Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 193 - Ben Mills

Episode Date: November 28, 2011

Our first ever guest, comedian Ben Mills joins us to talk fudge, vigilantes, and voting.  Then we list some fake reality shows.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 193 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is somebody who hopes you had a very gaga happy Thanksgiving. Happy gaga Thanksgiving? Very gaga Thanksgiving.

Oh, did you have a very gaga Thanksgiving? Not yet. We're recording it. Oh, right. Maybe we've recorded it i don't know okay but happy gaga to you and to your pilgrims and to your native brethren and to the turkeys and to i'm waiting for you to actually introduce me just kept kept making faces as though... Yeah.

Yes. I got really caught up there, and I apologize. It's American Thanksgiving tonight. Happy Thanksgiving to you, our brave soldiers overseas. Right. Yeah. And also to the people at Plymouth Rock who haven't given up the dream. Yeah.

And Richmond Plymouth Rock, who haven't given up the dream. Yeah, and Richmond Plymouth Chrysler. Your best dealers on Chryslers since 1983. Yeah, and Brown Brothers Ford at Main and Marine. Oh, really? Still? Just trying to name local car dealerships. Wolf Shevold's. You'd be ahead of the pack at Wolf.

You'd be ahead of the pack at Wolf. And our guest today, sorry, is actually our first ever guest that we ever had here on the Stop Podcasting Yourself. From episode two. From episode number two. He was just about to leave town on that episode. He lived in on the other side of the country and is now back in Vancouver. Mr. Ben Mills is our guest. Hello, everyone in podcast land. You guys promised you'd keep me in a tight 200 episode rotation. Yeah. And you kept good on that promise.

You're a little early, but... Yeah, you went above and beyond. So I'm glad to be back. Thanks for coming back. Yeah, that's thanks. Thanks all around. Yeah. I've been away for so long, we all feel the need to be extra formal.

Yeah, let's make this the best Christmas ever, guys. Let's get to know us. Get to know us. Now, Ben, when we had you on, you were going to Greyhound bus trip across the country. Yes. Destination unknown at the time. Ruby, Ruby, Ruby Soho. Like you were just...

You were going to go wherever, right? Yeah. You didn't have a plan. I was going to head east because we're all the way west. So logically, I could either go north, which would be too cold, and south would be another country. So east was the direction I was going. Or under the sea. You could have gone under the sea or out to sea yeah space um and yeah and i guess i stayed true to my

ridiculous plan that everyone's like why are you spending your money on that why didn't you go somewhere fun good but it was a good time and then we met up in toronto yeah me and graham yeah i realized people on a podcast can't see who i'm looking at me and graham yeah met up in toronto and we went to new york for a bit and then'm looking at. Me and Graham met up in Toronto, and we went to New York for a bit. And then I continued on my way, and I ended up in Halifax, Nova Scotia. And then I saw you as recently as this year in Halifax. And now you've made it all the way back. You're back here.

I know. I missed getting to mooch free meals off of my parents. And that was really important to me, I realized, when I had them taken away. And also, as of today, there's just a huge blizzard that just rocked Halifax. And friends of mine are putting photos on Facebook, and it makes me so happy to be just not there. None of the weather here is great right now, but it's just not a blizzard. What do people in Halifax do when the weather like just pummels the shit out of them are they are they a hearty bunch do they laugh it off no they don't laugh no no one thinks it's funny it's awful no the last winter

was terrible the sun didn't come out for like six months it was people are really miserable about it it's a curse and they're just like why do we live here? This is horrible. And Halifax is the only place, it gets so windy because there's a little peninsula out in the middle of nowhere. And then there's a first time in the autumn where like a gust of wind picked up

and I got hurt by leaves. Like one hit you in the face? No, like a thousand just like raked through me like razor blades. And it was like, oh! How do you people live like this?

This is awful. But are they, do they consider themselves tougher because of that? Because they live through crazy shipping news? Yeah, like some people. Let's just generalize the entire populace. Yeah, they're all hard asses. And they all have a tattoo like Popeye on their foreheads.

We're all married to mermaids. Yeah. Nova Scotia, it's very diverse in the way people speak. I think I've met 20 people from Cape Breton, and I've met 20 people with 20 different weird accents. There's no... I don't know why. There's just no consistency to the crazy accents.

Some people just be like, and then someone will be like, oh, that's my neighbor. Yeah, I've lived beside him my entire life. That's Chris Robinson of the Black Crows. Do you think that some people are just making up their own crazy accent because they know they can get away with it?

Without a doubt, yeah. Well, I don't know. People from Antigonish talk like bubbles from the Trailer Park Boys, but they also have a huge, super expensive university there. So I'm just like, hmm. But it's not used by the locals. Yeah, I guess.

Maybe the locals look down on, yeah, the preps from the universities are coming into our townie bar. Yeah, we are the townies. I liked it, though. I'm shitting on the weather. The people are cool. And I liked the weird regional accents of it all even though like it's as you drive the interior nova scotia is so boring it looks exactly the same and then i was with my friend now you're shitting on the well yeah it is on the coast it's great right like that's it's mostly the coast of the middle part like no one

bothered to build anything but the highway and i i just remember being driving with my friend peter white and he was like, hey, do you want to go to the other side of the province? And then he just pulled off the road and went down. We went on a dirt road from one side of the province to the other. He's like, we're in Lunenburg now. And I'm just like, that's ridiculous. There's nothing in between.

I do find it amazing in this day and age that people have accents other than the ones that people on TV have. Yeah. It's true. Yeah, like you would think that, well, maybe in the middle of Nova Scotia the reception isn't that great. Yeah, did you ever, like, has anyone ever gone to Nova Scotia for two weeks like they do in London and then come back with an accent? Oh. That's a good question. You still sound the same.

Yeah, maybe I didn't at first though When I first came back Yeah you don't have like an accent But you're right when people go over to England They pick it up within 24 hours It's all cheerio But why is that? Is it because we all naturally want to speak like English people?

Are they making fun of the English Or do they want to be the English I think that's an accent that gets you laid So subconsciously you're like i'm gonna take me a little bit of that but then when someone just has a silly like rural accent you're like yeah no one ever comes back no one ever comes back from england with like a really working class sounding like sporty spice yeah precisely yeah i think subconsciously we adapt the things that'll make us get laid I can't do any accents That's why, like, oh, right now I can tell

I'm like, oh, a really funny accent would just seal the deal On what we're talking about But I just do not know how to do accents at all Yeah, yeah, but like Nobody does that with any Or do they? Do they come back from France? No one comes back from India with an Indian accent. Do it, Dave.

I think we're dancing around racism and prejudice right out of the gates. Yeah. This is great. Not dancing. We're dancing with it. We're right face to face with it. It's one of your sponsors. Do you think anyone ever hangs out with a bunch of wolves and comes back?

Speaking of dancing with things. No, I... Just interject. No what no please change the subject completely interject people that was like a very like flimsy real way to try to get people to get to know me but the only way that your fan base does know me is and cares about is that i am the other guy from fudge cops or or their brains where they're like why is that other guy in that thing that's just like i know two of those people that other guy adds nothing why is he there that's a good uh why should i said that in the intro well people don't really know that because we have so many more listeners than we actually have views of that video. Yeah, that's true.

Everyone, pause your listening device. Go to YouTube. No, go to MaximumFun.org. You'll have it up there. Oh, yeah. It'll be on the page. But if you're listening to an old episode. I feel like I'm future Ted Logan telling past Ted Logan to put a can up that falls on Ted Logan's dad's head so that they get the key.

Oh, Ted Theodore Logan? That's correct. Yeah. Fudge Cops is the name of the video that the three of us did. Our first attempt, we briefly tried to write sketches as the three of us. Yeah. The only one that we ever made was one that had no dialogue. It was a song that you had already had.

And we heard it and then be like, well, the audio's done. That's half the battle. Yeah. And then we had to find cop uniforms. And yeah, it was pretty good. And then we actually made fudge, if you'll recall. And yours didn't have nuts in it, because you're allergic to nuts. And a nut-free fudge. It's okay.

But if I hadn't been... I'm sorry! If I hadn't been... I'm sorry? If I hadn't been in it, that could have been some really cool promotional material that you guys would have had in the bank for this. And now what it is, it's just like this weird thing where people are like, why are those two guys from Stop Podcasting

yourself with that person I've never heard of before? No, it wouldn't have worked with two cops. It had to be three. Comedy comes in threes. Everybody knows it. Okay. heard of before no it wouldn't have worked with two cops yeah it had to be three i comedy comes in threes everybody knows it okay comedy like fudge cops comes in three if it had just been the two of us i wonder if this podcast would have ended up being called fudge cops the podcast like we were so sure that that was the thing that was gonna take off i'm pretty sure the youtube account I created was called Fudge Cops.

And by the way, if you think the title Fudge Cops is funny, then you'll enjoy it. It's everything it lived up to be. I was your first guest ever on the second episode, and people have come up to me after and been like, oh, you were one of the first, or you were the first guest on Stop Podcasting Yourself. I've been really getting into that lately, and that's really hammered into my head, the permanence of the internet in a horrifying way. Because I used to do a lot of community radio shows with my friends, and they'd be like, ah, nobody heard that, and then nobody ever will hear that.

