Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 198 - Dan Werb

Episode Date: January 3, 2012

Dan Werb of Woodhands joins us to talk about Rocky movies, band names, that reality show for artists, Skyrim, and moving.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 198 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who might be the world's next great artist, Mr. Dave Shumka. We were watching that show, The World's Next Greatest Artist or whatever. It's work of art, working it for art.

The art of working. Is that for Sun Tzu? The art... It's that for Sun Tzu? The art It's this show on Bravo We'll talk about it It's all the rage It's all that's been going on with me lately Our guest today, four time

This is my fourth time This is why I was skeptical Because it's been four This will be now four times Because it's like Rocky 1 and Rocky 2, both great. Rocky 3, kind of sketchy. Rocky 4 came back. Big blowout in Rocky 4.

Yeah, the next two were good. And then I made Copland, which was terrible. Rocky 5 and Balboa. Balboa was great. Rocky 5 was terrible. So your fifth will be the real testing ground. Yeah, was rocky five the street fighting one yeah it was rocky five in brackets go for it yeah and then rocky balboa was rocky six

where he uh uh they do a simulation that gets a lot of people talking a lot of people talking he's in his 60s rocky versus um mason dixon mason the line. That's right. And that's our guest today, Mason the Line Dixon. Very funny man, a very talented musician, and a genius guy that does research on the site. He's an all-around, he's a man for all seasons. That's me. Mr. Dan Werb. Hi.

Hey. Hi. Welcome. Thanks so much for having me back. Rocky IV. This is it. I must break you. He runs with a log on his back?

No, yes. He does that in every Rocky movie. But he helps a sled that falls over in the snow. He helps ride a sled. Yeah, he's like, he gets quantum leaped to help a sled. No, because... Wait, let's get to knows. Get to know us.

So, in Rocky IV, there's a scene, and it's the greatest scene in all of the Rockies. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Rocky IV, the greatest scene in all of the Rockies. You don't get to tell us what this is. Oh, you were going to guess. Yeah. Okay. Rocky IV, the greatest scene in all of the Rockies.

You don't get to tell us what this is. Oh, you were going to guess. Yeah. Okay. I just want to note that the only thing I've seen of Rocky is when Dolph Lundgren is running on the treadmill with the little things on his chest. Yeah, this is the scene. Yeah, yeah, that's what I was going to say, too. Oh, am I right? Yeah, no, you guessed it.

It's where... That's the only Rocky thing I've ever seen, though. But it's the greatest, where he's doing all the technical workouts in a lab, and then Rocky is helping a sled get up in the snow. It's great. His workout is just helping a sled or running up a hill. Doesn't Apollo Creed die in that one? Yes. He gets killed by Russian men.

Yeah. Ivan Drago. By Vic Russian. Yeah. Yeah. Ivan Drago. Vic Russian. Yeah.

Yeah, because it was Apollo Creed and him were enemies in the first, and then rematch in the second. Friends. And then friends in the third, and then dead in the fourth. So the second one was just a rematch? Yeah. So it was just the same movie? Well, in the next one, they do a simulation of what it would be like if Rocky fought a zombie Apollo Creed. That simulation's got a lot of people talking. A lot of people talking about what is and is not appropriate.

So wait, 60-year-old Rocky fights a firm and fit young man? As an exhibition. Very firm. And young man? As an exhibition. Very firm. And who wins? I think the young man wins, but Rocky takes him, you know, pushes him to the limit. Sounds like a terrible movie.

It's actually, it's my second favorite Rocky Balboa out of the whole series. Nothing beats Rocky IV because of that scene on the treadmill and they give him not heroin. That would make him a really sluggish boxer.

Steroids. Heroin. Our secret weapon is making our boxer horrible. It's anabolic heroin. You know, that always weirded me out. Remember when Ross Rabagliotti, famed Canadian snowboarder, got busted for using marijuana? Yeah.

And they wanted to take away his gold medal? They did, for a while. Yeah, and then they gave it back. But it's like, is that really an enhancer of any kind? It is. Okay, stand-up comedian from 1998. I think it would just give him the munchies. No, but it's not like

a steroid where... He probably snowboarded so fast down that mountain because he thought there would be some pizza at the end. He heard Dave Matthews was performing. I guess I could have gone with fish. Fish would have been better. My favorite part about that whole thing was how people called him Nickel Bagliotti after that.

Isn't the phrase dime bag? Yeah, I think that makes more sense. No, I swear to God. Nickel Bagliotti. Don't say it so fast. It sounds like a slur. Now, wait a minute would if they gave some heroin to Ivan Dragas yeah just enough to the first taste is free yeah but then told him he wouldn't get any more heroin and really beat the shit out of Rob would that work like he would still be strong, but also really craving heroin. Yeah, I think that would work. Heroin is a really good...

Motivator. Motivator. A lot of really successful people. Let's count them down. The top ten successful heroin users. A bunch of authors. Yeah. And Iggy Pop.

Iggy Pop. Your Kurt Cobain's. That guy that sold the mogwais in Gremlins, I think. He smoked opium, which is like heroin. Yeah. Oh, can we count cocaine? Yeah, we can count all drugs. Okay.

Scarface. Ray Liotta. Good fellas. Oh, man. Amazing. So what's new, Dan Werb? What's new? Well, working on a bunch of music. you're you're a musician in wood hands i'm a musician in wood hands oh yeah we should have

said that off the top yeah you've made uh some fans uh just by being on the show i know it's amazing i've been approached at shows by stop podcasting yourself fans who were like i heard about you from the podcast. Yeah. And now you have, you tour, you tour? You tour. I tour. You toured all over Europe and stuff.

Yeah. And you're kind of, what are you, like a big deal? Medium sized deal? Small to medium. Small to medium. Not bad.

Now your drummer is in another band. He is. Are they a small to medium deal? I'd say they're medium. Okay. What's the other band? The Royal Alberta Advantage I did not know that

Wow, so you're in it We're in a whole network of cool shit Yeah, things are really happening This is great For bands that I'm in and bands that I'm also not Yeah, congratulations to them um have you they they uh that band the rural alberta advantage they famously had a song you can take your headphones off you no no it's okay uh they famously had a song during the hockey playoffs in a molson canadian commercial

yeah have you ever had a song in a commercial? I feel like I've heard something somewhere. You know what? We had a song on fuck, what was it called? The Fashion Catwalk? What? Canada's Fashion something. Catwalk was like from the 90s.

No, it was like some fashion reality show. Was it Canada's Next Top Model or Project Runway Canada you had a song on Project Runway that's great that's pretty good now

if you had your druthers if you could sell a song to one company for a commercial and it can't be anything Mac related that's evidence that that will make you superstar so uh you will be the next jet yeah jet or the next ting ting what what product would it be well are we just talking like yield in terms of how much I would yield?

No, no, no. You have to factor in all the factors. Or maybe just like your favorite product. Your favorite product, what the yield would be, the demographic you're trying to reach. I mean, I love those. I know this sounds terrible, but I love those. And I know they're totally overplayed. Those Fido commercials with all the cute animals.

Dancing dogs. I would just like to see cute little animals dancing to my music. Wow, that's something we can do without you singing. I'm sure we can rig something up. What if they did a Jingle Dogs version of your music? Sometimes when I sing, I feel like I sound like that like a jingle dog yeah like i'm just basically barking along with sampled music a different weirdly pit like weirdly pitched not quite on not quite off but just dog yeah yeah a lot of barks the last is dog the last

note in every one of those dog ones is always like a weird howl that's off-key. They use that one a lot. That one gets in there. They use it mostly in the Home Improvement theme. But there's like, whatever dog made that sound, that really helps. Because all the other dogs can do it like, but the one that goes, like they can use that in a lot of, I don't know any music terms, but. Arpeggios. Thank you.

