Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 182 - Christine Bortolin

Episode Date: September 13, 2011

Actress and improviser Christine Bortolin joins us to talk about Adam Sandler's friends, guinea pigs, and Archie comics.  Also, Drunk Dials.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 182 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who was born to be a star, Mr. Dave Shumka. Is that the name of a TV show? It's the name of a movie in theaters now, Bucky Larson.

Oh, right, right, right. Born to be a star. Oh yeah, I love the commercials with Adam Sandler's friends. Yeah, until you told me that that's who they were, I had no idea. Have you seen the commercials that I'm talking about? I don't say anything, guest. I haven't introduced you yet. Um, and our guest today tried to get in there before the guest intro, but I smacked it out of the sky. We don't have any hard and fast rules, do we? No, but, you know, I got my own personal agenda.

Sure. She's a very funny lady. Actress. Writer. Sketch comedian. Improviser. Very wonderful lady. First time guest here on the podcast, Miss Christine Bordelon.

Did I pronounce that correctly? Yes, you did. All right. Off to a good start. Okay, now weigh in on the Bucky Larson thing. Do you know what I'm talking about or not at all? I cast Miss Christine Bordelon. Did I pronounce that correctly? Yes, you did. All right. Off to a good start. Okay, now weigh in on the Bucky Larson thing. Do you know what I'm talking about or not at all? No.

All right. I didn't know if I was allowed to laugh yet. It's good to laugh again, huh? Well, Bucky Larson is this movie that's out. I'm sure you've probably seen the full-page ad on the cover of the newspaper. That would be a strange place for a full-page ad. Cover of the newspaper? They do that on the metros and the 24s. Oh, yeah, they'll put an extra page before the cover, and then you rip that up.

Yeah. Anyway, it's this new movie about a porn star. But it's an Adam's... The thing about it is it's a stupid adam sandler movie but the advertising campaign adam sandler's brought in his friends who are in some of the adam sandler movies and they just yell at you during the commercial to go see the movie which doesn't happen in any other movie commercials i don't think i've ever seen it like they play the movie in the background of these

guys these guys are obviously standing in front of a green screen and then they yell at you and tell you to go see this movie but at the end of it you're like what is the fucking movie is it these guys what have you got in the theater it was just them yelling at you we told you to come and you did what what is the What is the strategy when there is an ad for a movie that isn't just kind of like clips from the movie? Like, because the only other time you ever see that is this weird Bucky Larson movie. And then occasionally they'll have audience reaction. Or they try to spook you. Oh, go on.

reaction. Or they try to spook you. Oh, go on. Like when they, when it's just like, it's just all blackness, and then they put up some text. Oh, yeah. And then they say in theaters, or they show you one clip of like a monster's mouth opening.

Right. Yeah. Yeah, it was like there was one... Wait, should we get to know us? Yes, let's do that. Get to know us. There was one ad for... I don't know what it was called, but it was like you saw a little girl go under the sheets of her bed, and then the camera follows her, and then at the very end of the commercial, it's a monster face, and it scares the shit out of you every, it's a monster face, and it scares

the shit out of you every time, because you're like, is this a Downey commercial? Is it a commercial for bedding? And then it's a monster. Oh, does she look under her sheets? Yes. And her like, hey, what's this down in my area? And it's a creepy... Yeah, it was a monster.

Yeah, it rings a bell. Yeah. Bucky Lars. It's one of adam sandler's friends under there go see this dumb movie it's really scary he's probably just ahead of his time yeah what if that's where movies are going yeah where it's just a person telling you to go doing something and then you go there and then they just confirm your accomplishment yeah you're here what if yeah what if that movie is like the

breaks all kinds of records this weekend and people like we got to follow that advertising model i kind of want to see that now yeah yeah but i want it specifically to be people who are not involved with the film to be standing in front of clips of the movie yelling what if the whole movie is them just hanging out in front of a of the movie yelling what if the whole movie is them just hanging out in front of a movie just heckling the audience yeah we're just talking about stuff but the whole movie's happening so you're like what am i supposed to be paying attention to yeah it's like really new art nouveau what if they did that for like yeah um like oscar bait like uh the big movies at the end of the year, or like the King's Speech.

They just have Adam Sandler's friends come up. You're gonna love it! They do dumb voices, too. Yeah, they do dumb voices. And wear crazy hats in the commercials. I really wish you had seen these commercials, Adam. I gotta start watching TV. Oh, you really should.

No, you don't. It's the best. Now, you're too busy to watch television. I know, because we try to figure out a time for you to be a guest on the podcast. And we committed to a time, and then I switched it. Then Dave couldn't do it. But you're working. You're doing school.

You're a full-time student, right? Yes. The UBC Theater Program, the final year. The Fighting Theater. Performance year. The Fighting Tragedy and Comedy Masks. right yes the ubc theater program the final year the fighting theaters performance year the fighting uh tragedy and comedy masks is that is that your logo fighting sandbags um now what do we mean that's uh the performance year what does that mean like well i'll just be doing a lot of performing this year and the plays that go up on the main stage plays. It's a four-year

performing program or a theater program? It's a three-year program, but you have to do one year of just general arts. You do a lot of electives. It's only three years, but you have to be

in some sort of institution for at least a year before you go into it. Like a crazy house. Right. Yeah. You have to be institutionalized. So how many plays are you doing this year? Hopefully.

I'll be in. Wait, what's this? Or do you have to audition for all of them? Yeah, you audition. You audition once. Okay. And then. Unless you're a friend of Adam Sandler.

Then you get in. You yell in front of other plays to tell them to go see this play. Come see Macbeth! It's crazy! Then something falls on them. Kills them. So you're rehearsing right now for a play. Yes, I am. What is this play?

The play is called The Trial of Judith Kay. Go on. It is a dark comedy based on Kafka's The Trial. Oh, that. It's actually funny. And it's by Sally Clark. A lot of the time in university. Any relation to Graham?

Maybe. Nope. Oh, I thought you meant Franz Kafka. He was a laugh riot. I'm not familiar with The Trial or most of Kafka. I know the one where the guy turns into the bug. Buggy. Joe's apartment.

Buggy Larson. Born to be a bug. I had to read a bunch of, well, I didn't have to, but I, when I, years ago I went to Vienna and Prague. Wow. And, I know, right? Big shot over here.

And so I did a bunch of, like, as much condensed reading of Kafka as possible to be like, oh, I know this thing in the museum or whatever. So I know. I'm fairly familiar with the trial. But I don't remember it being billed as a hilarious.

Well, this is a switch up. Yeah. Oh, that's right. Because it's not by him. It's by Sally Clark. And Joseph K. is now Judith K. Right. Oh, a real gender bender.

Yeah. But not in an annoying way Is that too political? No, I'm interested in what you mean What's an annoying way? Oh, gender bending in general can be annoying Sometimes, yeah When Lady Gaga dressed up as that dude

For the whole VMAs Did you see that? I saw it in the paper That was in the paper. That was in the paper? Yeah, X-Tree, X-Tree. Read all about it. Why was that in the paper?

And papers wonder why they're going out of business. To be fair, I did look at that article and then the sports. Sure. Are you a sports fan? I like sports a lot. Really? Yeah. Are you a sports fan? I like sports a lot.

Really? Now, that's, I don't know if we, have we had a female guest on the podcast that's a big sports fan? Maybe we haven't. It's just never come up. I'm trying to come up with a specific famous woman. Like, who is the lady who owned the Cincinnati Reds who was super racist? I don't remember. I have no idea.

Never mind. When you say lady in sports, I automatically think of Geena Davis. Oh, yeah. Yeah! Right? Oh, I've been thinking a lot about that movie these days. A League of Their Own? Yeah, I really wanted her to end up with Tom Hanks.

I really wanted her husband to die. To be honest. The husband at war. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Bill Pullman. Maybe, I don't remember. He comes back and he's all... It was John Lovitz.

So I really wanted him to die. I don't remember wanting that at all. I remember not wanting her to drop the ball at the end. Oh, yeah. You know, like, I had a thing like that. Spoiler for anybody who hasn't seen Scott Pilgrim. Have you seen Scott Pilgrim? No.

He gets together, I feel, with the wrong person at the end of the movie. Oh, that's frustrating. Because I was like, they didn't do a very good job of convincing me that the girl that he ends up with is... It's the same thing. It's like the League of Her Own thing where you're like, I kind of want that girl to not be there anymore. And I want the girl that I like to be with the main character. Yeah, I'm like, why would you build that up? Yeah.

