Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 188 - Moshe Kasher

Episode Date: October 25, 2011

Comedian and author Moshe Kasher returns to talk about haters, dressing for TV, and Occupy Wall Street.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 188 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who beat the shit out of Shia LaBeouf when he was here in Vancouver, Mr. Dave Shumka. Oh, that's true. Didn't DJ Qualls get beaten up in Vancouver? By the cops.

A couple months ago as well. We're not a celeb-friendly city. Yeah, we're no star effers. And our guest today, a very funny gentleman. He has a book coming out. He's got a new podcast called The Champs. And he's a traveling, touring stand-up comedian and a returning guest here on Stop Podcasting Yourself, Mr. Moshe Kesher.

Hi, boys. Hey, how you doing? I'm good. Did you get the lid off of the... I wanted it to crack, but you guys, it doesn't matter. Graham bought me... I don't know if this is a tradition here, but Graham asked me what kind of beverage I wanted. Yeah.

So I said... What did I say? You said, get me something weird. Something unusual? Yeah. And I have two sodas that I'm going to be trying on air. One is Fentimons, Dandelion, and Burdock soda. And we don't even know what a Burdock is.

No. Well, Burdock was a character from the A-Team. Yeah. And also, isn't that what you do when you're chasing after women? You're bird-docking them? Yeah. I don't know what that means. Bird-dogging?

Yeah. Is that the phrase that I'm... Bird-dog? What's that mean? That's like an old 50s... Yeah, you're bird-dogging chicks. Yeah. Bird-dogging chicks.

Shall I taste it and tell you how bird-dog tastes? Well, why don't we play our Get to Know Us theme? Yeah, Get to Know Us. And then we'll get to know some bird-dogs. Get to know us. All right, ladies and gentlemen, dandelion and burdock. Is it good? Is it weird?

No, it's not good. No, it's not. Is it more dandelion or more burdock? It's grassy, which I. Is it more dandelion or more burdock? It's grassy. Okay, yeah. That might be the dandelion. And it tastes like sort of bird droppings on a dock. Does that make sense to you?

Oh, that makes sense. There you go. Do you want to try it? Okay, yeah. I mean, see if you like it. It's very medicinal. It tastes old-timey, and it tastes like someone was like, what if we made a weird soda? And they were like, let's do it.

Is it like a phosphate? It's like a fossil. It is really weird. I don't hate it, but I don't... I don't hate it, but it's not good. It's not good. It does taste like a medicine. May I?

Oh, please. Yeah, of course. Yeah, it's very medicinal. It's very like, I got around here, ladies and gentlemen. Have you got the gout? Have you got cancer? Have you got sluggish? Are you overweight?

Are you underweight? Well, this thing cures it all. The dandelion and burdock magical snake oil. It's that kind of thing. Dave's really wiping off the... Yeah, Dave's got the... Maybe you can cure your hypochondria with the dandelion and burdock snake oil. I feel like burdock might be the name of the doctor who made this tonic.

Oh, Dr. Burdock. And? Mmm. You like it? No, not mmm. It tastes like a mixture of anise and anus. Well, you can finish that. It's funny that you over-enunciated anise just to make sure it would sound differently than an-a-s.

Anyway. So, welcome back to the show. Thank you for having me back. Welcome back to our city. This is what I have chosen to call my responsa to the last time that I was here. Right. Responsa. This is my chance to defend myself to your the your barbarian hordes

of your fan base we when we booked you back on the show we were like didn't we didn't he make some people upset and we but we don't remember how oh well i remember let me start by saying this um well it leads into a greater conversation. And we were going to talk about I do have a new podcast out myself. In the fine tradition of Stop Podcasting Yourself, I have a podcast called The Champs. And it's you, Neil Brennan.

Neil Brennan, who created the Chappelle show with the other guy. Dave Chappelle. And DJ Doug Pound from the Tim and Eric program. And then we have a from the Tim and Eric program. And then we have a rotating black guest host. Do they physically rotate? Yeah.

We only will grab, like, basically it's like black statues from merry-go-rounds. And so they kind of rotate around. It's a very avant-garde. Black statues from merry-go-rounds. Yeah, why? Is that not a concept that resonates here in Canada? I don't know. We have tons of those. Okay.

They are littering the streets of L.A. Surely there must be a coffee table book I can take a look at. Yes, it's called The Champs with Moshe Kasher, the podcast. People can find this on iTunes, right? It's on iTunes or Stitcher. So what we were talking about before we started recording was the doug pound does these things where he does these he drops these sound effects throughout the sort of uh unnatural points he just drops the sound effect and they're very it's sort of like you said morning radio but it's also sort of like meta

morning radio like he's dropped adolf hitler speeches and like you know just dirty stuff and we had a lot of complaints on iTunes right of don't do that that dude sucks that's garbage that's not funny garbage garbage garbage the sound effect he keeps doing garbage yeah actually they

commented like that garbage it was like an old Sugar Hill gang was commenting. So we did an episode where we responded to the haters. Oh, okay. We got self-conscious about it because we're

new to the game. We're not old school champs like you guys. We took a lot of the drops out. Okay. And then we got email from our real fans. That were like, we actually love that thing. We love that. That's what makes your podcast unique. That's what it's all about.

Like, that's why we listen. And it made me really realize that listening to haters is, it's just a, it's a fool's errand. Yeah. Because there'll always be someone that's hating in every direction that you're going. Yeah, totally. Not on the internet, though. Oh, yeah.

YouTube's usually a pretty safe haven for that, right? Yeah, U2 is usually a safe haven. They don't have any haters. No. But it's like, if you respond to the haters in one way, then there'll be haters on the other end going, no, go back the other way. So the only thing that you can do is

try to create something that feels meaningful and good to you to thine own self be true right right that's what fred flintstone yeah i thought uh superfly who is also a black statue on a merry-go-round and so that brings me to my last appearance i'm getting nervous about this because i don't really remember well let me say this uh uh first of all you guys you threw me under the bus the two of you it was partially your fault i blame the two of you partially okay because you're like hey would you like to come be on my podcast and i was like i'd love to and then when i started swearing dave you kind of grimaced and i was like oh is that not is that are we don't do we not do that here and then you just grimaced further and didn't say anything in particular sure it sounds like me yeah and so so so in that

way i wasn't really informed that that people were going to be upset. Up in your grill? All up in my grill. Yeah, right. Up in my dome piece. But these are the minority. No, I hate minorities as much as the next guy. But they're all...

I don't think it was the minorities that were commenting, because minorities, by and large, don't have high-speed internet access. I'm kidding. That's too much, right? No, that's good. Racism's good. It was all good, as far as I can remember. I'm about to crack the second soda, just to take some of the tension out of the room.

What is the second soda? It's called Sip. How did they come up with such a name? And it's a rosemary lime soda, which I predict I'm going to enjoy a lot more than burdock. Rosemary and lime sounds like something you put on

lamb? Am I wrong, Dave? Rosemary does. But maybe a splash of lime? Would that be a delightful surprise? Maybe mint jelly. Would you like it? Maybe rosemary and lime on a... Wait for it. Okay.

Ah! Ooh! On seafood? I don't know. Yeah, what do you put lime on? Okay. All right. The report is in.

Yeah. This is not unpleasant. It is water. Really, it just is water. How much rosemary is in it? About none. It's water. It's water.

It tastes like water that you cooked something like lamb in. Right. It tastes like water that you grabbed a bundle of rosemary and just sort of lightly splashed it in and then took it out immediately afterwards. Shumka? I'm good, thanks. I've had water. I know what water's like.

So, okay, so that was just to bring the tension back in a little bit. Yeah. No swears. There's no rule against swears on the show but no but but there's a de facto rule there's a kind of cultural reality which is we don't like swearing graham swears all the time yeah but graham is beloved i don't know i don't know if that's true um the important thing is you're back you're better than ever I love you guys and I loved the podcast

And I think you're a great talented people But what it made me Sorry that was the soda What it made me do is Reading all those comments was part of the beginning Of a greater dialogue I've been having with myself Which is Is that right?

Yes it is right Which is my real feeling about the way that people talk, the way that people hate on the internet. Sure. society began to degrade when the internet started to be a forum for which anyone could say anything to anyone with any degree of cruelty like the idea that your fans the the sweetest sound of sound of young america type of what uh maximum fun yeah we're like the nicest kind of nerdiest yeah gentlest people could leap onto an internet forum and just be like, that guy sucked. I didn't like him at all.