It's just gone into space. But then the internet is this medium in which you can do, it was way more likely that you would never do another podcast after me than it would be that you do. We're almost up to 200 and it's super popular. I couldn't even get that around my head. When you said what those community radio things go out into space, I was picturing that that's the first thing that aliens hear is like some community radio things go out into space. I was picturing that that's the first thing that aliens hear is some community radio show. It's just like this 30-year-old beatnik,

like, I never left the campus. I got all my new records. And that's what they hear, and they decide to pass. I got real underground stuff. You know, we got B-sides from the Arcade Fire. I'm glad my university still lets me on here. And it sort of had the same feel as that.

And then we were in Halifax. My friend Zoe had a Stop Podcasting Yourself t-shirt. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she used to be my fan until she'd come to my comedy shows. And then she found out I was your friend. And she was like, oh, when's Graham and Dave coming? When are the other fudge cops arriving?

When's the rest of the force arriving? Yeah. Zoe might be listening to this. So, hi, Zoe. Hello, Zoe. And Ben, your boyfriend. You have the same name as me. Oh, that sounded weird.

This is Ben, your boyfriend. I've moved to Vancouver. Yeah. This might have been confusing if I didn't clarify. It's confusing to me right now if you're wondering where you dare clear it up there you go and if anyone wants to stop podcasting yourself t-shirt max fun store.com but there are no fudge cops t-shirts no you make your own right right make your own no right and demand that they make one and then you'll buy that one and they'll have

an extra 99 on their hands yeah that's the lowest amount that could get them printed that's right well uh we'll give a third of the money to ben mills yeah i could really use it now please make that shirt now you you uh you're back in vancouver you're doing what what is you're living with past guest adam paintman it's true yeah past from a few weeks ago me and actually me and adam Pateman are working on sketches right now. Don't you dare. You belong to us. Which is weird because they won't be done. They won't be up by the time this podcast comes out.

But as I've established, if this is the freaky future, they're already probably hugely successful and have made us into the superstars that we are. So what is your message for the superstar Ben Mills that has resulted of these sketches? What's your message? November 2011 Ben really keeps future Ben grounded. How so? Oh my god. Well, I would have...

I have nothing. I really didn't believe that that would happen you know what i'm gonna say to future ben cut it out with the glitter enough with the glitter it's true yeah it was funny once i know but that's one of those things that like you you like you want to pick your words wisely because you make any kind of throwaway joke and then in the future it could just be horrible, and you're just going to be like, ah, I'm like, you know, like, travel the world! And then it would just be like,

ah, Ben Mills caught on fire traveling the world, age 40. You know, it was like that was the legacy that you left behind for yourself. I'm always wary of that. Or it was just like, buy a puppy! What a weird newspaper headline that is. Had his face eaten by a puppy. Ben Mills caught on fire while traveling the world. While traveling the world.

World traveler caught on fire. The thing is, I don't imagine the future me will be any different. Oh, I cut you off from something possibly hilarious. Well, we'll see. I'm sorry. Ben Mills killed by cop in fudge store? Not bad. And scene.

Now, you are writing sketches with Adam. You're living with him and two lasses. Yes. Ooh, two lasses. That seems like a recipe for hilarious misunderstandings. Yeah, they're actually from the 1800s. They make us refer to them as lasses. They have those huge hoop skirts.

They're very awkward getting around in our basement. Lots of bodices, right? And what's that called when you read people's personality from their skulls? Oh, phrenology? You got it, yes. A lot of that. There's a lot of phrenology. I'm not from the 1800s, so I didn't know. What are some other old things?

The vapors. Sarsaparilla. Penny-farthing bikes. uh the old west yeah well it was called the new west back then 12 months of movember um is that uh is it a four bedroom yeah and then there's like there's this the mo a really bizarre common area that it's just sort of like a kitchen that just sort of extends to where the front door is. It's like a really, really huge house. And we're at the bottom. And apparently, when you want to log into our internet, we have to go.

It's called the Wolf House because wolves used to be raised in our house. What? Yeah. be raised in our house what yeah it's like a really old house that has this like crazy history of different stuff that happened there and then uh my landlord left us a book i haven't read or else i could really get into it a book on the house yeah and our wall about like or in east vancouver stuff he's kind of like he lives down the street he's like an east east vancouver historian like we live just off a commercial drive and it's like this super old house you can tell the parts have been built on suites like out of the topic it's just overflowing over

doesn't even make sense symmetrically anymore i like the idea that he like it's like the uh wi-fi name was grandfathered in yeah that's how the history is manifested yeah it's true and then you're like oh well why is it called that and he's just like come over here let me tell you a tale and he puts tobacco into his pipe yeah he points to your bed this is where the wolves used to shit wow what so it was like a wolf farm i know well i'm i think that was a very eloquent way of saying that that someone had a whole bunch of dogs that had some wolf in it and they're just like running wild in the house i

don't think you can really raise wolves in a house like they're not just like i don't think they just accept that where they're just like well i guess i'll howl at a picture of a moon from now on no i'm fine with that i'll just stay here in the basement. Oh, I've got wolf Wi-Fi. It's okay. It's really funny. I don't think I've ever lived in a house where there's like a, here's a book like you can read up on your. You don't think you have? Well, it's, I live in a really old house right now, but I don't think I was given a book.

But now that I'm thinking about it, maybe I was, and I did just, you know. Well, that's the thing is I haven't read it. I feel kind of sheepish now. I'm like, oh, that would have been really interesting to talk about. You feel sheepish? I do. You picked the word sheepish in wolf hose? Yeah, that's true.

I subconsciously am uncomfortable living in a house that had wolves in it. Right. So I see myself as a sheep. There you go. We are unraveled a lot here today yeah getting down to layers so you're living in the wolf house which is awesome living in the wolf house uh and um and what else what else is going on uh i'm my well making the sketches with adam pateman yeah and i'm filming a movie that my friend is producing and directing in the

NIMO, British Columbia, where I'm born and raised. That's awesome. You're making a movie. Yeah, well, I'm in it. I don't really contribute much else other than that. But yeah, it's very cool. I'm not an actor, but I'm more of an actor than some of the people in the movie, so

I'm not the worst. Yay! Are there a lot of people playing things that are their jobs? Yeah. Just wear your work clothes home. Yeah. No, it's very cool. It's a lot of

just friends of mine from high school and whatnot. These are my friends from high school. He's making it. He's got just enough of a budget to kind's from high school, and he's making it. He's got just enough of a budget to kind of make this movie, and he's very ambitious, so it's going to be if nothing else, this is a really fun thing for us to have in the future.

Future Ben Mills. Yeah, future Ben Mills. Ah, that's what I'd say to future Ben Mills. Watch that film that you made as a young man. Yeah, take some time out of your busy schedule. You've got chops. And then i play a small-time drug dealer big-time drug user uh and then oh you get high on your own supply yeah exactly and then i and so i made the stylistic choice that i'd wear basketball shorts and a

hooded sweatshirt at all times the correct one and then has it been have you shot it yet i'm like i've shot about half my scenes okay could you wear anything under the hooded sweatshirt? yeah it is like a t-shirt okay what were you thinking? nothing oh just like nothing underneath?

yeah that could have been good but this is what I was going to get to though is that my stylist's choice is extremely cold I realize that we have outdoor scenes like we're doing this at night in November

I'm like I didn't think ahead at all I could have read it was at night but you know what your character doesn't care yeah he doesn't care hi yeah it's true he doesn't but i do uh uh can you not change between scenes or does it all take place in a short amount of time um no for continuity's sake why why did he put on that parka yeah maybe i should the other thing too is that he has a lot of indoor scenes that are filmed and he has his own house. It's this tiny little house, and it has a wood stove,

and he's like, oh, I can't turn that on because it clicks. So the interior of his house is freezing as well. It clicks? Yeah, it goes like, like, toonk, toonk. Oh, in real life. Toonk, yeah, so we can't have it on. I thought your character. Oh, yeah, that's what I thought.

I was like, what a strange thing for the character to have. But, like, a specific, what a nice detail. Yeah, no, but his house is my character's house. Oh, no, it's his friend's. I don't even remember the old movie. Anyways, we have to do a lot of scenes there. I'm like, well, at least I'll be indoors for some of it. And he's like, oh, it's just as cold as it is outdoors as it is here.

What's the name of this film? I believe the working name is Clip Clop, which is the name of a fictional death game. And also, it's got very horsey connotations. Of a what? A death game? Yeah, it's like, it's a death sport movie. What are other death games? Run, Lola, Run.

Right? There's Death Race 2000. Okay, that's a death game. Man is the Most Dangerous Game. Oh, Russian Roulette. Yeah, I'm sure that's a death game. What's the most dangerous game. Oh, Russian Roulette. Yeah, I'm sure that's a death game. What's the one when Ice Cube is being hunted for sport? The most dangerous game, is that right?