To be fair, I think I watched it when I was like 10 years old. And every year since. On the anniversary of it. Special day. You put on your baseball hat. With Rosie O'Donnell's face on it. She really holds her own

in that movie. Yeah, well, the original title was Rosie Holds Her Own. Rosie and Madonna, they were best friends. That used to be her playground. Used to be. Yeah, I really don't like the...

I think I might have cried in that movie. Yeah. And not at the reunion at the very end, but just when she drops the ball, when her sister's running at her and she drops the ball. Like, oh, come on. You're better than that, Geena Davis. You're in Mensa.

And she was an acclaimed archer. Acclaimed, yeah. Really? Did you not know that? No. That's what I was thinking of when I thought of ladies in sports. She gave up acting and took up archery and joined the U.S. National Team. Whoa.

Acting. Well, she took up archery and joined the U.S. National Team. I don't think she gave up acting. Well, she took up archery. No, she did. She retired from acting after Pirate. And then she came back to acting. Oh, well, it's not retiring. Jay-Z did it. Yeah.

That's true. That guy's setting new rules everywhere he goes. Someone was talking about Jay-Z's process and how he's just really, really good at rapping and doesn't pre-write anything. He writes it all in the studio. He's like the Larry King of rapping. So when he did that album where it was all about a retirement, maybe he was just feeling down that day. Or tired. All right, I'm quitting this.

I'm going to go out on top. Actually, I changed my mind. Or tired. Alright, I'm quitting this. I'm going to go out on top. Actually, I changed my mind. Too late. Then he wrote songs about how everyone was like, you gotta come back. Maybe that was on his mind too. Sure. He's very kind of like

in whatever's happening that day. He's the Geena Davis of rap. He's good at archery. Yeah, she tried out for the Olympic team but didn't make it. No, but she was on the US team. She was really, really awesome at archery. But she learned,

she kind of picked it up and learned from zero. She didn't have a history of arching. Archers in your family? Yeah. Well, if you date it back, she was related to Robin Hood. If you go back far enough.

But we all are, if you go back far enough. Yeah, that guy really spread his seed. She also, a couple years ago, when you and I, for Christmas, we gave each other,

we tried to come up with oh we did see chrysantha yeah but the rules were we had to donate to the most ridiculous uh foundation we could find and what did you donate to uh the ludicrous fund or something yeah that's right ludicrous as a charity what yeah i can't. There was Ludicrous and then there was another one. And then yours was the Gina Davis Fund Against Stuttering. It was for gender equality in children's

programming. She didn't feel there was enough roles for little girls in media. A little bit more yo and a little less gava gava. Yeah. That's why she started the uh

a little league of their own TV series. That would be historically inaccurate, right? There was no they didn't send little boys to war and have little girls do Now, back to this play.

You are playing who in this play? Everyone except for the person playing Judith Kay is playing more than one person, so I'm playing two and a half roles, I guess? Two roles, and then one walk-on where I'm just some

weird girl that screams and asks someone if I can pose nude for them. I like everything about this play. I don't know the original trial, but was that part of it? The painter, the court painter in it, he has these little slutty girls. I will be playing one of them. I'll also be playing a lawyer with consumption. Consumption? He used to be a prostitute

and now she's a lawyer. Now what is consumption? TV. Oh, is it really? Yeah. Oh, I thought it was like you ate too many crackers or something. You know one of those weird old timey diseases? Like, oh, I've had too much salt. It's tuberculosis. Is that it? something. Yeah. You know, one of those weird old-timey diseases? But it is. Like, ooh, I've had too much salt. It's tuberculosis.

Is that it? Yeah. Wow. That was just the hip name for it. Consumption. Yeah. It was based on the Jersey Shore character, The Consumption. The Consumption.

Wow, okay. So you're a lawyer with TB Who used to be a prostitute Used to be a prostitute And she's high on morphine for most of the show Wow Because of the TB or just because Just because the court is killing her

Wow And is this Modern times, is this past times It's set in the 80s 1980s That's when they used that term Was in the 80s. 19? 1980s. That's when they used that term, was consumption, was in the 80s. It's a very popular term.

Radical consumption. Oh, so why is it in the 80s? Is there a reason? Or was that just when it was written? That's when it was written, so I figure. There's a Surrey joke in it. Oh, nice. So this is a local.

Is it a local play? Yes. I think it premiered here in 1986, I think, or 1989. I don't really remember. Is the person who wrote it going to be in attendance? She will at one point, possibly. Wow. We can possibly ask her questions and stuff.

Is that because neither Dave nor I are actors. We don't know anything in the acting world. We don't know from theater. Yeah, from films, even from commercials. We know from one audition. Yeah, we've been on exactly one audition. Together? Yeah, brought in as a team.

That was part of it. together yeah brought in as a team that was part of it um is that good to have the person who wrote the thing watching you do it i mean sometimes it can be scary but she'll definitely tell me if i'm if i'm screwing it up which is nice oh that's what you want yeah i want no no not during the play that would stress me out. No, once. Yeah. In the rehearsal process.

Yeah. But that's good, though. Yeah. That's good to have somebody who's, like, you know, written it or, you know, to watch you do it. That's not, like, overly intimidating. Unless they're a psycho. Oh yeah, right? Like your David Mamet.

Yeah, I would be really afraid. Although I'd want him to tell me if I suck. Doesn't he tell everybody that he sucks? Yeah, probably. He autographs headshots. You suck. Do you think you told Dennis Franz that he sucks? Because Dennis Franz seems like somebody would throw you out the window if you told him Franz that he sucks because Dennis Franz seems like somebody

would throw you out the window if you told him that he sucks or The Rock was The Rock in a David Mamet? no but if he was didn't David Mamet write Doom? I was going with Dennis Franz because he was like in a David Mamet movie and then you just went with The Rock

because he's strong didn't David Mamet And then you just went with The Rock because he's strong. Didn't David Mamet... He wrote that mixed martial arts movie, didn't he? And directed it, I think. Red Belt. What? With Chiwetel Ejiofor.

Wow. You're making this up. Well, because he's into... David Mamet is into mixed martial arts now really yeah oh wow i'd like to see a david mammett mixed martial arts vehicle see it is it really are you fun or i'm not fun oh wow why would i fun why would i try to ruin our trust after all these years yeah and something is trivial as a mixed martial arts movie. What do you think about Tom Hardy in this new mixed martial arts movie? Is Tom Hardy in this new mixed martial arts movie?

Is it called Enforcer? Warrior? Warrior, yes. Oh. It's the, tell me this as an actor, if it sounds like a juicy part. Okay. You. I'll switch it to the female, because it's two guys in this movie, but it would be two women.

You are a fighter. Good. And your sister, also a fighter. Okay. You kind of teach the sister everything you know, and then, for the championship, you have to fight your own sister is that is that a juicy can you really sink your teeth into that because that's literally the premise of the movie warrior but that's good like are you making fun of that no i'm saying i'm asking is that a juice

because tom hardy's good he's good i think that i think it good. I mean, and you'd get to fight all the time. That would be fun. You'd have to work out. Would you ever do that for a role? Would you work out or would you gain a bunch of weight? Oh, yeah. Would you do like a... Bridget Jones?

Oh, yeah. Totally, right? She did it twice. Yeah, that's crazy. But in the third one, she says she's going to just wear a suit. Really? Yeah. That was her...

But she didn't gain, like, she didn't, she was a regular-sized woman in those movies. Yeah, but she is not a regular size. I know, right? It's a problem. I'm really worried about her. Are you? Should we write a letter to her? As a group?

Let's go one word at a time dear the i fucked it up already dear thought lady from uh do you remember there was a movie where Sylvester Stallone gained weight? But because he's like a lifetime weightlifter guy, he gained like a little weight in the stomach area, but still had like amazing pecs and fantastic arms. But he had like just kind of a slightly rounder stomach. I think it was called Copland? Sure. That's a movie he was in. Yeah. And I remember that was the big thing, like, he's gonna

put on weight for this role! But he still looked like a guy who's really good at weightlifting. How much, what would be your limit if a director was like, we need you to pack it on for this role? Oh, I don't know. We want you to play a famous 400-pound woman.

Mrs. Claus. In the Santa Claus plot. And it's going direct to Blu-ray. We don't have any budget for a fat suit, but we do... We did just inherit a pasta factory and we have all this

diabetes medicine lying around i think that would be too much i wouldn't want to get diabetes okay i would say i will buy the fat suit oh okay like you're like you believe in the character you believe in the production i'll put some of my money into it yeah you believe in the character, you believe in the production, I'll put some of my money into it. I believe in the character. I just really want to work with Tim Allen. He hasn't signed on yet. Do you literally believe in Mrs. Claus, though? No.

