Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 180 - Morgan Brayton

Episode Date: August 30, 2011

Morgan Brayton returns to talk about the Pinkett-Smiths, Prime Suspect, Graham's Spartan race, and we take a bunch of Drunk Dials.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 180 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's very busted up about Will and Jada's pending divorce, Mr. Dave Shumka. What is she going to do? She has no talent. She just glommed on to his fame. And also, when you said I was busted up about it, I thought you were going to say I was busty.

Yeah, well, you're chesty. were going to say I was busty. Yeah. Well, you're chesty. I wouldn't say you're busty. And our guest is a woman who... Is busty. You can say it. No, no, no. I was going to say it was a gog and a ghast when I said Jada Pinkett Smith.

Jada Pinkett. Yeah. Had no problem. Take that Smith right off the tip. And now it's not. It's just Will. Smith is out for both of them. Is he going to go back to Fresh Prince?

Yeah, he's going to be Will. He's going to go back to the house in Bel-Air. He's going to live with Uncle Phil. He's going to go to his original partner, DJ Jazzy. His first love. Our guest, we don't know if it's third time or fourth time guest. I think it's fourth.

But a long time favorite. I think it's fourth. But a longtime favorite. One of the funniest ladies around. And somebody who I guess loves Jada Pinkett. I don't. Wait. Miss Morgan Brayton. Hello, Morgan. Hi.

Thanks for being our guest. I just want to say, did you see her when she put out that like very Rollins-esque, I can't even keep a straight face. Her band Wicked Wisdom? Yeah. I was trying to keep a straight face to talk about it, but I couldn't do it. Oh, no, no, no. But I saw her on the TV, and she had really big hair,

and she was jumping around, and I was like, you go, girl, is what I thought. Yeah, but we can all do that if we're Will Smith's wife. We can all do whatever we want if we're Will Smith's wife. I think this is the key. I would like to be Will Smith's wife and or child. No, because his kids all just

have automatic successful two out of three oh wait he's got three kids he's got a first kid from a different marriage from the just who's like a molecular biologist just the two of us Get to know us What What Wait a minute That kid I thought that kid Was the young Karate kid

When he was really young No? That's a different kid? That's a different kid Which kid is the Pursuit of happiness kid? That is his current kid His on again off again kid His daughter Willow Yeah Pursuit of Happiness kid. That is his current kid.

His on-again, off-again kid. His daughter, Willow, flips her hair back and forth. And is the new Annie in the new Annie movie. Gross. Shut up. Never. You didn't know that? I didn't know that.

I'm so out of the loop. It's a necessary movie. She's going to wear the red wig and everything. It's going to be really weird. Is she going to flip her wig back and forth? I think we made that joke. Oh, no. We maybe said whip the red wig and everything. It's going to be really weird. Is she going to flip her wig back and forth? I think we made that joke. Oh, no. I think we did dope, yeah.

We maybe said whip your perm back and forth. You can edit that out then so I don't sound like I never listened to your show. That's fine. And then he's got Jaden, who is a son of his. Yeah, he's the karate kid. That's the happiness kid. Happiness slash karate kid. Yeah.

Who inherited his mother's cock cockiness yeah and his father's his father's martial arts uh yeah yeah he punched that you got that from carlton carlton i can't even say that word carlton didn't bring martial arts i know and then will has an older uh son from his previous marriage with hill. So he's the Julian Lennon? Yeah, he's the Julian Lennon. Julian Lennon is more talented than Sean Lennon. Yeah, but he's the famous

baby, right? Or is Julian the famous baby? Julian had hits. What was his hit? I got my mindset on you, right? That's not him. He had a hit. John Lennon's other son. It was the...

No, I know it. Much Too Late for Goodbyes. Is that the name of it? Yes, that is it. I think the song actually had a different name, but the chorus had... But that was the... Yeah. Has anybody used that as a loop or a sample on a hip hop song?

Because it seems like it's a perfect hook. Jada Pinkett Smith. Right? Wicked wisdom. Yeah. That was a metal outfit, though, wasn't it? Well, that's her next venture. She was opening for, like, some awful...

That's her comeback. Her, like, I don't need you, Will. Theory of a dead man. Yeah. Theory of a stank. Puddle of a stank. Puddle of stank. All I'm going to say is I like Jada.

Yeah, okay. I think she's a sassy lady. She's on some show on television. Yeah. Capital R-N because she's a nurse. Okay. You know what? I haven't seen that show, so maybe I don't really like her anymore.

I just, I just, I don't know. I think she's a sassy lady. I think you gotta be a sassy lady to be Will Smith's lady. He's the kind of guy who there's not a lot of room left for anybody else. And so you either are a shrinking violet or you're a sassy lady. Yeah, sure. It bothers me that it's basically, I watch a talk show and the first guest on a talk show is the biggest star. A Bradley Cooper.

Yeah. They'll get... I don't like him. We'll get into that. Okay. But they'll have Jada Pinkett Smith come out and be the first guest on a show. Like, you know anything about her. What do you know about Jada Pinkett Smith?

We know an awful lot about her. She's got a bad attitude. She's got a mean face. We know an awful lot about her. She's got a bad attitude. She's got a mean face. She doesn't have a mean face. She's got a mean face. She's on Hawthorne. She plays Nurse Meany. Yeah, everybody knows that.

Wow. I have to do my research. You know, what was I going to say there? But wait, is it really true, though? Because then I heard that it was just an internet hoax. Oh, I don't know if they're actually divorced. say there. But wait, is it really true, though? Because then I heard that it wasn't, it was just an internet hoax. Oh, I don't know if they're actually divorced. Yeah, what if this episode comes out and we look like a fool?

You know what? We're just showing our concern. We're not here to dissect. We're not Entertainment Tonight Canada. Right? I'm not Rick Campanelli. I'm not that blonde one. I'm not somebody else who nobody knows. I'm not a guy in a rented suit.

How annoying do you think it was to live with Will Smith when he was playing Muhammad Ali? Like, on a scale of, do you think he was more annoying than it was to be around Jim Carrey when he was playing Andy Kaufman. You know what I mean? Like these actors that you hear like. I love that that's the one you chose. Well, because I always heard he wouldn't like leave the character and people had to address him in character. Right. Or like, I think it must have been annoying to be Christian Bale's wife when he lost all that weight for The Machinist. Yeah.

I cooked dinner for you and you're Machinist. Yeah! I cook dinner for you and you're not eating it. Yeah, you just keep... What do you think he ate? Just like boiled wheat? Water. Boiled water. I think he was probably really annoying to be around when he was playing

Muhammad Ali because he probably was rhyming things all the time. Trying to spar with his wife while she was trying to boil him some water. Hamad Ali, because he probably was rhyming things all the time, making dumb rhymes. Trying to spar with his wife all the time while she was trying to boil him some water. To feed Christian Bale. It was part of a Hollywood outreach program, feed Christian Bale.

Boil the water. Now, Morgan. Let's get to know you. Yeah, let's get to know you. What's going on with you? What's get to know you what's what's going on with you what's new we uh uh last week on the podcast we talked about the wonderful beer tasting party that you held in your house yes it was good times was it not it was good times it was uh you had a a concept that i liked a lot that you would try these beers and then

there was a big board that you could write your review of the beer it was a flip chart yeah flip chart because as most people do i have flip chart paper and sharp large sharpie pens around the house i did this was this was where everything fell apart oh and you weren't there were We were like, how will we fix it? And we were trying to figure out. No, it was up when I got there. Okay, yeah. It was on the back of the door.

It looked great. Well, you missed the scandal. But, yeah, so we did. Everybody brought, like, some beers to taste. And then each time we'd crack a beer, pardon me, we'd write up on the flip chart page. I'm really into office supplies. That's the point of that story.

Yeah, absolutely. You had more than enough for everybody. Yeah. And then we'd write up what it was, and everybody would write the reviews, except Alicia Tobin, who would just draw dirty pictures and write weird things. A lot of pieces. Yeah, fair enough. This beer tastes like...

Now, this was what happened at the beginning. It would be, you know, at the beginning of the night, it was all very, this is hoppy, or it is rooty, or whatever. There was all these weird words that people were putting up, right? Has anyone eaten a hop? We saw some hops. They meant like a bunny, like it jumps into your mouth.

Sure, jumps into your mouth. And then, near the end of the the night when everybody was more drunk, it was just like good or bad or good or good. And then there was when we were tasting the Labatt Blue. Oh, yeah. Somebody brought Labatt Blue. That's fun. It was like a, what do you call that in a survey? Oh, like a control.

Yeah. We're not clear if it was ironic or not. Yeah. Oh, I don't think it was ironic. Did anyone write that it tasted ironic? Hoppy and ironic. Someone wrote, I prefer Bud Light, because that was the kind of running joke.

The invite of the party said, friends don't let friends drink Bud Light. Oh, I see. So then it became a thing. It became a thing, and everybody was singing. I missed out on the singing. Because there's a lot of beers that I've been like, oh, I would like to try a Bud Light Lime. Sure. But I wouldn't want to buy six of them.

Exactly. But this is the thing with the craft brew, is that you can get by the bottle. It's usually a larger bottle. And so there's a ginger beer. Sure. Any fruity ones, like a raspberry? Yes, there were fruity ones.

What else was there? There was like a, you know, there was lots of weirdo kind of IPA kind of There was some you know,

like really Englishy you know, like super Englishy beers that only old guys can drink. Have a lot of curve on them. Yeah. Is that a

snooker thing? Yeah, they have a lot of curve. Putting some English on it. Yeah, they feel like this is a good felt on this beer, they say. Is that a snooker thing? They have a lot of curve. Putting some English on it. Yeah, they feel like this is a good felt on this beer, they say. This is a good... Pitch? Yeah, it's a yaw.

