Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 191 - Ryan Hamilton

Episode Date: November 15, 2011

Comedian Ryan Hamilton joins us to talk about movies, waterskiing, and New York.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode 191 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who could not be more excited about the new Black Eyed Peas video game, Mr. Dave Shumka. This is the first I'm hearing of it. Is that right?

Yeah. Oh man. Is it a dance game or is it like a... It's a fighting game. Is it a fighting game? is it like a... It's a fighting game. Is it a fighting game? No, it's not. Is it like Street Fighter versus DC Universe versus Mortal Kombat versus Black Eyed Peas? I'm going to play as Apple the app.

It's called the Black Eyed Peas Experience. Actually, one of the guys from the Black Eyed Peas, the long-haired gentleman, a taboo, he was in the most recent Street Fighter movie. He played Vega? Sure. And he was fantastic in it. And our thoughts are with him. Yeah, our thoughts are with him in this time of need.

And our guest today, very, very funny man, and just thrilled to have you as a guest here on the podcast. Traveling stand-up comedian. Wilbury. Yeah, traveling Wilbury. Makes his home in New York City. And here with us today, Mr. Ryan Hamilton. Well, thank you very much.

And it's a pleasure to be here. Well, it's a pleasure to have you. As a traveling rambler. Yeah, you are, right? Like, you're all over the place. I'm all over the place. But I love coming here. It's a great place to be.

That's what you say to all the cities and all the podcasts. Vancouver's great. It's really great. You literally looked at a little piece of paper before you said Vancouver. Yeah. I just looked out the window and saw that it was gray and dark and wet. Yeah, and sad and just, ugh. We're in the dregs, right? We're in like the... You know right? We're in like the...

You know what? We complain about the heat in the summer. I feel like we need to embrace this. You know what? I'm not gonna do it. Okay. I'm fine with complaining about the heat in the summer, the cold in the winter,

the wet in the fall. I hate all of it. Why do I live here? Why do I live in the summer? Where would you be happy? In a mall. That's an old Kevin Meaney joke. I want to live in a mall.

Oh, let's get to know us. Get to know us. Now, we were talking just before the show. This is like your third time in Vancouver this year. Is that right? Third or fourth? Third time this year, yeah. And I was here like late last year in November.

So you're like, you must have like a regular coffee shop that you go to. At this point, I should, really, right? Yeah, I wander around and I just admire the numerous yoga studios and sushi places. It's one after another. We have a lot of combo of the two. Yoga studio slash sushi studio. And then a Roots. And then a coffee shop.

And I just walk around doing that all day. And you walk around wearing very, very nice shoes, I must say. Oh, well, that's nice of you to say. Thank you very much. I'm just flattered. Dave's a big shoe-wearing dude. A shoe horse. Yeah, you're a shoe horse.

Yeah. Are you a denim guy, too? I'm a... How so? I have... I don't know. You wear denim. I didn't know if you had specialty denim.

But I don't wear like... You don't wear the upper, the full-body denim? I don't. You wear a jumpsuit. But I own a few pairs of jeans okay okay don't we all yeah i've been thinking about just wearing a jumpsuit like that that just living in a mall and living at all i'm thinking like just the kind of like you know instead of having to always pick out a pant and a shirt just a one right yeah it's so easy i think you should definitely i think that'll improve your

life a lot i think you would thrive in like a dystopian future where it's inside and everybody's wearing one yeah one piece of uniforms yeah that's true i probably would uh all hail zeltor zeltor it's just that easy. It's just that easy. In the future, all the people we worship will have names that start with Zs. Or Zs in your language. Zed. Yeah, I always forget that.

Yeah, that must have a big impact on your stand-up comedy. You guys seem so normal. And then Zed comes out and it's just all out the window. Now, you're a big, like, you're touring stand-up. You're all over the place, right? Where are you going next? Where did you just come from? Well, where was I?

I was in Salt Lake City, Utah last weekend. How was that? It was great. It was really fun. I started comedy there, actually. Is that right? Yeah, that's where I started. All I know about Salt Lake City is that there's a salt lake

there. And maybe that's not even true. That's the worst thing to know about it. It's like, people come to visit Salt Lake City, like, can we go see the lake? No. You don't want to see it. It's stinky. It's salty. I had a friend who insisted. I said, don't go out there. And he's like, no, we're going to go. It's like half an hour drive or further.

And there's nobody there. It's dead. And they brought a beach towel. And I thought, I tried to warn you. You wouldn't listen, Sir Ford. Now, you started comedy. Is there a comedy scene in Salt Lake City, Utah? Yeah, there is. There's a little scene. There are three clubs. So, you know,

there's a pretty good amount of stage time. When I started, you could get on stage quite a bit. Yeah. Now, what brought you there? Did you just... Because you were originally from Idaho, Idaho, you know,

a neighboring state like Salt Lake City is really the biggest city near where I grew up. I'm from a very small town of a thousand people. Is that right? Yeah. And I actually went to school in Utah and yeah, but from a tiny farm town. So which Salt Lake's about four and a half, five hours from where I grew up.

So I ended up in Utah, you know, that's where I started. Now, when hours from where I grew up. So, I ended up in Utah, you know. That's where I started. Now, when you go back to the town, what was your town? It's a little town. It's called Ashton. Okay. You go back to Ashton.

It sounds like the setting of, you know, any town USA, Pleasantville. Yeah, yeah. Totally. It's very much that way. Are you a celebrity when you go back there? Are you the guy that, hey, it's Johnny Television or whatever? There's a little bit. I have this hilarious picture when I did Conan recently

that they put, watch Ryan Hamilton on Conan on the high school marquee, but part of the letters were falling off. There's a kid reading a book under it who doesn't care. Well, because he doesn't watch TV, he's reading a book. So there is a sense of that. You go home and everybody's, I saw you on TV. I saw you at the parade. I saw you on the TV.

And it wasn't for murdering or nothing There was a manhunt on for Ryan Hamilton Now are you the most famous Citizen of that Of that town? Are you the most famous Ashtonian? Yeah Or Ashtonite?

Well there are a few interesting characters who inhabit the town That I don't know if I could compete with. That everybody seems to know. There's Pat the Crossing Guard. Sure. Was he ever on Conan? I don't know if I could compete with Pat. He was never on Conan, but he certainly should be.

So, yeah, I don't know. I guess. Well, because I know a couple comics that grew up in small towns, but then they lived in towns where there was also one other famous person from that town. Oh, that's a bummer. So there's a comedian, Derek Edwards. He grew up in a very small town in Ontario, also the hometown of Shania Twain. Right?

Wow. So it's like, what are the odds that you would be the second most famous person from this tiny little town? You must hate Shania Twain. Yeah, I guess. How can you? I know, right? She's got it all. Total package.

Yeah, the full deal. And Brent Butt, past guest Brent Butt, he, in his hometown, he's also the guy that's on the sign when you drive into the town is the world record holder for water skiing or something. holder for um uh water skiing

or something he's like a water skiing champion so that's what's on the sign yeah it's like home of whatever this water skiing guy but i'm sure every year they're like we gotta update that sign this guy's not famous water skiing isn't't held national interest since the 50s. That's right. It was the high tide. Yeah, because you only see footage of people doing a human pyramid of water skiing, but it's always black and white footage. Yeah, where can you see a human pyramid?

