Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 185 - Evany Rosen

Episode Date: October 4, 2011

Evany Rosen of Picnicface joins us to talk Harry Potter, San Francisco, and sashes.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 185 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who I very seldom see at 11 o'clock in the morning, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, we're recording 11 a.m. October 1st. The witching hour.

Happy celebrity birthday to Dizzy Rascal, turns 26 today. Happy birthday, Dizzy Rascal. And our guest today, very funny lady, all the way from Halifax, Nova Scotia, here for the Vancouver Improv Fest. She is one of the best members of the Sketch Crew picnic face. Miss Evie Rosen is our guest. You want to say that a little clearer? I think you hiccuped on it. As soon as I said Miss, I was like, perhaps she's married, and I do not know.

Oh, yeah. 14 years now. Miss Evany Rosen. There you go. Welcome. Thank you. Hello. Thank you for being our guest.

She's got kind of a raspy voice. Yeah, it's a week of performing. I sound like a weird old barfly. Yeah. I used to be a rockette. Just like weird old broad you wish wasn't hitting on you at a bar. I've never wished a broad wasn't hitting on me. Yeah, especially an ex-rockette.

I want to hear stories. In my day. Because an ex-rockette could still probably kick pretty high. Yeah. Versus a regular old lady. Can't do shit. So I'd be fine with a rockette. You know, I wouldn't go, I don't know if I'd go back to her place.

Maybe I'd bring it back to mine. Yeah, I don't know if the rockettes have much of a shelf life. I think it's better to burn out than to fade away when you're a Rockette. Oh, you mean Harry Carey. Like, once you're done being a Rockette. Oh, you kill yourself? Yeah, that's the end of it. Not the legendary Chicago Cubs announcer Harry Carey?

That must cause a lot of problems in, like, Japanese baseball circles. All right, let's get to Noah. Sure. Get to know us. Sure. Get to know us. So, Ebony, you've played Japanese baseball. Awesome. That's how I met my husband, actually.

Harry Carey. I've been married to Harry Carey for 14 years. The late Harry Carey. He killed himself. It was a book. It's very tragic. Now you, I was telling Dave on the

ride over that I was like, oh, I have to find something out about Ebony. So I typed in your name on Google and a alumni story from... Oh, Jesus. Was it King's? Is it King's University? University of King's College in Halifax. Yep. And I read

the profile on you, and it was pretty great. So, University of King's College, kind of like an artsy place? It's like a weird Hogwarts place. Explain. You didn't learn magic there. That's all I

have to say about that. No, it's like a weird philosophy school. All you learn is the history of thought. And your first year is like Epic of Gilgamesh, which is the first written text to the 1980s Pomo bullshit. It's so real. But it's really like the first... I remember my first week in residence,

I looked out the window and there was like 40 of my peers smoking like six hookahs and all reading the Bible to each other. And I was like, what is this place? Come on, guys. People just can't stop talking about Nietzsche. It's kind of awesome and kind of brutal.

I love it. It sounds almost all awesome. What was brutal about it? Oh, just people being like, oh, just my thesis. I'm just going to mention my thesis. Everyone does that voice. I love it it sounds almost all awesome what was brutal about it? just people being like, oh just my thesis everyone does that voice I did, I talked like that for two years while I wrote my I can't do a comedy this week, I have to work on my thesis

but then also there's like weird shit where they issue you an academic robe at the beginning of the year and you have to wear it to the president's lodge and drink sherry and go to a formal meal. It's hard work, yes. I like that. I like that. It's awesome.

That does sound like a lot of fun. So what color? Okay. I'm too excited. Okay. Color scheme of the robe. Black with a fake ermine color. Ermine?

Yeah. Like peewee ermine? Yeah, like peewee ermine. Just fake peewee ermines all over. A little red bow tie. Yeah. And you would go to

the president's what? Where? The president's what? Lodge? Lodge. And you'd drink. I like the word lodge, though. Yeah, it sounds better.

It seems very traditional. And then you would drink sherry, you'd just get drunk, and then talk about your thesis? Well, we didn't have thesis. It was when we were in first year. So just, like, a bunch of 17-year-olds, like, pounding sherry and being confused about their university experience. And then we'd all have to go to, like, the Great

Hall, which was just our cafeteria. I mean, eat food that some people worked in the cafeteria, so it would just be our friends serving us. It's the weirdest, but the best. And then you all paddle each other. Yeah. A la King's College. The East Coast has so much more history than the West Coast.

Because my university experience was all like, have you heard Jack? You like Dave Matthews. Have you heard Jack Johnson yet? I've never heard, aside from like your Harvards and stuff, I've never heard of anything like where there's robes and there's like a tradition and you go to a thing. Sounds really, really good. Yeah, it's pretty awesome. and you go to a thing. Sounds really, really good.

Yeah, it's pretty awesome. One of the, like, even though it does not have this prestige at all, one of the Ivy League schools, fuck if I remember which one, like, the people from that school started it when the American Revolution happened. I don't know, they were like, fucking, we love the Queen! And they ran up to Canada. They ran, they ran. No, they were like, we love the Queen!

And they ran up to Canada. They ran. They ran. And started a much smaller, less impressive university, but with a lot of the same old-timiness. There's a chapel there. Wow. And there's... So it is actually an old-time place. It's not old-time.

Like, they have fake... It's not fake stone. It's real stone. No, it's real stone. It's not medieval times. Yeah, it's been... We have jousting. Yeah.

Jalapeno poppers. Yeah. Wow. No, it's like a real old, but it's like in the middle of Dalhousie, which is just like a very good, but very regular, like modern university. And it's just like cradled in the center of it. It's very odd. And so was there like, there were like kind of normal students not smoking hookahs

around yeah and they hated us oh man the rivalry is out of control but not a sports rivalry i imagine yeah some sort of did i mention the robes no more of a uh prank war yeah more of a prank war. Yeah. More of a quiet barbs war. What do they study? Analytic philosophy over at Dalhousie? How gauche. Nietzsche. Using words like gauche. My goodness.

What was your thesis? I'm curious. Oh, man, you guys. Oh, yeah. We heard so much about this thesis. I cannot understand philosophy. I took one course, and I'm like, this is dense. Yeah.

My brain is not cut out for this, but I'm really curious. Yeah, you ready to have your ears raped by a dumb idea? This was my thesis. It was, I studied Goethe's Faust, which is like a giant two-part play of Faust that he spent his whole life writing, or most of it, the last half of his life. of Faust that he spent his whole life writing, or most of it, the last half of his life. And it was just like a really silly angle on Faust. Where they were like, this is your thesis.

What are you doing? No sherry for you. I revoked my sherry license. Did it have a title? Was it Silly Faust? Silly Faust. What if this tragedy was more fun? Actually, technically not a tragedy just saying

uh for the one listener that knows what i'm talking about oh but that one listener is having the time of their life um i wish i remembered because it was a pun but i don't actually remember what it was oh it was a pun it was a pun reach deep i when I was in school, I discovered that if you did a pun in your title, the scores for my essays went up by a letter grade. Really? Yeah. Wow. What if you did the pun in the title and then the secondary title,

like they did on Bow Angle? Oh, yeah. I would... Oh, oh, oh. Yeah. Or... Or, yeah. So it would be like...

Well, you would do a subtitle and then... Because I remember this one we did on... It was like the United Nations and it was... You had to come up with a policy about some current issue and it was about... Mine was about Chechnya. And I think... The party country. I think I either did Chechen soup for the soul or...

What? Or Chechen brutal soup. Chechen brutal soup. Chechen brutal soup! Oh, man. Those were the two options. I definitely did one of them. I don't remember... But, you know, that would have been great if it was Chechen soup for the soul.