Is that it? There's the game. Oh, the game. That's the game. Yeah. And then... Oh, no, that's surviving the game. Sure, sure.

And then also the game of love. Yeah, that's a death sport. Yep. Bloodsport's a death sport. Blood sport is a death sport? No, it's just bloody. It's about the Kumite. It's based on a true story. No.

The best element of... Wait, that's based on a true story? Yeah, and there was a man named Frank Dukes. That's the only thing that's true. But the thing I love about that is when he's a kid, growing up in New York, he's just wearing a New York Giants hat that gets chopped off with a knife and he has no accent. And then he grows up, continues living his life in New York, and he has a Belgium accent as an adult. That's the most true element of that.

They always find a need to justify his accent in those movies. He's either Cajun or, you know, French Canadian. I think that was in Sudden Death. But it actually shows him as a kid his blood sports maybe he he went to belgium and picked up the exit for two weeks now is blood sport the one where he where they dip their hands in glue and then into glass that might be which one is that that could be kickboxer almost indistinguishable kickboxer maybe that's it though because that seems like a crazy that seems like where we're headed like uh you know pick your pick your glue

pick your yeah debris well there was a great gag in hot shots part duh caramel and candy and gummy bears yeah it's like a fixin's bar but uh then none of the guys got cut up in the movie. Really? You'd cut your hands up worse if you did that in real life. Yeah. Immediately. My hands are so cut. There's a lot of bad logic in fighting.

Or in the way screenwriters think of fighting. Get a bunch of guys together who have never been in a fight. get a bunch of guys together who have never been in a fight i want to see a screenwriter uh like fight not club but like tournament a la kickboxer bloodsport oh so akumete is what i'm looking for the screenwriter of kickboxer versus the screenwriter of bloodsport yeah versus you know uh uh screenwriter screenwriter of The Quest. Basically, people who write fight scenes but have never fought in their lives. And then it's slowly just like... Yeah, like the guy who wrote

the original Karate Kid. Sure. What else? Like knock people out with open hand slaps. The kind of people who have written scenes like that where they add an element like the glass in the hands. Yeah. Or, I don't know, a snake.

I'm just spitballing here. Spitballs. Now that we have Ultimate Fighting, at least in my opinion, I would say that real fighting is boring. And I know it's the most popular sport in the world, but people are like, you just gotta understand what happens when they go down to the ground, and it's really exciting.

I'm like, well, I don't. And that's so... Oh, you mean like... Yeah, like ultimate fighting, where I'm like, oh man, when they're in the clinches and holds, that's what it's really all about. And I'm like...

Ground and pound, bro. Ground and pound. I'm like, I can't even tell who's winning. You know what's one of the most entertaining things about watching a fight, and UFC is missing out on it entirely, is if it's two guys and they're wearing t-shirts one of their t-shirt necks is gonna get stretched out really crazy big and uh like that's really fun to watch to see a t-shirt kind of get destroyed and the realization on the guy's

face that oh i guess i'm fighting now yeah like the like, the guys in the UFC... I've lost the only thing I hold dear to me. They should have to enter wearing their favorite shirt. Like, really put something on the line. I bet it would be some kind of UFC affliction shirt. Oh, not my Billy Ray Cyrus concert tee. They don't make

these anymore. What if one guy was wearing a buttoned up shirt, and the first move was the guy grabbed onto the pocket and ripped it off? That would be pretty great. My name was stitched on that. This is vintage. I like

my new addition that I made to the UFC rules. Everybody must wear a temperature. I agree. Yeah. Because at the end of a schoolyard fight or a street fight, somebody's shirt has a crazy scoop neck where you can see their nipples. It's great. They're usually drunk.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How about we add that element? I don't know if it... Well, I mean, I'm not opposed to this addition, I think. I would also like it if they had a manager or girlfriend at the side of the movie. Oh, yeah, that would make... A la wrestling. Pro wrestling.

I like the idea of a celebrity manager, like when Alice Cooper used to manage wrestlers. Who would be a good ex, still kind of famous musician, but... Gene Simmons? No. No, like Dave Lee Roth. He would be a good manager of a ufc guy hoody from hoody and the blowfish don't let him see you cry out there the guy the guy that wore the hat from spin doctors yeah not the singing guy the other One of the other spin doctors. So there's that.

We figured that out. Kumite. And Kumite to you. Oh, yes. Happy Kumite, everybody. Yes. To our listener in the lower 48. Our one listener in the contiguous United States.

Now, Dave. Yeah. What's been going on with you? Okay, here's what's going on with me. I saw, did you see the news story about these three dudes in Vancouver who basically watched To Catch a Predator, the Dateline NBC series To Catch a Predator, and lured a bunch of men from the internet.vos yeah pervos they pretended to be underage girls on the internet and they said hey i'm sexy my guy's like hey that's what i'm looking for hey yeah i want to meet you i live here what why don't we meet at

the mcdonald's And so, these three guys... I have to watch the news more often. Oh, man. Okay, these three guys brought a video camera to McDonald's, and they wanted to conceal their own identities. And so, they dressed up as superheroes. And so they dressed up as superheroes. And they lured four guys at different times to this McDonald's.

And then they would film them. And in there, my favorite guy was the guy dressed as Batman because he did a Batman voice. So it was like, this guy's a pedophile. Hey, everybody, look at the pedophile. And that's all they did. They didn't call the cops or anything. But the thing is, they didn't do it all at once. So that happened four times in the same McDonald's that a guy would wander in, get you

chased out by three fake superheroes. And then 15 minutes later it would happen again. Oh, wow. So I have four times in the same night? Yeah. Wow. I think so. What a great shift.

Broad day. Yeah. You were the best shift, yeah. What a great shift. Broad day. Yeah, you were the best shift worker on the fry grill ever. Do you have to, at a certain point, do you have to be like, should we get those guys to leave? They keep chasing out our customers and calling them pedophiles. They're like, we know

that the pedophiles will only buy like a cheeseburger, but these guys have been buying Big Mac meals all night. The pedophiles will buy a Happy Meal. Yeah, why? Oh, man. But do you think that over the course of the whole night, like, one of the superheroes got hungry and just went into the McDonald's?

They're like, oh no, there's no pedophiles here, I just want a fish switch. Well, the thing is, they were in the McDonald's the entire night, sitting at a chair. Oh, I thought they were, like, outside. No, they were inside the entire time, sitting at a table. It depends on what McDonald were outside. No, they were inside the entire time sitting at a table. It depends on what McDonald's it is, but they may have been the least crazily dressed people

in any given McDonald's. Because there are some people that I'm like, you just decided to just throw on a jacket. Kind of like Ben Mill's character in that movie. Yeah, there's a lot of basketball shorts and hoodies yeah it's true uh but then that so that made news one day and then a couple days later they talked to the guys like the the news got in touch with these three guys who had done it and the guys were like okay well we want to talk about it but we will only appear on camera in costume and they're just like these are my kind of guys they're like 20 year old

guys who if you if if they were ben mills and graham clark i would recognize them in their masks like i don't recognize them but it's not because they're not it's not because of their costumes like anyone who knows them knows that they're oh that's my friend in the robin mask i guess that would add a much weirder twist to that if you found out about that and there was someone you knew one of your close friends and it was just like oh like johnny was chasing pedophiles around a mcdonald's johnny was chasing pedophiles around mcdonald's dresses aquaman dressing as aquaman would be because he doesn't have any face or anything. It's true.

It's just from the neck down. I kind of like that one guy would pick a costume like Superman. He's like, I'll be Superman. I'll be Silver Surfer. Now, here's a question. The guy that you were talking about, the masked guy that we were talking about.

Hamburglar. No, the Vancouver. Oh, Thanatos, the Vancouver superhero. He was doing, like, a live appearance at the, I think. Have you heard of Thanatos, Ben? No. He's a vigilante in Vancouver, at least according to his. Webposts.

So he's not married. He might be. Is there a Mrs. Dantas? I think he talks about how he's protecting the city and his wife and children. I feel like I saw a video of that. So then it's like

he dies in the line of solving a crime no one asked him to, but that's protecting his wife and children. I might be wrong about that. I suspect. I think once you become a vigilante, that is, you have to have committed to being a weird loner. And also, if you've become a parent, you have to commit to not being a weird vigilante. It's like a cut in the line.

Some people are using some aggressive language at Subway and I got stabbed. Thanatos calls. I can't find any phone booths these days. I'm sorry. It's a real person we're talking about. I might meet now, I realize. Thanatos knows who I am. I don't know who Thanatos is.

It's Thanatos with a T-H. And he has a weird... It's like a skull mask but it kind of is loosey- he has a weird it's like a skull mask but it kind of is loosey-goosey it's like a t it's like a it's like a skull printed on a sheet that he put over his face yeah and then he wears like a hat as all loners do and uh and he was doing like a speech he was like at a at the pacific cinema tech or. He was doing a presentation. It was like a live appearance by Thanatos. Weird.

