and we got the property where we were going to get married. It's this big lodge out on these cliffs by the ocean. Hodgepodge Lodge. Yeah. And it sleeps like 20 people. And there were also like 10 little cabins outside that slept two people apiece.

Yeah. And that would have been the scariest. It would have been the worst. If there was a murderer on the loose and people were staying in tiny little two-person. They're essentially wooden tents. Yeah, yeah. There's no protection there. The lock is on the outside of the door.

That's just a design flaw. Yeah, that's just a design flaw. To keep raccoons out in the office. Yeah, that would have been a horror movie. We didn't have enough knives to go around for everybody to sleep with one on there. Yeah, the one to cut the cake. Yeah. And then whatever. Butter knives. Butter butter knives yeah yeah that was it the caterers dropped off some knives for

us yeah i don't i do not want you protecting yourselves with these um uh surely there must have been a starter pistol somewhere in the cabin for summertime swim meets. Flair something. Yeah. So, yeah, it was this gorgeous area. Oh, you were there, right? Yeah, I was there. Oh, yeah. I think I came. Remember?

Guys, do you guys remember when I was there? That was great. Thanks for coming. Oh, thanks for having me. Yeah, so people started arriving on the Thursday. More people arrived on the Friday. You came on the Friday. I came on the Friday, yeah.

And you brought us, you were like, you need to open your gift tonight. Yeah. And we were like, is it perishable? And you said, kind of. Love that. And you brought us two pairs of- His and hers. His and hers bread slippers.

Yes. Oh, beautifully hand-carved bread slippers. Hand-carved with the help of young Miss Alicia Tobin. Yes. Beautifully hand-carved bread slippers. Hand-carved with the help of young Miss Alicia Tobin. Right. We carved them like you would do a pumpkin. I ate all the bread as it was being carved and felt really sick.

I ate basically a whole loaf of bread. The inside of two loaves of bread. There's four loaves and you cut off at least a quarter of all of bread. Essentially. Yeah, the inside. Two. The inside of two loaves of bread. Yeah. There's four loaves and you cut off at least a quarter of all of them. Oh, yeah. Four. There were four.

So that's a full loaf. There weren't full-sized loaves. There were foot-sized loaves. There were, yeah. There were foot-sized loaves. Yeah, and you carved them in. They were about a foot long. Yeah, sure.

Ah, yes. Stop it. You, yeah, cut them into the shape of slippers. A lovely slipper. And we had spoken about how great it would be if you were super rich, if you had someone prepare bread slippers for you every morning. Yeah, every morning, a new pair of bread slippers. Oh, that'd be great.

And so warm out of the oven. You don't want them fresh out of the oven. You'll burn your foot. Yeah. But just that warm dough on your feet every morning. this was a pretty good... It felt really good. To squish your foot around in there.

It smelled great. Oh, it smelled so good. It was a big hit. It was a hit. We loved him. The audience loved him yeah yeah the kitchen audience went nuts the kitchen audience went crazy um i got to meet the final pieces of the uh shumka clan and also the campbell clan but you know you your family's all over the world so all over the place but uh you dave a lot of your family is right in this backyard. Yep.

In this murderer's road, if you will. And so I've only had previously met your dad and your brother. And my mom. No, I don't think I had met your mom. My dad and my mom came over here once during a podcast. Oh, okay. So I met her very briefly. Yes.

Sure. Yes. And I think I met your sister, but maybe not. Anyways, it was great. Now you met them all. Yeah. And it was, your mom is hilarious, and she gave me ideas that she cut out

of a magazine for beard paintings. Oh, fun. Yeah. Which I thought was, like, the sweetest thing that thought was like the sweetest thing. That's pretty great. That somebody was like, you know. Just thinking of you. Yeah, right?

And now you guys got married outside in the cheap showiness of nature. We did. It was awful. Just awful. Yeah. It was a Saturday afternoon, four o'clock. So our wedding anniversary will always be at 4, I don't know, 10. Make it 420.

Yeah, make it 420. Let's celebrate. Yeah, yeah. So we're going to celebrate. Every August 6th at 420, we will, et cetera. And Dave looked super handsome. And Abby, you looked super beautiful in your awesome dress. Aw, thanks, guys.

It was just like the most gorgeous. And you guys got married kind of on, it was kind of on the, like a cliff that overlooked the ocean. The mountains. And you could see Vancouver off in the distance. And just at the very. Right when we kissed. Yeah. There was. And just at the very... Right when we kissed. Yeah, there was...

You guys couldn't see it, but we were all fascinated because you were saying just the very end of your vows and a butterfly came out of nowhere and flew up towards you. And then when you kissed, an eagle soared overhead and just did one flyover. It didn't land anywhere, it just flew overhead and it was the greatest... Big bald eagle.

Everybody was talking about that goddamn eagle. I didn't see the butterfly, but we did both see the eagle. Yeah. It was pretty great. We'd been watching him all weekend. And he just showed up right at the perfect time, that eagle. He'd been watching. That was the thing.

He was figuring it out. There was a crow chasing him around when I saw him earlier. Yeah. There were a few times when crows were harassing him crows are the worst yeah they are a huge eagle yeah and they all eagles always just have an annoyed look on their face oh these crows are chasing me again there's enough island to go around guys there's crows on my roof. And they had their babies there. And there's one. Yeah, they're little crowlets.

And all the other crowlets have left, but there's obviously this one that's not. Quiet. Yeah, the mother is still showing this crow, like, how to get food. And it's got a weird, you know, like, crow sound. It's just usually like, blah. And this one goes, the crow's not gonna make it crow it i saw this pigeon the other day uh that had kind of a deformed foot and it was walking kind of funny and i was like oh poor pigeon and then i saw like 40 pigeons and all of them have some deformity yeah yeah run over yeah pecked at or it's a tough life for a pigeon you're a motley crow yeah yeah or crows rip their foot off yeah yeah imagine i

can easily imagine that yeah i'm imagining it right now he's loving it why are you smiling yeah uh yeah so we got married we put rings on our fingers every girl at the wedding had a crush on abby's dad he's he's like uh even charlie damaris said he had a crush on my dad your dad is very tony stark-esque he's got he's on the good day, my dad gets Richard Gere. Oh, sure. And then on most days, he gets Kenny Rogers or David Suzuki. I would never say David Suzuki. He's got tiny little eyes.

Yeah? He could be Asian, but he's not. And the white hair and the beard. Yeah, sure. The Kenny Rogers, I would find an insult. The skinny Kenny Rogers. Sure. Gross.