Is, I think, indicative of a deeper systemic problem in society, which is just that we talk, we are able to talk shit with such impunity. I was going to, I didn't mean to. No, please. Have you seen the TV show Hater? No. It got canceled, apparently. Oh, you know why.

Too many fucking haters. I was going to try to do no swears. Oh, man. Can you edit that out? Just do a beep or something? You won't. You won't. But imagine there was a beep there.

I just thought that'd be cool to come in and do zero swears. The Hater was the one with Mario Lopez. Yeah, and they went... Oh, sorry. The candidate's Mario. Mario? Hey, it's me, Mario. Obey Mario.

Obey Wario. I feel like we did this on the last episode. We did an Obey Wario reference. We're having fun. I have one note. They would trick people into saying on camera that they hated Snooki. Or her, you know, or the like. And then they would bring that person somewhere and then Snooki would be there.

And that person would have to explain in person to their face why they didn't like them. I wish. And it was weird. Yeah, I wish you had one of your people from Maximum Fun who would come and I could sit with them and just hug them and gently just massage them and say, you know, why? You know, I think it's, I've taken a hard line stance on not putting – like, if I don't like something, I don't bother commenting. Right.

That's my hardline rule on everything. So let me widen the aperture a bit just to say something incredibly obnoxious. Here we go. And say the truth is it didn't hurt me that badly that some people had it. I mean, look, some of the people, you're good. Okay, I already know that some people from this episode are going to be like, oh, what a baby. Let's start there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, that's right.

What a baby. I feel like we're denying it too much. What a baby or not, you know, toughen up. Or, of course, there's a couple other ones, which is what a baby or not you know toughen up or of course there's a few a couple other ones which is what a hypocrite because i you know i do know that there's a hypocrisy in my stance here which is that i'm on the television program chelsea lately a lot which is its premise is get is just talking crap about let's make fun of a thing let's make fun of a person like the other day i did chelsea lately and um there was a uh there there was a, we're talking about Chaz Bono.

Dancing with the Stars? Dancing with the Stars, right. And the joke that I made about Chaz Bono was, I think of this not as Chaz Bono's debut on Dancing with the Stars, as much as his audition for The Biggest Loser, which is a weight loss program. Right. We didn't understand anything have... Okay. What if we didn't understand anything that you said? What? Chaz Bono?

What is that? Transgender? I never heard of such a thing. We don't have any of those things that you said. We have Mario Lopez. And Wario Lopez. I like the idea of Wario Lopez.

The evil. Obey Wario Lopez. New Jack City. Or Old Jack City. I guess Wario Lopez would live in Old Jack City, right? Exactly. Old Jack Country. Old Jack Country Mouse.

So then I did a joke about the kardashians they said and all of the kardashians were there to support their brother robin dancing with the stars except well i guess chloe who was there to support chas as a fellow big man that was the joke that i made now wait in how many who is chloe chloe is the the one who's a foot taller than the other two Kardashians. Right. I mean, look, it's not a highbrow joke. But I got, I thought it was so funny that I got mail on Twitter, like, you, you know, you suck, you asshole.

Beep. Hole. You know, you're such a hater. How dare you say those things about Khloe? Yeah. And. She's done so much for us she's so talented no i'm not even saying that i mean like she had the right to but what was funny was like

i didn't get any emails about chas nobody was how dare you say that about chas and so i i actually wrote back because i sometimes will engage these haters and i said oh i'm really sorry that the television program you watch to see celebrities get made fun of included a joke about a celebrity you didn't want being made fun of being made fun of. So there is a degree of hypocrisy to what I'm doing, which, you know, to say how could these haters hate

when I'm on this program hating in front of people. But I will say that on my own Twitter persona, if you were to look through my timeline, which I recommend, I'm incredibly talented. It's an at Moshe Kachuk

I'm a very talented Twitter performer Twitter scribe I think is what we call them here if you were to look through it you will see a marked decrease to the degree, I don't want to say I didn't want to make any proclamations as a scribe

but you could if you wanted to to whom it may concern, absolutely. But you could if you wanted to. To whom it may concern. Whereas Dr. Burdock, Wario Van Peebles, or whatever. Wario! We're just making evil versions of every Mario?

Yeah. Wario Van Peebles. He sings songs about hate, not love hate you'll notice that i have stopped doing this thing where i would um i would engage with celebrities in just i just feel like it's mean like you would get into like a uh a flame war a fight even just a random like you know a lot of people on twitter a lot of twitter people like sort of comedy people on Twitter like to grab Chris Brown tweets. I mean, it's very low-hanging fruit. Just grab Chris Brown tweets, retweet it. That's his new album's title.

Low-hanging fruit. It's called lowest common denominator. Lowest common hanging fruit. But they'll grab a, you know, grab a Chris Brown tweet and then respond with something about domestic violence. I mean, this is very easy to do. Right. Whatever thing he says. Well, what about when you beat up Rihanna?

Or Britney Spears. And I have become increasingly uncomfortable with just randomly putting toxins into the world. Maybe if it comes from my own neurosis that's that's one thing but if i'm just out here poisoning the world by being mean to people that i don't know like i imagine and i think everybody imagines that brad pitt isn't sitting in front of a computer because he's more than human yeah he doesn't have a computer why would brad hit up have a computer but really brad pitt probably does have a computer i mean he Pitt have a computer? But really, Brad Pitt probably does have a computer. I mean, he does have a computer.

But Brad Pitt probably is sitting there reading his own at replies going, oh, that hurts my feelings, you know? And I know for me, like, when on MaxFun, somebody says, not funny, gross, or whatever, it just straight up hurts my feelings, like in a real way. And this isn't me with, this isn't a pity party for me. This is more my sort of now my theoretics about what it means for our whole world that we are just, we are, it is now just true that it's okay to plunge your poison into the world. Yesterday, I got a tweet from some man that said, and I actually thought my tweet was pretty funny, but I don't care. I'll tell you this. Okay, wait, wait.

Tell us what the tweet was. Oh, that is a good question. Oh, I said, okay, I remember the tweet. I said, Tintin will flop horribly at the box office. The GOP ticket will be Romney, Herman Cain. I will never find love. Hashtag mostradamus. It's not a great tweet.

But, you know, the hashtag really sold it for me. It's just me predicting the future. It's stupid, right? So this man writes back to me, I have no time for... I don't have time for not funny in my life. But he has time to reply to your tweet?

There's so much wrong with it. I mean, if I could show you his little thumbnail, the man is a white-haired 60-year-old man. It's like, you pathetic fat boy. Like, you have time in your life to send me a, just a, why? Why? Why? It takes more energy out of your life to get, just like you said, to at-reply me, and just with your toxic energy. I've never gone to a person and said, hey, what's up?

You suck. I've literally never done that, but I just get, you know, you get that. But he might have had a Google alert for Mostradamus, and he was disappointed. One more Mostradamus tweet and I am going to take action. Yeah, it's just some retired 60-year-old man just taking time

out of his day to talk a little shit to some random person he doesn't know. Wow. Hope I'm retired by that age. By 60? I bet you will be. The degree of comedy you're operating at. The way I'm throwing people under the bus. That's right. Somebody will throw you under the bus eventually.

Literally. I remember one of the ones was, because I'm a little edgy sometimes. And I remember I talked, first of all, I talked about Dick Cheney. Do you remember that? Oh. On our podcast? Yeah. Yeah, I remember that because I was like, hey, that guy's not even in power anymore.

Right. And I said I wanted something like i wanted to murder him and a lot of enough probably a lot of people won a lot of your a lot of your fans are like i don't find murder to be particularly funny i don't think but wishing violence on a person is very but they they said that? They said that. What does that look like in text? It's M-U-H-H. M-U-H-H. You know what's weird? People who don't think murder is funny have never seen the movie Clue. Because that's a classic. Or they've never... I was going to make another murder joke, but then I was afraid.

This is what happens. It neuters you. Yeah, it does. I don't want you to be... I want going to make another murder joke, but then I was afraid. This is what happens. It neuters you. Yeah, it does. I don't want you to be... I want you to be free. No, let me say that I'm glad of all this. I'm not, like, fragile and broken because of it. It's given me...

And it's not your guys' podcast. Like I said, I'm on Twitter all day long. It's a big part of my sort of comedy world. So I'm constantly engaging and interacting with this sort of hate. And also my peers on Twitter, people who I really respect as comedians, I've started to have a real kind of difficulty, a real kind of feeling of conflict about the way that we interact with other human beings on Twitter.

