Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 197 - Alistair Cook

Episode Date: December 26, 2011

Alistair Cook returns to talk about dumb TV shows, hip hop, and Men in Black 3.  Then we play some Drunk Dials.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 197 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man they call the 12th Angry Bird, Mr. Dave Shumka. Ooh, is that a mixture of the play and movie, 12 Angry Men, and the app? Never heard of it.

Angry Birds? Yeah, I've heard of that one. The first thing, I don't know what you're talking about. I was hoping you were going to call me the Mr. Bean of podcasting. I would, except that I heard a rumor that Mr. Bean's going to start his own podcast. Oh, I can't wait. A Very Bean Podcast, it's called.

I don't know. Is that what his Christmas special's called? I think it's Mr. Bean's Stupid Christmas. I think it's called, of course he gets a turkey stuck on his head, you idiots. I don't know. I'm not mad at Mr. Bean. I like Mr. Bean. Do you think that if they made a sequel to it, that he would get a turkey

stuck on his head and a Cornish game hen stuck on each hand? No, a turkey on each head, a chicken on each hand, and a duck on each foot. He's got turducken. He's turducken man. Mr. Turducken man. Yeah. That's what he's known as in Argentina.

Mr. Turducken man. Oh, guys. Our guest today, a very funny man. A gentleman who runs a little place in Vancouver called The Instant Shop. He's an improviser. He's a teacher. He's a visionary. He's a, right? He's an actorer he's a teacher he's a visionary he's uh right he's an actor yeah um

what else iconoclast he's an iconoclast a raconteur deity a deity uh all that and more he's mr alistair cook hello gentlemen hello welcome back thank you it's nice to have you back. It's great to be back. It is, right? Do you guys feel the love in this room? I feel the energy. Let's get to know us. Get to know us. Now, Alistair.

Now, Alistair. I just saw you just this week. Yeah. We went and did a hilarious photo shoot. Oh, it was great. Because Alistair's going to start running a whole batch of comedy shows. Oh, yeah, I heard about this. The comedy batch.

Yeah, it's called thecomedybatch.org. Okay. I'm now going to have to buy that website as well no it's called it's called east van comedy dot com I wasn't sure if it was a dot ca or maybe a dot net

dot batch yeah it's a super great new thing where we've pulled together a whole bunch of amazing improv groups, sketch groups, stand-ups like yourself. Not yourselves. You can stay.

Yeah, so we're all going to team up like some kind of, it's not Thundercats, it's Thunderbirds, right? Thunderbirds are the ones that were the puppets. Yeah, but they have a giant ship that like is a whole bunch of different components that come together I think it was Thundercats I think you were right. There was a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger that did that. Voltron

Oh Voltron. Maybe that's what I'm thinking of. Oh yeah Thundercats didn't have a thing. But the Mighty Morphin Power Ranger did something else Guys I'm much better at producing shows than I am remembering which TV show it was that had the submarine for a foot. Oh, what? There was a show that had a submarine for a foot?

No, it was part of the entire being. It wasn't just a show about a foot-shaped submarine. Why not? I know. Oh, man. What would that show be called? Dust Boot. Swish.

We have a lot of fun. Yeah. So you're producing these shows, and we went and got some photos done. And you were saying, like, while we're doing photos, having your photo taken. Have some fun with it. That's what you were saying. Yeah. It's the most uncomfortable thing in the world, right?

It is difficult because you know what they're going to be used for and you're trying to think of, like, how do I find that relaxed state that still exudes energy? The exact energy that makes a person go, I want to be around that person and laugh. It's like, but celebrities, I think, like having their photo taken. Oh, because they're very, very good looking. They take classes. They take classes on how to get a good photograph. Really? In fact, I was talking to a couple actresses in town that had taken these classes and how to perfect their smile and find exactly the sort of muscle memory of what they should.

Like, this is my look. This is an actor's free throw shot. Essentially, they practice it over and over again. Well, there are modeling schools that are just all about getting your photograph taken. Yeah. Oh, yeah, but don't they also teach you walking down the catwalk?

That's true. Balancing a book on your head? Yeah, and how to throw a jacket over your shoulder, right? And hold it with just the one finger. Yep. Have you seen the ads for Tommy Hilfiger for Christmas? Yeah, with everyone sort of hanging out. One guy is not wearing a shirt.

Yeah, it's all these models living in a house. And the first time I saw it, I was like, but the second time I saw it, I was like, I want to live in that house. It looks like a really fun house, because it seems like a nonstop party. Everybody seems like it seems like there's central heating in the house because the guy's walking around with a shirt on. Yeah.

And it's both wintry outside. The weather outside. Frightful. Oh, man. But the shirtless body's inside. So delightful. I guess this is my roundabout way of asking, do you want to live in the Tommy Hilfiger house with me?

Guys, it's Boxing Day when this is airing, right? Yeah. Tommy Hilfiger is having a sale. Oh, right. Check it out. For our non-Canadian listeners, Boxing Day is the day after Christmas. In Canada, it is our Black Friday.

I guess it is. It's sort of like, that's the... And Britain. Yeah, in Britain. It started in Britain, right? Totally. Yeah, they invented boxes. And boxing, didn't they?

Mm-hmm. Which is putting things in boxes. And the English language. Oh! not so much they may have invented it but now they seem to be ruining it who's doing the best English in the world right now? oh man Ozzy

Kanye the guy that invented Esperanto Tony Soprano somehow William Shatner is involved invented Esperanto. Oh, wasn't... Tony Soprano. Somehow, William Shatner is involved in Esperanto somehow. Really? I think he was in the only movie ever made completely in the language of Esperanto. I think he might have been the star of it. But then he would have had to be able to speak it, right?

Maybe he defined the emphasis in the words. Right. Because he's very good at emphasis. Right? Maybe he defined the emphasis in the words. Right. Ah. Because he's very good at emphasis. Is Shit My Dad Says, is that still on television? No. Is it still on the internet? Is it still on Twitter?

I wonder if it's still a Twitter phenomenon. Do you think that Twitter canceled it at the same time that TV canceled it? They said we're suspending your account. It was a fake Twitter account. Yeah. Right? It wasn't a guy's real dad oh what i thought it it wasn't really i thought it was a guy's dad but that he made up a lot of the next you're gonna say the guy at the tommy hill figure house doesn't always have his shirt don't you dare say that there's some things that need to be true in this world. I wonder. Oh, I think it was maybe the icon was really the picture of the guy's dad.

That's the thing, though, is like, because there was a book that came out of that, right? Shit My Dad Says. Right. There didn't seem to be any other photos of the guy. Like, how come I've never seen an interview with this guy? Yeah. Because they're afraid he won't say any shit. And because he doesn't exist, maybe. Like you said. Maybe that...

You think it was just a stock image? I don't know. Now I'm worried. Now I'm worried about this guy. What if he is a real guy, but he's not like a dad? He's, like, locked in a basement somewhere, and he's not given food until he says some shit. So this guy can keep his Twitter twitter going what kind of shit did he say oh you know he'd be like

what were you saying earlier i was saying ooga booga oh sorry not ooga booga do you guys know about uh lonely girl 16 the uh web webcast or web blog. Was it YouTube or was it pre-YouTube? I think it was YouTube. I think that it had like a billion subscribers and it ended up being that it was fake. Oh, what? That was fake? But it had been faked for, I don't know, a year or two years.

But then it basically started this whole concept of um fake reality show um internet on the internet so wait so it was like when you say it was fake it was like she was an actress and there was people writing the things huh and she would have teen problems uh you know maxi pants yeah uh training bras my training bra is pinching me it's time for another episode of Lonely Girl 15

my training bra is pinching me Dave apparently subscribe the wacky neighbor would show up hey what's with your crazy bra

it's pinching me and the big reveal is that she's got a lobster yeah oh no oh man i didn't know that that was fake uh but i never paid attention to it i don't even know what it is what if it turns out we're fake oh shit like like this is all um a barry levinson production i don think that's possible, because one of us doesn't have... We all have our shirts on, so... Ah, that's right. Not possible. If you worked at Tommy Hilfiger, would you wear a shirt?