Like, there's no event. Nobody's doing that anymore. Yeah, they should have an x games of the human pyramid wakeboarding well yeah because wakeboarding is a thing right that's the thing that the kids like i assume yeah that's the thing that people do yeah nobody does people i don't know i don't know kids like i don't i think either of them are good TV sports. Right. Yeah, hard to film.

Because there would have to be another boat that would be too close. Creating more wake. That's true. It's growing up the wake ratio, which is important in water skiing. And wakeboarding. Yeah. Have you ever water skied? I've water skied and wakeboarded. On Salt Lake?

No, not on Salt Lake. Yes, I have. I'm not great, but I've done it. The time I did it, everybody was like, we thought you were going to fall down the whole time. And I just didn't fall down. I just was on the brink of falling down the whole time. Just flailing?

Yeah, just all of them. Wow. They said it was very entertaining. To me, I just kind of felt normal. I didn't realize that I looked like I was going to fall down nearly the whole time. Have you ever water skied, David? I water skied in camp once and i was like 11 or 12 it was that time where uh you know we were all sort of discovering our body i think our bodies were

going through changes and you know discovering the opposite sex and the one time i water skied i water skied for about five seconds fell down and just held on to the kept holding on and my shorts started to fall down so on one hand i uh i was holding onto the thing and the other hand i'm holding onto my my swim trunks and uh and then i never did it again because i was like oh no i'm going to risk losing my shorts for this. I'll wait on the shore for the rest of the week. I was signed up for a week of water skiing at this camp. How about you?

Yeah, I've water skied before, but my instinct was always, if if it gets too hard just let go of the thing and sometimes to the point where you're waiting in the position or whatever and the boat started up and I would just let it go screw this my microphone took away

my microphone took away from before me it just took away from before me. It just took away from before me. I always hated that water skater when you'd have to, they would go, okay, when you're ready to go, just yell, hit it. I remember being like an 11-year-old kid like, hit it. Hit it. Is that something how I talk?

Something that, you know, a professional, someone who really knows what they're doing, casually yell, hit it. Hit it is not something That's something that A professional Someone who really knows what they're doing Casually yell hit it 11 year old timid kid Hit it Please Please hit it Go boat

Boat Oh I forgot about Yeah and you're wearing a Life a life jacket as well yeah right well you should be well now i'm thinking back like how unattractive the look would have been if i lost my shorts and i was wearing a life jacket like just the light yeah yeah a top with no bottoms never good no there's never not on a guy on a guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's the ladies can really pull it off, right? Lady in just a hockey jersey?

Hooray. Guy in just a hockey jersey? Nope. Lady in just like a dress shirt, a men's dress shirt. Sure. Guy in just a men's dress shirt. Usually with socks. Yeah. Yeah, Tom Cruise, Risky Business. That's the only time that it was ever. Yeah, Tom Cruise.

Risky business. That's the only time that it was ever... That's very attractive. He was very good in that. Speaking of all things Tom Cruise, and I think we were, right? Those were the waters that were raining for the natural transition.

Does anybody want to see Mission Impossible 4 4 up to and including tom cruise's family like is that something that anybody wanted because it doesn't feel like it's am i wrong am i the only one in this room that doesn't uh i know i i never saw the third but i i've seen the first and then i i saw the second it wasn't so good the third. I've seen the first, and then I checked it. I saw the second. It wasn't so good. The third, I heard, was pretty good. Yeah, I heard there was a motorcycle fight or something.

I remember that. Yeah, I have nothing against it. It's like one of those middling franchises that's kind of like, it's not the Batman movies that everyone must see. It's also not, you know. Police Academy. Yeah. Harold and Kumar.

Yeah, it's another one. Were there a lot of people requesting, no, but in 3D, Harold and Kumar. Yeah. You know how it's been six years since you made one of these movies? And we all sort of forgot they existed? I know. They're a little old now, right? To be like, it's the same premise.

Harold and Kumar escape from a prostate exam. I saw the previous, like, they finally get it on or something like that. Well, I hope so. Jeez, how long has it been and wasn't what didn't what's his name cal penn yeah didn't he wasn't he working at the white house yeah so he like gave up white house stuff to get back into the yeah yeah he like uh um he was in it no uh he i he was like some kind of ambassador to yeah like hollywood or something is that right i don't know or no wasn't he like a youth yeah he was he was like but he was especially picked by uh obama to like like he was invited to be part of the you know administration

or whatever and so he left you know acting Kumar I loved you in American Pie no wait who was in American Pie was he in anything else? He was on House I think maybe yeah maybe that's what got him the job in the White House

you can be our official you'll be the Surgeon General. Because you were on the house. But he gave that up because everyone was confused why he was there in the first place. Have you ever had a job where even months in, you're like, does anyone even know me here? That must have been what it was like, friend.

Have you, like, no, because working your way up to, you're a full-time comedian now, but surely you had day jobs along the way. Yeah. I worked in public relations for a while. Hmm. What's that like? Weird? Yeah.

It's like, it's like cold calling reporters you're like a salesman when you're on the low end of PR you're like a salesman you just call and pitch stories and I just got tired of you know it wasn't like when you're in school studying it's like

these creative plans that we're putting together and you know it's integrated with interesting advertising and media and then you get in the job and you're like okay well the client wants to get this story in with this report so just call until you get a story okay that's really funny yeah yeah i mean that's what it comes down to is like, did you get us in the news? No. Well, we're not paying you.

So you're like in this situation where you can't really control what journalist is going to print. But that's how you get paid. What kind of, like, what kind of, in general, like, what kind of stuff are you pitching? Oh, really exciting stuff. Home builders, for instance. Yeah, front page. What else did I do? I had some cool...

I had a ski resort client. We did some stuff for the Olympics when that was in Salt Lake City. That seems like an easy one to pitch, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was fun. That's a... That one kind of sells itself. You guys want to write about the Olympics?

It's going to be on TV. I would have done one of those, I'll let you write about the Olympics? It's going to be on TV. I would have done one of those, I'll let you write about the Olympics now, but six months from now, you've got to write about my home builders. Yeah. One for me, one for you. Yeah, exactly.

It's all relationships. I work at a radio station, and I wanted to find out information about this music festival, and so I emailed the company that was promoting it and they weren't doing a very good job promoting it. And I was like, I need some details about this. And so they emailed me back.

And ever since, I'm on their email list and their call list. And this week I got a call. I could totally empathize with the guy. But you could tell. You know when you have a job and you have to call someone and you just want to get off the phone yeah that was him and he was like hi i'm just one i'm following up about the email we sent you earlier this week okay uh yeah uh do you have the email in front of you? No. Okay, I'll send it to you again. Bye.

And he never did. He knows. He knows. Yeah, right? I wonder what he was promoting. It was probably something really bad, right? Some band. I imagine that just in general, most phone calls are phone calls

that no one wants to be involved with. If we just got rid of phone calls altogether, society would be better. Yeah. Is that what you're saying? Everyone would be out of a job. Right. I feel like that's true, though. Because I think that's why text messaging is so popular.

