Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 195 - Michelle Shaughnessy

Episode Date: December 13, 2011

Comedian Michelle Shaughnessy joins us to talk about Ghost, drag racing, and fake eyelashes.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 195 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who ain't afraid to wear a knit tie, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I wore this today. I forgot to take it off before you guys got here. I hope you don't think I'm putting on airs.

Yeah, no, I feel you're really putting out an Alex B. Keaton energy. Thank you. Oh, you're really putting out an Alex B. Keaton energy. Thank you. Oh, you're welcome. And our guest today, first time guest here on the podcast, very funny comedian living here in Vancouver, previously of Toronto and previously before that, Peterborough? Yes. Very funny lady, Miss Michelle Shaughnessy is here with us. Thank you.

It's a pleasure to be here. Thanks for coming down. Anytime. Anytime. Well, except's a pleasure to be here. Thanks for coming down. Anytime. Anytime. Well, except today, because I'm already here. Yeah, right? But every other time. Obviously.

Yeah. Unfortunately, you can't be here right now. No, I'm really busy right now. We wish you could be here. We wish you the best. Yeah. Our thoughts are with you. Oh, let's get to know us.

Get to know us get to know us so michelle you're a comedian for how many years have have you been doing comedies um well 10 years ago i started doing sketch and improv i've been doing stand-up for about six or seven six or seven years yeah okay and we were talking just before the show you moved to vanc You're only going to stay here for four months. Yeah. And then you ended up falling in love with it. Well, it was four months minimum. I'm like, okay. I'm giving it four months.

Solid. No going back. And then I just never left. I love it. Yeah. And it's a city you could fall in love with, I guess, right? It's a city. It's a city you could have a really solid...

Like it's got buildings and streets. Oh, for sure. And like all the streets are marked with signs, like at every corner. Yeah. But do you feel like it's a city that you could have a crush on and then like like it?

And then maybe... Like more than a friend. Like more than a city? Well, like you like it more than a city. Have you heard of those people who like marry bridges and have sex with uh the helicopter from airwolf no but yeah tell me more about this thing you just made up i think they're like they're like object sexuals or something oh yes i have heard of that

yeah i'm sure we've talked about well here's the thing i mean you know that's the slippery slope you let a man marry a bridge or a woman and and then pretty soon they're going to want to fuck a helicopter, like you said. Yeah. Next thing you know, helicopters are going to want to be in the military. Are these people allowed to adopt children? Yeah, but only if they're also objects. Okay. All right.

Yeah. They're allowed to adopt a crate. A mailbox. Or a boat. A mailbox. Well, they can have half-object children with these objects right a half man half bridge yeah maybe a mailbox from china oh right like a mail order mailbox yeah oh that's if you fall in love with a mailbox from china oh no wait is that how mail order brides work do you

fall in love with the one that you like first and then you order them you get a catalog yeah and then you fall in love with it same that you do with an l you order them? You get a catalog. Yeah. And then you fall in love with it. Same thing that you do with an L.A. I imagine it looks a lot like the bra section in the Sears catalog. Have you seen the bra section in the Sears catalog? Not lately. Okay. Have you seen the bra section in the Sears catalog? I have seen the bra section.

Lately? How's it looking? No, not lately. It hasn't been since the 90s. Yeah. I'm kind of wondering how it's looking. Can we... Can we get a copy of this? Can we still do catalogs? Is there somebody here that can make that happen? Catalogs, they still exist.

Well, no, I get 24 J. Crew catalogs a year because I buy a sweater a year. But, yeah, I don't know about Sears catalogs. They must still have them, but they don't have them like they have the, like when you were a kid and you would just comb over the Sears catalog looking for toys that you wanted. Or bras. Yeah. Yeah, bras that you coveted. Yeah. What's in there?

Yeah. Them there bras. Are these Russian mail order bras? Are these Russian mail order pride? So if you, theoretically, if you were one of those object, let's call them object sexuals that fall in love with an object. Yeah. What do you think? What do you think would be your object?

You can only be one. A mirror. Well done. Pretty good. What if somebody fell in love with your iPhone? Would you give it to them so that they could consummate the relationship? I wonder. Would I feel like a pimp if I sold it to them? Yeah.

Like, you'd have to give it to them and then maybe take money for some other services, push-ups or something. Oh, yeah. No, it'd be like a dowry. Oh, yeah. It'd be very old-timey. They could give you a goat or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could give them your iPhone. That's not bad. No, I would be like a dowry. Oh, yeah. It would be very old-timey. They could give you a goat or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could give them your iPhone.

That's not bad. No, I think it's pretty good, actually. So you would? If somebody fell in love with your iPhone, you would... Yeah. ...give them in love with your iPhone. But they'd have to prove it.

What if they just wanted his iPhone for phone calls, How do they prove it? If they pulled down their tent... They'd have to make love to it. ...and their genitals looked like one of those iPhone adapter things. It's a match made in heaven.

So, Michelle. And then the icon on the iPhone screen turns into like a heart. Kissy lips. Or a condom. It's like, like whoa we just met yeah I'm gonna put on my chic app

is chic a brand of condom yeah I don't know why I picked that one it's like a pretty obscure brand of condom I had to stop and think about that for a second

cause wait you got your Trojans your Durex Durex good one thanks but Trojan was like I don't even know if they're still around yeah they are your... Durex? Durex. Good one. Thanks.

But Trojan was like... I don't even know if they're still around. Yeah, they are. Of course it is. Trojan is like... Oh, not Trojan. Cheek is the one. I'm not sure.

Ramses was that one? That was one, too. I just remember that because there was a Simpsons Treehouse of Horrors where the... Bart was reciting a... It was the one where they woke up

all the zombies and one of the things was Trojan something Ramses she... That was the incantation. What was I going to ask? I forget. Have you had sex with an iPhone? Like today? Yeah.

I'm really ashamed to admit this, but last time I got really drunk. I hooked up with a Blackberry, you guys. Once you go Blackberry. I may or may not have been drunk. Oh, man. I got roofied by a Motorola. What was it? Oh, you.

You work at two places. One of the places that you work at is a dog... Boutique. Boutique. Yes. We were talking about a dog boutique that's near where I live a couple weeks ago. Yeah. I don't know how, to what degree I'm comfortable with dog boutiques existing, but you work in one.

I do work in one. What's the most ludicrous thing in the dog boutique? A toque for dogs, probably. Now, you say that. You showed me photos of both of your dogs wearing toques last night, so you're okay with that. Well, I didn't say that I'm a well-together person or that I don't have any sort of issues. I'm a single woman with two chihuahuas, for

God's sakes, Graham. Now, one of the chihuahuas, this younger one is named... The younger one is Shorty. It's a girl. And the older one is Macho Man. Macho Man Chihuahua Savage. And Graham has a little thing for Macho Man. I really like Macho Man Chihuahua Savage and Graham has a little thing for Macho Man.

I really like Macho Man Chihuahua Savage. I have questions about these toques. Do they have little holes in them for the ears? They do have little holes in them for the ears. Do they have a strap around the chin? They do. You just tie it on. For people who aren't from Canada, a toque is what you might call a beanie or a knit cap.

Or a ski cap. You're wrong to call it that because a beanie is a little might call a beanie or a knit cap. Or a ski cap. You're wrong to call it that, because a beanie is a little hat with a propeller on the top. Yeah, and you can wear a toque when you're not skiing, so it doesn't have to be a ski cap. The hip-hop world made toques a year-round accessory.

You can just call them winter hats. But you can wear them in the fall, right? You can. Ashton Kutcher wears one in the summer. Yeah, sure. Yeah, but he can do it ever. Why? Can he?

Yeah. Because why? Because people will accept it. I'm not saying it's right. I'm saying people will be like, that's cool. Do we have to accept it, though? No.

It sounds like you've accepted it. Well, I haven't so much as accepted it. You're right. I've accepted it. I put my chihuahuas in hats. Who am I to judge? No. I'm going to get angry mail about that. I understand. No, you're not. I've accepted it at you're right i've accepted it i put my hat uh chihuahuas and hats who am i to judge no that's i'm gonna get angry mail about that i'm gonna no you're not i've accepted it because you've canceled it out by naming your dog macho man so i have i have my problem with ashton kutcher

is this uh he's a very good looking guy yes uh and a decent comedic actor. Yes. But he isn't, like, he grows a beard and he looks so much worse. Some people look better with a beard. Some people, you know, you don't even notice when they do and do not have a beard. He just looks like the greasiest human being alive with a beard. I agree. I feel like guys that are in that league of guys that are extraordinary. Very gentlemen. Fam famous and good-looking yeah there you go famous and good-looking guys probably should not gross themselves up and i

kind of get angry when they do when brad pitt had that crazy beard dreadlock beard yeah i was like no you know that leave that for the people who you know you wouldn't mind if they did that i agree with you that's kind of like how i get when i see like really hot chicks with ugly guys i'm like that's not fair because you want the ugly guys no they want leave some ugly guys for the rest no exactly that's what i'm saying and that's how i feel it's like you're a certain way like why are you grossing yourself up with you know leave that for the rest of the people who aren't capable of that some people need a beard to hide their face that's what I'm doing

that's exactly what I'm doing I'm trying to hide my horrible tattoos my chin tattoos my other problem with Ashton Kutcher is that he has been chosen as the spokesman for Nikon cameras oh that's so ridiculous and Canon cameras spokesperson is Avril Lavigne is that he has been chosen as the spokesman for Nikon cameras.