Why do I keep going back to that? Well, there's Abercrombie & Fitch in the states where or maybe in canada where they will just have a guy standing outside shirtless do you do you remember what abercrombie and fitch used to be though it used to be the ridiculous uh objects that rich people buy oh yeah yeah out at oakridge when i was a kid it would always have like uh a globe that you open up and there's liquor and there's a liquor and then but i'm just i'm just remembering the one that i remember which is that it was the a tiny gold crossbow about the size of a man's hand that had these tiny gold bolts and my brother and i would like shoot it at the tiny gold dartboard that they had for like a half hour in amongst a couple

t-shirts that said Abercrombie and Fitch. It was like a steampunk version of the Sharper Image. Wow. Would it have those balls that you would, like five balls that you would, they're on screens. Oh, the like clickety-clack balls? The clickety-clack balls for your, you know, for Father's Day. But there it would be 17, they'd be gold, and they'd be shaped like eyeballs or something like that.

What's the, have you ever been in a sharper image? I've heard of sharper image, but I've never been in one. Oh, yeah. What is in there? I guess Brookstone is the other equivalent of it. And what is it like? Is it like what you're saying? Like golden?

No, it's more like technological things. It's like a scale that will... That will say shit that your dad says. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're too fucking fat. Hey, fatso, get off of me. I'm trying to breathe down here. Yeah.

It just keeps going on and on. That never gives you your weight. It's the only scale. I think you're thinking of Spencer Gifts. I think this is also what Tony Soprano made after Esperanto. Hey, you

get off of me. It was a lot of massage chairs as well And like, just like really sleek looking electronics Like ooh, a CD player where the CD is loaded vertically Right, you wave your hand in front of it And it says, hello I wish I had hands to wave at you Your CD player is adorable.

That's actually the CD I'm playing. Oh, okay. I burned a copy of A Very Nice Lady. You should set up the CD player and your angry scale on a date. Get off of me. Two weeks later, the scout's like, Hey, you're doing better. By the way, thanks for setting me up.

I've been going out more. I've been working out myself. Just have a general better outlook on us. I was a real jerk before. Oh, man. So, did you have a good Christmas? See, I'm pretending. It's actually about to get... We are...

I am out of the country currently, so... Wow. How's it going? It's great. So, we are recording this on the 14th of December. So, in case Mr. Bean is dead on the 15th, it's not our fault. Yeah, remember that was a thing. There was like an urban legend

that went out one day that Mr. Bean died in a car accident or something. Yeah, in his Ferrari. His Ferrari got totaled in some T-junction or something like that. Right? Yeah. But not like... But then everybody's like nah mr

bean can't die he's johnny he's johnny english he's not gonna die yeah guys what did you think of johnny is it out yet did they release it on christmas day for oscar consideration they released a second johnny english yeah yeah if not yeah i think already oh really we were asking for it. I'm not sure did anybody see the original Johnny English? I cannot say that I did. You cannot say it? Or it did not happen?

He plays a bumbling spy. Yeah, I've seen the trailer. They spent quite a sum of money on that. And Scully is like the head of MI5. I didn. And Scully is like the head of MI5. I didn't know Scully was in it. Yeah. And she has a British accent.

This is me getting more and more interested in seeing this movie. Oh, she has a British accent. That's pricey. I mean, that's... Her rate goes up. Yeah. Is it pricier if you do an English accent? Yeah, definitely. One time she was in a movie with a sombrero.

So expensive! Yeah, it's a part of the union. It's like... Actress! You know, regular movie, with British accent, sombrero... Prosthetics. What if a British person does an American accent?

Do you get paid less? It's about the same as fat suit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they're better at it, I think. Because they're better actors. It seems to me that it would be harder to do an American accent if you were British than vice versa. Because everybody can do a British accent. I know, but can't I?

Yeah, everybody can. See, we just did it. That's true. So how much did we get paid? Would we have gotten paid if we were you now? More. More than what we're getting paid now? Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, okay. So, so far, no Johnny English. Yeah. We don't know how Christmas turned out. Yeah. I'll assume it was the same as last year's Christmas, except you're going to be in Sweden. Where are you going to be? I'm going to be at my brother's.

Oh, okay. Playing with the niece and nephew. Man, we had such a great day yesterday. Yeah, I bet you're full. I am full, and also his kids now have really noisy toys. Oh, fun. What did they get?

A Johnny English action set? Which is filled with... I may buy my nephew a drum set, because that's the worst. How old is he? He's six-ish. So would this

be like a toy drum set? Yeah, it would be one of those tiny ones. Still the jerkiest. My mom bought him a baby jimba. I don't know what that is. It's a drum. It's like a hand drum. But it was tiny. Baby jimba?

Yeah. Fun. Guys, have you seen the Justin Bieber documentary? Yes. Dave has. Talk amongst yourselves. The sequence when he's drumming. He's a baby drummer. He's pretty good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a baby drummer. Have you heard his, I'm sorry, it's dated now that it's Boxing Day, but he released a Christmas album where he did a... The duet with Mariah Carey? Well, he also did a little drummer boy. Featuring Justin Bieber on drums. I did not.

Oh, you gotta hear it. Yeah? You gotta have heard it. See, I'm not actually a fan in any way. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm a fan of his story. Yeah? His music, not so much.

Did you... I like both. Yeah? Yeah, his story's great because his music is so great. There we go. There you have it. He did a duet with Mariah Carey. And it seems like that was a misstep in that she really still is quite good at singing.

And putting him... It's fine when he was singing with people who are like rappers and they're not really singing. But when you put him in a song with somebody who actually can sing that was a mistake because he it does come off that he's not really so he takes the role of the rapper of the person yeah he's the rapper in that uh sing the hook mariah and he holds his arms it kind of feels like when you watch the video which i did this morning uh i don't know i think she could have just done it without him probably just re-release that song oh is that the song that

yeah it is all i want for christmas is you yeah but this time it's all i want for christmas is you justin bieber yeah and it's weird too it's uh i guess this is like music videos are doing this now like it was like a commercial because they're in a Macy's, and he hands out Nintendo DSs to all of his fans. I was like, I don't remember music videos being quite this on-the-nose. Text comes up, add to cart. It's all QR codes. Yeah, well, when I was a kid, what were the big music videos uh like sledgehammer

by peter gabriel was a big ad for stop motion animation thriller was a big ad for being a zombie zombie council did i ever want uh take on me by aha was uh an ad for Comic-Con, basically. Yep. That song Runaway Train was about not running away. They did have an ad at the end for

being a runaway. It was like, what, interested in being a runaway? Ooh, glamorous, eh? You might meet a band. Wow. Yeah. Anyways.

Have you guys ever seen, speaking of Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon's improv? Wiling Out? There we go. You have. No, I haven't. I just know the name of it. No? Okay.

You have seen it? Yeah, I've definitely seen it. It's kind of one of my biggest guilty pleasures. Oh, really? And I don't know if I talked about this the last time we were here. I think last time we were here, we mostly talked about Spray and Wash. Okay, yeah. That's true.

Oh, where did the checks go? Yeah, but Wildin' Out, or Wildin' Out? Is that what it is? Wildin' Out. I think the D is silent. Yeah. Okay, yeah. There think the D is silent. Yeah. Okay, yeah, there we go. And invisible.

Yeah. It's an amazing rebranding of Whose Line Is It Anyway? Or, would it be appropriate to say an urban audience? Is that the way that you... I think that's the studio talk. Yeah, that's what they say in politically correct words. Excellent. Yeah, because then they have, in politically correct worlds. Excellent. Yeah, because then they have, like, instead of the props game, they have gut props.

And then they have the freestyling. And then they have, like, this game where you... Basically, you make up the funniest reason for why you're jumping off a building. That was one of the games the suicide game yeah but uh the uh one uh white guy on the uh in the crew uh his name was yeah his name was wait what was what was the name of the host of whose life is it anyway clive clive clive Clive Owen? No, no, no. It was Clive Owen. Richard Vrant was on the piano. Okay. Never mind.

Clive Owen. Clive Owen was on. Yeah, Clive Owen. That would be... Comedic powerhouse Clive Owen. That would be pretty badass. Yeah, it would be badass. Yes.

Clive Owen. That would be similar to Liam Neeson doing improv on that... Ricky Gervais thing. Ricky Gervais show. So the one white guy in the crew. Anyways, he ended up being the artistic director of the Groundlings when I went to the Groundlings in LA. The guy, Mikey Day, who was basically their improv director there, which blew my mind. Now, is this he became the artistic director post Wild N Out, or this was going on at the same time?