What's a yaw? I don't know. I think it's related to pitch. Sure. I'll allow it. Do you watch those daytime judge shows ever? No. Your Joe Browns? No, I know I'm familiar with them

But they make me too anxious I can't watch those court shows Where did this come from? Why did you bring that up? Because she said, I'll allow it Which is a very daytime judge show thing to say Because I do love the Law and Order And various courtroom dramas

But I don't like the law and order and various courtroom dramas but I don't like the real the fake real courtroom dramas and I don't like the call in shows like if there's a political issue and people call in to voice their opinion and debate it on the radio I can't listen because it gives me panic attacks oh wow yeah

nobody else just me no I'm fine with all of it no I don't it makes me anxious I don't I don't like I don't like people expressing their opinion. No. I don't know what it is, but it makes me anxious. It's like people not, much like myself right now, not knowing that they sound dumb, thinking that they sound intelligent, and just sounding dumb. Okay.

Can I combine a couple of things? Please do. Yeah. Allow it. The British side of things and daytime courtroom TV shows. Are there any British daytime courtroom TV shows where everyone has to wear

ridiculous wigs and robes? That would be a lot of fun. And it's highly ceremonial. Because on Law & Order UK, the courtroom scenes are not sexy at all. They all have to wear the dumb wigs. Oh, yes, yes. Right. And isn't there something...

Is that a made-up thing about the cops in London not carrying guns? Is that a thing? Has anybody ever heard that? It is a thing. They're only allowed to carry billy sticks. Billy clubs. But that's not true anymore, though, is it? Billy Clubs? All right.

No, I think it... I don't know. We're going to have to get to the bottom of this. Callers, if you have an opinion about the Billy Club bandits. If you are listening from Britain, being beaten by a Billy Stick, please call us. Or being shot in the face. Yeah. I mean, it's not like they've had any police stuff going on in England lately that we would notice. Yeah, that's true. No, who knows?

Who's paying attention? No, no one's paying attention to that. Now, uh... Wait, didn't the cops shoot someone? What? Isn't that what started the whole thing? But did they shoot him with their... Billy clubs?

Like, is that the thing that, like, they circumvented the law by making guns that look like billy clubs that's exactly why they shouldn't have them because they just had billy clubs none of this would have happened yeah they know that with great power comes etc it comes british law and order um no it doesn't have It doesn't have that dun-dun. It has like a... No, it doesn't. No, it's like... It's like...

It's yackety-sack. No, it's... Yeah. It has Big Ben chiming 12 times. Yackety-sack. I love it. Okay. So you ate four beers.

Yeah. You drank a lot of beers. You don't like daytime judge shows. And for the show tonight, I have new jeans from Costco. Oh, nice. Wow, well done. I don't mean to brag, but... I don't think you did.

Okay. Fair enough. Unless that was meant to be a brag. Well... I haven't been to Costco since I was a child. Oh, really? Well, now that you're married, it's going to happen. Yeah.

Since I was a... Sunday afternoon. Last time I went to Costco, it was just a 30-pack of Twizzlers. It was just bulk. That was all it was to you. Now, as far as I understand, you can get a TV there. You can get a pair of dungarees like yourself. Let me tell you.

Maria Bello's hat. They have that in mass production. You're like obsessed with the Maria Bello hat. It's a really dumb thing. It's like when they made an American version of Cracker, which was a great British kind of crime show. Oh, but that's sad because I'm that guy. I'm sad with that guy. I don't know what you're talking about. How's kind of crime show. Oh, but that's sad, because then that guy, it was sad, that guy. I don't know what you're talking about.

How's the listener going to? Okay, the guy that played Cracker. Don't undermine your audience's intelligence. They all know. The guy who played Cracker was the guy who played Murphy Brown's painter. Eldon. Eldon. See?

Yeah, I know. Robert something, he's dead. Yes, he's dead. See? Yeah, I know. Robert something, he's dead. Yes. See? Signorelli? Yes. Was Cracker the show about the bike couriers? Because he was also on the show about bike couriers.

Oh, it came after that. Yeah. And Cracker was... It was a remake of Robbie Coltrane. Robbie Coltrane. Oh, right. John Coltrane. And he was a heavy...

He was a show about a jazz detective. Yeah. With magical wizarding powers. Wait. I may be confusing my shows. No, you've got it all. And the concept of jazz. No.

And he was a heavy drinking, heavy smoking guy. And then the American show, he sucked on lollipops. Because he was trying to quit smoking. I didn't even watch it. I was too angry, I couldn't even watch it. But didn't Tully Savalas? Kojak? Kojak suck on lollipops? Yeah, but he did it first.

And he was... Was he trying to quit smoking? He was trying to start smoking. He was going the opposite way. Has there been a TV character who uses that thing that you suck on to quit smoking? Oh, the quit smoking, the electronic cigarette thing? The inhaler? Or the electronic cigarette?

Yeah. I bet you Maria Bello's her co-cop. She keeps it in her hat. Partner, I think is the word he uses. For people who weren't listening to the show before we started recording, Graham's been mad about this upcoming TV show starring Maria Bello, who you may recognize as the lady who's 69 to make up Mortensen, or the owner of Coyote Ugly.

That is where I know her from. A history of 69ing. She has a new TV show, and she wears a hat in Graham's spirit. It's not a new TV show. See wears a hat in Grim's Furious it's not a new TV show see generally the hat's new and the show is based on a British show

called Helen Mirren's Hats the many hats of Helen Mirren yeah it's called Cracker okay generally when they remake the British shows

I just I say that's what they do. Don't let it upset you. But this one upsets me. Yeah. It upsets me because Helen Mirren, A, fantastic. B, great show. C, not that many roles for older women. And who did they cast?

With good reason. Have you seen them? If they remade Harold and Maude. Have you seen Cougar Town? Wait, no. Which is Hot in Cleveland? Yeah. I like Cougar Town.

That's kind of the show. I meant Hot in Cleveland. You like Cougar Town? I do like Cougar Town. You like Cougar Town? No, I don't watch it, but I hear it's not bad. I think it's funny. If anybody listening in Cougar Town wants to call in or request.

I always, I think, oh, it's that show, and then I watch it, and then I end up laughing my ass off. Well, all right. I'm not going to take a stand on Cougar Town. I'll allow it. Thank you. Maria Bella's hat, I will allow. Overrule. Overrule.

All right. So what else is going on? I don't even, we were. I think we covered a lot. I was trying to talk about my new jeans. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Let's talk about these. I shop exclusively at Costco and Superstore. That's what you need to know about me.

Your favorite label that you wish you were an endorser of? I should be. I should be the spokesmodel for Joe Fresh, available at Superstore and in the Joe Fresh standalone stores now in the United Fresh stand-alone stores now in the United States as well as Canada.

Talking like a crazy person. Yes, which is going to get me the spokesperson job. Look, I met Joe and... Mr. Joe Fresh? Yes!

That's not a real name. That's Snoopy's name. Well, it's not his real name. See, this is what everybody thinks when you wear sunglasses. Everybody thinks Joe's not a real guy. He is a real guy. He is a real guy, you know, because, and I saw your lady at that, your, I'm sorry, your wife. Yeah. She was there at the launch of the standalone store in Vancouver.

Stop talking like this. Why am I talking like that? I am being serious. That is my serious tone. When I feel strongly about something,

look. I love Joe Fresh. Yeah. Now wait, Joe Fresh is a real guy Joe Manram who he started he's like the co-guy of Alfred Sung he started is there a guy named Alfred Sung?

yeah but doesn't mean is Calvin Klein a real guy? wait a minute he's got to be a real guy the only fake guys are Ben and Jerry no Ben and Jerry, I think. No, Ben and Jerry are real. No, those are real guys.

Wait, who? You're thinking Tom and Jerry. Captain Morgan, is he? That's based on Piers Morgan, right? Yeah. When he was in the military. Are there any, but are there any like fashion lines that are named after fake people? Like, um.

Well, there is no Club Monica. What? It's not a real club. No. Oh, is it really not a Club Monaco? That's a Joe. Joe Marum started Club Monaco. But have you ever been to Monaco?

Yeah, they have clubs there. Yeah. A lot of casinos, though. You're telling me there's not one club? Like in Vancouver, we have seven clubs called Club Vancouver. Everybody knows that. I've never been to a single one. I gotta get out more.

There's one right next door to the Joe Fresh That's how blinded you were by their Accessible cotton products It's true Fashion forward yet affordable Who is the spokesperson for Joe Fresh? They get Joe Fresh It's Joe

People model their clothes Sure You'll get a Cynthia Dicker. Oh, who's that? Is that a model? I think she's a red-headed model. I think she modeled their clothes last year. Well, this is why I'm not their spokesperson, because I'm not 18 and

90 pounds. How do you know who Cynthia Dicker is? She's a pretty lady. He's in the know. He's got his finger on the pulse of high fashion. But I think most clothing lines don't have spokespeople so much as they have models modeling clothes. They don't have, hey, this is Morgan Brayton, and I have an important message for you. Which is exactly why Joe should break out of the mold. What about radio ads, though?

They didn't have a dicker on the radio. Do clothing have radio? Well, they did have... Yeah, yeah. Hey, come on down to the Joe Fresh sale. I guess I could tell them that. didn't have a dicker on the radio do clothing have well they did have um yeah yeah but they did have a down to the joe fresh i guess i could if you if you get the gig and i don't i would be so mad no but they have uh samantha from sex and city what's her name canadian lady oh yeah Trisha Helfer. Kim Pétrole. Thank you. They did a breast cancer awareness t-shirt, and she was the spokesmodel for that. You know who would be a good spokesmodel for hat cancer awareness? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say Ria Bella.

Yes. Well, I don't know if she'd be good at it She'd certainly be a shoo-in What with her new hit show What if we were secretly being sponsored by Maria Bella's new show That I don't know about It's called Prime Suspect for God's sake It's from the British show Prime Suspect

It's called A Place to Hang Your Hat Hats off Hats off Now here's a question A place to hang your hat. Hat shoe. Hat sock. The sneeze show. Hat shoe. Now, here's a question. Oh. I don't know what's happening anymore. Because you were talking about this lady who is a model.

You actually knew who she was outside of the, like, instead of just being like, oh, she's the Joe Fresh girl. Yeah, she's in other things, though. Like, I was actually impressed, because, like, she's a big model who you see in, like... She's not a big model, let's be clear. Yeah, she's in other things, though. Like, I was actually impressed, because, like, she's a big model who you see in, like... She's not a big model, let's be clear. Yeah, okay. Well, she's big in certain ways, right, I guess? Big freckles.