Oh, that's so ridiculous. And Canon cameras spokesperson is Avril Lavigne. Yeah, that's true. Two powerhouses of photography. Yeah. They are the Annie Leibovitz and Dave LaChapelle of our generation. Nice work. Thank you.

That was good. Ten more photographers. Ashton Kutcher. You're good. That's good. That's ten. I think that was ten. So we're talking about Ashton Kutcher.

He's broken up. I hope he's doing okay. Are they? Is that for sure? Oh, yeah. Ghost was on today, and she looked like she'd moved on. Yeah. Okay.

All right. Could she feel... Oh, no, wait. He wasn't a ghost in that scene where they're doing clay. He was. Was that post-ghost? Was that pogo? Was it? Was it pogo?

I haven't seen the movie. What? It was on TV today. Just a little bit. You had better things to do? He was a ghost and he scared a cat into scratching a guy's face. Yeah. That's the scene I saw.

That's a good scene. And pretty good. Yeah, it is pretty good. That movie was a nominee for Best Picture at the Oscars that year. It was one of the first movies I ever saw. Just in general? Well, she was blind growing up. No, because it was from the 80s.

90. Was it 90? Yeah. Okay. So there's three, as far as I'm concerned, as far as I can recall from the movie Ghost, there's three key scenes. One of them is where he scares the cat to scratch the guy's face. The other one is Clay.

Clay. Clay Aiken. Clay Aiken. Yeah, Clay. Aiken for some Clayken. And the other one is early on. Actually, there's a couple more key moments. I know another one, yeah.

Okay, what's one of your key Ghost moments? The one where the bad guy, you know, the window falls down on him and the it goes stabs him in the gut and then all the little spirits come and take him to hell. Yeah. Well, that's a good one. And then I was going to say the computer where he like cuts and pastes like, I know you did it or you killed me or something on

the black and green computer screen. Do you remember that? I do. Or the scene, I also saw this scene where the other ghost holds him out of the subway into the oncoming subway that is a good ghost and also you're not mentioning anything with whoopi goldberg uh there's one scene where she goes to cash a check that's pretty good oh and she it's for like a million dollars and she asked for it in tens and twins yes yeah you have seen it no i have i don't believe it. I feel like you have. I feel like you watch it all the time.

Or just the whoopee scenes. Here's a ghost memory I have. In like 1992 or 3, it was still like to buy a VHS tape was like 30 bucks. And McDonald's that year just started selling four movies with their meals for like five bucks what and you could get ghost you could get wayne's world you could get adam's family and you could get charlotte's web oh wow tough pick do you not remember that no no i think i would have picked but at that price you don't have to choose. That's true. I could get all four.

I've never watched Ghost or Charlotte's Way. You have to eat at McDonald's four times. Yeah, but if you're 12, it's awesome. That's true. That's true. Yeah, good call. There's a scene where Patrick Swayze is trying to, they're moving a piece of art into their New York loft, and he swings out the window on a rope and kicks the art into the

apartment. I remember that. Was he a ghost at that time? No, this pre-ghost. So he was just dangling out windows? Yeah. Do you know what I'm talking about? I have no recollection of this scene. They're pulling it up on a rope and it won't come in the window so he swings out of one window and

kicks it in the other side. I don't remember this. Was that Roadhouse? Which is the one where he's the cooler which one's the ones he's cooler and the other one he's a ghouler he wasn't really a ghoul he was a nice ghost he was like a casper right yeah um but more sexual yeah like depending on what you how you feel when you watch Casper, but what Michelle, what would you do if you had a boyfriend who turned into a ghost, but he didn't feel that he had to pay the rent.

Cause he was a ghost. He's not actually taking up any space, but he's going to hang out at your apartment. Well, in the movie, does Patrick Swayze continue to pay the rent? Well, it's, it's implied. She doesn't seem to have a job in the movie does Patrick Swayze continue to pay the rent well it's implied she doesn't seem to have a job

in the movie so yeah he was the breadwinner so somehow he's would you let a ghost hang out that's not paying rent I'd like to think that I wouldn't but I've let real life people hang out that weren't paying rent so given my track record probably however

I'd like to be one of those. No. Yeah. He's got to pay his share. Get that ghost out of here. Ideally, I'm looking for a rich ghost. Sure. Somebody that's going to pay my rent.

Yeah. Obviously. Somebody who's going to lead you on some sort of treasure hunt. Or just pay the bills. Oh, he's just. How does a ghost pay the bills? That sounds like a riddle. Like a good kid's joke.

Yeah, sure. Call in with your answers. With his checkbook. His credit cards. We shouldn't pay rent with credit cards. No, yeah. Or bills. Okay, so we've covered Ghost Roommates.

Yeah. We've covered Ghost the Movie. Are there any other ghost questions we wanted to ask our ghost specialist, Michelle Jones? What's going on? What's new with ghosts? I think they're chilling for a bit, and it makes me weary. Yeah? Like, the

80s and early 90s, they were all over the place. Ghostbusters, ghosts, like, everywhere. And now they haven't been around. I feel like they're just waiting for us to be like, alright, ghosts are gone. And they're coming back. And like, do you, have you ever worked in any place that's reportedly haunted? I have.

Really? Yeah, I have. Where? At Dog Boutique. At Dog Boutique. Yeah, Lassie is haunted. Whoa, yeah. What if it was haunted by just the dogs that bought stuff there?

Oh my God. Like the dogs, ghosts come back because they liked that store stuff there. Oh my god. Like the dogs' ghosts come back because they liked that store so much. Oh, okay. So they have literally unfinished business. They want to do more business with the store. Yeah. They want to do their business outside the store.

Ghost business. That's what Ghost Dog was about, right? That movie? Do you have to scoop that up? Ghost Dad. We forgot about Ghost Dad. Sure. Well, I never did. Oh. That's why I have that tattoo on my back. Ghost Dog, was, right? That movie? Do you have to scoop that up? Ghost Dad. We forgot about Ghost Dad. Sure. Well, I never did.

That's why I have that tattoo on my back. Ghost Dog, was that Forrest Whitaker? Yeah. It was a movie about a samurai. Yeah, it was Ghost Dog, Way of the Samurai, starring Forrest Whitaker as Lazy-Eye Magoo. No, I was going to say that I forgot his name, the guy that he played in the movie Last King of Scotland oh yeah

Benjamin Netanyahu yeah Mugatu is Mugatu from Zooland yeah references lots of them okay let's get back to ghosts I worked at a school once like a college I worked at a school once, like a college.

I worked at a college that was built in an old insane asylum. What? The insane asylum, you can look into it. The insane asylum was known for torturing patients and stuff. So the janitor actually gave us a tour of the basement, and there was still like shackles on the wall and stuff. And that was pretty creepy. Were there any skeletons in them?

A lot, no. But a lot of people had reported seeing the same ghost, like the same, like at the same time, same time of year, like right in the window. It was like a woman just standing in the window. And like neighbors in the, they actually filmed one of the police academies there and even some of the cast and crew reported noises and like. And then one of them imitated the noises, sounded a little something like this. Woo! imitated the noise it sounded a little something like this so

but did you ever see the ghost I didn't ever see the ghost and I did go there at night once with a group of other young people

we tried to we went on like a ghost hunt and we like tried to try to find the ghost and we camped out all night

yeah I want to go on a ghost hunt I used to do that all the time why are you talking about this I used to do that all the time we had a group the ghost and we camped out all night yeah i want to go on a ghost hunt i used to do that all the time why don't i i said all the time we had a group of friends and i we used to go around to like houses in toronto that were supposedly haunted um and like wait out and try to see things and take pictures and devolve the pictures and see if things showed up and go to like cemeteries and stuff like that so uh essentially we trespassed all over the city and didn't see anything yeah you were like this like uh what is the scooby-doo group called did they have a mystery mystery

the mystery machine was their van uh but what scooby and friends yeah did you have a plucky dog that came along and uh enjoyed snacks i guess that's all he does really hung out with a stoner he's protection yeah right so you had a stoner. He's protection. Yeah, right? So you had a group of friends that you would go on ghost quests with? And so you would take pictures and then you'd get the pictures back. And are they just the most boring pictures? They are.

They're just like... No ghosts in these ones. Do you keep any of them? Nope. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what it was. Oh, an empty room. And we broke into some abandoned homes that were reportedly haunted. We brought tools and screwdrivers. Where were you hearing these reports? And the only thing is, we Googled it.

We found some really old websites of haunted places in Toronto and stuff. Google. Google, sorry. And we went to this place called Castle Loma, which is reportedly haunted. It's an old castle in Toronto up on a hill because hills are scary. Castles are scary. Especially for the out-of-shape ghosts. And once we were like, there's got to be a ghost.