Oh. Well, you're going to have to for this role. Do you think Santa's a swinging single? Because we all do believe in Santa Claus. I think Santa gets that one night a year he's allowed to do whatever he wants. He's not allowed to know their name. He's not allowed

to ever sleep with them again. And he can't put them on the naughty or nice list as like a cheeky like. She was a little bit of both last year. but how can he not know anyone's name their name because he knows everything oh that's true but i guess only children like but then but then they all have grown up i know but i think he loses track of you doesn't he or does santa know what i'm up to

because when's the last time you got a present from Santa? Because it's usually... When was Christmas last year? 25th? Yeah. Here's a question. Okay, wait. Now, is he... Is Santa supposed to be like...

Like how, like, God is supposed to be able to see everything? Like, is he seeing everything you're doing? Or does he get like a logbook of what happened that week and he reviews it? Does he, yeah. Does he like intuit what's going on all over the world? Because then he would just be like a crazy person. Yeah. Because it would all just be incoming information.

He's like Professor X. He's got that thing he goes into. Yeah. Oh, maybe he does. He's got like the chromatron. The brain-o-meter. I feel more comfortable with that. Cerebro.

Like that he can turn it off and on but he has to go into a special room to kind of focus on. Yeah, yeah, okay. I buy into that. How come they haven't made that movie yet? Santa as action hero. Like all the troubles of being Santa, but not in a light, fun way. Yeah.

Like a real serious. Hey, Santa, why do good things happen to bad people? I think I had that backwards. So we've got this really dark, dramatic Santa movie. Who do you think? Sad Santa. You're playing the Mrs. Claus that's been kicked out of the house. Kicked out of the house.

He beats her. Oh, really? Maybe because he's so stressed out. He whips her with his reindeer whip. Yeah, yeah. Beats her up with a candy cane. She smells all minty. When they're doing the CSsi on you because you die

spoiler alert all the bruises they're like all the bruises are cane shaped what would have made what would have made a bruise so cane shaped so who do you who do we like to play a santa for that i think tim allen is if it is the santa claus five but we're taking a you know like like a dark knight approach yeah exactly like we're re we're breathing some new life into this or why don't we gender bend it you're santa oh yeah oh yeah although i understand that gender bending can be a little bit annoying.

Is that what you called it? I just don't think it's necessary sometimes. Sure. And sometimes something is written a specific way for a man to play, you know? And there's like a David Mamet play. I don't think that you should gender bend that. Have you seen that? Yes.

Gender bending of the... And I didn't care for it. Of Glengarry Glenroth. Yeah. Or... Glenda Gary Glenda Roth. Even though one is just Glen. Glen Gary.

It's one word. You know what it takes to sell? Brass ovaries. So you're doing that. That's one play. What are the other plays that are happening do you have to audition for these or since you're in fourth year they're just like take it you you know we audition for all of them at once oh yeah what but we didn't mash up um there's some one acts that i'm not sure of yet. We're doing I don't know if anyone out there

listening is superstitious and in a theater but we're doing the Scottish play by Shakespeare. We already said Macbeth. Nothing bad happened to us. We're doing Macbeth and then we're... Can you say the play that Macduff is in? Is that okay? Yeah. Oh, totally. As long as you don't say

Macbeth right looks like i'm the only one here it's not cursed um do you do students direct these plays uh there are mfa graduating directing students you can swear on the show you don't have to motherfucking ass motherfucking assholes that directs some of them we're also doing two George F. Walker plays what that's a very

seriously who Canadian Canadian writer he writes for a lot of things about people who are young okay so it's nice to play my age

yeah usually I'm playing women who have children is he is there anybody who writes for young aside from uh yeah but writes for like somebody that because all the plays you go to are mostly like there might be one young character in it and then the rest of it's all adults and their problems it's hard to to find. But Michel Tremblay does some. But then there's always a mom or a dad in it. It's frustrating.

So you want a play where it's a bunch of teenagers that somehow, like, they're independently wealthy teenagers. College kids. Oh, college kids. You want to be in the play version of Gossip Girl. Yeah. Or Superbad. Yeah, sure.

But then that's more gender-bent. Or do you want to... Well, who do you want to play in the Superbad? I'm open to it being a gender-bent production for the play version. Not remaking it, though. Even if it does really well on Broadway. Not remaking Superbad with ladies. Well, no. Maybe in a few years when society

is ready for that. We took this classic story, this public domain tale of two guys over one night. Yeah. By beer? Isn't that the rest of the plot? Yeah. Look, I really like the movie. Don't try to downplay it.

It's a fun movie. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. So you're busy. You're crazy busy. Because you're not just doing school. You also do... You're performing all over the place. And you're in the improv festival that's coming up?

Oh, yeah, I am. How do you like that? Wow. Because you made a really hilarious face just there. Like, are you afraid you don't know any of the details? Is that kind of... Yes. When is it?

It's in the next few weeks. Yeah, I believe I'm performing with Ghost Jail Theater. Now, what is... I read that online. What is... Tell us, what performing with Ghost Jail Theater. Now, I read that online. Tell us, what is a Ghost Jail Theater? Because it sounds awesome. It's the name of this troupe, right? Yeah, and it originated in Toronto with Ian Rowe and Caitlin Howden,

who both live here now. Ian Rowe, I think, is the person who first of all put it together. And basically, it's improv, and then you have people writing little snippets on the side or writing whatever they'd like to and then the people who are writing come up and read their writing and then the next bits of the improvised portion of it are influenced by the writing and you can oh that is interesting yeah i like that you can see it wasn't just the truth yeah you're right.

I don't know nothing. It's a thing. It could have been a ghost jail. Sure. And if it was, I would like to hear about that. I want to take it on face value. We'll look up the dates on the break. We'll fill you in on when the Vancouver Improv Festival is.

Thanks for nothing. Dave, what's going on with you? Well, a lot this past week. No, not really. But here's what's been going on. I've been babysitting a guinea pig. Oh, yeah. And that's about it.

And it is... Here's the scoop. Here's the skinny on guinea uh it's uh it's a little creature who lives in a large cage yeah large cage yeah uh i need a lot of it's like a split level it's got an upstairs and downstairs uh it's got like a slide right it does have a slide it doesn't it doesn't slide down though it's it's like a ramp got like a slide, right? It does have a slide. It doesn't slide down though. It's like a ramp more than a slide. You were really into the idea of this thing sliding.

I was so excited! I just pictured the game Mousetrap inside of a hamster cage. Kick the ball, ball goes down a thingy, the poison tips over, kills a rat rat rat falls into the trap nathan lane is there or is that mouse hunt

they're not mutually exclusive okay um it is a weird animal because i'm used to having a dog around and it's weird that i have to i don't really do much of the caring for this animal abby does it yeah but it's weird when it's like oh let don't really do much of the caring for this animal. Abby does it. But it's weird when it's like, oh, let's take the dog out for a walk. And we've dogs sat other dogs and we're like, oh, let's take the dogs out for the walk. This is our first time babysitting a guinea pig. And it's like, oh, I guess this animal won't feel like we're excluding it. Yeah.

So it's just weird to not have to ever think about its feelings because it's so dumb. Now, what was it? Because I was here last week when they were dropping it off. And they said that it, does it whistle or something? It squeaks. Oh, it squeaks a lot. Yeah. Oh, really? It gets really excited when you open the fridge because there's food.

You can feed it. It's guinea pig food, but then it's fun to chop up some red pepper for it and watch it eat it. It's really fun to watch it eat. It's really cute. Yeah, yeah, because it's got a little face, right? A little face, and you put parsley in its mouth. For it, parsley isn't just a garnish. Sure, it's like Bridget Jones in a cage

Cute little face But yeah, it is strange Caring for this thing that can't express love Yeah, that's weird Isn't capable of love Maybe you should do something like Paul the Octopus kind of thing. Like make it bet on sporting events or something. The US Open is going on at this moment.

Right. Let's see who it picks as the favorite. Yeah. Yeah, you put red peppers on both. You draw a picture of each. Don't write it down because they'll just be able to read their favorite. Right. They don't recognize faces. Only if the face

is a red pepper. And I'm not good at drawing. Do you think that the guinea pig ever gives a shit that its owners will ever come back? Probably not. No, no, no. Is it? What if you did something really nice for it?

Like a candlelit dinner or something? Yeah. Are we both having guinea pig food at this dinner? Or is it like, do I have to prepare two meals? I'll order for both of us. No, I don't think it would remember. It doesn't know who I am. It doesn't... I haven't... But it remember. It doesn't know who I am. It doesn't...

I haven't... But it knows what a fridge is. Mm-hmm. Wow. It's not... Yeah, it's not the dumbest creature in the world, but it's not... What is the dumbest creature in the world? I don't know.