But she... I was like, oh, this small Canadian company has this famous model. Oh, okay. Now, because sometimes I'll see online somebody has tracked down, like, past work of a person who appears in a commercial. There's a... What was that company that... Catherine Mazeta-Jones phone company? T-Mobile?

T-Mobile. The new T-Mobile lady. Yeah. She's supposed to... She wears a pink, very nice pink dress in all the commercials. And she's kind of portrayed as a very kind of wholesome... Toothsome. Yeah, toothy. Like a Julia Roberts for phones.

Oh. You know what I'm saying? I think I do. Yeah, okay. Like, not inaccessible like a Julia Roberts, but toothy like a Julia Roberts. Like a toothy Julia Roberts. Important clarification. I saw a picture of her in a bikini, and now those T-Mobile ads all seem kind of

salacious to me that's a trampy bathing suit in your eyes? you know me Dave, I believe in head to toe, well not head to toe I mean, like if you're Maria Bello you wear a hat on your head even when you're

69 and you feel important but this raises a good question oh man okay so I don't know where this just went but the wife and I have this argument all the time because your wife Michelle my wife Michelle what game changer

oh boring so because we'll see like kids little kids in hats, um, in bikinis. And then, and she's like, Oh, she gets all riled up. And she's like, our kids are not going to wear bikinis. That's wrong.

And I'm like, they're kids. They're not like in see-through lingerie. But so I would like to know where you stand on kids in bikinis. I stand as far away as possible. Hey! Oh, I guess the corridor. Yeah. I stand the mandatory 100 meters away.

Do you know, I saw on the weekend, I saw a girl, probably I would say 7 years old, that was wearing a half-top belly shirt. And she had a kid belly. Funniest thing I've ever seen. Awesome. It'd be like if I wore a half shirt.

That's what it would look like. Like if Grover wore a half shirt. And people would think it was just as adorable. Totally. Yeah, I don't think... I don't know. A bikini? Isn't the whole thing of a bikini...

Like, kids, don't they just wear... They wear the darndest things. Don't they wear the one piece? They do wear the darndest things. But why? Like, it's... They make them. You get more...

What's holding them? It's cooler. And it doesn't... Nothing needs to hold it up. Yeah, it's just a thing. Because there's nothing to... You don't wear like a little teeny tiny top it's just like a if you could see what i'm doing with my hands

you'd understand that it covers more but then why does a little kid need to wear because they want to because then that begs the question what is uh uh an adult wearing a bikini for like i don't know not for my it wasn't my uh call on it but i'm not i don't wearing a bikini for. I don't know. Not for my, it wasn't my call on it. But I don't wear a bikini because I'm like trying to be, you know, salacious in some way. But why do I wear a bikini? Just to get attention, right? This is really my round of the way of asking why, Graham. Why am I wearing a bikini?

Why? Attention. Attention. Fair enough. Yeah. And why do you wear a hat because I fight crime all good crime fighters

wear hats or cowls right hats or cowls Batman wears a cowl oh got it I thought you meant I thought this was a British

show about Simon Cowell fighting crime Dave what's going on with you oh a lot. I saw a movie about apes. Oh, yeah? Did you see the movie about the apes? No.

Oh, you should see it. No. What was it called? Thor? It's called The Apes of the Planet of the Apes. The Planet of the Planet of the Apes. David LeChapelle's Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Guys, I got a million of them.

So, anyway. I saw this ape movie. Yeah. It's good. It's a good ape movie. It's filmed very much in Vancouver. Were there any apes in the theater? Because that would feel like, to me, that would be uncomfortable.

Because it's like it's an anti-ape movie, right? I don't know. Oh, it was a pro-ape? Were they protesting outside? Well, there were no actual apes in the movie. It was all computer apes. Oh, okay. I don't think that's true.

No, it is true. I feel very upset right now. And people are saying that they look great. And they look pretty good. The eyes are pretty good. But I think you watch it in five years and you'll be like... But wait, I know somebody who played an ape. Yeah, you know somebody who played an ape.

I'm telling you there were no apes. Oh, I see. Unless you know... I know somebody who played an ape. Coco. But apes can't talk. So of course they can't have real apes. What do you want from them?

There's no talking apes in this movie, is there? Oh, spoiler alert. Oh, spoiler. Yeah. By the end, they have rudimentary Tarzan, Jane. Oh, okay. There's no classy British accent. Yeah, there's no Kelsey Grammer as Beast.

But beyond the movie, beyond the Planet of the Apes... Uh-huh. I wanted to talk about this preview I saw before the movie. Go on. Before the Planet of the Apes. Yes. I'm just coming up with sequels. Before the...

There was this movie. i don't know if you've heard of it but it stars uh justin timberlake and i have no i can't remember anyone else and it's uh like mila kunis this future it might as well have been okay uh because i was actually trying to remember who was in it and i kept coming back to me like this. Well, you always do keep coming back to me like this. We should be in every movie, so fair enough. And we, who's this we? The movie and myself. Went on a date together to watch a human. Came to an agreement.

No, the movie is this futuristic, kind of Gattaca-style, dystopian thing about a world where there is no money. There's only time. Oh yeah, I've seen the preview. And everyone has a little clock in their arm. A little countdown of when they're going to die. And at the end of a day's work, you get some time added to your clock. But you stay

20... I saw Justin Timberlake in an interview trying to explain the premise of this movie. You never age beyond 25. Until you do. Until you die. So is it Logan's run, basically? I don't...

Except that you can live for thousands of years. Just not aging beyond 25. Is the movie called Forever 25? Yeah, it takes place in Forever 21. Does Rod Stewart sing the theme song for the movie? And it... Rod Stewart was in it. That would blow the whole premise. Young Rod Stewart.

Come on, he has that young hair. Just his hair is in it. CG'd onto an ape. Do you think sexy? That's kind of talking to you by the end of the day. Now. Yay. So they, it's a, the only thing I really remember, like today I was thinking about, oh, what was that joke preview I saw?

Oh no, that was a real preview I saw. I haven't even heard of this. I don't remember the name of it. I'm going to say time things. Time arms. Yeah. Clock arms. Clock watchers.

Justin Timberlake, a guy gives him a bunch of time and then kills himself. Oh. And then antics ensue. But the only thing I remember, the only line I remember from the preview, which made me roll my eyes the hardest I've ever rolled eyes, was

follow the time. Oh, right. Like follow the money. Yeah. Time detectives. Starring Maria Bello. Starring Maria Bello. Starring Maria Bello. British. British.

Do we think Justin Timberlake might be overreaching? Yes. Like, because he's funny on SNL. And then I see him in movies and I think, oh, he's pretty good, actually. And I think, oh, I take back that eye rolling that i did when i heard he was in this movie right but there's a limit yeah is he funny on snl i i he's funny in the bring but he's unfunny on that but count the number of laughs he gets as opposed to the amount of woos and applause breaks yeah but you know right know, right? Yeah, but that's...

It's a comedy show, yes? No, that's a good point, because the only thing I can actually remember is the Bring It On Home to Whateverville sketch that always makes me laugh despite myself. So maybe you have a good point. Perhaps I'll allow it. In spite of myself.

But here's the thing about that movie, because I saw... You know how the Hollywood stars will do the junket press things where they're sitting in front of a poster of the movie. And the interviewer lobs them softball questions. And then they just kind of talk about, they kind of summarize what the movie's about. And then they maybe talk about the director or what it was like to work with Mila Kunis for the second time. Yeah. And he literally, between Justin Timberlake and his co-star,

they couldn't satisfactorily put together what this movie was about so that the interviewer could move on from that question. They're like, no, it's like you've got time on your arm, but you're 25 forever, but then when you're not 25, you've got to go outside the law, and once your like, no, it's like you've got time on your arm, but you're 25 forever, but then when you're not 25,

you've got to go outside the law, and once your time is up, then you're dead, but you're not, because you just start aging faster than the 25-year-olds, but you stay 25 for a long time if you work. Who was his co-star, do you remember? Maria Bello. Was it Olivia Wilde? I think Olivia Wilde might be involved.

She did pretty much everything. I remember watching the preview and seeing three or four actors in it and being like, all of these actors are over 25. I know it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was Ian Zierling one of those? Gabrielle Carteris was in it. Oh, man. Yeah yeah that movie looks really bad

and I'm not a movie maker I don't make films but I think it's bad it's like when I'm a doctor and I see a bad stitch job I'm like nah I'm not a doctor but that's a bad stitch job when do you see a bad stitch job I do a lot of contract work at looking at people's stitches.

Yeah, yeah. How does that come on? Looking at bad stitches. I don't... I have questions. I screen Joe Fresh models before they get the job. And you get a wonky scar on your eye. Oh, this is why I haven't made it past that.

I work for Doctors Without Borders. A lot of them have really low standards. You could call it Doctors Without Standards. Now, Graham. Yes. Let's move on from me and the realm of apes and time. Yeah. Now, I can see from your knee that you have a giant bruise on your knee.

And while you're looking in my direction, check out my finisher medal for the Spartan Race. You spartaned it up. I hadn't heard about this yet. Yep. Pretty great finisher medal for the Spartan race. You Spartaned it up. Yep. Pretty great. Tell me about the Spartan race. You raced a Spartan. I went to Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Home of my birth. Home of Lord Beaver Rock High School.

The Rockies. East of the Rockies. Barely. Home of where they shot Unforgiven. Okay. The Cowboys movie. The man love.

Oh, yes. Brokeback Mountain. Also a movie with Steven Seagal and DMX. Oh, right. Culture Clash. right. Culture clash. Shiny heads. Buff heads. For my dad's

60th birthday. He looks great. He does look great. He's got abs and such. I said, do you want to enter into this Spartan race? Wait a minute minute it was your idea it was my idea because past guest jane stanton's older brother uh is the organizer of

the western uh canada spartan races so he organized the one i said i'm stupid don't beat me up it's pretty stupid and and you know what there was uh we it's like a. And you know what? It's like a race where you have to run up a hill and carry some things, and there's a javelin toss at one point. You've got to get a knee bruise. Oh, and I've got shin bruises and bruises on my back. Wait, you told me you weren't going to do anything. What happened? Okay, I'll let you tell the story.