Yeah, so here's my question to ye both gentlemen. What has happened in society where there's more than one guy like that? Like where there's a guy like that in every... There must be a guy like that in every major city at this point that dresses up like a superhero. If your city doesn't have one, you're not a major city. If you don't have an NBA franchise or a vigilante. But I feel like the thing with those three guys dressing as superheroes and videotaping a pedophile guy. I feel like if I had done that when I was 20 years old in Calgary,

the pedophile would have beaten my friends and I up in the McDonald's and stolen our video camera. No, I think they're generally, they know that what they're doing is pretty shameful. Are you calling pedophiles cowards? Look, okay, what I'm saying is I don't want to ruffle any feathers. Okay, backpedal, backpedal, backpedal. I'm saying. I don't want to ruffle any feathers. Okay, backpedal, backpedal,

backpedal. Look, we all... No, I don't think that's in the... Oh, yeah? I'm a pedophile, am I? Well, I'll fight all of you. Videotape it. My name is Brent Flenderson. I live at

328... The loser is the pedophile. No, i want to give more information about brent flenderson three two eight cherry vista lane uh i drive a red oh honda honda license plate pedo I wonder if you asked for the name of the crime you commit as your custom license plate, if they would arrest you. Manslot. That might just be a different... If you don't finish the word manslaughter, manslot just sounds like you're kind of a fun boy.

Or woman. I'm tough. I'm the manslot. I commit manslot in things. I manslot. Stick it in my manslot. I really

want to get back. I don't know about Thanatos. But there are these superhero guys. What crimes has he solved that we know about? He doesn't solve crimes. I think it's more like everything from

I'm Thanatos. I'm a watcher in the night. Yeah, he would give a blanket to a guy that's cold to, hey, leave that, you know, hey, you know, leave that thing alone. You know, it's more like a community block watch

proposition, but with a costume, except they're the guy in Seattle, whatever his name was. He would marry couples who couldn't. So basically... Oh, wait, I got confused with St. Valentine. It's somebody who still has some shred of

humanity left in them that we're not used to, and that's so much of a novelty, they decided to wear a mask. But is it though? Because there's a lot of people that work with the poor and stuff and don't feel like... But is that what that character... I'm just saying from his perspective, is that the way he knows himself that oh you're like oh and

yeah maybe that's it like i just mean because yeah exactly i'm just like you're just describing any like social worker or artist like yeah like i'm a paramedic i help hurt people this is what you're describing but in his mind he's like. I do it for free. Yeah, like... Right. Making eye contact with a homeless person warrants me wearing, like, a leotard. And like, hey, I'm special. So that I can't make eye contact with anybody. Yeah, but there was the guy, the guy from Seattle.

Phoenix Jones. Phoenix Jones. Which is confusing. You'd think he'd be from Phoenix. He, like, he has... He would pepper spray people. He was like... But like people who were in a fight,

stretching out each other's shirts, my favorite thing in the world. Yeah. And yeah, he would jump in there with a pepper spray. Or he would fight them. He's a UFC thing or something. He's got a suit that has abs into it. Like sculpted abs.

Like, I've harnessed the power of cayenne ordered through the mail. Look out, villains! That would be a pretty good game. Have you ever been pepper sprayed? God, no. I don't do anything. I just hang out in my apartment

and wait to be asked to do things like this. I have had a uh not directly but uh i've had i've been in the arena of and it hurts it hurts like a yeah yeah i had uh my roommate in first year university i was going through his stuff when he was away and i was like and you found a mask And you were like, Thanos And I was like, what's this? It looks like a lighter

But it doesn't, like, you can't function Like a lighter, so I figured out How you push the button on it And something sprayed out I was choking My eyes were watering, I had to go get a slush puppy Yeah, you really deserved that though that's the only way you can get that was really you had it coming yeah he was weird

what was your circumstances uh actually uh twice one once was uh some punk kids at the stampede but they sprayed my friend and i got a little of a splash back and the other time was camping when this guy wouldn't stop fucking with the pepper spray in the middle of the night he like fired it off in his dumb tent can you sleep through that no we had to drag him out he was like ah he's screaming you couldn't find his way out of his time you guys have just illustrated the reason why any argument for the existence of pepper spray is bullshit. Because they're just like, oh, what were the times you were? And it's like, oh, well, I was committing a crime, and rather than being restrained by lethal force,

I had to be taken down by a police officer with pepper spray, which in the end was much, much better. It's like, everybody's story was just the same. It's like, yeah, I got drunk, started firing a pellet gun a thing of pepper spray one thing led to another yeah pepper but no one i like that's the only non-lethal uh police tactic that any of us have probably ever felt no one's ever been shot by a beanbag cannon that's true oh man did you ever see the the thing that it was like i don't think it ever got used in real police force But it was like A goo basically That hardened super fast It was like right out of a comic book

Hey I'm Manslot Shoot your goo at me And harden fast What are you talking about? Look at my tattoos, I'm hard A Manslot with his glue Guys why does everybody laugh when I say that my nickname is a manslot? I wanted to be mansloty, but we're enough letters.

Mansloty. Oh, guys. Graham, what's up with you? Oh, jeez. I don't know. Did I talk about... What did I do? Give me a second. This week wasn't...

I had to work. You know, I got a couple temporary jobs that I've been working on, so I've been doing that. Did you vote? I did, yes. I voted right after the podcast. And I don't... I didn't know there was going to be so many... Me neither.

I thought it was just going to be, who do you like for mayor? Done. They really jam-packed those ballots with, I think, student council I voted for. Prom king and queen. And there was on the back, can was a can we borrow the money? Should we borrow money for this? Should we borrow money for this? How did you vote on those?

I don't remember. I think I was like, okay, fine. I wrote, why are we borrowing this money? Just raise money, raise taxes on all the people who own a million dollar house. Yeah, it's, yeah. Yeah, and like, voting is a thing that everybody should do regardless, like as soon as should do regardless of how uninformed you are. But you should.

If you don't know anything, you just go, like, on that ballot, you could just vote for just the mayor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or vote for nothing and just write, you know, Thanatos was here. What if he, a write-in candidate. What if he got it on City Council candidate What if he got it on City Council What if he had to go every day In his crazy mask You didn't get voted in as the man you are

You got voted in as Thanatos And that's who has to show up And be the comptroller Thanatos does more I don't know what he's doing but like it's a real person the city where he lives he's a real person who calls himself thanatos thinks he's a superhero i don't know if you're gonna talk about one guy i've never met you don't know thanatos uh but like he's giving a speech at the Cinematek

And he talks on the internet I don't I have no evidence of him Fighting crime I only know him as a guy who talks Yeah but his platform is that he's really gonna fight crime That's why I voted him in When you voted

Did you How many people out of like the ten For council That you could have voted for did you end uh how many people out of like the 10 for council uh that you could have voted for did you end up voting i think eight i think i realized that i'm racist oh really because i didn't know any of the candidates and i was like oh parks board that guy sounds chinese he's gonna put up a bunch of pagodas what that? That doesn't make any sense. Like, I would see a name on... And why don't you want that?

That's true. Why don't I? Oh, I'm tired. Everywhere I go, there's a pagoda. But I would see names on the list, and, like, I didn't know going in that I was going to be racist about it. Didn't they ask you that

before they gave you the pen? So I ended up just not voting in that category because i was like i don't like i don't like myself right now i voted because i knew uh just from i read like the west ender i think had a thing like these are the people and this is what they're gonna you know this is their platform or whatever But then it was school board and I was like I don't have a Dog in this fight. Yeah, you're you still are gonna affect the outcome of like children's education It's true But I was like I got a step away from this because I can't just vote on names that I think sound trust

Like there was one there was one person, I think it was for City Councilor, that was like, something, Mad Dog something. Like, they had a quote name, and I was like, hmm, should I? Just because they managed to put that name on there. That's why they did it. They were like,

we're gonna get that, like, I'd like a Mad Dog in Office vote, like, spur of the moment impulse buy but that's the thing on the uh because i ran for uh provincial office oh yeah you did and that was one of the things uh yeah well 2000 no yeah 2009 i ran for and uh one of the things that's striking is you need a nickname it says that you can have a nickname and it like it gave examples it was like buster or whatever or man slot put your vote in the slot for man slot with this running man

vote team weirdo there was one uh uh the local party, one of the local parties is called, oh, there's quite the brouhaha upstairs. One of the local parties is called the Nonpartisan Association, the NPA. Yeah. And their signs are blue with red and white. And you would see them in people's yards. Yeah. And then once I saw one for that party that was white with red and white, and you would see them in people's yards. And then, once I saw one for that party that was white with red and blue,

and it was like a diet Pepsi can instead of a regular Pepsi can. It was very confusing. Was the candidate on it super slim? The candidate on it was... He was wearing this skull mask. He was wearing a hat. It was Thanatos.