And then we woke a homeless man and we started screaming. And so that was the scariest thing that ever happened on our ghost hunts was running into a homeless man sleeping outside of the castle and he started screaming he was like and we were like and then we all ran and he took off his mask and he was the owner of the house yeah you darn kids he's trying to commit insurance fraud i feel like yeah i feel like i do want to be part of a group of people that goes ghost hunting. I don't know. Let's do it. Let's do it. Yeah, you're right. Let's do it.

Am I a little old? Or am I at the perfect age? You have too many responsibilities. Do I? You've got a ghost lover to provide for. Oh, come on. You've got to pay half that ghost rent. Yeah, that's true.

No, you know what? I'm taking a sabbatical and my ghost is going to pay all the rent while I find myself. Good job. There's a guy online that he did a thing that I think is one of the greatest. It's not really a prank, but it's kind of a prank. Hunters and also biologists. And gatherers. Yeah, sure.

The whole group will set up these deer cameras in the woods to kind of track this is a place that they feed or a place that they frequent or whatever. And this guy took the memory card from it and took a bunch of the photos and photoshopped in like a goblin into the photos and then returned the memory card. That's really funny.

That's a great prank. It's a great prank. And it ended up, I believe it ended up on television in Tokyo that like monster discovered in West Virginia or whatever. So I'm in favor of ghost hunting, but also playing pranks on ghost hunters. Ghost pranks. Yeah, ghost pranks. Okay.

I feel like I'm in favor of both of those. I feel like we should do both of those. But I feel like I need to get a ghost hunting gang together and then prank them. That's what I feel like I need to do. Okay, I'm not ghost hunting with you anymore. Well, you've already ruined it. No, you're in on it. Yeah, but everybody's going to, like, this is not, like, you've well you've already ruined it no you're in on it yeah but everybody's gonna like this is not no but i'm not ruined it ghost hunters don't

listen to this they listen to ghost hunting podcast oh i bet there are i bet there are i bet there's a ghost hunter listening right now probably i'm willing to bet i'm right here y'all did you guys know that beetlejuice is the ghost with the most can you not say that anymore thank you how many more times don't say it two more times don't say it two more times here's the thing say what hamlet sorry mcbeth mcbeth way to go wait no candy man uh uh so you're right there were a lot of ghosty things in the 80s beetle Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Oh my god! Ghostbusters. The other ones you mentioned, Ghost.

Ghost Dad. But, do you think, was there a time in the 80s, like you know how everyone's like, oh, it's vampire fever right now. Everyone loves vampires. Was there a time in the 80s when bloggers were like, I'm so sick of ghosts? No, because there were no bloggers were like i'm so sick of ghosts um no on their bloggers on their ham radios yeah big bear i'm so sick of ghosts yeah over yeah in their zines oh what about those stories when people say they hear like ghosts on their radios you heard like track there's like

oh yeah they don. They don't. They're mistaken. Are you sure? Are you sure? Yes. But can you be sure? Radio ghosts. Do either of you believe in ghosts?

Obviously. I'm not opposed to them. I think if they want to have the vote, you know, they can have it. You've got to believe if you want to hunt, Graham. You've got to believe. Of course I believe. No, you don't.

I want to believe and I also want to scarify. There has to be the cynic amongst the crew. Dave, that you want to hunt Graham, you've got to believe. Of course I believe. No, you don't. I want to believe and I also want to scarify. There has to be the cynic amongst the crew. Dave, that's you. You're the cynic. But do I have to go? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Why wouldn't you go? There's no ghosts, so there's nothing to be afraid of. You podcast from a haunted location. Yeah, but I'm so... It sounds so boring. Do you want to do a podcast from a haunted location? Not really. Oh, why not?

It seems like we'd have to, you know Every time we bring gear anywhere, we break something But what if it was this time a ghost broke it? That'd be a pretty good story, right? Like you were like, the levels were good But then they weren't But you were just leaning on the soundboard the whole time Yeah, because there are no ghosts

Do you not believe in ghosts? No Really? Yes! Oh my god, that makes me want to die and haunt you just leaning on the soundboard the whole time? Yeah, because there are no ghosts. Do you not believe in ghosts? No. Really? Yes! Oh my god, that makes me want to die and haunt you. Okay. Well, go for it. You're going to have to pay a third ghost rent if you haunt him here.

Yeah. Oh, no, a fourth. Grandpa pays rent, doesn't he? Yeah, Grandpa pays rent. Okay. In money that he digs up at the park? He's not really good at anything. Do you think pets can see ghosts? I've heard that. Well, yeah, that cat in the up at the park. He's not really good at anything. Do you think pets can see ghosts? I've heard that.

Well, yeah, that cat in the movie about the ghost, I forget the name of it. Could. I want to say whiskers. Mittens. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what pets are seeing, but whatever they're seeing, it's not what we're thinking they are

seeing. It's a whole other... It's gray, first of all. Everything's gray because they're colorblind. And also, their vision isn't great, so it's probably gray and fuzzy. You know what I mean? Like, they've only... Like, your dogs and Grandpa will only really know you by smell, right? They don't know you

on sight, necessarily. I don't think that's true. No, they can see a bit. They can see. They can see a bit, but I think... Isn't it smell? Well, they can smell, but they can see. I think they can see, too. Like, I don't think they see it the can see a bit, but I think, isn't it smell? Well, they can smell, but they can see. I think they can see, too. Like, I don't think they see it the way we see it, but I think they can recognize. If there was a guy... Do you think all they're seeing is all ghosts all the time?

No. Oh, sorry. I didn't let you answer. No. No, but I think they can see things that we can't see. Yeah, I agree with that. I think they can see things that we can't see. Yeah, I agree with that. I think they can see less things than we can see. I think they can smell things that we can't smell.

Well, yeah. But I think that I can also smell things that you guys can't smell. I'm okay with that. But they also don't know the difference between the doorbell and the doorbell on TV. They don't. They don't. But that's just because they can't follow plot lines. Yeah, right?

Sometimes Grandpa can't... He'll hear a doorbell on TV and he'll freak out, even though it's a doorbell he's never heard as an actual doorbell in real life. Would Grandpa, if Benjamin Bratt was on television and he said, hey Grandpa, he's in a movie

of the week and he's talking to his grandpa. Would Grandpa... No. Because of all the time that he spent with Benjamin Bratt, would he recognize that sound? Unless we had smell-o-vision. Right. He knows the smell of Benjamin Bratt. Yeah.

He wants to... Who is Benjamin Bratt? He was in the Sandra Bullock movie where she is a Miss Congeniality-like character. Oh, okay. You mean Miss Congeniality? Yes. I love it. He was the love interest.

Was he in Star Wars? He wants to kiss her. He thinks she's gorgeous. No, you're thinking of Jimmy Smits. Oh, Jimmy Smits. Who was he in? He was some... Yoda.

Some dude in the Star Wars prequels. He drove Yoda around in one scene, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They went and got sodas. Yeah. Not too familiar with the Star Wars. It might have been the rhyming scene. You've never seen Star Wars?

Is that what you said? No, I saw them when I was a kid because I was obsessed with the Ewoks. Sure. And then I saw the one with Jar Jar Binks. Yeah. It was a guy I was dating when it came out, and that's about it. And that's it? You never saw the other two?

No. Have you had better things to do? Is that what you're trying to say? No. Sadly, no. But what am I supposed to do? Just watch Star Wars by myself? I don't know.

That's what I do. I'm not a big Star Wars by myself? That's what I do. I'm not a big Star Wars fan either, but I did watch all three of them by myself two weekends ago. Yeah, they were on TV. They were on TV, so I just watched them. I don't know. Am I supposed to feel this bad about it? No, no, no, no, no.

It seems like I feel... Michelle's giving me a stink eye about the whole thing. I'm not giving you the stink eye. A little bit. No, not so much stink eye. Stink voice. More like a pity. Oh, yeah.

That's the same thing. Pity eye. Oh, I don't want that. No, some people like watching sci-fi alone and that's okay. Is it? I don't know if it is.

Of course it's okay. What if you want... It's okay to go... People get self-conscious about going to a movie theater by themselves. Oh, I wouldn't do that. But why would you be self-conscious about being alone in your house and watching something by yourself?

I don't know. Oh, I'm by myself? That's true. I better wait for someone to come around before I do anything. I once watched Serendipity alone twice in one night, so I can't really... I don't know what that is. Does that have Kate Beckinsale and John Cusack? Kate Beckinsale and John Cusack.

Serendipity is when something, fate has a sense of humor or something. That was in the preview. It's about love, Graham. It's about love and fate and mittens. And Serendipity. Here's a movie that I saw a little bit of. Speaking of ghosts and Serendipity, there was a movie where Reese Witherspoon turns into a ghost and then she un-ghostifies at the end.

What? Spoiler. Is John Heater in it? Yes. Yes, he plays Napoleon Dynamite. Damn it. Is Mark Ruffalo the love interest? Maybe. Probably.