Skinny Michael McDonald. Oh, Michael McDonald, sure. No, I would say... My dad does take it to the streets a lot. You guys are married. Oh, Jake shakes his head in my dumb jokes. What? Your sister, the cake that your sister made?

My sister made our cakes. Oh, good God. It was awesome. She's a cake boss boss We still have some in the fridge I've been picking at it Oh god it's good And she didn't go for you know She didn't feel the Cake boss compulsion to make a Grandpa cake Or something

Well we asked her not to We asked for specifics Hey how about just one color How about you just make us a nice cake or something. Well, we asked her not to. We asked for specifics. Smart. Hey, how about just one color and How about you just make us a nice cake? Some flowers and ribbon on it. It was so good. She's probably relieved. It was a delicious cake. You can ask for stupid cakes all the time.

Well, she makes cakes for a living. And sometimes she'll show up at a wedding and like, she'll put all the work into making the cake look perfect and then someone will come along and say, oh, we need to put a bride and groom on top. And then they do that and it ruins it. Yeah, right?

She could have made that out of modeling chocolate. Oh, fondant. Fondant. Ganache. Do they say ganache in one? That's their, like, when they, like, go team is ganache. Really? On the cake boss?

Yep. And then Moro falls face first into the cake is it moro or moritzio it's both yeah i think oh it's the same guy yeah i think moritzio is tiny moro there's always a tiny moro yeah the sun will come out tiny mor morrow. Yeah, so what else do people need to know? We made speeches. We were on the verge of tears. Dave's dad cried. It was adorable.

There was a lot of tears. It was very touching. I was bawling. I dropped an F-bomb at the end of it as MC. Oh, yeah. You MC'd it.

It was awesome. I know my side of the family loved the F-bomb that you dropped. I got a lot of compliments on it one person at a time throughout the whole evening. People were like, I really loved the F-bomb that you dropped. I got a lot of compliments on it, one person at a time, throughout the whole evening. People were like, I really liked the F-bomb. Don't let my husband hear you.

That was awesome. We all really enjoyed it. I didn't mean to. That just fell out. Yeah, you said, hey, everybody, let's turn this place into a fart factory. And then I threw beans. Jelly beans beans You know I was trying to keep it clean

Fart flavored jelly beans Oh gross There was somebody Everybody was really well dressed too It was like a very like Everybody was well dressed There was one person there wearing shorts And I don't know who that was

Some relative Gotcha Yeah what do you do Somebody wearing shorts Did not approve It's an island wedding It is a summer daytime island wedding. I suspected he was the murderer.

He was the real standout. Trying a little too hard to look normal. Yeah. He couldn't find his suit in his hidey hole. Well, yeah. It was great. It was a great day. Yeah, it truly is. Yeah, it was awesome. A great day for humanity. Yeah.

One small step for et cetera. Yeah, and then the next day I came back, you came back two days later, and we've been back at work and school since. Yeah. Oh, my God, yes. No, yeah, well, you know, the honeymoon's over, guys. Oh, we forgot to mention Spider-Man showed up. Oh, yeah. The eagle and spider-man i

think were from i heard from the most people as their favorite parts that was uh aunt sheila's aunt sheila's little boy who's four years old sheila was trying to put him to bed he wasn't having it put into his spider-man pajamas found out we were dancing downstairs came and did some great dance show yeah dance moves like a circle formed around him. We're all clapping. Then he just starts doing high fives with everyone in the circle. Ten times. Eight or nine laps. Oh, speaking of meeting people, meeting Aunt Sheila.

Oh, yes, in person. What an intense treat. In the flesh. Yeah, that was man, oh, man. Because she has been supporter number one, numero uno. Oh, yeah, supporter non grata supporter number one, numero uno. Oh, yeah. Supporter non grata. Yeah. No.

No. Huh? I'm my Latin's a little rusty. Classic. As is your stabbing knife. It's been in that Heidi hole the whole time, so you haven't really kept it in ideal circumstances. Heidi's hole? I thought they closed that place down.

Classic. Yeah. Classic from earlier today. Self-proclaimed classic. So that's basically... Yeah, and then it was a nice weekend. It was a super nice weekend. Yeah.

It was sunny, but not too hot. We got some alone time, and then we got some awesome... When did we have any alone time? On Wednesday, before everybody arrived. We had a lovely day together. We went to the beach. Oh, that's right. We chilled out.

We didn't have to... We expected to hit the ground running when we arrived, and then my parents were off being busy, so we took the advantage of not being busy and went to the beach. Yeah. Yeah, I got sucked into that world of preparing stuff. Because a bunch of your Dan Werbs and your A.J. Bonds all went to the beach for the day. But Charlie Demers was sleeping in my room and I couldn't get anything. Oh, no.

Yeah, so I couldn't get anything. So I was like, oh, I'll just hang out here. And then I ended up like, I did the place settings. You'll put to work yeah we hung up lanterns yeah we did uh and then at the end of the day i took down and i was like how did i get sucked into this again it was a real it was a real uh busman's holiday up there we should made you work the whole time i know uh so that's what's been going on with abby and myself how about you? Let's get to know you. Well, on the fall, when I came back, on the Monday,

I was, I finally had raised enough money via beard paintings to go and buy young Ryan LaChance his fancy new wheelchair. Awesome wheelchair. Yeah, so I went to this actual, like, wheelchair place.

Incredibly hard to access on foot. I haven't seen the... There's the Seinfeld episode with the George buys a discount wheelchair for someone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I thought the wheelchair place would... I haven't seen that episode in a long time. I thought it would look like that.

I thought it would have, like, a showroom. And it didn't at all. It's like, it was more. It was more like there was individual rooms where you were trying on trying out different wheelchairs. It was very much like buying a car, but if you just went into a booth with the cars that you liked

and got to sit in them and try them out and stuff. Did you get the undercoating? We got the undercoating. You had to paint it on yourself with your beard. Did you buy this by yourself with just your the beard painting or were other people involved nope that was all you yeah oh you're you're a hero uh and uh it was great to watch the the lady because they customize it to every so that ryan was sitting in the chair and they're like okay we'll put like these you know shoulder things and we'll get the what type of arm pads and there was like a whole bunch of arm pads to pick from and uh it was a lot of fun and then there was a crane that

picked him up that was great i bet he was just so excited i can only imagine yeah he loves cranes he does he loves cranes yeah both the birds and the building And the origami So that was Yeah, I did that on Monday After the weekend, it was just such a busy three days And then the rest of the week, nothing happened Nice I think there was a commercial I wanted to talk about But I forget it now

Well, that's awesome Yeah Was it the Crest commercial? Oh. That we were all talking about before? There's a Crest commercial. And I don't ever know with commercials if they're only Canadian-wide commercials or if they're international. You can certainly tell if they're local.

Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Because you can see the boom in all of the shots. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Because you can see the boom in all of the shots. There's a commercial where the mother in the commercial is trying to eavesdrop on her kids. In the bathroom. In the bathroom or in their playhouse. The subtext.

It's toothpaste for older kids, like between 8 and 15, I think. Yeah, twins. Like, it's not the little kids bubblegum Dora stuff. It's for the next step of kids. Yeah, it's... It's cube paste. Yes, yes it is. Miley Cyrus paste.

I gotcha. And the subtext seems to be that she's trying to catch her kids in the act of masturbating. That's what I read into it. But then just walks in and I'm brushing their teeth. Yeah, but walks into the bathroom. She's listening at the door. Her kids are in the bathroom, each of them by themselves.

They're having a circle brush. And then she opens the door without knocking and then gives them a look of not even approval. No, just kind of like... Still busted. Yeah.

Like, yeah. And then she goes up... You're doing what I asked you to. Busted. You'll never be good enough for me. But yeah, I don't know. I don't get it. It's slightly unnerving.

Yeah. So I'm glad we addressed that. Yep. Oh, well, there's one thing I saw on a poster around town that I wanted to bring up. Go on. It's this poster of, like, all these Asian people, and they're wearing costumes, like robes. Sure. And they're in weird positions. And it says, sex and zen.

Ooh. and they're in weird positions and it says sex and zen and then the description of it is the first the world's first ever 3D erotic movie and it's coming to Vancouver oh wow where's it playing uh Tinseltown I don't know if I want to see

because isn't that basically going to a porn theater like it's one step you're calling it erotica but it's yeah i'm not going to see any penetration from the looks of it it looks to be like super um artfully done softcore porn well it's a hong kong i don't find the problem with the problem the question with the 3d i find the problem with the problem. The question with the 3D. I find the question with the zen. Like, do you really want to watch people fucking and they're all like cool and relaxed about it?

Well, I'd rather cool and relaxed than hurried and stressed. Trill. Looking at their watch the whole time. They're en route to somewhere else. It's wrapping up. You can hear the director off screen talking about, we're really low on battery. they're on route to somewhere else. It's wrapping up. Even the,

you can hear the director off screen talking, we're really low on battery. I think zen is just a general, Asian thing. Asian thing, yeah. It could be bamboo. So it's like a placeholder.

Sex and, Rice. Yeah, high speedholder. Sex and... Rice. Yeah, high-speed rail. Sex and rice. Oh, man. I'm going to go see it. I'm going to go see it. You know what, though?

The thing that I don't like about it being in 3D, like the inevitable thing you think about in an erotic 3D situation, is the gotcha moment. Yeah, sure. But it seems a little bit classier than that. It seems like it'll be a softer core. Yeah, but it'll be something weird where it's like flower petals instead.

You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. I'm okay with that. But it's really intriguing, the idea of an artfully... It looks like it's really intriguing, the idea of an artfully... It looks like it's... An artful 3D penis coming right at your face! But I don't think it's...

You don't think you'll see any of those. You don't? Well, what's the point of making it in 3D? Yeah. I don't know. That's what I'm curious about. Three deep. Huh?

Huh? Does that mean three balls? I think that was the name of a boy band starring, or that had soap opera stars in it. Really? Yeah. Was any Cyprian? Mr. Leanne Rimes was in that one, if I'm not correct. Wow.

I didn't know. Was their song, If You Get Down On It, I'll Get Down On You? No, that's B4Four. Oh, sorry. My apologies. Numbers. That was a uh theme with boy bands numbers yeah yeah five oh five four four three deep 98 degrees no voice to men wasn't a boy band well they kind of were yeah sure they were an early version yeah i don't think we consider them in that realm, though.

They were more of a Motown. R&B. Philly. Yeah. What else? There was something else. I lost it. Well, we can come back to that later.

But right now, why don't we take care of some business? Life can be fun. Don't get carried away. You gotta do the things you don't we take care of some business? Life can be fun. Don't get carried away. You gotta do the things you don't want to do to get through the day. You gotta shine your shoes. You gotta sweep the floor. You gotta clean your house.

You gotta do some more. Take care of business. Well, we do have an ad, and it is in regard this week to a new addition to the Maximum Fun Family. And when I say new addition, I mean we've got Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, and Mike.

It's their prerogative. It's just Bobby's prerogative. They were more Mr. Telephone Man. Anyway, take it away, Graham. Here's a personal ad to congratulate the most beautiful wife in the world on the birth of her first child.

She handled the entire pregnancy, including over an entire day's worth of labor. Aye, aye, aye. With grace and aplomb. I mean, look, people. This is written. I'm not editorializing. Yeah, you're not saying, look, people. Yeah, right?

You would never. Exactly. I'm not that kind of guy. I mean, look, look people she shoved an entire human baby out of her body shoved I guess mm-hmm sure Lamaze I I could not be more proud of her Teresa The world is decidedly a more wonderful more amazing place by virtue of you being on it congratulations also to Baby Simon on winning the Natal Lottery.

This is some fancy wordplay that I'm reading here. For you, dear child, won the grand prize of Teresa being your mother. You have many joyous, loving years ahead of you. I'm so happy for the pair of you. Oh, I understand that Jesse Thorne played a role in this somehow. So, fine work on your part, sir.

Ad Astra, Ken Roberts of Houston, Texas. Tejano singer Ken Roberts. And he, you know, we're in the business now of doing these, um, what are they called again? Jumbotron?

Jumbotron. I really am not familiar with that term. He did this ad stealthily. Yes. He handed us cash and had us do it without, because Teresa handles the birthing and the Jumbotron. And Ken did that behind her back. Yeah, at MaxFunCon, he slipped us some cash yeah so thank you uh to ken and of course congratulations to the thorns so great on their brand new baby simon

that little kid such a such a happy looking little dude and uh you know it's mostly gas at this point that's my understanding supposedly just chemicals at work. Yeah, that episode where Frasier and Lilith had their baby. Sure. It had gas, episode one. All right, never mind. Well, why don't we move on to Overherds? Overherds. Overherds.

