Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 192 - Chris James

Episode Date: November 22, 2011

Comedian Chris James joins us to talk Canadian Football, The Mechanic, and Home Depot. Also, we talk about the greatest and the worst.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 192 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is the man who is the inspiration for the movie I Love You, Beth Cooper, Mr. Dave Shumka. I was the inspiration for the Hayden Panettiere character.

Yeah, they changed the name and sex to protect your identity. Oh boy, did they change the sex. From none to some. Oh, yeah. Yes, please. I actually don't have a thing for Hidden Pan and Chair listeners. You don't have a thing for her listeners? No, for her, comma, listeners.

I gotcha. All right. And joining us today on the podcast, very funny gentleman that I got to work with, was it last weekend? Or the weekend before? It was the weekend before. Weekend before at the Comedy Mix. Very funny comedian here in Vancouver, Mr. Chris James. Oh, thank you so much for having me. I gotta say it's an honor to be here. It's an honor to have you. I'm a fan of the show. It's weird. I'm like, I'm on the inside now. I get to see how it's all made. I'm kind of freaked out. It's like what to have you I'm a fan of the show It's weird I'm like I'm on the inside now I get to see how it's all made

I'm kind of freaked out It's like What Kelly Ripa's first day Must have been like On the set of Live Yeah Below those many years ago Right

She was a fan you assume? I assume Yeah I assume she grew up Watching television And loving Regis Right? Yeah she had television

Yeah On his last week of televisioning, I don't know if you know this, Chris. Here's some insider information. They haven't told anyone this, but Regis Philbin just stopped being on that show. So he's just doing movies now. Yeah, he's just doing movies

and his right- uh political talk show his radio show uh but uh they should clips of when they all started and uh um uh the first time i think the two of them met regis and kelly was while she was still uh the soap opera star they met on the set uh no she came came on and did a cooking segment. That's all. Oh, let's get to know us. Get to know us. Let's get to know more about this situation,

this Kelly Ripa. You seem to know a lot of good stuff about the history of Regis and Kelly. Well, I am. It was my major. But no, let's get to know a lot of good stuff about the history of Regis and Ken. Well, I am. It was my major. But no, let's get to know our guest. Absolutely. Chris James.

Sporting mustache, we were just saying, before you're part of a mustache team. That's right. Yeah, I'm actually doing the Movember thing. So our team is called the Bafo Industrialists. And what does that mean? Explain. I don't know what it means. I just joined theists. What does that mean? Explain. I don't know what it means. I just joined the team.

A friend of mine started it. Is it a franchise that's been around for a while? I think that actually I believe this is the first year we're an expansion team. But I've raised a little bit. I get to go to – I've raised over $100 now. And so therefore I get to go to a mustache uh, uh, a mustache ball, which is really exciting. Like a party. There's a cream for that.

Mustache ball. And, uh, at the Commodore on December 1st. So everyone raises that. Oh, World AIDS Day. Is that really? Yeah. Oh, I didn't realize that, but I'm excited. The mustache, uh, yeah, it should be a good party.

And, uh, my friend was saying to me the other day that I hadn't realize that but I'm excited the mustache yeah it should be a good party and my friend was saying to me the other day that I hadn't thought about really those there probably like probably won't be too many

girls there I'm guessing oh but the ones that will they'll have really great mustaches yeah really great tales

to tell there was a woman at the I went for coffee before the show today and there was a woman while I was waiting

for my coffee to be made she was in line and she had a mustache like for Movember? no I think she's just naturally a mustache woman and she may not have been all there because

she just ordered a big cup of milk and left no but if you if you had a mustache and you were gonna go on a date or something you'd hide it by saying oh I just have a crazy mustache

she's crazy like a fox yeah that's a good idea for her so you're not gonna meet any girls at this mustache thing. So on December 1st, Movember is over. Yeah. So I guess you keep it for that day, I think. And does everyone shave it there?

Do you have a big circle shave? I don't know. Shave it onto a cracker? I don't know. The last one to shave has to wear it around for the rest of the night. No. Maybe, actually. I said no, but I don't really know what's going to happen at the party the rest of the night. No, maybe, actually. I said no, but I don't really know what's going to happen at the party.

I know that there's some draws, like you can win a Harley Davidson, which I guess that's something that someone with a mustache would do. What would you do if you won a Harley Davidson? I would sell it. You wouldn't learn to ride a motorcycle just to drive around on a Harley Davidson? Would you get your motor running, head out on the highway? I don't even drive a car. I'm not a big fan of driving.

Me neither, but I think if somebody just slapped a motorcycle on me, I'd at least join a gang or something. I might join a violence gang. Oh, yeah, okay. Like a youth violence gang. Yeah, I would probably not ride the motorcycle very often, just focus more on the violence. Yeah, it's just to get you to and from the violence.

But yeah, I'm pretty excited about... I'm excited to get rid of it as well, because I don't think I look very good. You look great. I think it's good. Good balance of face. We're recording this on the 19th of November. Yeah. And yeah, I've seen a lot of thinner ones.

Yours is pretty good. Oh, no, it grows in fine. It's just I think it makes me look kind of weird. Oh, of course. Yeah, exactly, right? So it would be nice to get rid of it. But here's the thing, is I've seen a couple of dudes walking around with mustaches that I'm pretty sure are from November, but also they should have that all the time because it looks fantastic.

Yeah, every now and then you see someone like that for sure. Yeah, I've seen two guys, one downtown downtown one in my neighborhood both had mustaches it was both like i really hope that you don't think you have to shave that off in december because you're making our community better by having that mustache our sex as a as a uh as a sex is gonna get one step forward you mean males yeah males okay yeah our sex is getting better yeah Yeah. Oh, you mean my sex with the mustache man? Yeah. But do you know the mustache man?

Now, so you're growing a mustache. You want to get rid of it. I don't think you should, personally. I like it. I think it works. I understand. I like the beard. You also, you've grown a little, what do you call it? Is this a soul patch? Is it a birthmark?

No, no, that's facial hair. No, I like, I don't know. I felt like it evened it out, kind of. I think it probably just looks stupid, though. No, right now you look like you wouldn't be out of place being a radio DJ on like, you know, hits of the 70s, 80s, and today. The 90s? No, the 90s. No 90s. The 90s, 80s, and today. The 90s? No, the 90s. They skipped the 90s in 2000?

That's quite the compliment, saying that I could be a radio. That I look like I could be a radio teacher. That's great. You look like they would never let you on television. Yeah, that's good. You look like you'd look great in a bunch of cologne. Oh, man. So what else is going on?

Well, I'm getting pretty excited about the BC Lions. Oh, Canadian football. Canadian football. I know you have American listeners, and I know. And I just hate Canadian football. See, this is the thing about Canadian, and I know... And I just hate Canadian football. See, this is the thing about... And I know Americans make fun of it. And the thing is, we all know that it's not as good as the NFL, right?

We know that. Everyone in Canada prefers to watch the NFL. I think that's just because the NFL is a way better TV sport. Yeah, and also, the players are better, right? The players want to make the NFL. I think Saskatchewan would... All of Saskatchewan would argue that they like...

Where are you from, Chris? I'm from here. Really? Yeah. Here, here? I'm from here, here. Born and raised. Here, here?

Yeah, this basement suite. Yeah, this is actually where I grew up. You're not from, like, out in the suburbs? Oh, you mean... Yeah, I'm from Richmond. Yeah, okay. With a smug look from the bathroom. Yeah, hugely smug, I'm from Richmond. Okay. What a smug look. Hugely smug. Where are you from, Dave?

I'm from here, here. Here in City Limits we don't care for Canadian football. How many teams are there in Canadian football? There's only eight. But they've cut the number of teams called the Rough Riders down to one. That's right. That is pretty funny. Eight teams and two of them are named the Rough Riders.