Yeah, I'm like, I think I was talking to somebody about this kind of very notion of, you know, the kind of like rule that maybe your parents tell you when you're like a seven-year-old. If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything. Like, it's fine to just not like a thing and keep it to yourself that you don't like it. Right. Because that's a reasonable, you don't like it. Because that's a reasonable... Boring. Unfollow.

No, but also, you're right, because there is a place in the world for satire and comedy, obviously. That's how I make my living. It's a necessary thing. If people weren't making fun of George Bush or King George III or whatever.

Is there a King George the Third? You're Canadian. Is he trending? Isn't that the one that you guys went to war against for your independence? Was that a King George? Was that the Madness of King George? The one that went crazy? At least there's a movie called The Madness of King George.

We can all agree on that. There was a King George. Does anybody want to say something nice about it or we got a rag on the madness? Look, I don't want to be a hypocrite. I talk shit about people all the time. I say insulting stuff.

I do set satirical jokes. I make fun of people and groups and myself and everything else. I'm not saying we shouldn't make fun of people. I do though, think that there's a large difference between making a joke about a person and writing someone on Twitter going, that you suck. Or just saying, like, I saw a movie and it sucked. Unless you're a movie critic, you know what I mean? Like, I guess it's like if you're going to make a joke about it, then it's fun.

I think there's certainly a place for fun negativity about, like, if a movie is going to suck and you know it's going to suck. No, no, I'm saying, look, I'm sure that the Kevin James movie about the talking animals in the zoo was a piece of dookie. Do you guys have dookie here? We say dowkie. But we don't have Kevin James here. But I don't want to say okay look like i said i know that there's an there's a built-in inherent hypocrisy in here i'm a stand-up comic i talk shit for a living this is what i do but i it did make the other funny one i thought was i was great was you know this guy you know i like it when louis ck

louis he goes something like louis ck it, talks about this horrible edgy stuff and it's funny. This guy didn't do it like that. I was like, oh, so you're saying you don't find me as funny as the funniest person in the world right now? Oh, okay. Sorry. Let me try again next week, you moron. Sorry. Let me try again next week, you moron.

So anyway, that's just what I was thinking about was them haters. And I've been thinking about that a lot is them haters. And what I want to say to all the haters out there is a lot of people, people on Twitter and on these podcasts, they're all doing this entertainment stuff for free. Like everybody is working their asses off for no money. I don't get money for my Twitter feed. I don't get money for... Well, I get two sodas, and one of them's not very good for this appearance. There's a third soda. I want to clarify.

There were three sodas on offer. So, like, you know what? If you don't like what somebody's operating at... This is going to sound so bitch-made. i'm not even talking to your fans anymore i'm just talking about more this theoretics of hate it's like maybe it's time for the entire world to go this is my grand theory here we go here it is that the real problem is is that people on the internet have failed to grasp the concept of subjectivity. It's like, it's not that it's not funny. It's that you didn't enjoy it.

So go somewhere else. You don't have to unfunny, not funny, didn't get it. Yeah, you didn't get it. You know what? A lot of people think murdering Dick Cheney is funny. And a lot of people don't. Especially that one guy who tried it. Did he try it?

No. Did someone try it? No, he tried to murder someone else. Did he really? Oh, no. He tried the guy in the face. Let he try it? No. Did someone try it? No, he tried to murder someone else. Did he really? Oh, no. He tried the guy in the face. Let me go on record. I want to go on record by saying I actually don't want to murder Dick Cheney.

I never did want to murder Dick Cheney. I was, I am, I always will be just kidding. I am just kidding about all of these things as a comedian. That's a good sign off if you were doing like a 60 Minutes. I am. I always will be. Have they filled the Andy Rooney position? It might be me. I would love that. What a great life that would be. That would be the best.

You know, the thing about Andy Rooney that always made me laugh is they show him in a thing like there's all piles of paper everywhere. Like he's been working on this thing all week. Like sorting through books. You think it's like props? You you know it's just a shelf with those like fake books on it have you guys ever seen 60 minutes with wendy rooney no he's like wario oh i can't believe that fell so flat because i thought

you said wendy rooney i was like oh maybe that's Andy Rooney's daughter, Wendy. It's actually a combination of Wendy from the fast food chain Wendy's and Andy Rooney. We actually made fun of her. We make fun of things. It's okay. No, let me, God forbid, it should ever come across. You know what? A lot of our listeners own stock in Burdock Farms.

Oh, yeah, I just remembered. Oh, no, burdock. Actually, Andy Rooney probably knows what burdock is. Andy Rooney probably invented it. He was the first person to crossbreed bur and dock to make burdock. If he saw that bottle of sip you're drinking, he would do a whole rant about, What's next, a big gulp? And then everybody makes their own.

Sip these kind of newfangled sody puffs. And I was a boy, we had four flavors. Shit, piss, coke, and Dr. Pepper. Shit and piss were the first unpopular ones. Coke came along, everybody loved it, and then Dr. Pepper. Coke's only as popular as it is not because of how good it tastes, but how good it tastes in comparison to shit and

piss sodas. Remember when they tried new piss? They brought it back with piss classic. You know that Pepsi is Italian for pee-pee. Is it really? No. Of course not. Welcome to Mario Kart. but i believe that kind of

stuff like because like uh joni loves chachi i i always heard that uh when joni loves chachi premiered in um in korea it was the highest rated show ever because chachi means penis oh really so i don't know i't know. I want to believe it. When the Chevy Nova was introduced into Mexico, no one bought it because Nova means doesn't go. Oh, right. Yeah, that's right. No go. Terrible idea.

Also, most recently there was a movie called The Last Airbender. And when it was released in the UK, a bender means a gay man. And so the last airbender, everybody thought, so you didn't Google this even once to see. That's so weird. Actually, also, the movie Avatar didn't do well in Saudi Arabia because in Arabic, Avatar means this movie is totally shitty. We hate Islam. Burn the Koran down, down, down. That's a long phrase, but it's good to have those truncated forms.

Well, you know, language is odd in that way. Like, you know, the French have a word for, you know, the feeling of being about to sneeze. And so, you know, that's, you know, and Eskimos have 600 words for ice. This is very similar. And no words for igloo. We came up with that word. We were like, hey, thanks.

Oh, weird. Speaking of The Last Airbender, this is a funny story. I saw The Last Airbender. I saw a premiere of The Last Airbender on the Paramount lot with a guy from a Nickelodeon show. He's a friend. He's actually here. Stephen Glickman. Have you guys met him yet?

No. He's on a television program on Nickelodeon called... I don't know. I'm not a child. But he was like, you want to come to this premiere? It's the Nickelodeon premiere. And The Last Airbender was made by Nickelodeon.

It's a Nickelodeon film. It's M. Night Shyamalan's. M. Night Shyamalan and Nickelodeon films. So we went. It's the only one he's made that people didn't like so far. M. Night. Spotless record. He made a few with Nickelodeon that were pretty good.

Like which ones? You don't know any Nickelodeon shows? I can't think of another M. Night Shyamalan movie. So we were in a movie theater with all executives from Nickelodeon shows? I can't think of another M. Night Shyamalan movie. So we were in a movie theater with all executives from Nickelodeon. Ostensibly the people that greenlit and made it. They were laughing out loud at how bad

the movie was. Really? I mean, that is what the level of bad that movie was. That must be sad. Oh, man, I bet. It was intense. It was so bad. It was so bad. It was so bad. I saw it in the theater for, I think I was in a town maybe doing comedy, and that was what was on in the afternoon.

And I was like, how bad could it be? It's a fantasy. It'll be great. It was not great. Yeah, man. It was every moment that there could have been, there could have just been a visual scene to express a plot movement.

Yeah. They instead decided to superimpose, what's it called? The kind of dialogue that, exposition? On the nose?

Expositional dialogue, just like over, now what we see in this plot is that they must get the four balls of whatever. There aren't very many airbenders left. Almost none.

Maybe even just this guy. And I was surprised to find out it was about British gay guys. That was the biggest shock. I was like, Nickelodeon. Gay sex in midair. I saw Drive yesterday. Oh. I heard it's good.

It's really good. I loved it. I haven't gotten around to it. Gosling, can you do any wrong? Right. I guess, yeah, he did The Notebook. Yeah, is that like his only... Two for two. Because most actors kind of do like big budget ones and then do the indie ones for cred or art or whatever.

But like they make their money from the big budget movies. Right. But he hasn't really done any other than The Notebook. I can't think of any. I'm sure he will soon. He's in this new George Clooney one. That's pretty big, isn't it? I guess.