Now, before we get on to Overherds, I forgot to mention in that last break, if you would like to advertise on the show, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron, and we can read your message Jumbotron style. And if you want to be a bigger, larger advertiser, long-term thing, then email Teresa at MaximumFun.org. If you want to congratulate the Thorns on their new baby over a series of months. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little bit every day.

Through the power of your advertising dollars. Yeah, exactly. Now, over herds, if you haven't heard the segment, where have you been? I mean, welcome to the show, first-timers, but come on. Get with it uh what do you what do you think this segment's about it's about overhearing hilarious yeah people get it everyone listens to fitz dog so they get it i'm not letting it go our parent podcast fits up yep um now we always like to start with the guest i just realized i don't have one oh too little too late let's go

to dave i'm getting all relaxed about. Well, there was that really good one Albert had with his socks. Oh, yes. He's walking around. Albert is the four-year-old Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Kid.

Aficionado. Spider-Lad. Spider-Lad. And he's walking around with a sock in each hand, just kind of spinning them around. And my mom's sister says, Albert, what are you doing? And he says, I need someone to help me put on socks. It could be you.

That's pretty great. That's a pretty good darndest thing. That's pretty great. It's like a home lottery. Yeah, you just won the natal lottery. It's like, yeah, home lottery. Yeah, you just won the natal lottery. My overheard is taken from, also from Gabriola Island.

We were, I was getting some coffee in the morning at the most modern place on the island. There's, like, everything on the island is... Quantopolis. Quantopolis. And then there's this one place that has a modern pizza place and a modern coffee shop with wifi and there was this British woman

there were two women at a table drinking coffee one of them was British, they were both in their 50s the rightful age for British ladies that's when you can start playing bird or horse I don't know what that is and uh the rightful age for British ladies that's when you can start playing uh bird or horse bird or horse

I don't know what that is uh when British women women reach a certain age they look like either a bird or a horse and you have to

decide which one but you can't you can't what they look like at 20 might not give you a hint on whether they will be a word is this a game that

you guys invented this is a Sheila and my mom and I's game that we invented. Bird or horse. You can play bird or horse, but you have to wait until about 50 before you can really make your call. Wow. Bird or horse.

I like it. So this woman, bird, I overheard her say, and I'm not going to do the accent, because I'm afraid it would be too good. You'd make it too accurate. Yeah. This woman says, I was in such a state. I was like,

no wonder my kids don't like me. I'm glad she knows. Yeah, well, it's knowing is half the battle. Exactly. Becoming aware of the problem is the first step. Dr. Phil says. And then what's the Latin? Just forgetting knowing is half the battle. Exactly. Becoming aware of the problem is the first step. Dr. Phil says. And then what's the Latin? Just forgetting that you have the problem.

And then just blaming somebody else. Yeah, denying. Coming to terms with it and being like, well, I'm never going to fix this problem. Admitting. I got this far in life. Acceptance. My overheard, it was epic in its length, but maybe not in its content. Okay, so strap yourselves in.

This is going to be a marathon. No, no. It was just that it happened over a waiting for a train, a train ride, and then a whole scene at the other end. There was three people, two guys and a gal. I think they might have been standing next to a pizza place. Um, and the, the, they were the worst, like they were the worst three people who have ever waited for a train. There was, there was one guy that was like, I think maybe he works in it, but he, he's

really into heavy metal. Okay. but he's really into heavy metal. And he kept just talking about metal. And the girl was punching the other guy who was kind of like, not like a hippie, but like a dirt bag that would hang out on the fringe of hippie culture, but also be into meth. Metal gear solid.

Getting stuff for free. Yeah, yeah. Metal Gear Solid getting stuff for free yeah yeah so she was he was telling the guy so she was punching him in what way in the stomach but like in a fun way it started out fun got real annoying real fast

yeah and she was drunk and she was really laying into him there was some real wet sounds and then you could tell that it was going too far for him and so he stopped her and then you know uh with some weird move that i was like i think this guy looked this up off of some weird military site you know like he's walking krav maga movies on youtube this is how to break a vertebrae or whatever. And she didn't, so she stopped and produced like a half-eaten, I think it might have been a gyro or a pita out of her purse. It's a wet sandwich. And started eating it.

And the guy, the dirtbag guy started talking to the heavy metal and being like this is how i get this is how she treats me you know like i do all this stuff for her this is how she treats me and then the girl goes uh she goes uh no he said to her he's like can you why do you treat me like this and she goes like she hasn't been listening to it she goes oh, and pulls some stuffing out of the gyro or PETA and throws it at him. And I was like, oh, man. And then we all got on the train together and I got on the farthest car possible away from where they were. And then at the end train station, they were having a screaming match. And then she stormed away.

And he was like, you're just gonna walk away? Like, they, uh, he was the guy who had the storming away privileges. He got punched and gyroed in front of his friend. Also, when he got off the bus, uh, or train, his friend did the devil horn thing.

Nice. Nice. Well, they've arrived. Yeah. And screamed at him. I'll see you on Monday. So maybe they worked together. Some dirtbag corporation. I would love a gyro right about now. Oh, right? Or a hero. Is that how it's pronounced? A hero.

A hero. I could be your hero. The Enrique Iglesias gyro stand. That's not bad. If he licensed out his image to a bunch of gyro stand. That's not bad. Yeah. If he licensed out his image to a bunch of gyro stands. We also have

overheards that were sent in via electronic mail. If you want to do the same, you can send them to stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com. Our first one comes from Dustin in Regina, Saskatchewan.

Home province of the sheepdogs. Yeah, the cover of the Rolling Stone magazine. Man, that article, I read it at the London Drugs. Oh, yeah. And it makes Canada seem like a desolate wasteland. And the reporter couldn't understand why they were playing the Tragically Hip in a bar. The reporter went out of their way to go. They were blaring the tragically hip, which,

you know, according to the reporter, which are they're awful, but super popular. But this guy's from America. They're home of the super popular awful thing. Like, why was he so baffled by that? And really, I mean, Dave's going to disagree with me. I don't think the hip is terrible.

I never understood their widespread popularity. But I don't think they're terrible. They're not awful. They are good songwriters and musicians. Sure, courage is my word. Fuck off, America. Leave the hip alone. On the radio, I talked to a guy named Mabee Smith, who is a musician from Saskatoon,

and I had him confirm or deny some of the things mentioned in that article. Oh, really? Like that Saskatoon, everyone in Saskatoon is either a hooker or a hockey player. Yeah, that's not true. It's mostly students in Saskatoon. Well, you need support staff for hookers and hockey players. For both of those, yeah. Zamboni drivers.

Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and say it, and I don't like the article all that much. I'm sure I'm glad the sheepdogs and their Credence Clearwater sound finally made it to America. Their southern rock. Their pants. Yeah.

This first one comes from Dustin. I was in a movie theater the other day, and they had a poster for the new Muppet movie that has Kermit miss piggy fozzie gonzo an animal standing in a row on it a little girl was standing in front of it and she looked at it and pointed and says mom what are those things they look very creepy fair enough ouch maybe she was talking about Jason Segel. It's Jason Segel. Who's the female lead in that?

Amy Adams? No. Yeah, I feel like it is Amy Adams. I feel like you could have just swapped them with the two leads from the Smurfs movie. Neil Patrick Harris and Jemma Mays. Also, you could have, what's her name in there? The blonde that Anna Faris could also just be swapped in there. Or Isla Fisher, who could easily be swapped for Amy Adams.

Right. Looks wise, at least. Will she make the jump to the big screen? Our young Isla Fisher? She's been in movies. Which? She's in Hot Rod. Yeah, that was her. And wasn't she in Wedding Crashers? I think so. No. Sure. Yeah, she was the crazy, sex-crazed

sister, wasn't she? Yeah. When will she make the jump to TV? Oh, I'm thinking of the woman from The Office. Who is that? Oh, sure. Yeah, she was the crazy sex craze sister, wasn't she? When was she making the jump to TV? Oh, I'm thinking of the woman from The Office. Who is that? Oh, Jenna Fisher. Jenna Fisher. Yeah, yeah. She was in Blades of Glory.

That's right. That's, okay, good call. All right. Good stuff. Good stuff, everybody. This one, this one is just outstanding because it's, this is like an ancient overheard. This is from Carrie in New York. And from what I can gather...

Wait, wait, wait. Is it Carrie from Sex and the City? Yeah. Carrie B from Sex and the City. Carrie Bradshaw, right. This is... I have a historical overheard for you. I was transcribing testimony from an 1870s court case in which an old Scotman's will was being contested.

The witness was testifying about a time that the old man visited with the witness and his family. The old man was complaining about having to pay school taxes because his children were grown and he didn't think he should have to pay for other people's kids to go to school. The old Scotman said, with ladies present, let them that love fucking pay it. Wow. Hey, 1870s over here. The Scots are cheap and foul-mouthed. As I sit here with the last name Campbell. What, uh...

You have a weird job, Carrie. Yeah, Carrie... Weird slash awesome. Carrie is part of some sort of archaeological consulting firm. That'd be awesome! Oh my god, that sounds awesome. That sounds fascinating.

That is pretty great. Consulting firm. Well, you can't do that. You can't go back to 1870. That time travel problem I told you about. Yeah. What do you need to consult? I guess archaeologists need consulting and probably counseling.

Yeah. And transcribing, apparently. The deadliest warrior. Sure, yeah. They want to find out if a shark is better than an octopus. That'll be season three, right? Our shark is better than a crocodile. Who would win in a fight?

I saw one of those on Discovery or something. Who would win in a fight against a shark and a crocodile? Yeah, between a shark and a crocodile. Probably. Wait, where? It's always about where they meet him. Are they in the swamp? No.

A crocodile. They're on a yacht. They're at the top. Tough to. Are they in the swamp? No. Crocodile. They're on... They're on a yacht. They're at the top. Tough to say. Top of the Empire State Building on Valentine's Day. Because that makes it legal, right? Yeah.

They're in international waters. Yeah, otherwise... You can't make a shark and a gator fight on dry land. Or sea world. Has to be equally awkward for both animals. I think falling from a plane. Oh, right. And only one gets to have the parachute.

The winner gets to press the button with its tiny legs. Well, the alligator's got hands, so maybe the alligator's going to win. Yeah, and the alligator can breathe air. They trigger the parachute by chomping. It's a chomp-off. I challenge you to a chomp-off. I challenge you to a chomp-off. A mid-air chomp-off?

Well, of course. The shark slaps him with his little fin. This last overheard comes from Deirdre. Deirdre S. The other night, I went to... I was at a Newsies sing-along event Okay

Is that a thing? Apparently Sure, why not? Newsies sing-along event Yeah So maybe it wasn't just a Newsies sing-along But it was like a charity fundraiser For future Newsies sing-alongs

You need to dress up as your favorite character Sure, yeah What if you really loved Newsies But you didn't know it was a sing-along You would need to dress up as your favorite character. Sure, yeah. What if you really loved Newsies, but you didn't know it was a sing-along? You would be so mad that everyone there was singing along, and you just wanted to watch the movie. You just wanted to hear Christian Bale sing. Is it Christian Bale? I believe it is.

Really? Was that Swing Kids? I get these movies mixed up. Yes. I never saw either one. Wasn't the kid... 525,000 was what was the kid in newsies no i'm thinking of the kid from dick tracy never mind oh his name was kid his name was kid kid tracy kid spoiler alert so dear dree in new york city was at a newsy sing-along event and while it was a lot of fun the crowd was pretty much what you might expect

for a dorky event such as this. I would have assumed a lot of people from the Archaeological Society Transcription Society have put on their woolen caps. Oh, I would have thought a lot of jocks. Oh, really? Yeah, a rugby team. I went up to the bar to get a drink

and overheard this. Romulan ale. Every nerd event has that, regardless of which kind of nerd you are. That's the official drink of nerd events. Romulan ale. I went up to the bar to get a drink and overheard this from the female Newsies fan next to me. the bar to get a drink and overheard this from the female Newsies fan next to me. Quote,

they did a study that proves that guys are the most attracted to strippers who aren't on the pill. So you should really be ovulating when you go out to the bars. Wow. You just learned. Oh, so she's saying even if you're not a stripper, you want guys to

be attracted to you, ovulate. Or maybe they were talking, maybe the girl she was talking to was a stripper who was looking for work be attracted to you, ovulate. Or maybe the girl she was talking to was a stripper who was looking for work. Yeah, I don't know where the stripper comes into that, because I remember reading that as just like a study about straight up men and women, not necessarily a particular

career path. But what kind of woman would let a reporter see her eggs? I assume this was done by a reporter. The study was done by a reporter. I'm going to need to see an egg. Oh, guys. They couldn't use the honor system.

