Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 179 - Chris Gordon

Episode Date: August 23, 2011

Comedian Chris Gordon joins us to talk beards, VCRs, and Seven Pounds.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 179 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who always matches his socks. One color to the other, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, they come in pairs.

It's like you don't have to just pick a bunch from the pile at the Value Village. You can get them as pairs. Yeah, but at what cost? In this economy? Sure. I don't know. I don't know. I've never seen them for sale by themselves, so I don't know at what cost.

I don't know what I'm saving or what you're saving by wearing mismatched socks. I'm saving somebody the price of matching them up. And then I pass the savings on to the listener. And our guest this week, a very funny man who just, just came in from

Sycamuse. Yeah, Sycamuse. That's where I'm based out of. The comedy hub of Sycamuse. A very funny gentleman indeed, Mr. Chris Gordon is our guest. Oh, hey. Hey. I find it weird when socks have the, like this one doesn't bother me as much,

but when the socks at the end, they have that thin stripe. I feel like toes are being constricted. You mean that stripe there? Like it's a phony rubber band. No, this is much thinner and was just like a red stripe. Oh, yeah. Yeah, almost like a seam and i i can't stop looking at people's feet and worrying about the blood flow to their toes at that point it's a

bit of a problem you know what i don't know that's good that's nice that you're concerned for your fellow man i have anxiety i don't know that they're being constricted i feel like that's like uh uh where you're supposed to aim your toes oh like that like that's the... It's a helping stripe? A landing stripe. Yeah, it's not a hurting stripe. It's not there to harm your toes, I don't think. It's not a bad stripe. No, I think that's the visual trick that it's playing on me.

Like one of those paintings you stare at in the 90s. And then something comes out of it. It's the only way to stare at it is in the 90s. No, you can't look at them today. They don't work. Yeah, everyone's eyes evolved on Y2K. Should we get to know us? Oh, sure.

Get to know us. Chris, you're out here for a couple of weeks doing comedies. Yes. You're not from Sycamuse. No. You're not from Sycamuse. No, I'm not from Sycamuse. My parents have a cabin there since I was like four. Oh, wow. Sycamuse, for people who think it's just a silly word, you're right.

Yeah. Their mascot is the moose mouse. It's a little mouse with moose antlers. Is that true? Yeah. Why would I make that true? Yeah, that's... Wait. Why would I make that up? I don't know.

You know, because it's two words that, like, I could have said that, you know, the goose... Gouse? Gosling? Yeah. Goose, gouse. Well, goose and goose. Half Ryan Gosling. Now, ever since you were a little kid you uh were a family that had a cabin

uh we've got cabins together yeah it's murder that's together that's pretty accurate uh we had a trailer on some land for a while and then it was developed later in a cabin and uh yeah i i've missed out on it the last couple summers so i tried to spend a lot of time out there uh this summer and decided to uh for the second time in my life try and grow a beard oh is this uh this is the attempt this is a month in that's not bad no but yeah like i didn't i didn't i wouldn't say that you're a microphone it's like an invisible force field oh it's okay yeah i wouldn't say that it's better than i thought it would be i didn't comment on it because I just assumed it was... I didn't assume you were growing a beard.

I just thought it was a beard. Yeah, it's not. Oh, really? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It looks great. I'm at beard status. Well, you're not...

Not like you have a beard on your face. Because my thoughts are like when I was... I think it was when I was like 19, I tried to grow one. And it was like just like that... I was talking about the invisible barrier of like peach fuzz. Oh, yeah. And like, so I was like... And so I used to joke about... And then you and it was just like that, I was talking about the invisible barrier of peach fuzz. Oh, yeah. And so I used to joke about it. And then you dyed it with just vermin?

It was amazing. I was like a polar bear only in the light. I don't know how that works. Yeah, so then this year I gave up, and I was like, I want to grow out my hair. I'm going to grow out this beard and just see what happens. And I found that when you have clean shaven, you're a normal person, like you're a respectable human.

When you have a nice full beard, you're like, that's normal too. But anywhere in between, you're like pervert or criminal. Or you just stepped off a greyhound. You're like predator of some way. So that's what I was worried about. And there's these two side things that I don't know if they're coming in. No, you're fine. For the home listener,

the two side things, he's talking about lightning bolts. Yeah, he has two lightning bolts shaved into the sides of each of his beard. Like a beard would. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I put them there. No, it just looks like somebody who's growing a beard. It's hockey season, you're growing a beard.

Okay. You're watching a team. It's not an offensive beard. Okay. You know, like some people, they grow a beard, and it looks like they've had the flu, and they haven't been able to shave. A flu beard? Yeah.

Yeah, and they've lost a bit of weight. And so, it's not that their beard hair has grown. It's just their skin has receded. And their fingernails are longer that's strange uh so yeah like i mean those are the beards that you want if you if you grow a beard like that then you want to stay away from it but i was worried i had soul patch since i was like 20 and half the time people would go like late like we or even years after knowing me they'd be like oh did you just grow a soul i'm like no i've had this for well you, you're very fair-haired and fair-skinned.

And your beard hair is basically the same color as your skin. Yeah. Yeah, it's like a... Which makes it strange. It looks like my face is swollen. Yeah. That's what you're trying to say. Like, at this point.

Like, bee stings. If you grow it too far, it'll look like your face is melting off of your head. That's not a bad plan. just be uh cautious of it just be careful when you're uh trimming it now is this just your first full beard attempt yeah so do you have uh clippers or anything you said earlier you tried before yeah i tried before it was over the holidays when i was like 19 and yeah it was that was bad yeah i had a mustache for a while i had uh that was when i was in art school and a friend and i oh yeah this was kind of before right and this was i i like to say this is before like the hipster mustache thing came in so it was like horrible to walk around campus with a mustache and like go over to girls

tables and clean up spilt beer with it because that's what you do right to pick up chicks and stuff um and yeah it was terrible it was just like terrible having it was so gross and my favorite thing to do was uh the side curls i would like chew on a little oh yeah that is super gross right art school though right you know i mean it's college you're experimenting and stuff Well, why would art school be so mustache-averse? Wasn't it like Salvador Dali was a famous mustache-to-man? Yeah, sure. That's true. Art Garfunkel.

Art Garfunkel was a big... Jumped too far. He actually didn't. ...famous artist. But he was a mustache enthusiast. Everybody knew he wanted a mustache. Oh, yeah. Paul Simon certainly had one for a period.

That's why art hung out with him. Mm- was mustache adjacent i'm so glad that it's mostly just been about mustaches and beards so far what were you afraid it was gonna be i had no idea i actually asked uh amanda brooke parent i'm like whoa do we have a subject like what are you talking about she's like relax you're gonna go into this like too prepared with a script like what are you talking about? She's like, relax. You're going to go into this like too prepared with a script. Like, what are you doing? Yeah, no, you just got, yeah, you do like Amanda did. Just let it flow. Did she talk about it? Let your beard hang down. She let her beard?

Yeah, she let it all hang out. My God. Maybe our listeners don't know, but over the summer, Amanda Brooke Perrin, who was a past guest. Maybe 20 episodes ago? Yeah, she won a competition she was up for. She got to be like an intern at the Comedy Network.

We were talking about her before the show started that, hey, she's all over the place. She's meeting celebrities. I wish you guys would keep it on me or whatever. No, not a big deal or whatever, but she's not here, you know what I mean? She's an ex-girlfriend. Do you want to get into that?

Oh, really? Oh, we didn't know that. We didn't know that. Yeah, well. What did she think of the mustache? Yeah, well, that's how we picked her up. She actually saw a picture, and she's on Facebook or something, and she texts me. She's like, are you growing a fucking beard?

And I was like, yeah, I'm a man now, right? Yeah, and it's also like none of your business, ex. Right? I know. Yeah. yeah exactly wouldn't you like to know yeah exactly this is how the single chris gordon is doing it yeah just you know what you should get a picture of you uh playing darts i feel like that's like a big bearded man game darts doesn't that feel like a game that a newly bearded man would play. Sure. As opposed to a croquet. Yeah, or like a backgammon. Yeah, or get an axe and put a couple notches in a tree.

That would look pretty badass. You know what I mean? I feel my roommate came out to the cabin, one of my buddies. Because you were like, what if we were cabin roommates? Let's see what that would be like. We tried it in Calgary. Yeah, we tried it in calgary yeah we tried it in a metropolitan sickamoose um but he came out and he'd been uh working in the field for a

while and neither of us knew but he came with a beard as well oh wow i know we're that's how good our friendship is yeah i assume that's what you meant when you said he was working in the field the field of beer the field of beards out in field of beards. Out in the woods, growing one like you do. If you grow it, they will come. That happened. That just happened. And I have no idea why I brought up my friend anymore, except that he had a beard, too. Yeah, sure.