Well, I think he's quite a prominent comic and writer, and I guess he's been doing some stuff for Jay Leno. There just aren't very many jobs to improvise on television. So, but this show, if you have a chance, gentlemen, you should see it, David. I was more of a Dance 360 fan. Oh, yes. Oh, wait, wait.

That was the one. How long do you want me to wait? Go for it, because I'm trying to remember. It was the one where they had just a dance, a circle in the middle. What did they chant? Tag your man. Tag your man.

Head to head. And it was hosted by the other guy from Good Burger. Oh, Bruce Bruce. Kel. Kel. Sure. Yeah. Of Kenan and Kel?

Of Kenan and Kel. Right. Yeah, that was... That show was awesome. That was the most urban thing I ever watched. It was so good. See, now we... That show was awesome. That was the most urban thing I ever watched. It was so good. See, now we're talking about dance shows. There was a show, and maybe it's a franchise,

or maybe it was just somebody got high at much music and decided this would be a show called Pants Off Dance Off. Have you seen that show? No. What? That's a show that... It's the cra... I think of the three shows we're discussing, this is probably the craziest of the shows.

They take, there's like a guy and a girl, then a guy, then a girl. And they literally. Yes. Okay. They literally dance until they're just dancing in their underwear. They like take off their shirt and their pants and they're dancing to whatever's in the top 40. Are they doing like sexy strip dances? They're trying. Oh. But no no they're not like strippers though these are like you know 18 year old oh

yeah strippers are never 18 years old they're just kids like they're not wearing like sexy stripper clothes this is gone in the direction they're not 18 They're just sexy kids. They're sexy children. I don't know where they get them from, but they're just in street clothes. What do male strippers do? They wear the little bow tie things. Do they do sexy dances or goofy dances? Yeah, no, they come out. Well, we've talked about this on the show, because I saw a male strip show back in Calgary.

They made all the guys leave the room, but you could still see from the balcony. And they came out in hilarious costumes. Okay. Yeah, I guess we did. But this show, I don't even know if it's still on, but yeah, it was really, it's called Pants Off Dance Off. And then at the end, they make the kid say, I got my pants off on Pants Off Dance Off or something like that. There's like a catchphrase. What does the winner get to do?

I don't know. No, that is the winning. Getting on the show is the win. Did you say this was just in the street or is this in the studio? No, it's in front of a green screen and they're playing the video. It sounds like the most low-budget piece of garbage. Yes, it is, but you can't stop watching it. Half the time, the person's wearing a green shirt, and they just disappear.

Oh, no one told me. But it's like, you know, it's like, you have to see it to understand why you can't not watch it. Is this like a 12-minute TV show? No, it's a full half hour. How many people dance in a half hour? I told you. It's a guy, then a girl, then a guy, then a girl. Oh, okay.

I thought there were a guy and a girl at the same time. No, no. Because they actually take their pants off. So there's probably legalities. Well, because they're children. Sexy children dance. Oh, okay. So there are no rules. So that's a show that's on uh does

anybody watch excused that's another show that i can't seem i don't think that exists anymore no it's it was i just watched it last night i'm thinking of next yeah it's basically the same show but it's with comedian eliza flushinginger. Oh! From Last Comic Standing. And they... This is the one... She takes her pants off. Yeah, everybody's got their pants off on this show. But they're adults, so it's boring.

Are they sexy adults? I think there's like a spin-off debating show called Pants Off Stance Off. It's like, I'm not doing it now for the pros. But you couldn't have podiums because that would ruin the Pants Off. Well, or they'd have to

have plexiglass podiums. Problem solved. Do you remember... We're going to the podium cam now. Do you remember when former Toronto Blue Jays shortstop Rant Mullenix had a show called Pants Off Rants Off? I don't know. Let's do more. But here's the thing.

Eliza Schlesier, she's in the house. Excuse me. It's called Excuse. Excuse me. What's this called? She's inside the house. People come up to the house. There's a camera, and they make their appeal why they should be let into the mansion or whatever.

And then if the two people in the house go, nah, no thanks. Then she says some sassy thing like, Hey, you fucking look stupid. Get away. You know, something like that. And then, uh,

at the end of the show, they show outtakes where it's just a series of her saying, you stink, get lost, but you don't see who she's talking to. So it's just nonsense. And they play a minute of that at the end of the show. And she's like,

your hat looks like a burrito. Get out! But you don't get to see the guy's hat. So you're like, uh... Anyways, it's not as good as Pants Off Dance Off, but in the same sphere? Same channel? Uh, nope. Different channels.

That's the same channel. That's the channel where I learned that Steak and Shake is a restaurant. Oh, okay. Wow. Have you ever been to Steak and Shake is a restaurant. Oh, okay. Wow. Have you ever been to a Steak and Shake? Oh, that sounds delicious. Yeah, it's one thing. Every day at 4 p.m.

Steak and Shake. At 4 o'clock is their happy hour, where you just get ice cream. Can I have mine with soy? Which, the milk or the steak? Oh, man. Can I have mine tartar? Dave, what's going on with you? Have you been excused?

Well, here's the thing that happened to me. This past Sunday night, I went to a rap concert. And it was a very foreign event to me. Oh, because it was the rap not in English? Yeah, I went to go see French rapper Le Boyfriend. How was that? What was his song? Oh, there was a French rapper named Le Boyfriend in the early 90s who sounded like C&C Music Factory.

Wow. Oh, what is that? Yeah, it sounded like Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch kind of. The only line I remember. The Funky Bunch. Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. The only line I remember was, On avance, on avance, et on recul.

We advance, we advance, and then we step backwards. Then we retreat. Then we do the opposite. Yeah. All French rap is about retreat. Was this required listening at Kitsilano? It was. French version?

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It was. It was Ohio Killers. Yeah. His birth name is Ghostface Kildare. He, so, the only other rap concert I've ever been to was at GM Place. That was Kanye West and Rihanna. And this was at a club. It was at the Rickshaw Theater, which isn't a club. Come to think of it, it's a theater.

But it... I didn't know what to think going into it because I know that rappers are notorious. Oh, one of them was. For not going on stage until much later than they

said they were going to isn't that showbiz in general though? no like rappers are especially like won't go on until 2 in the morning when they're supposed to be on at 9 no one's supposed to be on at 9 I wish I wish there were shows that were over at 10

you'll get your way someday when you're old enough and all the artists that you like are equally old. All the shows will start at 7.30. You'll be home by 10. I can't wait. For example, the concert, The National, that I just went to three weeks ago. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

When did that start? It started at 8 and was done by like 10.30. Was it the greatest? It was pretty great. Yeah. Do you love being home early? Or like me, do you hate being out late? I may have gone back to work, but yeah.

So, you know, whatever. So, yeah, there were like, it was so weird, because I'm used to going to rock shows where there are, a band will play, and then the DJ will play some music and then another band will play. But this, the DJ is just the person at the center of it and there's just a DJ table. So who plays between him and the rock band come out? Well, basically rappers would come out before the show started. Rappers would come out and like do two or three songs.

Before the show started, rappers would come out and do two or three songs, but there wouldn't be a stop in the show to let them come out and get applause. The DJ would just be going over and over and over. And the DJ, there were two DJs, and one was good, and one was so annoying. And he would DJ, but he would also sing along with the rap songs that he was playing. What? That's not what DJs are supposed to do. No, he was... That's karaoke. That's karaoke.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Except, but karaoke, they take the words out. He's just singing over the words. That's true. And like every third line. I think it's okay if they, every once in a while, say, the remix. Then slow it down yeah uh but they uh so he would he uh he was singing along ruining the songs and uh but the crowd was loving it the crowd the crowd because the crowd knew all the songs and they were gonna sing along

anyway yeah uh i knew you know one out of 20 20 that he would play like 30 seconds of a song and then go on to the next song. And it was super annoying. And he would also, he had a couple of buttons that he would press. And one was a button for an explosion noise. Yes. And one. Did he have the honk there? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was the air horn. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was the... The air horn? Yeah. Oh, it's the worst. And I don't know why they do it. It is the worst. And by they, I mean DJs. He was white. I guess it's okay.