They needed solid proof. You have to find somebody with no honor in order to conduct strippers. No honor among strippers. Well, in addition to overheards that have been written in, we also accept phone calls through a telephone system that we use called a telephone. Ameridex. K7.net. Fantastic service. I recommend it. And if you would like to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328, like these people have. Hi, guys. This is Rachel from New York City, calling in with an overheard. I work in the

fashion industry, and I won't say for what company, but we have a number of vendors overseas in Hong Kong. Sometimes we're lucky enough to have them come visit us in our office in New York, and they're always wonderful people, but I feel like sometimes things get lost in translation. For example, yesterday we got a visit from a veteran named Peter, and I'd never met him, but my boss was greeting him and asked, Oh, how are you, Peter? How's your son? And I'll spare you Peter's accent, but he replied quite simply, Oh, he's good, sexually active.

That Peter guy sounds like Eugene Levy's character in American Pie. Like he's alright with it, you know? He's encouraging his son. I wonder if there will be a Eugene Levy character in Sex and Zen, the 3D erotic movie.

Can we hope? He comes in when all the uh chinese men are fucking pies yes having sex with some kind of pork buns red bean curd he really porked that pork bun guys pork the shit out of that imaginary high fives uh i also like that she didn't do the accent that's pretty great like the reason i didn't do the british woman's accent wasn't for fear of racism. Okay, next one. This one is actually kind of like, it takes place in Vancouver at, I'm assuming, the Rock Shop on Granville? Sure.

Yeah. So, T-shirts and... The head shop? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Rock Shop isn'tville. Yes. The head shop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rock Shop isn't really a head shop, is it? It just sells like rock t-shirts. And belts. Yeah, it's got like, it smells of patchouli in there.

It's got all the other things that you would buy at. Oh, glass pipes, sure. And yeah, it's kind of, we don't usually get two people talking into the phone at the same time. So it's a little strange. A little delicious. Let's have a listen. No more snacks for tomorrow. Okay, we gotta do it now.

Now this sounds like a drunk dial. Okay, we just heard... We have... Hi, Dave and Graham. How are you? We're pretty big fans. We just arrived in Vancouver. Oh, sorry. You know I'm changed. We're pretty big fans. We just arrived in Vancouver. No, sorry. You know I'm changed.

We arrived in Vancouver today and we have a great overboard for you. Yeah, we were walking by a... The head... Hard rock... A head shop. A head shop and there's... A couple of donors. There's three... There's one girl and two guys standing outside of it, and they're talking about it.

And this girl, we walked by them a few times. A few times, just as she was saying. But seriously, you guys, one time, I broke the fog out of a goat's ass. Seriously, guys. That was part of the ritual. I like how they finished each other's sentences, but they just filled in the middle of part of the sentence. That was teamwork.

Comma, you go. You know what I think that was? I think that that was a pair of Siamese twins. No. Yeah, that's why they had to. They're just used to it. They had the phone between them. One of them's a country singer. Wow, that was cool.

Midway through that conversation I was like, this is what it's like to be drunk. To have a conversation in a bar with somebody. There's pieces missing because it's too loud. And so you're just trying to fill it in. I think we got there. It's like space missing, space missing, space missing.

Smoke the bong out of a goat's ass. Yeah. Which I think is probably hyperbole. You know what I think happened? The goat ate the bong because they'll eat anything. And he was just pooing it out. And the guys were like, we're not going to get another opportunity to do this. Come on, guys.

Now's our chance. We've been talking about it for years. Exactly. We've been talking about this for years. Now's our opportunity. The goat swallowed it whole. Yeah. Didn't chew it.

Goats, like snakes, unhinge their jaws while it thinks all. Goats are like the worst animals, right? No, they're the greatest animals. They're awesome. Baby goats are good. They have weird eyes. No, goats, they climb up on stuff. They're badasses. They'll stand on a roof. They'll stand on a cow. They'll stand on a cow. They'll jump up

on the top of the car. I've seen goats who climb trees. Yes. Yeah. They're the greatest. Those fainting goats are pretty good. Fainting goats are good. The pygmy goats. Baby goats are adorable. Goats.

No, baby goats are great. Yeah. But I think grown-up goats are just jerks. Yeah, but they're adorable jerks. You can't fault them because they're so cute. Oh, like me. So cute and ugly. I think they're the greatest. All right. I'm pro-goat. You think they're so cute. Oh, like me. I'm cute and ugly. I think they're the greatest.

All right. I'm pro goat. You think they're the greatest. I am pro goat. Oh, you're backing off your... As the man with the goat beard says, he's pro goat. Yeah, I like... No, I think they're the greatest.

What animal... Okay. Mid-air chomp fight. Okay. Goat versus snake. Yeah, goat versus... Goat's going to win that because they're w Okay. Goat versus snake. Yeah, goat versus... Goat's going to win that because they're wily. Snakes are dumb.

So dumb. Snakes are just... Yeah. They eat... They just slither around. They eat other garbage animals. Yep. Where goats eat actual garbage.

Actual garbage. Yeah. That's what makes them so great. Yeah, we should send them to that underwater garbage island in the middle of the... Yeah, just let them loose. Apparently there's like eight underwater garbage islands. They're not underwater. They're above.

They're like islands. Well, they float right below the surface. Oh, right. Okay, I got what you're saying. Yeah, like you couldn't set up... They're not at the bottom of the ocean. They're not like the lost city of Atlantis or where the sea monkeys live. No, but if you see a little piece of plastic, that's the tip of the

giant iceberg. Garbageberg. Plasticberg. It's usually a bag of ice. Wasn't that the name of that Ben Stiller movie? Garbageberg. Greenberg, everybody. Greenberg. Sure.

Finally. Yes. Hey, Dave, Graham Graham and possible guests I'm calling in with an overseen I was driving by a karate place next to me already funny

and it had a sign that said first 10 callers get free karate birthday party. Oh, man. Why are you calling us and not them? Yeah, karate birthday party. You can have 10 birthday parties.

Do it. Yeah. Oh, man. I want it. Oh, man. I don't like birthdays at all, but if it was a karate birthday party. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man.

That is really great. What do you think happens? Do you think a guy chops the cake with his hand? Well, that's going to be part of it. There'll be a lot of crotch cakes. Yeah. You're going to be chopping a pinata. Oh, yeah.

Instead of pin the tail on the donkey, it's... Throw a star at the donkey. No, they don't do throwing stars in karate, do they? Yeah, they do. It's all... It's all mixed. Yeah, anything goes in the dojos. Is that from a thing, or did you just make that up?