I'll tell you. Well, when we got there, it took place in this uh big area that was used for the olympics in uh back in the day 1988 so it's fallen in disrepair in the past 22 years yeah it's a dystopian future everyone is 22 years old and they're all the children of the athletes except when they're not. Then they have to go outside the line. Then the 38-year-olds can somehow buy time back. They've got time on their hands, literally. If they have their dads. Now, you know that's how the movie whole started.

Just with that phrase, time on my hands, time on my arms. Gotta buy some time. Yeah, exactly. Some jackass. Tall takes. something jackass tall takes yeah so

when I got to the race myself and my brother and my mom and my dad and everything we got to the race

and like one of the honestly one of the first things we saw was a woman being carried out of the race on a stretcher with a broken leg so I was like

wait a minute you showed up for the race that's my question precisely after the race had started? Oh, no, there were heats. And you just skipped all that?

You just rolled in to compete? No, no, no. His heat was later. Yeah, my heat was later in the day than hers. Oh, I thought you meant... Well, hers. Yeah. Sorry, I should have made that clear.

I was in a later heat. Okay, okay, okay. Got it, got it, got it. Anyways, it was... Wow, these people seem to be racing pretty hard. Early bird gets the worm. But there was a lot of really super big, super fit dudes. American Gladiator.

A lot of American Gladiator looking dudes. And they were all finishing when we were walking up to the start line. And they were all saying that it was way harder than they thought it was going to be. And I was like, oh, God. Oh, no. And you don't look like an American Gladiator. No. What would you, how would you describe your body type?

Mr. Bean-esque or Paul Giamatti-esque? Sure. Take your pick. Are we voting? Go ahead. Paul Giamatti. Oh, there you go. Thank you.

Two against nothing. Who is very sexy, I might add. Yeah. Oh, yeah. As is Mr. Bean. Yes. Yes. So the race, this was the thing that really I didn't count on, is most of the race was uphill.

For some reason, I envisioned it to be kind of just on a flat cross-country-esque... It's at the Olympic Park. Is that a hilly area? Yes, apparently. It's super hilly. You blocked it out from your time in Alberta. Yeah, I thought it was flat because of cross-country skiing or something. But it was the luge course.

Yeah, I was running up the bobsled run. So then, like, the very first thing... First of all, my allergies took over right away. So I was like, I can't even breathe at the start. And then the first thing we did was jump over... Like, you had to climb over hay bales, which I'm super allergic to. How long is a heat before we get started?

I think each heat was, like, an hour and a half apart. I think, like, an hour, an hour and a half apart. And most teams were completing it in... I think our teams averaged, because my brother and my dad's co-worker went out kind of in front. Our average was like 40

minutes. Okay. But other people... Other people, I think the shortest was maybe like 30-something. Oh, okay. Because it was like actually like it was only 5k busfield involved who's that from 30 something yeah uh we it's so you run up you climb over hay bales and then the next thing you have to do is like climb over a giant rock which you're allergic to yeah you know me and rocks i can't even watch 30 rock

or chris rock or duane johnson um so you have to climb over this giant rock and then there's quite a bit of you know like down a super steep hill up a super steep hill and then at the top of the steepest hill they make you blow up a huge balloon which was like what i didn't see that coming at all yeah that's fun yeah Was it a rainbow unicorn? No. Oh, Morgan brought us a rainbow unicorn as a gift to the podcast.

Grandpa is totally molesting him right now on the other side of the door, I'm sure. So you blew up a balloon. Blew up a balloon. There was also a couple... Did you have to form the balloon into any animals? Yeah, but it had to be a muscly animal, not a wimpy animal.

Sure. It had to be like a rhino or something. And then what else were the other things? At one point, you had to... They had kind of like 2x4 set up in like a zigzag pattern. You had to walk on the side, like they were turned up on their side. Oh, okay. Like, so you had to kind of balance.

On the two side. On the two. And you had to balance your way across it. And everything that you couldn't do, you had to do 20 burpees. Oh, no. Which, I don't know if you know what a burpee is. I do know what a burpee is. My girlfriend in grade five, her last name was burpee

yeah you had to do 20 of her imagine her and imagine 20 of her a burpee is a you you start in a standing position and then you drop into a push up position and then you do a push up

and then you crouch and then you jump back up and you have to do that 20 times it's kind of like plank meets jumping jack sort of do a push-up and then you crouch and then you jump back up and you have to do that 20 times and one makes you... It's kind of like Plank meets Jumping Jack sort of. Yeah, it's like a squat thrust with some kind of burpee. After one burpee it feels like you're a World War I survivor. Like it's just the worst pain.

After 20 it's like death. It's death. So you wanted to finish the things at all costs. Also, if you fell off the 2x4s, that was hot lava. Yeah, exactly. So you had to take the things at all costs. Also, if you fell off the two-by-fours, that was hot lava. Yeah, exactly. So you had to take your shoes off. Then there was a wall climb that I don't think anybody finished

because you had to be, I think, at least six foot to get from each whatever hand piece or foot piece. And no one is that tall. You had to be... Because everybody's short. You got to a certain point and then your leg wouldn't reach the next peg.

All Spartans were really tall. You don't know that. All the Spartans were tall. I was not aware of that. And if they weren't, they wore higher... Heels. Mask hats. Oh.

You know what I'm talking about. Yeah. The brush things. Platform. Yeah. Gladiator. And then there's at one point like you had to lift two giant

buckets of rocks and walk straight up a hill and then come back down the other come back down with it so like two giant Home Depot

paint buckets full of rocks horrible and then you had to tow like a giant brick around a circle it was all that

kind of stuff you had to place tether brick you had to place tether brick. Just practical stuff. You had to place tether brick. And then the very, like, then you, right at the end of the course, you threw a javelin at, like, a giant target,

and if you missed, you had to do 24 burpees. I did a lot of burpees. Did you do, like, 8,000 burpees? I think I did 60 burpees, which is more than I've done in my entire life combined. But that's not bad. Oh, it was bad. No, but in terms of what you missed and you had to do 20 burpees

each time, that's only screwing up three times. Yeah. If my math is correct. At one point, there was a wall that you had to climb over that didn't have a rope or anything. You just had to jump and pull yourself up on the wall. Throw yourself at the wall? So nobody could do it, so my dad and I stood at the wall just to help boosting people over the wall. Of course you did.

God bless you. You're a team player. We were real team players. And then no one would help you guys when you were left. Yeah, exactly. He helped me over, and then I had to run back around the wall and help him. That was our special special system adorable and then your burpees dickhead and then the very last thing just before you go across the finish line

there's like these two linebacker dudes that try and knock you down and they really yeah they succeeded with almost and like lots of the bigger dudes kind of like we're like bring it on and without fail they were knocked on their ass by these guys. And my thing, as soon as I got to the race and saw they were right at the finish line, is I told my mom, like, give me $10. I put it in my pocket. And at the very end of the race, I told the guy, I'll give you $10 if you don't hit me. And he let me pass.

Nice. So brains of Iran. Yeah, the pen is mightier than the sword. The tortoise and the hare. Lee and Foreman. So you just did the one heat? Yeah. Oh, that's good.

You didn't qualify for the finals and then have to do it again? That's what happens. You have to do it all over again. Against the kids from the fat camp? But I finished. I did it. Yay the kids from the fat camp. But I finished. I did it. Yay! And you didn't die. I didn't die. And there was a guy

that my brother knew. This is the craziest story of the day. This guy that my brother knew, who was in like a horrible car accident a year or two years ago, like got himself back in shape, got rehabilitated and everything. Came in second in the race.

Oh, that's great. I don't like that. Inspiration, everybody. I don't like it. Why don't you like it? Because it makes me just feel like a failure. It's when you go and see, like, inspirational kids who've done good stuff

by the time they're 15, and I'm like, I'm 41. I've done nothing. I can't compete with that. And the only way I can compete with that is to get in a horrific accident. Well, Dave. There's still time, Dave.

Talking ain't living. Is that an expression or did I just make that up? I don't even know what I mean. Talking ain't living? I don't know. Talking ain't living. Come on, Morgan. It's. Seems like something Dolly Parton would say. Talking Ain't Livin'. Come on, Morgan. It's going to be a Dolly Parton song.

It's totally going to be the next Dolly Parton song. Let's go get some chicken. Talking Ain't Livin' and Livin' Ain't Talking. Keep going. No. Something, something,

walkin'. Yeah. Christopher Walken. Yeah. Songwrites itself. Dave, do we want to move on to some overheards? Yeah.

Overheard. Overheards. Overheards. Things that you hear maybe in your everyday life, maybe in your office life, maybe in your out-of-office life, maybe on vacation. Maybe in your park life. What's that? Blur. Famous one. Sure.

You're the dumb one. Yeah. I'm not up on my blur as much as I could be you should be yeah i should go back yeah to go to move forward right yeah discover blur so that i can get on board with gorillas oh absolutely you're gonna want to be on board with at least one of them the contemporary cartoon bands be it your gorillasillas, your Prozac, your... Alvin and the Chipmunks. Sure, sure. They're back.

They're back. Yeah. They're going on a cruise in the next movie. Can't stop them. Now, Morgan. Yeah? You know we like to start with a guest. Oh, okay.

You knew that about us. You came in knowing that was the deal. I try to keep it fresh. Do you want us to go around? No, no, I'll go, I'll go. Okay, all right. I'll go. Okay, so we were walking down the street and...

Who's we? Oh, sorry, the wife, Michelle, as we've established her name to be. Michelle and I were walking down the street and along comes a guy on the sidewalk on his bike. Not illegal, right? Yeah. Is that? No helmet, let's be clear. Oh, two types of illegal.

Was he smoking hash? It gets better. It gets better. One hand, cell phone. Oh, wow. Other hand, loaf of bread. Very French. Yeah, exactly.

Very big city. You get the picture of this guy. You kind of know what he's all about already. So he's riding on his bike. He's riding behind his bike, and we hear him say, and I just want to be all, oh, yeah? Well, I went on a date with Beyonce. And we kind of stopped him.