That's kind of embarrassing. And one of them is named the Ticats, which is not a thing. The Tiger Cats. Yeah. It's just a tiger cat. Well, it's a tiger or a cat. As opposed to like a tiger shrimp. Yeah.

Tiger prawn. Tiger prawn. But the great thing about only having eight teams is, you know, every couple of years, your team is going to be in the Grey Cup. Well, yeah, the Lions are good as well. I mean, this year they started off. The Lion Cats. The Lion Cats.

The local team, the BC Lion Cats. Yeah, the BC Lion Cats. They started off 0-5, so we felt like we bought our Grey Cup tickets, and then we felt like they cheated us. They were like, we got this great team team buy these tickets to this game that we're who is this guy you're talking about yeah this is the bc lions oh the whole team as an entity and they're saying to us you know buy these tickets to this game spend a couple hundred dollars we'll be in the game and then they lost the first five games and we're like you guys

lied to us you cheated us out of this money but then they yeah they finished ten and one ten and one so they finished 10-1. So they finished with an 11-7 record. I'm going to the West Final. Where was that only loss in the middle there? It was to the Tiger Cats. It actually was. But yeah, the Grey Cup's

here, so I have my tickets to the Western Final, which will have already happened. And then the Grey Cup. All of the names are pretty funny, except the Lions, right? the rough riders the eskimos the eskimos the argonauts yeah the aloes the argonauts the stampeters yeah the tiger cats and the there's the blue bombers yeah they are very silly names yeah actually yeah the lions is the only one that would be able to go into the NFL unscathed. They had American teams for like four or five years. Yeah, there was the Baltimore Colts.

Yeah, that was a decent name. They had to change their name, though, because of the Indianapolis Colts. So then they changed it to the Baltimore CFLers. That's the actual name of the team. That's pretty great. There was the Shreveport Pirates. Shreveport? I think they were just trying to get some kind of like...

Put their name on the map? I think that isn't Shreveport. Like you shoot movies in Shreveport because you get a ton of tax credits. So I think that had something to do with it. The Las Vegas Posse was maybe involved? No, that sounds like an XFL team. There was definitely a Las Vegas team.

The Las Vegas Posse. Oh, man. We laugh, but what was the first hockey team here in Vancouver? Was it the Millionaires? The Vancouver Millionaires, yeah. That's a hilarious name. None of them were millionaires. Probably the owner of the team wasn't a millionaire.

What could they have been named after? Please don't write us with the answer. So when is the Grey Cups coming up? Is it like next week? Is it next week? It will be next week when this comes out. No one listening cares. No one listening cares about when the game is. It's true. It's comes out. No one listening cares. No one listening cares about when the game is.

It's true. It's sold out. So they already have tickets if they're going. Is it going to be a lot of craziness downtown? Is it going to be a lot of dudes from the suburbs coming in with painted faces? I should just not be in town, I guess.

Just stay in my house. It's something people are really aggressive about, I don't think. Maybe for the Grey Cup. I mean, there will be 55,000 people in that area. It's kind of a family event, though, I think. Yeah, it is. What about the guys that are lonely and just drink to get angry? Oh, okay.

This will be fun. Who is the halftime show at the Grey Cup? Do you know? I don't know. But I did go to the last Grey Cup. Nelly Furtado. I went to the last one that was here, and it was the Black Eyed Peas. Oh, well, they'll do anything.

And it was the worst thing I've ever seen in my whole life. We actually had to go into the washroom because it was like the sound in BC Place was so bad. Yeah. I'm not a huge fan, as is. Of the Black Eyed Peas? No. Oh, you gotta be. You were talking about them on last week's episode, I think.

What are you talking about? Oh, they have a video game. That's right. Yeah. And you're about them on last week's episode, I think. We talked about them a lot. Oh, they have a video game. That's right, yeah. And you're a big fan, Dave? I am a big fan. You're just a big fan of Apple DeYap. Apple DeYap, Fergalicious, William, I know his name, and Taboo. Those are their four names.

Yeah, and the Argonaut. That's a wise fifth member. And Orko. Orko and the Argonaut. That's a prize for fifth member. And Orko. Orko and the Argonaut. I think one of the times that Vancouver hosted the Grey Cup, which

people haven't used context clues, is the championship game in the Canadian Football League. Tom Cochran was your halftime entertainment, and they brought him out on a pickup truck. Singing Life is Highway? Yeah. Yeah, sure. He must get a lot of

requests to do that song and then no other songs. Oh, he's got a bunch of big hits. My Son's Gonna Play in the Big Leagues, Life is a Highway, Victory Day? I was going to say Glory Days. That's Bruce Springsteen's Victory Day. Victory Day. I was going to say Glory Day. That's Bruce Springsteen's Victory Day.

Victory Day. I've never heard that song. White Hot. That's not, you're just putting words together now. He was in Red Rider. Lunatic Fringe. Oh, Lunatic Fringe. Sure, absolutely.

Tom Cochran. Canadian National Treasure. Yeah, we've got a new stadium with a roof that cost our city $400 million. Is that what it was? I think it was more. I think it was $500. Luckily, we're the home of the Vancouver Millionaires. It was no problem.

Yeah, everyone pitched in. Well, it was inflation. We're now the Vancouver Multi-Millionaires. Yeah, sure. So, are you going with a group? Is it just you and a pal? It's me and my dad. Actually, we have season tickets.

So we've been going for about six years. So it's a fun thing. Yeah, it's a bonding experience. Yeah, my dad and I, there's not too much stuff that we... We don't really just go hang out anymore, you know? Do any dads and kids? I don't think so. Yeah, anymore.

Yeah. What kind of hanging out did you do as a child? I would go to his softball games, and I would watch his softball games. Would you hang out in the dugout? Yep. Oh, absolutely. Were you kind of like the mascot? No, but I was kind of the

bat boy. I definitely got into it, for sure. Like from the Weekly World News? I don't know what that is. Oh, yeah. He was a kid that was also a bat. No, that's not a true story. The Weekly World News is the most sensationalist of your... It's like the National Enquirer.

No, but it's like a paper that knows that it's making up stuff. Yeah, it's the Sci-Fi National Enquirer. No, but it's like a paper that knows that it's making up stuff. Yeah, it's the Sci-Fi National Enquirer. Oh, I see. Yeah, Sasquatch isn't the father of my child. So they're not trying to pass it off as real news. They're not even trying to pass it off as good Photoshop. I think they are the only people, and maybe they've given up on it, about Elvis still being alive. Like now it's all about Tupac.

Yeah. They hang out though, right? They go to CFL games together. What was the, what's the big thing that they say that Tupac is alive because he released a lot of albums posthumously. He released a lot of albums posthumously.

I heard one of the things was about how he, one of his albums was called Machiavelli. Yes. And in Machiavelli's The Prince, it's, I don't know, that book is like about. He fakes his own death. Yeah. But that's one of the things. I mean, in general, it's sort of how to be kind of a ruthless leader.

Yeah. It's a how-to. In some of Tupac's songs as well, I think people were looking for it. But I remember there was an old song where one of the bone thugs in harmony was there and singing the chorus. And then he says, he's alive, he's alive, he's alive. And yeah, I don't know if he was even talking about too far but people pick up little things like that and try to feed the fire you know yeah there were it's like the

opposite of the paul is dead beatles yeah right what if this happened here's a scenario that may happen somewhere in the world one of those charcoal sketch artist guys that sells drawings on the street he's like you know some guy comes by and says i'll do a drawing of me and then he does it and then halfway through he realizes he's drawing tupac he's drawing scarface because there's only scarface and tupac and he's like why is this coming so naturally yeah why is this so easy for me and then he looks up and it's Tupac. And he looks up and it's just some white guy. Like, oh, it turns out I can only draw Tupac.