And I don't know why I was getting to that, but there was a really important point to it. And now I don't know what it was. If you come to it later, we're still going to be here. Yeah, don't worry about it. Oh're still gonna be here i'll figure it out don't worry about it oh yeah no i remembered thank you yeah i was texting today and i was like i feel weird because i feel now that i have someone who appeared i like feel i'm extra confident and like i don't care about shit as much is that i and he goes he texted me back like i felt the exact same way.

And now that I'm shaved, I feel like I'm a virgin again. Wow. The first time. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Dave, you go through bearded and shaved periods all the time. How does that affect you? It's rough.

It doesn't affect me so much as it affects the tides. Oh, OK. People think it's the moon moon but it's my beard but i i giggled a bit when you told when you said that you're like oh i texted him to talk about how my beard was spilling i think part of having a beard is maybe not obsessing about it 23 hours this is my first you gotta realize right like it's like, when I lost my virginity, I'm going to tell you this, guys, because I feel like we're...

Yeah, sure. Absolutely. Was Amanda there? See? Now? Now we're in trouble. I think she was like 12 then, actually. She might have squirted a lot younger than me.

So we've coasted into some weird waters. Sure. You were six. That is weird. It was like Mrs. Robinson, but way earlier in life. I looked at the clock at the exact moment that I entered my girlfriend

so I knew when I became a man. What do you mean gross? This is a timing thing. I think the gross was the entered. I was trying to be like, what should I have said? Gross! Well, this is a timing thing. I think we're going, the gross was the entered. Entered. Oh, oh. No, it wasn't about the timing.

I was trying to be like, what should I have said? No, I guess that was probably the most genteel way you could have put it. Way worse. No, you could have done better, I think. Do you think so? Should I try a different way? I think you could have just gone more subtle. Like, I think we know... As you started, you could have said.

When I entered, oh, but that's the... What about parted her flower? Stop. Oh, there you go. That one you like oh dave didn't my uh i would have gone with when you know oh yeah okay i would have said when things commence okay but you know what well i'm being dude what like was there an alarm clock nearby or like yeah you have all your watch on It was, no, it was a... Was it flashing midnight on a VCR? Why can't your dad program this damn thing?

I'm trying. He was there. Yeah, that's the weird part. No, you can't bring up VCRs and not expect me to talk about that and sidetrack me. But anyways. It's Comic Gold.

Why did I expect that? Because I had a character I tried. It was called Dale Peterson VCR slash life repair. And he came to your house. And to repair your VCR, people have those jobs, right? I don't think so. Well, they used to have TV vcr repair and it's like home course uh scam thing oh right yeah locksmith tv vcr repair so he's one of those dudes but he knows

nothing about vcrs he just helps you with the relationship so it'd be like uh the couple's fighting and then he looks over and he's like you know if you just looked at each other and remembered why you're married and how you how you first met and why you truly love each other, maybe this little argument wouldn't be so big. And then he turns back to the VCR and he's like, now why the hell is this thing blinking 12 o'clock? Like, he knows nothing. And he's like, what's audio video? That was the character. I don't know if you ever had this when you were a kid i had a vcr

that had a little panel that you opened up and it came with a lit like it had all these like plastic screws in it and you could like adjust the tracking of every channel with a little tiny plastic screwdriver really came with the vcr this was like early was it a top loader uh no it wasn't a top loader but this thing was on top of the... It may have been the first generation of the front load betas. Did you ever... Your VCR when you were a kid, because now everything has either HDMI cable or RCA cables, like the red, white, and yellow.

But some of my friends had VCRs that had the RCA cables with the three things. But we always had the one that you plugged the cable into the VCR and then you did another cable from the VCR. Yeah, that's what we had. So if you wanted to watch your VCR, you had

it was before you had like TV and then... Video? Yeah, TV video. You would have to watch your VCR on Channel 4. Oh, okay. Yeah. I remember Atari had that, right? Like Channel 3 or 4. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I don't remember VCR. How did Atari know what channel you were on? I think at the back you selected Channel 3 or 4. Oh, I don't like that one. You don't like the reality of that? I just heard recently my... Wait, wait. What time was it?

Oh, June 16th, 2.52 a.m. Oh, my. Yeah, four days after her birthday. You're welcome, right? You know what I mean? Better late than never. Better late than birthday. I held out on her for a year.

I'm that guy, right? Like, I'm the girl in relationships when I date a girl. Oh, really? Why are you the girl? Like, she's putting on the moves after date four, and you're like no i'm gonna put on my makeup i broke a nail i did grow up my nails a little bit no no i was like high school sort of thing oh yeah sure yeah and i've never worked that into my act what was your curfew it's 251. So, like, you know what I mean? I raced home after.

The weird thing was I finished at 240. That's how fast it was. I went back in time. She got several more hymens. I said it. We all hoped you wouldn't. I don't think that's the plural. Hymens?

Yeah. Hymens. Hymen? Hymies? that's pretty funny um it was pretty good actually thanks um so uh you uh born and raised in calgary alberta or and now what this is the point where graham has what high school they went to oh really yeah because i also grew up in Calgary, Alberta. Oh, okay. I didn't grow up in Calgary, but I know the names of four high schools based on previous episodes.

Do you want me to guess? Yeah, I want you to guess. Was it Bishop Grandin? No. Was it Western? No. Was it Lord Beaverbrook? No. Was it Western? No. Was it Lord Beaverbrook? No.

Was it Riverdale? Isn't that from the Archie comics? Was it Bayside? Was it Degrassi? Was it the Peach Pit? I don't know anymore. Sir Winston Churchill. Winston Churchill.

Winston Churchill. Victory, everybody. Bulldogs. Yep oh where were you lord beaverbrook what are they uh the beaver brooks they yeah it was a beaver that's fair yeah it was no we had a our mascot was a lion yeah don't ask like a lion? Yeah. Don't ask me. Like a lion that's asking a question? Yeah, lion. Like a Riddler lion. Yeah.

A lion that had some identity issues. I feel like a lion. A lion with, like, a really short haircut. Yeah. No, wait. Is that right? No, lions are the... Female lions have short haircuts.

Short haircuts. Short haircuts! So they have like a Susan Powder thing. The men all have long, flowing hair. They have short haircuts. That would be good in a nature documentary if somebody referred to an animal as having... The female can be recognized by her short hair. Whereas the man has a lot of bounce and body to his hair. He's an updo.

Yeah, a real kicky summer do. Can I ask you about an animal tweet I was going to do? Yeah, sure. I'm going to show you a picture. Because we're talking about animal hairdos. I remember. You remember? Wine tasting in the BC interior.

And they had horses there. And I took a picture of this horse because I thought he looked like... I thought of the joke outside. And then I tested it inside on the lady who ran the winery. And it's a picture of a... At 2.51am. As I entered her. But this was, I said, what...

Oh, that's great. Isn't that awesome? Like, this is a picture of a horse with, like, really blonde metal hair. Yeah. And he's holding a hairband. Kind of swooped to the side in front of the horse's face. Because this is like he got his hair did. Yeah, it does look like he got his hair did.

Does it not? And so we wondered which metal band. I will... Let's say I'll tweet this after and then we maybe i'll get no responses or whatever well well we should put we should get it see if we can get a copy of this and post it on the i don't know can we get a copy of it yeah i don't know is this a uh wait is it watermarked because if it is forget it's chriscorden.com on it chriscordenphot.com. I do put that on every picture. I would say, if I had to pick a band, is that the question? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What band?

Warped. No, Warrant. Oh, Warrant, like Cherry Pie? Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, that's a good one. Did Warrant's lead singer just die? No. Oh, yeah, maybe.

Yeah. Too much Cherry Pie? Okay. Yeah, he was found in a hotel room next to a half-eaten cherry pie. That would be the best, though, right? That would go down. That would be legendary. What band did you think he was part of?

I don't know. I was trying to think of what are famous hair metal bands. Poison? Poison could be good. I don't know. White Snake? He's got white hair. Has Van Halen got hair? They had kinky hair. It was totally

nipple clamps. It turns out, though, the horse's name was Dolly Parton. Oh, is that right? I can see that. Because I happen to know those bad horses' working hours oh my god that's amazing i wish i didn't that made my tit joke look horrible well you know what when you give a

nine to five reference now i look it was a race to the top and i failed horribly on that i went with like the easiest one but you know what? That's what races are about. Winning and losing. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Speaking of races, you're about to go on a race yourself. Yep. Although I'm going in a thing called a Spartan race. I'm going back to Calgary this weekend. What?