But it's not mega. Yeah, he's not running from Alien. He hasn't played a Green Lantern or a... Did you see The Green Lantern? I didn't. Oh, brother. He's from this city. He went to my high school.

Oh, Ryan Reynolds is from here? Yeah, man. We were all from this city. He went to my high school. Oh, Ryan Reynolds? Yeah. Is from here? Yeah, man. We were all rooting for him. That movie was a toughie. Was it? I'm like you.

I'll go to any movie like that. Just be like, oh, it'll be fine because I'll be into it. Yeah. So that means when it's not good, it's really not good. I used to be able to sit through anything. It's fun to be out in a theater and, you know, eat garbage and watch a movie.

You eat garbage? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Garbage. Like with the other Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? They eat pizza. But sometimes they would eat pizza that just fell down the sewer, right? How often does that happen in real life? I've dropped pizza on the street, certainly.

How often, just in case there really are Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, buy a large pizza and just slide it through a manhole cover. Good luck, boys! Salute! Good luck, boys! I was thinking today about stuff like that that never happens in real life but happens in movies because I was watching UHF on Netflix

I have a list of movies that are like oh I really should watch this but I just won't I narrowed it down to two movies I'd seen 20 years ago UHF or The Wizard oh those are both fun movies But I just won't. I narrowed it down to two movies I'd seen 20 years ago. It's like UHF or The Wizard.

Oh, those are both fun movies. Exactly. I know I'm going to like these, but they did the thing in UHF that never happens in real life where someone says, I've got good news and bad news. Give me the bad news first. Do you think that ever happens? I've said that. I don't think anyone ever gives you two things and you get to choose what you want first. Yeah, that's

true. Also... That's not true. It's so true. You don't think so? I've said I've got good news and bad news. What do you want? I've said it. Are you a dentist? I am Weird Al Yankovic. Weird Al Yankovic was the one getting the news. I am the other

guy. Oh, lordy. Dave, what's my name i told you i watched you oh you watch uhf okay so that's that's the week that was that was basically the week that was i've been watching every episode of star trek the next generation uh in order i'm on episode 85. How many are there total? Hundreds. Hundreds. It really makes you, when you see the number 85, it's like, have you ever played a role playing game on a video game? Yeah. And it gives you the total gameplay count, and you're just like, oh my God, what's wrong with me?

When you see that, when you see 85 episodes of Star Trek The Next Generation. Yeah, those are an hour. It puts into strong repose what you've been doing with your month it's really tough wow 85 in a month i mean two months two months still that's a lot a lot dude a lot i've had uh uh times like that when i i've like caught up on an entire season of a show yeah over a weekend maybe totally and uh it's great because you just get excited you start making up words to the theme song yeah you start noticing how long like hbo shows the themes are like two minutes long the opening credits are all two minutes long right uh you start noticing

like i've noticed in star trek that it's like a very low concept show. I mean, it's a high concept show, but it's like every episode is mostly encapsulated in itself. You could really watch any episode of Star Trek. So you have to really look deeply to find the small narrative arcs of the season, of the episode, and of the entire program. But I've seen them. But you're doing it. I've seen them now. Man, you saw a mountain and decided to climb it. An insignificant unimportant mountain. How

old is Wesley Crusher at this point? Wesley Crusher is I think like 18 or 19 years old and he's just about to go. One of the funniest conceits they keep doing is these excuses not to bring Wesley Crusher to Starfleet. Again? You missed the boat

again? It's just because his agent was like, we are not getting rid of him. And they somehow got to keep him or whatever. I've also been watching Terra Nova. That's the new show? The new television program? That Avatar guy is in?

And also, not robots, dinosaurs. Yeah, robotic dinosaurs. Ask me what I think of it. What do you think of it? It's like, this is the, it's the line. It's not M. Night Shyamalan. Right. But it's obviously not Star Trek The Next Generation.

It's something that I have to continue to force myself to watch, but I can't stop watching. Yeah, I had a series of time where I was watching the Tia Carrera show. Relic Hunter? Relic Hunter. And I got really hooked into, I don't know, the love story or something of one of the seasons. And I feel like I want those hours back. Now that I look back on my life. I watched Kyle XY.

Have you ever seen that yeah he doesn't have a belly button yeah that's made here isn't it yeah it is oh wow i watched it and watched it and watched it until i just could not watch it anymore i watched so much of it and i have to give up i haven't given up on anything lately there's a few that are like, why am I watching Hung? Oh. It's Hung Man. Hung is... I think it's... I hate these shows that like Entourage and Hung that call themselves comedies. Right. They're like, there's not a joke in the show.

Sure. It's just not technically a drama, I guess. Isn't Weeds supposed to be a comedy? I think so, yeah. But it's not. It's not, though, right? No. Like Nurse Jackie and... These are, yeah. But it's not. It's not, though, right? No. I've watched Jackie and

These are comedies. United States of Tar. I don't watch Kung because it just hits too close to home because I've got a big big ol' dick. Your dick is old. Big ol' dick. It's literally the elephant in the room.

It is literally an elephant. It's not an elephant's dick. It is an actual pachyderm. It can pick up peanuts. And does. It's a very big dick or a very small elephant. It's a very small trunk. A very big dick.

I've trampled many women. I'm very uncomfortable with where this is going. Oh, I'm sorry. I want to kill Dick Cheney. I'm very uncomfortable with where this is going. I want to kill Dick Cheney. I'm just kidding. There was another show that was on, and it got canceled, and I was addicted to it because of the level of... Malevolence? I just wanted to...

Yeah, malevolence. It was crazy. It was so crazy that it even got to the air. It was called The Cape. Oh, right. It was on NBC that it even got to the air. It was called The Cape. Oh, right. It was on NBC. Is it good? Oh, it is one of those where it's so bad, it's good.

Then it gets so bad again that you're like, no, I'm going to... But then something crazy happens and you're like, no, it's good again. That's on Netflix right now. You should watch it because he gets a cape from the circus and it has magic powers. And his costume, it probably... It's a cape from the circus, and it has magic powers, and his costume... It's probably the... It's a cape? Yeah, it has a cape.

And is he like a vigilante? He's like a Batman. He's a vigilina. Vigina. I have a silly story to tell you guys. Please. All right. I went in on this job the other day for a show, and the way they described it was, it's like Tosh.0, except instead of funny videos, it's footage of Call of Duty from online gameplay.

That's not a show. That's what I would have said. So it's like Tosh.0, but instead of the cool part that makes the show fun, you have video game footage. You know, it's like The Late Show with David Letterman, except instead of David Letterman, we just have a giraffe walking through a sound studio damaging things. That sounds great. The example you came up with was not good because that sounds wonderful it's like schindler's list but there's no schindler no list no holocaust it's just called life as you know it

so daniel tosh is in it it's it's game of thrones but it takes place in the modern times, and no one has any power, and everyone gets along. But anyway, then... But how does that work? Who's recording this stuff? It's for Call of Duty. But who records their games of Call of Duty and sends them in? Oh, it's like online footage. It's on Xbox Live. I know, but where are they getting the footage?

Oh, people are sending it in. People record themselves playing? Yeah, I guess so. They record their games to watch later. I think that you should make a sex tape or something instead of doing that. If there was an instance where unsolicited insulting on the internet was a good and prudent choice, it would be to the guy that was thinking about sending in a tape to this television program bro don't have time for this what does that ad look like do you record your call of duty things send it in send in some of your greatest hits so i i go in for the job which

i'm i'm somewhat what is the job i'm daniel tosh oh okay to To host this show. I am the Daniel Tosh of this abortion. Call it... No, never mind. I was trying to think. Daniel Tosh? I was trying to put your name into it. Mosh. Kosher of Duty?

Kosher, yeah. But that's not your name. So I go, I do it. I'm ambivalent about it. Yeah. I think about not doing it at all. But of course, when go i do it i'm ambivalent about it yeah i think about not doing it at all but of course i when i go do it of course i just do really well because it's a thing that i'm ambivalent about if it was something i really was on board with you would have been nervous

but this i'm just like oh whatever so they call me back and um my manager calls me he's like you're really close it's down to you and this giraffe that we've got. I called Dave Letterman for some reason. So, he's like, you're really close. They just want to call you and talk to you about some tonal stuff and

the way that you dress. I was like, okay. So, I call the guy and he's like, so look, you're really good. We liked you a lot. But he's just like, they want you to dress cooler. Dress cooler. And I was like, dress cooler? It was like all the humility that I possess was required to not be like,

I am the coolest dressed person in the world. No one is cooler dressed than me. I would agree. Today's outfit is that. Oh, thank you. I'm sure that this is just something you threw together, but it looks fantastic. I spend a lot of time thinking about it. You do too, Dave.