Here's a picture of you as Tupac. It's Tupac wearing the same shirt as you. Luckily, you're wearing a white beater because that's also the only shirt I know how to draw. Oh, man. That's life. Well, that's cool. So you used to hang out at uh softball games you said that's nice that's a fun thing there's i don't uh i think like father son uh car racing teams that's what i think of like a father son activity did you do or you know american pickers or something like that yeah there. Hoggers. There's, you know, fishing is a thing.

Oh, sure, yeah. That apparently happens. Never did that. No, no one ever did. I did that, like, once. Hated it. Everyone hates it. Yeah.

Isn't it? It's just an excuse to go out in the woods and drink. Drink, yeah. But if you're with your kid, your 10-year-old boy who can't, like, handle, oh, I dropped the fishing rod in the ocean again. Sorry. I don't want to bait a hook, because it's gross.

You gave me too many beers. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, have you ever been fishing before? No, never. Well, maybe with my friends, like, for bullheads out in Birch Bay in the States. Are bullheads like Vulcans? They're just like, there's just hundreds of thousands of these little fish.

They're just tiny little fish. Yeah, we fished them once, but I've never gone on like an actual fishing trip. If I ever need an excuse to go drink in the woods, I would just go to the woods. With some alcohol. Bring some drinks. Sleep in my car. I know people, past guest Paul Bay is a big fly fisherman, which I don't know what that means. I think it's where you stand in the river.

You wear rubber pants. The big waders. Yeah. I think they're called rubber pants. There's an ad for our American listeners. There's this series of ads for the lottery up here that show people, you know, having won the lottery, what they're doing. And the soundtrack is them realizing they've won the lottery. And one of them is a bunch of dudes fly fishing.

And I'm like, that seems like something you would do if the world came to an end. Not if you won the lottery. Like if you had to forge for food or whatever. Right? Well, yeah. And they all won the lottery together in this ad. They're all standing in a river. And you can hear the soundtrack of them winning it.

It's like you hear the sounds of a machine shop. Yeah, yeah. They're all standing in a river, and you can hear the soundtrack of them winning it. It's like you hear the sounds of a machine shop. Yeah, yeah. They're like mechanics. And they're all really dumb. The guy's like, we won the lottery, and everybody's like, what? What? Me no like numbers. Yeah, me smash, et cetera.

And so the idea is that they won the lottery and now they're going to fish. As a group. Yeah. And they couldn't have done that before they won the lottery? Yeah, that's like one of the few things in life where you can go stand in a river for free. Yeah, yeah, you really can. You can just get a stick and a piece of string on it and literally do it for free. Yeah, does fishing gear cost millions of dollars on it and literally do it for free. Yeah.

Does fishing gear cost millions of dollars? No, I don't think so. I mean, like I said, I've never been fishing, so maybe. But maybe that's all they do now. They just fish all day. Yeah. If you won the lottery, would you quit your job but still hang out with everyone from your job? Everybody from work.

No, that's the stipulation when they hand you the money. Is they're like, you guys bought this ticket together. You have to spend it together. Yeah. We got to see receipts. In 24 hours. There's also one where a lady is on a boat. And the soundtrack underneath her sounds like she's reporting an assault.

It's like really weird acting. But it sounds like she's calling 911, but it's actually her calling the lottery office. But if you haven't seen the ad before, you're like, oh, she's going to get murdered on the boat. What's this an ad for? Boat murder. Life insurance. Pepper spray. Don't get on a boat without it. There's an ad that they play.

It's like an infomercial for the lift chair. Have you ever seen that? Oh, yeah. The thing that lifts you up the stairs? Yeah. And the first time I ever saw that ad, they say, we have a solution. Having trouble getting up the stairs, falling down? We have a solution for you.

Just don't fall. And then they continue on and explain how. But when I first heard it, I thought they were just like, just stop falling. What's your problem? A message from concerned citizens. Beware of gravity. There's an ad that they show also for old people,

hosted by Pat Boone. Oh, yeah. They show it during the news. It's a 30-second commercial. They play it every day, but he's doing it as though it's live. This is your last chance to call and get this amazing deal

on a safe step walk-in tub. It's a bathtub. Old people can't... Old people be crazy. Old people do be crazy because old people can't, old people be crazy. Old people do be crazy. Old people can't step up over the rim of a bathtub into a bathtub. Sure. And so there's a door on a bathtub with a seat in it.

And you close the door. I assume it's watertight. But I think you have to sit there the whole time while the water comes up. And you're not lying down in the bathtub. And while it drains, too. while the water comes up and you're not lying down in the back and while it drains you're sitting upright you're not lying down so it's going to take forever to fill

and you're just there staring at your old naked body you know that there's tons of people who've filled it up and then opened it it's probably like the number one call to the customer service uh that thing you said not to do can i speak to pat boone please oh man oh man i do not want to live to be that old

no by the time you're that old there there will be bionic legs, right? And prawns living on Earth. Sure, tiger prawns. Alien prawns. What's going on with you? Well. David. Before the show started today, I was watching a little bit of this movie called The Mechanic. The story about a guy who wins a lottery and gets to fix cars.

It's a Jason Statham movie. And I didn't know you had seen it before. Twice. So I was going to talk about it, but why do they call him The Mechanic? He's a killer. Yeah. You know, it's one of these things

where they needed a title, I guess, and they kind of just called it The Killer, which guess, and they kind of just called it The Killer, which would have been great if they just called it The Killer, because then I'd go see that as well. But he says, I'm a mechanic because I fix situations. The opening scene, is that the thing in the pool? Oh, the opening scene is the best. This guy is swimming in his pool. he's got his own private pool in this

like palatial he's a real rich looking jerk yeah it isn't jason statham this is no no the bad it's a bad guy i'm assuming jason statham only kills bad guys okay uh and this like i assume unless you cross him he's like a drug uh guy yeah, or something. Drug kingpin. And he's swimming in his palatial indoor pool and there's guards around him and one of the guards looks away and while that's happening, Jason says he's underwater

and then reaches up and pulls the guy under further and drowns him. And then the guy floats back up to the top right as the guard looks back into the pool but the guard doesn't notice anything because the guy floats back up to the top right as the guard looks back into the pool. But the guard doesn't notice anything because the guy keeps swimming. And you're like, oh, what? He keeps swimming, but he's a corpse.

And then the camera goes underwater again. And Jason Statham is moving the guy's arms and legs. Yeah, he's moving like Weekend at Bernie's. To make it look like he's still alive. And then he says the best way to kill someone is to make it look like you didn't, like nobody killed them.

Like it's an accident. And then everything else I saw in the movie was just huge explosions. Yeah, basically. He also, he kind of fixes up an antique car. That's going on, also, during the film. Well, he won the lottery. Sure.

He's a mechanic. Is there a plot at all to the movie? Yeah, it's... Or just a standard, like, action plot? No, like, well, what's his name, the other guy in the movie? Ben Foster. Ben Foster. Who people...

Will know from Alpha Dog. Yeah, people will know him from Alpha Dog. From 310 to Yuma. From that Cisco movie with Kirsten Dunst. And also when that movie, when the mechanic came out, we got a bunch of emails saying,

Graham's in this movie trailer. Because this Ben Foster guy looks kind of like Graham. He's got the same Graham hat and beard. And kind of swagger, right? I think we had a similar swagger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Ben Foster doesn't actually look like you. You're saying in the movie the character is dressed like you?

That's basically it, yeah. No, yeah, like nobody would confuse me and Ben Foster. I don't know, racists maybe. Sure, right? Hey, round eyes or whatever? Hey, why did i that's racist of me to assume that all the racists would only look at the roundness of my eyes um well racism is complicated that way racism begets racism uh so yeah i watched that movie anyway uh that's he ends up being killed

yeah but you can stay them in the last scene I don't think that spoils anything no yeah you can't that's the thing the movie tries to do like hey this guy got won over on Jason Statham but anybody who's ever seen a Jason Statham movie knows you're not gonna win Jason Statham always wins

there's no he's not gonna die at the end his name is on the poster yeah right even when his name name is on the poster. Yeah, right? He's going to win. Even when his name wasn't on the poster, he seemed to win. Really? In a snatch. Snatch.