Yeah, probably. Probably. He usually is. So she becomes a ghost. And then at the... Spoiler. She'd be... Turn off the podcast now if you don't want...

What is it called? Is it called Just Like Heaven? It's called Legally Blah. She's also a vampire. Dracula. It's called Suic. She's a Dracula. It's called Suicidum Alabuma. I couldn't think of another Reese Witherspoon movie.

I was trying. I was like, Legally Blonde and election? There's no ghosts pun in election? What was the johnny cash one uh dave what's going on with you this week uh here's what's going on with me i've mentioned on the show my favorite game show on television is this family feud this show

called sexy car wash oh sexy car wash yeah which is on the italian channel it's this italian tv show uh which i cannot follow because i don't speak italian but there's two dudes but you do speak car wash yeah sexy knows no language yes there's two dudes in two cars and they get asked questions and presumably when they get them right i'm assuming this is why it's happening when they get asked questions and presumably when they get them right, I'm assuming this is why it's happening, when they get a question right, these sexy ladies come out and wash their cars. They wash their own

cars? Or his car? No, the dude's cars. That would be weird if they just washed their own cars. Hey guys! But, I have a new favorite game show. Oh man! And it is also car-related. Yesterday, I was at a restaurant, and the TV show Pimp My Ride was on.

Oh, yes. Is that still on? I don't think they make it anymore, but they were showing it on the Speed Channel. Sure. It's all car programming all the time. And then the show following it was this show called pastime it's a game show yeah where there are three contestants at a drag racing track they're all standing you know behind little lecterns like on a game show and uh the host tells them the kind of car that is coming up. And they'll say, oh, it's a 1967 Ford Mustang.

Here are the specifications of the engine. It's got this many horsepower. It's this powerful of an engine. It's got this much torque. And then the people just have to guess how fast it'll... How many seconds it'll take to do the drag race. And that's the whole show. Man, that's boring boring it's so boring uh 9.8 seconds 9.7 wow it's like the price is right i think um i'm trying now i'm searching in my head

to think is there a more boring game show around i think the one where there's a cash machine that people go to and then they realize oh i can't stand that one yeah that's a cash machine that people go to and then they realize it's a game show. Oh, I can't stand that one. Yeah, that's a pretty horrible... Because it's like the stakes are not... Like, you could just walk away from it and be like... It's like Cash Cab, but without the cab. Yeah, it's just cash. Now, does the machine take your bank card? I'm assuming it does, because otherwise, wouldn't you just walk away?

That's what you think. Because I'd be pretty upset if I had to be somewhere. And all of a sudden... That's what I feel about Cash Cab as well. Aw, thanks for reminding me of that, Dave. Nowhere. Harsh, Dave. Nowhere.

You just sit at home and watch Star Wars all day. I do, with my ghost boyfriend. He doesn't pay rent. While you guys are clay potting. Yeah. Clay eating. Clay eating. Marrying to an iPhone.

Play potting. Yeah. Playing. Marrying to an iPhone. Now, yeah, there's the ATM thing. Then there was a cash cab, which they must know that they're getting into the cash cab. Because if you were going to a party and then like, because if you get it wrong, they kick you out of the cash cab. Right? That's the.

I'd also be angry about that. Yeah, I'd be angry about the whole thing. I think if those lights went on, I'd be like, pull over pull over here i'm getting out there must be people who've done that like i don't want to participate i'm not going to sign your release yeah yeah like this is if you've done that write in you know what i would say how dare you that's what i would say how dare you you would say that to him the guy hosting how dare you masquerade as a cab driver? I need to get somewhere. What if somebody got in and they needed to go get stitches? Would he pick up, say it was a snitch?

Yeah, snitches. That's what they get. Do you think that there's certain shows that people in certain industries love? I bet people in the pawn industry love Pawn Stars. Do you think cab drivers love or hate cash cab? Good question. Thank you. I'm going to say... If you get it right,

then we'll take you to your dinner. Oh, no! We should call our friend who's a cab driver. Yeah. Is that something on the show you can call a friend? Yeah, they do. You can call. You have to call OnStar? I think they hate cash cab, but they love the show you can call a friend? Yeah, they do. You can call. You have to call OnStar? I think they hate Cash Cab, but they love the show Taxi.

That's my guess. I mean, they've got a soul, don't they? That's a really good guess. Yeah. Absolutely. I think if you asked 10 cabbies what their preference was, Taxi or Cash Cab, or the movie DC Cab starring Mr. T, or the movie Taxi starring Jimmy Fallon. Or the original French movie that that movie was based on.

Le Taxi. Le Taxi. Le Taxi. They would all say they like Taxi. That's my guess. Did you, have you, when I was a kid, going to the video store, I wanted to rent DC Cab every time. I did. And Mr. T is not

in it as much as the video case would advertise. I don't know this movie you're talking about. It's a movie, and I don't think I've seen it. The cover of it is Mr. T holding the door of a taxi cab that he's apparently ripped off with his strength.

Which happens in the movie. Mr. T is a famous ghost from the 80s. I know who Mr. T is. I've seen Rocky 3, okay? Ah, Rocky... I don't know how to say it. T. Why didn't they just call it that?

And he was also on The Chipmunks when I was a kid, and I used to get really excited for the episodes with Mr. T. Yeah. Do you not remember that? And he'd come in and stop the schoolyard bullies, and then at the end he'd do like a cartoon where she'd be like if you're being bullied

Really? Tell a teacher. And like yeah. They need more of that. Did he do a racist black voice? Is there any other kind? Did you know that Mr. T took a pee

in a coconut tree on the Tom and Jerry show? You don't do you have is there a fact checker? No. You know that's we leave that up to the audience. Did Mr. T take a pee in a coconut tree?

I smell a game show. There's a game show called Did Mr. T? Did Mr. T do this or that? Here's a question. Did Mr. T ever shave his mohawk? Yes, he was bald for a while. That's right. Why?

Because he had cancer. True. For Move's right why uh because he had cancer oh true for movember he did he had cancer for mohawk we could just bring the show down a notch mohawk member brought it back up we had no pacing problems as far as i'm concerned uh so yeah that's that's been my week i this awful dumb show. I really only saw a few seconds of it, but then I looked it up online and that is the... That's the whole show. And I watched it on mute. But they would come up with like 300 horsepower. Is the host funny or is the host somebody who knows cars? It's Ryan Seacrest.

Oh, so great. Funny and great and knows cars. He's got it all. Handsome. Guys, who do you think will be the next Regis? Dave, go. Oh, man, the next Regis. You get one guess. Oh, no. You're next, Michelle, so get ready.

I'm going to say... Oh, it's... Oh, there's so many good... There were so... Like, when Regis would take uh vacations sure they would bring in guest hosts to host with kelly and it would be uh anderson cooper jeff probes neil patrick harris uh neil patrick harris has already said he's not gonna do it so he's out a real murderer's row anderson cooper's busy with his own talk show. His own girly talk show.

But when Regis, when Kelly was away, Regis would get the worst guest host. Yeah, get his wife. Well, his wife was good. Joy. Joy. Joy Behar. His wife. And sometimes it would

be like, a lady from Ugly Betty, but not Ugly Betty. No. You're stalling. That's all you're doing. You're stalling. Also, Kelly's husband. Yeah.

Mark Consuelos. I don't know, Probst. I don't care. So you're saying Jeff Probst of Survivor fame. That's your guess? Yeah. I mean, so many people would be better than that. Okay, but that's who you think? But like, it's people who

already have jobs. Sure. Yeah, but you can already have a job. Yeah, you can take both. Ryan Seacrest is going to be on the Today Show for no reason. Really? Yeah. He has to have eight jobs while some people have zero. The Today Show's not news.

It's not anything. It's garbage. It's garbage television Today Show's not news. It's not anything. It's garbage. It's garbage television for people who like garbage. It's weird to watch it, because they do interviews out on the street, and they'll just have a celebrity literally walk up and start talking to them. Yeah, and the celebrity's always a Mark McGrath or lower. Am I right? No, no, they get decent celebrities.

Like a Jeff Probst? The weird thing about it is that they get decent celebrities and they're on for two minutes, and then they walk away. Now, who's your guess? Who's going to replace Regis? Mario Lopez. So good. You're so smart. That is so good. My guess is Liam Neeson.

There you go. So we've rounded out the cast. Yours is, I think, Michelle out of the three of us. Yeah, I think so too. Maria Lopez. Although, he and Lisa's, Kelly's wife. Who's Lisa? Who's Lisa?

I get Kelly Ripa and Lisa Rinna mixed up. Oh, sure. They're nowhere near the same. Their names, their last names are. Rinna. Okay. All right. I'll give you that.

Thank you. That's your Ripa or Rinna. Yeah. Rana. Okay. All right. I'll give you that. Thank you. Rana. Yeah. Congratulations to Mario Lopez. Yeah. The new host of Live with Kelly and Mario. Ooh, that doesn't sound good. Nope. Mario and Kelly.

No way. Yes way. Yeah. She's not getting top billing. Yes, she is. Over Lopez? I can see you're not wanting top billing. Yeah, that's right.