Keep going back to the Thanatos well. Yeah, it's deep. That must be so hard when you've lost an election to have to go around and collect signs with a picture of you on them and be like, well, where's the dumpster? I don't think that's the loneliest drive in the morning. Just like, I'm getting the station wagon. I don't think that's... Chin up,

old you. I don't think that's incumbent on the... Incumbent. They didn't get voted in. Right. Like, I think if you... I bet it happens a lot. But, like, if I have a sign in my yard, I don't wait for the guy who lost to come and pick it up.

I'd make it like a pumpkin that you don't take it off your porch until the great pumpkin comes to get it. That is a good analogy. Thank you. You and me have both done the same thing, which I've hosted a comedy show and you've hosted a comedy show

where you have posters which have you on them and then you go and put them up yourself. Yes. And then people on the street will be like, oh, I'm interested in what you're doing. Like, what do you got going on there? It's like's like oh it's a picture of you yeah they make the very short journey from wait a minute it's you on this poster you're putting up isn't that cool you're littering all over our city with a picture of your own face neat i thought this was an event

or cause but i used to take them down The following week To put up the next week So there's just perpetually a new photo I never covered up One of my old ones with a new one I would tear down the old one and put up a new one So you're welcome planet I think I did some pretty good work

I used to do that with hickeys Yeah right Just replace the old ones with the new ones. That doesn't make sense. That's a weird thing, because I remember I was talking to you, I think, on the phone just a couple weeks ago. We were talking about we used to put posters on the news boxes that were for the free daily newspapers, the Metro and whatever. Because they were perfect, because nobody would ever put posters there, and they would stay for like 48 hours at least.

And now all those boxes are covered in this weird goo that you can't, like if you try to put anything on it, it just slides off. So the poster ends up on the street like garbage. And the box ends up covered in goo. Yeah, but they do they paint on some weird goo now I never had any

moral problems with putting flyers on those like daily magazine things because it's just a box filled with garbage in the first place

you're like oh oh are you sticking garbage on our garbage boxes how else are people going to learn that Ryan Reynolds was spotted in the West End

and then throw this into the curb? That's what a 24-hour magazine is. I used to actually put up posters on... Ryan Reynolds. Yeah, because people liked to look at him. I put them on dumpsters behind apartment complexes because I was like, everybody in this apartment complex is going to see it at some point when they have to throw out their garbage. Yeah, I'd put them at bus stops

because I know I'll get stuck at a bus stop. You're like, anything. I'm going to look and see, is that piano still for sale? You just keep looking at it every five minutes. Is anybody going to come by and grab one of these numbers? It's a good looking piano. The only times I've ever put up posters, I've hated it so much and I've stopped so fast.

Can I quit yet? Oh, I'm in charge of when I quit? I quit. And I promote myself. There's a neighborhood in Halifax, though, that no one ever took down the posters. And it was near this live entertainment venue that would get punk bands and stuff. So there was constantly new posters going up and then there'd be a storm

and it would rain and all of a sudden it was going back in time. And it was all for events from a year and a half ago. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Like all down the street and you're just like, holy! They're coming back!

James Brown? Oh oh wait a minute i don't think james brown was playing gus's pup but do you want to move on to overheard more than you know overheard overheards uh a segment in which we discuss the foibles of everyday humans and what they say when they don't know we're listening. Before we do these Over Heards, I'm going to interrupt with today's celebrity birthdays. Oh, happy birthday, celebrities. Happy birthday to celebrities today. It is Thursday, Thanksgiving Day,

June... November 24th. No, June 24th. You're right. Big happy birthday to actress Katherine Heigl from My Father the Hero. My Father the Hero. My Best Friend's Baby. Yeah. 27 dresses. Katherine Heigl

is 33. Knocked in the Head is a good Mad Magazine title. Sure. Colin the head is a good uh mad magazine title sure colin hanks is a year older 34 ah 34 everybody's mom's favorite comedian billy connelly is 69 today and uh the answer to our celebrity birthday trivia question which beetle drummer said please don't kick me out of the beetles pete best you know the only two that i knew were pete best and billy connelly oh i guess i i'm the same demographic as most people's moms you don't know uh tom hanks's son colin hanks no i didn't know Tom Hanks had a son. It's never too late to learn

about the canon of... Tom Hanks decided to have a family 34 years ago. I haven't had a television in... 34 years? Six years, I think, and I don't know any celebrities anymore. It doesn't take very long

for celebrities to roll over. Like, oh, Tom Hanks, Bosom Buddies, popular show. So I know him. I don't know who his son is. I know Tom Hanks, Bosom Buddies. Popular show. So I know him. I don't know who his son is. I know Tom Hanks. I know Peter Scolari.

I know all the big celebs. And I don't want to say that I don't not have a TV because I'm pretentious. I love TV. I'm over at somebody else's house and it's like, moving pictures.

I've been too poor for the last six years that I haven't had a TV. TV's great. Things are going to change. I can feel it. Yeah. It's going to be good. Also, a belated birthday to mr bruce valange yeah bruce valange's birthday was yesterday comedy writer bruce i do know who bruce valange is well we uh uh i've i started this

this segment this segment within a segment where i do celebrity birthdays a couple months ago, maybe. Zero feedback. Nobody cares. But I love it. So, you know, guys can take a certain length of walk off a certain length of plank. Or pier. I say plank.

Hey, come on. Some people in the coastal states would say pier. People who aren't pirates. Yeah. If it was a plank, you'd see it coming. You'd be like, take a walk. You're like, I can tell it's this water right there. Yeah, you wouldn't go walking down a plank, but you'd go on a walk on a pier.

If pirates are on trial, are they judged by a jury of piers? Oh, get out. Get out. I didn't know there was going to be puns on this, or I would not have agreed. Now, overheards. A segment in which you overhear things. I'm really sorry about the pun, you guys. Guys, let's make up.

That was a passerby. I was hoping we would keep it up for a long time. You were whistling at a passerby? No, a passerby was whistling at all the kissing. Get a room. Manslot. Now, we always like to start the overheards with the guest. Okay.

Would you do us the favor? I have just a very pure... I was walking by a handful of dudes. They're all dudes. Excuse me? That's a handful of guys. They're all dudes. Excuse me? Yeah, it's a handful of guys. That's all you need to know. It's on a curb.

Whose hands? I don't know. It was about four or five guys. A group. All right. I didn't keep count. And then I walked by, and just the moment I walked by, I heard one guy go, Yeah, I never wanted a bachelor party until I played laser tag.

That's true. You don't realize how much you love it until you're in the middle of it. Yeah, and I played laser tag once in the last year for the first time. Really? And I will attest that it is a lot of fun, but you do need a lot of people. Yeah, yeah. I would say I would put it in my top five bachelor party things. Or party where a bunch of people have to get together that don't know each other and it's a common activity yeah but what you don't want you want to have

enough people that you can own the laser tag room you don't want to get in a situation where because when we went to those people who are like some kids laser tag subscribers you know they're like oh these are just like two or three guys that just like jump in wherever they can you know when there's an empty space they're like real laser tag aficionados. And those guys are assholes. But if you can have... Yeah, if it's just everybody you work with and it's like Judy from marketing or whatever, and you're like, I'm pretending to shoot you in the face, then that's a lot of fun.

Ironically, the guys who are really good at laser tag will never have a bachelor party. Or live long enough to see a future where laser fights, where they can be like The corporal of the army Things have come around boys We finally need your expertise

In laser fighting They would win guns If you became a membership there And your total points over time were recorded You would get special lasers These kids they had Rapid fire lasers and things That we didn't have were recorded, you would get special lasers. Really? These kids, they had rapid-fire lasers and things that we didn't have.

Rapid, rapid, rapid. And Neville just made it just not fun. Yeah. Man, you guys are really racking up the points. Now, Dave, do a laser bazooka. Bazooka. Michael Winslow came through here.

Pretty great. Dave, do you have an overheard? I want to apologize for that stuff I said about a handful of guys. I feel like that was really shock jocky of me. But, you know, it evokes an image of you handling a... Come on,, I'm fine with that. Ah, come on, let's make up. But, like, a handful of guys is one... It's less than one guy. Just for the record, I've made no kissing sounds.

That's because you were being kissed. Okay, now the three of us. Pew! Pew, pew! I am Thanatos. Dave, you have a no hurt? I'm going to call back to Thanatos four more times. Count them.

And Manslot 800 more times. Okay. Yesterday I was on the bus. The automobile bus. And I was sitting next to a woman who was on the phone. I think with her husband. Sure. And she was sitting next to a woman who was on the phone, I think with her husband. Sure. And she was, he was doing most of the talking, you could tell, because she would say something every 30 seconds.

She would say something like, are you okay? And then pause. You don't sound okay. And then pause. But the best part was, I thought she was talking about one thing and she ended up being talking about something else at a certain point uh and she was she was saying today was kind of rough uh i burned myself and jen took my sub again uh she keeps getting me subs and then taking them i mean today she couldn't help it but uh and i thought she was talking about someone who kept taking her sandwich

but it was a substitute teacher because she went on to say like oh the kids were really out of control. She needed my sub. From Mr. Sub. She really needed my Asiago ranch sub. Man, when you're a kid and those two things get confused, it's a great or awful day. It's like, ah, submarine sandwich! You're gonna learn about

math! Like, uh, right. I think a substitute teacher's a good day. Oh, it can be. Usually, it was a video, right? Yeah. If it was a substitute teacher, they good day. Oh, it can be. Usually, they show you a video, right? Yeah. If it was a substitute teacher, they'd just be like, eh, watch this Growing Pains or whatever, some educational episode. Watch Malcolm Jamal Warner teach you about AIDS. Yeah, for six hours.