He seemed to come out on top. Yeah, even though that was primarily a Brad Pitt poster. Yeah, that was primarily a... I think the star of those posters was the dog that swallows the squeaky ball. Oh, right. Yeah. Where does he know? Just the word snatch. star of those posters was the dog that swallows the squeaky ball oh right yeah and also just the word snatch speaking of uh like action movies i went and saw uh drive oh it's uh ryan ryan

gosling i for you know i i know it but have you not talked about it yet no i only saw it two days ago hmm does it sound like something that maybe've ever talked about? Maybe one of our guests talked about it. Oh, yeah. Somebody wanted to talk about it, but none of us had seen it. Right. But in 24 hours, I saw two Ryan Gosling movies, the one with Steve Carell, Crazy Stupid Love, and then Drive. Could not have been more different of characters that Ryan Gosling's playing

both wearing very tight V-neck t-shirts at some point almost like the exact same wardrobe for both characters but different guys explain, do you think he has something in his contract that says he gets to wear a V-neck?

yeah, I think Gosling does what Gosling wants to do. Oh, right. Yeah. A lot of people are upset that he wasn't the sexiest man alive. Well, he is the sexiest man alive. Not according to People Magazine. Yeah, they said Bradley Cooper. Yeah, Coop.

He speaks French. Is that why? Yeah, that's basically why. That was the tiebreaker. Then why isn't Gerard Defardieu the sexiest man? He is. He is also? Yeah.

In the French people? That's who... They have... Popula magazine. People magazines all over the world, but they just put the nationality in front. So in Italy, it's just called the Italian people. Why is that so funny? I don't know, because they do that with other magazines.

I know, but it's funny that it's just like, this one's for Italian people. Oh man, that's good. Yeah, people are up in arms about Bradley Cooper being the sexiest man alive. I think it's just a... Who's up in arms? Somebody from People magazine? No, like, people made, like, fake protests. People did fake protests that Ryan Gosling wasn't the sexiest man alive. There's, like, people doing that, and then the Occupy people across the street, like,

come on, you can put that much effort into something like this, and you can't join our protest? Our real thing? Yeah, Gosling is the sexiest. I mean, but they just did one afternoon of a fake protest. What is a fake protest? I mean, it's a real protest, but you don't really care. Yeah. I mean, because it's such an arbitrary, it's basically like, who's got the most powerful

publicist? Yeah. Bradley Cooper. So, yeah, I watched a bit of that jason statham movie but the other thing i wanted to talk about this week was uh i had a little incident on the bus yesterday ordinary uh yeah i had to ask everyone to turn away uh no i was on the bus yesterday and i was uh like going to work and there was a guy sitting in a single seat at the front. One of those great single seats.

I love those seats. Luckiest man on earth. But he looked like a French person. Sheriff? He looked like a French homeless guy. He was reading French people. Oh, he just had exaggerated clownish features. He was talking about whimsy.

Yeah, real. He was falling in love. His name was Monsieur Poubelle. He had a baguette. He looked like he would have worn clown makeup. But he wasn't homeless. He had a teamster's hat, so I assumed he was a teamster. Or he killed a Teamster.

But he was just like, he was maybe 60 but looked 80. And was, maybe he was 50 and looked 80. And just was exhausted and his skin was all craggly and just had a layer of nicotine on his entire body. And he was sleeping he was trying to stay awake and he had his chin on his his knuckle there uh and it kept slipping off and he would wake himself up when he did that and i'm standing right next to him and he keeps doing it every few seconds just a hand or chin on the hand and falling asleep and waking up and then he just slumps forward uh like he's given up trying to stay awake and he's just

he can fall asleep sitting for like a like uh those uh funny videos of a really tired kid falling asleep you know we talked about those videos in his bowl of cereal it's delightful what is it there's a website for it right yeah probably babies and kids falling what is it called i know you told me cute things falling asleep.com oh and they always do a segment of it on america's funniest home video the greatest uh and then uh so i'm standing there right next to him kind of have a bit of a smile on my face it's just kind of a funny thing to see first thing in the morning um and then the bus turns a corner and the guy starts to fall out of his seat onto me and i my reaction is, oh. So I go to kind of catch him.

I go to sort of catch him, but I also do not want to touch him. Yeah. And whatever movement I do, it's very feminine. And then the guy wakes up before he falls out of the seat. And I have to, like, pretend, smile like pretend smile and like sort of chuckle to myself like oh what a fun interesting thing that happened uh and then another seat opened up and i sat down immediately but otherwise i would have gotten off at the next time just because everyone was looking at me yeah can't we just all wear blindfolds on the boat uh you were talking

like the single seat is uh is a beautiful thing that they've created on the bus yeah there's about five of them something to strive for uh but on the new buses that they that they have uh there's these i don't know if you've been on a bus that has there's, like, two bench seats at the back, but they face each other. I want to throw the designer of that down a flight of stairs. Who wanted that?

Right? Can't throw them under a bus. Because that's not comfortable. Nobody wants to be knee-to-knee. It must be for space, because, yeah, it's not the most comfortable way to sit. It's awful having to stare directly at somebody the whole bus ride. And you're, like, touching them. Because, like, unless you're the tiniest tot.

Yeah, one of you's got to open the legs up, and then one of you's got to close up. Yeah, and somebody else is going to go inside. It's like a weird spooning. You immediately discover who's the top and who's the bottom but yeah it was really uh i've been on that that's a bus that i've had to take like eight or nine times and those are the only seats that are ever open are they always they're always open yeah but who designed that who thought that would be a yeah maybe it was someone who was like oh you know what the bus experience needs people don't

meet each other there's not enough conversation there's no community yeah yeah anyway that's the worst uh so what did you do this weekend week oh yeah by the way last night we did a live podcast that was delightful thanks to everyone who came out and witnessed that we I believe I don't know actually when we're gonna release that it's either already been released or it will shortly be released

let's see if you like if not don't complain it was a really weird show. The mayor showed up in the middle. But I think listening to it just for Aaron Reid's celebrity crush hat response is probably worth it. Yeah. Just, there you go.

Yeah, the last ten minutes of the show. Yeah, fast forward. If you're like, ah, this is too crazy. Because it does. It's all crazy. Yeah, we had six guests and then the mayor came and gave a speech right in the middle of the show. So is the mayor's speech on the podcast? I don't think I'll edit it.

Yeah, it's somewhere in the podcast. Because we talk about it, so it wouldn't make sense to take it out. But yeah, this week, my parents were in town for a few days. How come you didn't come by with them? I don't know. I've proposed it in the past and you were like, nope, you can't have your parents on the podcast. Oh, no, no, no. Not on the podcast.

Oh, you mean just by the house? I don't know. Because I don't have a car, I guess. I don't know. I try to limit it to train trips. Train trips only. No bus trips. Train trips only. No bus trips with the parents. And we fixed the faucet

in my house that my superintendent broke more than it was. So my dad and I went to Home Depot and picked out things to fix it. That's some fun father-son bonding. That was a good father-son bonding experience. And what was

great, made it even better, was the guy that we found at Home Depot, like, clearly he was looking for something to do. And so he made it his mission to figure this out, you know, find the right washer and everything. We were there for like 45 minutes and he had a phone,

like, there's a phone that they all carry. I think people, like, press a button somewhere in the store, like, press here for help. And the phone rings, and he kept hanging up on it because he was just focused on this project. And I don't know. I kind of like a guy like that. He's good at his job, and he's excited about,

hey, customers that want to do a thing. Because he was really into he was into it. It must have been his first day. Oh, probably. He was actually halfway through my dad's notice that he was wearing a button that said, be patient with me, I'm a trainee. I was going to say 45 minutes. I mean, that doesn't sound like someone

who knows what they're doing at all. That's true. You've got questions, we've got answers. Long-winded answers. I think you... So it's definitely the faucet? That's where the water comes out, right? He just keeps referring to this giant book.