What was the makeup of the audience? Was it a largely white crowd here? Yeah, they were large and white. For a ghost face killer? Yeah, they were a largely white crowd. Just because it's a largely white city. Sure. It was, you know, some tall people in front of me.

Oh, yeah. Absolutely. No coat check. Oh, really? At a show? There might have been I didn't see it though So were lots of people standing around in their coats inside?

It was freezing inside as well Is that a thing? Well a lot of people It was a theater so a lot of people had chairs Where they could put their jackets Oh that's fun It's also like a 50 foot ceiling So it's expensive to heat.

Yeah. It eventually heated up a bit when it got really full, but no, it was very cold. And yeah, oh, just that horn sound is the worst noise. I went to the Public Enemy Anthrax concert. Oh, did you bring the noise? Yeah. Oh, yeah. anthrax concert oh did you bring the noise i yeah oh yeah um and that was the weirdest crowd uh around because anthrax fans and public enemy fans were there yeah like there's not a there is

some overlap as presumably but not a they're not one in the same fan or are they uh well they did the one duet uh or or would it be a duet? Unforgettable? Was that what it was? Yeah, I believe that's what it was, yes. And then, yeah, and then they toured together, and it was pretty crazy raucous. Yeah. Do they still, like, are they still good live?

Anthrax? Either or. How long ago was this that would be in 1992 yeah oh sorry this was a long time i thought this was like some sort of like you know like it's like when two stars just got together he's he's found his calling oh what is he he's a minister now no i think he's just insane on television oh he's just getting shot out of cannons all over the place. Yes! That would be great. If they did, like,

in the 80s, they had a what was it? A battle, not Battle of the Network stars, Circus of the Stars. When they would get, you know, stars like Jason Bateman, who will walk the tightrope. Yeah. If they did that now, and it was just reality show stars, and everyone would be shot out of a cannon.

What if that became his new enterprise, is he goes around to openings of things like a basketball court, and then they just fire. Do you guys know what time it is? Time for me to blast out of a cannon. His clock lands 50 yards away from him. But they also don't set it up professionally. They just shoot him out of a cannon and hope for the best.

Do they at least try to shoot him near the ribbon? Like, shoot him through the ribbon? So, yeah, it's a rap show. How was Ghostface Killer? It was late. I know. It was good, except he comes out and he's from the Wu-Tang Clan. Sure.

And he does a bunch of Wu-Tang Clan songs with a bunch of people around him who weren't in the Wu-Tang Clan. So not a lot of new material. No, and he would do, like, I know two of his solo songs that I enjoy, but he would do a verse of each of them. So it was like he did so many, so many songs. And then another guy came out and he introduced himself, like, oh, I was a friend of Notorious B.I.G., so I'm going to do some Notorious B.I.G. songs.

All right. I think they even did, like, old Dirty Bastard solo stuff. So it's kind of a tribute. Yeah. They did bring out, like, he did ask the audience, hey, does anyone in the audience,

well, first he stopped the show several times to say how bad it sounded. Oh, come on, sound guy. Oh, really? Get your act together. Then he asked the audience, is there anybody here who knows the name of this rapper? And he was like, oh, does anyone know the verses to this Wu-Tang Clan song? Any rapper impressionists out there?

Does anyone want to... to this Wu-Tang Clan song? Any rapper impressionists out there? Is anyone on here? And so he brought out some people, and he said, okay, you do the second verse, you do the third verse, just people from the audience. But before we do the song, prove to me that you can do it.

And this was happening off-microphone, so you would see the person sort of rapping at him and then you would hear you'd see him go no no no get off stage and it would make the audience boo the person off stage which was fun that is fun yeah uh weird but it's fun ghost ghost face gong show yeah most of the people who came up had a bag over their head. The unknown rapper. So that was my week. I saw a rapper.

Oh, and there was a bear that was loose outside of my office. Oh, Vancouver. You've done it. You've embarrassed yourself again. Bear Coover, 2011. Now, he came in in a garbage can, right? That's how he got into the city? Popeye the Sailor Man in in a garbage can, right? That's how he got into the city? Popeye the Sailor Man lives in a garbage can.

No, no. He eats all the worms and spits out the germs. He's Popeye the Sailor Man. I don't know that one. Did you know that one? No. Lives in a frying pan? Vaguely.

How did the bear get into the city? We think in a garbage or frying pan. But does anybody know? Yeah, it was picked up in North Vancouver in the can. Right. And then brought in and then dumped there. And then it waited for the Christmas market garbage. As we all know, lots of gingerbread houses, candy canes.

He has his leash. Delicious couture. Couture. So, yeah and then he uh chomped down on that for a while and then they were like hey uh hey garbage truck driver uh there's a bear on top of your garbage truck pardon me kind sir roll down your window then like he's not rolling he's like i don't understand and And the person's making a bear face On top of your truck And then they tranquilized it with some candy canes

There's a great picture of it Tripping out The driver had left the truck But he left his little dog inside the truck And you can see this little dog Just looking around And there's a guy standing little dog inside the truck. And you can see this little dog just looking around. And there's a guy standing on top of the truck with a tranquilizer gun and the bear on top. Did he give one to the dog and one for you, little guy?

First one's free. I got an extra shot. Oh, man. So that was a lot of fun. Yeah, that is a lot of fun. That's like when they found out that bear was guarding the pot farm or stash or whatever. Remember that? Yeah.

Instead of having... He had six of them. Yeah, he had like a team of bears. Oh, one guy had six bears. Yeah. Okay. Not one. I thought you were like, he had six of them.

This bear had six jobs guarding pot stashes. He was collecting garbage. In this economy. He drove around in a golf cart. So industrious. So yeah, it was a banner week for Vancouver. How about you? I can't remember anything that happened this week that was...

Because we were just recorded on Sunday? Mm-hmm. Did I talk about P off dance you did have you seen uh the johnny english christmas special yet no but i can't wait to see what he gets stuck on his head um a gadget that movie's gonna be all gadget jokes, right? Yeah. I mean, that's all Get Smart was. Yeah, it was him talking into a shoe phone. Yeah, this is more of an erudite

to Get Smart. What did happen this week? Well, I watched that Mariah Carey video. And I also watched a video by a band called Down With Webster, which is, remember Sum 41? Yeah.

They're them, basically. Okay. It's like them, but more of them. Instead of four guys, it's like six guys. And talk about a photo that was brilliantly staged. Oh, what did they? To look identical to any of the early Weezer promo materials. Check out the Down With Webster logo and their photos and everything.

Their logo is, yeah, very Weezer. So Weezer. Because I loved the early Weezer promo materials. Now, how do you feel about Sum 41? What do you feel about those two worlds converging? Here's what I know about Sum 41. They were formed on the 41st day of summer. That's how they got their dumb name. No! Is that

really what it is? Why didn't I ever ask the question? Up there with Nickelback for bed. Oh, yeah. Didn't he work in a coffee shop and everything cost like $2.95? Yeah, always got a Nickelback. Here's your Nickelback. Look.

God, everybody's a jerk. You know you know what so it's a dumb name but everything since naming the band has been great yeah it's been really good well i wonder what down with webster i wonder what the origin of that is don't write it and we'll figure it out yeah well we could certainly talk about or like maybe they it's protesting emmanuel lewis yeah that's it's got to be something to do Or Webster's Writes the dictionary, right? Webster's English dictionary? No, Webster's American dictionary

Oh, right So maybe they were really into the Oxford Yeah, maybe they're into The British spelling I like that, that's my preferred explanation Yeah, yeah But in this song, the video is actually quite well done. Down with Bartlett's quotations.

In the song, they're talking about how much they love drinking in this song. Do you know the name of the song? We Love Drinking? I'm So Thirsty? Cue it up or something. I don't know. It doesn't matter because the line in it that I can't get around. Every line in it, I was like get around every line in it i was

like okay i get what that means and what that means but they said as long as you've got cups that means you're old enough and like what do you think does that what does that mean it sounds like it's a song for uh pants off dance off yeah possibly lonely girl 16 like it's a bra yeah move off from your training bra you've got cups so these guys even though like they're not teenagers but they're old enough that that's that's a creep thing to be putting in your song or but like is it supposed to be like a playful hey if you have a cup you're old enough to drink we'll pour you know just yeah that's it we're not checking ids oh we're not checking ids if you've got a cup you've made it in so it's either about underage drinking or these

creeps who are like as long as you got tits you can get drunk at our party these boobs oh sorry yeah i forgot what year this is yeah uh so there that. Write in your suspicions of whether Down With Wooster is a creep band or an irresponsible band. Speaking of not having IDs, when I was going to the rap concert, the guy in front of me, there was a lineup of people all having to show their IDs to get in and then getting frisked. And it was like, we were there for a couple minutes. Did you get metal wanded? No. But the...