Because people, like, we kind of went the long way around. I bet you at one point people were really excited that they had the phone. And then after society having it for so many years we're like yeah we don't like talking to each other let's go back to even voicemail like yeah i don't even leave you messages anymore graham because i know you don't check yeah and also i don't i don't answer my phone anymore i just have a hilarious outgoing message that's been on there for, let's say, seven years that I recorded when I had the flu. Is it hilarious? I know what it is. You're doing an impression of Cameron from Ferris Bueller's Day Off when he's sick.

Yeah. Oh, really? Like, so I was super sick. And then I was like, this is the perfect time to record my outgoing voicemail. That's right. And so I sound like I'm on death's door. And people who have never heard it before, that's the first thing they always say when they leave a message.

They're like, great message, man. Or they do an impression of it. It's great. I should start my own public relations company. Yeah. So what, you're doing Cameron while he's sick, or Cameron when he's calling the principal? Oh, no, when he's sick.

Oh, okay. When he's totally, like, you know, where he's, like, on death's door. Okay, a monotone. But I was super sick, and then that's when I recorded it, and I haven't changed it since. Although, the one thing I thought I would do is the next time that I get sick, I was going to play, like, circus music in the background to make it... Because people are like, record something more upbeat. You're getting requests? Yeah.

So I would wait until I was sick and then have a do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do in the background, but the same exact message over time. Do you mean do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do? That's trademarked. I was trying to... I was doing a sound alike. Yeah, you're doing the generic. We don't have circus music money here on the podcast.

Please subscribe to a music licensing company. Do you have voicemail? Do you hate it? I check my voicemail. I'll check my... But I do have a lot of friends who just... I've realized you can't leave them a voicemail. I'll have friends who will call me like two weeks later,

hey, I just listened to my voicemails. What? Yeah. I thought you were ignoring me. No, I just don't check voicemail. Yeah. I think when you get together with people, that's great. But everything else is the worst, right?

Being in the same room as somebody, that's a lot of fun. Or going, you know, going to have dinner or whatever, that's fun. Well, having dinner, not going. No, going is the worst. But being there and having it is great. Paying for it's the worst. It's really all, the thing is, there's like this narrow period of time that it's great to be around other people. And then everything else is just

garbage garbage lead up right and we just create more and more ways to create garbage yeah it's there's so much of it it's true i'm bringing you all news that you don't know about did you have you guys heard about social media what wait is this some sort of pr trick what do you guys know that's a good way to get what do you know about ironing boards and then i'll be like i don't know well i was a big client um so what's going on with you dave What's going on this week? Busy week Really? A lot of little things

But yesterday my sister got married Congratulations Did she take the name of the hubby? I don't know if she has yet It's only been not even 24 hours But calling her Mrs. Shumka isn't correct What would her new title be? Mrs. Wright Mrs. Shumka isn't correct. What would her new title be? Mrs. Wright.

Mrs. Wright. She married Mr. Wright, and that was in every wedding speech. Oh, really? How she found Mr. Wright. Did anybody do the old twist of Mr. Wright now? I remember when in college you dated Mr. Wright now. Nobody did that twist. Was that an Ellen De degeneres movie uh mr right she married i think bill pullman yeah it might have been called mr wrong oh might have been yeah old

twist on the old thingaroo yeah uh but uh watch that movie now knowing that she's a lesbian. No, watch it now. It would be rough. Because the idea of watching it doesn't appeal to me. Then it didn't appeal to me. I think I saw it. Is there a chance that I saw it? Is that a possibility? Is it a possibility that I saw that movie in the theater somehow?

I don't know. I don't know your life. But I feel like I have. Have you ever seen a really bad movie in the theater and then you see it on TV and you're like, I think I saw this in the theater. You know what I mean? Yeah, you forget about it because it's so awful

and you just go, oh, I already know what's going to happen. How do I know what's going to happen? Oh, yeah. I paid money to go see this in the theater. Well, we lived in a world before you could just download everything and have access to a thousand times of types of entertainment you guys are filling me in on all sorts of stuff have you heard about social media and ironing boards uh you but like i think when i was like in my teens i went and saw the movie Mad Dog and Glory.

I don't even know what that is. I don't remember what that's about. I don't know what it's about either. It had Bill Murray. Oh, well, at least it had Bill Murray in it. It had Robert De Niro. It was Bill Murray in a serious role. Robert De Niro in a Robert De Niro-y role.

Kind of quiet. Sure. And Uma Thurman. Huh. And I saw it in the theater, and you couldn't pay me to watch it now. Yeah, I saw the Rodney Dangerfield film Ladybugs in the theater for some reason. Wow. Yeah, because I would just go see anything, because it was like, you go to the theater.

And your parents are like well we gotta do we gotta fill time yeah we have to exactly we gotta fill this guy's childhood i think i saw what was the john ritter movie where he went in the tv with maybe markie post stay tuned stay tuned yeah I saw that in theater Yeah Is anything Is this jogging any memories What's the worst piece of garbage

You've seen in theater Man the worst I don't know Some people see a lot of movies Some people go and see Every movie Yeah But not me

But I'm thinking It's the going It's the worst It's the going The being there is great There's a lot of things That are the worst How is that possible I don't great there's a lot of things that are the worst how is that possible no it's a horrible planet we live on have you ever walked out of a movie

uh yeah once jerry mcguire really you didn't like i love that movie did you i snuck into it and then walked out of it so so like to be fair i didn't pay a ticket to go in and then walked out of it. So, to be fair, I didn't pay a ticket to go in. And then, I don't know what... I didn't know what it was. I knew it was... I think I thought it was Mission Impossible 2. I don't think that I meant to go into... He's got to defuse this football.

I don't think I meant to go into Jerry Maguire. But then I watched it for an hour and I was like... But, you know, when I saw it, it was... Romantic comedies was not for a teenaged. I've never walked out of a movie. I've never snuck into a movie. Yeah, we used to sneak into movies all the time. You pay the one ticket and then that was your whole afternoon.

Oh, right. You'll go into all the other theaters, which you can still do now. That's a 2011 thing that kids listening right now can. That's a tip for the kids listening right now can... Sometimes you don't even need to buy one ticket. You can just have an old ticket to a movie that you've already gone to and just flash it at the

person at the... They don't care. They're making $8 an hour or whatever. They don't care if it's a real ticket. And then you can go and see six movies for nothing. How do you like that? Or you could just download them. I think, but you know, you like getting the theater experience.

That's true, but then again, you can't have a laptop on your lap. You can't surf the web in a movie theater. Yeah, that's true. That's true. So, it started out, we were talking about Mr. Wrong. Oh, yeah. I don't know I was trying to remember My sister got married

And I had to The only I mean it was fun Weddings are great And lovely Dancing Got to wear a necktie Yeah that's fun

Oh you don't like a necktie I don't know Had to wear a necktie. Yeah, that's fun. Oh, you don't like a necktie? I don't know. Had to wear my monkey suit. Society. And it was in the right across the street from the Occupy movement in the city. Oh, right.

That was lovely. How romantic. Yeah. Turmoil. But I did a reading in the ceremony, and it was from a little book I like to call the Bible. Oh, Mad Magazine's greatest snappy answers to stupid questions. I did a, yeah, I did. It was in First Corinthians. It was the fold-in. It was in 1 Corinthians.