It's always been the man and the... No, it's always been Regis and... Yeah, well, he just happened to be the man. Well, that's good. He had seniority. I think they'll just go with Ever Sounds Better. Yeah. What's that producer name?

Gelman. Gelman. Gelman. What if Gelman just decides to do it? Ugh. Gelman and Kelly? I love Gelman. I love Gelman, too.

Oh, I was joking. I'm not. I'm waiting for him to become a ghost, and then we're going to be together forever. I'm waiting for him to become a bridge. The Gelman Street Bridge. Graham, what's up with you i saw something on the train that i've never seen on a train but also have never seen in just life was i watched a woman apply fake eyelashes that shit's uh super cray uh have you ever worn fake eyelashes? For about half an hour.

Yeah. Yeah. As part of a costume? No. They're crazy to put on, right? They're... Okay, I put them on and I kept gluing them, like, just above, so you'd be, like, fake eyelashes, line, real eyelashes.

These are my questions. They're really hard to put on. Because where are they supposed to go? Like, right... Okay. Right over top of your eyes. Right over top, like, on the line where your eyeballs grow out. But they scratch.

Like they scratch your face. Do they go above your regular eyelashes or below? I guess above. They go above, like directly on that line where your hair is growing out. But then do they squish your eyelashes down into your eyes? No, but they're scratchy. Like they're not soft. Yeah, if you put them on your eyebrow, you've gone too far north.

Yeah. And if they're on your upper cheek, too far south. It depends what you're going for. That's true. You're supposed to put them between your eyebrows. Yeah. That would be great. Even if it was just a year of a monobrow caught on

and if women would buy a piece that would join the eyebrows together. I'll do it i'm gonna start that i'm gonna start it and then after six months i'll realize it's not catching on now watching somebody do that i think would be it's kind of like watching somebody put in contacts or no it's worse than that it is weird it's weird because it's contacts like you could feel bad for them maybe they dropped their glasses or maybe their contact fell out. They need to do it at that time. But eyelashes, wait until you get to where you're going and go into the bathroom and do it. Or do it before.

We could also argue. It's just weird. Why do you want to train? Or go kill yourself. What if the train shakes? And you take out your eyeball. Exactly. Yeah.

And then there's like a ghost walking around on the train with weird fake eyelashes. Oh, I would never take the train again if there were ghosts that existed in the world. fake eyelashes. Oh, I would never take the train again if there were ghosts that existed in the world. But anyway, so yeah, I watched a young lady put on these things on the train, and I found it. Did she have a mirror?

No, she was using the reflection. Was she attractive? Not particularly. Was it Betty Boop? Oh, no. It was the guy from Clockwork Orange. That was just painted on, I think.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, what did I say? She was putting on real ones. I meant that she was painting on cartoonish ones. So that was weird because that seems like a bathroom thing. That's like cutting your nails or something on the train. That's gross. Oh, well, it's not as bad as cutting your nails.

Isn't it? Yes. It's pretty gross. Yeah, because your nails, you're leaving nail drippings all over with eyelashes. It's not like... Nail drippings? Look at the weird... Liquid nails.

Well, your nails are a liquid. Like, glass is a liquid. Oh, sure. We're all liquid. Yeah. Right? We're also all made of stars. Did you know that?

Is that Moby? Yeah. Right? We're also all made of stars. Did you know that? Is that Moby? Yeah. Moby? It's not as bad as cutting your nails. It's not as bad as eating corn on the cob, which I have witnessed. On the train? On the bus. Okay.

That's fine. I'm not into eating on public transit. No. I'm not going to judge you if you do, but I think it's gross. The signs that say don't eat are also not into it. What would be the top three foods that you shouldn't eat on the bus corner of the cub we've established spaghetti tacos ice cream cake yeah anything no that's not fair because the ice cream cake is going to melt

so suddenly you're running late and you find yourself with a melty ice cream cake like what are you supposed to do i like the idea of someone that's true someone eating someone eating half a grapefruit and spraying someone in the eye when they... There's a spider right in front of me. Like, dangling right in front of me. What? Got it. It wasn't scary enough. Thank you.

If it was big and scary, I would have smashed it. It was just a tiny tot. I'll kill it when you're gone yeah i know uh baby when you're gone i realize i hate spiders so yeah that's basically what happened to me this week also was that it yeah i think that's it i think I saw a lady put on fake eyelashes on the train. That was the highlight. I wonder if she does that every morning on the train.

Like, I want you to take that same train at the same time. Oh, yeah. Oh, like it's her. Like, what if that's her ritual? Ew, gross. That's expensive. Because you only, they're one time. No, you can get ones that are like two or three times.

Oh, really? Yeah, I got them. Can you get them with your disposable contact lenses as a set? No. No, you can't? I didn't realize this was going to be so ridiculous. Yeah, well. Listen.

Sorry. I'm sorry, I interrupted. Maybe my eyelashes are going to. You had some expertise on this. No, I didn't have expertise. I'm sorry, I interrupted. Maybe my eyelashes are going to... You had some expertise on this. No, I didn't have expertise.

I just tried them once because I wanted to get eyelash extensions. And somebody said, try this first, see how it feels. What is that thing that you just said? They put fake eyelashes on top of your eyelashes. But do they sew them in or something? They glue them on. And they last about two or three months. Oh.

But then you go blind forever. they fall out naturally with your eyelashes so it's not like one day yeah but it's expensive and what do you say and then you go blind is that the payoff um do you ever do that thing is that is this a thing never mind uh i'm okay fine uh if an eyelash falls out yeah uh have you ever had taken it off the face of your significant other and uh you you hold it between your thumb and forefinger and make them guess which of those two fingers it will stick to no i've heard the make a wish thing and yeah if they get it right they get to make a wish why you're just you're adding a step.

Yeah. I thought that was a thing that I didn't make up. I think the wish thing is the thing. I've never heard the guess which finger. And then you blow it? Yeah, you take it and then you blow it. And then, yeah, you wish that you could blow through. Blow a tiny hair, man.

I find that creepy. I'm not... Like, if somebody did that, I'd be like, whoa. If somebody took an eyelash off of your face? Yeah, and was like, make a wish. I find that creepy I'm not like if somebody did that I'd be like whoa if somebody took an eyelash off of your face yeah and was like make a wish

what if they did it in that scary voice yeah I thought that was sexy make a wish yeah if they said this is your final wish then that would really

make your final wish what? I mean I just say your prayers don't scream just blow What? I mean... I just said... Say your prayers. Don't scream. Just calm.

Don't scream. Hold your breath, it gets better. Don't scream. I think I'm going to save that for the next time I'm on an elevator. Where I'll be like, what floor? Four. Bing. Don't scream.

Or I thought you meant the next time you're on an elevator, you're going to take someone's eyelash off their... Off of their eye, where they're sitting. Just pull it out. What if it's fake and the whole thing comes out? How many wishes do they get? Still just one? Take a deep breath. Yeah. You go to the train and put these back on.

Oh, guys, let's move on to overheards overheard before we go to overheards a couple of things a couple of items of business just short things first of all i didn't realize that you had a tweet where you said that you could just replace breakfast in any christmas song and then sing it year round and that's the greatest thing and that's why i'm repeating it here on the podcast, because maybe not everybody follows you on Twitter. Do they know it's breakfast? Yeah.

Yeah. I feel like when I rock it around the breakfast tree, sometimes I'll tweet things that I think people have already said. Maybe that was one of them where I was like, if someone, if someone calls me on this, then I'll just, all I want for breakfast is you.

That's pretty good. I don't want to love for breakfast is you. That's pretty good. I don't want to go out for breakfast. But that felt like that may have been something I'd heard somewhere else. It's possible, but, you know, it's the time of year. It's sharing, right? That's what this is all about. Togetherness. What would Feliz Navidad be?

How do you say? How do you say breakfast in Spanish? Yeah. Oh, huevos rancheros. Feliz huevos rancheros. Huevos rancheros. I would like to say a sincere, heartfelt thank you to two people, actually. There's a gentleman named Jason that runs a website called Illustrated Vancouver who got in touch with the podcast.

traded vancouver who got in touch with the podcast and he like restored an old cbc poster from the 70s yeah with a beaver flashing a bald eagle which was pretty great and uh passed that you gave it to me for nothing you know hey just have this thing and then also where does he get that stuff because it's a good blog he literally sources it out from different like collectors and just people who have uh saved uh you know uh um a shirt or a poster or something yeah there you go illustrated vancouver.ca it is a good blog you like it yeah it's better than uh that question i asked i mean, that was a snooze. What a snooze. And also, a listener of ours in Japan named Jeanette sent us... It's not a very Japanese name. Oh, I don't think she's from there. That's the great...

I think she's one of those expats. Oh, that is the great thing. That's the great thing about her. She's not Japanese. Jeanette, there could be Jeanettes in Japan, right? It's a big population. There could be all sorts of names over there. It could be Georges and like a George Takei, right?