Or, you know... Chechen brutal soup? No, or policy options for... Yeah, or how I learned to stop worrying and love all things wow i like how it's a cute pun title but it's like but the second line is like seriously though things are horrifying okay we gotta we gotta step up our game now that i have your attention with my cute pun yeah help these Help these people. Wow. So while you were at school, that's when you started out in the enormously popular sketch troupe Picnic Face.

Indeed. It was actually my first year. I was in a very weird... Robe. Robe. Approach by two midnight on the clock tower. Oh, did you guys have candlesticks? It seems like a place that would have candlesticks.

To go back to your room at midnight? No. We had lights. But I wish. I wish. If only. There's a really, like the theater community at King's is super cool because at Dow, the only way you can do

a play is if you're in Dow Theater, which is a crazy place that Brian McQuarrie went to and could sometimes tell you tales. There was one director there who made a girl playing Ophelia during Shakespeare by the Sea walk into the Halifax Harbor and then go find a wetsuit under the duck.

But it's like the most polluted harbor in the world. So she'd have to be rushed to the hospital after every performance. I don't think they did it. Oh, gross! But no, there's some really awesome people that come out of Dow Theater, but the problem is you can only do plays there if you're a Dow Theater student, which most people are not.

But at King's, it was all like student run, and you could pitch a play, do your own play, do someone else's play, whatever. And it was super cool student run and you could pitch a play and do your own play do someone else's play whatever right it was super cool so kyle dooley and i were in this hyper weird play called too much light makes the baby go blind is that from like a chicago yes yeah and there's like 60 plays and you pick 30 and they're all two minutes and then the audience orders them off a menu yeah yeah and they do it every week it's a different uh yeah yeah like they do all these plays in a in an hour right so it is the same

thing yeah wow uh and so a lot of it was improvised so kyle and i who both had improv experience before that we're kind of like wow wow you can't see me but i'm pointing to my eyes and then his imaginary eyes she's giving the robert de niro to ben still I'm pointing to my eyes and then his imaginary eyes. She's giving the Robert De Niro to Ben Stiller. I've got my eyes on you. Double dose. Any other examples? I have two eyes. You have two eyes.

My eyes are up here. Your eyes are up there. Gotcha. And so he was like, oh, I've been jamming with this guy, Mark Little. Do you want to come do weird long form sets in this theater space at King's with us? And I said, yes. So we did that for a year.

Do it again. Yes. There we go. Now go out in the harbor and get a wetsuit. No. Um, and we did that for a year. And then I went back to Toronto and had a really awful summer working at a Starbucks in a rich Jewish neighborhood.

Woof! That's the name of the neighborhood. Yeah. Woof Village in Toronto. It's pretty classy. And then I came back and they were like, we're a sketch troupe now, there's 70 people in the group. And it was this weird rotation of people

and then we kind of settled on seven and then Scott Vroman joined us a little after that and then that was we were like enough. And now you're on television. And now we're on TV. For people that aren't Canadian listeners just it was two weeks ago was your debut on the Comedy Network?

Again with the hand signals. Yes it was. And it's I've only saw the first episode but it's super hilarious. Thank you. And we all... Wednesday nights on the Comedy Network. 10.30 across the board, or is that only Pacific? I think there might be a 9 in there.

Oh, wow. 10.39. 10.39 Eastern. 10.99. Catch it on the Comedy Network. But it's super funny, and you've got a show on Canadian television, which is no small feat in this country. And it's not a show on Canadian television, which is no small feat in this country. And it's not a show for old people, which is a huge feat.

Yeah, because that's all we have in Canada is old people and people who don't watch television, I guess. Now, your show isn't the one with the hockey players dancing with the figure skaters? No, that was a show we pitched, and they were like, we already have that show. What else you got? That is for, again, Canadian listeners, the most popular show in Canada is a show where ex-hockey players figure skate with ex-figure skaters. Yeah. Are you ever really an ex-figure skater?

Once you're in, you're in for life, right? That's true. You don't ever get out. It's like ex-Rockettes. Yeah. You have to Harry Caray yourself. It's a gruesome business. But now you're here.

You're here in Vancouver. You're doing the improv festival. You were saying you were at Just for Laughs. Things are happening, right? Things are schnappening for sure. What? Yep. Nope.

Can't go back. Can't go back. Things are schnappening. Yes. No, it's kind of a a wild time everything sort of happened oh oh it's okay don't worry having some issues with my hand gesture um no yeah it all kind of happened all at once i was like four years of hard work and then everything was like well that's what i need to do yeah some four four years of hard work, and then everything was like, zwoomp. That's what I need to do. Yeah. Four years of hard work?

Five, six. Any would do, really. Get down to business, guys. Quit fucking around. Apply yourselves. You've got so much promise. Have you ever applied yourself, Dave? Applied?

Yeah. Or plied? No. I applied myself with alcohol. That's something I admire in people is like a work ethic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I can work when I have a job, but I'm not really good at giving myself tasks and completing them. But I'm a good employee. You apply yourself to this podcast, though, right?

You've made good on this. See, I'm the one that just shows up and drinks at 11 o'clock in the morning drinking a tiger it's from singapore yeah allegedly asia we were i think we were happiest with our asia yeah uh reference on it um here's a question i have go on not to uh derail us but i don't think we're really on any rail. You were comparing the school to Hogwarts. Yes. I was. I'm not that familiar with the Harry Potter verse.

But at the end, what is the job placement rate at Hogwarts? Forgive me if this is a hacky comedy premise, but do any of these people end up with jobs as magicians or how do they get into university? Like, do they have to... Are there AP courses that they take? When you say, do they get jobs as magicians, do you mean do they just go into, like, the real

world of humans and they're like, oh, you think this guy is fucking David Copperfield bullshit? Check this out. I'm a wizard. Yeah, it's not magician school. That's probably the first thing. Illusion illusionist do they get jobs as illusionists yes or do they just like go back to the real world and then manifest some money yeah or like do they just take regular jobs and then once a year kind of get together and talk about that crazy time that they fought Voldemort. Spoiler alert for anybody who hasn't started the series yet. Yeah, like what?

And are there older kids at the school? And do they graduate and go on and write back like, oh, I'm getting so much tail at college. Like literal tail. Help me. I cast a spell on this girl and turned her into a rat. Now, are you a Harry Potter fan? Do you know the world?

Yes, I do. I'm embarrassed, but I'm not, because it's the best. Wizards are fucking cool, you guys. Get on board. What does happen to a wizard after they're done their schooling? That is a fair question. It is a fair question. From what I gather, they go back to Teakwich at Hogwarts. Oh, right.

Those are the jobs available. Or they work for the wizard government. Or they become shopkeeps. Those are the three options available to you. Shopkeeps at, like, a wand store. Exactly. Cauldron Central. Yeah.

Of course, the big box stores are putting all the mom and pop cauldron shops out of business. Sure. I was going to say best boo, but that's ghosts, not wizards. Best boo? Yeah, anyways. See, but that's astute, though, because I was like, I never thought about that, yeah, it was a school. They were learning wizardry to what end.

But there you go. Yeah, but they come from a world. They come from our world, and then they escape through some, it's a post in a... In a train station. In a train station, yeah. I saw the first movie. Samaritan logic? Yeah.

Yeah. See, that's some fancy tradition. Yeah. It's what we don't have out here on the West Coast. But, like, who cooks at the wizard school? House elves. So they're different. They don't go to Hogwarts.

They just work at Hogwarts. They're slaves. They're actually kind of slaves. Oh, wow. So, oh, wow, wow. But if you give them a piece of human clothing, they're free. Is that true? It's fully true.

I mean, it's as true as the rest of Harry Potter is true. No, I mean, my Harry Potter knowledge is minimal. For real? Give them a piece of human clothing. What if you couldn't give them a dog sweater? Oh, yeah. Does that work? Question.