Let's go to row F for faucets. No, that's not how it works here? I would have assumed everything was alphabetical. Let's go to row F for faucets. No, that's not how it works here? Huh. I would have assumed everything was alphabetical. Now you need a washer for that? You need a dryer for that? Yeah. So, you know, my faucet's working currently.

I'm pretty happy about it. Yeah, I'm pretty chuffed. The handles point in crazy directions, and they're both cold water. I am pretty happy. Chuffed? Yeah, I'm pretty chuffed. The handles point in crazy directions, and they're both cold water handles, but everything else is... But one of the cold water handles makes hot water? Yeah, so it's one... The left one? It's bilingual. One is cold, and one is shit.

So wait a second. It took 45 minutes, and then he gave you the wrong thing? No, he gave us the thing, but the faucet, like when I, I took the faucet off of the sink and we brought it down there because it's like, when we brought it out of the bag, it was like a museum piece. Like something you would find like, oh, on a ship that sunk. Like, look at this, you know, this beautiful faucet. Yeah, the Antiques Roadshow. Is this worth anything? It's so old. The guy, like, his eyes went so wide when he saw it.

It would be like just driving a jalopy to get an oil change. The guy would be like, where does the oil go in this thing? So, yeah, it was pretty great. Yeah. And that's it. And, yeah, it was pretty great. Yeah. And that's it. That's it. And then we did the podcast last night. That was basically my week.

So your parents came to help fix the faucet and then left. They stayed downtown. And so we got to see the Occupy movement on a daily basis. I don't know. The cops went in there one of the mornings and were chasing people out. I don't know. We watched that.

It was not as reported, you know, like really exciting and stuff is the way it's always reported in the press. But it's just kind of... Well, it can't be exciting 24 hours a day. No, it's true. Well, I mean, unless you find drum circles exciting, in which case, 24 hours a day.

Here's the problem. I will say this, and this is media, Canadian and American. Why, every time that they go to get a comment from somebody at the Occupy movement, do they have to find somebody wearing a silly hat? Every single time. They can't ask somebody that just looks like a normal

person? I think it's the people with the silly hats that are coming forward with that, you know? I know, but they should go know. They're the ones that want to be on camera. There was a guy yesterday in front of the courthouse wearing one of those Russian hat that you

would wear if you were in Siberia. Yeah, I saw a guy wearing the sock monkey looking hat. Yeah! He was on last night, and I was like, oh, come on. You guys could find somebody that was just wearing no hat. And today I saw a story where there was a guy playing air guitar. They're

doing that on purpose. Of course. The media are doing that on purpose. Well, because if you just show sane-looking people, that's not even a shot. That's just a person. No, but they ask sane people on the other side. They're like, why do we have to evacuate this thing? Somebody in a suit. They should talk to crazy people from both sides.

Yeah, that's fair journalism. They go and find the craziest guy at City Hall, like, that's in the basement or whatever, and they ask him why they need to be evacuated, and he just throws a snow globe at the reporter. He's dressed like Napoleon. That's fair and balanced journalism. Anyways, knock it off, media. You know who you are. Stop taking all the I know they're doing a bunch of crazy stuff

but you don't have to put it together as a montage like here's what the nutso's are doing you know what I'm talking about the dreadlockupy movement what if there was an animal called a dreadlock like a lock like an octopus yeah an octopus but instead of arms white guy dreadlocks gross that's the grossest creature photoshop it listeners all right let's move on over about overheard. Overheard.

Overheard. Things overheard in your daily life, your weekly life, your month-to-month life. Let's stop it there. Let's not say your yearly life. Oh, sure. Okay. Your yearly life. A boy's life? Yeah.

The Eddie Murphy movie Life. With Martin Sheen. Short. Now, overheards. We always like to start with the guest. And you know the show. You've come prepared, right? Yeah, absolutely.

It's actually, it's kind of, it should be inspiring maybe for listeners. Because I had an overheard, I remember, years ago when I listened. I thought I should call it in. And then I was like, no, one day I'm going to be a guest. That is inspiring. And then I'll do the overheard. But I forgot that overheard very quickly after I made that. But I do have an overheard.

I was at a coffee shop by my house using the internet because I don't have internet. Yeah, it's free. And I used to get it for free at my apartment. And the person beside me secured their wireless network. That's kind of an aside. But I was at the coffee shop. And there was a guy in there. He was in his 40s probably.

And he was with his young daughter who was probably eight years old maybe. And she was kind of annoying him, you know, she was talking in his ear and he was on his computer trying to work away. And he got kind of flustered at one point and he turned really quickly and he spilt his coffee like all over himself on his lap, all over his computer. And he just like, he had this look like he was so upset. And the little girl just like he had this look like he was so upset and the little girl

just like stood up kicked her chair out from behind her and just got right into his face just pointed right at his face and started laughing oh wow as hard as she possibly could and like the look on the guy he was his daughter obviously he's out in public but he i mean he wanted to have a fist fight with her like he That's what he looked like at that point. And then the lady comes over. And it's kind of calmed down. And the lady comes over and is like, what's, you know, to clean it up. And she just decided at that point to say, it's fine.

My dad just spilled his coffee everywhere. I can't take him anymore. Oh, man. Wow. What an annoying little girl yeah does he think he was uh just like a weekend parent no i see them there uh all the time like i see them there every single day at the coffee shop so i i get to relive that every every day when i go in i remember i can't think of a time in my life when I was ever taken to a coffee shop. Like, to sit down. It is kind of a weird thing. Oh, except when my parents were working on their screenplays.

Yeah. I was raised by beatniks, so I spent a lot of time at the Hungry Eye. She has her own iPad, this girl. She has her own iPad that she uses, so I'm thinking maybe... Oh, I don't care for that at all. No, I don't like it either. Maybe they also have the Wi-Fi situation. They're like, cheaper to be you know get

five dollars worth of coffee and stay there for eight hours yeah she downloads a lot of dumb movies so that takes up a lot of our home wi-fi yeah maybe they're homeless maybe it's like the pursuit of happiness like he's trying to get shit going and she's just being a brat and he's just like feeding her biscotti like they should sell one of their ipads then probably use some of that money for food i sold my ipad to get food but you bought me a food app for my ipad the gift of the ipad yeah dave do you have an overheard i do have an overheard um it's a kind of a guy said it to me but it was a guy i didn't know i was walking down the street in my neighborhood and it doesn't matter whether you know the person i mean if you're having a conversation with someone you know

that can't really be an overheard but if you're walking like if you if someone says something if a stranger says something to you i think that counts sure look i'm doing it you're not gonna get an injunction um uh so i i'm doing uh this walk down the street a moonwalk uh i'm walking down the street and it's like a Saturday morning, and this about 60-year-old man just walks out of his house. He's still wearing pajamas and flip-flops and a house coat. And he sees me there, and he immediately is like, Oh, he didn't expect to be seen outside like this, so he has to explain what he's doing outside oh I was just checking up on what the hell are these things

and there were these two little wooden stakes in in the lawn two like wooden sticks with bits of plastic bag on the top like flags marking something what are these here

for and then he looks at them and he goes oh they're dog shit someone had put little markers down that's a lot of effort and they had bags they tore the bags up to make flags we went somebody is a surveyor they're exactly two feet apart once when I was a kid we went away for the summer and our neighbor was supposed to take care of our dog

and like clean up after it and take it out and stuff and just when we got home, there were a bunch of little notes that said, don't step here. That's awesome. That's super great.

The fact that you need a note as well, wouldn't there be a big pile of shit like that? Well, sometimes it's pee. Oh, I see. Don't eat off of this patch. Do not picnic here. But it was indoors. It was in our house.