Probably Lump. Lump? From the President of the United States of America song? I don't think that Lump was all that dumb. I mean, sounds dumb. I wonder what the dumbest animal is, and why isn't that a television show? But the dumbest animal, what do you include in that? Like insects?

No, no, not insects. I think I'm talking like mammals. Okay, dumbest mammal. Yeah, maybe not reptiles. Maybe reptiles. I don't know. I haven't worked out the kinks in this thing. And how can you tell a reptile is dumb?

That's tougher. I think if an animal doesn't have any sense of its own preservation, then I think it's really dumb. Yeah, that's dumb. The panda? How about the panda? Pandas seem pretty dumb and fragile, but cute. I would say my elderly dog is very dumb pretty dumb but is that

senility or has that dog always been dumb i don't know because it was my it belonged to my mother and so i have i have no idea actually you should ask your mom for her dog journal years. See if his intelligence is decreasing. He just sits around. He never knows when he's going to poop. So it's always a surprise. He turns around and he watches it and he's very confused as to what's

going on. He watches himself? Just get a mirror. Or show him a video. It's not the same. He get a mirror. Or show him a video. It's not the same. No. He likes things live. There's some things that can't be on film. Oh, gross.

Old dogs are great. Yeah, so that's basically it. Just a guinea pig. And it smells, but it always smells. You can't tell when it's gone to the bathroom. You have to look. It's a rat, right? It's like a really finely haired rat. Yeah, and it's slow.

I think what separates rodents from the kind that you're scared of to the kind that you will care for is first of all, no tail. People generally prefer them without a tail. And

just slow and lumbering. Yeah. A rat and a mouse are too fast. But people do keep mice, right? Yeah, but weirdos. They are kind of weird. If you went on a date with somebody and you went back to their place and they had a mouse, you'd be like, I guess I'm going to go.

I surely shouldn't have brought over my tortoise. Especially if it was in their bedroom. Or in their bathroom. That would be weird. In the bathroom? That would be the worst. No, the mouse really likes it humid the mouse likes to watch me shower how can you tell it like

it squeaks really loud every time I take a shower there's a little magnifying glass inside the cage so it can watch so are it magnifying you or it? Magnifying us. Oh. Oh, wow.

Jumbo troll. Yeah, my mouse thinks I'm very well endowed. Oh, man. So, yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah. That's pretty good. How about you?

A couple of things. That was really good. How about you? A couple of things. Last week, we were talking about actor Luis Guzman. And how funny we thought it would be if he was in a period film. And we got numerous responses from people that he was, in fact, in The Count of Monte Cristo. Yeah, 2002.

Yeah. With Jim Caviezel. All apologies to the Louis Guzmans. I mean, surely I could have looked it up, but we were riffing. Yeah. We were having fun. Well, what do you think? I haven't...

I've seen the movie. Yeah. But I don't remember him in it. No. In 2002, it was... It was in the prison scene in downtown LA. Yeah. He played the computer hacker.

But I remember the ads for that movie were, this fall, count on revenge. Yeah. Pretty good. Pretty good tagline. I don't know what his lines would have been, or what his role would have been. It would have been great.

Mm-hmm. I'm going to rent it now. Hey, count. A lot of hey, count. I don't know what his lines would have been or what his role would have been. It would have been great. I'm going to rent it now. Hey, count. A lot of hey, count. So there was that. Also, secondary foible by yours truly. There is a lady who set up a Facebook group. Called Bring Stop Podcasting Yourself to Toronto. Yeah, to see if there's enough people that might be interested in something like that.

And it's a slow build. We are at like 50 people now, which isn't bad. We'll see how slow it goes. If it's too slow, we won't go. Yeah, that's probably, that's the size. But if you do live in Toronto or the surrounding area and you're interested in that, go to Facebook and type in birding stuff podcast yourself to toronto join the group why don't you anyways i said i couldn't remember her name and i said her

name was carolyn which was completely it was a real louis guzman has never been in a period piece mistake her name is laura champion and uh thank you for starting the group and hopefully it uh takes off so there you go just absolve myself right yeah the whole world sins um other than that other than that i went to a concert which i don't do a lot i don't go to a lot of music shows what what yeah it was called a guy named charles brad's kind of like a James Brown-esque soul singer. And he's in his 60s. He was only discovered a year, year and a half ago. By archaeologists.

Yeah, it's like he was on the side of a mountain. Homo funcus. And he was super amazing but the crowd watching him was like i don't really know how this crowd all decided that they liked this guy or wanted to see this guy perform where was the show it was at the biltmore and so there was a lot of um college bro kind of dudes popped collars and such which i don't understand where they how they fit into but they were really into it and then there was a hippie contingent there that were really into it and then there was a lot of old people that uh they hung around the sides of the dance floor yeah checking it out That's where we hang out.

And then at one point, somebody butted right in front of me. I had half a human of space in front of me, and he squeezed in there. And I spent two whole songs singing into my cup, You're the Worst, right next to it. You are the worst, as loud as I could. I've had that before before where it's like you you people are actually using that area as a path to move oh yeah and uh like there's space between you and another person and that's where people are using to to travel and then uh at some point a guy just stands there yeah and then people continue to have to go past, and suddenly you're in everyone's way, and this guy is oblivious to that.

Yeah. Yeah. You're quite tall, so you're like at a... I can look over. You would be okay for, I would imagine, at concerts. Are you all right? Do you get to see the act? I don't go out a lot, but I do.

Sometimes I go to a concert. Yeah. I don't know out a lot, but I do. Sometimes I go to a concert. Yeah. I don't know. It's constant. But usually it's like when I'm waiting for the bus and then someone butts in front of me. I've just had enough of it now. I intentionally find my way to them and I hit them with my bag. Oh, there you go.

That's my way of getting them back go that's my way of getting them back this is my way of getting the back i only stumbled upon it this week it's on the train because people are trying to butt in front of you to get a seat right that's their whole agenda so there was a lady she was way at the back of the line there was no way that she was and she got on the train before everybody was off the train and she sat down at a at you know on a seat and then there was one seat next to her i sat right next to her and she got up right away and stood for the rest of the train ride because she didn't want to sit next to me i've done it twice and it's just been the greatest yeah whoever buds in front of me we're gonna hang

out for the rest of the rest of the transit right uh pretty good although they would probably like be fine with you hanging out with them yeah it's that i look like i want to steal their fanny pack do you find uh as a woman of the world do you find that people uh is that is that do people give up their seats uh are there any gentlemen on the bus or is it a free for um usually a free-for-all but the other day this this high school kid i had i uh i decided to i decided to buy a couple 10 pound weights before i went to school that's a way home purchase now on your on your way here to the show today, you had bought two tennis

rackets. You're always buying sporting goods. I guess. If there's one theme that we can pick up about your life. It's when you leave the house, you can't not buy sporting goods. Hard to pass up. Yeah, sure. Sports. So you bought these two 10-pound weights.

Yeah. And by the way, your arms look very toned. No. Have you been gaining weight for a role? Yeah. She's playing Sylvester Stallone in a gender-bending cop. Demolition Man 2. So you were carrying 10-pound weights? I was carrying these weights in two bags, and I had a pair of runners and spandex shorts,

and then I had my laptop in my bag. That was probably not a good idea, huh? But I was on my way, and I looked really stressed out, and this kid, this grade 11 kid, offered me his seat. Well done, kid. It was really nice, yeah. I think these kids are going to be all right. Well, just that one.

Or he thought I looked really gross. Maybe he thought I was not well. Or yeah, maybe he thought you were going to sweat on them. Yeah. Or maybe he thought that you just stole yourself 20 pounds of weight. Could he tell that there were weights in the bag? No. Oh, okay. But I think he tell that there were weights in the bag? No. But I think he could tell they were heavy.

Maybe that's what I need to do is just get on the bus with some weights. Moving my friend's weights. My only strategy on the bus is to get one of the three single seats. So I will just stand right next to them. Even if there's

empty seats around me, I'll stand right next to them. Even if there's empty seats around me, I'll stand right next to them until people get off. Until it's at the end of the line and they're driving back to the bus depot. I just want one of those singles. The other thing that happened this week is I found out completely by accident, but this is something

that appeals to my sensibilities. You know Archie Comics? Yeah. You're familiar with Archie Comics, I'm sure. Oh, yeah. Archie. Reggie. Reggie.

Jughead. Jugo. Mitch. Mitch. Moose. Who would be the role of a lifetime out of the Archie cast? Oh. And I had to be a woman.

I would say. Hey, hey. We could be a female Regina instead of a Reggie. We can gender bend it. Yeah. Although Archie, I would prefer he is either a man or a robot. Or like a golden retriever. That can still drive a jalopy.