I just made that up. I assume that's what goes on at a karate birthday stays at a karate birthday. Anything goes in the dojos. Yeah, you're going to have... What are your other birthday activities? That's really... There's only cake. Oh, but like, instead of wrapping your presents in paper, you wrap them in a cinder block

and then the... Or you wrap them in your ghee. But no, like you put it in a cinder block and then somebody smashes it open. And instead of a ribbon, you have a belt. Oh, yes. I like that. Like a green belt, yellow belt. Does everybody get a belt when they, like as a... A white belt. Oh, yes. I like that. Like a green belt, yellow belt. Does everybody get a belt?

A white belt. A goodie bag? A white. And by the end of the birthday party, you might be up to a black belt or a brown belt. Oh, right. Depending on your performance during the party. Yeah. Yeah.

Why is it that the beginner's belt is the easiest color to dye another color? Right? If you give a person a white belt and they want to be a green belt. I can just go home and make it green. Yeah. Give a man a white belt and he'll karate for a day. Give a man a white belt and some green dye and he'll karate for a lifetime. Why would they settle for green?

I don't want to be too greedy. Yeah, well, because... A little rouse suspicion. Yeah, if all of a sudden he was a black belt... He would have a lot of questions. If he was 5 Dan black belt. Is that what it is? Dan's? Yeah, you do it. Famous Dan's.

You have to beat up a famous Dan. Dan Rather. Dan Radcliffe yeah those are the two those are the two are there any other famous dans yeah uh daniel powder you had a bad day yeah dan and day lewis oh yeah that's the top one uh that's when you slick your hair down and do something crazy you're fighting a whole bunch of guys when you're fighting Danny Lewis. Because he's Bill the Butcher. Yes.

And you've got to do something to get that belt. You have to do something super crazy. Drink his milkshake. You have to beat a goose to death. You have to be a method karate man. Well, we have some more of these waking up in the middle of the night phone calls. Yeah, we don't have a theme for that. Somebody called us on that, but I don't know if we're going to continue with it long enough to justify a theme.

We sure get a lot of them, but I don't have time to make a theme. All right. I'm not going to trouble you to sing one for us, Abby. I was going to say, I got nothing. Right. Well, don't worry. It's off the table. You shouldn't have even brung it up.

I'm sorry. You should just play that lullaby song, and then it gets interrupted by a record scratch. Wake up and call us! And that's it. That is it. There you go. Except I'm not going to add the lullaby song. Okay, so the concept of this, if people do not know a few weeks ago graham thought it would

be great if instead of people calling us when they're drunk they call us the moment they wake up in the middle of the night they set an alarm to wake themselves up yeah uh from the dead of sleep yeah and i was playing every one of them before. We got a couple for the last couple of weeks. Now we've gotten too many. I'm just going to play a selected few. So this is like... One guy called in and left a four and a half minute message. That's too much.

This is like in Inception when it's the kickback moment. That's what we want to... And you wake up and you say something embarrassing. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Panties on a goat. Something like that. Hey, Dave and Graham.

It's two in the morning. And you wanted people to call, so I'm calling. I just had a dream where George Bush was taking advice from the rabbit from Watership Down. And then I thought that when your speeches could easily be from Watership Down, then you're doing something wrong. Or right, I guess. Watership down, then you're doing something wrong. Or right, I guess. I'm going to go back to bed. I'm going to go to work.

Oh, it's when people are at their most human. Yeah. Yeah, all good. Lord, the bumpers are wonderful people. Yeah. They really are. Oh, man, that was great. That was amazing. Yeah, Watership Down.

It seems like he would have done that, had those worlds collided, that he would have taken advice from the rabbits in Watership Down. Well, as opposed to who else? Were there other characters in Watership Down? Never read it. Is it like Black Hawk Down? Yeah. That's what Black Hawk Down...

Instead of hawks, it was rabbits. Instead of hawks, it was rabbits. Okay, this next one is from a past previous guest. He's both a past guest and a previous guest. And a future guest. Frequent guest, Emmett Hall. Oh, Emmett Hall, yeah. Called us in the middle of the night. This was top drawer.

This was pre-wedding, so he refers to it. Hey, it's Emmett calling. so he refers to it hey it's MS calling and don't don't forget to marry Abby

David sweet wanna go to sleep again alright thanks Evan I love it so much That's amazing Yeah, well I didn't

We remember it Thank god you reminded me I did wrap a string around my finger Around your Wedding band How's the ring working out by the by? Well it's getting scratched up Is it?

It doesn't stay pristine very long. It's very weird having jewelry on. Because, Abby, you're well-vested in having it. Yes. So you're fine. I'm okay. And the size of the rock, I mean, come on! Come on, guys! Yeah, we got

married on Alcatraz while watching The Rock with Dwayne Johnson. It was officiated with Dwayne Johnson. It was really a race to that. And what I really, the weirdest thing about the ring is when I drive my car, because I always touch it to different surfaces. I always hear it hit a glass or hit a table. But the steering wheel, it really pinches the skin.

Ooh. Like my hand fat. In your palm fat. Living off the fat of the hand. So I think I will develop a callus there. Sure. A Charlie callus. You also get distracted by the elven that's written on your, right?

You guys wrote elvish vows to each other. I thought elven was Sandra's husband from Yeah. He spoke only elvish. Okay. One more of these. Alright.

Hey, Dave and Graham. I just woke up from a dream where in the future the sun burned out and all of mankind cancelled every TV show except for Muppet Babies.

I don't know. Honestly, if you had to pick one show to keep, honestly, what would you keep pick one show to keep... Honestly? What would you keep? One show. Only one.

And keep in mind that the sun is out. So it's always sunny in Philadelphia with scenes. Too ironic. Sure. Teletubbies with that weird baby's face in the sun. Wouldn't make any sense. Yeah, it'd be a sad reminder. Would it be new episodes of Muppet Babies still?

Or would it be Entourage Babies? Would it be, like, would they keep, whatever show I choose, do they continue to make new episodes of it? I don't know. You know, it's a future time. they keep whatever show i choose do they continue to make new episodes of it i don't know you know it's uh it's a future time look they're not going to make new episodes because it's too cold it's the sun has gone out it's the beginning of a new ice age yeah there's all the television i say it's the tv show well that's abby's book yeah it would have to be something animated yeah yeah because

you draw in the sunlight you can draw brightness yes. Yes. Yeah. But you can't film, so it's animated. I don't know, man. I would say The Simpsons, but it's already been on for that much time. Well, if we're not getting new episodes of anything, I would pick The Simpsons, too, because there's plenty of old episodes. Those reruns are amazing. And I haven't seen all of the newer ones. I'd like to rediscover.