To compete at Canada Olympic Park. Oh my god. It's like a race. You go under some barbed wire on your belly and you run up a hill and you'd get knocked over by and the time that this episode is released you will i'll be back you'll be dead i'll be dead i'll be but you know what i talked to a guy over the weekend uh who his friend did something similar in whistler and he said it was okay. Like, they hype it a lot more on the website. They make it look a lot more gruesome. But he said, like, there were a lot of people doing it in a costume and stuff.

So that's given me a little bit of... Yeah, it sounds like you fully checked it out. Yeah, I didn't really... You asked the guy who's friend... Who did something similar. That I met at a beer tasting party. Maybe did a fun run. Who did something similar.

That I met at a beer tasting party. Maybe did a fun run. Yeah, so I will be... Yeah, while you're listening to this, it's been fun. Yeah. Dave. 179 episodes. I bequeath my pile of mismatched socks to you. Yeah, Graham.

1980 to 2011. Now, what's going on with you? Well, there's this neighborhood dog that's been getting on my nerves. No, go on. You have drastically different lives. That's what I've realized. Well, there's this... I don't know if I've ever talked about it.

It just, like, it happens every other day that I'm terrorized by this dog. There's a dog in the neighborhood. It's a Labradoodle, which is a Labrador poodle. Yeah. And it... I'm familiar with that dog. I'm just for every... Is it big like a Labrador but curly like a poodle?

Yeah. Okay. But it's big, like... Red eyes? Evil red eyes? Not evil red eyes, but red eyes but um super racist though totally it's half french so it's like uh kind of anti-semitic okay yeah i know that stuff yeah but it's like really kind of snooty it doesn't apologize about it

um but it is it's big and there's one in the yard like it lives in this yard up the street from us and it comes to the fence like the gate of the fence of the yard and uh it is it gets on its hind legs and it's as tall as me and so its head is at my face level. Yeah. And it just starts barking. But it... Why are you at this fence? Well, I'm just walking past. Okay. But it doesn't bark until it gets to the fence.

So you think you're in the clear. And then at the last minute, you just hear some mad scrambling. And then a terrifying dog right at your face. And then a terrifying dog right at your face. It's a split second from perfect calm to just, I don't know, a cacophony of dog screams. And it hasn't got a fully formed mouth. Well, that is terrifying. It doesn't do full barks. It does sort of like kind of human warbling barks.

And so it's like, ah! Like, hi, Dave! Have you thought about talking to the owner of this dog? No. Oh, why not? Well, Abby doesn't... Are you afraid that the person will be like the dog? You mean one of those situations?

You mean Shaggy? No, I mean barking in your face. Chernobyl Scooby-Doo. It's not that scary a dog on its own. I've seen it on a leash, but just in the yard when it gets up on its hind legs and comes right to the fence. I haven't talked to the owner because I don't talk to people.

Will you send Abby to go do it? Because now she's your wife. Abby does a thing where every time it happens i have sort of started anticipating it like i i know when we're in the neighborhood of when that dog is going to come out abby gets scared by it every time uh and she will just loudly yell oh my! I cleaned it up for the podcast. But you know what? I bet you the dog gets off on that. She's only encouraging the problem.

Well, the dog also flashes. Oh, wow. This labrador doesn't care what you think. Wears a little trench coat. And it shows the part of the mouth that's missing. It reveals it's down lower. Is that weird?

Yeah, no, because Dave said he's got a malformed mouth. It shows you where the rest of the mouth that's missing. It reveals it's down lower. Is that weird? Yeah, no, because Dave said he's got a mouth-worn mouth. It shows you where the rest of the mouth is. I guess I didn't mean that. I just mean it's still like a puppy. But is there a possibility that you could just... It's like a year old, maybe. Oh, okay. And so it hasn't learned a complete bark.

The mouth hasn't finished its musculature. Maybe that's what it's trying to communicate to you that it wants you to teach it teach me to teach me to bark it's gonna get there it's gonna get there well but how do you know what he's trying to communicate maybe like nobody's encouraging this dog in the right direction maybe it's looking for a mentor yeah sure and it sees you it sees your confidence stride yeah what could i and it sees that you've found yourself a nice female counterpart to settle down with. That's all this labradoodle probably wants. And grandpa, my dog, is fantastic about it.

Ignores it completely. Yeah. So I think maybe you need to... Stop being afraid of the dog. Are you afraid of the dog? Yeah. And bring it into your life. Right?

Sure. Don't... Next time that it barks at you Say hello back to it Oh, okay Be like a Cesar Millan Oh yeah, that's what I was going to suggest Do you own a smartphone of any sort? Yeah Okay

Do you want me to plug it? Yeah, that'd be great iPhone 3GS Okay And have you heard of YouTube? Do you want me to plug it? Yeah, that'd be great. iPhone. 3GS. Okay. And have you heard of YouTube? Yes. Okay.

Although I don't like the YouTube icon on the iPhone. It's a television. It's not the YouTube logo. Oh. I never think... Oh, yeah, that's true. It's even like an old-timey television. Because you watch most of your television on your iPhone.

I watch Car 54. Where are you? My mother, the car. A lot of car shows. Dude, where's my car? Yeah. But I was thinking you could take the dog whisperer, and then you were talking about counseling the dog.

Right. Maybe take some episodes that would apply to the malformed bark or whatever, or mouth, or whatever its issues are. I think we're focusing on that, where that may have just been something I used to enhance the story. I think he's looking for attention. I think that, you know, I'm not saying this dog's well-behaved, but I think it's looking for...

It's like in any of your classic teacher-goes-into-the-rebellious-school movies. There's going to be that one dog that keeps barking in your face. And you've got to conquer that dog and you own the neighborhood. What are these movies where teachers... Well, but they're teaching... They're going into dog schools? I'm speaking metaphorically.

I'm talking about Hotel for Dogs. They should... Alright, let's pitch it. It's Hotel for Dogs meets Dangerous Minds. Meets Dunstan Checks In, so it takes place in a hotel. It's got... Back to the hotel. But Coolio's on the soundtrack.

Yeah. Because he's a friend and he needs the money. Snoop Dogg has to be in it, right? Oh, yeah. Good cameo. He plays the... That little bow-wow. Oh, there we go.

What do you think? I say Snoop Dogg for gym teacher. Anybody? He's got the whistle. He's wearing a velour track suit. Or, well, like, he could be also... Oh, gym teacher, but he also has, like, health class, so he teaches, like, sex ed. Oh, yeah, of course.

And also he needs a job at the hotel. Oh, his daughter lives in the hotel. Sure, like Miley Cyrus. His daughter's Miley Cyrus. Oh, wait Miley Cyrus. His daughter's Miley Cyrus. Oh, wait, no. No, that's good. She's popular right now. But she's in blackface.

Ooh, that's good. That's going to hurt this thing. I think I confused a couple things. Is Miley Cyrus the one who has a sweet life of Zack and Cody? Yeah, so I think this is a movie we can all enjoy Let's pitch it I mean, let's green light it It's pitched

Snoop Dogg's attached You guys didn't come up with a name though Oh no, we didn't Hotel for Schools Hotel for Schools? Yeah It's just the dumbest name in history I call it Woof High

Anybody got anything better than Woof High? Teen Woof Oh, Teen Woof's pretty good That's pretty good Nah, I like it Woof High. Anybody got anything better than Woof High? Woof High. Teen Woof. Oh, that's pretty good. Oh, Teen Woof's pretty good. That's pretty good. No, I like Teen Woof. Oh, what about Bark to School? Oh, pretty good.

Bark to School, yeah. Oh! No, that's in Britain where you call Alicia Lead. I was going to say Leader of the Class, but that's... That could be all right. Yeah, well, maybe of the class, but, uh, all right. Yeah. Well, maybe for the British release,

we'll change the title. The European release. Yeah, they do that a lot. That's true. Um, cause a fanny means something else over there. Yeah,

exactly. That's why Avafanny was called Avatar over there. The, um, the wizard with Fred Savage. I was talking about this movie earlier today. Are you serious? Wow. In Germany, it was talking about this movie earlier today. Are you serious? Wow.

In Germany, it was called Joystick Heroes. Wow. Really? Yeah, I just thought I'd let you guys know. Joystick Heroes. That's actually a way superior name, right? Than Wizard? Come on.