I know, it wasn't a hardcore rap show. I wished as well. I did, actually, on the way in, I was like, I'm not going to get shot, am I? Throw up a little mom's spaghetti? But the guy in front of us in line, after knowing, like we all knew we had to get our IDs out, was like, oh, you need ID to get in? He didn't bring any?

No. Oh, look at this picture of my daughter that I got tattooed on my arm. Is it Eminem again? No, it's all Eminem. No, it's all Eminem. Yeah, it's all Eminem. This is one, this is something that just popped in my head for no reason. But I learned a fact today

because I watched... Pants Off Dance. I was watching Pants Off Dance. I saw the trailer for the new Men in Black movie. With Josh Brolin as young Tommy Lee Jones. Yeah, was he in the other one as young tommy lee jones for a scene was he not was it josh brolin not in the seems like that was a thing i've seen already i don't know not my realm of trivia so no he was in uh they were both in no

country for old men oh yeah men of black too no country an alien thing yeah we're not gonna get a better no country men in black let's just move on overheard overheard overheards oh before we do overheard Before Dave does that, the trivia thing I was going to say is that in the original Men in Black, the comic book, instead of erasing people's memories, they murdered the people. It's not murder if you... Witnessed an alien? Well, if you worked for the Men in Black. There's a Galaxy Defenders.

It's not murder if they don't remember that they've been murdered. Galaxy Defenders. It's not murder if they don't remember that they've been murdered. Would they wipe their memory before or after they've murdered them? It's cool, guys. They wipe their memory and then slip their throat. Yeah. Oops.

My finger slipped. What were you going to say, Dave? I was going to say that before we move on to overheards, it's time for Celebrity Birthdays. Which is a segment we've been doing for the last couple of months on the show. Still haven't received any feedback on it. But big happy Celebrity Birthday to Zac Efron's ex-girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens. They might still be

together. I don't know. Nobody knows. They kind of fell off the radar. Efri and young love. How old is she? 23 today. Oh, goodness. Over the hill. Too old for my show I'm producing. I wonder how old

Crazy Girl 16 is. What was that? Lonely Girl? That was a spin-off show. Nobody would watch that show. Or maybe everybody would. Crazy Girl 16. And then after that, there aren't too many celebrities that exist today. So you're saying that Vanessa Hudgens tops this list.

She's on a lot of Disney stuff. Sure. It's a big deal. Paul Zaloum is 60 years old today. Is he a macho? Yes. Paul Zaloum. Who is that?

You might remember him as Beekman on Beekman's World. Oh, yes. 60 years old. Sure. 60 years young. All right. old sure 60 years young all right uh former tennis player and shoe impresario stan smith is 65 today wow i don't know who that what shoe what are the shoes he makes uh the adidas stan smith ah the very plain uh white sneaker okay classic it's a classic yeah i think i have some

yeah all right probably they're at the front door. No, no. I think you were wearing Nikes. Oh, shut up. And the answer to this week's celebrity trivia question. This man predicted a bunch of stuff that kind of came true. Nostradamus is 508 years old today. Yeah, you're right. Vanessa Hudgens tops that list. Looking back.

Now, overheards. Now, things overheard in your daily life, your goings on. We always like to start with the guest. You said you didn't have one, but then you kind of started telling us something that we have officially said just falls within. All right. Well, a few weeks ago, I was helping someone move. And I went to the liquor store to pick up boxes, and it hadn't opened yet. And it was just myself and another gentleman.

Who wasn't there to pick up boxes, I think. Who could be there to pick up boxes, I think. Who could be there to pick up boxes of booze. However, he just sort of sidled up to me and said, Hey, I know how it feels. And I said, Oh, sorry. And he said, You gotta wait till it opens, right?

Just need it, don't you? It's like, oh no, I'm here to pick up boxes. He's like, me too. Sure you are. And basically, yeah, he thought I had... Oh, but he wasn't a drinker? I think he was. But he was coming down pretty hard on you, it sounds like.

Yeah, I think what he wanted was to prove to himself, perhaps, that other people have... See, this is just... No, no, it's fine. I'm interested in it. I like delving deep. I feel like he just wanted someone else to have the same taste. Yeah, but he was also... It seems to me like he was he wanted to feel better than you like hey i know how it feels man you crave it you're you're pathetic you're pathetic is it

i know the the great twist is when he opens the liquor store because he runs it. Come on in, Rummy. Come on in, get what you want. There used to be commercials for like, it was like Mervin's or something. Maybe. With a woman waiting outside and she would just be tapping on the door. It was Target, wasn't it? Open, open, open. I feel like it was Mervin's.

Mervin's or Fred Meyer or something weird. Maybe not Fred Meyer. Yeah, nobody would do that So really we should just do the sum of all of those JCPenney The sum of all JCPenney What was the North of like the Seattle

Department store That got bought out years ago Burlington Coat Factory Fine Dave, do you have it overheard? No, but I went i went i went back oh this is so weak uh we've been recording a lot of episodes it's true you can't you can only overhear so many things in a lifetime yeah when you're spending the rest of your hours editing podcasts uh so we uh i haven't got one but i went back into my notes uh because i write them down

if i ever have an overheard and this one i guess didn't make the cut the first time around let's see if it does this time like allister not actually technically an overheard because it was a guy talking to me but it was a stranger sure So that counts. I was walking my dog in a... This was in February of last year, of this year. Walking my dog into the pet store, and there was a guy in the pet store just buying stuff for his dog, presumably, but he didn't have his dog with him,

and he saw me with my dog and he he said hey that dog ought to be in pictures and what i said was and then he said no seriously really yeah and i was steven spielberg he's like i'm making this movie war dog later changed to warhorse i haven't seen grandpa wasn't available so i need that dog or the next available animal why didn't i what is warhorse uh isn't that the one about a horse i someone asked me on the internet about it like dave you seem like you'll be really excited About this movie and I've heard the name

But I don't know what it is It's about a horse Goes to war Or maybe causes a war Does he assassinate Archduke Franz Ferdinand I think it's very It's like the horse version of Forrest Gump

I think that's pretty much what it is The horse just did everything. Horse meets Elvis. Met the Tsar of Russia. Horse meets Elvis. That happened to Forrest Gump. Forrest Gump didn't meet no Tsar. No, it's not a remake

of Forrest Gump with a horse. Yes, it is. It's Forrest Gump. Shot for shot. Except instead of Jenny, he just loves the feedback. Goes to Vietnam. Gallops through the Washington Monument for the feedback. Is chocolate poisonous for horses?

I wonder. It is for dogs. This movie has not as happy an ending, I think. Okay, dies in the opening scene well especially because steven spielberg wanted my dog for it yeah there we go oh man uh you overheard um i was at uh local chain of uh health food slash supermarket choices. And there was a clerk. There was only one clerk actually doing clerk things, and the rest of the clerks were all standing around this one other clerk that was telling stories about being a gay man.

And he was telling, it was all girls, and he was telling the girls, you know, people when they come to Vancouver and they want to see the gay neighborhood they go to Davie but you know we've got our own places that we go that the tourists don't know about you know it's kind of like how colored people don't eat in

I was like wait a minute do you think do tourists I would like to see some African Americans so I'm gonna hang out at Yeah

So you know it was like it's just weird to hear somebody under the age of 80 using the term colored people

Anyway so that's my overheard from Choices like a place where you know people would be he made a strong choice right there yeah he made a strong choice you mean being gay that's um we also have overheards that are sent in from people listeners bumpers all over the country

the continent the the world. If you want to be one of those people, you can send them in to stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. And where do we start? Okay, we'll start with Bart. Bart M. That's a fun name in this day and age. Yeah.