This is why we brought you on today. Harry Potter expert. I don't know. It hasn't come up. I don't think... Wizards don't have dogs. They are given an option of three pets. Owls, rats, or cats.

What about the dog with the... What do they call it? The dog with the three heads. What is that called? Cerberus? Yeah. Isn't that in Harry Potter? That's a pet.

I think it's more of like... An evil... One in a series of obstacles in order to fight the end boss. Fair enough. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. You know what I should do?

I should just watch all the Harry Potter movies because they're done now, right? So I could just watch them all. Have a marathon. Or read the books. Oh, Dave. Dave, we were talking about applying ourselves. Certainly I'm not going to apply myself to something so rigorous as reading a series of books. For children.

Yeah. Yeah, reading a book would feel pretty good when you're done a book, right? Reading a series of books, do you feel even better or do you feel worse about yourself as a human? I'm the wrong guy to ask. You've read all the books. I have. But you didn't read them all back to back to back. No, that option wasn't available to me because of publication...

Because of time. Because of time and how that works. Because one of them wasn't written yet. Yeah. Now, when you were first reading Harry Potter, were you a young lady that wished that Harry Potter would be your boyfriend? Exactly. I was like the same age as Harry Potter. But then by the end, I was like, I'm in third year university. This is weird. Like lining up in a bookstore in Halifax at midnight

to be like, give me it! And then being like, oh, I feel weird. The weirdest thing they did is they released, like for the last book, I remember going at midnight to buy it, like a lame-o, and also hearing that there was a riot in England because someone ran into a bookstore and shouted the ending and people lynched this man. Which is amazing. But I got to the counter and they were like, for an extra $3 would you like to buy the adult cover?

I was like, uh, what? And there was just like a more adult fantasy novel cover and I was like, it still says Harry Potter and huge leviters above this like weird medallion you've put on the cover. I thought there was going to be a lot more nudity. Yeah, like a Harlequin romance. Now, when the last books came out, I was working at a book warehouse. And the big problem in Vancouver, world over over it was the someplace uh like a superstore

put the book out a night early and it created this like huge thing and so all the boxes came with this like special wrap on it from the company that had like the harry potter lightning bolt on it that said like do not open until this time on this day. But we did, and we read it. But I didn't have any context to know what that ending meant. So I had the ending in, like, I read the last two pages, and I was like, oh, well. It was all a dream. It's like the end of the Bob Newhart show. It's all a dream.

Eye of Newt. Yeah, wakes up, and he's Criss Angel. Criss Angel has imagined the whole thing. So, Dave, what's been going on with you? Wizard-wise. Well, wizard-wise, not a lot. In the past week, though, I went on a fun vacation. Hey!

That's rare. To go on vacation or to have fun? Both for me. Dave's a bad traveler. Yeah. I hate this beach. I am kind of a bad traveler. I hate this beach. I am kind of a bad traveler. I don't appreciate anything ever. He wears a three-piece suit to the beach.

I have no idea what to wear to things. As example. Fine. Now, Abby and I went for a quick, fun little trip to San Francisco. The Rice-A-Roni Treat. Yeah. Alcat Treat. Yeah. Alcatraz. Yeah.

I had never been there before. Have either of you been? Years and years ago, when it was still cool. Before it sold out. It's fun. It's a really cool city. And it's kind of like Vancouver in the sense that everything that people tell you to do while you're there, it's not like, oh, you've got to go to this museum or you have to, I don't know, like you have to see this, you've got to go up this tower or whatever people tell you to do in your city. Yeah, yeah.

You've got to go up this tower. I was thinking of the Eiffel Tower. No, there's only one of those, right? No, CN Tower. Sure, yeah. Yeah, in San Francisco, it's like, you gotta go to this neighborhood and just hang out. Maybe have a meal there. Then go to this neighborhood.

Right. Try a meal there. So it's just a really pretty city that has some cool neighborhoods. And then you go and you eat things. Sounds pretty great. Yeah. Sounds awesome. Yeah.

But they also have their fair share of things, like the bridge, right? Yeah, the Golden Gate Bridge. We did not get that close to it, but we saw it. Alcatraz. We didn't go to Alcatraz, but we saw it. City Lights Books. We went there.

There you go. Haight-Ashbury. We did not go there. We got near it. City Lights Books We went there There you go Hate Ashbury We did not go there We got near it We went to We went to the mission Had a delicious burrito Oh yeah

We went to The wharf We went to the wharf And Met wharf We met wharf From Star Trek The Next Generation What Oh we went to that Super windy street The one that's like Oh yeah generation.

Oh, we went to that super windy street. The one that's like... Oh, yeah. Is it windy or is it smooth? No, it's like a zigzag. Ziggy zaggy? Yeah. Yeah, we went to that one. Ziggy zaggy avenue in San Francisco. Did you see the painted ladies? No, they're pretty out of the way. It's a lot of that stuff where you're like, oh, those are just houses in a park.

But... But the Full House. Did Full House take place there? No, the opening sequence of the movie... The Full House movie. I just dreamed a thing that I wished was true, but it's not. Chris Andrew woke up and realized he had dreamt the Full House movie. Yeah.

It was all a dream. It was John Stamos all along. Oh, guys. Chris Angel's got married. Did you guys know that? He's off the market. Oh, sorry, ladies. Sorry, wizards.

Do you think his ceremony had a lot of misdirects? Oh, man. They released so many fucking doves at that ceremony, you guys. Fucking mayhem. Oh man. It's the first million dove wedding. But he started with just one and then cast your eyes up.

I don't really remember much of Criss Angel Mind Freak. That's all part of the illusion. It'll seem like a dream that never happened. Yeah, I just remember he was like a really well-dressed guy. Yeah, yeah. Was he?

Super good taste. Super good style. Yeah. Bedazzled everything. Yeah. A lot of those leather armbands. Yeah. Which ladies love, right? We love those leather armbands. Yeah. Which ladies love, right?

We love those leather armbands, gentlemen. You like a man that wears a lot of jewelry, right? Yeah, more than me. That's the best. If you're wearing more jewelry than the man, it's it, right? Hit the bricks, buddy. I understand that. Hit the bricks, for real.

You gotta try our tower. And it's what they're doing here. Like, you go to Paris, and that's what it says bricks, for real. You gotta try our tower. Like, you go to Paris, and that's what it says on the brochure. You gotta try this tower! Get up there! France. That's a big thing in Toronto now, though, is that you can go walk around the outside of the CN Tower,

and I was like, who ever expressed any desire? At the top or bottom? For a low, low price. And I was like, who ever expressed any desire? At the top or bottom? You can watch that. The Lola Press. Seriously, answer my question. At the top. Oh, I want to do that.

Do you? Yeah. On the outside of the tower? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. You don't walk around the perimeter of the restaurant. You're outside. Yeah, you go outside and

you're hooked up to something that... It's like a window washer fantasy camp. That sounds terrifying. So what was your favorite thing in San Francisco? I saw our friend Scott Simpson.

Oh, right. Yeah. We went for a drink at the drink place. On ZigZzag Avenue? Yeah, on Zigzag Avenue. The weird thing about Zigzag Avenue is every car going down, it's Lombard Street. Every car going down it, they have a camera outside the car. The only people there are tourists. So there's people like myself, pedestrians, taking pictures of the bottom, climbing to the top, taking pictures of the top.

Right. And then there's cars going down there. And no one who needs to get somewhere is going to take this street. That's true. So it's only tourists with their cameras outside or as they're driving, taking pictures. That seems about right. Yeah. That would be the same at Fisherman Wharf, right?