But the kid wasn't wizard-like in any way. Wasn't he autistic? Yeah. Yeah. Autistic and good at Super Mario 3. But he was like... Autism, wizard, same thing. We know that.

He was like a pinball wizard. Isn't that what was supposed to be the player on the wizard? Sure, but with a power glove. No, that was Lucas. He's the bad kid with the power glove. Yeah, I'm just saying. It was in the... Sorry, I just...

I don't want to fight. Why were you talking about this earlier? A guy at work was wearing a Super Mario 3 shirt. Oh, that's where they debuted the... Yeah, the warp whistle. Oh, right. Yeah. That, to me, that still happens.

Like, big video game things where people sit around and watch people try and conquer a video game. That's still a thing that happens in real life. Mostly girlfriends do it. I saw, like, a 2020 or something like that on a kid who is, he's, like, the Gretzky of video games. And his parents were, he played video games all the time. And then, I think it was, like, Japan, he went over and won. And he was the first sort of north american that's ever done this but he's there's like stadiums that watch people play like the latest video game and conquer it and he trains like even trains like an athlete for like reflex times and stuff

but he the deal was he still weighs 400 pounds and doesn't have a girlfriend but he does have a comic book shop on the side, which he likes. No, the way I tell stories, just so you know, is I have none of the crucial information. Like, I don't know the kid. I don't know if it was in Japan. It's all just coming out. Like, it's kind of what I remember. That's fine.

I'm sure it was. I'm not that good at that. But what did he have? Years ago, this was Pong. Yeah, the deal with his parents was he wanted to enter this video game contest and if he won,

they would let him pursue this, but if not, he had to go back to college. Like classic. And he went out and he won this first one and it was like, I don't know, four grand? Yeah, which is huge for playing video games. Let's pick it up to 15 then. And then they were like, yes don't know, $4,000? Yeah, which is huge for a playing video game. Let's pick it up to $15,000 then. And then they were like, yes, this could be a thing.

But now he was like, like I said, he became like the Gretzky of the video game world and there was like cutouts of him and all this stuff and then he got his own line of keyboards and mouse and all this stuff in his name because he was so and then they're talking about like is the future going to be this is the new athlete like because it does involve reflexes and stuff like that but uh but old athletes were like we're not going anywhere yeah beat it nerd yeah but yeah jokes i just love that it was a uh like uh the the uh i don't know if it's anymore but

for a while the best competitive eater was this japanese guy and then in japan the best video gamer is an american we were talking about two of their national sports now both of them had down syndrome i'm sorry that was off air coming back yeah. Yeah, sure. I understand. I had to get it in again. We were talking about that on the weekend. The Japanese guy, I don't remember his name. Say a Japanese-y sound. Yamamoto? Oh, that's racist.

I made stuff up. You're allowed to. Yeah, right? I think it was Yamaha. Yamaha? I think it was Yamaha. Yoshi. Yamaha?

He won't... There's like a sanctioned league of super eaters that is like the UFC of eating, right? Really? The United Food Challenge. And he won't participate in that league. So he has – he does – like I guess there was the big competition this year and he did like a demonstration of his eating prowess across the street from where the competition was. He won't compete but he's making a stand. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my goodness. Because they want him to –. Because they want him to... What do they want him to do? It was something about the rights to the... You know what I mean? Like, you won't get as much money or something. Sure, the licensing of the... The hot dog. His patented

hot dog papers. Right. That you put under a hot dog at the baseball game, you know? That you serve a hot dog on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had his own with his face on it. But yeah, anyway, so he won't compete in that league. So he's the WCW to there. Yeah, he's the Ric Flair. Yeah.

I like this idea, though, of like, if I can throw out a pitch. Please, yeah. I think it's bark to school. Bark to school No, the UFC and then, what did you call it? Ultimate Eating Challenge? United Food Challenge Yeah, you throw those together and then maybe

it's guys wrestling other guys and force feeding them so whoever force feeds the other guy more food wins Oh, you seem skeptical Well, I wins. Yeah. Oh. You seem skeptical. Well, I feel like the way I'm imagining it. Yeah, but here's the problem with that. I'm imagining it as you taking one ultimate fighter

and putting them up against a competitive eater. The ultimate fighter is going to pin them down and just force feed them, and the eater is going to be fine with it. Yeah, he's going to love it. Well, see, I was looking at it like that. But you know what's kind of nice about that is they both get their way.

They both get what they want. Yeah. Why don't we just set that up as just an event? Yeah, like an exhibition sport. Yeah, it doesn't have to be an event. It just seems like a nice thing to do. Just get two people who like the thing they do together. Or maybe they compete against another

team of two like there's an ultimate fighter and a competitive eater on every team do you think at eating competitions they say let's compete like on the banners

or do I think that? do you think that? I'm sure it's on a few banners. Do you think that? I don't think that. Yeah, that's... So, yeah, I saw that fun dog. Yeah, you're scared of a dog. Yeah, I've never heard of it.

What's new with you? I went on the weekend with you to my second ever cake day celebration sure which uh aj bond's annual cake day uh extravaganza yeah which is the greatest there's all sorts of cakes it's in lieu of him celebrating his birthday yeah we just celebrate of cake around his birthday okay yeah a friend of mine. You're ours now. And past guest on the podcast. And yeah, we went. That's where I had that Yamamoto.

Is that his name? Am I saying it right? Are you saying his made-up name right? Yeah. No. Amarito. Amarillo. Armadillo.

Evanescence. So that was that was that was tons of fun to go to that and then uh i've raced home to watch breaking bad and that was tons of fun and now i find out that next season will be their last ever season how does that make you feel ah suicidal no well it makes me feel like i have to stick around until then and then suicidal so futurely suicide i like that i like that they've said uh they're not just gonna let it you know linger they're not just gonna drag you along yeah that's true more seasons they bring on like a new character jesse's got a cousin that comes into the math trade everyone goes to vegas for a while ashton Kutcher joins the cast. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Ugh. Gross. That guy's the worst. I don't know how he got... Because I've watched a couple past episodes, like old, old episodes

of That 70s Show, and he wasn't that good on that show. Like, I always, in my head, I remembered him being good on that show. But now that I watch it now, he was really over

actor-y and I don't know 2011 now that show was hilarious in the 70s he was kind of the go-to funny guy in that show yeah that's what I thought watch it again I watch it again and he's super

mysterious I'm like oh my god he's super mysterious. I'm like, oh my god. He's a really dark character on this. He's so dark. Oh, he's chasing the MacGuffin. I haven't watched that show in a while. Who, I guess there weren't very many, actually, there kind of were some breakout stars from that. Valderrama.

Milakunis. Milakunis. Milakunis. Ashton Kutcher. Topher Grace. He was around for a bit. For a while, it seemed like he was going to be a legitimate actor. And then Donna, whatever her name is, she's going to be in a show based on Chelsea Handler's book? Question mark!

Are you pretending to be a lion right now? Yes. I'm sure it was a bestseller. There's a lot of... It doesn't take much to be a bestseller, I don't think. I think they take the bestseller list hourly. I think Jimmy Fallon's Book of Thank You Notes was somewhere on the New York bestseller list in the last couple weeks. Is that true? Yeah, and it's not a book.

It's just a bunch of stuff from the television show bound in book form. Oh, I get it. Wait a minute, guys. That's exactly what a book is. Yeah. How do you make a book out of things from that TV show? It's like, are you pretending to be the audience member participating in some dumb game? I don't like that show.

And then you put in a CD of The Roots. Yeah, putting my foot down on that show. Yeah, so I did that. I donated blood today. I see you have a sticker. I have a sticker that you get to wear for a full 24 hours after you donate blood. That's one of the perks. I'm terrified of that.

Are you really? Yeah. Now, is it a needle thing? Yeah. Okay. I have to lie down when I go in. Sorry, stickers you're terrified of?. Are you really? Yeah. Now, is it a needle thing? Yeah. Okay. I have to like lie down when I go in and get like the stickers. Stickers, you're terrified? Stickers. I will not have one put on me. I have to

lie down. I don't care about the needles. Oh, I don't care about needles. But like when you run through a park, like say downtown, how scared I am of getting one of those stickers on my feet. You know what I mean? Like, I just freak out.

Not my sticker. Go through a bad neighborhood, you're afraid someone's going to jab you with an AIDS sticker. Yeah, an AIDS sticker. That's true. One of those ribbons. Is that ever since you were a little kid? Were you, like, when you had to get a vaccination or something,

did they have to pin you down to do it? Yeah, I think I was in the hospital a bit when I was a kid. Okay, I was about to make a horrible joke, and I'm going to just resist. I had Down syndrome when I was seven. Oh, no, boo. See, I know. Actually, can I say the funniest? I don't know.