It was the worst. I don't know why we trusted this eight-year-old boy. He has a raging eight-year-old boy house party. I was wondering where that sounds. Raging eight-year-old. Boner. Boner. Graham, where is your overheard?

My overheard was on the train. And it was, there was a lady carrying, she was carrying her dog and bringing it on the train, which I don't think that's a thing. I'm pretty sure that's against the rules of the train. Yeah, I once witnessed someone get kicked off the train for that. I would have liked to have seen this woman get kicked off, but she had a purse-sized dog or whatever. And it was like a super rush hour. So everybody was like, you know, kind of super close. And the dog, like, I could feel the dog breathing on my back.

And there was a lady next to the lady with the dog who was, I don't know, she was like, unreasonably impressed that this woman had a dog. She was like, oh, is that your dog? And the lady's like, yeah. And she's like, wow, you've got,

Oh man. And she's like, I've got another one at home. And she's like, two dogs. Wow. But she was like, I don't know.

That seems like that would be really hard to do. And she's like, no, it's not that hard. She's like, no, but you got to train. But it was at the halfway through, I was like, was this girl making fun of the girl?

I couldn't tell if she was being... Ooh, look at you. But it just went on and on. There's no ending to it. It just went on and on the whole train ride where she's like, eh, you know, you house train them. Oh, I don't think I could ever do that. Like that. Like that. That emphasis.

You're my hero. Exactly. Oh my god. Just two dogs. I sometimes think about getting a second dog and whether it would be harder. No, Grandpa would just take care of the second one. I sort of feel that that's the case.

Yeah, you take care of Grandpa, He takes care of the other dog. Yeah, the dog... The one dog that you have knows how things go already. So he could pass on that. Yeah, here's where this is. This is my area. You go away. This is where you do your poops?

Yeah. Yeah, see that yellow note that says... Don't step on it. If you go to the bathroom inside, leave a note. It's the curtest thing to do. With your insurance information. Leave a note. Hey, dude, I'm good for it.

Was leave a note one of the pieces of advice in that Baz Luhrmann wear sunscreen? Leave a note if you take a dump on somebody. Do we have any audience overheard? Oh, we do. We also, in addition to our overheards, we cast a wide net out there. And anybody who wants to send in an overheard can do so

via Stop Podcasting Yourself at gmail.com. And I think we got some pretty good stuff. Some of it's okay. This is from the Skytrain. This is the Skytrain wrote to us. It's sentient. Welcome. This is from dave h um and uh this is on the sky train

two frat looking guys having a conversation one had recently gotten a tattoo done by a friend of his the other guy was impressed with the quality and asked for details after giving out his shot name and phone number he said if you get a tattoo that's food-related, he'll totally do it for free. Like my buddy got one on his back, gestures all the way across both shoulders of a plate of pancakes and syrup. What a deal. Do you have any tattoos, Chris? No, I do not. Oh, me neither. Graham still, Chris? No, I do not. Oh, me neither.

Did you grab one? Graham, still no tattoos? No, no tattoos. There's a guy at Whole Foods, and on his forearm, he has a tattoo of a soy milk container. And I wonder if he knew about this free... Well, our friend and past guest, Connornor holler has that wonderful um uh hamburger hamburger it's very nice um this uh this next one comes from laura f uh i was at an artist's talk which was also the launch of a book recently and as people are getting my three favorite things

right artists what do you like you like? You like launching? I like art, books, and talking. Yeah. And as people are getting up from their seats to head off to the line to buy a book, a girl in the row behind me asks her friend, so are you going to buy the book? And her friend replies, no, I only read books I find on the street. Pretty hip. Yeah. How many books could you possibly find on the street. Pretty hip. How many books could you possibly find on the street? Maybe she's just not

very well read, is what she's saying. There's some free containers of books, occasionally. It's usually old, like, microwave cookery or some weird book. Stuff that doesn't get sold at a yard sale. So really bad books. Yeah, wet books.

Moist books. I only read books I find on the street. I only get bed bugs. Now, I don't know the pronunciation properly for this character. The character in No Country for Old Men that was played by... Anton Chigurh? Is it Chigurh? I think it's Chigurh.

This revolves around that. This is from Sarah S. from Minneapolis. I was watching No Country for Old Men in the theater. If you recall, Anton Chigurh injured his thigh and had to get medical supplies from the pharmacy. During the scene where you see Chigurh with his pants off,

stitching up his wound, someone sitting behind me very quietly said, Briefs. Put that on your blog. I do a blog that just keeps track of what movie characters wear. Wear briefs? In terms of underwear. Boxers, briefs. Boxer briefs in terms of underwear yeah boxers briefs boxer briefs or nothing

oh man i wonder what ashton kutcher wears in the new movie new year's eve the sequel to valentine's day is that a real movie yeah it's uh robert de niro's in it for no reason and also there's a bit of stunt casting in there i want to say it's like somebody from the black isn't uh al pacino's in jack and jill for no reason apparently oh yeah you have uh your profile picture on facebook is adam sandler in the jill costume yeah i just thought it was a funny picture because it doesn't it doesn't look like a like a still from a movie it just looks like someone took a picture of him out at like a football game but he's fully in drag looking really bad you haven't seen it. No, I haven't. I was going to go watch it.

Have you actually seen it? I've seen it five times. Because it got 4% on Rotten Tomatoes, which is the lowest that I've ever seen. Oh, no, the lowest was what's it? The other Adam Sandler... Grown Ups? No, the one with Nick Swartzen. Oh, Bucky Larson? Bucky

Larson. That got zero. Oh. Still standsartzen. Oh, Bucky Larson? Bucky Larson. That got zero. Oh. Still stands at zero. Well, the thing about Jack and Jill, it's like people have put up with Adam Sandler for a long time. Is this like just the straw that broke the camel's back? Like, no more of this, Adam. I would like the critics that are amongst the 4% from Rotten Tomatoes to stage a protest saying we are the 4% of the Blackjack.

But here's the thing. I have no problem with it. I'll watch it on TV. I love Adam Sandler in drag any other time he's done it, when he was the Gap Girls. Sure, Gap Girls was great, but that was almost 20 years ago. Some things, like why can't women age gracefully? Dame Edna did it. When he...

On his albums, when he would do, like, the woman voice characters. The Jewish mom. The Jewish mom. Yeah. And the, like, cheerleader. Yeah. But, like, isn't it a thing that he should have done, like, 10 years ago, 15 years ago? He was busy making the water bowl.

Yeah. The longest yard. Get busy living or get busy dying, man. Okay, now in addition to overheards that are written in, we also get telephoned ones. If you own a telephone or rent a telephone. I'm leasing this telephone. Plug a television number, telephone number into your telephone. Use a television for it.

206-339-8328. Those are the digits that you need. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Logan calling in with another overheard. Logan from Cochran, Georgia. Sorry, I didn't say that. I was at work the other day, and I heard, I was talking to one of my clients and I was telling her about these little sweet treats you can make with fresh up Oreos, cream

cheese and almond bar called Oreo balls. They're really good. But anyway, I was telling her about them and I asked one of the ladies I work with, said Stacy have you ever heard of have you ever had any Oreo balls and she piped up and went my sister makes Oreo balls and it just made me laugh so hard and I thought y'all might enjoy it oh man it made me laugh too

wait a second I'm not sure I followed that she asked someone have you ever had oreo balls and the girl said my sister makes oreo balls we pronounce it differently in our nickel yeah we emphasize the balls uh because we live in a uh you know male dominated society. I also like that the greeting was Hey guys and Graham. Is that what she said?

Yeah, isn't that what she said? I don't know. Well, maybe she said Hey Dave and Graham. I thought it was Hey guys and Graham. It's a very distinctive accent. Oh, it's lovely. She always depends on the kindness of strangers and always has.

Yeah, for her Oreo bowl. Next phone call. Hey, Dave. Hey, Gray. This is Nick from Tigard, Oregon. Don't Google it. You'll just be disappointed. I was in the Whole Foods today when I heard this exchange between a mother and daughter.