Treble clef. Nice. Nice. So, are you working on a new album? Yeah, I'm working on, well, Woodhands, we're working on, like, a new EP. Right. Two songs done for a new EP. Okay. And then I have this

delicate piano album that I'm working on of just solo classical piano music. And what do you, when you're solo, is it just Dan Werb? Or do you have another?

You know, I don't know yet. I don't know yet. I played a few shows like that. Let's come up with names. I know, this is a thing. Lord Triscuit. That's names. Lord Triscuit.

That's mine. Lord Triscuit. My bandmate, Paul Bamwad, thought that I should call myself D. Michael Werb. Michael is my middle name. D. Michael Werb. He thought D. Michael Werb sounded like a contemporary Kenny G style artist. That's what I was going to say. Do you want that though?

Well, no. But he thought that that should be my demographic that I try to get at. You aim towards. It doesn't work for everyone. It works for F. Murray Abraham. Essa Patha Merkerson. Wait a minute. Oh, yeah.

Her first name isn't Essa. No. What's your middle name, Graham? Thomas. G. Thomas Clark. That's good. Yeah, that is good. Can you record under that name?

G. Thomas Clark. Yes. I have one of those names. How about G. Thomas Howell? And you can record the soundtrack of Soul Man. Yeah, what kind of, like, is it, you say it's like classical but it's it's like minimal it's like minimal classical music is this the type of music i'm gonna have a wine with a special someone no it's like you're gonna um wings and cigars you're like a girl with like an overly long sweater

like the sleeves of the sweater look at my sweater and you have like a hot cup of Nescafe coffee now I know what ad I want to be in and it's a rainy day and you just got divorced

a divorced young girl this is a great ad a young divorcee having a cup of coffee divorced in a house that she has to leave you got to keep the house I got to keep the house i got to keep the nescafe yes yeah so that's my album yeah cool i actually i have one i have one bad name okay and uh tis the season sure tis the season we're recording this uh on the 17th of december it was the season yeah we won't really sit until... But it's still... It's still... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's still the season. Winter. Yeah.

So I was thinking a while back, and I thought this was like the fucking greatest band name in the world. Yeah. And everyone I told to laughed in my face. Okay. Turtle Doves. Turtle Doves. Dave laughed in your face.

Yeah. It's not the first time Dave has laughed in my face. No, no, it's funny because you love it so much I know I know turtle doves but here's the problem with turtle doves it sounds like it's a group it sounds like there's more than one person

I know but that's the cool new thing you're just one person making music but it sounds like you're a million people I know but you don't then call yourself like you still call yourself in the singular if it's only one person doing it right you don't call yourself no it's all facetism everything is facetism now like whatever what are we talking about give me an example here uh well like you could do you could be you too yeah wait a minute there's more than two of them yeah well that's true um but like give me an

example of something where it's like a band called the smiths but it's only one guy okay bright eyes like it would be many bright eyes one dude but it's like he has a band but none of them matter they're replaceable

ah okay so turtle doves would be your bright eyes I just want to replace people you just want to be the only important person Ah, okay. So, turtle doves would be your right eyes. I just want to replace people. You just want to be an important person. Yeah, that's fun. But why don't you just call yourself Dan Warb, then? Well, I might.

Nobody can take that away from you. I think the Warb is holding you back. It's not very dynamic. It's my life story. What about DJ Dan Warb? Does that make it a little bit more... Anyway, yeah, we're gonna have to come up with a...

And by we, I mean all of us here at Turtle Doves. We're gonna have to come up with a new band name. All of us here. From all of us here at Turtle Doves to all of you out there. Well, because there's already a band called Doves. there well because there's already a band called doves yeah and there's already there was and there was a band called the turtles and there were teenage mutant ninja ones yeah yeah absolutely so that's and there's the uh chocolate uh treat that everybody enjoys people love them and then there's wait there's dove chocolate and there's turtle chocolate oh yeah you could. You should call it chocolate. I should just be chocolate.

Oh, what? Is there a band called chocolate? Is there a band called chocolate? And if not, why? And if so, why not another one? Yeah. You could be called chocolates. Chocolates.

Chocolates. I mean, I like them. I like them. Yeah. So? As items in my mouth. Would you, if I said, have like them. I like them. Yeah. So? As items in my mouth. No, but would you, if I said, have you heard chocolates, already you're like two steps in because you love chocolates.

Right? You're like, I didn't know they made noises. Have you heard these chocolates? They're Pop Rocks chocolates. Is there a band called Chocolate? There's got to be. There's no way that that word... There's a band called fucking everything

I was listening to UBC's The University of British Columbia's Radio station last night And there's a band called Full Toilet That they were playing Were they good? It was pretty Outsider music

What does that mean? When you hit pots and pans and stuff when you don't like it you call it outsider music when you don't get it but you're afraid

there might be something to get the DJs were clearly drunk they were just fucking clearly drunk at 11 o'clock

at night they're like here's the new 7 inch from full toilet I think there's 8 songs in 4 minutes

we're just gonna play the whole thing and then they just I think there's 8 songs in 4 minutes. We're just going to play the whole thing. And then they just play the whole thing. 8 songs in 4 minutes? That's atrocious. Those aren't songs. One of them, maybe. Yeah, exactly. There might be a 7-minute long one, and

7 of them are all just 2 seconds apiece. Oh, guys. What's going on with you, Dave? Oh, you know, watching the art makers on who's going to be an art... The sexiest lady is going to be an art.

Who art thou? I was watching this reality show. They had a marathon on Bravo today. Bravo. The only sarcastic TV channel. And

I was watching it and I told you guys before the show I couldn't remember the name of the host of it and I thought her name might be Chyna Chow but I thought if I was wrong that that's like the most racist thing because she's an Asian lady.

Chinese perhaps? I don't even want to speculate even though I now know that her name is China Chow. But yeah, it's the show where they have a bunch of artists who have to do art challenges. But my favorite guy on the show, you weren't here while i was watching it uh with him his name is suck lord no yeah is he an artist he's an artist yep the suck lord i buy that that's a good yeah isn't that a um oh what was the name of that band monster magnet wasn't that a monster magnet song sure uh suck lord i mean it's a funny name to hear once but it's so funny when you hear like the judges talking to him seriously lord come over here yes and there's the weird the tim gunn character is this weird german guy uh it's made

by the people who make project run wait explain can you just describe Sucklord for a moment? Okay. Because I picture, like, the guy who did the Cremaster cycle. Now you describe the Cremaster cycle. It's the guy who... Wait, wait, wait, wait. So, I said Sucklord, you envision the guy who made the Cremaster cycle. Graham, you quickly have to envision what the Cremaster cycle is. Oh, okay. Using a reference no one will get.

I think that the cremaster cycle is something that like an H.R. Geiger would come up with in order to show how the body operates outside and inside at the same time. Is that right? You should be on the beautiful art show. That's what it's called. Beautiful art challenge. What's the Craymaster Cycle? Craymaster Cycle, he's the guy

who's married to Bjork. Oh, his name is Craymaster Cycle? No, his name's Matthew Goldie. I forget his name. Goldie Wilson. But he wears horns. No, not Goldie Wilson. Wasn't there a rapper or musician's Goldie. Goldie was... I forget his name. Goldie Wilson? But he wears, like, horns. No, not Goldie Wilson. Wasn't there a rapper or musician named Goldie that she dated for a long time?

I don't know. Might have been something metal. So what is the Cremaster Cycle? It's, like, nine hours of this guy dressed up in, like, weird demon costumes. Okay. I think there's more. Is it a movie? Yeah.