You're kind of a close... Yeah, you two are... You're a fashion plate. You've got some nice shoes on. Thank you. You both have... You have very similar shoes. Yeah, so I think that might be why.

But I don't say that. The closest I get to it is like, what do you mean cooler? Because I just... I can't fathom. He goes, you know, like Ryan Seacrest or Greg Kinnear. Greg Kinnear. Oh, Greg Kinnear. Good old Greg Kinnear.

Good old cool. Fashion icon Greg Kinnear. The standard by which we all say things are, it's James Dean and Greg Kinnear, pretty much. That's the, like, you know, Greg Kinnear, cool. GKC, you know, the old Greg Kinnear, cool. The cable knit sweater with a little zipper at the collar, cool. You know, like Chester Cheetah. No, but he was cool.

Yeah, Chester Cheetah was cool. I he was cool. Yeah, Chester Cheetah was cool. I know he was. Oh, man. You know when people say, oh, that's so random? That is literally the definition of that. So random. A really cool dresser.

You know, like that Icelandic guy who went on that rampage? He wears a lot of cool sweaters yeah we want some like hip-hop music you know hip-hop music like uh benito mussolini what yeah like a speech he would give but that's not i don't okay and that's what's so funny about it is hollywood requires so much of your like shucking and jiving that i was on the phone like uh-huh oh i get it i know just what you mean and i don't and i don't know what he's talking and i was like but i still wanted him to want me so i just was like okay totally you should have gone in with an exact

outfit from as good as it gets like this is exactly what greg can you think about the fat old idiot in executive who made that call. Not the guy I was talking to, but the guy who told him Greg Kinnear. Just some 60-year-old pudge factory who hasn't watched television since Greg Kinnear was the host of TalkSoup, which is 20 years ago. But imagine if that person making the call was Greg Kinnear. What if that was his way of slipping it in there? He's big in online gaming. What's Greg Kinnear been up to

these days? He's got a great concept. It's Tosh.0 but with cable knit sweaters. Oh lord. Graham, did you do anything this week? I? Oh. What did I do anything?

Not really. I didn't really, but here's one thing I did do. In an effort... Everything's falling apart. Sorry. Everything's becoming attached to itself. I just got caught up in some wires. Go ahead.

Sorry, Graham. Last week, we were discussing discussing because it was at the very i think like the last weekend was the beginning of the occupy movement oh emotion still caught up we want you to dress better cooler we want you to stop getting a ball apart oh yeah occupy wall street right so it's spread around, right? It's in all different cities. And last weekend was the big Occupy Vancouver premiere. I don't know what you would call it.

But I went down by the art gallery where it is. And here's the thing. I don't know if it rains a lot in New York. And I don't know if the park that they set up in is less soggy, but the Occupy encampment, a lot of the tents seemed to, the day I went by, seemed to be sinking into the lawn because it had been raining for 48 hours or whatever. And there was nobody there. It was a lot of tents and signs that people had abandoned that were washed out. But there were no people. So is that...

Were they just in the tents? I think you can... It's like calling dibs. If you put down a towel, that counts as protesting. Right. If you leave your sign, then technically you're still against the thing. Even if you're not there. Even if you left your stuff there.

Fair enough. All right. So that's what, basically, that was my week. Well, I have some thoughts. Go on. I think this links into our earlier discussion. I think that the cynicism... I wouldn't call it a discussion.

What would you call it, a diatribe? Hey, I'm not throwing you under the bus here. Yeah, you've already done that. I'm already already crippled crawling in on my elbows to your podcast um but i think that the cynicism that some of us are experiencing what do you think of the occupy wall street well last week we used yeah we asked kind of what it meant we put it out there to the to the listeners and we, what does it mean to you? But don't write us a bunch of paragraphs. Yeah, like we said to send in haiku.

Did you get some? Yeah, we did. We'll definitely read them before the show is out. But the haikus didn't really clarify. You know, I figured out more of what it was since then. But I like that it's happening, but I'm still... It's one of those things

where it's like an umbrella thing that a lot of people are like, also my cause and this cause. Yeah, I agree with that. I agree that it is... The danger of having an unspecified movement is other causes glomming onto it, which will cause

people to leave it. If you want to add free Palestine onto it, then the Jews, some Jews will be uncomfortable to leave. If you want to add free security for Israel, then the Palestinians will leave. If you want to add

no more deaths penalty, then the... All the hangmen will leave. You know what I'm saying. The firing squad will leave. If you want to add no more death penalty, then the – All the hangmen will leave. You know what I'm saying. The firing squad will leave. I'm pretty – all of those are good or bad causes depending on your own personal beliefs. unrest regarding the the uh economic and corporate corporate buying purchasing of the government and people's disgust with that yeah saying enough is enough um and i don't think it needs to be clear what what it's about because what it really is is people going

out into the street saying this has to end which is similar to what happened in egypt and in tunis uh or tunisia or which what's it what is it tunis or tunisia tunisia i've also heard it's uh libya or other places where people came out in the street and said enough is enough this has to end did those people in egypt have a very specific people that were in whatever square Tahir Square if you went down there and said what are you guys all about they wouldn't have been like I was about to do a racist thing and it seemed like you were slipping into it

it was just out of comedic instinct just like when you do an act out you do an act out in the voice and then I realize like dear god what am I doing I'm trying to make a point here i mean and then it's indian for some reason this place is cursed the mummy it would have been like you got into your squirts and what are you guys here for they would have been like our nation is cursed with the blood of buried pharaohs and mummies. We need Brendan Fraser.

No, but they wouldn't have been like... They didn't have a perfectly articulated set of political... We need this, this. But they did want the leader out. Yeah, but they wanted more than that. They wanted the end of the system of dictatorship. But what's a concrete outcome for the Occupy Wall Street? They want money out of politics is the one I keep hearing.

But that's not concrete. Well, okay. I can tell you what, as far as I understand, what is close to a real agenda that they have is here's what has happened in America anyway. I'm sure it's happened here in Canada too and around the world. Canada too and around the world, is that as a result of a lot of things, maybe mostly the Supreme Court decision to make corporations people, a kind of laughable legalistic fiction. Oh, like the movie, The Corporation. Yeah. Then corporations have purchased the political system and that their profit-driven needs have now been infused

into the governance of society and so when you have profit-driven needs that are controlling the laws of society by that very nature human needs are gone taking care of people is gone and so what we have seen in the United States is that corporate greed, bank greed, and human greed coalesced to make a housing bubble, which eventually popped. And what happened when the housing bubble popped was all of the greedy people that had purchased houses irresponsibly lost their homes. And a lot of people that had not purchased their houses irresponsibly, but were negatively negatively affected they purchased them responsibly but were negatively affected because of the greedy people they also lost their homes and poor people lost their homes

and the greedy banks got money from the government and nothing bad happened to them and then they gave their ceos big bonuses so essentially there was greed all over the place and the the people in power were taken care of by the government and the people were just were shit on and are now don't have homes so that's a look at this guy yeah that's pretty good the housing bubble is actually the inuit word for igloo there had to be a joke somewhere look i'm not trying to say there needs to be a revolution. I'm trying to say any time that there's a popular movement where people are out in the streets saying,

this is disgusting, we have to stop this, is a good thing. I guess what I'm saying is there's something happening here. What it is ain't exactly clear. There's a man with a gun over there telling telling me i've got to be where uh now use your motion capture sign off oh telling me i've got to be where i have been will be and currently am just kidding this is wendy rooting oh let's move on to overheards. Overheard. Overheards.

Things hilarious overheard in everyday life. We were going to, usually we like to go with the guests first, but then we were going to not because you weren't sure if you had one, but then you just snapped. I did snap. I think I do have one. But you guys go ahead and I'll, would you like me to go first? Yeah, absolutely. I do have one from but you guys go ahead and I'll, would you like me to go first? Yeah, absolutely. I do have one

from last night, actually. Oh. There's this, at the club that I'm working at, the comedy mix here in Vancouver, there's all these waitresses

or whatever, and then there's the guy that runs the club, Rob. Yeah. And Rob was saying to me last night, he was like,

one of the things that happens to me on the road, too, I talk about being Jewish a lot and people often come up to me and go like, you want to hear my favorite Jew joke? I'm like, no, absolutely not. Not this latest.