So the daughter is picking out some gluten free cake mix or something like that. And the mom is reading out the ingredients. And she's reading and then she says, is this vegan? And the daughter says, well, the lady said that it's vegan. And then the mom says, well, it's directions say to add eggs. And the daughter says, well, yeah, it's vegan. You just add eggs. It's vegan in its current form.

Just don't add the eggs. Yeah. Don't be an idiot. You also need to add milk. Yeah. We're making Oreo balls. And veal. Yeah.

Have you ever had an Oreo ball? It sounded good. Oh, do you think that they'll have those at your mustache ball? Like everything will be in balls? Oh, yeah. Like everything will be in balls. Yeah, yeah. Like there will be carrot balls.

Like everything will just form into a ball. Carrot balls. Yeah. Yeah. Oreo balls. You'll go to order a beer. No, we only have beer balls. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, what would that be? Like a beer. No, we only have beer balls. Yeah. Oh, what would that be? Like a beer in a balloon or something? A frozen beer balloon. Oh, that would be pretty good. Yeah, everything's good. Yeah. We're generally positive. Our final overheard is this one.

Hi, it's that podcasting yourself. This is Ashley from St. Louis. I'm calling you as an overheard. Actually, it is kind of an over-experienced since I was involved. But it was at the end of a date the other day, and we were sitting out in the car in front of his apartment complex, and the subject of my German heritage had come up. And then he kind of leaned in to kiss me, and then really quietly he said, whenever I think about about you speak german i get a huge boner

date over yeah good night yeah i don't think you wait until you're in a in a nice solid relationship before you start talking about your boners and what inspires them. Yeah, and the ethnicity that inspires them. Yeah, German isn't really the... It's not like, you know, when I think of you being Spanish, you know? It doesn't have that sort of... It just seems like there

might be some negative undertones. Whenever I read German people... Come from the same stock. Well, thanks everybody for calling in. If you want to call in an overheard, it's 206-339-8328 or stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com. Now, Dave, you wanted to try out a segment.

I did, but before that, I want to cover today's celebrity birthday. Oh, goddammit! This is a segment that people beg for. By the zeros. Okay. Celebrating a big celebrity birthday today. Atlanta.

The city? Happy birthday. I forgot how to finish the sentence. Atlanta Olympics hero hero Carrie Strug turns 34 today. Oh, she was the gymnast who performed even though she had a sore ankle. She had one leg.

She was the one-legged gymnast. Played by Chris Kattan on Saturday Night Live. Yes. Immortalized by Chris Kattan. No, wait, no. Chris Kattan did a sketch with her. Yeah, with her.

They both did it together. But they were both Carrie Strug characters. He did the Carrie Strug character before, and then they just did one of those sketches where they... But in that sketch, I think he was like her brother or cousin. He was a boy. Maybe. Oh, he played Monkeybone. Well, that's not

right. It's Brendan Fraser. Tap dancing dreadlocked-a-puss Savion Glover is 38 today. I don't know who that is. I think I said everything I need to say about it. He was maybe in Bring in the Noise, Bring in the Funk.

Was he on America's Got Talent? Yeah. The star of NBC's The Restaurant, about it. He was maybe in Bring Into Noise, Bring Into Funk. Was he on America's Got Talent? Yeah. Okay. The star of NBC's The Restaurant, Rocco Disperito is 45. Wait a minute now. That's not a thing. All of those things. The Restaurant. This is a weekday for Celebrity Birthday. Also, wait, wait.

Isn't Rocco, isn't there another show that he's on? Rocco's Dinner with Rocco? Rocco's Modern Life. There you go. That's what it is. That's not. It's like a cartoon. I think the B-52s are the theme song. Okay.

Now, there are three women who have their birthday today. Three celebrity women. Do you guys... Do I get women? Do you know who Allison Janney is? Do I need to explain who that is? I know the name. Nope.

I don't know who that is. She played CJ on The West Wing. Go farther. Alice and Jannie looking woman. Swing away. Alright, well, she's 52 today. Oh, she looks good. Well, she does because Because of all the wonderful things.

Maybe she doesn't. This conversation is going to go nowhere because you don't know who this person is. But anyway, also celebrating a birthday today, Jodie Foster. I know that person. Is 49. Oh, she played Nell. That's just what I was thinking.

Really? Yeah, I swear to God. Wig away. Wig a wig away. And the answer to this week's trivia question. Oh, what's the trivia question going to be who played Nell this woman

had what the other woman wanted to have when Harry met Sally Meg Ryan Meg Ryan is 50 really she doesn't look like she's only two years younger than Allison Janney.

You don't know who that is. But Meg Ryan and Jodie Foster, a year apart. Yeah. A world apart. Yeah. I would like to see, if that's possible, like at a Fringe Festival, to see Meg Ryan playing Jodie Foster's part in a stage production of Nell. Is that possible? Yeah, sure.

She doesn't do any dialogue, right? She has her own language. Yeah, she goes like, wig away. Shoo-ba-doo. A lot of people make fun of Nell, but... Okay, so this new segment that I want to do it's all it's good the segment's called the best scenes from nell yeah wiggle wiggle way it's mostly with the bang yeah i'm the scat man The Scatman squee-ba-ba-ba-da-ba. Ooh-ee-ooh-ah-ah-ah-ah.

This new segment... Well, many of our listeners have noticed that we frequently refer to things as the greatest or the worst. Yeah, Ryan Hamilton last week, just in the middle of the thing, he was like, that's a lot of things that are the worst. Yeah, he noticed. Most things are the worst yeah yeah yeah he noticed most things are the worst um uh and uh this week abby and i were watching a thing on tv and uh it involved um those those gold coins that are filled with chocolate and uh we were talking about how she said oh those are the worst kind of chocolate but But I was like, chocolate is the greatest. But it's the worst of the greatest.

It's the worst of the greatest. So this segment, we will, in this segment, worst of the greatest or greatest of the worst, I don't know what it's going to be called yet. We don't need a theme song yet. Let's see if it has any legs. But we will bring to you things that we consider the greatest and things that we consider the worst,

and we will try to find the worst things about the greatest and the that we consider the worst, and we will try to find the worst things about the greatest and the greatest things about the worst. Okay, so you've got one that's the greatest, and I've come up with one that is the worst in my head. Who wants to go first? You do. Okay. The greatest thing is martial arts.

But the worst thing about martial arts... Yeah. Oh, okay. But the worst thing about martial arts are people who read martial arts magazines. True or false? Yeah. What made me think about this being the greatest thing or the worst thing was seeing a guy in a martial arts karate uniform. A gi. Sure.

Wasn't that some kind of clarified butter? He was wearing non-stop clarified butter. No, he was wearing a karate outfit, but he was out in public, and so he was wearing shoes with it. Like a pair of rogues? Just a little pair of rogues. I think they were Crocs with a lining. Sure. That may be one of the worst things about the greatest thing.

Oh, okay. I think guys who read martial arts magazines are the worst thing about martial arts. What about Miss Piggy? Oh, where she goes, hi-yah. Yeah. Yeah, that's the greatest of the greatest. Do you think, like, martial arts people enjoy that? Or do you think they hate her more, or, like, Jaden Smith?

I think... What did Jaden Smith do, Kar do karate kid he was the most recent karate kid i think if you gave uh opportunity like if you said okay you have to kill mary or fuck and it was jayden smith miss piggy or that guy you saw on the street i think they would probably marry miss piggy well who wouldn't kill jayden smith and just have sex guy you saw on the street. I think they would probably marry Miss Piggy. Well, who wouldn't? Kill Jaden Smith and just have sex with the guy on the street. Yes. Okay, so I think we've come to the... Well, so is Jaden Smith the worst? Or are the magazines the worst?