We're like, no, you didn't. He didn't. He didn't. He didn't go on a date with Beyonce. I don't know why he said that. But he might have gone on a date with a girl named Beyonce. Yeah, that's true. That's a very common name. That's true.

Because one time when I was calling, oh, what was it now? I think it was like a car rental. When I was calling Beyonce. I accidentally went on Beyonce's car wash. It was like a car rental or something like that. And she was like, good afternoon, such and such. My name is Beyonce. How can I help you?

And I was like, are you? Is this one of those shows where? No, but I started to say, is that really your name? And then I thought, she gets that all the time. So I'll say it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, like the undercover boss in Beyonce? Except Beyonce owns a car rental place.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beyonce, by the way, owns Hertz. CEO of Hertz. Now, don't tell anyone, but I'm Beyonce. She's wearing, like, super glamorous dresses

and her bodyguards are everywhere. Yeah, don't tell anybody. Don't tell anyone. No, but I didn't want to be... I didn't want to be... Did you put a ring on it? Well... What if you were a person named Beyonce and you worked at a jeweler's?

That year would have been so long. What if you were a person named Beyonce and you worked anywhere? That would be horrible. First of all, does anybody else have the name Beyonce? Second of all, if you did, you might want to go by Barb. What are the worst places to work if your name is Beyonce? On a television show, Survivor.

Sure, yeah. Anywhere where people have to call in and pay their telephone bill. Yeah, oh. Automobile. Anything in the mental health profession. Crazy right now. Sure. Oh, any kind of reform school for girls not a girl anywhere isn't that rihanna rihanna tonight i'll be a naughty girl that's that's beyonce isn't she she sings in a giant uh champagne glass or what do you do we're at the name changing institute

and someone changed the name to sasha fierce and you were like i am what if they're what if your what if your parents were hippies around the same time that pink was born and they just named you pink then what would you do like if your name was pink robertson like you wouldn't be able to right like she just she's just adopted that name that's not her real name but what if your parents named you Pink and then you had the same thing? Good morning, this is Alamo Rentals. But I think that naming your kid...

The whole naming your kid something a little bit wackadoodle backfires generally. On the kid? No, but you name your kid Pink, they become an accountant. What if you name your kid iPod they become an accountant. Oh, okay. What if you name your kid iPod? What are they going to become?

An accountant also. Yeah. No, but they're not. They're going to be into Winamp. It really slaps the llama's ass. But the idea that you name your kid something interesting and exciting, and they're going to be interesting and exciting, doesn't generally seem to follow through. The thing is, nobody is interesting and exciting and they're going to be interesting and exciting doesn't generally seem to follow

through. Those kids seem to change. The thing is, nobody is interesting and exciting. People are. Wait, what about Barack Obama? He's pretty exciting. Is he? Well, check out, he's got a nice looking wife.

Is that? That's. Right? Fair enough. That's where you draw the line. He must have done something right. Right? That's what I'm saying.

Sure. He's got a hypoallergenic dog. Yeah, right? He's got one of those fancy, what is it, Irish Sea Dog or something it's like a hypoallergenic dog yeah right he's got one of those fancy what is it irish sea dog or something it's called yeah it's made out of the irish sea they were the dogs that survived the irish it's a portuguese water dog that's close enough irish sea dog um nationality and h2o yeah exactly a taiwan Taiwanese river dog. Yeah. Now, yeah, you know, I think Barack Obama's a pretty interesting dude.

You know who else I think is really interesting? Dave Shumka. Yeah, Dave Shumka. I think he's a really neat guy. He's also married to a really cool lady. That's why he looks different, because he's married now. He seems taller. Yeah, he walks a little taller.

Chin up in the air. No more slouching. I watched the movie Walking Tall starring Dwayne He seems taller. Yeah, he walks a little taller. Chin up in the air. No more slouching. I watched the movie Walking Tall starring Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Yeah. Did you watch the original that it was based on? Yeah, starring Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Starring Helen Mirren with a British eye. See, now I... Oh, Walking Tall!

What if it started like an older wrestler? Oh, uh... Towards the animal studio. Andre the Giant. The Iron Sheik. wrestler oh uh towards the animals andre the giant the iron cheek i find that movie ironic because i i saw dwayne johnson in a deli in la and he wasn't that tall we when we were in la uh he was one the first place we went uh basically was a uh pizza place yeah and uh and he was there no but his his signed autograph picture was there

talking about how he has to work out extra hard because their pizza is so good. Now, here's the thing. Speaking of celebrity sightings, today in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, Guy Fieri was in town. Sorry? Guy Fieri.

Oh, Guy Fieri. Thank you. Was in town filming his television shows diners drip drops drip drop and drive stop drop and roll Dorf on golf he was here

I don't know where he was filming he tweeted that he was going to go one of our many subways he tweeted that he was going to go to North Vancouver to some kind of diner or drive in or dive One of our many subways. Yeah, he tweeted that he was going to go to North Vancouver. To some kind of diner or drive-in or dive. He was in Reg Vancouver and he was filming and apparently his hair is almost like sheet white.

Not as blonde as television would lead you to believe. Sweaty as all get out. And people could not stop asking him for autographs. That makes me so angry I could tear this place apart. Brick by brick. Wasn't that what you said at the beer tasting? You were like, this beer tastes so good I want to punch Graham in the face. Well, I did say that,

yes, but that's a happy kind of reaction. This is an angry kind of reaction. It's different. The punching you in the face is totally out of love and happiness. It's different. The punching you in the face is totally out of love and happiness. Yeah, yeah. It's like a rainbow, a real rainbow punch

in the face. Yeah. I don't know why you're getting those things mixed up. No, that guy makes me, oh, just makes me insanely angry.

Have you heard about his new show where he is a judge in a daytime judge show? No, I saw that show. Yeah. It's like, what? This has nothing to do with cooking.

Or justice. So why? People bring cooking crimes to them. Somebody burnt my toast, et cetera. I can't pay somebody to give me two lines in a movie, but Guy What's-His-Balls has nonstop work. I'll tell you What's-His-Balls. It makes me insane. Big and greasy. That's What's-His-Balls has nonstop work. I'll tell you What's-His-Balls. It makes me insane.

Big and greasy. That's What's-His-Balls. He's always eating, and I don't want to watch him eat, and it makes me angry. What is the most recent movie you were in? Oh, are you trying to make me cry? I don't know. You just talked, you brought up your acting career.

Oh, I shouldn't have. No, I haven't worked I haven't worked in... I haven't worked in a year. I'm sorry. What was the most recent movie Guy Fieri was in? Yeah. Take...

Oh. Oh. Doesn't make me feel any better. 90 minutes to win it. I know. I was trying to think of a pun on... Like, is there some movie that has fire in it?

I was going to say something Fieri instead of fire. No, that's... Or something like Guy instead of... No. Backdraft. Yeah, exactly. That's the...

Anyways, Dave, do you have an overheard? Okay. Yeah, I do. It's this one that I have. Yeah. The other night, I was walking the dog at about this hour, like 9.30ish. It's getting dark earlier and earlier. Oh, yeah. It was dark out.

There were three guys unloading stuff from a pickup truck. One of these guys had a beard and dreadlocks. He had nothing to say, but that's a good detail. Was he like the guy from Korn? Yeah, sure. Like he's a white dude? Yeah, absolutely.

I wouldn't even mention if a black guy had dreadlocks. I don't see mention if a black guy had dreadlocks. No? Okay. I don't see color. When it comes to dreadlocks. No, wait. You do see color when it comes to dreadlocks.

Uh-huh. Yeah, okay. This guy was a white dude. Blonde? Dreadlocks? Nope. Okay. Dark.

But he doesn't enter in the story at all. Dark and stormy dreadlocks? Yeah. I think it was dark and stormy. I couldn't tell. It was a radio play. Yeah. I think it was dark and stormy. I couldn't tell. It was a radio play. Yeah. I only heard a baking sheet.

What if I only had a muffin tray and that doesn't really make the sound? Okay. Let's continue forth. So I just heard, there were three guys there, but only one guy did any talking. And I heard him say, I wash my sheets every four days, bitch. It's not my fault my landlord's daughter tried to kill herself and I had to throw her out of my bed twice. Wow. That's a guy with a complicated life. More complicated than his dreadlock.

No, it's not the dreadlock guy. Different guy. Different guy. Yeah, different guy. Wow. I bet you that guy gets a real cut on rent because of the suicide. Although, what was she doing in his bed? Oh, trying to kill herself.

I feel like she may have been invited by him. It might have been his fault. You gotta be a really bad lover for somebody to kill yourself in their bed. Or a really great lover. This is as good as it's gonna be. Working right in stars. You just allow every

objection that anybody says? Objection! I'm talking loud. I think there's usually more at work. It's not just one event. Nope, that's it. I'd like to think it's usually more at work. It's not just one event. No, that's it. I'd like to think it's just one event. Pushes you over the edge.

Oh, this pie was the worst. I was thinking about it all day. It was the worst. If anyone needs me, I'll be dead. Yeah, I'll be dead. Hold my calls. Hold my calls. So the dreadlock guy had nothing to do with the story.

No, but he was a real red herring. It added texture. He was a real red herring without red hair. Oh. Now, Grant, you overheard go. I did. Monkey noise. I went, I go sometimes to the gym.

And there's one gentleman. Oh, here's a question. Now that you're done Spartaning, still going to the gym? Yeah. Why? Wait, you were going to the gym pre-Spartaning? Yeah, I had to... Oh, here's a question. Now that you're done Spartan-ing... Mm-hmm. Still going to the gym? Yeah. Why? Wait, you were going to the gym pre-Spartan-ing? Yeah, I had to. Oh, sorry.