Sometimes I would get substitute teachers that were just from another era. Like, just that they were just so old, and they were just like, where's the inkwell on your desk? And I'm just like, oh my god. This is awful. We're gonna show you the old math, the way it really works. When they see the periodic table of the elements, they're like, there's so many elements on this. Where I come from, there's four. They thought they found the fifth element,

but it turned out to be Mila Jovovich. That's a reference to the movie Underworld with Mila Jovovich. Mila Kunis? Jojovich. My Overheard is not an Overheard. It's an Overseed.

It's from my... There's a mall near my house. And there's two dollar stores owned by the same guy, but they're right next to each other. Like he kind of took over the store next to him, but the wall hasn't been knocked down to make it like a huge dollar store. You know what I mean? Like how there's that rumor that Coke owns Pepsi. Exactly. huge dollar store you know what i mean like how there's that rumor that coke owns pepsi exactly like you go in the one dollar store and he's not in it but you're like a lot of his familiar products are there yeah your uh canada flag ashtrays and uh and such but uh that the second store was being used as kind of a clearinghouse for halloween costumes and uh now is being used as kind of a clearinghouse for Halloween costumes, and now is being used as a clearinghouse for, like, cheap Christmas decorations.

But the crossover hasn't. Obviously, it wasn't like a one-night, let's get rid of all the Halloween stuff and put up all the Christmas stuff. So there's, like, all the, like, tinsily white, you know, bordering around, like, like you know crazy skull face and hand coming out of the ground that you put in your yard and then there's stockings next to it it's the greatest why don't instead of having like i don't know a dozen holidays a year yeah why not just one big one that combines them all it's like one week

of just it's been constant eating and drinking so it's uh it's like new year's it's christmas it's hanukkah it's uh it's a thanksgiving a tent halloween halloween st patrick's day independence day uh uh the pride parade yep uh the valentine's day yeah yeah april fool's day Flag Day, Independence Day. The Pride Parade. Yep. The Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day, yeah. April Fool's Day. One week long, or two weeks long, everyone gets two weeks off work. But then the rest of the year would be really depressing, wouldn't it? Of course, everything's depressing.

It's true. It's true! You reminded me of something, Graham. That story described is for a period of time I lived in Chinatown here in Vancouver above a store like that that had been abandoned. I would never have ever seen you live in Chinatown. It was like they just locked up the doors

and they just left everything. It must have been somebody like that that was just like, oh, I own another store. This is storage as much as the next thing. I don't know. And then we would steal internet from that store and then when we lived above it are the internet like like once sometimes twice a day we'd have to break into the store to pull the the cable in and out of the back of the internet box to get to work again

like full-on with like a coat hanger like into a door like until it went like click just just for free internet and then we could see ourselves on security tape like plugging and plugging it back yeah don't say just for free internet he did it for free internet makes sense to me that brings up a question that i i guess we should have asked uh uh when you first brought it up you you are using someone else's like the house has its own internet in your place? That you use heritage internet? I think it's our... No, the guy...

It's a room share situation, so our landlord just supplies our basement with internet. And he's named the Wi-Fi. And then he named it part of his... Probably just a real great way to get us to tell us a story. Yeah. Why is this called Wolf House? Like, come over here. I'm glad you asked. He's wearing a t-shirt that says Wolf House.

He's wearing a Wolf House hat. Yeah. Now, we also have overheards that have been sent in by listeners. What? They're sentient? Yeah, they're sentient. Oh, yeah. They are aware. Skynet, etc. If you want to send in overheards, you can send them in to stoppodcastingyourselfatgmail.com. Our first one comes from Alyssa J.

This is Alyssa in Schenectady. Did I pronounce that correctly? You did. Schenectady. Overheard by my friend Amy in Seattle, one Trader Joe employee to the other, Scott still got the same amount of authority he used to. The only thing that's changed is he got a mustache. Do I have to listen to that guy now?

No, no, no, no, no. He's just got a mustache. Or is he the president of the company now? Because he's got a mustache? I think of it the other way. He's gone crazy crazy with power and then the other friend is reassuring her it's like look it's the same guy i think we all went the same way i don't think any of us went the opposite way that he has less power because of a mustache oh right yeah but why would he he would grow a mustache mustache equals power yeah right like Yeah. Right? Like Tom Selleck and Mussolini.

Yeah, sure. Vincent Price. Vincent Price. Very powerful men. Numerous baseball managers. Yes. Jim Leyland. Lanny McDonald, famed hockey player.

Dennis Eckersley. Yeah. Asterix and Obelix, both mustached men. Tintin's friend, the captain. The one guy from No Country for Old Men, he had a mustache. Minnesota Vikings logo, mustache. Yeah, that's right. Most Vikings logos.

Before you read the next Overheard, I want 20 more mustached men. James Franco, often mustached? Yup. And I'm not going to contribute any of them. Oh, Tom Skerritt. Oh, yeah, good. Yeah, Tom Skerritt. Like Chuck Norris, 1970s Chuck Norris had just a mustache.

Frida Kahlo had a mustache. On her forehead? She had two mustaches. Frida Kahlo had a mustache. On her forehead. She had two mustaches. That counts as two. She had one on her forehead, one on her lip. Yeah. Saddam Hussein. Saddam Hussein's food taster.

Saddam Hussein's body double. Saddam Hussein's other body double. Saddam Hussein. Did Uday Hussein also have a mustache? Uday Hussein. Quse Hussein. I think they had full beards. Kanye West, he had a mustache.

He has a beard. Will Smith, he had a mustache. He has a beard. Will Smith, he had a mustache. When? On The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Yeah, Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan has a mustache. Late great Raoul Juliet actor. Yeah, Raoul Julia or Juliet?

I think it's Raoul Juliet. He married Raoul Romeo. Well, they killed themselves. I honestly spent the last five minutes being like, what was the name of the guy from the Addams Family? And it stopped trying to think of other mustaches. Oh, the guy who played the Joker in the original Batman TV series. Yes, Cesar Romero.

Cesar Romero is 42 today. Raul Julia's wife in the Addams Family. Angelica Houston's family member. The guy who has the mustache on Boardwalk Empire. Also, everyone on Boardwalk Empire. Let's stop it. This went way longer. No, but I thought you said you wanted 21. I think we got them. Oh, okay.

I got all those Saddam Hussein people. That was like 8 or 9 right there. This one comes from Jamie N. One night, around 12.30 a.m., my roommate This one comes from Jamie N. One night around 1230 AM, my roommate and I were trying to sleep when loud bangs started coming from the room above us. Like someone, hey, you're familiar with this, right? Spooky. Like someone stomping around very loudly, followed by giggles and laughter.

Being confused and tired after about 20 minutes when it hadn't stopped i called campus security to ask if they could quiet them down the next day in my psychology class i heard the girl in front of me talking to her friend last night at 1 a.m there was a knock at my door and i answered it and it was campus security someone in our dorm complained about us for being too loud but to be, we were trying to breakdance. That's pretty good. I was a resident advisor in my

dormitory. And so I was in charge of making sure everyone was quiet during quiet hours. And I was the worst. All the guys were so big and scary. It was all rugby players in my dorm, and they were big. For some reason, all the rugby players

were big Dave Matthews band fans and would just listen to bootlegs until three in the morning with their doors wide open. Gross. Oh, I like the part where he crashes into people. Reminds me of football. Reminds me of Crazy Taxi. Now, this last one comes from Daniel G.

I like that. It's crash into me as like a jock jam. There's lots of crashing. Reminds me of stuff getting broken. I like the part where the girl hikes up her skirt. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. stuff getting broken. I like the part where the girl hikes up her skirt.

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. This is Daniel G. from Terre Haute, Indiana. Who's famously from there? I don't know, but it's a great name. Indiana Jones. No, probably. Is Larry Bird? I think Larry Bird is maybe from French Lick. Also, a mustache.

Oh, yeah! Larry Bird had a think Larry Bird is maybe from French Licked. Also, a mustache. Oh, yeah! Larry Bird had a mustache, wow. Yeah, a really nice mustache. It was Woody Harrelson's character from Cheers. Woody? Woody Boyd? Was it Woody Boyd? It was Woody Boyd, yeah. He was, I don't know. He might have been from Terre Haute. Don't write us.

Okay. I was at a video store the other day when I heard a little girl talking to her mom. She was holding a DVD copy of the show when I heard a little girl talking to her mom. She was holding a DVD copy of the show Ugly Betty. Little girl to mom, mom, I want to get this one. Mom to girl, no honey, put it back. Girl to mom, but mom, she's so ugly. Kids.