There's not a lot of fishermen walking around. No, it was really touristy. The great thing about all the souvenir shops there is that they kind of combine what the city's known for. So it's like... Kind of gay. Yeah, there's a little bit of gay stuff, a lot of hippie

stuff Alcatraz stuff and they're known for their harbor seals and so there's like harbor seals in like prison outfits I was surprised there was a more gold rush stuff they were a Gold Rush town, weren't they? I don't know. And also Silicon Valley stuff. Oh, what? Like computers? Yeah. Made by one of our computers. Our arches and computers.

I would expect like, you know, Alcatraz computer stuff. A computer in a little cage. I don't know. But it was a fun trip. It was just stuff. A computer in a little cage. I don't know. But it was a fun trip. It was just, you know, it's nice to walk around.

A lot of good food. Sure. Yeah, Ben. Now, if you were telling somebody that was going to Halifax, what is the thing? What are the three things somebody that's going to Halifax has to do, tourist-wise? Fuck. Yeah. Most of them's going to Halifax has to do, tourist-wise? Fuck. Yeah. Most of them are outside of Halifax.

People are like, go to Peggy's Cove. Like, get out of here. See the tower at Peggy's Cove. You've been to Halifax. I have. As have I. And was there anything you felt you needed to do? Yeah, somebody told me about this church that had, like, the outline of somebody from the Halifax explosion was in the window.

And then somebody else told me something about a haunted graveyard or Titanic graveyard. Yeah. And I went to Peggy's Cove. And what's the thing on the hill? The citadel. Citadel, yeah. Which has never been used. And also is a hot... It's a new citadel. Brand new citadel. State of the like citadel yeah which has never been used and also is a uh it's a new citadel

brand new state-of-the-art citadel uh we just installed brand new with tags and somebody told me uh i found out when i was there that that's like a gay uh cruising spot at night yeah it's called it's got a funny name the fruit loop that. That's what they call it. For real. Classic. Classic. I didn't coin the term, you guys, but that's what they call it. And apparently, if you're looking for an inexpensive blowjob at around 3 a.m. from another man. An inexpensive blowjob. I'm on a budget. What's a good budget? I want a strange man to give me a blowjob, but I'm on a tight budget.

I think men do that for free, don't they? I imagine they would. There's an app for it. There really is. There's Grindr. Oh, yeah. What? It's this app.

It's called Grindr without an E. Like your Tumblrs? Yeah. You're Flickr. Yeah. What if that was also a... Never mind. And you put... You a network and you put you log on

and you say I'm a gay and I want to do gay stuff and I'm into the following things do you have to use those two sentences that's like the buzzword I'm a gay and I like to do gay stuff etc I'm available for these activities

please use the following parts of my body and uh it places you on a map and it shows you other people in your area who are also uh you want to do gay stuff at you and then uh that could put the fruit loop right out of business yeah but they're they're apparently i've heard that they're they're coming out with one for non-gays. For everyone. Oh. For just people who want to get it on. I don't...

You know what? You know who it doesn't seem like would use that? Women. They seem like the one group that I don't think would use that. Yeah, I think that's why it works so well for gays. Yeah. Because, you know, it's all... We're the same.

Yeah. It seems like that would be like a really, it seems like perfect for, it's a perfect app for the perfect thing. I don't see it working with straight people. Hey, you know, sometimes I want to fuck a stranger on a budget, you know? Wait, do you want the stranger to be on a budget? Yeah. I want to fuck a broke stranger.

Manages his money. Yeah. I want to get my pennies pinched But yeah I can't imagine Just the idea of oh Look who's in my neighborhood and wants to have sex I see that guy sometimes Yeah sure He's got a hole in his pocket Now there would be a series of winks

That you make at each other every time you see each other instead of just ignoring each other or maybe not, maybe that would be part of the contract that you sign, no winking at me after we do this thing there's a contract involved well it was fine print on those software things yeah, no winking

I agree I have read and understood the no winking contract so that was a fun trip for me, I enjoyed that I agree. I have read and understood the no winking contract. So that was a fun trip for me. I enjoyed that. And for Abby, I assume. We haven't spoken about it. We haven't actually spoken since we got back at all.

She's furious. Oh, here's the thing. Whenever you go to a city, they're also, I don't know if they're proud of it or it's just become a famous thing about this city like in in halifax i'm sure there's a lot of lobster stuff going around like you got you gotta go to the store and buy a lobster you gotta get down to the supermarket when you live in halifax you can have one of three pets and one is a lot the other one is an owl and a rat. Yeah. And in Vancouver, there's a lot of salmon. Oh, yeah. In tourist shops, you can buy smoked salmon.

In San Francisco, it's Ghirardelli chocolates and sourdough bread. Oh, yeah. They are famous for sourdough bread. Are they? Yeah. As soon as you said it, I was like, yeah. I remember that being a thing in San Francisco. It was like, there would be bakeries that would just say sourdough on the outside.

So, yeah. But I don't know. Like, maybe they didn't invent it. Yeah, but like... Maybe they laid claim to it. I think they think they're famous for it, but I just know it as, you know, a sourdough bread. What if a whole city...

You maybe have a sandwich on it. Decided to co-op just a food? Like, with... And nobody would know, right? If Winnipeg all of a sudden just said, like, the home of toast, there would be no way to challenge it, really. I mean, except Wikipedia and Google. But they can change that. In England.

Exactly, right? Yeah. But I'm pretty sure we invented toast, actually. So yeah, it was a fun trip. It was whirlwind. Went on a Tuesday, came back on a Friday. Mid-week. It's a real Pan Am kind of jet set.

It was a real Pan's Labyrinth. I'm sure. I think there might have been enough syllables in that. So, Graham, what happened to you this week? Since we spoke, you and I did a show together. We did. We did a show at the Biltmore, and it was a fun show, and special, the super surprise guest was Brent Butt. He came by and did a set, and it was fun.

It was a good show. And then what did I do the rest of the week? Here's two things. I saw a lady on the train. And I'm pretty sure she was coming from some sort of event. But she was wearing a sash like you would in a beauty contest or whatever. And I thought for a second, I was like, I could see that becoming a thing that the kids wear like a sash and it has whatever your slogan whatever you want it to be and then you just wear like

that's just like uh an accessory that you wear a sash what do you think am i onto something i like it for like a uh instead of like an ironic t-shirt like i'm an ironic mayor yeah yeah miss south carolina yeah exactly but pick like a really shitty part of the world like miss kosovo yeah right sorry kosovo miss chichinson for the soul but do like uh do you think i think kids would wear that. Define kids. You know, kids. The teens. From that movie, that really scary movie about kids. Oh, right. Kids.

Oh, spoiler alert, AIDS. Yeah, right. But when I, yeah, I think she was just coming from, you know, something, but I was like, yeah, I could see this being a thing, like a sash. Right? Guys, I'm going to start it. They kind of have really small messenger bags that are basically a sash. Yeah, but this is just the sash.

It's like how you would wear a necklace or a tie. Could it have a little zip inside that you keep your lip balm and replacement? I mean, maybe the second generation generation after I open my sash shop. Sure. What am I going to call it? Sash A? Sash apostrophe or comma E-H. Yeah. Oh, I didn't even think of that.

Canadian Sash A. Pretty great. Sashon soup for the soul. That's not bad though. Modern Sash-ins because it's like fashion. Come on. Brainstorming. No bad ideas. Sash only. Sash is snake pit.

Sash. Sash test dummies. Sash money millionaires. Sash test dummies. Yes, yes. I'm sorry. Yes. Sash money millionaires. Sash. Yes. Yes. So that was my... Sash Gordon. The Sash.

Sash Browns. Guys, it's endless. Yeah. Sash potato. A lot of starch. Yeah. Oh, man. Anyways, so that's my business venture.