It was the fold-in. But I'm reading it, and it's... I guess my nieces, I have like... I have four nieces that are between two and five years old. They're super adorable. Super adorable. And I guess they've maybe heard that I do comedy. And so while I'm doing the reading, which is like... Is that all you want doing the reading which is like which is like uh

love love doesn't want love is not boastful or whatever it's all about love and then in between one of my nieces just like walks up right into the middle and goes dave's saying silly words and starts laughing at oh good one dave doesn't really get it that's the curse of being a comedian right you can't be serious yeah around people around you can be serious around comedians. But yeah, around general people. It's funny too, because kids will just... Kids are the ultimate in fake it till you make it when it comes to... They will just laugh at anything

in the hopes that they will get it sometime. I'm a grown up too, right? We're all enjoying this on the same level. Oh man, that is adorable. Wow. Well, that's a big event. Yeah. That's fun, right? Yeah.

She was the last of my siblings. We're all married now. Yep. We're all... No more failure to launch. Right. Which is a movie I saw in the theater. That's like the perfect example of one of those horrible movies that you would see in a theater.

Failure to launch and just be like, ugh. That's the movie that was made for the plane. Yeah. Like Valentine's Day. That was one that I was at a theater. I watched it. I saw that in the theater. I watched a movie and the theater owner was like, if you want to stay, we're showing Valentine's Day.

And I was like, all right. We'd like to make the other customers who paid feel more comfortable. Yeah. Like about their weird movie choice. There's a lot of singles in there. A lot of people sitting by themselves. A lot of people bought a ticket for a tub of popcorn.

Oh, man. Good stuff. Well, congratulations. Yeah, congratulations to my sister. She won't listen to this. She won't. Graham, what's up with you? I, well, this week, last year, Dave and I were hired to host an advertising award show, and it didn't go well at all.

I disagree. Oh, Dave thinks it went well. It didn't go well at all. I disagree. Dave thinks it went well. It was hard work. That sounds hard. Everyone there was in the advertising industry. They all knew each other. They were all drunk. They were all talking the entire time. We had written bits

to do and then immediately when we were on stage, we were like, let's just hand out awards yeah we just abandoned bits pretty quickly but uh and it was fine like it was you know whatever we got paid and it was good and we got we got paid well yeah oh sure to be uh and this year they hired um i can't remember the name of the comedian. Alex Blagg. Alex Blagg. Who runs a fake social networking.

He's like a fake internet guru. I've heard about this social networking. He works mainly in ironing boards. Yeah, so they basically, they were worried that he. He's from the States. He's from America. Yeah. So they were afraid that there might be's from the States. He's from America. Yeah. So they were afraid that there might be a hiccup at the border or whatever.

Oh, right. Yeah. So they basically retained our services in case he got hung up at the border. Wow. So... He must have a real shady past. We hired this guy, bud. He has done some weird stuff.

Sure. So yeah, so we got paid money literally to do nothing. Yeah. Which was a really great feeling, and I want to do that more with my life. If we could fill up our schedule with just no-show jobs, as they say in the mafia. I know. I want to join the mafia now, now that I know that that's the term for it. That's a mafia term?

Well, they say that a lot in The Sopranos about no-show jobs. There's no-show jobs where there's a work contract, but no one ever shows up to do the work. And then there's no-work jobs where people hang out at the site, the construction site, and don't build anything. Yeah, they eat cannolis. Yeah. They leave the gun and take the cannoli. There's a horse head. Something like that.

I think, sometimes I think the Sopranos and the Godfather are the same thing. Sure. Yeah. I think sometimes I think the Sopranos and the Godfather are the same. Sure. Yeah. So we got paid free money. And then kind of like all at the same time, I've told you about the guy that I like in my building, the superintendent guy who's like, I don't like to use the word cripple, but he's like exactly. No, I don't like you to use that word. No, but like if you see him,

then you would be like, oh, there's like using the term disabled doesn't quite... Like he's like a Dickensian cripple. Like he's like bent over in a cane and all this stuff. Anyway, so he's walking with a cane now, which he... Trust me, this is going to a good place. Forever he was walking without a cane

and then like somebody gave him a cane because he was like a guy who needed a cane and then like somebody gave him a cane because he was like a guy who needed a cane and then finally he has a cane so he came up to fix my faucet which he just broke more than he fixed so i'm gonna have to smash it with a cane hey i got this new cane i can fix all kinds of stuff man but he was he said the cane he's got is no good he wanted like uh you know like fraser crane's dad style cane with the four prongs all right so i'm like i just got this free money out of nowhere and buy this dude a cane hey nice thing so i went first of all where do you go to buy a cane exactly nobody knows because

nobody's ever bought a cane in the history of canes. It's like impossible to find a place. I went, like, I don't know. I went to a couple pharmacies and they had like kind of collapsible style canes that I guess you keep in your purse in case you're suddenly... And if you need a cane, then you are collapsible. People who need a cane but are on the go.

Yeah, exactly. You know, for today's modern cane user. So finding a cane is really hard. Did you tweet, looking for a cane? I should have. Because it would have saved me a lot of

visits and awkward conversations where people, this is what people would do and it was quaint every single time is they would say, we don't have them. But then they would guess where you might be able to buy a cane. But I was like, I could. Costume shop. Yeah, at least one lady said, maybe roots?

I was like, why would roots have canes? That doesn't make any sense. Old Navy? Old Navy? that doesn't make any sense old navy exactly just weird just grasp in the dark

kind of but eventually I found a cane and I bought it but see this guy he would never take a cane if he knew that I bought it so I had to make up a crazy story of how I got this cane where it's like oh my friend

had a his had this at his house for his grandfather but his grandfather died so he doesn't want it anymore like that's the only way he would accept it because otherwise he'd be like nah i'll find i'll find one in the garbage grandfather died? Then I'm worried this cane is haunted. Take it back. Then I have to go up and spray paint it a different color. I found this other cane. But I had to kind of knock it up, make

some dents in it so it looked like it was used. Taking it out of the cellophane. I just found this cane. Do they come in cellophane? Are they hanging on a peg at roots in cellophane? They found this cane do they come in cellophane are they hanging on a peg at roots and cellophane they come in bubble wrap oh this cane looks really nice and dinged up yeah i i beat up a cripple with it well that's awful awful nice that's a very nice thing yeah so it was that was a big adventure of the week but i felt like this this guy i've he's been there ever since i've moved in he's really he's like really

old guy and he won't like every time i've been like oh i can mow the lawn for you or whatever he will not he will not let you do anything he won't let you fix anything or anything but you know he's like it's horrible you know what i mean like it's like you want to but, you know, it's horrible. You know what I mean? It's like, you want to, but also, you know, he's got his bride. You've got to let him do his thing. So I was like, I've got to figure out a way to fake find a cane so that he can

just have a cane that's like the type of cane he needs. So that was my week. Thanks, Cosette Advertising Company, for your free money and cane enabling. Pretty top drawer stuff. Do you want to move on to Overheards?