Golden retriever, but he's got some red hair on the top of his head. So who would you play? Oh, I think that I would want to play... Sorry, I meant Irish setter. They have red hair. Oh, there you go. Go ahead. I would probably play Moose.

Oh, wow. I'd like to be Moose. You've been lifting weights. Yeah, you'd have to lift a lot more than 10 pounds, let me tell you. Dave, who would you play? Oh, I would also play Moose. It seems to be just the role, a really juicy role that everyone wants. And you wouldn't have to be there every day.

Yeah, that's true. Although, what if it was a movie set through the eyes of moose? That would be amazing. It's the Werner Herzog movie. So I decided... Anyways, I gather at Comic-Con, they announced that they were going to do a series of Archie meets Kiss comic books. Comic books? Okay. So I just wanted everybody to know that that exists.

To watch out for it on your comic book shelves this fall. Archie meets Kiss. A series of them. I think Gene Simmons tries to fuck one of them. He fucks all of them. Mrs. Grundy. Ethel. Midge.

Midge, Ethel. Mr. Weatherby. Mrs. Tate. Ma Tate Ma Tate Does she even exist? Probably If she did, Gene Simmons Oh fuck her

That's his promise to you If she exists I'll try to have sex with her At Comic Con, was Kiss there to announce it, or was it just some big wig from Archie Comics? Somebody played Mr. Weatherby in a TV movie. I don't know. I was literally looking for a funny picture to send somebody online,

and then I stumbled across that, and then I looked at the webpage it was from and it said this year at Comic Con that they announced this crossover crossover. Aren't you going to appear on one of their albums? Yeah. Doing sugar sugar.

It's strange because the Kiss was popular in the 1970s. Yeah. Archie was popular never. Probably in the 50s. In the 50s?

Or 40s? When was he driving the jalopy with the raccoon tail? Yeah, was the jalopy ever a modern car that he has just kept through the centuries? Uh, it flip-flops because you'll be reading an Archie double digest, and then they'll just have weird old ones where Moose is wearing a raccoon coat, and they're wearing weird derby hats, and Archie's wearing a bow tie. He actually looks like a hipster guy in those old ones. Archie, prototypical hipster?

The double digest is a collection. Archie, prototypical hipster? The Double Digest is a collection of Archie comics from over the years. Over the decades, I think. But do they make modern ones still? Yeah, I think they're still writing them.

Because I know they do really up-to-date Betty and Veronica fashion spreads. That you hang in your locker to make sure you're doing something correctly. Did you buy those when you were a kid? Double Digest? Oh yes. That's maybe the only comic I ever read. I actually

turned down an offer for a huge box of Archie Double Digest just because I didn't know where to put them. In the bathroom. Yeah, I was thinking that too. I didn't know if that was appropriate to say no that's totally that's where double digests my mouse wants to watch me read double digest they should put at this at the grocery store they should put archie double digest in the bathroom aisle with like cleaning products and toilet paper and then you just pick up a different i think they're in the right place

where they are right at the checkout. Yeah, that's true. So you always remember to buy one. When you were younger and you would buy them, did you ever care which kind they were? Because an Archie Double Digest would be in the same

place that they would put a Jughead or a Betty and Veronica. Oh, Betty and Pals and Gals. Yeah. Sure. But I never, like, I would just pick up... Moose's World. I would just pick up the Betty and Veronica and be like, oh, this is just unarchy. And then I would start reading it and I'm like, this is a little, this is a little femmy.

I didn't realize that it meant anything. I didn't either until I was like, usually there's more stuff on how to get the perfect six pack. There's also, they would do a storyline where there would be a chunk of the story and then a quick one panel Jughead sleeping in a hammock comic. And then it would go back and it be like over four parts over the digest. No thanks.

Oh, yeah. I like a whole contained story, not an epic. Well, like when I'm reading a grown-up book, I even do that, where it's like, oh, this chapter's really long. And so reading an Archie one, it's like, oh, this one's nine pages. And it's continued over another one, yeah. And what was with Little Jinx? Did anyone ever care

about that? Oh, yeah. That was weird. Could they ever sell just a Little Jinx book? No. I'm sure they did in the 40s. Yeah, maybe. When that was a thing. I don't think they...

Yeah, that's a good question. But I don't know. I just think we're all really excited about this crossover. Yeah, sure. Between a thing for kids and a thing that endorsed drug use and casual sex. Wait, which is which? Oh, well. Do we want to move on to Overheard? Why not?

Overheard. Overheard. Yeah. Yeah. A great, long-lasting segment. Fun for all ages. Fun for all listeners. Yeah.

If you don't know what it is, it's overhearing things, recording them in your brain, and then sending them out into the world either by voice, telephonics, or typewriter. Type of phonics? Type of phonics, thank you. Finger phonics. Now, we always like to start with the guest. Oh. Is that okay?

You all right with that? Yeah, sure. Being put on the spot like this? No, that's fine to start with the guest. Oh. Is that okay? You all right with that? Yeah, sure. Being put on the spot like this? No, that's fine. Okay, all right. And then Dave, and then me, and then we'll just go from there. So, Christine, if you would. Well, this is from theater school.

All right. Do you call it tea school? Tea school? It's like tea ball. I know a lot of people who call journalism school J-School, and they think that's a term that everyone knows, but it's not. I know it from the J-Pod. J-Pop.

What's J-Pop? Japanese. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, and then Gen-Pop. That's general population in a prison. Okay.

So you are in Gen Pop. Yes. And one person in my class, I was talking about how you can really see my veins in my arms. I'm very, very pale. I've never tanned or anything. I tried. I thought you were Italian. Yeah, but I'm Northern Italian. Half Norwegian.

So I was talking about how you can really see my veins and then he said that I was very lucky because it made me look more like a dragon and his religion is that when you die,

you get eaten by a dragon and then you sit inside its belly until the next step. What's his religion? Dothraki? Bruce Lee-ism. I don't know. What a weird thing to say. And at the time, I was just like, yeah, okay, whatever.

But then I realized, oh, that's kind of weird because he's always saying weird stuff. He changed his name on the first day. To what? To Sabby. Sabby from? Corey. Well, if you were given a choice. Probably Sabby's theby from? Cory. Well, if you were given a choice. He's very nice.

My sister went to a school that was for ballerinas. As a university, she went to. Oh. Yeah. Really? She was in a dance program. Wow. Black Swan.

She was a, one of her classmates was this guy named Misery. Oh, I bet he got a lot. And I remember she told me she once had to call him because the weather was really bad and they were canceling a rehearsal. And so she called him up, but he didn't answer. And it was like, hi, is Misery there? No, she's not home right now. Well, can you tell him that rehearsal's canceled? All right, I'll tell her.

Oh, weird. Misery was a lady, apparently, but was dancing as a man. And, like, you know, probably Misery had one of those, like, really, like, antique-looking phones. That's my guess. Do you think... Like, ornate phones. I don't remember much about Misery, but I wondered if he was just miserable or if he just loved company. He's really into Kathy Bates.

And her dancing. So that's great. great you're gonna get eaten by a dragon good for you and just wait for the next step yeah like what's the next step he's like it's the next step being you'll know it by the dragon if i know anything about dragon biology a lot of bathroom talk on this episode it's all right people got to learn about it sometime dave um my uh overheard is this uh up the street from me is uh there's this the last few days actually for the last week it's there's been this sign by a church and it says back to school jamboree september 10th and 11th and uh i i don't know what a back to school jamboree, September 10th and 11th. And I don't know what a back-to-school jamboree is, but the word jamboree is covering up a previous

word, and if you look at the back of the sign it used to say back-to-school carnival. So I don't know why a carnival... I don't know what the difference between a carnival and a jamboree are. But I was walking past this back-to-school jamboree today, and there were a bunch of, like, late teens and 10-year-olds.

And the late teens were, like, the group leaders. Teens who have passed away. I've only missed. Some older teens, pardon me, and they were leading this sort of getting-to-know-each-other session. Everyone was standing in a circle. And they were doing like a get to know each other name game. Where I think as I was walking away, I kind of figured it out. Which was like one guy was like, my name is Peter and I like soccer.

And then one of the leaders would say, His name is... And everyone would yell, Peter! Right. And he likes... And everyone yelled, Soccer! But just as I was arriving,

I had no context for what was happening. And so all I heard was, His name is... Lane! And he likes... Nothing! Lane, and he likes nothing! So I eventually figured out

what it was. But just to be that 10-year-old kid, nothing. He likes nothing, and make a point of it. We're still doing it. This is how we're going to remember your name, by the way. Oh yeah, you like nothing?