Just for fitness. I missed it. You know, just Jack LaLanne style. Did you... You were up in the gym just working on your fitness? Yeah, I'm just working on my fitness. Yeah. As a Spartanite, were you so mad at your gym for not having walls to climb and rocks and

buckets? Oh, you have no idea. They didn't have a guy to give $10 to. They also handed out a pamphlet for a type of gym where you could tow around giant ropes and turn over a tire. Like a gorilla. It's all gorilla activities. They should just call it Gorilla Fitness and have a picture of a gorilla

being dumb. I guarantee you that's a trend. If it hasn't happened, it's happening. Oh no, it is happening. It's like that. But like, no, no, no. But but like the gorilla workout oh yeah no that's true like we should probably trademark that trademark um oh we're under a room where children are wrestling gorillas in training um so uh there's a guy there's this one guy that's always at the gym. Uh, there's a lot of, like, regular cast of characters, but this one guy, he's quite a big guy, but I've never seen him do any working out. Everybody else, I've seen them lifting stuff.

This guy seems to always just stand around and chat with the big dudes. And I've never heard him, because I always have, uh, music playing, so I don't actually know't actually know what he's talking about or whatever. But he was talking to a girl in the area where you kind of like stretch or whatever and I thought, I'm going to turn off the music and hear what this guy has, like what does he sound like? What is he talking about? And the second I turned off the music, all I heard was, and it was like three

Snookis and I was like, uh-uh and I turned my music back on. That's all you need to hear fantastic did you think he was talking about three women or an event that was like three Snookies oh like that was like like that's his rating system

I give it three Snookies uh uh you know I should have listened to more cause uh yeah I could have found out what steakhouse he was talking about but like how many Snookies did you give Planet of the Apes oh it was like three Snookies and DeVore, because I could have found out what steakhouse he was talking about. How many Snookis did you give Planet of the Apes? Oh, it was like three Snookis.

And I was out of there. Better than that Time Arm movie. Time Forearms. Yeah, Time on my arms. Forearms o'clock. Time of your life. Yeah, it's not bad. Time of your leg. Get Green Day involved. Except Time of your life. Yeah, it's not bad. Time of your leg. Get green day involved.

Make any sense? Your leg. Except it's your arm. The leg of your upper body. We also have overheard sent in by listeners. If you want to do the same, you can send them in to stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com. People really enjoy it. They do.

They really enjoy it. It's like writing an angry letter and not sending it, but you send it to us. Yeah. And you're not angry. I love hearing people's angry overheards. Yeah. None of these are particularly angry. Well, those are the ones I like.

They're intriguing. They will be. They'll make me angry. How angry are they on a scale of one to Snooki? How many Snookis of How many Snookis? How many Snookis of anger? Snookis of anger. Don't you raise your Snooki to me in anger.

Don't ever go to bed, Snooki. This first one comes from Jake G. And this is, he's working at a movie theater. I was cleaning the back hallway, taking out the trash while I was walking through the hallway back towards the lobby. Two kids no older than 14

were walking down the hallway towards me. I heard a little bit of what one kid said as I passed him and his friend and what they said was, yeah, she caught me so I ended up getting suspended for racism. The kid's friend laughed and said, oh, she caught me so I ended up getting suspended for racism. The kid's friend laughed and said, oh, that sucks.

True, right? What do you think he said? I don't want to say it. I don't want to get suspended from the podcast council. The League of Extraordinary Podcasters. It's true. We've got to at least be part of the League, right?

It's a big league. Did you get the letter? You didn't get the letter yet? And with every big league... Go on. Big League Chew? It chews. Yeah.

No. Sorry, I ruined your joke. No, I ruined my joke. You know what? I don't know. I think it was fine. I think it was all... I think it was all fine.

This next one comes from a gentleman named Mike. I just overheard this walking through the Home Depot garden department. Guy one, why are these leaves green? Aren't barberry bushes usually red? Guy two, I don't know. It's some chlorophyll bullshit. Right? That wasn't angry overheard.

That wasn't angry overheard. Mad at chlorophyll. Mad at photosynthesis. That'll piss you overheard. Mad at chlorophyll. Mad at photosynthesis. That'll piss you off. Sure. Yeah, he was. And he was dismissive of the guy's question. He's like, I don't want to talk about your dumb leaves.

Plus, if you're in Home Depot, you're angry because you cannot get anybody to help you. And if you care about gardening and you're in Home Depot, it's a bad place to be. Because there are garden-specific stores, and Home Depot is just... No, that's not the place for you. Yeah. You know what's fun about Home Depot is the section that has all the doors. That's a lot of fun. Yeah, Jim Morrison, Ray Manzarek, Robbie Krieger.

Come on. Keep naming possible doors. That's pretty good. That is really good. But on the same token, you could have said a bunch of names I don't know. We still would have been impressed.

I think Stuart Copeland played drums for them in the new doors. Yeah. The four doors. The new doors. The four doors started. They toured with the new cars.

Yeah, Paul Sorvino. This last one. Oh, by the way, I hate the doors. Couldn't name three of them. John A. He sent an attached photo, but I'll explain what the photo is. It's very, it's probably one of the most distasteful ads. Is this the 9-11 one?

Yes. Oh, this was fantastic. It is fantastic. It's something like, I've seen people try and, like, get on the 9-11 thing in advertising to use it to, like, really hit home a point, but this is

something, this is really something else. This is, uh, it's an attached photo, it's of an advertisement for osteo arthritis medication that I took in a doctor's office in sri lanka i don't know any of the word uh any words that can do justice to the intriguing horror of this poster the text is a little blurry it reads everyone thinks their joints are safe and strong until one day osteoarthritis collapses them it's got the twin towers with leg bones in the

twin towers. And then the plane flying at it says, osteoarthritis flying into the... Wow! I know, right? Wow! So amazing. It's like, what? I never would have... Where did he say he saw it? Sri Lanka?

Sri Lanka. Is that a country that was sort of like, eh, about 9-11? I don't know. My brother just came back from, he was at a friend's wedding in Sri Lanka. I know it's India's teardrop. Yeah, so that means that India killed another country. I know that MIA is affiliated. MIA, what's your stance on 9-11? And I bet your stance isn't too strong if you have osteoarthritis.

But it's like, what... Did they ever use a Pearl Harbor to sell things besides the movie Pearl Harbor? Do you know what I mean? They never used, like, don't get caught out. Yeah, sunscreen or something, you know. Well, I don't know about specifically Pearl Harbor, but lots of, I mean, because I listen to a lot of, I love old radio plays and old detective mysteries and stuff.

So that's, I don't sleep well. So at night, I put in my headphones and I listen to old detective mysteries and stuff. So that's, I don't sleep well. So at night, I put in my headphones and I listen to old detective stories. Rogue's Gallery. Oh, yeah. Sure. Johnny Dollar. Yours truly, Johnny Dollar. Yeah.

You know, shows like that. The Shadow. Well, I'm too scared. Oh, it's too scary. He is scary. He's well-trained. He's scary. Yeah.

But it's not. Get out of there, you. The regular guy is totally not scary at all. But, it's too scary. It's really scary. Yeah. But it's not. Get out of there, you. The regular guy is totally not scary at all. But then when he's off, very scary. I can't do it. Fair enough. But yes. You're trying to sleep.

You're not trying to. But all of those shows, they definitely, around wartime, unbelievably blatant guilt trips. Oh, sure, yeah. Buy war bonds, etc. Don't throw out your pantyhose. Bros before pantyhose. Yeah, that's where that started. Exactly.

Listen up, you rows and rows of bros. Don't throw away your pantyhose. Because we're going to try and take out Tokyo. Tokyo. Tokyo Jokes Joes! Yeah! Now, when...

Here's the thing. It's the 10th anniversary. September 11th is coming up. How many more years do we have to wait until we can use September 11th imagery in a Popsicle commercial? Or a Honda commercial? Why do we want to do that?

Or a Joe Fresh commercial. Do you see a lot of... Don't you sully my Joe Fresh with your nonsense. Do you see a lot of Pearl Harbor in anything ever? I just think you're going to put Pearl Harbor on there. People aren't going to really remember. This is fresh. This is a fresh.

It's Joe Fresh. No, it is not. It could be Joe Fresh. I need to clarify. Oh, we are angling This is a fresh. It's Joe Fresh. No, it is not. It could be Joe Fresh. I need to clarify. Oh, we are angling hard for a sponsorship. As the spokesperson for Joe Fresh, I need to separate myself. His last name is Fresh, but his first name isn't actually Joe. Is that it?

No, it's the other way around. Dave Fresh? My name's actually Paul Fresh. Garth Fresh. Garth! Okay. 9-11. Garth! Okay. 9-11's anniversary is coming up. Any plans?

Oh, reflecting pool. I'm going to make my own reflecting pool in my backyard. I'm going to build a, what do they call it? A Muslim church. A mosque? Yeah, a mosque at Ground Zero. I forgot the name of the controversy. Mosque at Ground Zero.

I'm going to not fly any planes or do anything. Oh, that's good. A co-worker of mine is flying on 9-11 of this year, and apparently seats are super cheap. Yeah, I can see that, because people in the blowing up things business, very big on symbolism. Very big on, hey, it's the 10th anniversary. But a lot of them are very big on just blowing stuff up.

Yeah, that's true. At any time. I think it's more about our whole superstition around things. Like that we don't often have 13th floors. Oh, we're not going to celebrate the 13th anniversary of September 11th. Are we going to celebrate the anniversary of the movie The 13th Floor starring Craig Bierko and Gretchen Moll? Why do you know those names? It's not in the theater.

Who's Craig Bierko? I don't even know what to say to you. He's a very talented actor. And Gretchen Moll is, The Next Big Thing, 1998. Who? All right. In addition to overheards that have been written in, we're not going to have time for overheards.

I mean, drunk dials. That's fine. No, we're going to do drunk dials. Just cut out all the rest. We'll do drunk dials. Just cut out everything I've said. Pretend I wasn't here. Guaranteeing drunk towels.

We also get overheards called in from you. Our phone number is 206-339-8328. We love it when you overheard call us. Hello, gentlemen and possible lady guests. This is Mike from Pennsylvania. And this isn't really an overheard. It's just a thing that just happened. I was in the Fresh Market, which is kind of like a want-to-be Whole Foods,

and so they don't have a lot of junk food in there, and I was in the potato chips, and I was trying to figure out which kind of whole grain potato chips I was going to eat, and I was making this obnoxious noise that I make when I'm deciding things, like this, like... And this woman, I think she thought I was making some disgusting kissing noise at her. And I very quickly left the store. So that's the story. I guess it's an overheard for her heard, when this pervert made kissing noises.