Maybe that had been preceded with one of those, those like you don't have to look like the girls from the magazines like lectures and then she found like a way to twist that into getting free dvds like look mom beast this is what you said i was supposed to learn it's a pretty girl that they put glasses and braces on yeah i know she's very attractive america except for the part of being a little girl but i know she's a woman in real life, so I can say that. She was one of the... Here are your four Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants members. America Ferreira.

Chloe Sevigny. Nope. Christina Ricci. Stop it. Blake Lively. Amber Tamblyn. And the fourth one. Leighton Meester.

Nope. Leighton Meester is a different gossip girl. Who's the fourth? Oh, Whoopi Goldberg. Yes. I only know the fake people Graham is naming. Don't they? I don't know the real people. Oh, why can't I remember the fourth?

Khloe Kardashian. Stop it. Let's forget I brought it up. In addition to overheards that have been written in, we also get overheards that have been phoned in. If you want to phone us, get a phone, genius. Then put in the, well, first activate your phone. Kristen Dunst.

206-339-8328. Kristen Stewart? Yeah. Rhea Perlman.. Rio Perlman. Rio Perlman. Why not Rio Perlman? He, Dave, and Graham, and guest, hopefully lovely lady,

I'm calling with an overheard, was walking through the lobby of my office building, and I overheard a somewhat elderly woman on the phone say, you know, it isn't like the old days when you can just bury your dead dad in the backyard. How old of days is that? We're talking wolf house days. It's way back.

I was thinking about that the other day. If you left in your will that you wanted to be buried under your house, would the law intervene and say, hey, you're not allowed to do that? Or do you think you could do that? Would you have to move your house? No, like you dig into the foundation foundation you drop your guy in there and then you put the carpet over it throw rug uh some sort of uh in your will it's a disposable body that look in a way that looks like it was a murder and someone tried to hide it but in it in your will. If it ever looks like I've murdered,

I wasn't. I've never heard of anyone in real life wanting their ashes to be spread somewhere. That's something that exists in TV and movies. People get ashes spread places. I know people who spread ashes.

I was just going to say that people made the request. Don't people go and spread ashes? This is doing my Dave thing that people made the request. That don't people go and spread ashes. They're like, this is what Graham would have wanted. And then,

like, the ghost of you was like, no, fuck, ghost of you. That sounds like a really romantic song,

the ghost of you. Diefenbaker, our former prime minister, is buried on the university campus where he went to school. Oh, really? It's him and his wife

and that's it. It was really weird. There's a? It's him and his wife, and that's it. It was really weird. There's a museum dedicated to him, and then out back. So they're the only people buried there? Yeah, it's a university campus. Where would you want to be buried? Or spread? Where do you want to be spread?

Where do I want to spread? I want to be buried at the university I took a couple semesters at. If it was good enough for Diefenbaker, it was good enough for me. Right here where I took communications 101 uh for our american listeners john deepen baker was our jowliest prime minister everything he wanted uh he didn't get if you look historically he's kind of a comical character i would want my ashes to be put in uh you know how at the end of like uh america's got talent or whatever they shoot off those confetti cannons? I'd want one of those cannons to be loaded with my ashes so that just, like, one segment of the audience just gets, like, sooty.

And like, ooh, it's grease soot. Because it'll probably be pretty greasy, right? Yeah. Because it's you? Yeah. No, because Arnie remains kind of a little bit greasy. I think that burns off. Really? Yeah. What if you're really fat?

What if I'm really fat by the time I die? I don't know. How many years do you think it would take you to get really fat? Because I don't think you have that time. Wow. I don't like that at all. Here's where I want to be buried. Where? Well, you know, have you ever been to like

or seen like New Orleans? They bury the bodies in like tombs that are above ground. Sure. Because it's all swampy underground. I want to be buried in the swamp. I just float around. That's not where I was going when I started that. I was going to have a tomb in the middle

of the street, but I decided, no, I wanted to just wobble around under... Treme. Oh, by the way, the other Traveling Pants member, Alexis Bledel... It was actually Ria Perlman.

Rory Gilmore. Lorelei Gilmore one of the gilmore girls uh oh is that who she is alexis bladel ah real pearl dave graham hopeful guest uh i was within a bookstore here doing some shopping and uh beside me are these two people they're looking at books the one was showing the man was showing the woman different books that he thought she'd like. I wasn't really paying attention until he says, oh, I think you'll like this one. It's kind of like The Matrix, except with vampires and softcore porn. And so I look at her, and yeah, the look on her face showed she really wanted that. It's kind of like The Matrix with vampires and softcore porn.

I was thinking Blade fits almost that description. Except that it was Blade a book and also was The Matrix a book? Blade was based on a book called Pride and Prejudice. Yeah. And vampires. Yeah, I wonder what book that was. What movie was it? Does anybody really want softcore porn anymore?

I thought the internet divided pornography people wanted to masturbate to and stuff with stories. We don't need to kid ourselves with movies in the middle anymore. You still sometimes see it on TV. Yeah, I guess that's fair. You should get cable. TLN, which is the all all kinds of latin stuff channel from uh anything like and by latin i mean the actual language of latin there's there's

some portuguese stuff some spanish stuff and some italian stuff sure i have this show called latin lover 2 that is a soap opera with softcore sex. And they also have a show, I'm sure I've talked about this before, called Sexy Car Wash. Oh yeah, Sexy Car Wash. It's a game show where the two contestants are each in a little car, like a smart car.

And when they get answers right, sexy ladies come out and wash their car. Next up, we're heard. The world's ahead of us. Hey Dave, Graham and guests. answers right, sexy ladies come out and wash their car. Next overheard. The world's ahead of us. Hey Dave, Graham and guests, this is Brian in South Florida. I'm currently at a zoo with the kid

and we're standing by a vending area and a 10 year old ran up to the Pepsi machine, ran his hand across it in a very sensual way across the front of the logo and says, hello, soda. Oh, wow. Right?

Imagine being that excited about soda. I know. Hello, soda. He doesn't know how it's going to dehydrate him. He has no idea how much sugar is in it. He didn't think anybody was watching, too. That was all for his own enjoyment. That just adds to the thrill of, like, sexualized soda.

Yeah. Oh, those bottles. The curvy bottles. Calories. Remember? Oh, yeah. There was the naked lady in the ice on top of the Coke can on the vending machine. That was the rumor.

And then there was... Sexy. Well, the bottles have kind of an hourglass shape. And there was, I think, virgin cola. The Pammy! The Pammy, which was a bottle resembling Pamela Anderson, basically.

Based on her measurements. What? It was like the... She was headless, right? She had really big feet. It was the way people pictured her in their brains. She was really low center of gravity. But it was.

It was based on her breast and hip measurements. Yeah, but the hip was the bottom of the bottle. Yes. So it was headless and legless. It was called the Pammy, and it was supposed to be a good, imagine that soda kid getting his hand on a Pammy. Oh, my God. Take that, near man slot.

Hello, soda. Okay, here's one more thing that we wanted to do, and it's a fun thing. Oh, right, yeah. Now, we mentioned that Ben used to write, we tried to write some sketches. Do you remember any of the sketches we tried to write? I think there was about two afternoons where we entertained the idea.

At least two. I was like, we realized that you two worked really well together. And I hadn't heard of any of the things that you like. Which I think we're still proving like four or five years later. Pitching a real Perlman sketch. And the only one I remember writing was one involving, you know, those like fly swatters that are electrified that kind of look like tennis rackets? Yes.

Using those as a defibrillator. Remember when I was at the party in the summer and you dared me to touch one of those and I didn't. It hurt me really bad. Oh, yeah. Don't do that. And you laughed so hard. It was like, I don't know if I've ever

seen you laugh that hard. But one of the things was we came up with so many titles of reality shows and we've used a few of these in a segment called Reality Show Pitches on this very show.

Yes. Where we describe what these would be. But as I was mentioning this to Graham on the way over here today, it's been four years or so since we came up with these. And we thought it might be fun to see if they've actually come up with anything remotely linked. Oh, close to. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Okay. So this is a really long list so i'm gonna read it pretty quickly just stop me

if there are any uh that that and like we're not saying exactly the same show but something in the ballpark of yeah okay the real hansel and gretel celebrity zz top ghost hunt Celebrity ZZ Top Ghost Hunt Wait There's a ghost hunting show But I also feel like there's probably A show with a guy with a giant beard That ghost hunts I love that there's celebrities on top of ZZ Top Because ZZ Top That's not good enough

Well if it's one of the non-bearded members, no way But I think that's based on the idea That there were already ghost hunt shows Tommy Lee Jones How to Dispose a 300lb Body No way. But I think that's based on the idea that there were already ghost hunt shows. Oh, okay. Tommy Lee Joneson, How to Dispose a 300-lb Body, What Did I Eat? Oh, What Did I Eat? There's definitely shows like that. Like, there's between Anthony Bourdain going all over the place and eating weird food, and that guy who eats, the sadomasochistic guy that eats, like, super hot

food, you know who I'm talking about? Nope. He eats, like, crazy painful food. Yeah, Guy Fupaini. And then man versus food. That's almost, I think that's a real, what did I eat? That's pretty close. Sorry, you just pointed out something. I can't stand man versus food, and it's very

popular, and I'm taking my stance. It's very popular, but this is taking my stance. It's very popular. But this is because restaurants pay him to go in there to eat their food. And then he's just arbitrarily forced to just gush all over it. Because payment has already gone through. He does gotta gush all over it. So he has to, because they've already paid his bills. Is that how it works? Yeah, they pay him.