That has never discouraged someone from telling me the joke. So they do that. So one of the waitresses was like, you know, said some weird thing like, yeah, don't look at my money, Jew, or something last night. I'm like, ha, ha, ha, I get it. And then she goes, she's flirting with me, actually, but she goes like, know said some weird thing like yeah don't look at my money jew or something last night like i get it and then she goes she goes she's flirting with me actually but she goes like what would you call like a head jew like the head jew like you know what i mean and i was like i didn't know what it was like satan i don't know like i was trying to give her a joke back or whatever um and she's

rob goes well actually she's actually just asking that because the other day we were talking. One of the waitresses here was talking about the whole conspiracy theory thing. And I was like, what? Like I started to realize – he's like, you know, about the Jews or whatever. And I was like – and then I started to realize like, oh, they're talking about like one of the waitresses here. And then the waitress who said it, who was like the most, the one that would have said it. Do you know? She like looks like super punk rock, bleach blonde, like, you know, tank girl bangs.

Like she looks like the most white pride possible of the waitresses there. That'd be the one. She kind of chimes in and goes like, that was me. And now I'm supposed to like interact with her. Like, oh, yeah. and now i'm supposed to like interact with her like oh yeah oh you're the one that sort of suspects that jews might be like weird demons that control the media and kill babies we're friends we're friends like now i'm supposed to be in a like no we're not buds that's and she's just sitting there like and she was like you need to dress more like greg kinnear the next time

somebody asks you who the head jew is you say mel brooks or greg kinnear is greg kinnear is he a jewish man close enough the i think she meant the jewish pope right and we did used to have one of those what's it called the pope it was called the cohen hagadol The high priest. The Razgahul. Wait, what's the Razgahul from? Batman. Oh, Razgahul. Wait, what's the one from the Kitchena... Wait, the one from Dune, what's it? I don't know Dune.

Oh, man. It'll come to me. Okay. Dave, do you have it over here? Well, I was hanging out with some anti-Semitic waitresses. Is it anti or anti-Semitic? Is it Wario or Maria? Peebles.

No, this is just an overseen. It's just some funny graffiti I saw. And I was walking in my neighborhood. And there's not very many billboards in my neighborhood, but this was – it's pretty new. They've only recently, I think, put up a billboard, and for like two months, it just had Keith Urban's face and the name of a radio station. But now it's got Oprah Winfrey and Rosie O'Donnell. How impossible to tell apart. One is black. That's the clue. That's the only clueonnell. How impossible to tell apart. One is black.

That's the clue. That's the only clue you have. We don't see color in Canada. And it says Ro and O because Rosie now has a show on Oprah's, the Oprah Winfrey Network, OWN. And someone has crossed out. It's like a big billboard. and someone has crossed out. It's like a big billboard.

They had to climb up there with spray paint and crossed out OWN and written Overweight Network, and they misspelled overweight. Did they spell it like W-A-I-T? No, just they put the E. W-A-I-T. They put the E and the I in the wrong order, and you could tell they forgot the G until the last second. Squished it in there?

Yeah. Oh, that's rough. The overweight network. Classy. Pretty great. I was actually looking at it across the street, and I couldn't figure out what the... It was such an unclear graffito. He's probably really pissed off at himself.

A, I know it's a guy that did that. Of course! Or a really catty woman. Oh yeah, right. Somebody who really hates Rosie O'Donnell's views on Donald Trump. Or the mean personal trainer from

The Biggest Loser. Do they have a mean... I've never actually watched the movies. Who's the woman on that show? I've never seen the show. There's a they have a mean... I've never actually watched... Who's the woman on that show? I've never seen the show. There's a woman with a mean face. That's a curse, right? Sometimes people have a mean face.

Totally. Asshole face, we call it. Guys that just can't help. They just have asshole or bitch face, and it's not their fault. But then do they become an asshole because people treat them that way? Sometimes they're very nice, and sometimes they aren't. They're just misunderstood. Yeah, that's not their fault. But then do they become an asshole because people treat them that way? Sometimes they're very nice and sometimes they aren't. They're just misunderstood. Yeah, that's a crazy one. Neither of you

have asshole or bitch faces. You either. Thank you very much. I'm not fishing. But I like what I got. My overheard comes courtesy. There was this guy. I was standing at the bus stop and there was a guy. He was dressed. He had a

fedora on, nice jacket, probably in his late 50s, looking for friends. This is 3 in the afternoon. He's trying to strike up a conversation with anybody. His open line to everybody that was standing at the bus stop was,

Public transportation! The only way to get around. Fantastic. Oh my gosh. How many times did he say that? He just said it once, and somebody took the bait. And someone was in. I'll talk to you based on that.

Sure. Yeah, so I thought he was pretty great. Your description of the guy in the fedora. Actually, I wanted to jump in when you were talking about the cape. I sent you a video earlier this week of... Oh, right. The vigilante.

The Vancouver vigilante. I heard about this guy. He's dressed as a superhero, right? Well, there's a lot of them. Because there's a phenomenon going on. There was a guy in Seattle who... Oh, that's the guy. Yeah, who had abs. Right. He went and pepper sprayed a bunch of people. There was a guy in Seattle. Oh, that's a guy. Yeah, who had abs.

He went and pepper sprayed a bunch of people. We all have abs. We do. No, but he had abs. They exist. They're there. He had an abs costume. Okay, there you go.

We don't all have that. And there's a guy. Someone sent me a video in Vancouver of this guy called Thanatos. Which, if you look it up, it means the... The toast? The anatos? It means the death drive, like your self-destructive drive. And it's just this dude who wears a... It's kind of a floppy mask.

A floppy... It's like a t-shirt with a skull on it. And the eyes cut out. And he wears it over his face. And a fedora. And he talks to the camera. Hey, Vancouver. He talks like a professional wrestler. All you pedophiles are in trouble now.

And the video goes to try to get pedophiles? Pedophiles. How would you catch a pedophile? I know, right? To catch a pedophile? We should start a television show. Have one very similar. No, impossible.

No, but this one has Daniel Tosh. Right, and a giraffe. This has Daniel Tosh riding a giraffe with a naked five-year-old boy on his lap. Yeah. But also in the background He has his computer tower With a skull on it And I checked and the video's three years old And the guy hasn't

He hasn't made a dent Pedophiles are running wild They are everywhere Diddling in the streets They are seriously everywhere in Vancouver Have you ever been a pedophile? Have I ever been one? It's hard to tell man man, because I was...

It's not hard to tell. There's an actual age. And you know. I mean, it's very easy to tell. I don't ask for a lot of ID. But like, are they children? Define they. I guess I mean thanatos.

Did you see the video of the guy from Seattle pepper spraying the... There was people having a street fight and then he went and pepper sprayed all of them and then the girl took off her high heel and started beating him with it? No. I'll send it to you. That'll be my reciprocation for the Thanatos video.

It'll be my Thanatos gift. Thanatos you very much. We also have overheard sent in from people listeners if you want to do the same you can send them to stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com this first one comes from Brandon S of Halifax

I work in an office and our manager has a habit of losing her food i.e. leaving... This guy's life sounds very exciting. I know what I'm going to make fun of at the Christmas party. Someone just sent a mass email to all the employees that simply read, Karen has lost her bologna. Who took it?

She is simply beside herself. Please return unused portion if possible. I like that you said it's simply red. Ah, me too. That was the part I got on board. Oh, simply red? Yeah. Do you think that that was the biggest event of the day?

Do you think people ever talk about, oh, the boss is losing her lunch? Vomit jokes. Right. Oh, sure. We remember. There was a time in our life. I just don't have time for not funny. Just kidding.

This next one comes from... You always are and have always been. Just kidding. I'm Wendy. I thought you were going to say, at first I forgot the bit, and I was like, you always are and have always been just kidding i'm wendy at first i forgot the bit and i was like you always are you always are will be unfunny uh this next one comes from patrick h um uh i was at my friend's mother's house, and she was describing a favorite photo she had of my friend and a cousin. The photo was taken right after my friend had done something mean to his cousin, and she was hitting him while he was laughing about it.

The way the mom described it was, Emily's going nuts beating you off, and you couldn't look happier about it. Classic, right? Old people are dumb. They are dumb. Yeah, they don't know nothing about it. Theyy, right? Old people are dumb. They are dumb. Yeah, they don't know nothing about it. They're like, oh, I'm old.

All of them. Pretty good. Hey, I don't know anything anymore. I don't know slang for mutual masturbation. I have Alzheimer's disease Right guys? Public transportation The only way to get around

Fantastic Fantastic I'm gonna take the bait That guy sounds like he's got his stuff together Now here's the thing, guys. This next one comes from a guy named David S. And he said his overheard took place while walking the streets of Philadelphia. Do you think that he knew that there's a...