It's, like, three movies. That sounds a lot like the guy who was obsessed with Bjork and killed himself on camera. What? There was a guy who did that? Yeah, and I think sent her the tape. Or like... Sent her the tape? He was really bad at killing himself.

Send me a tape. No, he was like obsessed with her and he would send her tapes of himself, and then he eventually killed himself on video. But it sounds a lot like the Cram Master Cycle. Well, this guy was apparently a more successful fan. Yeah, I guess so. Oh, she didn't date Cram Master Cycle. No, she's married to him. Oh.

Yeah. Yeah, why sample the milk when you can get the cow for 40? So now... Sucklord. Now that we know about H.R. Geiger and the Cremaster cycle... Yeah. Back to Sucklord. Let's bring it.

Let's do a whole 360. Yeah. I would just like to say quickly, Cremaster, Flash, and the Furious Five. Yeah. Okay. The Sucklord. Okay. Here's who he is.

It is funny when you say it. Yeah. Seriously. Well, because there was the German mentor for all of them. He's like, show me Sucklord. Very good. But here's what he looks like. He looks like a 40-year old white punk and uh tattoos tattoos uh maybe rat tail oh he was on wasn't he on he was on no no every guy every artist has to have

a rat tail oh because this guy had a miniature mullet like he had the little yeah that was a different guy okay all gross cross the board top chef has top chef has mohawks and Kate Gosselin hair the art show has okay okay do you think like at Bravo there's just brown like a line just dividing people by hairstyle to show up. You look like Project Runway. I was here for the cupcake show. I'm a ghost hunter. But yeah, so I watched that and he's great. So he's 40 and he's got a rat tail.

And he's obsessed with Star Wars. What does he dress like? Does he have a cape? No, T-shirts. He's just like a normal. How can you call yourself Sucklord and not fucking be a Sucklord? Yeah, you should be able to have a cape or a medallion. The something.

Yeah. The scepter. He reminded me a bit of there was a character. A Suckter. There was a character. There was a person on Project Runway, one of the seasons. It was a guy named Suede. And who just like had the phoniest personality. Like just looked like the boringest guy.

But he called himself Suede and called everyone bitch. Yeah. That's how you get on the, that's how you get up the reality show charts. Yeah. That's how you make it in fashion. Yeah. Like it's like how, you know, how amarosa made it all the way to yeah now now that word is in the dictionary well what does it mean oh the top oh uh i thought you meant amarosa no no no

she was on the first season of the fuck man you guys are crazy. The Apprentice. The Donald Trump Apprentice. Wow. The Donald Trump Apprentice. And what, like, was she famous or something? Yeah, she was... She made a series of films where she was dressed in monster costumes. And Donald Trump was really obsessed. Like, those are some good monsters. That's my Donald Trump.

Yeah, she was... I don't know, she was the black lady on the show. Yeah, but she gave everybody sass. That's like suede. Like, you're a bitch. All the way to the top. Top of the reality show charts. She got her own show.

She got her own talk show. For a hot second. For a cup of coffee. The other thing that's been going on with me this week other than um uh uh watching that show is uh i went i've been hearing a lot of people talking about this video game called skyrim yep yeah and i don't know what it is and i finally i was at an office party uh and a guy was talking about uh playing skyrim and it it was it was weird because it was a guy who doesn't live here but he was playing it here like where he's staying he brought an xbox with him oh boy uh but he should just to

play this game i don't know exactly i because i i was more curious into just to finding out what this game is and i said dragon but i don't i was like But I was like, I don't want you to tell me like a super long explanation. So just in two sentences, what is Skyrim? And he said, it's a Norway simulator. What does that mean? And I said, I don't need the second sentence. It's a Norway simulant.

Amazing. I think it is a dragon game. Yeah. It is a dragon game. You know, what's funny is, so I like watching hockey, but I never can because I just never have time. Okay. Or a TV.

Yeah. So I read articles about hockey games like the recap oh like in the paper yeah and now i've started because i like video games but i never play them because i don't have any of the things that you need a television uh video game system exactly time so now i've started reading articles about video games aye aye aye so i aye. So I've been reading, like, and I think that the Skyrim game is good because I've read, like, four articles about it. That's, like, the crazy extension of what my parents used to say when they would see, like, one of my brothers watching the other brother play video games and being like, playing video games is one thing, watching somebody play a video game. And now you've taken it to a whole reading about a video game you've never even yeah but all the writers like i played this for three days straight yeah wow this sounds amazing get me to norway it does kind of sound

amazing when you put it like that yeah then it's like uh yeah three days straight of anything like when was the last time you did three days straight of anything except have the flu? Like straight, not including sleeping? No, just like 72 hours of doing one thing. Never, ever. Never, ever. I sleep every day.

So this guy did 72 hours of just a Norway simulator. He was like... I mean, it sounds like just a fun weekend. Like going to Norway for 72 hours. Escaping. Just escaping. They have a butter crisis.

What? You've heard about the Norway butter crisis? I certainly have not. Oh, they have a butter shortage. That doesn't make any sense. That doesn't make any sense. That doesn't make any sense. They're in Europe. I forget what they... Home of butter.

What did they do with all their butter? They fucking invented butter. That... Oh, they wasted all their butter on something earlier this year. Bread. And now there's a huge demand for butter because it's the holidays and everyone wants to make, you know, kugel and stroken. Strozen. This is so crazy and apparently there are shipments of butter and they're like butter pirates stealing butter off a boat attacking with butter knives yeah pretty good massive

massive butter knives uh but uh yeah and then Butter shortage I just can't Is Europe I knew they were talking about Europe collapsing But this is like But this is ridiculous It really is though Because like when you think about

It's like Like all I can picture in my head Is kind of that Fort Knox style safe With the gold bars Except it's all butter I'm like Whoever controls the butter is kind of that Fort Knox style safe with the gold bars, except it's all butter. I'm like, whoever controls the butter is really moving the economy. Yeah.

Oh, man, that's so crazy. I'd never... I feel like, yeah, if Europe can't butter itself, like, what can it do? You know? That should be the title of the, like, on the front cover of The Economist. If Europe can't butter itself. that should be the title of the like on the front cover of the economist if you're but i can't believe you guys haven't heard of that it's like the biggest story to come out

of norway except was there that big shooting there was a big okay yeah that's probably probably defines norway 2011 um they're desperately looking for a new story to define yeah yeah butter shortage let's run with it oh man that's crazy i'm glad i know about it i'm gonna read about it as soon as i get home yeah i'm gonna read about skyrim i'm gonna read about butter shortage uh you were talking about watching someone play video games i feel like our generation it's like the first generation of you know girlfriends wasting their 20s watching someone play video games. That's never happened in our history. It's true.

A lot of women throwing away the greatest years of their lives watching some guy trying to... Yeah, their boyfriend is doing the... finding the code in Grand Theft Auto to have sex instead of just having sex with his girlfriend. That's true. Hey Graham, what's up with you?

A lot of stuff. It was a busy long busy week but the highlight of the week and it's one of these things where I was like, should I save this story for when Kevin Lee's on? And I can't because it's too funny and it was my favorite thing that has happened in months and months i helped him uh move kevin lee past guest past guest kevin lee was moving funny guy very funny guy you help a lot of people move i like it

you're a sucker no i like i like lifting charitable no i do i genuinely like lifting things i feel like i should have a part-time job where i just lift things. Don't you hurt yourself? You seem to hurt yourself every day. I do get in a lot of odd positions. When you help people move, do you wear one of those lumbar support belts? Oh, I should.