I don't know. Chris, do you got any opinions about the martial arts? I would say that I don't know about people who read martial art magazines. So I would say Jaden Smith is the worst. Oh, he's the worst thing. He's the greatest thing. Let's see if I understand this. So if I were to say...

I don't know if I understand this. Okay. Well, if I were to say that, like, say beer is the best. Yes. Like, beer is the best, but the worst beer is Iron Horse. Right. Is that basically what we're... Yeah, it's not necessarily the worst in the category, but just the worst thing about...

About that. About... So then the worst thing about beer, I guess, would be then, yeah, would be throwing up. I would say the worst thing about beer is beer belly. That would be... Beer is the greatest. Beer belly... Is the worst would say the worst thing about beer is beer belly. That would be... Beer is the greatest. Beer belly is the worst. Nobody likes beer belly. The taste of beer also.

It's not very good. I like the first few years you drink beer, you're like, hmm, why am I doing this? Oh, but then you get drunk and it's the greatest. Yeah. So did you come up with something that was the worst for us to gratify? Yeah, okay.

The worst is the whole Housewives television franchise. Okay. That's the worst. You know, like Housewives, the real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the real Housewives of New Jersey, the real Housewives of whatever else. There's like five of them. There's one that they're making in Vancouver right now. Yeah, and so the greatest thing about that

would be, didn't one of their husbands kill himself? Yeah, that's true. Also, one of them used to be married to Kelsey Grammer. Kelsey Grammer, yeah that's that's maybe the greatest thing about yeah the housewives franchise is a the time kelsey grammar fell off that stage it's the best video ever and sideshow bob oh yeah uh he's in our thoughts is there a mob there's a mob one too right oh that's mob that's mob that's that's long island

medium is that is that different yeah i would say that that would be the greatest thing about it Is there a mob? There's a mob one too, right? Oh, that's Mob Wives. That's Mob. That's Long Island Medium. Is that different? Yeah, it's different. Because I would say that that would be the greatest thing about it, that it gave us a chance to meet all these wonderful mob wives. Oh, so like you think the Real Housewives gave us an opportunity that that show would exist, the Mob Wives, so we get to know some mob wives. And now we get to listen to these people just talk openly about their criminal husband.

It's kind of odd. That's a good husband. It's kind of odd. That's a good call. That's kind of a greatest of the worst. Oh, I was staying away from that show because I didn't know it was called Mob Wives. I thought it was called Mog Wives. Yeah, don't feed them after midnight. Or do if you want to party. Are gremlins just party animals?

Yeah, that's all they are. That's the crazy thing about the gremlins movie is it's like, oh, don't do all the things. But all it is is these guys really like to party. Nobody gets hurt unless you try and stop their party time. So if everyone just let them party, then they'd just probably turn in after a couple of days. Because that's all they do, right? Is they just drink and go crazy and have a crazy party. But then if somebody tries to stop them, that's when it gets violent.

So that should be the fourth violent. So, just, that should be the fourth rule. Don't get them wet. Don't feed them after midnight. What's the, what's the, is there a third one? Don't talk about gremlins. Don't talk about gremlins. And fourth, if they do turn into gremlins, don't try to fuck up their party. Yeah. Just let them party. Order them a pizza. Just give them some ecstasy

or something. Yeah. So, we've just determined that the worst thing about martial arts is James Smith. The greatest thing about the Desperate Housewives no, Real Housewives series is

Gremlins. Yes, we did it. Alright, this may or may not be a segment. I like it. No, this is going to be a segment. I like how it worked out. Alright, well let's wrap up this show. Chris James, do you have any shows upcoming if anybody is in? Are you doing shows in Vancouver, outside of Vancouver?

What's coming up? I have some shows coming up. I have a small one at, I think it's on the 29th of November. I'm headlining the Kino Cafe, which is somewhere on Cambie Street. Cambie and... 18th or something like that. 18th, sure. And I'm doing Laugh Lines in New Westminster, December 1st to 3rd.

And at some point in January, I'm in Victoria at Heckler's with John Buehler. I don't know the date, but... Nice. And you're very good on stage. You've come a long way. Like, how long have you been doing stand-up? Three years. Three years. Three years.

Coming up on three years. Yeah, you were doing a split middle at the Comedy Mix when I was there. And it was fantastic. Thank you very much. It means a lot. You had the crowd eating out of your hand. So a very funny guy if you're in Vancouver or in Victoria in January. Oh, imagine. Oh, oh, imagine.

Oh, yeah. Romance. Yeah. And it's past guest John Buehler as I'm opening for it. Very funny man indeed. Very long past guest. Yeah. I know.

I don't even know where is John Buehler. If you're listening, we're thinking. We're thinking of you. Absolutely. Dave, do you have anything upcoming? I'm good. Yeah? Yeah.

You? Solid? Oh, no. Dave do you have anything upcoming? I'm good Solid? Oh no Yeah Thanks to everyone who came out and saw us live It's a Sorry people got turned away at the door It was very full

Yeah you had to show up early There were people there at 7 o'clock For a 9 o'clock show So you can't show up at 9.05 But thanks for everyone for coming out. And yeah, next time we do a live one, we'll maybe do it in a bigger place.

Absolutely. And everybody should head over to MaximumFun.org and check out the blog recap that Dave does each and every week. What do you imagine I will have? Well, I hope there's that clip from the

mechanic where he does the fake swimming if you can track it down. If you can get Kelsey Grammer falling off the stage. Oh, yeah, definitely. That's awesome. Everyone needs to see that. Possibly one of those lottery commercials where we were talking about guys in the river, women being murdered

on a boat. In the lottery, you can get away with murder. That sounds like America's Funniest Home Videos. Women being murdered on a boat. Baby loves head-on. Maybe it was the guy who won the lottery, the one who was doing the murdering. That's what the commercial was about. Win the lottery, do whatever you want.

Have some murders. Put some nachos on that belt. Win the lottery. Do whatever you want. Yeah. Have some murders. Put some nachos on that belt. Win the lottery. Sail out to international waters. Have a gremlin party. Drop all your mogwais in the ocean. Party with them. And also, while you're at MaximumFun.org, why not check out some of our sister and brother podcasts?

You've got your Jordan Jesse Goes, your Judge John Hodgman, My Brother, My Brother and Me, and the flagship show, The Sound of Young America. All wonderful, hilarious podcasts. If you know our podcast but not theirs, check them out. Why not?

What else are you going to do? Yeah, and at the end of the show, let's hear a clip from one of them. You're going to play a clip? Well, at the very end. Yeah, at the end of the show, let's hear a clip from one of them. You're going to play a clip? Well, at the very end. Yeah, at the very end. I just wanted to say one thing I forgot as well. I have a podcast as well.

What? It's the Chris James Show. What? Yeah, you can get it on iTunes. You should have said that off the top. I know I should have. I forgot because I haven't done it for a while, so I forgot. How many episodes?

We did a bunch before. Who was we? Well, it's me and Andy Kallstrom's involved. Oh, past guest Andy Kallstrom. Yeah, and my older brother. But yeah, we've done a few. We've had some of the same guests. It's not the same type of show, but yeah.

Have you been invited onto the show, Graham? No, I have not. Have you? He's very intimidated by us. But you know, you can get that on iTunes? Yeah, you can get it on iTunes. The Chris James Show. Yeah, if you Google the Chris James Show, it'll be there.

I love it. Oh, that should have been in your intro. Oh, well, we can't go back in time. We're not gremlins. Thanks, everybody, for listening to the podcast. If you like it, tell your friends. If you want to contact us, it's stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com or 206-339-8328. Thanks for listening, everybody.

Come back next week for another enthralling episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Every week on our show Jordan, Jesse, Go, I would say that we share a little slice of our hearts. Yeah. And a little peek at our dicks.

But every week we have a podcast where we have fun and funny conversations with guests from the worlds of comedy, film, television. It's all online at MaximumFun.org or just search for Jordan Jesse Go in iTunes.