Trademark, trademark. Corby Sash, I'm sorry. And then the other thing I did was I went to an information seminar of how to apply to become a firefighter. Because I've got to do something with my life. I've got to do something, you life. I've got to do something that makes money and has a purpose. And how do you become a firefighter? You have to apply.

Okay. They don't just make you do it. You have to apply, and then it's like a series of challenges, a la Hogwarts. Forget I said it. 11 a.m. beer.

But, you know, it's like you have to do the application, and then you have to do, there's like a written test and a physical test and a medical test and interviews and there was something else. You already have to have your first aid, you have to be able to drive, you have a certain license for driving, like a Class 3 license, with something to do with air brakes. It was all very like, I don't have any of these things. What about volunteer firefighting?

That seems like they'll let anyone do that. Yeah, but I think you have to be in a place that doesn't have a fire department. Like, you can't just volunteer to fight fires in your neighborhood. That has a professional fire department? Yeah, like, it has to be out in the prairies. Even if it's like, you know, it's like, I feel like it's more wholesome that way. Like, if my house catches fire, I will turn the regular fire department away and say, come on, you...

You youngins. Yeah. It's like the community... You gang of charming misfits. They're all just wearing t-shirts. They're not given official gear. They don't know how to unhook the fire hydrant they don't have the proper tools they just use the garden hose to try and dampen the

fire i don't think it's working you guys we've we've had no training um but yeah so like uh it's like you would if you wanted to be aer, you'd have to spend like over a year trying to be a firefighter before you were a firefighter. Because then even once you're hired, there's like months of probation. You know what I mean? Like, you're on probation for like six months or something like that. At what point do you pose for the calendar? Whoa, yeah, that was going to be my question. You should have to do that when you apply.

It's the first thing that you do. They ask you, that's one of the questions. Do you feel you're more of a March or are you an August? So are you going to do that? I don't know. It seems like you could do a year. It seems like there's a lot of careers you could choose that would be a year. Not wizard, right? No, that's true careers you could choose that would be a year

not wizard what else could you do in a year I feel like you're born a wizard oh yeah you have to have wizard things you're a wizard Harry commercial you've been watching a lot of the movies on TV

I've been watching a lot of the trailers but see like for the first movie yeah You've been watching a lot of the movies on TV? I've been watching a lot of the trailers. But see, like... For the first movie? Yeah, I've been watching a lot of the trailer for the first movie. I don't know. I don't know anything else where you could start from zero and then in a year you could be the thing. I think, like, most places you could start with zero and, like, start the first day and be the thing. Oh, like, oh, you mean like a cashier?

Well, no, I think like even like real estate agent, it's two weekends. I don't want to be a real estate agent. Why not? You get to have a nice car. There's no sliding down any poles in the real estate agent. Unless you sell a really cool loft. Yeah, eccentric billionaire loft. I used to know a guy, or I knew a guy whose friend in Halifax was a real estate agent that

specialized in homes with sex dungeons. That's like, this thing. What else do you know about him? What goes into selling that kind of a house? Well, his bus stop ad has him in one of those zipper masks.

You won't believe my prices. No, it's apparently a really private... Because they're all million dollar plus homes. And he's got to check them out and make sure there's a downward sloping drain in the basement and weird shit. For what? Spilled coffee?

Yeah. And then there's like a market of people that like really privately, secretly want to buy a home that's like a beautiful mansion that also has a sex dungeon in it. Ah, wow. Wow. I'm surprised by the fact that they're all upscale. I would assume that a lot of your mid-range homes would have a sex dungeon in it. Yeah, the suburban seedy underbelly of you know todd solon's movies yeah i would think that it would be like half sex dungeon half storage

so you know like you have to go around like a thing of records that snowboard you never use oh man that's pretty great. Safety equipment. Safe words. Old newspapers. A box of safe words. A box of safe words. Of use.

I don't know a lot of stuff about sex dungeonry. The masks. Leather stuff. I know there's harnesses. Whips. Chains. Eastern Europe. Furnaces.

Whips. Chains. Eastern Europe. Do they have, in a proper sex dungeon, do you have a place to put a torch? Like in a traditional dungeon. Or a flashlight. Or a fleshlight. What's the lighting scheme in a sex dungeon?

That's an interesting question. Christmas lights. The ones shaped like chilies? Yeah. Little ghosts. Just imagine it's Halloween themed. Like, I'm gonna have sex with Dracula. Probably not a lot of UV light.

That's my guess. It's probably not. Right? Gross. Gross. Black light, out. UV light, out. lights out tanning beds out probably nothing bright nothing fluorescent

something with a dimmer switch for sure a lot of pasty skin I imagine that you don't want to have a look at and it's all squeezed between rivets is the floor made of a dock? No, I meant like grommets. Sorry.

In like a belt. My thought is that you were thinking that the sex slave thing was like Hellraiser. Oh yeah, I imagine someone gets killed every time like uh that sexy uh amanda knox with her sex game gone wrong right guys what is that that's that uh american uh girl who uh uh it's on trial in italy and now she's appealing she's pretty

appealing to me all right um yikes anyway what did she i literally don't know this it was like Yikes I literally don't know this story It was like 3 or 4 years ago She and her boyfriend And another girl Were doing some sex game in Italy And the girl died Oh okay

Very CSI It seems like one of those things that wouldn't happen CSI But it's Okay. Very CSI. It seems like one of those things that wouldn't happen. The G-S-I. It's out. But there's... Yeah, she's a pretty lady. She's losing a bit after years in Italian prison. So who's the first person...

Just let yourself go a little in the joint, bud. Was there a person in a dungeon at some point when dungeons were still being used for slaves and captives and stuff? Like, was there the first that thought it was really sexy, and then it was passed down? Like, who was the first person who was like, dungeons? Yeah. Yeah, probably. It was maybe some executioner who took his work home with him, or torture master, or

what do you call them? Manager. Co-managers uh i'm well i'm fascinated i'm fascinated this is in halifax you were saying i believe so yeah there's that many places in halifax that somebody could specialize yeah and how do you get in touch with them like how do you know to get in touch with them i don't know i think it's like a really private market and like i'm sure there are homes that have like like cobbled together sex engines in the garage but this is the place where it's like they're like high-end sex engines so it's like a market of people who are like fucking loaded and kinky and they probably want to you know they don't want to have to leave the house to

tie up a gimp that must be freeing for them yeah yeah sure i my friend when i was a kid his dad had a basement that looked a lot like a medieval hunting lodge like it was the whole all the walls were covered in gut like old guns and the like he had like fake you know medieval guns a medieval hunting lodge but he also had like 500 year old guns he had like medieval weapons everywhere so that that's a weird like i thought as a kid i was like yeah he had like mate and they were hanging off the wall he had like yeah mace and, you know, old armor and stuff. Yeah, I think it's weird when someone has, like, a framed hockey jersey, too. Oh, yeah, sure. But that's not as menacing. Like, you're just like, oh, I guess he really likes hockey.

But this guy, like, is like, is he planning for the apocalypse? Yeah. He's got a lot of all sorts of different kinds of weapons lying around. The idea of a man cave is something that has become popular in the last few years. Sure. And there's a lot of variations on it. And I think it's kind of a make your own make your own man cave. That's the

only... It's a DIY project. You can do it yourself when you wake up. Make your own man cave. Yeah, be your own man. Yeah, like the only restriction on it is that you have to call it the man cave. So it can be car themed. Does it have to have stalactites and stuff?