No, I was just wearing sweatpants. You would look amazing in those. Good call, right? Yeah. I feel like I'd look good in a big belt if i didn't have a big gut if i could wear a big belt buckle i feel like that would like a like a wrestling like a wrestling belt yeah amazing started yeah yeah do you know somebody in the art world that can make something like that who's at the board of suckler could do that of any suck lord should be wearing a massive belt absolutely of any wrestling. Of any wrestling champion, who...

Who wore it best? Who had the biggest gut? Andre the Giant? Andre the Giant had a... Like, if we're just talking... I mean, yeah, yeah, but like... Absolute terms, big gut. No, there was a guy called Earthquake.

He was all... Did he win? Was he a champion? Oh, maybe he didn't. Did he wear the belt? Wear the belt. The Undertaker got pretty fat. And he was the champ.

What's his name? Yoko Zuna was a... He had the championship belt. Did they have to give him a bigger belt? No, he just wore it on his shoulder. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's like, I don't give a fuck about this American belt anyway.

He wore it... Is that like a clutch purse. So you're helping Kevin Lee move. I'm helping Kevin Lee move. I'm now picturing you dressed as Yokozuna. I'm dressed like Yokozuna. He is dressed like a young Undertaker.

Yokozuna, if I recall, wore the sumo wrestling diaper with leggings under it. America wasn't ready to see that much of Yokozuna, if I recall, wore the sumo wrestling diaper with leggings under it. Yeah, America wasn't ready to see that much of Yokozuna. But there was a bed frame that we were moving, and the controversy was, will this bed frame make it into the new place? And Kevin Lee, he indicates to me, like, how big is the door? I'm worried about width of doors because in these basement suites are all like narrow doors or weird doors. And he's like, I think it's not the width, it's the height of the door. And he indicates to me, like using a hand on himself that the door only goes up to about his chest.

And I was like, Kevin, there is no fucking way that there's a door i've like you're exaggerating like you saw it when you just saw the place quickly and you remembered having to duck down a little bit to get in the door and so now you're telling me it's like a foot shorter than you and i was like that's impossible it's not true and uh i think i like i persuaded him like just relax we'll go see the place and then we went to the place and he was just ahead of me and he was unlocking the door and his face he was

face to face with the light that was over the door and the door barely even cleared his chest and I thought I was going to have a heart attack from laughing I fell over and I was only propped up by the house next door and i was clawing at the house and scream laughing because it was it was like uh it was like a door that you

would bring like a horse into it wasn't it wasn't big enough but inside was the ceiling higher yeah it's this there were steps absolutely on the other side of the door, like where the steps should have been on the front side of the door, you know what I mean, to make a full human door. But on the other side, it was fine. You just walked down these two steps and it was the size of a full door. But on the outside, it was like a little hobbit door. That's amazing. Was it circular?

And he's tall. Yeah, it might have been. It was red and it had slats it looked like a like something on a barn like what's so sad about the story is that you convinced him that it wasn't so tiny yeah because i was like again disappointed even more so oh man but i like uh i i was like the laughter exploded out of my body like i was being shot like i was like oh this is too funny amazing yeah so that was pretty great so did you get did it yeah did the bed frame fit no no we did not not even close like we were seven inches you know way way off there's no way it could have

gotten yeah uh and then the other thing that happened during the move was... So what's he going to do with the bed frame? Oh, we just brought it back to the other place, the place he was moving out of. We left it? Yeah, we gave it to somebody who's moving in. We're like, hey, do you want a bed frame? Which is what we should have done in the first place. Hey, does anybody want a bed frame?

Somebody's like, yeah, I'll take it. And then that would have been the end of it. So now he has to basically buy a disassembled bed frame, bring it in, and assemble it inside? No, you know, just put whatever, box spring, mattress on the floor. Why not? Because we're not human garbage anymore. That's what I do. It's time to grow the fuck up, everybody.

That's what I do. Grow up. It looks great. It looks great. Wrong. Yeah, it looks great. It's minimalist. Yeah.

Yeah. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Looks great. Looks great. Wrong. Yeah, it looks great. It's minimalist. Yeah. Yeah.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. But the other thing that happened that was just crazy, and it wasn't even anything to do with the move, was at his old place, the place he was moving out of, there was a very old Mercedes-Benz parked in front of his place. And then this guy and this girl got in the mercedes-benz and started it and then just sat there and like we were moving for like 45 minutes and they just sat there and it was just like belching out the craziest smoke it was like the whole street like suddenly you had like fog on it because of this crazy like and they were just sitting in the car and we were like

i don't know what the fuck is going on. And then at one point they asked us to borrow a screwdriver. What? And so he's doing something in the car. And we're like, is he boosting the car or something? Yeah, what can you do from inside the car with a screwdriver? I don't know. Especially if it's already on.

Like he's gotten that far, right? Yeah, yeah. So we drove away with a whole load like we loaded up a van drove away and then came back to get more stuff and they were still sitting there with the car still on were they talking in there i don't i have no idea but the weirdest part was uh you know we lent him the screwdriver then kevin went back to get the screwdriver and the girl that the guy was with was this uh musician from the 90s named uh kinney star oh yeah yeah it was this dude and kinney star

sitting in this weird mercedes that was like belching out smoke all over the place and then they were like thanks we the dude was they were like thanks we fixed it and we're like but it still smells horrible and it's your car hasn't gone like what were were they stealing a stereo what were they doing i don't know that's really weird it was really weird so i and i don't know for a fact that it was kinney star but it looked i was like i'm pretty sure this is kinney star and then when i said that there was a an agreement that it was probably kinney star oh okay but don't want to allege that Kinney Star was somehow involved with stealing some

stereo. Well, it sounds like the worst theft. Maybe they were installing a stereo. But do you need the car on to install a stereo? I don't know. I don't know any of these things. And if they're going to install it, what, they just thought that there'd be someone

walking down the street who happened to have a screwdriver? Yeah, like they started it without a screwdriver. All right, step one, turn on the car. Step two, get a screwdriver. Oh, fuck.

I told you we should have read ahead. So yeah, that was weird, but seeing that door pretty much made my week. I mean, I'm just picturing Kevin Lee, tall Kevin Lee, walking through that door every day. Yeah. Twice. I couldn't.

I had to. On a slow day. This is what I'm saying. He's going to be staying at home a lot, because he won't want to walk through that door. No, I know. I'm not a tall guy, and I had to really shrink down to get through this door. In the winter, when the snow comes up a few feet, he's only got a very narrow... We're going to have to.

That was another thing. This better be good. Well, we had moved this bed frame all over the fucking city, and then at the end of it, Kevin was like, why did I even bother that bed frame? The ceiling's so low. If I've got a box ring and a mattress in that bed frame, it's going to be like I'm sleeping in a bunk bed. He's like, I'm only going to be like six inches away from the roof. This place sounds awful.

No, it's awesome. It's like huge on the inside.'s like a huge huge place it's got like a nice like living room area and the bedroom is huge and there's storage and the bathroom is awesome it's just it no it's the it's not even low it's just that door it's it's like the craziest so how would he be sleep feel like sleeping in a bunk bed? Is he going to sleep in the doorway? Well, I mean, they're not high ceilings. It's still in the basement. Yeah, the ceilings are low. Like, you know how in your kitchen, there's

just a little clearance? That's what it's like. Oh, that's rough. No, it's great. It's great. He's going to be great. He's going to have a hunch. He's going to develop a hunch. But his place, it's awesome. I like it. It's great. He's going to be great. He's going to have a hunch. He's going to develop a hunch. He's got to deal with a couple things. But his play, it's awesome. I like it.

It's just that door. Man, I could just stare at him in that door all day. You love the door. I do. I should just see if I can get a photo of him in the door. Or someone even taller. You know, your tallest friend. Yeah, who's the tallest guy we know?