The streets of Philadelphia. Na, na, na, na. Na, na, na, na. Na, na, na, na. Na, na, na, na. I'm Denzel Washington. And I'm Tom Hanks. We encourage you to see Philadelphia. And wear a condom. Wear a condom anytime you're having gay sex in

Philadelphia Or even when you're watching the movie Philadelphia As I was walking behind a group of three individuals One female and two males Black Individuals I began to hear a conversation

About some sort of weekend event. They began running down a list of items they had or they needed. At one point, the following question was put forth. Guy one, do you have a tent? In response to this, guy two stated, I don't have a tent. I don't need a tent. I have a gazebo. Not black.

I'm going to take it back. Not not black is it because of camping yeah what about that ice cube film where they go camping are we camping yet yeah is that what it's called is this camping now are we camping friday who's camping on friday are we camping i saw a uh before the news comes on there's this outdoorsy show that's on TV. And it's called like Canada in the Rough. And they have their own like, they don't have the regular ads that you see in every other TV show. They have like outdoorsy ads. And there was an ad for Coleman. Yeah.

Who makes stoves and tents. And their slogan is the Coleman Campsite. The original social networking site. Wrong. That doesn't make any sense. Guys, can I read the ingredients of this burdock soda? Please.

Is one of them burdock? Well, check it out. Guys, are we going to go burdocking tonight? Shumka's going to be pretty stoked. Okay. Okay. Uh-oh. Water.

Carbonated water. That's weird, right? It is weird. Why not just carbonated water? We like to water down the carbon. Cane sugar. Pear juice. Glucose syrup.

Ginger. Dandelion and burdock flavor. Dandelion infusion. Burdock infusion, and anise. Oh, there you go. Well done. Very good.

A little hint of anus. You could be one of those guys on the Food Network. One of those Food Network jokes. I'm a supertaster. I think that's a thing. Is that a show? Supertasters, I guess, are a thing. Yeah. No, that's a thing. Is that a show? Supertasters, I guess, are a thing. Yeah. No, that's not a show.

Why not? Supertasters are these vigilantes who go around to restaurants. Eating ass. They eat ass. And spray pepper spray all over the food. They spray pepper spray on an ass and then they do analingus on it. In addition to over... Oh, now you're uncomfortable. We found it, Shumka.

I found your discomfort zone. Oh, yeah. Analingus. That's it right thereumka. I found your discomfort zone. Oh yeah, Analingus. That's the guy. Hey guys, I want to tell your listeners I don't want to kill Dick Cheney anymore, but I do want to eat his ass. I am interested in that. There it is.

I support you. I don't know how to do I'm trying to do the opposite of throw you under the bus. Here, get on top of the bus. It's grabbing me from underneath the bus, lifting the bus up with superhuman adrenaline strength, and then putting me on top of the bus.

Analingus, everybody. Now, we also get overheards that are phoned in, and if you would like to call us, our number is 206-339-8328. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Zach D. from Santa Cruz, California. I haven't overseen... This happened yesterday, but I've had to take some time to process it. I was driving to school,

and the car in front of me had a vanity plate that said, One Dick. One Dick? Yeah. Oh, sure. and the car in front of me had a vanity plate that said one dick one dick? oh sure what does that mean? I like that it took him a day to process that because I don't know what it means I also like that he set it up as if

I'm sorry I didn't get this to you sooner it took me one entire day. I mean, I know you guys are probably waiting anxiously for my one dick phone call. Do you think the guy's name is Richard? Do you think that he previously had two and had one removed? Isn't it like a Jamaican thing? Like one love, one dick? One heart, let dick. One heart.

Let's get together. One dick, one anus. Yeah, I don't know what it could be. I mean, neither. But I'm surprised, because they don't have to let you get whatever... They can say, no, that's inappropriate. Yeah, like, oh, that word means penis. Yeah. We're on to you.

But maybe it was grandfathered in. Okay. It always is. Next phone call. What does that mean? Hi, Dave Graham and potential guest. I have a lovely overheard from you. This is Steph in Calgary.

I work at a candy store, and so I have many kids say the darndest style overheards. But the one that comes to mind is a little girl. Her mom bought her some candy. So she said, thank you, mommy. And her mom said, oh, that's nice, sweetie. And the little girl says, I'll love you until you're dead. I wasn't on board with that story. And then at the end I was like yeah

but once you're dead this contract is over I will not mourn you I will not mourn you not even one day easy come easy go but thanks for the candy do we have another one? yeah of Do we have another one? Yeah, of course we have another one.

Oh, sure. Okay. I just thought we might want to talk about our favorite candies. Oh, sure. Yeah, I can talk about that for days. Actually, I'll tell you what. You want to know some real shit? I mean, stuff?

I mean... You can swear. I am a connoisseur of gummy candy, unlike most people that you've met. Okay. I've had it. I've had pretty much every one. And I will say that the 7-Eleven on Barack

or whatever, what's it? Barack Obama Street. Barack Obama Street across the street from the Comedy Mix has some of the best gummy candy I have ever had in my life. Wow. It is really good. It's unusual.

A soda bottle? Yes. A Coke bottle? A little frog? First of all, they have larger than average, like 10 times size cherry Coke and Coke bottles with sour candy. They're big. They're fat.

They're meaty. It's like eating a gummy steak. It's the perfect amount of sour. They're truly tart. They're just delicious. Then they have... Do they have a burdock soda candy? No, that would be gross. It would taste like anise.

They have a sort of cherry and cream button that is unbelievable. There is a cinnamon candy that is very hot but also citrusy. There is a circus peanut-esque banana marshmallow. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. The banana marshmallow. And the strawberry marshmallow. Really good.

And there is a current sour candy. I mean, I'm telling you, these are really, really good. They have the little, the frogs, you know, the frogs with the white bottom. But usually those are, in the States, not good. These are soft. They're moist. This place is, it's just some 7-Even but it truly is god's miracle come onto earth you guys uh i could see a food network show here your super tasting ability your your ability to explain in great

detail how delicious a thing is one thing i like to do when i got me steak was that was a revelation we do a thing in my family where uh uh it started what i i don't even like i was too young to really know where the definition comes from but uh when we're on vacation um we'll do we call it pig out mall uh-huh and it'll be like do you want to go out for dinner or do you want to just get pig out mall and you just go and you get the exotic foods that don't exist in your town and you bring them back to the hotel and you just eat wow that sounds like that sounds fun it does sound fun yeah that sounds like a really fun like it's fun to have a family tradition that you do on vacation with your whole family oh that's cool it's not so much family anymore, but like... Not just you alone in your hotel room. Pick out more.

I loved you till you were dead, mommy. And finally. See, that's what we do between phone calls. Aw, yeah. One dick. You know what, Candy? I haven't had a long time. One dick.

That's what you should put in there. In what? The one dick thing. It was Maltese Yahoo. That's what that song really was. It wasn't one day. It was like, All of my life I've been waiting. One dick! One dick! That's what the whole Orthodox Jewish reggae thing was about. You know what I forgot to do? We always

do celebrity birthdays. Oh yeah? Whose birthday is it today? October 22nd is when we're recording this. Big celebrity birthday. Happy birthday to Jonathan Lipnicki. Oh! Adorable star of Jerry Maguire. Yep. Happy birthday to figure skater Brian

Boitano. He's 48 today. And answer to our trivia question. What rapper perfected his voice running drills in the U.S. Marine Corps? Shaggy is 43 today. Shaggy.

Our final phone call. Mattis, Yahoo, and Shaggy are the same guy. One day! Shaggy. Hello, Dave, Graham, and probable hilarious Canadian guest. Sexy voice. This is Emmy from Buffalo. I have an overheard.

Sexy city. One of my little cousins just turned 11 recently, and he came home from school, and he pulled his mother aside, my aunt, and said, Mom, I heard a word today, and I think it's a bad word, but I don't know what it means. And she says, okay, well, you know, what is it? And he's like, oh, I don't know. She's like, well, how about you spell it for me? He goes, oh, I don't even know how to spell it. And then she

says, well, you know, it's okay. Just, you know, go ahead and tell me it's fine and he pauses and he says shizzle shizzle yeah i don't know if this is a bad word mom oh shizzle that is really great because yeah how would you spell it is it l-e-e-l yeah but that's a little kid. He's just trying to find his way in the world. Dumb kid, though, right? Yeah. Young people are so dumb.