No, no, no, no, no. It doesn't have to look like a cave. It doesn't have to be a literal cave. No, no, no, no. So it doesn't have to even be sub-ground. No, I think it can be in your attic. Would they have called what Osama Bin Laden was in, was that a man cave? Or do you think

he had a man cave within his cave that he lived in? Oh, yeah, to keep the women out? Yeah, yeah, like somewhere where he just goes

and it's, you know. Plays Xbox, kicks back at his friends. Watches football. Yeah. He's wings. Mad masturbates occasionally. Did you say

mad masturbates? Oh, man. I should not have said that. That's a new phrase that I'm going to be throwing around like crazy. It's an Alfred E. Newman master base. Oh, guys. Let's move on to overheards, huh? Yes, let's.

Overheard. Overheards, right? Right. Nailed it. Segment in which, if you're a person who spends a lot of time out in the world perhaps uh i got an email that said that hanging out around um court you know and being around any kind of court proceedings lots of overheard any kind of court sure tennis jesters uh night peoples was there um Jesters Night Peoples Is there a Never mind

I thought there might be like a teen idol named Court But there's not, there's a guy named Cord Overstreet Is that who you were going to say? No, I was going to say Bud Court Bud Court, sure He's a teen heartthrob kind of Sexy Bud Court

Cord Overstreet is a Blonde guy on Glee Bud Kord, sure. He's a teen heartthrob kind of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A sexy Bud Kord. Kord Overstreet is a blonde guy on Glee who's got his name from a teen heartthrob name machine. Overherds. Overherds. Overstreet. Now, we usually like to start with the guest. Okay. But we don't have to.

If that's like... You want to feel out the proceedings of this courtroom? Yeah. Of this Bud Court. This Bud Court. This Bud Court. Bud Court is now in session. I can go first or you can. I don't want to mess it up.

No, you go first then. You're going to be... It's going to be great. Yeah, you got it. This was less of an overheard than a man shouting in the street. But I was walking in Vancouver yesterday with Cal Dooley of Picnic Face to meet Craig Anderson of the Sunday Service to eat sushi as a trio. And we were walking up Granville Avenue. And there was this weird couple holding each other's bodies

in a strange way. She was quite fat and he was quite thin. And they were like an old nursery rhyme. But he like had his hand on her ass in a weird way and she had his arm around him. And then there was this awesome homeless guy

who like Kyle and I were like quietly commenting on it to each other. And then the homeless guy just said what we were commenting. And as they walked by, he's like, oh, yeah, you just get, you know, you cozying up. Oh, yeah, get real tight. No, touch your butt. Just, like, yelling weird stuff to them. And it was wonderful.

And they just kind of, like, he ran and she waddled. And they tried to get away. And he, oh, yeah, you can't run from me. Touch it up. It was awesome. So everyone overheard it that was on grandpa's street at the time it was dynamite it's pretty awesome what is the that nursery rhyme jack spratt that's right could eat no fat and his wife could eat no lean something something something something mr clean yeah something about the plate being clean, I feel like. Okay. Charlie Sheen?

Yes. Well, it was an older one, so it was Martin Sheen. Dave? Mine is from the city by the bay, San Francisco. Bay Area. New Jersey. I went to some fancy stores in San Francisco. Sure. I didn't buy anything fancy, but I like to go to a store where the...

It's confusing for the people working there. They're like, are you lost? Or do you need some water? They give you the pretty woman's bums rush. Yeah, yeah. And then you come back with Richard. As you mentioned in close. And then I reach my hand in to the

necklace thing and they slap it close on my hand. I was in Saks Fifth Avenue, which is like of all of those is like the fanciest one where I belonged the least because there was one day when it was hot and i was

sweating through my body and uh they were like not through your soul as per usual yeah um no i sweat through my entire body and i had to replace it that's why i was there i was like do you have bodies um but i heard uh uh some very bitchy women talking about what they wanted to say to the person selling them something at this fancy department store. And one of them said, yeah, I was almost like,

we're leaving for Napa. Do you want the sale or not? Pretty hoity-toity. Yeah, right? Pretty bitchy-ditchy. Wow. I don't think I'd ever be able to utter that sentence, because I don't know what it means. What is the last part? The sale?

Yeah. Like on a boat? No, like, do you want the commission, basically? I don't need to buy this, but you need to sell it to me, because you are a salesperson. I got, as soon as you said Napa, I thought rich people and sale and boat. I lost. I lost the thread completely. My bad.

No, no, it's my bad. You know what? I probably forgot to say. Did I mention I was sweating through my body? Yeah, you did. I feel like I maybe focused too much on that. Now, Graham, do you have an overheard? I do. As it happens,

I was on the train. Surprise, surprise. And there were two of the nerdiest nerds who ever nerded. It was kind of like your fat lady skinny guy. There was this classic skinny nerd and classic fat nerd.

And they were talking. One guy really talked like like a real nerd. He was having trouble breathing because of his asthma and his allergies. What a nerd. Do you have asthma and allergies? Yes, I've got both of those.

He was talking about their 10 year anniversary high school and he was like look I believe it's going to be 10 years already are you going to go? and then the skinnier guy was like I don't think skinny nerd would react

and then the fat nerd goes yeah I don't want to go. I feel like if I went, everybody's going to show up in a Ferrari but me. Every 27-year-old I know has a Ferrari. But that was his, basically the parking lot was going to be the most intimidating thing to him. I was riddled with Ferraris. Did you, have you been to a high school reunion? No.

You haven't? No. I don't think I've, I guess I could go to my like seventh year high school reunion. That's not like a real one. No, no. The seventh is the big one. Where do they go? They go, they start at 10, right?

I think so, probably. Yeah, I didn't go. Because I hated high school, and so why would I go back to that thing that I hated completely voluntarily? Don't you want to show off your new Ferrari? Tell your classmates. I wonder how many people go to those

and rent a really fancy car. I would rent everything. I would rent a wife and a car. That's called a prostitute. Well, you know, escort. I'd rent some really fancy shoes and a fancy suit. I'd get business cards printed up from some famous guy.

Google. Put my name on them. With no phone number. Don't try to contact me. No, just my Gmail address. Oh, it's authentic. Graham underscore 69. It's my business account.

But if you went back, if in three years from now you had a high school reunion, you went back, you'd be a television star, right? Oh, yeah, I'd be the worst kind of cunt. I'd just be rude to anyone. Fuck you, assholes. Look at me now. You were all nice to me in high school, but fuck you. I'm wearing a feather boa made out of diamonds.

We're a diamond bird that had made diamond feathers. It's a subsidiary of sachets. Diamond boas. Oh man. Well, I went to an all-girls school, so it would just be weird. I know my school, and it would just be like an odd tea party. Oh, okay. It would be a luncheon. Did you go to a very fancy-dancy school, would you say?

Was it uniforms? Oh, yes. Did you live at the school? Oh, yeah. They were those kind of uniforms. French maid? Yeah. Yeah.

French maid. Sexy nurse. Yeah. Yeah, you could really do any sexy Halloween costume with this regulation dress code. I went as a sexy cat a lot. Oh, chemistry. I didn't take chemistry. No, it was like a plaid kilt and a matching tie and knee socks and Doc Martens, the whole

magilla. Did you live there or was this just... No. Okay. All right. But a lot of girls did. A lot of girls from Asia, actually. And then I think they just opened another one of our schools in China.

Sister schools, right? Yeah. What do you mean just opened another one of our schools in China. Sister schools. Right? Yeah. What do you mean they opened another... What? Is it a chain of schools? They opened like Branksome Hall, China. Kind of like Disneyland when they needed to expand.

Yeah, yeah. Exactly. I gotcha. I understand. I ain't no fool. Guys. Yeah? We also have overheard sent in from people who listen.

I shouldn't have said guys because there's a gal here. But you know I was using it in the colloquial form. Yeah, the royal guys. Yeah, the royal guys. Harry and the other one. If you want to send in overheards via email, you can send them to stoppodcastingyourselfatgmail.com. Now, this first one comes from Mike from Edmonton. Hey, guys, I'm moving in a few weeks.