He's Japanese. Takei. Oh, sorry. She sent us, this Jeanette character sent us some stickers and a pin. Yeah. What did she send you? She did a painting of me painting a painting of me with my beard. So it just goes into infinity.

And it's pretty, like, photo accurate. It's anatomically correct, which I appreciate. But thank you very much for all the delightful. It's going to be. Let's make this the greatest Christmas ever. Yeah. Right. The greatest breakfast ever. Well, that's great be let's make this the greatest christmas ever yeah right the greatest breakfast ever uh well that's great let's move on to overheards before we move on to overheards it is time for celebrity birthdays uh still have received zero feedback about this

uh that's not true people have said keep it up that's what i've heard i had uh one guy wrote back and said i don't love it but if it makes you happy and starting on that cheryl crow's birthday yeah it makes you happy they can't be that bad and i wrote him back and said maybe you should love it it's time for you to start loving it yeah okay we are recording this on uh thursday december 8th big happy celebrity birthday to nikki minaj 27 years old liar do you think she's older um yeah i think she's older really yeah oh good management sorry uh shenaid o'connor is 45 and pregnant. Oh, she is pregnant, right? No, she's not. Is she bald still?

She's not bald anymore. She's not bald. She got married today. Oh, today? Remarried, yeah. Really? To a man. Congratulations.

She was a lesbian for a while, I believe. Well, we are both, right? Go ahead. Terry Hatcher. Lois from Lois and Clark is 47 today. Is that her biggest credit? She played Lois on Lois and Clark. She played Lois on Desperate Housewives.

She made one appearance on Seinfeld. Don't forget Tango and Cash. She played Lois, Tango. She was in Tango and Cash. Wow. She only does movies or things where it's something and something. She had a sexy drum solo. She was topless in Two Days in the Valley.

She showed her... Gazungas? Breasts. Ah, that's the word. Gazungas. Speaking of which, the answer to today's celebrity birthday trivia question. The answer to today's celebrity birthday trivia question. This actress was in the movie Cool World, and I thought she would either show her boobs in real life or as a cartoon.

Kim Basinger. Kim Basinger is 58 years old. She didn't show her boobs. No. I was very frustrated. Didn't she show her boobs in some other movie? Yeah, I think so, but not... Tangled in Cash, I want to say? Not Cool World, where I wanted to see cartoon boobs.

She, uh... When she was married to Alec Baldwin, they had a sex scene where they actually had sex. Oh, was that in The Shadow? Yeah. It was in Glengarry Glenroth. Overheards. A segment in which...

I held for a theme, right? We already played the theme a long time ago. Do you want to play it again? No. But this time with the word breakfast instead of overheard. Sure. Breakfast. Overheards.

Breakfast. Things that you overhear, hear, oversee, overread, overdream? Some people take it to that extent. They shouldn't, but they do. Overreach. Yes, overreach. We like to start with the guest. Thank you. Hey, you're welcome. Do you have an over you you said you had an overseen i i have an overseen and it's something i haven't been able to i find myself thinking about it um and taking it seriously as well as giggling so it was a while ago i had to go downtown near the occupy vancouver site where those people are living in tents. It's now vacated. Am I wrong?

Yeah. But there was one point where a certain time of day they were allowed a section of Granville Street to actually stand on the street with signs and people with a megaphone or a megahorn. It's a megahorn, I think. It's a megazoid. Loud talker

I like the phrase mega horn yeah okay so they're downtown yeah and there's all those people with their signs you know like spread the wealth or dear 1% like give us some all those and there was somebody like

dear 1% like give us some I got a mega horn okay I may not have remembered the exact signage but swear to god there was one guy all serious in the protest with a sign that said occupy fat chicks that's pretty good

that is pretty good I constantly think about it and do it all day oh wow yeah he took the notion turned it on its head yeah it'll make it work i like yeah i that's uh well both uh uh you know feminist and misogynist that's true and activist yeah it's all of the great ists of our generation it's uh i guess it's not feminist it's all of the great-ists of our generation. I guess it's not feminist at all. It's also, it's optimist, right? Sure.

Yeah, it's not pessimist. Yeah, he's looking at the glass half-fat chick. I wonder what fat chicks would think about that. I think they would sound a little something. Like what Graham's about to say um i don't have anything uh yeah i think i i don't i don't know if if do they do they know they're fat chicks after all that's the thing like because i'm i'm, I'm a pudgy, right? And like,

I've got a gut. I don't know if I would call myself a fat dude or a fat guy. No, you're not a fat guy. Paunchy? Maybe I could call myself stout. I could call myself stout, right?

I could get away with that. Beefy. Oh yeah, beefy. Yeah, like a Hanes t-shirt. Yeah. If somebody said, occupy beefy Guys, would I get offended?

You're damn right I would. Super offended. Oh, can we just change it from breakfast to fat chicks in the Christmas songs now? Oh, rocking around the fat chick? No, it doesn't have enough syllables. All I want for fat chicks is you. It's a song about monogamy uh that's a pretty awful sign i guess i like he the other protesters must have hated him you know what they weren't saying anything i think they were just too busy like focusing on like

trying to make their point that it's not like do you think that he was a non-protester that snuck in there with a clever sign see that's what i tried to figure out but he looks like the rest like it wasn't like not that they have a certain look but i'm sorry you're not going to see like a three-piece suit in the crowd like it wasn't like that oh here's what i saw i saw a guy uh protester a couple blocks down from the protests in like the shopping district on granville street there and uh this was before christmas shopping had really started and but he he was a protester clearly but he was pretending to be a guy in a suit like he was wearing a suit and he had a mega horn and he was

saying but like he was pretending to be like mr corporation and he was was just, with his mega horn, he was telling people, keep shopping, go buy more stuff. Were they just like, okay. And they were like, you're not really pulling off the whole business suit look because you're wearing weird hiking boots with it. There's always something that ruins the illusion. Yeah, ruins the effect. Yeah, if it was like a super corporate looking dude, it might have been a better effect.

Yeah, but instead it was a guy with a... A value village suit. Yeah, and he had like one braid. Yeah. And his beard. He had a bead hanging off his beard. Dave, do you have an overheard? Mine is very short.

Dave, do you have an overheard? Mine is very short. It was, I saw these two women walking across the street carrying bags from Holt Renfrew, which is an upscale department store, a la Barney's or Saks Fifth Avenue, if you're an American. Fractifus Avenue, if you're an American. And they, I believe they were referring to the designer Alexander Wang. Sure. And I just heard this one line. Did you see that Wang bag?

Just made me laugh. That's a good thing to call it, a Wang bag. Yeah. See that Wang bag? When I say it, I mean a scrotum, right? Yeah. Or just like, I thought it would be a good thing to call it, a wang bag. Yeah, see that wang bag? When I say it, I mean a scrotum, right? Yeah. Or just like, I thought it would be a good insult. Oh, that guy was such a wang bag.

See that wang bag? Gave me the hairy eyeball. I, uh, yeah. Did you see that wang bag carrying the Occupy Fat Chicks sign? Total wang bag. Wang bag is the new douy Fat Chicks sign? Total Wang Bag. Wang Bag is the new douche bag. Yeah, I like Wang Bag. I think I like Wang Bag better than douche bag. We do.

Douche bag has played out. Yeah, Wang Bag is the new douche bag. Wave of the future. Hashtag. Wave of the future. Hashtag Wang Bag. Do you have any thoughts? My thoughts and overheard, and my prayers are with you.

My overheard is with you. I was in a Chinese restaurant and there was a couple, like I was walking in and they were looking at the menu outside, you know, the posted outside they'll have. posted outside they'll have and uh just as i passed them going into the restaurant uh the girl was saying to the guy i'm gonna assume they were on a date but she said yeah you know i never realized how gross the word dumplings is and i was like ah good dinner conversation dude yeah did you ever notice how gross the word dumplings is yeah or isn't there like a poo-poo platter as well yeah with dumplings in it uh was that a thing poo-poo platter as well? Yeah. With dumplings in it? Was that a thing, poo-poo platter? Or was that a thing that cartoons made of?

I wonder. Hmm. Have you ever heard of that? I have, but I don't know where I heard it. Yeah. Maybe in a cartoon? Maybe. Also, Clams Casino.

Is that a thing? That's a thing. Really? What is it? You get it at a casino? I don't know what it is, but it's a thing. Well, I feel like it's a thing, but also it sounds really made up. I used to think surf and turf was made up by cartoons, but it's a real thing.

Yeah, and it's a steak and a lobster, basically. But it could be anything. It could be lamb and shrimp. Oh, yeah. Is there? Are there variations on surf and turf? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We serve steak and pecans. Ostrich and octopus. Is there that Are there variations on surf and turf? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Three surfs take a con.

Ostrich and octopus. Is there that? Yeah. Can you have that? You can have anything. Would that be a surf and turf? From the surf and the turf. Snake and eel.

Chicken and crab. Chicken and crab. That's a surf and turf. I didn't ever think about. So what's Clams Casino? It's some clams and some coins? No one knows what it is. Clams and some scratch tickets?