No, I think I can. Jeff Brousseau is a comedian originally from Seattle and L.A. and the funniest... What? What did I say? You said originally from Seattle and L.A. Yeah. Just stay with me.

He's originally from Seattle. This is really going to pay off. He now lives in L.A. and works at Hustler. It's interesting. Oh, we drove past the Hustler building when we were in L.A. Made us feel gross. You've probably seen him. Yeah, yeah. He's the guyler building when we were in LA. Made us feel gross. You've probably seen him. Yeah, yeah.

He's the guy on Rude. He's the window washer. He's a programmer or something. I don't know what he does. Programmer. I know. Well, where are we going to put this anal show? He has his own line of mouses and stuff.

Okay. Mice. Okay, but the best CD title I've ever heard, because I've thought of differently if I got an album released, what I'd call it, and I had a few ideas, and I thought they were kind of funny, but then he told me his, and it's the funniest one. It's Jeff Brousseau.

Dave's dreading this. Dave is dreading this. Why are you dreading this? I'm trying to figure out edit points. What do you mean? We're just going to put Peach Pit over everything That we don't like that you say Live at the Peach Pit And I'm like, I love it

Actually, that would be a really good name for an album So what's the name of the album? I'm trying to remember without screwing it up Because I gotta get the wording right Do you want us to make small talk? Jeff Rousseau One Man's Journey Through Downs. Well, now that was... How is that the best name?

I think that's hilarious. You're wrong. But then he's on the front and he's in a wrestling singlet. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Nothing's gonna get better. Yeah. I don't. Like, he's conquered it, though is amazing oh kudos no is that wrong

is this an edit point no well you know what i don't know i found it very funny i can tell is that wrong i feel like why does but what is that uh dave's fine with judging you okay well that's fair uh i don't know why i found that so funny. Is that really his album? Did he actually call it that? No, I don't think anyone would buy that album. And that's probably why I find that so funny. Because it's horrible. So you admit that, in fact, that it's the worst, but you find it funny. What was the album name we came up with for you?

What's that? What was the album name we came up with for you moments ago? Live at the Beach Pit. Live at the Beach Pit, yeah. That's right, Live at the Beach Pit. That is pretty great. If it was a picture of you doing stand-up and then there was silhouettes of the cast of Beverly Hills

90210. Maybe Jamie Walters singing alongside you, playing backup on his guitar. Who is Jamie Walters? I think he was on a few episodes of 90210, and then he had his own show called The Heights about a band. How do you talk to an angel?

Was that his song? No, I'm making this all up. That's the theme to the United Food Challenge. How do you talk to an angel food cake? Oh, good one. So you gave blood. How do you feel about giving blood? How often do you do it?

Every whatever the time is. 56 days, I think they say. And they ask you, have you had a tattoo recently? They ask you, have you had sex with a man? Have you paid for a prostitute? Have you been to Africa? At the end of it all, you feel like you had sex with a man? Yeah. Have you paid for a prostitute? Yeah. Have you been to Africa? At the end of it all, you feel like you haven't done anything great. Because all of it sounds like a lot of fun.

Have you been skateboarding? Yeah. Did you ever skip school and go tobogganing? Have you ever gotten a third base? Nope. But yeah, this is the weird thing. They've done a new thing. Are they explicit about the gay sex?

Yeah. Or did they just use hooking up? Have you ever hooked up with a two-year-old? No, they're very explicit about... And it's like... Like, what was he like? Yeah. What did he he like? Yeah. What did he smell like?

Was it fun to kiss somebody all bristly? Yeah. What did his beard look like? Was it the same color as his skin? Oh, no. But they played... Like, I got a phone message from them. Because they'll send out these automated phone

messages that say like it's you know bring it to us it was uh no it was a recorded thing and it was this long uh story about this person who was in an accident and needed blood and it was very guilt trippy but i had already made the appointment to go and i was like but like save up the guilt trip thing for the people who aren't yeah doing it the first timers yeah like i'm uh i'm a return uh blood a tear i don't need uh i don't need your garbage guilt trip blood sketeer the three blood sketeers that's. Yes, I did that today. Do you feel lightheaded? Should you cut down on your alcohol? They told me to drink a lot of beer

because it has hops in it. Really? No, they did not. Okay. Yeah, no, you know, like, the only... Get a cookie. I got Timbits. Oh, fun.

Yeah. Delicious Canadian treat. And, yeah, I got Timbits. Oh, fun. Yeah. Delicious Canadian treat. And yeah, I don't know. I encourage anybody to donate blood. In the States, I think you get paid for blood donations. Is that true? Yeah. I've heard that.

I've heard that. I don't know if it's true across the board. You get paid for the bloods, for the sperms. If you mix them together, you get nothing. You get the Metallica album cover. Oh, right? Squirt. Yeah. Metall get the Metallica album cover. Oh, right? Squirt. Yeah.

Metallica's squirt. Yeah. Sperm blood. Oh, let's move on. Overheards. My sperm style determines my blood style. My blood style. Overheard.

Overheards. Overheard. Overheard. Things in your life that your ear or your eyes have observed, possibly in tandem. And we always like to start this segment with the guest. Yeah. And that's you, Chris Gordon. Okay. Why don't you hit us with an overheard? This one, yeah, I didn't know about this, so it came right to mind. I didn't know about this, so it came right to mind.

At a show in Saskatoon, and walking in beforehand, and I heard a group of girls say, I don't know what they're talking about before, the only part I heard was, yeah, but if you're with a black person, like my friend's black, it's not racist. And I thought that was amazing. She was talking about going to a Klan rally.

If you bring your own black person, then it's not racist. B-Y-O-B-P. Oh, wow. Now, you traveled through the prairies often, yes? Doing comedy? Yeah, yeah. We were talking about this on the last episode. On the of uh rolling stone there's a band from saskatoon yeah i saw that did you read the

article no i haven't yet i i saw a bit of a news broadcast about it because there's some controversy well they make saskatoon sound like it is the most backwater of yeah that's kind of what i got from like these dingy bars and bull and i was like i don't think a saskatoon like that i actually think saskatoon is a really pretty city like with the bridges and the river and like and it's like a university town yeah it's mostly kids there right don't look at me kids run this it's just it's like in hook where kids basically run the city i was under the impression that diddy runs the city. What?

He just voted out when he showed no pity. Is it Saskatoon or Regina that is considered the Paris of the Prairies? Oh. I'm guessing it's Regina. Really? I would have said Saskatoon. Yeah, why? The Paris, Texas of the Prairies. Paris, Texas. Oh, okay.

I've never heard that before. Yeah, I've never heard that either. It's like the champagne of ginger ales. Now, I understand you also have another VCR store. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if it's that good. I just remember hearing...

You were hyping it up. I know, and then I felt bad because I was like, this is just something I never remembered as a kid. My brother, who's like six years older than me, and his girlfriend, who's like, she's like 20 years older than me. No, that's a joke. No, she's kind of in between her ages.

Anyways, they were talking about... How old were you at the time? I was 40 at the time. So this is in the future when VCRs make the comeback? Yeah. Like albums, like record vinyl sort of thing? Sure, analog. No, they said they used to rent the whole VCR package deal

and you'd bring it home. I don't remember that at all, though, and I thought I remembered everything about VCRs in my life, but I don't remember that at all though and i thought i remembered everything about vcrs in my life they used to be able to rent vcrs before like everybody owned them when people were still like i'm not sure if this is the future yeah i don't know if i'm gonna go with betamax or vhs and you could also rent uh like i remember you could rent a nintendo yeah i definitely remember that i remember that stuff but that that was later right right? Yeah. But I think I remember... And you could rent a camcorder as well.

I remember we did that once for my birthday. To make a mom and dad sex tape. Yeah, for my birthday. For Dave's birthday. For my birthday. Oh, man. But it seemed like the connection was different on these home package rental dealies. Yeah, it was just copper wire that you had to twist into the wiring of your cell.

Are you serious? No. Oh, you like solder it yourself. I like how everything you say, though, I believe. Yeah. Hops, are you serious? Yes, they told me to drink after taking blood. You idiot.

It's fun, though. I'm really enjoying myself. Dave, do you have an overheard? Well, yep. I was on the SkyTrain. It's a train in the sky. The future is now, everybody. And there was a woman talking very loud on a cell phone.