I'll remember it because, by the way. Oh yeah, you like nothing? I'll remember because nothing sounds like Nathan. Your name is Lane. Nathan Lane. You overheard, Gray. My overheard came courtesy of the Charles Bradley show. At one point... Charles Bradley was the modern day james brown who was just unearthed unearthed yeah and he uh did a thing that i love i love it when uh older musicians

do this where they just tell us like in the middle of between songs they just tell a story and he was basically because he's been at this for 40 years or something you know like working a day job and toiling away and trying to make it. And so he was telling the story of like he was born in the South and then like, you know, Missouri or something. And then he said, and then I moved up to Brooklyn and all the hipsters in the crowd were like, yeah.

I was like, oh man, that's embarrassing. Oh man. All these white people, yeah! Pabst Blue River. You probably drank that. So that was it. That was great. Way to lame it out, Vancouver.

Woo! I know that place Stay to the 8th hotel then We also now We have overheards sent in to us By email If you want to do the same You can send in overheards

To stoppodcastingyourself At gmail.com Much like these people did. Okay, this first one is from a regular contributor, Bowen D. He's got gold. Bow knows overheards.

I was sitting at a computer at uni. He's from Australia. And overheard two loudmouth girls having this conversation. Girl one, you know that guy that smells? Girl two, yeah. Girl one, well, I'm

kind of friends with him now. Girl two, eww! That always happens. You know that guy we hated? I'm dating him. I like this one. This is from the file of kids.

Darnedest. Slash darnedest. Oh, okay. This is Jordan K. From right here in Vancouver, British Columbia. Woo! Yeah! Papsed!

My word is from a while back when I took my three-year-old daughter, Lily, to the play gym on a rainy day. There was always tons of toys to play with for the kids, and on this day she chose a Fisher-Price phone and started pretending to talk to people. Her first call, hi, Grandma, I'm fine, just playing with Daddy. Okay, bye-bye. Her second call, hi, Mommy, yep, I'm good, how are playing with Daddy. Okay. Bye-bye. Her second call. Hi, Mommy. Yep. I'm good. How are you? See you soon. Bye-bye.

Her third call. Hi. Yes. Uh-huh. Okay. Yep. Sure. Okay. Bye. Me. Who is that? Lily. I don't know. It was all in Chinese. Kids, aren't they? They're the darndest. When a kid plays with a Fisher-Price phone, is it the old-timey phone that we played with as youths, with the dial?

Oh, I was thinking of the one that they had from, it was in Toy Story that had that little face. It was in Toy Story 3. The only way it could talk is if you picked up the receiver and it talked to the people through the receiver. Anybody seen Toy Story 3? I haven't. Spoiler alert. I saw a speech about it.

That's true. This last one comes from Nick S. Nick, so, just heard this gem from a gaggle of girls sitting near me at the coffee shop. A gurgle. Though there were many, many, in brackets, great overheards from this group, this one is definitely my favorite. overheards from this group. This one is definitely my favorite. So, when we all came to college,

right? Like, we were all student body presidents from our high school. It was cool, but you can imagine being at Harvard where everybody is like that and are just like, yeah, so? At Harvard, we were all presidents of something. Right? Yeah, it's like the first day of

the first 10 minutes of Legally Blonde. Were you president of anything in your youth? No. Were you in a student council at all? I was on the improv team. Okay. That's it. My high school did not have an improv team oh wow it was very our my high school was very big on

shop sports oh yeah and uh yeah uh very shallow on the arts end of things i think we had a theater program but only did like two plays a year were poorly attended like most high school i almost like that too but you had an improv team and your school had an improv team too dave uh which uh so jealous so jealous an improv team that would have really taken the edge off a high school i think yeah although every every we practiced, I would come home and anyone, any of my parents' friends or my parents themselves or my aunts and uncles, what do you do at an improv practice? Aren't you supposed to just make it up there? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

So there's a lot of, you know, you don't understand me. What do you do at the improv practice? Do you just make things up? You sort of learn the form. You sort of, you know. Practice your punches. Yeah. Practice your punches?

Like, I mean, well, Alistair Cooke used to say, you got to punch, kick, jab all day if you're going to be a martial artist. And then so that your punches and your kicks and your jabs are good in a fight. And that's sort of like improv. That's not what he said. I had the same improv coach and he did not say that. But you, we were talking earlier off podcast phone that Christine took karate for years.

So this metaphor really spoke to you. It really spoke to me. Every long form is a kata, basically. Akumite. Yeah, you got to practice your jabs. I just assumed that the improv team would get together and then pair off and just make out. No, ours wasn't like that. No?

We fought a lot. Oh, really? I kind't like that. We fought a lot. We, um, ours... Oh, really? I kind of like that even more. We would do a lot of gross stuff. We would hide bottles of pee in the drama studio. We would... There was this...

Oh, man, that sounds fun. There was this couch. Basically, we would... Well, I wouldn't. I only peed in one bottle and hid it. But I remember... It's still there to this day. Some people...

Some people... Some people... Some people... Some people... Some people peed on a rag. And then rubbed the rag on certain things. And then the next day, in drama class, they would get people who hadn't been there, people who weren't on the improv team,

they would, like, get them to touch things. who weren't on the improv team. To touch the things. Get them to touch things. Somebody had to touch the rag to rub it on things. No, you don't pee on the entire rag. It's a big enough rag. And you can touch your own pee.

There's nothing wrong with that. I thought it was a group peeing on it. No, we were all watching. On one hand to encourage that behavior, and on the other hand, just so we're aware of what has pee on it at this point. Oh, man. Aaron was like that.

Aaron Reed? Yeah, Aaron Reed and I graduated the same year, same high school. I've known him for a very, very long time. Past guest. He's past. But you also then you were with

what's her name? Kayla? No, Kayla was a different high school. Oh, okay. And Bita was also around at the same time. We all graduated the same year. Magna Cum Laude. Student class president. Aaron was valedictorian.

Really? He was really obsessed with whales around that time, so he just did this weird speech about whales and under the sea, and then he told everyone that even if it doesn't make you any money, you should do what you want, and all the parents got really mad.

Sounds like the right message, though. Yeah. In some schools... Was he telling people to be whales, though? Yeah, but he meant it like a whale was a free person or something like that. Except when they're harpooned and turned into oil for lamps. harpooned and turned into oil for lamps. A valedictorian, in some places, in some schools,

it's automatically the student with the highest grade point average. Yeah, was that what Aaron was? No, everyone had to do a 20-second video, and then it was shown in everyone's English classes, and then you got to vote from about five different people. Aaron was very smart. He had a good grade point average. But it was like him, one... I was about to say something racism, and I didn't.

But it's not too late. It's not too late. Sorry, what were you going to say about the Italian guy? One of the guidos. Okay. Yeah, we'll take that. Well, you are Italian. You're guy? One of the guidos. Okay. We'll take that. Well, you are Italian. You're allowed to.

Yeah, I'm allowed to. Yeah. So one of them. Was that the name of their gang in your high school? No, there was only an Asian gang. Okay. Oh. They were called the guidos.

But yeah, and his only stiff competition was this other girl who everyone at the end of their grade 12 year goes to Whistler for the May long weekend if they're popular. I didn't go. So and her whole thing, her whole thing was what happens in Whistler stays in Whistler. That was her valedictorian speech? That was her campaign speech. Her campaign speech, yeah. Wow. She lost, because that's gross.

I know, but she won. She would have won. Had she won, it would have been for the same reason. Yeah, that's true. Wow. I liked her. Yeah, in our school, you had to be like an to be like a you know 88 plus student to even apply and then it was judged by a committee there was no student voting i applied i wrote my whole thing was about uh

the who that the who was the the underpinning that was the theme of your graduation yeah hope you die before you get old. The guy who ended up doing it, his speech was about Archie. Oh, fun. I guess that was pretty good. I guess things turned out alright in the end. I was not my valedictorian.

My brother was his high school valedictorian. That was fun. I saw that speech. That was fun. Yeah. I saw that speech. It was great. Congrats. Now, Overheard, in addition to ones that have been written in, we also get called in Overheard. And if you would like to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Dave, Graham. Overheard. I was in the Levi's outlet store

shopping for some jeans. And as I was checking out, a couple in front of me received their total, which was 69.69. And the guy goes, Hey, babe babe save the receipt we're going to send it to our parents

pretty cool yeah that's our wedding date our planned wedding date 69 we're going to go back in time or wait until 2069 no 69 69

4900 years from now it's worth it it's so oh man that's gonna be the sexiest wedding date ever

yeah the whole year people are gonna be getting married September 6th 69 69 or June 9th oh yeah it depends in some in some cultures yeah it depends on how you flip it around September 6th, 69, 69? Or June 9th.