Yeah, it's clams and those chocolate coins. and some coins. No one knows what it is. Clams and some scratch tickets. Yeah, it's clams and those chocolate coins. It's any kind of clam or muscle and any sort of gambling. Yeah. So it can be a quinoa and a muscle

or it could be an oyster and what is another form of gambling? Racehorse. Sports action. A racing form. I have a question for you, Graham. Go ahead. I was thinking about this.

You're allergic to everything. Yes. You can't eat any food. What's your list of allergies? I cannot eat. Every nut. Every nut. I cannot eat any seafood.

I cannot eat anything that has mold in it, like a blue cheese or anything like that. You cannot have a red wine. I cannot have a red wine. You can have cheese? I can have cheese, yes. I cannot have apples. That's weird. Now, your most severe allergy is nuts.

Yes. That will kill you. All nuts? What about these nuts? Yeah, peanuts. Yes. Wang bags? Yeah, I'm allergic to wang bags.

Peanuts seem to be the, they're the top of the... Okay, my question is this. Go ahead. What is the closest you've come to death? Have you needed to ever use your EpiPen? I never had an EpiPen until very recently. Because the new school of thought is, how about we don't see how far a kid can go before death? Whereas it used to be, oh, well, fine he's allergic to nuts just don't put a nut

inside of his face and he'll be fine now it's like the kid there's you can't have them at school like nobody can have nuts but back when i was a kid that was not a thing like even in my own house there was peanut butter all over the place and sometimes but that's what i'm saying is the closest that i came was i think when i was a a baby that was when they found out that i was allergic to and i had to be taken to the hospital yeah baby epi pen uh i don't even know this was so long ago this was in the early 60s i'm not sure that they had epi pens back then so uh all right i was rushed to the hospital I think there might have been some adrenaline involved. I've been to the hospital several times because of it. Okay.

Is that the answer you were hoping for? I was hoping more fun. I was hoping like, yeah, I almost die all the time. Yeah, I'm a ghost right now. I've had several, yes, I've had several close calls. Have you seen the trailer for the Three Stooges movie? It looks like the worst. It does look like the worst movie. Have you seen the trailer for the Three Stooges movie? It looks like the worst. It does look like the worst movie.

Have you seen the trailer? No, I didn't know there was a new Three Stooges movie. Directed by the Farrelly brothers. Come on. Starring Will Sasso. No. Yeah. Guess what character he plays.

Who is Will Sasso in the Three Stooges? Hurley? Yep. Jack from Will and Grace. Yeah, he's Larry. And then some guy plays Moe. It's gonna be so bad. But you know what? The trailer looks really good, is that what you were gonna say?

No, the three Stooges have always been really bad. They were never good. It's awful. They existed before they decided to you know make more than one movie

a year there was a time that this movie was gonna star yes I do Jim Carrey and Benicio Taltura yep

and Sean Penn I know okay that okay that makes sense I've not make sense but I remember hearing

yes about this movie a long time ago so and now it's actually happening but with three completely different people.

I think Will Sasso is in that league of people that we said. He's certainly in the league of people we said. It's a very exclusive club. Kim Basinger is in it. I want to say that, no, you know what?

I think it's worse than the Jack and Jill trailer. I think it's my nominee for worst trailer of the year. Oh, yeah, these are gonna be some tough razzies this year. Yeah. Because at least Jack and Jill had the funny scene where woman Adam Sandler sits on the horse and the horse squishes down. Because that

was a pretty winning clip. But the Three Stooges... I think the whole Jack and Jill looked good. I know, I know. But yet you haven't gone and seen it I've seen one movie in the theater this year and that was Moneyball was it good? oh it was the best movie of the year

best and only movie of the year if anybody out there is listening and wants to take me on a date to the movies just don't take her to sci-fi by herself don't anyone take you and drop you off at some sci-fi so I. Don't anyone take you and drop you off at some sci-fi. So I rented Star Wars. I'm going to drop you off at home.

I hope we have a great date. Yeah, call me later and let me know. Money ball. Call me later if you want to have sex. I'll be at home cutting a hole through the bottom of my popcorn container. All right. Well, we got overheards that have been sent in by listeners. That's awesome.

Yeah, right? If you want to do the same, you can send them to stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. Could you yawn louder? I'm sorry. Get right into the microphone. I worked three jobs today. I apologize. Three of five.

You're 60% today. Sorry, I have a thing where I yawn. Not because I'm tired. I just yawn sometimes. Yeah, because you're tired. Because you're bored. No, I'm... Because you're rude.

I'm a chronic yawner. Chronic yawner? Chronic yawner. That's a good band name. From the 90s? Chronic yawner chronic yawner chronic yawner that's a good band name from the 90s chronic yawner oh are they playing tonight yeah they're opening

for dog's eye view that's a buffalo tom they used to do that on jimmy pardo podcast what the uh oh this was

that thing was opening opening for floopy dupe alright sorry I apologize uh this first one comes from Chris K. Hey, guys. It says, hey, guy.

I don't like that. I don't know, actually. Hey. Hey, guy. What's up? This is Chris from White Rock. I was walking through my high school courtyard when I overheard two guys who looked like grade 10 that seemed to be talking about a previous class.

The first guy said, we're at the part where she was dressed as a ham and the music is all intense. And the second guy responds with, oh, yeah, that was kind of intense. Name the movie that they're talking about. Dressed as a ham. Dressed as a ham. Dressed as a ham. Spooky music. Super intense. No intense.

And this was part of someone's class. Yep, it's something they watched in a class. This is why I read this overheard, because I found it was like a fun trivia. You know what it is? Is it To Kill a Mockingbird? It is To Kill a Mockingbird. To Kill a Mockingbird,

where Scout was dressed as a ham because of a pageant? Yes. Oh, the ham pageant. The Thanksgiving pageant or something like that. She was in the 4-H Club pageant. I've never seen the movie. I hear it's quite good. It's a good book. A really good book. So it's... The first book

ever written by a woman. Harper Lee. This next one comes from Christy A. Christy A. My husband and I were in Disney World and had just left the live Lion King show. While walking to the cleverly named Pizza Fari restaurant, I saw a man, a woman, and their two stroller-bound young children pausing to look at the daily show schedule. Man, looks like we missed the 1230. Oh, looks like we missed the 1230 Festival of the Lion King.

Woman shouting, Damn it! Which is pretty great. Yeah. Have you been to Disneyland? I haven Yeah. Have you been to Disneyland? I haven't. Have you been to Pizzafari? Yeah.

Would you go to Pizzafari if you went to Disneyland? If you were traveling to Disneyland? Well, I don't... Yes. Well, you don't what? I don't eat cheese. Okay. But I would probably go just to say, I'm at Pizzafari.

I think if it's called pizza far, like it's mostly, uh, pizza ingredients that you would find on safari. So like zebra meat. Yeah, that's true. I don't eat meat either.

So yeah. Are you, you're, are you, is this a, are you vegan? Well, close to,

but I'm not like, I mean, I wear, what do you make exceptions for? Oh, well, honey. Sorry, sweetie. Technically, we can call ourselves honey.

Sorry, sweetie. I wear... You wear animals. I wear animals. I don't wear fur. You don't wear fur? I see so many people wearing fur these days. And I try not to buy completely leather things, but I do have some purses that are, and I'm

not getting rid of them. And I recently had something with an egg in it, and that I kind of overlooked. So I'm not crazy about it, but I don't want to eat cheese or meat or milk. Dairy just grosses me out. So that's just a thing that you just don't do because you just don't like dairy.

Yeah, and I watched a lot of documentaries on food production. Oh, you shouldn't do that. Yeah, let's do it. And so I don't think we were never meant to eat meat, but not the way it's produced now. Yeah, you shouldn't do that. Yeah, let's do it. And so I don't think we were never meant to eat meat, but not the way it's produced now. Yeah, and do you watch the show Women Hoggers or Lady Hoggers? Have you heard of that show?

I've heard of it. I don't know what it is. There was a show called American Hoggers. Do you occupy these Lady Hoggers? Are they... Occupy Lady Hoggers. Yeah, occupy Lady Hoggers, guys. And gals. What are Lady Hoggers? What are male hoggers?

Guys that kill wild pigs What? And that's a show on television Sounds boring That was a pun Jersey Shore Hoggers Boring? This last one comes from

Aaron B I'm a Canadian teacher from Hamilton That's pretty good. Pretty good. Yeah. This last one comes from Aaron B. I'm a Canadian teacher from Hamilton, but I'm currently teaching in England. The other day I was teaching my year eight class. Ooh, A levels. Yeah, same as grade eight. Hogwarts. Yeah. I overheard two boys talking about which teachers they'd like to fuck.

She put F star, star, star, because she's a teacher. She doesn't want her students getting their grubby, what do you call hands in Britain? Gobs. Get your bloody gobs off my... Hans. Yeah. Get your bloody Hans. Get your bloody gobs off my chips.

They were talking about which teachers they'd like to fuck, and I was just about to turn around and tell them to stop, as it was not an appropriate conversation for a classroom, when the boy said to the other, who do you pick to fuck, Mr. F or Mr. S? I paused as these two boys, who are clearly into girls, and almost burst out laughing at their next exchange. Boy two, Mr. F for sure.