Tasman. Andre the Giant. Oh, Tasman Van Rassel. Yeah, get him standing next to the door. And them together standing on either side of the door. I would put that up on my wall. Yeah. A photo of that.

Sure. Anyways, congratulations to everyone. Yeah. Great work. Great week for everyone. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Let's move on to Overhearts.

Overhearts. Overhearts. Before we do Overhearts, Graham. Happy New Year. Let's move on to Overhearts. Overhearts. Overhearts. Before we do Overhearts, Graham. Oh, shit. I think I just overloaded the microphone. It's time for everybody's favorite segment. Still haven't got any feedback on this segment. This segment is called Celebrity Birthdays.

Not really a segment. Doesn't deserve a theme song. I've gotten, to be honest, some feedback saying, maybe you'd get more feedback if't deserve a theme song I've gotten, to be honest Some feedback saying Maybe you'd get more feedback if you had a theme song For this segment You're floating it We get feedback about our lack of feedback

We're recording this on December 17th It's a big day for celebrity birthdays Sure Model and actress Mila Jovovich is 36 today. Yes. 36. Yep. Actress.

Young. Yeah. Yeah. Really young. Actress and Mila Jovovich co-star in Dazed and Confused, as well as Beck Hansen's wife of Beck fame, and the brother of Giovanni, the sister of Giovanni Ribisi, Marissa Ribisi is 37 today.

Who is she in? She's connected to a lot of famous people, and doesn't seem famous. Yeah. Who is she in Dazed and Confused? She has the red hair, the curly red hair. Bill Paxton impersonator Bill Pullman is 58 today. Zero effect. You guys remember that?

Yeah it was a good one Which one was that? The one where he's married to a bunch of women? No he's like an existential detective Yeah It's pretty awesome It's based on a thing Oh yeah

It's based on a philosophy Everybody's dad Eugene Levy is 65 today Underrated Ghostbuster Everybody's dad, Eugene Levy, is 65 today. Underrated Ghostbuster, Ernie Hudson, is 66 today. And the answer to our trivia question, this actor is the twin brother of Marissa Ribisi. Giovanni Ribisi is 37 today.

Congratulations. No, wait, that's not what you say. Happy birthday. Congratulations to all of our celebrity birthdays. You'll be getting your prize pack in the mail. I would also, before we start with overheards, I would like to acknowledge you might hear some weird noises coming from the background. It's because my weird upstairs neighbors are playing guitar really loud and their kids

are jumping off furniture to the guitar noises. It's a real mosh. Yeah, because they don't own a TV and, you know, they would rather abuse me. The family that moshes together. Right? You guys should start a Kickstarter to buy the upstairs neighbors a TV.

No, they will turn down a TV, I'm sure. Like, it's not, it's a conscious choice to raise their kids without a TV. What if, what if, you gave them a cardboard box shaped like a TV with an assortment of puppets in it? And said, make your own television. That's something that hippies would like. Right? Oh, that would be a good... Because it's, like, subverting.

Yeah. Would that be a good, like, craft fair Christmas gift? Your own television box. Yeah, it would make kids hate you. Kids already hate me. Yeah. I don't buy with that. And then you make them a little cardboard Xbox, and they're so mad.

And, like, it's not even wireless. The controllers are attached to it. With yarn? Yeah. Doing the Norway simulation would be so complicated. Yeah. I just stared at that puppet box while my sister made a puppet box.

Talked about not being able to get butter. Yeah, most of Skyrim is a quest for butter. Because dragons were a great source of butter. Yeah, so the music seems to have stopped, but there's the thudding upstairs. Oh, the thudding. I think I'm really onto something with this hippie, I don't own a TV, but it's a box full of puppets to make your own show. And then it comes with a book of possible shows you could make. You could be like, oh, I'm going to do a counterpoint political show and then you've got the puppets like sitting around the table

tucker carlson with like a little puppet and you could you could be the most annoying person at the water cooler the next day did you see breaking bad last night no but what i did see was a little show the crossover between between Breaking Bad and the Flintstones. I invented my own show. Breaking Bad and the Flintstones. The thing is, I know they would totally throw out that cardboard box

as soon as the kids took the puppets and started making homemade commercials. Because you know that's going to happen. Oh, right, yeah. Oh yeah, the kids are going to be like oh, hey, every kid should have a real toothpaste. It's going to be all ads for actual toothpaste. Yeah. Or they're doing all the hippie products.

Tom's of Maine, weird toothpaste. The brownest toothpaste you can buy. The deodorant crystal. The brownest toothpaste you can buy. Oh, when we were in France. It is definitely the brownest toothpaste. Oh, when we were in France. It is definitely the brownest toothpaste. When we were in France in like the mid 80s, late 80s, we came back. My parents brought back this weird toothpaste that was pink and like more paste than toothpaste.

More paste than toothpaste? Like something that you would spread on a plate. Yeah. It was tooth pate. It was tooth pate. It was tooth pate. Tooth pate! But it had the weirdest, not mint flavor. Like, whenever you have a toothpaste that isn't Winto green, it's a problem.

It's weird, yeah. I'm just going to, pardon me a moment. We're just getting some room tone Yeah I just wondered if they were above us anymore And if I could do the downstairs neighbor thing Where I hit the ceiling But no I think we're good Overhearts Segment in which you overhear things

In your general life And we also accept overseens And we'll go as far as to accept an overdreamt. If you heard something funny in your dream, you go ahead. You're really pushing the envelope. Yeah, we really are. Didn't we do a dream analysis segment for a while? I enjoyed that.

I've never had a theme song that doesn't count. Oh, true. Dan, you said you had two. I have two. One is really sad. Yeah. And then one is also kind of sad. Give us the sad news first.

Okay, so we were just, we were comparing the, basically the outros, like when people get kicked off those reality TV shows. Right. Yeah. And they all have these taglines. So you're saying? Project Runway is, you're out, auf wiedersehen. Top Chef is, pack up your knives and go.

Uh, um, the art one was, uh, your, your bad, your art is bad. Your art stinks. So, so that reminded me of years ago. I remember I was, uh, staying at a friend's house in montreal with my girlfriend and we were uh sleeping in the guest room and our friend was living with her boyfriend and uh we woke up in the middle of the night to this guy on the phone with his girlfriend who was our friend and she was out somewhere where she wasn't supposed to be oh yikes and basically he was like we were on one we were sleeping on one side of the door and he was screaming on the other side of the door and it and they like it went on for half an hour but there

was a lot of like where the fuck are you where the fuck are you? Where the fuck are you? And then it ended with, pack your shit up and get the fuck out of here. And I just remember my girlfriend was like a tense, coiled, like so horribly nervous wreck. And so you were the shit that needed to be packed up and gotten up. And then we like went back to sleep and woke up. And then in the morning we were like, uh, okay,

well thanks for having us. We're just going to go. And then she was miraculously back. Oh wow. And, and they were lying in bed and they were like, Hey, come on in.

Like, so we like walked into the bedroom and they were there and they were like, Hey, what's up? And we're, and we, uh we uh we're it was awkward and horrible and we left i yeah i back your shit up and get the fuck that's a good uh kick off the next great girlfriend um and then uh i i quite often during things like that will pretend oh i didn't hear you i slept through that.

Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. It was all a dream. It was never spoken of. It was never spoken of. Yeah, that's the way we operate. Yeah.

Denial. That's what makes us such a, Graham and I have such a picture perfect family. That's right, because we invite our friends into our bed. Come into our bed. Witness our shame. Yeah. And then, I got a bit of a tour story oh yeah it's really really terrible no it's not this which is the sadder one uh this one is more personally sad all right yes yay uh so we was i there um dave i loved it it when Dave came to our shows

because he would just stand on the side with his arms folded. Yeah. I support you by buying a ticket. So, and nothing else. Not a measure more. Not asking to be comped. That's my support of you.