I think it was probably always a fun name. Where do you think Bart M is from? Australia. You want to guess? Pensacola. Pensacola? Both wrong. Bart from Texas.

Oh. Right? That's a place that a Bart, you know, really feels at home. Sure. So, Bart in Texas,

my wife Stacy and I were driving tonight and my wife's four year old cousin was in the back seat listening to us talk at a certain point she said Bart you're funnier than Stacy I said well Stacy's pretty funny too but her sense of humor sneaks up

on you like a ninja the little girl said very sweetly someday I'm going to sneak up on you like a ninja. The little girl said very sweetly, Someday I'm going to sneak up on you like a ninja and kill you. Thinking her answer would be something cute like, With tickles. Or, With hugs. I asked her,

Oh really? How are you going to kill me? But her response was, With a gun. Like a ninja. I know. Like a ninja. I know. The silent killer. Do silencers really

exist on guns, or is that just something screenwriters made up? Silencers really exist. Well, I am an avid Call of Duty player, so... Yeah, that's not real. What? What? You mean I'm not murdering people? When I'm running around shooting these showbiz-

I'm a monster. ...tommy-fiddler guys. Oh, man. But yeah, like, I don't know. Now that you've said it, I don't know. I don't know. Do silencers exist? They must exist.

Well, to recap, another thing that we've talked about in No Country for Old Men. He builds the silencer, doesn't he? Mm-hmm. With washers and the tube and all that stuff. Was that in that movie? Sure. Okay. I don't know.

Who does? The bad guy. He puts the silencer on the end of the shotgun. Oh. It was the coolest sound, right? Because it would go, shotgun. It's sort of like off gas within it. Oh. It was the coolest sound, right? Because it would go, shagong! It's sort of like off-gas within it.

Oh, cool. Michael Winslow here. I don't know what you mean by that. He's the sound effect guy from Police Academy. Oh, there we go. Wouldn't it have been, shagong! We give Michael Winslow a hard time. But we've also given him more than his fair share of press.

Yes. We are the press, by the way. We consider what this is press. Yeah. That's why we get into all those events. Those cards in our heads. This comes from Quentin and Daniela Of Mara, B.C. Either of you know where that is?

M-A-R-A-B-C No idea Okay, well, it's rural There's more than two people there, apparently Or there are at least two people there Yeah, it could be one of those, a ghost town It's real ghosts They don't count on the sign, though Mara is Coast Salish for made it up.

Yeah. For hiding my identity. Witness protection program. So this is... I know it's rural town because I recently came across this ad on the bulletin board at our local feed supply store. See? Only rural...

There's no urban feed supply stores. Well, we don't call them feed supply stores. Petskers. Yeah. But it's a photo for sale. Purebred Icelandic Ram. Very fertile. In brackets. He's a horny one.

But it's clear that somebody has doctored the poster post. Because he's a ram. Oh, but very fertile. Yeah. Doesn't that imply that he likes to do it? Right?

I don't know. You could do it a lot and not be very fertile. Yeah, I guess so. So did you think this was just a kid that defaced this that didn't understand? Or was just somebody who likes puns? Yeah, because he's horny. Yeah. Because he's a ram. I get it.

Maybe I don't. No, a ram is like a... A truck. Dodge truck, yeah. So... It's like a rock. Yeah. Oh, I get it now, because it's like a rock.

I gotcha. I get it now, because it's like a rock. I gotcha. This person... This is great, because this person signs their name Captain Damage. It's pretty great. Captain Damage from Lowell, Massachusetts. Do you think that's what Jeremy Irons, star of the movie Damage, signs his emails? Do you think that's his Xbox Live name? Jeremy Irons, star of the movie Damage, signs his emails.

You think that's his Xbox Live name? I think it's one of those superhero guys that dresses up in the costumes in Patrol of the Straits. Oh, but yeah, a low-budget superhero like Thanatos. Hey, he's got an okay budget. He's working within whatever budget. Have you heard of Thanatos, local Vancouver superhero? The local Vancouver superhero. Yeah, I've heard of him.

You guys apparently know him? Oh, no, we talk about him a lot. He's our Michael Winslow. Alright. He does sound like Panatost, like it's some kind of holiday breakfast food or something like that.

Like Panacoke? Panatost is pretty funny. He's a living joke. I'm not afraid of you, Panatost. You come down here. I am. That Dave speaks only for himself. I'm terrified of you.

So this is from Captain Damage. I was at the laundromat this Sunday doing my laundry, because that's what I do there, when a young woman and her boyfriend came in and started loading a machine. Among the things they're mumbling to each other, I clearly hear the woman say, I can't believe I got tiramisu all over my pants. Pretty great over it. Just in and of itself.

Yeah, it's laundry talk. But why can't she believe it? It seems like something that could happen. Oh, I can't believe I left tiramisu in my pocket. And then put it in the laundry machine. No? I recommend a little spray and wash bright and white for that. Yes!

Is that former spray and wash spokesperson Alistair Cook speaking? What was your character's name? Alistair actually was what was on the script. Is Alistair here with us today? Can we speak to Alistair actually was what was on the script. Is Alistair here with us today? Can we speak to Alistair? Oh, man. In addition to overheards that have been written, and we also get

overheards from the telephone. If you would like to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Hello, Dave, Graham, and possible guests. This is Lauren calling from Banff. I'm actually calling in on behalf of my cousin, Michael, who lives in London. And we're both huge fans of your show.

And we send each other overheards, actually, through email. And he sent me this one, and I thought you would find it hilarious. So he was sending me this email from this burger place that we used to go to when I was living in London, too. was sending me this email from this burger place that we used to go to when I was living in London, too. And he says that a priest walked in and sat down next to him with a woman. And the priest looked up and saw this promotional advertisement for a turkey burger. And the advertisement said turkey versus beef. And the priest turned to the woman next to him and was like turkey versus beef.

Well, that's easy. One tastes good and the other tastes like shit. A priest. Yeah, but they gotta let off steam somehow. They're not allowed to have sex. Yeah, I was an English priest, though, so. They're not allowed. Oh, no sex, please.

Just tons of divorces. Isn't that what the Anglican church is built on? Tons of divorces. Isn't that what the Anglican church is built on? Tons of divorces. They get four weddings, one funeral, Rowan Atkinson. One Johnny, but it must be English. I don't know if I... Which one was shit? Yeah, I would say...

See, that was my question. Do they have turkeys in England? No, they all came over with the pilgrims and stayed in America. We traded pilgrims for turkeys? We did? We the English? Yeah. We the English.

Wait. We're sending over some of our worst pilgrims. But then... Oh, yeah, and that's how the English got turkeys? Is that what you're saying? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yes. That how the English got turkeys? Is that what you're saying? Oh yeah, yes That was the trade 300 years later

500 years later? I don't know When was the first Thanksgiving? I think it was in that movie 300 The Canadian one Yeah, when was the first Black Friday? It was that movie Friday Oh, right

500 years later turkey still doesn't taste good in england in england yeah it's because they eat a different kind of soccer pitch they feel like that about corn as well in england the corn is pig food. Oh. It's pig food here, too. It's also sugar. Yeah. True. Hmm. Well, next call.

Hey, Dave and Graham and person X. I hadn't overheard. I was at a party, and a guy was talking to his girlfriend, and he said, Roxy will be here soon. And she said, Roxy? Is that a drug or a person? Ha ha ha ha ha! Uh, so, yeah. Well, then you just ask some follow-up

question. How much does Roxy weigh? Yeah. If I injected Roxy, would Roxy like to be rolled up in smoke? And then it is a person who likes to be rolled up in smoke. That's a weird kink. Yeah, wasn't there a guy in New York that his thing was he would hide under a carpet and have people...

Like at the bar, people would stand up. Oh yeah yeah The human carpet Was that his name? Yeah yeah yeah Was he a superhero? Yes He's like Captain Damage

He's the worst superhero He just gets stains on him Captain Damage And the human carpet That sounds like a band No that's not bad Would you Would that be an opening act

For a Down with Webster? Yeah Oh no one's bigger than Down with Webster. That's true. Are they Canadian? Yes. Oh, man, that was the greatest pause. Pregnant. Pregnant it was. Look, if you've got cups, then you're old enough, right?