Can you help me? And to save money on boxes, I bought a bunch of various sized U-Haul boxes used off of Craigslist. Tip to that guy. Go to any grocery store and or liquor store. Save money on boxes? Boxes are the freest thing around. So free, homeless people have them.

But anyway, I digress. Mike, you idiot. Go on. This means that they still say, written in Sharpie across the top, what the previous owner had stored in them. On one of the biggest boxes, there were three things written on it. Crystal glasses,

pillow, skeleton, and wolf man. Oh, man. That's pretty good. That's awesome. We pass the savings on to you. When I moved, we rented boxes.

They were these plastic boxes that are reusable, and it's a company that drops off a bunch of boxes at your house. Oh, yeah. And they're easily stackable, and they're all the same size. And if you fill them with books, they weigh 1,000 pounds. Yeah, right? Ugh, moving books. That's the thing. You should just, when you move, you just give with books, they weigh a thousand pounds. Yeah, right? Ugh, moving books. That's the thing.

You should just, when you move, you just give away books, right? You just keep, like, the five that you like. The five books you mean to have. It's five Robert Lettler novels. Nothing more. That you reread. Two of them are the same. How many books, you seem, you've got glasses on,

so you seem like you're probably, you're going to make me sound dumb. How many books in your life have you read more than once? Few, I would say. I don't, I mean, the book I read for my thesis, I read a number of times, you know, because I just really needed to get on the side of that. And then they shot her

because she was the worst. Terrible. But no, I don't... You know when I tried to re-read Catcher in the Rye and I was like, This kid's annoying. This kid's the worst. And I gave up on ever doing that.

You were like, I'm so mad at this kid, I'm going to go try and kill a president. This kid's a phony. Hot reverence. Yeah, I don't think very many of you. Maybe none. I can't think of any. There have been parts I've tried to refine in books, but I don't think I've ever re-read a whole book. And yet I keep every book.

Me too. I'm a hoarder of books. Yeah. Including like... I'm sorry. No, no. Including what? My dad gave me a novelized version of an episode of Buffy the Vampire.

For Christmas once. I still have it. That's a gift from your pops. You can't throw that out. It's an heirloom. You'll pass it on to your daughter and she'll be like what is a buffy and that question will get more and more bizarre and hard to answer as the years go on yeah as television is no longer etc this next one comes from Owen C. of No Fixed Location. Which parts unknown.

Okay. That's how he starts. Okay. I was in my English class, and my teacher was giving a mini-lecture on current events. She was discussing a recent homicide in Vancouver when a girl blurted out, What kind of person kills another person?

A guy at the back of the class sighs, rolls his eyes, and then says, a murderer. Was this a vocabulary lesson? You idiot. That is like what murderers do. It's like their main thing.

That and writing prison letters to famous celebrities. Right, yeah. Who are in prison before to famous celebrities. Right, yeah. As opposed to unfamous celebrities. Who are in prison before they get there. Just in their bunkers. Dear Paris, what is that? This last one, also from Edmonton.

Real Western Canada heavy in this one. This is Hannah from Edmonton, with what I think is just a gem of an overheard. I was recently at a house party and was just heading out to the backyard through the kitchen when I heard this girl exclaim something like, no, fuck Helen Keller. I'm pretty

sure she isn't even a real person. I mean, how do you teach someone blind, deaf, and dumb the difference between a light switch and a boner? Ta-da wow i would like to see that person naked uh how do you teach somebody who doesn't know either you've got a really Oh, well, it's not as big as a light switch. Flick it up, see what happens. It's not a boner yet. This is a real grown-up episode.

Sex dungeons, light switch boners. Yeah. It's not for kids. That's why we're in the, what is it, explicit category on iTunes. I think that's voluntary. I don't think they've placed us there. Now, in addition to overheards that have been written in, you can call us

with your overheards and leave a message at 206-339-8328. Like these people did. Hey, fellas. This is Rachel from New York City calling in with an overseen. I just passed an older, possibly

Pakistani gentleman on the street, and he was wearing an obviously homemade t-shirt that read, Elvis Stoico, King of the Ice. Elvis Stoico, King of the Ice. It seems like you should be able to buy that in stores, as opposed to making it at home.

I don't know that you could buy it in stores these days. Yeah, I guess. Who's the king of the ice now, is my question to you. Oh, Victor Petrenko. But it doesn't have the same pun factor of Elvis. I think Victor Petrenko is much older than Elvis Petrenko. I think Victor Petrenko is

a Kurt Browning contemporary. He's dead. The late Kurt Browning contemporary. He's dead. Kurt Browning. The late Kurt Browning. We were talking about ice skating earlier in the show with the hockey player ice skaters. Oh, sure. The Battle of the Blades. Yeah.

Now, Elvis Stoico, Canadian figure skater, king of the ice. Yeah. Memphis Blues Rocker. Did he ever capitalize on the Elvis name? He wore blue suede skates. I'm pretty sure that's a thing. Are you for real? Yeah, I'm pretty...

I'm going to say I'm 97% sure that that was a thing that he did. Skated a routine to Hound Dog is just really confusing. Of all the songs. Well, we couldn't get the rights. Because I wonder if King of the Ice was as close as it got to King of Rock the songs. Well, we couldn't get the rights. Because I wonder if King of the Ice was as close as it got to King of Rock and Roll. Like, they never came up with a closer pun or anything? Like, sash-ay.

There's no... Yeah, because there's no... What are skating terms? He did the triple... What was his thing? Triple Axel? Triple Wowie? I think he did a triple Wowie.

There was no such thing as a triple Wowie. Yeah. A quadruple hoo-ha. Quad kaboom. I think he did a quad. Quad kaboom. I think he did a quad.

He was like the first guy to do a quad. That's true. And then he pulled his weird groin and just held his dick on that shot. Elvis the Pelvis.

He pulled his weird groin. Yeah. and just held his dick on national television. Elvis the Pelvis. He pulled his wheel. Do you guys remember that? A quadruple weird groin. No, I don't remember that. He finished his routine, and then his hands just flew to his crotch, and he just doubled over.

And they got to give him the medal in the hospital or something. He just wrecked his... They did not... They never gave him that. Never. That didn't happen. Yeah. They had a ceremony in the hospital. He was in a giant groin cast.

His whole, like, bottom half is, like, in those slings. It was, like like a diaper. Okay, some version of what I said did happen. He grabbed his weird drawing and then pulled out his penis on national TV. Is that what I believe you said? Check the tape. Oh, wow. Can we have the ice cream? Yeah, sure.

Next over. Hi, Dave and Graham, and possible guest. My name is Amanda, and I'm from Oshawa, Ontario. And my overheard is, it's from a long, long, long, long, long time ago. And I used to work at Pizza Hut, and there was this kid, just, I was a sales representative, a CSR, as you call, and he was in the kitchen, and I was just sneaking up on him, and the song, I'll give you something to talk about was on, and this is how it went.

He was singing to the song. I'll give you something to talk about. My cat died. Good payoff. Wow. Wow. Now you fist pumped when you heard Oshawa, Ontario. Is that where you're from?

No. Okay. You gotta fist pump Oshawa, Ontario. Sure, yeah. What is their slogan? It's the town that motivates, I think. Oh, really? Motivates you to leave?

Is that a Phil Hanley joke? That's a Phil Hanley, yeah. Because he grew up in Oshawa, Ontario. Yeah, it's a good song. Bonnie Raitt. Bonnie Raitt. Featured in a movie? There was a movie called Something to Talk About. But they couldn't get the rights to that song, so they a good song. Yeah. Bonnie Raitt. Bonnie Raitt. Featured in a movie? There was a movie called Something to Talk About.