So we used to have to sell our own merchandise when we went on the road and um there's nothing worse than uh being an opening band yes and selling your own merchandise yeah uh and this one day we were doing that in edmonton who are you opening for i honestly can't remember okay um but we were opening for someone and then we were doing that in Edmonton. Who were you opening for? I honestly can't remember. But we were opening for someone and then we were like standing there at our merch table. Both me and Paul, my bandmate. And these

two girls walked up and they were like Hey, do you guys know do you guys know when the main band is going on? And we're like, no. And they were like, that first band was terrible. Oh, harshness. And we're like, yeah.

Do you want to buy their CDs? Well, the listener should know that when you perform, you wear a mask. I am Ghostface Killer. Does he wear a mask? He used to. That's why he was Ghostface. I thought he killed Ghostfaces. No, no, he wear a mask he used to oh that's why he was ghost face oh i thought he killed ghost faces no no he wore a ghost's face that he he skinned a ghost but uh a variation of that story actually happened many times where it would be like not not like always bad but people

would like not know that we were the same people. Oh, right. So it's like an overheard. It's like a weird meta overheard because it's like people would talk to us about us thinking we were not us. I have had the similar. I bet Jerry Seinfeld gets that a lot about Ted L. Nancy. I really think he's funny, but I don't care for your stand. Yeah, I've had the same thing when hosting shows uh it seems the farther and farther you get outside of a city the less and less there is an understanding that there is more than just one comedian on the show it's just the comedian and

then whoever happens to be around i guess they think you just pick a random person and put them up and they do half an hour of material that the audience is like i don't even know why this person's talking like we're waiting for the comedian to come on and then if you do well they with all sincerity will tell you you were really funny you should consider being the comedian like that with you know like you should do this as a thing, because you were really good. And I'm like, well, I also traveled with the guy here. Like, what do you think I...

They have a strong sense of hierarchy. Yes. There's the comedian and the roadies. Exactly. That guy's just warming up the microphone. You're the roadie. You're just warming up the microphone. You're the roadie.

In Vancouver, there is, on the local CTV news channel, the weather girl, Tamara Taggart, Yes. Has now become the anchor. That's true. And so I'm sure after years and years, people were like, you're really good. You should read the news. Yeah. And I've never heard of that happening before.

Making the jump. from meteorology. I think people can do it... Real shit. I think people can do it when they move to a different city. You're like, oh, like you travel to another city and you watch the news. You're like, oh, this guy used to be the weather guy. Like I'm going to reinvent myself in another city as a news guy. Like when you go to high school and you tell everyone you were cool in elementary school. Dave, do you have an overheard? Oh, yeah. He's a news guy. Like when you go to high school and you tell everyone you were cool in elementary school. Dave, do you have an overheard?

Oh, yeah. This one is also band related. Yeah. I was at the liquor store buying some Secret Santa gifts. Oh, shit. Not for you. For my office party. I'm a Jew.

Huh? I'm a Jew. Huh? I'm a Jew? Yeah. You can have secret Santa. Can't you? It has to be really secret. It has to be underground secret. I got you.

So I was standing in line behind these two guys who looked like they were in a band. And well, one of them was. He was talking about this band he was in to the other guy. Daft Punk. And the guy was like, oh, tell me the story of how you met these guys in your band and he said uh well it started with uh you know jason and luke out in langley uh and then uh dan do you know shitty dan and the guy says, yeah, I know Shitty Dan. Well, then Shitty Dan came in after we recorded our EP.

Are they a really bad Steely Dan cover? Yeah. Shitty Dan. I just think that's the greatest nickname for a guy. Shitty Dan. You can call me Shitty Dan. You're going to eventually. Yeah, everybody calls me Shitty Dan. Oh, man. me Shitty Dan. Oh, man.

Poor Shitty Dan. My overseen is courtesy of doing comedy at the Comedy Mix. And usually I don't use the bathroom. Yeah, no, usually I don't. But if somebody asks me to, I will do it. It's her birthday. We're here for a bachelorette party, so say it. There's

bathrooms that are part of the club, and I try to avoid using those at all costs. I'll try and find bathrooms anywhere else. But I used that bathroom last night, and there was graffiti on the wall. It must have been there for years, and I can't believe I've never seen it. And I can't believe it's never been over. I can't believe it's not butter.

I can't believe Norway has no butter. But the graffiti, I think it was all done by one person, but I couldn't for sure make it out, but the graffiti said Gilbert Gottfried needs some sleep, and then in brackets underneath, and some shampoo. I don't know what it means. He's tired and greasy. I love it.

Now, we also have overheards and overseens and the like sent in by you, the listeners, the bumpers, the people, the downloaders, the podcast audience. The pensioners, the blind, folks who can't make it out to podcast. If you want to be one of these people, you can send along your overheard stuff to stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com This first one comes from Catherine P.

Catherine P. I took my nine and seven year old nieces to an art and science interactive museum over the weekend. We stayed for hours, so they were understandably hungry for dinner when we left at 7pm. That's a long day at the...

When did it start? A lot of art. Didn't say when it started, but you're leaving at 7pm. I'm assuming they didn't show up at 7pm. That's a long day at the... When did it start? A lot of art. Didn't say when it started, but you're leaving at 7pm. I'm assuming they didn't show up at 5pm. That'd be crazy. Right? We're gonna show up at 5pm and just... For all that art and science? I was trying to hurry them along,

walking ahead of them, but I overheard them talking to each other behind me. Niece 1, I'm starving. Niece 2, me too. Is there anywhere to eat here? I smell food. Niece nice one i smell it too i think it's either chinese or canadian what is canadian food smell like it's gotta smell like something maple-y kind of like chinese sort of like a little like. I'd buy that.

This one, this next one. Do you know what would be a good name for the Chinese food place that would also host a show about art? Go ahead. China Chow. Oh, there you go. This next one comes from... Wait a minute. That can't be a real place.

I don't think that... Steve from Spotsylvania, Virginia? Is that a place? Spotsylvania? Man, the States has the craziest little towns. Yeah, that sounds like a slang. You live in Pennsylvania. That's true.

There's a lot of vanias, though. What do you think is going to be the next great small town? Yeah, you think Romania doesn't? They've got Trantle? Yeah. They do have the original crazy vania. Yeah. Spotsylvania.

Overheard as a man exited a convenience store talking to someone via his Bluetooth device. Man, in a seductive voice, Baby, you know I'm gonna do it. Even more seductive voice, you know I'd do anything for you. Defeated voice, so you telling me you don't like potatoes? Pack up your shit

and get the fuck out. Pack up your shit. You are not the greatest boyfriend. Pack up your shit and get the fuck out. Oh, wow. That's amazing. And finally, a lady named Maggie R. From New York City, New York, America, continent North America.

Earth. Earth. Western Hemisphere. Earth. Earth. Western Hemisphere. Earth. I was walking through the biology building at my college on the way to my class when I passed an open door with a class going on inside. I heard the professor inside say, the next day, tacos were all over the news. This just in.

What a scoop. Tacos are delicious Crunchy and soft tacos can't be beat Amazing Pretty good In addition to overheards that are written in Using typings We also accept talkings If you want to talk at us in an overheard

Use a telephone And then type in these numbers. I know I told you there would be no typing. You lied. I got caught. Hoisted. Hoisted? Worst boyfriend. Hoisted by his own suspenders.