And so it doesn't matter what it is. They go down there and it's just like mcdonald's oh my god you got the sesame seeds on top of the bun what is this styrofoam oh keeps it so warm and that's what the whole show is just him is that a good thing no i'm keeping it warm it's nothing that's what that whole show is that guy just being like thanks for the money meatballs i can't believe you got meat into a ball form this is incredible when they pay them they give them actual sacks with money dollar signs on them that he runs away with thanks for the money next show uh big joe taint uh mtv crabs no cool ranch presents and then we didn't finish it that seems like a good omission world dreidel championship sure bill nye's science bride

uh plastic makes perfect we discovered that is an actual show yeah that makes sense uh now we're wed oops we're dead uh meth meth busters uh oh there is a show like that isn't it called meth bus well i guess intervention is like meth yeah there you go yeah that may have already existed no in no way it existed that's new uh celebrity hot knife challenge uh vasectomy break dance i don't know what that means i mean i know what the words mean kid and play play with kids uh good sign language monkey fire chief sure i think that was mine i think it was uh stallone and stallone private investigators is that so mr stallone and Stallone Private Investigators Is that so Mr. Stallone and Frank Stallone? The next one, The Next Great Stallone Are you smarter than a Holocaust denier?

Wow That's really clever It feels like you're going one way and it goes the other Bigfoot, find em, fight him, fuck him. Jodie Sweetin, Intervention. That ended up being... At the time, maybe she had already...

I think she had already come... Yeah, there's no way you had a premonition. That was true. Gang Date, Balki Jesus, Master Date, Teabag Countdown, I don't know what half these mean.

We were children at the time. Bi-Curious Bank Lineup, I like that. Valerie Bertinelli, Mind Freak, Axe Body Spray Presents Wilmer Valderrama's... Axe Body Spray presents Wilmer Valderrama's sex preds. Sex preds.

Patrick Swayze's Antiques Roadhouse. He was alive at the time, so it was cool. Yeah, RIP. Bumfight Bride. Sure. Who Wants to Taser a Fifth Grader. Who Wants to Fuck a Mime. So You Think You Can Fuck. There's gotta be a show on one of those cable

networks like So You Think You Can Fuck. And that was, there was another list of things, I don't know why, I don't remember doing this, but we eliminated some of them. Those were the ones that made the cut. Those were the keepers. Here are some of the ones that didn't make the list. I won't read them all.

Kitchen Snitching? That's kind of like Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmare. Sorry, Kitchen Nightmare. The Real Two and a Half Men, which was about a, I think it was going to be about a half man. Sure.

Project Runaway, Old Dog Two Dicks. Old Dog Two Dicks. Kelsey Grammer's Grammar Test. Oh, man, why isn't that a show? Remember when he fell off that stage? Yeah. You can't top that. We talked about it last week for some reason.

Well, I want to talk about it now. This is when I'm here. Celebrity matador, face tattoo date, and topless SWAT team. Topless SWAT Team. Topless SWAT Team, that's an idea you could probably pitch to one of the networks. Yeah, whatever network does Bikini Car Watch. Yeah, whatever the most misogynistic network is right now. One of the Italian channels. The Berlusconi Network.

Well, now this brings us to the end of the show.. The Berlusconi Network. Yeah. Well, now, that brings us to the end of the show. It sure does. Ben, if people want to find you online, we were talking

at the break, you have a website or you will soon have a website? No, I have a website. You have a website. Yes, and it's

benmills.ca and it has all the upcoming Ben Mills stuff on the go And also I have a comedy album That you can have for free So if you go to BenMills.ca There's a link

Or you can go to TheBenMills2.ca And you can download Just go to buy now And type in amount zero And then you can have it for free And it's called Three Paycheck Month Three Paycheck Month is the name of the album oh that's a fun that's a fun month yeah it is a fun month yeah it came out of a real

conversation where um i was really excited because it was a three paycheck month and then i was with two other comedians and they're just like man you're still working a day job you're not a real comedian and then i'm like i have the name for my comedy album yeah three paycheck three paycheck month and don't pay money for it. Just take it. But if they want to pay $1,000 for it, will that go into your account? Yeah, you can technically do it. But I encourage people to just have it.

Or you can listen to it for free. It all goes to me, but I'm just saying that I'm going to have it for free. Is there a contact on the page? Can people who listen to the podcast contact you and say, Hey, Ben. You're on Twitter and stuff. I am on Twitter as well. You're at?

Oh, man. The Ben Mills? The Ben Mills. I guess so. I mostly use Twitter to talk about things that happened in sports. You'll be really disappointed about my Twitter feed. What happened in sports today? Well, it's Thanksgiving, so American football is going to go. Go Lions.

Sue, he kicked a guy on the ground. Sue, he kicked a guy. Sue, S-U-H is his last name. I can't pronounce his first name. He stepped on a guy. It was one of those things where all this stuff happened and it's like, a guy stepped on a guy. We're going to talk about it for a week. Top story.

As we speak, the Harbaugh's, the Harbaugh brothers are coaching against each other in the NFL. Classic. It's never happened before. Two brothers, head coaches. Wow. What are the Harbaugh's first names? Let's guess.

Graham and I will guess. Jimmy. Ria. Jimmy and Ria Harbaugh. Yeah, I think that's the name of his dad, actually. Jimmy Ria Harbaugh? Yeah, sure. I think there's a Jim.

One of them's a Jim. Yeah, why not? You don't know the Harbaugh brothers' names? Oh, I forget. Do you know them? It's John and something else. I forget there's a gym. One of them's a gym. Yeah, why not? You don't know the Harbaugh brothers' names? Oh, I forget. Do you know them? It's John and something else. I forget now. Matt and Tim.

Those are the Hasselbacks. So head over to BenMills.ca. Yeah, BenMills.ca is where the interesting stuff is going on. And then, yeah, and then you can link and get... My comedy album isn't just me talking on stage. It was done with, like, a musician, and it's been soundscaped, and it's weird. Graham and I are on it. No, we're not.

But it's great. I enjoy it. And I suggest you head over to BenMills.ca, and you can see upcoming shows. What's Ben up to? You'll find out there. Right? Yes. Now, Dave, do you have anything coming up?

No. At the end of the show, we're going to play a clip from one of our MaxFun friends. Go to MaximumFun.org, check out the blog recap of today's episode. What will be included in today's blog recap? I'm hoping some sort of Thanatos something. Yeah, sure. I think we've probably put a Thanatos video up before. We're putting him on the map. And maybe a link to that story about the superheroes.

I don't know if that's going to be available. Maybe a picture of the Justice League. Sure. There's all sorts of possibilities. But, you know, while you're at MaximumFun.org, you can check that out. You can check out the other MaxFun podcasts. They're all fantastic, one of which will be plugged in this segment coming up. And also, if you want to contact us, it's stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com or 206-339-8328.

And thanks for being our guest. Thanks for all these years later. I know. Thanks very much for having me, and congratulations on this being a real thing. This is incredible. We have people phoning in now. I know, right? Stuff like that is very cool.

Yeah, I think we tried to set up a Skype thing at one point with you. Actually, there was a lost episode with Ben Mills. Do you remember that? Oh, right. There was, because I was too drunk. I think we were all... I think we all got too drunk. Well, there was technical problems.

There were hours of technical problems in which everyone was allowed to drink. That's right. That episode will never exist. And I don't drink anymore, so it's like of another era. Now I kind of wish you had it, so I could reacquaint myself. I mean, I can give it to you, but I've never heard it. I remember it was graham and we were pressed for time and then graham we had to go to a show that you were on and i remember i

was like so drunk that you were just like go like stand by the front of the stage and it was jeff burner and i was just like singing along if you don't know who that is he's just a guy that plays accordion and has funny songs about poverty and i I was just like, Jeff! Jeff! I just remember looking back and seeing Graham shaking his head. Just like, oh my god. It's a fun night. Is that your guest you brought with you? Yeah, it is.

He's my plus one. So thanks, everybody, for listening. And come on back next week for what I can only guess will be an amazing episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Hi, I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. We're three brothers. It's not a coincidence.

We have a show. It's called My Brother, My Brother and Me. It's an advice show for the modern era. Sometimes we also take questions from the Yahoo answer service. Hey, guys, how many push-ups does it take to look like a werewolf? That's a fine question, Griffin. does it take to look like a werewolf? That's a fine question, Griffin.

We'll answer that one and so much more, including questions from readers about love and navigating the waters of society. Subscribe on iTunes or get it online at MaximumFun.org. We're brothers. We're experts. And we're sorry.