Yeah, yeah. So she thought that he was doing the, like, come over here. Yeah. Put your lips on this one. Yeah, that's how European people hit on women. Mate. Oh, Mike. But my favorite thing about that call was that he said it was a want-to-be Whole Foods,

not a wannabe. A want-to-be. He, not a wannabe. A want-to-be. He would want to be. First of all, trying to have tasty snacks in a Whole Foods is ridiculous. I don't know what the hell is going on at Whole Foods, but they're like, here's a cupcake that is covered in wheat germ.

It's ridiculous. You just made that up. Try a little harder. No. Look harder. No, I that up. Try a little harder. No. Look harder. I'm not. No, I will not. I'm dead serious. They've got a good kettle corn. All of their tasty treats taste like bark.

And it makes me angry. I like the kettle corn. I have not tried the kettle corn. It's not Whole Foods brand or anything. Sweet and savory together. If you knew me better, you'd know that about me, Dave. Study up. And second of all... Oh, I thought you had a point.

Oh! I did, but I've forgotten my anger. Overruled. Both of you. I appreciate Mike's shout-out to the possible lady guest. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I am possibly a lady. Those are not good odds. So thank you, Mike. No, but that was dead on, Mike.

Yeah, maybe 20% of our guests are lady. We'd like it to be higher, but you know what? 9-11. Who needs it? Right? 10-year anniversary. Okay, next call. Oh, this one is from someone from the Canadian province of Newfoundland,

and you are going to love their accent. Oh, yeah. It's delightful. Is there an accent? Oh, I'm so excited. Hey, Dave and Graham. It's Jessica B. from Newfoundland, calling in with an overseen. I work at a shrimp plant for the summer, and my boss is this big, scary guy from Iceland.

He's just one of those walking around around kind of glaring at people's glasses. So the other day we had a breakdown in the freezer and he was down checking it out and the shrimp was coming through and it's cooked shrimp and it was really thawed out and so I was looking at him and he picked the shrimp up

off the belt, squeezed it to see if it was frozen and it wasn't so he just kind of glanced around to see if anyone was looking at him. And when he went to pop the shrimp into his mouth, he got himself right into awe with it. So I started laughing, and then he looked over at me, caught me laughing at him,

and he gave me the finger. So after that, I stopped laughing. He went into the freezer, and he avoided me for the rest of the day. Oh, man, that's the greatest. Yeah. Everything about that is the greatest.

I love a story where a guy ends up hiding for the rest of the day in the freezer. Oh, man. Take that shrimp to your eye. Oh, that accent. Yeah. That is what people talk about when they talk about the Canadian accent, when it's like oot and a boot. Yes.

Exactly. But it's delightful. I mean, it's like wind chimes. To me, it's like wind chimes. I wonder if you get wind chimes that actually, it was just a recording of Jessica's story. Yeah. Just repeatedly over and over in your garden. Oh, I fell asleep to it.

No problem. You're great at of Jessica's story. Yeah. Just repeatedly over and over in your garden. Oh, I fell asleep to it. No problem. You're great at remembering people's names. You're pretty great at it, Gretchen Moll and whatever. Yeah, no kidding. Oh, yes, Dennis Farina. Take Gretchen Moll. Play young lovers. Yeah.

See, that's my specialty is remembering a name and inserting it into a thing. One more call. And then drunk dials, guaranteed. Yeah, awesome. Guaranteed. Hi, this is Graham's mom calling from Calgary, Alberta, Canada. We've just been on holidays in Maui and there were lots of overheards and overseens from the beach. But my favorite was one morning at the beach around 11 a.m.,

a little girl around 6 or 7, really sweet-looking with braids in her hair and a pink bathing suit and matching barrettes, came running up the beach towards the hotel. And as she passed us, we could hear her very excitedly yelling, The bar is open! the bar is open. Mom and dad don't have to fight anymore. Get into the bar together. Well, the sad part about that is that wasn't a small child.

That was me. I ran into your parents on my way in my bikini, running past, yelling the bar is open. It was more of a tankini. Give yourself credit. Wear credits, too. So I think if we've learned anything ever. Ever.

I want to hear more of that sentence. If we've ever learned anything ever, it's that if you want to get your overheard on the show, be Graham's mom. Yeah. Fair enough. Yeah. Give birth to me for the second time.

But you can't. But nobody can achieve that. No, but you know, go to one of those crazy things where you, the born again things where you go through that. You get time on your arm. You go through that red tube. You spend eight hours in an oatmeal bath. You go to redtube.com.

I have to say I'm not familiar with this. Oh, it's because I'm making it up. Oh, well, that explains it. I felt so out of the loop, and now I feel better about myself. What is redtube.com? Is that a dog boner or something? It's a porno thing.

Oh, okay. It sounded like a thing for dog boners. Okay. Now, we also do a thing on the show Occasionally I wish we could do it more often But these shows are just Jam-packed full of entertainment

It's a lot of fun They are great shows And we love us Now if In addition to Overheard We also do a segment Called Drunk Dials And the thing about this is

We do not want you to get drunk And call your exes up And be like I regret everything Yeah or call your exes up and be like, I regret everything. Yeah, or call your boss who ate that shrimp off the line and tell them off for giving you the finger. Although I don't think you should have your boss's number programmed into your phone. Oh, I do. Because how else do you tell them that you're late for work every other day? Well, I mean.

You're going to be late. Who do you call? This is why I don't have a regular job, Graham, because you're always late. So if you would like, I think we skipped the middle. The middle is don't call your exes. Don't call your bosses. Call us with your drunkenness and say, hey, I want to be on your dumb show. Our phone number is 206-339-8328.

Program that into your phone right now while you're sober. Assuming you're sober. And do like these people did. Oh, but don't we need to play a theme song? Oh, yeah! When I was a child, didn't know what a phone was. I'm just kidding. Never tasted liquor either.

But one day, when I grew up, put two and two together. Drunk Dials! Telling my girlfriend to start her period. Drunk Dials! Telling my friend he looks like a wolfman.

Drunk Dials! Calling Future Shop and asking for Best Buy. Drunk Dials! Drunk Dials! Now, put it in your phone. [phone].

Like these people did. Hey, Dave Graham. This is Graham from Augusta. Nice. I'm calling in with a drunk dial. This is like a... My friend is looking at me right now like, what the fuck is he doing?

But I'm like, this is my first time I've ever been drunk. And I'm just calling him like, whoa. What the fuck am I doing? He doesn't even know. I'm going to hang up. The hotline? That was like the movie, what's that Jack Nicholson movie? The Last Detail, where they take out the guy on his, like, last night before he has to go to jail and they get him super drunk.

Have you ever seen it? Nope. Classic. Classic film. Check it out. It doesn't exist. You made it up. Go ahead.

What if I did? That was that guy's first time getting drunk. I know. It was great. And he called us. And he chose to call you. And his friend in the background wondered if he was calling a hotline. Oh.

I assume, like, an alcoholism prevention hotline. Prevention. Prevention is the best. Too late. An answer to prevention is worth a shot of cure. Wow, yeah. Do you feel honored

that he chose to call you for his first one? Of course, that's why we played it. Because we love honor. Because we are Japanese, like the Pearl Harbor parasites who bombed us. Our society is built on honor and shame. And Sapuku. And Sapporo Ichiban. And the following call.

Horo Ichiban. And the following call. Hey, Van Gramp, this is a drunk pal. I'm leaving you a message, so don't leave it to my friends. Leave it in a soft form, because I like to sing. Also, it's a phrase, beer before liquor, never sticker, or... I ended the song. Anyway, phrase, beer before liquor

and never sicker? If that's the case, I'm going to be sicker than ever, according to the phrase. In the morning and it's Wednesday. That's sad. I have work in the morning.

My work involves children. I don't want to have a tremendous hangover in front of a hundred children. A hundred children? Okay, bye. Oh, man. Wait, a hundred children? Yeah, he teaches a children's circus program. Summer circus program. That's a lot of children. Yeah, yeah, yeah.'s circus program. Summer circus program.

That's a lot of children. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He works in a sweatshop. I love the singing. He just loves in the hours for drinking. The singing was the greatest. The rule is blood is thicker than water. Than liquor.

Yeah, yeah. Blood before liquor, always thicker. Nestle quick before dinner, never thinner. I've heard liquor before beer, never fear. Yeah. Beer before liquor,

never sicker. Or beer before liquor, never drunk quicker. Oh, that's too complicated. Yeah. Oh, that's too complicated. Yeah, I think. Oh, it's too rhymy. Yeah, it was. Too many rhymes.

Too many syllables. Liquor before beer. It doesn't rhyme, but there's the don't mix the grape in the grain. Oh, yeah. That's just a rule. That's not a rhymy thing, though. Don't drive angry. Don't go to bed at the wheel.

Don't go to bed while you're driving angry. There's all sorts of good rules of thumb out there. Look them up on rulesofthumb.com. What if that was a website? I feel like you should follow up to make sure these people are okay. Does that guy still have a job? He's fine. He calls back with your drunk dial from the unemployment line.

Is that a thing? People get drunk and then go down to the unemployment line. I guarantee you they do. Yeah, that's probably true. I've named all these files, but I don't remember these calls because these are weeks old. Sure. This next one is called drunk review. Oh, hey, here we go.

Dot wave. Okay. This next one is called Drunk Review. Oh, hey, here we go. Dot wave. Okay. Stop podcasting yourself. My name's Harry, and this is a drunk dial. I think that you guys are great, both of you. Hey, Shimka. Hilarious. Kind of mean, but great.

Graham. Kind of cool. Also, not quite as mean to his detriment but also hilarious. Dave Shumka, I already reviewed his performance. I feel like it was unnecessary.