Oh, yeah. It depends. In some cultures, they swap it wrong. Classy. I once had a... I went for a Japa dog at the Japa dog stand. I was just going to tie into 69. And they give you your number, but the number always has the word quick in front of it

for some reason. It just said quick 69. I was like, I suppose I have a few minutes. You can always carve out time. Yeah, sure. So that was the first one. It was fun. It was great. We all enjoyed it. It was peppy. Very funny.

Hello, this is Kayla from Iowa and I have a couple of overheards. One of them happened at my place of work. I'm guessing this white woman was on the phone with a black man and she was like,

why can't you do it? Does it remind you of being a slave? Oh. Well, I guess we won't role play like that again if it affected you that much. Oh, save that receipt. Slave 69. Slave role play. That was probably her idea.

I just saw this movie, The Help. It turned me on. I wanted to dress up as a maid. I haven't seen The Help. It turned me on. Did you dress up as a maid? I haven't seen The Help. I don't know. Me either. It's about maids, right? Yeah.

But not slaves. Not slaves, but basically. It's in like the car era. I think in one of the previews, Emma Stone from your favorite movie, Superman, she drives a car. That's right. I don't want to see that movie. Okay, let's make a pact. We all won't see it.

And then one year from now, we will talk about how we didn't see it again. Do you, are either of you in love with Emma Stone? She's playing Spider-Man in the new Spider-man movie spider-man well she's she was like a she was in easy a what else which i haven't seen oh yeah she was in super bad yeah she was in something else and she's like kind of a um a goofy uh a cute girl yeah and now she's like she's moving from the b list to the A list, and I don't like it. Well, maybe because the low hand train has gone off the tracks.

We need a new redhead. Yeah, that's true. She snuck in. America needs a new redhead. That's true. Lord knows Bryce Dallas Howard won't fill that void. Then she dyed her hair blonde. Oh, no, really? In The Help, I think she's a blonde. And in Spider. Then she dyed her hair blonde. Yeah.

Oh, no, really? In The Help, I think she's a blonde. And in Spider-Man, she's a blonde. What? Yeah, it's crazy. She plays Gwen Stefani. Yeah, Gwen Stefani. Oh, thank you. No problem.

Yeah, Lindsay Lohan does the same thing of wearing... Oh, yeah. Why would a redhead that's been does the same thing of wearing... Oh, yeah. Why would a redhead that's been given the craziest color of hair and, like, you know... You're competing against zero other actresses for role. Yeah, why would you dye your hair blonde? I don't get it. Maybe because they want a blonde for that part. But, man, it's like...

Out of all the girls in Archie comics, Cheryl Blossom is the hottest. Oh yeah. Top drawer. Tell me about it. Prettiest name for one. Veronica sounds like a bad plant. Everything's wrong with Veronica. The stupid

rich thing. Yeah, but she's got a body that won't quit. Yeah, she has the same body as Betty. And probably Cheryl Blossom if memory serves. Yeah, but she's got a body that won't quit. Yeah, she has the same body as Betty. And probably Cheryl Blossom, if memory serves. No, Cheryl Blossom was chestier. Yeah, she had bigger boobs for sure. She was both chestier and had bigger boobs. She was based on the devil.

She was based on popular beliefs of what the devil would look like. Have you seen Be Dazzled? Elizabeth Hurley? Elizabeth Hurley. No, is she playing the devil would look like. Have you seen Bedazzled? With Elizabeth Hurley? No, is she playing the devil? What's the one where they are witches and they cook food? No, wait, those two different movies I just watched. What was

a movie where... Is that Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock? Oh, Practical Magic. But then there was one with Sarah Michelle Gellar where she cooks magic food. Oh, yeah, and there's that crab in it. Oh, yeahical Magic. Practical Magic, but then there was one with Sarah Michelle Gellar where she cooks magic food. Oh, yeah, and there's that crab in it. Oh, yeah, with Lex Luthor from Smallville. Yeah.

I don't remember what it was called, but for some reason Practical Magic and Magic Food. I think that's what it was called. Something like that. Abracadab food. Bonabcredits. Let's hear another overheard. Oh, yes. Hey, Dave and Graham.

This is Danny from Iowa, and I have an overheard. I was waiting to get my haircut today, and a mother was talking to her five-year-old son, his hairstylist, while he was getting his haircut. When he finished, he was looking himself in the mirror and then I heard the mother say, who's that sexy boy? Ew. That's a real H&M moment.

Don't they have some weird campaign? Sexy boy? H&M? Was it H&M? They were like playing a song, but the song was Don't they have some weird campaign? H&M? Was it H&M? They were playing a song, but the song was originally about porno. Girls on film. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's currently their... Is it? Yeah. Yeah, and it's creepy, but it's not intentionally creepy, but it's super creepy. Right? I guess so. But the girls are technically, I guess they're not technically on film. It's video. It's a different frame rate.

But yeah, any idea of a sexy little boy, especially the mother of the boy. Yeah, like a parent calling, if my dad ever called me sexy, that would creep me out. Do you watch... Yeah, that would creep me out. Toddlers in tiaras? Oh, no, no, I can't watch that stuff. No, me neither. They're spending so much money.

That's what freaks me out. And, I mean, they're screwing up the kids. But I did that. What? Sorry, you did pageants? Well, I was a child model. Oh, go on. Did you model children?

I wore them. This is what your kid could look like. What did you model? Clothing? I guess. Please say clothing. Clothing. Meat.

Meat. I did it before they beat me like that. I was a meat model. They brought me in for ham commercials tell us about this we're very curious how old were you? I think I was like 7 or 8

gross what's the appropriate response? I did a lot of I did photo shoots I went to school a bit for it we did learn how to walk on the cat and then I, well, I did photo shoots and then I did like, I went to school a bit for it and we did learn how to walk on the catwalk. And then I went to New York for a little, for like two weeks. Really?

Yeah. But I think it was all a scam. I think it's all a scam when you're younger. Oh, did you have to pay for it? I don't remember. Well, no, I made some money. I think. I don't know.

I don't know what, I don't know how that goes, but I had to stop because it got too sexy. You blocked a lot of it out of your mind. Yeah. Oh, really? Because it got too... Was this your decision or your parents' decision? No, my parents. Because they left me with this photographer for this photo shoot.

And then I was wearing something like a girl on spring break would wear as a shirt. You know when you put your shirt through your shirt and then it's like a... Yeah. That's what I do all summer. It's a fun move for a guy. But when a girl does it, it's only sexy. Unless she's seven. Well, then I had little spandex leggings on.

But then they made me put my hand in my hair and look up at the camera. When my mom saw them, she was really disgusted. What was this a commercial for i think it was just a photo shoot yeah tylenol to catch a predator the guy really didn't pay attention during the the meeting when they were discussing the concept so you want sexy kids is that what it? Have you ever been listening at all? Yeah.

This was for bike helmet safety. I only have, I'm a real one-note photographer. Wow. Well, that is very troubling, but I'm glad you made it out of this cave. I'm glad that you had, yeah, parents who were paying attention. Because imagine, right? Yeah. Imagine, you know, what hair you'd be sticking your...

No, I'm just kidding. Now, in addition to overheards, I thought this week we could also play a couple of your drunk dials. If you're a drunk... Was that only two overheards? No, we played three. We had 69. We had role-playing.

And sexy. And sexy kid. Sexy kid. Creepy. If you're a drunk, or if you are in danger of becoming drunk, program this number into your phone right now. So instead of calling your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend, or in-between friend,

call us. Yeah, call us and leave us a message and kind of get that out of your system. Yeah. 206-339-8328. Program that in right now. And let's play the Drunk Dial's theme. When I was a child, didn't know what a phone was. I'm just kidding.

Never tasted liquor either. But one day, when I grew up, put two and two together. Drunk Dial's, telling my girlfriend to start her period. When I grew up, put two and two together. Telling my girlfriend to start her period. Telling my friend he looks like a wolf man. Calling Future Shop and asking for Best Buy. I listened to these calls a couple weeks ago. I don't remember what they're about, but I've highlighted them for our amusement. For our good times.

Hey, David Graham, this is Pat from Massachusetts in the United States. I'm calling because I'm drunk, and my fiance and I were having an argument about my being drunk, and I was losing it. But then I won it, because she made a final point about my drunkenness, which was valid. And she turned around and tripped over the ottoman. Pretty great.

That's a moral victory you just had there. You may not win the war, but you certainly took that battle. And after she fell down, he probably yelled, I win. I win, I'm going to go drink more. Pretty great. Alright, next call.