Yeah, let's do that. Overheard. Overheards. The longest running segment in the history of podcasts. Did you know that? I did. Yeah. It's 191 episodes old. The podcasting industry is not that old. history of podcasts. Did you know that? I did. It's 191 episodes old.

The podcasting industry is not that old. Speaking of old, Celebrity Birthdays. Oh, shoot. I never, I remember always to get the Celebrity Birthdays, but I never remember during the show that we need to do them. Big, a lot of big celebrities

have birthdays today. We're recording this on November 12th. So big happy birthday to former Survivor winner Ethan Zahn is 38. Happy birthday, Ethan. Disgraced athlete Tanya Harding is 41 today. Is she really? Wow. Disgraced athlete Sammy Sosa is 43 today.

Speech impediment victim Wallace Shawn is 68 today. Inconceivable. Am I right, guys? Speech impediment victim. Am I supposed to know who that is? He was in the Princess Bride. He was the short, bald guy that said inconceivable. Yeah. Inconceivable. Yeah.

Inconceivable. Gotcha. And the answer to our trivia question. Sure. This actor is in a lot of magazines. Ryan Gosling is 31 today. Happy birthday, baby goose. Mm-hmm.

Right? Overheards, right? Yep. We always like to start with the guest, but if you want, we can start so you can kind of get the feeling for how the segment goes, or just jump right in. Sure, whatever you want. I don't... Maybe I should get a feel.

Maybe I should get a feel. I'm ashamed. Cop a feel. But I'm not familiar with... Hit it. It can't be that difficult, right? It can't be... Oh, well... It's not. You just tell the story. I'm just scared with... Hit it. It can't be that difficult, right? It can't be... No, it's not.

You just tell the story. I'm just scared. Okay. Well, Dave, you go first. Okay. And then we'll bounce it back to him, and then we'll go to me. Sure. How do you like that?

Fine. Okay. Okay. Well, one of my favorite things to witness is when someone tries to talk to a dog like the dog can understand them. Like dogs understand they can learn a command. They know what sit means

if you teach them what sit means. They never know what the word behave means. Even Austin Powers' dog doesn't. Because there's not a specific action with behave. but there was a woman in the the pet store this morning with her dog and the dog was quite large and the woman was

having trouble controlling it uh she was telling it to behave and uh and then i heard her say come on phoebe i'm trying to buy you a coat. There's no way a dog understands that. This is all about you. Do you not know how this works? Have you never been to a retail, a dog clothing retail-er? I like that a lot. Come on, Phoebe, I'm trying to buy you a coat Also overheard on the Friends set

Today's a great day for dog coat The dog coat industry Oh yeah, absolutely The weather today There's a place by my house That is just I call it Fuck you poor people,

but it's like a dog boutique. They have these beautiful... What are they called? Shays lounges for dogs? Why would a dog need that? Is it the place that has dog-shaped... Hedges. Hedges like Edward Scissorhand would have made outside

is it called Bauhaus? yes and it's got no no not that one it's two doors across the street there's a yoga studio, a sushi place and then another dog they have an outdoor area.

Everything in there is like, oh, how cute. That's what it should be called, is oh, how cute, because they have a little, where there's benches you can sit down, and then there's three fire hydrants, so it's like the dogs can all pee together. I don't know. But they take care of dogs or something. They must have some kind of... Maybe they sell drugs.

Is that possible? So it's just a front? Yeah, because there's no way... You're not buying crystal jewelry for a dog, are you? And if you are, what's wrong with you? What's the most expensive thing we've ever bought for our dog? Other than like... A giant stuffed animal?

Other than, like, anesthetic. A giant stuffed animal. Like, other than vet costs, I think it's probably a $40 bed. Which is fine, right? Like, it's, you know, a dog needs a bed. Oh, $40 is very reasonable. I think they sell them for, like, $400 in the weird, crazy, it's teak. Yeah, right? Do you have any pets, Ryan?

Are you a pet guy? No, I like dogs, but I don't have any pets. It'd be hard to own a pet in New York City, wouldn't it? A lot of people do own dogs in New York City. I think it's more like I'm traveling so much. It doesn't make sense. Yeah, but that's the responsible sense That's the responsible adult man Saying that

Let's give the dog a chance You live right by Central Park Is that right? Or Central Park Am I pronouncing that right? How would there be two Friends references So close together Who would have thought

Could there be any two Friends references so close together? Who would have thought? I know. Could there be any more Friends references? But, like, I have always heard that people in New York, they don't have yards, and so they just have this enormous park. And so that is where dogs go to the bathroom. It's a central dog bathroom. People, in reality, just carry around bags and clean it up yeah yeah like uh you know i there's people here that don't do that we're not we're not uh i feel like our dog owners a lot of times maybe not as evolved as we could be even though we have a place where you can buy the crystal jewel i think think that's everywhere. Right? Yeah.

Well, so we can agree that people just about everywhere are the worst. Dogs, keep doing what you're doing. People, cut it out. Clean up your act, clean up your dog. So now we move to you for the overheard. I set a precedent.

Right, you did. You really did. You're welcome. Since I'm alone a Right, you did. You really did. You're welcome. Since I'm alone a lot, I did... Good start. And I just found out about overheards yesterday. I don't have the specific thing that he said. If I'd known that I was doing an overheard, I would have written this down. But I was in Manhattan. I was going home afterard. I would have written this down. But I'm in...

I was in Manhattan. I was going home after a set. It was like 2 in the morning. And in Manhattan, they have a 24-hour Apple store. And I needed to get a new phone. And I needed to use the restroom. And I knew I could try and accomplish both of those things. One-stop shopping.

So I stopped at the Apple store. And I go into the back and there are like four big kind of like bodyguard looking guys and two Apple employees, not at all bodyguard. And I say, is this a line? Because it looked strange. They were all outside the restroom door. And the Apple employee goes, no, do you need to use the restroom? Washroom, you say?

We say. Is there a Z in there? There's an O. A U. Yeah. So I go in, and I'm using the restroom, and I overhear a man telling another big man with dark glasses, long dreadlocks, he's reading him a review.

And I started to hear the review, and I thought, I don't know who this is, but he's reading. And this is which I wish I could remember the specific thing that he said. But it perked my ears and made me go, this is somebody important, you know? So I'm waiting And I come out and he's washing his hands And I look in the mirror and it's Stevie Wonder I was in the

Apple restroom at 2 in the morning With Stevie Wonder And I overheard his assistant Read him a review And I wish I could remember Was it a review of Stevie Wonder? I think it was a review and i wish i could remember wow was it a review of stevie i think it was review of somebody else oh yeah because i mean that's one of the things they say when you're in art don't read the reviews and he's got a leg up on everybody that's gonna be wonderful

yeah they don't print many braille reviews i when you were saying he was reading a review out loud, I was assuming, oh, he was reading a review of an Apple product. He was there looking for an iPhone, because I came out and they were like, can we help you, Mr. Wonder? I called him Mr. Wonder. Which I thought, right?

Well, that's the overheard right there. Can we help you, Mr. Wonder? That's right. That's the overheard right there yeah healthy mr wonder that's right that's good oh man and then he said yes i'd like to buy an iphone and they said would you like to shop in the vip room there's a vip room at the apple wow maybe they just told him there was well yeah right it's just a it's just the bathroom the vip the bathroom. It's like a back... The VIP room. You can go to the bathroom anywhere you want in it. I'm really... I didn't know. Did you know about this 24-hour?