So, I want to say keep going and continue on. Thanks. Thank you. Goodbye. Dave, your performance was unnecessary. keep going and continue on thanks thank you goodbye Dave your performance was unnecessary continue

that was like five Snookis keep going and continue on pretty good okay I'm sure that guy still has a job

yeah now we have two more drunk dials I don't remember these but I think they're from the same person okay

Dave and Graham this is a drunk dials. I don't remember these, but I think they're from the same person. Okay. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is a drunk dial from Greg from Green Bay, Wisconsin. There's a Green Bay, Louisiana, but they probably suck. I feel that I have, let me do my, uh, Graham impression. There we go. A, uh, a connection. And my Dave impression, a connection. Now that's not how.

Um, and I've been a longtime fan anyways. I feel that I have a connection to Dave Shumka. There we go. Yes, I, too, am getting married in August. Hmm. I'm not sure if you guys exactly have been, or have 10 grams and dates. Exact date. But mine is this first.

Been marrying the lady I've been dating. That'll be our third anniversary. It's a three-year anniversary. Which is really sweet and awesome. And... Yeah. awesome. And yeah. Keep up the good work. Only 40 more seconds.

If you guys fly me out to Vancouver for your podcast or not podcast, wedding, for Dave's wedding, I will fly you out here. Or you guys can fly yourselves out here.

That would work better. Bad deal. For my wedding. That'd be awesome. Anyways, keep up the great work with the podcast. And keep being awesome Canadians. Bye. Well, thanks, Greg.

Let me do my Dave impression. A connection. A connection. A connection. It was very subtle, but very accurate. I seemed Scandinavian in the impression. I think I meant to play these

over these Drunk Dials weeks ago. I've since gotten married. He seemed to be under the impression that you and I were getting married. Yep. That seemed to be the way he was phrasing it. Yeah, and he wanted us to fly him out and also fly ourselves out to his wedding. To his wedding. Good deal.

Yeah. Well, he knows what high rollers you are based on this podcast. Yeah, well, we... I don't roll low. No. he knows what high rollers you are based on this podcast. Yeah, well, we... I don't roll low. No. Everybody knows that. And there's a lot of direct flights from Vancouver to Green Bay. Yeah.

Where did he say Green Bay? He said there was a Green Bay, Louisiana, but they probably suck. Oh, they probably suck. I don't know if they suck. Probably. I assume he's from Green Bay, Wisconsin. Cheeseheads. Home of cheese.

Cheesehead country. Yeah. Now... I assume he's from Green Bay, Wisconsin. Cheeseheads. Home of cheese. Cheesehead country. Now... Do the bridesmaids all had those cheesehat things? I haven't seen it yet. Pretty good. I wasn't joking. Just got what I did there. Now, in addition to this call, he called again.

Oh, great. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Greg in Green Bay. I called earlier, but that one sucked. Anyways, I'm calling with a drool style. My fiance and I feel we have a connection

with Dave Schumpka. Yeah. Because we are... Getting married in August. Woo! Yay! We've been together. It will be our three-year anniversary.

Officially. But he's been with me for more than three years. Yeah, that's... She hated me, so it's been like three years. Oh, we had to wait. Yeah, it's... She hated me, so it's been like three years. Oh, we had to wait. Hey, it's been very nice. Is this going to be on the podcast? I apologize.

Anyways. Too late. Keep up the great work on the podcast. We love it. It's awesome. She doesn't listen to it. Yes, I do. She's lying.

Oh, that first fight. She hates the fact that I listen to this on my podcast. Shut up. Once again, I do. He's lying. Oh, that first fight. He hates the fact that I listen to his life. Shut up. Once again, I apologize. Goodbye. So that call was crazy. I think the moral of the story is... Call us once.

Shame on you. Call us twice. Evidence in a murder trial. Because it sounded like there was a murder at the end. It's like they play it back. Wait a minute, I hear a boat horn in the background. Can you increase the... Increase the boat horn.

It's just a button that says boat horn. You just press it and it just increases the boat horn in every recording. To the point of everyone's ears bleeding. And the detective's like, uh, okay. So that's what that was about.

The detective has to pull her hat down over her ears to protect them. Do you think everyone in the Maria Bello show wears a hat at all times? Well, it's called Under Your Hat. So everybody on the show wears a hat. Forensic hats. No, the moral of the story is the family that drinks together stays together. That's right. I knew that.

And you know what else? The detective squad that hats together solves the crime. Maria Bello this fall in an umbrella hat. What if that was the hat that they chose? Like Dr. Seuss? No, like one of those ones that has a band and it's just an umbrella. And that was the one that tested the best of all the hats. The show is noted to death.

Okay, so this episode of the podcast is way over time. Quickly, we need 10 seconds. Tell us all about yourself. I'm just joking. If people want to find Morgan Brayton online, where do they go? They can go to MorganBrayton.com and find

out information about me and my goings on and my anger at art bikes and my love of British. What are your goings on? Yeah, what are you doing? We don't have time for that. We don't have time.

You're a comedian. You're an actress. What do you mean we don't have time? There's no time limit on this. I know, but then I... Oh, God. So, I just came back from the prestigious Gabriela Theater Festival on Gabriela Island. Oh, I got married on Gabriela Island.

Did you? Yeah. Well, then you know how adorable that island is yeah but it's adorable in like not totally quaint like there's nothing around here well there was a murder the the time i know i got married i know solved by a lady in a hat i didn't catch her name but it's the thing i like about Gabriela, liquor store like every two blocks. You go to other islands and you go to- The blocks are very long. Well, but still, you know where to find them at the end of-

Every other block. Yeah. No, because otherwise you had to go to the general store or something and I don't care for that. But anyway, so I just came from there, which is great because, I don't know, you guys know, because doing shows in a big, beautiful theater and fancy schmancy things, you're like, oh, I've really made it. But then really when you go to these small towns and you have like 50 people who think you're the best thing ever because they don't get entertainment very often,

way better. Yeah, it's great until you're the only entertainment and they still hate you. Which has been my experience in small town. Fair enough, fair enough. Anyways, I had a fantastic time on Gabriel Island. No one was murdered during my show. I count that

as success. I had a fantastic time on Gabriel Island too. I got married. Thank God. I know you did. For a lady. I have some advice to you for the whole marriage thing. For the wedding night? Well, no. It's married. Thank God. I know you did. For a lady. I have some advice to you for the whole marriage thing. For the wedding night? Well, no. It's too late for that. I tried to send you an email with diagrams. I don't know if you got it.

There was one of a plane flying into the building. You got stuck in your spam filter. Yeah. Does your wife have osteoarthritis? Yeah. If so. The plane is you, Dave. Put it together. Put it in her knees.

Put it in her knees. That was not my advice. So are you doing other shows that people can find out about through your website? But I am curious about this advice. Well, it's very helpful, I'm sure. Me too. That sounded unconvincing. Come on, the title of the email was downtown, am I right sure. Me too. That sounded unconvincing. Come on, the title of the email was downtown,

am I right? There you go. Take it downtown to a nice restaurant. Treat her right. That's my advice. Yeah, that's the key. Treat her like a lady. Yeah, ladies love it when you treat them like a lady. Except she's a tramp. But even tramps like it when you

treat them like a lady. See? That's why it's good advice. Wow, it's true. She's a lady in a bedroom and a lady in the bedroom. Yeah. That's right. Butch in the streets, femme in the sheets. Wait, no, that's not her. She's rough trade. Is that a thing? Are we talking about

the same person? Butcher my sheets and check out these feets. Yeah. She's Butch and she's cassidy yeah she's butch on the train and cassidy on the plane this is all in my email that i sent you on your wedding night did you not get that um okay so i just came back from there and here's a fun idea for a restaurant the spam filter oh yeah it's's like just a filthy strainer full of spam. That sounds gross. Next. Wait. Next.

It's so hot in here. Do they have vegan options? It is so hot in here. Why don't you tell us what you have coming up? I don't have anything coming up. I'm like the Tony Randall. You're just like, No, you're not at all. Let's just bring her on.

Tony Randall in terms of being wonderfully talented. Oh, God bless you. I'm totally fine with that. I'm happy to be your Tony Randall. You can find Morgan Brayton at TonyRandall.com at DrJoyceBrothers.com I'm writing a new show. That's what I'm doing right now.

Do you want suggestions from our listeners? I would like people to phone in JoyceBrothers.com. I'm writing a new show. Yes. That's what I'm doing right now. Do you want suggestions from our listeners? I would like people to phone in with dialogues and Canada Council application paragraphs. If we ask people to send in what do you need? Do you need characters

for this? Do you need scenes? She's a talented creator. You know what? Our listeners out there, all talented. So what do you want? What specifically are you looking for? A character name? I would like 20 second monologues.

Only female characters. Okay. Can males call in with the character? They can be, if they're wearing a hat, it can be gender ambiguous. Dave's falling apart. Dave's angry at ambiguity. If people send it, what, 20 seconds? Well, I'm trying to let them off the hook, because if somebody was like, write a monologue,

I'd be like, forget it, I'm not doing it. But if they were like write a monologue I'd be like forget it I'm not doing it but if they were like 20 seconds I'd be like I can do that alright you send us your best 20 second monologues we'll bring Morgan Brayton back to act them oh my god it'll be amazing how do you like that

Dave's taking a shirt off MorganBrayton.com thank you for being our guest if you want to contact the podcast stop podcasting yourself at gton.com Thank you for being our guest. Thanks for having me. If you want to contact the podcast, it's Stop Podcasting Yourself at gmail.com or 206-339-8328. If you want to advertise on the podcast, you can go to maximumfund.org

slash jumbotron and you can purchase advertising. Personal messages are... $100. And the corporate messages $200 Thank you everybody for listening Dave, why are you naked?

What's going on over there? He wants to get into this information How is he so sweaty though? I don't understand what's happening We're both sweaty You're glowing, we're sweaty You guys for listening You're fantastic. I'm not sweaty. We're sweaty. You guys for listening. I've got a diaphiere downtown. You're fantastic.

Thanks for listening. If you like the show, go on and tell us. Tell your friends. And come on back next week for another probably sweaty, but who knows? We might do it first thing in the morning. We might have a breakfast episode. Let's do that. Yeah.

For another thrilling episode, stop podcasting yourself. The Shadow. The Shadow. The Shadow.