I don't know why people do this. Yeah, right? Have they not learned? Oh, yeah. Mine is cell phone related as well. Is our podcast not popular enough that they haven't learned not to talk so loud mine is cell phone related as well is our podcast not popular enough that they haven't learned uh not to talk so loud into their cell phone uh so zero context for this yeah uh didn't know like yours i didn't know where the conversation began didn't involve

a black person okay um that's unfortunate but it was someone on the phone talking to their friend. I'm assuming friend. Sure. You wouldn't say this to your boss. She said, she was blowing up a mailbox telling me she's a wild tiger. Wow. Was this a, you said a woman? Yeah. Yeah.

She was blowing up. Wild tiger. Wild tiger. That sounds like a. Well, female tigers have a. Shorter haircut. That sounds like a... Well, female tigers have a short haircut. That's true. That's so...

The ice cream, when they eat the tiger ice cream, they don't get the hair in it. Because the females enjoy that. Yeah, it is smart. That's why I like smart comedy. I haven't had tiger ice cream since I was maybe seven. Yeah. Orange and licorice?

I had it when you were seven, too. Yeah? And I remember that. Yeah, you remember buying ice cream for me. And then watching a sex tape with this baby. Oh, you're the best porn. Thank you. Was it, what flavor was it? Tiger. Yeah, I think it was like, it was you. What flavor was it?

Tiger. Yeah, I think it was like... What do you mean? What's the orange... It was sherbert, I thought. It was like orange sherbert and black people. No. No.

Sorry. Nope. If there's a black person here, that wouldn't be a problem. Oh, yeah. It's not racist. Then we might have to add that. Touche. We'll add it in a black person here, that wouldn't be a problem. Oh, yeah. It's not racist. Then we might have to add that. Touche. We'll add it in a black person.

Okay. All right. No, yeah. It is orange sherbet and licorice, right? Yeah. Gross. Yeah. Do you remember the bubble gum ice cream with little pieces of it?

Great. Yeah. Really? In theory. And when you're a kid. Yeah, yeah. Great. Yeah. Really? In theory. And when you're a kid. Yeah, yeah, when you're a kid. Or like a diabetic, they love those. Because they can keep chewing what's killing them afterwards.

It's the best. You're overheard, Graham. It also comes courtesy of being a... This is like a two-pronged thing. This is all in the same situation. I was on the bus, and there was a lady standing with a very, very new baby. Like, two weeks old, maybe... Like, it could barely walk.

It could barely hold the little railing for itself. What was its beard like? Was it developed? You know what? Tiny, wispy. Same color as its skin. I think our favorite moment was just pitch of, you know what? So this lady was standing and there was a young guy sitting in the...

As young as the baby? Yeah, there was another baby sitting in the chair. And I was like, who should stand up for who? Yeah, and it was like which one is the who should stand up for who yeah was it like a business meeting for the baby yeah it was a business i shouldn't have been in that section i apologize i'm being i'm cutting you off more than the uh some guy on the 405 um anyways there was a there was a like a teenager kid that was sitting down and not... Right where she was standing, he could have easily got up and given her the seat. And I was like, what kind of fucking piece of shit doesn't get up for a lady carrying a tiny little baby?

I looked right down at his arm. Giant juggalo tattoo on his arm. So I was like, oh, the exact type of asshole that you would... A juggalo is an insane clown posse thing. Oh, yeah. Okay. They have a... The magic of the universe and that whole thing.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And there's a... How did Magnus work? They have a tattoo that's like a kind of a clown with long hair running with a hatchet. And I know that because Coolio got one, and I remember seeing it online. Anything Coolio does, this guy also does. But anyways, and then he got, he like,

he was only going one more stop. So he could have stood up the whole, anyway, so he's a monster asshole. Sitting's really great. Yeah, well, it is great. I'm not denying it. But as soon as I even said to her, do you want me to rustle up a seat for you? I was gonna tell that kid to get out of the seat.

Hey, Juggalo. You were standing? Yeah, I was standing too. LL Coolio J. It's just two rappers. Oh, like, mixed together. Yeah, that's what I just said. LL Ice Cubulio J. That's three rappers all together. LL Ice Cubuleo J LL Vanilla Ice Cubuleo WI LL

Vanilla Ice Cubuleo LL Vanilla Bean Well that's not a thing Tiger Ice Cream No but like LL Bean's like a clothing So it's like. No, but like L.L. Bean's a good clothing store. Yeah, but that's not a rapper. So it's like rappers and khakis? No.

We can't do that? No. Is that not part of this? You made up the game and then you changed the rules halfway through. I know, but that's my game. Game changer. That was a game changer. Oh, that's a definition of a game changer.

We salute you. But there was a lady on the bus that she was talking on her phone and the whole time she was talking about somebody named Graham. But I didn't know that, so all I could hear her say was, not cool, Graham. That's what I said. Not cool, Graham.

I was like, should I rustle up a seat for this pregnant lady? Like, she was... I turned around, she has a Juggalo tattoo, she's wearing clown makeup. She's just talking on her phone. She didn't talk about me at all. Yeah, pretty good. And also a fun little rap game in the middle.

Yeah, right? Yeah, that was a lot of fun. I felt like we learned a lot, right? Yeah, I changed this rap game. Now also, we have overheards sent in to us by listeners. If you want to do the same, you can send them in to stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. And our first one comes from Courtney D. I was at a baseball game with my buddy the other day. He came back from a bathroom break laughing. He said he just watched a great father-son moment. A little boy asked, Daddy, who's Chuck Norris? My buddy

was instantly jealous that he wasn't the father because he really wanted to have the Chuck Norris talk with the boy. I promised him that if I ever have a son, he's welcome to deliver the official Chuck Norris sermon. How would you approach that with a kid? How would you have the talk? I don't fetishize Chuck Norris the way some people do. But say you have a son or daughter,

and they ask you who's Chuck Norris. How some people do. But say you have a son or daughter and they ask you, who's Chuck Norris? How do you answer that question? He's like a white karate guy. He's like the white karate guy who was in movies in the 70s and 80s. I like the term karate guy. Yeah. Would you mention that he was famous for having a beard

or a mustache or that he was in Walker, Texas Ranger. And that was the greatest thing Conan O'Brien ever had on a show. Oh, my God, yeah. Yeah. I would... I guess maybe that's a lot for the first time. I think you sort of let the kid ask questions.

Oh, right. Like if the kid asked, hey, was there ever a Conan O'Brien segment about Walker, Texas Ranger? I would say, yeah, there was. He had pulled a lever. The best one of which, I don't know. You guys watched those. Was it the one with Haley Joel Osment? The AIDS.

Oh, my God. Just fantastic. Yeah, he told me I have AIDS. Walker told me I have AIDS. Pretty great. Then Conan does the walk behind the desk thing. Can't handle it. That was the greatest segment because Conan hadn't seen the clips.

They were just picked out for him. Yeah. And Conan was seeing them for the first time. and conan was seeing them for the first time i assume he was seeing them for the first time even if he wasn't his reactions yeah um courtney was that that sounded like a guy it did sound like a guy but is that a court that's why i was like interested in that his name is courtney oh really yeah we call him court but his his parents named him Courtney. I don't think that that's... I've never thought of it as a... Whatever you call it, like a unisex name.

But I could see it. Yeah, I think of it more as a lady name. Yeah, I think it's like old school, like, night stays, there was... Courtney's were common. Sure, yeah, like Marion used to be a man's name. Is that... John Wayne's real name, Marion Morris.

Yeah, that's right. No way, really? Leslie was a man's name. Is that? John Wayne's real name, Marion Morris. No way, really? Leslie was a man's name before it was... That's true. Leslie Nielsen. What about Wesley Snipes? Leslie Snipes, yeah. Leslie Snipes? He changes it from Wesley to Wesley.

He wanted to be way more masculine. Leslie Sn Wesley. He wanted to be way more masculine. Leslie Snipes. Okay, this next one comes from Tanya B. Tanya. That's a guy, right? I think so. I mean, it could be either. I was walking behind two young ladies in a hallway in the building I work in, and they were discussing their weekend.

After discussing her own weekend, the first woman asked, How about you? How was your weekend? Her friend replied, Good. I went to a funeral. My uncle died. That's really amazing. I think it's kind of a knee-jerk reaction when someone says, How was it? To say, Good or Fine.