Hey, David and Graham. I just had a 10th glass of wine, and I remembered, this is Caroline. I remembered we're allowed to call you drunk, so I'm calling you drunk. Have a good show. I'm kind of new to the podcast, but I really like it a lot. show. I'm kind of new to the podcast, but I really like it a lot. Gosh, I should have something important to say, so this gets on air.

It's just watching the state. It's a great show. And then I have some yogurt. And then I have some yogurt. Oh, it's like the missing sections of the Watergate tapes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What happened?

What happened between the state and the yogurt? Wow. Yeah, I liked that she said, I remembered we're allowed to call you drunk. Yeah. Ten glasses of wine. I've never had that much, I don't think. How much is a glass of wine? Is that like a bottle of beer?

How many glasses in a bottle of wine, I don't think. How much is a glass of wine? Is that like a bottle of beer? How many glasses in a bottle of wine? I don't know. You know, I mean, depends on the size of the bottle. Let's say five or six? Let's say a bottle and a half of wine. Yeah. Six glasses? Or did she drink two bottles of wine?

That's a lot of wine. Anyway, regardless, it's a bottle of wine. Wait, was it fortified? of wine? That's a lot of wine Anyway, regardless, it's a bottle of wine Wait, was it fortified? That is the other thing What's fortified wine? Oh, it's got more alcohol in it Probably not Fortified wine is something you drink in a parking lot

What's an example? Is there a brand of fortified wine? There used to be a very famous brand. I can't remember what it was called, but it was like a, you know, it was the go-to. Fortified wine? Well, if you were, yeah, like if you were, yeah, it was like malt wine. Yeah, it was like if you were drinking on the street, you were drinking blank fortified wine. I don't remember the name of it. Apologies. Now, in addition to overheards,

a few weeks ago, Graham floated the idea of people waking themselves up in the middle of the night and calling us and setting an alarm. Floated successfully. And we have one more of those that I referred to earlier, but I never found the actual clip itself.

It's of a couple, and the guy has woken up his significant other. This is great. And let's listen to that one. Hey, Dave. Hey, Grant. This is Grant from Shelton, Washington. And I'm going to wake my wife up right now. It's about 2 in the morning, and we're going to see what she has to say to you guys.

Worst idea. Talk to who? Who's that? Greatest idea. Great execution. Everything worked out really well. I'm curious as to why he hung up so soon or did she grab the phone and quickly hang it up oh yeah she punched him in the balls nice try yeah i loved it i still i will still uh say that we will accept submissions from

uh setting yourself an alarm waking up in the middle of night calling us immediately and saying the first thing that comes to you in your sleepy hands and waking up your significant other or any other waking up anyone if you find someone asleep on the street wake them up yeah if you're breaking into a house wake up the owners of the house see what they have to say if your dog or cat is asleep wake them up yeah see what they have to bark or meow. Now, Christine. Yes? You're in the Vancouver International Improv Festival. Or are you?

Or are you? We just looked up the date of when the festival. The festival runs September 26th to October 1st. Yes, it does. And when you look up. Many of our past guests will be in it. And you should go check out Vancouver Improv... What is it?

Improvfest.ca? I don't know. VIAF.ca. VancouverImprovfest.ca, I believe. Dot com. Dot com. And you, when we looked up the show, you realized you're not going to be able to make the show that you've committed to.

Well, I open the Trial of Judith Kaye on September 29th, so there's a possibility if it's in the first couple days I can do it. Right, but otherwise I can't. We'll see. Maybe I'll be there. Wow, TBA.

I should go even if I'm not there. Yeah, go even if she's not there, but also go to your thing. Yeah, come to UBC. Come to the Freddie Wood Theater. It's a beautiful theater. Shows are at 7.30. Starting on the 29th. Starting on the 29th, going until the 9th, I believe, of October.

I'm going to go. I'm going to go get some culture. Yeah, you should come. It's actually funny. Yeah. It really is going to be actually funny. I'm excited. I hope you go the night that the actual playwright is there. I'm going to dress up like Kafka, and when the playwright says, when she's tisking, I'm going to tisk her.

You're going to tisk yourself. You can just stand in front of us and just... Thumbs up. Heckle the crowd. Yeah. You're at this play right now. Come to this play. Again.

Oh, God. You're going to dress up as Franz Kafka. Yeah. Franz Kafka? Franz Kafka. What does Kafka wear? Stilts. He wears stilts.

He always wore stilts. And that's what people remember him for. Because in his... He wasn't a tall man, but on the stilts, he was pretty tall. Right? Sure. You learned that in theater school. Yeah, he's a famous playwright.

Famous actor. Dave, do you have anything that you would like to promote? Oh, this week? Not so much. Okay. Just, you know, keep on keeping on, everybody. Yeah, right?

Just keep on a-truckin'. Here's a couple things. In the Oleo Festival on September 24th, Dave and I will be part of the laugh gallery show at the biltmore uh we'll say the word brooklyn at some point and if you are a hipster you can cheer um if you want to identify yourself as a hipster yeah yeah yeah exactly yeah if you if just other people call you hipsters but you don't agree with that title um also the 22nd, that is the opening of the Beard Painting Show at the Little Mountain Gallery. At 26th and Main. That's right. It's 7 o'clock is when it starts.

And on the 20th, I will be on Vancouver's favorite cable show, Urban Rush promoting said beard painting thing. Fun! Yeah! That's gonna be fun. Urban Rush. Yeah. The big time. Urban Rush, for anyone outside of Vancouver, is like a daytime chat show. A talk show. Yeah.

They replay it like a hundred times a day. Yeah, it's six hours a day. And it is a... Yeah, it's got two hosts. It's very, it's like, it's really bizarre that it exists. Yeah, but it's very popular and has been for... It's not, though. But I think it is, isn't it? I don't know.

I don't know how ratings work. But it's on like public access or community. What do we call it here? Yeah, public. Well, Shaw, Shaw Cable. Yeah, it's cable access. Cable access, yeah. But it's professionally made by the actual channel.

It's not just a crazy person on the channel who's bought time. How great would that be? Yeah, I would watch that show. And also, won't you be in next month's Talent Time show? I will be at the very beginning of October, painting a painting live at the show. Wow. Yeah.

Cool. With your face. With my face, yeah. And the other thing that I was going to plug it, but I can't remember the date. Forget it. Okay. Can I plug something?

Yeah, sure. Bita Judaki, who is a former guest. The great giggler, we call her. Her and I have a group called Sister Act. And at the end of December, when we're both not in school, we'll definitely be doing a show. And Aaron Reid, who was a past guest, will probably be musically accompanying it.

Wow. So go to our Facebook page, Sister Act, and like us, and then we'll tell you when it's going to happen. You got to. You got to. You got to make this happen. Yes. Post-December.

Have something to look forward to. 2012, last year on Earth. Now, to play us out today, do we have anything special? We do, Dave. A couple weeks ago, Morgan Brayton. Morgan Brayton was the guest. And at some point, I don't remember how it came out. I think she said the phrase, talking ain't living, or you said the phrase, talking ain't living?

I said the phrase, talking ain't living. And then she said that it would make a great country song. And we tried to write the first kind of lyrics. I think someone said that it sounded like it would be specifically a Dolly Parton song. Yes, that's right. And who is the, what's the name of Fuzz Noise,

which I don't know if that's the person's group or email address. Or their Christian name. Yeah, sure. Sent us in a musical version. They did. They posted it on the blog

at forum.maximumfun.org. Yeah, and it was great. It got stuck in my head. I listened to it a couple of times, and that'll play us out. Also, maximumfun.org, you can check out the blog recaps of everything that we've talked about.

There will be maybe a picture of a Kiss Archie crossover. Maybe. If such a picture exists. Oh, it do. Oh, do it? Oh, it do. Oh, great. Yeah. Anyway, check that out and Talking Ain't Living. Talking Ain't Living. Living Ain't Talking. Talkin' ain't livin' and livin' ain't talkin'

Say, did Beyonce and Christopher Walken Well, I've been talkin' too I say, talkin' ain't livin' so don't confuse the two Some people might tell you talk is cheap some people wake up in the middle of their sleep some people call into a podcast show and say okay I'm going back to sleep and hang up well I've been calling you. Calling ain't living, so don't confuse the two. L-I-V-I-N

You gotta keep on living or I'm gonna sing it to you again. L-I-V-I-N Just kidding, I was gonna sing it to you again anyway Regardless Well, talking ain't living And living ain't talking Say it to you to be on St. Macaulay Call Well, I've been talking too

I say talking ain't living, so don't confuse the two Talking ain't living, so don't confuse the two