No. How crowded is it at 2 in the morning? I always go at 2 in the morning because it's crowded all day long. But that's... It's crazy to me that there's a 24... But where else would it be? You know? It has to be in New York.

There's going to be a 24-hour a day. Maybe Tokyo would have one, right? Maybe. But theirs would be upside down or something crazy, like you'd have to jump in a slide to get to it. Some weird twist. Harajuku girls are serving you. But yeah, that is fascinating. The idea of, I need these earbuds.

I need to charge my iPod. I lost my charger. Yeah, there's always a genius sitting there like, really, what am I doing here? Why am I wasting my genius? Yeah, yeah. I don't feel at all like a genius. Because they have, you can book appointments with Genii. Is it Genii? Is that the plural? It is now. Call a genie. You can book appointments with Genie Eye. Is it Genie Eye?

It is now. Call them genies. Can you book appointments at like 4 in the morning? Do you trust the person? Yeah, right. Who got that shit? Or like, who is booking that appointment? No, I can't do 340.

Radio DJs. Graham, do you have an overheard? I do. Awesome. Mine comes courtesy of public transit. Once again, my friend in overheards. There was a guy on the train who was like the dirtiest guy. But he was like a worker. There was a guy on the train who was, like, the dirtiest guy. Like, he...

But he was, like, a worker. Like, he obviously, like... I don't know if he just worked all day rolling in dirt or whatever. But he was, like... He was just... I'm testing out work wear. He was the dirtiest. Like, everything was just, like, caked with gross, you know?

And he was talking on a cell phone that was like in a plastic you know because he couldn't like just have his cell phone because he just destroyed like in a plastic bag no in a plastic like weird old it was an old cell phone but it was in a weird old cell phone case like so that it was like a plastic so you could press the buttons or whatever and he was having the loudest conversation to the point where people were like kept on looking over their shoulders like why is this guy so loud like where it was like maybe he's deaf or the guy he's talking to on the phone is deaf and he feels like he has to yell at like other person's death on the phone but text him i couldn't hear what he was saying

because i kept turning up the music i was listening to to kind of like block him out but then it got so crazy where it was like his voice was still over top of it that i was like well i should just see what he's saying and then when i i turned off my ipod the first thing that i heard him say was into the phone he said and i said bill that's two toilets you owe me so i'm like where does this guy work in the grossest job ever where he's paid in toilets i've got a backlog literally um maybe yeah there's like a swear jar and every time someone swears They have to put in a toilet Oh, before we get to our audience overheards We should have teased this earlier But I want to remind our listeners

That we have a live podcast This Friday, just in case people don't listen To the very end Oh, sure, yeah, absolutely Good place to plug In Vancouver, at the Cosmic Zoo, formerly the Hennessy, 53 West Broadway. Currently the Hennessy. If you look at a sign that says the Hennessy, that's the place that we are in.

Join us there this Friday. We will be there with the Sunday service. Improv Troop. We will be recording a live podcast. I can't promise we'll release it. It might be a gong show. Yeah. There are no promises that can't promise we'll release it. It might be a gong show. Yeah. There are no promises that the listening public will ever hear it.

But if you show up live, you'll get to see whatever goes on. I think it's at 9 p.m. this Friday, November 18th. Ten Canadian dollars. Ten Canadian dollars. Yeah. Imagine. Imagine. One purple, we call it here. Yeah. It's got. Yeah. Imagine. Imagine. One purple, we call

it here. Yeah. It's got a poem about remembrance day. Yeah. One purple, two blues. We'll take a blue, two toonies and a loonie. We would take, yeah, five polar bears. We'll take ten loonies

to five polar bears. You would think this is Americans making fun of the... This is for your benefit. We'll take half a Queen Elizabeth. So, overheards sent in by listeners. If you would like to email us your overheards, our email address is stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. our email address is stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com and this first one comes from and janny is her first name and i think i hope i'm pronouncing that right and janny or on johnny uh this is uh in the beginning she is from i'm assuming it's a she oh man i'm in over my head um but this is uh somebody from northern virginia oh no it's un johnny i said it right

there there's a pronunciation guide in there and everything this doesn't say if she's a man or a woman nope i'm gonna assume on johnny sounds like a woman's name right it doesn't sound like a earth an Earth name. All hail Zeltorp. She said she, he, he, she. I think it's a she. It's a she. Has collected 15 overheards in the last few months, but why post all 15 now when you'll only read one, in brackets, hopefully, on the show? Correct. Yeah.

Don't send in all 15. Just send in the best. The top, the cream of, hopefully, on the show. Correct. Yeah. Don't send in all 15. Just send in the best. The top, the cream of the crop. That's what I want. Yeah. You owe us 15 overheards and two toilets. In the beginning of September this year, the East Coast was hit by Hurricane Irene. And about a week after, while sitting in my geosystems class, I heard the boy next to me go,

I hope we have another hurricane, and it turns off the power at the pony company. Hot dog, me too. Do you think that they just want the power to go out so the ponies can just run out wild, like the T-Rex in Jurassic Park? Do you think there's an electrified fence keeping them in pony factory not pony farm no yeah factory that makes pony oh man i love it i love it was there a car called the pony was? Was there like a Hyundai Pony?

I think so, yeah. That sounds like something they would have tried. Anything except for a turtle or tortoise. Any animal except for a snail. Yeah, what animals don't they... Any kind of horse. They've done Mustang. Sure.

And then they worked their way down to Pony. Pony's all we've got. The Nissan Manatee This next one comes from Eric Y I was at the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History in Washington D.C. this afternoon with some visiting relatives and I happened to pass by two women

who were standing near the dinosaur exhibits as one turned to the other and said, in all seriousness, can you imagine being in here at night when everything comes to life? In all seriousness. No, but for real. That must be a thing that

if you live in Washington, D.C. and people come and visit, you probably have to go to the Smithsonian like five times a year with whatever people are in. I feel like that's okay. Do you have to do that in New York ever? Well, you should, but I just don't anymore. I give people a map. I think a lot of New Yorkers do that. Where they're just like, here are the things that you want to see.

I don't want to go with you. I'm going to go to the Apple store. You know, there are a lot I haven't done. I've never been to the Empire State Building. So I just kind of wait. Go on Valentine's Night. It's so romantic. Meet Meg Ryan.

You know what everybody who visits New York wants to do? The first thing that comes out of their mouth, they look around and they go, maybe we can find the cash cab. That's what they say. Everyone, I swear, is like... That's so crazy. And you have a cash cab here, but it's in Toronto, right? Well, no, they did a test run here and killed someone.

Yeah, in Vancouver. Oh, I read about that. Someone they ran over by the cash i read about that yeah yeah harsh yikes so they decided not to do it no well i think the first thing you do when you get to new york you buy one of those styrofoam statue of liberty hats yeah uh we're number one statue of liberty uh and then you find the diner from Seinfeld. Right, yes. I did that. I went to the guy that was the inspiration of the

Soup Nazi. I had soup at that. I think he now has like a chain of soups. And he hits you with his soup chain. It's called International Soup Kitchen? Which sounds like a place for homeless's called International Soup Kitchen? Which sounds like a place for homeless people.