If there's grass on the field, play ball. Oh, that's gross! Is that grosser? Yeah, it's grosser. Finally. Hi, Dave Graham and possible guests. This is Elizabeth in Denver, Colorado, and I have an

overheard for you. So yesterday I was waiting at my gate in the Omaha airport, and there weren't a lot of people around. One woman about five seats, inevitably talking loudly enough for everyone to hear, and she says into her phone, he's apparently upset with the Christmas card. I guess he didn't want everyone to know he'd had surgery on his penis. Yeah, those family Christmas cards can be like too much stuff. Yeah.

Sometimes about people you don't even see in that year. But yeah, your penis surgery, like other things must have happened, right? Besides the penis surgery. I don't know. That's like, if I have penis surgery, that's my year. Do you think it's going to be featured prominently in the photo that you sent? I mean, if the penis surgery was the gift that the card came with, then, you know, I don't see much problem with it. He's still recovering from last Christmas when, of course, you know, we gave him penis surgery.

Did the family all gather during the penis surgery and that, we're going to make this our Christmas photo. Singing, Dahood Doris, Dahood Doris. and that we're gonna make this our christmas photo singing the grinch stole his penis he stole his his penis his schminus his hooves oh yeah my penises my schminuses my dangly big bongles. What kind of penis surgery do you think it was? Reconstructive or enhancement? No, shortening. Because he wanted to brag. Yeah. I had it short.

It was small to begin with. Not a year goes by when I don't open a Christmas card and quickly just open it and hope something falls out of the bottom of it. It's a giant gift certificate for penis shortening. Shortening. We'll take a vertebrae out of your penis. But the rest of it is just... There's a gap there it just floats

if you would like to call us with your overheards that's like Marilyn Manson got that rib he did not that's the urban legend you get the vertebrae removed on your penis so your penis can suck itself

that's so stupid removed on your penis so your penis can enjoy itself. It sucks itself. That's so stupid. But I felt like it needed to be said. I felt like it was the elephant in the room. 206-339-8328. That's the number if you would like to call us with your overheards. Also, here's a thing we do.

Oh, yeah. Drunk dials. Hit it! When I was a child Didn't know what a phone was I'm just kidding Never tasted liquor either But one day When I grew up

Put two and two together Drunk dials Telling my girlfriend to start her period Drunk dials Telling my friend he looks like a wolf man. Drunk Daz! Calling Future Shop and asking for Best Buy. Drunk Daz!

Drunk Daz! This is a segment that we do where we encourage you, the listener, to call us when you're drunk. Like, a lot of people will get drunk and call an ex-lover. Or their boss and tell them how much they hate them. Yeah.

That's not constructive. What is constructive is getting drunk. Well, first, right now. Getting drunk is constructive. Yeah. Absolutely. Nothing bad has ever happened. Nothing bad has ever come from that. Right now, you're sober. Presumably. Well, that's not necessarily true.

We have no idea what you are right now. Program this number into your phone. [phone]. Next time you're drunk... Give us a shout. Give us a shout instead of your lover or boss. Or both. Yeah, this is our community outreach.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think we've explained it well enough. Here are some calls. Hey, is this the link to the gram or is it the drunk voicemail number? Because I have a drunk

voicemail. May I proceed? Okay, well, I'm going to anyway. Long story short, my name is Hannah. I'm from Schenectady, New York. You should look it up if you've never heard of it. We found Schenectady's original history from Thomas Edison.

And, uh, oh, here's a fun fact for you. Schenectady was the... fun fact for you. Can I see where it's worth? It was the location of the first to broadcast ever because where she came from and Tom Subbison

and all fucking electrical stuff and stuff. This is two more minutes. Jesus. My name is Hannah, and I'm drunk. And no, oh, no, I had a story. That's it. Got it. My friend

Caitlin, I'm here podcast all the time. Okay. Okay. Customer admission. Customer. Jesus. Admission number one. customer admission customer so Jesus admission number one

I'm a recent listener and I really like it the podcast you guys are awesome and you're really cool it's true anyways

I gotta go but I'm gonna call you again soon because I like laying for smells. Anyway. Good job. Keep up the good work. Hope we talk about us next time soon.

And Thomas Edison. And, oh, wait, now this is the first TV broadcast ever... No, that's not a mistake, anyway. Okay, no, that's from... No, first... Okay. Well, I'm very sure...

First TV broadcast ever was made at a broadcast... No. A podcast here in New York. In one month, I'm going to be doing a play. A... In New York. Anyway, give me a call, guys. My name's Hannah.

I'm a super fan. I love you guys. You're super cool and funny. You've got a really good banter going on here. Phone number. Hi, boy. Okay. We're not going to call you.

Yeah, no, it's not. We don't call you back. Where did she start with Thomas First of all Thomas Edison Well he wasn't from Schenectady But apparently he did some TV work In Schenectady

He was a best boy The second thing is she sounded like Some kind of Protocol droid that had been dropped in molasses or something. And then it would just be like... Trying to teach history. Yeah. Long story short.

Okay, guys, give me a call. Like, this is a... Okay, anyways, call me back. We'll talk about that thing. Yeah, that thing. You know how we always call our people who call us back? She did prove another thing, a theory that I have, which is that if you sing bad news, it always makes it better.

It's like, because I'm drunk. That's not bad news. You have cancer. It would be... Oh, man. So thanks, Hannah. We'll give you a call later. From Schenectady.

Yeah, we're going to wake you up in the middle of the night. Like a firefly. We'll be like, what was it that Thomas Edison did? And the next drunk dial... We haven't done drunk dials in a while, so I just am randomly picking ones that are labeled drunk. Hello, I just wanted to let you know that you're a beautiful person and that you just, you radiate sunshine. You really do.

And I adore you. I adore you. Like, oh, you make my heart beat really fast. Graham. Graham. And you're Tim. Te amo. In French and Spanish.

And I hope that I get to see you again. Graham. Graham. Those are, that's me kissing. That's a lot of fun I feel like the guy was telling her what to say I also feel that you said I'm just going to choose one at random There's one that

Obviously says I'm totally hot Well it says I didn't pick them at random I don't know necessarily what is said i but i do label them that one was called drunk loves graham drunk loves graham seek same um any comments uh i have none the person in the background was having the time of their life i hope you had the time you know what i don't like uh that porky pigs blue christmas I hope you had the time. You know what I don't like?

That Porky Pig's Blue Christmas. Did you see the expression on my face? I was like, what did you just say? Did you not know this exists? No. You know the Elvis song, Blue Christmas? Yes, I'll have a blue Christmas. There is...

Like, I heard it before I ever heard the Elvis song, the Porky Pig, Blue Christmas. I'll have a blue, blue blee, blee, blue. I don't do voices. Christmas without you. Right. Blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee, blee you haven't heard this no but it's fascinating is it like an old radio bit yeah and the person laughing is so annoying because it's not that funny like it's it's like it would be funny if you're high on crystal meth somebody started doing that but like it's so old-timey that it just bums

me out like that was the most entertaining thing ever at the time. Porky Pig singing a... Until Hoop and Stick came along. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like the idea that someone would... Like, the person probably laughed and then had to check themselves into a nut house. Well, I'm clearly hysterical and hysterical. Oh, man.

All right, next drunk. Hey, Graham and Dave. A lot of women. And possible guests. Love the podcast. This is a drunk dial, as you can tell. So, yeah, I figured you would be the best to say this to, because I'm a grad student and have a super huge crush on my professor,

but I can't tell anyone because everyone knows who the professor is, and I can't tell them because they would just laugh at me. But yeah, I have a super crush on him. So yeah, hope your podcast is going well. And just wanted to tell you that I have a crush on my,

he's not my father, but he's the ITA for him. So he's super hot. But like 15 years older than me. And married. So it's not like it's going to go anywhere. But he's super hot. So that's best. Just wanted to tell

someone I have a crush on him. Without giving any information away. It's incriminating me. Somewhere in the world there's a hot professor and a TA. Somewhere in the world, there's a hot professor and a TA. Where in the world? Alright.

Hope. Hope your weekend is going well. Or week. Or whatever. Whenever you want for this. Okay. Bye. That was nice. That was. It was very cute. Quickly, star 69 it. Yeah.