Boy one looking so confused as he seemed to expect boy one to say neither. Said what? Boy two, well, he's quite fit, Mr. F. Boy one, boy one yeah you're right i'd fuck him too fit means something else in england oh it means handsome yeah and also fit in shape right it's it's a general like oh you look fit like it's like hot yeah Fit. Like anybody from a somebody who is fit to somebody who is not could be fit. Not fit. Occupy fidget. Was this Erin a male or a female?

A female. Okay. Yeah. So she was waiting for them to talk about her? She was crossing her fingers? Oh, right. I hope they say me. Yeah.

Canadian Erin, they would call her. Grow up, Erin. I hope they say me. Yeah, Canadian Aaron, they would call her. Grow up, Aaron. Now, in addition to overheards that are written in at StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com, you might have missed that address earlier as it was being yawned through. Yeah. We also get phone calls.

I've been up all day. If you would like to call us, our number is 206-339-8328. That's 206-339-8328. Was that a sneeze? Achoo! Hey, stop podcasting yourself, Dave and Graham.

This is Casey from Denton, Texas. I'm a big fan. And I have an overheard for you. I go to this coffee shop in our town called Banter, and there is a barista. I guess that's the guy named who. There that is your existential hipster. He wears tight pants. He rides a fixie bike.

He also wears a shirt, come unbutton the top couple buttons, and he has a mustache that curls up like he uses the wax, and it's a handlebar mustache. And, you know, he just is the stereotypical hipster. Well, one time I was waiting to pay my tab. This older couple comes in, and the husband was all like, oh, I like your mustache. You must really know how to take care of it. And the guy's like, yeah. And then the wife says, are you in a play? And he's like, well, the hipster guy was like, well,

the world's a stage. Anyway, I thought that was pretty good. I love that! That is the greatest thing to say to someone who is like, looks like they're trying too hard. Are you in a play?

Oh man, that's a great line. That is the most condescending thing you could possibly say. I'm going to say that to everybody from now on. You've got to say it super excited. Are you in a play? Oh, man, that's great. So we've walked away with two, maybe three. Replace Christmas with breakfast.

Replace breakfast with fat chicks. Wang bag. And are you in a play? Replace Christmas with breakfast. Replace breakfast with fat chicks. Wangbag. And are you in a play? Are you in a play? These are all really great. Yeah, these are future cultural touchstones. Yes.

Hashtag Wangbag. Hello, this is Luke in Seattle, and I'm calling with an overheard. I was in a Burger King the other day, and I overheard two Burger King employees talking. One of them was a tiny, scrawny little guy. He turned to his coworker and said, Is the Triple Stacker our biggest burger? I want to eat our biggest burger. And the girl was like, Yeah, I think that's the biggest one. He said, Really? Because I ate the Triple Stackerer and I thought maybe we had one that was bigger.

And she said, no, that's the biggest one. He said, I guess I could just put another patty on there. And the girl said, but then it wouldn't be one of our burgers. He said, oh, I guess you're right. He was very loyal. He said, oh, I guess you're right. He was very loyal. Oh, man, that's one of the greatest conversations ever.

That's such an American conversation. Hey. But just that the guy's like, I had it. I thought we had one bigger. Like three burger patties, that's a lot. I feel like we could do better. Yeah, but then it wouldn't be one of ours wouldn't be true to our yeah we you know what we would love it just the same we swore enough it's like adopting a burger you still love it yeah oh that's true not as much as yeah but it's not one of yours. It's like a straggler from Dairy Queen.

Yeah. Before Patty. What would you call that? Patty. I would name her Patty. I would call it the Dennis the Menace special if I ran Dairy Queen. But it's Burger King. Oh, I know, but I'm saying it was a reject from Dairy Queen.

Like it was too many. Oh, I don't like this fake snoring thing. Is this going to be a thing? I knew you were going to say that. Yeah, like my fake yawn, huh? No, good to hear. I like your fake sneeze, though. When I really sneeze, there's something inside

of me that tries to hold it in, and I sound like a duck. I'm like, that's why I sneeze. Can I sneeze, everybody? My ghost boyfriend likes it. Yeah? What is your ghost boyfriend likes it. He said it's okay. Yeah? What is your ghost boyfriend's name again? Abraham Lincoln. Ah, there we go.

And our final overheard is this one. Hey, guys. This is Cameron from Vancouver calling in with an overheard. About a month ago, I was given free tickets to the Vancouver Home Show through work, and a couple of us from my office went down to the convention center. And my boss gave the attendant at the door all of our tickets, and he had the laser scanner, and he scanned them really fast. And my boss was like, oh, wow, quickest gun in the West.

And the guy said, if this were a gun, I would take my own life. Yay! Best scanner guy. If you get a promotion. I feel like we need to find him and help him. No, he's going to be fine. Just don't give him a gun. He'll be fine.

He's going to be walking around scanning his head. Like Johnny Mnemonic or something. Or some movie where people have barcodes. Barcodes instead of hearts. Oh, guys. Ooh, Repo Man. Was that a movie? Justin Timberlake

Time movie. Oh, remember how well that did? Judge Red, did that have? No, wait. Oh, Demolition Man. There you go. There we go.

You were just running through the Stallone catalog. He's my favorite. Really? I did a project on him in high school. For what class? Exactly.

Media class. For boxing Exactly. Media class. Biology. For boxing class. Media class. Rocky T. Now, we're going to wrap up the show, right? Let's do it. Word. This is it. Michelle Shaughnessy, you're a delight.

Thank you. Right? I think everybody who listens to this podcast will agree. Delightful. Where can people find out more about you online? Where can they go? Well, you can follow me on Twitter, Michelle Comic. My website, because nobody can spell my last name right, is michelleispretty.com.

I know, I'm very modest. michelleispretty.com. Follow me on Twitter, Michelle Comic. Any upcoming shows? New Year's Eve. Laugh Gallery on Twitter Michelle comic any upcoming shows and show updates New Year's Eve Laugh Gallery Laugh Gallery New Year's Eve

you're gonna be there Dave Schumke's gonna be there I'm hosting Graham Clark's gonna be there you're gonna be there don't pull this my flight might be delayed yeah

oh sure you know oh will he make it will he or won't he will he or won't he you guys should come just to find if Dave makes it or not. It's...

Cliffhanger. New Year's Eve. Cliffhanger's my favorite. It's the one movie. I was about to call the day. If people are in Vancouver around that time of year... They should go over the top.

They should go over the top. Go to Neptune Records. That's where you can buy tickets in advance. The New Year's Eve show is at the Cambrian Hall and killer lineup. Yes. All killer, no filler. I'm honored. Right? It's going to is at the Cambrian Hall and killer lineup. Yes. All killer, no filler. I'm honored.

Right? It's going to be great. It's going to be amazing. It's going to be some top drawer stuff. So yeah, check that out. Dave, do you have anything you want to promote? This week I will be appearing at various local Christmas parties. Sure. If you're invited to those, feel free to say hey. Hey.

No, I got nothing to plug. Okay. All right. I never do. And I will also be at the Comedy Mix December 16th through 18th? No. Is that right? Nope.

Correct me. You were there the 15th through are you here 15th through 17th there we go 15th through 17th yeah and yeah but really the New Year's Eve show

Cambrian Hall Neptune Records is where you can get the tickets and thanks for everybody who's listened thanks for Jeanette to Japan

thanks for being tired if you want to contact us at stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com or 206-339-8328. Why did I forget it? Why don't we say it all? Why don't I just say it right now? Okay.

206-339- 206- No, not together. Why? 206-339- Because we can't. There's a bit of a delay. Okay? 206-339. Because we can't. There's a bit of a delay. Okay.

206-339-8328. 206-339-8328. Why don't you say it by yourself? 206-339-8328. Oh, I thought you were going to do it. It would be fun. Guess what's getting cut out? The whole show?

Everything but the intro? Thanks again for being our guest, Michelle. It's been great. Anytime. Say hello to Macho Man for me. I will. And if anybody needs a dog, toque. That was a delay.

If anybody needs a dog, toque. Thanks for listening, everybody. And join us next week for another enthralling episode of Stump Podcasting Yourself. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. You know me mostly as a stentorian public radio host. And you probably know me as a cable TV cut-up. radio host and you probably know me as a cable tv cut up every week on our show jordan jesse go i would say that we share a little slice of our hearts yeah and dick jokes we are both complex and aimless leaving you with a empty dirty feeling after the podcast is over and a chalky

taste in your mouth but if you start to taste pennies that's not us that's a heart attack and remember a stroke is a brain attack. Yeah. We talk about, like, important stuff that's going on in our lives, like babies and dogs and traveling. With some very impressive guests from the worlds of art and entertainment. Yeah, Sarah Val, Rob Corddry, Kurt Anderson. They've all had to sit through many, many dick jokes made by us. It's all online at MaximumFun.org.

Just click on Jordan Jesse Go or search for Jordan Jesse Go in your iTunes.