206 is the area code. Then ask for Klondike 5. No, 206-339-8328 like these people have hey Dave and Graham and probable guest I have an overseen I was

at a coffee shop and I ordered a drink and I was waiting for it and I was snooping around and I saw on a guy's computer the word document and all it said was the title was Back to the Future. Under that

in bullet points, first bullet point, why a bogus? Aren't those really bad? And that's all he had on the paper so far. So I'm not really sure what he was looking on. But I think the question stands. Why a bogus? Yeah, why a bogus?

Why a bogus? So the title of the essay was Back to the Future. These are the list of questions I am going to attempt to answer in my essay. Why a bogus? Twin Pines Mall slash Lone Pine Mall.

Spoiler alert. So many questions. Yeah, why a bogus? Next phone call. I don't even understand. What is a bogus? Nothing's anything. Weird. Have you seen that movie Bogus? Is it Whoopi Goldberg?

Did you see her farting in the thing? We're not going to talk about that. Is 2011 going to be remembered as the year of middle-aged women farting on TV? I hope so. Because I can think of two. Which was the other one? Nancy Grace. But it may not have been her.

Well, it was on Dancing with the Stars. Oh, but also her, wasn't it like tit hangover or something? Please! It was a bad day. I said it because I knew it would make you mad. And it worked. It was great. You know also what word I don't like?

Tate? That's a lot of them. A lot of words that start and end with T. What I don't like even more than tit is titties. What about titties? I like those. Next phone call.

Hey, Dave and Graham and possible guests. This is Brad from Toronto. I got it overheard. It's my first day in Toronto. I just moved here from Vancouver, and I'm walking down the street, sort of exploring the city, and I noticed this guy on the side of the road. He's got a little plug-in amp beside him,

or a little, like, sort of independent amp beside him, and he's strumming on his guitar, and he's a typical kind of, like, a Rastafarian-looking guy. You know, he's got dreadlocks, and he's dressed in sort of the colors, I guess. And he's strumming away, and I try and be friendly, sort of shoot him a hello. And he stares me down, stares me down as I'm walking by. I'm kind of getting nervous. And he's sort of eating a sandwich, and he sort of slows down, munching on the sandwich.

And he stares at me and stares at me, and finally he shouts, Hey, man, you want a bite of my sandwich? I don't know, I just thought that was kind of fun. All right. I don't know how much I enjoyed him doing the accent, but I really enjoyed that

that was his first Toronto, you know, because that happens to everybody in Toronto. As a Torontonian, I can tell you, it's a crazy sandwich filled story. But I don't think that guy was really from Vancouver

because he, you would never say hello to a person in Vancouver. No, that's true. No, but he probably thought

that he was going out east where everyone is so friendly. Oh, right. He probably heard, Toronto's so much friendlier than Vancouver. Is Toronto friendlier than Vancouver?

Couldn't be less friendly. Or could, I guess. I believe Vancouver to be much more polite. Okay, yeah, we're very polite. That's true. But cold and heartless, ultimately. Yeah. And Toronto people are not particularly friendly, but they'll talk to you.

Yeah. I feel like Vancouver's the kind of city where if someone's getting beat up next to you at a bus stop, you'll sort of just shuffle aside and allow the beating to continue 100 that is this please give me let me give you some space you're gonna hurt your beat at your punching arm uh yeah that's true it's toronto something like that was happening in toronto would people jump in? Would it become a melee? I think so. I'm going to move to Toronto. Although, past guest Tasman Van Rassel recently stayed in Toronto at my place and at past guest AJ Bond's place. And he's the only guy I know to have ever been mugged.

He got mugged in Toronto? Yeah. Boy, he must have been. It's kind of sad. He must have been. Oh, he was probably walking around with a sack with a dollar sign on it. Yeah. That's...

And he... Was the mugger wearing a mask? Just an eye mask? It was really late at night, and he... He had just come from a sex party. Yeah. It was all glittery-eyed. It was in that Lexus commercial.

Oh, I don't like that ad at all. Because he... The implication is he's going to fuck that girl, right? Yeah. Or that she's okay with fucking him. Clearly he showed up with somebody else. Yeah, yeah. And they don't have like the sexiest Lexus. It's sort of like a station wagon looking thing.

So I imagine they have kids. Do you know the commercial we're talking about? No, I don't. You're painting a really good portrait. Yeah, there's this couple driving in a Lexus while Odessa by Caribou is playing. And they're wearing uh you know a bow tie she's wearing a gown and you don't really oh yeah you don't really get that like i took me a couple viewings of the commercial to understand oh it's a different woman yeah there's

a switcheroo yeah i have seen this but they go to like what i the overtone is is that it's an eyes wide shut sex-a-thon of course but then why is he bringing home a woman to have sex with? Why didn't he have sex with her there? Well, he probably did. Maybe he did and then he was like, I'm done. Yeah, and he's like, okay, go home with who you brung, or whatever that expression is. Or what brung you.

Yeah. Or leave the one that you brung. Yeah. Yeah. And you'll brung it again. Here's the weird part of that. They drive, because they show it's not like a short short distance like you have to go across this huge bridge and stuff they didn't talk the whole that's one of the rules even about how crazy that orgy was how

brungy it was what a handsome orgy what a handsome orgy yes because they show up and it's in full effect like they're late uh The party's already going on. And then they're like the first people to leave. The party's still going on. Is it just a non-stop, like, super classy fuck-a-thon? You know, speaking of classy fuck-a-thons. Go on. You're raising money. Toronto.

I have a Kickstarter. Toronto has a swingers club called Wicked. Oh, yeah. What's the swingers club called here? The Mountaineers. No. The Eco Mountaineers. Oh, God.

Wreck Beach. Yeah, Wicked. Wicked, so it's, I think, $5 cover if you're a girl and $80 cover if you're a boy. Of course. What if you're a... Never mind. cover if you're a boy. Of course. What if you identify as a girl? That $5? I think so. That makes sense. So they recently

started doing meals. What do you mean? And it's apparently just the nastiest club in the world and now you can have dinner there. Before your crazy fuckathon. Yeah like i i kind of before your crazy fuck yeah what do you eat before a crazy fuck car carbs yeah oh would you no yeah we do like the hockey the hockey players diet like pasta no no no because then you'll be all weighted down

you want to have something you want to carbo load the day before yeah yeah and then the night of you just want to like something like some carrots some carrots? Yeah. So just some vegetables. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like just blue cheese dip. No, no blue cheese dip. At the orgy? No way. No, dude. Come on. I'm so... Pack a toothbrush. Yeah. Wings. Bring some tooth patches. Bring your wings.

Ribs. Yeah. Wicked ribs. I'm sure they'll have really classy finger wash bowls like at Tony Roma's. Some guy keeps putting his dick in all the finger wash bowls. There would always be a guy like that. You don't invite him back.

There's always a guy who puts his dick in things. In that environment? Are there glory holes? Apparently there's rooms that are increasingly darker. Oh, like, it's like darker and grosser.

Do they have a black light? Oh, I'm sure they have a black light. Oh, I'm sure they don't, because that would be awful. You would see all the sins of your fathers. Okay, so this week, we recorded a show Wednesday. It's now Saturday. Yes. So we don't have a ton of new overheards.

So this one, I believe, is from October. Wow. Hey, Dave, Graham, and possible guests. This is Willem from Kentucky calling in for a spooky Halloween overheard. Yes. I was in a restaurant and a group of children walked in and I think

one of them was practicing his action movie lines because the child first said trick or treat, motherfucker and then later as he was stepping out, pen stiffly said, happy Halloween motherfucker. Those are pretty good actual lines.

Yeah, yeah. Happy Halloween, motherfucker. Yeah. It's for a new Die Hard that takes place in Russia. Die spooky. They are making a new Die Hard, and it takes place in Russia.