I know. Old people and young people. I'm young and I don't know anything. Oh, look at me. It's the in-betweens that are getting all the stuff done. Yeah, it's us. Yeah. We're the winningest generation. Yeah, I bet the old people don't know what shizzle means, just like the young people.

Yeah, they're dumb. That's why in African tribes, the grandparents will hang out with the newborns because one just came from the place and one is going to the place. Mm-hmm. Ah. One dick. One dick! Now, if you want to send in overheards, you can either send them to StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com or call us, 206-339-8328.

Before we – because I want to talk about your book. It's all good. Before we wrap up. I've had a lot of fun here, guys. But we've got these Occupy haikus. People took – should I or should I not? You should call them Occupy-coos. Yeah, somebody

sent in a thing. Oh, well, there you go. I think we've done enough time on the Occupy thing, but... Okay. I'll extend it another week. I'm pretty uncomfortable with the revolutionary talk

here on Soft Podcasting. If you want to read one... Save it. Let's not save it. I think we basically came to the conclusion that no one really explained it in 17 syllables.

There was one on here that I think... It's your podcast. Do a couple. Okay. But don't do all of them. I won't do all of them. Okay. But there. Here's one. Companies have been willfully stealing, bribing.

We're tired of crime. Boom. Right? That pretty much sums it up. Yeah. I think the problem of... That was Brian C. Yeah. I think we knew that, though, already.

We did know that, Dave. That's what it's about, is that the entire world knows it and yet sits fatly in their easy chair doing nothing about it. Look, I said this last week. Me included. I said this last week. I'm part of the 1%. You are not part of the 1%.

I am absolutely. Look at this. You're a billionaire? I live in one of the nicest basement suites in the city. Yeah, there's this awful, like, responsa going around the internet of some person that's written this, like, you know, handwritten note, like, I, I'm a college senior, and I'm debt free, and I this and I that, and I'm not, I don't know any money, and I am not part of the 99%. And you are only if you choose to be. And it's like that sentiment is a person that just doesn't get it. It's not about being fiscally responsible.

The 99% people who are claiming to be the 99% aren't fiscally irresponsible or fiscally responsible. They are people that are tired of billionaires and corporations buying civil rights from people. So that woman, I seriously doubt, is not part of the 99 she's basically saying i don't i'm not a liberal well congratulations but liberal or conservative we're still getting taken advantage of uh by corporations that don't have a political agenda they have a profit agenda i feel like that congratulations was that was sarcastic yeah that wasn't a real congratulations that you just did there. Actually, guys, I meant congratulations. Okay, I'll read two more.

This is this one. We said two. No, you said a couple. Oh, that is two. You're right. Okay, this is... Okay, I got to pick one. All right, do two.

Do them so fast I don't know why I'm trying to get out of here Jeremy writes Greedy Wall Street guys Hated by hippies with signs Moral? Just say no Didn't sum it up

What is the just say no part? I don't know It was confusing to me as well Adding hippies into it. There are a lot of hippies involved. I know, but 99% of the population isn't hippies. Oh, but what if they were? I'm going to Asheville, North Carolina on Tuesday,

and I think 99% of the population there is hippies. Really? There's southern hippies? Yeah, Asheville is hippie town. Oh, okay. Oh, man. Pick up some incense. That's probably the place to pick it up.

That's why I'm going there, to get my incense for the year. Homegrown incense. But you can pay me in patchouli. Or burdock. This last one is from CW. Writes, I can't find a job. Shit is fucked up and bullshit. Why you no pay tax?

Yeah, that one makes sense. It's a little racist, but it does work. Why you no pay tax? Now, thank you, people, for sending those in. What do you mean, you people? Oh, you know what I mean. Black people. Now, you've got a book coming out.

I do, yeah. And it's got a great title, and then it's got an even greater subtitle. It's Casher in the Rye. Casher in the Rye, yeah. Or? The True Tale of a White Boy from Oakland, California, who became a drug addict, criminal, mental patient, and then turned 16. Ba-boom! Right?

Yeah. That's a pretty great title. I'm glad you like it. Genuinely, I'm pleased that you like it. Yeah. The original subtitle was going to be A Hilarious Romp Through Teenage Drug Addiction. Right. And I guess my editor felt it was too trite.

Yeah. This is your actual life story. Yeah. It is my actual life story yeah it is my my actual life story it is a comedy uh but it's you know it's a very serious but it's like hung basically it's a comedy with no laughs uh no it it's i've been really heartened because i've read it a couple different places live like some little excerpts or whatever sure and it genuinely gets the exact right amount of laughs per minute that I want it to get

so that really made me feel good to read it live and hear people actually laughing what LPM were you looking for? 88 I thought you called him an idiot fair enough no no when this book hits 88 laughs per minute

you know what I mean you write like it's a 300 page book and I'm writing it and I'm like I hope this is funny and at a certain point I've read it and re-read it

and edited it so many times that it's just I can't even tell anymore so then when I read it in front of an audience and they laugh I go like

oh thank God. Now this is coming out it's not on the street yet you can't get a copy of it yet. No but it is available for pre-order on Amazon right now. And it's march 28th

it will come out march the 28th 2012 it's basically just a story of me and my weird i had a really weird insane insane childhood and it's a story of that you know i was i have two deaf parents and one of them's a hasidic jew and one of them was an atheist and i i uh you know was essentially kidnapped away from new york when I was nine months old and then deaf parents. I got sent to therapy when I was like four years old and by the time I was 13 I was pretty much just a delinquent drug addicted kid and I went to

rehab three times by the time I was 16 and been in mental hospitals and been to severely emotionally disturbed schools and just it's really... It's been a delightful romp. It's definitely a hilarious romp. You came out a cool dresser. No doubt. Yeah, right? It's been a delightful romp. It's definitely a hilarious romp. You came out a cool dresser. No doubt.

Yeah, right? It's been good. Thank God. When I was in the throes of my sickness, my mental health issues, and my addiction, the only thing that kept me going was I said,

someday I want to be a good dresser. Just one dick. Now, you've got this book coming out. You're on tour. People can go to MosheKesher.com. MosheKesher.com. What is this episode? Monday, this will come out.

This Monday? Yeah. So, where are you going to be? Oh, great. Yeah. This Monday. On Tuesday, I'll be in Asheville, North Carolina. And at the...

Oh, shoot. Go to Moshagash.com. At the Petruli Dome. And then on Thursday, everybody in Portland, Oregon, I will be at the Hollywood Theater. A very special one-night... One-night engagement

at the Hollywood Theater at 9.30 p.m. in Portland, Oregon, Thursday the 27th. The Mattis Yahoo has resonated more with you than anyone else on the planet. It's because I'm a Jew. I'm a Jew. And a reggae fan. Definitely.

So people can see. And where can they find the new podcast? Oh, the new podcast is available on iTunes. It's called The Champs. Look it up under podcasts. The Champs with Neil Brennan, Moshe Kasher, and DJ Doug Pound. I'm at Moshe Kasher. I'll also be at the Ann Arbor Comedy Club

November 4th and 5th and at the Denver Comedy Works the 14th through the 16th. So all of those are dates I would love for people to come visit me. Dude's got dates. Look at this guy. He's got dates. But yeah, come out and see me. And guys, I genuinely Are we wrapping up right now? We're wrapping it up. I genuinely love doing this

podcast. I love the MaxFun people. I mean that sincerely. We had nothing but a great time. Oh, this has been lots of fun. It's been nothing but a great time. Dave's rolling up his pant legs. He's getting ready to do some clamming. I love you all.

And let me say in closing, I love you all. I am. I have been. And I always will be just kidding. There you go, hey? Goodness gracious. Dave, you got anything?

See Dave debate. Paul F. Tompkins. Yeah, end of November, November 29th. I think it's at the Centennial Theatre in North Vancouver. Look up their website for tickets not to be missed and on the topic of Paul F. Tompkins

he will be doing a show at the Rio Theatre the next night also not to be missed if you haven't seen him live the best he's amazing funniest man he's the best and like we said before

if you want to reach us stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com you can check out maximumfun.org for blog recaps of this week's episode I will definitely be including the Majahoo song

yeah please it's one dick and also if you want to advertise on the show you can go to maximumfun.org please. One dick. Mario Van Peebles. And also if you want to advertise on the show, you can go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. And it's... It's $100 for a personal message,

$200 for a corporate message if you're a greedy corporation. Yeah. One dick. And thanks everyone for listening. If you like the show, tell your friends. And come on back next week for another enthralling episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Stop Podcasting Yourself.