International Soup Kitchen. Yeah. This can't be soup. Have you been to the Statue of Liberty? Have you done that? I've actually, embarrassingly enough, haven't been on the island,

but I've been on boat tours around the Statue of Liberty. Have you gone to Ellis Island and had your name changed? No. I've had my name changed many times, but never on Ellis Island. This last one comes from Tanya B. from right here in Vancouver,

British Columbia. I was sitting outside on this fine November afternoon enjoying my lunch. A Safeway deli sandwich. I was just minding my own business enjoying an unusually warm and sunny day here in Vancouver. An elderly gentleman walked towards me

and stopped short to point at my lunch and say, that doesn't look good at all. Thanks for sharing, old man. Yeah, top drawer old man. And here's, this is just an addendum to something from last week. I think it was last week where there was somebody at a Louis C.K. show overheard somebody saying, just before the show started,

Hey guys, are you all ready to suck a bag of dicks? Which, in reference to Louis C.K., this is from a guy named Cody R., who has written to us saying, I'm pretty sure I was that overheard dick from the Louis C.K. show that asked my friends, Are you guys ready to suck a bag of dicks it was my last weekend in baltimore at the it was last weekend in baltimore at the mary hoff symphony theater i had been drinking which is why i'm not 100 sure but if he said it he must have been the only guy who said it that night right i don't know it might be a common thing people drunk people say huh uh yeah sure um but he said he's stepping up and claiming ownership

of being which is very rare that somebody will hear an overheard and go I think that might have been me well I mean it's fantastic we've had a couple of those and it's amazing anytime it does happen my favorite I think was the one where someone overheard

someone was saying something ridiculous and then they said It does happen. My favorite, I think, was the one where someone overheard. Someone was saying something ridiculous, and then they said, oh, I hope no one heard that and submits it to that dumb podcast. That's great. In addition to overheards that have been written in, we also get overheards from phones. If you own a phone, if you don't own a phone, go to the Apple store, two in the morning.

And also I have a PR guy who wants to talk to you about phones. Talk to my friend Mr. Wonder. Not to be confused with former WWF wrestler Mr. Wonderful, Paul Orndorff. I feel like that would be a Christmas movie, Mr. Wonder.

It does sound like that. If you want to call us, our number is 206-339-8328. We check our voicemail. Hi, guys and guests. This is Tabitha from New Jersey with a quick overheard. So I was leaving Yankee Candle the other day, and one of the guys that worked there was walking up to the table, and he's looking at the table, and he freaks out, and he goes, why is there an autumn foliage on all these Christmas candles? This store is

a mess. I've never been to a Yankee Candle. I don't know what that is. Have you ever been? I've been to a candle shop. I couldn't tell you what the name of these candle shops I've wandered to are. I'm assuming it's just a store that sells candles. I know that there's a kid on the internet who's like a 10-year-old boy who does Yankee Candle reviews.

And he'll bring it. Ooh, this is peach mist. And he'll sniff it. this is this is peach mist and i'll sniff it oh it's really good and it's one of my favorite things on the internet that is pretty great uh but uh yeah is that a chain of stores the yankee candle i think so because i had no idea what she said i thought she was talking about something about a kindle when she said i was like i was trying to piece together like maybe there's a bookstore. There are a few, like, very common mall stores that we just don't have here. Yeah.

Like Pepperidge Farms we don't have. Oh, yeah. What is Pepperidge Farms? Is that cookies of some sort? It's like cookies and sausages and cheese. It's, like, very seasonal. It's something you would buy when you really don't have anything else to buy for someone. You buy someone a basket.

That's location number six on your New York map. Pepperidge Farms. And I think they're famous for having samples. Like handing out samples. Yeah, that's true. Sure. Pepperidge Farms. Have a bit of my sausage.

I only know it, I think, being referenced on a sitcom where somebody said oh but uh yeah yankee candle never heard of it it's there's got to be other ones you you have all sorts of chains in the states that we don't there's some what was that chicken restaurant that i like saw advertisements for late at night and it was like i talked about it on the podcast ages ago but it was something i never heard of before and they had ads on like the atlanta affiliate i was watching popeyes or no it wasn't popeyes it was filet or no it was like super regional like it was only in atlanta or something because i talked about it and somebody's like, yeah, there's like eight of them in Atlanta. But nowhere else.

Ted Turner chicken? Deion Sanders chicken? Ted Turner chicken. Next phone call. Hey, David Graham. This is Pat from Massachusetts. I was just driving north on... Oh, I'm calling with an overse Massachusetts. I was just driving north on... Oh, I'm calling with an overseen. I was just driving north on Route 1 in Saugus here in Mass,

and I passed the Ferns Motel. There's a sign outside advertising it's free HBO and Whirlpool, except that somebody had removed the L's so that it said free HBO and were poo. It's rare that you see it free. Yeah. Were. I don't know what were means.

It's like a regional pronunciation of where like werewolf i think uh one of the times you were in town uh recently last time you were at the club in vancouver when i was you i was your uh feature act yes and jeff Jeffrey Yu, local comedian, was the host. Yes. And we're both little, we're grown-up little children. We all are, aren't we? And I think you pointed out, hey, you guys have a lot of jokes about poop. Did I? Yeah. And I believe I was like, well, to be fair, some of them are fart jokes.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't point out things. I probably loved them. Oh, we're aware. We're aware of what we do. We're little boys. I'm a big fan. I'm a big fan.

Hey, would you mind doing fewer poop jokes? Because it kind of ruins my closer. I don't recall that. I remember it like it was yesterday. Just kidding. We're cool. Final overheard. Yes, please.

Hi, Dave, Graham, and Des. This is Jamie calling from New Hampshire, and I have an overheard for you. I worked at a paint-your-own-pottery studio for a number of years, and one time there was a mother in there with her son who was probably about five years old, and he's touching things in the shelves, and she's telling him to stop, and he's not listening. So finally, she pulls him to the side, and she says, you need to stop touching things right now, or you're going to be punished. And the little boy looks at her and says, you mean like in the face?

Whoa. Holy shit. Oh, man. I think he thought she said punch. Yeah. Oh, man. I think he thought she said punch. Yeah. Oh, right. Punished in the face. You mean like with a phone book on top so it doesn't leave a mark?

You would think people who visit paint-your-own-pottery places don't live like that. Yeah. That's true. See, you can never just buy somebody's purchases. You can't judge. Who goes to a paint-your-own-pottery place? Is it all like... Child abusers.

Is it all like birthday parties or... Yeah, I don't know. It's an event, like maybe bachelorette parties when they're really behaving themselves. There's a place in Vancouver that actually has a comedy show at it. Oh, called Raw Canvas? Raw Canvas, where half of the place is like a wine bar, and the other half is canvases where people can paint at. Yeah. And it's like, you know when you would watch a show like Blind Date?

Blind Date. That's exactly the type of place that people would go we'll go to a karate studio and then we'll go to a rock campus that's who goes to paint your own pottery yeah it's gotta be eliminate reality shows any group of people that don't really know each other

where an activity is required. Where there's a common task. Maybe like a corporate retreat. Yes, that would be a good one. Did you ever go when you were a kid? There would be places that exist. I feel like in every city that's just a place for kids parties. Where it's like they have a ballroom.