Let's find out whatever you come. Quickly. Go back in time. I like the, what is that website where people write, they like write a confessional thing on a postcard. Is it called Postcard? Post Secret. Post Secret.

That felt like one of those. Like, I'm not going to say any details. Does post secret bum you out? Oh, yeah, absolutely. All the secrets on that are like... They are really... I could never spread my wings until my mother was dead. It's all like...

What? It's all just like secrets that are like, I guess that's a secret. It's a thing. It started out as a... Maybe it started out as a maybe did it start out as a website it started out as a novella as a telenovela but it's like you write to you send in a postcard or a letter or whatever to this particular address of the person who ran this and you can just write like it could be anything it was like nobody knows that i you know murdered a guy right or whatever and you don't a lot of people do like artwork on it and stuff and then this became like a website and then a series of books and then but like once you start

flipping through it it becomes addictive like just because everything i feel the opposite david yeah it's very a lot of them are like really super dark. But it's, yeah, it's like you could write whatever. And then you don't know that maybe they're made up or you have no idea. So anyways, good luck with your professor. I hope he got a divorce and fell in love with you. The other website, though, is ratemyprofessor.com. R-A-T-E.

Tango. I've had trouble with these websites because it, like, oh, you like dogs? You should check out RateMyPuppy.com. Excuse me? No. What is Rate Your Professor? Well, it's where my brother, who's probably the subject of this woman's desire, who's a professor at Cap College.

Received a chili for his hotness. You rate whether or not they are hot. Is chili good or bad? Chilis normally are hot. No, but chili is... Not like... He wasn't rated a cool breeze

on your testes. Chili today, hot tamale. Yeah. Yeah. Because there's chilies or Chili Willie was a guy. Well, I want my baby back, baby back, baby back. Sure. There's all sorts of ways chili can be.

Yeah, like this guy eats too many ribs. He's a chili. Yeah, he's got barbecue sauce on his face at all times. And that's a beard. Congratulations to your brother i may have also posted on that site that uh he was uh ryan gosling's brother so web of words wait did you are you the one who gave him the chili all right well i gave my brother a chili.

We'll play one more. Randomly. I've named these files. I will let you choose. Here are the possible names to choose from. Iceland drunk. Sounds complicated. Drunk forget. Drunk forget.

Drunk date. Drunko. And drunk makeout. I'm going to leave it up to our guest. Oh, wow. See, I was thinking Iceland drunk is going to be something about the economic meltdown, and that's going to be just tragic and sad. Drunko just sounds great.

It does sound great. But we've had a theme, and I think we should follow the theme. People want to make out with Dave. Dave's a professor that everyone is in love with. So making out with Graham. Okay. Is that what's happening? All right.

So drunk makeout? Drunk makeout is all we know what it is. Okay. Is that what's happening? All right, so drunk make-out? Drunk make-out is all we know what it is. Okay. Drunk make-out. I'm assuming it's going to be another woman. Men can call us, too. Yeah, it can be dudes. Just don't be angry. I feel like we probably get a bunch of angry jokes.

Hi, Graham. Hi, Dave. I'm drunk. And I need muffins. I want to make out with a firefighter, and I like the show. Bye! Yep. Great.

Good choice. It started out like, oh, something bad is going to happen. Nope. Perfect. Yeah. That's the ideal. If you want to call us drunk or with an overheard

or if you just want to say hello, whatever. You want to tell us a post secret? Don't do that. If you want to be the first person to react like say whether or not you like the celebrity birthdays. Yeah, call in. 206-339-8328

or if you want to contact us via email stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com Now Alistair, you've got a world of things going on Yeah, let's plug it up Let's figure it out I'm most delighted about the new stuff

that's happening at Havana Theatre the brand new eastvancomedy.com that we talked about at the beginning of the show, which will feature the Laugh Gallery's triumphant return to commercial drive. January 23rd. Exactly, in January. In January. In January. I don't want to say it's the 23rd.

Go to eastvancomedy.com. Exactly. Or comedybatch.gov. Is that what it was? Yeah But yeah, it's the Havana Theater Which Dave and I, we've done a live podcast from there Back in the... Last year

With Eddie Pepitone Yeah, so it's a cool venue And I think it's going to be a really neat enterprise And I was thinking that it would be great to see you guys do more of those live ones, but what we should really do is try and find two tiny desks and a seat in between.

So that you both have your talk show desks. I do like that. And just surround them. I thought it was going to be two tiny desks and a seat in between a job interview oh right but we're but rather than the regular job interview when you have to like try to get a job we're both competing to get the person uh yeah and then uh at the end of the night

if we get to take you home then we'll make you a muffin to let you make it we're interviewing you for the job of fireman fluffer. And speaking of fireman fluffing... Go on. Instant Theater Company has a whole bunch of classes. I run the Instant Shop, which is a conservatory program where we have a whole bunch of ensembles of improvisers that do shows. Yeah, fake improv classes.

Of all ages, right? Yeah. From high schoolers all the way up of improvisers that do shows. Yeah, fake improv. All ages, right? Yeah. From high schoolers all the way up to... From eight to 88. Yeah. Yeah, we don't really want any 88-year-olds. Why not? What about a senior's improv class?

Yeah. Hips too fragile. Ah. Can't take it to the boards. Yeah, that's right. So, no thank you. Yeah. No weak improv.

And then the other thing is The Vancouver International Improv Festival Is what we do But that's a ways away That's in September You're the man in charge of that So if people want to submit their improv group to that They should email you at Comedy Smash

Let's hear it Comedy Patch It was Comedy Patch.com Comedy Patch.batch. And speaking of Laugh Gallery, on New Year's Eve, Dave and myself and a bunch of other great comedians, including the Sunday Service improv group, will be doing comedy at the Cambrian Hall. And so if you don't want to go to a New Year's thing that's New Year's for jerks... That costs $85.

Yeah, and then all you get to do is see Ghostface Kill and make fun of an audience member. And you know what? I'm going to add a little bit of press for you guys here. It may be one of the last times you'll be able to see Craig Anderson perform with the Sunday Service because he's moving. That's right. Oh, to Toronto? To Toronto. Can we say one of the last times you'll be able to see craig anderson perform with the sunday service because he's moving that's right oh to toronto to toronto can we say can we say one of the or i've heard a

rumor of one of the reasons why he has left this city to go you probably can't say that i'm not gonna say it i can't wait to hear it because it's uh it's true yeah it's true it's true he has and it's great yeah it's a, huge opportunity for him in Toronto. Yes, and also, yeah, he had to leave his job as a professor here. But it's going to be great. It's going to work. Yeah, it's going to be fun. He's a chili.

He's a real chili. He's a real T-Boz. But you can get tickets to, yeah, like you say, one of the last times to see the wonderful Greg Anderson here in Vancouver because the world will end in 2012 yeah 2012 is it so let's all live it up and check out the blog maximumfun.org

for recaps of the show Dave do you have anything you want to plug what will we put in the recap of the show we'll probably put a clip of the hey Webster what's up with Webster what's up with Webster maybe could probably put a clip of the Hey Webster What's Up With Webster video. What's Up With Webster. Maybe... Could you put a clip from Wild N' Out? Yeah, if I can find one. Preferably a gut props one.

I'll do a gut arms expert. Can you find a clip maybe of Pants Off Dance Off? Do they on Wild N' Out do the dance three... When they do freeze tag, do they say tag your man?

They do... Oh, man. They do everything. I could talk for an hour. Also, some sort of... Something from Post Secret that you think is really hilarious? Or bums me out.

But that's... Sorry. I swallowed a bunch of air more than I needed. You probably shouldn't swallow any. You're right. Just breathe. You should get one of those Lindsay Lohan tattoos that just says breathe. It says breath, actually.

She misspelled it on her tattoo. That's right. She's an idiot. Yeah. So go over to MaximumFun.org check out the blog. If you like the show tell your friends. And come on back next week for another Lindsay

Lohan heavy or Lindsay Lohan light episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. If Lindsay Lohan is dead by the time this comes out, we didn't know it. I'm Jesse Thorne. Whether it's music, movies, comedy, books, or whatever, each week I talk to creative people about how they make their thing, about the moment when their craft went from a hobby to a career, and about the thing that surprised them most about the process.

It's the sound of young America from MaximumFun.org and PRI, Public Radio International.