I'm not opposed to Muppet Babies being the only show. When's the last time you watched it? When you yourself were a Muppet Baby? Yeah, when I was a Muppet Baby. And you were part Muppet? What did that girl call it? Terrifying? Scary?

Yeah. Really creepy. It would be creepy if you didn't have any connection to the Muppets. And then all of a sudden there was this crazy puppet movie. That movie cannot be for kids. No, it's not. I don't think it is. It's got to be for 30-year-olds like us.

Yeah. We love the Muppets. Yeah, it's weird because if you, I don't know, like what other movie is all puppets? Like no movie, right? Not these days. There was a whole bunch when we were kids. Yeah. But is that kind of technology, would movie, right? Not these days. There was a whole bunch when we were kids.

But is that kind of technology... Would it be creepy if you... I mean, I guess... You're used to CG if you grew up with all CG stuff. Yeah, and kids today still know Elmo and stuff. I guess there's Sesame Street. Oh, yeah, that's right. Elmo's still around. You know the guy that does Elmo's voice is a black gentleman?

Yeah, I saw that Oprah. He was on Oprah? Yeah. He had all the guys on Oprah. Wow. Awesome. Like as Elmo? It was like a behind-the-scenes Henson workshop, wasn't it?

It was like a... Can I speak to Elmo? The whole episode was all about secret surprises, and they brought him out. I don't know if he was allowed to actually do it. Do the Elmo voice with his real face showing? Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, because that was in a contract of the Simpsons forever. They weren't allowed to do the voices

outside of the context of the show. the lady who started who does Bart's voice now does like phone calls to hey, join the Church of Scientology no

something like that oh man well this has been 12 kinds of great sure if you would like to join us online there's a myriad of places.

Is it a myriad or myriad? It's Miriam's wedding. Okay. But I've heard Jesse use it without the article. Jesse Thorne. Oh, okay. Jesse Thorne from Jesse and the Riffers. Yeah.

There's MaximumFun.org. Yep. There's forums there where you can discuss everything we talked about on today's show. You can give us your reviews of sex and Zen. Uh, there will be recaps that stop podcasting yourself.com and we will have, uh, clips from that crest commercial if we can find it. Oh yeah, absolutely. Uh, and, uh, also on, uh on uh on facebook we have a facebook group and

there's been one one topic there this past week someone wanted to name their uh fantasy football team after something stop podcasting yourself related and there have been great suggestions dozens of references that i've completely forgotten about, but it's really opened my eyes to things we've talked about on the show. The sea Draculas, I think, are my favorite. That's a leading. That's pretty great. I think if you have any ideas of it, by all means, go to the Facebook group. Get in on this.

Weigh in on it. Like the ones you like. Yeah. Totally. Look, if you don't vote, you can't complain about the winner. About this guy's vote. Rock the vote, guys. Yeah. Totally. Look, if you don't vote, you can't complain about the winner. About this guy's phone. Rock the vote, guys. Yeah.

Abby, is there anything people can do with you on the internet? No. They can follow Everybody Loves Grandpa. Yeah, everybodylovesgrandpa.tumblr.com. Which is great. And you have a Tumblr. Grandpa is spelled G-R-A-M-P-A. Yes, and Tumblr is spelled like the website, not the thing you make your drinks in.

Right. Oh, good call. But you also have And Tumblr is spelled like the website, not the thing you make your drinks in. Right. Oh, good call. But you also have a Tumblr? I have sassyfontaine.tumblr.com. Sassyfontaine. Check it out. It's great. A lot of fun.

A lot of fun times. That's about it, really. A lot of Doctor Who references. Thanks for being our guest. You were great. Thanks for letting me be your guest. Congratulations, you guys. Thank you.

I'm glad we could catch everybody up. Yeah, we haven't honeymooned yet. We'll still honeymoon at some point Yeah, right Am I invited to the honeymoon? I'm an MC for the honeymoon Alright, I like that I'll accept that position

Dave, do you have anything? That's what you'll say as you MC Zing Zow I don't need to plug anything Oh, this most recent episode of the R330 Yes It was my final episode Oh, I don't need to plug anything. Oh, this most recent episode of the R330. Yes. It was my final episode. Oh, I don't like that.

So the regular host is back, but you can download the podcast of the, just look up R3-30. Sure. But you're still at Radio 3. I'm still at Radio 3, hosting most days. Yeah. Cbcradio3.com. And you really should check that out dave does a wonderful job truly wonderful it's fun it's a lot of fun we try to have you know what it's fun it comes through

you know fun yeah it's fun and you uh now that you've run out of uh a beard painting cause i guess you're gonna stop beard painting oh you would be so wrong dave you're the wrongest um Oh, you would be so wrong. Dave, you're the wrongest. I am doing, in September, I am actually doing a show. I wrote it on my agenda. September 27th, for anybody who happens to be in Vancouver, at the Little Mountain Gallery, run by past guest Aaron Salazar. A wonderful place.

Yeah, it's great. And it will be a beard painting show, and a lot of them will be for sale. And if you buy one, you get to pick what charity the money goes to. If you have a personal charity that you like, or there will be a list of possible charities that you could do. What if someone was like, I'll buy this one, and I want it to go to the Ku Klux Klan? Yeah, to Hitler's youth. Well, you know what? Then you can go to hell.

I'm taking my painting back, and you don't get it. No fucking around, guys. Well, not the Hitler youth. You just said Hitler's youth, which if... If memory serves. Yeah, if my knowledge of history is correct, it has a lot to do with painting. Oh, that's right.

Yeah. Oh, I'm for that. Yes. Yeah. They're trying to reclaim the name Hitler. Yeah. The H word. Oh, and there's a fun thing that's going on that a few of our past guests are involved with called the Ken Talks.

And that is this Friday in Vancouver. And it's like comedic versions of TED Talks. Yeah. Charlie Demers will be there. Caitlin Fontana, Emmett Hall, Craig Anderson. What a lineup. Yeah, a real... Lineup. Yeah, if you're in town...

Look up Ken Talks. Yeah, I won't be here. I will be spartaning it up in Calgary, Alberta. Gross. But yeah, thanks for listening, everybody. And, yeah, you want to contact us, stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com or 206-339-8328. Why don't you wake yourself up? Give us a call.

Yeah. Or if you're drunk, also give us a call. And thanks for listening. Come back next week for another fantabulous episode of Stop Broadcasting Yourself.