But they couldn't get the rights to that song, so they used Hound Dog. Oh. Zinc. Zinc. Yep. It's an element. It was Julia Roberts' Dennis Quaid vehicle? Mm-hmm.

I think so. Oh, no, it was Randy Quaid. Julia Roberts' Randy Quaid. Also Was it? Mm-hmm. I think so. Oh, no, it was Randy Quaid. Julia Roberts' Randy Quaid. Also, happy birthday to Randy Quaid. Oh! He turned 61 today. 61. Is it really?

Are he and his wife still in weirdo hiding from nothing? They're here in our city. They're grabbing their weird crotches. Yeah. They're getting out CBC. They're grabbing their dicks. I think they're still in Vancouver. Are they?

What are they? What's up with the Quaids? They said that they were, you know, being chased by a Night Stalker or whatever. Star Wackers? Star Wacker. Yeah, and then he wrote a song called Star Wackers. And then he's performed it around town at different events. It's like a song that Randy Quaid sings.

Imagine how bad a song about that would be. Then add the fact that Randy Quaid's singing it And wrote it And then Multiply that by the fact that People in Vancouver paid money to go see him do that And didn't go Pay money to see most other good

Good things Have you heard the song? Something to talk about? No, Star Wacker. No. But I imagine it's like Something to Talk About, only about Star Wackers. Here come the Star Wackers. Is that what it is?

I haven't heard it either. It probably is like that. Uh-oh, it's the Star Wackers. They're whacking stars. It's eight minutes long. I hope that Randy Quaid never gets a chance to make another movie. There, I said it. Are you the Star Wacker, Graham? Yeah. Have you been trying to kill Randy Quaid never gets a chance to make another movie. There, I said it. Are you the Starwacker, Grish?

Yeah. Have you been trying to kill Randy Quaid so he can't make any more films? Oh, man. If I was the Starwacker. Watch out, Hollywood. Oh, boy, would there be. There's some people I'd like to see. There's some people that are getting a second sitcom on television that I thought they shouldn't have even got a first sitcom on television.

People who will go unnamed. Yeah, unnamed. His name rhymes with Bastion Schmucher. I'm guessing. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know who you mean. I'm talking about Tim Allen. Tim Allen's getting another show that's basically Home Improvement again.

Well, there's nothing wrong with him getting a first show. Wasn't there? No, it was totally fine. Wasn't Home Improvement the worst thing ever when it was on? Was it for you? Yes, it ruined... No, no, was it for you? Oh, was it for me? I think it was.

There's plenty of TV to go around. But not at that time. Now with all the channels and your PVR and DVDs. I don't know why you're mad at Home Improvement. Why? Oh, I don't know why you're not mad at Home Improvement. Because it was a show for families and it was perfectly fine. I was part of a family and it was horrible.

It was great. I tore you guys apart. Yeah, exactly. Dad, how come we never build a hot rod together? Shut up! And finally... Hey, what's up guys? This is Jay from Mississippi calling in an overheard. My wife and I were at a Mexican restaurant yesterday And finally... about hurricanes and uh at one point she stopped and was like where do hurricanes even come from do they just spin up out of the ocean or something and uh the oldest daughter rolled her eyes and looked at her and was like no idiot they come from volcanoes and in the middle of daughter

rolled her eyes too and was like everybody knows that you're so dumb yeah hurricanes come from volcanoes, idiot. Yeah, they spin up out of the ocean. But they're helped by volcanoes. They're in cahoots. When a volcano makes a wish, that's a hurricane. Oh, right.

Whimsy. Now, I don't know are we at the end of the line I think we are now here's a couple other things if you want to send in things that aren't just overheards we've got a

long running segment called drunk dials if you're somebody who gets drunk and then calls their friends at 2 in the morning to talk about a breakup or how awesome you're going to be when you finally finish that hot rod that you and your dad are building together, don't call them. Put our number into your phone. Call us instead, and we'll play your hilarious drunk dial on the air.

It's 206-339-8328. And we only play the funny ones. We don't play the sad ones. No, yeah, the sad ones are legitimately sad. And we don't play the six-minute ones. Yeah, and in addition to the drunk dials, we also have the wake up in the middle of the night and call us. And the premise there is you set an alarm, you wake up, you call us,

and you just say the first thing that comes out of your mouth because you're kind of in that mid- sleep craziness, and wake up your wife, see what she has to say. Somebody did that. Also, the number, 206-339-8328. And also, we're still...

We have a few of them, but please send in more of your stories of being locked out. Yeah, being send in more of your stories of being locked out. Yeah, being accidentally locked out of your house. I told the story a couple weeks ago where I was locked out of my house and basically became, like, instantly homeless because of the way I was dressed and general appearance. Have you ever locked yourself out? Probably. Probably, but nothing that, like, springs to mind as traumatic.

Traumatic. Traumatic. Oh, la-di-da. You say traumatic, I say traumatic. And do you have anything that you'd like to plug specifically? If people want to go, they want to find out more about you, where do they go online? online um they can go to the picnic face website which is www.picnicfacelikeapicniconyourface.com um or to the if you go to the comedy networks website and type in picnic face we'll show up weird photo of us in a white antechamber uh there's a lot of photos of us in white space. Check those out. And yeah, those shows

on CV sometimes. We got a book coming out soon. What? You have a book coming out? Explain. It's called Picnic Faces Canada. It's a lot of lies about Canada. Veiled as historical information.

A humorous account of Canada's history. Veiled as historical information. A humorous account of Canada's history. One might say. Yeah. And do you have any shows coming up you want to promote? That's it. I think that's a lot to promote. A book, a show,

a website. Yeah. That's a lot of things. Thank you for being our guest. Thank you for having me. I had a real hoot. Yeah, right? It was a lot of fun. A real. Yeah. That's a lot of things. Thank you for being our guest. Thank you for having me. I had a real hoot. Yeah, right? It was a lot of fun. A real hoot.

Like an owl that you can have as a pet. Yeah. At Hogwarts. At Hogwarts. Or Halifax. Dave, do you have any? I don't think I have anything to block this week. But thank you.

Oh, oh. Thank you to... We didn't mention this before, we were named to the Georgia Strait's Best Local Podcast. Came in second, again. Yeah, to something called CBC Vancouver. Which doesn't exist. Which is not, I don't think that's a podcast. No. Just a radio station.

Yeah, we just lost to CBC. It's an amalgamation of several podcasts, but we came in second. More like the, oh, I think we tied for first last year. Yeah, and now we've been demoted. I was demoted in the comedian section as well. I was second last year, now third.

You know where this is going. Fourth, right off the page. Next year you're going to be the top volunteer firefighter. Yeah, exactly. Now, also, in the realm of thank yous, thank you to everybody who came out to the beard painting show and purchased a beard painting. The guy who I couldn't remember his name last week,

Jordan, who gave to Smile Train. Amongst other people, I raised $1,300 for various charities, and I will post the ones that didn't sell in person online in the next week or so. Go to beardpaintings.com You betcha. Grant paints paintings with his beard.

That's the best. I would like to own one of those. I'm going to go on the internets. Get myself a beard painting. And go to maxfun.org if you wanted to see the blog. The full address is maximumfun.org But you know what? If you type in maxfun.org it's going to bring you there on Google.

What? What? Unless it doesn't. I don't know. Unless it's Cheap Viagra. If I could, I forgot. I'd really like to thank Caitlin Fontana and Alistair Cook

and the whole gang at the Vancouver International Improv Fest for being awesome and hooking me up with you, it's cool, bros, and putting on a great fest. Just wanted to say it. Past guests Caitlin and Alistair, two of our faves in the human realm, right? Yeah, just people we like in this mortal coil. Don't get me started on the veil.

But thanks, everybody everybody for listening and come back next week for another sex dungeon podcast. Stop podcasting yourself. There you go.