Great. And he has to go foil... Yeah, this guy who was like a beat cop that suddenly became really embroiled in lots of explosions is now sent to Russia to make things blow up over there. Yeah, sure. Weak. Weak sauce. Now remind me, is that what Bruce Willis does? He just blows shit up?

Is he an expert at blowing shit up? He's a cop. Yeah, he always is in the wrong place. Right? Yeah. He's not an expert in anything. He was a cop. Just a beat cop. Trying to get home to his wife on Christmas Eve. Crazy. Twice. And then the third time it was just

stuff. It was him and Samuel L. Jackson. Jeremy Irons, wasn't it? That was the third one, yeah. He was really evil. Was Jeremy Irons related to the guy from the first one? Yes. Yeah, that's right.

It was like a revenge. Oh, wait. What was the second one? There was a plane. Was anyone related to anyone in that one? It was the character Sandra Bullock played in Speed 2. Okay. Yeah.

It's like a Marvel comic universe. Yeah, yeah. It's all canon. Yeah. They're all happening at the same time. There's a new video game that's Mortal Kombat versus Marvel Universe versus Die Hard Universe

versus Muppet Babies. You can be the Carl Winslow cop from the first one. Reginald Val Johnson. He doesn't play Carl Winslow, who's also a cop. No, that's all part of the Carl Winslow. So is Urkel part of the Die Hard verse?

Yes, but not directly. Well, Stefan Arkell is. When Carl Winslow goes to work, that's the shit that he's dealing with is the Die Hard universe. He's too old for that shit. Yeah, exactly. He's too old for that shit.

And then he comes home and his wife and Urkel... Home to his wife and Urkel. They just got back into Lexus. And his son and his daughter who stopped existing in the later seasons. There were two daughters,

Laura. Right. The object of Urkel's affection. Yeah, and then the younger one who later did porn. Yeah, exactly. The porno one. Yeah.

Would you, if you were a TGIF star, is it a better fate to be the girl from Family Matters who does porn or Jodie Sweetin from Full House who does meth? Porn. Meth. Porn. Meth.

One, you make money. What's wrong with this porn today? Meth. I feel like one, you make money, and the other, you just spend money. Ah, that's true. And you sort of lose your self-respect both ways, I think. That's true. I'm assuming.

Having done neither. Split the difference and say the new show that they've got in that same kind of time slot where the guys dress up as women to get a job. Probably the worst thing. Two broke chicks? No, we watched the commercial together. Didn't we? no you we were watching we watched the commercial together didn't we but it's two muscly guys and they end up having to dress up as women to work in like a bra company is it is it not bosom buddies it is except these guys there's no way they would pass

like peter scolari you know he was like a homely woman but yeah these guys i have no idea what you're talking about. But it's on TGIF? Well, in that same ABC's new show with about two guys who have to dress like women in order to get a job. In this economy. Yeah, you can't not.

Now, before we wrap up the show, do you have an over-dreamt? I have an over-dreamt that was told to me by my friend drew smith who uh i was on tour once with yep and uh it it it's really short and uh does it need a really long preamble though it's the more it's the most yes it does okay i'm just gonna stretch this out yeah uh so we're talking about dreams and he's like, greatest dream I ever had. I was a giant chicken

and I laid an egg and it was my dad. Pretty good. Wow. What does it mean? Well, it feels like it's, you know, easy to interpret.

Circle of life. Circle of life. Grappling with father issues. And mother issues. If you're the one laying the egg so you feel like you've been mothering your father you're a real mother father now Dan Ward oh by the way happy Halloween mother father

you you can you're working on an album you're working on a solo album you're working on an EP you're also yeah you're with Woodhands

where can people find out more online you're an epidemiologist so that's true how's the epidemiology going oh it's going great great

in two sentences or less I just watched Contagion oh where Gwyneth Paltrow do they where Gwyneth Paltrow dies Where Gwyneth Paltrow dies. Not really a spoiler. Do they scalp her?

Do they take off the top of her head? That's really funny. That's crazy. Is that on her Goop blog? Ooh, I felt so free without the top of my head. Here are my top five favorite places in Paris to be scalped. Oh, shit. Yeah. oh shit yeah so

where can people find you online so they can find us if they go to woodhands.com it'll get redirected because we

are working on fixing our website sure it'll redirect you either to myspace which will redirect you to our facebook page

myspace is still a thing i don't i don't think it really is just a place for friends um i think we woodhands might be playing in china in april are you serious yeah where to be crazy uh tentative right now but it's either china or canada we may be playing in shang Shanghai and maybe some other places. That's awesome. Yeah. And then... I wonder, do we have any listeners that live in China?

I think, no. Abby's parents live in China. Our website is banned. Chinese banned. Yeah, we're considered subversive. Are you really? I think there's just like a blanket over all bearded guys. That's what the specialty room at Wicked.

So woodhands.com, which will redirect you all over the map. You might be in China. And then, yeah, I'm working on this piano stuff and some other dance projects. We're going to outro the show with a piano piece. Oh, yeah. We'll play a promo. No, we'll put the promo after the piano piece. You'll hear the piano piece first.

No, put the promo first. What? Because people will fall asleep when they're hearing the piano. Oh, is it boring piano? Snooze, yo. So there's that. But if you want to hear some Woodhands music, go to iTunes and download it

or listen to one of the three previous episodes that Dan has been on. We play music at the end of all those episodes. Now, here's the thing. We were talking lots of Toronto talk, and it's been a long time coming, but we're... No.

Yes. Yes. Yes. We officially have a date booked, but we're still firming things up. But we... Stop podcasting. Yourself is coming to Toronto. We will be there in March. Beginning of March.

The beginning of March. Amazing. Like the first weekend. Yes. And we will... This is great news. We will be playing at the Comedy Bar in Toronto. I think tickets

should be on sale online, right? Yes. It's advanced tickets, right? We're not going there and finding no one showing up. No, people are going to show up. It's going to be great. That's great. Oh my goodness. It's going to be fun. You guys want to have a sleepover party? Yes. I'll probably stay at a hotel.

It doesn't want to have a sleepover party. I'll probably stay at a hotel. He doesn't want to have a sleepover party. I do, though. It's got to be great. We'll drink scotch and then I'll go find somebody to fight. You point me in the direction of somebody weaker than me. That Rastafarian sandwich guy. Don't fight him. No, yeah.

Well, he'll just give me a sandwich anyways. I don't need to beat him up for it. Ooga booga. he'll just give me a sandwich anyways i don't need to beat him up for it um now uh if you're new to the podcast uh you should mosey on over to maximum fun.org and you can check out some of our brethren podcasts there jordan jesse go my brother my brother and me judge john hodgman the sound of young america although I think as of 2012 it's now called Bullseye is it The Bullseye or Bullseye MaximumFun.org for that information and check out

the recap of today's episode we will almost certainly have a clip from the art show Artsy Magoo oh yeah pack up your stuff

and get the fuck out if you want to contact us it's StopPodcastYourself at gmail.com or if you want to call us 206-339-8328 and join us back here next time for episode number

199. Oh shit. Of Stop Podcast Yourself. Oh, موسیقی در موسیقی درسته Teksting av Nicolai Winther موسیقی در موسیقی درسته Thank you. Thank you. I'm going to use the same method to make the other side. I'm going to use the same method to make the other side. I'm going to use the same method to make the other side. I'm going to use the same method to make the other side. I'm going to use the same method to make the other side. Gjørens fjell موسیقی در موسیقی درسته I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Every week on our show, Jordan, Jesse, go. I would say that we share a little slice of our hearts. Yeah. And a little peek at our dicks. But every week we have a podcast where we have fun and funny conversations with guests from the worlds of comedy, film, television. It's all online at MaximumFun.org or just search for Jordan Jesse Go in iTunes.