Oh, yeah. Somebody tried to kill me. I did get partially eaten by a shark. Good. And this last one comes from Allison F. I was walking down the street in Boston the other day behind a group of girls talking about their plans

for that night. One was particularly excited about their heels. She said, we are going to be so tall. My vagina is going to be like in Will's face. It was in Boston, so she was probably talking about Good Will Hunting. Oh yeah, right? How do you like this apple?

I jumped right to Will Smith. Is that wrong? No. You know what? That's a famous Will. It's like the most famous Will. Next to a Will I am. Prince William. Philadelphia born and raised on a playground, so it's not Boston.

That's true. But you know what? Big American cities? You can get lost in them, right? Where was Rocky from? Where's the fighter from? Same basic movie, right? How do you feel about Will Smith as an actor, though? Do you like what he's been doing these days?

What has he been doing these days? Yeah, what has he been doing? The last thing that he made was that weird movie that nobody knew what it was. Wasn't it? Which one was that? I, Robot? No, the one that it like... Seven Pounds? Seven Pounds. made was that weird movie that nobody knew what it was wasn't it what was that i robot uh no the one that it like seven pounds seven pounds yeah i don't know that's the one yeah yeah he's trying to lose weight i ought his pants were gonna fit if he lost that last seven pounds no i i honestly

think about that movie all the time and uh because every time we why well because we'll no no when you uh like because the i don't know if we're giving away the movie because most people are probably waiting to watch it on the vcr they've rented sure uh but they're like uh he's he kills someone text messaging in his car right oh yeah and then seven pounds is like him giving back like he tries to oh i thought when you were doing the text i thought when you were pointing the text message yeah the giveaway was going to be that the thing was seven pound sign like that that was going to be the twist like oh what do you mean well he was texting on his phone and he hit somebody there's a pound and what yeah there's a pound key and there's a seven on your phone yeah he was texting seven

pounds yeah to win movie tickets it's so intricate the first person to text seven pound gets tickets to the future movie about this moment where i kill this child oh and it folds in on himself he's at the movie starring himself in the movie. There's a preview. Before the previews even start, there's something on the screen that says, text pound seven to seven pounds. Yeah.

And then the preview before the seven pounds movie start is for Men in Black 3. It's like, this is going to happen. You know it's going like a, this is going to happen. You know it's going to happen. It is going to happen. I know, but that's what's so great about that teaser, right? Totally whets your appetite for more MIBs. Here come the Men in Black.

That's what you call them. Galaxy Defenders. Yeah. Do we have phoned in overheards? Yeah, we do. If you want to phone us, our phone number is 206-339-83208. I added some numbers there. That's 206-339-8328.

I think the problem is I like Will Smith. I've never disliked Will Smith. I think in movies, like when he did Ali and stuff, I thought he did a really good job. And that surprises me. There's some comedians who've made that transition that is interesting. And the fact that he was the fresh Prince of Bel-Air yet can pull off some of these movies, I think that was kind of... Yeah, I thought he was... Like, I mean, I really like him as, like, in the Bad Boys slash Men in Black, like, action hero guy.

Oh, you like that? Welcome to Earth. Exactly. That was, to me, that was the top Will Smith performance. What is the, when he punches the alien in the face? Oh, hell no! Like that moment? Yeah, yeah.

And he smokes a cigar? Good stuff. We picked out your two favorite moments. Yeah, of all time. Of my life. Movie or otherwise. All right, overheards. Oh, all of these called-in overheards are child-related. Oh, fun! They're overheards. Oh, all of these

called-in overheards are child-related. Oh, fun! They're overheards from children. I like to pick a theme every year. The darndest things. This week's theme, the darndest. Hey, Dave and Graham, this is Brady from Iowa. I'm out at a slow-pitch softball tournament right now, and I

was walking through one of the food tents, and I saw a table with four little kids. I mean, they couldn't have been more than 10 or 11 years old four boys and there's a table of four girls just a few tables away from them and when I was walking past I heard one of the boys say hey there's four of them and there's four of us you do the math and then they all just got these big grins on their face, and I thought it was probably one of the best overheards I've ever heard. One kid's like, eight. He just did the math. This is the drunk?

No, this is just more overheards. We'll get to some drunk downs in a bit. You shouldn't be a drunk person. There's kids. Hanging out with kids Unless you're a Walter Matthau or a Billy Bob Thornton Coaching a Kids baseball team

Or bad Santa-ing around When you were a 10 or 11 year old Did you ever Try to make stuff happen? Lady wise? Yeah probably I mean yeah probably 10 or 11 year old, did you ever try to make stuff happen? What, lady-wise? Uh-huh. Yeah, probably. I don't remember any specific

instances. Where would 12 put you? Is that grade 6? 12. You're in big kid territory, I think. 13, you're moving into... 13, you're a Bar Mitzvahed oh that's true

regardless of yeah regardless of your religion as is our custom in Canada we accept everybody's traditions

and follow all of them we have foreskin and no foreskin there are 340 statutory holidays

a year here yeah right we only work 16 16 on a leap year yeah although we take a leap year off 140 statutory holidays a year here. Yeah, right? We only work... 16? 16 on a leap year. Yeah. Although we take a leap year off.

We take the whole leap year off. Yeah, I don't know if I tried anything. You? Did you try anything? Oh, I didn't try any activities. But there was like, oh, there was... I certainly could relate to that. There's four of us, there's four of them.

Now what? Dance off. I think there was always a kid that had an older sibling that kind of knew, like, spin the bottle or knew all this, like, what the moves were supposed to be. Not necessarily in what order or whatever. Someone's parents had bought a spin the bottle set. Yeah, exactly. Or like your uncle invites you over and then it's like... There's one of him, there's one of me.

Yeah, do the math. Your uncle says do the math. The phone cord has been cut, do the math. Sinister. Next overheard. I always... I remember being young and interested in girls it was never like the like oh girls have cooties and that whole thing and i remember like grading girls out of 10 you'd have like looks and then personality oh yeah did you ever um play what play, what was it, MASH? Oh, yeah. You would

mansion, apartment, shag, house. That was wicked. I was pretty wicked. You have a list of places you would live, a list of potential wives, a list of occupations, and then something else.

You know what's crazy? His mind came true. Are you serious? Yeah, I live in a house. I'm married to Alyssa Milano. I'm a spaceman. I thought I saw her. And I have magic powers. What was the other category?

I forget the other category. Oh, your car, maybe. Oh, yeah. I drive 10 Maseratis stacked on top of each other. That is a good one. Like, that car is awesome yeah like you sit in the top car and you control all the cars beneath you i went with four screen convertible miata oh yeah yeah they're nice but the 10 maseratis probably stacked on top of each other what is the plural of

maserati oh uh paparazzi it's uh it's a word. It's a hymie. Stop. Stop. Right? Everybody stop. I had girls call my house and I got in trouble when I was... This is a quick story

of my life in let's say like 10 seconds. Love girls. My mom knew because watching like Baywatch and then I turned around and I was like, I love girls

and she's like, oh, this is trouble. And girls would call my house and I'd get in trouble that they're calling too much so my mom politely asked a girl And then I turned around. I was like, I love girls. And she's like, oh, this is trouble. And girls would call my house. And I'd get in trouble that they're calling too much. So my mom politely asked a girl to stop calling. And she hung up the phone. And two seconds later, there's a phone call.

She's like, hello. And then she just heard, bitch. And then hung up. Wow. And then I got in so much trouble. How were you this guy who was getting all these calls? I combed my hair back. And I owned a leather jacket. Oh, yeah, a leather jacket.

I look like Max Edrum. Did you have siblings? Yeah, six years older than me. Oh, right. Did he ever listen in on the phone calls? That was a big concern for me, talking to girls on the phone as a young man. Because it happened all the time. Because my siblings would girls on the phone as a young man. Because it happened all the time. Because my siblings

would listen on the phone. We had the phone that just had the mute function. Oh, wow. They could breathe as heavy as they want. Yeah, we had the hamburger football phone. And then you would press mustard for mute. You know what? Why does pickle make any sense? At least mustard has a couple of

the same letters. What do you mean? Yeah, I went there, but I wanted to be different. You know what? Why does pickle make any sense? At least mustard has a couple of the same letters. What do you mean? Oh, okay. Yeah, I went there, but I wanted to be different. So go there. Next over. Hey, guys. My friend and I just passed a little boy about seven years old who isn't overheard

and held up two Game Boy type things and said, this is how I make money. What? Wow. I need a repeat on that. the boy was holding up two game boys and said this is how i make money i like it oh we think it could have been the kid from yeah that the story earlier i think that kid needs to make more information yeah infomercial because i want to know how i can make money for my game money call yeah i sell game boys yeah

i'm like i'm both interested in buying those Game Boys and selling my own cache of Game Boys. Maybe he just doesn't know that Game Boys aren't money. Oh, like he just thinks that that's money? Like he hasn't learned about money yet? I will have a Big Mac meal

and here's your Game Boy. And they're like, you don't... And he just walks out the door with a Big Mac. Or does he think that the coins that you accumulate are actual money? Oh, yeah. I sort of thought that when I was a kid going to an arcade, I was never good at video games.