And it's just like this place. And there might be pizza there or maybe not. Oh, yeah. Like a Chuck E. Cheese or a Jimboree count? Yeah. Like there's a place here called Go Bananas that's just like it's like a warehouse that's been converted into things that kids like. You know, monkey bars or laser tag or something. But it's just like, hey, well, this is things that kids like you know monkey bars or laser tag or something but it's just like it's like hey we'll just this is things the kids like and if you have a kid just bring

them here and there will be something that they like there's nothing like that for adults there's no there's dave and buster's we don't have that oh do we have that here i don't think we do there was one in ontario that i really wanted to go to if they have it here it's deep deep in our suburbs yeah but in uh in america they're on every corner it's like a starbucks that would be amazing if something like that took off but like what does it have people lined up before work yeah to go do some skeeball yeah is it just like it's like 80 skee-ball yeah what's that is it just arcade games and like food that's garbage i think so i've actually never eaten at a dave and busters i did a comedy show at a dave and busters oh my god in times square once it was awful yeah because after like in between every joke, somebody's, like, shooting hoops in there.

Yeah. And it's going... Yeah. Nothing. It's like... Can we find a place with more distractions? Yeah. Impossible.

Can I do comedy at a rave? Yeah. Ryan, just so you know, you're opening for air hockey. Exactly. Yeah, that's on the marquee tonight. Air hockey ring. Exactly. Yeah, that's on the marquee tonight. Air hockey. It's ten tickets to see the comedy show. Or you can buy a novelty ring.

Yes. What would you like to do? Stuffed gorilla. Oh, man, that's good. The claw machine. Someone's on stage with you doing the claw machine. Oh, man. So great.

Now, right. Thank you so much for being our guest. Oh, thank you. This was so much fun. Now, if people out there that are listening, we have listeners all over the world. Where are you playing? Where are you playing coming up? Where are you going next?

Well, Alaska. We have listeners in Alaska are you going next? Well, Alaska We have listeners in Alaska I'm going to be in Fairbanks Oh, no one there We're more of a Juno crowd I didn't want to bring it up I have a show in a place called North Pole, Alaska

in a couple weeks Can I ask you Do you have to buy a wardrobe of like... I don't know. I'm going to have to. A down coat? Yeah, I may have to. Yeah, totally.

Or at least rent one. I'm just going to ask the info desk at the airport, where's the parka rental? What? That would be a bad little business, though. At the airport, yeah. I'm just going to rent these boots and this parka, and I'll be back. You can also

call it head lice rental. I think that's the right thing to do. Head lice rental. What if you got head lice from a pair of boots? That would be the craziest. That'd be like in Ripley's Believe It or Not. Alaska, where else? I can't even remember after that.

But you have an online presence? People can go to you? Yeah. I don't know if you guys have heard of social media. Go on. I have a website, ryanhamilton.tv which is the worst. Who has ryanhamilton.com?

It's a graphic designer. I hate that guy. I offered to buy it and I made him a generous offer, what I thought, and he would not even reply. So I hope he got the message. My manager even called him once, I think.

And said, hey, for real, we want this website. Yeah, and I can't get it. He doesn't use it, I don't think. There's nothing up there. I think he might put up client work and then they have a password or something. Oh, okay. So maybe he does use it.

But yeah, like lately on Facebook, I've been putting up pictures of people who own domains that are Graham Clark. I put up grahamclark.net, a picture of him. He's a blues musician. And grahamclark.biz is a mime from England. I'm really working my way through the catalog. But I haven't checked out grahamclark.tv. I wonder what that guy's up to.

I think that's the nation of Tuvalu, if I'm not mistaken. It might be. And it's a large proportion of their income is the.tv website. Are you being serious? I'm serious. No. Really? Wow. Well, at least I'm helping someone.

That's good. Yeah. I made my email address. This was. Yeah. I made my email address. This was a mistake. I have an email address, which is ryanhamilton.tv at Gmail. And nobody understands. I hate it. It was because I have to, every time I go, it's not because I was on TV.

It's not a pretentious thing. That's my web address, but nobody gets it. That's what I thought it was. That's what I thought TV was. I thought it was because you were trying to tell people you were on television. Well, yeah, that's why they're able to sell it to you, but it's for the country of Jubaloo.

Which has one computer. Now you're just making that up. I'm making that up. But people can go to ryanhamilton.tv. Yeah, my schedule's there. They can email you at ryanhamilton.tv. That's my email address. You know what?

Send Ryan an email just saying how much you liked having him in your podcast life. That'd be amazing. Yeah. Oh, they will. He needs it. That's what's so great. We have the greatest listeners. I do. You know what? write him a poop joke so do we have anything to well this friday this friday as we mentioned oops sorry pardon me uh

november 18th at the cosmic zoo lounge also known as the Hennessy Lounge. Absolutely. 53 West Broadway, Vancouver, BC. $10. Come see us do a live version of this podcast with six guests, it looks like. And head on over to MaximumFun.org where you can check out blog recaps of the show. Where Dave, he will take, there will be photos and videos relating to topics that we covered in the show. Perhaps there may be a photo of a Stevie Wonder. Oh, yeah. There will certainly be a photo of Yankee Candle.

I'll probably post a video of the Yankee Candle kid. Yeah, why not? Also, November 29th, I don't know if it's allowed, I haven't checked, but at the Centennial Theater in North Vancouver, I will be debating Paul F. Tompkins on something as part of the CBC The Debaters. And the following night

you can see Paul F. Tompkins. Oh, you can't. It's sold out. Why am I plugging it? Also, if you want, if you like the show, you can head over to iTunes and write a review saying that you like it. If you hate the show You can head over to iTunes and write a review Saying that you like it If you hate the show, keep it to yourself, asshole

Honest to God, there was a guy who wrote one It was so mean For no reason He listened to the podcast And he didn't like it That was the entire thing So what? So you're the first person that that's ever happened to?

You're the worst human being walking around. Just don't. If you hate it, then just keep that hate inside until it causes some sort of cancer in you. I don't want to hear that you don't like the show. You don't like it, you're not listening to it, says all that you could ever say. So if you like the show, write a review. If you don't, go fuck yourself. I don't want to hear from you.

But really, you guys, thanks for listening to the show. And if you want to reach us, you can reach us at StopPodcastYourself at gmail.com or 206-339-8328. And you can reach Ryan Hamilton RyanHamilton.tv at gmail.com No one's ever given their email before I know it's going to be great you're going to get so many emails It was a story I was like I guess I'll finish this

RyanHamilton.tv at gmail And thanks again for being our guest Oh thank you so much fun and come on back next week for another enthralling episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself and right now let's hear from one of our friends

at Maximum Fun I'm Jesse Thorne whether it's music, movies, comedy, books or whatever each week I talk to creative people about how they make their thing about the moment when their craft went from a hobby to a career and about the thing that surprised thing, about the moment when their craft went from a hobby to a career, and about the thing that surprised them most about the process.

It's the sound of young America from MaximumFun.org and PRI, Public Radio International.