But you thought that they'd come over and give you some money? Oh, I thought it would be like a slot machine. Like, if you beat the game... Really? Well, no, I didn't think it would be. I thought it should be. Oh. I thought it should be. Oh, you thought it should be. Okay. You beat the game, coins just pour out of the game.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think that was a big part of the profit margin of running a game. Is how dumb I was? They're used to it. In the old time... Have you ever seen that old timey game? Like, from the old, old-fashioned arcades where you shoot a coin in and there's a rake that's pulling the coins to the edge?

Yeah. And you want to be like the one coin that pushes it over and then all of those coins out. You get those coins. You get that one coin back. But if it's the coin that pushes it over the edge, you get all the coins. I don't think that you can ever do that. I think there's a physics thing that prevents it from happening. Oh, but it's so close.

Oh, when we were on the bus going over to your wedding, there was a lady who had one of the ring, like a bottle toss thing at the fair, and her kid had like a giant oversized dog stuffed animal.

Did they have to buy an extra seat for it oh no like the kid was buried in this giant uh dog but uh the the one was like i thought those things were rigged like i never thought it was possible to win it could happen to you yeah you could win a giant dumb dog yeah make some money game Boy style. And one final overheard. Hey, Stop Podcasting Yourself. This is Roger from the Midwest. I was calling to tell you a great overheard. I was just in a bathroom of a school that I work at.

A bunch of little kids come in, and one of them say, hey, you just peed on your shirt, this other small little kid. And the kid said, Yeah, I know. Plus, I just made an awesome fart noise. Pretty great. The kid knows how to take a negative turned into a positive. I wonder how many girls are calling him. Wow.

Plus, I got a leather jacket and I slicked my hair back. I have that photo if you want me to send it oh please is it was it like a biker jacket or a bomber jacket or did you look like a little horse with white hair or did you look like i'll also send you that and you can tell me if or did you look like a tiny donnie brasco with your leather jacket it's like that hair i was on uh my deck i had some ripped jeans. I think my mom patched one of them. And then I had a Max Hedrum t-shirt in red. And then I had a brown leather jacket and I slicked back my hair.

And I had sunglasses on. I thought I was the coolest. Have you ever felt as good about yourself as back then? I will tell you this. Since I've grown my beard, I've re-kind of the slick back headroom sort of look there's three points when you were slick back hair when you entered that girl at 251 and now that you have your beard i could have been having a beard in the max headroom outfit having a beard let's all have a beard wearing a beard entering your beard And then entering at 252 If I had entered that beard

With a leather jacket Oh my god Oh man Do we want to do drunk towels? You know what? I feel like we're drunk enough for everybody It has been a long show We'll do drunk towels next week

Yeah, absolutely Now, Chris Gordon People want to find First of all, we said that we would drop your phone number again if people want to text you. It's on your t-shirt. You're wearing it on your t-shirt in a giant bold letter. What's the purpose behind this? I have no friends.

Oh, that's not true with your slick back hair. Come on. You can see through that convertible miata. They call your mom a bitch. I know they do. Dial this number. End of that story, which ruined my life, was I wasn't allowed to date till after high school. What?

So I never, yeah. That seems a little overly. After high school? But I was also after a fat kid, so it's not like I was going to date. That was your parents' way of boosting your confidence? You're not allowed to date. Listen, fatty, you date ham sandwiches. We don't want you to date. We don't want you to date and so uh yeah and graduation my mom was like if you're if you're not gonna find a grad date i'll

find you one and i was freaking out i was like i'm not allowed to date what are you talking like all of a sudden there's also that's a terrible threat for a mother i I'll find you one. The woman from my bridge club's husband just died. Well, that is a threat. It is a terrible threat. She's the beautiful smoke hole. So, if you want to text Chris Gordon,

if you want to text him 7 pound and let him know that you've heard this episode, text 7 pound to 1-403 to 14037086473. That's right. And where can people find you online? HilariousComedian.com. Is that right?

Yeah, Chris Gordon was taken. Is it really? HilariousComedian.com? That's really great. Yeah. That's probably one of the best, like, I couldn't get my name. Yeah, I couldn't believe it existed. And in Canada, especially, I think, where they know just the club you're performing at like oh you're yuck yucks or whatever right comedy mix or whoever i'm gonna plug in not

hopefully get work from yeah totally but yeah they they don't know your name so i was like well at least they can type that in hilarious comedian.com yeah and.com. Yeah. And you will be, you're in Vancouver. You're here for a couple of weeks. Yeah. Yeah, a week or over a week. Yeah, until the 23rd. And next Tuesday, yourself and past guest Rory Scovel are doing a show. A show, a serious comedy show, it's called, at Darby's in Vancouver.

And then we hit the road. So you say that's next week, but what's the date on that? Oh, it'll be Tuesday. Tuesday the 23rd. The 23rd? Yeah. Okay, so it'll be like the day that this podcast comes out. Well, there you go.

So if you're in Vancouver and you want to see Rory Scoville and Chris Gordon in Vancouver, and then you're hitting the road with Rory Scoville? Yeah, we're going to do some serious comedy shows. We got Golden and Enderby. Sure. Where else are we? Canmore.

Can people find the whole list of dates on hilariouscomedian.com? That's right, yeah. Nice. Well, thanks for being a guest. No. Oh, yeah. You know what? Get out.

Thank you. Oh, get out. I just wanted to reuse your... Wasn't that what he said in that voice I liked? I don't know. You know what get out thank you oh get out i just wanted to reuse your wasn't that what he said when that voice i liked i don't know you know what i say a lot like that you know what uh dave do you have anything you want to plug i don't think so specifically i i love each and every one of you yeah me too super happy you're listening. We think you're great. God bless us, everyone. Absolutely. Dickens. That was the Dickens.

Oh, Dickens. I will be dead next week, so it'll be just Dave hosting next week. I don't know if I would do it on my own. Would that be the end of the show? No, probably not. You'd have to audition people to... I don't know. I bet... Who could I count on to show up every week? That's really what I have going.

Reliable. I know funny guys, but... That may be the most sticky to it. Oh, sure. Where and when will you be giving blood next? 56 days from now. People can come watch this. I imagine will you be giving blood next? 56 days from now Where people can come watch this

I imagine you'll be giving A bunch of blood at these partners I won't be giving it, it'll be taken from me That's different It'll be just leaving my body Like I plugged on the last episode September 22nd Art

Opening, beard paintings little mountain gallery if you're in Vancouver or if you're in the surrounding area why don't you come into town I'll be there David will be there, there will be booze, it'll be great can I ask a question

for the audience that's listening what does beard painting mean? you're painting with your beard, people are painting your beard I'm painting with my beard the audience that's listening. What does beard painting mean? You're painting with your beard, people are painting your beard, or just painting with my beard. The audience knows. Oh, really? I'm just the dumb. No, not dumb. Well, I'm new to beards, right? No, no, it's crazy. It's a stupid, stupid, crazy thing that is

the worst. Dave hates it, but it's the best. Can I know? Yeah, I paint with my beard, and then I sell the paintings, and the money that I get, I give to good causes, to fundraising efforts. Oh, the worst. I know, right? You guys have now joined forces.

Yeah. Good causes. But like Dave said, we love each and every one of you, and thanks for listening to the podcast. And come on back next week. Chris? Mostly Katrina? Mostly Katrina. Is that a girl that you're trying to...

No, I'm just trying to figure where these good causes the money's going to. Oh, I know. Feel free to get right up to the microphone, by the way. Mostly Katrina? I don't know. That would be awesome. Can I do that? Can we do this where I

slowly leave the podcast? Like you're done? Does it sound... It's going to sound like you're leaving and knocking the microphone. Have a good one. See you later. See you guys. Pound seven.

Seven pounds. If you want to contact the podcast, it's softpodcastyourself at gmail.com. If you would like to advertise on the podcast, it's maximumfuning Yourself at gmail.com. If you would like to advertise on the podcast, it's MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. And if you want to call us, it's 206-339-8328. Thanks for listening, everybody, and come back next week for another

fantabulous episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself! Thank you.